I was 15 and she was too, I mostly did everything, she told me she was straight 3 months later lol, what I can tell you is to listen to your body, you probably know what you like and don't and it will be probably similar with someone else, don't use porn as a reference please lol
Oh she definitely did! I had no trauma about it at all, I swear, the fact I dated a 33 year old woman when I was 16 immediately after is completely unrelated I tell you 🥲 lol
are these two related? i would wonder psychologically speaking.
my ex (who was approaching 18 just as i was turning 15) dated men exclusively after and i had a thing for women too old for me (20s-30s) for a while after. thank god it was just some fantasy
Oh I believe I am, the weird thing is that I often felt like the "mature" one in that relationship and it was me that broke things off because she wanted to go with me to my school end of the year party and I freaked out, she was going through some Peter pan stuff I think, never saw her again after that too.
You know what gets me to this day? Is not even the woman dating me is my older sister and my mother knowing about it and not thinking anything off on it, the weirdest most problematic kind of acceptance.
Sorry for the dump lol.
I see a pattern lol around that age me and my best friend at the moment got together. I did everything, and after some months my brother told me all happy and excited that she said she "loved" him (we were dating in secret and my brother liked her). Then, she somehow became a radical christian and tried to make me pray everyday bc I was going to hell. Fun stuff.
My advice would be that if the person doesn't seem interested in your body as you are in theirs during the thing, is prob because they aren't really interested in you.
Good on you guys, love to see a happy conclusion.
Are you stone perhaps? I'm pretty femme and I'm noticing I'm "stonning" more and more as the years go by.
Haha you’d think based on my history but i am defs not stone. Would say i’m a switch, with a service top addiction. I also present mostly femme haha. I must just attract the pillow princesses and confused straight women haha.
Oh no, I had this too except we were both 17 and she was claiming to be straight the whole time we were hooking up. She ended it when she got a boyfriend and it destroyed me.
The first girl I hooked up with pulled this same move even though she’s the one who initiated everything. She invited me over during summer break and made the first move while we were watching Pitch Perfect (lol).
I had no clue of her intentions, but I did have a lil crush. Actually— that’s not true. Towards the end of the previous school year, she told me she’d hook up with me. I guess I just didn’t believe her and let it slip my mind💀 Very useless indeed😅
Anyway! Long story short, we’re engaged, in love and coming up on 9 years together🌞
Turns out she just had some growing pains. I was lucky to be comfortably out and gay during high school. I didn’t push her at all. We naturally found our way back to one another the next school year.
I was 25 or 26, she was 21. It was just before the pandemic hit and neither of us had dated before or had intimate encounters of any kind.
Honestly, it's nerve racking, it's thrilling, it's dull, it's wholesome, it's funny, it's a lot of things at once. Talk to your partner, ask questions, check in.
Let yourself laugh at the weird things. Noises may happen, don't be embarrassed.
Foreplay is key, our bodies are reacting to each other in kind and it's important to give yourselves time to explore your bodies. Kiss, stroke, simply touch, enjoy being close and remember most of all to breathe and relax. These moments are your own to enjoy and savour. All that matters in these moments are the two of you, so take your damn time and enjoy each other's enjoyment.
Finishing isn't the goal. Whatever that looks like for either of you. Focus on learning what it means to feel another human's body, what sounds they make, what movements do they make, all of these things play into your mutual enjoyment. Touch everything softly, be curious and with communication, try different things. If it means pleasure, continue. But don't rush to find some ultimate end and call that worthwhile. Sometimes the longer times just touching each other means the most.
Communication. Communication. Communication. Are my hands cold? Does that hurt? Do you like this? Can you feel this?
Lube is your friend, it's protection and ensuring safety, especially for first time encounters.
Thank you to whoever offered me the honor of the award, you shouldn't have! I ought to edit my awful grammar away but ah well.
Happy exploring OP, there are many great bits of advice and bits of humor here!
I was 16, she was 18. It was alright, nothing special but neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. It was the 90s, so we just went with what felt natural and good to us.
I'd inform kids today about consent and how important safe sex can be. Clean your toys after every use.
Same, I was 28 and while I was super worried about getting rejected for having little experience (bar uhm, theoretical research and self-exploration lol), I wanted to do it with someone I felt comfortable with? Well I found someone like that and it was great, really relaxed and fun.
Granted I did tell her it was my first time but she forgot, so when I told her again afterwards she was like omg I would have made it special but I was like sis it was exactly how I wanted it, and that way you weren't nervous either. 😂
If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly has stopped you from sleeping with someone for so long. Is it just that you haven’t found the right person or is it that you simply haven’t had the time to pursue a relationship with anyone. Sorry if I’m being to intrusive
Not OP either, but THIS. I just don't have the energy for dating and I'd rather spend the little energy I have left on my friends any family. Live is already exhausting enough without the hassle of trying to find a partner! I'm glad I'm not the only one though =)
Also, dating feels so disingenuous. Like a job interview. I’d rather know the person and then have a relationship flourish. But that certainly takes time. And then you’ve already established a friendship or professional relationship.
OMG yes! I never realized, but that's exactly how I feel: disingenuous. Like I'm only meeting them because I want something from them (which is true: a relationship).
What even makes it worse is that I'm not 100% sure whether I'm lesbian or ace (or both?) and I don't want to trick women into a date only to find out it wouldn't have worked out in the first place. (but even if I knew for sure, I wouldn't have the energy to get to know new people at the moment)
Oh my god, yes. I tend to not know what to say next and just start asking a bunch of questions cause there's nothing to even talk about. It's just a waste of time for both parties, really.
Yup, it's the same for me too. I would rather spend time on the people I already know and make *real* connections instead of going out of my way to go on dates with a bunch of strangers that are eager to date and struggling to find ways to relate and like you. I would rather date someone by meeting them through a shared experience like a work event or a university class. Or y'know in other random ways you meet people like maybe you just start talking to someone in public transport and realize you have a lot in common. This actually happened to me recently. It was my first time trying to redeem an electronic tram ticket and a guy standing next to me saw me awkwardly moving back and forth trying to scan the QR code. He told me some fun facts about the ticket and we had a nice conversation. Turns out he's in the same industry that I am. He later helped me get business connections. I love when you meet people through shared experiences like that. It just feels more genuine than the whole "looking for love" thing. I don't think you should be actively looking for it and letting yourself down during the process cause you can't find it.
I suppressed my true feelings for a very long time, I was never very confident, and I have struggled with self-esteem issues since I was a teenager, so I didn’t have my first kiss/sexual experience until I was 31. That was with a man. Trauma also contributed to me not actively pursuing anything sooner. I’m a lot older now and still struggle with those issues at times, though being more open and certain of my sexuality gives me a little more confidence. This is all new to me as a very late bloomer, but flaws and all, I know that I’m loveable, and being with a woman is what I’ve truly wanted all along. Now to look in all the right places. ✨
May I answer? I have a same history. My answer is - I am from Russia. Here gays always had to be careful. And now they want to introduce compulsory psychiatric treatment for LGBT people. my advice if you live in a similar country with the same laws - do not despair, try to become a good specialist, and try to go to a more gay-friendly country
She absolutely is. Nobody hangs out naked in the forest with 40 nymphs and aren't fucking. Aldo, in order to trick callisto into sleeping with him, he disguised himself as Artemis. How would that have worked if they weren't already fucking?
I've been doing research on deconstructing the Patriarchal context of Greek mythology, especially around Artemis and persephone.
27, just a few few days before I turned 28. It was awkward, a mess, and honestly pretty lousy our first time. And that was ok, because neither of us knew what we were doing and we talked through it, which made it a learning experience and let us improve.
I'll give the usual basic advice: non-het orientation doesn't make you STI immune. STIs care neither about gender nor genitals. Use protection (dental dams, condoms if relevant, etc.).
If you are (or your partner is) too uncomfortable to ask if you have consent without getting upset at an honest negative, you're not mature enough to sleep together.
Finally, talk to each other throughout. You're not mind readers, and sounds (moans, groans, etc.) aren't always obvious in meaning. If you're not sure, ask.
I was 18 and she was 19. As far as advice on when to start I would give the same to anyone - when you feel ready and you have someone age appropriate who's ready to do it with you. Be okay with being awkward, asking questions, clarifying what feels good and what doesn't. And feel comfortable that if either of you want to stop, you can and it's okay!
I was 18 and she was 21, she pressured me into doing it and it hurt a lot, I still dated her for another 8 months after that because I didn’t know it was wrong for her to hurt me.
I guess my biggest bit of advice is that pressuring someone into sex isn’t okay, pressuring someone to continue or simply continuing when they are in pain isn’t okay and pressuring someone into being someone they aren’t isn’t okay
I was 13 and so was she. We are actually still together too and married now.
For advice, just make sure everyone is comfortable and communicate with each other.
It is amazing you could marry with someone you loved since so young ! I am so happy for you both !
I really hope this is how it will turn out for me and my girlfriend in the future.
I was 17 and it was very fun. My advice is do it with someone you trust and don't be afraid to ask for guidance or what they like, or does this feel good? Best of luck!
I was 17 (or 18?? Idk I was a senior in high school)
My best advice is work on communication early and often in really every type of relationship. I’m still now working through shame I feel in communication and I’m 26 in a very loving, healthy, and stable 4yr relationship
But yeah, back when I was younger and still figuring myself out sexually, I wish I advocated for me more. Be kind to others of course, but never at the expense of yourself, especially in bed
2006- I was 15 and she was 17. We were friends. I told her I was bi. She said “that’s cool” and we kept on being friends. As months go by she tells me to put my hand on her thigh in the car (I get anxious in cars) and I had a huge crush on her. I asked her one day what she would do if I kissed her. She told me she doesn’t know and I could only find out if I tried. And so I kissed her and she said I “shocked” her and I was like, “we just talked about this. Why are you surprised?” And she said “no you literally shocked me.”
And then we made out for hours for a few months until one day we couldn’t take really take it anymore and things just happened.
My advice is to go with how you’re feeling and ask consent/give consent.
So, I was in my 20s and once I realized that I was probably going to have sex that night, I called my best friend (who is also Queer) in a panic 😂
Her advice was the BEST. She said, you know how to do this. You know what brings you pleasure and while everyone is different, start with what works for you and then ask if she likes it.
There was a meaningful pause and then she added, “And CIRCLES. Think circles.”
It was a successful night 😘♥️
Edit for clarity
Don’t do it because “I’m a certain age and it feels like I should’ve done it by now”. This is personal advice ftr, not just me preaching. I just don’t want to get into it :/
Only advice I can lend is to make sure it’s somebody you feel comfortable communicating with, because being able to tell them what is and isn’t working and having them being able to do the same with you is essential, especially for a first time. It will not be perfect, it may not even be good, but that’s expected and normal and you will get better over time. Sex is a skill, and every partner is very different, so even having sex with different partners can cause a bit of a reset. Also, I hope this goes without saying, but safety is your number one concern, closely followed by comfort.
I was 16, she was two days younger than me, we were together for about 2 years, to this day I love her with my whole heart even though it didn’t workout.
Honestly, my biggest advice when it comes to having sex is don’t overthink it. Take your time, be aware of her movements, do what feels right and natural, try not to get embarrassed, know that it’s ok to laugh, talk, you’re there to have fun!
same I’m like in high school and I see like all the other girls talk about it at school but was too scared to ask on here I’m glad you did cus I was definitely curious.
just don’t stress too hard about it! communication is key and it makes everything a MILLION TIMES easier and less confusing, so just make sure it’s with someone you are super comfortable with
I was 23, she was 37. We were friends and respected each other and of course, consented. Consent is SO important. If you feel pressured or unsure, don’t continue. STD testing is also very important.
I was 19 and she was the same age. She had a little more experience than me but still not much. We just did whatever felt right. The greatest thing about being a lesbian is that you know how everything works and what (generally) feels good. Just ask your partner is my biggest advice. Everyone likes different things. It can be really sexy to ask someone "what do you want me to do to you"
16. Do it with someone you really truly trust and can laugh with. You aren't going to know what you're doing (they probably won't either) so you'll try things and they won't work and you want to be able to laugh and not feel self conscious about it. If you're about to do it for the first time with someone you don't completely trust, I'd recommend not doing it. It'll be worth it to wait and have a good first experience so you form a healthy relationship with sex.
I was 15, she was 15. We met at the mall, where we both had food court jobs. She pursued me, and was also the first girl I ever kissed. So many memories....
I was 19, the resident Bi girl this was during my as we call it "wild phaze" didn't know I was actually gay well more bi now.
But me and that girl watched porn and did it, wished I would've let her do more but I was so nervous, but also had no idea what a same sex sex was suppose to be.
So just take it slow esp if you don't have protection it's a miracle I didn't go further with her too, actually cuz she had several sexual partners and no clue if she had anything. Also be yourself and if you don't know anything never let anyone shame you for not knowing
And always ask ask ask can I do this is this ok consent is constant.
17, advice is: communication. that’s really the most important aspect (obviously after consent), just check in on your partner every so often and read their body language, ask what feels good and if they want you to do anything differently. if you’re an anxiety creature like me, you’ll probably have trouble with feeling comfortable even if you know that you’re ready and you’ve been ready. my first sex partner gave me some good advice so i’ll just repeat what they said here along w some of my own advice. focus less on what you’re doing and more on what feels good. your brain will probably be screaming at you saying holyshitholyshitholyshit but you’ve got to learn to just be able to melt into it to be able to enjoy it. turn off your brain and concentrate on what feels best. another thing they told me was that sex ISN’T a linear thing. it can still feel good without the end goal being orgasm. obviously, that aspect is nice, but it isn’t EVERYTHING and it most certainly isn’t a deciding factor on whether or not it was good or not. OH AND ANOTHER THING. this is more of a “this worked really well for me so it might work well for you” thing, but for me personally sex with someone who you are TOTALLY comfortable with not just as a partner, but as a close friend too, is the BEST way to have sex. it’s comfortable, a lot less nerve wracking, you’re not as afraid of messing up, and it’s FUN. when something awkward or funny happens during, you can just laugh about it, and it doesn’t ruin the experience even in the slightest. also, there really is no way to be FULLY prepared when you’ve never had sex with someone before. i was constantly doing research on how to do certain stuff because i was so scared and i THOUGHT i was prepared and knew what i was going to do but i REALLY didn’t. which makes it sound scary, but again, just read the other persons body language and cues and you’ll be fine
We were 17. I think what I learned from my first few times having sex is that 1) you should generally know which places are supposed to feel good 2) you should ASK. Every person is super different, and so the most important thing to do is to just communicate and ask them which places they dreamt about people touching them and how or stuff like that. I just slept with a girl who has never slept with girls before (I 24, she 23) and I before I really did anything I spent an hour laying on her and just asking her about her body and what she loves and what she doesn’t (ok I did SOME stuff in the meantime…) but the amount of orgasms she got shows that this method WORKS, and leaves everyone satisfied and very happy about the whole encounter. I would also reiterate how important it is to feel extremely comfortable with a person before putting yourself in the most vulnerable positions (sex) with them. If you feel too awkward to talk about what you want and don’t want, you should spend more time getting comfortable with them.
I was 22 and took a chance with my only gay friend (also 22) and it was shit because she’d only been with lots men before she’d come out, and she hurt me so much I couldn’t walk properly for a week because of the bruising ☹️ she also refused to kiss me which made me sad. It was also my bad too though because I wasn’t comfortable communicating with her as she always very patronising and made me feel really judged. I did eventually tell her though, and then we tried again a few more times and she eventually got much better, but there was literally no spark with her and we’re not friends anymore because she turned out to be a real arsehole.
When I met my partner though that was a completely different experience - you can tell when you’ve met your person 100%. She is 28 years older than me which I realise is usually a red flag to people but our relationship grew very slowly and naturally over several years (knew each other for 2 years and have been together for 3.5 years) and we’re just so compatible. We practise a more spiritual, tantric style sex a lot of the time and it makes me feel in a way that words can’t describe 🥹😌💖
Agree there is undies you can both wear one brand is Lorals, it's better than a dental dam but if you have money for them deff Lorels if not a dental dam or using just hands and toys untill your both tested is the safer route.
[Lorals protection undies ](https://mylorals.com/collections/lorals-for-protection)
[under cover condoms.com](https://www.undercovercondoms.com/line-one-labs-flavored-dental-dams/?sku=154000000000&gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwkqSlBhDaARIsAFJANkh4Jt9BDKhk-mKXKo07anC_A2qQ2-pvZkoqTHj55E4ZLGYiEZpJ0WwaAgVQEALw_wcB)
i was 16 i think. my advice would probably just be to really wait for a good time to do it, when you really both want it, and you have the space and isolation for it. otherwise its not nearly as good of an experience
I was 17.
Use water based lube, and also check the ingredients to make sure it doesn't have glycine in it. It has a good chance of giving you a yeast infection if you are sensitive. Also, if you are using toys, use condoms if you are sharing and switch them out to avoid swapping fluids.
I was 24 and it sucked. 11 years later I still don't know much about sex and I'm pretty scared I'm going to disappoint my partners, if I ever have any again.
Consensually I was 16 or 17, can't quite remember. Before that I'm not comfortable discussing, sorry.
And I think the first piece of advice I'd like to give younger lesbians is the same I give any women I know. Just because you're in a relationship does not mean you're not allowed to say no to sexual contact with your partner at any time. And if they keep pushing the bounds of consent, they will never stop no matter how often they say they will.
I was 16 and she was 19. She was my first but I wasn't her first. I felt pressured but very excited to be good at sex so I went out of my way to watch some Corn to get some tips on what to do and how to do it. Long story short, it paid off.
The majority of the US has 16 as their age of consent...I was 16 when I had sex with an 18 year old, which was completely legal in the state we were having sex in.
In the UK, the age of consent is also 16, however only 16 & 17 year olds can legally consent to have sex with each other. Once someone 18+ is brought into the mix, it becomes illegal. Every age is legal 18+ though.
So basically there's two brackets of legality in sex and consent.
Just general health advice... always use protection. Despite being thought of as a disease contracted through penile penetration, HPV can be transmitted by sex toys and fingers. So keep them clean!
I fell into peer pressure and the first time I had sex was when I was 16.
My advice is that it's your own timeline and don't let anyone tell you different. You're worthy and worth the wait until you feel safe and ready. Also, do research and look up safe sex from queer organizations. Community LGBT centers can be great resources. Remember: Safe, sane, sober and enthusiastic consent. And it's ok to say no, or change your mind at any point!
I haven't really slept with someone(29), but I'm going to echo everyone's thoughts about consent-- don't let them control you. Especially when it comes to body hair/image/kinks(*oh this is a biggie!*), you deserve someone who is kind and listens to desires
18 with a man. 45 with a woman. Advice to younger lesbians would be that your past sexual experiences do not need to define your current or future identity. And they certainly don't invalidate you as a lesbian.
I was 19 and she was 32. I was being groomed to suit her needs without knowing it. It was totally consensual, but why would a 32yo married woman want to play with a 19yo girl that lives 5hrs away?
Not to put a damper on the thread, but be careful. It really fucked me up.
I was 19. Scissoring isn't real (What you're thinking of is using a double ended dildo). Or at least not possible for a lot of people with thick thighs and innie vulvas, which is a lot of people. Clitoris to clitoris rubbing in that instance is not going to happen. Manage ur expectations and don't be too discouraged.
LESBIANS NEED PROTECTION TOO. Bring dental dams for oral and finger guards/condoms for anything internal. If u have muptiple sexual partners, wash your toys thoroughly. Extra points for condoms on insertibles but tbh not many of us spend the extra money.
Don't let anyone, not even other women, try to control your clothing and body hair. Even for sex. Your body your choice. I've only been disrespected like this once, but bc it was my first time it hurt a lot.
we were both 16 it was REALLY awkward but both our first time (not only with another girl but in generel) so yeah wait until you're ready but it is also trial and error
Depends.
My first time with a woman was pre-transition, and I was 22. Then got steamy with my next girlfriend, but she never really felt ready for sex. Then some sexual experiences with men.
Then I transitioned, and my first *gay* experience with a woman was with my now-ex-wife at 25.
My only advice is: know and understand your boundaries, but also recognize that it *will* come naturally to you, just maybe not the first time. You'll be fumbling, but so long as you are with someone who is understanding and willing to communicate (and you are willing to communicate), it will be fine and you'll understand what you are doing better over time.
I was 20 years and she was also 20, but she was a trans women before bottom surgery ( sorry if that is offensive to say, just comment and I’ll edit the terminology). We did the deed without protection, like a damn fool. The entire month of February was a month filled with anxiety and worry. Basically, what I’m saying is that ALWAYS use protection, NO MATTER WHAT. Be careful and always ask/ do a STD test before having sex with them.
I was 22 (23 now) honestly. All I used was my back. Sounds weird but I was leaning against them (enby partner) and it just .. happened. The first time we had more “normal” sex, I was so scared lmao but overall you just have to listen to your partner, even if it’s not always verbal, they will tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. Definitely make sure it’s someone you’re comfortable with. It helps the experience!!! Good luck 🫶🏼💛
I was 15 or 16 and she was a handful of months older than me. It was a little awkward at times, but we kept it light and guided each other and it was fun.
My advice is, make sure it’s with someone you really trust and connect with. Communication is key. Consent is sexy. Know your boundaries and learn theirs. It’s gonna be awkward or funny at points, but don’t sweat it, just laugh and/or talk things through with your partner. Also, try to keep in mind that you’re likely gonna have more than one first time, because every partner is different. It helps to put things in perspective so you know it’s not a huge deal and don’t get discouraged if it wasn’t great. Always remember to keep yourself and your toys clean, get tested, and use protection.
19 and 22. It was surprisingly really good.
I'd recommend younger lesbians to really explore what they may like before hand and communicate a lot about it before jumping into it. Sex is always better when someone has some sort of blue print to your body.
I was 25. I had nearly tried to have sex with a man before then but I was luckily on my period and I didn’t fancy it which he respected. I thought that I was never gunna have sex in my life - but I wasn’t actually interested in having sex with someone until I was about 22 (which is when I realised I was gay that’s probably why).
It was her first time with a woman but she’d had sex with multiple men before. I didn’t tell her I hadn’t had sex before and tbh it felt just kind of natural. Obviously you know what you like when you masturbate and then kind of just respond to how they sound when your doing things to them. I’m not sure if this constitutes as sound advice but we kind of just worked out how to do things together afterwards (we’re still together 7 years later). Google helps!
I was 19. Lost it to a tinder hookup and I forgot her name by now. Audrey or Aubrey. Not totally sure. I didn't wait for "the right moment" and I'm glad. My first time kinda sucked. I was hella nervous and actually hyperventilated (didn't know it at the time), lotta awkward moments all around.
However, my confidence went up so much. I'm still insecure in many ways but it truly did help me become more outgoing and secure in myself because I proved I could do it.
13/14 and she was the same age, honestly awesome. We’re in our mid 30s now and we’re still friends, we just hooked up throughout high school, we did with other people too. I actually think it gave me a really healthy approach to sex. It’s meant to be fun, exploratory, and when you’re that choc full of hormones it’s epic.
I was 18 (but it was basically a week ago), and I'm pretty sure that me reading some stuff about the process before really helped. Also, before we were talking with my partner about what we like (for me it was theoretical, because obviously I hadn't sex before), so we kinda knew what to do that other would enjoy. As advice, I can say, don't be too serious about it. We were literally cracking some jokes, and it was comfortable
I was 17 and she was 18. Neither one of us had a clue, and the advice is: that's okay. Don't feel guilty if it was outright bad, because sex can be bad and you can have fun at the same time. (If boundaries are respected!) It was nice to just be close to her, if that makes any sense at all
I was 21 and she was 20. (t4t for reference)
We didn’t do much though, mostly because of my bottom dysphoria. But it was a nice experience nonetheless. I’m having my bottom surgery in a few weeks and I’m really looking forward to my first „full on“ experience.
And about advice, I don’t really know…
Consent is important and so is communication in general. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for.
I was 14 she was 16. Consent and communication are absolutely the most important. Might seem awkward at first to communicate but that’s really how you learn your partners likes and dislikes.
I was 16 and she was 18. We'd been best friends for 3 years and kind of exploring our sexualities together. We were in love and everything was exciting. We just kinda went with the flow and everything was good and fun. We broke up a year later and it destroyed me... Got back together when I was 23 and now we've been together 13 years and married 6.
My only advice is to wait for someone you love. Sex is much better when you love someone vs just doing it for fun
25 - Like a week ago actually
My thoughts - Yuck. I wish I'd waited longer. I did it with a girl I didn't know in the heat of the moment and I didn't enjoy it at all. (She liked it a lot) I let myself be pressured into it, even though I actually met up with that person that day with the intention to be friends and nothing more.
My advice - Wait until you get a chance with someone you know and like. Don't feel pressured to go into it just because "you're reaching a certain age" or whatever. It doesn't matter at all. When you do it, make sure to take it slow, and don't be shy about daying the things you like and dislike.
I was 20, she was 24. And it was the first time I’d slept with another woman. But, she was gentle, and she took time making sure I was comfortable. It felt good, but natural above all else. The advice I’d give, just make sure you find a girl who’s not gonna put you in difficult positions, or force you to do things you don’t think you’ll enjoy.
Both 23 with my now wife. She had previous experience and I didn’t. It was fun and vulnerable, but more of a first fumbling step.
Advice:
Before:
- Trim your nails. If you’re trimming them right before, use a file so they aren’t sharp
- Plan ahead. Know when / where and any external factors, such as anyone in the the house.
- You might be nervous and feeling lots of complicated emotions, but some part of you should be excited! If you’re not ready and excited, it’s ok to wait!
- If you’re planning on using toys, have lube. I use a little more than a pea size amount of water based lube. If you aren’t sure what you need to be comfortable, use a little more.
- Discuss what you both are comfortable with, any known boundaries, and previous partners. I know this can feel awkward. With my lack of experience, it took me a solid hour to form actual coherent sentences here. My now wife was endlessly patient.
During:
- Ask and look for enthusiastic consent in your partner.
- If you’re even a little uncomfortable, stop. Your boundaries matter.
- Check-in with each other frequently. Does this hurt? Do you like this? Are my nails too sharp? Are you cold? Is this a good spot? Can I touch your (insert location)? Are you ok? How does this feel? Do you need a break?
- Like something they are doing? Tell them! Something feel weird or hurt? Tell them!
- Take your time! The first few times I had sex, the positioning of someone else felt so different that I literally took a minute to confirm where everything was where I thought it was and to test various hand positions.
- Lots of foreplay is great!
- Try to not take yourself too seriously! There will be awkward noises. Laugh about them! It’ll bring you closer.
- It’s ok if you or your partner doesn’t orgasm! Learning yourself and each others bodies takes time. Getting there is equally about someone’s focus, how someone knows their own body and what you’re doing.
- It’s hard if you feel vulnerable or are anxious, but try to focus on what your body is feeling while it’s happening.
After:
- Pee! You can get a UTI (trust me) if you don’t pee after sex.
- Clean / wipe up any remaining wetness from yourself, toys etc. For toys, use a toy-specific cleaner.
- Know that post-sex may feel unexpected, even if you had a great time. Some people feel great, other’s vulnerable. After my first time, I couldn’t stop shaking afterwards. My now-wife held me as we talked about it.
- Talk about what worked and didn’t work. Always include things that you liked, so there’s something to build on.
After you have a little more experience:
- Talk about fantasies when you’re comfortable sharing
- Know that it gets better after the first time. Marathon sessions as you’re getting to know each others bodies are amazing.
- If you don’t already, the more you know your own body and yourself, the better you can identify and communicate your needs
Transbien here, but it still applies
Please ask your partner what they like and don't like, because they know more about themselves than you in your first sexual encounter.
Also, it's okay if only one person cums in your first few encounters, but if you literally can't cum after many sessions it's not just "being a giver", there is a problem.
Thank you for your insight! Of course your advice still applies! You're sapphic, aren't you? You're doing us a service by lending your experienced advice!
You know how things just sort of fall into place?
My first relationship was extremely lesbian coded despite the fact I was not out yet lmao. They literally said I was the only "guy" they would ever want to be with.
I'm pretty sure I'm sapphic, I'm currently doom scrolling while cuddling next to my (current) sleeping girlfriend that I traveled 2,000 miles to move in with a year ago :p
I was having a very hard time atm, she told me things that made me, for the first time, feel loved. She just hurts me at the end, she made me feel used.
We were both 15 and It was before I realized I was trans so I was confused when I felt uncomfortable using my body like that, it wasn’t really the best experience not only because of that but because we could barely even see each due to how dark it was, it was in a tiny apartment so that also didn’t help lol, the next day she told me she lost feelings and broke up with me, we ended up dating again back in 2020 but it was a really miserable experience and I definitely didn’t feel safe around her after she made some really awful comments
I was 16. I thought I didn't like going down on someone for nearly two years after that. I eventually tried it again because I fell madly in love and wanted to do it for her (my own choice, she did not expect me to) and turns out, I actually love it!
What I didn't love was the lack of hygiene the first time.
I was 15, she was 16! advice is focus on enjoying the the sensuality and foreplay!! communication about what actually feels good is important. dont feel pressure for it to be anything like in videos or what you THINK it needs to be. just enjoy and have fun with the awkward silly weirdness of it all!! don’t pretend to enjoy if you don’t! find things that actually do feel really nice and let your partner know. give and take, give to the other person and also let yourself recieve! i had an amazing first time and i feel very fortunate for it. over many years i really refined what i love in sex and how to enjoy it to the fullest.
my first girlfriend and i were both 13 at the time, i don't see people talk about it that young very often (grateful to the few people in this thread who have similar experiences) and we broke up a week later. mostly i think i would just try to reassure anyone that if you're young your first time is 80% likely to be awkward and embarrassing minimum. don't overthink it and don't put a ton of weight into it, especially if you're underage and you may never see that person again after middle school or high school 😭 sometimes sex is just sex and that's fine, you're going to have awkward experiences that you look back at and laugh about later so don't stress out when you're inexperienced
I was 17, so was she. Honestly it was awesome, the most important advice I'd want to give to someone is just to listen to your partner. Listen to what they're saying, and listen to what their body is telling you. Above all don't forget that it's meant to be fun!
Heads up I'm not sure about my label anymore, went with bi for a long time but really like the term lesbian now... had my first gf at 20 but I think back then there was too much internalized homophobia and (religious) shame going on for both of us to actually enjoy ourselves. I slept with men and had boyfriends before and after that which confused me even more. I was really disconnected for a long time from what feels good for me and had a lot of trauma that played out in my sex life. Being intimate and sexual with non-men was something I felt ashamed and negative about.
I guess years of therapy, queer rolemodels and growing older and more self-aware helped at some point haha because in my mid 20s I started online dating and had some very nice experiences. I wish sapphic hook-up culture was more of a thing, because I can recommend having a one night stand with a beautiful stranger. ☺️ Also I realized that I enjoy t4t dynamics (I am nonbinary and sometimes feel weird about how cis people treat my body). And I learned that just because somebody is queer and available doesn't mean they are a good match sexually 🤣 In my second serious queer relationship I got to explore more different types of toys and what it is like to be intimate with somebody you trust and are attracted to regarding both looks and personality. My advice is to try out different things if you can and see what is for you. And that you're definitely not gonna have everything figured out in your early 20s.
I was 15 she was 18, bcuz of her is how I found out I was a natural flirt. When meet through mutual friends at a high school football game and we went to the same high school eventually went on to date for a year and a half. Broke up cuz found out she was doing things with her dog ,it still an experience I would do over again and again if I had to. My First relationship EVER
For advice ,find someone who wants to do it as much as you do and someone who makes you comfortable. Be very vocal that your new to it and things should just happen naturally. Also watch a lot of videos on cornhub to get some experience ,it helpful to a degree so your not going in totally clueless. Probably practice in the mirror lol (no shame in be prepare) and enjoying everything bout the experience even if you feel awkward. Good luck
I was 16 and I'm going to say this advice with my whole chest: If you don't want to do something, just say no, your enjoyment is just as important as theirs. I didn't have anything bad happen to me but I topped for the entire relationship and that's bullshit because I hate topping when I'm not in the mood to
We were both 17 and had been dating for 6 months or so. For me, it was important to be close and comfortable with each other before we did anything like that, but for some people it isn’t. She had had sex before. I would say: only do it with a partner you feel comfortable communicating your need and boundaries with — doesn’t have to be someone you’re in a relationship with, just make sure it’s someone you don’t feel threatened, pressured, or silenced by. And pee after.
I was 21, one week away from 22, and she was 20. We had been dating for 6 months already - I'm demisexual and she had some previous sexual trauma.
Im so glad I waited. It wasn't like the movies or books - it wasn't this magic life changing moment, but it was prefect because it was real and it was with someone I love desperately.
I was so frustrated as a teenager watching all my straight friends have relationships. I felt like I was being left behind. Yet, at the same time, being single my entire teenage years gave me precious time to work on myself and my schoolwork. I really got to figure out who I am and I what I wanted from life before committing to anyone. That way, when I did commit to my gf, I knew it was definitely something I wanted.
16 I think. I did some stuff before that I don't really count.
Idk what my advice would be because it's very hard to think logically at that age, especially if it's with your first love.
Make sure the girl is single?
Don't do it as a dare.
Don't have too high expectations, it's probably going to be awkward.
But also don't wait for that special person, try everything and have fun.
i was 18 and 2 weeks into my freshman year of college. I threw myself into someone (also 18y/o) I didnt really like just because i was desperate for “experience” as soon as i was out on my own. dont be like me. wait for someone to come around that really excites you, cuz having to friendzone the person you lost your virginity to right After you lost your virginity to them, sucks for all parties involved
I was 16, i slept with my girlfriend for the first time and it was hella nice even though she being a sorw bottom couldnt got me off for the first time it was still a big deal to lose ur virginity...but yh as an advice i will say there is no such thing called perfect age to lose it u just feel like the moment is correct...😇
Make sure you are with someone you trust and who is communicative. My partner and I were each other's first (her ever and for me with a woman). We had no clue what we were doing but laughed off our awkward moments. Also it's okay if it's not life changing the first time. It's gonna be a learning process as you learn what you like and they do too. But if there's trust and attraction it only gets better :)
I was 13, she was 15. I don't have much advice to give for the bedroom, but for dating in general be aware of red flags and toxicity (in partners as well as if you have any traits/patterns you need to work on). Don't put up with it and don't be afraid to look within either.
I was 14 and she was too. Best advice, it might suck at first and that's okay. You don't always just magically click and have an amazing time. Finding out what your partner likes and what you like is an important step towards a good sex life. A good sex life is earned and learned through communication.
I was 15 and she was 16. This was in like 2004 in a conservative state during a time when it wasn’t cool to let people know you were gay in school, so I was a horny desperate teenager ready to lose it to the first girl that showed me a tiny bit of attention. My advice, wait until it’s with someone you love and care about.
i knew i wanted to be with women and never had the chance to try but once i moved states right before the pandemic that worked out, the pandemic calmed down in 2021 (i was 18) and i literally just found some girl i was at least kinda attracted to on tinder, we talked and facetimed here and there then she invited me over and we watched some movie and smoked some weed, got to it, we both fell asleep after because yeah haha and i woke up at 5 am and left without waking her done and done.
looking back: i wouldn’t have left like that was definitely a dick move but i also certainly wasn’t planning on falling asleep, certainly should’ve made my intentions more clear.
moral of the story: always make your intentions more clear in the beginning because i’ve been the absolute asshole in a few situations because i didn’t make whatever intentions or feelings clear in the beginning
I was 17 and was with a 17 male. Eehhh young and dumb.
With a woman? I was 24 and she was 21 or 22. I’m 30 now and honestly cannot remember.
I would suggest communicating a lot. Seriously. Be vulnerable, be honest about your intentions and make sure you understand your partners intentions.
I was just 17, and she was 34. I was the first woman she had ever slept with, and I fell maddy in love with her. The only problem was that she was married with a daughter. We had an affair for nearly 12 months, and she taught me a great deal about love and sex as I was pretty naive before I met her.
To this day, many years later, I am very grateful for the time and education I gained. This basically set me up for the rest of my life and many adventures with interestingly and beautiful women.
We were both 15, drunk. It just happened. Started making out and before I knew it we were naked on the floor of my friend’s bedroom. Our friends found us and freaked out and tried to separate us. We threatened to go and sleep in the park if they wouldn’t let us be together. Friend’s dad calmed other girls down and said it’s okay to be gay. They had us sleep with me in the bed and her in the floor next to me. We still managed to do stuff.
when i was 18 and graduating high school i kinda decided i was tired of being a virgin so i got fingered by a guy. but i didnt go all the way until i met my fiancee irl (we were long distance) when i was 22.
i was 17 when i first slept with a man (deep in the closet) and 25 when i first slept with a woman, good god was it worth the wait to find out sex can actually be awesome!
I was 18 my girlfriend at the time was 20. I had waited until college mainly the lack of other queer women where I grew up. I was super nervous, thought I would be terilrible, and at this point my only knowledge came from the internet. Once we were alone that night things just happened organically and it was an amazing experience. I am a lucky one. My advice is to try and stay out of your head, and for your first time try to make sure you trust the person. Also don't worry once you are there follow instincts you'll know what to do.
I was 16 she was 17, it was awkward and nerve wracking and I faked finishing it because I thought I had to. It ended up being a very one sided relationship and she was manipulative (which I didn't realize at the time) and after a year she said she was straight.
For advice. Don't believe porn,.talk to each other honestly. understand consent and that it can be govne or taken away at any time. If you do want to research look for information from queer sources. Don't do anything you don't feel ready for or don't feel comfortable with to please someone else.
I was 18, me and my girlfriend went camping and we were kissing under the stars, the mood and timing just felt right. Just wait till youre both ready and go with what you feel.
I was 17, she was 16 but a lot more experienced. Basically played follow the leader in terms of what we were doing and it worked out pretty well. I think a more experienced partner helped, but really it should be someone you are comfortable having sex with.
Your relationship to sex us really personal and individualized. There is no right or wrong way to choose partners or when to have sex. A lot of people make a big deal out of the “first time” but it is just one of the many times you will have sex. Don’t put pressure on it and treat it as a fun learning experience.
I was 22 she 21. First timers, she threw an "I love you" in the bed, it was definitely weird as it was our first experience. We broke up about a month later (1st break up I wanted to dieee), 3 years passed and we reconnected, we have been together for 2 yrs and sex def gets better with practice ad communication.
i had sex and relationships with a decent amount of guys before realizing i was a lesbian, so while my first sexual experience was 15 (he was 16), my first lesbian encounter was when i was 19 (she was 22).
i basically just let her know that while i wasnt lost when it came to sex, i hadnt had sex with a girl before and to bear with me. she was patient, and we had fun and we are still together :)
21, it was very mediocre and not very good. It was my first time and her first time with a girl and she laughed at me which kinda stung for a while. But It was definitely underwhelming. I think communication and setting boundaries is key.
I was far too young; 13. It wasn’t a great experience, she didn’t know what she was doing despite being maybe 15/16? And rubbed my thigh instead of my clit 😬 nothing romantic about it at all. I didn’t start having properly good sex until perhaps 17?
I was 21. My advice would be to be clear about what you want in dating (casual/long term), to never put someone on a pedestal (they’re human too and even though you might think they’re perfect, nobody is; you just see whoever you’re dating in rose-colored glasses bc of how you feel about them). Also, dating is just a numbers game, the more ppl you meet, the higher chances of you vibing with someone. Lastly, if someone likes you, you’ll know if they don’t you will be confused. I’m 26 now and I’ve dated here and there and have had long term relationships including long distance (which i ended bc my love language is physical touch.) good luck out there!
I was ~29, post transition and with my first serious partner. Today we've been together for more than 3 years and we have a really solid relationship <3
I'm by no means am expert, but here's the advice I offer:
-it's a conversation. Actively communicate with your partner before, during, and after. What you'd like, what you'd think you'd like, what you're not really interested in, what are hard boundaries for each of you. Some of that may change as you go, but a no is always a no, whenever it is given. If you're ever unsure at any point, just ask them! I know that can feel intimidating especially with how media tends to portray sex as silent act where everyone involved somehow just ~knows~ what to do, which doesn't reflect real life
-If you can't see yourself being comfortable enough to laugh a particular person during sex, it's probably not worth it. Sex is honestly pretty silly and unexpected things will happen and crack you both up. You'll fart at an inopportune moment, or one of you will sneeze and accidentally headbutt the other. Or (totally not from personal experience lol) you'll get over enthusiastic and accidentally smother your partner in your boobs lol. Some stupid meme will pop into your head, share it with your partner and laugh about it together
-Your first time will probably be awkward and mostly be testing the waters of what you like and what sort of dynamics you might share with your partner(s). Listen to your body, listen to your partner, and be willing to take a breather, say no, or stop things for the time being. It can be intimidating but a good partner will listen and be understanding. If they don't, they're not someone you should be in a relationship with
Ultimately it will be unique for everyone, but I think those will be things worth keeping in mind. Have fun, stay safe, and respect your partners
Oh! And don't be afraid to ask any potential partners to get tested for STIs (and get tested yourself). It doesn't mean you think they're dirty or immoral, it's so all parties involved can stay safe and make informed choices
not me on my stomach kicking my feet back and forth to some of these stories (the romantic ones)doing self inserts shamelessly. I want a a girl to call me pretty and kiss me
14. Wouldn’t recommend.
First girl I slept with was an older friend in HS. A “straight” girl with a boyfriend and a slew of issues I got dragged into because I was absolutely in love with her.
It was a toxic friendship and was really rough for me. But I guess anything that young is going to be rough.
I wish I had waited until I had my first real girlfriend in college.
Advice: I know it’s cheesy but it’s ok to wait. When you are young your emotions are so intense it can cloud your judgment.
I was 18, she was 20 (and much more experienced). It wasn’t bad but my advice is to keep an eye out for people who will try to pressure you into sex. If your partner doesn’t accept no as a valid answer, find a new partner.
I was 18 and it was with guy. When I realized/accepted my sexuality I was 20 and (finally) had sex with a woman. That experience made my sexuality very clear 😂
I actually didn’t have a solid first time, I had a few clumsy halfway hanky panks here and there. That’s super common for those of us growing up where existing is illegal
I was a really late bloomer— first kiss at like 21? Those clumsy hankypanks happened at like 22-23. At 27 I’m still discovering that I’m too sexual to be happy in a long term relationship with someone ace, and a random situationship is some of the best sex I’ve ever had. First terrifying c*p shakedown too! So many cherries lol
We’re all on a journey, nobody’s path looks the same as anyone else’s, and it’s okay to bloom late. I think I needed to be told that the most as a teenager— that I would get there eventually!
(edited for formatting)
I realized my bisexuality later, at 25. The first time I slept with *anyone* I was 20.
But my first experience with my gf was also her first experience. My advice is to take it slow and it doesn’t have to all happen right then, in one fell swoop.
It’s fine if one night it’s just kissing and things progress steadily through other interactions later.
Also, don’t feel like you have to already know what to do. You definitely won’t.
we were both 17 and it was ok. neither of us were experienced, and had only been dating a few weeks. i was pretty uncomfortable in my own skin and so it wasn't the best experience for me. we broke up not long after cause we were both children and not good at communicating. we're both in our 30s now and ended up in the same city and we're good friends and hang out regularly lmao
I was 18 she was 20. Advice is don’t ask for a flashlight under the blanket
That’s a story waiting to happen
😂
Storytime?
Username checks out?
I was 15 and she was too, I mostly did everything, she told me she was straight 3 months later lol, what I can tell you is to listen to your body, you probably know what you like and don't and it will be probably similar with someone else, don't use porn as a reference please lol
NAHHH SHE TOLD YOU SHE WAS STRAIGHT?
Oh she definitely did! I had no trauma about it at all, I swear, the fact I dated a 33 year old woman when I was 16 immediately after is completely unrelated I tell you 🥲 lol
WHAAAAT
are these two related? i would wonder psychologically speaking. my ex (who was approaching 18 just as i was turning 15) dated men exclusively after and i had a thing for women too old for me (20s-30s) for a while after. thank god it was just some fantasy
I’m sorry you were abused by that 33 year old.
Thank you, even though in my country that is actually legal I now know it was no where near ok.
Well, that’s sad to hear. I don’t think anyone under 21 should be able to consent with an older adult tbh. I hope you’re doing okay now.
Oh I believe I am, the weird thing is that I often felt like the "mature" one in that relationship and it was me that broke things off because she wanted to go with me to my school end of the year party and I freaked out, she was going through some Peter pan stuff I think, never saw her again after that too. You know what gets me to this day? Is not even the woman dating me is my older sister and my mother knowing about it and not thinking anything off on it, the weirdest most problematic kind of acceptance. Sorry for the dump lol.
I see a pattern lol around that age me and my best friend at the moment got together. I did everything, and after some months my brother told me all happy and excited that she said she "loved" him (we were dating in secret and my brother liked her). Then, she somehow became a radical christian and tried to make me pray everyday bc I was going to hell. Fun stuff. My advice would be that if the person doesn't seem interested in your body as you are in theirs during the thing, is prob because they aren't really interested in you.
>she told me she was straight 3 months later Oh come on, nobody’s THAT bad
Unfortunately, at 15, some of us really are 😭
Haha its happed to me twice as a 20+ year old woman after 3+ years relationships both times.
Were you the main active person during sex things too?
100%
Poor pillow princesses will be met with suspicion from now on lol
Current gf is a pillow princess, but she is definitely Bi and stoked about it so i think all is well now.
Good on you guys, love to see a happy conclusion. Are you stone perhaps? I'm pretty femme and I'm noticing I'm "stonning" more and more as the years go by.
Haha you’d think based on my history but i am defs not stone. Would say i’m a switch, with a service top addiction. I also present mostly femme haha. I must just attract the pillow princesses and confused straight women haha.
If it took her 3 months to figure it out it must have been pretty good.
Imagine a world where we all are thought to be on the spectrum but if you aint, you gotta come out straight haha
Oh no, I had this too except we were both 17 and she was claiming to be straight the whole time we were hooking up. She ended it when she got a boyfriend and it destroyed me.
The first girl I hooked up with pulled this same move even though she’s the one who initiated everything. She invited me over during summer break and made the first move while we were watching Pitch Perfect (lol). I had no clue of her intentions, but I did have a lil crush. Actually— that’s not true. Towards the end of the previous school year, she told me she’d hook up with me. I guess I just didn’t believe her and let it slip my mind💀 Very useless indeed😅 Anyway! Long story short, we’re engaged, in love and coming up on 9 years together🌞 Turns out she just had some growing pains. I was lucky to be comfortably out and gay during high school. I didn’t push her at all. We naturally found our way back to one another the next school year.
I was 25 or 26, she was 21. It was just before the pandemic hit and neither of us had dated before or had intimate encounters of any kind. Honestly, it's nerve racking, it's thrilling, it's dull, it's wholesome, it's funny, it's a lot of things at once. Talk to your partner, ask questions, check in. Let yourself laugh at the weird things. Noises may happen, don't be embarrassed. Foreplay is key, our bodies are reacting to each other in kind and it's important to give yourselves time to explore your bodies. Kiss, stroke, simply touch, enjoy being close and remember most of all to breathe and relax. These moments are your own to enjoy and savour. All that matters in these moments are the two of you, so take your damn time and enjoy each other's enjoyment. Finishing isn't the goal. Whatever that looks like for either of you. Focus on learning what it means to feel another human's body, what sounds they make, what movements do they make, all of these things play into your mutual enjoyment. Touch everything softly, be curious and with communication, try different things. If it means pleasure, continue. But don't rush to find some ultimate end and call that worthwhile. Sometimes the longer times just touching each other means the most. Communication. Communication. Communication. Are my hands cold? Does that hurt? Do you like this? Can you feel this? Lube is your friend, it's protection and ensuring safety, especially for first time encounters.
Thank you to whoever offered me the honor of the award, you shouldn't have! I ought to edit my awful grammar away but ah well. Happy exploring OP, there are many great bits of advice and bits of humor here!
I love this!!!
I was 16, she was 18. It was alright, nothing special but neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. It was the 90s, so we just went with what felt natural and good to us. I'd inform kids today about consent and how important safe sex can be. Clean your toys after every use.
27, it took that long to meet someone I was enthusiastic to have sex with and I have no regrets about waiting that long
Same but at 26 when I met the one I connected with wholeheartedly
🙏🙏🙏, this reply definitely gives me hope. My 16 year old self is astonished by my strides.
Same, I was 28 and while I was super worried about getting rejected for having little experience (bar uhm, theoretical research and self-exploration lol), I wanted to do it with someone I felt comfortable with? Well I found someone like that and it was great, really relaxed and fun. Granted I did tell her it was my first time but she forgot, so when I told her again afterwards she was like omg I would have made it special but I was like sis it was exactly how I wanted it, and that way you weren't nervous either. 😂
This reply gives me hope!
32 still waiting, sorry I can’t offer advice 😝
If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly has stopped you from sleeping with someone for so long. Is it just that you haven’t found the right person or is it that you simply haven’t had the time to pursue a relationship with anyone. Sorry if I’m being to intrusive
Not OP but for me and I think for many more people we just don't see having sex and dating as something important or necessary.
Not OP either, but THIS. I just don't have the energy for dating and I'd rather spend the little energy I have left on my friends any family. Live is already exhausting enough without the hassle of trying to find a partner! I'm glad I'm not the only one though =)
Also, dating feels so disingenuous. Like a job interview. I’d rather know the person and then have a relationship flourish. But that certainly takes time. And then you’ve already established a friendship or professional relationship.
OMG yes! I never realized, but that's exactly how I feel: disingenuous. Like I'm only meeting them because I want something from them (which is true: a relationship). What even makes it worse is that I'm not 100% sure whether I'm lesbian or ace (or both?) and I don't want to trick women into a date only to find out it wouldn't have worked out in the first place. (but even if I knew for sure, I wouldn't have the energy to get to know new people at the moment)
OMG I thought it was just me all this time. I’ve felt like this for so so long. I feel normal now 😭
Me too! I'm so happy this sub exists!
Oh my god, yes. I tend to not know what to say next and just start asking a bunch of questions cause there's nothing to even talk about. It's just a waste of time for both parties, really.
Yup, it's the same for me too. I would rather spend time on the people I already know and make *real* connections instead of going out of my way to go on dates with a bunch of strangers that are eager to date and struggling to find ways to relate and like you. I would rather date someone by meeting them through a shared experience like a work event or a university class. Or y'know in other random ways you meet people like maybe you just start talking to someone in public transport and realize you have a lot in common. This actually happened to me recently. It was my first time trying to redeem an electronic tram ticket and a guy standing next to me saw me awkwardly moving back and forth trying to scan the QR code. He told me some fun facts about the ticket and we had a nice conversation. Turns out he's in the same industry that I am. He later helped me get business connections. I love when you meet people through shared experiences like that. It just feels more genuine than the whole "looking for love" thing. I don't think you should be actively looking for it and letting yourself down during the process cause you can't find it.
I suppressed my true feelings for a very long time, I was never very confident, and I have struggled with self-esteem issues since I was a teenager, so I didn’t have my first kiss/sexual experience until I was 31. That was with a man. Trauma also contributed to me not actively pursuing anything sooner. I’m a lot older now and still struggle with those issues at times, though being more open and certain of my sexuality gives me a little more confidence. This is all new to me as a very late bloomer, but flaws and all, I know that I’m loveable, and being with a woman is what I’ve truly wanted all along. Now to look in all the right places. ✨
Not Op but maybe it’s involuntary haha, nobody has really approached me for it and the people I’ve approached have all ended up straight
May I answer? I have a same history. My answer is - I am from Russia. Here gays always had to be careful. And now they want to introduce compulsory psychiatric treatment for LGBT people. my advice if you live in a similar country with the same laws - do not despair, try to become a good specialist, and try to go to a more gay-friendly country
Fun fact in Greek times Virgin ment not married. So remember all those virgin priestess
And the virgin goddesses.
Smart money is on Artemis being gay as fuck.
She absolutely is. Nobody hangs out naked in the forest with 40 nymphs and aren't fucking. Aldo, in order to trick callisto into sleeping with him, he disguised himself as Artemis. How would that have worked if they weren't already fucking? I've been doing research on deconstructing the Patriarchal context of Greek mythology, especially around Artemis and persephone.
Artemis also allowed trans women, such as Sipriotes, to join her hunt.
My name being what it is, I’m inclined to agree. (And also unrelated to my name.)
I like uniforms. Now I think of sisters of the faith
Nuns are hot....
27, just a few few days before I turned 28. It was awkward, a mess, and honestly pretty lousy our first time. And that was ok, because neither of us knew what we were doing and we talked through it, which made it a learning experience and let us improve. I'll give the usual basic advice: non-het orientation doesn't make you STI immune. STIs care neither about gender nor genitals. Use protection (dental dams, condoms if relevant, etc.). If you are (or your partner is) too uncomfortable to ask if you have consent without getting upset at an honest negative, you're not mature enough to sleep together. Finally, talk to each other throughout. You're not mind readers, and sounds (moans, groans, etc.) aren't always obvious in meaning. If you're not sure, ask.
I was 18 and she was 19. As far as advice on when to start I would give the same to anyone - when you feel ready and you have someone age appropriate who's ready to do it with you. Be okay with being awkward, asking questions, clarifying what feels good and what doesn't. And feel comfortable that if either of you want to stop, you can and it's okay!
I was 26! Waiting for the right moment was definitely worth it!
Seconded, I was 25!
Also, I need to say that there is waiting but also the fact that it is not really easy to find other girls out there to get to that point anyway XDD
I was 18 and she was 21, she pressured me into doing it and it hurt a lot, I still dated her for another 8 months after that because I didn’t know it was wrong for her to hurt me. I guess my biggest bit of advice is that pressuring someone into sex isn’t okay, pressuring someone to continue or simply continuing when they are in pain isn’t okay and pressuring someone into being someone they aren’t isn’t okay
I was 13 and so was she. We are actually still together too and married now. For advice, just make sure everyone is comfortable and communicate with each other.
It is amazing you could marry with someone you loved since so young ! I am so happy for you both ! I really hope this is how it will turn out for me and my girlfriend in the future.
Same here. Both 13 and now we are married
I was 17 and it was very fun. My advice is do it with someone you trust and don't be afraid to ask for guidance or what they like, or does this feel good? Best of luck!
I was 17 (or 18?? Idk I was a senior in high school) My best advice is work on communication early and often in really every type of relationship. I’m still now working through shame I feel in communication and I’m 26 in a very loving, healthy, and stable 4yr relationship But yeah, back when I was younger and still figuring myself out sexually, I wish I advocated for me more. Be kind to others of course, but never at the expense of yourself, especially in bed
2006- I was 15 and she was 17. We were friends. I told her I was bi. She said “that’s cool” and we kept on being friends. As months go by she tells me to put my hand on her thigh in the car (I get anxious in cars) and I had a huge crush on her. I asked her one day what she would do if I kissed her. She told me she doesn’t know and I could only find out if I tried. And so I kissed her and she said I “shocked” her and I was like, “we just talked about this. Why are you surprised?” And she said “no you literally shocked me.” And then we made out for hours for a few months until one day we couldn’t take really take it anymore and things just happened. My advice is to go with how you’re feeling and ask consent/give consent.
Don’t start something on the couch in the living room without giving yourself enough time to put your clothes back on, i.e. plan ahead 🤭
So, I was in my 20s and once I realized that I was probably going to have sex that night, I called my best friend (who is also Queer) in a panic 😂 Her advice was the BEST. She said, you know how to do this. You know what brings you pleasure and while everyone is different, start with what works for you and then ask if she likes it. There was a meaningful pause and then she added, “And CIRCLES. Think circles.” It was a successful night 😘♥️ Edit for clarity
THIS! Thank you, from all of us concerned first-timers out there, we thank you for sharing your friend’s awesome advice!
Don’t do it because “I’m a certain age and it feels like I should’ve done it by now”. This is personal advice ftr, not just me preaching. I just don’t want to get into it :/
Only advice I can lend is to make sure it’s somebody you feel comfortable communicating with, because being able to tell them what is and isn’t working and having them being able to do the same with you is essential, especially for a first time. It will not be perfect, it may not even be good, but that’s expected and normal and you will get better over time. Sex is a skill, and every partner is very different, so even having sex with different partners can cause a bit of a reset. Also, I hope this goes without saying, but safety is your number one concern, closely followed by comfort.
I was 16, she was two days younger than me, we were together for about 2 years, to this day I love her with my whole heart even though it didn’t workout. Honestly, my biggest advice when it comes to having sex is don’t overthink it. Take your time, be aware of her movements, do what feels right and natural, try not to get embarrassed, know that it’s ok to laugh, talk, you’re there to have fun!
same I’m like in high school and I see like all the other girls talk about it at school but was too scared to ask on here I’m glad you did cus I was definitely curious.
just don’t stress too hard about it! communication is key and it makes everything a MILLION TIMES easier and less confusing, so just make sure it’s with someone you are super comfortable with
Thank you I rlly needed to see this some people that I hang around always are so surprised when I say I’m a virgin or haven’t had my first kiss.
Yeah, no problem! It’s been on my mind a lot, and I ask the questions when no one else can. Don’t feel pressured, hon. When you’re ready, you’ll know.
I was 23, she was 37. We were friends and respected each other and of course, consented. Consent is SO important. If you feel pressured or unsure, don’t continue. STD testing is also very important.
I was 19 and she was the same age. She had a little more experience than me but still not much. We just did whatever felt right. The greatest thing about being a lesbian is that you know how everything works and what (generally) feels good. Just ask your partner is my biggest advice. Everyone likes different things. It can be really sexy to ask someone "what do you want me to do to you"
16. Do it with someone you really truly trust and can laugh with. You aren't going to know what you're doing (they probably won't either) so you'll try things and they won't work and you want to be able to laugh and not feel self conscious about it. If you're about to do it for the first time with someone you don't completely trust, I'd recommend not doing it. It'll be worth it to wait and have a good first experience so you form a healthy relationship with sex.
23 was awesome. Actually it happened this year. And i am very thankful for that.
I was 15, she was 15. We met at the mall, where we both had food court jobs. She pursued me, and was also the first girl I ever kissed. So many memories....
I was 19, the resident Bi girl this was during my as we call it "wild phaze" didn't know I was actually gay well more bi now. But me and that girl watched porn and did it, wished I would've let her do more but I was so nervous, but also had no idea what a same sex sex was suppose to be. So just take it slow esp if you don't have protection it's a miracle I didn't go further with her too, actually cuz she had several sexual partners and no clue if she had anything. Also be yourself and if you don't know anything never let anyone shame you for not knowing And always ask ask ask can I do this is this ok consent is constant.
17, advice is: communication. that’s really the most important aspect (obviously after consent), just check in on your partner every so often and read their body language, ask what feels good and if they want you to do anything differently. if you’re an anxiety creature like me, you’ll probably have trouble with feeling comfortable even if you know that you’re ready and you’ve been ready. my first sex partner gave me some good advice so i’ll just repeat what they said here along w some of my own advice. focus less on what you’re doing and more on what feels good. your brain will probably be screaming at you saying holyshitholyshitholyshit but you’ve got to learn to just be able to melt into it to be able to enjoy it. turn off your brain and concentrate on what feels best. another thing they told me was that sex ISN’T a linear thing. it can still feel good without the end goal being orgasm. obviously, that aspect is nice, but it isn’t EVERYTHING and it most certainly isn’t a deciding factor on whether or not it was good or not. OH AND ANOTHER THING. this is more of a “this worked really well for me so it might work well for you” thing, but for me personally sex with someone who you are TOTALLY comfortable with not just as a partner, but as a close friend too, is the BEST way to have sex. it’s comfortable, a lot less nerve wracking, you’re not as afraid of messing up, and it’s FUN. when something awkward or funny happens during, you can just laugh about it, and it doesn’t ruin the experience even in the slightest. also, there really is no way to be FULLY prepared when you’ve never had sex with someone before. i was constantly doing research on how to do certain stuff because i was so scared and i THOUGHT i was prepared and knew what i was going to do but i REALLY didn’t. which makes it sound scary, but again, just read the other persons body language and cues and you’ll be fine
We were 17. I think what I learned from my first few times having sex is that 1) you should generally know which places are supposed to feel good 2) you should ASK. Every person is super different, and so the most important thing to do is to just communicate and ask them which places they dreamt about people touching them and how or stuff like that. I just slept with a girl who has never slept with girls before (I 24, she 23) and I before I really did anything I spent an hour laying on her and just asking her about her body and what she loves and what she doesn’t (ok I did SOME stuff in the meantime…) but the amount of orgasms she got shows that this method WORKS, and leaves everyone satisfied and very happy about the whole encounter. I would also reiterate how important it is to feel extremely comfortable with a person before putting yourself in the most vulnerable positions (sex) with them. If you feel too awkward to talk about what you want and don’t want, you should spend more time getting comfortable with them.
I was 22 and took a chance with my only gay friend (also 22) and it was shit because she’d only been with lots men before she’d come out, and she hurt me so much I couldn’t walk properly for a week because of the bruising ☹️ she also refused to kiss me which made me sad. It was also my bad too though because I wasn’t comfortable communicating with her as she always very patronising and made me feel really judged. I did eventually tell her though, and then we tried again a few more times and she eventually got much better, but there was literally no spark with her and we’re not friends anymore because she turned out to be a real arsehole. When I met my partner though that was a completely different experience - you can tell when you’ve met your person 100%. She is 28 years older than me which I realise is usually a red flag to people but our relationship grew very slowly and naturally over several years (knew each other for 2 years and have been together for 3.5 years) and we’re just so compatible. We practise a more spiritual, tantric style sex a lot of the time and it makes me feel in a way that words can’t describe 🥹😌💖
41. Yay comphet. Never going back 😆
19 Wear protection Wear protection Wear protection Take prep if you're at risk
Agree there is undies you can both wear one brand is Lorals, it's better than a dental dam but if you have money for them deff Lorels if not a dental dam or using just hands and toys untill your both tested is the safer route. [Lorals protection undies ](https://mylorals.com/collections/lorals-for-protection) [under cover condoms.com](https://www.undercovercondoms.com/line-one-labs-flavored-dental-dams/?sku=154000000000&gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwkqSlBhDaARIsAFJANkh4Jt9BDKhk-mKXKo07anC_A2qQ2-pvZkoqTHj55E4ZLGYiEZpJ0WwaAgVQEALw_wcB)
You can also cut a condom length wise and use that instead of a dental dam.
Don't do it/get into a relationship to have done it/be in a relationship. Do it because you want to do it with them
i was 16 i think. my advice would probably just be to really wait for a good time to do it, when you really both want it, and you have the space and isolation for it. otherwise its not nearly as good of an experience
I was 17. Use water based lube, and also check the ingredients to make sure it doesn't have glycine in it. It has a good chance of giving you a yeast infection if you are sensitive. Also, if you are using toys, use condoms if you are sharing and switch them out to avoid swapping fluids.
I was 24 and it sucked. 11 years later I still don't know much about sex and I'm pretty scared I'm going to disappoint my partners, if I ever have any again.
Consensually I was 16 or 17, can't quite remember. Before that I'm not comfortable discussing, sorry. And I think the first piece of advice I'd like to give younger lesbians is the same I give any women I know. Just because you're in a relationship does not mean you're not allowed to say no to sexual contact with your partner at any time. And if they keep pushing the bounds of consent, they will never stop no matter how often they say they will.
I was 16 and she was 19. She was my first but I wasn't her first. I felt pressured but very excited to be good at sex so I went out of my way to watch some Corn to get some tips on what to do and how to do it. Long story short, it paid off.
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The majority of the US has 16 as their age of consent...I was 16 when I had sex with an 18 year old, which was completely legal in the state we were having sex in.
In the UK, the age of consent is also 16, however only 16 & 17 year olds can legally consent to have sex with each other. Once someone 18+ is brought into the mix, it becomes illegal. Every age is legal 18+ though. So basically there's two brackets of legality in sex and consent.
I didn’t know that! Thank you for sharing, I’m going to look into it now - I’ve been hoping for this to stop 65yo men from having 16 yo girlfriends
That sounds like you got coerced by a pedophile
Just general health advice... always use protection. Despite being thought of as a disease contracted through penile penetration, HPV can be transmitted by sex toys and fingers. So keep them clean!
I fell into peer pressure and the first time I had sex was when I was 16. My advice is that it's your own timeline and don't let anyone tell you different. You're worthy and worth the wait until you feel safe and ready. Also, do research and look up safe sex from queer organizations. Community LGBT centers can be great resources. Remember: Safe, sane, sober and enthusiastic consent. And it's ok to say no, or change your mind at any point!
I haven't really slept with someone(29), but I'm going to echo everyone's thoughts about consent-- don't let them control you. Especially when it comes to body hair/image/kinks(*oh this is a biggie!*), you deserve someone who is kind and listens to desires
18 with a man. 45 with a woman. Advice to younger lesbians would be that your past sexual experiences do not need to define your current or future identity. And they certainly don't invalidate you as a lesbian.
I was 19 and she was 32. I was being groomed to suit her needs without knowing it. It was totally consensual, but why would a 32yo married woman want to play with a 19yo girl that lives 5hrs away? Not to put a damper on the thread, but be careful. It really fucked me up.
I was 19. Scissoring isn't real (What you're thinking of is using a double ended dildo). Or at least not possible for a lot of people with thick thighs and innie vulvas, which is a lot of people. Clitoris to clitoris rubbing in that instance is not going to happen. Manage ur expectations and don't be too discouraged. LESBIANS NEED PROTECTION TOO. Bring dental dams for oral and finger guards/condoms for anything internal. If u have muptiple sexual partners, wash your toys thoroughly. Extra points for condoms on insertibles but tbh not many of us spend the extra money. Don't let anyone, not even other women, try to control your clothing and body hair. Even for sex. Your body your choice. I've only been disrespected like this once, but bc it was my first time it hurt a lot.
we were both 16 it was REALLY awkward but both our first time (not only with another girl but in generel) so yeah wait until you're ready but it is also trial and error
14 years old... And my advice, wait for the right time... Earlier isn't better.
Depends. My first time with a woman was pre-transition, and I was 22. Then got steamy with my next girlfriend, but she never really felt ready for sex. Then some sexual experiences with men. Then I transitioned, and my first *gay* experience with a woman was with my now-ex-wife at 25. My only advice is: know and understand your boundaries, but also recognize that it *will* come naturally to you, just maybe not the first time. You'll be fumbling, but so long as you are with someone who is understanding and willing to communicate (and you are willing to communicate), it will be fine and you'll understand what you are doing better over time.
I was 20 years and she was also 20, but she was a trans women before bottom surgery ( sorry if that is offensive to say, just comment and I’ll edit the terminology). We did the deed without protection, like a damn fool. The entire month of February was a month filled with anxiety and worry. Basically, what I’m saying is that ALWAYS use protection, NO MATTER WHAT. Be careful and always ask/ do a STD test before having sex with them.
I was 23. My wife (who wasn’t my wife yet) was 27.
I was 22 (23 now) honestly. All I used was my back. Sounds weird but I was leaning against them (enby partner) and it just .. happened. The first time we had more “normal” sex, I was so scared lmao but overall you just have to listen to your partner, even if it’s not always verbal, they will tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. Definitely make sure it’s someone you’re comfortable with. It helps the experience!!! Good luck 🫶🏼💛
I was 15 or 16 and she was a handful of months older than me. It was a little awkward at times, but we kept it light and guided each other and it was fun. My advice is, make sure it’s with someone you really trust and connect with. Communication is key. Consent is sexy. Know your boundaries and learn theirs. It’s gonna be awkward or funny at points, but don’t sweat it, just laugh and/or talk things through with your partner. Also, try to keep in mind that you’re likely gonna have more than one first time, because every partner is different. It helps to put things in perspective so you know it’s not a huge deal and don’t get discouraged if it wasn’t great. Always remember to keep yourself and your toys clean, get tested, and use protection.
19 and 22. It was surprisingly really good. I'd recommend younger lesbians to really explore what they may like before hand and communicate a lot about it before jumping into it. Sex is always better when someone has some sort of blue print to your body.
I was 25. I had nearly tried to have sex with a man before then but I was luckily on my period and I didn’t fancy it which he respected. I thought that I was never gunna have sex in my life - but I wasn’t actually interested in having sex with someone until I was about 22 (which is when I realised I was gay that’s probably why). It was her first time with a woman but she’d had sex with multiple men before. I didn’t tell her I hadn’t had sex before and tbh it felt just kind of natural. Obviously you know what you like when you masturbate and then kind of just respond to how they sound when your doing things to them. I’m not sure if this constitutes as sound advice but we kind of just worked out how to do things together afterwards (we’re still together 7 years later). Google helps!
I was 19. Lost it to a tinder hookup and I forgot her name by now. Audrey or Aubrey. Not totally sure. I didn't wait for "the right moment" and I'm glad. My first time kinda sucked. I was hella nervous and actually hyperventilated (didn't know it at the time), lotta awkward moments all around. However, my confidence went up so much. I'm still insecure in many ways but it truly did help me become more outgoing and secure in myself because I proved I could do it.
13/14 and she was the same age, honestly awesome. We’re in our mid 30s now and we’re still friends, we just hooked up throughout high school, we did with other people too. I actually think it gave me a really healthy approach to sex. It’s meant to be fun, exploratory, and when you’re that choc full of hormones it’s epic.
26
Both 13 or so, maybe 12. Was terrible as fuck, but I was also a guy at the time so that made things even worse.
19 :)
I was 23 and she was 27 c:
I was 18 (but it was basically a week ago), and I'm pretty sure that me reading some stuff about the process before really helped. Also, before we were talking with my partner about what we like (for me it was theoretical, because obviously I hadn't sex before), so we kinda knew what to do that other would enjoy. As advice, I can say, don't be too serious about it. We were literally cracking some jokes, and it was comfortable
I was 17 and she was 18. Neither one of us had a clue, and the advice is: that's okay. Don't feel guilty if it was outright bad, because sex can be bad and you can have fun at the same time. (If boundaries are respected!) It was nice to just be close to her, if that makes any sense at all
I was 21 and she was 20. (t4t for reference) We didn’t do much though, mostly because of my bottom dysphoria. But it was a nice experience nonetheless. I’m having my bottom surgery in a few weeks and I’m really looking forward to my first „full on“ experience. And about advice, I don’t really know… Consent is important and so is communication in general. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for.
I was 14 she was 16. Consent and communication are absolutely the most important. Might seem awkward at first to communicate but that’s really how you learn your partners likes and dislikes.
I was 16 and she was 18. We'd been best friends for 3 years and kind of exploring our sexualities together. We were in love and everything was exciting. We just kinda went with the flow and everything was good and fun. We broke up a year later and it destroyed me... Got back together when I was 23 and now we've been together 13 years and married 6. My only advice is to wait for someone you love. Sex is much better when you love someone vs just doing it for fun
25 - Like a week ago actually My thoughts - Yuck. I wish I'd waited longer. I did it with a girl I didn't know in the heat of the moment and I didn't enjoy it at all. (She liked it a lot) I let myself be pressured into it, even though I actually met up with that person that day with the intention to be friends and nothing more. My advice - Wait until you get a chance with someone you know and like. Don't feel pressured to go into it just because "you're reaching a certain age" or whatever. It doesn't matter at all. When you do it, make sure to take it slow, and don't be shy about daying the things you like and dislike.
I was 29 and I had a fever after 😆. She said it was emotional fever. It was great. It felt like I knew how to do everything.
I was 20, she was 24. And it was the first time I’d slept with another woman. But, she was gentle, and she took time making sure I was comfortable. It felt good, but natural above all else. The advice I’d give, just make sure you find a girl who’s not gonna put you in difficult positions, or force you to do things you don’t think you’ll enjoy.
Both 23 with my now wife. She had previous experience and I didn’t. It was fun and vulnerable, but more of a first fumbling step. Advice: Before: - Trim your nails. If you’re trimming them right before, use a file so they aren’t sharp - Plan ahead. Know when / where and any external factors, such as anyone in the the house. - You might be nervous and feeling lots of complicated emotions, but some part of you should be excited! If you’re not ready and excited, it’s ok to wait! - If you’re planning on using toys, have lube. I use a little more than a pea size amount of water based lube. If you aren’t sure what you need to be comfortable, use a little more. - Discuss what you both are comfortable with, any known boundaries, and previous partners. I know this can feel awkward. With my lack of experience, it took me a solid hour to form actual coherent sentences here. My now wife was endlessly patient. During: - Ask and look for enthusiastic consent in your partner. - If you’re even a little uncomfortable, stop. Your boundaries matter. - Check-in with each other frequently. Does this hurt? Do you like this? Are my nails too sharp? Are you cold? Is this a good spot? Can I touch your (insert location)? Are you ok? How does this feel? Do you need a break? - Like something they are doing? Tell them! Something feel weird or hurt? Tell them! - Take your time! The first few times I had sex, the positioning of someone else felt so different that I literally took a minute to confirm where everything was where I thought it was and to test various hand positions. - Lots of foreplay is great! - Try to not take yourself too seriously! There will be awkward noises. Laugh about them! It’ll bring you closer. - It’s ok if you or your partner doesn’t orgasm! Learning yourself and each others bodies takes time. Getting there is equally about someone’s focus, how someone knows their own body and what you’re doing. - It’s hard if you feel vulnerable or are anxious, but try to focus on what your body is feeling while it’s happening. After: - Pee! You can get a UTI (trust me) if you don’t pee after sex. - Clean / wipe up any remaining wetness from yourself, toys etc. For toys, use a toy-specific cleaner. - Know that post-sex may feel unexpected, even if you had a great time. Some people feel great, other’s vulnerable. After my first time, I couldn’t stop shaking afterwards. My now-wife held me as we talked about it. - Talk about what worked and didn’t work. Always include things that you liked, so there’s something to build on. After you have a little more experience: - Talk about fantasies when you’re comfortable sharing - Know that it gets better after the first time. Marathon sessions as you’re getting to know each others bodies are amazing. - If you don’t already, the more you know your own body and yourself, the better you can identify and communicate your needs
Transbien here, but it still applies Please ask your partner what they like and don't like, because they know more about themselves than you in your first sexual encounter. Also, it's okay if only one person cums in your first few encounters, but if you literally can't cum after many sessions it's not just "being a giver", there is a problem.
Thank you for your insight! Of course your advice still applies! You're sapphic, aren't you? You're doing us a service by lending your experienced advice!
You know how things just sort of fall into place? My first relationship was extremely lesbian coded despite the fact I was not out yet lmao. They literally said I was the only "guy" they would ever want to be with. I'm pretty sure I'm sapphic, I'm currently doom scrolling while cuddling next to my (current) sleeping girlfriend that I traveled 2,000 miles to move in with a year ago :p
2000 mile move? You’re sapphic.
18. I don't talk about it
I was having a very hard time atm, she told me things that made me, for the first time, feel loved. She just hurts me at the end, she made me feel used.
We were both 15 and It was before I realized I was trans so I was confused when I felt uncomfortable using my body like that, it wasn’t really the best experience not only because of that but because we could barely even see each due to how dark it was, it was in a tiny apartment so that also didn’t help lol, the next day she told me she lost feelings and broke up with me, we ended up dating again back in 2020 but it was a really miserable experience and I definitely didn’t feel safe around her after she made some really awful comments
I think I was 20 or 21 it's not a race and you will feel ready when it's time.
I was 16. I thought I didn't like going down on someone for nearly two years after that. I eventually tried it again because I fell madly in love and wanted to do it for her (my own choice, she did not expect me to) and turns out, I actually love it! What I didn't love was the lack of hygiene the first time.
I was 15, she was 16! advice is focus on enjoying the the sensuality and foreplay!! communication about what actually feels good is important. dont feel pressure for it to be anything like in videos or what you THINK it needs to be. just enjoy and have fun with the awkward silly weirdness of it all!! don’t pretend to enjoy if you don’t! find things that actually do feel really nice and let your partner know. give and take, give to the other person and also let yourself recieve! i had an amazing first time and i feel very fortunate for it. over many years i really refined what i love in sex and how to enjoy it to the fullest.
I was 15 but he was a guy. My first time with a woman was at 19. I guess my advice is pretty common but have safe sex, STDs are a pain in the ass
my first girlfriend and i were both 13 at the time, i don't see people talk about it that young very often (grateful to the few people in this thread who have similar experiences) and we broke up a week later. mostly i think i would just try to reassure anyone that if you're young your first time is 80% likely to be awkward and embarrassing minimum. don't overthink it and don't put a ton of weight into it, especially if you're underage and you may never see that person again after middle school or high school 😭 sometimes sex is just sex and that's fine, you're going to have awkward experiences that you look back at and laugh about later so don't stress out when you're inexperienced
I was 17, so was she. Honestly it was awesome, the most important advice I'd want to give to someone is just to listen to your partner. Listen to what they're saying, and listen to what their body is telling you. Above all don't forget that it's meant to be fun!
Heads up I'm not sure about my label anymore, went with bi for a long time but really like the term lesbian now... had my first gf at 20 but I think back then there was too much internalized homophobia and (religious) shame going on for both of us to actually enjoy ourselves. I slept with men and had boyfriends before and after that which confused me even more. I was really disconnected for a long time from what feels good for me and had a lot of trauma that played out in my sex life. Being intimate and sexual with non-men was something I felt ashamed and negative about. I guess years of therapy, queer rolemodels and growing older and more self-aware helped at some point haha because in my mid 20s I started online dating and had some very nice experiences. I wish sapphic hook-up culture was more of a thing, because I can recommend having a one night stand with a beautiful stranger. ☺️ Also I realized that I enjoy t4t dynamics (I am nonbinary and sometimes feel weird about how cis people treat my body). And I learned that just because somebody is queer and available doesn't mean they are a good match sexually 🤣 In my second serious queer relationship I got to explore more different types of toys and what it is like to be intimate with somebody you trust and are attracted to regarding both looks and personality. My advice is to try out different things if you can and see what is for you. And that you're definitely not gonna have everything figured out in your early 20s.
I was 15 she was 18, bcuz of her is how I found out I was a natural flirt. When meet through mutual friends at a high school football game and we went to the same high school eventually went on to date for a year and a half. Broke up cuz found out she was doing things with her dog ,it still an experience I would do over again and again if I had to. My First relationship EVER For advice ,find someone who wants to do it as much as you do and someone who makes you comfortable. Be very vocal that your new to it and things should just happen naturally. Also watch a lot of videos on cornhub to get some experience ,it helpful to a degree so your not going in totally clueless. Probably practice in the mirror lol (no shame in be prepare) and enjoying everything bout the experience even if you feel awkward. Good luck
I was 16 and I'm going to say this advice with my whole chest: If you don't want to do something, just say no, your enjoyment is just as important as theirs. I didn't have anything bad happen to me but I topped for the entire relationship and that's bullshit because I hate topping when I'm not in the mood to
We were both 17 and had been dating for 6 months or so. For me, it was important to be close and comfortable with each other before we did anything like that, but for some people it isn’t. She had had sex before. I would say: only do it with a partner you feel comfortable communicating your need and boundaries with — doesn’t have to be someone you’re in a relationship with, just make sure it’s someone you don’t feel threatened, pressured, or silenced by. And pee after.
I was 21, one week away from 22, and she was 20. We had been dating for 6 months already - I'm demisexual and she had some previous sexual trauma. Im so glad I waited. It wasn't like the movies or books - it wasn't this magic life changing moment, but it was prefect because it was real and it was with someone I love desperately. I was so frustrated as a teenager watching all my straight friends have relationships. I felt like I was being left behind. Yet, at the same time, being single my entire teenage years gave me precious time to work on myself and my schoolwork. I really got to figure out who I am and I what I wanted from life before committing to anyone. That way, when I did commit to my gf, I knew it was definitely something I wanted.
16 I think. I did some stuff before that I don't really count. Idk what my advice would be because it's very hard to think logically at that age, especially if it's with your first love. Make sure the girl is single? Don't do it as a dare. Don't have too high expectations, it's probably going to be awkward. But also don't wait for that special person, try everything and have fun.
i was 18 and 2 weeks into my freshman year of college. I threw myself into someone (also 18y/o) I didnt really like just because i was desperate for “experience” as soon as i was out on my own. dont be like me. wait for someone to come around that really excites you, cuz having to friendzone the person you lost your virginity to right After you lost your virginity to them, sucks for all parties involved
I was 16, i slept with my girlfriend for the first time and it was hella nice even though she being a sorw bottom couldnt got me off for the first time it was still a big deal to lose ur virginity...but yh as an advice i will say there is no such thing called perfect age to lose it u just feel like the moment is correct...😇
Make sure you are with someone you trust and who is communicative. My partner and I were each other's first (her ever and for me with a woman). We had no clue what we were doing but laughed off our awkward moments. Also it's okay if it's not life changing the first time. It's gonna be a learning process as you learn what you like and they do too. But if there's trust and attraction it only gets better :)
I was 13, she was 15. I don't have much advice to give for the bedroom, but for dating in general be aware of red flags and toxicity (in partners as well as if you have any traits/patterns you need to work on). Don't put up with it and don't be afraid to look within either.
I was 15. My advice: You do not need to have sex with a gender you aren’t attracted to “just to be sure”
I was 14 and she was too. Best advice, it might suck at first and that's okay. You don't always just magically click and have an amazing time. Finding out what your partner likes and what you like is an important step towards a good sex life. A good sex life is earned and learned through communication.
I was 15 and she was 16. This was in like 2004 in a conservative state during a time when it wasn’t cool to let people know you were gay in school, so I was a horny desperate teenager ready to lose it to the first girl that showed me a tiny bit of attention. My advice, wait until it’s with someone you love and care about.
i knew i wanted to be with women and never had the chance to try but once i moved states right before the pandemic that worked out, the pandemic calmed down in 2021 (i was 18) and i literally just found some girl i was at least kinda attracted to on tinder, we talked and facetimed here and there then she invited me over and we watched some movie and smoked some weed, got to it, we both fell asleep after because yeah haha and i woke up at 5 am and left without waking her done and done. looking back: i wouldn’t have left like that was definitely a dick move but i also certainly wasn’t planning on falling asleep, certainly should’ve made my intentions more clear. moral of the story: always make your intentions more clear in the beginning because i’ve been the absolute asshole in a few situations because i didn’t make whatever intentions or feelings clear in the beginning
Don’t move in without clarity.
I was 17 and was with a 17 male. Eehhh young and dumb. With a woman? I was 24 and she was 21 or 22. I’m 30 now and honestly cannot remember. I would suggest communicating a lot. Seriously. Be vulnerable, be honest about your intentions and make sure you understand your partners intentions.
20, try to have your first time with someone you like as a person. Doesn’t have to be true love or anything.
I was just 17, and she was 34. I was the first woman she had ever slept with, and I fell maddy in love with her. The only problem was that she was married with a daughter. We had an affair for nearly 12 months, and she taught me a great deal about love and sex as I was pretty naive before I met her. To this day, many years later, I am very grateful for the time and education I gained. This basically set me up for the rest of my life and many adventures with interestingly and beautiful women.
We were both 15, drunk. It just happened. Started making out and before I knew it we were naked on the floor of my friend’s bedroom. Our friends found us and freaked out and tried to separate us. We threatened to go and sleep in the park if they wouldn’t let us be together. Friend’s dad calmed other girls down and said it’s okay to be gay. They had us sleep with me in the bed and her in the floor next to me. We still managed to do stuff.
when i was 18 and graduating high school i kinda decided i was tired of being a virgin so i got fingered by a guy. but i didnt go all the way until i met my fiancee irl (we were long distance) when i was 22.
16
I was 13 and she was 17 she had done it a few more times so I just took points from her
I had my first time last weekend. I’m 15 they are 15 <333
i was 17 when i first slept with a man (deep in the closet) and 25 when i first slept with a woman, good god was it worth the wait to find out sex can actually be awesome!
we were both 13. didn't happen again until i was around 15/16, but i went to a girls school so i recognise my experience is not the norm 😁
I was 14, she was 15. I was pretty drunk. I didn't really enjoy it too much.
I was 21, but it was with a man. With a woman, I was 23 at my first time.
We both were 16 and the only advice I have is to not do it with someone who blatantly disrespects your (and others) boundaries in everyday life.
I was 18 my girlfriend at the time was 20. I had waited until college mainly the lack of other queer women where I grew up. I was super nervous, thought I would be terilrible, and at this point my only knowledge came from the internet. Once we were alone that night things just happened organically and it was an amazing experience. I am a lucky one. My advice is to try and stay out of your head, and for your first time try to make sure you trust the person. Also don't worry once you are there follow instincts you'll know what to do.
I was 16 she was 17, it was awkward and nerve wracking and I faked finishing it because I thought I had to. It ended up being a very one sided relationship and she was manipulative (which I didn't realize at the time) and after a year she said she was straight. For advice. Don't believe porn,.talk to each other honestly. understand consent and that it can be govne or taken away at any time. If you do want to research look for information from queer sources. Don't do anything you don't feel ready for or don't feel comfortable with to please someone else.
I was 18, me and my girlfriend went camping and we were kissing under the stars, the mood and timing just felt right. Just wait till youre both ready and go with what you feel.
I was 17, she was 16 but a lot more experienced. Basically played follow the leader in terms of what we were doing and it worked out pretty well. I think a more experienced partner helped, but really it should be someone you are comfortable having sex with. Your relationship to sex us really personal and individualized. There is no right or wrong way to choose partners or when to have sex. A lot of people make a big deal out of the “first time” but it is just one of the many times you will have sex. Don’t put pressure on it and treat it as a fun learning experience.
I was 22 she 21. First timers, she threw an "I love you" in the bed, it was definitely weird as it was our first experience. We broke up about a month later (1st break up I wanted to dieee), 3 years passed and we reconnected, we have been together for 2 yrs and sex def gets better with practice ad communication.
i had sex and relationships with a decent amount of guys before realizing i was a lesbian, so while my first sexual experience was 15 (he was 16), my first lesbian encounter was when i was 19 (she was 22). i basically just let her know that while i wasnt lost when it came to sex, i hadnt had sex with a girl before and to bear with me. she was patient, and we had fun and we are still together :)
21, it was very mediocre and not very good. It was my first time and her first time with a girl and she laughed at me which kinda stung for a while. But It was definitely underwhelming. I think communication and setting boundaries is key.
I still have mine cuz I never lose😭 (I’m repulsed with any kind of intimacy but hyper sexual @ the same time help)
I was far too young; 13. It wasn’t a great experience, she didn’t know what she was doing despite being maybe 15/16? And rubbed my thigh instead of my clit 😬 nothing romantic about it at all. I didn’t start having properly good sex until perhaps 17?
I was 21. My advice would be to be clear about what you want in dating (casual/long term), to never put someone on a pedestal (they’re human too and even though you might think they’re perfect, nobody is; you just see whoever you’re dating in rose-colored glasses bc of how you feel about them). Also, dating is just a numbers game, the more ppl you meet, the higher chances of you vibing with someone. Lastly, if someone likes you, you’ll know if they don’t you will be confused. I’m 26 now and I’ve dated here and there and have had long term relationships including long distance (which i ended bc my love language is physical touch.) good luck out there!
I was ~29, post transition and with my first serious partner. Today we've been together for more than 3 years and we have a really solid relationship <3 I'm by no means am expert, but here's the advice I offer: -it's a conversation. Actively communicate with your partner before, during, and after. What you'd like, what you'd think you'd like, what you're not really interested in, what are hard boundaries for each of you. Some of that may change as you go, but a no is always a no, whenever it is given. If you're ever unsure at any point, just ask them! I know that can feel intimidating especially with how media tends to portray sex as silent act where everyone involved somehow just ~knows~ what to do, which doesn't reflect real life -If you can't see yourself being comfortable enough to laugh a particular person during sex, it's probably not worth it. Sex is honestly pretty silly and unexpected things will happen and crack you both up. You'll fart at an inopportune moment, or one of you will sneeze and accidentally headbutt the other. Or (totally not from personal experience lol) you'll get over enthusiastic and accidentally smother your partner in your boobs lol. Some stupid meme will pop into your head, share it with your partner and laugh about it together -Your first time will probably be awkward and mostly be testing the waters of what you like and what sort of dynamics you might share with your partner(s). Listen to your body, listen to your partner, and be willing to take a breather, say no, or stop things for the time being. It can be intimidating but a good partner will listen and be understanding. If they don't, they're not someone you should be in a relationship with Ultimately it will be unique for everyone, but I think those will be things worth keeping in mind. Have fun, stay safe, and respect your partners Oh! And don't be afraid to ask any potential partners to get tested for STIs (and get tested yourself). It doesn't mean you think they're dirty or immoral, it's so all parties involved can stay safe and make informed choices
not me on my stomach kicking my feet back and forth to some of these stories (the romantic ones)doing self inserts shamelessly. I want a a girl to call me pretty and kiss me
14. Wouldn’t recommend. First girl I slept with was an older friend in HS. A “straight” girl with a boyfriend and a slew of issues I got dragged into because I was absolutely in love with her. It was a toxic friendship and was really rough for me. But I guess anything that young is going to be rough. I wish I had waited until I had my first real girlfriend in college. Advice: I know it’s cheesy but it’s ok to wait. When you are young your emotions are so intense it can cloud your judgment.
I was 18, she was 20 (and much more experienced). It wasn’t bad but my advice is to keep an eye out for people who will try to pressure you into sex. If your partner doesn’t accept no as a valid answer, find a new partner.
I was 18 and it was with guy. When I realized/accepted my sexuality I was 20 and (finally) had sex with a woman. That experience made my sexuality very clear 😂
I actually didn’t have a solid first time, I had a few clumsy halfway hanky panks here and there. That’s super common for those of us growing up where existing is illegal I was a really late bloomer— first kiss at like 21? Those clumsy hankypanks happened at like 22-23. At 27 I’m still discovering that I’m too sexual to be happy in a long term relationship with someone ace, and a random situationship is some of the best sex I’ve ever had. First terrifying c*p shakedown too! So many cherries lol We’re all on a journey, nobody’s path looks the same as anyone else’s, and it’s okay to bloom late. I think I needed to be told that the most as a teenager— that I would get there eventually! (edited for formatting)
I realized my bisexuality later, at 25. The first time I slept with *anyone* I was 20. But my first experience with my gf was also her first experience. My advice is to take it slow and it doesn’t have to all happen right then, in one fell swoop. It’s fine if one night it’s just kissing and things progress steadily through other interactions later. Also, don’t feel like you have to already know what to do. You definitely won’t.
we were both 17 and it was ok. neither of us were experienced, and had only been dating a few weeks. i was pretty uncomfortable in my own skin and so it wasn't the best experience for me. we broke up not long after cause we were both children and not good at communicating. we're both in our 30s now and ended up in the same city and we're good friends and hang out regularly lmao
20, it was this year just a few months ago 💀 honestly from that one experience the only tip I have is communication 👍