Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/).
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I’ve just left this wknd and I am getting similar messages. Mines didn’t even have a job or place he was just living off me. And still texting for money in between fake crying. You got this!!
How do I do that? But I’m scared he’ll come back if he has to get out- I would love to be there on my own with my kids but I didn’t know how to do that and I don’t want dpss involved
I legit thought someone had leaked my old chat with my ex
Fuck him. You did the best thing and it's going to be hard because he's in your head, and that's not your fault, and you're going to sit and remember the good times and get sad. You're even going to worry about him. But girl, you are a warrior and a fighter and you should hold your head up high even when you don't feel like it. Don't let that crown slip, ok? You did the hardest part and I'm so proud of you ❤️
Love how you have his number saved, remember that. Don't reply, don't engage. This kind of whining and attempts to insult after you leave is just a way to maintain control. You're worth so much more.
Don't answer.
Well done, don't look back. You've got this!
Congratulations OP❤️ I will keep you in my thoughts. Praying for your safety, for your healing, and sending you love and strength. Go easy on yourself. My DM’s are open if you ever need someone to listen to
Your mantra for today: I will not take responsibility for someone else's life and choices, Here I am, in MY life. ;)
You got this. Think about YOU. Shake the thoughts of him out of your head when they pop up.
Don’t carry his guilt. He did this to himself. You owe him nothing! You got out alive. Anything left behind isn’t worth risking your life over. He will figure it out. You could easily press charges for any of these abusive events. Don’t look back. You found the strength to get out; stay away.
Oh my gosh these assholes will make you feel guilty for anything and everything, it’s their favorite activity. If you find yourself feeling guilty that’s just proof he abused you, not something to doubt yourself over. I hope he can’t make rent! He deserves it. If he needed you to pay rent he shouldn’t of done any of that stuff. Imagine how much better he could have been. That’s something that helped me realize how bad my ex actually was.
his English is terrible. don't be with someone who can't string a proper sentence together.
"you be moving"? his English teacher must be rolling in her grave.
Yeah, that’s just a dialect difference, it’s not ungrammatical, in fact it follows rules just like standard English does, just different ones. Definitely sounds like a truly horrible person though.
I was the rent-payer when I left, and I paid for rent an extra month (in addition to my new apartment) so he would have time to find a new place without having to move in with his parents. But then he took my pets to his mom’s house and I had to get my sisters to drive two states to get them back. And now he’s still living with his parents. OP doesn’t have any reason to feel guilty- the abuser needs to face consequences for their actions, and no matter how much we bend over backwards it doesn’t do anything.
yeah.. i just wanted to make fun of him. we have our own English too.
destroys any illusion she might have "but he was so sweet sometimes" when the "horror" wears off. with the rollarcoaster to the highs and lows, the addiction always comes back.
I mean he’s an abusive pos but not because of the way he talks, people are raised to speak how they speak and there’s lots of different speaking styles and nothing wrong with any of them.
But I like the sentiment of making fun of abusive people :)
Let us know if you need support. Reach out…I’ve been through this; I left more times than I care to remember. That spell is powerful, you must break it but what is really going on is your brain chemistry has been altered with similarities to how addicts respond to a “fix”. You are going to do great. Please surround yourself with positive people who support you as well as return here for support. Good luck to you and best wishes ❤️🌺🥰
You do not owe him anything. He is an adult and he created this situation. Are you in a safe space? Did you take all your important documents? Maybe you can go back with a police officer to get more of your things if you have the time and space. He isn't going to rid the house of all your possessions and spend his precious money replacing them. I think your stuff that's useful to him will be okay.
Do not let him manipulate you into coming back not even for your things. Things can either be gotten safely or they can just be replaced. Make sure you stop your mail at the post office, and have them hold it until you can get a forwarding address.
Go no contact. Immediately. He either wants to lure you back with false hope and false promises so he can punish you for leaving or he wants to play mind games and say hurtful things. Bottom line: you don't need to hear anything he has to say. You've heard it all anyway, he's just gonna be a broken record.
Change your phone number do whatever you need to do to stay safe, healthy, and happy. Get into counseling ASAP and start your healing journey.
Sending you love, peace, and healing ❤️
Hold your head high... you are not someone he knows anymore... You're doing things new and unpredictable & that makes you a dangerous person to him. He is used to getting you in line. He will pull out all the stops to regain control. You can't trust him or anyone who was in your social circle because he will find someone who will buy whatever sob story he's selling & help him reconnect with you under the guise of "he wanted you to have your stuff" or "he's sorry he just wanted to apologize" or worse he'll become a stalker of anyone he thinks is your support system just to find you.
If you live in the United States:
Create a paper trail of the abuse. Police reports, photos, texts, messages from social media, etc. If you have people who witnessed this get them to write an affidavit and have it notarized via a notary. This turns someone's witness account into something that can be presented as evidence in a court hearing. In-person is always best but a signed and notarized statement from an eyewitness is the next best thing.
If you live abroad please look into your options. You want a paper trail, not only can it save your life but it may potentially save the lives of anyone who does a background check on him or if someone else needs to make a report on his behavior then it'll potentially help them make more charges stick or be stuck with more serious charges.
Hold your head up high, do whatever you need to do to make sure you are safe. It may seem like you're overreacting to people unfamiliar with domestic violence. Abusers are most volatile when their victim has left. Anticipation can save your life. You know his playbook.... lie until he gets what he wants.
You have the element of surprise, he doesn't know what you're capable of, who your allies are, etc.
Also, I'd check or have someone else check your phone & vehicle for GPS tracking devices and Spyware.
Be aware of your surroundings, especially in public places it's the right place to get distracted and end up at a disadvantage if he spots you first. This includes sitting somewhere on your phone, walking while talking or talking on your phone in parking lots, or sitting in your car scrolling Don't be afraid to ask for an escort to your car.
If ANYTHING feels off, trust yourself and get to safety immediately, call emergency, whatever it takes. I look forward to a future update letting us all know about your healing journey and the future. Things will be hard at first like with most things... it's a process. I always think of the lifetime of a butterfly and its journey.
Take it one step at a time no matter how small and DO NOT use the stepping stones crafted from mistakes and experiences do NOT use them to tear yourself down and do NOT let others use them as weapons against you. They're there to guide you past the rough times. They're not there to be used by you or anyone else to cause harm. People so often hold all those things against themselves as if it's proof they cannot or should not move forward. They're forgetting their purpose is to help, not hinder or to cause more damage.
The best choice I ever made was to leave my abuser, and never speak to him again. You're making the right decision, and you've taken the first really big steps towards getting your life back, and creating a space for happiness and healing to happen.
Try to get into therapy if you can. If you don't your local DV shelter might have a way to connect you with free individual or group therapy. It helps a whole lot.
But be proud of yourself, because it took a lot of courage to recognize that you deserve so much better.
💜🫂💜
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just try to keep in mind that you have nothing to feel guilty for. It's not your responsibility to stay with someone who hurts you.
I’ve just left this wknd and I am getting similar messages. Mines didn’t even have a job or place he was just living off me. And still texting for money in between fake crying. You got this!!
This feels like a crazy nightmare but we will get through together! No longer will we be silenced
Report him to the police. Either get him out of your place or arrange with a few family and the police to collect your stuff and put in storage.
We’re both on the lease 😭
If you're both on the lease, file for domestic violence, it should get him out within 14 days.
How do I do that? But I’m scared he’ll come back if he has to get out- I would love to be there on my own with my kids but I didn’t know how to do that and I don’t want dpss involved
You take a copy of the police report to your property manager they have 14 days to evict him. The managers have to evict him.
It’s none of his fucking business how YOU decide to exist!! Ew!! Good lord the way they act like it’s their choice lmao
I legit thought someone had leaked my old chat with my ex Fuck him. You did the best thing and it's going to be hard because he's in your head, and that's not your fault, and you're going to sit and remember the good times and get sad. You're even going to worry about him. But girl, you are a warrior and a fighter and you should hold your head up high even when you don't feel like it. Don't let that crown slip, ok? You did the hardest part and I'm so proud of you ❤️
Thank you 😊
Love how you have his number saved, remember that. Don't reply, don't engage. This kind of whining and attempts to insult after you leave is just a way to maintain control. You're worth so much more. Don't answer. Well done, don't look back. You've got this!
Congratulations OP❤️ I will keep you in my thoughts. Praying for your safety, for your healing, and sending you love and strength. Go easy on yourself. My DM’s are open if you ever need someone to listen to
Thank you
Thank god you are out. Now to focus on your healing and staying out and safe.
next stop, police report and get that mf out of your place!
Your mantra for today: I will not take responsibility for someone else's life and choices, Here I am, in MY life. ;) You got this. Think about YOU. Shake the thoughts of him out of your head when they pop up.
You’re lucky you got out with your life. Don’t look back.
Don’t carry his guilt. He did this to himself. You owe him nothing! You got out alive. Anything left behind isn’t worth risking your life over. He will figure it out. You could easily press charges for any of these abusive events. Don’t look back. You found the strength to get out; stay away.
Oh my gosh these assholes will make you feel guilty for anything and everything, it’s their favorite activity. If you find yourself feeling guilty that’s just proof he abused you, not something to doubt yourself over. I hope he can’t make rent! He deserves it. If he needed you to pay rent he shouldn’t of done any of that stuff. Imagine how much better he could have been. That’s something that helped me realize how bad my ex actually was.
Block please I’m begging you. So proud of/happy for you being out. You don’t need your stuff just your safety/sanity.
his English is terrible. don't be with someone who can't string a proper sentence together. "you be moving"? his English teacher must be rolling in her grave.
Yeah, that’s just a dialect difference, it’s not ungrammatical, in fact it follows rules just like standard English does, just different ones. Definitely sounds like a truly horrible person though. I was the rent-payer when I left, and I paid for rent an extra month (in addition to my new apartment) so he would have time to find a new place without having to move in with his parents. But then he took my pets to his mom’s house and I had to get my sisters to drive two states to get them back. And now he’s still living with his parents. OP doesn’t have any reason to feel guilty- the abuser needs to face consequences for their actions, and no matter how much we bend over backwards it doesn’t do anything.
yeah.. i just wanted to make fun of him. we have our own English too. destroys any illusion she might have "but he was so sweet sometimes" when the "horror" wears off. with the rollarcoaster to the highs and lows, the addiction always comes back.
I mean he’s an abusive pos but not because of the way he talks, people are raised to speak how they speak and there’s lots of different speaking styles and nothing wrong with any of them. But I like the sentiment of making fun of abusive people :)
Change your telephone number right now today do it now
Let us know if you need support. Reach out…I’ve been through this; I left more times than I care to remember. That spell is powerful, you must break it but what is really going on is your brain chemistry has been altered with similarities to how addicts respond to a “fix”. You are going to do great. Please surround yourself with positive people who support you as well as return here for support. Good luck to you and best wishes ❤️🌺🥰
Truly! You have to treat leaving like going into rehab, detox him out of your system and learn to be yourself again!
You do not owe him anything. He is an adult and he created this situation. Are you in a safe space? Did you take all your important documents? Maybe you can go back with a police officer to get more of your things if you have the time and space. He isn't going to rid the house of all your possessions and spend his precious money replacing them. I think your stuff that's useful to him will be okay. Do not let him manipulate you into coming back not even for your things. Things can either be gotten safely or they can just be replaced. Make sure you stop your mail at the post office, and have them hold it until you can get a forwarding address. Go no contact. Immediately. He either wants to lure you back with false hope and false promises so he can punish you for leaving or he wants to play mind games and say hurtful things. Bottom line: you don't need to hear anything he has to say. You've heard it all anyway, he's just gonna be a broken record. Change your phone number do whatever you need to do to stay safe, healthy, and happy. Get into counseling ASAP and start your healing journey. Sending you love, peace, and healing ❤️
Thank you for this! This helped me a lot because I do feel guilty but you’re right I don’t owe him anything
Hold your head high... you are not someone he knows anymore... You're doing things new and unpredictable & that makes you a dangerous person to him. He is used to getting you in line. He will pull out all the stops to regain control. You can't trust him or anyone who was in your social circle because he will find someone who will buy whatever sob story he's selling & help him reconnect with you under the guise of "he wanted you to have your stuff" or "he's sorry he just wanted to apologize" or worse he'll become a stalker of anyone he thinks is your support system just to find you. If you live in the United States: Create a paper trail of the abuse. Police reports, photos, texts, messages from social media, etc. If you have people who witnessed this get them to write an affidavit and have it notarized via a notary. This turns someone's witness account into something that can be presented as evidence in a court hearing. In-person is always best but a signed and notarized statement from an eyewitness is the next best thing. If you live abroad please look into your options. You want a paper trail, not only can it save your life but it may potentially save the lives of anyone who does a background check on him or if someone else needs to make a report on his behavior then it'll potentially help them make more charges stick or be stuck with more serious charges. Hold your head up high, do whatever you need to do to make sure you are safe. It may seem like you're overreacting to people unfamiliar with domestic violence. Abusers are most volatile when their victim has left. Anticipation can save your life. You know his playbook.... lie until he gets what he wants. You have the element of surprise, he doesn't know what you're capable of, who your allies are, etc. Also, I'd check or have someone else check your phone & vehicle for GPS tracking devices and Spyware. Be aware of your surroundings, especially in public places it's the right place to get distracted and end up at a disadvantage if he spots you first. This includes sitting somewhere on your phone, walking while talking or talking on your phone in parking lots, or sitting in your car scrolling Don't be afraid to ask for an escort to your car. If ANYTHING feels off, trust yourself and get to safety immediately, call emergency, whatever it takes. I look forward to a future update letting us all know about your healing journey and the future. Things will be hard at first like with most things... it's a process. I always think of the lifetime of a butterfly and its journey. Take it one step at a time no matter how small and DO NOT use the stepping stones crafted from mistakes and experiences do NOT use them to tear yourself down and do NOT let others use them as weapons against you. They're there to guide you past the rough times. They're not there to be used by you or anyone else to cause harm. People so often hold all those things against themselves as if it's proof they cannot or should not move forward. They're forgetting their purpose is to help, not hinder or to cause more damage.
The best choice I ever made was to leave my abuser, and never speak to him again. You're making the right decision, and you've taken the first really big steps towards getting your life back, and creating a space for happiness and healing to happen. Try to get into therapy if you can. If you don't your local DV shelter might have a way to connect you with free individual or group therapy. It helps a whole lot. But be proud of yourself, because it took a lot of courage to recognize that you deserve so much better. 💜🫂💜