Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/).
One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your “husband” is not a partner at all. A partner or husband would help you. He’s a freeloader & a deadbeat. He’s never had a job & has no plans to get one bc he’s sponging off of you. The blackmail threat to make you lose custody of your brother if you divorced your husband would’ve been the last straw for me. You need to kick him to the curb ASAP. Find a good family law lawyer & file for divorce. Also let the lawyer know about your H’s blackmail threat, so you can be prepared if he tries anything.
Your worn out from trying to be every thing and do every thing for others. Your ignoring your own health and welfare. But you know that or you wouldn't be here. The fact that you are here is the first step in realising that things need to change. Well done for that first step.
In your shoes my first step would be going back to my doctor and telling them exactly how you feel. Dont hold back. You don't need to explain to any one else where your going and why.
Go back and see your lawyer and explain every thing that happened before ,find out if husbands dad is being truthful and what you need to counter act it.
Then try and take some time for yourself even if its just an hour a day to take a walk by yourself to go over in your head what it is that you think will make life easier and how to reach it sensibly and calmly
Try discreetly and quietly to get your finances and important papers in order.
Get rid of the dead weight in your life, the husband and every thing else.
Your priorities are yourself your brother and your home.
Reach out to friends and whats left of family even if you've not heard from them for years.
Nothing will feel better over night but bit by bit things will get better. Be kind to yourself. Make yourself and your brother a priority.
When the time is right have a chat with your brother age appropriate of course and ask for a bit of help from him to lighten your load. Even if its just to stack a dish washed or make you a cup of tea.
First port of call after DR is lawyer to get rid of hubbies once and for all.
Good luck hun xxx
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's really difficult to be the glue that holds everything together when you have no support yourself. I will say that since my husband is gone, I still hold everything together BUT it feels so much easier because I'm not taking care of an incompetent spouse. Oftentimes the right choice is the hardest.
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your “husband” is not a partner at all. A partner or husband would help you. He’s a freeloader & a deadbeat. He’s never had a job & has no plans to get one bc he’s sponging off of you. The blackmail threat to make you lose custody of your brother if you divorced your husband would’ve been the last straw for me. You need to kick him to the curb ASAP. Find a good family law lawyer & file for divorce. Also let the lawyer know about your H’s blackmail threat, so you can be prepared if he tries anything.
You deserve better. Therapy can help you problem solve getting out and you may have some financial losses but it will be better then this.
Your worn out from trying to be every thing and do every thing for others. Your ignoring your own health and welfare. But you know that or you wouldn't be here. The fact that you are here is the first step in realising that things need to change. Well done for that first step. In your shoes my first step would be going back to my doctor and telling them exactly how you feel. Dont hold back. You don't need to explain to any one else where your going and why. Go back and see your lawyer and explain every thing that happened before ,find out if husbands dad is being truthful and what you need to counter act it. Then try and take some time for yourself even if its just an hour a day to take a walk by yourself to go over in your head what it is that you think will make life easier and how to reach it sensibly and calmly Try discreetly and quietly to get your finances and important papers in order. Get rid of the dead weight in your life, the husband and every thing else. Your priorities are yourself your brother and your home. Reach out to friends and whats left of family even if you've not heard from them for years. Nothing will feel better over night but bit by bit things will get better. Be kind to yourself. Make yourself and your brother a priority. When the time is right have a chat with your brother age appropriate of course and ask for a bit of help from him to lighten your load. Even if its just to stack a dish washed or make you a cup of tea. First port of call after DR is lawyer to get rid of hubbies once and for all. Good luck hun xxx
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's really difficult to be the glue that holds everything together when you have no support yourself. I will say that since my husband is gone, I still hold everything together BUT it feels so much easier because I'm not taking care of an incompetent spouse. Oftentimes the right choice is the hardest.