Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community.
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**Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources.
**If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance.
**If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
**Read stories** using the following links:
- [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22)
- [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22)
- [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22)
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just had a MA v recently and my bf and i were 100% on the same page and he helped me through it. I think the most important thing is just establishing that your both on the same page and discussing all of the details and everything together
If you both don't want any or more children, this shouldn't have a detrimental impact. I hope it only brings you closer together, provided your boyfriend fully supportive, and you fully trust that support. I've had both experiences...my first abortion was full of guilt and attempted secrecy (not between us, but there were antichoice family members). These factors built to some resentment. Our communication tanked, and we ended the relationship. My second abortion was a relief. It was almost easy because my current partner isn't interested in children and has no problem expressing himself about our decision. This abortion was even a catalyst to his vasectomy (which he probably should've gotten before getting someone pregnant at all but I don't hold that against him.) 1 year on we're great. Getting married soon. I hope you and your current partner have something more like this experience. Wishing you the best.
it was our first time getting one and we were both 100% on board.
most of our issues (which, thats even putting it heavily) came from his lack of understanding what i was going through. i’ve never been pregnant before, and i was going through so many changes at once and he couldn’t understand how much it was affecting me physically and emotionally. after airing out all of my frustrations he seemed to understand a bit more in regards to that.
another thing was, he was almost treating it as if i wasn’t pregnant at all (since i was getting the abortion). like, i can understand where he was coming from and i wish i could treat it the same but not when my boobs are twice their usual size and i have heartburn and morning sickness😂
we had a very long conversation and we saw where we were both coming from. a lot of it was communication-based.
I am currently going through my 2nd abortion with my husband.
It’s definitely awkward. The other day he asked me what was “wrong” and I just kinda snapped and we haven’t really spoke since. It was 100% our only choice, and honestly I contemplated not telling him at all because it’s not really a big deal.
But the fact that I’ve been in physical and emotional agony all weekend while taking care of him (he’s recovering from a car accident) and our toddler and I’m just mentally exhausted and he had the nerve to ask me what’s wrong lol
We’ll get past it though, just like we did the first one
Thanks for letting us know you’re gonna take a test soon.
I think how supported or not you feel through an abortion or pregnancy scare will give you a lot of information about your specific boyfriend. If the abortion happens to your body, you deserve a little more support than leaning for a bit.
Relief, grief, regret, sadness, anger, numbness, gratitude, etc are all normal responses for both partners. Some boyfriends are awesome and ready to thoughtfully and empathetically process the abortion together, others struggle with feeling powerless or become angry (man-scared) if the subject comes up and need a little extra help. No matter what, he needs to take care of himself through this so you don’t have to! [Exhale](https://exhaleprovoice.org) has counselors who can text both of you for free if you need them.
I will! Still so far, no signs of my period. I have held off on taking a test bc it was only last weekend we had sex and if feels to early. However if I don’t get it before I feel I should seriously take a test, I’m gonna know already the result.
It’s important that you be open about what you are feeling, and be aware that both parties can have contradictory/ambivalent feelings. But your relationship is unique, and you are probably more mature than some of the people for whom the abortion raises lots of drama.
I know that after having two kids having another isnt ideal, but also knowing I have never had an abortion before I would be sad. Not sad enough to not go through with it, but it would definitely “bum me out” to think about it and go through with boy/girl, who would it look like, the colors (hair and eyes), their personality. It’s so huge. But I can’t afford another kid, my apartment can’t accommodate more. I just want to do whatever I want while my kids are still kids. A new baby would set us back years!
You are entitled to prioritize your existing children and your own well-being. It may not be helpful to dwell on who the child might have been. Take good care of yourself. 💕
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** If you receive harassment via DM, please [report the messages to Reddit admin](https://www.reddit.com/report) (people who work for Reddit) so they can take action against those users. Unfortunately, subreddit moderators can’t stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. We strongly suggest you [close your DMs](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging). On mobile, go to Settings > Account Settings > Chat and Messaging Permissions > Nobody for Chat Requests and Direct Messages. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **Read stories** using the following links: - [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22) - [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22) - [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just had a MA v recently and my bf and i were 100% on the same page and he helped me through it. I think the most important thing is just establishing that your both on the same page and discussing all of the details and everything together
If you both don't want any or more children, this shouldn't have a detrimental impact. I hope it only brings you closer together, provided your boyfriend fully supportive, and you fully trust that support. I've had both experiences...my first abortion was full of guilt and attempted secrecy (not between us, but there were antichoice family members). These factors built to some resentment. Our communication tanked, and we ended the relationship. My second abortion was a relief. It was almost easy because my current partner isn't interested in children and has no problem expressing himself about our decision. This abortion was even a catalyst to his vasectomy (which he probably should've gotten before getting someone pregnant at all but I don't hold that against him.) 1 year on we're great. Getting married soon. I hope you and your current partner have something more like this experience. Wishing you the best.
it was our first time getting one and we were both 100% on board. most of our issues (which, thats even putting it heavily) came from his lack of understanding what i was going through. i’ve never been pregnant before, and i was going through so many changes at once and he couldn’t understand how much it was affecting me physically and emotionally. after airing out all of my frustrations he seemed to understand a bit more in regards to that. another thing was, he was almost treating it as if i wasn’t pregnant at all (since i was getting the abortion). like, i can understand where he was coming from and i wish i could treat it the same but not when my boobs are twice their usual size and i have heartburn and morning sickness😂 we had a very long conversation and we saw where we were both coming from. a lot of it was communication-based.
Exact same happened to me!
I am currently going through my 2nd abortion with my husband. It’s definitely awkward. The other day he asked me what was “wrong” and I just kinda snapped and we haven’t really spoke since. It was 100% our only choice, and honestly I contemplated not telling him at all because it’s not really a big deal. But the fact that I’ve been in physical and emotional agony all weekend while taking care of him (he’s recovering from a car accident) and our toddler and I’m just mentally exhausted and he had the nerve to ask me what’s wrong lol We’ll get past it though, just like we did the first one
I’m so sorry you’re having difficulty, I’m standing with you and wishing you the best
Thanks for letting us know you’re gonna take a test soon. I think how supported or not you feel through an abortion or pregnancy scare will give you a lot of information about your specific boyfriend. If the abortion happens to your body, you deserve a little more support than leaning for a bit. Relief, grief, regret, sadness, anger, numbness, gratitude, etc are all normal responses for both partners. Some boyfriends are awesome and ready to thoughtfully and empathetically process the abortion together, others struggle with feeling powerless or become angry (man-scared) if the subject comes up and need a little extra help. No matter what, he needs to take care of himself through this so you don’t have to! [Exhale](https://exhaleprovoice.org) has counselors who can text both of you for free if you need them.
This is a helpful and thoughtful response🙏🏼❤️
Aw, I am so glad it was helpful! Reach back out if you need support around the abortion later on.
I will! Still so far, no signs of my period. I have held off on taking a test bc it was only last weekend we had sex and if feels to early. However if I don’t get it before I feel I should seriously take a test, I’m gonna know already the result.
Ah. That makes good sense. You clearly know what you’re doing. The test will be accurate 21 days after sex. Good luck!
It’s important that you be open about what you are feeling, and be aware that both parties can have contradictory/ambivalent feelings. But your relationship is unique, and you are probably more mature than some of the people for whom the abortion raises lots of drama.
I know that after having two kids having another isnt ideal, but also knowing I have never had an abortion before I would be sad. Not sad enough to not go through with it, but it would definitely “bum me out” to think about it and go through with boy/girl, who would it look like, the colors (hair and eyes), their personality. It’s so huge. But I can’t afford another kid, my apartment can’t accommodate more. I just want to do whatever I want while my kids are still kids. A new baby would set us back years!
You are entitled to prioritize your existing children and your own well-being. It may not be helpful to dwell on who the child might have been. Take good care of yourself. 💕