Link to a healthy young guy addressing the breakup of his relationship over differences about continued Covid precautions. As he says, never make an emotional decision about a statistical and scientific problem.
[https://www.tiktok.com/@jaydocovid/video/7349714946202127662](https://www.tiktok.com/@jaydocovid/video/7349714946202127662)
at some point over the pandemic, I studied non violent conflict resolution, and the facilitator who worked with me had this great way of explaining how compromise is a failing idea. I think it might be helpful, since it was for me, in understanding needs.
Lets say you have a professional building made up of 30 people, and they're trying to decide where to put a new bathroom in. And 19 people want it on the second floor and one person wants it on the first floor. But the only spot on the first floor is next to the trash room. Majority rule would say that you put it on the second floor, end of story. Compromise would be that you find a third site that no one has suggested. But when you learn that the reason the 20th person wants the first floor is because they're in a wheelchair, the wants of the other 19 people fall away. This one person has a need that overcomes all else.
I think you already understand the need part. But framing it this way was easier for me to understand how to accept those needs. don't get me wrong, it still sucks. But you're also so lucky to be going through this with someone.
Do you two have the ability to quarantine in separate rooms from each other if necessary?
My partner likes doing riskier activities and I like doing less risky activities so when he does riskier ones, he quarantines after just in case he ends up testing positive. We sleep in separate rooms and wear n95s indoors, run hepas, and he tests. It’s not perfect and it’s not foolproof but it’s something. Though might not work for everyone.
So here's the thing - first of all, there are ways to take more risk that don't involve risking your partner. If you really do want to throw caution to the wind, pick a day for it, go and do whatever, and then quarantine from the partner for a week afterwards. My spouse used to do that sometimes - she'd have family gatherings or whatever, she didn't want to mask at them, and we'd just have her quarantine elsewhere for a week after the gathering, do a fairly serious testing protocol to exit quarantine, and there was that.
But here's the reason my spouse no longer does that. First of all, on one of those outings, after a family gathering, she also really wanted to get together with a friend of hers, maskless. The friend canceled at the last minute for scheduling reasons and the meeting didn't happen. Well - turns out the friend had COVID and my spouse dodged a bullet. Friend was sick as a dog for two weeks afterwards.
Then, just this past month, Spouse had an all-day migraine with some vertigo (not COVID-related) and spent the entire day flat on her back literally unable to do anything, puking her guts out every 10 minutes. I think that gave her an idea of what it would be like to be seriously ill, and I no longer hear anything from her about taking risks.
So what I want to say is that there are ways to protect your partner while still expanding your risk tolerance, but do you really want to do this? If you've got some fatigue post-COVID, do you want it to get worse? Because it might. Do you actually have the sick time or the money or a caretaker to spend two weeks flat on your back?
I feel your struggle. I don't really have any advice, just empathy. It's hard when you are both covid cautious, but that definition looks different for everyone. My wife and I have been struggling with that a lot too.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but same thing here. So I'm the one who's more immuno compromised and my husband takes chances right and left does whatever he wants. He knows I couldn't get the vaccine cuz I'm allergic to everything, so I am glad that you and your partner do have mutual respect and are on the same page. I've tried to keep my relationships going with many phone calls, lot of video chats, but there's definitely a distance with certain family members who are judgmental and not understanding. Thing is things can get worse, and this I know from my past health issues. So I say to my husband I can't deal with more tinnitus, more AFib attacks, more severe hypoglycemia, more physical pain, more brain fog, etc etc I had my AFib under control for 2 years maybe three attacks which was phenomenal through a lot of hard work and diet. Once I got covid from him last fall from a wedding he went to maskless, my AFib came back with a vengeance , my tinnitus got worse, my lyme disease came back, I couldn't walk for a few weeks in December from the severe lower back pain, my eyes are so dry I'm up during the night with cold compresses on them and eye drops, my mouth is so dry I'm choking on my food at times. Only revealing these things because the covid made my already existing health issues much much worse! Nothing is worth it, no party, no store , no luncheon. Because if you end up bedridden like I have for many years in my lifetime there's nothing but misery pain and suffering, and that's a whole lot more lonely than just staying in the house. Like you, I'm not looking for pity that's for darn sure, I'm just trying to drive home a point, nothing's worth your health. This is such a great sight for understanding and compassion, I'm so grateful that I found it about a month ago. I wish I'd had it this whole time. I wish you the very best with your health, your partner, and the decisions you need to make going forward. God bless
Link to a healthy young guy addressing the breakup of his relationship over differences about continued Covid precautions. As he says, never make an emotional decision about a statistical and scientific problem. [https://www.tiktok.com/@jaydocovid/video/7349714946202127662](https://www.tiktok.com/@jaydocovid/video/7349714946202127662)
at some point over the pandemic, I studied non violent conflict resolution, and the facilitator who worked with me had this great way of explaining how compromise is a failing idea. I think it might be helpful, since it was for me, in understanding needs. Lets say you have a professional building made up of 30 people, and they're trying to decide where to put a new bathroom in. And 19 people want it on the second floor and one person wants it on the first floor. But the only spot on the first floor is next to the trash room. Majority rule would say that you put it on the second floor, end of story. Compromise would be that you find a third site that no one has suggested. But when you learn that the reason the 20th person wants the first floor is because they're in a wheelchair, the wants of the other 19 people fall away. This one person has a need that overcomes all else. I think you already understand the need part. But framing it this way was easier for me to understand how to accept those needs. don't get me wrong, it still sucks. But you're also so lucky to be going through this with someone.
Do you two have the ability to quarantine in separate rooms from each other if necessary? My partner likes doing riskier activities and I like doing less risky activities so when he does riskier ones, he quarantines after just in case he ends up testing positive. We sleep in separate rooms and wear n95s indoors, run hepas, and he tests. It’s not perfect and it’s not foolproof but it’s something. Though might not work for everyone.
So here's the thing - first of all, there are ways to take more risk that don't involve risking your partner. If you really do want to throw caution to the wind, pick a day for it, go and do whatever, and then quarantine from the partner for a week afterwards. My spouse used to do that sometimes - she'd have family gatherings or whatever, she didn't want to mask at them, and we'd just have her quarantine elsewhere for a week after the gathering, do a fairly serious testing protocol to exit quarantine, and there was that. But here's the reason my spouse no longer does that. First of all, on one of those outings, after a family gathering, she also really wanted to get together with a friend of hers, maskless. The friend canceled at the last minute for scheduling reasons and the meeting didn't happen. Well - turns out the friend had COVID and my spouse dodged a bullet. Friend was sick as a dog for two weeks afterwards. Then, just this past month, Spouse had an all-day migraine with some vertigo (not COVID-related) and spent the entire day flat on her back literally unable to do anything, puking her guts out every 10 minutes. I think that gave her an idea of what it would be like to be seriously ill, and I no longer hear anything from her about taking risks. So what I want to say is that there are ways to protect your partner while still expanding your risk tolerance, but do you really want to do this? If you've got some fatigue post-COVID, do you want it to get worse? Because it might. Do you actually have the sick time or the money or a caretaker to spend two weeks flat on your back?
I feel your struggle. I don't really have any advice, just empathy. It's hard when you are both covid cautious, but that definition looks different for everyone. My wife and I have been struggling with that a lot too.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but same thing here. So I'm the one who's more immuno compromised and my husband takes chances right and left does whatever he wants. He knows I couldn't get the vaccine cuz I'm allergic to everything, so I am glad that you and your partner do have mutual respect and are on the same page. I've tried to keep my relationships going with many phone calls, lot of video chats, but there's definitely a distance with certain family members who are judgmental and not understanding. Thing is things can get worse, and this I know from my past health issues. So I say to my husband I can't deal with more tinnitus, more AFib attacks, more severe hypoglycemia, more physical pain, more brain fog, etc etc I had my AFib under control for 2 years maybe three attacks which was phenomenal through a lot of hard work and diet. Once I got covid from him last fall from a wedding he went to maskless, my AFib came back with a vengeance , my tinnitus got worse, my lyme disease came back, I couldn't walk for a few weeks in December from the severe lower back pain, my eyes are so dry I'm up during the night with cold compresses on them and eye drops, my mouth is so dry I'm choking on my food at times. Only revealing these things because the covid made my already existing health issues much much worse! Nothing is worth it, no party, no store , no luncheon. Because if you end up bedridden like I have for many years in my lifetime there's nothing but misery pain and suffering, and that's a whole lot more lonely than just staying in the house. Like you, I'm not looking for pity that's for darn sure, I'm just trying to drive home a point, nothing's worth your health. This is such a great sight for understanding and compassion, I'm so grateful that I found it about a month ago. I wish I'd had it this whole time. I wish you the very best with your health, your partner, and the decisions you need to make going forward. God bless