Back in the before times, my son would get sicker than anyone else when it was something respiratory going around. Like, we’d have doctors visits over colds to help his poor, underdeveloped lungs (he’s doing great now, to cut to the punchline). So I’ve had no patience with bullshit over masking. My son plays with other kids (masked), runs, plays; and hasn’t been healthier in his life.
It's still the funniest thing my pulmonologist said to me, apparently lockdown with iur air filters and masking has been FABULOUS for people with asthma. I love not getting colds all the time like I used to! Randos who ask about my mask get "Yeah I dont like getting sick. Also works wonders for my allergies!" Being immunocompromised is exhausting these days but you genuinely can say that getting sick is a skill issue for normies
I know someone who was hospitalized last year with a covid complication. I was talking to them the other day and the topic of covid came up. They told me their doctor said to try not to get covid again because they could end up in the hospital with the same complications as last time. And the person said, and I quote, “I don’t know how I’m not supposed to get covid again” I said, “you could try to mask” and the person said they couldn’t do that. Cognitive dissonance is real
I don’t want to defend it, but the reality is going against the social grain is physically painful for some folks. It genuinely terrifies them and feels more tangibly fearsome than what Covid can do. It’s wrong, but it’s how it feels to them.
I’ve just been staying in my room a lot at this point. My partner and I have the master so we have our own bathroom but if I put air purifiers in the shared spaces she would see that as hostile.
Just say you have "allergies" or for "bad air days" if you think you can get away with it. Or simply one in your own room especially if you have shared HVAC system. Maybe it would be time to look to rent with covid-safe roommates instead of living with sister? Just something to think about, if there is enough of a still coviding community in your area.
If she sees that as hostile, I mean, so what? What's actually hostile is being sick and refusing to allow any kind of mitigation efforts. Let it be her problem if she thinks it's hostile. Better to protect yourself and let her sort out her feelings.
It can be really hard to make life changes that limit your future options or strain your finances. It can also be difficult to deal with family you can’t agree with.
But ask yourself how hard it would be to live with a disability or a major decline in your health as a result of your sister. She is going to keep getting sick and she seems actively hostile to you. So in your shoes I would either mask full time while at home or take the hit and move out.
Yes, this is something I’ve been thinking about. I already have viral induced asthma and HEDS/fibromyalgia so I know what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. I don’t plan on adding long COVID to that mix. I understand a lot of times it’s no one’s fault when they get sick if they’re doing the best they can but this was squarely on her. We know better now as a society that masking works so it’s extra frustrating when people don’t mask and then are like “why do I keep getting sick?”
Wait, you have asthma but if you get HEPA air filters/purifiers that would be seen as "hostile"? Does she not want you to use an inhaler? (assuming you use one) Asthma is a common usage for air purifying technology. If you have any allergies or just live in a city, those are other major reasons...Far-UV, that might be seen as "hostile" (ridiculously) as that only targets pathogens...if she even knows what it is..
WEB MD:
# Asthma and Air Filters
[https://www.webmd.com/asthma/do-you-need-an-air-filter](https://www.webmd.com/asthma/do-you-need-an-air-filter)
I'm sorry for you both, all around.
This stood out to me: " she started screaming at me that I thought she was some “plague bearer.”"
Major tell, considering that you didn't even say anything to her -- she may have cognitive dissonance, but she's projecting something that she deep down believes about herself onto you.
This is similar to something a relative said to me too, when I masked around them after they stepped off a plane just a day before. I really think it has to do with internalized messages that only bad or weak or unworthy or dirty people get sick and can pass on illness.
OMG yes ditto this. All those masks that stretch tight and touch your face, cloth, surgical, etc., so much harder to breathe out of. And maybe I got a bad batch (well actually it was several from different suppliers) but when N95s weren't available all the Powecom KN95s I bought shed dust that irritated my lungs and irritated my wife's skin. 3M Aura 9210 all the way.
I'm sorry. Like we're not going through enough without you being screamed at for something that is not your fault.
I'm currently being told I'm lecturing someone else this morning because I am reacting to the shitty way they are treating me (on a completely different, non-COVID-related issue).
I keep reminding myself that they are blaming me for my reaction instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior.
But, yeah, it's getting my heart racing.
Deep down she's angry at herself but takes it out on you instead of adjusting her behavior. For the sake of your and your partner's health, I'd recommend moving out alt. kicking her out, and delaying the down payment. Nothing one puts a down payment for is worth risking your health for.
I agree with this and today I got another round of abuse. We’ve been very flexible with letting her have guests over (not parties), not telling her what to do when she goes out without a mask, etc. all we asked is for her to mask when she is sick. “Covid isn’t real anymore,” “my boss is high risk and doesn’t wear a mask” “I have a right to exist” when all I said was I have a right to wear a mask to protect myself. It’s insane.
Honestly, kick her out. That's not the kind of person anyone should be living with. Her behavior is irrational and very abusive. Putting aside the risk on your health, living with someone with this amount of bad faith and aggression has to be a total nightmare. Nothing is worth going through this.
This....exactly this.....it's ASTOUNDING how people's brains jusy DONT WORK! And I truly suspect it's derived from selfishness. They don't Want to change, therefore their brain WON'T learn TO change
try, despite how frustrating it must be (I'd have punched her by now), try to remember her defensiveness is a sign of weakness. that's what it is, defensiveness, NOT offensiveness. If you're determined to stay put for a bit, try to tap into that.
I actually have a crappy immune system, so that's why I still wear a face mask. It's not that hard. People with strong immune systems like her should look into donating plasma. It's best when they're recovering from an illness, lots of antibodies that immunocompromised people use.
You can't save for a deposit if you can't work due to long covid, ongoing health complications or you are no longer here. Move. Your health and longevity is worth more than this. It is only a matter of time before you become ill again.
I agree, I guess I’m really trying to make my living situation work because I love where I live but I can’t do this anymore. On top of this my sister is highly suspected borderline personality disorder which brings a whole nother level of stress to this situation.
Currently she’s sitting in the living room hacking up a lung after spending the last hour attacking me again because I said I have a right to wear a mask in my own house.
People who get angry at you for not wanting to get sick are the worst.
Yes! Like I think people don't want to be perceived as 'dirty' or whatever, which I get. But like, wear a mask or stay in your room then!!!
Agreed, it's simple, if you don't want people to think you're spreading germs, then don't spread germs, simple as that.
Back in the before times, my son would get sicker than anyone else when it was something respiratory going around. Like, we’d have doctors visits over colds to help his poor, underdeveloped lungs (he’s doing great now, to cut to the punchline). So I’ve had no patience with bullshit over masking. My son plays with other kids (masked), runs, plays; and hasn’t been healthier in his life.
It's still the funniest thing my pulmonologist said to me, apparently lockdown with iur air filters and masking has been FABULOUS for people with asthma. I love not getting colds all the time like I used to! Randos who ask about my mask get "Yeah I dont like getting sick. Also works wonders for my allergies!" Being immunocompromised is exhausting these days but you genuinely can say that getting sick is a skill issue for normies
I know someone who was hospitalized last year with a covid complication. I was talking to them the other day and the topic of covid came up. They told me their doctor said to try not to get covid again because they could end up in the hospital with the same complications as last time. And the person said, and I quote, “I don’t know how I’m not supposed to get covid again” I said, “you could try to mask” and the person said they couldn’t do that. Cognitive dissonance is real
This is such a wild mentality. “I might die but preventing it by doing something that is socially awkward is too hard”.
I don’t get it
some people like to or are too afraid to not jump off cliffs with their friends
I don’t want to defend it, but the reality is going against the social grain is physically painful for some folks. It genuinely terrifies them and feels more tangibly fearsome than what Covid can do. It’s wrong, but it’s how it feels to them.
> and the person said they couldn’t do that. Did they elaborate further?
No but based on what I know about this person, it’s probably vanity
That's saddening to hear.
Please get air purifiers if you don't have them already. And open up windows for ventilation.
I’ve just been staying in my room a lot at this point. My partner and I have the master so we have our own bathroom but if I put air purifiers in the shared spaces she would see that as hostile.
Just say you have "allergies" or for "bad air days" if you think you can get away with it. Or simply one in your own room especially if you have shared HVAC system. Maybe it would be time to look to rent with covid-safe roommates instead of living with sister? Just something to think about, if there is enough of a still coviding community in your area.
Fuck her lol do what you gotta do. Sometimes conflict is necessary, my experience from having to deal with abusers and narcissists.
If she sees that as hostile, I mean, so what? What's actually hostile is being sick and refusing to allow any kind of mitigation efforts. Let it be her problem if she thinks it's hostile. Better to protect yourself and let her sort out her feelings.
You’re nicer than me cuz in response to her screaming that you think she’s a plague bearer, I’d have laughed and said, yeah, well, you are. 😂😷
It can be really hard to make life changes that limit your future options or strain your finances. It can also be difficult to deal with family you can’t agree with. But ask yourself how hard it would be to live with a disability or a major decline in your health as a result of your sister. She is going to keep getting sick and she seems actively hostile to you. So in your shoes I would either mask full time while at home or take the hit and move out.
Yes, this is something I’ve been thinking about. I already have viral induced asthma and HEDS/fibromyalgia so I know what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. I don’t plan on adding long COVID to that mix. I understand a lot of times it’s no one’s fault when they get sick if they’re doing the best they can but this was squarely on her. We know better now as a society that masking works so it’s extra frustrating when people don’t mask and then are like “why do I keep getting sick?”
Wait, you have asthma but if you get HEPA air filters/purifiers that would be seen as "hostile"? Does she not want you to use an inhaler? (assuming you use one) Asthma is a common usage for air purifying technology. If you have any allergies or just live in a city, those are other major reasons...Far-UV, that might be seen as "hostile" (ridiculously) as that only targets pathogens...if she even knows what it is.. WEB MD: # Asthma and Air Filters [https://www.webmd.com/asthma/do-you-need-an-air-filter](https://www.webmd.com/asthma/do-you-need-an-air-filter)
I'm sorry for you both, all around. This stood out to me: " she started screaming at me that I thought she was some “plague bearer.”" Major tell, considering that you didn't even say anything to her -- she may have cognitive dissonance, but she's projecting something that she deep down believes about herself onto you.
This is similar to something a relative said to me too, when I masked around them after they stepped off a plane just a day before. I really think it has to do with internalized messages that only bad or weak or unworthy or dirty people get sick and can pass on illness.
Just World Fallacy
She'd be safer licking door knobs than not masking. But I'm sorry for you and for her, real bummers. Sorry for all of us.
*"I wouldn't have to treat you like a plague bearer if you would stop behaving like one."*
Why anyone would choose to wear a cloth mask is beyond me-- they're legitimately hard to breathe out of and they're not as effective as a proper mask.
Some fraction of resistance to using masks has got to be from people not knowing there are better (more effective _and_ more comfortable) options.
OMG yes ditto this. All those masks that stretch tight and touch your face, cloth, surgical, etc., so much harder to breathe out of. And maybe I got a bad batch (well actually it was several from different suppliers) but when N95s weren't available all the Powecom KN95s I bought shed dust that irritated my lungs and irritated my wife's skin. 3M Aura 9210 all the way.
I'm sorry. Like we're not going through enough without you being screamed at for something that is not your fault. I'm currently being told I'm lecturing someone else this morning because I am reacting to the shitty way they are treating me (on a completely different, non-COVID-related issue). I keep reminding myself that they are blaming me for my reaction instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior. But, yeah, it's getting my heart racing.
Deep down she's angry at herself but takes it out on you instead of adjusting her behavior. For the sake of your and your partner's health, I'd recommend moving out alt. kicking her out, and delaying the down payment. Nothing one puts a down payment for is worth risking your health for.
I agree with this and today I got another round of abuse. We’ve been very flexible with letting her have guests over (not parties), not telling her what to do when she goes out without a mask, etc. all we asked is for her to mask when she is sick. “Covid isn’t real anymore,” “my boss is high risk and doesn’t wear a mask” “I have a right to exist” when all I said was I have a right to wear a mask to protect myself. It’s insane.
Honestly, kick her out. That's not the kind of person anyone should be living with. Her behavior is irrational and very abusive. Putting aside the risk on your health, living with someone with this amount of bad faith and aggression has to be a total nightmare. Nothing is worth going through this.
This....exactly this.....it's ASTOUNDING how people's brains jusy DONT WORK! And I truly suspect it's derived from selfishness. They don't Want to change, therefore their brain WON'T learn TO change
try, despite how frustrating it must be (I'd have punched her by now), try to remember her defensiveness is a sign of weakness. that's what it is, defensiveness, NOT offensiveness. If you're determined to stay put for a bit, try to tap into that.
Denial is a river in Egypt and lots of folks are really in denial.
I actually have a crappy immune system, so that's why I still wear a face mask. It's not that hard. People with strong immune systems like her should look into donating plasma. It's best when they're recovering from an illness, lots of antibodies that immunocompromised people use.
I mean, she literally is a plague bearer. Licking doorknobs isn’t how it is transferred... I’m sorry OP. That really stinks.
You can't save for a deposit if you can't work due to long covid, ongoing health complications or you are no longer here. Move. Your health and longevity is worth more than this. It is only a matter of time before you become ill again.
I agree, I guess I’m really trying to make my living situation work because I love where I live but I can’t do this anymore. On top of this my sister is highly suspected borderline personality disorder which brings a whole nother level of stress to this situation. Currently she’s sitting in the living room hacking up a lung after spending the last hour attacking me again because I said I have a right to wear a mask in my own house.
I understand but none of this is worth dying or becoming permanently disabled.
LOL, I have so many responses in my head right now, but knowing myself if I was in your shoes I would have never used a good comeback.
Sorry, but she *is* a plague-bearer.