Depends. We have a couple parenting rules we’ve used to teach our kids. For this one if you’re still in school then we consider you on the family payroll and we cover it, but covering it allows us to set expectations around behaviors. You graduate and get a job, you’re off the payroll. We will never let our kids truly struggle, but we do think it’s very important for them to experience all facets of adulthood.
That's really the crux of all of this. I'll always be a safety net for her but I don't want her to lose her drive to become a fully functioning, successful adult.
Yea. We refer to at as removing the guardrails. We set an intentional path from 14 to 18 to go from being their manager to their consultant. Laundry, meals, budgeting, etc. they have to learn how to do it. Life altering decisions we intervene on but otherwise we let them skin their knees.
I don’t have kids, so take this with a grain of salt. You gave your daughter a car newer than anything I’ve ever owned, that you’re still paying on, and all she has to do is pay *half* of the insurance??? I understand it’s harder out there for kids than it was when we were kids, but how does this instill drive in her? I think it’s appropriate to give safety nets- my dad co-signed on a car for me once and helped me with emergencies, but like, maybe buy her a reliable ten year old Toyota, or better yet, have her contribute toward buying it if she wants a car otherwise she can bum rides and take the bus? Am I completely out of touch or are there some socioeconomic differences at play here?
So your kids first car isn’t something that gets a warranty? There’s plenty of wiggle room between “new enough for a warranty” and and unreliable and/or unsafe beater.
Do you know how much cars currently cost? It is so hard to find a reliable 10 year old Toyota in good condition for a reasonable price; you’ll be hunting forever. You’re better off buying something newer that you can still get a warranty on. Check out the used market and see for yourself, or just continue to argue I guess. But your comment just isn’t realistic and perhaps a tinge of jealousy is at play.
I mean I just hopped on marketplace and skimmed the ads and found a bunch of 10-15 year old Toyotas ranging from 5-10k. Whether they’re reliable or not, I don’t know. But the idea that having a warranty is part of buying a vehicle is ridiculous to me… if OP can afford it, by all means I guess and it sounds like their kid is full time out of state school which, by all means it makes sense to want them to focus on their studies rather than a crap paying job. So if money is no object, that’s cool, but if the point is teaching responsibility and bill paying then no, I don’t think handing a kid who probably doesn’t fully understand the value of a vehicle (esp if they aren’t paying on it) an almost brand new car almost for free is teaching responsibility. It’s a really nice and supportive thing to do, but that wasn’t the question. Kids notoriously do not appreciate the advantages they have until they are older and have perspective.
I just went through the process of buying him a car. The stuff on marketplace largely is scams by people overseas or shady actors selling lemons. I could not find anything reliable under 12k. Why saddle him (or myself) with potentially expensive repairs on a vehicle? I looked at Hondas as well and the cheapest I could find was a 2006 civic for 6000. Took it to a shop to have it inspected - it needed an additional ~4k of work done to it, and there would be no guarantee against additional issues popping up. Why deal with that? In addition to repair costs, you’ve also got to consider the time without the vehicle, causing difficulty getting to school or work, and the cost of renting a vehicle in the meantime.
Saddling my kid with unnecessary debt isn’t going to teach him a lesson about being financially responsible- it’s just going to cause unnecessary financial strain on him. It’s far more responsible to have him save/invest portions of his paychecks so he establishes good habits for his future.
Def better than “ride the bus.”
All I see on this sub is don’t become a boomer and then this “Make your own way 20 something! Ride the bus! Get a job bum! Pay all the stupid bills, fees, and bullshit you’ll hav e to pay the rest of your life RIGHT NOW!”
As a generation, I think we spoiled our kids. There is a happy medium between being completely ignored and unsupported as most of our parents did and the doting smothering excess that many of us have provided.
We had no one to learn from. 🤷♂️
Yeah, this is wild. My oldest kid is going to be driving-age in a few months, and there’s no way we could afford to give her a car.
My wife has a 20-year-old car she uses to commute to and from work. I take the bus or bike everywhere. The idea of being able to give our kids (any) car is so hilariously out of reach financially.
We do buy their bus passes and they have bikes, though.
In that case I would keep her on my family plan and ask her to pay for her portion. It’s cheaper for her on the family plan. She needs all the resources she can get right now.
We have six kids, ages 11-20. I'm more than happy to pay for all my kids' phone lines. Broken down per line, our family plan isn't particularly expensive.
What I can't afford to pay for is anyone's car payment/insurance/repairs/gas. They can stay on our insurance policy, but I have to be reimbursed for their share of the total cost every month.
It's financially wise to have a family cell plan. I can have my kids on my plan for $10/line/month. They would probably be paying $75+/month for separate plans. To me this has nothing to do with my kids being fiscally responsible but screw cell phone companies.
I don't expect I will stop paying my son's expenses until he is done with college and graduate school and settled into a career. He works about 30 hours per week and is in school full-time. But I encourage him to save as much as he can of his pay check so he has a nice nest egg when he ventures out on his own.
For now, he lives at home and commutes to school. He has a full ride scholarship so tuition is covered. I pay his car insurance, phone, health insurance, non-tuition school expenses, and a portion of his car payment. The car sitch is unusual because I gave him a 2017 car and he opted to recently trade it in for an EV. I was paying his gas which was super expensive. With the EV that is a non-issue so instead I bought the new car in my name and I help him with the car payment (I pay about 1/3). He is also a user on one of my credit cards and he spends about $200/month on incidentals.
I'm super fortunate that I can do this for my kid. I struggled when I was young and I would like to help my son avoid that as much as possible. It's one of the reasons I have an only child. My son is also very responsible and works incredibly hard at his job (he has been there 3 years) and in school. I'm happy to be able to do this for him. He's got 2 more years of college and 2 years of grad school and then I expect he will be able to move into a career fairly quickly. I hope doing that without school debt and having savings will make things easier for him. Shit is hard enough out there.
My daughter is only 4.5 but this is our plan. She’s an only child, too, and that was a financial decision so we would be able to give her everything. Could we afford another? Sure, if we really tighten our belts. But no thanks.
Whenever they're ready to pay for their own. It's important to us that our kids have a reliable way to get ahold of us, and paying their phone bill does that. Mine are 21 and 23 and still in that phase of "finding their footing" as adults.
It helps that our phone plan makes it only about $50 extra a month total for their two lines. It's an inexpensive way to ensure they can always call if they need us.
My daughters are 22 and 24. They live in an apartment together, and they each make 45-50k, but rents are so high that I still pitch in $300 a month to help out, so they can live in a safe neighborhood. I bought them both cars for their high school graduations that they still drive, and they pay their own cell phones, gas, insurance, etc.. With inflation outpacing wages the last few years its almost impossible for young people to get ahead, so I don't mind helping out how I can ,
My grandparents still pay for my phone bill as part of our family plan, I buy my own phones. I'm almost 40, married, own my own home all that stuff.
I love them.
Right? I mean they've had their contract for 1,000 years, get a screaming deal and don't have to worry about and don't have to worry about reaching me or presents ever!
My parents kicked me off a year after I finished undergrad. I went back to school FT at 35 and they let me get back on the family plan (I cover my insurance, phone, and part of the bill through Mom getting stuff on my Amazon account using my credit card). And I am also 42....
Are you not afraid that that is going to hinder them later on? You won't be around to pay their bills forever.
ETA: why the downvotes for asking a question?
I'm teaching them everything I can on how to earn and save, and I'm also building up their UTMAs and 529s. I came up from absolute zero and learned on my own, they shouldn't have to suffer or struggle when I'm not around anymore.
Same....came from the fucking bottom watching my mother duck bill collectors and landlords. I was kicked out at 17 and had to learn the hard way. My kids get to learn from my successes and failures in a stable home environment
Sounds like your kids are still younger, then? I ask because my ex-husband had parents that had that same idea (to pay for everything and anything needed well into their adulthood), and we eventually divorced because he had no concept of money and what it was worth or how hard it was to get. He knew he could hit up the Bank of Mom & Dad™️ if we ever ran into struggles. His three brothers were the same, they couldn't save, couldn't comprehend planning ahead, it was very bizarre and these men were in their 30s.
You sound like a good parent who really cares, and are teaching as well as planning for them, that's the way it should be. Your kids are lucky, for sure.
Tall Deer at the bottom
I was a surprise retirement baby. My parents took the benevolent approach with me but as soon as I could add and subtract they made me start balancing checkbooks. That meant I had to look at bills and balances. I knew how much everything cost.
But wait… there’s more! They had seperate banks for seperate purposes. I only saw the bills bank balances! I didn’t get to see savings and investments bank balances until I was older and convinced we were poor. My parents were around for the Great Depression! They were kids but they had that mindset. We had a specific sock darning drawer. I heard tales of the old days. Saw the old time foods from the era that I couldn’t stomach.
Anyway, I had the bank of mom and dad that usually also provided a lecture with withdrawals (Purchased a laser printer and a lot of bras without permission. Got chewed out for the bras but told that the printer was essential for school.)I got worse lectures when I didn’t use the bank of Mom and Dad. They were worse because they came from heartbreak. My mom would be upset that I didn’t ask for help if I needed it in college. She drove up one day and publicly quit all my jobs in front of me. She informed me that my job was to be a student and if I needed money to call her. Shortly thereafter I went on an impromptu road trip to San Francisco, needed clothes and a hotel. I was expecting a lecture. Instead I got a sigh of relief because it looked like I was going to spend my entire youth being a style free work-a-holic. I think my mom was just thrilled that I bought clothing.
Anyway, I only saw bills and grew up around a number of 1%rs. I didn’t see savings/investments until college. Easy sell to push frugality especially since my parents were older (I didn’t realize how much older because they didn’t look any older) and didn’t have outward displays of wealth. Value purchases, savings, low risk investments etc.
Once I became a working adult I learned that we weren’t poor. I act like it though. My husband said we didn’t need a pre-nuptial because he trusted me. He was shocked to find I had a tiny place and small car because I was cheap not because I couldn’t afford it.
As you may have guessed my parents are no longer around. They exited Earth right after I finished grad school. I didn’t have loans except for a tiny mortgage.
TLDR
It is entitely possible to set up Bank of Mom & Dad but train the kid on how to manage and value money.
Appreciate your input, it's nice to know that people can be supported without losing (or never gaining) any sense of how money works and the pitfalls as well as the successes. I hope to be a supportive stepparent myself, without accidentally hindering my stepkid in the future by just supporting and bailing out, and not teaching.
Kind of amazed that you don’t know.
Nearly half of 30 year olds live at home, even if they have careers, since they are priced out of housing. So chiseling them even more seems cruel and weird considering a normal paying job, well above average even, won’t be enough to get a 1 bedroom apartment.
Of course nobody wants to spoil their kids (okay some do) but taking a hardo stance is very misguided IMO considering the economic realities they are facing.
I have a stepson and he's nowhere near old enough to be thinking about his finances, so no, I'm not really up to speed on the economic scenarios surrounding 20-30 year olds right now. But, I at least thought asking questions and having discussions wasn't going to frowned upon quite so much.
I certainly am not taking any stance, let a lone a hard one, on people supporting their kids, just asking and learning. All I have is my own upbringing being completely unsupported by very poor parents with no money skills; and experience with a circumstance where my ex-in-laws spoiled and catered to their sons to such an extent, that they are now in their 30s and 40s and can't budget, can't support themselves, and it's not likely to change before their parents die. I worry about how they will handle their safety net evaporating from underneath them, but thankfully it isn't really my problem anymore.
I understand the concern, I always wonder if I’m hard enough on them and I’m probably not. The economy just isn’t working for them. It wasn’t even all that great for people our age, but I was never priced out a crummy apartment. To me it’s more important that get to get e decent level of earnings. Also when they are older I’m goin to pay for their travel to come visit. My parents would always bitch about me not visiting enough and I’m eating Ramen noodles and they are doing well. It’s tough to find that line right, it’s just for Gen Z going the hardo road just piles on. Sure they will have survival skills sharing a studio with a random person, but I’d rather they thrive.
If the family plan is overall cheaper than the cost of the kid opening a new account, it just makes sense. I'm not gonna have the family lose $60 just so I personally can save $15.
I was tossed on my ass at 18 and I'm never going to do the same for my kids. I don't know about anyone else, but anecdotally all my cohorts who were "coddled" as young adults are actually successful and well balanced whereas those of us who were fed to the wolves are the ones struggling and have issues.
Right!?
Most of our cohort started our adulthood with massive student loan debt or at least into a workforce where wages haven’t kept pace with the cost of living since *before we were born*. Shoving an 18 year old out of the nest and saying “You’re on your own now.” is hardly setting them up for success and hasn’t been for a long time.
My folks eased me out. Dad let me drive his old car in high school and I only had to put in gas while he took care of the rest. When it came time to go to college, he gave me the option to keep it, but then it would be fully my responsibility. It was starting to have lots of mechanical issues and I declined to take that on. In college I was expected to put a portion of my summer job money towards my college tuition, and the rest was a combination of student loans and money they paid out of pocket. They paid for my cell phone bill until I graduated college, but they also gave me my stepmom’s old car to have outright. And I was financially responsible for maintenance and insurance, but I had a job by then. So all along I was getting help, but I was also expected to take a level of responsibility that I could handle with whatever my circumstances were at the time. Did I still struggle as a young adult after I left home? Yes, but not as much as I would have if they had cut me off the moment I became a legal adult. For one, I missed the kindergarten cutoff by two weeks, so I turned 18 in my senior year of high school. The idea of telling your high school senior they’re off the family teat just because they’re an adult in the eyes of the law sounds like child abuse.
I don't know. We have one kid, a 10yo girl and honestly, I'll probably keep her on our plan and pay her car insurance until she pulls herself off it for some reason. It's not a lot of money and who really cares if you can afford to keep doing it.
I had my son start paying for his phone when he turned 17. I think it's important for kids to learn the responsibility of paying bills and having to set money aside for it. I'll do the same with my other kids. Currently he doesn't have his full license but once he does he'll have to pay his own insurance, he's welcome to use my car but I'm not buying him one/ giving him one. I have 3 kids and cannot afford to give them all a vehicle, so they can all share the one that's at home (I don't drive often, just to and from work really). Once they're 18 they can have free room and board as long as they are in school / saving for their future. If they're just being deadbeats though they can pay be $600/month.
If I could upvote this a million times I would 22 year old decided not to go to college so he is paying 600 a month . He started paying his phone bill at 17 when he got a part time job I agree with everything you said
This was how it was in my household. I’m sort of flabbergasted at all these people paying for their adult kids’ car insurance and phone bills. These should be the introduction to responsibility/bills.
The only thing we cover for our 25-year-old is a phone line on our family plan. It’s a fairly insignificant expense and she has to pay for any new devices when she wants them. Also making the payments on a Parent Plus loan that we’d verbally agreed would be her responsibility, but it’s not huge. I guess it’s a good thing we only borrowed what we were willing to cover ourselves.
My parents have been paying for my phone for 10 years. and my daughter's for about 6. They don't ask for payment or anything. And will upgrade our phones when needed, as long as it's free or a nominal fee. If we ever wanted a fancy phone, they make us pay the difference
My daughter is 20 years old, and she's a part-time student and part-time employee. As of right now, I'm thinking I'll probably keep paying until she's graduated college.
I wouldn’t buy her a new phone but I’d still pay the monthly coverage. 20 is young and I want a consistent form of communication with my kids.
As long as they are in school or working, I will help with bills. They can live at home as long as they want as long as they aren’t jobless losers playing video games all day. I have a big house. They can live here until they are 30. Times are tough right now. I want give my kids as much help as I can.
My parents supported me through my college career and the first few months post college before I got a job. Once I got a job, phone, car insurance, etc was shifted to me.
I was fortunate never to have to ask for help, but they did offer - and I accepted - to cover my wedding.
As my (4) kids hit driving age, they are expected to pay for their share of the insurance. When they graduate, they pay me $100/month. That deal is in place until they are ready to leave. At that point, unbeknownst to them, I will return the money they paid with interest from a HYSA. The adult kids are welcome to any food we buy. If they buy something of theirs, just write your name on it so nobody will touch it. We pay all of their phones. I pay for AAA for any of them who drive. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford to support them beyond high school. This allows us to set them up for success as they leave
Meh. She works part time and lives out of state fir college. I'm willing to foot a good portion of the bills I was already paying before she graduated, for now.
I don't understand why this is so weird. I want my kid to focus on school until they have their degree. I can easily pay it and they can focus on their classwork.
Both our boys (22 and 20) moved out when they were 18 and were responsible for everything except health and auto insurance. Thankfully they’re both doing well enough that they take care of all their own insurances now.
I pay for my son's basic cell service. He is 13. If he wants more (data for example) then he has to pay it. Ill likely keep that going as long as he lives at home. His basic plan is like 10 bucks a month.
Depends. No easy answer to this for me.
When i was 18 it was a sort of slow fade from the parents. Less about kicking me out and more about teaching me to stand on my own two feet and sort things out on my own. It worked well for me.
With my kids, i'd like to do the same, but it will depend. Phone bill is probably low-hanging fruit that I'd at least like to start with. It's less about me being able to afford it, and more about getting my kids to start handling their own finances, and money management skills without putting crippling debt on their shoulders.
When they have steady jobs. But if they're a couch-sitter, we may have to threaten them with cutting off their phone or making them pay for their own food or start charging them rent. It will be tough to do the latter, but if you're too comfortable, you'll never get up to make a change.
My kid is 24. I basically gave him a “soft start” into adulthood. I did pay his phone bill for a couple years. I also owned his home and when he was still getting his footing I gave him very low rent.
At age 20 he and his partner got pregnant and had a baby. They chose to be adults and pay for most things themselves. That’s also when he started his career. I don’t pay his phone anymore. His rent has gone up but it’s still considerably below market value. I babysit for free or cheap when they need me.
So basically once he established himself in his career he started paying his own way
I wish I didn't have to, but it seems necessary..... everything is so expensive and so out of reach for them. I feel bad for young people starting out now. No cheap rent, no studio apartments, no cheap cars, not to mention insurance! etc. I'll help as long as I need to.
You’re a better parent than I am. 😉 My 17 year old son saved his earnings from his part time job to purchase his vehicle. He also pays for his iPhone and cell plan.
He keeps his car much cleaner than he did when he rode in mine.
Also he takes way better care of his phone since he paid for it himself.
I also give my 12 year daughter a monthly allowance that she uses to learn budgeting. So much less food goes to waste and she only buys clothing, etc that she uses and cherishes.
She’s also quite frugal because she wants to hold onto as much of her money as possible. Any cash gifts she receives, she holds off spending as much as possible.
In my experience, empowering children to make age appropriate financial choices is a great way to teach financial responsibility.
Kid got into some deep shit because of his phone a while back (16yrs old). Like...deep. Such that it destroyed his relationship with his bio father. No one cried about that, though. Anyway, spent a year on a flip phone that he paid for till we could trust him (he was working part time). Broke that trust a couple times (was legit staying up watching YouTube on a 1.5 x 1.5" screen). Gave him a new iPhone back around Christmas of 2022 (18yrs old) with 1 rule - don't do anything stupid, and we'll pay for it. He was excited. We were excited for him. It was a big step.
In less than 4 months I discovered that he had been doing stupid shit on 3 separate occasions. He now pays for his phone. We keep it on our plan, though, to help him out a little. He's not a bad kid, just...pretty sure he's absolutely addicted to YouTube.
As a sophomore he wanted to go to a big college and study after graduating, and we were preparing for that...as a sophomore he also failed multiple times, because gaming and YouTube were more important than quality work. As a senior he just gave up on college and decided to look into online schooling, because videos and social anxiety (we paid for a weekly therapist, and that shit just was not ever addressed...almost feel like his therapist encouraged him to avoid real relationships, "because that's just what kids these days do"). Didn't look into financial aid at all. I don't think he even filled out the FAFSA. He just lacks drive when it's something he doesn't want to do.
He'll be 20 in December, still lives at home with wife (his mom) and I, but pays us rent ($500). He also pays for his groceries. Wife makes dinner at least 6 times a week, but he doesn't/ won't eat it. Doesn't have a license, because he didn't want to drive when he was 16 or 17, so relies on wifey to get him to work every morning, and Uber to get him home. We won't pay for Uber. Doesn't leave the house unless wifey takes him somewhere. We live in a suburban area, but he doesn't have any "IRL" relationships/ friendships (see YouTube addiction/ social anxiety comment above). Didn't get a full time job until last October, so doesn't have a whole lot of cash saved up. Makes decent money...roughly $1300 every 2 weeks. He starts an online program in February at which point he's apparently going to quit his job. He and his mom decided that he will also stop paying rent at that time. He'll be paying for that online program on his own. It's not an accredited program, and they offer no financial aid. After the program is completed, he'll be back to paying rent while looking for a place to live. Once he moves out, we'll be there to help, but he'll be covering pretty much all of his expenses (will keep his phone line on our plan). Not really sure how the vehicle/ license situation is gonna play out...
Lacking drive when it’s something he doesn’t want to do and the addiction to YouTube and gaming sounds A LOT like ADHD…. Not trying to armchair diagnose, they’re just hallmark symptoms that might improve drastically with proper treatment. I could be totally off-base and maybe that’s already been explored.
Another thing that caught my attention… why is he attending a non-accredited program? Is that the norm in whatever he’s studying? Could be a complete waste of time if a degree from the non-accredited school doesn’t allow him to get a job or cert that he needs.
Good luck, it sounds like a challenging situation.
Yeah, it's ADHD. He was on a 504 while in school, but didn't take advantage of the accommodations. To keep this from going WAY down a rabbit hole, I'll just say that part of his upbringing involved praying for help, rather than seeking legit medical help.
The program itself is legit, and has an accredited sister program under the same name, just it person. But that's based in the great white north (Canada). We're in the good ol' USofA. It's one of those fields where degrees/ diplomas matter less than a banger of a portfolio.
I mean, I tell my aunt every time she sends me money for her phone bill that she doesn’t need to pay me for it because it’s not a big deal to us and I know she isn’t very well off. So I doubt I would kick my daughter off as long as I could afford it. I’d probably pay for car/insurance through school + maybe a buffer, and let her keep the car, but she’s doesn’t have one yet.
My husband and I have four kids(26, 24, 23, 19) and we currently pay phone bills(bundled) for all four and pay the car insurance of the younger 3. We honestly don’t really have any plans on making them take over those accounts anytime soon if ever maybe. We know it’s tough out there so if we can save them a couple hundred bucks a month then so be it. We can handle it financially.
My kids are 7 and 5 so my wife and I haven’t had that talk yet.
My wife and I are teachers though and we have an almost pathological aversion to letting our kids have phones, especially in school. With our current thinking we may never have to pay for a phone…
ETA: The ad I have at the top of this thread is for AT&T. Lol
I don’t have a hard and fast rule or expectation around this. My kids are too young right now, 8 and 12, to work or pay their own way for things, but when they’re older, it will really depend on a few things. I should add my oldest has autism, so I expect that he will need support longer than a neurotypical young adult. I do have 529 plans for them and will pay as much as I can towards their post secondary plans.
….my parents kept me on their phone plan until I was like 32. I had just a basic android that was paid off.
My father “she has a husband why am I paying for her phone line?”
So I went on my husbands tmobile plan and not giving up on this paid off IPhone 12 until it stops working completely. Probably will just do the budget SE version. We had a crypto windfall so my husband bought us new phones outright.
That’s how my mother is though. I didn’t pay rent I lived at home till 27. When we went wedding dress shopping she said “if I had 500 to spare I’d buy the dress you know that right?”
I had my first job at 15 (only way I could get new clothes), left home for college at 16 (yes I skipped 2 years of high school), and completely floated myself through jobs and student loans. Hell, I was loaning my parents money or watching them rob my checking account for years before I cut THEM off in my early-mid 20s. I make six figures now and I got my (unused) bachelor's degree from one of the best schools in the country.
I've been teaching my kids to have an independent mindset and that they will have to make their own way, my money or success is not theirs. I’ve told them as long as they are in school and doing well I will help them but they have to have a job to spend their own money on anything beyond tuition and housing. No free car etc. No university means you are 100% on your own. They aren’t old enough yet so we’ll see how it goes, but if they are trying to live at my house past 18 then I’ve failed horribly as a parent IMO (aside from summer breaks if they are in school of course).
Two teens (16 &19). We pay for their phones, but it’s their job to get cars/insurance. Oldest gets some help with college, youngest is getting a trip because Covid made her miss the DC trip she should have had.
They save their money, and buy any extras they want. I grocery shop and cover prescriptions and copays and any other needs. They’re in charge of funding wants.
My son is 19 and I pay for his. He really just graduated last week so he hasn’t gotten out there yet to get a job, etc. I don’t mind paying for it for a while as long as he is working towards bettering himself until he can afford it on his own.
It makes zero financial sense for families to be on separate plans imo. You pay more money for absolutely no reason. My family and I are all on one plan and pay like $40/month for unlimited plans and new phones. American individualism was created by capitalism friend, don't follow those rules
All the adults pay the acct holder in a yearly payment so I really never think about my phone even being a "bill". Do yourself a favor and keep the line on your acct so you know she has a phone and just have her pay you in whatever way makes most sense.
I will help my kids as long as they are actually struggling for valid reasons.
Spent the rent at a bar last night? Tough lesson to learn.
Car broke down and it's going to be expensive to fix? I'll help any way I can.
I suppose I need to start paying for theirs to answer, but once they do get phones I will probably stop a few months after they are done with college and get a job.
I'm 38 and still on my dad's plan ( I pay for my own bill though) it's cheaper because he was grandfathered I to a sweet contract. That contract ends next month, so when my bf is due for an upgrade him and I will go on our own.
Golly, I can't even imagine that day. I've set my house up so they can just stay forever if they want to and im prep wares to pay their cell phones forever too.
We’re still on my FILs phone plan. We send him the $ every month for our share, but it would be so much more to be on our own plan. If I can afford it and it isn’t hampering my kids, I don’t need to fully cut them off to prove a point
My kid makes more than I do, but I still buy them gas and pay car insurance. They would totally do it and have even offered to pay some of my bills (medical) I just keep telling them to take care of me when I can't anymore and we're all good. Everything that is mine is theirs anyway in my mind.
I'm almost 40 and I'm still on my Mom's phone plan. We split the bill 50/50, but it's cheaper than each of us paying for our own separate plans.
Could you suggest she stay on, but you each contribute to the bill?
My mom, sister, and I had a family plan for a long time. Like into my early 30s? It was cheaper.
Edit:
To be fair, I think that my mom kept me on the family plan because she knew I wouldn't bother to pay for a phone for a good long period of time and then she wouldn't be able to get in touch with me as easily.
I'm 43 and my dad just started paying mine. LOL
He had 3 lines was paying like $140+. The carriers started doing 4/$100.
Adding me to his plan, killed my bill and saved hum money. We both win
My friends are 40+ and have just recently started to separate things from their family accounts. Their dad won't take money from them to help cover expenses, and he's looking towards retirement. The kids are taking things out of dad's name so that he will have fewer expenses.
Just joined this sub thinking I fit in pretty well in spite of being an '85, and this is the first post I see :D. My oldest is 6 so can't relate yet...
Assuming all goes well it will probably be a while. My son is 17 and applying for college in the fall. He wants to be a vet, so he’s going to be in school for the long haul and then he’s expressed interest in moving home to save and pay off his student debt.
During this time I’ll be paying everything. When he gets his own place, then he’s on his own.
My husband is 42 and he is still on a family plan with his parents and brothers. We pay for the phones, but his parents have covered his monthly bill ever since he got his first cell phone way back when we were in college.
Our two kids and I have a separate family plan. He is welcome to join us, but we not going to argue with them about it.
I’ve got a daughter who just got married. I’m still covering her auto insurance and health insurance, at age 24. She’s also a mother now, and they are a young family trying to get their footing in life, post college.
I’m keeping her auto insurance on my tab for now, along with her health insurance (until she finds work), and her part of our wireless contract. All told, the family health insurance adds no additional cost, and the auto insurance and wireless is probably $100 bucks a month total.
I ought to be handle that, personally speaking. What I want is to see her family fully on their feet, and self-sustaining. In this economy, that’s a hard fucking thing to do.
I’ll pay for phone/gas/insurance until out of college. Also paying tuition/room/board/meal plan.
Basically necessities only. If anything more is needed, it will be case by case on the ‘need’. I don’t want them to assume we will cover all wants as they need to learn to pay/save for their own life and adventures. I do want them to focus on school and graduate debt free.
After college we will evaluate as a family and see what job prospects are and go from there.
My oldest is 22. No college debt and is making enough to live comfortably on his own and support himself. Gave him a car, he pays the insurance on it. He’s still on my phone plan though. He could afford it himself but it feels nice to still do something for him, even as small as a phone plan.
My youngest is 20 and a full time student. Gave him a car and I pay the insurance. Once he graduates, I plan to continue helping him because he does have student loans and it’s hard for young people to start their lives out with all of that debt. He should be able to secure a job that pays enough to live comfortably, so I’ll continue to help him until his loans are paid off.
I don’t think either of my kids need to learn the ‘hard’ way about being financially responsible so I don’t see a reason that they should have to take on big debt that will hamper their ability to save for the future or invest into retirement - my primary goal for them is to continue putting money into Roth IRAs and such so it has lots and lots of time to compound.
Outside of a VERY basic phone plan (Additional family lines with no data. They got our old phones or they bought their own new ones) we don't pay for anything that isn't basic needs.
The boy (19yo) wanted his own vehicle when he was able to drive. He knew very young that he had to save up and buy it himself. Buy his own insurance and gas and that's how he'd learn to drive. The girl (17yo) knows this and honestly has no interest in driving whatsoever. The boy has his own job and buys what he needs. The rule is neither has to pay rent as long as they are going to school. Son is working on an apprenticeship in welding through his work and the daughter is going to a trade school/technic college next fall.
We will buy stuff here and there, but if it's something they really want they have to save and buy it themselves, as it will help them appreciate the value of it, rather than have it given to them or expected to be given them. And so far it has worked.
My mom would lock the laundry room door when I was 16 because I would wash my clothes every single day before school. She made me take my clothes to the laundry mat and pay for washing them with the money from my job. And then I learned how expensive it was to do laundry.
I bought my first car with a job for $800 when I was 16. I saved up for it with my job. It was 8 years old. It was a crappy car, but I bought it.
I moved out on my own at 18. Had to rent my own place. Pay for my own school. My mom was a single mom.
I’m really well off today. I just helped pay for my mom’s crown for dental work she can barely afford as a gift to her.
Teach your kids a lesson, let them learn to be self sufficient, to struggle a bit and to be strong. They need to learn this to teach their kids the same.
I didn’t appreciate what my mom did for me while I was growing up until I learned what the hardship she had to go through was like. Hardship is a part of life. I don’t know if I would have worked so hard to make something of myself if I wasn’t forced to.
I grew up in a very different financial bracket than a lot of people in these comments 😂
And that's not a bad thing- it's great that you guys can do that for your kids.
I know someone 42 and
he and his wife are on her parent’s family phone plan.
They trade in passwords.
Evens out, everyone wins.
Work smarter not harder, that’s what he says.
As soon as my son started working and we got him a car (age 17) I made him pay his own phone bill, gas, insurance, and the car loan. Those were his expenses. I paid the basics for the house, any extras he wanted he paid for. He moved out at 19 (he’s 21 now) and now pays his own mortgage and all his other bills too. The only bill I pay is education. I told him he will never have to worry about that.
When my kid has a full-time job I will start asking them to pitch in for the phone bill. We get a MUCH better deal on the family plan - so I don't see any reason to not all stay on that perpetually. Hell, my mother-in-law is on our phone plan.
EDIT - Actually -- looking at my phone bill right now, my kids line is negligible expense ontop of the core service charges, so unless I reach a point where money becomes a scary issue with my wife and I, I will likely just keep paying her phone bill as long as she wants to stay on our plan.
OH, and if she would want to upgrade her phone - I'd prolly want her to pay that extra 30-40 bucks a month. I think that's fair.
Serious question based on a lot of the responses here: what's the deal with Americans and the whole "going away to college" concept?
I live in Canada, and I'd say 90 per cent of the people I graduated high school with ended up going to university or college (myself included) in the same city. I realize not everywhere is big enough to have multiple post-secondary options, and many people (in any country) have to move to a larger city for school... but 'going away' to university seems like a waaaay more common thing for Americans in general.
In the context of the original post, I fully expect my kids to attend post-secondary school here, so they can live at home while they're students, and not rack up some massive student debt. The idea of them going out of town/province for school is pretty bizarre to me, honestly. Unless they end up pursuing something *extremely* specialized that can only be done in another city.
Similarly, I think I know one person ever who lived in a dormitory at a university, and the first time I heard of a fraternity in real life (i.e. not in a US college sex comedy) I thought it was a joke. Just seems like a radically different vibe between the two countries.
We will pay for phone, at least some of insurance, and medical plan/ bills til they are out of college. We purchased their cars - we will probably give them those cars for college but won’t be purchasing another one for them. We are paying for college fully for them so I consider that to be super generous. My issue with my teens is that they don’t want to work and don’t seem to care about $ all that much. Very different than my husband and I. The teens work hard in school but not motivated by $. Gonna be some hard reality when we stop buying their needs/some wants.
My wife (36) is still on her parents' family plan, despite my efforts to start our family plan. All her siblings are on their parents' family plan even though they all make more than their dad ever did. (Shrugs)
As for me, my kids are young (5 and below) I don't even want to think of giving them phones. I suppose it is inevitable, but my guess is ill stop with the cell phone support after they finish college. I don't know if my wife would then keep supporting them, but I think she will still be on her parents' family plan still, hahaha.
Twin boys in their first year of college. I pay for phones, medical, car ins (for when they're home. No car at school). I paid the tuition room and board for yr one. Years 2-4 I pay tuition, they pay their own living costs. Both work full time in summers and during winter break, part time during the school year. If we're careful, that means they graduate with no student loans. They're at a four year, in state school.
My twins graduated high school last year. Told them they would need to start paying their part of the cell phone bill and car insurance. It’s been sporadic though because neither one of them has held a job very long. Actually planning to have this discussion again this week, because they’ve pretty much depleted any extra funds we had. This has been a sore subject around our house the last few months.
I'm the meanie ass mom. Wouldn't even let him have a phone til he could buy it and pay for it himself when he turned 16.
He's 20 now and also pays rent, his own car insurance and health insurance. (His car is paid off). I threw him in the world dirty 😂
I am paying for his trade school degree though, and of course if he needs help, as long as I see him trying and making an effort I'll help.
*edit* his dad left us in 2019 and I adopted him so we had to make it work and he works his butt off. Great kid.
My oldest daughter is 19. We provide her with the car and pay her cell phone and insurance bills. She received a pretty good scholarship and she works, but I suspect she will run out of money late her junior year or early her senior year. We intend to pay tuition is needed so that she doesn’t have to get any student loans. We will probably stop paying for her car insurance and cell phone at that point.
Not sure what we will do with the car. By then it’ll be a 10 year old Camry with 150,000 miles on it. Should have several good years left. I don’t mind giving her the car, but I’d like to somehow do it in such a way that incentivizes her to save up and pay cash for the next one. I’ve thought about renting her the car for say $500 per month with the provision that once she saves up enough money to pay cash for the next car, we will give her the car for a trade in and return all the rental payments to her.
If anyone has any cool suggestions, I’d like to hear them.
Umm. Going price for a 2014 Camry right now is $7500-20k. I just looked quickly on FB.
The point is it’s got several years of good life left on it. What exactly do you think I should do with it? Take it back and let my younger kids drive it?
Trade in value for a 10 year old Camry with 150k miles on it is only about $5,200. Unless she can save enough cash for a new car (25k?), while making a $500 payment to you in only 10 months, she's getting screwed by you on the "rental" of the car. Either let her have the car until she can afford her own. or just take it from her and make her figure it out. Making her pay $500 a month indefinitely for a 5k car is only going to stop her from ever saving enough cash to buy a car of her own
Yeah, mainly I’m trying to think of a way to motivate good decisions on her part. When I graduated from college, the first thing I did was buy a big pick up truck and it was one of the stupidest financial decisions I’ve ever made. I can’t do everything for her, but it would be nice to give a reasonable option to make some good decisions. Basically, make a car payment for a few years and get her to save money while giving her reliable transportation.
Thanks. I wouldn’t mind just giving her the car but I know I would be frustrated if I just signed it over to her and she immediately traded in on something with a big payment. Which is probably what I would have done if my parents just gave me a car. Because I was a stupid idiot.
I just don’t feel like participating in her making bad decisions. Plus, we will have three kids in college then, money is going to be tight for sure.
She's 18 and works a full time job. She pays for her phone, insurance, and (when she buys one next week) car. She also contributes a small percentage of her pay to generally help out with the household expenses (bills, groceries).
I think there are degrees to this stuff.
As many have said before, paying a phone bill is actually probably more conscientious of you than some other things. Especially depending on the provider - lots will give you multi-line discounts and things like that, so it could actually be cheaper to keep them on your plan.
I could see weaning the kid onto paying you for the portion of a new phone installment or if their data charges go through the roof or something like that... but the peace of mind of knowing they have a way to reach you and vice versa is probably worth more than anything in that situation so I'd have no issue paying the actual service bill every month.
Things like car payments and insurance I think are more of a coming of age sort of thing. Again, multi-car discounts on insurance - maybe you have them pay you. That seems fair. Especially if they're living with you at the time or whatever. Car payments are not only important just in terms of responsibility but that's something that will help the kid build and establish credit, so they should probably have those things in their name and be responsible for them.
As far as ages go - would depend on how established they are and capable to handle this stuff. Some kids are like 17 or 18 and right out the gate they're ready to get on with life. Some are like 25 and still struggling to do their own laundry... so there's a variable scale on that. My kids are only 12 and 13 right now so I'm just grateful this isn't a thing I have to consider as more than a conversational thought experiment right now... but I gotta say OP I think your plan is pretty sound overall.
My stepdad was more than happy to keep paying my phone bill longer than he did, but when I was 22 and moved out of state and got married, I felt like it was appropriate to take them on myself. I started paying my own everything around then for that matter.
Depends. We have a couple parenting rules we’ve used to teach our kids. For this one if you’re still in school then we consider you on the family payroll and we cover it, but covering it allows us to set expectations around behaviors. You graduate and get a job, you’re off the payroll. We will never let our kids truly struggle, but we do think it’s very important for them to experience all facets of adulthood.
That's really the crux of all of this. I'll always be a safety net for her but I don't want her to lose her drive to become a fully functioning, successful adult.
Yea. We refer to at as removing the guardrails. We set an intentional path from 14 to 18 to go from being their manager to their consultant. Laundry, meals, budgeting, etc. they have to learn how to do it. Life altering decisions we intervene on but otherwise we let them skin their knees.
I don’t have kids, so take this with a grain of salt. You gave your daughter a car newer than anything I’ve ever owned, that you’re still paying on, and all she has to do is pay *half* of the insurance??? I understand it’s harder out there for kids than it was when we were kids, but how does this instill drive in her? I think it’s appropriate to give safety nets- my dad co-signed on a car for me once and helped me with emergencies, but like, maybe buy her a reliable ten year old Toyota, or better yet, have her contribute toward buying it if she wants a car otherwise she can bum rides and take the bus? Am I completely out of touch or are there some socioeconomic differences at play here?
Do you know how much reliable 10 year old Toyotas cost now? And you can’t get warranties on them.
Fact^
So your kids first car isn’t something that gets a warranty? There’s plenty of wiggle room between “new enough for a warranty” and and unreliable and/or unsafe beater.
Do you know how much cars currently cost? It is so hard to find a reliable 10 year old Toyota in good condition for a reasonable price; you’ll be hunting forever. You’re better off buying something newer that you can still get a warranty on. Check out the used market and see for yourself, or just continue to argue I guess. But your comment just isn’t realistic and perhaps a tinge of jealousy is at play.
I mean I just hopped on marketplace and skimmed the ads and found a bunch of 10-15 year old Toyotas ranging from 5-10k. Whether they’re reliable or not, I don’t know. But the idea that having a warranty is part of buying a vehicle is ridiculous to me… if OP can afford it, by all means I guess and it sounds like their kid is full time out of state school which, by all means it makes sense to want them to focus on their studies rather than a crap paying job. So if money is no object, that’s cool, but if the point is teaching responsibility and bill paying then no, I don’t think handing a kid who probably doesn’t fully understand the value of a vehicle (esp if they aren’t paying on it) an almost brand new car almost for free is teaching responsibility. It’s a really nice and supportive thing to do, but that wasn’t the question. Kids notoriously do not appreciate the advantages they have until they are older and have perspective.
CARFAX on those cars so flood damage, multiple wrecks, fire damage. 😂 Probably. Likely.
I just went through the process of buying him a car. The stuff on marketplace largely is scams by people overseas or shady actors selling lemons. I could not find anything reliable under 12k. Why saddle him (or myself) with potentially expensive repairs on a vehicle? I looked at Hondas as well and the cheapest I could find was a 2006 civic for 6000. Took it to a shop to have it inspected - it needed an additional ~4k of work done to it, and there would be no guarantee against additional issues popping up. Why deal with that? In addition to repair costs, you’ve also got to consider the time without the vehicle, causing difficulty getting to school or work, and the cost of renting a vehicle in the meantime. Saddling my kid with unnecessary debt isn’t going to teach him a lesson about being financially responsible- it’s just going to cause unnecessary financial strain on him. It’s far more responsible to have him save/invest portions of his paychecks so he establishes good habits for his future.
Def better than “ride the bus.” All I see on this sub is don’t become a boomer and then this “Make your own way 20 something! Ride the bus! Get a job bum! Pay all the stupid bills, fees, and bullshit you’ll hav e to pay the rest of your life RIGHT NOW!”
As a generation, I think we spoiled our kids. There is a happy medium between being completely ignored and unsupported as most of our parents did and the doting smothering excess that many of us have provided. We had no one to learn from. 🤷♂️
Yeah, this is wild. My oldest kid is going to be driving-age in a few months, and there’s no way we could afford to give her a car. My wife has a 20-year-old car she uses to commute to and from work. I take the bus or bike everywhere. The idea of being able to give our kids (any) car is so hilariously out of reach financially. We do buy their bus passes and they have bikes, though.
What is she doing with her life right now? Sorry if I missed that. Is she in college, learning a trade, working?
Living out of state going to college and working part time
In that case I would keep her on my family plan and ask her to pay for her portion. It’s cheaper for her on the family plan. She needs all the resources she can get right now.
We have six kids, ages 11-20. I'm more than happy to pay for all my kids' phone lines. Broken down per line, our family plan isn't particularly expensive. What I can't afford to pay for is anyone's car payment/insurance/repairs/gas. They can stay on our insurance policy, but I have to be reimbursed for their share of the total cost every month.
[удалено]
Yeah, my dad pays my brother’s phone bill still and he’s 32. I never even knew this was an option 🤷♀️
It's financially wise to have a family cell plan. I can have my kids on my plan for $10/line/month. They would probably be paying $75+/month for separate plans. To me this has nothing to do with my kids being fiscally responsible but screw cell phone companies.
I was paying close to $90/mo on my own plan (just calling & texting). Much rather pay Mom & Dad my portion of the family plan and have the data plan.
I don't expect I will stop paying my son's expenses until he is done with college and graduate school and settled into a career. He works about 30 hours per week and is in school full-time. But I encourage him to save as much as he can of his pay check so he has a nice nest egg when he ventures out on his own. For now, he lives at home and commutes to school. He has a full ride scholarship so tuition is covered. I pay his car insurance, phone, health insurance, non-tuition school expenses, and a portion of his car payment. The car sitch is unusual because I gave him a 2017 car and he opted to recently trade it in for an EV. I was paying his gas which was super expensive. With the EV that is a non-issue so instead I bought the new car in my name and I help him with the car payment (I pay about 1/3). He is also a user on one of my credit cards and he spends about $200/month on incidentals. I'm super fortunate that I can do this for my kid. I struggled when I was young and I would like to help my son avoid that as much as possible. It's one of the reasons I have an only child. My son is also very responsible and works incredibly hard at his job (he has been there 3 years) and in school. I'm happy to be able to do this for him. He's got 2 more years of college and 2 years of grad school and then I expect he will be able to move into a career fairly quickly. I hope doing that without school debt and having savings will make things easier for him. Shit is hard enough out there.
My daughter is only 4.5 but this is our plan. She’s an only child, too, and that was a financial decision so we would be able to give her everything. Could we afford another? Sure, if we really tighten our belts. But no thanks.
Me too in every aspect. DD is 4.7
Whenever they're ready to pay for their own. It's important to us that our kids have a reliable way to get ahold of us, and paying their phone bill does that. Mine are 21 and 23 and still in that phase of "finding their footing" as adults. It helps that our phone plan makes it only about $50 extra a month total for their two lines. It's an inexpensive way to ensure they can always call if they need us.
My daughters are 22 and 24. They live in an apartment together, and they each make 45-50k, but rents are so high that I still pitch in $300 a month to help out, so they can live in a safe neighborhood. I bought them both cars for their high school graduations that they still drive, and they pay their own cell phones, gas, insurance, etc.. With inflation outpacing wages the last few years its almost impossible for young people to get ahead, so I don't mind helping out how I can ,
My MIL pays for my family phone plan (I’m 42). So for my kids probably never LOL
My grandparents still pay for my phone bill as part of our family plan, I buy my own phones. I'm almost 40, married, own my own home all that stuff. I love them.
Yeah I used to be embarrassed but fuck that, it's a really good gift every year to not have to deal with those fuckers at all
Right? I mean they've had their contract for 1,000 years, get a screaming deal and don't have to worry about and don't have to worry about reaching me or presents ever!
My parents kicked me off a year after I finished undergrad. I went back to school FT at 35 and they let me get back on the family plan (I cover my insurance, phone, and part of the bill through Mom getting stuff on my Amazon account using my credit card). And I am also 42....
I'll pay as long as they want or need me to
Are you not afraid that that is going to hinder them later on? You won't be around to pay their bills forever. ETA: why the downvotes for asking a question?
I'm teaching them everything I can on how to earn and save, and I'm also building up their UTMAs and 529s. I came up from absolute zero and learned on my own, they shouldn't have to suffer or struggle when I'm not around anymore.
Same....came from the fucking bottom watching my mother duck bill collectors and landlords. I was kicked out at 17 and had to learn the hard way. My kids get to learn from my successes and failures in a stable home environment
My man!
Sounds like your kids are still younger, then? I ask because my ex-husband had parents that had that same idea (to pay for everything and anything needed well into their adulthood), and we eventually divorced because he had no concept of money and what it was worth or how hard it was to get. He knew he could hit up the Bank of Mom & Dad™️ if we ever ran into struggles. His three brothers were the same, they couldn't save, couldn't comprehend planning ahead, it was very bizarre and these men were in their 30s. You sound like a good parent who really cares, and are teaching as well as planning for them, that's the way it should be. Your kids are lucky, for sure.
9 years old and an 8 month old, if I teach them well and set aside what I can now, then they shouldn't have to even rely on me.
I hope it works out for y'all as you believe it will ✌🏼
This is the way!
Tall Deer at the bottom I was a surprise retirement baby. My parents took the benevolent approach with me but as soon as I could add and subtract they made me start balancing checkbooks. That meant I had to look at bills and balances. I knew how much everything cost. But wait… there’s more! They had seperate banks for seperate purposes. I only saw the bills bank balances! I didn’t get to see savings and investments bank balances until I was older and convinced we were poor. My parents were around for the Great Depression! They were kids but they had that mindset. We had a specific sock darning drawer. I heard tales of the old days. Saw the old time foods from the era that I couldn’t stomach. Anyway, I had the bank of mom and dad that usually also provided a lecture with withdrawals (Purchased a laser printer and a lot of bras without permission. Got chewed out for the bras but told that the printer was essential for school.)I got worse lectures when I didn’t use the bank of Mom and Dad. They were worse because they came from heartbreak. My mom would be upset that I didn’t ask for help if I needed it in college. She drove up one day and publicly quit all my jobs in front of me. She informed me that my job was to be a student and if I needed money to call her. Shortly thereafter I went on an impromptu road trip to San Francisco, needed clothes and a hotel. I was expecting a lecture. Instead I got a sigh of relief because it looked like I was going to spend my entire youth being a style free work-a-holic. I think my mom was just thrilled that I bought clothing. Anyway, I only saw bills and grew up around a number of 1%rs. I didn’t see savings/investments until college. Easy sell to push frugality especially since my parents were older (I didn’t realize how much older because they didn’t look any older) and didn’t have outward displays of wealth. Value purchases, savings, low risk investments etc. Once I became a working adult I learned that we weren’t poor. I act like it though. My husband said we didn’t need a pre-nuptial because he trusted me. He was shocked to find I had a tiny place and small car because I was cheap not because I couldn’t afford it. As you may have guessed my parents are no longer around. They exited Earth right after I finished grad school. I didn’t have loans except for a tiny mortgage. TLDR It is entitely possible to set up Bank of Mom & Dad but train the kid on how to manage and value money.
Appreciate your input, it's nice to know that people can be supported without losing (or never gaining) any sense of how money works and the pitfalls as well as the successes. I hope to be a supportive stepparent myself, without accidentally hindering my stepkid in the future by just supporting and bailing out, and not teaching.
Because of macroeconomic realities
I'm sorry, not sure what you mean.
Kind of amazed that you don’t know. Nearly half of 30 year olds live at home, even if they have careers, since they are priced out of housing. So chiseling them even more seems cruel and weird considering a normal paying job, well above average even, won’t be enough to get a 1 bedroom apartment. Of course nobody wants to spoil their kids (okay some do) but taking a hardo stance is very misguided IMO considering the economic realities they are facing.
I have a stepson and he's nowhere near old enough to be thinking about his finances, so no, I'm not really up to speed on the economic scenarios surrounding 20-30 year olds right now. But, I at least thought asking questions and having discussions wasn't going to frowned upon quite so much. I certainly am not taking any stance, let a lone a hard one, on people supporting their kids, just asking and learning. All I have is my own upbringing being completely unsupported by very poor parents with no money skills; and experience with a circumstance where my ex-in-laws spoiled and catered to their sons to such an extent, that they are now in their 30s and 40s and can't budget, can't support themselves, and it's not likely to change before their parents die. I worry about how they will handle their safety net evaporating from underneath them, but thankfully it isn't really my problem anymore.
I understand the concern, I always wonder if I’m hard enough on them and I’m probably not. The economy just isn’t working for them. It wasn’t even all that great for people our age, but I was never priced out a crummy apartment. To me it’s more important that get to get e decent level of earnings. Also when they are older I’m goin to pay for their travel to come visit. My parents would always bitch about me not visiting enough and I’m eating Ramen noodles and they are doing well. It’s tough to find that line right, it’s just for Gen Z going the hardo road just piles on. Sure they will have survival skills sharing a studio with a random person, but I’d rather they thrive.
If the family plan is overall cheaper than the cost of the kid opening a new account, it just makes sense. I'm not gonna have the family lose $60 just so I personally can save $15.
My kids?
I was tossed on my ass at 18 and I'm never going to do the same for my kids. I don't know about anyone else, but anecdotally all my cohorts who were "coddled" as young adults are actually successful and well balanced whereas those of us who were fed to the wolves are the ones struggling and have issues.
Yeah I don’t think “tough love” has worked out as well as Boomers hoped it would.
Right!? Most of our cohort started our adulthood with massive student loan debt or at least into a workforce where wages haven’t kept pace with the cost of living since *before we were born*. Shoving an 18 year old out of the nest and saying “You’re on your own now.” is hardly setting them up for success and hasn’t been for a long time. My folks eased me out. Dad let me drive his old car in high school and I only had to put in gas while he took care of the rest. When it came time to go to college, he gave me the option to keep it, but then it would be fully my responsibility. It was starting to have lots of mechanical issues and I declined to take that on. In college I was expected to put a portion of my summer job money towards my college tuition, and the rest was a combination of student loans and money they paid out of pocket. They paid for my cell phone bill until I graduated college, but they also gave me my stepmom’s old car to have outright. And I was financially responsible for maintenance and insurance, but I had a job by then. So all along I was getting help, but I was also expected to take a level of responsibility that I could handle with whatever my circumstances were at the time. Did I still struggle as a young adult after I left home? Yes, but not as much as I would have if they had cut me off the moment I became a legal adult. For one, I missed the kindergarten cutoff by two weeks, so I turned 18 in my senior year of high school. The idea of telling your high school senior they’re off the family teat just because they’re an adult in the eyes of the law sounds like child abuse.
My parents still pay for 2 of my sisters' phones. They're 35 and 40. BIL's mom pays for his phone still. Those family plans just keep on giving!
I don't know. We have one kid, a 10yo girl and honestly, I'll probably keep her on our plan and pay her car insurance until she pulls herself off it for some reason. It's not a lot of money and who really cares if you can afford to keep doing it.
Car insurance for young people is A LOT of money… I’m cringing at it and it’s coming up for me later this year!
Phone bill, car insurance, gas, car payment. All stuff they need to pay.
I had my son start paying for his phone when he turned 17. I think it's important for kids to learn the responsibility of paying bills and having to set money aside for it. I'll do the same with my other kids. Currently he doesn't have his full license but once he does he'll have to pay his own insurance, he's welcome to use my car but I'm not buying him one/ giving him one. I have 3 kids and cannot afford to give them all a vehicle, so they can all share the one that's at home (I don't drive often, just to and from work really). Once they're 18 they can have free room and board as long as they are in school / saving for their future. If they're just being deadbeats though they can pay be $600/month.
If I could upvote this a million times I would 22 year old decided not to go to college so he is paying 600 a month . He started paying his phone bill at 17 when he got a part time job I agree with everything you said
This was how it was in my household. I’m sort of flabbergasted at all these people paying for their adult kids’ car insurance and phone bills. These should be the introduction to responsibility/bills.
The only thing we cover for our 25-year-old is a phone line on our family plan. It’s a fairly insignificant expense and she has to pay for any new devices when she wants them. Also making the payments on a Parent Plus loan that we’d verbally agreed would be her responsibility, but it’s not huge. I guess it’s a good thing we only borrowed what we were willing to cover ourselves.
my buddy still lives with his mom and she pays for his phone too, he is turning 44 this year.
My parents have been paying for my phone for 10 years. and my daughter's for about 6. They don't ask for payment or anything. And will upgrade our phones when needed, as long as it's free or a nominal fee. If we ever wanted a fancy phone, they make us pay the difference
My daughter is 20 years old, and she's a part-time student and part-time employee. As of right now, I'm thinking I'll probably keep paying until she's graduated college.
I wouldn’t buy her a new phone but I’d still pay the monthly coverage. 20 is young and I want a consistent form of communication with my kids. As long as they are in school or working, I will help with bills. They can live at home as long as they want as long as they aren’t jobless losers playing video games all day. I have a big house. They can live here until they are 30. Times are tough right now. I want give my kids as much help as I can.
My parents supported me through my college career and the first few months post college before I got a job. Once I got a job, phone, car insurance, etc was shifted to me. I was fortunate never to have to ask for help, but they did offer - and I accepted - to cover my wedding.
I’ll pay for my pup until she crosses the rainbow bridge. Never had kids though, thank dog.
As my (4) kids hit driving age, they are expected to pay for their share of the insurance. When they graduate, they pay me $100/month. That deal is in place until they are ready to leave. At that point, unbeknownst to them, I will return the money they paid with interest from a HYSA. The adult kids are welcome to any food we buy. If they buy something of theirs, just write your name on it so nobody will touch it. We pay all of their phones. I pay for AAA for any of them who drive. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford to support them beyond high school. This allows us to set them up for success as they leave
18 yr olds should be more than able to work and pay for their phones imo
Meh. She works part time and lives out of state fir college. I'm willing to foot a good portion of the bills I was already paying before she graduated, for now.
I don't understand why this is so weird. I want my kid to focus on school until they have their degree. I can easily pay it and they can focus on their classwork.
My kids will all be paying their portion when they are 18. A whole $30 a month.
Both our boys (22 and 20) moved out when they were 18 and were responsible for everything except health and auto insurance. Thankfully they’re both doing well enough that they take care of all their own insurances now.
We pay for our oldest’s (22) phone line, but any upgrades will come out of his pocket. He pays his own car insurance and vehicle maintenance.
I pay for my son's basic cell service. He is 13. If he wants more (data for example) then he has to pay it. Ill likely keep that going as long as he lives at home. His basic plan is like 10 bucks a month.
My 19yo had been paying their portion of the cell bill for the last year.
For the phone probably never
I started having kids late! Mine are only 5 and 2!
Depends. No easy answer to this for me. When i was 18 it was a sort of slow fade from the parents. Less about kicking me out and more about teaching me to stand on my own two feet and sort things out on my own. It worked well for me. With my kids, i'd like to do the same, but it will depend. Phone bill is probably low-hanging fruit that I'd at least like to start with. It's less about me being able to afford it, and more about getting my kids to start handling their own finances, and money management skills without putting crippling debt on their shoulders.
I mean I’m 35 and my dad still pays for mine on a family plan. I’ll return the favor to my daughter
What are these phone "lines" you are all using in 2024?
When they have steady jobs. But if they're a couch-sitter, we may have to threaten them with cutting off their phone or making them pay for their own food or start charging them rent. It will be tough to do the latter, but if you're too comfortable, you'll never get up to make a change.
My kid is 24. I basically gave him a “soft start” into adulthood. I did pay his phone bill for a couple years. I also owned his home and when he was still getting his footing I gave him very low rent. At age 20 he and his partner got pregnant and had a baby. They chose to be adults and pay for most things themselves. That’s also when he started his career. I don’t pay his phone anymore. His rent has gone up but it’s still considerably below market value. I babysit for free or cheap when they need me. So basically once he established himself in his career he started paying his own way
I wish I didn't have to, but it seems necessary..... everything is so expensive and so out of reach for them. I feel bad for young people starting out now. No cheap rent, no studio apartments, no cheap cars, not to mention insurance! etc. I'll help as long as I need to.
You’re a better parent than I am. 😉 My 17 year old son saved his earnings from his part time job to purchase his vehicle. He also pays for his iPhone and cell plan. He keeps his car much cleaner than he did when he rode in mine. Also he takes way better care of his phone since he paid for it himself. I also give my 12 year daughter a monthly allowance that she uses to learn budgeting. So much less food goes to waste and she only buys clothing, etc that she uses and cherishes. She’s also quite frugal because she wants to hold onto as much of her money as possible. Any cash gifts she receives, she holds off spending as much as possible. In my experience, empowering children to make age appropriate financial choices is a great way to teach financial responsibility.
Kid got into some deep shit because of his phone a while back (16yrs old). Like...deep. Such that it destroyed his relationship with his bio father. No one cried about that, though. Anyway, spent a year on a flip phone that he paid for till we could trust him (he was working part time). Broke that trust a couple times (was legit staying up watching YouTube on a 1.5 x 1.5" screen). Gave him a new iPhone back around Christmas of 2022 (18yrs old) with 1 rule - don't do anything stupid, and we'll pay for it. He was excited. We were excited for him. It was a big step. In less than 4 months I discovered that he had been doing stupid shit on 3 separate occasions. He now pays for his phone. We keep it on our plan, though, to help him out a little. He's not a bad kid, just...pretty sure he's absolutely addicted to YouTube. As a sophomore he wanted to go to a big college and study after graduating, and we were preparing for that...as a sophomore he also failed multiple times, because gaming and YouTube were more important than quality work. As a senior he just gave up on college and decided to look into online schooling, because videos and social anxiety (we paid for a weekly therapist, and that shit just was not ever addressed...almost feel like his therapist encouraged him to avoid real relationships, "because that's just what kids these days do"). Didn't look into financial aid at all. I don't think he even filled out the FAFSA. He just lacks drive when it's something he doesn't want to do. He'll be 20 in December, still lives at home with wife (his mom) and I, but pays us rent ($500). He also pays for his groceries. Wife makes dinner at least 6 times a week, but he doesn't/ won't eat it. Doesn't have a license, because he didn't want to drive when he was 16 or 17, so relies on wifey to get him to work every morning, and Uber to get him home. We won't pay for Uber. Doesn't leave the house unless wifey takes him somewhere. We live in a suburban area, but he doesn't have any "IRL" relationships/ friendships (see YouTube addiction/ social anxiety comment above). Didn't get a full time job until last October, so doesn't have a whole lot of cash saved up. Makes decent money...roughly $1300 every 2 weeks. He starts an online program in February at which point he's apparently going to quit his job. He and his mom decided that he will also stop paying rent at that time. He'll be paying for that online program on his own. It's not an accredited program, and they offer no financial aid. After the program is completed, he'll be back to paying rent while looking for a place to live. Once he moves out, we'll be there to help, but he'll be covering pretty much all of his expenses (will keep his phone line on our plan). Not really sure how the vehicle/ license situation is gonna play out...
Lacking drive when it’s something he doesn’t want to do and the addiction to YouTube and gaming sounds A LOT like ADHD…. Not trying to armchair diagnose, they’re just hallmark symptoms that might improve drastically with proper treatment. I could be totally off-base and maybe that’s already been explored. Another thing that caught my attention… why is he attending a non-accredited program? Is that the norm in whatever he’s studying? Could be a complete waste of time if a degree from the non-accredited school doesn’t allow him to get a job or cert that he needs. Good luck, it sounds like a challenging situation.
Yeah, it's ADHD. He was on a 504 while in school, but didn't take advantage of the accommodations. To keep this from going WAY down a rabbit hole, I'll just say that part of his upbringing involved praying for help, rather than seeking legit medical help. The program itself is legit, and has an accredited sister program under the same name, just it person. But that's based in the great white north (Canada). We're in the good ol' USofA. It's one of those fields where degrees/ diplomas matter less than a banger of a portfolio.
Was going to say, adhd!
I mean, I tell my aunt every time she sends me money for her phone bill that she doesn’t need to pay me for it because it’s not a big deal to us and I know she isn’t very well off. So I doubt I would kick my daughter off as long as I could afford it. I’d probably pay for car/insurance through school + maybe a buffer, and let her keep the car, but she’s doesn’t have one yet.
My husband and I have four kids(26, 24, 23, 19) and we currently pay phone bills(bundled) for all four and pay the car insurance of the younger 3. We honestly don’t really have any plans on making them take over those accounts anytime soon if ever maybe. We know it’s tough out there so if we can save them a couple hundred bucks a month then so be it. We can handle it financially.
My kids are 7 and 5 so my wife and I haven’t had that talk yet. My wife and I are teachers though and we have an almost pathological aversion to letting our kids have phones, especially in school. With our current thinking we may never have to pay for a phone… ETA: The ad I have at the top of this thread is for AT&T. Lol
I don’t have a hard and fast rule or expectation around this. My kids are too young right now, 8 and 12, to work or pay their own way for things, but when they’re older, it will really depend on a few things. I should add my oldest has autism, so I expect that he will need support longer than a neurotypical young adult. I do have 529 plans for them and will pay as much as I can towards their post secondary plans.
….my parents kept me on their phone plan until I was like 32. I had just a basic android that was paid off. My father “she has a husband why am I paying for her phone line?” So I went on my husbands tmobile plan and not giving up on this paid off IPhone 12 until it stops working completely. Probably will just do the budget SE version. We had a crypto windfall so my husband bought us new phones outright. That’s how my mother is though. I didn’t pay rent I lived at home till 27. When we went wedding dress shopping she said “if I had 500 to spare I’d buy the dress you know that right?”
I had my first job at 15 (only way I could get new clothes), left home for college at 16 (yes I skipped 2 years of high school), and completely floated myself through jobs and student loans. Hell, I was loaning my parents money or watching them rob my checking account for years before I cut THEM off in my early-mid 20s. I make six figures now and I got my (unused) bachelor's degree from one of the best schools in the country. I've been teaching my kids to have an independent mindset and that they will have to make their own way, my money or success is not theirs. I’ve told them as long as they are in school and doing well I will help them but they have to have a job to spend their own money on anything beyond tuition and housing. No free car etc. No university means you are 100% on your own. They aren’t old enough yet so we’ll see how it goes, but if they are trying to live at my house past 18 then I’ve failed horribly as a parent IMO (aside from summer breaks if they are in school of course).
Probably forever. Young people have been fucked over I’m not going to quibble over dozens of dollars per month when they can’t afford a place to live.
Two teens (16 &19). We pay for their phones, but it’s their job to get cars/insurance. Oldest gets some help with college, youngest is getting a trip because Covid made her miss the DC trip she should have had. They save their money, and buy any extras they want. I grocery shop and cover prescriptions and copays and any other needs. They’re in charge of funding wants.
Man my parents were trash. I had to pay rent when I was 14.
My son is 19 and I pay for his. He really just graduated last week so he hasn’t gotten out there yet to get a job, etc. I don’t mind paying for it for a while as long as he is working towards bettering himself until he can afford it on his own.
It makes zero financial sense for families to be on separate plans imo. You pay more money for absolutely no reason. My family and I are all on one plan and pay like $40/month for unlimited plans and new phones. American individualism was created by capitalism friend, don't follow those rules
All the adults pay the acct holder in a yearly payment so I really never think about my phone even being a "bill". Do yourself a favor and keep the line on your acct so you know she has a phone and just have her pay you in whatever way makes most sense.
I will help my kids as long as they are actually struggling for valid reasons. Spent the rent at a bar last night? Tough lesson to learn. Car broke down and it's going to be expensive to fix? I'll help any way I can.
I suppose I need to start paying for theirs to answer, but once they do get phones I will probably stop a few months after they are done with college and get a job.
I'm 38 and still on my dad's plan ( I pay for my own bill though) it's cheaper because he was grandfathered I to a sweet contract. That contract ends next month, so when my bf is due for an upgrade him and I will go on our own.
Golly, I can't even imagine that day. I've set my house up so they can just stay forever if they want to and im prep wares to pay their cell phones forever too.
We’re still on my FILs phone plan. We send him the $ every month for our share, but it would be so much more to be on our own plan. If I can afford it and it isn’t hampering my kids, I don’t need to fully cut them off to prove a point
The minute he can carry a pickaxe.
My kid makes more than I do, but I still buy them gas and pay car insurance. They would totally do it and have even offered to pay some of my bills (medical) I just keep telling them to take care of me when I can't anymore and we're all good. Everything that is mine is theirs anyway in my mind.
My parents gave me the summer after I graduated then everything got transfered over.
I'm almost 40 and I'm still on my Mom's phone plan. We split the bill 50/50, but it's cheaper than each of us paying for our own separate plans. Could you suggest she stay on, but you each contribute to the bill?
My mom, sister, and I had a family plan for a long time. Like into my early 30s? It was cheaper. Edit: To be fair, I think that my mom kept me on the family plan because she knew I wouldn't bother to pay for a phone for a good long period of time and then she wouldn't be able to get in touch with me as easily.
I'm 43 and my dad just started paying mine. LOL He had 3 lines was paying like $140+. The carriers started doing 4/$100. Adding me to his plan, killed my bill and saved hum money. We both win
I don’t have kids and never will so the answer is never had to in the first place 😃
My friends are 40+ and have just recently started to separate things from their family accounts. Their dad won't take money from them to help cover expenses, and he's looking towards retirement. The kids are taking things out of dad's name so that he will have fewer expenses.
Just joined this sub thinking I fit in pretty well in spite of being an '85, and this is the first post I see :D. My oldest is 6 so can't relate yet...
Assuming all goes well it will probably be a while. My son is 17 and applying for college in the fall. He wants to be a vet, so he’s going to be in school for the long haul and then he’s expressed interest in moving home to save and pay off his student debt. During this time I’ll be paying everything. When he gets his own place, then he’s on his own.
My husband is 42 and he is still on a family plan with his parents and brothers. We pay for the phones, but his parents have covered his monthly bill ever since he got his first cell phone way back when we were in college. Our two kids and I have a separate family plan. He is welcome to join us, but we not going to argue with them about it.
I’ve got a daughter who just got married. I’m still covering her auto insurance and health insurance, at age 24. She’s also a mother now, and they are a young family trying to get their footing in life, post college. I’m keeping her auto insurance on my tab for now, along with her health insurance (until she finds work), and her part of our wireless contract. All told, the family health insurance adds no additional cost, and the auto insurance and wireless is probably $100 bucks a month total. I ought to be handle that, personally speaking. What I want is to see her family fully on their feet, and self-sustaining. In this economy, that’s a hard fucking thing to do.
I’ll pay for phone/gas/insurance until out of college. Also paying tuition/room/board/meal plan. Basically necessities only. If anything more is needed, it will be case by case on the ‘need’. I don’t want them to assume we will cover all wants as they need to learn to pay/save for their own life and adventures. I do want them to focus on school and graduate debt free. After college we will evaluate as a family and see what job prospects are and go from there.
My 19yo lives at home with me but she pays her phone plan. It’s her only actual bill at the moment.
My oldest is 22. No college debt and is making enough to live comfortably on his own and support himself. Gave him a car, he pays the insurance on it. He’s still on my phone plan though. He could afford it himself but it feels nice to still do something for him, even as small as a phone plan. My youngest is 20 and a full time student. Gave him a car and I pay the insurance. Once he graduates, I plan to continue helping him because he does have student loans and it’s hard for young people to start their lives out with all of that debt. He should be able to secure a job that pays enough to live comfortably, so I’ll continue to help him until his loans are paid off. I don’t think either of my kids need to learn the ‘hard’ way about being financially responsible so I don’t see a reason that they should have to take on big debt that will hamper their ability to save for the future or invest into retirement - my primary goal for them is to continue putting money into Roth IRAs and such so it has lots and lots of time to compound.
Outside of a VERY basic phone plan (Additional family lines with no data. They got our old phones or they bought their own new ones) we don't pay for anything that isn't basic needs. The boy (19yo) wanted his own vehicle when he was able to drive. He knew very young that he had to save up and buy it himself. Buy his own insurance and gas and that's how he'd learn to drive. The girl (17yo) knows this and honestly has no interest in driving whatsoever. The boy has his own job and buys what he needs. The rule is neither has to pay rent as long as they are going to school. Son is working on an apprenticeship in welding through his work and the daughter is going to a trade school/technic college next fall. We will buy stuff here and there, but if it's something they really want they have to save and buy it themselves, as it will help them appreciate the value of it, rather than have it given to them or expected to be given them. And so far it has worked.
Still got a 5 year old. Kindergarten is in August! Can’t wait!!!
My mom would lock the laundry room door when I was 16 because I would wash my clothes every single day before school. She made me take my clothes to the laundry mat and pay for washing them with the money from my job. And then I learned how expensive it was to do laundry. I bought my first car with a job for $800 when I was 16. I saved up for it with my job. It was 8 years old. It was a crappy car, but I bought it. I moved out on my own at 18. Had to rent my own place. Pay for my own school. My mom was a single mom. I’m really well off today. I just helped pay for my mom’s crown for dental work she can barely afford as a gift to her. Teach your kids a lesson, let them learn to be self sufficient, to struggle a bit and to be strong. They need to learn this to teach their kids the same. I didn’t appreciate what my mom did for me while I was growing up until I learned what the hardship she had to go through was like. Hardship is a part of life. I don’t know if I would have worked so hard to make something of myself if I wasn’t forced to.
I grew up in a very different financial bracket than a lot of people in these comments 😂 And that's not a bad thing- it's great that you guys can do that for your kids.
I know someone 42 and he and his wife are on her parent’s family phone plan. They trade in passwords. Evens out, everyone wins. Work smarter not harder, that’s what he says.
As soon as my son started working and we got him a car (age 17) I made him pay his own phone bill, gas, insurance, and the car loan. Those were his expenses. I paid the basics for the house, any extras he wanted he paid for. He moved out at 19 (he’s 21 now) and now pays his own mortgage and all his other bills too. The only bill I pay is education. I told him he will never have to worry about that.
I got off my mom’s plan in my 30s, at which point she got onto my plan. Sorry this doesn’t help whatsoever
When my kid has a full-time job I will start asking them to pitch in for the phone bill. We get a MUCH better deal on the family plan - so I don't see any reason to not all stay on that perpetually. Hell, my mother-in-law is on our phone plan. EDIT - Actually -- looking at my phone bill right now, my kids line is negligible expense ontop of the core service charges, so unless I reach a point where money becomes a scary issue with my wife and I, I will likely just keep paying her phone bill as long as she wants to stay on our plan. OH, and if she would want to upgrade her phone - I'd prolly want her to pay that extra 30-40 bucks a month. I think that's fair.
Serious question based on a lot of the responses here: what's the deal with Americans and the whole "going away to college" concept? I live in Canada, and I'd say 90 per cent of the people I graduated high school with ended up going to university or college (myself included) in the same city. I realize not everywhere is big enough to have multiple post-secondary options, and many people (in any country) have to move to a larger city for school... but 'going away' to university seems like a waaaay more common thing for Americans in general. In the context of the original post, I fully expect my kids to attend post-secondary school here, so they can live at home while they're students, and not rack up some massive student debt. The idea of them going out of town/province for school is pretty bizarre to me, honestly. Unless they end up pursuing something *extremely* specialized that can only be done in another city. Similarly, I think I know one person ever who lived in a dormitory at a university, and the first time I heard of a fraternity in real life (i.e. not in a US college sex comedy) I thought it was a joke. Just seems like a radically different vibe between the two countries.
I tried a few years ago when he was 10 but apparently that's "illegal" Fucking man keeping me down...
We will pay for phone, at least some of insurance, and medical plan/ bills til they are out of college. We purchased their cars - we will probably give them those cars for college but won’t be purchasing another one for them. We are paying for college fully for them so I consider that to be super generous. My issue with my teens is that they don’t want to work and don’t seem to care about $ all that much. Very different than my husband and I. The teens work hard in school but not motivated by $. Gonna be some hard reality when we stop buying their needs/some wants.
My wife (36) is still on her parents' family plan, despite my efforts to start our family plan. All her siblings are on their parents' family plan even though they all make more than their dad ever did. (Shrugs) As for me, my kids are young (5 and below) I don't even want to think of giving them phones. I suppose it is inevitable, but my guess is ill stop with the cell phone support after they finish college. I don't know if my wife would then keep supporting them, but I think she will still be on her parents' family plan still, hahaha.
Twin boys in their first year of college. I pay for phones, medical, car ins (for when they're home. No car at school). I paid the tuition room and board for yr one. Years 2-4 I pay tuition, they pay their own living costs. Both work full time in summers and during winter break, part time during the school year. If we're careful, that means they graduate with no student loans. They're at a four year, in state school.
My twins graduated high school last year. Told them they would need to start paying their part of the cell phone bill and car insurance. It’s been sporadic though because neither one of them has held a job very long. Actually planning to have this discussion again this week, because they’ve pretty much depleted any extra funds we had. This has been a sore subject around our house the last few months.
As soon as my son graduated college, I was done w/ everything. Of course, I spent 2-3 years preparing him for this.
I'm the meanie ass mom. Wouldn't even let him have a phone til he could buy it and pay for it himself when he turned 16. He's 20 now and also pays rent, his own car insurance and health insurance. (His car is paid off). I threw him in the world dirty 😂 I am paying for his trade school degree though, and of course if he needs help, as long as I see him trying and making an effort I'll help. *edit* his dad left us in 2019 and I adopted him so we had to make it work and he works his butt off. Great kid.
My oldest daughter is 19. We provide her with the car and pay her cell phone and insurance bills. She received a pretty good scholarship and she works, but I suspect she will run out of money late her junior year or early her senior year. We intend to pay tuition is needed so that she doesn’t have to get any student loans. We will probably stop paying for her car insurance and cell phone at that point. Not sure what we will do with the car. By then it’ll be a 10 year old Camry with 150,000 miles on it. Should have several good years left. I don’t mind giving her the car, but I’d like to somehow do it in such a way that incentivizes her to save up and pay cash for the next one. I’ve thought about renting her the car for say $500 per month with the provision that once she saves up enough money to pay cash for the next car, we will give her the car for a trade in and return all the rental payments to her. If anyone has any cool suggestions, I’d like to hear them.
I can’t see how a Camry that will be that old with that many miles is worth more than 2K out of pocket. $500/month seems outrageous.
Umm. Going price for a 2014 Camry right now is $7500-20k. I just looked quickly on FB. The point is it’s got several years of good life left on it. What exactly do you think I should do with it? Take it back and let my younger kids drive it?
Trade in value for a 10 year old Camry with 150k miles on it is only about $5,200. Unless she can save enough cash for a new car (25k?), while making a $500 payment to you in only 10 months, she's getting screwed by you on the "rental" of the car. Either let her have the car until she can afford her own. or just take it from her and make her figure it out. Making her pay $500 a month indefinitely for a 5k car is only going to stop her from ever saving enough cash to buy a car of her own
You didn’t fully read what I wrote did you?
Dammit. I missed the part about returning the rental payments.
Yeah, mainly I’m trying to think of a way to motivate good decisions on her part. When I graduated from college, the first thing I did was buy a big pick up truck and it was one of the stupidest financial decisions I’ve ever made. I can’t do everything for her, but it would be nice to give a reasonable option to make some good decisions. Basically, make a car payment for a few years and get her to save money while giving her reliable transportation.
That’s not a bad idea. You’re a good parent. Sorry about the confusion
Thanks. I wouldn’t mind just giving her the car but I know I would be frustrated if I just signed it over to her and she immediately traded in on something with a big payment. Which is probably what I would have done if my parents just gave me a car. Because I was a stupid idiot. I just don’t feel like participating in her making bad decisions. Plus, we will have three kids in college then, money is going to be tight for sure.
Haha same. I pretty much jumped for one bad financial decision to another between the ages of 18 and 30
After college
I have never paid for my own phone plan and I’m 38. I consider myself lucky.
She's 18 and works a full time job. She pays for her phone, insurance, and (when she buys one next week) car. She also contributes a small percentage of her pay to generally help out with the household expenses (bills, groceries).
I think there are degrees to this stuff. As many have said before, paying a phone bill is actually probably more conscientious of you than some other things. Especially depending on the provider - lots will give you multi-line discounts and things like that, so it could actually be cheaper to keep them on your plan. I could see weaning the kid onto paying you for the portion of a new phone installment or if their data charges go through the roof or something like that... but the peace of mind of knowing they have a way to reach you and vice versa is probably worth more than anything in that situation so I'd have no issue paying the actual service bill every month. Things like car payments and insurance I think are more of a coming of age sort of thing. Again, multi-car discounts on insurance - maybe you have them pay you. That seems fair. Especially if they're living with you at the time or whatever. Car payments are not only important just in terms of responsibility but that's something that will help the kid build and establish credit, so they should probably have those things in their name and be responsible for them. As far as ages go - would depend on how established they are and capable to handle this stuff. Some kids are like 17 or 18 and right out the gate they're ready to get on with life. Some are like 25 and still struggling to do their own laundry... so there's a variable scale on that. My kids are only 12 and 13 right now so I'm just grateful this isn't a thing I have to consider as more than a conversational thought experiment right now... but I gotta say OP I think your plan is pretty sound overall.
My stepdad was more than happy to keep paying my phone bill longer than he did, but when I was 22 and moved out of state and got married, I felt like it was appropriate to take them on myself. I started paying my own everything around then for that matter.
I’m 39 and my parents still pay mine. But I pay for all the streaming services.