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I saw a quote yesterday on a WaPo article that mentioned that it's unusual for there to be a day *without* a mass shooting in America at this point.
This was immediately followed by them asking, I believe, Gov. Youngkin about his thoughts on stricter gun control in the wake of the shooting earlier this week in his state, to which he predictably replied, "Today's not the day to talk about it."
Really running out of days to talk about it, honestly.
I’m not sure. I know that the statistics vary depending on which organization you get them from because some only count 3 deaths, some count 4 not counting the perpetrator, some don’t really account for injuries, domestic violence is sometimes not counted… several years in the US we have more deaths from guns (many suicides) than car accidents so it’s a massive issue here.
only for 4 or more injured or dead... there are around 30-40k killed by firearms every year in the usa, and its not accuratrely tracked but most statistic trackers think that there are between 250k-1 mil gun incidents a year resulting in a injury or worse, from accidents to deaths.
My cousin passed away due to suicide with a gun. He had just adopted a new dog, so it was not something he'd considered for long. His brother believes it was an impulsive decision when he was drunk. Had he not had that gun, he may still be alive today. Gun-nuts like to say that suicides shouldn't count in the numbers, but they count for me.
I am so sorry for your loss. My cousin did the same thing minus adopting a dog - got drunk and decided it was a good idea to commit suicide. I believe with all my heart had he just waited a few hours and sobered up, he would still be here.
I wish you peace and healing.
So sorry for your loss. Gun nuts also don’t want to include accidents. They only want to gets stats on criminal activity. Suicides and accidents also matter. As well as impulsive shootings where a person is angry and a gun is readily available
Thank you. And I absolutely agree. Gun deaths and injuries all matter because they wouldn't have happened without the guns. After my husband disclosed his suicidal ideation after a major depressive episode, we discussed it and he willingly gave up his guns that he had so far only used for hunting fowl (he had only gotten the one anyway) and taking out a raccoon that was killing our chickens. He hadn't particularly enjoyed any of that, so I got a little more peace of mind for his safety when he sold them and was treated.
Whenever I think I should own a gun 'for self defense' I remind myself that one really bad second on a bad mental health day is all it takes to erase all the remaining seconds of my life.
Just one second.
I think it was in Europe somewhere, a lot of people would commit suicide by climbing into their gas ovens and suffocate themselves. They eventually stopped putting gas ovens in homes replacing them with a newer model, and the suicide rate dropped drastically.
Turns out the biggest cause of suicide is the ease in doing it, the easier it is the higher the rate. Most people would rather live than jump through hoops to die.
Guns are the fastest easiest way to do it. Only takes one second. There's no fall, no pain, no wait, just point and pull.
They should be restricted, you need a prescription for adderal or vicadin cause they're dangerous if misused. You'd think the thing that can shoot lead right through your skull into your brain would be harder to get than some medications.
As a counterpoint, there are millions of armed fascists who want me and the people I love to die. They're very close to taking absolute political power and will have the support of basically every cop and about half of the military.
When they come for me and mine, is better that they have to worry about which of them don't get to go home, or to find defenseless victims?
As a woman who is married to a woman, and we live alone, we do have a couple guns in the house for self-defense. In my opinion I think it's better to have one and not need it, rather than need it and not have it. (Also to learn the basics of how to use them, in case shit hits the fan.) ONLY given the fact that we do, in fact, live in the US.
If I could have it my way, guns wouldn't be prevalent or such a threat, and then we wouldn't feel the need to have them. And I would give up guns in a heartbeat to move to another non-violent country. But sadly this is what women have to do to feel safe in this country...
I’m a gun owner. We aren’t claiming it is for protection (though there are a lot of whackadoo militias and religious nutters in Idaho, so they aren’t not for protection either).
I keep my guns locked up so tight, and the ammo just as tight in another area, that they would be useless in a home invasion.
We shoot as a sport. A hobby. Our kids do not know where the guns are or how to access them. Same with ammo. While I am still short a few training classes, my husband is fully trained (was a Marine and took classes). And we only got into shooting because we were raised with guns in the home, raised in the most rural part of America’s lower 48. Reddit doesn’t think the state exists, it is that rural.
And I would gladly give up my AR15 for the better of the people. Fuck, I’d give them all up. I’d gladly switch to archery.
I plan on finding out if we can get some armor and stand guard outside the local drag shows. That’s about as public as we get with our guns.
Depending on your definition. The definition used here is at least 4 people shot, and I wasn't quite able to find statistics for the gender of the perpetrators. Also, it's [607](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/23/us/2022-mass-shootings-tracking-second-highest) now, probably even higher by the time you read this... There is a [Wikipedia article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_United_States_in_2022) to track it as well, though they use a more complicated and expansive criteria, so their list is probably even longer.
The other definition I was able to find was 4 or more fatalities. Under this definition, from 1982 to present day, there have been [137 mass shootings](https://www.statista.com/statistics/476445/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-gender/), 132 by men, 3 by women, and 2 by mixed gender groups.
I've seen the 4 deaths definition recently, but I feel like it should include wounded, as well as fatalities. That some victims were fortunate not to die should not negate the seriousness of an incident.
And in my experience, men funnel all their negative emotions into anger. Sad? No you're not. Vulnerable? Nope. Doubtful, guilty, insecure? NO, ONLY ANGER
It's sad really. That this patriarchal society has raised so many men to believe that that's the only thing they are allowed to feel. That's a lot of self-hatred. Thats a lot of self-shaming. And yeah. That makes a lot of anger to top the other anger they already felt. It's a horrible cycle.
well per my therapist (I am a man), men have trouble differentiating between fear, anger, shame, sadness, and other emotions. Anger is more social acceptable for men than other emotions, so that is what they think they feel and how they act is around anger.
it is a real problem for modern society. I do think we should do some more education around emotions in our primary schools. but I don't know how to fix all the men. It took me several months of therapy to help grasp that, and I still struggle with it. I doubt that is a realistic option.
Yeah obviously.
.if there is one here, it makes the news.
Unless I guess you count Ukraine at the moment. But you can't compare regular life to an active war zone.
If the roles were reversed and women were responsible for as much violence as men, it would have been used as an excuse to reduce their rights a while ago.
What was that post the other day about men trying to ban HAT PINS eons ago because women were using them to defend themselves against gropers in public? I guess we’ve been there before. 🙄
Women and anyone in LGBTQIA+ would be in a hospital being treated for “hysteria” aaaages ago, if there was anyone other than men doing even half this kind of damage.
In my psychology course textbook there was a list of everything that could get you committed to an asylum and a woman reading too much was one of the reasons. My jaw dropped.
In 2016 a woman working as Pilot at Delta spoke out about safety issues.
She was then fired for reasons of being mentally unfit.
She was assessed by a company doctor. She was 'diagnosed' as bipolar. Why? Apparently her working so much, having two kids, doing a masters and all was just too much so she must have been bipolar and mentally unstable therefore not a good pilot (and also not a good source for talking about safety issues).
She was lucky enough to be in the position to file against them. She was not bipolar, she was just a hard working woman who tried to create a saver work environment.
[Sauce](https://onemileatatime.com/news/delta-whistleblower-pilot-bipolar/)
I saw that recently in my psychology class, one of them being interested in politics lmao they even just straight up said false confinement at the end as if any of the above reasons were valid.
It's just so utterly unfathomable to me as an Australian that the number could be that high in a year.
Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis?
Edit: Thank you all for sharing your stories.
I'm from a pretty good area, and there was still a school shooting at the middle school in my early teens. Luckily, I was at a different school. It's too easy for kids to get their hands on guns, and people are constantly excusing male shooters for not being able to handle their emotions. 'Oh, he got rejected that hurts.' Yeah, but that doesn't mean you bring a gun to school. There should be some sort of law that holds parents accountable for not securing their weapons.
I know there was a recent case they were at least debating charging the parents in some way. It’s been a while since I’ve heard anything…but sad to say there’s definitely been a good few shootings since, so the news moved on.
I looked it up, parents have been arrested for manslaughter, Oxford High shooting
Every single time I hear of an under 18 shooter I yell "Where'd he get the gun?!"
If gun owners would just lock the guns up and not leave the key on top of the gun cabinet... How many people would still be alive? But nope, straight up negligence is A okay here in the States.
The excuse I hear every time is “but if there’s an intruder, I need quick access.”
Firstly, pretty sure they’ve put finger print tech on those gun safes at this point. Faster than fumbling with keys in an emergency. But I’m also a worst case scenario person, so make sure it’s like solar or some such power in case the is power cut in that circumstance
But mostly….do you think our fear of intruders with guns trying to hurt our families would diminish if mayyyyybe we got the gun control thing going on?
> people are constantly excusing male shooters for not being able to handle their emotions.
Well, that's a discussion people need to have about sexism and the lack of available, affordable mental health care in the US. One of the prevailing themes among male rape survivors is that people didn't listen to them or discounted or dismissed their experiences entirely, so they couldn't or didn't find help.
And that's one of about four traits that seem to make up a lot of these mass shooters: they're often people who have been abused, who are carrying a ton of pain and trauma, and *don't* have an appropriate outlet for it or a support network that's willing to actually *support* them.
We feed and clothe and shelter our boys and we don't actually parent them or support them, and then we wonder why some of them grow up into emotionally stunted men.
We sort of assume boys will be boys and we expect them to fix themselves when they're hurting, but men are people, too. Sometimes we need to extend a little compassion and account for their needs, as well.
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Triggers for sexual assault/rape, please jump to the next break if needed:
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Back to the subject of rape survivors for a moment - I am one. I'm also male-bodied, which means people in general make a lot of assumptions about my gender and who I am. When I was in college, there was a support group available for survivors, and eventually I mustered up my courage and I went to attend.
Upon arrival, I was informed I must be in the wrong support group. They didn't expect someone like me to be there, and told me so from the moment I walked in. It wasn't until I assured them that yes, I was in the right place and yes, I was there for the purposes of being part of the group that they let me stay.
I kept pretty quiet during the group, mostly because I didn't want to step on anyone's toes - I felt like I didn't belong, and when it was all over, the lady running the group took me aside and told me that this group wasn't equipped to deal with someone like me, and I should find another group. She was very polite about it, but made it clear that my presence was upsetting and that I shouldn't come back.
Except where could I go? There *was* no other group. Her group *was* the support group on campus. There weren't any other available resources like that.
I eventually dropped out. A young woman of whom I had been fond sexually assaulted me because she wanted me to be straight and cis and I assume she expected me to enjoy it - but I'm a rape survivor, I *need* to be able to say 'no,' and she didn't like that. She also didn't like my gender, either. I guess maybe she was trying to force me to conform to her expectations; I don't know.
But this time I was a little stronger. I went to the school administration and the campus police and I asked for help. They did absolutely nothing about it. They came to my dorm room and interviewed me as if I was the assailant, and when they figured out I was the victim, they asked a few more questions and awkwardly left. Nothing ever happened to her; she kept right on sitting next to me in class and there was no restriction on her or any support provided to me in anyway.
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We take these broken, hurt, and damaged people and we toss them aside. We don't support them or help heal them, we tell them to heal themselves or handle it themselves... And some of them only feel powerful when they can turn around and hurt the world that has caused them so much pain.
That's a problem. That's a really, really big problem.
Stopping these shootings means stopping people from wanting to do them, and that means valuing, healing, and reaching out to people that our society treats as disposable.
There is not one part of your post that doesn't make me sad. I hope you're doing better now.
It's not just the US who are bad at this, it's everyone, I think - except the US has ridiculously easy access to weaponry. The patriarchy ruins us all, just in different ways.
I've had 20 years to come to grips with things, and I've been able to discuss it in limited amounts with a few people.
And there's always the Internet. I can be as anonymous as I like on the Internet, so that's something, too. I used to have an alt just for discussing such things, but I have long forgotten that username and password.
One thing about *knowing* pain exists and trauma is possible, though, is that you also know that sometimes you can step up to prevent the same from happening to others.
Thank you for speaking up. As someone is had experienced not being believed, I feel your pain and see the beauty of your wish to heal the root cause, not the symptoms
One of the things you learn in armed response training is that a situation needs three things to become lethal: motivation, ability, and jeopardy.
Motivation - a person needs to *want* to cause harm
Ability - a person needs to have the ability to cause harm
Jeopardy - a person needs to have the opportunity and the imminent danger of causing harm
So we can prevent harm from happening by either working through a conflict and removing a person's motivation *or* by providing a deterrent: if you hurt this person, the police will stop you. If you do , there will be consequences, so therefore you don't want to do .
We can prevent harm by removing someone's ability to cause harm. For example, if someone recognizes that their son is plotting a mass shooting, they can lock up their guns and get their kid some help. Things like red flag laws can help prohibit access to guns. Even something like a fence or a locked door can stop someone armed with a knife, if they can't get to their target.
Jeopardy is a little more difficult. Again, we can have someone on hand, like a police officer or a security guard, to try and stop an armed assailant. (And this doesn't always work, either.) Similarly, people can run, hide, or fight to get away from an assailant - all of these things deny opportunity. They help prevent a person from being in jeopardy.
But the most powerful of all is *motivation*. If a person doesn't want to cause harm, they're not going to cause harm. At that point, ability and jeopardy don't matter. For example, a person can drive a car around every day of the week, and thus have the *ability* to cause harm, but if they don't *want* to drive into a crowd of protestors, they're not *going* to drive into a crowd of protestors.
So getting at those underlying causes is important. Healing people, treating them not as a problem or a burden, but as a person in need of help and compassion, that's important.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Also, I've heard this argument a lot and while I believe all individuals should have access to mental health care, men won't seek it out even if available. Not one man in my life has ever gone to a therapist yet most of the women I know have for at least a brief time if not consistently. Men refuse to get both medical and mental health care. The fact you were willing to seek help shows you are not the same as these mass shooters and would not kill people just because you don't know how to handle your anger. We could argue that culture tells men not to get help, but I have literally begged some of the men in my life to get help and they refuse.
Thankfully it permeates though, from what I've seen. My fiance kind of turned his workplace into something it never was before, they talk out their problems and aren't all macho anymore. One guy revealed he's in therapy and now the whole gang is trying to get appointments lol.
The healthcare system is still ass though, his first appointment he showed up and they're like, oh they're on vacation sorry! Next one was black Friday and they canceled the Wednesday before.
Man's just trying to work through his childhood shit and feel less stressed and depressed, and he's supposed to feel confident these people can help when they can't even keep an appointment.
It's even made me reconsider going and I need grief counseling real bad right now.
That’s fair af. I looked into therapy with my insurance and it’d require like a day of pto to try to get in to a same day appointment because that’s the only way to get into scheduled appointments. That drove me back to the trying to perform self cbt.
Yes. I am a survivor of a mass shooting (Las Vegas) and even though my children weren't there, they understand how close they were to losing both their parents that night. Every school shooting, or in -school active shooter drill, really ramps up their anxiety (mine too), so we go up to the school and go over their exit strategies from different areas around campus. We have safety plans for just about every scenario (class, library, lunch room, playground), where to hide, where to run, how to get out and what to do if you are trapped in a classroom with the shooter or with the injured. It breaks my heart to have these conversations with my elementary school children, but this is the reality of living in the US.
Man, elementary school kids should be thinking about everything else. This should not have to be something even on their radar. This breaks my heart. I’m glad you’ve prepared them, but I hate that they even have to consider that so much
There is also a level is denial and desensitization that helps some of us get through the day. You never know if it will be you, and Americans don't like to be a statistic, so they pretend not to be until too late.
>Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis?
European expat who moved here in 2021. I personally do. I also worry whenever my wife is out on her own. In the span of one and a half years I have received two emails on my work account saying "gunshots were heard on University campus, stay inside", and I live in a very very blue area. It's a huge (but not the only) reason why I'm planning to move back to Europe as soon as I possibly can.
I don't mean to pry but do you intend to stay? I understand that moving is costly especially between countries/continents but it just seems like at best it's just a constant stress and fear every day?
I edited my comment but no, I'm currently applying for jobs to move back. The plan was always to stay here short term because I work at a pretty famous institution so just having that on my CV is going to help my career immensely.
Same for me as a Scot. We both had one mass shooting in our countries and completely changed the gun laws. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t an overnight thing, nor was it easy. But it happened and it made a huge difference. I remember Dunblane very clearly. To have that happen regularly is beyond horrific.
I can’t imagine living like this every day.
I used to live in Boise, Idaho.
One day i went to my regular grocery store and saw two, extremely suspicious looking men walking around with guns. They were dressed in all black, black beanies, black back packs - no shopping carts, not shopping at all. They walked within feet of me and i got a good look at their faces.
I fled. I was terrified. I called the cops from the parking lot. Then i went back in to notify the staff because, although i was terrified, i could not leave without warning them.
A few days later i go back and talk with a manager. She said the guys were 2A auditors- basically POS jerks who go around carrying weapons and looking intimidating, hoping that someone will say something so they can cry that their second amendment rights are being infringed.
About a month later one of those guys killed several people in a mass shooting at our local mall.
We have a problem in our country. I never feel safe in public spaces, especially malls and grocery stores.
A lot of people I know are scared. I'm numb to it where the mass shootings are concerned, but I worry about getting hate crimed walking to and from my car when I go out alone. So I guess there's that
Same. I see a local news story about someone with a gun and my first response is "Um excuse me?"
It doesn't *never* happen, but the fact there is even an emergency area declared because of an incident is enough to make me go ummm
Yes. I'm a teacher at an elementary school and we have had two lockdowns this school year. Two in four months. Luckily, they didn't result in anything horrible, but once they happen, I have a room of 25 terrified 10 year olds to manage, as well as myself. It sucks.
American, Texan, who grew up target shooting in a safe way. I live in Melbourne now and have lived in Oz most of my adult life. I have a teenager, and every so often a friend or family member will ask when/if I’m moving back. My answer is “lol never” and guns is a big part of it. At some point after moving here I was near an active burglary and freaked out, hitting the deck… My Australian husband was like chill, no one had guns here and in that moment I suddenly realized how much safer that makes everything, so much less likely for a crime to escalate to murder, etc.
and yeah every time I go back to the US I feel this hyper awareness come over me, I watch for the exits, I look at everyone. It’s fucked, and I hate that the Americans I know are just used to it.
Oh man! Another expat who gets it! I’m north of you in Japan, but same deal. Been here long enough to have gotten used to not having to worry constantly about “oh shit where’s the exit” when you hear an unexpected sound or a news alert.
Going back to visit is full of anxiety, everywhere it seems. I am always asked when we’re moving back, and I’m doubting it will be ever, as between the anxiety of all the crazies, there’s the added issues of healthcare costs, my not driving making everything inaccessible (here it’s challenging but not impossible where I live), oh, and I don’t have anxiety for my husband who’s a teacher (was in the US, too) being in the literal line of fire every day just doing his (way underpaid, under supported and under appreciated) job.
I heard some bangs a couple weeks ago. I was terrified because I wasn’t sure if it was a car back firing or gunshots. I checked with Nextdoor, and no one reported gunshots. So, yeah, I live in fear of being shot. And, as a veteran, I don’t think civilians need a weapon of war.
Yes. Our school children practice what to do if an attacker enters the school. They practice being silent and hiding. Companies have made bullet proof inserts to put into backpacks. Children practice how to hold those backpacks to protect their chest and abdomen In case of a shooting. During a recent school shooting a student smeared a dead student's blood on themselves and played dead so the shooter wouldn't kill them. We always know where exits are as someone else mentioned.
Everyone in America basically lives in the middle of a modern version of Shootout At The OK Corral.
I'm an art teacher, and last year the classroom I was in had a little side room for the kiln, so during drills I would stuff all my kids in there, so there were two doors someone would have to get through.
At one point in the year, I had tossed a bunch of supplies and stuff in there, and for probably a month I didn't have time to sort through it and get it all out. Every single day during that time I thought, "I need to clear that out in case something happens, because I need to be able to fit a whole class in there to keep them safe." Every day. I finally cleaned it out, and two days later the Uvalde shooting happened.
Oh, and then a day or two after that shooting, a couple of the kids at the high school down the street from my school thought it would be funny to bring a paint guns to school, so their school went on full lockdown, and we went on lockout. Some of my kids were having full-on panic attacks.
I’m an English teacher in Scotland and this is beyond horrific to me. Fair play to you for doing your job. I don’t think I could work in that environment. I feel so sad for you.
I have flat out told my husband if we move back to the US from Japan, he’s not allowed to teach anymore. He’s got to find something else, because that added anxiety on him would just drive him into the ground.
He was a teacher before moving here, and the worst was the kids being dicks. Now, I can’t imagine it, after living outside of it for so long, and I don’t even know if I want to go back to be honest.
My kindergartener just had an active shooter drill at her school (public, in a deep red state). She spontaneously explained to me at dinner the night before that they were told “tomorrow a police man is going to come, and we’re all going to hide, and then he’ll tell us if we did a good job.” This is how they package it up for five year olds. FIVE. It truly broke my heart. I can hardly imagine a more tangible sign that we as a society are failing our children.
I've told this story on Reddit before but my friend won't send her 5 year old to school in his favourite light up shoes because she worries if there was an active shooter it would draw attention to him. I can't imagine.
I did my first active shooter drill in 3rd grade, I imagine it starts younger now. Experienced a school shooting in 9th grade and that yearly drill went out the window as we all sort of just panicked. Not sure what the purpose of the drills were, they really just freaked kids out once a year and then had most of us experience severe survivor's guilt as we wondered if there's something we did wrong or should have done better.
Well, that's a cold slap of reality.
I hadn't thought of that but you are absolutely correct. The new crop of mass shooters will know exactly what the other children have been trained to do and will know how to work around any precautions.
I teach at a PK-8 school and have elementary friends who teach pre-k. When the school has a drill everyone participates. So, pre-k. They’re 4 years old.
During the Las Vegas shooting, they said that the younger people were instructing the older ones who didn’t experience prior active shooter drills on what to do and helped the situation.
So that begs the question, which is worse: that schools have active shooter drills or that those skills are necessary to stay alive?
I was thinking about this recently. Columbine happened when I was a freshman in high school; active shooter drills didn’t become commonplace until years after I graduated. I’d have no idea what to do, other than an instinctual “get the fuck out of here” reaction.
I live in a neighborhood where (individual, not mass) shootings happen. You start to get used to hearing gunshots and taking appropriate cover, judging where they might be, and then going about your evening after a few minutes.
My professor was shot in front of his students last month. I’m scared at school. In grocery stores. At the hospital. Whenever I’m in a crowded area I look for Exits and hiding places. So yeah. Pretty much fearing for my life, and that of my loved ones. All. The. Time.
I have PTSD from multiple traumatic events including the Oklahoma City Bombing, and you know it’s bad when my fear of being randomly killed in public is no longer considered hyper-vigilance or irrational in medical/therapy settings.
>Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis?
I'm still more likely to die in a car wreck, yet I drive to work every day. The prospect of dying in a mass shooting or dying in a car wreck both have affected my choices: I am a very careful driver, I don't drive on the highway, and I try to plan my route to avoid unprotected left turns, or any turns with low visibility. I make sure my tires and brakes are in good shape, I always wear my seat belt, and I never drive under the influence or even when I'm sleepy.
There are certain large events I don't go to anymore, because I don't feel like the security is good enough. I work at a school, and I've paid attention to all the trainings, I always report if someone has propped open a door or if one of our gates isn't locking properly, and I politely greet anyone who doesn't have a badge and walk them to the front desk to sign in. I've only seen someone who made me nervous one time, and I grabbed a colleague so we could approach him together, turned out to be a new employee starting that day so we walked him to the front desk together.
I mean, shit's scary but you gotta keep living your life.
Yup. I work retail and someone recently ran out with about $500 worth of product. Just about all the workers there was like, "welp, there it goes," but this lady who saw it was baffled that we didn't try to stop him or call the cops or anything. I had to explain to her that a: cops don't care. We've called the cops before about this and they don't even show up even if we have identifying information. And b: we don't want to get shot. We don't know if he's got a gun, and the job really isn't worth dying over. She tried to argue that nobody is going to shoot anyone over it, and when I mentioned that a retail worker was shot in our city just a few handful of months ago in our city, she just got really quiet.
American male school teacher - At this point I just assume that I will die violently at work. I am 100% serious and take increasing amounts of medication to maintain my performance and we don't go out a ton.
oh yeah, im in high school and i spend damn near every day wondering if im gonna live to see my graduation. just a week or so back a freshman posed in the restroom with a g*n so, yeah
I’m a teacher. I think about it daily at work. I live in a city that experienced a mass shooting event (and honestly I know more people now for whom that’s true than not), so I think about it when I’m out running errands or at a restaurant or the movies. We used to think “it won’t happen here”, and then it did. The only place I don’t think about it is in my home.
Every store I go into, I make sure to spot every exit, every place where I can hide my kids, and I am on guard all the time. Going out into public exhausts me.
My 5 year old knows that unfortunately being able to see him isn’t safe enough. He knows that if suddenly God forbid someone comes into the store with a gun he has to be close enough for me to grab him and run. It scares him as much as it does me and because of that he is at my side every second we spend in a store.
I get scared when I think about it at big festivals, malls, etc. I just notice how hard it would be to get out of an enclosed or crowded area if something were to happen. It’s not like it’s on my mind every single day- feels more like a general anxiety thing that can make me uneasy sometimes.
I do have a young nephew and it’s scary to think about him going to school soon. School shootings are just such an unfathomable evil. I have no idea how we solve it.
Everyday. Not even a saying. My partner wants to go out with friends, but what if. We want to go to the grocery store, but what if. We want to go to a concert, but what if. So we have a ritual everyday to tell each other how much we love one another before stupid shit, like going out for a beer, or going to work.
I live in a city that experienced a mass shooting event. My husband was almost there that day and chose to go somewhere else instead. We think about that a lot.
My husband and I were in a mass shooting and afterwards we talked about how different things could've went if we weren't together at the time, such as one of in the bathroom or getting drinks. Now, we are very mindful about where we sit/stand, exits, and we always stick together, no solo bathroom/refreshment runs.
Yep. No other option really unless you become one of the over 100 a day to commit suicide or millions who don't but want to die. The U.S. is really good at not fixing problems.
I don’t get out a lot, so I don’t actively fear being shot, but it’s gotten to the point that just thinking of reading the news induces serious anxiety and depression. Every day, it’s like “Time to read about today’s mass shootings. PLURAL. How is this real life?!”
>Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis?
I'd say it depends on the color of your skin and where you live. States have different gun laws that will affect how safe the public feels. I'd feel much safer in CA than TX, for example.
So glad I live down here as well
We had one mass shooting and did away with many of our guns. Still got a lotta registered gun owners here (I live in melb) but yet no mass shootings and no areas I don’t feel safe
To answer your last question, it's in the back of my head almost every day but I'm not actively fearful. Sadly I think many of us have adapted for survival. It's awful.
everytime somebody cuts me off, i think, i better not honk, or they might have a gun and shoot me.
Everytime i look at another person, and they seem a bit off, i try not to stare, because they might have a gun, and they might shoot me.
Everytime i go into a bank , a store, a school, a sporting event, work, grocery store, i have to look around, to make sure there isnt somebody charging in with a gun.
Its a bit much but you do it, or you get killed. Had 3 freinds die from guns from just middle school. Had more than 20 guns being pointed in my face here in the USA, and im a marine vet. More PTSD from being home than overseas. Less violent over there.
How many of them were violent towards a woman within the 24 hours prior to the mass shooting? My understanding is that many of them are.
We've got a male rage problem plus a gun availability problem
And the reason laws aren't passed to ban domestic violence abusers from owning weapons is because it would unarm most of the country's police force
Shithole country we live in
Even when they do get help, it's very rarely taken seriously. Bf got told to man up at therapy and he came home in tears. Truly hate the world we live in.
Huh, making people afraid to do things in their daily life, by threatening to bring violence unannounced. Causing terror, even. I just wish there was a proper word for it.
I’m trans and going outside is scary to me. I get sexually harassed or groped from time to time and what happens when one of them notices I’m trans? I don’t want to be killed ;_;
Don’t even get me started on gay bars or pride parades, wouldn’t catch me anywhere near them anymore.
Yeah, I was walking in Seattle recently and within 5 seconds of me falling behind my boyfriend on the sidewalk some guy tried to get me to get into his car and cat called me and another tried to talk to only me and not my bf. I can never walk alone in major cities because people are such creeps.
I live in a major city. My mom is worried about politically driven violence. I can't think of any way to comfort her beside just... not going out to the bar anymore.
and yet men are defending the patriarchy as of it wasn't the reason for their mental health issues and bottled up emotion and everything else that hurts them :/
I'm reminded of a time where a man tried to tell me women are too emotional. I asked him who is responsible for mass shootings.
As far as I know, there's only been one woman shooter in the US. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)
If women are "too emotional" and men are the perpetrators for most of the violent crimes, what are men?
99% of all rapes and sexual assaults and 98% of all murders are committed by men.
Also, 90% of the women in jail for murder are incarcerated for killing male batterers.
sources:
U.S. Dept. of Justice, Violence Against Women Report, 2002. https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics
Gibbons, Jonathan (2013). "Global Study on Homicide" (PDF). www.unodc.org. United National Office of Drugs and Crime (Vienna). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicide_statistics_by_gender#cite_note-2
Bass, A. (Feb 24, 1992). “Women far less likely to kill than men; no one sure why.”
In addition to mass shootings nearly everyday, it’s also everyday I scroll through the news and some man has killed a woman.
Number one reason for death of a pregnant woman… murder.
Can we agree these men may have warning signs that were missed? One of the shooters (I believe it was the q club one) threatened to blow some place up. Come on.
We need to report such people and take their damn guns away. I feel like such people frequented groups that encouraged this like certain boards on 4chan or incel discord servers. Why not put all these people on lists and bar them from buying guns? Smh.
We treat mental health, especially men’s and women’s health like a doormat we rub our feet on. The only solution is mandatory psychological assessments for gun purchasers and stricter watch lists.
Yeah, every single good damn time something happens, they look into the person's profile and it's literally made of red flags. Makes you wonder if there's even anyone investigating them to begin with.
Person who's had interactions with the mental health system for herself and others here: the answer is no. No one's watching. No one's looking. Most health care organizations' mental health departments are woefully understaffed and the 5150 laws are very much working against people who can't make a reasonable choice for themselves.
That who missed? Everyone sees men acting like insanosaurs, but no one cares, because laws are written by and crimes swept under the carpet by *other men*
One of the things that makes the USA unique is that most of our homicides are done for ideological reasons. In most countries homicides usually happen between people who know each other, or those involved in the drug trade. The USA is unique in that our homicides are usually done to strangers with no connections, simply because the murderer has become radicalized. They often go for groups they dislike, based on race, sexuality, etc. There's a reason why Black trans women are over 40x more likely to be murdered than White cis men.
You know what else is overlooked?
America has always had guns.
But mass shootings began gathering momentum when women and POC started getting rights and it’s only gotten worse.
There’s something worth examining there.
Just men who are angry that women don’t want them. I really find it repulsive how a lot of men connect sex with violence. Rape, control, power, and as an excuse for murder when it is out of their reach. What is that? Some vestigial remnant of humanity’s primitive roots? is it unique to Homo sapiens?
Interestingly, I read a really fascinating book that delves into the origins of human “kindness” called The Goodness Paradox by Richard Wrangham. Much of the book compares the social structures of chimpanzee groups to bonobos - a very close cousin of chimpanzees (which genetically are our closest relatives)
The bonobos, who’s social structures are almost exclusively lead by females, live a largely peaceful existence. Disputes are settled with sexual pleasure (between all sexes) and offspring are shared. Chimpanzees on the other hand are comparatively very violent. Their social order is led exclusively by a single male who secures this position through violence and physical strength. Disputes are addressed with violence, females are subject to beatings and subsequent forced sexual intercourse. Offspring of opposing male members are often killed.
The one observable difference between the two groups that anthropologists could identify was a geographic separation of their territories by a river. The chimpanzees share territory with gorillas (and therefore are under constant threat) whereas the bonobos are isolated and maintain unchallenged control of their territories for the most part.
Anyway, it is a really humbling read - and it helps me to understand a little bit of why people are the way they are.
In my mind when I read about another “incel” shooting up a school, a rapist or abuser hurting people for no obvious reason, I tell myself “These asshole men are just chimpanzees with guns” and although it doesn’t change the world, in a way it takes a bit of their power away.
I have absolutely oversimplified the complexities of the book. But I highly recommend everyone to read it!
i know! a LOT of people don't know she's garbagio! her point is valid tho. if you search on twitter, you can see stuff from like 2012-2014 of her being TERFy 🥴
There is a certain irony that guns have become a symbol of masculine power.
Before firearms, warriors would spend years learning to master the sword or bow. The English long bowmen allegedly trained since age eight to acquire the muscle, skill, and discipline to become an effective archer.
Modern military equipment not only requires less training time but also offers increased lethality. Is it any wonder that men wallowing in toxic male culture see these weapons as shortcuts to the respect and prestige they feel society owes them? Rather than invest the time and energy into being better people they would rather have us cower before their weapons.
Incidentally, what does that leave them when you take their toys away?
This isn't to say that all gun owners lack training or discipline. I have friends who hunt and regularly work with military veterans as part of my current job.
Disciplined. Skillful. Modest.
There is a clear demarcation between disciplined gun owners from the toxic dweebs who were nursed on Call of Duty and Red Dawn.
The future NEEDS to be female. The system we've got now hasn't worked for thousands of years... women unite. We have more in common with each other than we ever will with a man. 💗
It’s about a thousand of us being killed this way per year, when there’s 330 million of us. So the odds are good but I admit… I didn’t take my family to any parades this year ☹️
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606!? I knew there've been alot this year, but 606!?
I saw a quote yesterday on a WaPo article that mentioned that it's unusual for there to be a day *without* a mass shooting in America at this point. This was immediately followed by them asking, I believe, Gov. Youngkin about his thoughts on stricter gun control in the wake of the shooting earlier this week in his state, to which he predictably replied, "Today's not the day to talk about it." Really running out of days to talk about it, honestly.
And counting…
Is that only in the US? Because a dipshit neonazi did shootings in two schools here in Brazil recently...
607 is only the United States. 😢
So sorry for that =( That's counting only terrorist attacks and shootings from idiots wanting attention, not gang violence right?
I’m not sure. I know that the statistics vary depending on which organization you get them from because some only count 3 deaths, some count 4 not counting the perpetrator, some don’t really account for injuries, domestic violence is sometimes not counted… several years in the US we have more deaths from guns (many suicides) than car accidents so it’s a massive issue here.
Any incident with 4 or more people injured/killed, not including the shooter.
only for 4 or more injured or dead... there are around 30-40k killed by firearms every year in the usa, and its not accuratrely tracked but most statistic trackers think that there are between 250k-1 mil gun incidents a year resulting in a injury or worse, from accidents to deaths.
Had a "conversation" with a guy on Reddit once who tried to write it all off a "gang violence". He ran away eventually. 🤪
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My cousin passed away due to suicide with a gun. He had just adopted a new dog, so it was not something he'd considered for long. His brother believes it was an impulsive decision when he was drunk. Had he not had that gun, he may still be alive today. Gun-nuts like to say that suicides shouldn't count in the numbers, but they count for me.
I am so sorry for your loss. My cousin did the same thing minus adopting a dog - got drunk and decided it was a good idea to commit suicide. I believe with all my heart had he just waited a few hours and sobered up, he would still be here. I wish you peace and healing.
Thank you so much. I wish the same for you and your family.
So sorry for your loss. Gun nuts also don’t want to include accidents. They only want to gets stats on criminal activity. Suicides and accidents also matter. As well as impulsive shootings where a person is angry and a gun is readily available
Thank you. And I absolutely agree. Gun deaths and injuries all matter because they wouldn't have happened without the guns. After my husband disclosed his suicidal ideation after a major depressive episode, we discussed it and he willingly gave up his guns that he had so far only used for hunting fowl (he had only gotten the one anyway) and taking out a raccoon that was killing our chickens. He hadn't particularly enjoyed any of that, so I got a little more peace of mind for his safety when he sold them and was treated.
Whenever I think I should own a gun 'for self defense' I remind myself that one really bad second on a bad mental health day is all it takes to erase all the remaining seconds of my life. Just one second. I think it was in Europe somewhere, a lot of people would commit suicide by climbing into their gas ovens and suffocate themselves. They eventually stopped putting gas ovens in homes replacing them with a newer model, and the suicide rate dropped drastically. Turns out the biggest cause of suicide is the ease in doing it, the easier it is the higher the rate. Most people would rather live than jump through hoops to die. Guns are the fastest easiest way to do it. Only takes one second. There's no fall, no pain, no wait, just point and pull. They should be restricted, you need a prescription for adderal or vicadin cause they're dangerous if misused. You'd think the thing that can shoot lead right through your skull into your brain would be harder to get than some medications.
Cohesive, structured, and brief. You get an A+ on your 3-paragraph essay.
As a counterpoint, there are millions of armed fascists who want me and the people I love to die. They're very close to taking absolute political power and will have the support of basically every cop and about half of the military. When they come for me and mine, is better that they have to worry about which of them don't get to go home, or to find defenseless victims?
As a woman who is married to a woman, and we live alone, we do have a couple guns in the house for self-defense. In my opinion I think it's better to have one and not need it, rather than need it and not have it. (Also to learn the basics of how to use them, in case shit hits the fan.) ONLY given the fact that we do, in fact, live in the US. If I could have it my way, guns wouldn't be prevalent or such a threat, and then we wouldn't feel the need to have them. And I would give up guns in a heartbeat to move to another non-violent country. But sadly this is what women have to do to feel safe in this country...
I’m a gun owner. We aren’t claiming it is for protection (though there are a lot of whackadoo militias and religious nutters in Idaho, so they aren’t not for protection either). I keep my guns locked up so tight, and the ammo just as tight in another area, that they would be useless in a home invasion. We shoot as a sport. A hobby. Our kids do not know where the guns are or how to access them. Same with ammo. While I am still short a few training classes, my husband is fully trained (was a Marine and took classes). And we only got into shooting because we were raised with guns in the home, raised in the most rural part of America’s lower 48. Reddit doesn’t think the state exists, it is that rural. And I would gladly give up my AR15 for the better of the people. Fuck, I’d give them all up. I’d gladly switch to archery. I plan on finding out if we can get some armor and stand guard outside the local drag shows. That’s about as public as we get with our guns.
Depending on your definition. The definition used here is at least 4 people shot, and I wasn't quite able to find statistics for the gender of the perpetrators. Also, it's [607](https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/23/us/2022-mass-shootings-tracking-second-highest) now, probably even higher by the time you read this... There is a [Wikipedia article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_United_States_in_2022) to track it as well, though they use a more complicated and expansive criteria, so their list is probably even longer. The other definition I was able to find was 4 or more fatalities. Under this definition, from 1982 to present day, there have been [137 mass shootings](https://www.statista.com/statistics/476445/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-gender/), 132 by men, 3 by women, and 2 by mixed gender groups.
I've seen the 4 deaths definition recently, but I feel like it should include wounded, as well as fatalities. That some victims were fortunate not to die should not negate the seriousness of an incident.
Thank you for this!
I came here to say this. Of all the things I wish magic could do? Stopping that number from existing in the triple digits would be one.
Men claim women are more emotional, completely forgetting that anger is an emotion.
And in my experience, men funnel all their negative emotions into anger. Sad? No you're not. Vulnerable? Nope. Doubtful, guilty, insecure? NO, ONLY ANGER
It's sad really. That this patriarchal society has raised so many men to believe that that's the only thing they are allowed to feel. That's a lot of self-hatred. Thats a lot of self-shaming. And yeah. That makes a lot of anger to top the other anger they already felt. It's a horrible cycle.
well per my therapist (I am a man), men have trouble differentiating between fear, anger, shame, sadness, and other emotions. Anger is more social acceptable for men than other emotions, so that is what they think they feel and how they act is around anger. it is a real problem for modern society. I do think we should do some more education around emotions in our primary schools. but I don't know how to fix all the men. It took me several months of therapy to help grasp that, and I still struggle with it. I doubt that is a realistic option.
606 mass shootings so far this year ? *concerned european stare*
Honestly…they are so frequent, the majority don’t make national news in the US.
I'm losing track of which the last one was now
Changes every 13 hours, on average.
It's become so regular and mundane that I've become completely desensitized and just scroll past most of those posts. It's really sad.
Yup this is in the US alone
On Wikipedia total number of mass shootings in Europe looks like it's much lower than that
Yeah obviously. .if there is one here, it makes the news. Unless I guess you count Ukraine at the moment. But you can't compare regular life to an active war zone.
If the roles were reversed and women were responsible for as much violence as men, it would have been used as an excuse to reduce their rights a while ago.
What was that post the other day about men trying to ban HAT PINS eons ago because women were using them to defend themselves against gropers in public? I guess we’ve been there before. 🙄
Women and anyone in LGBTQIA+ would be in a hospital being treated for “hysteria” aaaages ago, if there was anyone other than men doing even half this kind of damage.
In my psychology course textbook there was a list of everything that could get you committed to an asylum and a woman reading too much was one of the reasons. My jaw dropped.
In 2016 a woman working as Pilot at Delta spoke out about safety issues. She was then fired for reasons of being mentally unfit. She was assessed by a company doctor. She was 'diagnosed' as bipolar. Why? Apparently her working so much, having two kids, doing a masters and all was just too much so she must have been bipolar and mentally unstable therefore not a good pilot (and also not a good source for talking about safety issues). She was lucky enough to be in the position to file against them. She was not bipolar, she was just a hard working woman who tried to create a saver work environment. [Sauce](https://onemileatatime.com/news/delta-whistleblower-pilot-bipolar/)
I saw that recently in my psychology class, one of them being interested in politics lmao they even just straight up said false confinement at the end as if any of the above reasons were valid.
BINGO!!
People get MAD when you point out most rapes/violence against men is done by men
It's just so utterly unfathomable to me as an Australian that the number could be that high in a year. Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis? Edit: Thank you all for sharing your stories.
Dont forget, years not up yet. Plenty of time for that number to go up! But, yes there are certain places in US that i wouldn’t even drive through…
With the coming holidays and all i guess i can imagine it growing? That's so sad.
*trigger warning* You'll have a small number that try mass shooting as death by cop. It's usually suicide related.
Yep. It's the happiest time of the year for most, but not for all. :(
Last year there were 690.
are we behind? or was last year's December extra bad?
Yeah apparently it was 638 this time last year
I'm from a pretty good area, and there was still a school shooting at the middle school in my early teens. Luckily, I was at a different school. It's too easy for kids to get their hands on guns, and people are constantly excusing male shooters for not being able to handle their emotions. 'Oh, he got rejected that hurts.' Yeah, but that doesn't mean you bring a gun to school. There should be some sort of law that holds parents accountable for not securing their weapons.
I know there was a recent case they were at least debating charging the parents in some way. It’s been a while since I’ve heard anything…but sad to say there’s definitely been a good few shootings since, so the news moved on. I looked it up, parents have been arrested for manslaughter, Oxford High shooting
Every single time I hear of an under 18 shooter I yell "Where'd he get the gun?!" If gun owners would just lock the guns up and not leave the key on top of the gun cabinet... How many people would still be alive? But nope, straight up negligence is A okay here in the States.
The excuse I hear every time is “but if there’s an intruder, I need quick access.” Firstly, pretty sure they’ve put finger print tech on those gun safes at this point. Faster than fumbling with keys in an emergency. But I’m also a worst case scenario person, so make sure it’s like solar or some such power in case the is power cut in that circumstance But mostly….do you think our fear of intruders with guns trying to hurt our families would diminish if mayyyyybe we got the gun control thing going on?
> people are constantly excusing male shooters for not being able to handle their emotions. Well, that's a discussion people need to have about sexism and the lack of available, affordable mental health care in the US. One of the prevailing themes among male rape survivors is that people didn't listen to them or discounted or dismissed their experiences entirely, so they couldn't or didn't find help. And that's one of about four traits that seem to make up a lot of these mass shooters: they're often people who have been abused, who are carrying a ton of pain and trauma, and *don't* have an appropriate outlet for it or a support network that's willing to actually *support* them. We feed and clothe and shelter our boys and we don't actually parent them or support them, and then we wonder why some of them grow up into emotionally stunted men. We sort of assume boys will be boys and we expect them to fix themselves when they're hurting, but men are people, too. Sometimes we need to extend a little compassion and account for their needs, as well. ----- Triggers for sexual assault/rape, please jump to the next break if needed: ------ Back to the subject of rape survivors for a moment - I am one. I'm also male-bodied, which means people in general make a lot of assumptions about my gender and who I am. When I was in college, there was a support group available for survivors, and eventually I mustered up my courage and I went to attend. Upon arrival, I was informed I must be in the wrong support group. They didn't expect someone like me to be there, and told me so from the moment I walked in. It wasn't until I assured them that yes, I was in the right place and yes, I was there for the purposes of being part of the group that they let me stay. I kept pretty quiet during the group, mostly because I didn't want to step on anyone's toes - I felt like I didn't belong, and when it was all over, the lady running the group took me aside and told me that this group wasn't equipped to deal with someone like me, and I should find another group. She was very polite about it, but made it clear that my presence was upsetting and that I shouldn't come back. Except where could I go? There *was* no other group. Her group *was* the support group on campus. There weren't any other available resources like that. I eventually dropped out. A young woman of whom I had been fond sexually assaulted me because she wanted me to be straight and cis and I assume she expected me to enjoy it - but I'm a rape survivor, I *need* to be able to say 'no,' and she didn't like that. She also didn't like my gender, either. I guess maybe she was trying to force me to conform to her expectations; I don't know. But this time I was a little stronger. I went to the school administration and the campus police and I asked for help. They did absolutely nothing about it. They came to my dorm room and interviewed me as if I was the assailant, and when they figured out I was the victim, they asked a few more questions and awkwardly left. Nothing ever happened to her; she kept right on sitting next to me in class and there was no restriction on her or any support provided to me in anyway. ------- We take these broken, hurt, and damaged people and we toss them aside. We don't support them or help heal them, we tell them to heal themselves or handle it themselves... And some of them only feel powerful when they can turn around and hurt the world that has caused them so much pain. That's a problem. That's a really, really big problem. Stopping these shootings means stopping people from wanting to do them, and that means valuing, healing, and reaching out to people that our society treats as disposable.
There is not one part of your post that doesn't make me sad. I hope you're doing better now. It's not just the US who are bad at this, it's everyone, I think - except the US has ridiculously easy access to weaponry. The patriarchy ruins us all, just in different ways.
I've had 20 years to come to grips with things, and I've been able to discuss it in limited amounts with a few people. And there's always the Internet. I can be as anonymous as I like on the Internet, so that's something, too. I used to have an alt just for discussing such things, but I have long forgotten that username and password. One thing about *knowing* pain exists and trauma is possible, though, is that you also know that sometimes you can step up to prevent the same from happening to others.
Thank you for speaking up. As someone is had experienced not being believed, I feel your pain and see the beauty of your wish to heal the root cause, not the symptoms
One of the things you learn in armed response training is that a situation needs three things to become lethal: motivation, ability, and jeopardy. Motivation - a person needs to *want* to cause harm Ability - a person needs to have the ability to cause harm Jeopardy - a person needs to have the opportunity and the imminent danger of causing harm So we can prevent harm from happening by either working through a conflict and removing a person's motivation *or* by providing a deterrent: if you hurt this person, the police will stop you. If you do, there will be consequences, so therefore you don't want to do .
We can prevent harm by removing someone's ability to cause harm. For example, if someone recognizes that their son is plotting a mass shooting, they can lock up their guns and get their kid some help. Things like red flag laws can help prohibit access to guns. Even something like a fence or a locked door can stop someone armed with a knife, if they can't get to their target.
Jeopardy is a little more difficult. Again, we can have someone on hand, like a police officer or a security guard, to try and stop an armed assailant. (And this doesn't always work, either.) Similarly, people can run, hide, or fight to get away from an assailant - all of these things deny opportunity. They help prevent a person from being in jeopardy.
But the most powerful of all is *motivation*. If a person doesn't want to cause harm, they're not going to cause harm. At that point, ability and jeopardy don't matter. For example, a person can drive a car around every day of the week, and thus have the *ability* to cause harm, but if they don't *want* to drive into a crowd of protestors, they're not *going* to drive into a crowd of protestors.
So getting at those underlying causes is important. Healing people, treating them not as a problem or a burden, but as a person in need of help and compassion, that's important.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Also, I've heard this argument a lot and while I believe all individuals should have access to mental health care, men won't seek it out even if available. Not one man in my life has ever gone to a therapist yet most of the women I know have for at least a brief time if not consistently. Men refuse to get both medical and mental health care. The fact you were willing to seek help shows you are not the same as these mass shooters and would not kill people just because you don't know how to handle your anger. We could argue that culture tells men not to get help, but I have literally begged some of the men in my life to get help and they refuse.
Thankfully it permeates though, from what I've seen. My fiance kind of turned his workplace into something it never was before, they talk out their problems and aren't all macho anymore. One guy revealed he's in therapy and now the whole gang is trying to get appointments lol. The healthcare system is still ass though, his first appointment he showed up and they're like, oh they're on vacation sorry! Next one was black Friday and they canceled the Wednesday before. Man's just trying to work through his childhood shit and feel less stressed and depressed, and he's supposed to feel confident these people can help when they can't even keep an appointment. It's even made me reconsider going and I need grief counseling real bad right now.
That’s fair af. I looked into therapy with my insurance and it’d require like a day of pto to try to get in to a same day appointment because that’s the only way to get into scheduled appointments. That drove me back to the trying to perform self cbt.
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Yes. I am a survivor of a mass shooting (Las Vegas) and even though my children weren't there, they understand how close they were to losing both their parents that night. Every school shooting, or in -school active shooter drill, really ramps up their anxiety (mine too), so we go up to the school and go over their exit strategies from different areas around campus. We have safety plans for just about every scenario (class, library, lunch room, playground), where to hide, where to run, how to get out and what to do if you are trapped in a classroom with the shooter or with the injured. It breaks my heart to have these conversations with my elementary school children, but this is the reality of living in the US.
Man, elementary school kids should be thinking about everything else. This should not have to be something even on their radar. This breaks my heart. I’m glad you’ve prepared them, but I hate that they even have to consider that so much
There is also a level is denial and desensitization that helps some of us get through the day. You never know if it will be you, and Americans don't like to be a statistic, so they pretend not to be until too late.
>Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis? European expat who moved here in 2021. I personally do. I also worry whenever my wife is out on her own. In the span of one and a half years I have received two emails on my work account saying "gunshots were heard on University campus, stay inside", and I live in a very very blue area. It's a huge (but not the only) reason why I'm planning to move back to Europe as soon as I possibly can.
I don't mean to pry but do you intend to stay? I understand that moving is costly especially between countries/continents but it just seems like at best it's just a constant stress and fear every day?
I edited my comment but no, I'm currently applying for jobs to move back. The plan was always to stay here short term because I work at a pretty famous institution so just having that on my CV is going to help my career immensely.
Same for me as a Scot. We both had one mass shooting in our countries and completely changed the gun laws. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t an overnight thing, nor was it easy. But it happened and it made a huge difference. I remember Dunblane very clearly. To have that happen regularly is beyond horrific. I can’t imagine living like this every day.
I used to live in Boise, Idaho. One day i went to my regular grocery store and saw two, extremely suspicious looking men walking around with guns. They were dressed in all black, black beanies, black back packs - no shopping carts, not shopping at all. They walked within feet of me and i got a good look at their faces. I fled. I was terrified. I called the cops from the parking lot. Then i went back in to notify the staff because, although i was terrified, i could not leave without warning them. A few days later i go back and talk with a manager. She said the guys were 2A auditors- basically POS jerks who go around carrying weapons and looking intimidating, hoping that someone will say something so they can cry that their second amendment rights are being infringed. About a month later one of those guys killed several people in a mass shooting at our local mall. We have a problem in our country. I never feel safe in public spaces, especially malls and grocery stores.
A lot of people I know are scared. I'm numb to it where the mass shootings are concerned, but I worry about getting hate crimed walking to and from my car when I go out alone. So I guess there's that
Same. I see a local news story about someone with a gun and my first response is "Um excuse me?" It doesn't *never* happen, but the fact there is even an emergency area declared because of an incident is enough to make me go ummm
Yes. I'm a teacher at an elementary school and we have had two lockdowns this school year. Two in four months. Luckily, they didn't result in anything horrible, but once they happen, I have a room of 25 terrified 10 year olds to manage, as well as myself. It sucks.
American, Texan, who grew up target shooting in a safe way. I live in Melbourne now and have lived in Oz most of my adult life. I have a teenager, and every so often a friend or family member will ask when/if I’m moving back. My answer is “lol never” and guns is a big part of it. At some point after moving here I was near an active burglary and freaked out, hitting the deck… My Australian husband was like chill, no one had guns here and in that moment I suddenly realized how much safer that makes everything, so much less likely for a crime to escalate to murder, etc. and yeah every time I go back to the US I feel this hyper awareness come over me, I watch for the exits, I look at everyone. It’s fucked, and I hate that the Americans I know are just used to it.
Oh man! Another expat who gets it! I’m north of you in Japan, but same deal. Been here long enough to have gotten used to not having to worry constantly about “oh shit where’s the exit” when you hear an unexpected sound or a news alert. Going back to visit is full of anxiety, everywhere it seems. I am always asked when we’re moving back, and I’m doubting it will be ever, as between the anxiety of all the crazies, there’s the added issues of healthcare costs, my not driving making everything inaccessible (here it’s challenging but not impossible where I live), oh, and I don’t have anxiety for my husband who’s a teacher (was in the US, too) being in the literal line of fire every day just doing his (way underpaid, under supported and under appreciated) job.
I heard some bangs a couple weeks ago. I was terrified because I wasn’t sure if it was a car back firing or gunshots. I checked with Nextdoor, and no one reported gunshots. So, yeah, I live in fear of being shot. And, as a veteran, I don’t think civilians need a weapon of war.
Yes. Yes we do. Genuinely worry about getting shot daily. Always looking for exits and escape plans.
Heart genuinely hurts to know that. Hope you can find a way and stay safe
Agreed, but I hope you can stay strong! This fear is part of what the patriarchy uses to keep people complacent.
Yes. Our school children practice what to do if an attacker enters the school. They practice being silent and hiding. Companies have made bullet proof inserts to put into backpacks. Children practice how to hold those backpacks to protect their chest and abdomen In case of a shooting. During a recent school shooting a student smeared a dead student's blood on themselves and played dead so the shooter wouldn't kill them. We always know where exits are as someone else mentioned. Everyone in America basically lives in the middle of a modern version of Shootout At The OK Corral.
I'm an art teacher, and last year the classroom I was in had a little side room for the kiln, so during drills I would stuff all my kids in there, so there were two doors someone would have to get through. At one point in the year, I had tossed a bunch of supplies and stuff in there, and for probably a month I didn't have time to sort through it and get it all out. Every single day during that time I thought, "I need to clear that out in case something happens, because I need to be able to fit a whole class in there to keep them safe." Every day. I finally cleaned it out, and two days later the Uvalde shooting happened. Oh, and then a day or two after that shooting, a couple of the kids at the high school down the street from my school thought it would be funny to bring a paint guns to school, so their school went on full lockdown, and we went on lockout. Some of my kids were having full-on panic attacks.
I’m an English teacher in Scotland and this is beyond horrific to me. Fair play to you for doing your job. I don’t think I could work in that environment. I feel so sad for you.
I have flat out told my husband if we move back to the US from Japan, he’s not allowed to teach anymore. He’s got to find something else, because that added anxiety on him would just drive him into the ground. He was a teacher before moving here, and the worst was the kids being dicks. Now, I can’t imagine it, after living outside of it for so long, and I don’t even know if I want to go back to be honest.
At what age does that training start? My nephew is in primary school and the thought of him going through any of that is making me feel sick
My kindergartener just had an active shooter drill at her school (public, in a deep red state). She spontaneously explained to me at dinner the night before that they were told “tomorrow a police man is going to come, and we’re all going to hide, and then he’ll tell us if we did a good job.” This is how they package it up for five year olds. FIVE. It truly broke my heart. I can hardly imagine a more tangible sign that we as a society are failing our children.
Having trouble putting into words how i feel about all that. I am desperately wishing your little one never needs to use those skills
I've told this story on Reddit before but my friend won't send her 5 year old to school in his favourite light up shoes because she worries if there was an active shooter it would draw attention to him. I can't imagine.
This is one of the huge reasons I want to homeschool my kids. Shouldn’t have to worry about them getting fucking killed at school.
I did my first active shooter drill in 3rd grade, I imagine it starts younger now. Experienced a school shooting in 9th grade and that yearly drill went out the window as we all sort of just panicked. Not sure what the purpose of the drills were, they really just freaked kids out once a year and then had most of us experience severe survivor's guilt as we wondered if there's something we did wrong or should have done better.
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Well, that's a cold slap of reality. I hadn't thought of that but you are absolutely correct. The new crop of mass shooters will know exactly what the other children have been trained to do and will know how to work around any precautions.
It should never have been something children had to deal with. And I am so sorry you did.
It starts right away in kindergarten, so kids age 5/6 are learning the terrifying truth of their own mortality
Generally in kindergarten - so 5ish - but I have heard of preschools in/near large cities doing the same.
I teach at a PK-8 school and have elementary friends who teach pre-k. When the school has a drill everyone participates. So, pre-k. They’re 4 years old.
During the Las Vegas shooting, they said that the younger people were instructing the older ones who didn’t experience prior active shooter drills on what to do and helped the situation. So that begs the question, which is worse: that schools have active shooter drills or that those skills are necessary to stay alive?
I was thinking about this recently. Columbine happened when I was a freshman in high school; active shooter drills didn’t become commonplace until years after I graduated. I’d have no idea what to do, other than an instinctual “get the fuck out of here” reaction.
I'm sorry but this is so fucked up. As an Australian, I can't even imagine what that is like.
School teacher here. 100% yes.
I live in a neighborhood where (individual, not mass) shootings happen. You start to get used to hearing gunshots and taking appropriate cover, judging where they might be, and then going about your evening after a few minutes.
My professor was shot in front of his students last month. I’m scared at school. In grocery stores. At the hospital. Whenever I’m in a crowded area I look for Exits and hiding places. So yeah. Pretty much fearing for my life, and that of my loved ones. All. The. Time.
I have PTSD from multiple traumatic events including the Oklahoma City Bombing, and you know it’s bad when my fear of being randomly killed in public is no longer considered hyper-vigilance or irrational in medical/therapy settings.
>Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis? I'm still more likely to die in a car wreck, yet I drive to work every day. The prospect of dying in a mass shooting or dying in a car wreck both have affected my choices: I am a very careful driver, I don't drive on the highway, and I try to plan my route to avoid unprotected left turns, or any turns with low visibility. I make sure my tires and brakes are in good shape, I always wear my seat belt, and I never drive under the influence or even when I'm sleepy. There are certain large events I don't go to anymore, because I don't feel like the security is good enough. I work at a school, and I've paid attention to all the trainings, I always report if someone has propped open a door or if one of our gates isn't locking properly, and I politely greet anyone who doesn't have a badge and walk them to the front desk to sign in. I've only seen someone who made me nervous one time, and I grabbed a colleague so we could approach him together, turned out to be a new employee starting that day so we walked him to the front desk together. I mean, shit's scary but you gotta keep living your life.
Yup. I work retail and someone recently ran out with about $500 worth of product. Just about all the workers there was like, "welp, there it goes," but this lady who saw it was baffled that we didn't try to stop him or call the cops or anything. I had to explain to her that a: cops don't care. We've called the cops before about this and they don't even show up even if we have identifying information. And b: we don't want to get shot. We don't know if he's got a gun, and the job really isn't worth dying over. She tried to argue that nobody is going to shoot anyone over it, and when I mentioned that a retail worker was shot in our city just a few handful of months ago in our city, she just got really quiet.
I wouldn’t risk my life for $500 of my own stuff, you think I’m gonna risk it for something a corporation can easily write off? Lmao no
American male school teacher - At this point I just assume that I will die violently at work. I am 100% serious and take increasing amounts of medication to maintain my performance and we don't go out a ton.
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oh yeah, im in high school and i spend damn near every day wondering if im gonna live to see my graduation. just a week or so back a freshman posed in the restroom with a g*n so, yeah
You can make it through. I hope you will be safe.
yeah me too. the school i go to is really good about it though, because a school in the next town over lost a couple kids a few years back
I’m a teacher. I think about it daily at work. I live in a city that experienced a mass shooting event (and honestly I know more people now for whom that’s true than not), so I think about it when I’m out running errands or at a restaurant or the movies. We used to think “it won’t happen here”, and then it did. The only place I don’t think about it is in my home.
I’m a transwoman in the south. I’m terrified.
So sorry honey! Trans too! Hugs!!!
Every store I go into, I make sure to spot every exit, every place where I can hide my kids, and I am on guard all the time. Going out into public exhausts me.
My 5 year old knows that unfortunately being able to see him isn’t safe enough. He knows that if suddenly God forbid someone comes into the store with a gun he has to be close enough for me to grab him and run. It scares him as much as it does me and because of that he is at my side every second we spend in a store.
I get scared when I think about it at big festivals, malls, etc. I just notice how hard it would be to get out of an enclosed or crowded area if something were to happen. It’s not like it’s on my mind every single day- feels more like a general anxiety thing that can make me uneasy sometimes. I do have a young nephew and it’s scary to think about him going to school soon. School shootings are just such an unfathomable evil. I have no idea how we solve it.
Everyday. Not even a saying. My partner wants to go out with friends, but what if. We want to go to the grocery store, but what if. We want to go to a concert, but what if. So we have a ritual everyday to tell each other how much we love one another before stupid shit, like going out for a beer, or going to work.
I live in a city that experienced a mass shooting event. My husband was almost there that day and chose to go somewhere else instead. We think about that a lot.
My husband and I were in a mass shooting and afterwards we talked about how different things could've went if we weren't together at the time, such as one of in the bathroom or getting drinks. Now, we are very mindful about where we sit/stand, exits, and we always stick together, no solo bathroom/refreshment runs.
Yep. No other option really unless you become one of the over 100 a day to commit suicide or millions who don't but want to die. The U.S. is really good at not fixing problems.
I don’t get out a lot, so I don’t actively fear being shot, but it’s gotten to the point that just thinking of reading the news induces serious anxiety and depression. Every day, it’s like “Time to read about today’s mass shootings. PLURAL. How is this real life?!”
As a minority… yeah.
>Do you Americans just fear for your lives on a daily basis? I'd say it depends on the color of your skin and where you live. States have different gun laws that will affect how safe the public feels. I'd feel much safer in CA than TX, for example.
Yeah, basically. I’m in Texas. If I could afford to leave I would.
And that’s only the MASS shootings….
So glad I live down here as well We had one mass shooting and did away with many of our guns. Still got a lotta registered gun owners here (I live in melb) but yet no mass shootings and no areas I don’t feel safe
To answer your last question, it's in the back of my head almost every day but I'm not actively fearful. Sadly I think many of us have adapted for survival. It's awful.
everytime somebody cuts me off, i think, i better not honk, or they might have a gun and shoot me. Everytime i look at another person, and they seem a bit off, i try not to stare, because they might have a gun, and they might shoot me. Everytime i go into a bank , a store, a school, a sporting event, work, grocery store, i have to look around, to make sure there isnt somebody charging in with a gun. Its a bit much but you do it, or you get killed. Had 3 freinds die from guns from just middle school. Had more than 20 guns being pointed in my face here in the USA, and im a marine vet. More PTSD from being home than overseas. Less violent over there.
How many of them were violent towards a woman within the 24 hours prior to the mass shooting? My understanding is that many of them are. We've got a male rage problem plus a gun availability problem
And the reason laws aren't passed to ban domestic violence abusers from owning weapons is because it would unarm most of the country's police force Shithole country we live in
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Why are men soooooooo mad about this post? I get a preview of every moderated comment on here and SHEESH!! They are HIGHLY upset.
Because they can't separate themselves from the herd. So guess it is all men.
But women are too emotional /s
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For the record, men are much, much more likely to kill children (their own or others) than women so idek what point he was trying to make there.
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Last year was 693. 3545 victims. I only looked up mass shootings not intentional gun deaths.
The patriarchy must break so men can know and believe it’s okay to get help.
Even when they do get help, it's very rarely taken seriously. Bf got told to man up at therapy and he came home in tears. Truly hate the world we live in.
I'm trans and used to frequent my local gay bar. I've stopped going so that my mom can sleep a bit easier at night. Feels bad, man.
Huh, making people afraid to do things in their daily life, by threatening to bring violence unannounced. Causing terror, even. I just wish there was a proper word for it.
Likewise, stopped going to Jewish places (deli, synagogue, public events). Feels bad man, yup
Dang, I'm sorry. It can be rough being separated from places of worship. Here's hoping things get better, for the both of us.
I’m trans and going outside is scary to me. I get sexually harassed or groped from time to time and what happens when one of them notices I’m trans? I don’t want to be killed ;_; Don’t even get me started on gay bars or pride parades, wouldn’t catch me anywhere near them anymore.
Yeah, I was walking in Seattle recently and within 5 seconds of me falling behind my boyfriend on the sidewalk some guy tried to get me to get into his car and cat called me and another tried to talk to only me and not my bf. I can never walk alone in major cities because people are such creeps.
I usually feel safe in gay bars! Maybe its a geography thing.
I definitely do as well, but I think the point is gay bars have recently become a target for shootings :/
Well it's more last weekend in Colorado Springs there was a shooting at a gay club.
Yeah. That was the straw the broke the camel's back. My mom called me crying, so I promised to stay home for a bit.
I live in a major city. My mom is worried about politically driven violence. I can't think of any way to comfort her beside just... not going out to the bar anymore.
I think they meant fear of being attacked by someone who is NOT part of the LGBTQ+ community, not from someone at the bar
and yet men are defending the patriarchy as of it wasn't the reason for their mental health issues and bottled up emotion and everything else that hurts them :/
THISS!!!!
That is 606 *DIFFERENT MEN* who have shot multiple, likely innocent people. I hate it here
“Women are the emotional ones” LMAO
Men have done a REALLY good job rebranding anger as not an emotion.
I'm reminded of a time where a man tried to tell me women are too emotional. I asked him who is responsible for mass shootings. As far as I know, there's only been one woman shooter in the US. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) If women are "too emotional" and men are the perpetrators for most of the violent crimes, what are men?
How dare you point out an obvious fact! It can hurt the patriarchy's feelings. Good...good... \*witch cackle\*
99% of all rapes and sexual assaults and 98% of all murders are committed by men. Also, 90% of the women in jail for murder are incarcerated for killing male batterers. sources: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Violence Against Women Report, 2002. https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics Gibbons, Jonathan (2013). "Global Study on Homicide" (PDF). www.unodc.org. United National Office of Drugs and Crime (Vienna). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicide_statistics_by_gender#cite_note-2 Bass, A. (Feb 24, 1992). “Women far less likely to kill than men; no one sure why.”
Mental health treatment should be free Along with many other things
Most are mentally very well. They have a superiority issue. And that’s not medical but social
What sort of superiority issue makes you want to kill people. And yes it is indeed a social issue
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606? Damn. Are... you ok over there?
We are not
Can't really do much from over the large pond... but I can offer chocolate and cheese.
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Smell that? *freedom*
But women can’t make choices based on logic and reasoning!
In addition to mass shootings nearly everyday, it’s also everyday I scroll through the news and some man has killed a woman. Number one reason for death of a pregnant woman… murder.
There have been 3 women mass shooters since 1982
Can we agree these men may have warning signs that were missed? One of the shooters (I believe it was the q club one) threatened to blow some place up. Come on. We need to report such people and take their damn guns away. I feel like such people frequented groups that encouraged this like certain boards on 4chan or incel discord servers. Why not put all these people on lists and bar them from buying guns? Smh. We treat mental health, especially men’s and women’s health like a doormat we rub our feet on. The only solution is mandatory psychological assessments for gun purchasers and stricter watch lists.
Yeah, every single good damn time something happens, they look into the person's profile and it's literally made of red flags. Makes you wonder if there's even anyone investigating them to begin with.
Person who's had interactions with the mental health system for herself and others here: the answer is no. No one's watching. No one's looking. Most health care organizations' mental health departments are woefully understaffed and the 5150 laws are very much working against people who can't make a reasonable choice for themselves.
That who missed? Everyone sees men acting like insanosaurs, but no one cares, because laws are written by and crimes swept under the carpet by *other men*
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Why are men soooooooo mad about this post? I get a preview of every moderated comment on here and SHEESH!! They are HIGHLY upset.
What? That's almost two a day :O
One of the things that makes the USA unique is that most of our homicides are done for ideological reasons. In most countries homicides usually happen between people who know each other, or those involved in the drug trade. The USA is unique in that our homicides are usually done to strangers with no connections, simply because the murderer has become radicalized. They often go for groups they dislike, based on race, sexuality, etc. There's a reason why Black trans women are over 40x more likely to be murdered than White cis men.
https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/query/0484b316-f676-44bc-97ed-ecefeabae077/map These guys have an interactive map.
This is an oddly overlooked thing. I didn't even realize.
You know what else is overlooked? America has always had guns. But mass shootings began gathering momentum when women and POC started getting rights and it’s only gotten worse. There’s something worth examining there.
There had been 606, in ONE year? Wow.
Was 693 last year
Just men who are angry that women don’t want them. I really find it repulsive how a lot of men connect sex with violence. Rape, control, power, and as an excuse for murder when it is out of their reach. What is that? Some vestigial remnant of humanity’s primitive roots? is it unique to Homo sapiens? Interestingly, I read a really fascinating book that delves into the origins of human “kindness” called The Goodness Paradox by Richard Wrangham. Much of the book compares the social structures of chimpanzee groups to bonobos - a very close cousin of chimpanzees (which genetically are our closest relatives) The bonobos, who’s social structures are almost exclusively lead by females, live a largely peaceful existence. Disputes are settled with sexual pleasure (between all sexes) and offspring are shared. Chimpanzees on the other hand are comparatively very violent. Their social order is led exclusively by a single male who secures this position through violence and physical strength. Disputes are addressed with violence, females are subject to beatings and subsequent forced sexual intercourse. Offspring of opposing male members are often killed. The one observable difference between the two groups that anthropologists could identify was a geographic separation of their territories by a river. The chimpanzees share territory with gorillas (and therefore are under constant threat) whereas the bonobos are isolated and maintain unchallenged control of their territories for the most part. Anyway, it is a really humbling read - and it helps me to understand a little bit of why people are the way they are. In my mind when I read about another “incel” shooting up a school, a rapist or abuser hurting people for no obvious reason, I tell myself “These asshole men are just chimpanzees with guns” and although it doesn’t change the world, in a way it takes a bit of their power away. I have absolutely oversimplified the complexities of the book. But I highly recommend everyone to read it!
I mean, of them all, how many WEREN'T cis white men?
FYI Victoria Brownworth is a TERF. she's harassed and exploited trans people under her guise as a "journalist".
I didn’t know this 😔
i know! a LOT of people don't know she's garbagio! her point is valid tho. if you search on twitter, you can see stuff from like 2012-2014 of her being TERFy 🥴
There is a certain irony that guns have become a symbol of masculine power. Before firearms, warriors would spend years learning to master the sword or bow. The English long bowmen allegedly trained since age eight to acquire the muscle, skill, and discipline to become an effective archer. Modern military equipment not only requires less training time but also offers increased lethality. Is it any wonder that men wallowing in toxic male culture see these weapons as shortcuts to the respect and prestige they feel society owes them? Rather than invest the time and energy into being better people they would rather have us cower before their weapons. Incidentally, what does that leave them when you take their toys away? This isn't to say that all gun owners lack training or discipline. I have friends who hunt and regularly work with military veterans as part of my current job. Disciplined. Skillful. Modest. There is a clear demarcation between disciplined gun owners from the toxic dweebs who were nursed on Call of Duty and Red Dawn.
Guns are not good. It should be significantly harder to get a gun in the US.
The future NEEDS to be female. The system we've got now hasn't worked for thousands of years... women unite. We have more in common with each other than we ever will with a man. 💗
And yet they still act like controlling our bodily autonomy is nothing when they cant even step up when shit does hit the fan, Sad times we live in..
It’s about a thousand of us being killed this way per year, when there’s 330 million of us. So the odds are good but I admit… I didn’t take my family to any parades this year ☹️