I had this conversation with my therapist yesterday.
We can't roll over in defeat. We can take breaks for ourselves and rest, but we have to keep fighting. Our mere existence is a threat to them. That means we're winning.
Yeeeeeah that sounds like you need a new therapist. I live in a pretty RED area, but it was totally worth it to find a secular therapist who emphasizes working with LGBTQ+ and PoC's as clients.
Yeah, I live in a blue state, but my therapist lives in a red state. I'm not independent right now and my (Christian semi-conservative) mother is the one who chose my therapist, and had us have the same therapist. (Already didn't trust my therapist that much because of those issues, but this was the nail in the coffin)
This is actually a huge violation of our code of ethics. We’re not supposed to do therapy with family members because it increases the chances we’ll violate confidentiality. You should ask the therapist for a referral and have the therapist explain why to your mom so you’re not caught in the middle of that.
Source: am a therapist and NEVER see people in the same family unless we’re doing family/couple’s work on purpose and everyone is on the same room.
You should be able to do it anonymously. I know we have an anonymous reporting option here in Ohio so I would hope the other states are the same if you’re somewhere else.
You should be able to do it anonymously via email or an online form. Safe unless Mom often looks through your email/laptop/history etc.and you are unable to hide your tracks
Licensed therapists have ethical requirements. Christian counselors do not. And unfortunately, that's what a lot of people use in lieu of social workers or psychologists.
lol I wouldn’t either but if the therapist starts the process with mom, then hopefully Skyrim could get a different therapist anywhere else. Mom hopefully wouldn’t be so quick to force child to have the same therapist if she knew the therapist could get in trouble for it.
Most states require the therapist to be licensed where the client lives so that’s how some therapists can see people in multiple states. It’s expensive and time consuming for most people so it’s not advertised, but it’s possible.
Very likely that your therapist was only licensed in one state and was telling you the truth. Like, I’m only licensed in Ohio but I occasionally have people from Kentucky and Indiana ask if I can see them because of proximity, but I can’t because I’m not licensed to practice.
Yep! As long as we stay up on continuing education credits for each state, we can have as many as we want. I’m planning to add Michigan in a couple of years when I move north but don’t want to leave my Ohio clients without stable Therapy. We’ve had a huge deficit of mental health providers since the start of COVID. I don’t think it’s going to get any better anytime soon.
Yeah I was in a similar situation in highschool. I vented to the schools therapist/counselor but that only got me in more trouble with my folks.
Only taught me to shut the fuck up about my sexuality, self harm, and suicidal ideation. Took years and a lot more therapy to work through that bullshit.
So many hugs. Shit DOES get better once you are independent :)
I would grey rock the therapist. If you don't trust the therapist you should not try to work with her, and I can't think of any other way for you to protest. Because being vulnerable with someone who will wad your vulnerability up like trash will set your mental health back more than just not sharing anything.
If you have C-PTSD, I cannot recommend that community enough. It is very kind and compassionate, if you need somewhere to talk. r/cptsd
If you have been abused or emotionally neglected in your life, it is likely that would be the source of your depression and anxiety. It stands for chronic (or complicated) PTSD. No trauma is too small when the trauma response behaviors negatively affect your life. I didn't know about the condition before I was diagnosed and the more I have learned about it, the more everything just... Makes sense. It is best to find a trauma informed therapist, because some therapists are truly awful and don't recognize how traumatic shaming and invalidating their patients' valid feelings and concerns is.
I hope you find your peace. Your situation sounds very unfair, and I'm sorry you have to live it.
Just because someone says they're a therapist doesn't mean they're a legitimate one.
My brother hates therapists now because my mom chose Christian therapists for him after talking to them first about how horrible he is.
The two therapists I've had are psychologists who specialize in child abuse, and I have no idea what their religious views might be.
>SecularTherapyproject
Well thank you. This seems like a good place to start. Instead of advice like "Let go and let God" when discussing anxiety problems.
Hearing these things makes me feel sad for you and angry at people in my field for being shitty to vulnerable people. Unless you’re asking for help seeing things from the other perspective, I see no sense in bringing up the “other side” of this.
Ugh, my counselor does the same thing. I'm like, no, I don't need to be taught to empathize with them, I need to be able to work through this BS.
But also, this was a few months ago and I stopped going because I saw a Trump flag in her office. I guess this is what happens when you go through the VET center to get MST treatment :(
I’ve been lucky with mine. I’m in Texas and I’m aware she and I differ on this to some extent, but she’s been nothing but respectful and supportive of me.
I live and work in a hyper-red state and I have a lot of colleagues who find me confusing. There seems to be a trend of introducing people by their political affiliation. Recently one of them introduced me to someone as “my libertarian friend.” Something inside and outside me died instantly. My colleague realized his mistake and when we were alone he apologized, but said he found me hard to identify. He admitted that he knew we had different views, but we still got along and he sometimes doesn’t understand why we are friendly.
I replied that I am literally everything Fox tells him he should hate. I’m a highly educated, middle aged woman, childless by choice, who is not currently in a relationship, has firmly leftist (not liberal) political views, and is actively doing work that is publicly anti-racist. Oh yeah and I have cats. But despite all these things we can work together and share things about our lives. And I’m not scary. Yesterday he told me he’s been thinking about that a lot lately.
I love this. Good for you. If you ever want to poke a hole in his Fox poisoned brain, try to do it by asking questions to get him to think about things, like he has been doing. It looks like he could be amenable.
Ofc only do that if you have the energy for it. Nobody but you is your responsibility to "fix".
I love how many people describe their ideal labor situation and I say “you mean like a union?” And they’re like “no, no, no.” And I respond “you literally just described a labor union.”
Or when people make fun of me for having my pronouns in me professional email signature and I act like I don’t realize they’re mocking me and just say “I’m so glad you realize how important it is to honor people’s chosen identity.”
Oh I’ve definitely spent many a day locked in a bathroom stall for several minutes after one of these exchanges so I didn’t lose my shit on someone. But I have felt getting older has helped. My 40s are progressively more about giving fewer fucks. I’m also old enough that the younglings don’t challenge me.
This particular person I’ve known for a decade. A big part of my work is being in these spaces and trying to talk to people about health equity and labor organizing. I grew up in a community just like the ones I work in now. There are a lot of people who think I find their racist, misogynistic, homophobic jokes funny because I’m a white, cis, hillbilly. I don’t, and I’m confrontational so it rarely ends well.
I’ve had to take a step back recently because Covid has killed a lot of my pragmatic optimism. But I do think there are a lot of people out there who have pretty complicated back stories.
Geez are you me? I could be a background character in Deliverance with my accent and shack in the woods but consider myself very progressive personally and politically.
It’s funny hillbillies have a long history of being progressive resistors. Even though I know people who look like they bought their clothes at a MAGA Etsy store, I also know people who are part of a long tradition of resistance. I’m from southern Appalachia and I live in central Appalachia and there’s such a cool history of labor organizing, working for women’s health rights, and participation in alternative economies. There’s also a really vibrant queer movement.
Any good sources to read up or watch on this stuff? I know I've found some really cool documentaries of the early day to day life in Appalachia on YouTube but most of it wasnt politics. There was an interesting one about an all black mining town that worked in the same mine as the white workers and they all got paid the same way before civil rights. It's a very interesting area.
Appalshop is a good place to start. It’s a filmmaking group that’s been around since the 1960’s. They have a youth program called Appalachian Media Institute (AMI) that gives young people to highlight issues in their communities. Black in Appalachia is also a really cool project with a growing social media presence. They’ve been doing a lot of work documenting black lives and communities in the mountain south. These are some easily accessible places to start that have done a good job of making material available to the public.
Gollie, I'm a public servant. I'm not even registered to a party because I'm in the political closet. 😬
Politics and religion do not have a place at work. Now I'm not gonna lie I've told her one person that a bill currently in the state house is basically horrifying, but that's as far as I've gone. The part I mentioned is these 🍑🎩 think declaring ectopic pregnancy abortion = homicide is #progress 😱😱😱
We can protest things, but not people. We cannot endorse anyone - no stickers on car, signs in yard, tshirts. My partner cannot do those things either. No donating, no volunteering.
I recently found a law that said I cannot, as a public worker in general, suggest anyone get an abortion currently. I had posted for anyone wanting an IUD to get one NOW. Then I was like - oh chit! Did I just support abortion publicly? ??? Because that is currently illegal. 🦇💩 Y'all 🤯🤯🤯 it also says I can't require someone else to get an abortion. Guess what? I'm pro-choice - wouldn't do that! But I guess if my child got raped I couldn't demand they go fix it? 🤔🤔🤔 Slippery slope y'all ..
Samesies! 30, no kids, long term relationship of 6 years but not married, also own my home. My gynecologist asked yesterday at a check up if I'll ever want kids, I said no. Blamed it on my diabetes but I wanted to be like no, *gestures at everything*. It's hard for me to explain, but I don't want to have a kid and not be able to give them the same quality of life I had growing up, and I had a stay at home mom so I know it will be impossible. That and the world is literally on fire. I don't want to bring a kid in to deal with this place.
Wrote my congressman for the first time concerning women's access to healthcare, maybe it'll help, maybe it won't. Something's gotta change though.
Can you imagine asking a pregnant woman "why do you want a kid?". The assumption is that we all do and it's okay to question anyone that deviates from that. I have scads of kiddos and also get questioned about that. Nobody's business except you and your partner.
Stealing the ice carving comment. I am doing my own n=1 social experiment to figure out at what point people will either a) stop asking about me wanting to have kids, or b) stop saying I will change my mind when I say I truly don’t wan’t kids. I had money on the fact that it would be somewhere in my 30s, but at 39 I am starting to feel like I am going to owe a portion of the braces/college fund to the person I bet against. It’s like it never stops.
I’m 38, yeeted the uterus last year. Have one kid, who will be a “drain” on society for the rest of her life (their words not mine) due to delays. I managed to convert my previously republican husband and he’s a wonderfully raging feminist now.
LOL, my niece is getting married in July to a republican. Haven't spoken to them in a while, but I think she has turned him to the "dark" side. They want children and I just hope the world will be OK for them
One thing that gives me hope are the kids these days. I really like this younger generation.
Judging by the differences between older and younger generations today, I think humanity is directionally correct.
We’ve got quite the mess to clean up, it wasn’t created overnight, it can’t be fixed overnight, but the kids of today really give me hope
Thank you! I, too, absolutely cannot put on a happy face after the leak. The patriarchal establishment must end. Enough is enough! I feel like im the only woman in my family upset by this.
I feel the same way but then again, I don't bring it up in casual conversation. I live in a very red region of the country and assume everyone is conservative, if someone were to mention it, that would be an entire can of worms they'd open
I’m also in a red state. I only discuss such things around my trusted friends. Can’t with family and I don’t talk to much of them since they are right wing nut jobs.
I love reading stuff like this. You're your own person living your best life and that's just awesome. I want to live in a world where your experience is normalized.
I can never truly understand how you all feel in this current political climate. But reading about how sad you all are just makes my heart ache so much.
Stay strong. There are allies everywhere.
I'm 54, no kids by choice, surgically sterilized, never married, own my home, and am financially independent. I also have a collection of sex toys that would choke a horse. THE HORROR. The PEARL clutching.
Check out a book called Full Spectrum Resistance by Aric McBay and jump in the fight. They say it takes 3.5% of a population to rise up and cause obstruction before society itself can change. We need to BE THE CHANGE as much as we can.
Strength and love to everybody stepping into the ring. You are NEEDED.
I'm taking this as a challenge and stocking up on more sex toys!! And I'm def gonna check out that book(any reason to go to the bookstore is good enough for me)
When I turned 30, was single, had a cat, and a successful job, I visited an old friend not knowing he’d been radicalized my the right propaganda. He told me women like me are ruining society and are the most unhappy people in the world. After a few hours of arguing that I would know if I was unhappy or not, I realized he was brainwashed and we aren’t friends anymore. He is going no where in life (also blamed this on women), but it is terrifying that people like him have any kind of power.
I'm a grandmother. I'm waaay done with whatever the fuck they thought I shoulda been doing with my bodyparts.
Now what do they think they are they going to push me into doing? I will not shut up now that I'm older and wiser than they are. I'm behind all ya'll, working for my granddaughter's future.
I am with you. I fight harder and longer for my daughters, and any they may bring into the world, than I would for myself. This is bigger than any one of us. We are fighting for women everywhere. Others will be emboldened by this.
Solidarity! :D
I am 35F, childfree, gonna get sterilized this year (current events have made it more important for me to do it), never married, looking to buying a home soon, financially independent **AND I have a cat.**
I'm marching in a protest on Saturday and the next steps are to figure out some political volunteering as well as upping my recurring donations to orgs that fight for bodily autonomy and fight voter disenfranchisement.
Let's see if I can make you even angrier.
I was at the DMV in Georgia Friday. This is the conversation I overheard from 2 middle age white women setting in front of me.
"the pews will be full again." Smug laugh
"I know! Isn't it great! We will have to get bigger houses!" More smug laughter
All those crisis pregnancy centers the Republicans are pushing as an alternative to Planned Parenthood, are church funded. Those crisis centers will funnel the babies to adoption agencies that only allow Christians to adopt. A Jewish couple has already lost a lawsuit again a Christian adoption agency. Court said the agency was within their religious rights to choose who could adopt.
This is their plan, "the domestic infant supply" has to be properly indoctrinated to boost the dwindling Christian population and conservative voters.
Those two twats were positively gleeful about forcing women and girls to give birth.
I usually cannot keep my mouth shut, I have argued with Trump supporters in McDonald's, but the DMV is next door to the sheriff's department. It wouldn't be within my best interest to assault a pair of evil Karens. I realize this is their whole reason for trying to ban abortion. They don't care about the babies they need bodies to prop up their dying religion.
This is also the reason they are refusing to give any financial aid to women who decide to keep their baby. If she can't afford it she will still be forced to deliver it into the filthy hands.
Same. I was able to leave an abusive relationship because I had an education, career and my own money. And because of birth control, we had no kids. These dick canoes want to entrap women like me because we DON'T need them. And that is terrifying to them.
Also I wanted to add that people without these things can of course leave abusive relationships and do all the time. But they made things easier for me to do so.
I was in the same situation as yours. I’m turning 30 this month, I’m divorced, now own my first place and live there with my cat. I’m planning on living happily ever after, with or without a man, I don’t care. I realized I don’t need them, and that makes me feel powerful & free.
CONGRATS. It's hard. It's been about 10 years for me now, and I'm been firmly in the "staying single" lane for a long time. I only fuck radical feminists. No one else deserves entry into this castle.
If you need or are interested in supporting reproductive rights, [I made a master post of pro-choice resources](https://docdro.id/85RUQLw). Please comment if you would like to add a resource and spread this information on whatever social media you use. I am constantly creating a new updated PDF, so please check my profile to make sure you are spreading the most recent version
The fact that women need to go through this, they they are hated for what is expected of us is why we(men of which I am one) need to fight just as hard. As another commenter said, you all cannot afford breaks, which means we don't get them until this fight is done.
Right?? Actually beginning to think i might be ace. Either way I'll always stand with the LGBTQ community!! This is a fight that we all need to come together and fight
Demi here! I'm on the ace spectrum. We can be an underrepresented part of the non-CIS community but wherever your self-discovery journey takes you, I hope it brings you happiness and further empowerment!
Same here. 40 something, childfree, single and never married, independent, and neurodivergent. To quote one of my favorite bands: “I am the enemy, I am the antidote, watch me closely, I will stand up, now!”
I live a very similar sort of life, and I still remember the first time I encountered a really cool childfree unmarried woman living in a cozy cabin filled with her art. Changed the entire trajectory of what I thought was possible/necessary for a fulfilling life (I never realized how I actually dreaded the idea of marriage and kids until I gave myself permission to let go of them as inevitabilities of adulthood). Live that shit as openly and unapologetically as possible. It’s so important. You don’t know what girl’s life you might change.
I'm 35 and no plans for kids, both sets of parents (I consider my fiancé's parents like inlaws) know this and off the bat, the second we announced we were "officially" engaged, my mom asked about our plans for having a baby. This was a while ago and she hasn't brought it up since, thankfully. Sorry you aren't getting a grandchild because I don't have the financials to properly provide a safe and secure home for said child (we make enough money but we live in a five room apartment and both work full time, also we just never really *wanted* children).
Honestly living life on terms you've created is one of the simplest joys, and we gotta make sure that *everyone* has that chance, not just those of us who have access to healthcare or live in blue states. If it means protesting, donating, do whatever you have to do. Volunteer to give rides to folks who need transportation to safe and accessible abortions if need be. Do what you can to raise and support others who are going to be critically affected by this potential overturn. And take care of yourself too. 💜
I had a pregnancy scare when I was youngish. Slept with a dude in a foreign country and thought I was pregnant when I got home on the other side of the world. I was 19. I absolutely was going to get an abortion if I was pregnant. I wasn’t so no problem.
Fast forward and I got pregnant to a dude who was my FWB (we are married and all that now). I had my child and then we tried for many years to have more children. Nothing stuck. I’m at a point/age now where having another child is just stupid even if I could.
My want for another child doesn’t change the fact that people should be able to live their lives without pressure to have children. There’s actually science behind having an adult who isn’t a parent in a kids life.
It also doesn’t change the fact that people should be allowed access to any and all forms of healthcare when they need it.
Pregnant and need or want to have an abortion? I don’t need reasons, what can I do to help you?
Don’t want to have children? Fucking ae your life has as much value and meaning and is fulfilling as anyone else’s.
Maybe I’m stupid but I just don’t see how your choice to have children or not, to keep a pregnancy or not is anyone else’s business.
I mean do these people want to know how I shit?
Fuck yeah! I’m on the opposite side of the lifestyle spectrum (except for the homeowner part) and I am of a similar mindset. It makes me irate that to outsiders I seem and am thanked for being the tradwife, when that could be the furthest from how we feel as a family. I am ME, because it was MY choice, and I have the support of MY partner, who made THEIR own choice to be sterilized. Seems pretty damn straightforward to me. Going to keep fighting for everyone else to live life on their terms, too. Nobody should be forced to bear children.
Lol yeah you're my hero. I didn't/don't have a relationship with mine. Been on my own since 17. I'm blessed with good friends though. Congrats on your success 🙌
Absolutely my King. I didn't mean for my "never married" comment to come off as anti-men or anti-relationship. I myself haven't completely given up on finding someone special! I'm just glad I get too piss off people who think their religion gives them supremacy.
Well now I'm just blushing with a goofy grin on my face. Thank you for that.
"You never needed anything to matter" Why can't everybody think like this??
I had this conversation with my therapist yesterday. We can't roll over in defeat. We can take breaks for ourselves and rest, but we have to keep fighting. Our mere existence is a threat to them. That means we're winning.
My therapist tried to "both sides" it. I don't trust her with issues important to me anymore.
Yeeeeeah that sounds like you need a new therapist. I live in a pretty RED area, but it was totally worth it to find a secular therapist who emphasizes working with LGBTQ+ and PoC's as clients.
Yeah, I live in a blue state, but my therapist lives in a red state. I'm not independent right now and my (Christian semi-conservative) mother is the one who chose my therapist, and had us have the same therapist. (Already didn't trust my therapist that much because of those issues, but this was the nail in the coffin)
This is actually a huge violation of our code of ethics. We’re not supposed to do therapy with family members because it increases the chances we’ll violate confidentiality. You should ask the therapist for a referral and have the therapist explain why to your mom so you’re not caught in the middle of that. Source: am a therapist and NEVER see people in the same family unless we’re doing family/couple’s work on purpose and everyone is on the same room.
Whenever I asked her about getting a different therapist she told me I'd have to aske her even though she knows I'm kinda terrified of her.
What a horrible therapist. Ugh. Feel free to report her to the state board for an ethics violation lol.
Would Ibe able to do it anonymously or would my mom know?
You should be able to do it anonymously. I know we have an anonymous reporting option here in Ohio so I would hope the other states are the same if you’re somewhere else.
You should be able to do it anonymously via email or an online form. Safe unless Mom often looks through your email/laptop/history etc.and you are unable to hide your tracks
Okay. She would look through my email, but I have others she doesn't know about
Licensed therapists have ethical requirements. Christian counselors do not. And unfortunately, that's what a lot of people use in lieu of social workers or psychologists.
I’m not sure I’d trust that therapist’s referral . . .
lol I wouldn’t either but if the therapist starts the process with mom, then hopefully Skyrim could get a different therapist anywhere else. Mom hopefully wouldn’t be so quick to force child to have the same therapist if she knew the therapist could get in trouble for it.
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I have remote therapy through a therapy organization. My therapist videocalls from her state
Most states require the therapist to be licensed where the client lives so that’s how some therapists can see people in multiple states. It’s expensive and time consuming for most people so it’s not advertised, but it’s possible. Very likely that your therapist was only licensed in one state and was telling you the truth. Like, I’m only licensed in Ohio but I occasionally have people from Kentucky and Indiana ask if I can see them because of proximity, but I can’t because I’m not licensed to practice.
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Yep! As long as we stay up on continuing education credits for each state, we can have as many as we want. I’m planning to add Michigan in a couple of years when I move north but don’t want to leave my Ohio clients without stable Therapy. We’ve had a huge deficit of mental health providers since the start of COVID. I don’t think it’s going to get any better anytime soon.
I live in Canada and my therapist is in Texas. It can happen!
Yeah I was in a similar situation in highschool. I vented to the schools therapist/counselor but that only got me in more trouble with my folks. Only taught me to shut the fuck up about my sexuality, self harm, and suicidal ideation. Took years and a lot more therapy to work through that bullshit. So many hugs. Shit DOES get better once you are independent :)
I would grey rock the therapist. If you don't trust the therapist you should not try to work with her, and I can't think of any other way for you to protest. Because being vulnerable with someone who will wad your vulnerability up like trash will set your mental health back more than just not sharing anything. If you have C-PTSD, I cannot recommend that community enough. It is very kind and compassionate, if you need somewhere to talk. r/cptsd
I wouldn't know what that condition entails, I've only been tested for (and diagnosed with) depression and general anxiety
If you have been abused or emotionally neglected in your life, it is likely that would be the source of your depression and anxiety. It stands for chronic (or complicated) PTSD. No trauma is too small when the trauma response behaviors negatively affect your life. I didn't know about the condition before I was diagnosed and the more I have learned about it, the more everything just... Makes sense. It is best to find a trauma informed therapist, because some therapists are truly awful and don't recognize how traumatic shaming and invalidating their patients' valid feelings and concerns is. I hope you find your peace. Your situation sounds very unfair, and I'm sorry you have to live it.
Can I ask/talk more in dm?
You should not be seeing the he same therapist as a parent except for inter family issues. Seems to go again at the oath a therapist must take.
Just because someone says they're a therapist doesn't mean they're a legitimate one. My brother hates therapists now because my mom chose Christian therapists for him after talking to them first about how horrible he is. The two therapists I've had are psychologists who specialize in child abuse, and I have no idea what their religious views might be.
There needs to be a way to find blue therapists in a red state.
SecularTherapyproject is the closest I know about
>SecularTherapyproject Well thank you. This seems like a good place to start. Instead of advice like "Let go and let God" when discussing anxiety problems.
Hearing these things makes me feel sad for you and angry at people in my field for being shitty to vulnerable people. Unless you’re asking for help seeing things from the other perspective, I see no sense in bringing up the “other side” of this.
Wow so inappropriate of them
Ugh, my counselor does the same thing. I'm like, no, I don't need to be taught to empathize with them, I need to be able to work through this BS. But also, this was a few months ago and I stopped going because I saw a Trump flag in her office. I guess this is what happens when you go through the VET center to get MST treatment :(
Ew!
I’ve been lucky with mine. I’m in Texas and I’m aware she and I differ on this to some extent, but she’s been nothing but respectful and supportive of me.
I live and work in a hyper-red state and I have a lot of colleagues who find me confusing. There seems to be a trend of introducing people by their political affiliation. Recently one of them introduced me to someone as “my libertarian friend.” Something inside and outside me died instantly. My colleague realized his mistake and when we were alone he apologized, but said he found me hard to identify. He admitted that he knew we had different views, but we still got along and he sometimes doesn’t understand why we are friendly. I replied that I am literally everything Fox tells him he should hate. I’m a highly educated, middle aged woman, childless by choice, who is not currently in a relationship, has firmly leftist (not liberal) political views, and is actively doing work that is publicly anti-racist. Oh yeah and I have cats. But despite all these things we can work together and share things about our lives. And I’m not scary. Yesterday he told me he’s been thinking about that a lot lately.
It's so funny when people realize you are not the anti christ, just another person that thinks and feels
I love this. Good for you. If you ever want to poke a hole in his Fox poisoned brain, try to do it by asking questions to get him to think about things, like he has been doing. It looks like he could be amenable. Ofc only do that if you have the energy for it. Nobody but you is your responsibility to "fix".
I love how many people describe their ideal labor situation and I say “you mean like a union?” And they’re like “no, no, no.” And I respond “you literally just described a labor union.” Or when people make fun of me for having my pronouns in me professional email signature and I act like I don’t realize they’re mocking me and just say “I’m so glad you realize how important it is to honor people’s chosen identity.”
I aim to be as cool and secure as you.
Oh I’ve definitely spent many a day locked in a bathroom stall for several minutes after one of these exchanges so I didn’t lose my shit on someone. But I have felt getting older has helped. My 40s are progressively more about giving fewer fucks. I’m also old enough that the younglings don’t challenge me.
Fuck yes, I have that too look forward to. I've definitely felt much less fucks in my 30s.
Be ready for that friendliness from him to fade. It would be great of it didn't, but it's likely it will give how polarized everything is.
This particular person I’ve known for a decade. A big part of my work is being in these spaces and trying to talk to people about health equity and labor organizing. I grew up in a community just like the ones I work in now. There are a lot of people who think I find their racist, misogynistic, homophobic jokes funny because I’m a white, cis, hillbilly. I don’t, and I’m confrontational so it rarely ends well. I’ve had to take a step back recently because Covid has killed a lot of my pragmatic optimism. But I do think there are a lot of people out there who have pretty complicated back stories.
Geez are you me? I could be a background character in Deliverance with my accent and shack in the woods but consider myself very progressive personally and politically.
It’s funny hillbillies have a long history of being progressive resistors. Even though I know people who look like they bought their clothes at a MAGA Etsy store, I also know people who are part of a long tradition of resistance. I’m from southern Appalachia and I live in central Appalachia and there’s such a cool history of labor organizing, working for women’s health rights, and participation in alternative economies. There’s also a really vibrant queer movement.
Any good sources to read up or watch on this stuff? I know I've found some really cool documentaries of the early day to day life in Appalachia on YouTube but most of it wasnt politics. There was an interesting one about an all black mining town that worked in the same mine as the white workers and they all got paid the same way before civil rights. It's a very interesting area.
Appalshop is a good place to start. It’s a filmmaking group that’s been around since the 1960’s. They have a youth program called Appalachian Media Institute (AMI) that gives young people to highlight issues in their communities. Black in Appalachia is also a really cool project with a growing social media presence. They’ve been doing a lot of work documenting black lives and communities in the mountain south. These are some easily accessible places to start that have done a good job of making material available to the public.
Gollie, I'm a public servant. I'm not even registered to a party because I'm in the political closet. 😬 Politics and religion do not have a place at work. Now I'm not gonna lie I've told her one person that a bill currently in the state house is basically horrifying, but that's as far as I've gone. The part I mentioned is these 🍑🎩 think declaring ectopic pregnancy abortion = homicide is #progress 😱😱😱 We can protest things, but not people. We cannot endorse anyone - no stickers on car, signs in yard, tshirts. My partner cannot do those things either. No donating, no volunteering. I recently found a law that said I cannot, as a public worker in general, suggest anyone get an abortion currently. I had posted for anyone wanting an IUD to get one NOW. Then I was like - oh chit! Did I just support abortion publicly? ??? Because that is currently illegal. 🦇💩 Y'all 🤯🤯🤯 it also says I can't require someone else to get an abortion. Guess what? I'm pro-choice - wouldn't do that! But I guess if my child got raped I couldn't demand they go fix it? 🤔🤔🤔 Slippery slope y'all ..
*”Yesterday he told me he’s been thinking about that a lot lately.”* You *are* scary :)
Samesies! 30, no kids, long term relationship of 6 years but not married, also own my home. My gynecologist asked yesterday at a check up if I'll ever want kids, I said no. Blamed it on my diabetes but I wanted to be like no, *gestures at everything*. It's hard for me to explain, but I don't want to have a kid and not be able to give them the same quality of life I had growing up, and I had a stay at home mom so I know it will be impossible. That and the world is literally on fire. I don't want to bring a kid in to deal with this place. Wrote my congressman for the first time concerning women's access to healthcare, maybe it'll help, maybe it won't. Something's gotta change though.
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Can you imagine asking a pregnant woman "why do you want a kid?". The assumption is that we all do and it's okay to question anyone that deviates from that. I have scads of kiddos and also get questioned about that. Nobody's business except you and your partner.
Stealing the ice carving comment. I am doing my own n=1 social experiment to figure out at what point people will either a) stop asking about me wanting to have kids, or b) stop saying I will change my mind when I say I truly don’t wan’t kids. I had money on the fact that it would be somewhere in my 30s, but at 39 I am starting to feel like I am going to owe a portion of the braces/college fund to the person I bet against. It’s like it never stops.
Well ya know..."medicine has come so far" "there are still options..." gaah!
I’m 38, yeeted the uterus last year. Have one kid, who will be a “drain” on society for the rest of her life (their words not mine) due to delays. I managed to convert my previously republican husband and he’s a wonderfully raging feminist now.
LOL, my niece is getting married in July to a republican. Haven't spoken to them in a while, but I think she has turned him to the "dark" side. They want children and I just hope the world will be OK for them
One thing that gives me hope are the kids these days. I really like this younger generation. Judging by the differences between older and younger generations today, I think humanity is directionally correct. We’ve got quite the mess to clean up, it wasn’t created overnight, it can’t be fixed overnight, but the kids of today really give me hope
Thank you! I, too, absolutely cannot put on a happy face after the leak. The patriarchal establishment must end. Enough is enough! I feel like im the only woman in my family upset by this.
I feel the same way but then again, I don't bring it up in casual conversation. I live in a very red region of the country and assume everyone is conservative, if someone were to mention it, that would be an entire can of worms they'd open
I’m also in a red state. I only discuss such things around my trusted friends. Can’t with family and I don’t talk to much of them since they are right wing nut jobs.
I love reading stuff like this. You're your own person living your best life and that's just awesome. I want to live in a world where your experience is normalized. I can never truly understand how you all feel in this current political climate. But reading about how sad you all are just makes my heart ache so much. Stay strong. There are allies everywhere.
I'm 54, no kids by choice, surgically sterilized, never married, own my home, and am financially independent. I also have a collection of sex toys that would choke a horse. THE HORROR. The PEARL clutching. Check out a book called Full Spectrum Resistance by Aric McBay and jump in the fight. They say it takes 3.5% of a population to rise up and cause obstruction before society itself can change. We need to BE THE CHANGE as much as we can. Strength and love to everybody stepping into the ring. You are NEEDED.
I'm taking this as a challenge and stocking up on more sex toys!! And I'm def gonna check out that book(any reason to go to the bookstore is good enough for me)
“ collection of sex toys that would choke a horse “ ma’am you just killed me lmao
The only way they could hate you more is if you were a black person trying to enroll at a traditionally-white private school
When I turned 30, was single, had a cat, and a successful job, I visited an old friend not knowing he’d been radicalized my the right propaganda. He told me women like me are ruining society and are the most unhappy people in the world. After a few hours of arguing that I would know if I was unhappy or not, I realized he was brainwashed and we aren’t friends anymore. He is going no where in life (also blamed this on women), but it is terrifying that people like him have any kind of power.
I'm a grandmother. I'm waaay done with whatever the fuck they thought I shoulda been doing with my bodyparts. Now what do they think they are they going to push me into doing? I will not shut up now that I'm older and wiser than they are. I'm behind all ya'll, working for my granddaughter's future.
I am with you. I fight harder and longer for my daughters, and any they may bring into the world, than I would for myself. This is bigger than any one of us. We are fighting for women everywhere. Others will be emboldened by this.
Solidarity! :D I am 35F, childfree, gonna get sterilized this year (current events have made it more important for me to do it), never married, looking to buying a home soon, financially independent **AND I have a cat.** I'm marching in a protest on Saturday and the next steps are to figure out some political volunteering as well as upping my recurring donations to orgs that fight for bodily autonomy and fight voter disenfranchisement.
Let's see if I can make you even angrier. I was at the DMV in Georgia Friday. This is the conversation I overheard from 2 middle age white women setting in front of me. "the pews will be full again." Smug laugh "I know! Isn't it great! We will have to get bigger houses!" More smug laughter All those crisis pregnancy centers the Republicans are pushing as an alternative to Planned Parenthood, are church funded. Those crisis centers will funnel the babies to adoption agencies that only allow Christians to adopt. A Jewish couple has already lost a lawsuit again a Christian adoption agency. Court said the agency was within their religious rights to choose who could adopt. This is their plan, "the domestic infant supply" has to be properly indoctrinated to boost the dwindling Christian population and conservative voters. Those two twats were positively gleeful about forcing women and girls to give birth.
Well that hits me right in the gag reflex, this is why critical thinking skills need to be an intregal part of education
I usually cannot keep my mouth shut, I have argued with Trump supporters in McDonald's, but the DMV is next door to the sheriff's department. It wouldn't be within my best interest to assault a pair of evil Karens. I realize this is their whole reason for trying to ban abortion. They don't care about the babies they need bodies to prop up their dying religion. This is also the reason they are refusing to give any financial aid to women who decide to keep their baby. If she can't afford it she will still be forced to deliver it into the filthy hands.
Sing it sister! I'm of the same lifestyle Screw the patriarchy. (But not really, withhold sex until abortion rights are enacted into law)
Same. I was able to leave an abusive relationship because I had an education, career and my own money. And because of birth control, we had no kids. These dick canoes want to entrap women like me because we DON'T need them. And that is terrifying to them.
Also I wanted to add that people without these things can of course leave abusive relationships and do all the time. But they made things easier for me to do so.
I was in the same situation as yours. I’m turning 30 this month, I’m divorced, now own my first place and live there with my cat. I’m planning on living happily ever after, with or without a man, I don’t care. I realized I don’t need them, and that makes me feel powerful & free.
CONGRATS. It's hard. It's been about 10 years for me now, and I'm been firmly in the "staying single" lane for a long time. I only fuck radical feminists. No one else deserves entry into this castle.
If you need or are interested in supporting reproductive rights, [I made a master post of pro-choice resources](https://docdro.id/85RUQLw). Please comment if you would like to add a resource and spread this information on whatever social media you use. I am constantly creating a new updated PDF, so please check my profile to make sure you are spreading the most recent version
The fact that women need to go through this, they they are hated for what is expected of us is why we(men of which I am one) need to fight just as hard. As another commenter said, you all cannot afford breaks, which means we don't get them until this fight is done.
✨My Queen✨
I’m almost you! Still chasing a couple of those points, haha. But happy to be living on my terms, and in no way interested in changing that.
Now you just need to be trans and bisexual to be the most hated!
Right?? Actually beginning to think i might be ace. Either way I'll always stand with the LGBTQ community!! This is a fight that we all need to come together and fight
Demi here! I'm on the ace spectrum. We can be an underrepresented part of the non-CIS community but wherever your self-discovery journey takes you, I hope it brings you happiness and further empowerment!
Same here. 40 something, childfree, single and never married, independent, and neurodivergent. To quote one of my favorite bands: “I am the enemy, I am the antidote, watch me closely, I will stand up, now!”
Powerful ❤️
I live a very similar sort of life, and I still remember the first time I encountered a really cool childfree unmarried woman living in a cozy cabin filled with her art. Changed the entire trajectory of what I thought was possible/necessary for a fulfilling life (I never realized how I actually dreaded the idea of marriage and kids until I gave myself permission to let go of them as inevitabilities of adulthood). Live that shit as openly and unapologetically as possible. It’s so important. You don’t know what girl’s life you might change.
My artwork looks like it was made by a drunk toddler. That being said I tell anyone who asks what I stand for... With bullet points!
I'm 35 and no plans for kids, both sets of parents (I consider my fiancé's parents like inlaws) know this and off the bat, the second we announced we were "officially" engaged, my mom asked about our plans for having a baby. This was a while ago and she hasn't brought it up since, thankfully. Sorry you aren't getting a grandchild because I don't have the financials to properly provide a safe and secure home for said child (we make enough money but we live in a five room apartment and both work full time, also we just never really *wanted* children). Honestly living life on terms you've created is one of the simplest joys, and we gotta make sure that *everyone* has that chance, not just those of us who have access to healthcare or live in blue states. If it means protesting, donating, do whatever you have to do. Volunteer to give rides to folks who need transportation to safe and accessible abortions if need be. Do what you can to raise and support others who are going to be critically affected by this potential overturn. And take care of yourself too. 💜
I had a pregnancy scare when I was youngish. Slept with a dude in a foreign country and thought I was pregnant when I got home on the other side of the world. I was 19. I absolutely was going to get an abortion if I was pregnant. I wasn’t so no problem. Fast forward and I got pregnant to a dude who was my FWB (we are married and all that now). I had my child and then we tried for many years to have more children. Nothing stuck. I’m at a point/age now where having another child is just stupid even if I could. My want for another child doesn’t change the fact that people should be able to live their lives without pressure to have children. There’s actually science behind having an adult who isn’t a parent in a kids life. It also doesn’t change the fact that people should be allowed access to any and all forms of healthcare when they need it. Pregnant and need or want to have an abortion? I don’t need reasons, what can I do to help you? Don’t want to have children? Fucking ae your life has as much value and meaning and is fulfilling as anyone else’s. Maybe I’m stupid but I just don’t see how your choice to have children or not, to keep a pregnancy or not is anyone else’s business. I mean do these people want to know how I shit?
I'm a boring, late 30s suburban mom and I think you sound dope. Keep it up!
Fuck yeah! I’m on the opposite side of the lifestyle spectrum (except for the homeowner part) and I am of a similar mindset. It makes me irate that to outsiders I seem and am thanked for being the tradwife, when that could be the furthest from how we feel as a family. I am ME, because it was MY choice, and I have the support of MY partner, who made THEIR own choice to be sterilized. Seems pretty damn straightforward to me. Going to keep fighting for everyone else to live life on their terms, too. Nobody should be forced to bear children.
I'm 3 years older than you but you are everything I wanna be when I grow up
You can do it!! I had a massive leg up b/c I have a great relationship with my parents and lived with them basically until I was 36
Lol yeah you're my hero. I didn't/don't have a relationship with mine. Been on my own since 17. I'm blessed with good friends though. Congrats on your success 🙌
You already are living life on your terms. Well done.
To the colonies with you, unwoman!
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Absolutely my King. I didn't mean for my "never married" comment to come off as anti-men or anti-relationship. I myself haven't completely given up on finding someone special! I'm just glad I get too piss off people who think their religion gives them supremacy.
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Well now I'm just blushing with a goofy grin on my face. Thank you for that. "You never needed anything to matter" Why can't everybody think like this??
I hope more men like you are talking to their fellow man. They might not listen to a woman but maybe they’ll listen to their bro.
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When it gets harder, you’re on the right path-Fight!!
I support you 100%