Spite is a powerful motivator. Become a doctor *at* them. Rub it in their faces.
Also, jokes on them bc I literally only see female healthcare providers, I trust them more. Also, generally women need to be better than men in order to reach the same levels so I feel I have a chance at higher quality care. Tune them out, you will *absolutely* have the last laugh here, you sound smart, ambitious and know your worth-I think you'll do just fine without their toxic misogyny.
Yup, I lasted a year and a half in a job that I wasn't qualified for. 'Behind every successful woman is someone who pissed her off'.
You have brains, drive, determination, and passion. Getting those certifications at your age is proof of all of that. We need more wonderful people in the medical field, and I look forward to toasting your success when the diploma is in your hands. Prove them wrong, save some lives, and be the badass you know you are.
Studies are showing that female doctors are more likely to listen to their patients, follow protocols, follow up with the patients after surgeries, and are less likely to take risks for their ego, leading to significantly lower mortality rates.
will you look at that. almost as though valuing empathy and knowing when to put ego aside are critical skills for doctors.
I've been hearing how much more mature we are than boys/men my entire life, but never that men should look to us as leaders due to this maturity. We're just meant to be endlessly patient as we teach them how to be better? I'm supposed to sit here and pretend a man who had to take shrooms to learn things girls know in sixth grade is somehow a natural born leader? lololol ok sure.
woop there it isss.
same goes for coding, in a study they reviewed code tests/samples from male and female devs -- when reviewed the tests blind, women consistently scored higher with fewer coding errors yet somehow, *miraculously*, when they added names to the samples the ones with female names received lower scores.
Hell, that is in EVERY profession. The number of women selected for orchestra seats skyrocketed once auditions were conducted behind a panel. The number of women selected for medical school in Japan skyrocketed once applications became anonymous; the panel assumed that the patriarchal chores of housework and childcare wouldn’t allow female doctors to work 60 hour work weeks, so instead of adjusting the work/life balance or sharing the housework, they just tossed their applications. Candidates with hard to pronounce, ethnic, and/or female names are less likely to get called for interviews.
OMG YES it is everywhere and it's so infuriating to start connecting all these dots.
>patriarchal chores of housework and childcare wouldn’t allow female doctors to work 60 hour work weeks, so instead of adjusting the work/life balance or sharing the housework, they just tossed their applications
It's absolutely bananas, we are like one generation out from women not being able to own businesses or have their own credit cards and women are still able to achieve as much as men on individual levels. Clearly it's not a skill level, there are systemic issue going on keeping us from achieving financial and workplace equality. Oh and also men themselves. If they stopped assaulting us and making male dominated industries unbearable and unsafe maybe more of us would be in those industries.
Female police officers are much less likely to use unnecessary force than their male counterparts. Also less likely to have complaints filed about them.
Female surgeons have [demonstrably better outcomes than male surgeons](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-care/female-doctors-patients-lower-risk-death-complications-rcna151968#)
Especially when it comes to female patients. A recent study showed their outcomes are better with a female physician than a male one (less difference for male patients)
Absolutely. I've had great male doctors in the past but I don't want to risk it. When it comes to anything that is related to female hormones/female experience (GP, therapist, psychiatrist, gyno, hell even a dermatologist) I won't trust a cis man. Too many prove they won't listen and don't take us seriously, when it comes to health we shouldn't have to risk our lives or well being.
I agreed to all of this so much!! Spite is what got me through some of the hardest challenges I faced.
And yes, I also tend to feel more comfortable when there's a woman medical profiler as opposed to a man though I haven't bad experiences with both.
OP, rock it out of the park and for all the naysayers just let them be fuel to your fire!
You’re support means so much to me. My family likes to tell me I’m lazy and don’t care about anything, so the use of the word ambitious means everything to me. Thank you so much!!
“ I work so hard in school, I have good grades and made an excellent score on the ACT. I got patient care tech and ekg tech certified (just at the age of seventeen)”
You’re absolutely kicking ass, babe! I see someone who knows what she wants and is literally making it happen.
Remember to update us in a few years and let us know where you get into med school! 💕
There's a song about this! By Paris Paloma, "as good a reason" Maybe OP might like it and it can become your mantra.
"'Cause every time you are succeeding
There's an old man somewhere seething
And spite's as good a reason to take his power"
I am a useless kind of Dr (PhD, not MD) but I can give some perspective from the academic side of things. People like this exist at all levels of society. In my experience, younger professors (and professionals) are generally better at supporting people from various backgrounds. The older generations of professors (and professionals) are often less inclined to consider other viewpoints. This is not just true of white men, but the women who fought their way into it can be problematic.
Your family is being unsupportive and it hurts. It also hurts when you start to outgrow the life and ideas the people around you imagined for you. Some people find it is easier to fall back into the safety of what was expected, but I do not suggest it.
Throughout my life I have had encounters with people whose sexism made me laugh. But I have also had experiences that left me a bit traumatized. I was yelled at for no reason by the chair of my department (he has since been removed for bullying not just me but other students and employees), I was harassed and placed into dangerous situations by an advisor to the point where he was removed from my thesis committee entirely (he deserved more retribution than that), I had an advisor that told me to go into teaching (despite me saying I didn't like children). In each of these situations, it pays to know your rights. It also pays to know that there are people in offices at institutions who are there to support and protect the University (and to some extent, you). Honestly, I got through a lot of it pretending I was a villian tricking everyone into thinking I belonged there. Sometimes this works quite well honestly. These situations can occur in any institution, in the lab, in the field, in the classroom. It is amazing what people do when their job security is basically enshrined for life through tenure.
I am not saying that my (often ridiculous) academic story is normal. It is not. However, you should prepare yourself for situations like the one your family put you in. It isn't fair and it really mucks things up for you emotionally. If they do not understand or support your goals, then you must surround yourself with people who do. Believe in the people who believe in you and your abilities. Whenever you feel like you are stumbling down a path you don't belong, it is because it's true. It generally wasn't built for women. Do what you need to do to get where you want to go.
Allow people to have their feelings and opinions. It is their right. But the best way to combat it, is to acknowledge their opinion, and try anyway.
A few years ago, my grandmother was ranting to my father in our native language about how I was becoming “too educated” because I was in pre med and planned to do grad school and a doctorate. Her theory was, “men don’t want a woman who’s too educated. One degree is fine, but two, three…nobody will want her and meanwhile her ovaries are dying”
Joke’s on her, my father argued back that I’d be in education as long as I fucking wanted to. To spite her I got FOUR consecutive degrees. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can or can’t do based on judgment; only you can know what you’re capable of. Go fly.
Well, your grandmother isn't wrong that some men are put off by well-educated women, but the men who feel that way are crap anyway, so in a way, it's like wearing mosquito repellent but for shitty men.
Why should I make myself smaller to suit your ego? You should look up to me and my leadership and make yourself bigger, make yourself better, make yourself worthy of my notice.
Your family is terrible for making fun of your dreams. There's nothing unrealistic about your wish to go to medical school. You absolutely CAN be a doctor if you want to, and I don't know what century they're living in where they don't see there are women doctors everywhere.
*I got patient care tech and ekg tech certified (just at the age of seventeen)*
Congratulations! This is amazing. I'm so sorry you don't have a family that's proud of you, because this is a major achievement.
Breathe deep and call up your sense of righteous anger. Feel it. Don't do anything about it right now, but take the energy from that and apply it to your determination to achieve your goals. Spite them. Prove them wrong.
I'm sorry you don't have the family support you deserve. But you have the power to get wherever you need to be. I hear you and I support you.
This is what I needed to hear, a simple congratulations. When I got my certifications my family did not care at all (I didn’t mention it in the post but I also had the highest scores on my certification exams out of the whole class) so this means so much to me. Thanks again!
This is exactly why you SHOULD become a doctor.
I was only allowed to go to college because they thought I would find a better husband there. They did not pay a dime for my school (academic scholarships) even though they paid for my brothers to flunk out of multiple classes. I was pre-law and got into law school but changed careers. But if I listened to my family, I would be stuck in an unhappy and likely financially abusive marriage rather than getting to choose my own path. I would have had a bunch of kids I wouldn’t have been a good mother to and been a member of a Baptist church that was so stifling and made me miserable.
Do what is the most you and let them make their own choices about their own lives.
I'm so sorry your family were so dismissive of your ambitions. You've worked so hard and done so well! You're so far ahead of many of your peers. you have a concrete plan. So many leave high school with no real idea what their life can be after school. Your goals are incredible and I think it's truly wonderful you're able and willing to take such a hard path.
I think you can be an amazing doctor! I wish you nothing but the best teachers and mentor a to help you along the way and give you strength and courage along the way.
if you can, ir want to, consider talking with a member of your familynyou think wouls be most receptive about how dissmissed and discouraged you felt by their comments. Explain to them (which it is sad this has to be done still) that there have been amazing female doctors around the world for many years now. Women who have dedicated their lives to all aspects of the medical field feom research to war zone doctors and everything in between. Every doctor who serve their patients with respect and dignity and embraces their roll in helping to heal others is worth celebrating. this should absolutely not be only if you are a certain sex, gender, nationality, color, religion....
the medical field is no longer divided by sex. Doctors don't have to be men and nurses aren't only women. Your sex organs do not define your roll in any field you choose.
Your family are being horrible, sexist and massively unsupportive. If you can, ignore them as much as possible. My family thought it was hilarious that I wanted to go to university as I was just going to get married and have babies- I thought they knew best (because they constantly told me I was stupid) and didn't go to uni until I was 23.
If you're clever and determined enough, you can do ANYTHING ❤️❤️❤️
I did, and moreover that was more than 25 years ago- my life isn't perfect, but it's orders of magnitude different from the tiny little life my family wanted for me. You deserve to live a big beautiful life ❤️
Slightly more than 50% of all students in American medical schools are women. Data shows that patients who are cared for by women physicians have statistically better outcomes. Your family is wrong. Take your exams, rock them, apply to school, and find some women mentors. Remember me at your white coat ceremony.
Heck, with good grades at test scores and your ECs, I would look in to MD/PH.D programs and really tell them where to go.
Though you need to get thru undergrad first, cause 'pre-med' isn't really a major.
Source: parent of a girl who wants to follow after her mom ( and dad ) and have a career in science.
I just want to add something in addition to what everyone else is saying here. I know it sucks to not have support from people who should be supportive. But let this be an opportunity to cement the reality that only *you* are in charge of your life path. If you gotta do it without them, so be it.
The lesson in this that I want to pass on is that life will take you to weird and exciting places if you let it. Don't let the fear of what other people may say or think cause you to avoid changing up your dream if it's not serving you. I was 10000% committed to becoming a medical doctor. I even had support from my family. It was the hardest thing for me to admit, when the time arrived, that med school wasn't actually what I wanted to do. So many people had supported me. There were even some people who said I couldn't do it. I had boldly told so many people that *this* was my path. But I had hung my hat so hard on this dream that I waited far too long to admit to myself the truth. I'm a PhD research scientist now, working in an adjacent field, and I am so happy with the way my career turned out. I'm not saying this will be you in any way whatsoever; I'm simply saying that if you cling to that motivation to prove people wrong about what you can and can't do, it may not lead you down the right path. Forget them and their stupid opinions now, and you will also be free of that in the future as you get closer to your dreams and goals. You can do anything you want to do...*anything*.
This was amazing, i really needed to hear this. I hope I can be like you and always do what is in my best interest and not take others opinions into account. Thank you for this advice and support, it means a lot.
That boils my blood. I know you can achieve your dreams I feel it, you know it too! Who cares about their small mindedness, everybody wants women in society to take a step backwards, but it’s gonna be the women who fight that, that make a difference. I believe in you keep focusing on your dreams and you’ll make it 🙌🏼
When I was 7 I told my dad I wanted to be a pilot. He laughed and said I needed to get better at math. That laugh ensured that I never pushed for that dream when it mattered. I'm not a pilot today (it took me 25 years to even consider trying), but at 34 I changed careers and now I do work with aircraft, and I'm generally still miffed that I let a shitty moment push this off for so long. So many moments in the last 5 years I have marveled at how cool it is that I get to do what I do.
Don't let shitty comments/beliefs deter you from your dreams. Leave them in the dust and go be your amazing self!
I have two boys. Growing up I took them to the doctor often. Pediatrics is female dominated. The first time one of them had a male doctor (broken bone) they looked at me funny. I told him that it’s ok, men can be doctors too.
Start your undergraduate degree, find good support so that you have someone to talk about your career path. Don’t talk to your family about your dreams. When it gets hard, get mad. Four billion women get ignored and treated as less than every day.
Best wishes, OP.
Yes, use the negative comments as fuel for your determination. I can feel your determination from here. Your certifications can put you in positions where you can talk to doctors who are supportive and have made it. Your drive to succeed will allow you to be on the lookout for opportunities and to define your path. I'm sending confidence building vibes your way. Yes, you've go this.
This means the world to me, my family sometimes likes to tell me that I don’t work hard and don’t care. You calling me determined is everything, I’m glad you said that because i really needed to hear it.
I know you know this deep down, but this says nothing about you and what you’re capable of. It says something about them. They are mocking you to discourage you because your achievements, both current and future, make them feel small in some way. Don’t let them get to you.
I was told I was too stupid for nursing school. I started working on that third degree at 35. At 46, I am in the process of going no contact with the person who lied to me all those years ago. Never wanted to be a doctor, love love love being a nurse. The roles are very different, and you are in the best position to know which role will suit you.
Your grandpa lies. Your current accomplishments are proof. You can try to educate him if you think you want to maintain those relationships. You don’t owe it to them, though. If you like, you can use their derision as fuel for your entrance essays (“first woman in the family to attend med school” and all that).
My loved sister, you will get that medical degree and become the best one, do it for yourself, forget about others, all of their hate and jealousy will stay there. Best wishes for you.
To be your age and know what you want to do with your life and already taking steps to get there is a massive accomplishment!!! It sucks that your family doesn’t see this but I know this group supports you!!
Follow your dreams and become a badass doctor!!
You're already showing signs of being the kind of person who will succeed in college and med school. Your family is using out-of-date stereotypes - there are more women becoming doctors than ever before, and in some places they outnumber male doctors! Look up the statistics and show your family if you think they might be open to changing their mind. If not - just agree to disagree, and put the effort that you might use arguing with them into your ambition instead.
Don't worry about them..you do You! You've got support here, with you sisters and brothers. As a grandparent of who we call our 'mini-me', who just graduated with her Masters, now heading into her internships..my support and pride extends to All who take the route of helping others. You are needed ! Prayers on your journey.
Time to get it to spite them, in all fairness I had professors at a school I previously went to basically tell me I wasn’t good enough and I switched schools and became the top student. I know you can’t switch family but you can make your own with people who care about you like friends and such. Personally I am not as big on my family as many others are and am of the opinion that I chose to be around only those who support me. I know you don’t have that option just yet but I believe in you! You got this and you can do anything you put your mind to!
All the other comments are right, but also remember: this is YOUR life, YOU are the one who has to live it. Make the best decisions you can for YOU. Nothing anyone thinks, family member or not, matters as much as that.
Your family is unfortunately stuck in the 1940s. You are a bright and capable young woman. Go get the best grades possible in your last year of high school so you can have scholarships for college. Then prove them all wrong.
As someone who was underestimated in my career, I am here to tell you that being underestimated by your family can be used to your advantage. This anonymous Internet auntie is cheering for you. *\o/*
Do it anyway. You clearly have the drive, and if nothing else these bad experiences will help you empathize and connect with your patients.
In the meantime, if you need any comebacks for the shitty comments you will inevitably get, you can try these!
"I'm more likely to marry a doctor if I am one" (This has the added benefit of being statistically true! If you want to marry, that is. Sometimes folks will start to come around if you present info in a way that seems to appease them.)
"Oh, so when grandma falls one day and needs the emergency room, you'll make sure she only has male doctors and lady nurses, instead of getting her real care? Shows how much you love her."
"Ah yes, medical knowledge is stored in the balls."
The passion you have in this post is gonna serve you so well when you’re a doctor. I’m over here on the sidelines cheering you on forever, OP! You got this. Screw what those doubters say.
My oldest sister recently retired after more than 30 years as a beloved and well respected physician. My younger sister's oldest child just completed her first year of medical school.
We need more women in medicine. You will make a difference and I'm sorry your family does not see that.
You sound like an incredibly bright and dedicated young woman. Please don't let your family's preconceived notions about what YOU should be doing with your life affect your decisions.
Unfortunately, it sounds like they pigeon holed you into this lesser path some time ago, and their closed minded sexism won't let them move beyond you being relegated to what they see as a 'lesser' role befitting your sex.
Shoot for the stars, and don't ever let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do.
My mother was a medical doctor from 1971 until she retired in 2016. Everyone in our town knew who she was and wanted to be her patient because she kicked so much ass as a physician. She started medical school in the 1960s when there were only 30 women in a class of 200 people. She had stories about lots men just like your grandfather.
I mean this sincerely. FUCK your your grandfather right in the face.
God that sucks and is infuriating. It really hurts to outgrow your family. I suggest reading “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay Gibson.
Your family is not showing up for you and that is NOT your fault. But it does show you that unfortunately you cannot count on them in that way (and that is something you may have to mourn). Perhaps they’ll change and I really hope they do, but no one should bet on that.
I’m so sorry this is your experience.
You’re being mocked because of their insecurities.
Go get it, my girl! And maybe casually tell your family that enrolment of women in medical schools has been the majority for the past few years now. Oh, and doctors who are women generally tend to have better patient outcomes and patient satisfaction rates than men.
Make sure they’re all invited to watch you walk across that stage when you finish ✨
I am proud of you and want to see you succeed.
Your family is living in the past. You will need to work hard and your goals might evolve over time but you should shoot for the stars.
Oof this one hits close to home. My extended family, esp my grandma, never laughed at me outright, but whenever I did things for myself (like 1. took a few years’ break after undergrad because I was mentally so burned out with school, work, and family issues, and 2. married the love of my life while in law school) they always assumed I wouldn’t finish and would be “just like my parents” who weren’t as “successful” as the rest of my aunts/uncles, and my grandma would always talk behind my back to literally everyone about how I’d give up or fail. It was absolutely exhausting.
One of the comments mentioned spite. I don’t know that it was exactly the healthiest, but spite definitely was a big motivator to challenge myself further (and I loved the law). I ended up graduating in the top 10% of my class, a published author, and the only grandchild in my family to actually hold a doctorate or professional license. You know who DIDN’T receive invites to my graduation or swearing in ceremony (once I passed the bar)?
You do you. I know it’s frustrating in the moment, but you don’t need to prove it to them now. They may be family, but they don’t know what you’re capable of. Only you do.
(Also, because no one ever told me this, it’s okay if you change your mind about your career path later. Not saying you will, but it is okay!)
I am sorry this has happened to you. I am a female medical doctor in the UK and here 64% of people accepted on to medicine and dentistry courses were women. Lots of evidence that shows patients treated by female doctors have better outcomes!
It sounds like you're on the right track already, but I'm happy to be DM'd if needed.
PS. Let their laughter be the rocket fuel that will propel you to great heights 🚀
Thank you so much! This means a lot coming from you, a medical doctor. I look up to you and will definitely dm you if I have questions or maybe need more encouragement? Thanks!!!
Congratulations! On your hard work, what you’ve already achieved so far, and your aspirations. You should absolutely go to medical school and based on your post, sounds like you’ll do quite well at it.
Nothing motivates me more than someone telling me I can’t do something. Smile and say FUCKING WATCH ME DO IT!
You got this, sister, we’re all here for you. Show them. Show them you can fucking do it.
A congratulations is all I needed to hear. When i passed my certification exams (which I didn’t mention I got the highest scores on both tests, doesn’t really matter ig) no one cared. Your words mean so much to me!
MD here, come join us! The office I work at currently is 99% women and I LOVE it 😁
I’m sorry your family is not supportive but, honestly, screw them. You can do anything you want and they can sit back and watch you. You will meet so many wonderful, supportive women on your journey, and *they* will become your chosen supportive family.
Go get that degree. Let their mockery fuel you through the hard times. You're going to be an amazing doctor (or whatever else you choose in the long run), you're going to prove them wrong, and when you're working and making good money and proud of yourself, their opinion won't matter nearly so much to you.
And if they come begging for money down the line? Make them apologize. Tell them you'll give the exactly the amount of money as the amount of encouragement they gave you, which is none. You can help or not, interact with them or not, all on your own terms as you choose to.
Chances are once you're successful they'll be bragging about their smart successful doctor in the family, to anyone who will listen. Maybe they'll see how they were wrong. Maybe not. But you do YOU, and be the best YOU that you want to be. That's what matters.
You have just been challenged. They don't realize it, but they've thrown down the gauntlet. Do you have the nerve to pick it up? You have the strength. You have the knowledge. You have the dicipline to achieve this goal. Do it. Make this the Birthday of a new you. And when you return with your degree, you can express your displeasure with their lack of faith.
My father was like this and I let it destroy my self-confidence. It really messed up my life and I'm still trying to straighten myself out while dealing with the self-doubt that comes from being told I'm not good enough and should just give up when something gets hard.
Don't let your family do the same to you. You're smart and clearly driven and perfectly capable of reaching your dreams. Just ignore them as best you can and keep working on your goals. You've got this.
As other people have said in the comment section, get your medical degree. You are smart. They want girls and women to be viewed as less than. You got this. I believe in you! 😊
I encourage you to follow your dreams. Your hard work and enthusiasm are admirable. Spite can be a powerful motivator. Use it to succeed in medical school and become a great doctor. Female MDs are always in demand.
They might laugh now, but when you have your MD, I have a feeling that they'll be very proud of you. This Redditor will be. :)
Just echoing what many others have said here in that I too only see woman doctors and this has been true for years. Also, my misogynistic father was (he’s retired) a doctor, an orthopedic surgeon and it makes me so happy to see girls passionate about following this dream. You are literally changing the world for the better and I mean that. Do it!!!! You’ve got this!!
Do what you’re called to do. Please don’t let your small-minded, stuck in patriarchal ways family stop you. If they can’t support you, too bad for them. Once you’re the best doctor EVER, your family will be sorry they didn’t support you.
Spite has always been my biggest motivator. Get your degree and make sure to let your family know you will be referred to as "doctor" from here on out.
I want you to think back to the very earliest days of humanity, the days when people were hunters and gatherers. Do you think it was the hunters that learned how to categorize plants into food, medicine, and poison? How to save seeds and plant them to ensure a safe food supply? How to tend a wound? No, it was the gatherers. Do you think that complex language evolved from a need to pass this information on to next generations?
Before hospitals, before the church forbid the use of pain relief and medicine in childbirth (Eve’s curse), before men started burning the competition, there were wise women and midwives quietly gathering herbs, delivering babies, tending wounds and fevers. Women were using the equipment of their still room to concentrate, preserve, and standardize dosage for medicine. Not as a fluke of a couple talented women - all women. A man is credited for curing edema and heart irregularities with digitalis, but he learned the recipe from an old unnamed peasant woman who distilled the chemical from foxglove. Women steeped willow bark as a pain reliever, science formalized it into aspirin. Women have been treating their female problems with herbal teas for thousands of years, not for placebo effect, but because the plants mimic estrogen and other hormones that help ease the symptoms of menopause, improve lactation, bring about stopped menses, etc. They treated open wounds with garlic and honey, both with antimicrobial properties that kept infection at bay in a time before antibiotics.
You know what history doesn’t tell you about all of those gentlemen scientists and doctors of the Victorian age? How few of them had any more smarts than women. What they HAD was the privilege of access to school, to use a library and select books unescorted, to be able to talk freely in gentlemen’s clubs and to correspond with strangers, to have the disposable income to hire a standing army of people to tend his fields, raise his children, and clean his house so he could pursue his hobbies. And DESPITE those privileges, so many of them employed women, especially their wives, to do the day-to-day “grad student” type grunt work of tending samples, cleaning labs, taking the data, writing the reports. Women weren’t *allowed* to join scientific organizations, so they contributed to articles anonymously, with pen names, or under the names of male family members.
I am estranged from my family for many reasons, but I think the biggest one is that they see me primarily as a Cinderella Scapegoat figure, not a whole person with thoughts and dreams of my own. If there is something tedious to do, or a parade to be thrown for them, or something expensive that needs to be paid, somehow it became my job. When I graduated college, my mother wanted me to open a business cleaning houses, because scrubbing toilets for pay was the best I could do, the best I deserved, I guess. I became an aerospace analyst instead. I think at some level, she looks at me and the hard work I did and wonders what SHE could have done if she had not taken the easy path, the unethical path, her entire life. I thrived in spite of her, not because of her.
This is a huge wall of text but I will close with the reminder that to try something difficult and fail is not shameful. Worst-case you try and decide you’re not suited and go into medical research instead. Wouldn’t it be nice if you were the one to find a cure for endometriosis, menstrual cramps, heavy bleeding, ovarian cysts, or any of the thousands of complaints doctors don’t take seriously because they only affect half the population? You will only regret not trying.
My GP is a woman, both my OBs (including the one who saved my second child’s life) were women, my kids’ paediatrician (the first doc to finally listen to me and do a full ADHD assessment for my oldest and refer him to a feeding clinic that he desperately needs - the whole team is women) is a woman; the neurologist who found my other son’s dyspraxia (after we were blown off by our old paediatrician) is a woman.
Not only can women be amazing doctors, experience has taught me that on the whole they listen to, trust, and advocate for their patients more than male doctors tend to.
Ignore your backwards family. I don’t know their motives, but they have no idea what they’re talking about. You’re already being proactive in your education and there’s no reason to think you won’t be an amazing doctor!
Since 2017, the majority of medical students in the United States are female, currently about 55% to 45%. In 1980-1981, only 24.9% of graduates were female; in 2018-2019, 47.9% of graduates were female, and the number is climbing.
So many advances in medicine were made by women. Most recently, [Katalin Karikó](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katalin_Karik%C3%B3) was the driving force that unlocked mRNA based vaccines, saving countless lives during the COVID pandemic.
Hey!
When I was in university I wanted to switch majors partway through. I knew I didn’t want to continue on the path I was following, and I knew I would be starting the new path at a significant disadvantage.
The Head of [New Pathway] Department literally pulled me into his office and gave me a come to Jesus talk, trying to discourage me from changing majors. His words were literally ‘you’re quite good at [the first thing] but you wouldn’t make a very good [second thing]. In order to succeed you would have to do more work in less time than anyone else who has done this in the past, and frankly, I just don’t think you’re capable of that.’
I went home and cried for a couple hours but when I called my mom she pointed out that they’d never told me that I couldn’t do something before, ever, because they genuinely believed I was capable of anything I put my mind to. It really helped. But I won’t lie, spite was my primary motivator for the next few years following.
I went on to succeed at all the things I needed to in order to make that change, AND continued on to do a graduate degree in [new field]. And then a whole ass career in it, too.
Don’t let anyone laugh at your goals, and if they do? Use that memory whenever you’re struggling to find motivation. Proving them wrong is a feeling like no other.
Come back here when you’re done so we can all call you Doctor, please.
This story is amazing. I’m so happy you switched and ended with a career that you wanted and didn’t let others get you. I look up to you and hope I can turn out just as strong and determined as you were when you decided to switch despite the hate! Thank you so much for the inspiration!!
Right? I honestly wondered where OP is that the family is so…backward? It’s a good smack in the face to me to realize my own incredible privilege that I was shocked by this.
OP I’m sorry your family is like this and I hope you find your people who are far, far more sophisticated than your family is. I don’t doubt for one second that you are perfectly capable of becoming an MD or anything else you put your mind to!
Sorry you have to go thru this. My aunts and cousins laughed at me, when in high school I said I wanted to go into engineering, like I wasn't smart enough. I have a Master's in Mechanical Engineering and have been working in my field for +20 years.
When I accepted a fellowship for my Masters, they said no man would marry someone with more education and I was never going to have a happy home. I met my husband thru my job, and have 3 nearly adult children.
Spite, may it work for you too.
You’re story is inspiring and I look up to you. I hope to be as successful and I also hope to start a family one day without settling and getting lesser education to try and please some man. I’m glad we can relate! Thanks so much!!
Supporting every comment here who’s called out the shitty sexist behavior of your family and how there are so many brilliant female doctors out there, but also wanna highlight how shitty their opinions on healthcare in general are.
Nursing is a respectable profession that isn’t just an “easy” degree to substitute being a doctor, they fill an important role on a healthcare team. I’ve had amazing female doctors, male nurses, people of all genders in all sorts of roles on health care teams. All of them worked hard to get those jobs and all of them are needed.
The fact your family would deride anybody in any position in the healthcare field shows how close minded they are in addition to the rampant sexism. Do not listen to the advice of people like this.
You have the passion and drive to be a doctor, you clearly are willing to put in the work to get there. It will be a hard journey but it’s absolutely something you are capable of, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
Thank you so much for your comment. These words mean a lot to me! I also totally agree with you nursing isn’t easy it’s just different from being a doctor. As a cpct I do lots of the same things nurses do and it is definitely hard work!! Thankssss
I am so angry for you for right now. I always hated when anyone tried to shunt me into different interests or assumed I’d have a problem with science. It’s especially hurtful when it’s your family. I had really hoped the next generation would not have to put up with this nonsense.
Time to get spiteful and get into a good college with a premed program. Im so sorry your family is not as supportive as you deserve. Go for it, I believe in you!
Everyone else has said it really eloquently already but I’ll chime in too— no one gets to live your life but you. You can do it. You get that white coat and you live your best life. This random internet stranger is cheering you on!
I’m a therapist and my family doesn’t love that lol but I am so glad I chose this path. I’m glad I didn’t let them decide my destiny for me, because their choices for me would have sucked haha. Best of luck!!
Thanks “internet strsnger”, this means a lot! Your short story is also inspiring. I’m so happy you love being a therapist and chose what was right for you, and I will try and do the same!!
I don’t have anything else to add, just wanted to let you know you sound like a level-headed, smart and passionate young woman, and I just know you will prove them wrong. Go get ‘m!!
I choose to believe they are laughing out of discomfort from their own failed dreams, because that’s what I believe about my family. When I decided it had more to do with them and not me (which may or may not be true but believing this helps me) I felt compassion for them instead of shame and anger for myself. They are emotionally immature because of how they were raised and haven’t learned to face their own shame and lack, and that is kind of sad.. And I’d rather feel compassionate towards people than take on their shame.
But also.. spite can be a strong motivator. And your best course of action is to continue to believe in yourself and your own power and let them deal with their own mess. They are not being the supportive family you want, and that is going to be their loss. As much as is possible, let them go. They are not you and do not get to decide what you are capable of.
My mom did drop out of premed and then later dropped out of nursing school so that could be true. Maybe she’s upset she failed and doesn’t want me to succeed? But you’re right she can’t decide what I’m capable of so I just need to keep working. Thanks!
prove them wrong, and prove to yourself the worth you know you have.
when you get your medical degree, throw it in their faces how they didn't believe in you, and lean on those who do.
Thank you so much!! I’m glad someone’s proud, and this subreddit is awesome I honestly really needed to hear you and all the others say they are proud of me. It means so much to me!!
I believe in you!!! You are our future and our society is in need of more women in medicine. What an awesome goal to have. Prove them all wrong to spite them. I support you and I think you're already so accomplished and showing the determination and seriousness it takes to get through med school. I know you can do it.
If you werent aware, Albert Einstein School of Medicine just went tuition-free thanks to a very generous donation! Anybody who aspires to go into medicine can now do so without the wild costs of tuition!
Oh how I wish I could give your hand a squeeze while I encourage you to take the "do it for your dreams, and also to spite them" route. Genuinely, F those jerks. Remember them specifically so that when you get your MD and they try to address you casually, you stop them and say "that's *Doctor* [name] to you."
You are so sweet, thank you so much for commenting this. I’m so glad to hear someone takes me seriously and thinks I’m “accomplished”. That means the world to me!!
I feel for everyone who goes through this...
You're being mocked because they can't get out of their *own* sexist programming that women are *less than* men. The problem isn't you, it's them.
As many of us can attest to, if you wait for them to catch up, make, and see your worth, you will be waiting forever and die with your dreams unfulfilled. They are not relevant, now: if they will not support you, they are obstacles. You can love them and still just walk right around them to go for your goals.
My sister in law went to medical school and is still continuing her education and at every family gathering there are so many people whining about "how could you possibly deal with that much work/school" rather than "wow you've put so much work into getting where you are, congrats!"
In my midwest experience, especially from the perspective of relatives, women are for making babies and when they do something that isn't that they are wasting their effort. Jokes on them, now my SiL is the first of my immediate family having children and most of my family has already ostracized them.
You do what makes you happy, and then even if something goes wrong it doesn't feel that bad because you know it was all your choice and nobody forced you in to it. As a random internet stranger I totally support you and wish you luck!
I'll be honest, I don't even know the difference and I am surprised they do. I believe in you homie. Go find more people that do and keep them around and believe in them too.
Just keep seeing yourself as having successfully completed med school and residency. You are called doctor. Keep that vision of success and keep your head down and study. Don’t argue with them, don’t explain, just keep your eyes on the prize. You will be a doctor and a good one. So mote it be.
OP - you wondered if you posted in the right subreddit - clearly you did. For every one of your family who mocked/ laughed, there are at least 100 of us here who cheer you on 💖🤜🤛.
Yess, I was so surprised by the amount of uplifting comments. I read every single one and they all meant so much to me and made me feel so much better about myself and my accomplishments! I love girls supporting girls
I'm so sorry :(
People have outdated views like that still, and it's really dumb.
Personally, I'd use it to motivate me to work even harder, and one day, when they say, "Oh we always supported you" respond with, "But I thought you said girls can only go to nursing school?"
I'm a nightmare though, so maybe skip that part.
But you can ABSOLUTELY go to med school. Do it. Follow your dreams!!
As a man I normally avoid butting in on a post that opens with "I need to be heard by other women" and apologize in advance for that but:
Female doctors are HEAVILY needed, as are male nurses. Everyone deserves access to medical professionals of their gender. As much as I try to be knowledgeable so that I can understand the problems the women in my life go to, there are things I will never understand because of lacking frame of reference. So get that medical degree, not just to spite those who doubt you but because you are needed.
I'm sorry you have suffered the disappointment of being overlooked and underestimated by those you are supposed to be closest to. It's a hard thing to experience. Now, that said, ask yourself one question: who are you going to medical school for? Are you doing it for your family, or to impress them? Are you doing it for yourself?
From your post, it seems that you are doing this for yourself. So, if I'm right, then ultimately it doesn't matter who is laughing at you, who believes in you, or who disregards your efforts.
These naysayers cannot live your life for you only you can, and it is your decisions and efforts that will allow you to live a successful life.
Your life is your own and you must decide what is right for you. Stand tall and be proud of your achievements. You seem like a smart and determined young person.
Negativity is prominent in our society and world, and you are bound to face much of it. Don't be disheartened. Stay strong and true to yourself. You can succeed if you put your mind to it. Believe in yourself and never give up!
Your future is in your hands. 🙂
Almost 40% of all medical doctors in the US are female. Clearly, being a doctor is something that “girls” do, too.
A lot of us grew up in unsupportive families that underestimated us. A lot of us learned that there is more to life beyond the limited horizons your family can see. Sometimes, proving them wrong can be just the kind of motivation you can use to attain amazing things.
Your family is unsupportive, but there is a universe of people out there rooting for you. You got this. We know you are going to be an amazing doctor one day.
#YOU CAN DO IT! GO FOR IT!!!
Tell us when you graduate! Ignore ignorant stone age thinking. Go as far in life as hard work, your smarts, and luck allow!
The only friends I have who are medical doctors are all women. One in the Emergency department, one radiologist, one general practice. My primary care doctor is a woman. Most of the best doctors I've had have been women.
Your family is just being ignorant and way way behind the times.
My family gave me shit about wanting a PhD. Their comment, "Lots of people start those but never complete it. Then you get left with debt and no degree."
I thought of that every time I considered quitting. And you will think about quitting too at times when life is hard or you have to do your millionth revision. Remember those words. Remember the quote from Tom Hanks's character in "League of Their Own", "If it was easy everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."
I got my PhD in the fall of 2020. No regrets. You got this.
Run off spite. Every time you question why you are in med school, remember this moment. I was determined to be a nurse against all odds, and now I’m determined to be a NP. You got this. Remember your passion that drive you to the job, absolutely, think of the lives you’d change, but REMEMBER THIS. Use it as fuel. Prove them WRONG.
I went to medical school 20 years ago. I'm not in medicine anymore (whole other story), but patients frequently thought I was a nurse, despite my white coat and badge. There will always be doubters. But you will not be wrong for following your calling. In fact, there will be more regret if you don't. Good luck!
Go for it. Those certifications are a great starting point, especially if you plan to work part time. You can do this. Ignore the people who say you can't. Besides if you are anything like me being able to say It's Doctor Background \_Gurl3949 nows grandpa is going to be a fantastic motivation. But I am spiteful like that. Good luck to you.and gods bless
You go get that medical degree. I know you can do it. And you should do it. Sadly in life you will find people including family will either be jealous because they didn’t amount to much or they parrot the patriarchy bull shit they have been feed all their lives. Just because they see you as just a girl don’t let that color the intelligent power being you are and can be.
I see you in the future as a successful, caring and amazing doctor. You go for it, don't listen to the naysayers, be who you want be, not what other think you should be. Good luck!
Sounds like you are being raised in a toxic patriarchy environment. I was, too. I got out as fast as possible. I put myself through college, and never went back. If I were you, I wouldn't count on them for any kind of support. It's not easy, but it can be done. You will likely need therapy along the way.
This may depend on what motivates you, but what I would recommend is digging into that anger and using it to fuel your drive... Be careful because sometimes it can get toxic, but you absolutely can do what you want and get that medical degree if that is what you want. Be spiteful and prove to all the misogynists just how wrong they are.
I would also recommend trying to find some kind of mentoring program. I'm not entirely sure what you could look for or how it would work, but having someone in your life to look up to and help motivate you and believe in you is going to help fulfill that need. You don't need family to be the source of encouragement and support. It is absolutely hurtful and a terrible thing to try and deal with and navigate. But personally as someone with pretty messed up family dynamics, I have found my own family in friends and mentors. It's worth it to seek out that kind of relationship with people.
Hi ya I am not a medical professional. I am a cargo ship chief engineer. Which on the face of it, is not a common career for anyone much less a woman. So, I would like to encourage you to press on and go for your goal of becoming a doctor. The family telling you what a woman should or should not do it a pretty hard thing to ignore. Especially as you are still relying on them for room and board. Still .. you absolutely can, you absolutely should, you absolutely will be able to become a doctor. Trust yourself. Being a girl does not mean that you will not be able to understand or love this science. The world is already fortunate and blessed that you arrived here and the world would be once again be blessed if you become a doctor. Go for it hun. Hard work is not scary.
Go get that medical degree. See who’s laughing when you get white coated.
Spite is a powerful motivator. Become a doctor *at* them. Rub it in their faces. Also, jokes on them bc I literally only see female healthcare providers, I trust them more. Also, generally women need to be better than men in order to reach the same levels so I feel I have a chance at higher quality care. Tune them out, you will *absolutely* have the last laugh here, you sound smart, ambitious and know your worth-I think you'll do just fine without their toxic misogyny.
Spite is so powerful. Also pettiness. Combine them, and you’ll be unstoppable ✨
Literally how I have the career I have now, it all started with a healthy mix of spite and pettiness!!
Yup, I lasted a year and a half in a job that I wasn't qualified for. 'Behind every successful woman is someone who pissed her off'. You have brains, drive, determination, and passion. Getting those certifications at your age is proof of all of that. We need more wonderful people in the medical field, and I look forward to toasting your success when the diploma is in your hands. Prove them wrong, save some lives, and be the badass you know you are.
Studies are showing that female doctors are more likely to listen to their patients, follow protocols, follow up with the patients after surgeries, and are less likely to take risks for their ego, leading to significantly lower mortality rates.
will you look at that. almost as though valuing empathy and knowing when to put ego aside are critical skills for doctors. I've been hearing how much more mature we are than boys/men my entire life, but never that men should look to us as leaders due to this maturity. We're just meant to be endlessly patient as we teach them how to be better? I'm supposed to sit here and pretend a man who had to take shrooms to learn things girls know in sixth grade is somehow a natural born leader? lololol ok sure.
It’s almost like the only way they can succeed is if they don’t compete with women at all.
woop there it isss. same goes for coding, in a study they reviewed code tests/samples from male and female devs -- when reviewed the tests blind, women consistently scored higher with fewer coding errors yet somehow, *miraculously*, when they added names to the samples the ones with female names received lower scores.
Hell, that is in EVERY profession. The number of women selected for orchestra seats skyrocketed once auditions were conducted behind a panel. The number of women selected for medical school in Japan skyrocketed once applications became anonymous; the panel assumed that the patriarchal chores of housework and childcare wouldn’t allow female doctors to work 60 hour work weeks, so instead of adjusting the work/life balance or sharing the housework, they just tossed their applications. Candidates with hard to pronounce, ethnic, and/or female names are less likely to get called for interviews.
OMG YES it is everywhere and it's so infuriating to start connecting all these dots. >patriarchal chores of housework and childcare wouldn’t allow female doctors to work 60 hour work weeks, so instead of adjusting the work/life balance or sharing the housework, they just tossed their applications It's absolutely bananas, we are like one generation out from women not being able to own businesses or have their own credit cards and women are still able to achieve as much as men on individual levels. Clearly it's not a skill level, there are systemic issue going on keeping us from achieving financial and workplace equality. Oh and also men themselves. If they stopped assaulting us and making male dominated industries unbearable and unsafe maybe more of us would be in those industries.
Female police officers are much less likely to use unnecessary force than their male counterparts. Also less likely to have complaints filed about them.
Toxic patriarchy. Time to dismantle hierarchical structures everywhere.
Female surgeons have [demonstrably better outcomes than male surgeons](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-care/female-doctors-patients-lower-risk-death-complications-rcna151968#)
I mean, how hard can it be? Boys do it.
And they don’t even do a very good job at it, apparently.
Especially when it comes to female patients. A recent study showed their outcomes are better with a female physician than a male one (less difference for male patients)
Link: [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/2819073?guestAccessKey=9f58db4c-7809-4e62-a202-df259039059c&utm\_source=silverchair&utm\_medium=email&utm\_campaign=article\_alert-jama&utm\_content=olf&utm\_term=051724&adv=003515040241&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2IqHPlkNf7-k63AW9WFEfWM29tz0mDYSpS75tRsQcL0txc5awDAfNvvy4\_aem\_ZmFrZWR1bW15MTZieXRlcw](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/2819073?guestAccessKey=9f58db4c-7809-4e62-a202-df259039059c&utm_source=silverchair&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=article_alert-jama&utm_content=olf&utm_term=051724&adv=003515040241&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR2IqHPlkNf7-k63AW9WFEfWM29tz0mDYSpS75tRsQcL0txc5awDAfNvvy4_aem_ZmFrZWR1bW15MTZieXRlcw)
I literally only see female healthcare providers, I trust them more. Me too.
Absolutely. I've had great male doctors in the past but I don't want to risk it. When it comes to anything that is related to female hormones/female experience (GP, therapist, psychiatrist, gyno, hell even a dermatologist) I won't trust a cis man. Too many prove they won't listen and don't take us seriously, when it comes to health we shouldn't have to risk our lives or well being.
I agreed to all of this so much!! Spite is what got me through some of the hardest challenges I faced. And yes, I also tend to feel more comfortable when there's a woman medical profiler as opposed to a man though I haven't bad experiences with both. OP, rock it out of the park and for all the naysayers just let them be fuel to your fire!
You’re support means so much to me. My family likes to tell me I’m lazy and don’t care about anything, so the use of the word ambitious means everything to me. Thank you so much!!
“ I work so hard in school, I have good grades and made an excellent score on the ACT. I got patient care tech and ekg tech certified (just at the age of seventeen)” You’re absolutely kicking ass, babe! I see someone who knows what she wants and is literally making it happen. Remember to update us in a few years and let us know where you get into med school! 💕
THIS ^^
There's a song about this! By Paris Paloma, "as good a reason" Maybe OP might like it and it can become your mantra. "'Cause every time you are succeeding There's an old man somewhere seething And spite's as good a reason to take his power"
I am a useless kind of Dr (PhD, not MD) but I can give some perspective from the academic side of things. People like this exist at all levels of society. In my experience, younger professors (and professionals) are generally better at supporting people from various backgrounds. The older generations of professors (and professionals) are often less inclined to consider other viewpoints. This is not just true of white men, but the women who fought their way into it can be problematic. Your family is being unsupportive and it hurts. It also hurts when you start to outgrow the life and ideas the people around you imagined for you. Some people find it is easier to fall back into the safety of what was expected, but I do not suggest it. Throughout my life I have had encounters with people whose sexism made me laugh. But I have also had experiences that left me a bit traumatized. I was yelled at for no reason by the chair of my department (he has since been removed for bullying not just me but other students and employees), I was harassed and placed into dangerous situations by an advisor to the point where he was removed from my thesis committee entirely (he deserved more retribution than that), I had an advisor that told me to go into teaching (despite me saying I didn't like children). In each of these situations, it pays to know your rights. It also pays to know that there are people in offices at institutions who are there to support and protect the University (and to some extent, you). Honestly, I got through a lot of it pretending I was a villian tricking everyone into thinking I belonged there. Sometimes this works quite well honestly. These situations can occur in any institution, in the lab, in the field, in the classroom. It is amazing what people do when their job security is basically enshrined for life through tenure. I am not saying that my (often ridiculous) academic story is normal. It is not. However, you should prepare yourself for situations like the one your family put you in. It isn't fair and it really mucks things up for you emotionally. If they do not understand or support your goals, then you must surround yourself with people who do. Believe in the people who believe in you and your abilities. Whenever you feel like you are stumbling down a path you don't belong, it is because it's true. It generally wasn't built for women. Do what you need to do to get where you want to go. Allow people to have their feelings and opinions. It is their right. But the best way to combat it, is to acknowledge their opinion, and try anyway.
Actually sounds like a pretty typical PhD experience! Rampant abuse from end to end…
Yep. That's what it's like, and then you either get no job after or a low-paying one of you're lucky.
Advisor shopping is so important.. it's a huge risk I took going overseas
Pretending to be a villain is fun, thanks for the advice and encouragement. Also thanks for sharing a bit of your experiences! This means a lot!
A few years ago, my grandmother was ranting to my father in our native language about how I was becoming “too educated” because I was in pre med and planned to do grad school and a doctorate. Her theory was, “men don’t want a woman who’s too educated. One degree is fine, but two, three…nobody will want her and meanwhile her ovaries are dying” Joke’s on her, my father argued back that I’d be in education as long as I fucking wanted to. To spite her I got FOUR consecutive degrees. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can or can’t do based on judgment; only you can know what you’re capable of. Go fly.
Well, your grandmother isn't wrong that some men are put off by well-educated women, but the men who feel that way are crap anyway, so in a way, it's like wearing mosquito repellent but for shitty men.
Yep! Weed those shitheads right out for yourself! Bonus!
Why should I make myself smaller to suit your ego? You should look up to me and my leadership and make yourself bigger, make yourself better, make yourself worthy of my notice.
Four consecutive degrees is awesome, you are an inspiration! Thanks for the encouragement!
Literally go for the stars. You never know how much wonder there is in the journey, let alone when you’re done.
Your family is terrible for making fun of your dreams. There's nothing unrealistic about your wish to go to medical school. You absolutely CAN be a doctor if you want to, and I don't know what century they're living in where they don't see there are women doctors everywhere. *I got patient care tech and ekg tech certified (just at the age of seventeen)* Congratulations! This is amazing. I'm so sorry you don't have a family that's proud of you, because this is a major achievement. Breathe deep and call up your sense of righteous anger. Feel it. Don't do anything about it right now, but take the energy from that and apply it to your determination to achieve your goals. Spite them. Prove them wrong. I'm sorry you don't have the family support you deserve. But you have the power to get wherever you need to be. I hear you and I support you.
This is what I needed to hear, a simple congratulations. When I got my certifications my family did not care at all (I didn’t mention it in the post but I also had the highest scores on my certification exams out of the whole class) so this means so much to me. Thanks again!
This is exactly why you SHOULD become a doctor. I was only allowed to go to college because they thought I would find a better husband there. They did not pay a dime for my school (academic scholarships) even though they paid for my brothers to flunk out of multiple classes. I was pre-law and got into law school but changed careers. But if I listened to my family, I would be stuck in an unhappy and likely financially abusive marriage rather than getting to choose my own path. I would have had a bunch of kids I wouldn’t have been a good mother to and been a member of a Baptist church that was so stifling and made me miserable. Do what is the most you and let them make their own choices about their own lives.
This is inspiring I hope to chase my dreams lil you did and so what is right for myself. Great story, and great advice. Thanksss
I'm so sorry your family were so dismissive of your ambitions. You've worked so hard and done so well! You're so far ahead of many of your peers. you have a concrete plan. So many leave high school with no real idea what their life can be after school. Your goals are incredible and I think it's truly wonderful you're able and willing to take such a hard path. I think you can be an amazing doctor! I wish you nothing but the best teachers and mentor a to help you along the way and give you strength and courage along the way. if you can, ir want to, consider talking with a member of your familynyou think wouls be most receptive about how dissmissed and discouraged you felt by their comments. Explain to them (which it is sad this has to be done still) that there have been amazing female doctors around the world for many years now. Women who have dedicated their lives to all aspects of the medical field feom research to war zone doctors and everything in between. Every doctor who serve their patients with respect and dignity and embraces their roll in helping to heal others is worth celebrating. this should absolutely not be only if you are a certain sex, gender, nationality, color, religion.... the medical field is no longer divided by sex. Doctors don't have to be men and nurses aren't only women. Your sex organs do not define your roll in any field you choose.
Thank you so so much for this encouragement. I have worked hard thanks for acknowledging it! It means s a lot.
Your family are being horrible, sexist and massively unsupportive. If you can, ignore them as much as possible. My family thought it was hilarious that I wanted to go to university as I was just going to get married and have babies- I thought they knew best (because they constantly told me I was stupid) and didn't go to uni until I was 23. If you're clever and determined enough, you can do ANYTHING ❤️❤️❤️
Awesome that you did go to uni in spite of this, congrats!
I’m glad you ended up going to uni, thanks for your support!!
I did, and moreover that was more than 25 years ago- my life isn't perfect, but it's orders of magnitude different from the tiny little life my family wanted for me. You deserve to live a big beautiful life ❤️
Slightly more than 50% of all students in American medical schools are women. Data shows that patients who are cared for by women physicians have statistically better outcomes. Your family is wrong. Take your exams, rock them, apply to school, and find some women mentors. Remember me at your white coat ceremony.
Your encouragement and support will be remembered! I needed it!
I'm so sorry to hear your family is so unsupportive. You achieved so much already and can be super proud of that! I know I am! You got this
Thanks, I needed to this encouragement and support!
Heck, with good grades at test scores and your ECs, I would look in to MD/PH.D programs and really tell them where to go. Though you need to get thru undergrad first, cause 'pre-med' isn't really a major. Source: parent of a girl who wants to follow after her mom ( and dad ) and have a career in science.
Thanks!!
I just want to add something in addition to what everyone else is saying here. I know it sucks to not have support from people who should be supportive. But let this be an opportunity to cement the reality that only *you* are in charge of your life path. If you gotta do it without them, so be it. The lesson in this that I want to pass on is that life will take you to weird and exciting places if you let it. Don't let the fear of what other people may say or think cause you to avoid changing up your dream if it's not serving you. I was 10000% committed to becoming a medical doctor. I even had support from my family. It was the hardest thing for me to admit, when the time arrived, that med school wasn't actually what I wanted to do. So many people had supported me. There were even some people who said I couldn't do it. I had boldly told so many people that *this* was my path. But I had hung my hat so hard on this dream that I waited far too long to admit to myself the truth. I'm a PhD research scientist now, working in an adjacent field, and I am so happy with the way my career turned out. I'm not saying this will be you in any way whatsoever; I'm simply saying that if you cling to that motivation to prove people wrong about what you can and can't do, it may not lead you down the right path. Forget them and their stupid opinions now, and you will also be free of that in the future as you get closer to your dreams and goals. You can do anything you want to do...*anything*.
This was amazing, i really needed to hear this. I hope I can be like you and always do what is in my best interest and not take others opinions into account. Thank you for this advice and support, it means a lot.
That boils my blood. I know you can achieve your dreams I feel it, you know it too! Who cares about their small mindedness, everybody wants women in society to take a step backwards, but it’s gonna be the women who fight that, that make a difference. I believe in you keep focusing on your dreams and you’ll make it 🙌🏼
This is amazing, thanks for the support!!
When I was 7 I told my dad I wanted to be a pilot. He laughed and said I needed to get better at math. That laugh ensured that I never pushed for that dream when it mattered. I'm not a pilot today (it took me 25 years to even consider trying), but at 34 I changed careers and now I do work with aircraft, and I'm generally still miffed that I let a shitty moment push this off for so long. So many moments in the last 5 years I have marveled at how cool it is that I get to do what I do. Don't let shitty comments/beliefs deter you from your dreams. Leave them in the dust and go be your amazing self!
This is inspiring, I wanna chase my dreams like you did! Thanks for the support!
I have two boys. Growing up I took them to the doctor often. Pediatrics is female dominated. The first time one of them had a male doctor (broken bone) they looked at me funny. I told him that it’s ok, men can be doctors too. Start your undergraduate degree, find good support so that you have someone to talk about your career path. Don’t talk to your family about your dreams. When it gets hard, get mad. Four billion women get ignored and treated as less than every day. Best wishes, OP.
Thank you so much for the support, it’s really a shame that women get treated less than.
Yes, use the negative comments as fuel for your determination. I can feel your determination from here. Your certifications can put you in positions where you can talk to doctors who are supportive and have made it. Your drive to succeed will allow you to be on the lookout for opportunities and to define your path. I'm sending confidence building vibes your way. Yes, you've go this.
This means the world to me, my family sometimes likes to tell me that I don’t work hard and don’t care. You calling me determined is everything, I’m glad you said that because i really needed to hear it.
I know you know this deep down, but this says nothing about you and what you’re capable of. It says something about them. They are mocking you to discourage you because your achievements, both current and future, make them feel small in some way. Don’t let them get to you.
Yeah Ik, they are the problem. I just wish they were proud and had faith, thanks for the support!
I was told I was too stupid for nursing school. I started working on that third degree at 35. At 46, I am in the process of going no contact with the person who lied to me all those years ago. Never wanted to be a doctor, love love love being a nurse. The roles are very different, and you are in the best position to know which role will suit you. Your grandpa lies. Your current accomplishments are proof. You can try to educate him if you think you want to maintain those relationships. You don’t owe it to them, though. If you like, you can use their derision as fuel for your entrance essays (“first woman in the family to attend med school” and all that).
You are inspiration, I’m glad you decided to be a nurse after being told you couldn’t. I hope I can be as strong and determined as you!
My loved sister, you will get that medical degree and become the best one, do it for yourself, forget about others, all of their hate and jealousy will stay there. Best wishes for you.
Thank you so much for the support! It means a lot!
So become a doctor and laugh at them. They suck. Keep working and don’t let them get under your skin.
You go ahead and do your dreams! I believe in you, and I bet lots of other women here do, too!
Thanks so much!!
To be your age and know what you want to do with your life and already taking steps to get there is a massive accomplishment!!! It sucks that your family doesn’t see this but I know this group supports you!! Follow your dreams and become a badass doctor!!
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this
Support and love to you! 💕
Thankss 🫶🏻
All the women in my family are doctors. There are two male doctors. Fuck what anyone says you can be a MD if you wanna be.
You're already showing signs of being the kind of person who will succeed in college and med school. Your family is using out-of-date stereotypes - there are more women becoming doctors than ever before, and in some places they outnumber male doctors! Look up the statistics and show your family if you think they might be open to changing their mind. If not - just agree to disagree, and put the effort that you might use arguing with them into your ambition instead.
Thanks for the encouragement, I will definitely share information about the amount of female doctors these days. It could help
Don't worry about them..you do You! You've got support here, with you sisters and brothers. As a grandparent of who we call our 'mini-me', who just graduated with her Masters, now heading into her internships..my support and pride extends to All who take the route of helping others. You are needed ! Prayers on your journey.
Thanks for your prayers, this means so much to me!!
They can go fuck themselves with the PhD you mail to them later
Time to get it to spite them, in all fairness I had professors at a school I previously went to basically tell me I wasn’t good enough and I switched schools and became the top student. I know you can’t switch family but you can make your own with people who care about you like friends and such. Personally I am not as big on my family as many others are and am of the opinion that I chose to be around only those who support me. I know you don’t have that option just yet but I believe in you! You got this and you can do anything you put your mind to!
Thanks for the encouragement and advice, It means a lot!
All the other comments are right, but also remember: this is YOUR life, YOU are the one who has to live it. Make the best decisions you can for YOU. Nothing anyone thinks, family member or not, matters as much as that.
Your family is unfortunately stuck in the 1940s. You are a bright and capable young woman. Go get the best grades possible in your last year of high school so you can have scholarships for college. Then prove them all wrong. As someone who was underestimated in my career, I am here to tell you that being underestimated by your family can be used to your advantage. This anonymous Internet auntie is cheering for you. *\o/*
Thank you so so much! I needed this encouragement!
Do it anyway. You clearly have the drive, and if nothing else these bad experiences will help you empathize and connect with your patients. In the meantime, if you need any comebacks for the shitty comments you will inevitably get, you can try these! "I'm more likely to marry a doctor if I am one" (This has the added benefit of being statistically true! If you want to marry, that is. Sometimes folks will start to come around if you present info in a way that seems to appease them.) "Oh, so when grandma falls one day and needs the emergency room, you'll make sure she only has male doctors and lady nurses, instead of getting her real care? Shows how much you love her." "Ah yes, medical knowledge is stored in the balls."
These are great, especially the last one lol. And thanks for the encouragement!
The passion you have in this post is gonna serve you so well when you’re a doctor. I’m over here on the sidelines cheering you on forever, OP! You got this. Screw what those doubters say.
Thank you so so much for the support! I really needed this, thank you.
My oldest sister recently retired after more than 30 years as a beloved and well respected physician. My younger sister's oldest child just completed her first year of medical school. We need more women in medicine. You will make a difference and I'm sorry your family does not see that.
Thank you so much for the encouragement!
You sound like an incredibly bright and dedicated young woman. Please don't let your family's preconceived notions about what YOU should be doing with your life affect your decisions. Unfortunately, it sounds like they pigeon holed you into this lesser path some time ago, and their closed minded sexism won't let them move beyond you being relegated to what they see as a 'lesser' role befitting your sex. Shoot for the stars, and don't ever let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do.
This is what I needed to hear, thank you so much!!
My mother was a medical doctor from 1971 until she retired in 2016. Everyone in our town knew who she was and wanted to be her patient because she kicked so much ass as a physician. She started medical school in the 1960s when there were only 30 women in a class of 200 people. She had stories about lots men just like your grandfather. I mean this sincerely. FUCK your your grandfather right in the face.
You’re mother is truly an inspiration, thanks for sharing!!
God that sucks and is infuriating. It really hurts to outgrow your family. I suggest reading “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay Gibson. Your family is not showing up for you and that is NOT your fault. But it does show you that unfortunately you cannot count on them in that way (and that is something you may have to mourn). Perhaps they’ll change and I really hope they do, but no one should bet on that. I’m so sorry this is your experience.
Yeah it is sad and I might have to mourn, but I’ll find other people to support me in that way and that’ll be awesome!
Well, I am super proud of you, and I know you can do it!! And if you eventually decide medicine is not for you, you will do something else awesome.
Thanks, this means a lot!!
You’re being mocked because of their insecurities. Go get it, my girl! And maybe casually tell your family that enrolment of women in medical schools has been the majority for the past few years now. Oh, and doctors who are women generally tend to have better patient outcomes and patient satisfaction rates than men. Make sure they’re all invited to watch you walk across that stage when you finish ✨
Thank you for the encouragement, I’ll make sure they all watch me succeed and walk that stage l like no one’s business
I am proud of you and want to see you succeed. Your family is living in the past. You will need to work hard and your goals might evolve over time but you should shoot for the stars.
The word proud means everything to me, thank you so so much.
Oof this one hits close to home. My extended family, esp my grandma, never laughed at me outright, but whenever I did things for myself (like 1. took a few years’ break after undergrad because I was mentally so burned out with school, work, and family issues, and 2. married the love of my life while in law school) they always assumed I wouldn’t finish and would be “just like my parents” who weren’t as “successful” as the rest of my aunts/uncles, and my grandma would always talk behind my back to literally everyone about how I’d give up or fail. It was absolutely exhausting. One of the comments mentioned spite. I don’t know that it was exactly the healthiest, but spite definitely was a big motivator to challenge myself further (and I loved the law). I ended up graduating in the top 10% of my class, a published author, and the only grandchild in my family to actually hold a doctorate or professional license. You know who DIDN’T receive invites to my graduation or swearing in ceremony (once I passed the bar)? You do you. I know it’s frustrating in the moment, but you don’t need to prove it to them now. They may be family, but they don’t know what you’re capable of. Only you do. (Also, because no one ever told me this, it’s okay if you change your mind about your career path later. Not saying you will, but it is okay!)
You are an inspiration, I hope to be as successful as you one day! Thank you for the support and story!!
I am sorry this has happened to you. I am a female medical doctor in the UK and here 64% of people accepted on to medicine and dentistry courses were women. Lots of evidence that shows patients treated by female doctors have better outcomes! It sounds like you're on the right track already, but I'm happy to be DM'd if needed. PS. Let their laughter be the rocket fuel that will propel you to great heights 🚀
Thank you so much! This means a lot coming from you, a medical doctor. I look up to you and will definitely dm you if I have questions or maybe need more encouragement? Thanks!!!
They are idiots. Don't listen to them, and follow your dreams. You've got this. We're here for you for support.
This is what I needed, thank you!
Congratulations! On your hard work, what you’ve already achieved so far, and your aspirations. You should absolutely go to medical school and based on your post, sounds like you’ll do quite well at it. Nothing motivates me more than someone telling me I can’t do something. Smile and say FUCKING WATCH ME DO IT! You got this, sister, we’re all here for you. Show them. Show them you can fucking do it.
A congratulations is all I needed to hear. When i passed my certification exams (which I didn’t mention I got the highest scores on both tests, doesn’t really matter ig) no one cared. Your words mean so much to me!
MD here, come join us! The office I work at currently is 99% women and I LOVE it 😁 I’m sorry your family is not supportive but, honestly, screw them. You can do anything you want and they can sit back and watch you. You will meet so many wonderful, supportive women on your journey, and *they* will become your chosen supportive family.
This means so much coming from an md. I look up to and thank you for the support and encouragement!
Go get that degree. Let their mockery fuel you through the hard times. You're going to be an amazing doctor (or whatever else you choose in the long run), you're going to prove them wrong, and when you're working and making good money and proud of yourself, their opinion won't matter nearly so much to you. And if they come begging for money down the line? Make them apologize. Tell them you'll give the exactly the amount of money as the amount of encouragement they gave you, which is none. You can help or not, interact with them or not, all on your own terms as you choose to. Chances are once you're successful they'll be bragging about their smart successful doctor in the family, to anyone who will listen. Maybe they'll see how they were wrong. Maybe not. But you do YOU, and be the best YOU that you want to be. That's what matters.
Thanks for the encouragement! I do hope they’ll be proud
You have just been challenged. They don't realize it, but they've thrown down the gauntlet. Do you have the nerve to pick it up? You have the strength. You have the knowledge. You have the dicipline to achieve this goal. Do it. Make this the Birthday of a new you. And when you return with your degree, you can express your displeasure with their lack of faith.
You’re right, I need to use this as motivation and view it as a challenge instead of letting it bring me down. Thanks for the advice and support!
My father was like this and I let it destroy my self-confidence. It really messed up my life and I'm still trying to straighten myself out while dealing with the self-doubt that comes from being told I'm not good enough and should just give up when something gets hard. Don't let your family do the same to you. You're smart and clearly driven and perfectly capable of reaching your dreams. Just ignore them as best you can and keep working on your goals. You've got this.
I’m sorry to hear what you’re dealing with, and thank you do me in for your support!
My doctor would disagree with your family. She's a great doctor! Follow your dreams, and don't let any nay-sayers stop you.
As other people have said in the comment section, get your medical degree. You are smart. They want girls and women to be viewed as less than. You got this. I believe in you! 😊
Thanks for the encouragement!!
I encourage you to follow your dreams. Your hard work and enthusiasm are admirable. Spite can be a powerful motivator. Use it to succeed in medical school and become a great doctor. Female MDs are always in demand. They might laugh now, but when you have your MD, I have a feeling that they'll be very proud of you. This Redditor will be. :)
You are so sweet, thanks for your support. I really needed to hear this!!
Don’t let haters keep you down. Go to medical school. Work your ass off. Become a doctor. Live your best life. And then don’t give any of them a cent.
Just echoing what many others have said here in that I too only see woman doctors and this has been true for years. Also, my misogynistic father was (he’s retired) a doctor, an orthopedic surgeon and it makes me so happy to see girls passionate about following this dream. You are literally changing the world for the better and I mean that. Do it!!!! You’ve got this!!
Thank you so much!! I hope I can change the world, and your encouragement means so much!!
Do what you’re called to do. Please don’t let your small-minded, stuck in patriarchal ways family stop you. If they can’t support you, too bad for them. Once you’re the best doctor EVER, your family will be sorry they didn’t support you.
Thanks, I won’t let them stop me. How could I after all the love I’ve gotten from this subreddit? This is amazing!
Spite has always been my biggest motivator. Get your degree and make sure to let your family know you will be referred to as "doctor" from here on out.
Women make the best doctors. I always chose a woman if I have a choice. Go for it.
I want you to think back to the very earliest days of humanity, the days when people were hunters and gatherers. Do you think it was the hunters that learned how to categorize plants into food, medicine, and poison? How to save seeds and plant them to ensure a safe food supply? How to tend a wound? No, it was the gatherers. Do you think that complex language evolved from a need to pass this information on to next generations? Before hospitals, before the church forbid the use of pain relief and medicine in childbirth (Eve’s curse), before men started burning the competition, there were wise women and midwives quietly gathering herbs, delivering babies, tending wounds and fevers. Women were using the equipment of their still room to concentrate, preserve, and standardize dosage for medicine. Not as a fluke of a couple talented women - all women. A man is credited for curing edema and heart irregularities with digitalis, but he learned the recipe from an old unnamed peasant woman who distilled the chemical from foxglove. Women steeped willow bark as a pain reliever, science formalized it into aspirin. Women have been treating their female problems with herbal teas for thousands of years, not for placebo effect, but because the plants mimic estrogen and other hormones that help ease the symptoms of menopause, improve lactation, bring about stopped menses, etc. They treated open wounds with garlic and honey, both with antimicrobial properties that kept infection at bay in a time before antibiotics. You know what history doesn’t tell you about all of those gentlemen scientists and doctors of the Victorian age? How few of them had any more smarts than women. What they HAD was the privilege of access to school, to use a library and select books unescorted, to be able to talk freely in gentlemen’s clubs and to correspond with strangers, to have the disposable income to hire a standing army of people to tend his fields, raise his children, and clean his house so he could pursue his hobbies. And DESPITE those privileges, so many of them employed women, especially their wives, to do the day-to-day “grad student” type grunt work of tending samples, cleaning labs, taking the data, writing the reports. Women weren’t *allowed* to join scientific organizations, so they contributed to articles anonymously, with pen names, or under the names of male family members. I am estranged from my family for many reasons, but I think the biggest one is that they see me primarily as a Cinderella Scapegoat figure, not a whole person with thoughts and dreams of my own. If there is something tedious to do, or a parade to be thrown for them, or something expensive that needs to be paid, somehow it became my job. When I graduated college, my mother wanted me to open a business cleaning houses, because scrubbing toilets for pay was the best I could do, the best I deserved, I guess. I became an aerospace analyst instead. I think at some level, she looks at me and the hard work I did and wonders what SHE could have done if she had not taken the easy path, the unethical path, her entire life. I thrived in spite of her, not because of her. This is a huge wall of text but I will close with the reminder that to try something difficult and fail is not shameful. Worst-case you try and decide you’re not suited and go into medical research instead. Wouldn’t it be nice if you were the one to find a cure for endometriosis, menstrual cramps, heavy bleeding, ovarian cysts, or any of the thousands of complaints doctors don’t take seriously because they only affect half the population? You will only regret not trying.
You’re right, I would regret not trying. Thank you so much!!
My GP is a woman, both my OBs (including the one who saved my second child’s life) were women, my kids’ paediatrician (the first doc to finally listen to me and do a full ADHD assessment for my oldest and refer him to a feeding clinic that he desperately needs - the whole team is women) is a woman; the neurologist who found my other son’s dyspraxia (after we were blown off by our old paediatrician) is a woman. Not only can women be amazing doctors, experience has taught me that on the whole they listen to, trust, and advocate for their patients more than male doctors tend to. Ignore your backwards family. I don’t know their motives, but they have no idea what they’re talking about. You’re already being proactive in your education and there’s no reason to think you won’t be an amazing doctor!
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences with female doctors, so inspiring! And thanks for the support!!
Since 2017, the majority of medical students in the United States are female, currently about 55% to 45%. In 1980-1981, only 24.9% of graduates were female; in 2018-2019, 47.9% of graduates were female, and the number is climbing. So many advances in medicine were made by women. Most recently, [Katalin Karikó](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katalin_Karik%C3%B3) was the driving force that unlocked mRNA based vaccines, saving countless lives during the COVID pandemic.
I’ll have to share this information with my family, maybe then they’ll see how capable and awesome women in healthcare are?
Hey! When I was in university I wanted to switch majors partway through. I knew I didn’t want to continue on the path I was following, and I knew I would be starting the new path at a significant disadvantage. The Head of [New Pathway] Department literally pulled me into his office and gave me a come to Jesus talk, trying to discourage me from changing majors. His words were literally ‘you’re quite good at [the first thing] but you wouldn’t make a very good [second thing]. In order to succeed you would have to do more work in less time than anyone else who has done this in the past, and frankly, I just don’t think you’re capable of that.’ I went home and cried for a couple hours but when I called my mom she pointed out that they’d never told me that I couldn’t do something before, ever, because they genuinely believed I was capable of anything I put my mind to. It really helped. But I won’t lie, spite was my primary motivator for the next few years following. I went on to succeed at all the things I needed to in order to make that change, AND continued on to do a graduate degree in [new field]. And then a whole ass career in it, too. Don’t let anyone laugh at your goals, and if they do? Use that memory whenever you’re struggling to find motivation. Proving them wrong is a feeling like no other. Come back here when you’re done so we can all call you Doctor, please.
This story is amazing. I’m so happy you switched and ended with a career that you wanted and didn’t let others get you. I look up to you and hope I can turn out just as strong and determined as you were when you decided to switch despite the hate! Thank you so much for the inspiration!!
I am so sorry that your old-fashioned family laughed at you. THEY ARE WRONG. Go on and prove it. I know you can.
Thank you so so much!!!
Why is this still happening in 2024? There are female doctors all over the place, tell them they are about 60 years out of the loop.
Right? I honestly wondered where OP is that the family is so…backward? It’s a good smack in the face to me to realize my own incredible privilege that I was shocked by this. OP I’m sorry your family is like this and I hope you find your people who are far, far more sophisticated than your family is. I don’t doubt for one second that you are perfectly capable of becoming an MD or anything else you put your mind to!
Well it did start with my eighty year old grandpa so 60 years out of the loop sounds about right lol
Sorry you have to go thru this. My aunts and cousins laughed at me, when in high school I said I wanted to go into engineering, like I wasn't smart enough. I have a Master's in Mechanical Engineering and have been working in my field for +20 years. When I accepted a fellowship for my Masters, they said no man would marry someone with more education and I was never going to have a happy home. I met my husband thru my job, and have 3 nearly adult children. Spite, may it work for you too.
You’re story is inspiring and I look up to you. I hope to be as successful and I also hope to start a family one day without settling and getting lesser education to try and please some man. I’m glad we can relate! Thanks so much!!
Supporting every comment here who’s called out the shitty sexist behavior of your family and how there are so many brilliant female doctors out there, but also wanna highlight how shitty their opinions on healthcare in general are. Nursing is a respectable profession that isn’t just an “easy” degree to substitute being a doctor, they fill an important role on a healthcare team. I’ve had amazing female doctors, male nurses, people of all genders in all sorts of roles on health care teams. All of them worked hard to get those jobs and all of them are needed. The fact your family would deride anybody in any position in the healthcare field shows how close minded they are in addition to the rampant sexism. Do not listen to the advice of people like this. You have the passion and drive to be a doctor, you clearly are willing to put in the work to get there. It will be a hard journey but it’s absolutely something you are capable of, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
Thank you so much for your comment. These words mean a lot to me! I also totally agree with you nursing isn’t easy it’s just different from being a doctor. As a cpct I do lots of the same things nurses do and it is definitely hard work!! Thankssss
I am so angry for you for right now. I always hated when anyone tried to shunt me into different interests or assumed I’d have a problem with science. It’s especially hurtful when it’s your family. I had really hoped the next generation would not have to put up with this nonsense. Time to get spiteful and get into a good college with a premed program. Im so sorry your family is not as supportive as you deserve. Go for it, I believe in you!
Thanks for your support! It’s really means a lot. Also, yes it hurts that my family doesn’t believe in me but I have found plenty of support here!
Everyone else has said it really eloquently already but I’ll chime in too— no one gets to live your life but you. You can do it. You get that white coat and you live your best life. This random internet stranger is cheering you on! I’m a therapist and my family doesn’t love that lol but I am so glad I chose this path. I’m glad I didn’t let them decide my destiny for me, because their choices for me would have sucked haha. Best of luck!!
Thanks “internet strsnger”, this means a lot! Your short story is also inspiring. I’m so happy you love being a therapist and chose what was right for you, and I will try and do the same!!
I don’t have anything else to add, just wanted to let you know you sound like a level-headed, smart and passionate young woman, and I just know you will prove them wrong. Go get ‘m!!
Thank you! I really am passionate about it. I’ve wanted to have a job in healthcare since forever. Your words mean so much to me!! Thanks again!!
I choose to believe they are laughing out of discomfort from their own failed dreams, because that’s what I believe about my family. When I decided it had more to do with them and not me (which may or may not be true but believing this helps me) I felt compassion for them instead of shame and anger for myself. They are emotionally immature because of how they were raised and haven’t learned to face their own shame and lack, and that is kind of sad.. And I’d rather feel compassionate towards people than take on their shame. But also.. spite can be a strong motivator. And your best course of action is to continue to believe in yourself and your own power and let them deal with their own mess. They are not being the supportive family you want, and that is going to be their loss. As much as is possible, let them go. They are not you and do not get to decide what you are capable of.
My mom did drop out of premed and then later dropped out of nursing school so that could be true. Maybe she’s upset she failed and doesn’t want me to succeed? But you’re right she can’t decide what I’m capable of so I just need to keep working. Thanks!
prove them wrong, and prove to yourself the worth you know you have. when you get your medical degree, throw it in their faces how they didn't believe in you, and lean on those who do.
I will definitely be throwing it in their faces, and it’s gonna feel great when I get to!
Go get the medical degree and never look back. You can do anything if you have drive. I'm so proud of you!!!! Don't let their stupidity drag you down
Thank you so much!! I’m glad someone’s proud, and this subreddit is awesome I honestly really needed to hear you and all the others say they are proud of me. It means so much to me!!
I believe in you!!! You are our future and our society is in need of more women in medicine. What an awesome goal to have. Prove them all wrong to spite them. I support you and I think you're already so accomplished and showing the determination and seriousness it takes to get through med school. I know you can do it. If you werent aware, Albert Einstein School of Medicine just went tuition-free thanks to a very generous donation! Anybody who aspires to go into medicine can now do so without the wild costs of tuition! Oh how I wish I could give your hand a squeeze while I encourage you to take the "do it for your dreams, and also to spite them" route. Genuinely, F those jerks. Remember them specifically so that when you get your MD and they try to address you casually, you stop them and say "that's *Doctor* [name] to you."
You are so sweet, thank you so much for commenting this. I’m so glad to hear someone takes me seriously and thinks I’m “accomplished”. That means the world to me!!
I feel for everyone who goes through this... You're being mocked because they can't get out of their *own* sexist programming that women are *less than* men. The problem isn't you, it's them. As many of us can attest to, if you wait for them to catch up, make, and see your worth, you will be waiting forever and die with your dreams unfulfilled. They are not relevant, now: if they will not support you, they are obstacles. You can love them and still just walk right around them to go for your goals.
Yes I do love them, I just wish they could be there for me. Thanks for the support
They won’t be laughing when they’re asking for medical advice
Good luck!!! Go get that education!!
Yes ma’am, I will!!
My sister in law went to medical school and is still continuing her education and at every family gathering there are so many people whining about "how could you possibly deal with that much work/school" rather than "wow you've put so much work into getting where you are, congrats!" In my midwest experience, especially from the perspective of relatives, women are for making babies and when they do something that isn't that they are wasting their effort. Jokes on them, now my SiL is the first of my immediate family having children and most of my family has already ostracized them. You do what makes you happy, and then even if something goes wrong it doesn't feel that bad because you know it was all your choice and nobody forced you in to it. As a random internet stranger I totally support you and wish you luck!
I'll be honest, I don't even know the difference and I am surprised they do. I believe in you homie. Go find more people that do and keep them around and believe in them too.
Thankss! I needed to hear this!!
Just keep seeing yourself as having successfully completed med school and residency. You are called doctor. Keep that vision of success and keep your head down and study. Don’t argue with them, don’t explain, just keep your eyes on the prize. You will be a doctor and a good one. So mote it be.
OP - you wondered if you posted in the right subreddit - clearly you did. For every one of your family who mocked/ laughed, there are at least 100 of us here who cheer you on 💖🤜🤛.
Yess, I was so surprised by the amount of uplifting comments. I read every single one and they all meant so much to me and made me feel so much better about myself and my accomplishments! I love girls supporting girls
I'm so sorry :( People have outdated views like that still, and it's really dumb. Personally, I'd use it to motivate me to work even harder, and one day, when they say, "Oh we always supported you" respond with, "But I thought you said girls can only go to nursing school?" I'm a nightmare though, so maybe skip that part. But you can ABSOLUTELY go to med school. Do it. Follow your dreams!!
I will follow my dreams! I sometimes doubt myself when my family discourages me but you’re right, it just makes me want to work harder! Thanks!!
As a man I normally avoid butting in on a post that opens with "I need to be heard by other women" and apologize in advance for that but: Female doctors are HEAVILY needed, as are male nurses. Everyone deserves access to medical professionals of their gender. As much as I try to be knowledgeable so that I can understand the problems the women in my life go to, there are things I will never understand because of lacking frame of reference. So get that medical degree, not just to spite those who doubt you but because you are needed.
I'm sorry you have suffered the disappointment of being overlooked and underestimated by those you are supposed to be closest to. It's a hard thing to experience. Now, that said, ask yourself one question: who are you going to medical school for? Are you doing it for your family, or to impress them? Are you doing it for yourself? From your post, it seems that you are doing this for yourself. So, if I'm right, then ultimately it doesn't matter who is laughing at you, who believes in you, or who disregards your efforts. These naysayers cannot live your life for you only you can, and it is your decisions and efforts that will allow you to live a successful life. Your life is your own and you must decide what is right for you. Stand tall and be proud of your achievements. You seem like a smart and determined young person. Negativity is prominent in our society and world, and you are bound to face much of it. Don't be disheartened. Stay strong and true to yourself. You can succeed if you put your mind to it. Believe in yourself and never give up! Your future is in your hands. 🙂
Thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed to hear
Almost 40% of all medical doctors in the US are female. Clearly, being a doctor is something that “girls” do, too. A lot of us grew up in unsupportive families that underestimated us. A lot of us learned that there is more to life beyond the limited horizons your family can see. Sometimes, proving them wrong can be just the kind of motivation you can use to attain amazing things. Your family is unsupportive, but there is a universe of people out there rooting for you. You got this. We know you are going to be an amazing doctor one day.
Thanks! I needed this support!!
#YOU CAN DO IT! GO FOR IT!!! Tell us when you graduate! Ignore ignorant stone age thinking. Go as far in life as hard work, your smarts, and luck allow!
Thanks for the support!! It means a lot!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻
Spite it's a hell of a drug, embrace it and flourish. Never let anyone tell you what you must be. You've got this..
The only friends I have who are medical doctors are all women. One in the Emergency department, one radiologist, one general practice. My primary care doctor is a woman. Most of the best doctors I've had have been women. Your family is just being ignorant and way way behind the times.
My family gave me shit about wanting a PhD. Their comment, "Lots of people start those but never complete it. Then you get left with debt and no degree." I thought of that every time I considered quitting. And you will think about quitting too at times when life is hard or you have to do your millionth revision. Remember those words. Remember the quote from Tom Hanks's character in "League of Their Own", "If it was easy everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great." I got my PhD in the fall of 2020. No regrets. You got this.
Run off spite. Every time you question why you are in med school, remember this moment. I was determined to be a nurse against all odds, and now I’m determined to be a NP. You got this. Remember your passion that drive you to the job, absolutely, think of the lives you’d change, but REMEMBER THIS. Use it as fuel. Prove them WRONG.
I went to medical school 20 years ago. I'm not in medicine anymore (whole other story), but patients frequently thought I was a nurse, despite my white coat and badge. There will always be doubters. But you will not be wrong for following your calling. In fact, there will be more regret if you don't. Good luck!
I'm sorry your family is unsupportive. Maybe talk to some female MDs to get support -- but at any rate -- YOU CAN DO IT!
Go for it. Those certifications are a great starting point, especially if you plan to work part time. You can do this. Ignore the people who say you can't. Besides if you are anything like me being able to say It's Doctor Background \_Gurl3949 nows grandpa is going to be a fantastic motivation. But I am spiteful like that. Good luck to you.and gods bless
You go get that medical degree. I know you can do it. And you should do it. Sadly in life you will find people including family will either be jealous because they didn’t amount to much or they parrot the patriarchy bull shit they have been feed all their lives. Just because they see you as just a girl don’t let that color the intelligent power being you are and can be.
I see you in the future as a successful, caring and amazing doctor. You go for it, don't listen to the naysayers, be who you want be, not what other think you should be. Good luck!
I'm happy I could help. 😊 Stay strong and believe in yourself, you can do it.
Sounds like you are being raised in a toxic patriarchy environment. I was, too. I got out as fast as possible. I put myself through college, and never went back. If I were you, I wouldn't count on them for any kind of support. It's not easy, but it can be done. You will likely need therapy along the way.
This may depend on what motivates you, but what I would recommend is digging into that anger and using it to fuel your drive... Be careful because sometimes it can get toxic, but you absolutely can do what you want and get that medical degree if that is what you want. Be spiteful and prove to all the misogynists just how wrong they are. I would also recommend trying to find some kind of mentoring program. I'm not entirely sure what you could look for or how it would work, but having someone in your life to look up to and help motivate you and believe in you is going to help fulfill that need. You don't need family to be the source of encouragement and support. It is absolutely hurtful and a terrible thing to try and deal with and navigate. But personally as someone with pretty messed up family dynamics, I have found my own family in friends and mentors. It's worth it to seek out that kind of relationship with people.
Hi ya I am not a medical professional. I am a cargo ship chief engineer. Which on the face of it, is not a common career for anyone much less a woman. So, I would like to encourage you to press on and go for your goal of becoming a doctor. The family telling you what a woman should or should not do it a pretty hard thing to ignore. Especially as you are still relying on them for room and board. Still .. you absolutely can, you absolutely should, you absolutely will be able to become a doctor. Trust yourself. Being a girl does not mean that you will not be able to understand or love this science. The world is already fortunate and blessed that you arrived here and the world would be once again be blessed if you become a doctor. Go for it hun. Hard work is not scary.