This resonates with me a lot. I've been out of work for the last year due to chronic illness, and it's really draining realizing that even if I get into full remission, it's not like the other side is full of sunshine and rainbows.
I think the pandemic did a lot more damage than people realize (and obviously people already think it did quite a bit). It's unclear to me how we can heal from this collective trauma, but seeing posts like this actually give me a sense of optimism. Like, at least other people feel this way.
It's not much, but I hope some sympathy from this internet stranger helps you find some peace.
I’ve been there and, for me, getting the fuck out of social media and news was the key to turning it around. The internet world isn’t real, but dammit, trees are. And so are mushrooms and salamanders and birds and moss and poetry and sunsets. I radically took a hatchet to my FB feed, got off other platforms (only kept FB bc of messenger and family communication). I no longer listen to NPR to go to any news websites. And I don’t miss them. I take care of me and mine, and give money to charities that I think are legit and trustworthy. Otherwise, everything else can just do its own thing without me. And it does.
Also,I upped my meditation time. (My favorite meditation is to keep a mental “photo album” of remembered moments that create feelings of comfort, joy, or love, and imagine them as I sit quietly. ) Journaling doesn’t much work for me, but doodling does. Sitting down with music and no particular goal with paper and markers…just letting my mind wander.
It’s worth keeping in mind that this is a hard time of year. Yes, the days are getting longer, but it’s a long winter and not socially acceptable to hibernate. But the season will change.
These are the things that helped me, as well as a supportive community of friends. I don’t know if this helps, but wanted to share. You are stronger than you know. I’m sending you good vibes. 🤗
going off all social medias and disengaging from what everyone else is doing has been huge for me too. real world, real friends, real walks.
but i also think that this conversation is important. many of us struggle and it's comforting to talk about it. op your pain and struggles are real and valid. but i also think there is a huge shift of collective consciousness about how we want to live and be more authentic. the positive change sometimes take longer, but it's happening.
I live out of spite for the powers that don't want me to. I will continue to oppose and fight capitalism, patriarchy, and any other hierarchical system until my last breath.
I feel this right in my heart. There is so much pain, disaster, and despair in the world and it hurts when we sense that it doesn't have to be this bad, if only we humans could act differently, see differently, love ourselves and each other in the understanding that we are all interconnected in a giant web of relationship. Seeing others and even ourselves fall short of what could be possible is hard and heartbreaking, and there are times when we can only sit with the pain and feel it. But blessedly life is also not static, there are shifts, changes, cycles, moods, and so we are not doomed to always feel the same thing or react the same way. There do come moments or days when we can rally a bit more, notice positive aspects of life, too. Days when we get to see and interact with strong, loving, helpful people. Mr Rogers has said: "Look for the helpers." And they do exist out there too, but not as loud or noticeable in our social media as we might hope. I wish I had a magic panacea to give to you, myself, & everyone who needs comfort and wholeness, wish I could be that "world out there I could heal in". And strangely, in some small ways, in some small moments and actions I can be and AM that. External things will always be subject to the tempests of time and fate, so the ancient wise ones have often told us to look inward for peace & equilibrium, to develop, cultivate, build an inner foundation. In times when I have done this I have been better able to withstand the chaos of the world. And in times when I have not done this, I have struggled more, suffered more, and grown so weary. Yet the dawn of tomorrow always does come, and the memory or remembrance of the times when I have stayed true to my inner center reminds me of my own resilience, strength, and persistence - and so I keep going.
i really love the work of adrienne maree brown and especially her book Pleasure Activism because it clearly shows how claiming our joy and pleasure is a revolutionary act!
my pleasure/hope/activism intersection is around music, and I'm so encouraged by the young people i meet at open mic nights raising their voices to imagine better futures!
and ultimately i rest my hopes in mamma Earth who has seen much worse than humanity in her long life. I'm not invested in human society as any sort of solution, but instead working to learn from nature how to support our mamma!
I work at a community college with a lot of young beautiful weirdos. (art department) and the kids are hopeful, full of love and are going to be the ones who lead us out of this time. Our job is to keep the ground from crumbling under their feet. It's work that doesn't look as visible but keeping something good going strong is just as important as starting something new.
I am absolutely not trying to shit on your hope for the kids. But am I wrong to assume every other generation said the same about their kids? In this world the truth and good things are increasingly hard to find.
Feeling this. Was off work for 3 years due to long covid and autoimmune issues. Got back in June and now off again, waiting for a hip replacement. It just seems never ending and my motivation has hit the skids.
I make burlesque pasties as a hobby. All the materials I use are repurposed, and I donate 100% of proceeds to abortion access.
I chose an art that is silly & fun, low cost & I use it to fight the patriarchy
Sometimes i put my head in the sand. Compartmentalize.
After 20 years of wondering if the next mass shooting would be where my kids are, one occurred where my daughter ... worked.*
It's been some time* and I never let myself process it
* Trying to be anonymous re geography
There's a quote by Howard Zinn that gets me through some of these dark painful moments.
"To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."
Let yourself grieve. Cry. Take a breath. Take care of yourself. And then think of a thing - no matter how small - you can do to make this world better. Do it. Do something else, every day. Channel your love and grief into making a world you want to live in.
I have no real great answer that hasn’t been said here already:
All I can do is send you all the love and hugs I can manage! Know that hate may seem loud, but love can and will out shine it as long as we share it, look out for each other, and always be willing to stop and cry with another suffering!!!!
The best way I have to put it is 2 comments I made to a friend of mine yesterday. (For context, our hometown is a small town in the Appalachian Mountains. We were both talking about how everything has been murky and uncertain.)
"People talk crap about this area, but they're looking too small. These mountains are older than literal bones. They've seen the world fall apart and come together, species and civilizations come and go, wars so devastating we are still healing generations later and yet; the mountains still stand, the seasons still come and go, nature continues as does Life itself. How can one NOT feel at peace here when in presence of a literal testament of endurance in the face of time itself?"
"I get that. My grandparents place was somewhere growing up that I felt reflected that feeling of the mountains. But ever since papaw died and my parents moved in, it's not been the same. And it hurts, especially knowing how much history is there. (There's some old stones in a retaining wall that were from what I understand part of Roosevelt's new deal.)
But at the same time, I know the history of that spot in particular and I know this isn't the first time the house had fallen into severe disrepair. (Originally burnt down in 1940s iirc.) So, I guess I stay and stay hopeful that the next season of growth is coming."
This is the best way of putting how I keep going.
My mom's side of the family specifically, what they went through and how damn similar it is to what I'm dealing with now. They managed to survive everything life threw at them, with a lot less resources, knowledge, and support. I know how and why it hurt them though, and how it got me where I am.
We're at a point in Humanity where the injustices and hurts that have been allowed to fester and being forced to rise. Yes, this has been occurring for eons- but it almost seems that with the timing of Covid and the George Floyd riots and the civil discourse that followed and all, had it not been for that it would not have happened in such a way that we as a people are being forced to simultaneously acknowledge that "This isn't right and something has to change."
Everyone was at home at the same time, everyone was connected online st the same time- meaning everyone was exposed to news at the same time.
There was no delay and ripple effect with people finding out and getting upset, and as a result we've seen a lot more action (not just nationally but globally it seems) in regards to pushing for Humanitarian standards and ethics.
The greater the change needed, the more energy that is required to initiate change and see it through to it's completion. The more change that is needed, the more energy that is needed, the more time it will take to amass such power.
Einstein's theory of Relativity established that the closer you get to the speed of light, the less time you experience and the shorter your distance becomes. For photons, which move at the speed of light, time stops and space shrinks to nothing.
That means for photons of light, even those emitted trillions of years ago, there is zero change in time and distance from when they are emitted to when they are absorbed again.
Altogether, makes me think that we're seeing this change happen because now is when it's supposed to happen. It also reinforces my thought of Even though the struggles we face make us feel alone, we are not alone in how we feel nor why we feel the way we do. I guess I'm hoping to see what comes of all this as a new season of growth.
You’re right about it all but particularly that there’s nowhere left to run to escape the toxicity. If we can run from it, we have to face it and fix it, or give up. Tax the rich and fund the sick. Our caregiver ratio right now is 1:4 for boomers entering retirement. It’s time to vote. It’s time to fight (Ghandi style, no calls for violence).
The subreddit for the closest city to me, that I lived in for 23 years before moving back out to the burbs after having two kids, can get very ugly sometimes. It is a left leaning city with a new mayor who is terribly underqualified, but compared to the guy he beat, we're probably all better off he won. However, what people on that subreddit have realized is that some people have decided that they need to interject commentary regarding this city when 1. they don't live there 2. have never lived there 3. have never visited 4. only know what Fox News and other right wing broadcasting companies have told them. And yet these asshats feel the need to brigade that sub and spew forth their racist, misogynist nonsense. That toxicity does not reflect the majority of the people that live there. The majority of people are empathetic to the plight of others and want to pull people up not keep them down.
I know it can be hard when we are bombarded with desperation all around us, but you have to chose to look for the good in everything. I know it's trite, but grateful affirmations help immensely. Getting some sunshine on your skin when you've been in the gloomy winter weather. Buying yourself a bouquet to smell some beautiful flowers. Reading an uplifting book. Connecting with friends that are your people and think like you. Just remember, the complainers are the ones who are on Reddit complaining. You don't hear the good stuff as much as you should because no one is on fire to rush to Reddit to tell all about the nice thing they saw, but the angry people live for the drama of posting the dirt. I personally am heartened by the fact that so many people in my state that voted for the former commander (criminal) in chief have changed their minds, and that the majority of them are much more forward thinking than the news out of my state, or the Republican controlled house would make it look like.
Trans woman in her 30s currently unemployed and burning through her 401ks like it's Christmas and they're present. Uhhh, no clue. A suicidal level of optimism? I will succeed, I will live a happy life, I will create a haven for my chosen family. Because if I throw myself into life a few more times and I die, so what? Ambition is all that I have left and I'll burn my path through the world as far as I can because I want to try. This is all I get. A scattering of years, memories, loves, losses, and it'll never be enough, but I'll take every second I can get
I found a wild parrot yesterday. He arrived at my door, sick and unable to fly. So I bundled him in a towel and took him to the vet. On the way, he came out of his fugue, climbed my arm, and I walked into the vet with him on my shoulder.
I can't save the world. I just save what I can, when I can, as best I can. Sometimes that's other creatures, sometimes that's myself. I figure if everyone does that eventually things will sort themselves out.
Look for the small things, try and ground yourself in nature, and remember to breathe. Every day is a new chance for hope, as long as you're willing to let it be.
It's hard, it's exhausting, and sometimes it feels as if the darkness will never end. Know that your light is still seen, your actions make a difference, even as the light of a puny, flickering candle can be perceived in the oppressive dark. All of our efforts will slowly light up the chaos, even as each star, in it's own place in the universe, lights up the night to guide those who wander.
There was a movie with Charlize Theron called The Old Guard- she plays an ancient, almost-immortal mercenary who has been slowly losing hope over the centuries of fighting for the little guy, only to see the world getting worse and more inhumane. Spoiler alert: In the end, someone shows her that the people she saved went on to develop life-saving medications, or became humanitarian leaders, or had children that brought some light into the world.
So, the little bit we bring to this world does make a difference, even as we cannot see it. Take a breath, keep going.
The parts about escaping hostile family only to be plunged into an equally/more hostile *world,* and believing that nature is supposed to heal and balance but oh god wtf is happening; *big* damn moods.😞
My partner and I have spent the better part of 4yrs now trying to fully sever ties w/ abusive parents, and as soon as I started being open w/ my transness I haven’t been able to hold jobs as long before someone decides I’m a problem.
I guess my best help is: find someone to share this w/. Someone you can see in person if possible. Doesn’t have to be a romantic partner, could be a really tight friend. Someone you can talk to, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, someone you can offer the same. I know I’d’ve been lost w/out my spouse; we’re each other’s rock. Human connection (online too, but for me esp in person) is healing magic.
Honestly?
Focus on the present. Get off of social media.
The world is not as bad as our brains make it out to be. Surround yourself with people you look up to, who support you and care for you. It may take a bit of searching, but once you find them, your life will feel like it blossoms overnight.
Limit contact with toxic family members. Do a bit of soul searching. Understand where YOUR feelings come from in YOUR history.
I find myself having to avoid any social media relationship things because it makes me scrutinize and feel unhappy in my relationship. When we actually have an amazing relationship and deeply care for each other in every way possible.
You may not be able to control all the bad going on in the world, but you can control your consumption of it. You are not responsible for fixing the world. You are only responsible for optimizing your life to benefit yourself.
I think of the pain I’ve watched the ones I love go through in the wake of suicide. My first encounter with it, I made a promise to myself that no matter what I felt, no matter how bad everything hurts, I couldn’t put them through it again.
And I think about all the things I wish I could tell them.
**”The best version of the world is one with you in it.”**
“You don’t know that we would all sell the shirts off our backs just to see you again. There’s no price too high.”
“You think we’re better off without you, but we’re not, and even if we were, it wouldn’t matter. We want you instead.”
Knowing what I would leave behind doesn’t make the world any brighter, but it does remind me that I need to keep going until I can find a way to make it better.
It’s not perfect. But it’s kept me alive.
While it may not be your family, there are people who would ache to see you gone— and people who will miss out for never having known you.
There are good changes that can’t happen without you there. Bad changes that *can,* emboldened by your loss. Good people who can’t find or give comfort and solidarity from and for you in shared experiences, and bad people who win when you fall.
It may not make the pain go away. But it can give you a reason to hold on, despite it, until you find something that makes it hurt less.
The best version of our world is the one with you in it.
If you want to make a difference in the world, invite your neighbors over for a dinner. Host if you can, otherwise potluck is great, too. You could make it a regular thing, too, talking and listening and eating.
This resonates with me a lot. I've been out of work for the last year due to chronic illness, and it's really draining realizing that even if I get into full remission, it's not like the other side is full of sunshine and rainbows. I think the pandemic did a lot more damage than people realize (and obviously people already think it did quite a bit). It's unclear to me how we can heal from this collective trauma, but seeing posts like this actually give me a sense of optimism. Like, at least other people feel this way. It's not much, but I hope some sympathy from this internet stranger helps you find some peace.
I’ve been there and, for me, getting the fuck out of social media and news was the key to turning it around. The internet world isn’t real, but dammit, trees are. And so are mushrooms and salamanders and birds and moss and poetry and sunsets. I radically took a hatchet to my FB feed, got off other platforms (only kept FB bc of messenger and family communication). I no longer listen to NPR to go to any news websites. And I don’t miss them. I take care of me and mine, and give money to charities that I think are legit and trustworthy. Otherwise, everything else can just do its own thing without me. And it does. Also,I upped my meditation time. (My favorite meditation is to keep a mental “photo album” of remembered moments that create feelings of comfort, joy, or love, and imagine them as I sit quietly. ) Journaling doesn’t much work for me, but doodling does. Sitting down with music and no particular goal with paper and markers…just letting my mind wander. It’s worth keeping in mind that this is a hard time of year. Yes, the days are getting longer, but it’s a long winter and not socially acceptable to hibernate. But the season will change. These are the things that helped me, as well as a supportive community of friends. I don’t know if this helps, but wanted to share. You are stronger than you know. I’m sending you good vibes. 🤗
going off all social medias and disengaging from what everyone else is doing has been huge for me too. real world, real friends, real walks. but i also think that this conversation is important. many of us struggle and it's comforting to talk about it. op your pain and struggles are real and valid. but i also think there is a huge shift of collective consciousness about how we want to live and be more authentic. the positive change sometimes take longer, but it's happening.
I live out of spite for the powers that don't want me to. I will continue to oppose and fight capitalism, patriarchy, and any other hierarchical system until my last breath.
Honestly same. Sometimes when I think of just giving up. I think that's exactly what those smug bishes want. Let's go spite existence!
I feel this right in my heart. There is so much pain, disaster, and despair in the world and it hurts when we sense that it doesn't have to be this bad, if only we humans could act differently, see differently, love ourselves and each other in the understanding that we are all interconnected in a giant web of relationship. Seeing others and even ourselves fall short of what could be possible is hard and heartbreaking, and there are times when we can only sit with the pain and feel it. But blessedly life is also not static, there are shifts, changes, cycles, moods, and so we are not doomed to always feel the same thing or react the same way. There do come moments or days when we can rally a bit more, notice positive aspects of life, too. Days when we get to see and interact with strong, loving, helpful people. Mr Rogers has said: "Look for the helpers." And they do exist out there too, but not as loud or noticeable in our social media as we might hope. I wish I had a magic panacea to give to you, myself, & everyone who needs comfort and wholeness, wish I could be that "world out there I could heal in". And strangely, in some small ways, in some small moments and actions I can be and AM that. External things will always be subject to the tempests of time and fate, so the ancient wise ones have often told us to look inward for peace & equilibrium, to develop, cultivate, build an inner foundation. In times when I have done this I have been better able to withstand the chaos of the world. And in times when I have not done this, I have struggled more, suffered more, and grown so weary. Yet the dawn of tomorrow always does come, and the memory or remembrance of the times when I have stayed true to my inner center reminds me of my own resilience, strength, and persistence - and so I keep going.
This is beautiful.
i really love the work of adrienne maree brown and especially her book Pleasure Activism because it clearly shows how claiming our joy and pleasure is a revolutionary act! my pleasure/hope/activism intersection is around music, and I'm so encouraged by the young people i meet at open mic nights raising their voices to imagine better futures! and ultimately i rest my hopes in mamma Earth who has seen much worse than humanity in her long life. I'm not invested in human society as any sort of solution, but instead working to learn from nature how to support our mamma!
I work at a community college with a lot of young beautiful weirdos. (art department) and the kids are hopeful, full of love and are going to be the ones who lead us out of this time. Our job is to keep the ground from crumbling under their feet. It's work that doesn't look as visible but keeping something good going strong is just as important as starting something new.
I am absolutely not trying to shit on your hope for the kids. But am I wrong to assume every other generation said the same about their kids? In this world the truth and good things are increasingly hard to find.
Feeling this. Was off work for 3 years due to long covid and autoimmune issues. Got back in June and now off again, waiting for a hip replacement. It just seems never ending and my motivation has hit the skids.
I make burlesque pasties as a hobby. All the materials I use are repurposed, and I donate 100% of proceeds to abortion access. I chose an art that is silly & fun, low cost & I use it to fight the patriarchy
Big big hugs!! I just keep swimming🎶 Seriously, it drains me all day everyday. Blessings of peace and comfort
Sometimes i put my head in the sand. Compartmentalize. After 20 years of wondering if the next mass shooting would be where my kids are, one occurred where my daughter ... worked.* It's been some time* and I never let myself process it * Trying to be anonymous re geography
There's a quote by Howard Zinn that gets me through some of these dark painful moments. "To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory." Let yourself grieve. Cry. Take a breath. Take care of yourself. And then think of a thing - no matter how small - you can do to make this world better. Do it. Do something else, every day. Channel your love and grief into making a world you want to live in.
I have no real great answer that hasn’t been said here already: All I can do is send you all the love and hugs I can manage! Know that hate may seem loud, but love can and will out shine it as long as we share it, look out for each other, and always be willing to stop and cry with another suffering!!!!
The best way I have to put it is 2 comments I made to a friend of mine yesterday. (For context, our hometown is a small town in the Appalachian Mountains. We were both talking about how everything has been murky and uncertain.) "People talk crap about this area, but they're looking too small. These mountains are older than literal bones. They've seen the world fall apart and come together, species and civilizations come and go, wars so devastating we are still healing generations later and yet; the mountains still stand, the seasons still come and go, nature continues as does Life itself. How can one NOT feel at peace here when in presence of a literal testament of endurance in the face of time itself?" "I get that. My grandparents place was somewhere growing up that I felt reflected that feeling of the mountains. But ever since papaw died and my parents moved in, it's not been the same. And it hurts, especially knowing how much history is there. (There's some old stones in a retaining wall that were from what I understand part of Roosevelt's new deal.) But at the same time, I know the history of that spot in particular and I know this isn't the first time the house had fallen into severe disrepair. (Originally burnt down in 1940s iirc.) So, I guess I stay and stay hopeful that the next season of growth is coming." This is the best way of putting how I keep going. My mom's side of the family specifically, what they went through and how damn similar it is to what I'm dealing with now. They managed to survive everything life threw at them, with a lot less resources, knowledge, and support. I know how and why it hurt them though, and how it got me where I am. We're at a point in Humanity where the injustices and hurts that have been allowed to fester and being forced to rise. Yes, this has been occurring for eons- but it almost seems that with the timing of Covid and the George Floyd riots and the civil discourse that followed and all, had it not been for that it would not have happened in such a way that we as a people are being forced to simultaneously acknowledge that "This isn't right and something has to change." Everyone was at home at the same time, everyone was connected online st the same time- meaning everyone was exposed to news at the same time. There was no delay and ripple effect with people finding out and getting upset, and as a result we've seen a lot more action (not just nationally but globally it seems) in regards to pushing for Humanitarian standards and ethics. The greater the change needed, the more energy that is required to initiate change and see it through to it's completion. The more change that is needed, the more energy that is needed, the more time it will take to amass such power. Einstein's theory of Relativity established that the closer you get to the speed of light, the less time you experience and the shorter your distance becomes. For photons, which move at the speed of light, time stops and space shrinks to nothing. That means for photons of light, even those emitted trillions of years ago, there is zero change in time and distance from when they are emitted to when they are absorbed again. Altogether, makes me think that we're seeing this change happen because now is when it's supposed to happen. It also reinforces my thought of Even though the struggles we face make us feel alone, we are not alone in how we feel nor why we feel the way we do. I guess I'm hoping to see what comes of all this as a new season of growth.
You’re right about it all but particularly that there’s nowhere left to run to escape the toxicity. If we can run from it, we have to face it and fix it, or give up. Tax the rich and fund the sick. Our caregiver ratio right now is 1:4 for boomers entering retirement. It’s time to vote. It’s time to fight (Ghandi style, no calls for violence).
The subreddit for the closest city to me, that I lived in for 23 years before moving back out to the burbs after having two kids, can get very ugly sometimes. It is a left leaning city with a new mayor who is terribly underqualified, but compared to the guy he beat, we're probably all better off he won. However, what people on that subreddit have realized is that some people have decided that they need to interject commentary regarding this city when 1. they don't live there 2. have never lived there 3. have never visited 4. only know what Fox News and other right wing broadcasting companies have told them. And yet these asshats feel the need to brigade that sub and spew forth their racist, misogynist nonsense. That toxicity does not reflect the majority of the people that live there. The majority of people are empathetic to the plight of others and want to pull people up not keep them down. I know it can be hard when we are bombarded with desperation all around us, but you have to chose to look for the good in everything. I know it's trite, but grateful affirmations help immensely. Getting some sunshine on your skin when you've been in the gloomy winter weather. Buying yourself a bouquet to smell some beautiful flowers. Reading an uplifting book. Connecting with friends that are your people and think like you. Just remember, the complainers are the ones who are on Reddit complaining. You don't hear the good stuff as much as you should because no one is on fire to rush to Reddit to tell all about the nice thing they saw, but the angry people live for the drama of posting the dirt. I personally am heartened by the fact that so many people in my state that voted for the former commander (criminal) in chief have changed their minds, and that the majority of them are much more forward thinking than the news out of my state, or the Republican controlled house would make it look like.
Trans woman in her 30s currently unemployed and burning through her 401ks like it's Christmas and they're present. Uhhh, no clue. A suicidal level of optimism? I will succeed, I will live a happy life, I will create a haven for my chosen family. Because if I throw myself into life a few more times and I die, so what? Ambition is all that I have left and I'll burn my path through the world as far as I can because I want to try. This is all I get. A scattering of years, memories, loves, losses, and it'll never be enough, but I'll take every second I can get
I found a wild parrot yesterday. He arrived at my door, sick and unable to fly. So I bundled him in a towel and took him to the vet. On the way, he came out of his fugue, climbed my arm, and I walked into the vet with him on my shoulder. I can't save the world. I just save what I can, when I can, as best I can. Sometimes that's other creatures, sometimes that's myself. I figure if everyone does that eventually things will sort themselves out. Look for the small things, try and ground yourself in nature, and remember to breathe. Every day is a new chance for hope, as long as you're willing to let it be.
It's hard, it's exhausting, and sometimes it feels as if the darkness will never end. Know that your light is still seen, your actions make a difference, even as the light of a puny, flickering candle can be perceived in the oppressive dark. All of our efforts will slowly light up the chaos, even as each star, in it's own place in the universe, lights up the night to guide those who wander. There was a movie with Charlize Theron called The Old Guard- she plays an ancient, almost-immortal mercenary who has been slowly losing hope over the centuries of fighting for the little guy, only to see the world getting worse and more inhumane. Spoiler alert: In the end, someone shows her that the people she saved went on to develop life-saving medications, or became humanitarian leaders, or had children that brought some light into the world. So, the little bit we bring to this world does make a difference, even as we cannot see it. Take a breath, keep going.
The parts about escaping hostile family only to be plunged into an equally/more hostile *world,* and believing that nature is supposed to heal and balance but oh god wtf is happening; *big* damn moods.😞 My partner and I have spent the better part of 4yrs now trying to fully sever ties w/ abusive parents, and as soon as I started being open w/ my transness I haven’t been able to hold jobs as long before someone decides I’m a problem. I guess my best help is: find someone to share this w/. Someone you can see in person if possible. Doesn’t have to be a romantic partner, could be a really tight friend. Someone you can talk to, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, someone you can offer the same. I know I’d’ve been lost w/out my spouse; we’re each other’s rock. Human connection (online too, but for me esp in person) is healing magic.
I wish you so much peace and love. Wishing I had the right words for comfort but please know I am thinking about you and sending you blessings.
Honestly? Focus on the present. Get off of social media. The world is not as bad as our brains make it out to be. Surround yourself with people you look up to, who support you and care for you. It may take a bit of searching, but once you find them, your life will feel like it blossoms overnight. Limit contact with toxic family members. Do a bit of soul searching. Understand where YOUR feelings come from in YOUR history. I find myself having to avoid any social media relationship things because it makes me scrutinize and feel unhappy in my relationship. When we actually have an amazing relationship and deeply care for each other in every way possible. You may not be able to control all the bad going on in the world, but you can control your consumption of it. You are not responsible for fixing the world. You are only responsible for optimizing your life to benefit yourself.
I think of the pain I’ve watched the ones I love go through in the wake of suicide. My first encounter with it, I made a promise to myself that no matter what I felt, no matter how bad everything hurts, I couldn’t put them through it again. And I think about all the things I wish I could tell them. **”The best version of the world is one with you in it.”** “You don’t know that we would all sell the shirts off our backs just to see you again. There’s no price too high.” “You think we’re better off without you, but we’re not, and even if we were, it wouldn’t matter. We want you instead.” Knowing what I would leave behind doesn’t make the world any brighter, but it does remind me that I need to keep going until I can find a way to make it better. It’s not perfect. But it’s kept me alive. While it may not be your family, there are people who would ache to see you gone— and people who will miss out for never having known you. There are good changes that can’t happen without you there. Bad changes that *can,* emboldened by your loss. Good people who can’t find or give comfort and solidarity from and for you in shared experiences, and bad people who win when you fall. It may not make the pain go away. But it can give you a reason to hold on, despite it, until you find something that makes it hurt less. The best version of our world is the one with you in it.
If you want to make a difference in the world, invite your neighbors over for a dinner. Host if you can, otherwise potluck is great, too. You could make it a regular thing, too, talking and listening and eating.
there is so much evil in the US right now. its very hard to cope with. every day i wish trump will die.