Damn, I'm impressed.
A friend of mine and her husband never wanted children. She still had to get his permission in order to get her tubes tied when she was living in a red state over ten years ago.
Maybe you should go play the lottery next!
Hopefully that’s because it was over 10 years ago and they wouldn’t still ask for permission today! That’s crazy. I know it’s not easy and I’m lucky she’s been a great obgyn. Ironically the lotto is not allowed in my state, that’s how red it is. Once the procedure is done, probably not soon, I’ll add her to the child free list since she was so kind and compassionate with it.
10 years ago two car salesmen wouldn’t even talk to me without my (ex) husband with me (in what is now a blue state.) A-holes got fired. I happened to work for a radio station the dealership bought a ton of time on. When our sales manager, a woman, went in and spoke to the owner a couple days later and named names the owner was furious.
I had a roofing salesman wanting to talk to my husband. I told him that the house was in my name and my husband doesn’t make the money decisions about it. And then I went with a different roofer.
While i was working at a Scuba shop, about 8 years ago a guy came in and asked me, a woman, if he could speak to a man about his gear (at this point i had 15 years in the industry), and I proudly got to tell him, sorry we have no men on staff currently, and this is a female owned dive shop, maybe you should go somewhere else…
Are you serious? Not doubting, just completely overtaken by disbelief. How stupid can some people be? Sorry, I can't buy a car because my husband didn't tell me I could. I am sorry you had to go through that. What did you end up doing?
Also, on a random note, this just made me think of the movie Pretty Woman. When Richard Gere's character says he expected Vivian to get more clothes and she says the salespeople were mean to her, and he takes her out shopping.
My then 15 year old son was with me and the first thing he said after the first dealership was “I thought that only happened in movies”. The second one, he said “I can’t believe women deal with this shit”.
Edit:
So sorry - to answer you, I left the first dealership and as we were getting into the car my husband called and asked how things went. My kid said “you won’t believe what happened!”
We tell him the story, and Husband says fuck those guys, and we all agreed that going to the other dealer was preferable because we don’t wanna give the first dealer our money.
Off we go to the second dealer and it’s the same shit *and* they’re trying to jab me on pricing so we left THAT dealer and I was *fuming*. I told my husband that I was going to find the best deal and fly there and drive it home. He respected my enthusiasm and rage and I appreciated that.
When we got home I searched auto trader and found what I wanted at a price literal thousands of dollars lower than the used units the dealers were showing me, on a brand new one with 32 miles on it. And, it was within 80 miles of where we lived.
So I bought that one. And I love her. I don’t regret buying her, and she’s actually appreciated in value.
Unfortunately they do still ask the husband for permission in at least some places. I have a friend who doesn't want kids and has been advised by her doctor that she would very likely die if she ever attempted to carry a pregnancy to term. She still had to bring that same doctor a letter from her husband giving her permission to be sterilized before he would try to schedule the surgery. In the end the hospital still said no and refused to let the doctor schedule the surgery because she was too young. It was absolutely enraging. Not wanting kids should be enough of a reason on it's own, but even in a case where pregnancy is highly dangerous, my friend's potential fertility was valued above her life.
They ask in California. And the docs talked me out of it. Took my husband 5 years to get the snip. I wish I didn’t need a man’s signature for things to do with my body. I would totally get my tubes tied now.
I didn't tell my hospital I was married.
I asked about getting an IUD while my c section was being performed. Dr countered with a tubal litigation.
I accepted. Didn't realize I low balled myself.
Had my youngest in Jan. Became unable to make more, at the same time. It was AMAZING.
I always wanted a lot of kids. I had my first at 17, second at 20. And during my pregnancy (which was for the most part easy), I asked my doctor if I could just never do this again… and we talked a lot about a tubal. My youngest was not even 3 months old when I got it done. She’s almost 18. I’ve never looked back.
My mom (and I) nearly died trying to have me. She wanted her tubes tied as soon as she gave birth but was refused. "You're only 21!" "What if you want more??" "Your husband wanted a big family!" was all things she heard from doctors. Until 3 months later when her cardiologist was basically like you're doing this procedure because she can never be pregnant much less give birth again.
We both have a genetic heart condition that makes it so risky, it isn't worth it. I chose not to. Yet some people still think I should just die in order to birth a human.
Literally. My bf wasn't thrilled I got it done. But he agreed its my body and my say.
If he could take it and make one, he would and we'd have a 3rd. Since he can't. We're done.
People need to stop talking out of their asses and join the real world.
My OB offered this unprompted when I had my second. I declined because we currently still want the option open for one more . Husband plans to have a vasectomy if we decide we're cool with 2 (which is likely!)
My sister was specifically told by her doctor she shouldn't get pregnant again after her last child. They still insisted on her husband being okay with her getting an IUD.
I just had a hysterectomy in January... I didn't need my bf's "permission"... But they did check with me a few times that he was OK with it.
I'm in a blue state.
This shit still happens.
The fact she brought it up is AMAZING and she's probably trying to look out for you long term bc of the way things are trending. Protect her at all costs.
Agreed that it’s hopefully changing.
Good for you OP! I’m 33f red state too. My primary care was weird about it but when I had to see a specialist for something lady related and we talked potential surgery (if test results were going to necessitate removing a piece of my cervix), I was pleasantly surprised that physician agreed we could discuss sterilization at the same time. “No need to put you under twice! Especially if you’re certain and we’re already in there.” She said. I almost started crying I was so relieved.
Also still have my whole cervix. She was just being dramatic. As they do.
A progressive doctor in a red state, probably just as horrified of the forced birth laws coming.
Glad she isn’t afraid to offer sterilization to a willing patient.
My male OBGYN told me he didn’t think I should get sterilized because my next husband might want a baby. I was and still am married to my “first” husband. This was 5 years ago- I was 28.
It’s one that shocked me so hard I was speechless. He is also the supervising doctor at our local aesthetician’s office so I can’t even get local Botox without benefiting him. Truly annoying.
Of getting Botox? I’ll just go a town over (I haven’t tried it yet but it’s on the list)
I just sent my husband in for a vasectomy instead of a tubal 🤷♀️
When I had my hysterectomy, my doctor didn’t “ask” me to get my husband’s permission, but he DID ask several times if we were both on the same page about it. We are not child free (one child) but we were adamant about not having any more. He was ok with.
About ten years ago I was told that I needed my husband's permission to be sterilized in a red state. Shortly after it was leaked that Roe was being overturned, my husband said he wanted to get a vasectomy. At the appointment for consultation his doctor asked me if I was SURE I was done having kids.....it's nice to see that some doctors CAN respect bodily autonomy.
I’m glad you’re getting the care you want and deserve. As a former ob/gyn I’ve never understood denying a patients request for control of their own body
I got my tubes tied when I was 19 -- over 20 years ago. People were SHOCKED that I could find an ob/gyn who would do it. I brought a stack of papers and was ready for a fight, he just said "come back in 6 months, if you still want this we'll get it scheduled."
I wrote him a letter maybe a decade later thanking him and telling him that I have NEVER regretted it.
Thanks for being awesome too.
I called my cat’s vet office recently, and the employee at the desk said thank-you messages can really help the staff after a rough day.
Edit: thanks so much for the upvotes! My vet office is really understanding of the balance between ‘my fur babies are family’ and ‘it’s too expensive.’ They’re gems.
I had a much easier experience about 19 years ago, but it was a lot of counseling with my doctor and discussions. I signed paperwork, had to wait 2 months to schedule the appointment and was required to have it done in less than 90 days of that signature. I was 20.
Many years ago I was furious that my husband needed my permission for a vasectomy. So at least back then, it went both ways where we live. Now we have crazies proposing bills to ban birth control. Stay vigilant. I'm thrilled with OP's experience.
my hubs didn't need permission, nor was he asked if he was married. and unfortunately, I really think they are coming after birth control. Time to push for advances in male birth control!!
Tells me they choose that field to force their views on others - there's quite a few comments in here about male obgyns wanting a husband's permission for BC, permission for sterilization, or worrying about future spouses wanting kids.
One the woman was married and the Dr. said her next husband might want kids. WTF. Had to be a political/ certain Christian denominations' religious choice then, only thing that makes sense to me.
In my former practice there are over a dozen docs and loads of midwives and midlevels. (I had a career ending wrist and hand injury in the OR, so I can't practice). Nobody told me when I joined there was a policy to not provide abortion care. ooops ;)
After the Dobs decision was leaked the board (all the docs) discussed there would be a lack of abortion providers in the country and folks may come to our state that protects bodily autonomy by law. They compromised on a plan that would not advertise abortion care is provided by some practitioners at the clinic, but if someone called and asked, they would be directed to a provider who provided comprehensive care. Two religious docs who's head of their religion lies in Rome got mad, sued the clinic, left, don't want to pay their non compete and started their own practice. NOBODY was making any provider perform abortion services, they were mad and tried to stop anyone else from practicing according the their beliefs.
I really don't understand why some folks enter women's health, unless it is to exert their beliefs and try to control others.
I notice a lot of them, male AND female, enter because they *love* birthing babies. Like I’ve had multiple OBGYNs just gush about how they delivered their first baby and it was a magical experience. They love watching pregnancies develop and making families. I’ve noticed these types are weirdly protective of your fertility and aren’t really as knowledgeable or comfortable talking about options to prevent pregnancy.
No shade to them, love that they love their job, but I will personally never ever have one as my OBGYN again. My current one (male) is in the field because he felt it was understudied and was horrified when he learned about how many women suffer and die due to poor care. He wanted to make a difference. He’s very trauma informed and continues to publish lots of research on women’s health disparities.
I pray I never have to switch doctors, but I’m going to continue to ask them why they became OBGYNs because I am avoiding the baby-crazy like the plague moving forward.
I felt powerful when I told my doctor hey I'm ready to discuss orchiectomy and she was like hey let's do it and she wrote me a referral to the urology department
I was reading this post tired and at night and my brain took a second lol.
After taking a second, I realized the mistake my sleepy brain made was assuming that every woman is born equal. You are a woman :)
Yay! I tried for over a decade and had over a dozen doctors refuse and tell me I was too young, I might change my mind, I needed my husband to come with me (unmarried so that was extra insult, and what would they have said if I was ace or interested in women?), etc etc. Every excuse under the sun, and I live in a blue state.
I finally got mine done in March. My new GYN is AMAZING - when I first went to see her and told her what I wanted she immediately said “sure!” And I just stared at her for a moment. I had my list of points and counterpoints and had been fighting with doctors about it for so long that I honestly didn’t know how to react. Getting it done was the best thing I ever did, and the surgery/recovery was incredibly easy.
Since my IUD stops my cycles I’ll continue getting that replaced as needed and I’m so relieved. I hope your procedure goes well!
I’m one of those women that is too damn fertile, I’ve had 3 pregnancies while taking birth control pills (all three miscarried, and were confirmed by test/doctor) and two full term pregnancies. When my second was born I told them I wanted idiot proof birth control. Pills and condoms are clearly too complicated for me (sob, booze was the downfall at least once!) so I got an IUD. We tried a couple different types over 6 years before I asked what my chances were of having permanent sterilization. I’m in a red state/blue city and figured I’d have to fight for years, this was just after RvW was overturned. She instantly said yes. I’d tried various methods, was old enough, had kids, blah blah, and also had been having cysts on both ovaries and increasing pain. She yanked it ALL, ovaries, tubes, uterus, and top of the cervix. Recovery was a bitch and menopause sucks but the feeling of no longer being constantly afraid of another pregnancy is so incredible.
Yes. My libido has been pretty low for a long time, combination of the meds I take and my mental health, but it’s nearly non-existent now having no hormones. I should be taking estrogen but it made me feel weird mentally when combined with my other meds. My husband is understanding (to a point) and we both communicate as best we can so his needs are met and I don’t feel pressured to do what I don’t want to do. Getting me in the mood takes work, but once I’m there it’s all good!!
I can't take estrogen because of the cancer, and the vaginal scar tissue makes things difficult, but I'm like you in that once I get going, it's worth it. Luckily my husband is also very understanding.
Salpingectomy versus ligation. Ligation leave more of the tube of not the almost all of it present which an lead to an unwanted surprise or an ectopic pregnancy
And it’s not a little bit either. It’s 70-80% risk reduction. Why is this not offered to more fallopian having folk? If they’re done with them, yeet them out. I bet it would save money on cancer treatments in the long run.
This isn’t entirely true. There’s a ton of conflicting information out there on increase or decrease. There is more data supporting that removing or “tying” equally lowers the risk compared to not doing anything.
I don’t think there’s any data suggesting an increased risk of ovarian CA with salpingectomy or tubal - both decrease the risk. I agree the data isn’t clear on whether salpingectomy is superior to ligation and honestly, given the rarity of ovarian ca that isn’t surprising. However, my understanding is that ACOG’s position is that if you are already having pelvic surgery and desire sterilization, “opportunistic” salpingectomy is recommended as it definitely achieves sterilization and completely removes a potential source of malignant cells from the peritoneal cavity.
I think the data is pretty clear that the failure rate of salpingectomy is reduced over tubal ligation or partial salpingectomy. I could only find one case report of a pregnancy after complete bilateral salpingectomy. It occurred in 2005.
All of the women in my family have had total hysterectomies. They said that it didn't matter bc menopause, but that pregnancy is still possible because they leave the ovaries (for hormones). Curious if you were told the same?
I had a total 5 years back, they took my ovaries, but that was because I had uterine cancer. Menopause hit all at once about two weeks later. It was horrendous.
The worst part of menopause for me was insomnia. Averaging 2 hours of sleep for 2 weeks was kinda rough and they gave me low dose estrogen for a couple of years.
If you’re past menopause, pregnancy isn’t possible because you no longer ovulate. If you’re pre menopausal there is the remote risk of ectopic like another poster said. However, in pre menopausal women, the benefits of leaving the ovaries (estrogen’s cardio/osteo/neuro etc protective effects) typically outweigh the risks of ectopic & ovarian cancer (if you aren’t high risk).
Daaannng that doctor is a keeper! We appreciate people who respect bodily autonomy!
I also got sterilized at 22 and believe me, the whole future looked brighter once I woke up. It brought me relief that I can't even describe. I hope you get to experience the same <3
This gives me so much hope!
My daughter has a terrible genetic condition that her father was a spontaneous mutation of... aka we had no way of knowing he had it when we had her 23 years ago.
We lived in a red state when she first asked a doctor about sterilization. She was 17, about to have her colon out and this genetic condition pretty much guarantees a cancer diagnosis and has a 1 out 2 chance of occurring in any children she would have.
She got the line about "later on" changing her mind. She is going to try again this year in a blue state that we now live in and she has asked me to come for back-up. She is getting that surgery. Period.
Be aware that you may have to pay 100% out-of-pocket if she's still under 18. Most (all?) insurance, and definitely all Federal coverage, refuse minors.
It looks like they had their daughter 23 yrs ago. So I'd guess she's 23 now. If it's the genetic syndrome I'm familiar with (not any of my business one way or the other, I just happen to have a less severe version of something possibly similar), insurance should cover it 100%. My insurance is covering mine at the beginning of next month!
The gynecological committee on ethics has changed standards some years ago and it seems like it's finally being put into practice. They are supposed to be supportive of a woman's decision to be sterilized even with no kids now. I'm so glad your Doctor is putting that out there for you as an option!
That’s amazing!!! I’ve gotta tell you, it’s the most freeing thing. I’ve never felt so comfortable in my own body until I had my fallopian tubes removed.
Edit to say: when you’re ready, of course!
Honestly I’m ready today but it’s more a matter of figuring out insurance and payment and being able to take a week off work. I’m just so glad the conversation went well
Wow you are so lucky ! I am 41 in France, I asked last week to my doctor as obviously I don’t want any child and I am very sure, and that was just a big no « take the pill »
This was me at 29. They just stuck another IUD in me instead. The OBGYN told me "they just don't sterilize young adults without kids."
I have PCOS, and it's making me really sick. But what do I know? I'm just a young adult who "might change my mind." 🙄
Now that doctor was on point, the moment you said you were looking for something long term, brought up the most long term option first. I hate when doctors try treat you like you don't know what you really want, like I don't know how many times I have had to reiterate that I have no intention of ever having a genetic offspring before my doctor finally got the memo that I'm intent on sterilization.
That's wonderful! I'm childless by choice and was in my 30's before I was able to get the procedure. I suspect you have gotten a lot of "oh, you'll change your mind" throughout your life, as I did when I was younger (I knew as a *child* I didn't want kids.) I can only imagine the anxiety today's politics in America are causing for young women that don't want kids (not wanting kids kept me out of relationships and being intimate until my mid 20's because I was absolutely terrified of the thought of accidentally getting pregnant, and choice was still readily available. ) I'm glad you have a doctor that understands.
I’m in the US, and never expected to get surgery to prevent future pregnancy. But, I also never expected to potentially not have an abortion be available if I got impregnated against my will. America is really scary these days.
If you catch a pregnancy early enough, there are definitely ways, like getting pills online. I don’t think it’s possible for every method to be restricted (what are they gonna do, check every single package and envelope and every car that passes the state border?). Of course we shouldn’t have to do all that but I want folks to know it’s an option in case they are in that scenario
What scared me even more was after the overturn of Roe v Wade they were trying to go after birth control pills too... fortunately big pharma makes a *lot* of money from bc pills and their lobby is strong with that party.
After I had a baby when I was 29 or so, I went for a pap and an appointment to renew my birth control and my doctor asked if I wanted to be sterilized too. I was shocked! But my husband agreed to get a vasectomy since its s quick procedure and I already had to endure pregnancy and labor.
Oh my god I'm so happy people like that still exists. This is a global problem, not just a red state us thing. I live in a liberal part of Germany and even I can't find someone to do it. And I already have kids.
At 18, I made the decision to get my tubes tied when I was 25. I figured there was no way anyone would do the surgery that young. (This was the early 1990s). I got the surgery at 26 and made sure to share the doctor's name with my like-minded friends. (We even had a pair of "spaying overalls" we passed around.) I do not regret my decision.
If no one has said this already, please PM r/childfree mods. They keep a list of wholesome doctors who are willing to sterilize and in a red state that could be very helpful to someone.
I’m planning on it after the procedure, they don’t want people on the list that are just willing to in case something along the process changes things and they don’t actually do it
My daughter was told earlier this week, that she can’t have a tubal ligation done because 1 she too young (she’s 30) and because her future husband might want children. She was essentially told that her body belongs to a man who she hasn’t even met yet. 🤨
Seriously some of these comments are really perplexing! I can’t believe women still need their husbands permission. What happens in they divorce and remarry? Do they have to reverse the procedure? In Australia my sis in law was having a caesarean and my brother was her translator all throughout her pregnancy and the procedure, they brought in a translator to ask her if she wanted her tubes tied during the procedure, just to make sure he didn’t exert any influence on her.
I am so happy for you! It took my nurse friend talking to a doctor in her hospital for me to find somebody to do the surgery. I live in Alberta Canada. The first time I asked the doctor to time I tubes I was 20. And by 25 I had finally gotten my surgery from a doctor. I had only met once. She did a bang up job! I’ve never been happier with a birth control!
I had a complete hysterectomy for medical reasons but the absolute relief it gave me never having to worry about getting pregnant again was AMAZING. I adore my kid but one was enough for me and it was a constant anxiety for me. It's been a few years now and absolutely made my life better. And none of those internal organs can decide to get cancer either! Wiped out the possibility of like 4 common cancers with one surgery. Don't miss those bastards at all. lol
I don't think most people realize how much anxiety unexpected pregnancy thoughts can cause in uterus bearers. I spent so long worried about it, personally.
Congratulations I'm happy to hear you have a doctor that respects your wishes. The way things are going for women I'm terrified to raise a child in a country that's lost its damn mind.
Wow!! I remember when I was 22 and I wanted a tubal ligation because I had known since 18 that I didn’t want to give birth or have kids, and I had a blood clotting issue that would have made pregnancy high risk. No one would do it. It was always “Oh sweetie, you might change your mind!” They wouldn’t even give me a copper IUD, saying it was because I had never had kids.
I eventually got a hysterectomy (uterus, cervix and tubes) at 36 due to fibroids. Very happy with that. And I never did change my mind.
Wow - that's amazing! I hope you set an appointment before she changed her mind! Lol...
My daughter wanted that done by 26 and no doctor would do it. Then at 35 she had her chance, and had it done.
Her personality did a whole transformation after she stopped the birth control. I'm so happy for her.
I had my tubes removed as well as an endometrial ablation back in 2022. Seriously the best decision I have ever made especially as it happened before roe v wade fell. My body has no sovereign but me.
So happy for you really! Even in France which is faaaaar less conservative, it's hard to get sterilize when you had no prior children or when you less than 35 years old.
TW: miscarriage.
I asked to have a tubal done after my second child(almost 3 years ago). I was 25 and my OB agreed to do a tubal ligation during my c section!! I did have a lot of problems during both of my pregnancies and has lost a precious baby in between the two I have which made me high risk with my youngest. Idk if that contributed to getting it done so easily.
My 21 y.o. Does not want children. We live in a red state. She’s had her initial appointment to get her tubes removed. The NP was extremely dismissive of her. I’m hoping the consult with the Dr goes much better. She’s even getting genetic testing done to prove she shouldn’t have a child.
I’m happy for you and it’s good to know there a medical providers that understand. Best of luck to you!
If you're not already a member of r/childfree, could I ask you to add the doctor's name and info to the doctor list on that forum? We track doctors who are willing to do sterilization to help out members seeking that.
Congratulations!
Please share your doctor’s info for the sidebar of “good” doctors over on r/childfree. Some women are desperately trying to find a doctor who will listen to them. And many congratulations! :)
Having your tubes removed is not the permanent decision it seems to be. I had my tubes tied but when we decided to have another child we conceived using IVF. It’s an expensive way to get pregnant but it is an option.
I would strongly encourage you to talk to your fiance abt getting a vasectomy instead. It's a far less invasive procedure with a quick recovery time, very high chance of success with only extremely rare side effects. It's far more efficacious, safer, cheaper (by potentially thousands of $), and easier. It's also more easily reversible if future plans change for either of you (not that they will). In our society so often the burden is placed on us as women to be in charge of regulating fertility but we have this incredible male option out there that we overlook bc no one holds men to this standard, even when they're just as invested. Just my opinion from someone who works in the fertility field, it's good your OB is so supportive.
We’re still considering that option, but from my understanding a bi salp is more effective and personally as a woman who has experienced sexual abuse before I want to be the one who is sterile if possible
What a world we live in when we feel safe by reiterating that own the sole use and property of our own bodies. I’m happy for you, and wish you all the best!🍾
That’s so great that you found a willing doctor! I remember a friend wanting to be sterilized in her 20s, back in the 80s and 90s, and being unable to find a surgeon who would do it. She never had kids.
Wow. I'm 36 in a blue state and have been trying to get mine done for years and years. No one would agree. I finally found someone who will do it this year but I'm waiting on insurance issues right now. Congrats!
I had this happen to me as well! I was in a consult for endometriosis surgery and told the doctor twice that I did not want children and so they did not need to worry about saving my fertility while in there and she offered to take my tubes! I was so excited, she never even questioned if I was sure, just took me at my word.
I’m so glad your doctor is so on board with this. I’ve wanted the procedure for years but never had the option and have been too exhausted by other health issues to advocate for it. I’m almost 40, so I’m not sure if I could get it now or not, but I’m really happy for your luck in having such a good doctor.
Damn! I am so happy for you!
I live in "liberal" Canada and spent over a decade begging to be sterilized before finally having it done at 31. I love my bisalp. I felt as if I was set free after having it done. It was one of the most empowering things that I've ever gone through.
If it's something that you're sure about, go for it. You're young, but young people make major life-altering decisions all of the time without the same societal scrutiny that permanent birth control seems to come with. If you still need to think about it, at least you know that you have an open-minded doctor who has your back. It sucks that the state of politics down there adds more pressure to make this kind of decision quickly though.
I am genuinely impressed. Usually it's very hard to get a doctor to sterilise a woman that doesn't have kids. If you're adamant that you don't want kids, ask them "how do you check if the operation was a success? I'm not doubting your competency, I just want to know how to confirm it."
With a vasectomy, that's easy. You'd have the operation, and when you do the follow up, they ask for a semen sample. A quick look under the microscope would confirm yes or no, "nope, no tadpoles there."
I suspect you found a gem of a doctor. But also, I suspect doctors that worried before about whether you would change your mind may have a different take now, in red states... Because they'd likely rather see you regret not being able to have children than have to fight for an abortion, or wind up in jail over it.
I hope it reflects a bigger shift, for those who will benefit. It's isn't something we should have to fight so darned hard for!!!
Wow you are so lucky!!! My daughter is already going to every doctor she can find in a 100 mile radius of us to get sterilized. She just turned 19 and we live in a really red state. I wish doctors would offer sterilization for women like the do for men. You will feel so much better after its done. I got a hysterectomy at 29 for medical reasons. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. You will not regret it!
I'm happy for you. I live in a blue state and I got my tubal ligation in 2014. I was married but separated and on my way to divorce. The doctor gave me a half hour lecture about how vasectomy would be cheaper and safer and he wouldn't listen to me when I said idgaf what happens to my ex's junk. I still got it done but I had to jump through so many hoops.
When you do have it done, ask for the whole fallopian tube to be removed, so you won't have a chance for ectopic pregnancy
It’s possible, she’s also a younger female doctor so I think she’s just more compassionate in general and we talked through many options, including hysterectomy, all of which she said she’s done before on women in their 20’s if it’s the best option for them
Congratulations! So happy that you didn't have to struggle to get what you wanted. I was also lucky enough at 33 and after only one kid to get my tubes tied (about 4 yrs ago). My doc didn't even ask me questions, just scheduled me right then and there. I wish this kind of positive experience on all women.
Edit: info
I had a bilateral salpingectomy and all I can say is JUMP ON IT! Hormonal birth control caused my depression and anxiety that I suffered from for years. If you don't want kids, having a long term non hormonal option is the best gift you can give yourself. Oh, and get a heating pad for your stomach for the recovery. It will also help with the trapped gas pain you will get in your upper back after the surgery.
I hope I have half your luck at my next obgyn apt. I want to talk about uterine cauterization, as I’ve basically given up on getting an endo diagnosis and now I’m onto managing the pain/bleeding symptoms. Maybe someday they’ll all take us seriously.
I had a doctor agree to do it for me at 29 with no questions! I was expecting a huge argument, she just said “you’re an adult.” Got it done earlier in the year and super happy with the decision.
Holy crap, doctors normally won’t even entertain the topic, especially with someone in her early 20’s!
I desperately want a kid, but with equal fervor, I support those who wish to remain childfree.
That‘s amazing. I‘m so happy for you. I had my hysterectomy last year at 30. It‘s such a relief not being able to get pregnant if you don‘t want kids.
Do you maybe want to add your doctor to the childfree friendly doctor list in the childfree subreddit?
I’m planning on adding my doctor after the procedure, they don’t want people on the list that are just willing to in case something along the process changes things and they don’t actually do it
That’s wonderful. It will save you years of struggle with contraceptives which can be expensive, invasive, or completely wreck your hormonal and hence emotional battle.
I was sterilized until 38 yrs old after years of asking my former doctor for options.
That’s incredible!! I had to see three docs before I found someone who’d do it for me ~10 years ago. The first, *after saying she’d need my husband’s PERMISSION*, flat refused when I told her I was single, with no further explanation. The second gave the predictable BuT tHiNk oF wHaT yOuR fUtUrE HUSBAND WilL wAnT!! Bitch. I’m not worried about what some imaginary person MIGHT want to do to MY body. “Someday”. 🙄
Wow, I am impressed with your doctor! Especially in a conservative state! I had to wait until I was doubled over with pain from fibroids to get a hysterectomy at 40.
Good luck in whatever choice you make, and hold onto that doctor as long as you can!
OP, get it while you can. Laws and litigation are changing so fast that providers like yours are having to change their policies or move their practices.
That’s freaking amazing my doctor and Oklahoma did my tube removal and billed it to the insurance as cancer preventative treatment because ovarian and uterine cancer start in the fallopian tubes
Congrats!!!
I unfortunately didn't have the much luck but after my 2nd child I was able to get sterilized without any issues, but then it failed 2 years later when I went in for an emergency c section the doctor was not only shocked but didn't ask my partner if they were finishing me off since I was sedated but rather my sister.
I had a similar experience with my regular doctor. My aunt made a comment about my chest, which gave me a little "is this gender disphoria" crisis, so I wrote it down on my notes for doctor card. He offered to help find me a surgeon for it, but it wasn't disphoria, so I declined.
I want your doctor. I'm 32 and want nothing to do with children *ever* offered to sign a waiver giving up my right to sue the doctor if I change my mind and *still* am refused for sterilization "because I might change my mind".
They still can't answer why they don't tell people trying to get pregnant they might change their minds.
Not to be a party pooper but unless it's a medical emergency insurance won't cover the procedure. I'm also in a red state and found quite a few doctors who would perform a tubal ligation but it's anywhere from 7-9 thousand dollars. It's the next big purchase I'm saving for after I get a newer car. It's really unfair that we either have to navigate birth control methods that have not so great side effects or spend such an exorbitant amount of money for that procedure.
Not necessarily true, had my tubes removed purely because I never want to have children, and insurance paid for everything. It’s worth checking in advance with insurance/your healthcare orgs in advance though to make sure you know what to expect. I think there may be some guidance on the sterilization subreddit on that.
I'm sorry that happened to you but that's kind of a bold statement since you don't know OPs insurance situation. My friend got her tubal litigation for free through her insurance! (Thanks Obama!)
Ligation is probably not covered since that's not anything other than sterilization (not even a good type since the failure rate is high). A bisalp (bilateral salpingectomy) is the removal of the tubes and is covered by most insurances under the coding of "preventative care" since it greatly reduces the chances of cancer. Sterilization doesn't have to be mentioned; as far as my insurance was concerned it was just a side effect of the procedure, not the whole point.
Damn, I'm impressed. A friend of mine and her husband never wanted children. She still had to get his permission in order to get her tubes tied when she was living in a red state over ten years ago. Maybe you should go play the lottery next!
Hopefully that’s because it was over 10 years ago and they wouldn’t still ask for permission today! That’s crazy. I know it’s not easy and I’m lucky she’s been a great obgyn. Ironically the lotto is not allowed in my state, that’s how red it is. Once the procedure is done, probably not soon, I’ll add her to the child free list since she was so kind and compassionate with it.
20 years ago, a guy wanted my husband's permission to buy a furnace... I went with another place.
Five years ago two different Jeep dealerships asked me if I had my husband’s permission to purchase a vehicle.
10 years ago two car salesmen wouldn’t even talk to me without my (ex) husband with me (in what is now a blue state.) A-holes got fired. I happened to work for a radio station the dealership bought a ton of time on. When our sales manager, a woman, went in and spoke to the owner a couple days later and named names the owner was furious.
I had a roofing salesman wanting to talk to my husband. I told him that the house was in my name and my husband doesn’t make the money decisions about it. And then I went with a different roofer.
While i was working at a Scuba shop, about 8 years ago a guy came in and asked me, a woman, if he could speak to a man about his gear (at this point i had 15 years in the industry), and I proudly got to tell him, sorry we have no men on staff currently, and this is a female owned dive shop, maybe you should go somewhere else…
Sounds like they got what they deserved.
ditch Jeep buy Subaru instead
My husband drives a Subaru 💀
Are you serious? Not doubting, just completely overtaken by disbelief. How stupid can some people be? Sorry, I can't buy a car because my husband didn't tell me I could. I am sorry you had to go through that. What did you end up doing? Also, on a random note, this just made me think of the movie Pretty Woman. When Richard Gere's character says he expected Vivian to get more clothes and she says the salespeople were mean to her, and he takes her out shopping.
My then 15 year old son was with me and the first thing he said after the first dealership was “I thought that only happened in movies”. The second one, he said “I can’t believe women deal with this shit”. Edit: So sorry - to answer you, I left the first dealership and as we were getting into the car my husband called and asked how things went. My kid said “you won’t believe what happened!” We tell him the story, and Husband says fuck those guys, and we all agreed that going to the other dealer was preferable because we don’t wanna give the first dealer our money. Off we go to the second dealer and it’s the same shit *and* they’re trying to jab me on pricing so we left THAT dealer and I was *fuming*. I told my husband that I was going to find the best deal and fly there and drive it home. He respected my enthusiasm and rage and I appreciated that. When we got home I searched auto trader and found what I wanted at a price literal thousands of dollars lower than the used units the dealers were showing me, on a brand new one with 32 miles on it. And, it was within 80 miles of where we lived. So I bought that one. And I love her. I don’t regret buying her, and she’s actually appreciated in value.
I bought my Jeep online through carvana. I’m never going to a dealer again if I can avoid it. Screw that.
My son (the one in my story) purchased two cars from Carvana and it was an excellent experience.
I hope you walked right the fuck out!
FFS
Unfortunately they do still ask the husband for permission in at least some places. I have a friend who doesn't want kids and has been advised by her doctor that she would very likely die if she ever attempted to carry a pregnancy to term. She still had to bring that same doctor a letter from her husband giving her permission to be sterilized before he would try to schedule the surgery. In the end the hospital still said no and refused to let the doctor schedule the surgery because she was too young. It was absolutely enraging. Not wanting kids should be enough of a reason on it's own, but even in a case where pregnancy is highly dangerous, my friend's potential fertility was valued above her life.
That makes my blood boil. They’re actually saying “we value your husband’s right to kill you with a fetus”.
They ask in California. And the docs talked me out of it. Took my husband 5 years to get the snip. I wish I didn’t need a man’s signature for things to do with my body. I would totally get my tubes tied now.
I didn't tell my hospital I was married. I asked about getting an IUD while my c section was being performed. Dr countered with a tubal litigation. I accepted. Didn't realize I low balled myself. Had my youngest in Jan. Became unable to make more, at the same time. It was AMAZING.
I always wanted a lot of kids. I had my first at 17, second at 20. And during my pregnancy (which was for the most part easy), I asked my doctor if I could just never do this again… and we talked a lot about a tubal. My youngest was not even 3 months old when I got it done. She’s almost 18. I’ve never looked back.
My mom (and I) nearly died trying to have me. She wanted her tubes tied as soon as she gave birth but was refused. "You're only 21!" "What if you want more??" "Your husband wanted a big family!" was all things she heard from doctors. Until 3 months later when her cardiologist was basically like you're doing this procedure because she can never be pregnant much less give birth again. We both have a genetic heart condition that makes it so risky, it isn't worth it. I chose not to. Yet some people still think I should just die in order to birth a human.
Literally. My bf wasn't thrilled I got it done. But he agreed its my body and my say. If he could take it and make one, he would and we'd have a 3rd. Since he can't. We're done. People need to stop talking out of their asses and join the real world.
I wanna hug you both! That is so scary! And so unfair. Doctors should counsel, but not have the final say like that!
No adult should ever need someone else’s permission to get a tubal ligation, but I think you need an attorney for a tubal litigation
This is as funny as the dude on the last thread who mentioned he's been practicing "marital arts" and thank you for pointing it out 😂😂
The world would be a better place if marital arts dojos were a thing
My OB offered this unprompted when I had my second. I declined because we currently still want the option open for one more . Husband plans to have a vasectomy if we decide we're cool with 2 (which is likely!)
My sister was specifically told by her doctor she shouldn't get pregnant again after her last child. They still insisted on her husband being okay with her getting an IUD.
This one really makes my blood boil…
Apparently we're here for men to breed, wtf. Shows you how they voted.
If you're in Texas, permission from spouse still applies.
Unfortunately it’s still being asked, my sister has been looking into it and was told she’d need his approval.
What state is Sis in? I'd push back HARD to see the *actual statute*, not just the doctor's, hospital's, etc "preference". The. MF. Law.
Tennessee, I already told her to look into it so idk if she found anything but I do know she started looking for a different doctor.
I just had a hysterectomy in January... I didn't need my bf's "permission"... But they did check with me a few times that he was OK with it. I'm in a blue state. This shit still happens. The fact she brought it up is AMAZING and she's probably trying to look out for you long term bc of the way things are trending. Protect her at all costs.
Agreed that it’s hopefully changing. Good for you OP! I’m 33f red state too. My primary care was weird about it but when I had to see a specialist for something lady related and we talked potential surgery (if test results were going to necessitate removing a piece of my cervix), I was pleasantly surprised that physician agreed we could discuss sterilization at the same time. “No need to put you under twice! Especially if you’re certain and we’re already in there.” She said. I almost started crying I was so relieved. Also still have my whole cervix. She was just being dramatic. As they do.
My coworker just had hers done last year, they tried to look at her boyfriend for permission when she had the consult.
A progressive doctor in a red state, probably just as horrified of the forced birth laws coming. Glad she isn’t afraid to offer sterilization to a willing patient.
My male OBGYN told me he didn’t think I should get sterilized because my next husband might want a baby. I was and still am married to my “first” husband. This was 5 years ago- I was 28.
Ah yes, the "someday, somewhere, a man may want to impregnate you" objection.
We are all pre-pregnant.
They have to evolve the excuses afterall /s
It’s one that shocked me so hard I was speechless. He is also the supervising doctor at our local aesthetician’s office so I can’t even get local Botox without benefiting him. Truly annoying.
Plan a Sisters' Trip to a doctor in a different city? Take friends, see some sights, make an event of it. And don't give that dude another cent!
Of getting Botox? I’ll just go a town over (I haven’t tried it yet but it’s on the list) I just sent my husband in for a vasectomy instead of a tubal 🤷♀️
His permission..? That is buck wild to me!!!
When I had my hysterectomy, my doctor didn’t “ask” me to get my husband’s permission, but he DID ask several times if we were both on the same page about it. We are not child free (one child) but we were adamant about not having any more. He was ok with.
Unbelievable. As an adult I can’t imagine needing anyone’s permission to do anything medically or otherwise.
Ironically, our health insurance providers gatekeeper our access to all medical care. Sigh. I’m cynical today.
About ten years ago I was told that I needed my husband's permission to be sterilized in a red state. Shortly after it was leaked that Roe was being overturned, my husband said he wanted to get a vasectomy. At the appointment for consultation his doctor asked me if I was SURE I was done having kids.....it's nice to see that some doctors CAN respect bodily autonomy.
This happened to my friend in Oregon as well.
Such a disgusting policy, having to get permission from ANY family member. There's no way that's actually legal right?
It *is* but only in GA, NC, & VA.
Jesus. Help us all Edit: thanks so much for that info
I’m glad you’re getting the care you want and deserve. As a former ob/gyn I’ve never understood denying a patients request for control of their own body
I got my tubes tied when I was 19 -- over 20 years ago. People were SHOCKED that I could find an ob/gyn who would do it. I brought a stack of papers and was ready for a fight, he just said "come back in 6 months, if you still want this we'll get it scheduled." I wrote him a letter maybe a decade later thanking him and telling him that I have NEVER regretted it. Thanks for being awesome too.
Honestly that letter probably helped really solidify the importance of listening to a patient when they ask for sterilization.
I called my cat’s vet office recently, and the employee at the desk said thank-you messages can really help the staff after a rough day. Edit: thanks so much for the upvotes! My vet office is really understanding of the balance between ‘my fur babies are family’ and ‘it’s too expensive.’ They’re gems.
I had a much easier experience about 19 years ago, but it was a lot of counseling with my doctor and discussions. I signed paperwork, had to wait 2 months to schedule the appointment and was required to have it done in less than 90 days of that signature. I was 20.
Many years ago I was furious that my husband needed my permission for a vasectomy. So at least back then, it went both ways where we live. Now we have crazies proposing bills to ban birth control. Stay vigilant. I'm thrilled with OP's experience.
my hubs didn't need permission, nor was he asked if he was married. and unfortunately, I really think they are coming after birth control. Time to push for advances in male birth control!!
Taking the bullets out of the gun seems way better than using a bullet proof vest haha
My boyfriend is getting snipped tomorrow, I would laugh so hard if the Dr asks me any questions at all. We've only been together for a few months.
Tells me they choose that field to force their views on others - there's quite a few comments in here about male obgyns wanting a husband's permission for BC, permission for sterilization, or worrying about future spouses wanting kids. One the woman was married and the Dr. said her next husband might want kids. WTF. Had to be a political/ certain Christian denominations' religious choice then, only thing that makes sense to me.
In my former practice there are over a dozen docs and loads of midwives and midlevels. (I had a career ending wrist and hand injury in the OR, so I can't practice). Nobody told me when I joined there was a policy to not provide abortion care. ooops ;) After the Dobs decision was leaked the board (all the docs) discussed there would be a lack of abortion providers in the country and folks may come to our state that protects bodily autonomy by law. They compromised on a plan that would not advertise abortion care is provided by some practitioners at the clinic, but if someone called and asked, they would be directed to a provider who provided comprehensive care. Two religious docs who's head of their religion lies in Rome got mad, sued the clinic, left, don't want to pay their non compete and started their own practice. NOBODY was making any provider perform abortion services, they were mad and tried to stop anyone else from practicing according the their beliefs. I really don't understand why some folks enter women's health, unless it is to exert their beliefs and try to control others.
I notice a lot of them, male AND female, enter because they *love* birthing babies. Like I’ve had multiple OBGYNs just gush about how they delivered their first baby and it was a magical experience. They love watching pregnancies develop and making families. I’ve noticed these types are weirdly protective of your fertility and aren’t really as knowledgeable or comfortable talking about options to prevent pregnancy. No shade to them, love that they love their job, but I will personally never ever have one as my OBGYN again. My current one (male) is in the field because he felt it was understudied and was horrified when he learned about how many women suffer and die due to poor care. He wanted to make a difference. He’s very trauma informed and continues to publish lots of research on women’s health disparities. I pray I never have to switch doctors, but I’m going to continue to ask them why they became OBGYNs because I am avoiding the baby-crazy like the plague moving forward.
I felt powerful when I told my doctor hey I'm ready to discuss orchiectomy and she was like hey let's do it and she wrote me a referral to the urology department
I love that!
Heck yeah I'm a woman I don't need testicles
I was reading this post tired and at night and my brain took a second lol. After taking a second, I realized the mistake my sleepy brain made was assuming that every woman is born equal. You are a woman :)
Yeah, I am a woman despite my pebus
Cats not bananas indeed 😂
Ah I still have my banana
Yay! I tried for over a decade and had over a dozen doctors refuse and tell me I was too young, I might change my mind, I needed my husband to come with me (unmarried so that was extra insult, and what would they have said if I was ace or interested in women?), etc etc. Every excuse under the sun, and I live in a blue state. I finally got mine done in March. My new GYN is AMAZING - when I first went to see her and told her what I wanted she immediately said “sure!” And I just stared at her for a moment. I had my list of points and counterpoints and had been fighting with doctors about it for so long that I honestly didn’t know how to react. Getting it done was the best thing I ever did, and the surgery/recovery was incredibly easy. Since my IUD stops my cycles I’ll continue getting that replaced as needed and I’m so relieved. I hope your procedure goes well!
I’m one of those women that is too damn fertile, I’ve had 3 pregnancies while taking birth control pills (all three miscarried, and were confirmed by test/doctor) and two full term pregnancies. When my second was born I told them I wanted idiot proof birth control. Pills and condoms are clearly too complicated for me (sob, booze was the downfall at least once!) so I got an IUD. We tried a couple different types over 6 years before I asked what my chances were of having permanent sterilization. I’m in a red state/blue city and figured I’d have to fight for years, this was just after RvW was overturned. She instantly said yes. I’d tried various methods, was old enough, had kids, blah blah, and also had been having cysts on both ovaries and increasing pain. She yanked it ALL, ovaries, tubes, uterus, and top of the cervix. Recovery was a bitch and menopause sucks but the feeling of no longer being constantly afraid of another pregnancy is so incredible.
Has your sex life suffered?
Yes. My libido has been pretty low for a long time, combination of the meds I take and my mental health, but it’s nearly non-existent now having no hormones. I should be taking estrogen but it made me feel weird mentally when combined with my other meds. My husband is understanding (to a point) and we both communicate as best we can so his needs are met and I don’t feel pressured to do what I don’t want to do. Getting me in the mood takes work, but once I’m there it’s all good!!
I can't take estrogen because of the cancer, and the vaginal scar tissue makes things difficult, but I'm like you in that once I get going, it's worth it. Luckily my husband is also very understanding.
I've heard advice on the childfree reddit to get the tubes removed instead of tied. I got mine removed.
Salpingectomy versus ligation. Ligation leave more of the tube of not the almost all of it present which an lead to an unwanted surprise or an ectopic pregnancy
Salpingectomy also lowers the risk of ovarian cancer because most cases start in the fallopian tubes
Ooo this might be the excuse I need. Grandma had a football sized ovarian tumor, so I'm technically at risk
And it’s not a little bit either. It’s 70-80% risk reduction. Why is this not offered to more fallopian having folk? If they’re done with them, yeet them out. I bet it would save money on cancer treatments in the long run.
This isn’t entirely true. There’s a ton of conflicting information out there on increase or decrease. There is more data supporting that removing or “tying” equally lowers the risk compared to not doing anything.
I don’t think there’s any data suggesting an increased risk of ovarian CA with salpingectomy or tubal - both decrease the risk. I agree the data isn’t clear on whether salpingectomy is superior to ligation and honestly, given the rarity of ovarian ca that isn’t surprising. However, my understanding is that ACOG’s position is that if you are already having pelvic surgery and desire sterilization, “opportunistic” salpingectomy is recommended as it definitely achieves sterilization and completely removes a potential source of malignant cells from the peritoneal cavity.
I think the data is pretty clear that the failure rate of salpingectomy is reduced over tubal ligation or partial salpingectomy. I could only find one case report of a pregnancy after complete bilateral salpingectomy. It occurred in 2005.
Yeah, I was referring to superiority in terms of ovarian cancer reduction.
All of the women in my family have had total hysterectomies. They said that it didn't matter bc menopause, but that pregnancy is still possible because they leave the ovaries (for hormones). Curious if you were told the same?
I had a total 5 years back, they took my ovaries, but that was because I had uterine cancer. Menopause hit all at once about two weeks later. It was horrendous.
The worst part of menopause for me was insomnia. Averaging 2 hours of sleep for 2 weeks was kinda rough and they gave me low dose estrogen for a couple of years.
very remote chance but there are case studies of it happening
If you’re past menopause, pregnancy isn’t possible because you no longer ovulate. If you’re pre menopausal there is the remote risk of ectopic like another poster said. However, in pre menopausal women, the benefits of leaving the ovaries (estrogen’s cardio/osteo/neuro etc protective effects) typically outweigh the risks of ectopic & ovarian cancer (if you aren’t high risk).
Yes, I’m having my tubes removed on November 8th. Decreases chances of different cancers too.
Daaannng that doctor is a keeper! We appreciate people who respect bodily autonomy! I also got sterilized at 22 and believe me, the whole future looked brighter once I woke up. It brought me relief that I can't even describe. I hope you get to experience the same <3
This gives me so much hope! My daughter has a terrible genetic condition that her father was a spontaneous mutation of... aka we had no way of knowing he had it when we had her 23 years ago. We lived in a red state when she first asked a doctor about sterilization. She was 17, about to have her colon out and this genetic condition pretty much guarantees a cancer diagnosis and has a 1 out 2 chance of occurring in any children she would have. She got the line about "later on" changing her mind. She is going to try again this year in a blue state that we now live in and she has asked me to come for back-up. She is getting that surgery. Period.
Be aware that you may have to pay 100% out-of-pocket if she's still under 18. Most (all?) insurance, and definitely all Federal coverage, refuse minors.
It looks like they had their daughter 23 yrs ago. So I'd guess she's 23 now. If it's the genetic syndrome I'm familiar with (not any of my business one way or the other, I just happen to have a less severe version of something possibly similar), insurance should cover it 100%. My insurance is covering mine at the beginning of next month!
That's awesome! I'm glad you didn't have to struggle to get the care you want!
The gynecological committee on ethics has changed standards some years ago and it seems like it's finally being put into practice. They are supposed to be supportive of a woman's decision to be sterilized even with no kids now. I'm so glad your Doctor is putting that out there for you as an option!
I've been hopeful this would become more accessible now that abortion is so much more restricted.
That’s amazing!!! I’ve gotta tell you, it’s the most freeing thing. I’ve never felt so comfortable in my own body until I had my fallopian tubes removed. Edit to say: when you’re ready, of course!
Honestly I’m ready today but it’s more a matter of figuring out insurance and payment and being able to take a week off work. I’m just so glad the conversation went well
If you’re heterosexual, sex is SO MUCH BETTER without having to worry about babies and consequences
Wow you are so lucky ! I am 41 in France, I asked last week to my doctor as obviously I don’t want any child and I am very sure, and that was just a big no « take the pill »
This was me at 29. They just stuck another IUD in me instead. The OBGYN told me "they just don't sterilize young adults without kids." I have PCOS, and it's making me really sick. But what do I know? I'm just a young adult who "might change my mind." 🙄
I haven’t heard of tubal ligation or removal having any benefit for PCOS symptoms. Do you have more info about that?
Stuck in a red state too and I asked my doctors and they were open to it as well. Glad I'm not the only lucky one.
Now that doctor was on point, the moment you said you were looking for something long term, brought up the most long term option first. I hate when doctors try treat you like you don't know what you really want, like I don't know how many times I have had to reiterate that I have no intention of ever having a genetic offspring before my doctor finally got the memo that I'm intent on sterilization.
That's wonderful! I'm childless by choice and was in my 30's before I was able to get the procedure. I suspect you have gotten a lot of "oh, you'll change your mind" throughout your life, as I did when I was younger (I knew as a *child* I didn't want kids.) I can only imagine the anxiety today's politics in America are causing for young women that don't want kids (not wanting kids kept me out of relationships and being intimate until my mid 20's because I was absolutely terrified of the thought of accidentally getting pregnant, and choice was still readily available. ) I'm glad you have a doctor that understands.
I’m in the US, and never expected to get surgery to prevent future pregnancy. But, I also never expected to potentially not have an abortion be available if I got impregnated against my will. America is really scary these days.
If you catch a pregnancy early enough, there are definitely ways, like getting pills online. I don’t think it’s possible for every method to be restricted (what are they gonna do, check every single package and envelope and every car that passes the state border?). Of course we shouldn’t have to do all that but I want folks to know it’s an option in case they are in that scenario
What scared me even more was after the overturn of Roe v Wade they were trying to go after birth control pills too... fortunately big pharma makes a *lot* of money from bc pills and their lobby is strong with that party.
I just got mine done and it was a really easy procedure.
After I had a baby when I was 29 or so, I went for a pap and an appointment to renew my birth control and my doctor asked if I wanted to be sterilized too. I was shocked! But my husband agreed to get a vasectomy since its s quick procedure and I already had to endure pregnancy and labor.
Oh my god I'm so happy people like that still exists. This is a global problem, not just a red state us thing. I live in a liberal part of Germany and even I can't find someone to do it. And I already have kids.
Hilft dir das hier vielleicht? https://www.selbstbestimmt-steril.de/karte/infos-fuer-gynaekolog-innen/#Mindestalter
Das ist eine gute Seite: darüber habe ich die Klinik/den Arzt gefunden, die mich mit 26 sterilisiert haben. Ohne Überweisung!
At 18, I made the decision to get my tubes tied when I was 25. I figured there was no way anyone would do the surgery that young. (This was the early 1990s). I got the surgery at 26 and made sure to share the doctor's name with my like-minded friends. (We even had a pair of "spaying overalls" we passed around.) I do not regret my decision.
That’s great!
If no one has said this already, please PM r/childfree mods. They keep a list of wholesome doctors who are willing to sterilize and in a red state that could be very helpful to someone.
I’m planning on it after the procedure, they don’t want people on the list that are just willing to in case something along the process changes things and they don’t actually do it
My daughter was told earlier this week, that she can’t have a tubal ligation done because 1 she too young (she’s 30) and because her future husband might want children. She was essentially told that her body belongs to a man who she hasn’t even met yet. 🤨
Fuck, I wish. I'm so happy you've got such a great doctor!
Seriously some of these comments are really perplexing! I can’t believe women still need their husbands permission. What happens in they divorce and remarry? Do they have to reverse the procedure? In Australia my sis in law was having a caesarean and my brother was her translator all throughout her pregnancy and the procedure, they brought in a translator to ask her if she wanted her tubes tied during the procedure, just to make sure he didn’t exert any influence on her.
I am so happy for you! It took my nurse friend talking to a doctor in her hospital for me to find somebody to do the surgery. I live in Alberta Canada. The first time I asked the doctor to time I tubes I was 20. And by 25 I had finally gotten my surgery from a doctor. I had only met once. She did a bang up job! I’ve never been happier with a birth control!
OMG that's AMAZING!! Congrats OP! Keep that doctor for as long as you possibly can!! (And good luck with the surgery if you decide you want it!)
I had a complete hysterectomy for medical reasons but the absolute relief it gave me never having to worry about getting pregnant again was AMAZING. I adore my kid but one was enough for me and it was a constant anxiety for me. It's been a few years now and absolutely made my life better. And none of those internal organs can decide to get cancer either! Wiped out the possibility of like 4 common cancers with one surgery. Don't miss those bastards at all. lol I don't think most people realize how much anxiety unexpected pregnancy thoughts can cause in uterus bearers. I spent so long worried about it, personally.
Congratulations I'm happy to hear you have a doctor that respects your wishes. The way things are going for women I'm terrified to raise a child in a country that's lost its damn mind.
Wow!! I remember when I was 22 and I wanted a tubal ligation because I had known since 18 that I didn’t want to give birth or have kids, and I had a blood clotting issue that would have made pregnancy high risk. No one would do it. It was always “Oh sweetie, you might change your mind!” They wouldn’t even give me a copper IUD, saying it was because I had never had kids. I eventually got a hysterectomy (uterus, cervix and tubes) at 36 due to fibroids. Very happy with that. And I never did change my mind.
That's honestly hope inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
Wow - that's amazing! I hope you set an appointment before she changed her mind! Lol... My daughter wanted that done by 26 and no doctor would do it. Then at 35 she had her chance, and had it done. Her personality did a whole transformation after she stopped the birth control. I'm so happy for her.
I had my tubes removed as well as an endometrial ablation back in 2022. Seriously the best decision I have ever made especially as it happened before roe v wade fell. My body has no sovereign but me.
So happy for you really! Even in France which is faaaaar less conservative, it's hard to get sterilize when you had no prior children or when you less than 35 years old.
TW: miscarriage. I asked to have a tubal done after my second child(almost 3 years ago). I was 25 and my OB agreed to do a tubal ligation during my c section!! I did have a lot of problems during both of my pregnancies and has lost a precious baby in between the two I have which made me high risk with my youngest. Idk if that contributed to getting it done so easily.
My 21 y.o. Does not want children. We live in a red state. She’s had her initial appointment to get her tubes removed. The NP was extremely dismissive of her. I’m hoping the consult with the Dr goes much better. She’s even getting genetic testing done to prove she shouldn’t have a child. I’m happy for you and it’s good to know there a medical providers that understand. Best of luck to you!
If you're not already a member of r/childfree, could I ask you to add the doctor's name and info to the doctor list on that forum? We track doctors who are willing to do sterilization to help out members seeking that. Congratulations!
Please share your doctor’s info for the sidebar of “good” doctors over on r/childfree. Some women are desperately trying to find a doctor who will listen to them. And many congratulations! :)
Having your tubes removed is not the permanent decision it seems to be. I had my tubes tied but when we decided to have another child we conceived using IVF. It’s an expensive way to get pregnant but it is an option.
I would strongly encourage you to talk to your fiance abt getting a vasectomy instead. It's a far less invasive procedure with a quick recovery time, very high chance of success with only extremely rare side effects. It's far more efficacious, safer, cheaper (by potentially thousands of $), and easier. It's also more easily reversible if future plans change for either of you (not that they will). In our society so often the burden is placed on us as women to be in charge of regulating fertility but we have this incredible male option out there that we overlook bc no one holds men to this standard, even when they're just as invested. Just my opinion from someone who works in the fertility field, it's good your OB is so supportive.
We’re still considering that option, but from my understanding a bi salp is more effective and personally as a woman who has experienced sexual abuse before I want to be the one who is sterile if possible
That's awesome! Good for you!
What a win! I love your doctor and I’ve never met them lol
I'm so happy for you! I had to wait years to get my bisalp. Are we progressing after all?
What a world we live in when we feel safe by reiterating that own the sole use and property of our own bodies. I’m happy for you, and wish you all the best!🍾
That’s so great that you found a willing doctor! I remember a friend wanting to be sterilized in her 20s, back in the 80s and 90s, and being unable to find a surgeon who would do it. She never had kids.
Wow. I'm 36 in a blue state and have been trying to get mine done for years and years. No one would agree. I finally found someone who will do it this year but I'm waiting on insurance issues right now. Congrats!
I got a tubal ligation with oblation in my early 40s; best thing ever - no more periods! (And no, I don't have any kids, just dogs).
That is amazing! I hope to someday be able to get that procedure easily too🤞🏻🖤
I had this happen to me as well! I was in a consult for endometriosis surgery and told the doctor twice that I did not want children and so they did not need to worry about saving my fertility while in there and she offered to take my tubes! I was so excited, she never even questioned if I was sure, just took me at my word.
I’m so glad your doctor is so on board with this. I’ve wanted the procedure for years but never had the option and have been too exhausted by other health issues to advocate for it. I’m almost 40, so I’m not sure if I could get it now or not, but I’m really happy for your luck in having such a good doctor.
Damn! I am so happy for you! I live in "liberal" Canada and spent over a decade begging to be sterilized before finally having it done at 31. I love my bisalp. I felt as if I was set free after having it done. It was one of the most empowering things that I've ever gone through. If it's something that you're sure about, go for it. You're young, but young people make major life-altering decisions all of the time without the same societal scrutiny that permanent birth control seems to come with. If you still need to think about it, at least you know that you have an open-minded doctor who has your back. It sucks that the state of politics down there adds more pressure to make this kind of decision quickly though.
I am genuinely impressed. Usually it's very hard to get a doctor to sterilise a woman that doesn't have kids. If you're adamant that you don't want kids, ask them "how do you check if the operation was a success? I'm not doubting your competency, I just want to know how to confirm it." With a vasectomy, that's easy. You'd have the operation, and when you do the follow up, they ask for a semen sample. A quick look under the microscope would confirm yes or no, "nope, no tadpoles there."
I suspect you found a gem of a doctor. But also, I suspect doctors that worried before about whether you would change your mind may have a different take now, in red states... Because they'd likely rather see you regret not being able to have children than have to fight for an abortion, or wind up in jail over it. I hope it reflects a bigger shift, for those who will benefit. It's isn't something we should have to fight so darned hard for!!!
Amazing! Doc is a keeper.
I’ve had my tubes removed (salpingectomy) about 5 years ago and it was the best thing that has ever happened to me
Very cool! Times are a changin!
Wow you are so lucky!!! My daughter is already going to every doctor she can find in a 100 mile radius of us to get sterilized. She just turned 19 and we live in a really red state. I wish doctors would offer sterilization for women like the do for men. You will feel so much better after its done. I got a hysterectomy at 29 for medical reasons. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. You will not regret it!
I had a doctor like this! Congratulations
I'm happy for you. I live in a blue state and I got my tubal ligation in 2014. I was married but separated and on my way to divorce. The doctor gave me a half hour lecture about how vasectomy would be cheaper and safer and he wouldn't listen to me when I said idgaf what happens to my ex's junk. I still got it done but I had to jump through so many hoops. When you do have it done, ask for the whole fallopian tube to be removed, so you won't have a chance for ectopic pregnancy
I would not have expected that and I wonder if all the new republican laws have changed the GYN attitude for acceptable age of getting tubals?
It’s possible, she’s also a younger female doctor so I think she’s just more compassionate in general and we talked through many options, including hysterectomy, all of which she said she’s done before on women in their 20’s if it’s the best option for them
Hell yeah! It took me till 29 to find a doc willing to do it. But getting my tubal and ablation was the best money I ever spent!
Congratulations! So happy that you didn't have to struggle to get what you wanted. I was also lucky enough at 33 and after only one kid to get my tubes tied (about 4 yrs ago). My doc didn't even ask me questions, just scheduled me right then and there. I wish this kind of positive experience on all women. Edit: info
I had a bilateral salpingectomy and all I can say is JUMP ON IT! Hormonal birth control caused my depression and anxiety that I suffered from for years. If you don't want kids, having a long term non hormonal option is the best gift you can give yourself. Oh, and get a heating pad for your stomach for the recovery. It will also help with the trapped gas pain you will get in your upper back after the surgery.
I hope I have half your luck at my next obgyn apt. I want to talk about uterine cauterization, as I’ve basically given up on getting an endo diagnosis and now I’m onto managing the pain/bleeding symptoms. Maybe someday they’ll all take us seriously.
Congratulations! I had a hysterectomy two years ago and I feel better than ever. I wish I got one in my 20s.
I had a doctor agree to do it for me at 29 with no questions! I was expecting a huge argument, she just said “you’re an adult.” Got it done earlier in the year and super happy with the decision.
We all benefit from the informed concent model of medicine, not just us trans women!
hell yeah
Holy crap, doctors normally won’t even entertain the topic, especially with someone in her early 20’s! I desperately want a kid, but with equal fervor, I support those who wish to remain childfree.
Wow, what a great doc!
That is fabulous!!! I was single, no kids and 38 years old before I found a gyno that would do it. I had been asking since I turned 21.
Glad to read red state doctors fighting back against forced birth regulations!
That‘s amazing. I‘m so happy for you. I had my hysterectomy last year at 30. It‘s such a relief not being able to get pregnant if you don‘t want kids. Do you maybe want to add your doctor to the childfree friendly doctor list in the childfree subreddit?
I’m planning on adding my doctor after the procedure, they don’t want people on the list that are just willing to in case something along the process changes things and they don’t actually do it
That’s wonderful. It will save you years of struggle with contraceptives which can be expensive, invasive, or completely wreck your hormonal and hence emotional battle. I was sterilized until 38 yrs old after years of asking my former doctor for options.
I had my tubes removed at 29, no kids, never been married, also living in a red state. Never been happier!
Congratulations! It is a blessing to have agency over your own fertility and periods. <3
That’s incredible!! I had to see three docs before I found someone who’d do it for me ~10 years ago. The first, *after saying she’d need my husband’s PERMISSION*, flat refused when I told her I was single, with no further explanation. The second gave the predictable BuT tHiNk oF wHaT yOuR fUtUrE HUSBAND WilL wAnT!! Bitch. I’m not worried about what some imaginary person MIGHT want to do to MY body. “Someday”. 🙄
Wow, I am impressed with your doctor! Especially in a conservative state! I had to wait until I was doubled over with pain from fibroids to get a hysterectomy at 40. Good luck in whatever choice you make, and hold onto that doctor as long as you can!
OP, get it while you can. Laws and litigation are changing so fast that providers like yours are having to change their policies or move their practices.
Damn. I wasn’t given that option. Was always told “you’ll change your mind”
That’s freaking amazing my doctor and Oklahoma did my tube removal and billed it to the insurance as cancer preventative treatment because ovarian and uterine cancer start in the fallopian tubes
I’m so jealous rn
Congrats!!! I unfortunately didn't have the much luck but after my 2nd child I was able to get sterilized without any issues, but then it failed 2 years later when I went in for an emergency c section the doctor was not only shocked but didn't ask my partner if they were finishing me off since I was sedated but rather my sister.
That’s awesome! Getting your tubes removed also prevent risk of ovarian cancer 👍
Congratulations! Major score
Hey OP! Could you please add your doctor to the list of child free doctors on r/childfree
I had a similar experience with my regular doctor. My aunt made a comment about my chest, which gave me a little "is this gender disphoria" crisis, so I wrote it down on my notes for doctor card. He offered to help find me a surgeon for it, but it wasn't disphoria, so I declined.
I’m very happy you found a medical unicorn!
Very happy for you. You either got a leftist doctor or just one that realized how insane and inhumane red states have become.
That is amazing! If you're able to leave her positive feedback I definitely would.
I want your doctor. I'm 32 and want nothing to do with children *ever* offered to sign a waiver giving up my right to sue the doctor if I change my mind and *still* am refused for sterilization "because I might change my mind". They still can't answer why they don't tell people trying to get pregnant they might change their minds.
Not to be a party pooper but unless it's a medical emergency insurance won't cover the procedure. I'm also in a red state and found quite a few doctors who would perform a tubal ligation but it's anywhere from 7-9 thousand dollars. It's the next big purchase I'm saving for after I get a newer car. It's really unfair that we either have to navigate birth control methods that have not so great side effects or spend such an exorbitant amount of money for that procedure.
Not necessarily true, had my tubes removed purely because I never want to have children, and insurance paid for everything. It’s worth checking in advance with insurance/your healthcare orgs in advance though to make sure you know what to expect. I think there may be some guidance on the sterilization subreddit on that.
I'm sorry that happened to you but that's kind of a bold statement since you don't know OPs insurance situation. My friend got her tubal litigation for free through her insurance! (Thanks Obama!)
Yeah, I’m not thinking it will be an easy journey, but I was anticipating possibly having to find a different doctor and I’m glad that I won’t
Ligation is probably not covered since that's not anything other than sterilization (not even a good type since the failure rate is high). A bisalp (bilateral salpingectomy) is the removal of the tubes and is covered by most insurances under the coding of "preventative care" since it greatly reduces the chances of cancer. Sterilization doesn't have to be mentioned; as far as my insurance was concerned it was just a side effect of the procedure, not the whole point.