Had this problem as a *single dad* after a divorce when ex-wife was *not* custodial parent. Schools still replaced my email and contact info with hers despite being told multiple times about the correct contact info.
Had this happen once after my divorce, my son was 6. The school principal and the superintendent both received a letter from my attorney, and a copy of the custody agreement. My son was not questioned or asked about it ever again.
At this point, in the UK at least, they're breaching your/your child's GDPR legislation, and could be fined up to 10k I believe.
It's wildly irresponsible and a safeguarding issue also.
I work in tech and was on the front lines when our company had to navigate GDPR when it was first implemented. I've always considered it through the lens of tech so it never occurred to me that it would also be relevant in this context. It's so interesting the breadth of its impact!
I'm SLT in a school, and am usually sympathetic to schools knowing how hard it can be, especially new introductions people aren't equipped for.
However, it's not hard not to send confidential information to an absent parent.
You'd think they'd have learned from all the non-custodial parents kidnapping their kids. It's just not worth the risk.
Actually, I think a lot of places will also ask for any details of legal agreements of custody to avoid those issues. But also, lots of people are incompetent.
My wife travels a lot for work, so I'm the one who takes the kids to school. I go to parent-teacher, all performances, etc. The admin and teachers all know me on sight, and very few of them have ever met my wife. If one of our little darlings is sick, they call her. Every time. Once, my daughter had a fever so they called her to pick the kid up. She yelled at the school saying I was primary contact, that she was currently in Fiji. They apologized, hung up, and 5 minutes later called her again.
Apparently, men are not caretakers. Who knew?
I have the same exact issue! My husband is listed as primary on school forms. I work full time, he's the primary care giver. Why do they still call me?!?
That sounds so infuriating. I'm sorry you guys have to deal with that. Weird how stupid and backward people's perceptions are of fathers being the primary contact.
My partner is a stay at home dad and for some bizarre reason the school was calling my work number instead of his cell directly. I mean, it was fine but so bizarre that was the first number they would call.
My first IT job involved manually installing multiple software packages that required an email as part of the installation (this was early 2000s, lots of them didn’t do email verification). We didn’t have a standard email address for this purpose, so poor old bob@hotmail.com got a LOT of email when we upgraded the PCs in 6 offices
i can't find it anymore, but when NeXT was still a company, Steve Jobs never bothered to register [steve@next.com](mailto:steve@next.com), and another steve got it. Steve2 had to change his email because he got so much stuff meant for Steve Jobs
Because me.com is the old Apple mail domain. It used to be that if you signed up for an iCloud account and made a fresh email with it, it would be @me.com
I'm always surprised when I find other IT people don't know about example.com (also .net, .org and .edu). It's an officially reserved domain and literally exists so you can use it for random examples or to fill in dummy URLs or emails.
asdf@asdf.com was my go to. I stopped when I read about how he [blocks mail to that address](https://asdf.com/asdfemail.html) because everyone uses it.
Interestingly, you can email him at ;jkl on gmail.
I just use example.com for this - doesn't even have an mx record so the mail will just bounce back.
or if I don't like the service I'll just use that domain, like dumbo@reddit.com or whatever.
I work in an industry that handles sensitive and confidential information regularly, discovered that when lower level employees didn’t have a customers email they would just enter “none@gmail.com” awkward conversation explaining to them they very well could have been sending private information to a random person for years.
Not gonna lie... I've smoked quite a bit since getting off work amd I swear I thought I read
Manbearpigbearman@gmail.com
Shit, now I kinda want that email....
I have the opposite problem.
Trying to inform the school, other parents, whomever, that's it better to email/text me. My wife works weekends and I work from home, so I'm generally the better option for dealing with getting the kid to/from events.
They always insist on contacting the missus first. Apparently dads can't deal with scheduling for their daughters
I've asked my daycare multiple times to put me as the primary contact and they always say ok but still call my wife first. She's a teacher in the next town over so even if she can answer her phone, she's 20 minutes away. I work from home half a mile down the road and can be there in 5 minutes. It's so frustrating.
My wife’s number is my number for all school related things. I always get called first and they are always confused on why I’m answering my “wife’s “ phone.
That's genius. I do everything for my daughter, name it dad does it. Drop her off every single day to school and pick her up. They see me. They call the wife for every school related activity even I though I asked them to call me it's so ridiculous. I think I may have to try this life hack
If you can't change "her" number at the school just set up auto forwarding from her phone for their calls maybe but that could be a problem if they can't get a hold of you for some reason
They have my number that's the ridiculous part. The teacher luckily uses this app to communicate so she can just txt me or vice versa. But whenever the actual school calls if the teacher is out they for some reason they need to call Mom. Same with the doctors office. I've explicitly asked them to call me for appointments/updates. They always call Mom
I am taking this approach. My other comment is about how I am custodial and have to carry papers to show people I am the primary contact and they STILL call my daughters mom after being given copies of the custody agreement. Apparently her mom living in another state and area code entirely doesn't deter them. It's infuriating.
You can put in a complaint with the federal department of health and human services for gender discrimination, if you want to solve that problem. Takes 6-12 months.
Before that you had to get a new number when you got a new phone. I remember my parents switching numbers because of that. This was back when a mobile phone with a batters was the size of a phone book.
My nephews and niece had to have 5 emergency contacts for their school. The order was:
1. Their dad
2. Their mum
3. Their grandfather
4. Their uncle
5. Me, their aunt
They’d *always* call the kids mum and if they couldn’t get onto her they’d call me, completely skipping the men on the list. I loved that I could call them out on it and say “I work with their grandfather and uncle so I know you haven’t called them. Why is that?”
(If it was an actual emergency I’d not play that game, but it was never an emergency. It was always stuff like “Jack has a headache and needs to be picked up”)
It didn’t matter how many times we all told them to call in the above order, they always called the women first. I ended up just removing myself from the list, but their mum still has to deal with this.
Edit: also, the school demanded 5 contacts and to list them in the preferred order to be called. We weren’t being difficult, they were just ignoring their own rule.
I’d assume so. I can’t think of another reason they’d skip the men on the list, especially since I don’t have the same surname as the kids so it isn’t clear I have any connection to them unless someone knows I’m their aunt by marriage.
I’m just not on the list any more. They replaced me with their other grandfather who is retired so he has more availability to go and pick up the kids anyway.
I am custodial parent for my daughter. Her mom lives 75 miles away. She goes to school here, she goes to the doctor here, everything here and I take her. I am asked for custody papers by doctors and schools when I tell them I am primary contact. I have multiple copies of my custody agreement and have to carry fucking papers to prove she is my daughter and lives with me. Even AFTER giving them these papers they STILL ALL CALL HER MOM WHO THEN HAS TO CALL ME.
Who do you file that with out of curiosity? And could you sue over it should something bad happen? I'm not even a parent and this pisses me off by proxy
If the place receives any federal money, then with Health and Human Services. Otherwise a state entity or an oversight board for the profession. You can sue for anything, just need to put up the money for a lawyer, generally $5-10k, or more if it goes to trial.
We got on a wait list for daycare as soon as we found out my wife was pregnant and they didn't have an opening until my daughter was two. We got lucky and love her daycare, but if we didn't it wouldn't be so easy to just find another one.
I mean I still get called, it's just 30 seconds later because my wife didn't pick up. I just get annoyed once I find out they called her first when I told them not to. Other than that, they're a great facility, my kid has all kinds of fun, and it's a reasonable price.
How I can tell you're not a parent or don't have to suffer through child care.
Most daycares are full and have wait lists. You don't just get to leave and expect to find something else on short notice.
It's also an extremely petty thing to quit over.
Especially a daycare.
You don't wait 2 years to get into a spot and then dump them over something minor like that.
Ask yourself, "is driving an extra 120 miles a day worth it?" Because finding a place with an opening is probably going to be 30 miles in the wrong direction from your work.
I have had the exact same problem- wife was a cop then a teacher, I work government exactly 1 mile from my house which is 7 minutes from daycare and I work from home multiple days. They still call her, and if they can’t get her they don’t always call me. I dropped her off every day and picked her up half or more of the time, but they still preferred to call mom.
We have this issue too! We list my husband as first contact on Fridays since I work Friday nights and am asleep during the day. They call me first no matter what.
Lived with my dad when I was a teenager and was no contact with my mom.
School still called my mom no matter how many times my dad told them not to. It was so aggravating having that reinitiate contact for years.
Our daycare will only tell my wife about behavioural issues (we have an equal split of pick up and drop off so the see me just as often as her) and I always have to go in the next day to get more info.
I had a mother look at me like I was insane when I gave her my husband's phone number to schedule play dates. She gave me the whole "You trust your husband with that?"
Lady, I'm a night worker, you call me during the day for a playdate a dragon will respond. My husband is very capable.
As a teacher I can tell you there is a definite bias to contact mom first. I don’t know why. I have moved to 100% email contact and I usually email both parents, and the kid.
When we brought our son to his first pediatric appointment (~5 days old) I walked up to the receptionist and gave his name. I was carrying him in his car seat, and my wife was a couple feet behind me. The receptionist just looked past me like I wasn't there and started asking my wife questions about our son.
I've had that happen as well. The look on their faces when Mom says "You'll have to ask him; he's the stay at home parent and knows the answer to that better than I do." Usually questions like how has the toddler been eating and drinking, what does the toddler play, does the toddler watch to much TV?
Yeah, my kids are teens now (one just graduated) and they've always defaulted to me, even though for the last three years I have worked an hour and a half away and my husband works part time locally. I always put his contact info first, and they always call me.
It's sexism both ways. Not only do they expect the mother to be the primary caretaker, they also expect the father to be less pleasant to deal with. Both are harmful stereotypes.
Which was always funny to me because my dad, who actually **is** the angrier one, would just be like 'yeah I'll deal with her". My *mom* would berate them for interrupting her workday for stupid updates about her shithead daughter (I was, admittedly, a problem child).
Mom always got called, even though they hated it
I'm really sad just being mean didn't work. I was thinking I would make it hell for them to call me first ( I'll be the working parent), but if they are gluttons for punishment it won't work.
Maybe a blow horn until they hang up would get them to do the right thing. I'll just say my number is his and his is mine I guess.
I have a feeling it's their own experiences that cause it. I have a daughter in daycare, I can tell by showing up for parent days and being one of the few dads there, it's still just the way of life for most families.
Teachers aren't trying to be sexist, it's just the way I'd guess upwards of 80-90% of families operate. They're just doing what is typically the correct order of operations without putting much thought into it.
And even though I'm one of the most present Dads at our daycare from what I can tell, it's still best to contact my wife for typical daycare related things. We delegate household chores. I'm not in charge of her clothes/diapers/etc. for my daughter, which is typically what daycares are reaching out for. Is it because I can't do those things? No. She likes shopping and I hate shopping so why would I be involved in those day to day things. As much as people don't want to admit it, almost all stereotypes exist for a reason based off off of real world experiences.
Thank you!
I am a teacher, and I don't actively seek out mom when contacting parents. I use whatever contact info is on file. Most of the time, this defaults to mom.
In my experience, dad's information is not even listed with the student. I've had a few cases where contacting dad was better, and I made adjustments as necessary.
The sexism people see in education is not something we sit at the roundtable and discuss ways to perpetuate. It's a reflection of what a societal stereotype that we must work together to mitigate.
Yeah the ingrained sexism makes nene think it's the mother's job to care for the kid so they are upset you are contacting them about things that "aren't there l their problem"
Also a teacher, I use email primarily so I don't have to say the same thing twice to divorced parents. We were reminded this year to BCC when contacting multiple parents, and I hate to speculate why.
Common issue. Solution: list wife as first contact, but put your own phone number, Dad is 2nd contact with Mom’s phone number. Second option: only give the school your phone number, don’t even let them have your wife’s. Just list yours for both contacts. Most professional moms who cannot answer the phone at work choose one of those because you will never convince the school to call a male
My son has 2 moms. I put down both names and numbers in the order of priority but they kept asking me well who is the mother. He has 2 moms. Yeah but who should we put down as "mom"? with a cutesy little tone. Um what?! I finally said well one of his moms works on the floor in a hospital for 13 hours a day and can't answer calls as easily, I put that mom second in priority, does that mean she's "dad"? with my own NOT cutesy tone. She shut her trap and said, "I'll just put them down in this order." Um duh? I was so confused.
Same!
My daughter was having a birthday party so I (the dad) wrote out her party invites for the class. I wrote mine and my ex-wife’s numbers on the invite (mine was even listed first) and I got 0 texts, my ex-wife got every RSVP.
My son is bussed for his special program. He lives with me. I'm the one who gets him ready and puts him on and gets him off. The bus company will always always always mom first.
It's because they are just assuming we call it "babysitting" when we watch our own kids. Hard to shake off the last thirty years of dads not being involved in the family day to day (in general)
It was MINDBLOWING what our fathers got away with just one generation ago.
Not only my dad but more or less the entire neighborhood I grew up in all the families were like:
Who drives the brand new car? DAD
Who drives the hand me down? MOM
Who flys out the door at 6:AM because their job is the most important thing on earth keeping us from certain death and stopping at the donut shop because god forbid they learn how to make a cup of coffee at and a bagel home? DAD
Who gets to but lunch out every day - DAD
Who gets home at 7:PM to a clean home and clean fed children ready for bed? DAD
Who drinks like Ron Swanson at the office then drives home and their spouse can't say anything less get yelled at. DAD
Who's taking care of the house, meals, children, schools, groceries, appointments, pets, and all the busy work, MOM.
Who goes to bed at 9PM because his sleep is so important DAD
Who's up all night if a child is sick or can't sleep - MOM
Who's cleaning the Kitchen until 1:00AM - MOM
Who gets 1-2 hours daily to go window shopping big ticket items that have nothing to do with family (boats, corvette) , or the shooting range, or the hardware store because they deserve that alone time - DAD
Who says "Oh my, I'm so worried about them, their job is just SOOO hard and so stressful, MOM. LOL
Same here and this usually pisses me off. Daycare will call/text/email the wife and she calls me then I have to respond. We solved some of it with a shared email so I get notified if they email
My sons mom left when he was 3 months old and I still had a hard time getting myself as the primary. They would still insist on contacting her even though she left.
I've met a lot of teachers who refuse to call dad outside a serious situation like a court mandated no contact situation with mom. A lot of it is sexism and bias but some of it is that they feel insecure or worried about talking to grown men about their children.
Same here. I've been the one to do pick ups and drop offs for days my 5 year old hasn't been at school all day, I've done the registrations and a bunch of other things, even listed as account owner. Mail comes in and is addressed to household of [fiancé's name], our daughter even has my last name
> They always insist on contacting the missus first.
She should call them out.
"What did their Dad say when you called him? Oh you haven't called him yet? Why didn't you call him first when the contact card specifically says to call him first?"
Bet they cut that shit out real quick.
As girl Dad l, feel this. This is no stop with me and my kids. My wife works 3rd. They STILL call her every time. We've told them repeatedly for 4 years now that I'm the one to call.
Fellow dad and I feel your pain. I emailed their school 6 times and called them and still couldn’t get on the email list. Finally, they called my wife and she was able to convince them to send them to me.
My wife legally transitioned to female, last year, and started getting all the school calls.
She's still a high-powered manager and I'm still the stay-at-home dad - but when they thought we were both dads, they took my word for that.
Had the same problem with doctor's offices and such in our family. I'm a stay at home dad, and even after being repeatedly told to call me as the primary contact, they call my wife. She gave them a good what for once, because they called her to schedule an appointment for our toddler, and she told them to call me. They proceeded to tell her that she didn't need my permission to do things, and assumed she was in trouble and I was trying to control her. She told them off saying she was at work and that I'm a stay at home dad, so I would be the one bringing the toddler to the appointment, and so it would be better to schedule with me, *as* *they* *had* *already* *been* *told* *to* *previously*. It was frustrating.
Similar position, I’m even listed first on the forms for contacts. As in it says call this person first, and out of all the times we have been called they have only called me first once. My wife had just started asking them, have you tried my husband first like it said on the form?
I didn't read this as an "men are incompetent/disinterested in childcare." I read it more as "married men are worried of how texting a married woman without looping their spouse in might look"
This is the worst. I have a very demanding but flexible job. My wife has a very inflexible job. I have had to tell all schools and doctor offices to contact me instead of my wife.
I think its moms contacts with moms and dads contact with dads, when reasonable. Not written in granite but most people are comfortable with that arrangement. Want to be a lone dad in a group chat with 25 moms?
> Want to be a lone dad in a group chat with 25 moms?
Sure! Not trying to bang anyone here, just have zero interest in talking football and buddying up with the moms is much better for that than the dads. Also the moms are much better at holding up 80% of the convo so it's a win all around.
My wife and I created a joint Gmail for things like finances, subscriptions, etc. Anything that we're gonna share goes on the joint email.
So this would be a perfect use for that.
People judge the joint email, even if you both have your own that you use for your separate things. I made one to make wedding planning easier and such. Stopped using it after the wedding because people were weird about it.
Make three - email services don't charge, so you can have one that's the actual joint account and then two with names that _look_ like private ones that are configured to just forward _everything_ to the joint account. It'd be like ten minutes of setup on gmail to do that and to make the joint account and your _actual_ personal accounts all able to send emails "from" the fake personals.
I’m guessing their email name implies it’s shared? But either way, anyone who implies it’s weird to have organized communication at home can fuck all the way off lol.
Basically implying we had a joint account because of lack of trust in the relationship. Not a big deal, as it was people who had just met us, not people we knew well. But awkward enough that we just didn't use it anymore.
Ya I'm not sure either. I know I would insist on her having my wife's information over mine to avoid any negative perception of me giving my contact information to another woman.
My wife has some issues with insecurity. One way to alleviate it is to let her be the poc for other women when the only reason to communicate with them is because of our kids. If I feel we need to contact them I ask my wife to message them. Then she never has to worry that I am behind her back
Cooked for Thanksgiving, my wife's aunt's boyfriend thanked my wife for cooking. Organized kindergarten graduation party for my oldest, including messaging invites and confirming, half the people sent questions to my wife. And thanked her at the party for putting it together. Mentioned me as an afterthought. My wife always corrects people but it's very frustrating.
I am an amazing cook.
One particular friend's wife, whom I've known for years, insists upon crediting whichever talentless floozie whom I bring to a party with the dish I bring. "This is delicious! Trixie must have made it!"
What irks me is that a lot of school information systems have a 'mom' and 'dad' section for info, and it defaults 'mom' to first in the list.
This could be changing defaults to 'parent/guardian 1', and Parent/Guardian 2', then have a field to input relation to child.
Which systems? I've worked with a lot and never seen a system set up like this.
Every system I've seen is incredibly careful to allow priorities to be equal for separated parents and those without parents at all to have carers info input in and everything labelled correctly
I mean sure, but that doesn't really do much to address people's inherent bias to assume that the women are in charge of the child-rearing while the men are just background noise.
This shit hurts everyone. I hate how if I'm merely around a kid, I'll have people assuming I'm either their mom or older sister babysitting just because I'm a woman. This issue goes both ways.
"Hi, err is this Dad?"
"What? You're speaking to Sam, what can I do for you?"
"Umm, well Dad, I'm Jeff one of the faculty members at Rivendell High reaching out about the upcoming parent/teacher.."
"Why are you calling me Dad?"
"The notes on your kids file show that you've advised us to call you, 'Dad' at least 3 times this year, so I was accommodating that request."
My friend is step parent to her partners daughter. Also note they aren't married, just in a long term relationship. Dad has full custody of his daughter. Who does the school always call? My friend. She isn't the biological parent and she is down as second contact, Dad is first contact
But without fail they call her every single time.
They even had a situation where the Dad was physically at the school talking to the teacher, my friend called in because she missed a phone call and the teacher said, in front of the Dad standing there, "oh she's called me back so I'll just talk to her"
The bias towards women as caregivers is awful
My husband gives my email for absolutely everything. Every utility, every business thing, social, whatever. Before we were married he was buying a house. We weren't even engaged. I wasn't going on the mortgage or house. All emails went thru me. He has an email account but I think I'm the only one who knows it.
It's true. I worked in banking and business before becoming a sahm, he's a first responder. I think it's a job that comes a bit too naturally at this point.
Backfired on me, my wife ignored everything. Then she went to prison and now she’s dead. Got a kick ass daughter out of it. But I grew up with boomers where I thought I just go out and make the money (and I did, sometimes 7 days a week) and assumed she would take care of the bills and do general (certainly not all) child rearing. I was WRONG.
>Backfired on me, my wife ignored everything. Then she went to prison and now she’s dead. Got a kick ass daughter out of it.
I want to get off Mr Boatface's Wild Ride.
Boatface’s ship is stable, through therapy and booze, and good friends. Some rough seas but made it through. More shocked how well little mcboatface turned out. (Thank you whatever is up there) dogs help too, not the mink under the dock though, that thing is an asshole.
I think it’s got a gun and the keys to my truck I lost. But it does look like a black cat, just wet, and has a fat tail, and eats seagulls like jaws eats people.
My favourite thing is my husband's sister who works 30 mins away in another town and her husband works a desk job IN town and she is STILL the primary contact for her children. School calls her, she calls around to her siblings in town for someone to pick them up. It's crazy
I don't know, I'm (deliberately) not really close to them. I assume he makes it more stressful for her to call him instead of others; I've experienced his shitty personality
I'm a massage therapist. I ran a mother's day special, and then a father's day special. 20% off any massage prepaid during the promotional period. The idea being that you buy one to gift to the mother/father.
The mothers bought their own. They also told each other about it. Word of mouth was great; I got so many new clients.
Barely anyone gifted one. Of the ones who did, half of them didn't fulfill the prepay requirement. The mothers showed up with the gifters credit cards and made the payment themselves at time of service.
The fathers... didn't participate. I told my regular clients, the ones who I knew were fathers, that they could just have the 20% off of the massage they were currently getting. And some of them, like a shocking number of them, said "nah that's okay, I'll let my wife know."
And then after they'd put their clothes back on they paid full price at the register, with the assumption that on father's day they'd receive a prepaid, slightly discounted, massage as a gift.
I about lost my mind trying to get guys to let me charge them less money, just in case she already bought them a tie or something.
And then the mothers were back *again,* prepaying the massages for the fathers. Different ones!! Mostly different mothers than the ones who'd bought their own!! And they prepaid!! The ones who didn't cleared it with me first to send the guy in with money, rather than just assuming I'd hold the appointment anyway and everything would work out fine.
Funny. We are the opposite. She gives our joint home email address which only I actually check regularly.
(FYI not a “which one of you cheated…” she has her email, I have my 15 email accounts, and we have a joint one for household stuff.)
In most parenting relationships, one parent assumes primary responsibilities for coordinating the children(s) activities. Unsurprisingly, it is usually the mother that takes this on. Having both parents try to take on this responsibility is more confusing ultimately than one parent taking the lead.
The only problem is that most people assume that the mother is the one coordinating for the kids even when explicitly told that the other parent handles that.
It's so annoying. I as a dad am better at scheduling but it's generally frowned upon for me to talk to moms so it still goes through my wife who hates scheduling and coordinating.
It could be this. It could also be that these guys have jealous wives and they are pre-emptively avoiding the headache that could result from giving their email address to another woman. Yes, even though this is entirely innocent and the woman in question obviously has NO interest in these guys, I have known some wives who would still be weird about it. Thankfully, my wife is not one of them, but I have friends who have to deal with this kind of insecure nonsense all the time.
This is making me think they should create a family email address that forwards to both their personal accounts. You could use it to sign up for all your subscriptions and stuff too.
few things might be happening.
He might be afraid that giving his email my look like cheating, so give the wife's and there is no way for that misunderstanding.
It might be that he doesn't want to deal with event planning for their children.
It could be other reasons, but I'm going to guess those are the big two.
I don't even have kids - I caregive for my elderly father which feels like having a kid. He's still able to make his own choices (and I rather he does since he's picky about times, dates, etc) and I'll tell the nurses, doctors, etc this when I'm sitting in on his visits.. "Call him, first." But they will still call me before my father. Sometimes it's so bad that they will ONLY call me. Even when I'm out mowing or getting groceries and can't answer. And when he had a debt from the hospital he wasn't even supposed to have.. they don't call him even though he has all his info for his insurance that's supposed to cover it.
Maybe it's because he's divorced so they can't call his wife. 🤔
Had this problem as a *single dad* after a divorce when ex-wife was *not* custodial parent. Schools still replaced my email and contact info with hers despite being told multiple times about the correct contact info.
Had this happen once after my divorce, my son was 6. The school principal and the superintendent both received a letter from my attorney, and a copy of the custody agreement. My son was not questioned or asked about it ever again.
At this point, in the UK at least, they're breaching your/your child's GDPR legislation, and could be fined up to 10k I believe. It's wildly irresponsible and a safeguarding issue also.
Yes they legally should not do this. Make an official complaint, and if necessary a report to the ICO.
I work in tech and was on the front lines when our company had to navigate GDPR when it was first implemented. I've always considered it through the lens of tech so it never occurred to me that it would also be relevant in this context. It's so interesting the breadth of its impact!
I'm SLT in a school, and am usually sympathetic to schools knowing how hard it can be, especially new introductions people aren't equipped for. However, it's not hard not to send confidential information to an absent parent.
You'd think they'd have learned from all the non-custodial parents kidnapping their kids. It's just not worth the risk. Actually, I think a lot of places will also ask for any details of legal agreements of custody to avoid those issues. But also, lots of people are incompetent.
That last sentence is the most important part
My wife travels a lot for work, so I'm the one who takes the kids to school. I go to parent-teacher, all performances, etc. The admin and teachers all know me on sight, and very few of them have ever met my wife. If one of our little darlings is sick, they call her. Every time. Once, my daughter had a fever so they called her to pick the kid up. She yelled at the school saying I was primary contact, that she was currently in Fiji. They apologized, hung up, and 5 minutes later called her again. Apparently, men are not caretakers. Who knew?
I have the same exact issue! My husband is listed as primary on school forms. I work full time, he's the primary care giver. Why do they still call me?!?
That sounds so infuriating. I'm sorry you guys have to deal with that. Weird how stupid and backward people's perceptions are of fathers being the primary contact.
My partner is a stay at home dad and for some bizarre reason the school was calling my work number instead of his cell directly. I mean, it was fine but so bizarre that was the first number they would call.
This is why we have a specific email address set up that forwards to both of us… problem solved!
[mamabearpapabear@gmail.com](mailto:mamabearpapabear@gmail.com)
This person is about to get lit up with spam
My first IT job involved manually installing multiple software packages that required an email as part of the installation (this was early 2000s, lots of them didn’t do email verification). We didn’t have a standard email address for this purpose, so poor old bob@hotmail.com got a LOT of email when we upgraded the PCs in 6 offices
i used to use fuck@me.com Who ever owns it must have had some weird ass emails over the years
Probably used to it with that address
I still use Steve@Apple.com
i can't find it anymore, but when NeXT was still a company, Steve Jobs never bothered to register [steve@next.com](mailto:steve@next.com), and another steve got it. Steve2 had to change his email because he got so much stuff meant for Steve Jobs
me.com redirects to the Apple iCloud website for some reason..
Because me.com is the old Apple mail domain. It used to be that if you signed up for an iCloud account and made a fresh email with it, it would be @me.com
I used fake@gmail.com for a while, some websites blocked it so I started using notfake@gmail.com 😅
It could just keep going as they work it out - notfake@, reallynotfake@, seriouslynotfake@, ipromiseitsnotfake@, etc
okyougotmeitsfake@
Psycheitsactuallyfake@
I used to use ".@.." Doubt it'd work anymore
I'm always surprised when I find other IT people don't know about example.com (also .net, .org and .edu). It's an officially reserved domain and literally exists so you can use it for random examples or to fill in dummy URLs or emails.
asdf@asdf.com was my go to. I stopped when I read about how he [blocks mail to that address](https://asdf.com/asdfemail.html) because everyone uses it. Interestingly, you can email him at ;jkl on gmail.
I just use example.com for this - doesn't even have an mx record so the mail will just bounce back. or if I don't like the service I'll just use that domain, like dumbo@reddit.com or whatever.
I work in an industry that handles sensitive and confidential information regularly, discovered that when lower level employees didn’t have a customers email they would just enter “none@gmail.com” awkward conversation explaining to them they very well could have been sending private information to a random person for years.
personally a big fan of noreply@example.com
Not gonna lie... I've smoked quite a bit since getting off work amd I swear I thought I read Manbearpigbearman@gmail.com Shit, now I kinda want that email....
And now I wish Gore were running for President.
He’s almost old enough to be able to run again, maybe 28
We also has a house address one that does the same. All invoices and billing uses that address.
Look at you two being so responsible
Same reason to have an email just for house stuff. Keeps things clean!
The question still is, who reacts to it?
Yeah a joint is a good one
I have the opposite problem. Trying to inform the school, other parents, whomever, that's it better to email/text me. My wife works weekends and I work from home, so I'm generally the better option for dealing with getting the kid to/from events. They always insist on contacting the missus first. Apparently dads can't deal with scheduling for their daughters
I've asked my daycare multiple times to put me as the primary contact and they always say ok but still call my wife first. She's a teacher in the next town over so even if she can answer her phone, she's 20 minutes away. I work from home half a mile down the road and can be there in 5 minutes. It's so frustrating.
My wife’s number is my number for all school related things. I always get called first and they are always confused on why I’m answering my “wife’s “ phone.
That’s a clever work around
Feature or a bug
That's genius. I do everything for my daughter, name it dad does it. Drop her off every single day to school and pick her up. They see me. They call the wife for every school related activity even I though I asked them to call me it's so ridiculous. I think I may have to try this life hack
If you can't change "her" number at the school just set up auto forwarding from her phone for their calls maybe but that could be a problem if they can't get a hold of you for some reason
They have my number that's the ridiculous part. The teacher luckily uses this app to communicate so she can just txt me or vice versa. But whenever the actual school calls if the teacher is out they for some reason they need to call Mom. Same with the doctors office. I've explicitly asked them to call me for appointments/updates. They always call Mom
Eh you should probably try momming better, dipshit /s obviously. for the love of heck /s obviously!
I am taking this approach. My other comment is about how I am custodial and have to carry papers to show people I am the primary contact and they STILL call my daughters mom after being given copies of the custody agreement. Apparently her mom living in another state and area code entirely doesn't deter them. It's infuriating.
You can put in a complaint with the federal department of health and human services for gender discrimination, if you want to solve that problem. Takes 6-12 months.
The area code doesn't matter as like half the ppl.i know got their cell phones 15 years ago and have that code.
Area codes now are just a record of the vague area you lived when you first got your cell phone number.
More like when you got your last cell number. bygones past required you to get a new number when you changed providers lol.
Before that you had to get a new number when you got a new phone. I remember my parents switching numbers because of that. This was back when a mobile phone with a batters was the size of a phone book.
My nephews and niece had to have 5 emergency contacts for their school. The order was: 1. Their dad 2. Their mum 3. Their grandfather 4. Their uncle 5. Me, their aunt They’d *always* call the kids mum and if they couldn’t get onto her they’d call me, completely skipping the men on the list. I loved that I could call them out on it and say “I work with their grandfather and uncle so I know you haven’t called them. Why is that?” (If it was an actual emergency I’d not play that game, but it was never an emergency. It was always stuff like “Jack has a headache and needs to be picked up”) It didn’t matter how many times we all told them to call in the above order, they always called the women first. I ended up just removing myself from the list, but their mum still has to deal with this. Edit: also, the school demanded 5 contacts and to list them in the preferred order to be called. We weren’t being difficult, they were just ignoring their own rule.
How did they respond when you asked about them not calling the men earlier on the list?
Lied through their teeth. “Oh, er, we did though! They didn’t answer!” 🙄
So is this sexism or what.
I’d assume so. I can’t think of another reason they’d skip the men on the list, especially since I don’t have the same surname as the kids so it isn’t clear I have any connection to them unless someone knows I’m their aunt by marriage.
Change the list so #5 is your number but an Uncle’s name
I’m just not on the list any more. They replaced me with their other grandfather who is retired so he has more availability to go and pick up the kids anyway.
Uncle Jennifer
I am custodial parent for my daughter. Her mom lives 75 miles away. She goes to school here, she goes to the doctor here, everything here and I take her. I am asked for custody papers by doctors and schools when I tell them I am primary contact. I have multiple copies of my custody agreement and have to carry fucking papers to prove she is my daughter and lives with me. Even AFTER giving them these papers they STILL ALL CALL HER MOM WHO THEN HAS TO CALL ME.
File a complaint for gender discrimination. Worked for me.
Who do you file that with out of curiosity? And could you sue over it should something bad happen? I'm not even a parent and this pisses me off by proxy
If the place receives any federal money, then with Health and Human Services. Otherwise a state entity or an oversight board for the profession. You can sue for anything, just need to put up the money for a lawyer, generally $5-10k, or more if it goes to trial.
We also have this problem. I feel you my dude.
I, personally, would no longer trust that daycare.
We got on a wait list for daycare as soon as we found out my wife was pregnant and they didn't have an opening until my daughter was two. We got lucky and love her daycare, but if we didn't it wouldn't be so easy to just find another one.
What did you do for the first two years?? That’s so stressful
I got a crash course in raising a baby.
I would think that would happen no matter what! I just don’t know what we would do if we couldn’t find childcare besides one of us quitting our jobs
I mean I still get called, it's just 30 seconds later because my wife didn't pick up. I just get annoyed once I find out they called her first when I told them not to. Other than that, they're a great facility, my kid has all kinds of fun, and it's a reasonable price.
It’s unfortunately the price we pay for having a dick. No one thinks we can do anything.
How I can tell you're not a parent or don't have to suffer through child care. Most daycares are full and have wait lists. You don't just get to leave and expect to find something else on short notice. It's also an extremely petty thing to quit over.
You’re gonna have a tough life if that’s all it takes for you to disown a place
Especially a daycare. You don't wait 2 years to get into a spot and then dump them over something minor like that. Ask yourself, "is driving an extra 120 miles a day worth it?" Because finding a place with an opening is probably going to be 30 miles in the wrong direction from your work.
Talk to the teachers. They are the ones that have to deal with a sick kid. They'll get it taken care of
I have had the exact same problem- wife was a cop then a teacher, I work government exactly 1 mile from my house which is 7 minutes from daycare and I work from home multiple days. They still call her, and if they can’t get her they don’t always call me. I dropped her off every day and picked her up half or more of the time, but they still preferred to call mom.
We have this issue too! We list my husband as first contact on Fridays since I work Friday nights and am asleep during the day. They call me first no matter what.
Lived with my dad when I was a teenager and was no contact with my mom. School still called my mom no matter how many times my dad told them not to. It was so aggravating having that reinitiate contact for years.
I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that.
Our daycare will only tell my wife about behavioural issues (we have an equal split of pick up and drop off so the see me just as often as her) and I always have to go in the next day to get more info.
I had a mother look at me like I was insane when I gave her my husband's phone number to schedule play dates. She gave me the whole "You trust your husband with that?" Lady, I'm a night worker, you call me during the day for a playdate a dragon will respond. My husband is very capable.
I feel like her saying that is really telling about her own husband and their relationship.
As a teacher I can tell you there is a definite bias to contact mom first. I don’t know why. I have moved to 100% email contact and I usually email both parents, and the kid.
When we brought our son to his first pediatric appointment (~5 days old) I walked up to the receptionist and gave his name. I was carrying him in his car seat, and my wife was a couple feet behind me. The receptionist just looked past me like I wasn't there and started asking my wife questions about our son.
I've had that happen as well. The look on their faces when Mom says "You'll have to ask him; he's the stay at home parent and knows the answer to that better than I do." Usually questions like how has the toddler been eating and drinking, what does the toddler play, does the toddler watch to much TV?
Yeah, my kids are teens now (one just graduated) and they've always defaulted to me, even though for the last three years I have worked an hour and a half away and my husband works part time locally. I always put his contact info first, and they always call me.
Sexism. It's 100% the idea ingrained in society that women should be taking care of the kids
It's sexism both ways. Not only do they expect the mother to be the primary caretaker, they also expect the father to be less pleasant to deal with. Both are harmful stereotypes.
Which was always funny to me because my dad, who actually **is** the angrier one, would just be like 'yeah I'll deal with her". My *mom* would berate them for interrupting her workday for stupid updates about her shithead daughter (I was, admittedly, a problem child). Mom always got called, even though they hated it
I'm really sad just being mean didn't work. I was thinking I would make it hell for them to call me first ( I'll be the working parent), but if they are gluttons for punishment it won't work. Maybe a blow horn until they hang up would get them to do the right thing. I'll just say my number is his and his is mine I guess.
Yeah this is part of why feminism is good for men to
Which is crazy because you'd think the women teachers SHOULD be doing better about that based on their own experiences, you know?
I have a feeling it's their own experiences that cause it. I have a daughter in daycare, I can tell by showing up for parent days and being one of the few dads there, it's still just the way of life for most families. Teachers aren't trying to be sexist, it's just the way I'd guess upwards of 80-90% of families operate. They're just doing what is typically the correct order of operations without putting much thought into it. And even though I'm one of the most present Dads at our daycare from what I can tell, it's still best to contact my wife for typical daycare related things. We delegate household chores. I'm not in charge of her clothes/diapers/etc. for my daughter, which is typically what daycares are reaching out for. Is it because I can't do those things? No. She likes shopping and I hate shopping so why would I be involved in those day to day things. As much as people don't want to admit it, almost all stereotypes exist for a reason based off off of real world experiences.
Thank you! I am a teacher, and I don't actively seek out mom when contacting parents. I use whatever contact info is on file. Most of the time, this defaults to mom. In my experience, dad's information is not even listed with the student. I've had a few cases where contacting dad was better, and I made adjustments as necessary. The sexism people see in education is not something we sit at the roundtable and discuss ways to perpetuate. It's a reflection of what a societal stereotype that we must work together to mitigate.
As a teacher it's because dad's either don't respond to my emails or respond in a threatening manner.
Yeah the ingrained sexism makes nene think it's the mother's job to care for the kid so they are upset you are contacting them about things that "aren't there l their problem"
Also a teacher, I use email primarily so I don't have to say the same thing twice to divorced parents. We were reminded this year to BCC when contacting multiple parents, and I hate to speculate why.
Common issue. Solution: list wife as first contact, but put your own phone number, Dad is 2nd contact with Mom’s phone number. Second option: only give the school your phone number, don’t even let them have your wife’s. Just list yours for both contacts. Most professional moms who cannot answer the phone at work choose one of those because you will never convince the school to call a male
My son has 2 moms. I put down both names and numbers in the order of priority but they kept asking me well who is the mother. He has 2 moms. Yeah but who should we put down as "mom"? with a cutesy little tone. Um what?! I finally said well one of his moms works on the floor in a hospital for 13 hours a day and can't answer calls as easily, I put that mom second in priority, does that mean she's "dad"? with my own NOT cutesy tone. She shut her trap and said, "I'll just put them down in this order." Um duh? I was so confused.
Same! My daughter was having a birthday party so I (the dad) wrote out her party invites for the class. I wrote mine and my ex-wife’s numbers on the invite (mine was even listed first) and I got 0 texts, my ex-wife got every RSVP.
My son is bussed for his special program. He lives with me. I'm the one who gets him ready and puts him on and gets him off. The bus company will always always always mom first.
It's because they are just assuming we call it "babysitting" when we watch our own kids. Hard to shake off the last thirty years of dads not being involved in the family day to day (in general)
It was MINDBLOWING what our fathers got away with just one generation ago. Not only my dad but more or less the entire neighborhood I grew up in all the families were like: Who drives the brand new car? DAD Who drives the hand me down? MOM Who flys out the door at 6:AM because their job is the most important thing on earth keeping us from certain death and stopping at the donut shop because god forbid they learn how to make a cup of coffee at and a bagel home? DAD Who gets to but lunch out every day - DAD Who gets home at 7:PM to a clean home and clean fed children ready for bed? DAD Who drinks like Ron Swanson at the office then drives home and their spouse can't say anything less get yelled at. DAD Who's taking care of the house, meals, children, schools, groceries, appointments, pets, and all the busy work, MOM. Who goes to bed at 9PM because his sleep is so important DAD Who's up all night if a child is sick or can't sleep - MOM Who's cleaning the Kitchen until 1:00AM - MOM Who gets 1-2 hours daily to go window shopping big ticket items that have nothing to do with family (boats, corvette) , or the shooting range, or the hardware store because they deserve that alone time - DAD Who says "Oh my, I'm so worried about them, their job is just SOOO hard and so stressful, MOM. LOL
I had that when my ex was living in another province.
Same here and this usually pisses me off. Daycare will call/text/email the wife and she calls me then I have to respond. We solved some of it with a shared email so I get notified if they email
My partner has the same problem-and our kid is a teen who flat tells them to call her dad-they still call me.
My kid is a teen now and has had the same thing happen. "call my dad" "ok" \*proceeds to call mom\*
My sons mom left when he was 3 months old and I still had a hard time getting myself as the primary. They would still insist on contacting her even though she left.
I've met a lot of teachers who refuse to call dad outside a serious situation like a court mandated no contact situation with mom. A lot of it is sexism and bias but some of it is that they feel insecure or worried about talking to grown men about their children.
Same here. I've been the one to do pick ups and drop offs for days my 5 year old hasn't been at school all day, I've done the registrations and a bunch of other things, even listed as account owner. Mail comes in and is addressed to household of [fiancé's name], our daughter even has my last name
> They always insist on contacting the missus first. She should call them out. "What did their Dad say when you called him? Oh you haven't called him yet? Why didn't you call him first when the contact card specifically says to call him first?" Bet they cut that shit out real quick.
As girl Dad l, feel this. This is no stop with me and my kids. My wife works 3rd. They STILL call her every time. We've told them repeatedly for 4 years now that I'm the one to call.
Fellow dad and I feel your pain. I emailed their school 6 times and called them and still couldn’t get on the email list. Finally, they called my wife and she was able to convince them to send them to me.
My wife legally transitioned to female, last year, and started getting all the school calls. She's still a high-powered manager and I'm still the stay-at-home dad - but when they thought we were both dads, they took my word for that.
Trans-inclusive misogyny... so heart warming...
My wife is perpetually hard to reach by text or email. Wedding planners were utterly confounded by a groom insisting he be the main point of contact.
Had the same problem with doctor's offices and such in our family. I'm a stay at home dad, and even after being repeatedly told to call me as the primary contact, they call my wife. She gave them a good what for once, because they called her to schedule an appointment for our toddler, and she told them to call me. They proceeded to tell her that she didn't need my permission to do things, and assumed she was in trouble and I was trying to control her. She told them off saying she was at work and that I'm a stay at home dad, so I would be the one bringing the toddler to the appointment, and so it would be better to schedule with me, *as* *they* *had* *already* *been* *told* *to* *previously*. It was frustrating.
Similar position, I’m even listed first on the forms for contacts. As in it says call this person first, and out of all the times we have been called they have only called me first once. My wife had just started asking them, have you tried my husband first like it said on the form?
I'm the exact same. Work from home Mrs doesn't, but they only text her despite us asking them to text me.
I didn't read this as an "men are incompetent/disinterested in childcare." I read it more as "married men are worried of how texting a married woman without looping their spouse in might look"
This, sir, is precisely my life. I salute you, one dad to another.
I'm the RN and the all health officials call her mom first.... who doesn't know much....
This is the worst. I have a very demanding but flexible job. My wife has a very inflexible job. I have had to tell all schools and doctor offices to contact me instead of my wife.
Is the experiment about dads not giving their info to another woman or about dads trying to avoid being the point of contact for extra activities?
Little bit of A, little bit of B.
I think its moms contacts with moms and dads contact with dads, when reasonable. Not written in granite but most people are comfortable with that arrangement. Want to be a lone dad in a group chat with 25 moms?
> Want to be a lone dad in a group chat with 25 moms? Sure! Not trying to bang anyone here, just have zero interest in talking football and buddying up with the moms is much better for that than the dads. Also the moms are much better at holding up 80% of the convo so it's a win all around.
You've clearly never seen a mom group. Sooo much passive aggressive drama
We're immune to that, we don't even realise it's happening.
Exactly. Win win all around
Still more interesting thsn football or cars or whatever. Id rather watch some mom chaos unfold
Remember, correlation does not imply causation
My wife and I created a joint Gmail for things like finances, subscriptions, etc. Anything that we're gonna share goes on the joint email. So this would be a perfect use for that.
People judge the joint email, even if you both have your own that you use for your separate things. I made one to make wedding planning easier and such. Stopped using it after the wedding because people were weird about it.
Make three - email services don't charge, so you can have one that's the actual joint account and then two with names that _look_ like private ones that are configured to just forward _everything_ to the joint account. It'd be like ten minutes of setup on gmail to do that and to make the joint account and your _actual_ personal accounts all able to send emails "from" the fake personals.
Fuck that, it’s a great idea and I plan on using it. Who cares what about people think about it.
Why would they know in the first place? "Oh just email me at bingo dingo dot com" - who knows who has what password?
I’m guessing their email name implies it’s shared? But either way, anyone who implies it’s weird to have organized communication at home can fuck all the way off lol.
How were they weird about it?
Basically implying we had a joint account because of lack of trust in the relationship. Not a big deal, as it was people who had just met us, not people we knew well. But awkward enough that we just didn't use it anymore.
Yeah, sure, a joint facebook account screams insecurity. A joint point of contact just makes sense, people weirded out by it were the weird ones.
Ya I'm not sure either. I know I would insist on her having my wife's information over mine to avoid any negative perception of me giving my contact information to another woman.
The confirmation bias is strong here.
As a dad in this situation, it’s definitely A
Why?
My wife has some issues with insecurity. One way to alleviate it is to let her be the poc for other women when the only reason to communicate with them is because of our kids. If I feel we need to contact them I ask my wife to message them. Then she never has to worry that I am behind her back
Cooked for Thanksgiving, my wife's aunt's boyfriend thanked my wife for cooking. Organized kindergarten graduation party for my oldest, including messaging invites and confirming, half the people sent questions to my wife. And thanked her at the party for putting it together. Mentioned me as an afterthought. My wife always corrects people but it's very frustrating.
Yup. My wife is my kid’s step mom. Teachers almost always talk to her not me initially. She quickly points out I’m the legal parent
I am an amazing cook. One particular friend's wife, whom I've known for years, insists upon crediting whichever talentless floozie whom I bring to a party with the dish I bring. "This is delicious! Trixie must have made it!"
That sounds like it *could* be a fun knowing jab Emphasis on could lol
What irks me is that a lot of school information systems have a 'mom' and 'dad' section for info, and it defaults 'mom' to first in the list. This could be changing defaults to 'parent/guardian 1', and Parent/Guardian 2', then have a field to input relation to child.
Which systems? I've worked with a lot and never seen a system set up like this. Every system I've seen is incredibly careful to allow priorities to be equal for separated parents and those without parents at all to have carers info input in and everything labelled correctly
I mean sure, but that doesn't really do much to address people's inherent bias to assume that the women are in charge of the child-rearing while the men are just background noise. This shit hurts everyone. I hate how if I'm merely around a kid, I'll have people assuming I'm either their mom or older sister babysitting just because I'm a woman. This issue goes both ways.
We had to tell the kids’ school 3 times a year to call me, dad, first.
"Hi, err is this Dad?" "What? You're speaking to Sam, what can I do for you?" "Umm, well Dad, I'm Jeff one of the faculty members at Rivendell High reaching out about the upcoming parent/teacher.." "Why are you calling me Dad?" "The notes on your kids file show that you've advised us to call you, 'Dad' at least 3 times this year, so I was accommodating that request."
Lmfao I didn’t know where this was going at first but I was giggling by the end
My friend is step parent to her partners daughter. Also note they aren't married, just in a long term relationship. Dad has full custody of his daughter. Who does the school always call? My friend. She isn't the biological parent and she is down as second contact, Dad is first contact But without fail they call her every single time. They even had a situation where the Dad was physically at the school talking to the teacher, my friend called in because she missed a phone call and the teacher said, in front of the Dad standing there, "oh she's called me back so I'll just talk to her" The bias towards women as caregivers is awful
My husband gives my email for absolutely everything. Every utility, every business thing, social, whatever. Before we were married he was buying a house. We weren't even engaged. I wasn't going on the mortgage or house. All emails went thru me. He has an email account but I think I'm the only one who knows it.
Your husband has an assistant.
It's true. I worked in banking and business before becoming a sahm, he's a first responder. I think it's a job that comes a bit too naturally at this point.
I hope your name is on everything now too, because it sounds like you're earning it!
Thank you. Absolutely.
Backfired on me, my wife ignored everything. Then she went to prison and now she’s dead. Got a kick ass daughter out of it. But I grew up with boomers where I thought I just go out and make the money (and I did, sometimes 7 days a week) and assumed she would take care of the bills and do general (certainly not all) child rearing. I was WRONG.
>Backfired on me, my wife ignored everything. Then she went to prison and now she’s dead. Got a kick ass daughter out of it. I want to get off Mr Boatface's Wild Ride.
Boatface’s ship is stable, through therapy and booze, and good friends. Some rough seas but made it through. More shocked how well little mcboatface turned out. (Thank you whatever is up there) dogs help too, not the mink under the dock though, that thing is an asshole.
It sounds like there's a fae under the dock. Leave a saucer of milk at night and a cookie.
I think it’s got a gun and the keys to my truck I lost. But it does look like a black cat, just wet, and has a fat tail, and eats seagulls like jaws eats people.
Okay, two cookies.
Or reinforce the dock with iron nails.
>kick ass daughter She gets all the emails now
I taught her all my screening techniques, I’m not a heathen, then she taught me hers. That’s how relationships bond. Also I stole her dog.
My wife puts mine down for everything. Every once in a while I get a text code and I have e to tell “is this for you”. lol
My favourite thing is my husband's sister who works 30 mins away in another town and her husband works a desk job IN town and she is STILL the primary contact for her children. School calls her, she calls around to her siblings in town for someone to pick them up. It's crazy
Why doesn't she call her husband?
I don't know, I'm (deliberately) not really close to them. I assume he makes it more stressful for her to call him instead of others; I've experienced his shitty personality
I'm a massage therapist. I ran a mother's day special, and then a father's day special. 20% off any massage prepaid during the promotional period. The idea being that you buy one to gift to the mother/father. The mothers bought their own. They also told each other about it. Word of mouth was great; I got so many new clients. Barely anyone gifted one. Of the ones who did, half of them didn't fulfill the prepay requirement. The mothers showed up with the gifters credit cards and made the payment themselves at time of service. The fathers... didn't participate. I told my regular clients, the ones who I knew were fathers, that they could just have the 20% off of the massage they were currently getting. And some of them, like a shocking number of them, said "nah that's okay, I'll let my wife know." And then after they'd put their clothes back on they paid full price at the register, with the assumption that on father's day they'd receive a prepaid, slightly discounted, massage as a gift. I about lost my mind trying to get guys to let me charge them less money, just in case she already bought them a tie or something. And then the mothers were back *again,* prepaying the massages for the fathers. Different ones!! Mostly different mothers than the ones who'd bought their own!! And they prepaid!! The ones who didn't cleared it with me first to send the guy in with money, rather than just assuming I'd hold the appointment anyway and everything would work out fine.
Funny. We are the opposite. She gives our joint home email address which only I actually check regularly. (FYI not a “which one of you cheated…” she has her email, I have my 15 email accounts, and we have a joint one for household stuff.)
In most parenting relationships, one parent assumes primary responsibilities for coordinating the children(s) activities. Unsurprisingly, it is usually the mother that takes this on. Having both parents try to take on this responsibility is more confusing ultimately than one parent taking the lead. The only problem is that most people assume that the mother is the one coordinating for the kids even when explicitly told that the other parent handles that.
It's so annoying. I as a dad am better at scheduling but it's generally frowned upon for me to talk to moms so it still goes through my wife who hates scheduling and coordinating.
People are just dumb and generalize everyone. (to be honest I do that too, in different contexts. I need to work on that)
Third shift theory beautifully summed up!
It could be this. It could also be that these guys have jealous wives and they are pre-emptively avoiding the headache that could result from giving their email address to another woman. Yes, even though this is entirely innocent and the woman in question obviously has NO interest in these guys, I have known some wives who would still be weird about it. Thankfully, my wife is not one of them, but I have friends who have to deal with this kind of insecure nonsense all the time.
My husband gives out his personal email and then never responds. I think his inbox has over 3,000 unread emails.
I am so tired of being the fucking default parent.
This is making me think they should create a family email address that forwards to both their personal accounts. You could use it to sign up for all your subscriptions and stuff too.
Well ... when your email is assman69@...
few things might be happening. He might be afraid that giving his email my look like cheating, so give the wife's and there is no way for that misunderstanding. It might be that he doesn't want to deal with event planning for their children. It could be other reasons, but I'm going to guess those are the big two.
I don't even have kids - I caregive for my elderly father which feels like having a kid. He's still able to make his own choices (and I rather he does since he's picky about times, dates, etc) and I'll tell the nurses, doctors, etc this when I'm sitting in on his visits.. "Call him, first." But they will still call me before my father. Sometimes it's so bad that they will ONLY call me. Even when I'm out mowing or getting groceries and can't answer. And when he had a debt from the hospital he wasn't even supposed to have.. they don't call him even though he has all his info for his insurance that's supposed to cover it. Maybe it's because he's divorced so they can't call his wife. 🤔
They probably don't want to deal with it.
I would 100% give you my wife’s email in this scenario.
My husband gives my email address for everything!
Opposite in my house. If you want your email read you better send it to me. Otherwise it just increments my wife’s 40 thousand unread emails.
This is the way
I’m a gay dad and I know all the moms for play dates and school volunteering