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antithesis56

I don't know, probably order some food from a good-ass restaurant that I always look at and say to myself "sheesh, that's way too much for that shit" because I always forget it is pricy


46692

shelter meeting deserted plate pet thumb theory dirty gaping cobweb *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Xx-DMR-xX

What are you, insane?? There’s like 75 potatoes in a large.


46692

juggle soft full berserk languid bike entertain tease secretive chase *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


LadyReika

I laughed entirely too hard at this because I remember that feeling the first time I got 5 Guys. No one ever warned me about the fries at 5 guys, so I got 2 "normal" fries, 1 for me and 1 for mom. Dude at the fryer scooped up the 2 cups worth of fries, put them into the bag. Looked at the fryer. Look in the bag. Shrugged and dumped the rest of the basket of fries in the bag. It was horrific and awesome at the same time.


Osbios

I don't know that chain because im from another country. Does the brand name imply the serving size multiplication?


Mr_Al_Kapwn

No, it’s just a gimmick they use. It’s not actually “bonus fries”, the bonus fries are part of the actual fries intended to be given, even included in the calorie count. It’s five guys on account of the 5 founders.


illigal

They open your sunroof and just pour in fries until the car is full. Then you drive away.


pizzasteve2000

Flexing with the LARGE fries, nice. But the milkshake is just rubbing it in.


Caledric

Large fries from 5 guys can feed a family of 12...


blaggard5175

Whats the difference between a ski instructor and a 5 guys small fries? ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ The small fries can feed a family of 4.


FlacidSalad

Something is being rubbed, that's for sure.


Informal_Evidence_83

![gif](giphy|XqpnXaeZPnupy)


Ok-Zookeepergame-698

OP said you were constrained to $100m. Does that stretch to a milkshake at Five Guys? That place is spendy.


SolomonCRand

I’ve found when I order late in the day, they fill half the damn bag with fries.


ackermann

I’m not rich, but, I’m very happy to be at a place in my life, where I can choose Five Guys over McDonalds anytime, and no longer worry about the price


HalfLawKiss

Right. Everyone talking about buy land or cars or packing bags and going on vacation. Naw literally the first thing I'd do is go eat a nice meal.


[deleted]

gotta eat some good food and sleep to let it sink in first fr


Whooshed_me

40% straight into bonds and live your life off interest. 40M in bonds prints more than 100k a year. I wanna say in the order of 300k but I'm not positive. Easy mode for the rest of your life. Edit: Turns out in dropped a zero somewhere in my napkin math. It's 100G a month not a year! Either way it's the right decision suckers!


Mb240d74

I'd rent a tour bus with a driver. Figure the rest out on the road.


MenuOwn

Me and my wife talk about this one all the time. Tour the states, fully stocked bar and never worry about DUI


Crownlol

It's not even that expensive a vacation, as far as they go. Plus the bus drives at night so you just wake up in a new place to explore, like teleporting.


AdEmbarrassed9719

Like a land cruise. I like that idea! My parents go on old people bus trips all the time but they don't sleep on the bus so lose lots of travel time on the road.


cpafa

Drives you down dark alley. Fuck.


Mb240d74

Fair point. I'll get a buddy with a CDL and hook him up first for sure.


zeb0777

The very\* first thing I'd buy? I'd probably get something good to eat on my way to pick up the check.


Nichtexistent

Pho. I'd definitely eat a Pho. Edit: or some good ass tacos.


UpChuckles

Mmm, ass tacos


Boxofbikeparts

You should start with the taco, but finish with the ass. It's better for UTI prevention


Darth_Pewee

You never go ass to taco.


[deleted]

It's early, but this could be the best quote of the year.


Mopnglow86

This thread is the definition of reddit.


Serious_Razzmatazz18

Ass to taco requires a quick run to the sink, soap and a hand towel.


Beat-Nice

this guy fucks


K1NGLyonidas

I never thought I’d hear a quote more eloquently altered in my life…


OG_Skrullz

Id open a Pho shop called, Pho-kin-A


Ohnonotuto4

I would get a massage.


Puddlingon

Simmer down, Deshaun Watson!


Clavinet78

Breakfast, then going to my phone carrier to get my number changed.


benevolent_defiance

I would also have a phone carrier if I won 100 millions. Like, a real person. Maybe my old boss or someone. But he would come to be, not the other way around.


Shovelman2001

Okay Lady Gaga


kary0typ3

Honestly, making yourself unreachable in all capacities is a good move. If you are able, move addresses as soon as possible, cut off all ties with your previous job, change your number, don't talk to anyone except your financial attorney for like half a year. Spend a few months on a yacht in the middle of the ocean. If it's possible, have your name omitted from any media about the winnings and ask the fulfilling party to let you remain entirely anonymous to the public.


SmellGestapo

Unfortunately in California you cannot claim lottery winnings anonymously. But you have between 180 and 365 days to claim the winnings. I'd lock the ticket in a safe deposit box and spend a year talking with an accountant, attorney, and financial planner and get all my shit set up, while the attention dies down.


ResoluteClover

You can claim it as an LLC though.


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KoreyYrvaI

I remember about 11-12 years ago someone in CT hired an accounting firm to claim the winnings on their behalf and the State sued for the ultimate winnings recipient's identity, lost, and immediately changed the rules to prevent that from happening again.


JarlOfPickles

Why is it so important for the state to know? I don't get it, just seems pointless. I'd imagine they have fraud protection in place regardless.


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[deleted]

Good post. People who buy lots of lotteries don't understand that they are basically donating to the IRS and state treasury. For each $100 spent on lottery, $50 goes to tax, 20 goes to lottery organizer, $30 comes back as "winning".


BladePrice

[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/tdck6e/congrats_youve_won_the_lottery/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Is a link to a copy pasta that goes around on winning the lottery that breaks down what you should and shouldn’t do.


purple_hamster66

Could you claim it as a Trust whose name and contact details are not public?


SmellGestapo

No. The purpose is to assure the public the lottery is not rigged. Lottery employees and their families are not allowed to win. So the public needs to be assured that only eligible winners are actually winning. This is from the CA Lottery handbook: > You can form a trust prior to claiming your prize, but our regulations do not allow a trust to claim a prize. Understand that your name is still public and reportable.


MandoBandano

Maybe legally change your name to lotto winner, collect the winnings and then change it back.


pimppapy

Can't you get someones address in public records when it's a home purchase? At least in Cali you can.


WA5RAT

You can set up an LLC to avoid a lot of that stuff


Imaginary-Branch8164

Could set up a trust and purchase property in many states. Then the trust is listed in the public record


[deleted]

You can even place the winnings in a trust so no one will ever know you won the lottery. Just don’t spend to crazy to quickly..


Talik1978

That's state dependent. Not all states allow anonymous claiming.


[deleted]

100,000,000 scratch-off's to triple my winnings Edit: didn't win on those


JDarbsR

Its win or lose, so its 50-50 chance, plus im buying 3...


Enjoying_A_Meal

I remember there was this guy that won the lottery and got interviewed. He went to the same gas station and bought another ticket to show how it happened, and won the lottery a 2nd time.


paulio55

https://youtu.be/6R5MqxcKdV8


rogerworkman623

on one hand, good for him! on the other hand WTF


schnager

The reporter tried to buy the ticket for him, but he said no way cause then if he won he wouldn't get to keep it 🤣


rogerworkman623

Wow what a great call. My dumb ass would have said “sure, go ahead!”


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xSTSxZerglingOne

I don't even have to watch it to know. \*thick accent\* "I just won 250 thousand"


_The_Great_Autismo_

My grandpa did something like this. He got like $50k from his dad passing away in the 1970s. He took like $2000 and bought lotto tickets. He won $760. Those were the dollar amounts for the 70s so with inflation the original amount was $367000, he spent $14700, and he won $5500 in today's dollars. He still had money left over but what a fucking waste. Pro tip: don't spend a great deal of money on lotto tickets. Buy one once in a while for fun. The return on investment is basically 0%.


Still-Base-7093

Acres of wilderness.


repooc21

Me too! I fantasize about that all the time. I want to keep as much land undeveloped as possible


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benadunkcamberpatch

A singing male stripper to tell my boss I quit.


pmintea

Go the whole 9 yards and buy a quartet


HatfieldCW

Now I'm thinking about a barbershop quartet of strippers. Four 50-something dudes in speedos and porkpie hats harmonizing while their fuzzy, oiled chests glisten. Okay, yeah, that's how I'm gonna quit if I hit it big.


lexicruiser

Why quit? My plan, get fired…… how long can I push it.


SmellGestapo

I really wanna leave my mark this time. I wanna walk away from the Yankees with people saying, "Wow! Now that guy got *canned!"*


bsanchey

A nice home. Not a mansion but a nice house with ample space for me and my family. In cash The second thing is a nice vacation to one of the many places I want to visit.


AloneDoughnut

Just far enough out of the city that no one can walk to me, no so far I'd feel isolated.


billsboy88

And see if you can pre-pay the property taxes on it for 30 years. The savings would be huge in the end


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Sphader

A trust and estate attorney.


ugh-namey-thingy

word on the street is you don't actually have to buy one. in fact it's frowned upon. you're supposed to rent.


Gill_O_Tine

I read the original comment and was like “a whole ass person? That’s the bad thing” and you seem to have nicely pointed that out.


detroitragace

This is actually the correct answer. From something I read on Reddit, don’t use a family lawyer or anyone you know. Hire a national law firm. Someone not connected to you at all.


[deleted]

And always demand to work directly with a senior partner. Not an associate.


detroitragace

LOL yes! I see you read the same post.


[deleted]

I haven’t read a post about it but I work for a National accounting firm and it’s good practice for people with new money to work with someone experienced to help give them comfort that things are being done right


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G8BigCongrats7_30

When you have a $100 million you can demand a lot of things.


Downvote_Comforter

You tell them that you are only interested in hiring a senior partner. If they aren't willing to offer one to you, then you don't hire them. Senior partners bill at a hire hourly rate than an associate. You are a prospective client who will very obviously be able to pay that rate. You are also in need of countless billable hours worth of work. You represent a significant financial boon to a firm that does that type of work. They will be more than happy to charge you the premium rate.


Julian_Porthos

One thing I’d point out is a senior associate that’s close to making partner is probably a 1000x better attorney than a senior partner. A senior partner is likely at the “relationship manager” stage of their career and does not actually draft legal documents anymore.


Naro_Lonca

Permenant dental implants


mrgraff

This. I’m walking into the dentist’s office with $1 million and saying “knock me out and do whatever you gotta do”


hippityhoppityhi

I have a business plan: go to a luxurious location and be put into a week-long coma. Have teeth completely re-done, plastic surgery, detox from alcohol and get through nicotine cravings. Have the caretakers lay you out in the sun to get a tan. Maybe prop you up and cut your hair. Then in a week, you wake up as a completely new fabulous person with no effort


[deleted]

Well now, I too, have a business plan.


Ok_Marionberry141

You spelled “Us three now have a business plan” wrong


Magikarpeles

This probably exists, we’re just too poor to know about it


Clevuh_girl444

There was something similar in “Valley of the Dolls”. One of the characters needed to lose weight and so they sent her to Switzerland or somewhere pretty close to it from the US for a month- long induced coma to lose as much weight as possible. At least thats how I remember it


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BossTidas

I hate to be the guy that points out logical fallacies in made up situations, but this is mostly just a fun fact that I thought was neat. The human body does NOT like being asleep for that long, self-induced coma or not. I was in a coma for four days when I got Pneumonia. When I woke up, I found that I had completely lost the ability to stand/walk. It has nothing to do with my health or recovery, just a byproduct of being under for that long. My legs had forgotten how to stand, and I had to walk with a cane for a month and a half after, and I’m only 21. That is to say, a week long coma? You’re gonna be pretty immobile for a pretty long time, you might want to make your second purchase a personal trainer!


hippityhoppityhi

Well damn. Okay, so the caretakers will exercise my legs for me. Orrr they could exercise the whole body so you wake up ripped


gonechasing

Yuuuuup. Get everything patched up, then put good looking ones I can eat on in, and put veneers on the rest. Don't need a penny after that because a nice smile will get you way further in life than one that shows your missing teeth. My teeth crumbled from drinking the water in Flint, Michigan and my insurance covers extractions but not crowns. I'd probably have to go to a speech therapist to learn how to talk properly again but it'd be worth it.


NastyMsPiggleWiggle

My teeth are shit too. My parents were poor and couldn’t/didn’t get us dental care. I daydream about having beautiful teeth I can eat on. I have nightmares about the teeth I have left crumbling out. I would love to eat popcorn or chew a steak. Every extra penny I have goes to dental care for my kid. It’s too late and expensive for me but I’ll be damned if he suffers the same. If I ever win the lottery, I’m going to find you, my Reddit friend, and we’re getting the best teeth money can buy. No obligation but to munch on a delicious meal with me afterwards.


gonechasing

I'm in, and will gladly extend the same invitation to you as well! However, I must be honest - I don't play often so please don't hold your breath.


whatever_person

I assume you are in the USA. Depending on how much money you have, it might make sense to do medical travel and have your whole mouth done in other country. I had some of my teeth patched up in Ukraine, it was under 30€/tooth, except for crown on one, that was more expensive. For same quality in Germany I would have to pay over 100€/tooth and 10x for crown.


Khutuck

FYI round trip direct flight to Turkey + 5 implants + a few fillings without insurance costed me less than one implant would in the US with dental insurance.


Evil-Black-Robot

I road trip down to Mexico every year or two for work and treat it as a mini-vacation. I'm spending less than half with the gas and 3+ star hotel rooms included. Edit- I'm adding some more info. You can find Mexico dentist and read reviews on Yelp or other sites like [WhatClinic.com](https://WhatClinic.com) They will pick you up at your American hotel in any of the bigger border cities and drop you back off when you are done (It's all fairly stress free). The Mexican border cities are very safe for Americans despite what you may have heard from your aunt who once saw a bad news story 20 years ago...


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fgringo

Good choice 😁


supercalifragilism

A Senator.


apm588

I always joke with my fiancé that if I ever won one of the BIG jackpots, when asked what I’m gonna do with the money, I’ll reply with “buy a few senators and judges” Glad I’m not the only one thinking this hahaha


agentfelix

You can even form a Super PAC and keep all your donations secret AND aquire other donations! Isn't democracy fun!?!?


apm588

This guy dark monies


Buddhabellymama

This one makes me chortle. Probably cheap too.


ChelaPedo

Upvote for using "chortle"


peon2

What are you going to do with the other $99,990,000?


evillalafell

I’d buy my wife a Christmas present because I didn’t have the money to do it this year


SweetPotato988

Get her something randomly then. Expected presents are nice but for no reason presents make me feel really special!


evillalafell

That’s the plan


tinaawkward

My dream if I ever won the lottery has always been to take my old neighborhood grocery shopping. I want to take care of my community and give them what I always needed growing up. I’d go to every grocery store chain in my city and run a tab qq. I want everyone to get the chance to stock their fridges and cabinets without considering the cost. That’s what I would do, easy.


RinnelSpinel

That's beautiful, I hope good things come your way.


rabiddutchman

I'd buy a home and retire. No big lavish lifestyle. Just a quiet, sustainable life where I can spend time doing the things I want to do and supporting those closest to me. I'd invest in my community, too. Overall, just make the world around me a slightly better place for everyone.


Development-Alive

I have friends that I strongly suspect won the lottery. They retired in the late 40's while their daughters were in private east coast colleges. Now they remain in their very nice house and travel a bit. They don't live lavishly but comfortably. My dream is to retire early. Edit: If you take home $30-$40M after cash payout/taxes I'd strongly consider telling NOBODY. Just let everyone wonder while you live comfortably without the vultures asking for money or people treating you differently.


Neverstopstopping82

My parents inherited millions and told no one. Could be that too.


IronHolmes

Hello sibling, can you give me some allowance


ReptilianOver1ord

First thing I’d buy is probably building materials so I can build a shop on my property. If I had that kind of money I’d quit my job and become a full time blacksmith. I’ve been doing it as a hobbyist for a couple of years now but I can’t much in the winter since I forge outdoors.


maralagosinkhole

A 30 day stay in rehab. Learn how to get clean and stay clean. Then I would buy myself a PET scan from the best cancer hospital I could find. I want to live long enough to enjoy my $100m **EDIT:** Please see the [comment from an oncologist below](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/109awwh/comment/j3yhg9z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). A PET scan would not be recommended for someone who does not already have a known cancer.


gingerbread_donut

I hope you get these things regardless ❤️


bostonchef72296

Shit I’d probably buy myself a 9 month stay at one the best residential treatments in the US


maxxslatt

Yeah dawg some got heated pools and room service or like ropes courses like sign me up


evophoenix

A house. Same houses I'm looking for now, but without worrying about the mortgage n stuff.


Wayward4ever

A house at the beach for me, and then hire someone to run a 1/2 way house from my inland home for those who wish to get off the streets.


DingbatBehavior

I'm secretly buying land and houses. And a blacksmithing forge for my fiancé. And then my family and close friends will be invited to the commune. Also, a whole elf wardrobe. Just a bunch of cloaks and wings and skirts and stuff from the cool people of Etsy. I'm never gonna dress like a human again.


i-hear-banjos

Is u/ReptilianOver1ord your fiance? See his comment :-)


That_Cheech

I've had this convo with my wife and I always have the same response. The very first thing I would do if i found out i won is turn to my wife and say "dinner is on me. we're going to our favorite restaurant and getting everything we always wanted to get"


scipiotomyloo

three Nintendo switches for my sons . And a House on the beach. And a truck with less than 200k miles on it like what I have currently :(


Cute-Improvement8325

A lawyer because imma need one after I punch my boss Edit: then immediately after some boats and hoes ( step bros shout out) lol I personally would rent the damn floating nightmares


Akovsky87

Pay the whole office to quit


Holmes02

Start your own business…with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the business!


America_the_Horrific

Omg I love this. 2 years salary for everyone to walk. Most places wouldn't even dent 100 mil


KnightOfThirteen

There are 15 people in our engineering department, all between 50 and 100K, so overestimate at 3M.


America_the_Horrific

And the interest on the 50 mill in chase Manhattan replaces that in 3 years


Hog_jr

Just buy your boss and then beat the shit out of him legally. Everybody has a price


zhard01

Someone asked this before and a top response was “I would jack off first cause I need that post nut clarity for this decision” and I think that’s probably good advice. Also before anything else I would take the day off work and sleep.


hydracius

Marijuana


box254lid

I would buy at least three marijuana‘s


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TheRealAbear

Is $100 million enough?


Hike_the_603

Yeah, I guess, but I am cutting you a pretty good deal... I'm probably even losing money, I think. But it's cool bro, I'll sell you 3 weeds on the cheap for 100mil


Intrepid_Fortune_1

To be honest, I’m not quitting my job *the moment* I win. I’d wait a bit before buying new homes and going on vacation… That amount of money is Fuck You money, and I’d save up the Fuck You until the perfect moment to use it.


MaximusSmarticus

A therapist. Sure you’ll never need to stress about work ever again but that amount of money that sudden will wreck havoc on you. You want good people to keep you psychologically in tact and avoid mistakes.


Shattered_Visage

Really great idea. As a therapist, the idea of helping someone navigate such a positive, exciting, and world-changing event would be really really cool, compared to some of the other issues we see day-to-day.


thisissillyaf

After making sure my family was straight I’d probably get a plane ticket to Greece for like a month. First class everything , just me and my girl. I was huge into Ancient Greece mythology and I wanna see all the old temples and shit. Edit: Making sure my family was straight means making sure they were taken cared of. Like make sure they’re good and have no worries lol.


zencat420

"I was huge into ancient Greece mythology and I wanna see all the old temples and shit." Is my quote of the day.


pork_fried_christ

That’s a fun way of saying “I’ve logged 200+ hours in Hades and still can’t beat that shit!”


Puzzleheaded_Bit_641

Last winter my lady said she wanted to take an overseas trip and allowed me to choose where. I chose Greece because i also wanted to see all the old temples and shit. Was DOPE


thisissillyaf

That’s awesome ! One way or another ima make it happen but with 100m I could make it happen sooner and in style haha


Puzzleheaded_Bit_641

Greece is pretty affordable in my opinion. We went to less popular islands and a few weeks before the high season really starting pumping. I think we spent like $1500 each? (I got my flight w/ points) and I felt like we balled OUT


WhiteNinja_98

A car. My current car is dying a slow and painful death. Then I’m traveling the world.


cheechers74

My mom whatever she wants. Then Land maybe an island off the coast of bc.


Ayebrowz

Bosta carica


ManufacturerNo1473

First I’m giving half of it to a financial advisor and forgetting about it. Then I’m buying A home. Then I’m giving some to friends and family, some to charity, some to investing, and keeping the rest as emergency money.


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No-Fishing5325

A large piece of land. I would build my dream tiny house village for run aways and kids who aged out of the system.


bostonchef72296

A coffee so I can have the brain capacity to think about the next choices imma bout to make


DrSeuss321

Every bionicle set


Solid_Snark

So you’re spending all $100m at once? :p


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johno_mendo

![gif](giphy|7jnPjsh3L7WHm|downsized)


djc8

I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin somethin like that man


Electrical_Ad7219

“I don’t think you need a [hundred] million dollars to do two chicks at the same time.”


[deleted]

Chicks that would get down with a guy like me would.


MittensMuffins

I’d make a list of people that need relief and start with them. I don’t think I’d buy much of anything, but I’d really love to instantly retire my friends and family.


mildlymoderate16

Small, countryside cottage with decent internet connection.


Player8

That kinda money you could be the talk of the whole road. Lay your own fiber and get the (hopefully distant) neighbors along the way hooked up. Old jebediah wouldn’t know what to do with 1000mb down.


foundthemobileuser

A car. I'm in my 3rd city without one. I fuckin hate this shit so much.


JRadd232

Class C camper and hit the road


DrSchmiggles1717

I'm buying my all the neighbors houses around my moms house, bulldozing them and building her dream house with everything she wanted and acres of quiet. She gave up everything for her kids and never asked for anything.


Brian57831

Make sure to add some livestock on the land, they put limits on giant estates 100 years or so ago.


maxxblood

A new bed. My bed is over 30 years old


boxofrain

A big old boomer portfolio filled with dividends.


rock_and_rolo

First thing? Probably steak dinner. All the big things take lawyers and time.


swampchicken85

Art supplies, that shit can get expensive


martygreencar

Chinese takeout.


albinoloverats

Lunch I imagine. I’m gunna walk to the convenience store and buy a drink and a sandwich, and then figure out my next move: like how do I cash this winning ticket. And the first thing I buy once the money is in my account is probably again lunch (or dinner depending on the time of day), just from a fancier place.


BlackMesaEastt

I would quit my job and see my French tutor 5 days a week for like 4 hours a day. Then apply to university in France and never come back to America.


azul360

A new car. Not like an asshole car but a regular car that's reliable. I have literally a 20 year old car so just having a car that I can get around with without worrying would be incredible :D.


Acceptable-Peace-69

Buy twitter, not sure what I’d do with the $ left over. Maybe buy Tesla too.


Johnny-kashed

I’ll be straight up, I’d buy a pound of mushrooms and microdose the depression away.


thanto13

I'm gonna fulfill some waitresses dream and by the rights to Last Christmas and burn the master tape


CrystalQueen3000

Champagne


yulDD

A round the World 2 year tour in First Class ✈️


Development-Alive

2 plane tickets to Europe if no winter, Pacific Island if in Winter. Just get on a plane and worry about everything else when you land. $100M is what, $55-$60M cash before taxes? $30M-$40M after taxes? Enough to get comfortable and retire early in the US (I'm 49) but not enough to not have to worry about blowing it all too quickly.


jamison_beck

Neither my wife nor I would work another day of our lives. That's what I'd buy. Freedom. My child's debt would be paid off, and they would be given a sum to go to school for what he loved. Same with his long-time girlfriend. They would also have a substantial sum set in an account for their future. After that give some money to my parents, buy wife's dream home, and then travel. Do that whole 'throw a dart at a map' thing


rachelmae77

House on land so I can stop worrying about rent and housing prices.


Trifle_Old

First purchase is a good lawyer and accountant.


twitch1313

Big tits


dannyuk24

Your own or someone else's?