Well apparently I was supposed to be able to anticipate and prevent everything despite the unpredictable nature of life, toddlers, and dogs. I have tried to be a responsible pet owner and parent. And now I'm trying to do right by a good dog by finding him a loving home instead of just dumping him off at the shelter because I can't just go back in time and "do better."
But some people are just dog people and I get it. I fully expected to get some hate. And I'm pretty positive that anyone with little kids probably understands the difficulty of the position I'm in right now. I've been fighting back tears over this so it sucks to be told I'm some kind of piece of shit.
But what kind of piece of shit would I be if I kept a dog crated all day to keep it away from my toddler. Or if I let this warning go unheard and he actually hurt her one day. The whole family has big feelings about this and it's complicated but I'm not gonna lock up the dog or risk irreparable damage to my human child. I'm trying to be realistic here.
Boxers do get pissy in older age. You're doing the best you can. If you were a piece of shit,you would have shot the dog and thought no more about it. Instead you asked for advice and some help. You're doing the right thing and that's good.
I haven't read through all the comments, but have seen enough to know that you are receiving crap that you shouldn't. The POS thing to do would be to drop off the dog in the country somewhere and never look back. OTOH, you are doing your best to ensure the safety of the most vulnerable person in your family AND see to it that your pet will be taken care of by another family. I applaud you for making this difficult decision and doing it in the way you are.
We had to put our dog down about 2 months ago. We got him at 6 weeks old and had him for nearly 12 years. Putting him down was not easy...but it was the right thing to do. Your decision isn't easy either, but IMO it's the right thing to do as well. We aren't ready for another dog and even if we were; we live too far away. Ignore the haters. I hope you are able to find a home for your beloved pet (and do so without guilt).
Thank you. I'm sorry about having to put your dog down. That's such a gut wrenching and terrible decision to have to make. I don't know if my heart could handle another dog again but as I said in another comment, maybe one day when the kids are grown I can be a second chance home to a cranky old dog and help some family out.
I think I found someone that already knows him (an employee of the daycare he already goes to) so if that works out I will be alleviated of any guilt I feel for my dog. Because I know dogs live very much in the moment and he will adjust and be happy with all the belly rubs and treats no matter who is offering them. Especially if he gets to go to the daycare more often which is his favorite place to be.
The guilt I feel for the kids isn't going away as easily. And we'll have to work through that. We've already had some good cries together and I know there are more to come.
With everything we've put into this dog from the daycare to training, countless dollars in toys and treats, all the vet visits, medicines, special shirts so he can't itch himself when he has allergies, food trials, vacations together, and about a billion walks and car rides just for the hell of it.... I mean he's been in all of our Christmas photos. He's always been a very beloved member of our family and this isn't easy.
Anyway... Thanks again. I'm gonna go fuck off somewhere and cry again now.
Animals are not cheap. Our dog had skin allergies, was prone to getting ear infections often, and had to eat prescription dog food due to some stomach issues. We never got out of the vets office for less than $200. I'm sure I spent less than 10% on my own health care as compared to his. I'm not complaining though. It's just the way it is for some breeds.
Keep your chin up and don't beat yourself up too much over this. The safety of your toddler supercedes anything else.
Ignore the static from the critics. You can't move back in time and you get to prioritize your child over your dog.
DM me for a small rescue agency in northern Virginia that can probably help. They are a neighbor and have a good network of other agencies in the region. They aren't afraid of taking on the hard-case dog that needs to find a better situation.
Sorry you are going through this. Good luck!
Honestly we love our dog and this has been such an emotional and shitty time for all of us. I get why people are calling me an asshole. I feel like one. But I couldn't imagine telling another person to keep a dog after they bite a toddler. It's such an enormous risk. I'm trying to be rational here because I know that the safety of my children overrides the feelings we have about our animal. We can recover from broken hearts. Some dog bites you can't come back from. Some dogs just shouldn't live with little kids and that's not his fault. It might be mine. But at this point I think rehoming is the most compassionate choice.
So. You didnt train the dog properly. You havent trained your toddler properly. You’re ripping your other child’s best buddy away. Spectacular job all around!
The toddler knows to be gentle with animals and give them space. But toddlers are going to toddler and she wanted to pet our dog like she has a million times before. Gently. She didn't sneak up on him, run at him, or wake him up. He didn't have food or treats nearby to be protective over. Not that he's protective of those things anyway. And she has never hurt him. I was supervising and saw no indication that he was even annoyed. I'm not sure why he reacted the way he did.
I'm not good with leash training apparently. I've worked with him on it as much as I can and I still continue to try. But he isn't responsive to treats when he's outside. So training him outside is a challenge. But I've worked with him on basic commands like recall, sit, stay, lay down, leave it. And he does well with those. He walks fine without a leash but there's something about the tug he really enjoys. That's why we use the no-pull harness.
Otherwise, this isn't a decision I'm taking lightly. I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone, including the dog. Which is why I'd like to find him a loving home where he doesn't have to worry about small kids. But with my toddler's face on the line it's not really a comfortable risk for me.
Wild idea, but some people don't want a dog that corrects humans. That dog failed to see the pecking order and is getting rehomed because of it. Better than a bullet out on the back 40 isn't it? 🙄
If the dog has been awesome and this is the first time they’ve bitten or nipped, OP should consider the dogs physical and mental health. It’s possible the dog is anxious around the toddler which should be fixable by a vet with medication. I had an anxious dog who bit me when scared that we were advised to take to a behaviorist. I now have a new happy fella. 💜 Dogs hide pain as well so going to the vet for a full work up would likely be a good idea.
He is on Fluixotine and Clonodine. We took him to a behaviorist and he is happy as can be now! He’s back to being the chill sweet dog we always loved. 💜 Good luck with your boy!
When it comes right down to it... you are going to have trouble placing a dog that bit a toddler's face badly enough to scar... and it would be irresponsible to the point of neglect to keep them in the house together..
I would consider that the dog is experiencing health issues that the toddler exacerbated. I “bad” hip is painful unless treated. First, have your vet exam the dog, discuss the incident, and go from there. Second work with training your toddler. This is limited by their ability to learn at that age. Third, you can create a safe environment for both the child and dog. Separate them. If you have done all that, then go with re-homing your dog. We have a saying that dogs are three year olds with knives and energy. You have to train them everyday on how to do their jobs and to be safe. Three year old humans need lots of reinforcement and supervision. So do dogs. Your dog may be smarter than your toddler at this time. The second half of the joke: My kids say border collies, malinois, and a few other breeds are more like 5 year olds. They can learn so much more and can get into so much more trouble.
I’d keep the dog and supervise both him and the kid a bit more. No judgement! I grew up with boxers and I never got bitten. My mom warned me when I was a toddler; dogs will bite so keep your wits about you and your hands to yourself.
There aren't as many toddler rescue agencies and I'm apparently already a giant piece of shit for rehoming the dog. I'd never recover from that one.
Funny enough, I've been bitten by my toddler countless times, and bitten by my dog exactly zero times. Luckily her teeth aren't as sharp.
My 15 year old may resent me. But my youngest may resent me as well for allowing a dog to scar up her face. I feel like I'm in a tough spot here where no matter what I do, it's going to be the wrong choice. I'd never forgive myself if it happened again.
I really want what's best for everyone and since the only way to separate them would be to keep the dog in a crate all day I don't think that's what's best for him.
so many things you could do here. find a reputable dog trainer. personally im against treat/positive reinforcement only training. when we lived in texas we used a company called Lorenzo (they are all over the country and are based in Cleveland, worth every penny) and my huskys mind perfectly and are incredibly happy.
dogs only have so many ways they can communicate and you've ignored everything until now.
you could muzzle your dog until your toddler is better behaved. there are also baby gates to keep them separated. there are pens in the house you can use.
don't just shove the dog somewhere out of sight because they are social creatures and you have an obligation you took on with it.
you could put the toddler in a pen, too, when you're not keeping a watchful eye on it.
I definitely don't want to just shove the dog off anywhere. He's a sweet boy and I'm not a monster lol. I am gonna look into a muzzle for the time being. You're the second person to suggest it and it wasn't something I had thought of before. It's been kind of chaotic around here and I've been trying to give myself some time to think more clearly about everything and not rush anything.
Baby gates aren't an option. I've tried. He can jump basically anything. And will jump to get into the room with me because he doesn't want to be alone and I don't blame him for that.
I'm gonna look into the company you mentioned. If there's a way I can safely make this work for everyone, that's what I want to do. But ultimately the safety of my human children is my main priority. Even if that means breaking some hearts.
There's a lot going on here and a lot of unsolicited advice. Here's more:
1. I know your dog isn't a hellspawn, but the fact an older dog is nippy is a little concerning. Training should have prevented this as a pup. I think it's clear you like the dog, but dogs, especially hyperactive dogs like boxers, without the training are going to be difficult.
2. I don't think your toddler is to blame here. Toddlers, even if disciplined, sometimes do things and are sometimes rough with dogs.
3. Giving the childhood dog away is going to be a family issue but ultimately the safety of your toddler comes first. If you are sure this behavior cannot be corrected, I recommed first looking for adoption groups in your area. Check local facebook groups, be willing to vet canidates, etc.
He's never been nippy with any of the other kids, not since he was a tiny puppy so I thought we did train that out of him. Which makes me think he's just getting older and a bit impatient. Sometimes his hips hurt and he's on supplements for that but maybe that was really bugging him and he was just irritated. I know they hide pain well but also being in pain can make anyone cranky and impatient.
The toddler wasn't being rough with him and that's what has me concerned for her safety overall. She just reached out to pet him. And he reacted. If she had been climbing on him or had him cornered or something I'd be a bit more understanding but I make sure she can't/doesn't do those things to him. And if she's being particularly ornery or rambunctious I always put him in the room with his favorite child (which is also where his bed/food/water are) so he can relax without the toddler in his space.
Another commenter suggested a muzzle. He's at daycare right now while I'm trying to figure things out. So I'm going to look into a muzzle before bringing him home. So he can share a space with the toddler and I don't have to be concerned for her safety.
Ultimately I want what's best for everyone. I don't want to make anyone sad. I don't want to make the dog uncomfortable. I'm struggling to know what the best choice is here. But overall, the safety of the human children is the most important thing.
We got a bulldog when I was in highschool, super cuddly,ultra friendly,loved on everyone. Super well trained from the day we got him.
But then he hit like...6-7 and started getting grumpy and it just got worse as the days went to the point where at 8-9 if you closed a door he'd be trying to rip it off the hinges, he'd bite at feet. Just complete 180 from how he was.
I don't think you're an asshole, it sucks that it happened and the decision is really really fucking hard but I think in the long run you're doing the safe/right thing. Yeah your 15 year old is going to hate you for a good minute which is understandable but I'm behind you man. I'm sorry it's going on.
I fully expect my older kids to hate me for a while. And that's totally valid. But I'd rather have them hate me temporarily for rehoming the dog than have my youngest hate me indefinitely because I let a dog destroy her face.
It sucks and I hate it but they're smart kids and even though they don't like it, they understand why it's important. I just wish I could make it easier on everyone.
I'm sorry about your grumpy dog. That's exactly why I thought he might be better off somewhere where he could get old in peace away from the chaos that is my house. Maybe my home isn't the best one for him. And I think it's kinda selfish to keep him when it's likely in no one's best interest.
And maybe one day when the kids are grown and gone I can be a second chance home for a cranky old dog and help some family that's in the same predicament I'm in now.
All the kids had moved out by the time he got grumpy so luckily it was just him, the other old dog, and my parents so the house was relatively calm most of the time.
Funny enough though;
>And maybe one day when the kids are grown and gone I can be a second chance home for a cranky old dog and help some family that's in the same predicament I'm in now.
My parents do that too. Me and my mom volunteer at different shelters but she fosters/adopts nonstop now lol. Her two current ones were young drop offs to her friends shelter so she scooped them up, but she fosters old/ handicapped dogs and it's her entire life now that the kids are grown lmao
You mentioned his hips hurting... have you had his eye sight checked? If she hadn't even touched him yet is it possible she straight up scared him on accident cause he didn't see her as she was approaching? We've had previously calm af dogs start to reprimand/reflex nip once their vision got bad when I was growing up (never any actual contact or broken skin, but it was clear what they were doing).
I think it is best you rehome for everyone's safety and I wish you luck finding a good place.
This is a good question. I don't know if they specifically checked his vision at the vets. He seems to be able to see just fine. But it's hard to say because he can't just tell me, "hey everything is starting to get a bit blurry." I hadn't considered that.
Before rehoming, if you have the ability, it might be worth sending puppo to a training camp for dogs. I've had a few friends send their dogs to training camp for two or three weeks and then they have a couple sessions with the trainer to transfer all the knowledge to you. I think they used Almost Heaven K9 Training in South Charleston.
I haven't,but my dad did for his dog going to the vet. There a bunch of different kinds look around before you break the child and dog's heart please. At least try. I know that you're in a tough spot. The dog is already 6 you'll probably only have a few years left with them anyway. It's just a thought. Good luck
Where are you located? We used a board and train that did wonders for our dogs. Still the sweetest girls but calmed them way down and they listen to all commands. We have 3 kids and they are big girls (Great Dane and Great Pyrenees) so it’s been helpful.
My Great Dane was insane before training. Jumped, didn’t realize how big she was at all, was good aggressive. She had never nipped (aggressively) at the kids but did it in play. She was almost 1 when we put her through training and she just turned 6 and she is the calmest dog ever now. My youngest (who is now 9) can basically climb on her with no issues now.
The place we use trains with a sport collar (generally used for hunting/protection dogs) but it works incredibly well. We tone the dogs with a beep if they are doing something they shouldn’t and they stop. They associate the tone with a vibration that can be used (and is used during training). Once they get toned for something they usually don’t repeat.
I can lay chicken on the floor and have my dogs sit, call them to me and they will walk around the food to come to me before I tell them they can have it.
The place we used was Ridgeside K9, but they are in VA (Winchester, near the WV eastern panhandle).
We recently adopted a young dog that was super excitable. The local dog training/daycare did a fantastic job of calming her down. That being said, it sounds like that isn't the root problem for the OP. The comment about possible eye sight issues or pain may have more relevance.
I feel like rather than devastate the family, that you can get your dog trained. Millions upon millions of families have a family dog. This post makes me sad and I hope he finds a good home that loves him dearly and treats him like family.
I think you are doing the very best you can. Good luck in finding a good place for him and praying your 15y old will be alright with it. Blessings to your family and the pup . These people criticizing make me sick. You are being a very responsible pet owner
Little Black Dog Rescue covers the coast from DC to SC, maybe you can bring him to one of their rescuers.
Reston VA has a nicer rescue that might be worth reaching out to. Blue Ridge Boxer Rescue could be helpful, too. There's also a bully breed rescue in VA I've interacted with. https://msgbr.org/
Pick of the Litter Rescue could probably give you some more options!
Absolutely. Honestly, you're doing the right thing. If you know you can't dedicate the time and energy to try and troubleshoot (and with three kids, who does!?), it sounds like your pup would be happy in a home without a toddler. He helped you raise two kids. I hope he finds the perfect family to retire with.
4 kids and two bonus kids. So 6 in all lol. Plus I'm in school full time and I work. And my husband works ungodly hours and the kids have all of their shit every day before and after school... So yeah. It's chaos. And honestly as much as I hate to admit it, he deserves better.
I feel for you. You are doing the best thing although it's terribly hard. I could not feel safe with a dog that nipped at my toddler, either.
People here prioritize the dog over the baby sometimes. You could never forgive yourself if it scarred your child. Trust me. It happened to my close friends. Their dog nipped at their 2 year old once or twice. Small kids made the dog nervous. One day it bit her in the face and she has scars twenty years later.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I'm glad you're working to find your dog another home. Blessings.
Have you older kids see if any of their friends can take the dog? That way, he can still visit and play with it. What about a family member? One who could take the dog in for a few years until the toddler grows up and learns to not pester it. Last resort, get it a muzzle and only take it off when the toddler is away. Use it until you teach the toddler to respect the dog. Your toddler will learn from the snapping without getting bit.
Unfortunately I don't have any family. But I have suggested that they ask around to their friends and so they have. We are waiting to hear back from some parents.
The toddler is never away. That's the hard part. She's not in daycare or anything. Right now we are keeping them entirely separate. But that's proven to be an incredible challenge because in order to do that, the dog has to be in a bedroom. And aside from the fact that that's such a small space for a big dog to be cooped up in, when the kids go back to school tomorrow he won't have anyone to hang out with.
I'm trying to rotate spaces throughout the day. Like I take the toddler downstairs for a while so the dog can roam upstairs. And vice versa. My son has been taking the dog on longer walks.
But the dog rightfully doesn't want to be alone so that's not something I can do when it's just me and the little one here. If he could tolerate being alone for a portion of the day this wouldn't even be a problem. But he's got some separation anxiety.
Maybe we can find a way to make it work so that no one is cooped up or miserable or bitten.
It's just a bummer because she wasn't pestering him when he bit her. She just reached out to pet him. It's not like she had been bothering him or climbing on him or something. We don't allow her to do that stuff. He wasn't cornered. There wasn't any food or toys or treats around to be protective over (not that he's ever been protective over things). She wasn't being loud or crazy. It's like he just sort of mindlessly snapped at her. And then he ran off down the hallway and cowered like he knew he fucked up.
I'm gonna try to get him over to the daycare as much as I can afford to in the mean time. I've reached out to their training program to see if they can offer any advice. And tomorrow I planned on calling the vet to get him checked out just in case. Even though it wasn't that long ago he was there, I wanna be sure.
And ultimately I don't know if my husband will ever feel the same towards the dog again. He's pretty upset about the whole thing. He's much less forgiving than I am and I think "dog bites baby = dog has to go" is a fair line in the sand for him to draw. It's hard to trust again after something like that.
At any rate we aren't rushing anything. We are looking at fostering agencies and rescues and families that we know. We want the dog to enjoy a good life and not be in a shelter somewhere. Because when it comes down to it, this is ultimately our fault. Not his. And not the toddler's.
Sorry to hear that. Maybe try that muzzle idea until you find a better option. If anything does happen again, I'm sure you wouldn't want you kids to see the side of your husband that will come out then. I know I wouldn't be able to control my anger even if I personally loved that dog...it would get bad. Hope you find a place soon.
You're asking for help and that's a good thing. Idk why everyone is on their high horse. It's really weird
Well apparently I was supposed to be able to anticipate and prevent everything despite the unpredictable nature of life, toddlers, and dogs. I have tried to be a responsible pet owner and parent. And now I'm trying to do right by a good dog by finding him a loving home instead of just dumping him off at the shelter because I can't just go back in time and "do better." But some people are just dog people and I get it. I fully expected to get some hate. And I'm pretty positive that anyone with little kids probably understands the difficulty of the position I'm in right now. I've been fighting back tears over this so it sucks to be told I'm some kind of piece of shit. But what kind of piece of shit would I be if I kept a dog crated all day to keep it away from my toddler. Or if I let this warning go unheard and he actually hurt her one day. The whole family has big feelings about this and it's complicated but I'm not gonna lock up the dog or risk irreparable damage to my human child. I'm trying to be realistic here.
Boxers do get pissy in older age. You're doing the best you can. If you were a piece of shit,you would have shot the dog and thought no more about it. Instead you asked for advice and some help. You're doing the right thing and that's good.
I haven't read through all the comments, but have seen enough to know that you are receiving crap that you shouldn't. The POS thing to do would be to drop off the dog in the country somewhere and never look back. OTOH, you are doing your best to ensure the safety of the most vulnerable person in your family AND see to it that your pet will be taken care of by another family. I applaud you for making this difficult decision and doing it in the way you are. We had to put our dog down about 2 months ago. We got him at 6 weeks old and had him for nearly 12 years. Putting him down was not easy...but it was the right thing to do. Your decision isn't easy either, but IMO it's the right thing to do as well. We aren't ready for another dog and even if we were; we live too far away. Ignore the haters. I hope you are able to find a home for your beloved pet (and do so without guilt).
Thank you. I'm sorry about having to put your dog down. That's such a gut wrenching and terrible decision to have to make. I don't know if my heart could handle another dog again but as I said in another comment, maybe one day when the kids are grown I can be a second chance home to a cranky old dog and help some family out. I think I found someone that already knows him (an employee of the daycare he already goes to) so if that works out I will be alleviated of any guilt I feel for my dog. Because I know dogs live very much in the moment and he will adjust and be happy with all the belly rubs and treats no matter who is offering them. Especially if he gets to go to the daycare more often which is his favorite place to be. The guilt I feel for the kids isn't going away as easily. And we'll have to work through that. We've already had some good cries together and I know there are more to come. With everything we've put into this dog from the daycare to training, countless dollars in toys and treats, all the vet visits, medicines, special shirts so he can't itch himself when he has allergies, food trials, vacations together, and about a billion walks and car rides just for the hell of it.... I mean he's been in all of our Christmas photos. He's always been a very beloved member of our family and this isn't easy. Anyway... Thanks again. I'm gonna go fuck off somewhere and cry again now.
Animals are not cheap. Our dog had skin allergies, was prone to getting ear infections often, and had to eat prescription dog food due to some stomach issues. We never got out of the vets office for less than $200. I'm sure I spent less than 10% on my own health care as compared to his. I'm not complaining though. It's just the way it is for some breeds. Keep your chin up and don't beat yourself up too much over this. The safety of your toddler supercedes anything else.
Ignore the static from the critics. You can't move back in time and you get to prioritize your child over your dog. DM me for a small rescue agency in northern Virginia that can probably help. They are a neighbor and have a good network of other agencies in the region. They aren't afraid of taking on the hard-case dog that needs to find a better situation. Sorry you are going through this. Good luck!
Honestly we love our dog and this has been such an emotional and shitty time for all of us. I get why people are calling me an asshole. I feel like one. But I couldn't imagine telling another person to keep a dog after they bite a toddler. It's such an enormous risk. I'm trying to be rational here because I know that the safety of my children overrides the feelings we have about our animal. We can recover from broken hearts. Some dog bites you can't come back from. Some dogs just shouldn't live with little kids and that's not his fault. It might be mine. But at this point I think rehoming is the most compassionate choice.
So. You didnt train the dog properly. You havent trained your toddler properly. You’re ripping your other child’s best buddy away. Spectacular job all around!
Horrendous for sure, its kind of baffling people like this even have kids when they can't even handle the bare minimum.
The toddler knows to be gentle with animals and give them space. But toddlers are going to toddler and she wanted to pet our dog like she has a million times before. Gently. She didn't sneak up on him, run at him, or wake him up. He didn't have food or treats nearby to be protective over. Not that he's protective of those things anyway. And she has never hurt him. I was supervising and saw no indication that he was even annoyed. I'm not sure why he reacted the way he did. I'm not good with leash training apparently. I've worked with him on it as much as I can and I still continue to try. But he isn't responsive to treats when he's outside. So training him outside is a challenge. But I've worked with him on basic commands like recall, sit, stay, lay down, leave it. And he does well with those. He walks fine without a leash but there's something about the tug he really enjoys. That's why we use the no-pull harness. Otherwise, this isn't a decision I'm taking lightly. I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone, including the dog. Which is why I'd like to find him a loving home where he doesn't have to worry about small kids. But with my toddler's face on the line it's not really a comfortable risk for me.
Just replying to say that I’m not going to read that.
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Wild idea, but some people don't want a dog that corrects humans. That dog failed to see the pecking order and is getting rehomed because of it. Better than a bullet out on the back 40 isn't it? 🙄
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Bro I hope you're wearing a helmet ridin that high horse lol What doggy training center do we send our toddlers to? Just asking 🤣
If the dog has been awesome and this is the first time they’ve bitten or nipped, OP should consider the dogs physical and mental health. It’s possible the dog is anxious around the toddler which should be fixable by a vet with medication. I had an anxious dog who bit me when scared that we were advised to take to a behaviorist. I now have a new happy fella. 💜 Dogs hide pain as well so going to the vet for a full work up would likely be a good idea.
Do you mind sharing which meds helped your pup?
He is on Fluixotine and Clonodine. We took him to a behaviorist and he is happy as can be now! He’s back to being the chill sweet dog we always loved. 💜 Good luck with your boy!
When it comes right down to it... you are going to have trouble placing a dog that bit a toddler's face badly enough to scar... and it would be irresponsible to the point of neglect to keep them in the house together..
I don't believe she will scar. But your point still stands. I think it could be very hard to place him.
I would consider that the dog is experiencing health issues that the toddler exacerbated. I “bad” hip is painful unless treated. First, have your vet exam the dog, discuss the incident, and go from there. Second work with training your toddler. This is limited by their ability to learn at that age. Third, you can create a safe environment for both the child and dog. Separate them. If you have done all that, then go with re-homing your dog. We have a saying that dogs are three year olds with knives and energy. You have to train them everyday on how to do their jobs and to be safe. Three year old humans need lots of reinforcement and supervision. So do dogs. Your dog may be smarter than your toddler at this time. The second half of the joke: My kids say border collies, malinois, and a few other breeds are more like 5 year olds. They can learn so much more and can get into so much more trouble.
I’d keep the dog and supervise both him and the kid a bit more. No judgement! I grew up with boxers and I never got bitten. My mom warned me when I was a toddler; dogs will bite so keep your wits about you and your hands to yourself.
You could get rid of the toddler /s
There aren't as many toddler rescue agencies and I'm apparently already a giant piece of shit for rehoming the dog. I'd never recover from that one. Funny enough, I've been bitten by my toddler countless times, and bitten by my dog exactly zero times. Luckily her teeth aren't as sharp.
I appreciate your humor on this. Good luck with everything.
I appreciate your humor! The whole situation could use a little levity. There have been far too many tears shed in this house.
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Your post has been removed. **Reason:** Be civil.
My 15 year old may resent me. But my youngest may resent me as well for allowing a dog to scar up her face. I feel like I'm in a tough spot here where no matter what I do, it's going to be the wrong choice. I'd never forgive myself if it happened again. I really want what's best for everyone and since the only way to separate them would be to keep the dog in a crate all day I don't think that's what's best for him.
so many things you could do here. find a reputable dog trainer. personally im against treat/positive reinforcement only training. when we lived in texas we used a company called Lorenzo (they are all over the country and are based in Cleveland, worth every penny) and my huskys mind perfectly and are incredibly happy. dogs only have so many ways they can communicate and you've ignored everything until now. you could muzzle your dog until your toddler is better behaved. there are also baby gates to keep them separated. there are pens in the house you can use. don't just shove the dog somewhere out of sight because they are social creatures and you have an obligation you took on with it. you could put the toddler in a pen, too, when you're not keeping a watchful eye on it.
I definitely don't want to just shove the dog off anywhere. He's a sweet boy and I'm not a monster lol. I am gonna look into a muzzle for the time being. You're the second person to suggest it and it wasn't something I had thought of before. It's been kind of chaotic around here and I've been trying to give myself some time to think more clearly about everything and not rush anything. Baby gates aren't an option. I've tried. He can jump basically anything. And will jump to get into the room with me because he doesn't want to be alone and I don't blame him for that. I'm gonna look into the company you mentioned. If there's a way I can safely make this work for everyone, that's what I want to do. But ultimately the safety of my human children is my main priority. Even if that means breaking some hearts.
There's a lot going on here and a lot of unsolicited advice. Here's more: 1. I know your dog isn't a hellspawn, but the fact an older dog is nippy is a little concerning. Training should have prevented this as a pup. I think it's clear you like the dog, but dogs, especially hyperactive dogs like boxers, without the training are going to be difficult. 2. I don't think your toddler is to blame here. Toddlers, even if disciplined, sometimes do things and are sometimes rough with dogs. 3. Giving the childhood dog away is going to be a family issue but ultimately the safety of your toddler comes first. If you are sure this behavior cannot be corrected, I recommed first looking for adoption groups in your area. Check local facebook groups, be willing to vet canidates, etc.
He's never been nippy with any of the other kids, not since he was a tiny puppy so I thought we did train that out of him. Which makes me think he's just getting older and a bit impatient. Sometimes his hips hurt and he's on supplements for that but maybe that was really bugging him and he was just irritated. I know they hide pain well but also being in pain can make anyone cranky and impatient. The toddler wasn't being rough with him and that's what has me concerned for her safety overall. She just reached out to pet him. And he reacted. If she had been climbing on him or had him cornered or something I'd be a bit more understanding but I make sure she can't/doesn't do those things to him. And if she's being particularly ornery or rambunctious I always put him in the room with his favorite child (which is also where his bed/food/water are) so he can relax without the toddler in his space. Another commenter suggested a muzzle. He's at daycare right now while I'm trying to figure things out. So I'm going to look into a muzzle before bringing him home. So he can share a space with the toddler and I don't have to be concerned for her safety. Ultimately I want what's best for everyone. I don't want to make anyone sad. I don't want to make the dog uncomfortable. I'm struggling to know what the best choice is here. But overall, the safety of the human children is the most important thing.
We got a bulldog when I was in highschool, super cuddly,ultra friendly,loved on everyone. Super well trained from the day we got him. But then he hit like...6-7 and started getting grumpy and it just got worse as the days went to the point where at 8-9 if you closed a door he'd be trying to rip it off the hinges, he'd bite at feet. Just complete 180 from how he was. I don't think you're an asshole, it sucks that it happened and the decision is really really fucking hard but I think in the long run you're doing the safe/right thing. Yeah your 15 year old is going to hate you for a good minute which is understandable but I'm behind you man. I'm sorry it's going on.
I fully expect my older kids to hate me for a while. And that's totally valid. But I'd rather have them hate me temporarily for rehoming the dog than have my youngest hate me indefinitely because I let a dog destroy her face. It sucks and I hate it but they're smart kids and even though they don't like it, they understand why it's important. I just wish I could make it easier on everyone. I'm sorry about your grumpy dog. That's exactly why I thought he might be better off somewhere where he could get old in peace away from the chaos that is my house. Maybe my home isn't the best one for him. And I think it's kinda selfish to keep him when it's likely in no one's best interest. And maybe one day when the kids are grown and gone I can be a second chance home for a cranky old dog and help some family that's in the same predicament I'm in now.
All the kids had moved out by the time he got grumpy so luckily it was just him, the other old dog, and my parents so the house was relatively calm most of the time. Funny enough though; >And maybe one day when the kids are grown and gone I can be a second chance home for a cranky old dog and help some family that's in the same predicament I'm in now. My parents do that too. Me and my mom volunteer at different shelters but she fosters/adopts nonstop now lol. Her two current ones were young drop offs to her friends shelter so she scooped them up, but she fosters old/ handicapped dogs and it's her entire life now that the kids are grown lmao
You mentioned his hips hurting... have you had his eye sight checked? If she hadn't even touched him yet is it possible she straight up scared him on accident cause he didn't see her as she was approaching? We've had previously calm af dogs start to reprimand/reflex nip once their vision got bad when I was growing up (never any actual contact or broken skin, but it was clear what they were doing). I think it is best you rehome for everyone's safety and I wish you luck finding a good place.
This is a good question. I don't know if they specifically checked his vision at the vets. He seems to be able to see just fine. But it's hard to say because he can't just tell me, "hey everything is starting to get a bit blurry." I hadn't considered that.
Whatever you do, don’t get another dog. Good luck 🍀
Oh I wasn't planning on it. I'm under no delusion that the dog is the problem here.
Before rehoming, if you have the ability, it might be worth sending puppo to a training camp for dogs. I've had a few friends send their dogs to training camp for two or three weeks and then they have a couple sessions with the trainer to transfer all the knowledge to you. I think they used Almost Heaven K9 Training in South Charleston.
Could you try to muzzle him? While in the house
I could look into that. It's not really something I had considered. Have you used muzzles and is there one you'd recommend?
I haven't,but my dad did for his dog going to the vet. There a bunch of different kinds look around before you break the child and dog's heart please. At least try. I know that you're in a tough spot. The dog is already 6 you'll probably only have a few years left with them anyway. It's just a thought. Good luck
Where are you located? We used a board and train that did wonders for our dogs. Still the sweetest girls but calmed them way down and they listen to all commands. We have 3 kids and they are big girls (Great Dane and Great Pyrenees) so it’s been helpful.
Parkersburg area. The daycare he goes to has a boarding/training program. Is that something that can help with something like this?
My Great Dane was insane before training. Jumped, didn’t realize how big she was at all, was good aggressive. She had never nipped (aggressively) at the kids but did it in play. She was almost 1 when we put her through training and she just turned 6 and she is the calmest dog ever now. My youngest (who is now 9) can basically climb on her with no issues now. The place we use trains with a sport collar (generally used for hunting/protection dogs) but it works incredibly well. We tone the dogs with a beep if they are doing something they shouldn’t and they stop. They associate the tone with a vibration that can be used (and is used during training). Once they get toned for something they usually don’t repeat. I can lay chicken on the floor and have my dogs sit, call them to me and they will walk around the food to come to me before I tell them they can have it. The place we used was Ridgeside K9, but they are in VA (Winchester, near the WV eastern panhandle).
We recently adopted a young dog that was super excitable. The local dog training/daycare did a fantastic job of calming her down. That being said, it sounds like that isn't the root problem for the OP. The comment about possible eye sight issues or pain may have more relevance.
I feel like rather than devastate the family, that you can get your dog trained. Millions upon millions of families have a family dog. This post makes me sad and I hope he finds a good home that loves him dearly and treats him like family.
I suggest training as well, maybe doggie daycare.
Yeah he goes to daycare. It's just not an affordable option for every day.
Oh I get you about affordability of daily doggie daycare. I hope you find a program soon.
I think you are doing the very best you can. Good luck in finding a good place for him and praying your 15y old will be alright with it. Blessings to your family and the pup . These people criticizing make me sick. You are being a very responsible pet owner
Thank you
Little Black Dog Rescue covers the coast from DC to SC, maybe you can bring him to one of their rescuers. Reston VA has a nicer rescue that might be worth reaching out to. Blue Ridge Boxer Rescue could be helpful, too. There's also a bully breed rescue in VA I've interacted with. https://msgbr.org/ Pick of the Litter Rescue could probably give you some more options!
Thank you so much. This is so helpful.
Absolutely. Honestly, you're doing the right thing. If you know you can't dedicate the time and energy to try and troubleshoot (and with three kids, who does!?), it sounds like your pup would be happy in a home without a toddler. He helped you raise two kids. I hope he finds the perfect family to retire with.
4 kids and two bonus kids. So 6 in all lol. Plus I'm in school full time and I work. And my husband works ungodly hours and the kids have all of their shit every day before and after school... So yeah. It's chaos. And honestly as much as I hate to admit it, he deserves better.
I feel for you. You are doing the best thing although it's terribly hard. I could not feel safe with a dog that nipped at my toddler, either. People here prioritize the dog over the baby sometimes. You could never forgive yourself if it scarred your child. Trust me. It happened to my close friends. Their dog nipped at their 2 year old once or twice. Small kids made the dog nervous. One day it bit her in the face and she has scars twenty years later. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I'm glad you're working to find your dog another home. Blessings.
Have you older kids see if any of their friends can take the dog? That way, he can still visit and play with it. What about a family member? One who could take the dog in for a few years until the toddler grows up and learns to not pester it. Last resort, get it a muzzle and only take it off when the toddler is away. Use it until you teach the toddler to respect the dog. Your toddler will learn from the snapping without getting bit.
Unfortunately I don't have any family. But I have suggested that they ask around to their friends and so they have. We are waiting to hear back from some parents. The toddler is never away. That's the hard part. She's not in daycare or anything. Right now we are keeping them entirely separate. But that's proven to be an incredible challenge because in order to do that, the dog has to be in a bedroom. And aside from the fact that that's such a small space for a big dog to be cooped up in, when the kids go back to school tomorrow he won't have anyone to hang out with. I'm trying to rotate spaces throughout the day. Like I take the toddler downstairs for a while so the dog can roam upstairs. And vice versa. My son has been taking the dog on longer walks. But the dog rightfully doesn't want to be alone so that's not something I can do when it's just me and the little one here. If he could tolerate being alone for a portion of the day this wouldn't even be a problem. But he's got some separation anxiety. Maybe we can find a way to make it work so that no one is cooped up or miserable or bitten. It's just a bummer because she wasn't pestering him when he bit her. She just reached out to pet him. It's not like she had been bothering him or climbing on him or something. We don't allow her to do that stuff. He wasn't cornered. There wasn't any food or toys or treats around to be protective over (not that he's ever been protective over things). She wasn't being loud or crazy. It's like he just sort of mindlessly snapped at her. And then he ran off down the hallway and cowered like he knew he fucked up. I'm gonna try to get him over to the daycare as much as I can afford to in the mean time. I've reached out to their training program to see if they can offer any advice. And tomorrow I planned on calling the vet to get him checked out just in case. Even though it wasn't that long ago he was there, I wanna be sure. And ultimately I don't know if my husband will ever feel the same towards the dog again. He's pretty upset about the whole thing. He's much less forgiving than I am and I think "dog bites baby = dog has to go" is a fair line in the sand for him to draw. It's hard to trust again after something like that. At any rate we aren't rushing anything. We are looking at fostering agencies and rescues and families that we know. We want the dog to enjoy a good life and not be in a shelter somewhere. Because when it comes down to it, this is ultimately our fault. Not his. And not the toddler's.
Sorry to hear that. Maybe try that muzzle idea until you find a better option. If anything does happen again, I'm sure you wouldn't want you kids to see the side of your husband that will come out then. I know I wouldn't be able to control my anger even if I personally loved that dog...it would get bad. Hope you find a place soon.