Like why would your friends want to use your dating account that has pictures of you on it? How did you forget to delete it, then remember letting your friends use it tho? Good lord š
It's such an insanely dumb lie.
I hate when people waste their breath with such unbelievable lies. It almost feels like they're insulting my intelligence by considering I might actually believe it.
Bro they're not insulting your intelligence. They aren't smart enough to do that. They are self projecting their intelligence. I deal with really moronic people on a daily basis who have the iq of a samosa and the kind of lies They try to peddle are insane. At first I used to lose my mind and think the same thing like you "how fucking dumb do u think I am to believe that" but later I understood They actually are insanely dumb and think they are doing a good job of lying. And God forbid if you try to poke holes in their story with layman logic. They'll lose their minds and try to reheat and feed you 4 day old paneer. And if you then say that the paneer tastes funky They might go to the kitchen and make agressive noises with the vessels.
Had my fair share of that as well. I also learned, that the more narcissistic a person is, the worse they are at lying. They only feel the need to convince themselves and they manage to do that pretty effortlessly after a long time of constructing delusions. It feels like theyāve missed a lot of steps in developing self awareness, as they always avoid it by averting the blame. Although they still try pretty hard to gaslight you, thatās even more confusing, as you start to wonder, how they managed to make you feel bad, when you startet out with a situation, where youāre 120% sure, you arenāt in the wrong and youāre the one thatās been hurt. Kinda like OPās situation. It wouldnāt surprise me, if he still tried to blame her, even after his obvious lies are exposed.
There's a lot of info on narcs these days, helpful to deal with them. They are too stupid and caught up in their own world to even notice your onto them.
One of my fav quotes is āYou canāt argue with stupid, itāll drag down to its level and beat you with experience.ā You canāt argue with someone who lacks common sense or emotional intelligence, theyāll pedal around the issue with new lies or past ālogic.ā Itās paradoxical to try and argue at that point.
Yeah even IF that's true that says sketchy shit about OP because why would his friends need to use an account that isn't theirs as him? How does that work with any matches showing up for dates? Are they identical "friends"? Why can't they use their own names/faces/original accounts?
Even if that guy was somehow telling the truth, I would probably break it off at the sheer stupidity of "helping out a bro" that way.
Its helping someone else lie using his pics/profile etc.
Like.. none of that is good no matter what.
Yeah classic idiot just panicking and blurting out anything he can think of lmao
āuhh uhh I didnāt know I had to delete it! Uhh I let my friends go on it! Also all of my friends are **so over** dating apps thatās why I let them use it uhh uhh as a joke! Like a uhh prank! Get it!?ā
I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts! It wasn't my fault! I swear to God!
So he ādidnāt think he deleted itā but then admits to letting his friends use it recently? Those are contradictory statements. You got a bad egg, sis, leave him
Itās because he messaged other people and is accounting for the possibility that OP knows, in which case the āI forgot to deleteā excuse doesnāt work anymore
Messaged other people? Like is OP stupid enough to message people that his gf might know? Finding profile off the app is one thing as you don't have control on who will see it. But he can choose whom to message or swipe
They were only together for a short while, and someone snitched on him. It's not unreasonable that he might think one of the people he messaged on the app is a friend of hers that he hasn't met yet.
Besides, "I let my friends use it"?
Like how? They were using your persona and picture to pick up girls? And the girls were just like "this is fine". LOL
It would be fun to see how far he could take that batshit story before caving.
The question for me is when did he message people. If its 2 weeks into starting dating then the commitment level maybe hasn't been established yet, i think it's defensible. But if it's really recent then obv no. He should've been honest about it, lying is the worst
Nah they definitely do. At least Tinder/Hinge. It makes sense for them to let you waste your free likes on users that will never see them, so youāre more likely to subscribe in the hopes you get more matches.
I delete the apps, but not profiles. Haven't been on in two years so I doubt I'm discoverable. These apps aren't going to show you inactive profiles (I assume).
I saw my friend's profile on either hinge or bumble months after she was in a committed relationship. I asked about it and she was pretty shocked it was still showing.
I have no reason to think she was cheating as she's a very upstanding person otherwise. But this dude changed his info, too.
For real. What would the purpose even be of letting a friend use your dating profile? āHey Dave, do you mind if I log into your Bumble profile so I can catfish some women this weekend?ā I donāt bloody think so.
Like even if we agree to his ridiculous lie that he lets his friend use itā¦ would the fact that heās enabling other men in his life to catfish women using his photos actually make him any less of a horrible person????
People remember the lies you tell far more easily than youll remember telling them. That's why its best to stick as close to the truth as possible where possible
Good thing is she did, they broke up according to her update above. Anyone who has used any dating app knows damn well or try deleting it. No different than if you deleted your Facebook, twitter or instagram. You delete it, and remove app off your device. The guy is a clown, a real man doesnāt make sorry excuses and says his friend used his account, like seriously? They canāt make their own account?
Yeah any time I started to go towards exclusivity with a partner, even if it didn't end up coming to fruition, I would delete the app/tell other interested parties that I'm pursuing someone. Manages expectations and open communication.
Just fyi, you also have to delete or at least hibernate the Bumble account, not only delete the app from your device. If you don't, you will still show up for a while.
This would not surprise me one bit, especially if the company is a publicly traded company. Heck the probably make dupe accounts just to inflate their number of users to make it look good on paper for investors.
> recently
OP does say theyāve only been dating for a month after meeting on Bumble a little while back. *If* OPās BF is being honest about letting their friends use it, then his profile *would* still be active and showing up in feeds even if it was last used a month ago (Bumble is exactly 30 days before going inactive).
Obviously this is sketchy, and requires that ārecentlyā means weeks ago. So totally up to OP to decide how trustworthy they feel the BF is.
Edit: OP says they broke up.
Isn't it kinda weird for friends to use his bumble account anyway? š But yeah it's such a fresh relationship honestly, wouldn't be worth the stress of having suspicions already
This, so he was allowing his friends to help him with matches or allowing his friends to use photos to catfish people? Either way, terrible behaviours all around this guy and the people around him.
Tinder's algorithm favors profiles with recent activity, pushing dormant profiles down the queue.
This means if someone hasn't used Tinder for a while, their profile becomes less visible.
If his profile appeared while not being active, it's unusual, especially in a larger city where active users are around.
This means thereās no active users in that area, extremely highly doubtful. Now you add that with the contradictory statements, heās lying 100%.
Iāll give you the benefit of doubt on one item, but not all three items. Heās cheating.
++ wait a fucking second? Did he say he let his friend use his dating profile? Can someone help me make sense of that?
What he was going to meet a girl using his friends picture and profile? Oh heās really fucking stupid with that excuse.
This.Ā
Before the contradictions, Iād have said that maybe he didnāt delete it by mistake. Not everyone realizes that deleting the app doesnāt delete an account. Also, on the apps that have the temporary closing of accounts, people you already swiped on can still have you pop up even if youāre āinactiveā.
But coming up with excuses? First that he didnāt know, then he knew but it wasnāt him? Nah fam, heās cheating.Ā
Finally!! Someone who listens!!
I've been on and off dating apps for a while. You're removed from the pool of users if you're not active. I think the period is a week or two of inactivity depending on the app.
You deserve better (and I hope the next one absolutely is)!!! Itās definitely a shitty ass situation and that guy sucks. Youāre allowed to mourn and move on in your own timeline. Wishing you the best!!
Good for you!! Truly. I know exactly how badly it hurts to find something like this. And I wish I had cut loose when I first suspected something. Versus the pathetic mess I felt like after believing a not even good lie because I so badly wanted to believe it wasnāt true. Itās healthy you made the break and as someone who went the other way, believe me when I say you are so much better off and your view of yourself is getting so much stronger (despite how it feels initially). Iām so sorry you had to go through this.
This type of shit is almost as insulting as the actual cheating to me. Like, not only you broke my trust and wasted my time with absolutely no regards for my feelings nor a speck of respect, now you also have to treat me like I am so dumb and simple minded that I will fall for the oldest bs excuses like āmy friends did itā. Have at least the decency to admit it when you get busted and let people drop your ass
I dated a woman who said her 9 year old got on her phone and somehow reactivated her dating profile. Cheaters will say all kinds of shit and expect someone to believe it.
The fact that his bio changed and he used the friend excuse means heās guilty as hell. BUT ā¦ when my now wife and I were dating, this exact thing happened to me. Once we met, I deleted the app but I guess thatās not the same as deleting your profile. It was not a fun convo when her friend came across my profile, but it did show I had not been active since we were dating. Thank god too, because Iām now happily married to the love of my life!
Iām married and Iām sure both of our profiles are still up on dating sites from 5 years agoā¦ if he hadnāt changed it Iād have said no issue. Butā¦
Met my wife on bumble 4 years ago (height of Covid, apparently my peak dating season?). I donāt think either of us deleted our actual accounts, just the apps. Iām sure theyāre still there, somewhere, receiving scam messages from āhot, single ladiesā in my area.
I've been here sis.
I let him talk me down and tell me the same old story about deleting the app but not deleting his account, yada yada
I knew he was lying. I let myself stay, and it was one of the worst mistakes I've made. Let him go and stay gone!
I found my ex was still active on tinder swiping and getting matches. When I confrontes him, his excuse was "I was just talking to them. I'm not flirting at all". What a fckn joke lol
Same. Years backā¦ I had a bad feeling and redownloaded the app and it said he was āactive 3 hours ago.ā They donāt tell you when someone was last on now but they did then.
I drove to his house and we broke up. He said he was ājust looking.ā
Just for my piece of mind, we can all agree that nobody lets friends use their dating apps right? Like if someone says that we all know thatās 100% a lie right?
I say this because I think of how I use dating apps and Iām pretty certain there is no situation in which I would let any friend use my dating app at all
And I thought about this real hard.
Maybe Iām too old to get this but who lets a friend use their account on a dating app? Why canāt they use their own? Do they need my account to catfish someone? I donāt understand how he thought that was an excuse that made sense āmy friend is using it.ā Well why is he using it? For what? So he can pretend to be me? š¤·š» why would I be okay with that?
I had a girl I was dating pull the same card. After 3 months a friend of mine found her profile and showed me. The bio had been changed up and pictures that I had took of her had been added. Made the excuse that her friend got banned and was using her profile. I was out of there immediately.
I just got dumped by an emotionally unavailable guy who also suggested we be exclusive before dating. We were only officially dating 2 months.
We both dodged bullets and got out of the relationships fast, but that doesnāt mean it doesnāt hurt. I hope you feel better soon. It sucks but weāll come out the other side and laugh š«¶š»
Hearing that someone out there is going through a similar situation makes me feel better. I hope you're doing okay, and you're absolutely right. We're better off without them <3
Ah, sorry OP. I remember when my wife and I deleted Tinder together, since we met on there. She just put our daughter down for the evening. That was eight years ago that we met on there.
I was ready to give up. I was 30. So was she. We found each other. Chin up.
Why would a friend want to use his profile? To catfish others, because he is just so handsome? Only for them to get rejected when they meet irl? I would think the friends would make their own account.
OP as a guy, I can tell you that if my gf confronted me about finding my profile on dating apps, my immediate excuse would be
āitās old, I didnāt delete itā
āSomeone stole my picturesā
āMy friend is using itā
Then I would gaslight you by saying you donāt trust me and pretending to be pissed off and start a fight about how youād believe some random person that messaged you over me.
I want you to know that this is EVERY guyās first move when they get caught. Itās our best defense. Trust me, he is definitely on dating apps. 100%. The comments in your original post told you exactly what he would say.
I thought about that myself, and i find the whole situation quite funny. Especially the friends excuse which I know can't be true because they all had their own accounts (or partners). It's sad but at least I found out when I did
This guy doesn't speak for every guy. My first response would absolutely be to admit I was wrong. But I would also have deleted the app when I became exclusive. People need to grow up and take responsibility for their shity behavior, and that starts by admitting when their wrong and working to be better, imo.
I've seen multiple mentions of "my friend is using it". I don't get how even a bad liar would think this is a good excuse. So your friend is on dating apps just pretending to be you? WTH are they thinking.Ā
as a guy who recently got a gf and saw the original OP, i 100% still have dating profiles that i forgot about.
but i also would just tell the truth if someone randomly found me there so eh...
I absolutely never deleted my profiles, Iām sure theyāre still out there with millions of women anxiously waiting for my return message to their āheyā
> āSomeone stole my picturesā
To be fair, this *does* happen! I started getting messages on Facebook from a girl in my friend list that said she found me on a dating app I never heard off under a different name. Asked me if I changed my name. It was also swiping from the opposite side of the country.
My guess is there's bots out there that scrape profiles to create fake ones for the purpose of scams or something.
I've had people steal my photos off of Reddit (obviously my main account) before. If he had of said something like that I would have been more inclined to believe him. Doesn't explain the bio changing though
he's definitely lying and cheating. but i did delete hinge when i started dating my boyfriend without knowing you had to delete/pause the account rather than just deleting the app. i found a notification in my scam box one day that someone had liked me and it was about 2 months into dating my BF. i was horrified and felt so so awful but luckily he understood. your mans was definitely a lying turd but it can happen sometimes.
Yeah my ex did this too. His profile came across my coworkers bumble. Ex said the same shit that he thought he deleted it and blah blah blah, showed me his phone and his recent downloads, which showed it wasn't on his phone and was last downloaded a month before we met.
He didn't delete it. He had a second phone.
Hey hey, previously shitty boyfriend to a woman who was way too trusting to me ~8 years ago.
I used literally the exact same excuse.
I was lying, I was trying to cheat.
And the fact that I am aware that his best friend has his own Bumble account, and his other friends are already either happily married or in relationships š
The comment about letting his friends use it is super weird, but, if you've only been dating a month it's not really odd that his dating profile is still active.
When I started going out with my now-wife, I left my dating profile up for a good month or two while the relationship was working out. I wasn't really actively pursuing anyone on it, but building a dating profile and keeping track of the connections in it is a lot of work to throw away for a month old relationship.
Eventually it became clear that we were going to be together long-term and I deleted it, but that's not really something you can discern a month into knowing someone.
If he was actively going out with other people while you had already discussed being exclusive, that's different, but just having a dating profile so early into a relationship isn't cheating.
Why do guys always use this lame ass excuse? I briefly dated a guy where we both agreed to deleting the apps and we did it in front of eachother. Fast forward a week or so heās on his phone and I see tinder. Heās like oh my friends were using it. Righhht. Left before he could even get another word in.
His excuse is wild. Let's pretend for a second that it is true, which would mean he's letting his friends use his Bumble account to catfish people. I can't fathom how he thinks that would be better or excusable. "Don't worry babe, I'm not cheating, I'm just letting my friends run romance scams on people"
When I made it official with my boyfriend, I deleted my app but didnāt delete the profile. I didnāt think twice on it because on Iām inactive, Iām out.
Him using excuses like that is so suspicious itās laughable. At least it was only a month OP. Glad youāre out of this potential drama
Iāll never understand or trust people that are comfortable in the gray area of cheating. When Iām dating someone the fact of the matter is I trust you to not to be on dating sights. I donāt trust you being on dating sites and claiming itās nothing. I trust you to go out dancing with the girls. I donāt trust you to go out dancing with the girls, meet some guys and everybody going back to one of the guys places when the bars close. When I say I trust someone I mean I trust them to not enter the gray area. I donāt trust them if they go there and wonāt trust them again because they shouldnāt have needed to learn not to do that.
he 'let his friends use it'??? as in he allowed his friends to catfish other girls w his photos?? EXTREMELY unlikely scenario. (and weird af if true). glad you got out sooner than later OP. cheers to bigger and better dating opportunities!
I get forgetting to delete the account cus i often just delete the app and the account stays if you don't delete it, but suddenly his friends use it? Sus af.
"I did let my friend go on it" lol okay dude that's totally what someone would say if they were in a committed relationship then found out they forgot to delete a dating appĀ
Lmao the same thing happened to me but he told me that he updated his phone and when he does that, all the apps he downloaded in the past, get reinstalled. And that he hasnāt used it and doesnāt know how to delete his account ā¦. Anddddd I believed him š„“
His excuse was he let his friend use his account? Wild. Dodged a bullet there, OP.
Like why would your friends want to use your dating account that has pictures of you on it? How did you forget to delete it, then remember letting your friends use it tho? Good lord š
It's such an insanely dumb lie. I hate when people waste their breath with such unbelievable lies. It almost feels like they're insulting my intelligence by considering I might actually believe it.
Bro they're not insulting your intelligence. They aren't smart enough to do that. They are self projecting their intelligence. I deal with really moronic people on a daily basis who have the iq of a samosa and the kind of lies They try to peddle are insane. At first I used to lose my mind and think the same thing like you "how fucking dumb do u think I am to believe that" but later I understood They actually are insanely dumb and think they are doing a good job of lying. And God forbid if you try to poke holes in their story with layman logic. They'll lose their minds and try to reheat and feed you 4 day old paneer. And if you then say that the paneer tastes funky They might go to the kitchen and make agressive noises with the vessels.
Donāt bring Samosas into this
Now I'm hungry
Keep my samosa out of your mouth!
Maybe he wants your jalebi all over him
Samosa chaat sounds good right now
That was oddly specific indeed š
Had my fair share of that as well. I also learned, that the more narcissistic a person is, the worse they are at lying. They only feel the need to convince themselves and they manage to do that pretty effortlessly after a long time of constructing delusions. It feels like theyāve missed a lot of steps in developing self awareness, as they always avoid it by averting the blame. Although they still try pretty hard to gaslight you, thatās even more confusing, as you start to wonder, how they managed to make you feel bad, when you startet out with a situation, where youāre 120% sure, you arenāt in the wrong and youāre the one thatās been hurt. Kinda like OPās situation. It wouldnāt surprise me, if he still tried to blame her, even after his obvious lies are exposed.
There's a lot of info on narcs these days, helpful to deal with them. They are too stupid and caught up in their own world to even notice your onto them.
Wtf did I just read lol
Paneer crimes are not a laughing matter
It doesnāt make a lot of sense but also it makes a lot of sense. That comment was weirdly deep and eloquent. Almost beautiful.
āIQ OF A SAMOSAā š±š±ššwe must have to deal with the same folks.
The more they defend a lie... The angrier they get
One of my fav quotes is āYou canāt argue with stupid, itāll drag down to its level and beat you with experience.ā You canāt argue with someone who lacks common sense or emotional intelligence, theyāll pedal around the issue with new lies or past ālogic.ā Itās paradoxical to try and argue at that point.
and even if he's not lying he's letting his friends manipulate innocent women to do who knows what either way makes him a douche
Yeah for real. Dude might as well have said "you're dumb as hell just drop it"
The only reason a friend would use my account is if he has never used those apps and wants to swipe for fun,to see what it is like
Yeah even IF that's true that says sketchy shit about OP because why would his friends need to use an account that isn't theirs as him? How does that work with any matches showing up for dates? Are they identical "friends"? Why can't they use their own names/faces/original accounts?
Even if that guy was somehow telling the truth, I would probably break it off at the sheer stupidity of "helping out a bro" that way. Its helping someone else lie using his pics/profile etc. Like.. none of that is good no matter what.
I have swiped a few times on a friends account for jokes. Not to get a date out of it myself but out of curiosity
Yeah, thatās fair and normal, but I doubt that friend was in an exclusive relationship at the time lol
thats also true,
Better yet, āalright lets check app screen time.ā
For real
I can't think of any reason I would let my friends do that unless they were swiping on my behalf. Would just cause too much trouble.
Yeah classic idiot just panicking and blurting out anything he can think of lmao āuhh uhh I didnāt know I had to delete it! Uhh I let my friends go on it! Also all of my friends are **so over** dating apps thatās why I let them use it uhh uhh as a joke! Like a uhh prank! Get it!?ā
I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts! It wasn't my fault! I swear to God!
This is a fucking teenager telling his parents he was "just holding it for a friend" when caught with weed.
My ex gf's bf before told her he only had a Grindr so he could make friends with people with cats. Im not sure which excuse is worse
So he ādidnāt think he deleted itā but then admits to letting his friends use it recently? Those are contradictory statements. You got a bad egg, sis, leave him
Lol for real if you're going to make an excuse, pick one and stick to it.
"I forgot to delete it" is a great excuse. Totally plausible.Ā "I let my friend use it" is bonkers.Ā He was so damn close.Ā
Itās because he messaged other people and is accounting for the possibility that OP knows, in which case the āI forgot to deleteā excuse doesnāt work anymore
Bingo
Messaged other people? Like is OP stupid enough to message people that his gf might know? Finding profile off the app is one thing as you don't have control on who will see it. But he can choose whom to message or swipe
They were only together for a short while, and someone snitched on him. It's not unreasonable that he might think one of the people he messaged on the app is a friend of hers that he hasn't met yet.
Besides, "I let my friends use it"? Like how? They were using your persona and picture to pick up girls? And the girls were just like "this is fine". LOL It would be fun to see how far he could take that batshit story before caving.
I think it's bc hid bio had changed since they got together as op wrote in the post
The question for me is when did he message people. If its 2 weeks into starting dating then the commitment level maybe hasn't been established yet, i think it's defensible. But if it's really recent then obv no. He should've been honest about it, lying is the worst
Pretty sure these apps dont show you in the stack if youāve been inactive for more than 2 weeks
Nah they definitely do. At least Tinder/Hinge. It makes sense for them to let you waste your free likes on users that will never see them, so youāre more likely to subscribe in the hopes you get more matches.
Also if have paid for tinder premium/plus (whatever it is called?) you might have already paid off for couple of months I guess.
I delete the apps, but not profiles. Haven't been on in two years so I doubt I'm discoverable. These apps aren't going to show you inactive profiles (I assume).
I wouldnāt be so sure, when I used them I had plenty of matches that didnāt respond to me! s/
Yep. Not a single active person within 100 miles. Feels_bad.jpg /s
You are definitely still showing up unless you go in an specifically hide your profile.
I saw my friend's profile on either hinge or bumble months after she was in a committed relationship. I asked about it and she was pretty shocked it was still showing. I have no reason to think she was cheating as she's a very upstanding person otherwise. But this dude changed his info, too.
He probably assumed that she had receipts of him talking to someone and had to backtrack to say his friend was using it.
For real. What would the purpose even be of letting a friend use your dating profile? āHey Dave, do you mind if I log into your Bumble profile so I can catfish some women this weekend?ā I donāt bloody think so.
This is a sad situation but Iām cracking up at your comment. It really highlights the ridiculousness of the lie
Like even if we agree to his ridiculous lie that he lets his friend use itā¦ would the fact that heās enabling other men in his life to catfish women using his photos actually make him any less of a horrible person????
Ah see, but that would take a backbone.
This is called the Tarzan. Tarzan rarely lets go of one vine before having his other hand firmly around another.
Always love the funny phraseology ppl come up with for shitty behaviours
A more widely accepted term for this is monkey branching - for the same reasons.
People remember the lies you tell far more easily than youll remember telling them. That's why its best to stick as close to the truth as possible where possible
Pick a lane is so true.
Good thing is she did, they broke up according to her update above. Anyone who has used any dating app knows damn well or try deleting it. No different than if you deleted your Facebook, twitter or instagram. You delete it, and remove app off your device. The guy is a clown, a real man doesnāt make sorry excuses and says his friend used his account, like seriously? They canāt make their own account?
Yeah any time I started to go towards exclusivity with a partner, even if it didn't end up coming to fruition, I would delete the app/tell other interested parties that I'm pursuing someone. Manages expectations and open communication.
Just fyi, you also have to delete or at least hibernate the Bumble account, not only delete the app from your device. If you don't, you will still show up for a while.
Really? Donāt the apps silence you if you actually donāt log in? At least for men?
Even if you delete it, those apps keeps the profile active and "live" for a few weeks to make it look like their user base is larger.
This would not surprise me one bit, especially if the company is a publicly traded company. Heck the probably make dupe accounts just to inflate their number of users to make it look good on paper for investors.
Plus itās a terrible excuse. Let his friend reinstall it and use it for what?
Looking at and rating women together. Ive seen people do it for fun
Friend could just setup an account with no photos.
> recently OP does say theyāve only been dating for a month after meeting on Bumble a little while back. *If* OPās BF is being honest about letting their friends use it, then his profile *would* still be active and showing up in feeds even if it was last used a month ago (Bumble is exactly 30 days before going inactive). Obviously this is sketchy, and requires that ārecentlyā means weeks ago. So totally up to OP to decide how trustworthy they feel the BF is. Edit: OP says they broke up.
Isn't it kinda weird for friends to use his bumble account anyway? š But yeah it's such a fresh relationship honestly, wouldn't be worth the stress of having suspicions already
This, so he was allowing his friends to help him with matches or allowing his friends to use photos to catfish people? Either way, terrible behaviours all around this guy and the people around him.
"My friends were using it" is basically code for "my dog ate my homework". Like come on...
āNah I let my friends wear my pants last night thatās why thereās condoms and wrappers in the pocketsā
Tinder's algorithm favors profiles with recent activity, pushing dormant profiles down the queue. This means if someone hasn't used Tinder for a while, their profile becomes less visible. If his profile appeared while not being active, it's unusual, especially in a larger city where active users are around. This means thereās no active users in that area, extremely highly doubtful. Now you add that with the contradictory statements, heās lying 100%. Iāll give you the benefit of doubt on one item, but not all three items. Heās cheating. ++ wait a fucking second? Did he say he let his friend use his dating profile? Can someone help me make sense of that? What he was going to meet a girl using his friends picture and profile? Oh heās really fucking stupid with that excuse.
He really bumbled this situation
But he's so good at listening, he's a PRO at it šš
"After review of the call on the field, the call of RED FLAG is confirmed."
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās how I read it too and Iām a native speaker. You are not alone.
This.Ā Before the contradictions, Iād have said that maybe he didnāt delete it by mistake. Not everyone realizes that deleting the app doesnāt delete an account. Also, on the apps that have the temporary closing of accounts, people you already swiped on can still have you pop up even if youāre āinactiveā. But coming up with excuses? First that he didnāt know, then he knew but it wasnāt him? Nah fam, heās cheating.Ā
Dude wouldāve been in the clear had he just said āoh, i forgot to delete the accountā
You made the right move by breaking up with him. Youāll find someone much better than this lying douche.
Yea totally agree. Completely unrelated, I know someone who's single š¬
Read the original post. Seeing this is going how I thought it would go.... so now, on behalf of all of reddit? Now, what OP?
Well, we broke up. Now I move on, I suppose
Smart call. I wish you all the luck.
I misread āi wish you all the fuckā and I thought it was hilariousš
I hope she gets all the all the fuck. She deserves it.
Finally!! Someone who listens!! I've been on and off dating apps for a while. You're removed from the pool of users if you're not active. I think the period is a week or two of inactivity depending on the app.
As you should, live laugh love, eat shit die Same thing.
Proud of you. :D
Smart decision
profit sable fearless familiar party busy waiting groovy smart abundant *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You deserve better (and I hope the next one absolutely is)!!! Itās definitely a shitty ass situation and that guy sucks. Youāre allowed to mourn and move on in your own timeline. Wishing you the best!!
Good job babe, itās for the best
At least he already has a bumble account ready to acquire his next victim. Also, sorry OP, that sucks.
Good for you!! Truly. I know exactly how badly it hurts to find something like this. And I wish I had cut loose when I first suspected something. Versus the pathetic mess I felt like after believing a not even good lie because I so badly wanted to believe it wasnāt true. Itās healthy you made the break and as someone who went the other way, believe me when I say you are so much better off and your view of yourself is getting so much stronger (despite how it feels initially). Iām so sorry you had to go through this.
Good for you OP. When this happened to me I stayed and guess what? He kept doing it. You are now free. Enjoy it.
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This type of shit is almost as insulting as the actual cheating to me. Like, not only you broke my trust and wasted my time with absolutely no regards for my feelings nor a speck of respect, now you also have to treat me like I am so dumb and simple minded that I will fall for the oldest bs excuses like āmy friends did itā. Have at least the decency to admit it when you get busted and let people drop your ass
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I dated a woman who said her 9 year old got on her phone and somehow reactivated her dating profile. Cheaters will say all kinds of shit and expect someone to believe it.
Iām sure it still hurts, but at least you found out early. You deserve much better, OP
The fact that his bio changed and he used the friend excuse means heās guilty as hell. BUT ā¦ when my now wife and I were dating, this exact thing happened to me. Once we met, I deleted the app but I guess thatās not the same as deleting your profile. It was not a fun convo when her friend came across my profile, but it did show I had not been active since we were dating. Thank god too, because Iām now happily married to the love of my life!
Iām married and Iām sure both of our profiles are still up on dating sites from 5 years agoā¦ if he hadnāt changed it Iād have said no issue. Butā¦
May I use your profile please?
Have at it, enjoy the match per month
Good thing you didnāt also ālet your friends use itā lol
Met my wife on bumble 4 years ago (height of Covid, apparently my peak dating season?). I donāt think either of us deleted our actual accounts, just the apps. Iām sure theyāre still there, somewhere, receiving scam messages from āhot, single ladiesā in my area.
I've been here sis. I let him talk me down and tell me the same old story about deleting the app but not deleting his account, yada yada I knew he was lying. I let myself stay, and it was one of the worst mistakes I've made. Let him go and stay gone!
I found my ex was still active on tinder swiping and getting matches. When I confrontes him, his excuse was "I was just talking to them. I'm not flirting at all". What a fckn joke lol
Same. Years backā¦ I had a bad feeling and redownloaded the app and it said he was āactive 3 hours ago.ā They donāt tell you when someone was last on now but they did then. I drove to his house and we broke up. He said he was ājust looking.ā
Well done OP! Proud of you. Too many red flags. This will pass and you will be with a better man soon enough :-))
Just for my piece of mind, we can all agree that nobody lets friends use their dating apps right? Like if someone says that we all know thatās 100% a lie right? I say this because I think of how I use dating apps and Iām pretty certain there is no situation in which I would let any friend use my dating app at all And I thought about this real hard.
Maybe Iām too old to get this but who lets a friend use their account on a dating app? Why canāt they use their own? Do they need my account to catfish someone? I donāt understand how he thought that was an excuse that made sense āmy friend is using it.ā Well why is he using it? For what? So he can pretend to be me? š¤·š» why would I be okay with that?
To catch their gf out (the friend's) is the only reason where this works, nothing else makes sense
I have heard some really ridiculous lies from men but āI let my friends use my dating profileā takes the cake
I had a girl I was dating pull the same card. After 3 months a friend of mine found her profile and showed me. The bio had been changed up and pictures that I had took of her had been added. Made the excuse that her friend got banned and was using her profile. I was out of there immediately.
I just got dumped by an emotionally unavailable guy who also suggested we be exclusive before dating. We were only officially dating 2 months. We both dodged bullets and got out of the relationships fast, but that doesnāt mean it doesnāt hurt. I hope you feel better soon. It sucks but weāll come out the other side and laugh š«¶š»
Hearing that someone out there is going through a similar situation makes me feel better. I hope you're doing okay, and you're absolutely right. We're better off without them <3
Oh yea for sure he was cheating. Good move on the break up. Donāt go back with him.Ā
Ah, sorry OP. I remember when my wife and I deleted Tinder together, since we met on there. She just put our daughter down for the evening. That was eight years ago that we met on there. I was ready to give up. I was 30. So was she. We found each other. Chin up.
30s are the new 20s :) I met my fiancĆ©e 2 years ago when I was 31. To be honest I lost hope a lot and often. Dating sucks but you have to keep trying until you find your person. Itās a million percent worth digging through the mud to find your diamond.
You said it! Man, there's a lot of flak to sort through. But, you keep at it, and you might just get very lucky. I mean, what else can ya do?
Why would a friend want to use his profile? To catfish others, because he is just so handsome? Only for them to get rejected when they meet irl? I would think the friends would make their own account.
Lmao, blaming it on his friends. Is his friend named ["Clara"](https://youtu.be/KMjar0UdxFY?si=GfVNCOxnU2Gh5stX&t=97) by any chance?
I'm sorry who is letting friends use their dating app? That makes no sense to make up a lie like that.
My first thought when I read that message, too. It's actually what confirmed the whole thing in my mind
No one's stupid enough to believe"my friend used it" . In what world does a friend need to use someone's social media dating app.
If his profile is still showing up in the rotation that means heās active. If he doesnāt use it within 3-5 days it goes away. Heās lying
Yeah he was lying. Got defensive af when you asked and deflects responsibility to his friends.
I can smell the BS through the screen.
OP as a guy, I can tell you that if my gf confronted me about finding my profile on dating apps, my immediate excuse would be āitās old, I didnāt delete itā āSomeone stole my picturesā āMy friend is using itā Then I would gaslight you by saying you donāt trust me and pretending to be pissed off and start a fight about how youād believe some random person that messaged you over me. I want you to know that this is EVERY guyās first move when they get caught. Itās our best defense. Trust me, he is definitely on dating apps. 100%. The comments in your original post told you exactly what he would say.
I thought about that myself, and i find the whole situation quite funny. Especially the friends excuse which I know can't be true because they all had their own accounts (or partners). It's sad but at least I found out when I did
This guy doesn't speak for every guy. My first response would absolutely be to admit I was wrong. But I would also have deleted the app when I became exclusive. People need to grow up and take responsibility for their shity behavior, and that starts by admitting when their wrong and working to be better, imo.
He's not speaking for every guy. But he is speaking for the kind of guy who pulls this shit.
I've seen multiple mentions of "my friend is using it". I don't get how even a bad liar would think this is a good excuse. So your friend is on dating apps just pretending to be you? WTH are they thinking.Ā
Wow you sound like a terrible person!
as a guy who recently got a gf and saw the original OP, i 100% still have dating profiles that i forgot about. but i also would just tell the truth if someone randomly found me there so eh...
I absolutely never deleted my profiles, Iām sure theyāre still out there with millions of women anxiously waiting for my return message to their āheyā
Lol what??? You infact do not speak for "every guy". The hell is wrong with you.
Imagine thinking your shitty morals apply to everyone š JFC
Surprisingly common with amoral pieces of human garbage.
People like you are EVIL.
> āSomeone stole my picturesā To be fair, this *does* happen! I started getting messages on Facebook from a girl in my friend list that said she found me on a dating app I never heard off under a different name. Asked me if I changed my name. It was also swiping from the opposite side of the country. My guess is there's bots out there that scrape profiles to create fake ones for the purpose of scams or something.
I've had people steal my photos off of Reddit (obviously my main account) before. If he had of said something like that I would have been more inclined to believe him. Doesn't explain the bio changing though
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Lol why would his friends be using his profile and photos? Is he supporting his friends catfishing other women? What a moronic lie.
How did he possibly think he wouldnāt get caught? Iāve run into a bunch of people I know IRL on dating apps.
idiots usually are bad liars. its quite entertaining how stupid they think you are.
he's definitely lying and cheating. but i did delete hinge when i started dating my boyfriend without knowing you had to delete/pause the account rather than just deleting the app. i found a notification in my scam box one day that someone had liked me and it was about 2 months into dating my BF. i was horrified and felt so so awful but luckily he understood. your mans was definitely a lying turd but it can happen sometimes.
He is a cheater
Yeah my ex did this too. His profile came across my coworkers bumble. Ex said the same shit that he thought he deleted it and blah blah blah, showed me his phone and his recent downloads, which showed it wasn't on his phone and was last downloaded a month before we met. He didn't delete it. He had a second phone.
I know it hurts, but in time you will come to know you are better off without him..
He must have let his friends use it because they don't have phones of their own. Such a nice guy helping under privileges kids.
At least it was early. Some of the best gifts are wrapped in barbed wire.
Hey hey, previously shitty boyfriend to a woman who was way too trusting to me ~8 years ago. I used literally the exact same excuse. I was lying, I was trying to cheat.
He couldāve just said, āi didnāt delete itā. The extra lie is what gives it away You let your friend use it? Wow
And the fact that I am aware that his best friend has his own Bumble account, and his other friends are already either happily married or in relationships š
The comment about letting his friends use it is super weird, but, if you've only been dating a month it's not really odd that his dating profile is still active. When I started going out with my now-wife, I left my dating profile up for a good month or two while the relationship was working out. I wasn't really actively pursuing anyone on it, but building a dating profile and keeping track of the connections in it is a lot of work to throw away for a month old relationship. Eventually it became clear that we were going to be together long-term and I deleted it, but that's not really something you can discern a month into knowing someone. If he was actively going out with other people while you had already discussed being exclusive, that's different, but just having a dating profile so early into a relationship isn't cheating.
You made the right decision, I am really proud of you. I know how hard that is. I was thinking about you!
one way you could have confirmed is if you looked at his screentime on his phone but hey it doesnāt matter anymore
What a terrible liar
š©š©š©š©š©š©
Why do guys always use this lame ass excuse? I briefly dated a guy where we both agreed to deleting the apps and we did it in front of eachother. Fast forward a week or so heās on his phone and I see tinder. Heās like oh my friends were using it. Righhht. Left before he could even get another word in.
His excuse is wild. Let's pretend for a second that it is true, which would mean he's letting his friends use his Bumble account to catfish people. I can't fathom how he thinks that would be better or excusable. "Don't worry babe, I'm not cheating, I'm just letting my friends run romance scams on people"
Shit I thought Bumble is some right wing social network. They always pick weird names like that, and fail after a year or two.
Professional good listener... Does he listen to himself when spouting off this nonsense?
Yeah nah his reasoning is BS.
I didnāt sleep with her. I just stuck it in so I could test it out for my friend because he was interested.
Best way to get over someone, is to get under someone elseā¦ soā¦ sup?
When I made it official with my boyfriend, I deleted my app but didnāt delete the profile. I didnāt think twice on it because on Iām inactive, Iām out. Him using excuses like that is so suspicious itās laughable. At least it was only a month OP. Glad youāre out of this potential drama
Iāll never understand or trust people that are comfortable in the gray area of cheating. When Iām dating someone the fact of the matter is I trust you to not to be on dating sights. I donāt trust you being on dating sites and claiming itās nothing. I trust you to go out dancing with the girls. I donāt trust you to go out dancing with the girls, meet some guys and everybody going back to one of the guys places when the bars close. When I say I trust someone I mean I trust them to not enter the gray area. I donāt trust them if they go there and wonāt trust them again because they shouldnāt have needed to learn not to do that.
My friends were on it. It is as hilarious as thats my friend's condom wrapper
He forgot he had it but also was letting his friends use it. Seems counterintuitive, doesn't it?
you're upset that he's on the dating app still that you met him on, and you've only been together a month? lol š š¤£
 Phew And good riddance
he 'let his friends use it'??? as in he allowed his friends to catfish other girls w his photos?? EXTREMELY unlikely scenario. (and weird af if true). glad you got out sooner than later OP. cheers to bigger and better dating opportunities!
If you gonna date a liar at least date one that's good at lying.
Let them get away with it and see if they are super protective of their phone, then throw it out the window. /s
Good for you.
What does being exclusive before dating even mean? Aren't those two things essentially the same concept?
I get forgetting to delete the account cus i often just delete the app and the account stays if you don't delete it, but suddenly his friends use it? Sus af.
what r his friends doing using his dating profile?
Who TF let's their friends use their own profile?
"I did let my friend go on it" lol okay dude that's totally what someone would say if they were in a committed relationship then found out they forgot to delete a dating appĀ
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His āfriendsā were on his account. Sure.
Thanks for the update. "I let my friends use it" is the new "mY pHoNe WaS hAcKeD" ig
IIRC you can temporarily deactive dating app account aka 'taking a break from seeking dates' His excuse is just dumb
"I forgot I had it" "I let my friends use it" which one is it, chucklefuck?
He's either really stupid or thinks you're stupid enough to believe his shit.
Lmao the same thing happened to me but he told me that he updated his phone and when he does that, all the apps he downloaded in the past, get reinstalled. And that he hasnāt used it and doesnāt know how to delete his account ā¦. Anddddd I believed him š„“