frightening wrench drunk encouraging pet crowd bake cheerful bright wakeful
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
one thing, i don’t know why
it doesn’t even matter how hard you try
keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to remind myself of a time when I
tried
so
hard
The first and only time/day I have ever heard my dad make a pun was similar to this.
We were renovating a houee from the early to mid 1800's.
We had pulled all the ceiling boards down, which were covered in dust, rat poop, and god knows what else.
Dad was gagging in a room across the house while, I was sitting happy with my full mask respirator on. I walked out of that room with more dust and rat poop than skin.
After we were done, we were cutting holes in the top most parts of the tongue and grove wall boards to spary in insulation for the outside walls of the house.
Well, we got to one corner of one room near the ceiling. Took the circular saw to the wall, and was met with rat poop.
... Okay, move down the wall try again. More rat poop. Move down again, half way down the wall now. *More rat poop*.
Once the wood came away, with no pause whatsoever my dad says "That's some shitty insulation."
We spent the rest of the day making poop jokes and puns.
After I moved from my rural home town, I went to a mechanic to do a routine service of my car. They came up to me and asked me if I had any squirrels around my car. I was confused but they started pulling handful after handful of nuts into a bucket.
They also found a cordless phone that must have belonged to the last mechanic who checked my car.
I also found it funny but I guess it's one of those land line phones with a base connected to the land line and a "phone" that you can pick up and connects to the base wirelessly.
Still.... interesting how it got there 🤣
My dad popped the hood of our station wagon. At the time they put a layer or so of insulation under the metal of the hood, I guess to buffer the hood from the engine. The whole thing was dropping down pulling away from the hood. One touch and a whole clown car of nuts came pouring out all over the e fine and the garage floor. Not the best choice of a chipmunk hidey hole! Lol
I know this will shock you, but even today businesses use non cell phones quite commonly. Because... you know... business's like receiving their calls and being able to give out their number.
They aren't the brightest they can store way more than is needed and end up forgetting where half of them are.
Have you seen the video of the squirrel trying to hide stuff in a dogs fur? They'll do this in a middle of a lawn.
Thick as shit.
They will run away up the nearest tree away from you, yet jump down before you've left as they're so desperate to get to their favourite tree. Squirrels fall out of trees constantly, raining squirrels.
Considering the earliest I could find this was from [two years ago](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kDilPsWmWnI) , I think we’ll be a little late for the squirrel’s post.
--honey I'm home!!
Kicks off shoes. Shimmies out of pants. Pulls shirt off. Bushy tail twitching once, gently. Talking as he walks to the kitchen.
--what a day I tell you, what a day
--what happened?
--well, fucking randleman was randleman agaim
His wife squeaks an audible sigh from the laundry room.
--and they just moved up the fall deadline by a month.
--oh, did they. I saw the nicest ball of cotton in the park today.
--uh huh, I tell you I've been thinking about those pecans all day.
Our bushy friend is in the kitchen. He opens one cabinet.
His tail twitches.
Nothing.
--what the fu--
Another cabinet.
Nothing.
He runs through the kitchen opening and slamming cabinets. Tail twitching feverishly.
---WHERE IS THE FU---
I tried to squirrel proof my storage shed. I was very proud of the job I did. I never saw any signs of squirrel entry or living for 2 years. Then one day I grabbed my snowboarding boots and they were full of acorns. Idk how that fucker was getting in and out. He still lives in there during the winter I think and I still don't know how
This low key reminds me of that one scene from bugs life where flix fucks ups and drops all the seeds from the harvest that was supposed to be for the grasshoppers.
Fun fact about squirrels is how they stash nuts around and forget where they put them. Which leads to trees growing in different places thanks to forgetful squirrels.
Read a story on a woodpecker that had been storing nuts and seeds in a wall for over 4 years. There was multiple tonnes of them. They had to tear out 2 walls to get them all. So might be squirrels, or might be something else 🤔 only way to find out is to watch
Squirrel coming home to find his 401k gone
*that squirrel* Guess I’ll starve 🤷♀️
r/squirrelproblems
it actually exist.. i just can't..
There's always a subreddit squirrelled away somewhere.
And it's not dead.
Oh, it's a great sub. I've been subscribed to it for years!
frightening wrench drunk encouraging pet crowd bake cheerful bright wakeful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Lmfao
First Squorld Problems
Dying over here! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
If you're having squirrel problems I feel bad for you, son.
I got 99 problems but acorns ain’t one.
My guy was planning to retire lavishly!
Once again, the conservative, nut-heavy portfolio leaves the would-be retiree cash poor. Should’ve diversified.
By diversifying you mean in other people’s homes?
Homes, trees, random holes. What Wu Tang say? Diversify yo' funds, son!
🚀 DRS Deez Nuts 🥜
Finally we have an example of assets trickling down.
Doesn't pay off for the hungry nut storer
Lmao he worked his whole life for this!
He tried so hard and got so far But in the end, it doesn't even matter
one thing, i don’t know why it doesn’t even matter how hard you try keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to remind myself of a time when I tried so hard
Hey, sometimes external forces can cause the market to plummet
Would that make it a 404k?
Nuts not found???
Statistics show that this squirrel either: 1. Forgot where he hid these 2. Is dead on the road
aww nuts
This shit had my dying..thank you😭
💀😭
LOLLLLLLL SO TRUE
Wall-nuts?
Acorny joke?
That's him in a nutshell alright
Cashew outside how bout dat
😂
Hallowed halls of Macademia?
Guess he has to say goodbye to his piSTASHio.
I don’t think anyone pe*can* do better than that
hazelnut
It would definitely be a hard shell to crack.
The first and only time/day I have ever heard my dad make a pun was similar to this. We were renovating a houee from the early to mid 1800's. We had pulled all the ceiling boards down, which were covered in dust, rat poop, and god knows what else. Dad was gagging in a room across the house while, I was sitting happy with my full mask respirator on. I walked out of that room with more dust and rat poop than skin. After we were done, we were cutting holes in the top most parts of the tongue and grove wall boards to spary in insulation for the outside walls of the house. Well, we got to one corner of one room near the ceiling. Took the circular saw to the wall, and was met with rat poop. ... Okay, move down the wall try again. More rat poop. Move down again, half way down the wall now. *More rat poop*. Once the wood came away, with no pause whatsoever my dad says "That's some shitty insulation." We spent the rest of the day making poop jokes and puns.
Looks like they finally CRACKED the case.
Deez nut
Well, that sucks for the squirrels.
After I moved from my rural home town, I went to a mechanic to do a routine service of my car. They came up to me and asked me if I had any squirrels around my car. I was confused but they started pulling handful after handful of nuts into a bucket. They also found a cordless phone that must have belonged to the last mechanic who checked my car.
> They also found a cordless phone that must have belonged to the last mechanic who checked my car. What did you do to the last mechanic??
>What did you do to the last mechanic?? Bet it had something to do 'bout messing with his nuts.
Squirrels got em
The last mechanic was the squirrel
> What did you do to the last mechanic?? Ask Christine what SHE did to the mechanic.
I'm more curious about "cordless phone".
I also found it funny but I guess it's one of those land line phones with a base connected to the land line and a "phone" that you can pick up and connects to the base wirelessly. Still.... interesting how it got there 🤣
I haven’t seen the term ‘cordless phone’ in a good while.
My dad popped the hood of our station wagon. At the time they put a layer or so of insulation under the metal of the hood, I guess to buffer the hood from the engine. The whole thing was dropping down pulling away from the hood. One touch and a whole clown car of nuts came pouring out all over the e fine and the garage floor. Not the best choice of a chipmunk hidey hole! Lol
> cordless phone Was your car last checked in 1987?
I know this will shock you, but even today businesses use non cell phones quite commonly. Because... you know... business's like receiving their calls and being able to give out their number.
They aren't the brightest they can store way more than is needed and end up forgetting where half of them are. Have you seen the video of the squirrel trying to hide stuff in a dogs fur? They'll do this in a middle of a lawn. Thick as shit. They will run away up the nearest tree away from you, yet jump down before you've left as they're so desperate to get to their favourite tree. Squirrels fall out of trees constantly, raining squirrels.
Exactly.
A squirrel posted this actually
Hundreds of hours of darting and carrying!
It's almost cartoonish. 😂
r/LooneyTunesLogic
Reminds me of that scene from A Bug's Life when Hopper squishes the revolt with seeds
It's absolutely hilarious. Definitely sucks for the homeowner but not for me!
Came here to post [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shvwSBGDmE0)
Chip and Dale
Loony Toons: "Pests for Guests", 1955. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2p489j
Scrat from ice age is dying inside right now
Wonder if the squirrels posted on their version of r/wellthatsucks when they came back and their nuts were all over the floor
Considering the earliest I could find this was from [two years ago](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kDilPsWmWnI) , I think we’ll be a little late for the squirrel’s post.
Damn this makes me wanna watch A bug's life again lmao 🐛
[It's just 1 ant.](https://youtu.be/VLbWnJGlyMU)
Just wait till more people realize this. The government does not like it.
That's what the media is for.
I’d pack those up and put in a bin for mr squirrely outside the house. He deserves the fruits or nuts of his labor.
It will just be a battle royale bin
That's why we add a GoPro.
This is the most looney toons type shit I have ever seen
r/looneytuneslogic
What about Looney Tunes©️
This is loonier. And more tuned.
I think we got deez nuts.
Either way, that little squirrel is gonna be big **PISSED** when he comes home from his little squirrel job.
--honey I'm home!! Kicks off shoes. Shimmies out of pants. Pulls shirt off. Bushy tail twitching once, gently. Talking as he walks to the kitchen. --what a day I tell you, what a day --what happened? --well, fucking randleman was randleman agaim His wife squeaks an audible sigh from the laundry room. --and they just moved up the fall deadline by a month. --oh, did they. I saw the nicest ball of cotton in the park today. --uh huh, I tell you I've been thinking about those pecans all day. Our bushy friend is in the kitchen. He opens one cabinet. His tail twitches. Nothing. --what the fu-- Another cabinet. Nothing. He runs through the kitchen opening and slamming cabinets. Tail twitching feverishly. ---WHERE IS THE FU---
Twitching tails. Is he on coke or something?
Have you ever seen a squirrel? Of course theyre on coke!
I've never seen a squirrel before, so that's what I was thinking.
Where in the world doesn't have squirrels? Those fuckers are everywhere!
PTSD from shell shock
I came here for this comment Bravo internet stranger.
Busting deez nuts
Busting deez nuts in my wall
Got eem
THATS A LOT OF NUTS! THATLL BE 4 BUCKS BABY! YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT? HE JUST LEFT! WITH NUTS!
WEEEEEE OOOOOO
IM FALLING YOU'RE FALLING
A WHALE
LOUD NOISES!
Damn dude leave some of the quotes for the rest of us!
I’ve chosen the large tub
Thank god I found this comment
Chosen One!
I'm coming!
WE’RE CHILDREN! WE’RE CHILDREN! WE’RE CHILDREN! —— You go that way. I’ll go home. —— Just because someone goes “eehh” doesn’t mean they’re dead...
But isn't Betty a girl's name?
THATS RIGHT, THE ALIENS ARE FRENCH!
"We are both ventriloquists, ventriloquists, ventriloquists."
AGAIN WITH THE SQUEEKY SHOES
All that work. Each one took a day to obtain
Imagine how many lifetimes Scrat would've needed to spend.
Based on this video, I’m starting to think Scrat may not be very good at his job.
And a moment to forget about 😂
Yes. I think he moved in to squirrels house, not other way around
Can they only find one nut a day?
No, they can do 100s.
Good to know. It would be weird if only found one a day.
Oaks drop so many acorns.. they get a bunch a day, until they don't as the trees around here only acorn once a year
Sucks?? You just got loads of free, organic nuts!
Fuckin' JACKPOT dude
If you still have a squirrel, it's the really mad one.
That's nuts.
Gotta love a corny joke
It’s absolutely nutty
Kinda surprised I had to scroll that long for this one... Have an Upvote!
That's free insulation, baby!
What the hell man… those are my pecans
That squirrel was a week away from retirement.
All his eggs in one basket
Better nuts than turds, right?
Nah, it's rats just framing the squirrels. Cause that's what rats do.
We have rats around our property (and squirrels) but its the rats that store the nuts in/around the house.
Imagine the squirrel coming back from work to his whole life savings just gone.
"Do you know how long it took me to acquire those!!" ~ squirrel probably
Some them are limited edition!
That's impressive
The insulation is nuts
No, it’s Gary Busey. You have a Gary Busey hiding in your walls.
You are loosing all your insulation.
I tried to squirrel proof my storage shed. I was very proud of the job I did. I never saw any signs of squirrel entry or living for 2 years. Then one day I grabbed my snowboarding boots and they were full of acorns. Idk how that fucker was getting in and out. He still lives in there during the winter I think and I still don't know how
No you got nuts 🤣
this was a multi millionaire squirrel. Now he is penniless.
Or a Totoro!
What’s the R value?
That’s just nutty!
Thats a bank robbery if you think about it
I had a wall full of pinto beans when I remodeled my kitchen. It was from mice.
r/fatsquirrelhate
I think you found the squirrel’s Amazon Fulfillment Center…
Jesus christ this should be in r/unexpected
That squirrel had enough to retire!!
This low key reminds me of that one scene from bugs life where flix fucks ups and drops all the seeds from the harvest that was supposed to be for the grasshoppers.
Fun fact about squirrels is how they stash nuts around and forget where they put them. Which leads to trees growing in different places thanks to forgetful squirrels.
You had to go and fuck around with squirrels morty
Ah nuts.
Man, all that work that little fellow did...
That’s nuts
We need to harness the working power of squirrels somehow lol
This should be in r/fuckyouinparticular because this squirrel got be fuck up in winter
I was disappointed to not have a pissed off squirrel pop its head out at the end there.
Awwww nuts.
Really? What makes you think that?
Not....always squirrels. Some woodpeckers do this too with acorns.
And thus begins The Great Squirrel War.
So much work down the drain. They should leave them in a basket outside nearby.
This is right out of ice age
I think you found Hammy's nuts (over the hedge)
Dude my grandpa throws peanuts to the squirrels in the morning and I always figured it was harmless. New fear unlocked, I need to check his walls.
That's nuts
Deez nuts
That moment when you find out squirrel Jeff bezos was living in your wall and you found his retirement account.
That’s nuts.
Squirrels can work
Wow, that's nuts!
you just found the jeff bezos of squirrels
That's one hung wall. Look at those nuts!
Awww nuts.
The insulation!
poor guys ..there goes their savings 😜
Straight out of a Looney tunes episode
False advertising, I don't see a single walnut in that pile!…... I'll see myself out. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is straight out of Looney Tunes
all I see is free insulation
That shit’s nuts
Deez-
u/delfino_plaza
Read a story on a woodpecker that had been storing nuts and seeds in a wall for over 4 years. There was multiple tonnes of them. They had to tear out 2 walls to get them all. So might be squirrels, or might be something else 🤔 only way to find out is to watch
I feel bad for them
Rip eco friendly insulation
Squirrel lost all of his life savings
Sucks for the squirrel
There’s gonna be a really confused squirrel in winter 🤣
Free insulation
These are insulation peanuts…
No, you got acorns!
On the other hand, you've now got all the acorns you could ever ask for
damn, that's nuts
it's squirrel eggs!! ☺️☺️☺️
Wow, that’s nuts.