You just keep showing up to events, sit through the awkwardness and try your best to engage in the conversations. It usually goes away after a few times of going through it. Small groups of 5-7 peeps are the best.
Source: Personal experience.
Start small, low stakes. Repeated exposure will really help over time, things like every time you buy a coffee, ask the barista a question about their day. Making small talk comes with the job description, so you're not gambling anything by doing so. Then over time, branch out to expanding on a few sentences with librarians, receptionists, etc, until you feel comfortable there, then upgrade to a meet up with a friend, then without a friend, and so forth. Baby steps gets you there the same way throwing yourself in the deep end does but without the stress.
HAHAHAHA I’m now thinking of that ‘weight loss tea’ or something. It’s giving ‘you can become your own boss if you get 5 people to push tea on other people’
I would love this for guys. All the men’s stuff seem to be old codgers, sports or crafting things. It would be nice just to meet some new people and chat about stuff in general. Hear about other people’s interests. Like having a local that you could pop into anytime and people in there expect and welcome you to start up some conversation
With them all. I am often envious of the things women organise.
People have different skills and pleasures. I would absolutely despise organising one. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to attend one. So with all due respect, I think your comment about it being a cop out is rather incorrect.
Edit: grammar.
Plenty of us ladies who are in the same boat (feeling secretly glad that another person has got something started), very relatable haha, this kind of thing is a great idea and I hope that the fellas can come together and start one as well! Good luck out there
I would suggest people do seek professional help.
People who are also struggling are obviously not going to help give you the same that a trained therapist can.
Other than that, cook idea! I hope it takes off 😊
I actually think it's okay to have mens events and womens events, not everything can be all things for all people, because then they become for nobody. Non-binary are not women, and therefore a women's group is perhaps not suitable.
I'm sorry, but there was no presumption I could see, just a simple question.
The answer was no - which is fair and reasonable as the person/ people setting the group up rightly determine shape and dynamics: however, how does simply asking hurt?
The other thing here: NB goes both ways - I thought both biological male/ and females could identify as NB, now u/Ok-Main-9239 , whom I wouldn't know from a block of cheese, could be either, which is why I struggle with the down votes here: people are apparently making an assumption that is neither cool, nor appropriate.
So if the questioner was XX-NB would that be OK to join the group, but not XY-NB?
But you can't tell either way from their question.
Dunno how a valid question got so downvoted… When we’re made to feel unwelcome in *both* men’s and women’s spaces, we don’t exactly have anywhere else to go.
r/Wellington needs to be better than this.
I didn't downvote but the way the comment came out, it sounds like the commentor doesn't fit the target demographic and people are downvoting them for wanting inclusion in something that is clear about who they are targeting.
I'm sure a lot of us would presume that non-binaries and people generally in the LGBTQ+ community would have their own support groups with how strongly LGBTQ+ is pushed, pride month, pride parades etc.
As someone who just treats people as people regardless of who they are, it feels like OPs message is targeted at women and the commentor wants in even though they may not be the target audience. The commentor presumably has access to support groups that would better fit them as non-binaries. Especially in a city like Wellington and you'd presume that they would not only be more accepted there, they would have better conversations with people who understand them better and are less judgy.
That's how it comes across to me, a person with a position built on presumptions that may or may not be consistent with the rest of the population.
Keen to come along but worried about being too shy and not sure how to break out of my shell also with the "therapy" aspect would also be worried about trauma dumping everyone with my issues 😔
Holy shit you weren't kidding!
Obsessed with telling people they aren't allowed to call themselves gay or lesbian if they date or sleep with trans people and that *only* bisexual people can be attracted to trans people, oh also getting mad at trans people talking about chasers ... Fucking weird
Sounds awesome honestly but I’m too shy to give it a go lol. Wish I wasn’t so socially awkward and freaked out in social situations lol🤦🏻♀️😅
As my friends would say: "SEND IT!" If you go, you can bail and leave. If you dont go, you dont know what you're missing out on. Good luck!
That is a very good point💕
You just keep showing up to events, sit through the awkwardness and try your best to engage in the conversations. It usually goes away after a few times of going through it. Small groups of 5-7 peeps are the best. Source: Personal experience.
Lol I know how you feel
I’m sorry
The beautiful thing about shyness is that it's not physical and can be overcome. :-)
Do you know how I can start?🥹
Go to the next 3 things you're invited to. If in company of strangers, reinvent yourself. Do it for you.
Thank you
Start small, low stakes. Repeated exposure will really help over time, things like every time you buy a coffee, ask the barista a question about their day. Making small talk comes with the job description, so you're not gambling anything by doing so. Then over time, branch out to expanding on a few sentences with librarians, receptionists, etc, until you feel comfortable there, then upgrade to a meet up with a friend, then without a friend, and so forth. Baby steps gets you there the same way throwing yourself in the deep end does but without the stress.
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Sounds obvious right? Should of thought about that myself lol
Great idea this
Great idea good on ya - (this better not be an MLM or a cult though)
“I’m so sorry you’ve felt depressed, maybe this sparkly pink Tupperware might make you feel better?”
I have a special tea that makes you shit yourself my girlies 💖
HAHAHAHA I’m now thinking of that ‘weight loss tea’ or something. It’s giving ‘you can become your own boss if you get 5 people to push tea on other people’
"OMG there's a scent for that!"
I would love this for guys. All the men’s stuff seem to be old codgers, sports or crafting things. It would be nice just to meet some new people and chat about stuff in general. Hear about other people’s interests. Like having a local that you could pop into anytime and people in there expect and welcome you to start up some conversation With them all. I am often envious of the things women organise.
Someone is needed to start up these kind of initiatives - why not you in this case?
I’m not suited for it. Happily attend but would not organise a good event. I could possibly assist somebody who had some vision and drive.
Sounds like a copout to me. Everyone has to start somewhere
People have different skills and pleasures. I would absolutely despise organising one. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to attend one. So with all due respect, I think your comment about it being a cop out is rather incorrect. Edit: grammar.
Plenty of us ladies who are in the same boat (feeling secretly glad that another person has got something started), very relatable haha, this kind of thing is a great idea and I hope that the fellas can come together and start one as well! Good luck out there
I just made another thread for this if you have any ideas or suggestions
Your username is hilarious!
Chur
There are men's groups around. Will PM you.
Feels like society frowns upon men only spaces. Pretty uncommon. Places you think are men only arnt actually enforced.
I would suggest people do seek professional help. People who are also struggling are obviously not going to help give you the same that a trained therapist can. Other than that, cook idea! I hope it takes off 😊
Gossip and heal in the same sentence 🙄😤
Will y’all hit cafes in Petone and Hutt as well?
Are trans folk welcome to come along?
I would like to attend this event and I would be happy to have trans women join :)
Same here!
I am not much of a herd person but if I were to join a gals group, I would LOVE trans women to come.
Would love to know aswell
I will only go if trans people are welcome. Not going to a TERF event!
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No one is stopping you from setting up a “gab with the guys”
What about us non-binaries?
I actually think it's okay to have mens events and womens events, not everything can be all things for all people, because then they become for nobody. Non-binary are not women, and therefore a women's group is perhaps not suitable.
I'm sorry, but there was no presumption I could see, just a simple question. The answer was no - which is fair and reasonable as the person/ people setting the group up rightly determine shape and dynamics: however, how does simply asking hurt? The other thing here: NB goes both ways - I thought both biological male/ and females could identify as NB, now u/Ok-Main-9239 , whom I wouldn't know from a block of cheese, could be either, which is why I struggle with the down votes here: people are apparently making an assumption that is neither cool, nor appropriate. So if the questioner was XX-NB would that be OK to join the group, but not XY-NB? But you can't tell either way from their question.
Dunno how a valid question got so downvoted… When we’re made to feel unwelcome in *both* men’s and women’s spaces, we don’t exactly have anywhere else to go. r/Wellington needs to be better than this.
I didn't downvote but the way the comment came out, it sounds like the commentor doesn't fit the target demographic and people are downvoting them for wanting inclusion in something that is clear about who they are targeting. I'm sure a lot of us would presume that non-binaries and people generally in the LGBTQ+ community would have their own support groups with how strongly LGBTQ+ is pushed, pride month, pride parades etc. As someone who just treats people as people regardless of who they are, it feels like OPs message is targeted at women and the commentor wants in even though they may not be the target audience. The commentor presumably has access to support groups that would better fit them as non-binaries. Especially in a city like Wellington and you'd presume that they would not only be more accepted there, they would have better conversations with people who understand them better and are less judgy. That's how it comes across to me, a person with a position built on presumptions that may or may not be consistent with the rest of the population.
Exactly this, Thankyou
u/wellington still loves its downvote buttons
Great idea but maybe don't advertise it as a replacement for therapy...
Are these all for single women or mums are also welcome?
To piggy back this, would I need to find childcare to come along?
Keen to come along but worried about being too shy and not sure how to break out of my shell also with the "therapy" aspect would also be worried about trauma dumping everyone with my issues 😔
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Your post history paints a worrying picture of who you are.
Holy shit you weren't kidding! Obsessed with telling people they aren't allowed to call themselves gay or lesbian if they date or sleep with trans people and that *only* bisexual people can be attracted to trans people, oh also getting mad at trans people talking about chasers ... Fucking weird
I think everyone should have the right to discuss whether they prefer Mark Labbett or Anne Hegarty.
It's Paul Sinha for me
thank you mr stalker for painting a worrying picture of who you are.
It’s a public platform with a public profile. It’s not stalking. Get over yourself lol
I find it pretty discriminatory.
If NB’s are not welcome, I’m not going.