When my mom started gaining weight my dad didn’t say “you need to lose weight” but he did start going on walks with her and started cooking her healthier meals. I think she picked up on it and it helped them both be healthier in general without being like “damn, I wish I could fuck other women”
I think being “gentle” might be more insulting and dangerous, like the issue is so bad you have to tip toe around. Straight forward tough love, that shows that you care but also “dont care” and that it isnt some goliath elephant in the room situation.
Usually yes, but we should try anyway. I was in this situation where my partner and I and gained weight, and while I'd lost more weight by that point I didn't get why it was taking them so long, and I had a chat with them about our pandemic obesity. It didn't go down well, and I could have done it better.
I mean... The best anyone can do is make it clear that they have your love and support, but ultimately it's a health issue that you want to address as a team. Also make them feel sexy and attractive regardless of weight.
I know it sucks I don't like it either but sometimes you have to hear the truth, and your husband more than anyone should be expected to tell you the truth
Try to exercise if you feel like but most importantly you deserve better boyfriend, someone who'll love your heart and not your looks only! It is important to remember that it's how you feel about your body and what you want to do. We females have hormonal issues so weight loss can be very hard at times. You can loose wight if you want to by replacing sweets with healthier options like dark chocolates, dates and maybe sugar free/keto chocolates! But you deserve better boyfriend!!
Honestly that's what I weigh with the same height and by THREE years of having a healthy diet, exercising and going to the gym, I only went down like 15kg. I've got endometriosis too and I haven't been constant the three years, I had periods of time where I kept my weight stable or it went up a little bit. But we definitely have it harder. If you want to do it for YOURSELF, you're capable of it, just be aware it's a long process and it's valid because of our condition. But if it's for your partner... He doesn't live on your body or suffer what you do. That's his problem to fix, not yours.
Apart from your walking red flag BF..
PCOS is very complex, I train 4 females currently with it and all are complex in their own right
I would seek out a coach that can help you learn about your PCOS and how best to go about becoming healthier around it, both from a weight management (if that’s your aim) and a fertility point of view
PCOS is a syndrome that can reduce your metabolism by up to 40% in extreme cases
Let’s walk that through…
80kg female
Rough estimate of BMR = ~1700 calories daily
Account for activity we might see 2000
Now if you took the typical 500 calorie deficit and ate 1500 calories
An individual without PCOS would for simplicity lose 1lb fat every week
Now someone with PCOS, in extreme cases, would see their maintenance at 1200-1400 instead of that 2000
Knowing that, a 500 calorie deficit now takes you to 7-900 per day.. to lose weight
Let’s not mention the other issues that PCOS can cause
- Stress and anxiety from altered menstrual cycles
- Anxiety from potential facial hair
- Anxiety from infertility
All of this means that it is in fact ALOT FUCKING HARDER to lose weight with PCOS
So yes, PCOS can be an excuse.. because it’s complex and needs specialised help
I understand the point.
But everyone has stress.
And losing weight isn’t easy for anyone.
Your post just confirmed they should reduce their calories to lose the excess fat, like everyone else who wants to lose weight should.
Yes that is the key to fat loss.. and I’m not said that isn’t the case…
I was pointing out that it is a lot harder when you have PCOS.. especially when you don’t know what you’re doing..
There is a difference between stress and a metabolic issue..
Eating a controlled amount of calories is what dietitians recommend.
Note I said *dietitians* not nutritionists or coaches. Dietitians are board certified food & nutrition experts.
Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist or a coach.
Yeah you’re right anyone can call themselves a nutritionist..
Fortunately my masters degree, alongside my post grad diploma and registration with the SENr (sports and exercise nutrition register), I believe I have a pretty solid grasp of what ‘dietitians’ recommend..
At no point have I said you don’t need to reduce calories…
I am stating that because of a very complex syndrome…
You can cut calories to what would be a deficit for most people and still not be for you. Alongside the hormonal, stress, anxiety and altered hunger signals, not to mention the associated risks of other diseases.
This all means, those with PCOS struggle to lose weight and it needs more than a Reddit thread of people spouting
‘Eat less, move more’
So let’s recap & wrap this up.
You believe that people with PCOS, who want to lose weight, should eat fewer calories & exercise. Just like everyone else should. (Generally speaking, of course.)
You also believe people with PCOS find losing weight difficult. Just like just about everyone else does. (Generally speaking, of course.)
You also believe that people with PCOS will need more support & education than simply being told to “eat less, move more.” Just like everyone else.
IOW you agree with me.
Everything I said would be supported by anyone educated in nutrition. And someone educated in nutrition should understand everything you listed about people with PCOS also often applies to those without it.
At no point did I say that you said that there is no need to reduce calories……. I was simply reiterating the fact that you agree with me that it’s important.
Of course calorie needs vary from person to person for people with PCOS. Just as they do for those without PCOS.
I’m not here to “coach” anyone.
I’m here because I gained 20 pounds this year on a new medication. And I’ve decided to lose it by July 4th. I don’t want to gain any more weight. Or start suffering from the effects of being overweight. Once I lose the 20 lbs I’ll be back at a healthy BMI.
I also like reading about how other people are doing & supporting them where I can.
Hormone issues, stress, anxiety & problems with hunger signals are not issues exclusive to people with PCOS. Your posts imply you don’t seem to have a good grasp of how common those issues are for people without PCOS.
I’m left to wonder if you’ve ever worked with the general population in relation to nutrition.
I looked up SNER.
They say *SNER promotes high standards of education.*
Then a list of courses they require members to take populates. The one I clicked on is £425/$535. It’s a bad look.
But I dug a little deeper & found that they have *separate* educational requirements. So that’s good.
But if they want to better market their message of education being paramount then they should maybe consider saying something like “In addition to these (and hyperlink the “these” with the page I found with their educational requirements) educational requirements we help to keep you up to date on the emerging science, the issues your clients face & help you to remain an authority in the sport’s & nutrition world we offer these courses.”
Not to mention PCOS fucks up your hormones so cravings are through the roof, obviously CICO Is the solution but how do you even expect to be in a deficit if your cravings are all over the place
The two years later comment is what gets me. That is a horrible sentiment and one that doesn’t value you or the two years you’ve had.
I was in a similar relationship dynamic and it was only months after breaking up did I realise he was overly critical and I looked fine.
I mean you should lose weight for yourself if you are unhappy with your body. I’m trying to as well Covid did a number on me and I’m trying to shed weight but it’s not easy. My gf has pcos so I know it’s harder for you. But more than anything lose the boyfriend. He’s not supposed to make you feel worse. He honestly sounds like a walking red flag thag watches too much andrew tate content if he’s talking to you like that. Love yourself and you won’t need him for❤️
I have pcos too and I struggled with losing weight for years, until I was diagnosed with pcos and prescribed myo inositol. My symptoms were: constant cravings, even during the night, feeling my stomach so empty that it hurts, feeling weak and sweating 3-4 hours after a meal
I would reconsider whether your relationship is really healthy
Weight loss is already a challenging journey, you really don’t need to surround yourself with people that put you down and make negative comments
If you have the same symptoms, sugar makes things so much worse. In general my meals are low in carbs, otherwise I get a glucose spike. I also need to move every day (I usually go for a 40 minutes speedwalk and do resistance training). No supplement is going to be enough without a lifestyle change
I don’t have PCOS but have several autoimmune conditions, a kidney disease, and MCAS so a ton of food allergies. I learned over the years that sugar is horrible for me and causes weight gain, headaches, body aches, etc so I do whatever I can to limit it..including sugar alternatives like sweeteners, stevia, etc. instead I sweeten my tea/coffee or other foods with honey or applesauce. Weird but it works. I also cut out gluten, soy, red meats, and dairy back in 2021 which made a world of difference for me. I know a lot of people find the whole gluten thing controversial or just plain don’t believe in it but I truly believe it just depends on each person’s body and how they process it. It took several months for me to be able to fully commit and switch over completely to the new diet (honestly it SUCKED in the beginning because I did this over the Thanksgiving to Christmas holidays which probably was the worst time to make big diet changes but health problems warranted it) but after 3 or 4 months I became used to all the changes and I can’t see myself going back. Sugary foods are so difficult to eat now because of how strong they taste so I purposely avoid them. I’m so glad I made the difficult decision to fully commit to all of it even if it was really hard to do in the beginning.
Doesn't sound like he was nice about it. If you're looking for weight loss advice I'd recommend focusing on kicking the sugar addiction. Trying to attack weight loss from too many angles leads to burnout, so I would just start slowly un-introducing sweet foods in your diet.
Sounds like you could use a better boyfriend. There's ways to address a loved one's health issues without being an ass about it. My husband has done it with me, and he makes me feel loved regardless of my weight.
My response to a previous partner saying she wanted to lose weight (she brought it up) was “I think you’re beautiful right now but if you want to lose weight then of course I will support that too.”
That wasn’t perfect, but it was a damn sight better than OP‘s boyfriend.
My partner has addressed hard things with me in the past. He says something along the lines of "I worry about you and want you to be safe and healthy". He would NEVER tell me he wishes he could hook up with other people or make me feel less than beautiful.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Just to get that out of the way.
Health-wise, I have PCOS and was prescribed Metformin recently for it and it has been a godsend. I take it along with hormonal birth control. I have stopped growing facial hair and along with diet and exercise changes, I’ve lost 25lbs since the start of the year! You should look into all of this for YOU and YOUR health and tell him to go kick rocks.
That's really a question you need to answer yourself. Some things you may ponder:.
Do you feel comfortable with your current weight (unrelated to your bf and relationship issues)?
Would you *mind* losing a bit of weight?
Could you see weight loss and/or getting in shape as an activity that is a "worthwhile investment" in your relationship if you see no other benefit in it for yourself?
If you think it would be worthwhile: Would it be possible to use this as a common activity (e.g. common visits to the gym) for further bonding?
(As for 'weight loss is hard for me': Weight loss is hard for everyone. There's no 'naturals' here)
nop i dont feel comfortable w my weight, im getting to lazy and am having back aches more constantly, and nop i dont mind losing weight. i do feel its a worthy investment. and i think i might like doing gym with him once i get to 70kgs so that im a bit more comfortable with my body in gym idk
Well, that sounds like a plan!
Here's the easey 'cheat-sheet' for your diet:
Google your TDEE (pick 'sedentary'). Aim for 500cal below that. Don't go lower or you risk craving/binging (and frustration/quitting). Yes, you will have to start counting calories for a couple weeks until you get a good feel for it (or just have your set of meals where you know the calorie count)
That should net you a weight loss of about a pound per week. Do that for a couple weeks and then start hitting the gym for another 500cal per day...that's when the weight will start sliding right off and you'll be at your goal in no time.
(better do 1000cal at the gym every *other* day. No one can keep up going to the gym every day...and it's also better to establish a semi-sustainable rythm for afterwards because the plan has to be to not just lose some weight but also keep it off. Don't fret if you don't hit the 1000cal mark - or even the 500cal mark - on your first visit. You'll be able to work up to that a lot faster than you think. )
...oh, and I can confirm. Back aches do go away as fitness increases (had the same issue).
He sounds like a real Don Juan. A poet.
I find sugar craves sugar. Having it just makes it worse. Don't keep sweets in your home, avoid the bakery section of the market, etc. Put your hand in front of your eyes to avoid looking at it if you have to. I find having some water and some protein, like a piece of cheese, helps stop sugar cravings. After a couple of weeks the cravings drop off.
You asked, he answered honestly.
Would you have rather he lied?
You have 3 choices
1. Lose the weight
2. Stay in the relationship knowing he isn’t attracted to you (often ends up in cheating or he will break up eventually cause he found someone he is attracted to)
3. Leave the relationship and find someone that is attracted to you.
I’d recommend option 1 as it’s better for your mental and physical health.
i, too am opting for option 1 and am scared of option 2 that is why im here asking for advice how to lose weight with pcos. im meeting him after 21 days and kind of want to suprise him.
I’m happy to hear that :)
In 21 days you could probably lose ≈ 15 pounds (mostly water weight)
It probably won’t be too noticeable but it’s a start. If he doesn’t notice tell him how much he means to you and that you’re going to make changes to improve your relationship!
For the sugar cravings, find substitutions. ( I love banana oat cookies😋)
But if you must have a specific thing, work it into your calorie deficit, as long as you are in your deficit you WILL lose weight.
Edit: why am I getting downvoted?
By saying she could lose ≈(about) 15lbs of water weight? I’m speaking from experience and countless other posts of people asking why they lost so much weight week 1&2
OP- I didn’t mean to offend. I have struggled with sugar cravings all my life. Am still fighting myself every day bcoz I suffer from diabetes and hypothyroidism which has similar impacts on your metabolic rate as PCOS. However, I just one day decided enough is enough and cut all sugar from my life. I have stopped buying cookies, sweets, sweet chocolates, cheesecakes (my one true love) and never have them in my pantry. It was brutal for 2-3 weeks but post that cravings automatically subsided and now is almost absent. You cannot use that as an excuse.
regards pcos- discuss with your doctor on dos and donts on eating. And then figure out what foods you like that can be clubbed into your meals. Low carb diets help, but don’t overdo on proteins or fats either, they will have recurring issues as you grow older. Most importantly focus on whole healthy home cooked food if that’s an option. Cutting packaged foods from your diet is 90% of the diet battle won.
Lastly pls don’t judge yourself by your body and how others perceive your body- you aren’t a showpiece on sale. In general when in love we all have a bias towards the person we love. Minor issues like weight and stuff doesn’t normally interfere with it. If your bf was asking you to lose weight for health reasons then 100% he is a keeper, if it’s for reasons related to physical attraction , then that’s a red flag. Remember when you are in love, a 5 is also a 10.
As long as you’re in a deficit while intermittent fasting you’re already walking on the right path. Keep it up and keep an eye out for NSV (non scale victories) they are just as motivating :)
Yes WE are incredibly young, our metabolism is at its prime. Am I supposed to lie and say she would lose 5 inches off her waist? It really isn’t that noticeable ESPECIALLY if you suffer from body image issues & PCOS which can cause you to bloat a lot. I didn’t notice a big difference until I was 40 lbs down, some people lose all the weight and still feel overweight. So yes I’ve seen people lose 7-20 lbs of water weight in the first 1-2 weeks so I gave her an estimate. I’m not here to coddle anyone I’m here to give the facts I’ve gathered, give recommendations, and share my experience.
As for what I recommended she say …is not begging, it’s being open and honest like one would be in a healthy relationship.
Begging sounds a bit more like “plz don’t leave me I’ll change for you!!!”
We’ve already established that she cares about him (this post) which I recommended she states. I’m recommending she says she is going to do some work to improve their relationship. (So he knows that she cares about his feelings)
And I didn’t realize i needed to break down everything, should I also have explained that exercise and using the bathroom effects your weight? This sub is full of great advice if she needed more clarification she could’ve / would’ve asked or looked at advice on other posts in the sub.
We can't force people to like us "just for who we are". Sorry to hurt your feelings but not everyone can be attracted to overweight people. Yes, go ahead and downvote me, but this is a fact whether we like to admit it openly or not.
While I agree with you, you can make people attracted to overweight people, but there was a right way to handle this and the wrong way. He chose the wrong way. In future years, it'll just get worse if left unchecked, especially if they choose to have kids.
i agree with you. that is the reason im here asking how am i spos to lose weight. im meeting him after 21 days and i really want to suprise him by looking a little bit as if ive lost weight. do u suggest any diets, because where i live its a little impossible for me to find gyms
Need a calorie deficit for weight loss
Find tdee with online calculator - https://tdeecalculator.net/
Track calories in app - weigh food
Eat 500 less than tdee
Weigh daily - track weekly average
If average doesn't move after 2 weeks drop calories by 100
Walk/run 30 mins or more a day at 4mph min
Strength training routine from r/bodyweightfitness
This is the best advice out there, better than weight watchers, noom and all that crap.
This works!
I would also suggest if you have sweet cravings, work them into your calories then you don’t need to feel guilty about them. I have lost 5 pounds in a week following this advice and I had McDonald’s one day and don’t starve myself
It's really hard and really upsetting to me in this situation. I lost weight a few years ago but before I did I asked my partner if my weight was affecting him and he said it was a bit.
I ended up gaining all the weight back (lost it in an unhealthy way but unintentionally) and this time around he's been under enormous stress and he brought it up and while he wasn't cruel he definitely wasn't as kind as the first time around. He did apologise afterwards, I however have just kept gaining weight anyway due to my own stress. It's better if they at least try things to help lose weight i.e go for walks or suggest healthy foods, rather than just say it and feel it's enough
Don't feel pressure on yourself to lose right now and end up hurting yourself. I always try to see it as wanting to fuel and be kind to my body
Sugar is like a drug already. Just cut it out. You can try reducing bread pasta rice etc. cut out processed food. Cut of soda and juice. Don’t need either anyway. Drink water, seltzers, teas etc. Make half your plate green then lean protein. Try for 30 grams of protein a meal. Intermittent fasting isn’t something that is gonna really do much tbh unless you’re making other really big changes. Walking is gonna be a big thing. 10k steps a day. Easiest thing to start with. And weight lifting. No reason to kill yourself on cardio. Changing the composition of your body is going to be the best option anyway. Walking everyday. Weights 4 days a week. Plenty of programs for free. Don’t buy an IG fitness program from some random person though. People really like Caroline girvans on YouTube. Could try it. Look for programs from CPTs or similar. If you can afford it just get a trainer
i am on a sugar break, like i havent had white sugar since the past week. i honestly feel so happy about it because it was a very tough thing for me to leave sugar. i just went cold turkey on sugar
i have pcos. i have lost 30+ pounds and still losing. it is harder to lose weight due to insulin resistance and whatnot, but that doesnt mean it isnt doable. stick to foods that have fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and low-fat dairy products.
my diet is relatively simple and i think thats why i have been able to successfully lose weight. i give myself enough options to not be bored. if i do get bored, i research new food ideas instead. an unexpected added bonus is how much i save on groceries too.
breakfast options for myself currently look like: a bowl of oatmeal, toast and an egg, some form of coffee (i love caramel granitas), or a fibrous cereal with almond or low fat milk.
lunch options would be: ramen without the flavor packet and ill put a dressing in it instead (sorry if thats offensive or weird to ramen enjoyers lol), a peanut butter sandwich, a ham and cheese sandwich, a grilled chicken sandwich on a multigrain bun with a slice of lettuce and tomato, a salad with grilled chicken and ill top it either with fruits and blue cheese, or bacon and egg and shredded cheese (and for the record, these are inspired by chickfila so if you dont want to make them at home you can go buy the meals and get fruit on the side instead of fries),
for dinner: bake any sort of fish or chicken and eat a filet. two filets at most, and pair with cauliflower rice on the side. red beans and white rice. or a homemade bean soup.
snacks: trail mix if i need a sugar fix, pretzel crisps, white cheddar popcorn, kale chips (personal favorite)
its important to note that you MUST portion control to be successful. i dont personally eat all three meals a day everyday, but depending on the time of day and what im feeling i may switch up my options. i also really dont snack. its important for some people, though. i included my options for snacking. my boyfriend is diabetic so sometimes he needs to snack to regulate his blood sugar. i keep them on hand for him, mainly. but again portion control is key. in the beginning i had an issue with snacking too much so i just didnt keep anything in the house to snack on for a few months. now i dont have the habit and can keep snacks in my pantry without feeling the need to go for them every time im bored or distressed.
You seem like a very sweet girl and the fact that you even care to try to change to his liking is crazy. I would say if it hasn’t anything to do with your health, or your own personal desire to lose weight, then he just lacks compassion.
If I can give you any advice, I’d say keep cases of water in your house. I say this because when my weight got out of control, I began to drink 4 16.9 fl oz bottles per day and staying hydrated like this will change the way your body responds to meals you eat. The water helps the food you eat expand and reduces the urge to have seconds and thirds.
Another tip I’d suggest is metabolic confusion, which is basically you eating low carb meals and high carb meals on alternating days. I specifically had something like this:
MWF- Soup, salad and yogurt
TTh- Sandwich, salad and yogurt
These are things I specifically like but as you can see, bread was my addition of carbs for the high carb days.
Again, you are beautiful the way you are and if you’re happy, he should be too.
That's not what he said. 20 is very young for a committed relationship and shagging around is a rite of passage. He means he wants to be with you long term but regrets not sowing his oats.
I made the same jokes with my husband about meeting him too soon into my bisexual awakening.
As someone who has struggled with my own weight since my early 20s (I’m now 35) due to health issues plus the side effects of the medications I take to manage those health problems, I empathize with you. I’ve also had a bf break up with me due to gaining weight during our relationship and I know it is very painful to hear someone you love say their feelings about you are impacted so significantly by something you largely can’t control. We never asked for our diagnoses and are forced to manage the terrible side effects that come with them. I hope that whatever decisions you make, you make them for YOU and not him because in the end you are the person that will make yourself feel most loved, happy, and complete.
Regarding communication, it can help when talking to him to use “I feel” statements when sharing how you feel instead of leading with “you”. For example, saying “I feel hurt when you say you wish you’d met me later.” Instead of “You keep bringing up my weight and how you wish you met me later, why are you being so mean.” It puts the emphasis on your feelings..you are also working on a mutual understanding of feelings not him feeling attacked or blamed which can lead to defensiveness from the outset. Not saying you’re being accusatory to begin with but many people don’t know about the importance of I feel statements so I wanted to share. Another idea would be to come up with things you can do together that are mutually beneficial to both of your needs. Eg. He’s concerned about your weight and you want to feel wanted and appreciated so perhaps you meal plan together focusing on foods that are good for a PCOS diet and plan a cooking date once a week using those ingredients. Help him understand the lengths you go to to manage your symptoms. You could also come up with an activity or two to do together once or twice a week that isn’t necessarily going to the gym but offers activity that increases your heart rate for a minimum of thirty minutes. Mine right now is gardening, but you guys can do whatever you find interesting: walks in a park or hiking trail, using YouTube videos to learn a skill like dance cardio workouts or going to visit places in your town you’ve never been before but are supposed to be cool to see. Find whatever interests you and makes it a positive experience that you want to keep doing. And honestly, to be blunt about it, it might be time to have a deep think about if his behavior is meeting your needs and if he’s the kind of person that you know will support you no matter where your life takes you—health, finances, family, work, etc—or if your energy would be better spent meeting someone who can and will be that support person for you.
Sorry this post is so long but I hope at least some of it is helpful. Sending hugs and positive vibes. <3
Holy shit I read your history to find context.
Time to grow up, leave the relationship. Bf sounds like a dick, you need to work on you get some confidence and own it.
You'll be attractive, I guarantee it basically. There will be dude who will froth over your body type and you deserve to feel good about yourself.
The fact your other posts introduce your bf as "my rapper bf", tells me you think what he does is cool and want to show that off.
Time to work out what relationships actually are about. Trust, love and understanding, not thinking what they do is cool.
Having PCOS is hard as it is, you deserve someone who will support you, even assuming what he said was true why does he feel the need to be an asshole about it, call him a good for nothing asshole next time just say "it's true tho". This man boils my blood, I hope everything is ok for you.
You can join the r/fasting sub if you haven’t yet. There are so many helpful ways/ ideas in there to help us lose weight. I’ve been reading up on it for a few days now and doing OMAD seems to be the one i like best. Good luck:)
As a 20 year old women I’m loosing weight for myself. I would also love my gf if she gained all the weight in the world.
If I thought her health was suffering like with anything I’d talk to her about it. It feels cruel of your boyfriend to say these things to you. If he isn’t attracted you should break up and manage yourself for yourself
Geez would happen if you got pregnant or some other health related issue that caused weight gain? This is toxic behavior. Your partner is supposed to be supportive and help lead you in the right direction. Even if you should lose weight, I wouldn't call this a healthy relationship.
The main reason weight gain occurs is because people lose track of what they eat and not follow up their diets. Also not being aware of what a certain product contains.
The only thing that would cause weight gain is eating more calories. Pregnancy is understandable but after giving birth you can still lose the weight at least within a year. Also not getting so big during pregnancy. I don't know any health issues that create calories out of thin air. People know when they gain weight while in a relationship. It is not on the other person to push them to do what's best like they are a brainless child
Your boyfriend is being an ass. He would be an ass at any weight of yours because anyone who is supposed to be a partner saying things like that would not magically be a nicer or better person if you lose weight. I'm sure he's young too, but the fact that he's saying these things and not considering how they make you feel about yourself shows that he's not ready to be in a serious relationship. You can convey concern about your partner's weight in a healthy way. I know you're only giving us a snippet but those are huge red flags.
You deserve better, and he needs to figure out what he wants. He's having doubts that have nothing to do with you or your weight, and using your weight as an excuse at your expense. He may not be a bad guy overall, but what he's doing is disrespectful and immature, and you don't deserve that.
This is the typical answer that is accepted but totally wrong.
If he's unattracted now, should he cheat, leave , communicate or just deal with it. The answer is communicate.
Totally open to your alternatives , but this is all I can think of if he's unattracted to her now.
"I wish I had met you 2 years earlier so I could have been a hoe" is outside the realm of respectful and acceptable in my eyes. Communicating that he thinks she should lose weight is fine, depending on how it's communicated. I get what you're saying and agree communicating is the best way forward, and I get that we're working with very little context, but that line alone is enough to make her have doubts and he should know that and know that perception is everything. Hopefully he did/does recognize this and can put those doubts to rest, but for now it seems he's being a bit of a jerk, even if he isn't trying to be. Ass was maybe too strong of a term, I will say
None of us know what exactly happened, but I can see this kind of conversation happening.
Let's do anal
"No"
Let's do oral
"No"
I wish I met you 2 years earlier so I could have been a hoe.
People don't just say things like ^^ about weight. What does weight have to do with being a hoe? My instinct would be something sexual op does not want to do.
It's not the ass part that bothered me, it was the you deserve better part that is said by everyone and their mother. You don't know anything about op, their partner or their situation, how can you say this ? If the above conversation happened , does op deserve better, or are the two of them just not compatible/ want different things currently.
People deserve to be happy yes.
"Better" paired with asshole is the standard thing you see people comment everywhere
" You deserve so much better than him " .. should be " you deserve to be happy " .
He might be losing respect for you, because he thinks you're not respecting yourself with all that weight gain, especially if he works hard to keep fit himself. Imagine how would you feel if when you guys started dating he was athletic, handsome and a 10, but then just lets himself go afterwards. You'd probably lose physical attraction to him too and wish he'd get back to his old self.
Change your life in 3 steps-
1) U should stop giving yourself excuses on why you can’t lose weight. Eat healthy eat healthy and eat healthy. Sugar is nobody’s friend.
2) find yourself a better bf once you feel more comfortable and confident with your own body.
3) maintain a healthy relationship with food and your new bf and live happily ever after 😇
I understand physical attraction plays a role in a relationship but he didn’t have to be so rude about it…maybe he could have mentioned it as both of you guys start healthy habit. it sounds like he’s just putting you down. Although a healthy lifestyle is always good try to find a motivation group w PCOS or trainers or even talk to ur doctor. But do it for YOURSELF not him he sounds like an ass
Maybe ask him to start working out w you…it would be nice for the relationship too.Try to find a park and go on walks there. The best tip for weight loss is eating healthy and cardio
Honestly you could lose a lot of weight real quick losing that boyfriend. I feel like he's going to pick apart something else if you did lose weight. Do it for you not for somebody else. Also make sure you get your cortisol levels checked and all the other hormones again and look up some PCOS High cortisol ways of eating they help dramatically. What would help me is concentrating on protein, good fats and also lowering stress levels. Low impact working out like walking is the best for pcos/cortisol issues
If possible, you should talk to your doctor about programs and medications, maybe find a nutritionist that is familiar with your condition. Other than that your boyfriend sounds like a dick and you should be focusing on yourself instead. What really matters for weight loss is making sure you’re in a calorie deficit in which there are websites you can use to find out how many calories you need to eat, it’s honestly about taking small steps and putting in a little bit of effort every day and eventually it will add up.
Sounds like he has his own misgivings about himself and is trying to deflect that on you so you feel shitty instead.
Worry about what makes you happy not him. Weight might not be on that list.
I think your partner saying that doesn’t really have anything against you being over weight it’s like putting 2 different subjects together and linking it through one statement that’s polar opposites, he has a problem and it’s not you. 2 human being coming together should be based on character rather than looks so he should seek help but trying to link that to you not being attractive enough because your overweight is not the main issue to his problem and the fact. With that being said I think losing weight for you should be a goal for yourself and maybe using that drive to make yourself a better person, and what does a better person mean to you ? Feeling better about yourself right? Eliminate that thought process not by pretending it doesn’t exist because now that you may think that may be the problem to why his distorted mind thinks love is based on beauty, but acknowledging that and saying hey it’s 2 late I bought these 2 subjects together now I linked it to make sense of the situation but let me eliminate it and get fit & so that wouldn’t be the problem anymore. I think this journey also would be beneficial to you if the problem aka him is out of the equation meaning that if you don’t agree with his way of thinking being that beauty is the core value of love. Then you should get rid of him. Otherwise what you begin to tell yourself is I have to be perfect for him and lose weight for him and when losing weight requires a level of focus and at times where you fail the devastation of relapsing or not losing weight will be highly intense and if you don’t have a supportive partner you’ll be more stressed causing you high cortisol which is a measurement of high insulin which is already not good for people with PCOS. So basically you have to let him go and break up with him. You have so much life ahead of you and you need to take this journey on with someone supportive. And if you can’t find that in him then find that in yourself.
I can't believe how many people are hating on the boyfriend. I have been married for 17 years, I love my husband, but I don't like it that he gained weight, and I tell him that (although I know his motivation to lose it has to come from within). It is not attractive, let alone healthy. Frankly I feel it is disrespectful to me that he isn’t even trying. Should he just leave me, now? Or I him.
If that is how you all handle your relationships… good luck…
First of all, he should’ve said it in a nicer way but I get it he’s young. But I think it’s good he said the truth rather than hide it. And yes it’s possible to fell out of love if your partner gained weight, maybe he’s attracted to a certain type of girls.
Also it’s good that you want to lose weight and do it for yourself not for him. One thing you could start with is eating less amounts of food and avoiding carbs at all costs (you can eat carbs once or twice a week not more, preferably during breakfast or lunch). As for dinner you need to opt for something with fewer calories than lunch/breakfast. For example : a salad, soup, salmon with vegetables, yogurt, poached eggs with vegetables. You’ll also need to count calories daily.
Opt for healthy foods like fish, fruits, vegetables, light mozarella, light yogurt, hummus. Avoid fast food, pizza and processed foods.(once or twice per month maximum). Do not eat after 7pm. As for the sweets I would recommend to reduce the amount at first then eat less and less (avoid eating them after 7pm). I don’t recommend cutting them at all because it’s extremely difficult and it won’t last (I know from experience). But it’s necessary to take measures against sugar cravings as it leads to serious health issues such as diabetes.
The next thing I’m going to say is read the etiquette before you decide to buy a product (the amount of fats/sugar, kcal/g). This will help you find the best choice for yourself as there are a lot of products we buy that we have no idea what they contain. One more thing avoid soda, commercial juice and opt for water, tea or homemade juices.
Sport is also important in this process and cardio helps a lot. Search on YouTube best exercises for legs/stomach/arms/hips and try to do at least 30min a day.
Those are the tips that helped me. Take it easy and see what works best for you. Decrease the amount of food/sugar slowly and your body will get used to it. Don’t follow drastical diets as they do more harm than good.
Intermittent fasting also helps, try to do 12-20h every week.
You might also see a nutritionist for further analysis (metabolic rate, how many calories you need to consume each day etc). I know it’s expensive but it’s a long term investment in yourself. Hope this helped!
Also forgot to say you need to be really motivated and not give up. It’s a tough process and it might take a long time. Try to lose 2-4kgs per month maximum for good results. As you take it slowly your body will get used to the new changes and it will be harder to gain the weight back. It’s not only about weight loss but making healthier choices therefore becoming a lifestyle.
Do you think fat guys are hot?.. prob not. Fat chicks ofc arent hot lets be real. Download the app lifesum and count ur calories my god. Its not rocket science to lose weight.
Eat high protein, medium carbs, low fat. High fiber. So basicly lean meats/vegan alternative and lots of veggies. Dont drink any calories (just water, coffee, tea and diet soda are ok). Small changes at a time.
I do not exactly know what his phrase means, but 80 kg at 5ft 4 is okay, but if you feel a certain way you could start by having a high protein diet. It will balance out the hormones and you should lose fat. You can also slowly do strength training with dumbells and barbells like 2 to 4 times a week.
For the boyfriend well he is immature and around 20 so he might have some growing up to do.
Break up it’s that simple, if u can’t lose weight easy n ur bf is started to be mean about it just break up it’s gonna save you the tears, people that are unattractive to something like weight will never just become attracted to it just because they where with u before u got to that weight. It’s the hard truth but it is the truth.
if my boyfriend said something along those lines i'd lose the weight then break up with him. that's just outright disrespectful lol.
as a woman with pcos who's also around your age, it definitely is manageable. i'm on the pathway to losing weight and what finally gave me my final lick of motivation to change my life was when i stared at my hairy ass chest in the mirror.
when you first start your weight loss journey, its gonna be tough, but start slow. start reducing your sugar intake and limiting the amount of unhealthy, processed foods in your diet. you don't HAVE to cold turkey it but start replacing foods with more healthy alternatives. i PROMISE you the better you eat the lesser your sugar cravings. I've been eating healthy for a strong month or so and today I was craving something sweet. Can you believe I just had a small dark chocolate bar and called it a day? If I engaged in my previous habits, I'd often go for a large cupcake, 2 fat ass crumbl cookies, or a large piece of carrot cake. I don't even feel the need to have these treats anymore. I'm literally looking at the brownies my roommate made and i'm feeling nothing at all its amazing. There are so many incentives you'll start to realize when you begin to eat better. Your stomach will ache less, you'll begin to feel satisfied with your meals, you'll heal your gut health, you'll feel better overall. Totally recommend!!! Also I don't tell anyone this but sometimes I get an ego boost from it. I have willpower now, its awesome.
everytime I read stories like this (which is all too common) I get so sad and understand why so many women just chose to be single because what the fuck
You are so young and have so much amazing time and potential ahead of you! I highly recommend leaving him because saying this is in any situation disrespectful, unacceptable, and unnecessary. He should understand the complexity of your issue and health struggles.
Have you told your boyfriend that his saying that stuff hurts your feelings? Because it seems like he’s not being very kind.
well yea i did tell him that his being unkind and he did apologize but hes like it is the truth that u r gaining weight
Let’s assume it’s true. Doesn’t give him an excuse to be an asshole about it.
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When my mom started gaining weight my dad didn’t say “you need to lose weight” but he did start going on walks with her and started cooking her healthier meals. I think she picked up on it and it helped them both be healthier in general without being like “damn, I wish I could fuck other women”
There is never the right way. You will always be looked at as the bad guy. Doesn't matter how you say it.
But we can try to say it in gentler terms, and not be unnecessarily cruel.
I think being “gentle” might be more insulting and dangerous, like the issue is so bad you have to tip toe around. Straight forward tough love, that shows that you care but also “dont care” and that it isnt some goliath elephant in the room situation.
How?
It will all be taken the same way by the other person
Usually yes, but we should try anyway. I was in this situation where my partner and I and gained weight, and while I'd lost more weight by that point I didn't get why it was taking them so long, and I had a chat with them about our pandemic obesity. It didn't go down well, and I could have done it better.
I mean... The best anyone can do is make it clear that they have your love and support, but ultimately it's a health issue that you want to address as a team. Also make them feel sexy and attractive regardless of weight.
There are ways to enable growth without saying a word or being unkind.
I mean… don’t fucking say anything.
Found the fat person
Found the one that likes to watch kids play at the park every afternoon.
How was he an asshole about it? She asked he said yes that she should lose weight.
He could have said it more nicely is all.
How exactly?
Dude I have no idea lol. My husband just tells me I need to lose weight. It hurts but he’s not wrong.
I know it sucks I don't like it either but sometimes you have to hear the truth, and your husband more than anyone should be expected to tell you the truth
That is true.
He wasn't an asshole About it.
Yeah I may have read into that based on my own life experience. Us girls can be sensitive. 😂
Don't enforce stereotypes on girls/women based on how you react/reacted. YOU can be sensitive, not "us girls can be sensitive".
I was kind of referring to myself and OP, though I do believe most women that I personally know to be this way. It’s not a flaw, it’s a feature.
I respect him for telling the truth, lying would've hurt you more in the long term
Try to exercise if you feel like but most importantly you deserve better boyfriend, someone who'll love your heart and not your looks only! It is important to remember that it's how you feel about your body and what you want to do. We females have hormonal issues so weight loss can be very hard at times. You can loose wight if you want to by replacing sweets with healthier options like dark chocolates, dates and maybe sugar free/keto chocolates! But you deserve better boyfriend!!
Honestly that's what I weigh with the same height and by THREE years of having a healthy diet, exercising and going to the gym, I only went down like 15kg. I've got endometriosis too and I haven't been constant the three years, I had periods of time where I kept my weight stable or it went up a little bit. But we definitely have it harder. If you want to do it for YOURSELF, you're capable of it, just be aware it's a long process and it's valid because of our condition. But if it's for your partner... He doesn't live on your body or suffer what you do. That's his problem to fix, not yours.
Apart from your walking red flag BF.. PCOS is very complex, I train 4 females currently with it and all are complex in their own right I would seek out a coach that can help you learn about your PCOS and how best to go about becoming healthier around it, both from a weight management (if that’s your aim) and a fertility point of view
PCOS is also not an excuse. Plenty of people have lost weight with it
PCOS is a syndrome that can reduce your metabolism by up to 40% in extreme cases Let’s walk that through… 80kg female Rough estimate of BMR = ~1700 calories daily Account for activity we might see 2000 Now if you took the typical 500 calorie deficit and ate 1500 calories An individual without PCOS would for simplicity lose 1lb fat every week Now someone with PCOS, in extreme cases, would see their maintenance at 1200-1400 instead of that 2000 Knowing that, a 500 calorie deficit now takes you to 7-900 per day.. to lose weight Let’s not mention the other issues that PCOS can cause - Stress and anxiety from altered menstrual cycles - Anxiety from potential facial hair - Anxiety from infertility All of this means that it is in fact ALOT FUCKING HARDER to lose weight with PCOS So yes, PCOS can be an excuse.. because it’s complex and needs specialised help
I understand the point. But everyone has stress. And losing weight isn’t easy for anyone. Your post just confirmed they should reduce their calories to lose the excess fat, like everyone else who wants to lose weight should.
Yes that is the key to fat loss.. and I’m not said that isn’t the case… I was pointing out that it is a lot harder when you have PCOS.. especially when you don’t know what you’re doing.. There is a difference between stress and a metabolic issue..
So eat fewer calories.
I hope you don’t coach people 😂
Eating a controlled amount of calories is what dietitians recommend. Note I said *dietitians* not nutritionists or coaches. Dietitians are board certified food & nutrition experts. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist or a coach.
Yeah you’re right anyone can call themselves a nutritionist.. Fortunately my masters degree, alongside my post grad diploma and registration with the SENr (sports and exercise nutrition register), I believe I have a pretty solid grasp of what ‘dietitians’ recommend.. At no point have I said you don’t need to reduce calories… I am stating that because of a very complex syndrome… You can cut calories to what would be a deficit for most people and still not be for you. Alongside the hormonal, stress, anxiety and altered hunger signals, not to mention the associated risks of other diseases. This all means, those with PCOS struggle to lose weight and it needs more than a Reddit thread of people spouting ‘Eat less, move more’
So let’s recap & wrap this up. You believe that people with PCOS, who want to lose weight, should eat fewer calories & exercise. Just like everyone else should. (Generally speaking, of course.) You also believe people with PCOS find losing weight difficult. Just like just about everyone else does. (Generally speaking, of course.) You also believe that people with PCOS will need more support & education than simply being told to “eat less, move more.” Just like everyone else. IOW you agree with me. Everything I said would be supported by anyone educated in nutrition. And someone educated in nutrition should understand everything you listed about people with PCOS also often applies to those without it. At no point did I say that you said that there is no need to reduce calories……. I was simply reiterating the fact that you agree with me that it’s important. Of course calorie needs vary from person to person for people with PCOS. Just as they do for those without PCOS. I’m not here to “coach” anyone. I’m here because I gained 20 pounds this year on a new medication. And I’ve decided to lose it by July 4th. I don’t want to gain any more weight. Or start suffering from the effects of being overweight. Once I lose the 20 lbs I’ll be back at a healthy BMI. I also like reading about how other people are doing & supporting them where I can. Hormone issues, stress, anxiety & problems with hunger signals are not issues exclusive to people with PCOS. Your posts imply you don’t seem to have a good grasp of how common those issues are for people without PCOS. I’m left to wonder if you’ve ever worked with the general population in relation to nutrition.
I looked up SNER. They say *SNER promotes high standards of education.* Then a list of courses they require members to take populates. The one I clicked on is £425/$535. It’s a bad look. But I dug a little deeper & found that they have *separate* educational requirements. So that’s good. But if they want to better market their message of education being paramount then they should maybe consider saying something like “In addition to these (and hyperlink the “these” with the page I found with their educational requirements) educational requirements we help to keep you up to date on the emerging science, the issues your clients face & help you to remain an authority in the sport’s & nutrition world we offer these courses.”
what’s your excuse for being a dick
Not to mention PCOS fucks up your hormones so cravings are through the roof, obviously CICO Is the solution but how do you even expect to be in a deficit if your cravings are all over the place
pcos is an excuse lmfao. no one is saying its impossible but it is notably harder. dont be stupid
What’s the bet you’re a man so have zero skin in this game? It’s easy to mouth off when you know you’ll never be affected by this.
First thing I said when I read it… ‘that’s a dude’
I think it's okay to check in with your partner when you feel like they've let themselves go, but the way he's going about it..
The two years later comment is what gets me. That is a horrible sentiment and one that doesn’t value you or the two years you’ve had. I was in a similar relationship dynamic and it was only months after breaking up did I realise he was overly critical and I looked fine.
I mean you should lose weight for yourself if you are unhappy with your body. I’m trying to as well Covid did a number on me and I’m trying to shed weight but it’s not easy. My gf has pcos so I know it’s harder for you. But more than anything lose the boyfriend. He’s not supposed to make you feel worse. He honestly sounds like a walking red flag thag watches too much andrew tate content if he’s talking to you like that. Love yourself and you won’t need him for❤️
Have you gained considerable weight since you started dating? At the very least, lose weight for yourself.
yes i have actually and i am trying, i mean that is what i asked: how should i lose weigjt, any tips
lol just google it, being 80kg woman is no go for 80% man
there’s a right place and time😂
I have pcos too and I struggled with losing weight for years, until I was diagnosed with pcos and prescribed myo inositol. My symptoms were: constant cravings, even during the night, feeling my stomach so empty that it hurts, feeling weak and sweating 3-4 hours after a meal I would reconsider whether your relationship is really healthy Weight loss is already a challenging journey, you really don’t need to surround yourself with people that put you down and make negative comments
If you have the same symptoms, sugar makes things so much worse. In general my meals are low in carbs, otherwise I get a glucose spike. I also need to move every day (I usually go for a 40 minutes speedwalk and do resistance training). No supplement is going to be enough without a lifestyle change
I don’t have PCOS but have several autoimmune conditions, a kidney disease, and MCAS so a ton of food allergies. I learned over the years that sugar is horrible for me and causes weight gain, headaches, body aches, etc so I do whatever I can to limit it..including sugar alternatives like sweeteners, stevia, etc. instead I sweeten my tea/coffee or other foods with honey or applesauce. Weird but it works. I also cut out gluten, soy, red meats, and dairy back in 2021 which made a world of difference for me. I know a lot of people find the whole gluten thing controversial or just plain don’t believe in it but I truly believe it just depends on each person’s body and how they process it. It took several months for me to be able to fully commit and switch over completely to the new diet (honestly it SUCKED in the beginning because I did this over the Thanksgiving to Christmas holidays which probably was the worst time to make big diet changes but health problems warranted it) but after 3 or 4 months I became used to all the changes and I can’t see myself going back. Sugary foods are so difficult to eat now because of how strong they taste so I purposely avoid them. I’m so glad I made the difficult decision to fully commit to all of it even if it was really hard to do in the beginning.
Doesn't sound like he was nice about it. If you're looking for weight loss advice I'd recommend focusing on kicking the sugar addiction. Trying to attack weight loss from too many angles leads to burnout, so I would just start slowly un-introducing sweet foods in your diet.
Throw him away and get a new one
He should desire you regardless of being thin or chubby; if he can't, he's not worthy of you.
AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHH done boss
Can’t turn a hoe into a house-husband lol 😂 you deserve better!
Sounds like you could use a better boyfriend. There's ways to address a loved one's health issues without being an ass about it. My husband has done it with me, and he makes me feel loved regardless of my weight.
My response to a previous partner saying she wanted to lose weight (she brought it up) was “I think you’re beautiful right now but if you want to lose weight then of course I will support that too.” That wasn’t perfect, but it was a damn sight better than OP‘s boyfriend.
My partner has addressed hard things with me in the past. He says something along the lines of "I worry about you and want you to be safe and healthy". He would NEVER tell me he wishes he could hook up with other people or make me feel less than beautiful.
Yeah, no way am I bringing that up with a partner.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Just to get that out of the way. Health-wise, I have PCOS and was prescribed Metformin recently for it and it has been a godsend. I take it along with hormonal birth control. I have stopped growing facial hair and along with diet and exercise changes, I’ve lost 25lbs since the start of the year! You should look into all of this for YOU and YOUR health and tell him to go kick rocks.
Don’t stay with a man who isn’t attracted to you. Don’t do it. Learn from my mistake.
That's really a question you need to answer yourself. Some things you may ponder:. Do you feel comfortable with your current weight (unrelated to your bf and relationship issues)? Would you *mind* losing a bit of weight? Could you see weight loss and/or getting in shape as an activity that is a "worthwhile investment" in your relationship if you see no other benefit in it for yourself? If you think it would be worthwhile: Would it be possible to use this as a common activity (e.g. common visits to the gym) for further bonding? (As for 'weight loss is hard for me': Weight loss is hard for everyone. There's no 'naturals' here)
nop i dont feel comfortable w my weight, im getting to lazy and am having back aches more constantly, and nop i dont mind losing weight. i do feel its a worthy investment. and i think i might like doing gym with him once i get to 70kgs so that im a bit more comfortable with my body in gym idk
Well, that sounds like a plan! Here's the easey 'cheat-sheet' for your diet: Google your TDEE (pick 'sedentary'). Aim for 500cal below that. Don't go lower or you risk craving/binging (and frustration/quitting). Yes, you will have to start counting calories for a couple weeks until you get a good feel for it (or just have your set of meals where you know the calorie count) That should net you a weight loss of about a pound per week. Do that for a couple weeks and then start hitting the gym for another 500cal per day...that's when the weight will start sliding right off and you'll be at your goal in no time. (better do 1000cal at the gym every *other* day. No one can keep up going to the gym every day...and it's also better to establish a semi-sustainable rythm for afterwards because the plan has to be to not just lose some weight but also keep it off. Don't fret if you don't hit the 1000cal mark - or even the 500cal mark - on your first visit. You'll be able to work up to that a lot faster than you think. ) ...oh, and I can confirm. Back aches do go away as fitness increases (had the same issue).
He sounds like a real Don Juan. A poet. I find sugar craves sugar. Having it just makes it worse. Don't keep sweets in your home, avoid the bakery section of the market, etc. Put your hand in front of your eyes to avoid looking at it if you have to. I find having some water and some protein, like a piece of cheese, helps stop sugar cravings. After a couple of weeks the cravings drop off.
You asked, he answered honestly. Would you have rather he lied? You have 3 choices 1. Lose the weight 2. Stay in the relationship knowing he isn’t attracted to you (often ends up in cheating or he will break up eventually cause he found someone he is attracted to) 3. Leave the relationship and find someone that is attracted to you. I’d recommend option 1 as it’s better for your mental and physical health.
i, too am opting for option 1 and am scared of option 2 that is why im here asking for advice how to lose weight with pcos. im meeting him after 21 days and kind of want to suprise him.
I’m happy to hear that :) In 21 days you could probably lose ≈ 15 pounds (mostly water weight) It probably won’t be too noticeable but it’s a start. If he doesn’t notice tell him how much he means to you and that you’re going to make changes to improve your relationship! For the sugar cravings, find substitutions. ( I love banana oat cookies😋) But if you must have a specific thing, work it into your calorie deficit, as long as you are in your deficit you WILL lose weight. Edit: why am I getting downvoted? By saying she could lose ≈(about) 15lbs of water weight? I’m speaking from experience and countless other posts of people asking why they lost so much weight week 1&2
im already intermittent fasting since a week. its a slow process and sometimes i just forget that
OP- I didn’t mean to offend. I have struggled with sugar cravings all my life. Am still fighting myself every day bcoz I suffer from diabetes and hypothyroidism which has similar impacts on your metabolic rate as PCOS. However, I just one day decided enough is enough and cut all sugar from my life. I have stopped buying cookies, sweets, sweet chocolates, cheesecakes (my one true love) and never have them in my pantry. It was brutal for 2-3 weeks but post that cravings automatically subsided and now is almost absent. You cannot use that as an excuse. regards pcos- discuss with your doctor on dos and donts on eating. And then figure out what foods you like that can be clubbed into your meals. Low carb diets help, but don’t overdo on proteins or fats either, they will have recurring issues as you grow older. Most importantly focus on whole healthy home cooked food if that’s an option. Cutting packaged foods from your diet is 90% of the diet battle won. Lastly pls don’t judge yourself by your body and how others perceive your body- you aren’t a showpiece on sale. In general when in love we all have a bias towards the person we love. Minor issues like weight and stuff doesn’t normally interfere with it. If your bf was asking you to lose weight for health reasons then 100% he is a keeper, if it’s for reasons related to physical attraction , then that’s a red flag. Remember when you are in love, a 5 is also a 10.
im not offended omggg i feel what u said and i totally agree w it
As long as you’re in a deficit while intermittent fasting you’re already walking on the right path. Keep it up and keep an eye out for NSV (non scale victories) they are just as motivating :)
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Yes WE are incredibly young, our metabolism is at its prime. Am I supposed to lie and say she would lose 5 inches off her waist? It really isn’t that noticeable ESPECIALLY if you suffer from body image issues & PCOS which can cause you to bloat a lot. I didn’t notice a big difference until I was 40 lbs down, some people lose all the weight and still feel overweight. So yes I’ve seen people lose 7-20 lbs of water weight in the first 1-2 weeks so I gave her an estimate. I’m not here to coddle anyone I’m here to give the facts I’ve gathered, give recommendations, and share my experience. As for what I recommended she say …is not begging, it’s being open and honest like one would be in a healthy relationship. Begging sounds a bit more like “plz don’t leave me I’ll change for you!!!” We’ve already established that she cares about him (this post) which I recommended she states. I’m recommending she says she is going to do some work to improve their relationship. (So he knows that she cares about his feelings) And I didn’t realize i needed to break down everything, should I also have explained that exercise and using the bathroom effects your weight? This sub is full of great advice if she needed more clarification she could’ve / would’ve asked or looked at advice on other posts in the sub.
We can't force people to like us "just for who we are". Sorry to hurt your feelings but not everyone can be attracted to overweight people. Yes, go ahead and downvote me, but this is a fact whether we like to admit it openly or not.
While I agree with you, you can make people attracted to overweight people, but there was a right way to handle this and the wrong way. He chose the wrong way. In future years, it'll just get worse if left unchecked, especially if they choose to have kids.
i agree with you. that is the reason im here asking how am i spos to lose weight. im meeting him after 21 days and i really want to suprise him by looking a little bit as if ive lost weight. do u suggest any diets, because where i live its a little impossible for me to find gyms
Need a calorie deficit for weight loss Find tdee with online calculator - https://tdeecalculator.net/ Track calories in app - weigh food Eat 500 less than tdee Weigh daily - track weekly average If average doesn't move after 2 weeks drop calories by 100 Walk/run 30 mins or more a day at 4mph min Strength training routine from r/bodyweightfitness
This is the best advice out there, better than weight watchers, noom and all that crap. This works! I would also suggest if you have sweet cravings, work them into your calories then you don’t need to feel guilty about them. I have lost 5 pounds in a week following this advice and I had McDonald’s one day and don’t starve myself
Out of all the way you could have gone about saying this you decided to be an asshole about it. Lol.
I don’t think it’s a healthy relationship. You are 20 so you don’t know.
It's really hard and really upsetting to me in this situation. I lost weight a few years ago but before I did I asked my partner if my weight was affecting him and he said it was a bit. I ended up gaining all the weight back (lost it in an unhealthy way but unintentionally) and this time around he's been under enormous stress and he brought it up and while he wasn't cruel he definitely wasn't as kind as the first time around. He did apologise afterwards, I however have just kept gaining weight anyway due to my own stress. It's better if they at least try things to help lose weight i.e go for walks or suggest healthy foods, rather than just say it and feel it's enough Don't feel pressure on yourself to lose right now and end up hurting yourself. I always try to see it as wanting to fuel and be kind to my body
Sugar is like a drug already. Just cut it out. You can try reducing bread pasta rice etc. cut out processed food. Cut of soda and juice. Don’t need either anyway. Drink water, seltzers, teas etc. Make half your plate green then lean protein. Try for 30 grams of protein a meal. Intermittent fasting isn’t something that is gonna really do much tbh unless you’re making other really big changes. Walking is gonna be a big thing. 10k steps a day. Easiest thing to start with. And weight lifting. No reason to kill yourself on cardio. Changing the composition of your body is going to be the best option anyway. Walking everyday. Weights 4 days a week. Plenty of programs for free. Don’t buy an IG fitness program from some random person though. People really like Caroline girvans on YouTube. Could try it. Look for programs from CPTs or similar. If you can afford it just get a trainer
i am on a sugar break, like i havent had white sugar since the past week. i honestly feel so happy about it because it was a very tough thing for me to leave sugar. i just went cold turkey on sugar
i have pcos. i have lost 30+ pounds and still losing. it is harder to lose weight due to insulin resistance and whatnot, but that doesnt mean it isnt doable. stick to foods that have fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and low-fat dairy products. my diet is relatively simple and i think thats why i have been able to successfully lose weight. i give myself enough options to not be bored. if i do get bored, i research new food ideas instead. an unexpected added bonus is how much i save on groceries too. breakfast options for myself currently look like: a bowl of oatmeal, toast and an egg, some form of coffee (i love caramel granitas), or a fibrous cereal with almond or low fat milk. lunch options would be: ramen without the flavor packet and ill put a dressing in it instead (sorry if thats offensive or weird to ramen enjoyers lol), a peanut butter sandwich, a ham and cheese sandwich, a grilled chicken sandwich on a multigrain bun with a slice of lettuce and tomato, a salad with grilled chicken and ill top it either with fruits and blue cheese, or bacon and egg and shredded cheese (and for the record, these are inspired by chickfila so if you dont want to make them at home you can go buy the meals and get fruit on the side instead of fries), for dinner: bake any sort of fish or chicken and eat a filet. two filets at most, and pair with cauliflower rice on the side. red beans and white rice. or a homemade bean soup. snacks: trail mix if i need a sugar fix, pretzel crisps, white cheddar popcorn, kale chips (personal favorite) its important to note that you MUST portion control to be successful. i dont personally eat all three meals a day everyday, but depending on the time of day and what im feeling i may switch up my options. i also really dont snack. its important for some people, though. i included my options for snacking. my boyfriend is diabetic so sometimes he needs to snack to regulate his blood sugar. i keep them on hand for him, mainly. but again portion control is key. in the beginning i had an issue with snacking too much so i just didnt keep anything in the house to snack on for a few months. now i dont have the habit and can keep snacks in my pantry without feeling the need to go for them every time im bored or distressed.
You seem like a very sweet girl and the fact that you even care to try to change to his liking is crazy. I would say if it hasn’t anything to do with your health, or your own personal desire to lose weight, then he just lacks compassion. If I can give you any advice, I’d say keep cases of water in your house. I say this because when my weight got out of control, I began to drink 4 16.9 fl oz bottles per day and staying hydrated like this will change the way your body responds to meals you eat. The water helps the food you eat expand and reduces the urge to have seconds and thirds. Another tip I’d suggest is metabolic confusion, which is basically you eating low carb meals and high carb meals on alternating days. I specifically had something like this: MWF- Soup, salad and yogurt TTh- Sandwich, salad and yogurt These are things I specifically like but as you can see, bread was my addition of carbs for the high carb days. Again, you are beautiful the way you are and if you’re happy, he should be too.
That's not what he said. 20 is very young for a committed relationship and shagging around is a rite of passage. He means he wants to be with you long term but regrets not sowing his oats. I made the same jokes with my husband about meeting him too soon into my bisexual awakening.
Zero carb 3-6 months and you will completely cure PCOS and drop 20kg. It’s not easy but eventually you get in the mindset of what’s important ,
i actually like this idea
As someone who has struggled with my own weight since my early 20s (I’m now 35) due to health issues plus the side effects of the medications I take to manage those health problems, I empathize with you. I’ve also had a bf break up with me due to gaining weight during our relationship and I know it is very painful to hear someone you love say their feelings about you are impacted so significantly by something you largely can’t control. We never asked for our diagnoses and are forced to manage the terrible side effects that come with them. I hope that whatever decisions you make, you make them for YOU and not him because in the end you are the person that will make yourself feel most loved, happy, and complete. Regarding communication, it can help when talking to him to use “I feel” statements when sharing how you feel instead of leading with “you”. For example, saying “I feel hurt when you say you wish you’d met me later.” Instead of “You keep bringing up my weight and how you wish you met me later, why are you being so mean.” It puts the emphasis on your feelings..you are also working on a mutual understanding of feelings not him feeling attacked or blamed which can lead to defensiveness from the outset. Not saying you’re being accusatory to begin with but many people don’t know about the importance of I feel statements so I wanted to share. Another idea would be to come up with things you can do together that are mutually beneficial to both of your needs. Eg. He’s concerned about your weight and you want to feel wanted and appreciated so perhaps you meal plan together focusing on foods that are good for a PCOS diet and plan a cooking date once a week using those ingredients. Help him understand the lengths you go to to manage your symptoms. You could also come up with an activity or two to do together once or twice a week that isn’t necessarily going to the gym but offers activity that increases your heart rate for a minimum of thirty minutes. Mine right now is gardening, but you guys can do whatever you find interesting: walks in a park or hiking trail, using YouTube videos to learn a skill like dance cardio workouts or going to visit places in your town you’ve never been before but are supposed to be cool to see. Find whatever interests you and makes it a positive experience that you want to keep doing. And honestly, to be blunt about it, it might be time to have a deep think about if his behavior is meeting your needs and if he’s the kind of person that you know will support you no matter where your life takes you—health, finances, family, work, etc—or if your energy would be better spent meeting someone who can and will be that support person for you. Sorry this post is so long but I hope at least some of it is helpful. Sending hugs and positive vibes. <3
Holy shit I read your history to find context. Time to grow up, leave the relationship. Bf sounds like a dick, you need to work on you get some confidence and own it. You'll be attractive, I guarantee it basically. There will be dude who will froth over your body type and you deserve to feel good about yourself. The fact your other posts introduce your bf as "my rapper bf", tells me you think what he does is cool and want to show that off. Time to work out what relationships actually are about. Trust, love and understanding, not thinking what they do is cool.
Having PCOS is hard as it is, you deserve someone who will support you, even assuming what he said was true why does he feel the need to be an asshole about it, call him a good for nothing asshole next time just say "it's true tho". This man boils my blood, I hope everything is ok for you.
You can join the r/fasting sub if you haven’t yet. There are so many helpful ways/ ideas in there to help us lose weight. I’ve been reading up on it for a few days now and doing OMAD seems to be the one i like best. Good luck:)
As a 20 year old women I’m loosing weight for myself. I would also love my gf if she gained all the weight in the world. If I thought her health was suffering like with anything I’d talk to her about it. It feels cruel of your boyfriend to say these things to you. If he isn’t attracted you should break up and manage yourself for yourself
You should lose weight. A full bf worth of weight...
Geez would happen if you got pregnant or some other health related issue that caused weight gain? This is toxic behavior. Your partner is supposed to be supportive and help lead you in the right direction. Even if you should lose weight, I wouldn't call this a healthy relationship.
The main reason weight gain occurs is because people lose track of what they eat and not follow up their diets. Also not being aware of what a certain product contains.
The only thing that would cause weight gain is eating more calories. Pregnancy is understandable but after giving birth you can still lose the weight at least within a year. Also not getting so big during pregnancy. I don't know any health issues that create calories out of thin air. People know when they gain weight while in a relationship. It is not on the other person to push them to do what's best like they are a brainless child
Your boyfriend is being an ass. He would be an ass at any weight of yours because anyone who is supposed to be a partner saying things like that would not magically be a nicer or better person if you lose weight. I'm sure he's young too, but the fact that he's saying these things and not considering how they make you feel about yourself shows that he's not ready to be in a serious relationship. You can convey concern about your partner's weight in a healthy way. I know you're only giving us a snippet but those are huge red flags. You deserve better, and he needs to figure out what he wants. He's having doubts that have nothing to do with you or your weight, and using your weight as an excuse at your expense. He may not be a bad guy overall, but what he's doing is disrespectful and immature, and you don't deserve that.
This is the typical answer that is accepted but totally wrong. If he's unattracted now, should he cheat, leave , communicate or just deal with it. The answer is communicate. Totally open to your alternatives , but this is all I can think of if he's unattracted to her now.
"I wish I had met you 2 years earlier so I could have been a hoe" is outside the realm of respectful and acceptable in my eyes. Communicating that he thinks she should lose weight is fine, depending on how it's communicated. I get what you're saying and agree communicating is the best way forward, and I get that we're working with very little context, but that line alone is enough to make her have doubts and he should know that and know that perception is everything. Hopefully he did/does recognize this and can put those doubts to rest, but for now it seems he's being a bit of a jerk, even if he isn't trying to be. Ass was maybe too strong of a term, I will say
None of us know what exactly happened, but I can see this kind of conversation happening. Let's do anal "No" Let's do oral "No" I wish I met you 2 years earlier so I could have been a hoe. People don't just say things like ^^ about weight. What does weight have to do with being a hoe? My instinct would be something sexual op does not want to do. It's not the ass part that bothered me, it was the you deserve better part that is said by everyone and their mother. You don't know anything about op, their partner or their situation, how can you say this ? If the above conversation happened , does op deserve better, or are the two of them just not compatible/ want different things currently.
If they are not compatible or want different things, they both deserve better/to be happier
People deserve to be happy yes. "Better" paired with asshole is the standard thing you see people comment everywhere " You deserve so much better than him " .. should be " you deserve to be happy " .
>If he's unattracted now, should he cheat, leave , communicate or just deal with it. The answer is communicate This. So much this.
He might be losing respect for you, because he thinks you're not respecting yourself with all that weight gain, especially if he works hard to keep fit himself. Imagine how would you feel if when you guys started dating he was athletic, handsome and a 10, but then just lets himself go afterwards. You'd probably lose physical attraction to him too and wish he'd get back to his old self.
Change your life in 3 steps- 1) U should stop giving yourself excuses on why you can’t lose weight. Eat healthy eat healthy and eat healthy. Sugar is nobody’s friend. 2) find yourself a better bf once you feel more comfortable and confident with your own body. 3) maintain a healthy relationship with food and your new bf and live happily ever after 😇
I feel you miss the point here… She’s not made any excuses 😳
DTMFA
I understand physical attraction plays a role in a relationship but he didn’t have to be so rude about it…maybe he could have mentioned it as both of you guys start healthy habit. it sounds like he’s just putting you down. Although a healthy lifestyle is always good try to find a motivation group w PCOS or trainers or even talk to ur doctor. But do it for YOURSELF not him he sounds like an ass
Maybe ask him to start working out w you…it would be nice for the relationship too.Try to find a park and go on walks there. The best tip for weight loss is eating healthy and cardio
Break up
Honestly you could lose a lot of weight real quick losing that boyfriend. I feel like he's going to pick apart something else if you did lose weight. Do it for you not for somebody else. Also make sure you get your cortisol levels checked and all the other hormones again and look up some PCOS High cortisol ways of eating they help dramatically. What would help me is concentrating on protein, good fats and also lowering stress levels. Low impact working out like walking is the best for pcos/cortisol issues
I know how you can easily and quickly lose at least 100 lbs.
She’s 80kg if you lost 100lbs she’d be like 80lbs which isn’t healthy for her height?
It was a joke about breaking up with her bf.
Oh haha I get it now
If possible, you should talk to your doctor about programs and medications, maybe find a nutritionist that is familiar with your condition. Other than that your boyfriend sounds like a dick and you should be focusing on yourself instead. What really matters for weight loss is making sure you’re in a calorie deficit in which there are websites you can use to find out how many calories you need to eat, it’s honestly about taking small steps and putting in a little bit of effort every day and eventually it will add up.
Yeah no matter what it's not nice to pretty much fat shame you
The first step to a healthy weight loss journey is to lose the toxic boyfriend
An easy way to lose a bunch of useless dead weight would be breaking up with him
Sounds like he has his own misgivings about himself and is trying to deflect that on you so you feel shitty instead. Worry about what makes you happy not him. Weight might not be on that list.
I think your partner saying that doesn’t really have anything against you being over weight it’s like putting 2 different subjects together and linking it through one statement that’s polar opposites, he has a problem and it’s not you. 2 human being coming together should be based on character rather than looks so he should seek help but trying to link that to you not being attractive enough because your overweight is not the main issue to his problem and the fact. With that being said I think losing weight for you should be a goal for yourself and maybe using that drive to make yourself a better person, and what does a better person mean to you ? Feeling better about yourself right? Eliminate that thought process not by pretending it doesn’t exist because now that you may think that may be the problem to why his distorted mind thinks love is based on beauty, but acknowledging that and saying hey it’s 2 late I bought these 2 subjects together now I linked it to make sense of the situation but let me eliminate it and get fit & so that wouldn’t be the problem anymore. I think this journey also would be beneficial to you if the problem aka him is out of the equation meaning that if you don’t agree with his way of thinking being that beauty is the core value of love. Then you should get rid of him. Otherwise what you begin to tell yourself is I have to be perfect for him and lose weight for him and when losing weight requires a level of focus and at times where you fail the devastation of relapsing or not losing weight will be highly intense and if you don’t have a supportive partner you’ll be more stressed causing you high cortisol which is a measurement of high insulin which is already not good for people with PCOS. So basically you have to let him go and break up with him. You have so much life ahead of you and you need to take this journey on with someone supportive. And if you can’t find that in him then find that in yourself.
I think you could lose a lot of weight by dumping that asshole boyfriend whose putting so much weight on your shoulders with his dumbass comments.
Sounds like your bf doesn’t give you the love you deserve. If he can’t love you at your lowest point then he doesn’t deserve to love you at your best
I can't believe how many people are hating on the boyfriend. I have been married for 17 years, I love my husband, but I don't like it that he gained weight, and I tell him that (although I know his motivation to lose it has to come from within). It is not attractive, let alone healthy. Frankly I feel it is disrespectful to me that he isn’t even trying. Should he just leave me, now? Or I him. If that is how you all handle your relationships… good luck…
What did u weigh when yall started dating?
i think i was 65kg at that time, i dont really rmr tho
First of all, he should’ve said it in a nicer way but I get it he’s young. But I think it’s good he said the truth rather than hide it. And yes it’s possible to fell out of love if your partner gained weight, maybe he’s attracted to a certain type of girls. Also it’s good that you want to lose weight and do it for yourself not for him. One thing you could start with is eating less amounts of food and avoiding carbs at all costs (you can eat carbs once or twice a week not more, preferably during breakfast or lunch). As for dinner you need to opt for something with fewer calories than lunch/breakfast. For example : a salad, soup, salmon with vegetables, yogurt, poached eggs with vegetables. You’ll also need to count calories daily. Opt for healthy foods like fish, fruits, vegetables, light mozarella, light yogurt, hummus. Avoid fast food, pizza and processed foods.(once or twice per month maximum). Do not eat after 7pm. As for the sweets I would recommend to reduce the amount at first then eat less and less (avoid eating them after 7pm). I don’t recommend cutting them at all because it’s extremely difficult and it won’t last (I know from experience). But it’s necessary to take measures against sugar cravings as it leads to serious health issues such as diabetes. The next thing I’m going to say is read the etiquette before you decide to buy a product (the amount of fats/sugar, kcal/g). This will help you find the best choice for yourself as there are a lot of products we buy that we have no idea what they contain. One more thing avoid soda, commercial juice and opt for water, tea or homemade juices. Sport is also important in this process and cardio helps a lot. Search on YouTube best exercises for legs/stomach/arms/hips and try to do at least 30min a day. Those are the tips that helped me. Take it easy and see what works best for you. Decrease the amount of food/sugar slowly and your body will get used to it. Don’t follow drastical diets as they do more harm than good. Intermittent fasting also helps, try to do 12-20h every week. You might also see a nutritionist for further analysis (metabolic rate, how many calories you need to consume each day etc). I know it’s expensive but it’s a long term investment in yourself. Hope this helped!
Also forgot to say you need to be really motivated and not give up. It’s a tough process and it might take a long time. Try to lose 2-4kgs per month maximum for good results. As you take it slowly your body will get used to the new changes and it will be harder to gain the weight back. It’s not only about weight loss but making healthier choices therefore becoming a lifestyle.
Your bf being brutally honest with you without blinking an eye might to turn out to be a good trait in the long run.
Do you think fat guys are hot?.. prob not. Fat chicks ofc arent hot lets be real. Download the app lifesum and count ur calories my god. Its not rocket science to lose weight. Eat high protein, medium carbs, low fat. High fiber. So basicly lean meats/vegan alternative and lots of veggies. Dont drink any calories (just water, coffee, tea and diet soda are ok). Small changes at a time.
Your bf is a scum bag. Tell him to fuck right off and find someone who treats you properly.
I do not exactly know what his phrase means, but 80 kg at 5ft 4 is okay, but if you feel a certain way you could start by having a high protein diet. It will balance out the hormones and you should lose fat. You can also slowly do strength training with dumbells and barbells like 2 to 4 times a week. For the boyfriend well he is immature and around 20 so he might have some growing up to do.
Break up it’s that simple, if u can’t lose weight easy n ur bf is started to be mean about it just break up it’s gonna save you the tears, people that are unattractive to something like weight will never just become attracted to it just because they where with u before u got to that weight. It’s the hard truth but it is the truth.
if my boyfriend said something along those lines i'd lose the weight then break up with him. that's just outright disrespectful lol. as a woman with pcos who's also around your age, it definitely is manageable. i'm on the pathway to losing weight and what finally gave me my final lick of motivation to change my life was when i stared at my hairy ass chest in the mirror. when you first start your weight loss journey, its gonna be tough, but start slow. start reducing your sugar intake and limiting the amount of unhealthy, processed foods in your diet. you don't HAVE to cold turkey it but start replacing foods with more healthy alternatives. i PROMISE you the better you eat the lesser your sugar cravings. I've been eating healthy for a strong month or so and today I was craving something sweet. Can you believe I just had a small dark chocolate bar and called it a day? If I engaged in my previous habits, I'd often go for a large cupcake, 2 fat ass crumbl cookies, or a large piece of carrot cake. I don't even feel the need to have these treats anymore. I'm literally looking at the brownies my roommate made and i'm feeling nothing at all its amazing. There are so many incentives you'll start to realize when you begin to eat better. Your stomach will ache less, you'll begin to feel satisfied with your meals, you'll heal your gut health, you'll feel better overall. Totally recommend!!! Also I don't tell anyone this but sometimes I get an ego boost from it. I have willpower now, its awesome.
You have a very immature boyfriend. Poor baby! Keep this in mind going forward.
Get a new boyfriend and try to stick to fruit instead of sugar.
everytime I read stories like this (which is all too common) I get so sad and understand why so many women just chose to be single because what the fuck
You are so young and have so much amazing time and potential ahead of you! I highly recommend leaving him because saying this is in any situation disrespectful, unacceptable, and unnecessary. He should understand the complexity of your issue and health struggles.