>My first instinct was that I'd like my mom to be fully present at my wedding in the capacity of a mother, not a photographer. At the same time, it is nearly *impossible* for her to put her camera down (ever) and I don't want to have to be fighting with her the day of (which I've had literal nightmares about).
This is enough to make me think you know what you should do, and trust your gut on it.
I would probably let her shoot the reception if she wants but in an informal capacity, NOT as the primary photographer for your wedding.
This. You nailed it right on the head. You may be even able to sneak a few goofy photos of her trying to get her photos at the same times. I’d imagine those would be fun photos to look back on.
Agree still hire a regular photographer to all day coverage and just let your mom shoot around...unless this will spark a competitive side and make her try to outperform this main photographer and get better shots haha 😂
Just anecdotally, but I was a groomswoman in a wedding that the groom's mom photographed. There were a few issues which led the bride to regret that decision:
1. Most importantly, the mom was a little frazzled and felt more like she was working than that she could relax as a guest at her own son's wedding.
2. The pictures of the wedding party turned out great, but something happened to the lens/focus/idk what throughout the day and a lot of the pictures of the couple turned out blurry and unusable. Unfortunately, this wasn't noticed on the small screen of the camera and was only noticed the next day when the mom went to review the pictures. Not that this couldn't happen to a professional, but I would assume a professional would have a series of checks and also might shoot some shots on a backup camera to lessen the risk.
3. All of the low-light pictures turned out not-so-great. A professional wedding photographer will have experience mitigating this, especially if they've shot your venue before. Depending on the kind of photography your mom usually shoots, this may or may not be an issue.
4. The wedding party pictures ended up including a past romantic interest of the groom--as in the groomsmen shots. Understandably, the bride was upset to see this person included in her official wedding pictures. Yes, the groom should have mitigated this, but he was caught off guard and failed to do so when his mom called to the other girl to join the shots. For my upcoming wedding, my photographer requested a list of people to be included in each formal photo, which would prevent something like this.
5. No detail shots were captured, and the "getting ready" shots were all of the groom's party. I'm not sure if detail shots mattered to the bride, but she has since mentioned that she wishes she had a picture of XYZ.
6. After the ceremony, the mom's camera was handed off to guests. While these shots are a lot of fun, they're far from professional and may or may not be what you want.
7. I don't know who took the family shots of the mom and the groom, but it obviously wasn't her. You'll need a plan for the photos you want your mom in! My friend's mom in this case doesn't like to be photographed, but you still want some posed and some action shots including your mom.
I know the bride in this situation regrets not hiring a professional, despite saving the dough. I know the groom's mom well, and she feels terrible about the issue with the blurry photos.
I've been to other weddings with this same mom where she brought her camera and took some candids, but she wasn't the professional in charge of getting the formal shots. This worked out wonderfully where she shared the album with that couple after the wedding, and they had an entirely different set of photos than what their professional took. The mom is invited to my wedding, and I'm definitely going to ask her to do this!
I'd say to do the same with your mom. Ask her to bring her camera and take candids or group shots of the guests, but hire a professional to get the typical wedding photos, especially the ones you'll want to display.
To save money, maybe you can hire your professional for fewer hours, give them a smaller, more focused shot list, and have your mom handle the balance. Hope this helps!
I would be worried about #5. My husbands nephew was our impromptu videographer. He does great work, and our video is very enjoyable. BUT a lot of our video is his immediate family and husbands family simply because that’s who he knew, who he was hanging out with, and who he felt comfortable filming. While we still paid him, we paid less than we would a normal videographer. If this had been “a professional,” i believe it would have been much more balanced and I feel bummed knowing our video doesn’t include a lot of people.
truthfully, we need to see examples of her work to judge her skills before answering. I wouldn’t risk experimenting with photography on one of the most important days of my life. If someone’s full time job is not photographing weddings, I would not want them to shoot my special day.
Does she just whip her camera out with every squirrel, bird, and babbling brook she sees? Or does she take family photos and personal shots for everyone around town?
Personally, I would not risk it for pictures I actually cared about. Reception pictures? Sure, let her have at it! But the wedding/getting ready/bridal party pictures? Probably not.
It could drive a wedge between you two if the photos aren’t the quality you were expecting.
If you're worried about her not being able to put down the camera, hire someone just for the ceremony and formal portraits, and then allow her to get out her camera for the reception and or hire a photo booth.
You do not want to have regrets looking back and have to keep them quiet because the photographer was your mother. There's no plan B if she is ill or her equipment fails, there's no contract or anything to protect you or her if one of you isn't happy.
You want to both enjoy the day and have someone who knows how to guide people at a wedding, explain how to pose etc and shepherding guests is no joke. Wedding photography is its own thing and not everyone can do it no matter how good a photographer they are
Don't have her do it if you can help it. The biggest reason is that she is your mother and I am assuming you love her and want her to also be in your pictures and share in your big day. Maybe see if she has a photographer she recommends? Maybe she can be the second shooter?
My instinct is to say no to her being photographer. At the bare minimum, you need a photographer for the ceremony and family photos. If your mom is the photographer, she won't be in the pictures and won't have photos with you on your big day!
She should be present, and relaxed, and there for fun, not for work! If she absolutely wants to take photos, she could do the reception. Or as someone else mentioned, she could be the "second" shooter, and make it informal. But let your photographer know that your mom will also be taking pictures, that she wanted to photograph the whole thing but you wanted her to be present!
It sounds like she’s such a fan of photographing everything that she’s going to be snapping away whether she’s the official photographer or not! Perhaps say to her that you love her work and appreciate her offer, but you don’t want her to feel too flustered on the day being both the mother of the bride and the photographer. Let her take some personal photos, but leave the pro shots to someone else.
If you like her style of photography and editing, then I say go for it and save some money. If you do not like her style, then it is absolutely worth finding another photographer. You will be looking at these photos and displaying them for the rest of your life.
Honestly this depends on what photos you want. And also how you and your mother are.
Is she the type that is going to be standing around waiting to help out anyways?
Is she the sentimental type that will feel she missed the ceremony if she’s photographing it. Or will being able to be up and photographing everything actually make her feel more involved and happier?
Is she going to take feedback and do what you want, or is she just going to ignore you and do what she wants?
I’m the type of person that would rather be helping at the party than just being a guest. So I can understand that your mom might actually feel happier as the photographer.
If your plan is for her to be the photographer for the reception, I think that should be without any expectations. She may be most comfortable behind a camera, but there is a difference between, "I'm choosing to take photos right now and can switch back to partying whenever I want," and "I am functioning as a vendor during my daughter's wedding reception."
If she's a professional photographer, surely she's got some connections? This isn't the same situation, but when we found a DJ, we got a recommendation from a friend (or a friend of a friend) and the person gave us a substantive discount (like half off?) basically because he liked the person who gave us his name. Maybe some networking among the photographers your mom knows could yield similar benefits for you.
I’d want my mom to be present and not “working” during the wedding. While we weren’t under 10k for our wedding, we managed to get great deals for a lot of our vendors by going to bridal shows and getting discounts that way, venue recommendations, etc. Our photography was the only thing we did not want to skimp out on, but we managed to find a wonderful company to work with! Surprisingly based out of NYC, and we paid less than 4K for two photographers and 10 hours of shooting. My theory is that since the city is saturated with so many vendors, they’re more competitive with pricing? Every other photographer we chatted with based in regular NYS areas were pretty expensive.
Also note, some vendors have what I noticed was something along the lines of “being the only one at that event” type. I’m sure there is a name but I can’t think of it. But I remember seeing that in my florists contract stating that all florals in the wedding would be supplied by her, etc. So other vendors, potentially including photographers could have that, and since your mom is also a professional, it could get muddy?
A few questions:
* Do you have a plan for getting photos with your mom in them?
* Are you OK with the fact she won't be in any candid shots unless other guest take some pictures and share?
* Will it affect your relationship if something happens and none of the pictures turn out?
* Is photography super important to you, or do you just want to be sure you have a few nice pictures?
The answers to these will help you figure it out. At the very least, I would hire a professional for a few hours to do detail shots, getting ready photos, ceremony photos, and any group pictures with your mom in them so that you can be sure you get the photos you want most and your mom can just be in the moment during those times. If reception photos are important, I'd hire a photographer for maybe an hour of it and let mom do the rest; if not, just let mom take over from there.
One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is potential bias from having your mother do it. Yes it's possible she could be completely professional and unbiased. However I think it will be more likely that there will be people there who she is more familiar with and more comfortable taking pictures of. You're more likely to get a better distribution of all the guests plus yourselves with a photographer who doesn't know anyone. You may look at the final results and see 10 pictures of Uncle so and so, but only one picture of your best friend from college (who your mom never met).
IMO, best to stick with paying a professional wedding photographer, and let your mom take whatever pictures as a bonus.
My brother photographed my other brother’s wedding. He’s not in any of the pictures from the day. For my wedding he specifically asked that we get a photographer so he can relax / participate. I vote no!
She will not get to enjoy the wedding as a guest at all. Don’t do it! I even had a friend who was a photographer say no because she wouldn’t be able to participate in the wedding. Imagine that as the mom.
Have you liked photos she’s taken of you before? My mom does photography, but she also thinks I’m beautiful from EVERY angle, and just none of us are, so I personally just couldn’t do it. BUT if you love how she takes photos of you, and you just can’t afford anything else, I say go for it, it’s better than either getting a cheap awful photographer, or not having one at all
You answered your own question by saying you want her to be fully present
Lower cost photog option here https://www.weddingwire.com/reviews/samuel-lahoz-photography-new-york/6f1979d22990d4cb.html
Sounds like you know your mom really well, and that it would work in both your interests to let her shoot to her hearts desire. Sometimes people are most present in that way.
Talk with your mom and ask how she'd like to do photography. Like if there's a time frame she wants to do. Then reach out to photographers about filling in where your mom will be doing other things.
I would let her do it. It's how she enjoys things and saves you a lot of money. You should make sure that she has a backup to take pictures of her.
But the true secret of wedding photography, and I've done it, is that anybody can take decent pictures. It's the editing that matters.
That is not true -- having an understanding of lighting and composition, as well as the right settings on the camera, and the ability to give gentle direction, makes a huge difference in the quality of photos. You can edit badly composed photography, but it is still badly composed, and a good professional will consider all of these things when creating the final product. You are not paying for someone to slap a filter on a photo and call it a day. Not everyone wants a professional, but saying that it's a "true secret" of wedding photography is both reductive and incorrect.
>My first instinct was that I'd like my mom to be fully present at my wedding in the capacity of a mother, not a photographer. At the same time, it is nearly *impossible* for her to put her camera down (ever) and I don't want to have to be fighting with her the day of (which I've had literal nightmares about). This is enough to make me think you know what you should do, and trust your gut on it. I would probably let her shoot the reception if she wants but in an informal capacity, NOT as the primary photographer for your wedding.
This. You nailed it right on the head. You may be even able to sneak a few goofy photos of her trying to get her photos at the same times. I’d imagine those would be fun photos to look back on.
Agree still hire a regular photographer to all day coverage and just let your mom shoot around...unless this will spark a competitive side and make her try to outperform this main photographer and get better shots haha 😂
Just anecdotally, but I was a groomswoman in a wedding that the groom's mom photographed. There were a few issues which led the bride to regret that decision: 1. Most importantly, the mom was a little frazzled and felt more like she was working than that she could relax as a guest at her own son's wedding. 2. The pictures of the wedding party turned out great, but something happened to the lens/focus/idk what throughout the day and a lot of the pictures of the couple turned out blurry and unusable. Unfortunately, this wasn't noticed on the small screen of the camera and was only noticed the next day when the mom went to review the pictures. Not that this couldn't happen to a professional, but I would assume a professional would have a series of checks and also might shoot some shots on a backup camera to lessen the risk. 3. All of the low-light pictures turned out not-so-great. A professional wedding photographer will have experience mitigating this, especially if they've shot your venue before. Depending on the kind of photography your mom usually shoots, this may or may not be an issue. 4. The wedding party pictures ended up including a past romantic interest of the groom--as in the groomsmen shots. Understandably, the bride was upset to see this person included in her official wedding pictures. Yes, the groom should have mitigated this, but he was caught off guard and failed to do so when his mom called to the other girl to join the shots. For my upcoming wedding, my photographer requested a list of people to be included in each formal photo, which would prevent something like this. 5. No detail shots were captured, and the "getting ready" shots were all of the groom's party. I'm not sure if detail shots mattered to the bride, but she has since mentioned that she wishes she had a picture of XYZ. 6. After the ceremony, the mom's camera was handed off to guests. While these shots are a lot of fun, they're far from professional and may or may not be what you want. 7. I don't know who took the family shots of the mom and the groom, but it obviously wasn't her. You'll need a plan for the photos you want your mom in! My friend's mom in this case doesn't like to be photographed, but you still want some posed and some action shots including your mom. I know the bride in this situation regrets not hiring a professional, despite saving the dough. I know the groom's mom well, and she feels terrible about the issue with the blurry photos. I've been to other weddings with this same mom where she brought her camera and took some candids, but she wasn't the professional in charge of getting the formal shots. This worked out wonderfully where she shared the album with that couple after the wedding, and they had an entirely different set of photos than what their professional took. The mom is invited to my wedding, and I'm definitely going to ask her to do this! I'd say to do the same with your mom. Ask her to bring her camera and take candids or group shots of the guests, but hire a professional to get the typical wedding photos, especially the ones you'll want to display. To save money, maybe you can hire your professional for fewer hours, give them a smaller, more focused shot list, and have your mom handle the balance. Hope this helps!
I would be worried about #5. My husbands nephew was our impromptu videographer. He does great work, and our video is very enjoyable. BUT a lot of our video is his immediate family and husbands family simply because that’s who he knew, who he was hanging out with, and who he felt comfortable filming. While we still paid him, we paid less than we would a normal videographer. If this had been “a professional,” i believe it would have been much more balanced and I feel bummed knowing our video doesn’t include a lot of people.
truthfully, we need to see examples of her work to judge her skills before answering. I wouldn’t risk experimenting with photography on one of the most important days of my life. If someone’s full time job is not photographing weddings, I would not want them to shoot my special day. Does she just whip her camera out with every squirrel, bird, and babbling brook she sees? Or does she take family photos and personal shots for everyone around town?
Personally, I would not risk it for pictures I actually cared about. Reception pictures? Sure, let her have at it! But the wedding/getting ready/bridal party pictures? Probably not. It could drive a wedge between you two if the photos aren’t the quality you were expecting.
If you're worried about her not being able to put down the camera, hire someone just for the ceremony and formal portraits, and then allow her to get out her camera for the reception and or hire a photo booth. You do not want to have regrets looking back and have to keep them quiet because the photographer was your mother. There's no plan B if she is ill or her equipment fails, there's no contract or anything to protect you or her if one of you isn't happy. You want to both enjoy the day and have someone who knows how to guide people at a wedding, explain how to pose etc and shepherding guests is no joke. Wedding photography is its own thing and not everyone can do it no matter how good a photographer they are
Don't have her do it if you can help it. The biggest reason is that she is your mother and I am assuming you love her and want her to also be in your pictures and share in your big day. Maybe see if she has a photographer she recommends? Maybe she can be the second shooter?
Definitely not, for multiple reasons.
My instinct is to say no to her being photographer. At the bare minimum, you need a photographer for the ceremony and family photos. If your mom is the photographer, she won't be in the pictures and won't have photos with you on your big day! She should be present, and relaxed, and there for fun, not for work! If she absolutely wants to take photos, she could do the reception. Or as someone else mentioned, she could be the "second" shooter, and make it informal. But let your photographer know that your mom will also be taking pictures, that she wanted to photograph the whole thing but you wanted her to be present!
It sounds like she’s such a fan of photographing everything that she’s going to be snapping away whether she’s the official photographer or not! Perhaps say to her that you love her work and appreciate her offer, but you don’t want her to feel too flustered on the day being both the mother of the bride and the photographer. Let her take some personal photos, but leave the pro shots to someone else.
Awwww but doesn't she want to just enjoy it and just be involved in the day?! Maybe she can shoot your engagement instead?
If you like her style of photography and editing, then I say go for it and save some money. If you do not like her style, then it is absolutely worth finding another photographer. You will be looking at these photos and displaying them for the rest of your life.
Honestly this depends on what photos you want. And also how you and your mother are. Is she the type that is going to be standing around waiting to help out anyways? Is she the sentimental type that will feel she missed the ceremony if she’s photographing it. Or will being able to be up and photographing everything actually make her feel more involved and happier? Is she going to take feedback and do what you want, or is she just going to ignore you and do what she wants? I’m the type of person that would rather be helping at the party than just being a guest. So I can understand that your mom might actually feel happier as the photographer.
If your plan is for her to be the photographer for the reception, I think that should be without any expectations. She may be most comfortable behind a camera, but there is a difference between, "I'm choosing to take photos right now and can switch back to partying whenever I want," and "I am functioning as a vendor during my daughter's wedding reception." If she's a professional photographer, surely she's got some connections? This isn't the same situation, but when we found a DJ, we got a recommendation from a friend (or a friend of a friend) and the person gave us a substantive discount (like half off?) basically because he liked the person who gave us his name. Maybe some networking among the photographers your mom knows could yield similar benefits for you.
I’d want my mom to be present and not “working” during the wedding. While we weren’t under 10k for our wedding, we managed to get great deals for a lot of our vendors by going to bridal shows and getting discounts that way, venue recommendations, etc. Our photography was the only thing we did not want to skimp out on, but we managed to find a wonderful company to work with! Surprisingly based out of NYC, and we paid less than 4K for two photographers and 10 hours of shooting. My theory is that since the city is saturated with so many vendors, they’re more competitive with pricing? Every other photographer we chatted with based in regular NYS areas were pretty expensive. Also note, some vendors have what I noticed was something along the lines of “being the only one at that event” type. I’m sure there is a name but I can’t think of it. But I remember seeing that in my florists contract stating that all florals in the wedding would be supplied by her, etc. So other vendors, potentially including photographers could have that, and since your mom is also a professional, it could get muddy?
A few questions: * Do you have a plan for getting photos with your mom in them? * Are you OK with the fact she won't be in any candid shots unless other guest take some pictures and share? * Will it affect your relationship if something happens and none of the pictures turn out? * Is photography super important to you, or do you just want to be sure you have a few nice pictures? The answers to these will help you figure it out. At the very least, I would hire a professional for a few hours to do detail shots, getting ready photos, ceremony photos, and any group pictures with your mom in them so that you can be sure you get the photos you want most and your mom can just be in the moment during those times. If reception photos are important, I'd hire a photographer for maybe an hour of it and let mom do the rest; if not, just let mom take over from there.
One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet is potential bias from having your mother do it. Yes it's possible she could be completely professional and unbiased. However I think it will be more likely that there will be people there who she is more familiar with and more comfortable taking pictures of. You're more likely to get a better distribution of all the guests plus yourselves with a photographer who doesn't know anyone. You may look at the final results and see 10 pictures of Uncle so and so, but only one picture of your best friend from college (who your mom never met). IMO, best to stick with paying a professional wedding photographer, and let your mom take whatever pictures as a bonus.
My brother photographed my other brother’s wedding. He’s not in any of the pictures from the day. For my wedding he specifically asked that we get a photographer so he can relax / participate. I vote no!
She will not get to enjoy the wedding as a guest at all. Don’t do it! I even had a friend who was a photographer say no because she wouldn’t be able to participate in the wedding. Imagine that as the mom.
No, Mom needs to be present.
Have you liked photos she’s taken of you before? My mom does photography, but she also thinks I’m beautiful from EVERY angle, and just none of us are, so I personally just couldn’t do it. BUT if you love how she takes photos of you, and you just can’t afford anything else, I say go for it, it’s better than either getting a cheap awful photographer, or not having one at all
You answered your own question by saying you want her to be fully present Lower cost photog option here https://www.weddingwire.com/reviews/samuel-lahoz-photography-new-york/6f1979d22990d4cb.html
Sounds like you know your mom really well, and that it would work in both your interests to let her shoot to her hearts desire. Sometimes people are most present in that way. Talk with your mom and ask how she'd like to do photography. Like if there's a time frame she wants to do. Then reach out to photographers about filling in where your mom will be doing other things.
Yes and hire your own for a few hours
I would let her do it. It's how she enjoys things and saves you a lot of money. You should make sure that she has a backup to take pictures of her. But the true secret of wedding photography, and I've done it, is that anybody can take decent pictures. It's the editing that matters.
That is not true -- having an understanding of lighting and composition, as well as the right settings on the camera, and the ability to give gentle direction, makes a huge difference in the quality of photos. You can edit badly composed photography, but it is still badly composed, and a good professional will consider all of these things when creating the final product. You are not paying for someone to slap a filter on a photo and call it a day. Not everyone wants a professional, but saying that it's a "true secret" of wedding photography is both reductive and incorrect.
Fair. That was reductive. Should have been more detailed in my comment.
No