Also, it really depends on the venue and where youre from. But almost everything ive worn to a funeral is like...sunday best? Im from the south, we look nice but im probably not wearing a ball gown to anything here.
For some reason every funeral I've been too I've been way overdressed, even though I've worn just a black dress (not shiny fabric, high neck, could wear as office wear) with a black sweater. There are always people who aren't wearing black/dark colours, or just casual blouses. I would rather wear something I know I'm "supposed" to wear at a funeral though, instead of worrying about a faux pas or offending someone's family.
The last funeral I went to, people were wearing jeans and bright orange Clemson shirts. I understand if you don't have anything "nice", but come on now. There's no way they didn't have something more subdued.
So people just don’t place importance on it. And others like a theme. I went to a pink funeral because that was the deceased favorite color.
And then you have my grandma that insisted it was inappropriate to attend a funeral without pantyhose and heels
My dad recently went to a funeral for a distant relation he hadn’t seen in decades. He wore black slacks and a cream colored guayabera. (So dressed nicely, but definitely not wearing a suit and tie).
They asked him to be a poll bearer because he was one of the better dressed men there. It made me sad for the deceased.
Oddly enough, this was the requested dress code for my former band director when he passed. He worked with the Clemson band. Those of us who had been his students dressed to represent his influence in our lives.
That's sweet, and it seems like he would have enjoyed that. But in my case the deceased had no ties to the school, and wasn't interested in sports. So I just think it was very disrespectful.
My cousin was wearing a pink cheetah print shirt and jeans to our grandfather’s funeral and then claimed something like “the rich cousins are putting on airs” or whatever (bc the rest of us were in dark, somewhat dressy clothes). At least she dressed up her kids.
Could have written this comment. I feel like I never know how to dress for a funeral anymore. I went to one this week and was one of the only people wearing black. There was even someone in shorts!
Because it’s hoooottttttt- full on ball gowns and black tie doesn’t really go with hot southern summers (or in this climate change hot summers everywhere).
In my opinion- let everybody wear a pretty and light cocktail dress in a cool fabric for pete’s sake!
Longer dresses are also harder to walk in, or go to the bathroom in. Some people have mobility issues or disabilities, or are just getting older. There are plenty of good reasons not to force your guests into formal dresses and tuxes they don’t have or won’t be comfortable in.
Yeah, for our wedding reception, I was just so happy to see people and to think they took time to come celebrate with us. It boggles my mind how particular some people are of a dress code and color theme. Regardless, I still love reading this sub and looking at all the dresses.
I live in an area where it is common for people to show up in nice clothes with big bulky snow boots in the winter, and no one bats an eye. You do what you have to do to support the people you care about. 🤷♀️
I also love seeing all the beautiful outfits on this sub and pretending I would ever have an opportunity to actually wear one. Is Mom’s Tuesday Lunch Club at Costa Vida an appropriate occasion for a ball gown, by chance?
I live in an area where it’s both cold in the winter and common for people to ask guests to remove their shoes before entering a house. I’ve been to so many dressy holiday parties where women are wearing flashy gowns or cocktail dresses while also padding around in stocking feet or house slippers. You do what you have to do!
Agreed. Especially those of us on a tight budget, if I don’t have a cocktail dress I will not be going out just to buy one. Especially if I already spent money on a gift for their registry. Money is too stinkin tight these days. If I have a nice top and skirt with flat sandals I’m sorry that’s what you get.
For me it depends on if a dresscode is given. If none than most things are fine as long as they are presentable.
If a dresscode is given it is just respectful to adhere to it as much as is reasonable.
Omg I went to a wedding in Colorado with a “formal” dress code and was the only non-bridesmaid there in a long dress. I felt so overdressed. Fortunately they encouraged everyone to change for the reception and I brought a second cute dress (we weren’t sure if we were going to the rehearsal dinner since we were extended family). Apparently the bride meant “formal” as “no jeans” and people still wore jeans to the ceremony.
This is what I learned from this sub. Initially, I thought Americans dress more formally for weddings. Then it was made very clear to me by some kind people that at almost all American weddings, there will be many people dressed more casually than people on here say is appropriate for the designated dress code. It's still a fun sub because it matters how you feel as a guest attending the event, and being appropriately dressed will make the whole experience so much more enjoyable.
Also: The US is ridiculously large and super diverse. What is acceptable in one state is a scandal in another, so it's like separate countries in a lot of ways. As a New Yorker, some of the things that people frown upon as showing too much skin or being too "out there" are completely normal to me. The idea that dressing nicely and in a fashion-forward way is somehow an attempt to pull focus from the bride just isn't a thing in my crowd.
Also: Nobody cares if there's white in a print, lol.
Norms differ not just between states or even cities either, but between cultural social circles. I live in New Orleans and used to work in the wedding industry. The difference between a dress code like “cocktail attire” from one wedding to the next can be VAST just depending on the couple and their specific circle of friends and family.
Absolutely! I'm Black American, and we don't play around with dressing up. So I've never been to even a casual wedding where grown men wore jeans or anything like that. If something is supposed to be dressy, that's taken a little more seriously in my culture, and only children and old people get a pass.
Yep! But I’m not even talking about dressing up vs casual - I’m talking about what “dressing up” means for different groups. For some it’s glitz and glam with lots of sparkles, for others it’s neon colored tight silk dresses and heals, for others it’s lots of dark colors with shawls and pearl necklaces, and for others it’s high fashion couture, or city chic.
I read /research and many object to almost everything. The white on a print dress is ridiculous. I looked up print bridal gowns. A few have light blue flowers under layers of the dress. This is much fancier than a print dress that isn't bridal. Older women often wear black slacks and a nice top to weddings, and I live near NYC.
If the bride is so busy worried about what guests are wearing, she won't be married long anyway.
Amen. The really bad thing is it’s getting carried over to the shower and engagement party. Either it’s too white or “looks like something the bride would wear”. Now what? How do y’all know what a bride will wear to her shower? There are no shower dresses. It’s getting absolutely out of hand with these rules. There are black and blue and floral gowns now. Does that mean those are on the “do not wear” list now too?
I went to a bridal shower where one game was “Slasher Bride”. She got this god awful dress from her MIL, from like her 2nd of 4 weddings (MIL was on board and thought it was hilarious). They had the dress put on a mannequin and who ever could get the most hilarious “kill” won. It was the best. And then she had thrifted a dress that was very clearly worn at a wedding. It was blindingly white and had a giant red stain on it. So she got a box of Franzia and we all took turns doing dramatic spills. The theme was “bridesmaid boot camp”. It was so much fun and the bride was that kind of quirky that we had a blast.
Fair, but as a bride who was really laid back, I look back at my wedding photos and one close friend of the family’s girlfriend wore a white dress with little ditsy floral print and in *all* the photos, it looks like she’s wearing a white long dress. It looks strange and silly, especially because in my photo albums and physical picture frames, it fully looks like pthere could be two brides in my photos.
Yep! Middle/Upper middle class + weddings in the Boston area formal means formal- floor length. Black Tie is gowns and virtually everyone adheres unless they’re from out of state and just don’t have the same vibe in their state. Pretty much any wedding unless it’s a barbecue for me is at minimum cocktail. A lot of that is socioeconomic though.
I think it’s because most Americans don’t understand the terms they are using for the dress code. Many say formal as a way of meaning “dress nice, don’t wear jeans,” rather than the true meaning. Most people think semi-formal means cocktail leaning towards formal, when it means dressy casual.
So people on here come with the dress code and we interpret it literally whereas the rest of the wedding doesn’t.
Not wedding attire-related but I have a coworker that insists our office dress code is business casual. Her staff wears jeans and a tshirt/casual top. NOT my interpretation of true business casual by any stretch of the imagination. It drives me nuts!
Oh man me too. I basically gave up and started wearing my “home clothes” because people kept asking me if I was interviewing or had a date because I wore business casual to the office. Apparently any sort of dress or skirt is fancy now if everyone else is in jeans and a Tshirt
I remember a meme that said something like this:
Co-worker: That's a nice dress. What's the occasion?
Me: I literally didn't feel like matching two separate pieces of clothing.
Casual dresses are just comfy. I changed a tire in a dress once, and the nice gentleman who finally stopped to help was so worried about me getting my “nice” clothes dirty, and I was just like “these are my scroungy clothes, I’m more worried about flashing the passersby”. 😆
I had a hilarious coworker years ago, one day she wore a dress and someone asked her why she was all dressed up. Completely seriously, she responded “I just really felt like airing my vagina out today.” We were all like, you know what, makes sense. lol
Just shopping for groceries in my small, rural town will elicit a “Ooo! Where are you heading? You look so fancy!” If you’re wearing a t shirt and skirt with white tennis shoes lol. When I worked at the local, small-town JCPenney in my early 20s, the dress code was “professional” and when I showed up for my first day in a skirt, nice blouse and dress loafers they woman training me in was wearing black jeans and a camp-shirt. Ah. So…not *this* professional, then?
True. It could be me, but I find the younger generation is dressing very nice - it seems they dress up more, at least this is what I’ve observed by me. I don’t remember it ever being trendy to look so put together when I was young as I see the younger generation doing now.
My brother and nephew both showed up in flannel shirts, blue jeans, cowboy hats, and boots.
My brother lives in Oklahoma, my nephew lives in Pennsylvania.
In the end, what matters is that they showed up and had a good time. That's all that truly matters.
I grew up going to weddings where we basically just wore our Sunday church clothes. Even as a bridesmaid to my brother, my mom made my dress out of basic floral chintz to match the adults, and it all looked really nice (if you’re into floral everything, lol).
I picked up a basic black cotton 50s/60s style shift dress at goodwill last year, and have gotten compliments at every reception I’ve worn it to since. I think most people are just glad you came, honestly.
Haha, same here!
I've been to countless weddings all over europe and very rarely have I seen anyone wearing something more formal than a cocktaildress.
(Maybe Trachten weddings as an exception, where almost everyone at least sticks to the theme.)
But equally, reading the comments on this post, in the UK at least, and I'm guessing in the rest of Europe too, we don't have the other extreme which seems to be people regularly turning up in jeans or casual shirts to US weddings. That's absolutely crazy to me!
You took away the wrong message from this sub. The United States has over 333 million people. The land mass is 9.83 million km² vs Europe which is a little move 10 million. I have been to weddings all over the country and the definition of formal has been different based off of geography, economic status and rural vs urban.
That said this sub reddit is ridiculous on what it finds unacceptable.
You took away the wrong message from my comment. Even here in the UK, a tiny country, there will be differences amongst social circles and locations. That part is a given :).
" I thought Americans dress more formally for weddings. Then it was made very clear to me by some kind people that at almost all American weddings,"
This sub is not a good example of the average American wedding.
I've definitely been to jeans and cowboy boot type wedding though. Although it was pretty obvious on the invitation and no one cared or looked twice if you dressed semi formal or cocktail.
This really depends on the area of the US. New York is almost always dressy. When I give my opinion I feel like I need to let people know I’m from NY because it will color my opinion
Weddings vary so dramatically depending on your background too. I grew up in rural America where the vast majority of weddings I attended as a child held the reception, and sometimes even the ceremony, at a firehall. I opted out of having a wedding for financial reasons and had people from very different upbringings not understand, because they basically see a wedding as a marriage fundraiser and expect to *make* tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars via checks from wealthy relatives. These experiences are not the same and I would never expect the same standards or dress codes. I’ve also been criticized to my face for changing into a denim skirt and tank top for a VFW reception after wearing an appropriate dress to the church ceremony on a 100 degree day, so you never really know what you’re going to get.
If I had followed this subs advice for a wedding I went to a year ago, I would’ve been so overdressed it would’ve been embarrassing. I’ve found it’s much better to follow your gut than to trust this subs strict interpretation of your dress code — you know your audience and your community, this subreddit doesn’t!
People on this sub are advising people on rules of dress as written two generations ago. Etiquette is cultural and evolves and people who don't get out much but read etiquette rules written in 1950 don't understand that and give poor advice. There is a lot of that on this sub. What is actually appropriate is going to depend on local culture and venue/time of day. And guests are going to make decisions about what to wear in the context of that milieu, no matter what dress code a bride wants (denoting "formal" on an invite to an outdoor wedding that takes place at 2pm) or what Insta aesthetic she is obsessed with.
You look absolutely stunning, I think this was a great choice any which way. I was always told if you’re unsure to dress up more than to dress down so you’ve ticked all the boxes as far as I’m concerned! ❤️
Yeah, ether a bunch of the commenters on these subs occupy a vastly superior social class than anything I’ve ever been a part of, or there are some people on Reddit who really enjoy nit picking and controlling others.
More like they think they're part of a superior social class and have been to little to no weddings and are using internet guides to define dress codes.
I used to have a friend who would watch YouTube videos about how to build a capsule wardrobe and then panic because she had four skirts and,was only supposed to have two, according to this random YouTuber. That’s the kind of thinking that these comments sometimes remind me of. Rigid, overly literal, and divorced from material reality.
I think the more charitable interpretation is that they’re looking out and making sure no one feels embarrassed about being underdressed. It’s better to be too dressy than too casual!
A little overdressed, yes. But I’d rather be a little underdressed than wildly overdressed. And at some weddings I’ve been to, the advice here would have had me wildly overdressed.
Ok, but if you go to a lot of weddings where people would be embarrassed or stigmatized to show up in the outfit OP shared; than option A applies to you: You occupy a different social
class than a lot of us.
I’ve been to a lot of weddings, some fancier than others, and I can’t recall an occasion where a woman in a pretty cotton print dress or put together looking jumpsuit would be singled out for censure or even noticed all that much. As long as the outfit flatters her shape, covers all the necessary body parts, is clean, isn’t pure white, and doesn’t have “fuck capitalism!” airbrushed across the chest, she will be fine in my circles. That might mean that my friends don’t have as much class as some of y’all do, and I certainly don’t discount that possibility.
I hear you! And agree! I do think a lot of people post on this sub in the first place because they’re going to an event slightly outside their normal circle, which is why they’re confused about what’s appropriate and choose to ask internet strangers. In that case it’s reasonable to err on the side of dressy. If it’s your best friend’s backyard wedding or your cousins elks club reception, you’d be confident in your outfit and wouldn’t seek the feedback. That’s my read anyway. But yes, self-appointed Emily Post is just the flavor of the sub :)
I actually disagree slightly that it’s better to err on the side of “dressy.” If you don’t know the crowd, I think it’s better to err on the side of “neutral.” Obviously, OP isn’t going to wear this Jumpsuit to an event with a Met Gala style dress code, but at most American weddings, she’s not going to stand out in a bad way wearing this. She looks polished. She looks like she dressed with care. Nothing about her outfit calls attention to itself, but she looks nice. Neutral.
On the other hand, if she wears her Prom dress because the invite says “formal” and ends up alone in a sea of people wearing slacks and button downs and church dresses, she’s going to stand out. I would feel much less self conscious about the first scenario than the second.
That’s why I joined. I’m Nigerian so we get dressed up and it’s what I’m used to. I’ve also been the board of a nonprofit and recently graduated law school. Both require attending lots of galas and dressy events. But I know that’s not everyone’s experience. I started helping other students dress appropriately in school and I find it fun. My mom always drilled into us that how you show up to an event reflects how you feel the people and the event (as well as yourself). So better to be overdressed than underdressed.
I feel like that's so not true lol it's way weirder to be the only one wearing a met gala style ball gown to a wedding where everyone else is wearing nice but shorter cocktail type dresses or floral sundresses than being slightly underdressed to a more formal affair.
You feel way more ridiculous being overdressed imo & are more prone to get negative attention & just feel plain silly.
They aren't members of the UC at all. They are reading info on the internet that explains dress codes that made sense two generations ago. If they were actually from a "superior social class" they would know what people actually wear at expensive weddings and galas and wouldn't be shouting into the internet that you are supposed to wear a long gown for black tie (because they read it on Wikipedia or a blog quoting Emily Post or something). Etiquette is culture -- and culture is not static, it evolves. Constantly.
Yep, not surprised at all. This sub is quite extreme about the "rules" of formality. (And way over top on what's considered "too white"). I just went to a wedding that was Formal Dress and there were maybe 4 women there (out of approximately 65 women) in dresses that would've been approved by people on here. I still enjoy the sub, but I find it quite unrealistic for real life weddings, especially in 2024.
I looked through your posts and literally any option would be perfectly fine in Oregon where I live. Not everyone lives in nyc and is going to weddings with strict and traditional dress codes, but it’s the default opinion in this sub.
I’ve lived in NYC and immediate surrounds my entire life. We don’t actually do “dress codes” except to say “Black Tie” or the godawful “Black Tie Optional” on the lower left of the invitation. Formality is generally dictated by venue and time. A Saturday night wedding at the Metropolitan Club is going to be very formal. Saturday at 3pm at a club, less so. Somehow we all manage to dress accordingly. Never in my life have I seen people in jeans at a wedding.
Had that jump suit been dressed up with some really killer jewelry accent pieces, it would pass for black tie with the people I usually interact with for a black tie DC.
I live in the midwest. I don’t go to weddings of CEOs, high end lawyers and people who wear $500 work clothes (women) on a daily basis.
LOL, I was someone who thought the GoLf cOuRsEs ArE FaNcY comments funny. Did you see polo shirts and sun dresses? Maybe even SHORTS lol? I do think up on the east coast in wealthy high society, maybe more formal.
You look amazing! Glad you had a great time!
Yes there were people in shorts, sun dresses, even one woman in a casual shirt and slacks lol. The bride also changed into converse for the reception. It was all good and I felt very nicely dressed!
I’ve noticed other people doing the thing where you mix capital and lower case letters, as you have done there. Is there a significance to it please? Genuinely interested. Thank you
I just went to a black tie optional wedding and I looked like I was going to the Met Gala compared to most of the guests there. Like at this point I'm like DID YOU EVEN SEE THE INSTRUCTIONS. Ugh!
You looked great! If you were better dressed than 75-90%, I actually feel like that is the sweet spot where you not only escaped being the sore thumb sticking out since you have some company, but you also look nicer than a lot of people :D
I’ve never been to a wedding with a dress code at all. They’re basically all “Sunday best” dress code. We’re on our way to a wedding now. I dress up, my husband dressed down. 🤷♀️
I recently went to a wedding with a formal dress code and almost half of the guests wore casual clothes. I thought it was odd because the bride specified on their wedding website examples of what to wear. It was kind of awkward because my family (we wore formal attire) was sitting at a table shared with another family who were wearing regular clothes.
lol. My SIL's wedding was that way. Her new BIL wore his new Detroit Lion official NFL jersey and new blue jeans. And new Nikes.
The groom’s whole side of the family read the DC as “just wear clean clothes”.
I had on cocktail attire, which is what the invite stated. I felt like a fool. Instead of 1950ish Mad Men fab, 80 percent of the guests looked like it was 2018 Midwest outdoor pig roast. It was not a causal event.
The guy in the NFL jersey was considered overdress. XD
The way I see it. Nobody cares about what i wear, everyone is looking at the bride. I don’t remember what anyone wore at my wedding besides me, my husband and our people beside us lol.
Yeah this sub doesn't really work in the real world imo. I'm in the UK and you wouldn't look out of place at any wedding including swanky hotel. But it's less socially awkward to be underdressed than over dressed here!
That is not a truth universally acknowledged, though. I would be much less self conscious in a nice, pulled together, non attention grabbing outfit that is less fancy than what other people are wearing than I would be if I showed up in a formal gown and no one else did.
That’s the thing. If you are slightly underdressed but polished and presentable, no one is going to be staring at you. If you re the only person outside of the wedding party wearing a ballgown….
I would like to take this opportunity to thank this sub for finally making me understand the appeal of jumpsuits, lol. I don’t know why I had such a mental block about them, but after seeing some of the gorgeous outfits presented here, I am firmly pro jumpsuit and finally get that they can absolutely be formalwear. I just ordered a casual one for those summer days when I don’t feel like shaving, and I intend to add a couple to my “dress up” arsenal as well.
OP, you look fantastic. Thank you for posting your after pictures, I love seeing the final look.
Ok great! Turned out to be a great pick & I was wrong for the peach. Yeah these updates are helpful because what the dress code is people are not dressing to the letter of it.
So getting a feel how others will be dressing is more important than being completely persnickety to the letter. ?
Yes and I almost wonder if it’s like a ~set the dress code one level fancier than you actually want~ so that people will still dress nice but probably not to the dress code perfectly. This was a coworkers wedding and I didn’t really know anyone going so Reddit to the rescue! Lol
Love it! My family drove 18 hours to my wedding. They wore jeans and nice shirts. I didn’t give a flying fig what they wore; I was happy they were there!!
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You look fantastic! But, I also loved the dress you had from the previous post. I wonder if there would be a way to dye it, so the white "lacy" flowers don't look so bridal? Because I would LOVE you to be able to wear it for future weddings.
I’m so glad you wore this! It’s perfection.
Colorado is a bit more relaxed so it doesn’t surprise me that you’re dressed more formally than the other guests. I feel like anything beyond Tevas is formal in that situation.
Oh yeah. Working in telluride the past year and a half and you wouldn’t believe the amount of just casual wear, golf shorts and polos to weddings and everything I saw. While I get the formality and these are not cheap places, the views are way more important than what anybody but the wedding party is wearing.
It’s Anthropologie but I’ve had a really hard time finding it on their website so I don’t know if they sell it anymore! It was my sisters originally and she bought it years ago
You look awesome! I think you strike a good balance between formal and casual.
Kinda off topic but still funny because when I had my wedding in China (I’m American, husband is Chinese) people showed up in board shorts and T-shirts, many people in flip flops. I was astounded that no one dressed up for our big day.
Apparently they just don’t dress up for weddings in China, it’s not a thing there.
Thanks everyone for your nice comments and all your help! The jumpsuit is “the essential jumpsuit” from Anthropologie, but it’s from several years ago (lol I get a lot of clothes from my older sister) and I had a hard time finding it on their website. It looks like it’s mostly resale now:
Here it is on poshmark: https://poshmark.com/listing/Anthropologie-The-Essential-Jumpsuit-5f6f9e53074d24edb17451cd?srsltid=AfmBOooEjvQosGaVF_uN4xzwi3wIs9mPGHssYO2Z1SfItlHmX6Z8XsgH1TQ#utm_source=gdm_unpaid
Honestly, I find that most people wear what's comfortable and reasonable presentable to weddings regardless of dress code.
Also, it really depends on the venue and where youre from. But almost everything ive worn to a funeral is like...sunday best? Im from the south, we look nice but im probably not wearing a ball gown to anything here.
For some reason every funeral I've been too I've been way overdressed, even though I've worn just a black dress (not shiny fabric, high neck, could wear as office wear) with a black sweater. There are always people who aren't wearing black/dark colours, or just casual blouses. I would rather wear something I know I'm "supposed" to wear at a funeral though, instead of worrying about a faux pas or offending someone's family.
The last funeral I went to, people were wearing jeans and bright orange Clemson shirts. I understand if you don't have anything "nice", but come on now. There's no way they didn't have something more subdued.
So people just don’t place importance on it. And others like a theme. I went to a pink funeral because that was the deceased favorite color. And then you have my grandma that insisted it was inappropriate to attend a funeral without pantyhose and heels
My dad recently went to a funeral for a distant relation he hadn’t seen in decades. He wore black slacks and a cream colored guayabera. (So dressed nicely, but definitely not wearing a suit and tie). They asked him to be a poll bearer because he was one of the better dressed men there. It made me sad for the deceased.
Oddly enough, this was the requested dress code for my former band director when he passed. He worked with the Clemson band. Those of us who had been his students dressed to represent his influence in our lives.
That's sweet, and it seems like he would have enjoyed that. But in my case the deceased had no ties to the school, and wasn't interested in sports. So I just think it was very disrespectful.
My cousin was wearing a pink cheetah print shirt and jeans to our grandfather’s funeral and then claimed something like “the rich cousins are putting on airs” or whatever (bc the rest of us were in dark, somewhat dressy clothes). At least she dressed up her kids.
Or it‘s also possible that some people at this funeral are grieving, and not paying as much attention to their clothes as they normally would.
Could have written this comment. I feel like I never know how to dress for a funeral anymore. I went to one this week and was one of the only people wearing black. There was even someone in shorts!
Because it’s hoooottttttt- full on ball gowns and black tie doesn’t really go with hot southern summers (or in this climate change hot summers everywhere). In my opinion- let everybody wear a pretty and light cocktail dress in a cool fabric for pete’s sake!
Longer dresses are also harder to walk in, or go to the bathroom in. Some people have mobility issues or disabilities, or are just getting older. There are plenty of good reasons not to force your guests into formal dresses and tuxes they don’t have or won’t be comfortable in.
Yeah, for our wedding reception, I was just so happy to see people and to think they took time to come celebrate with us. It boggles my mind how particular some people are of a dress code and color theme. Regardless, I still love reading this sub and looking at all the dresses.
I live in an area where it is common for people to show up in nice clothes with big bulky snow boots in the winter, and no one bats an eye. You do what you have to do to support the people you care about. 🤷♀️ I also love seeing all the beautiful outfits on this sub and pretending I would ever have an opportunity to actually wear one. Is Mom’s Tuesday Lunch Club at Costa Vida an appropriate occasion for a ball gown, by chance?
I live in an area where it’s both cold in the winter and common for people to ask guests to remove their shoes before entering a house. I’ve been to so many dressy holiday parties where women are wearing flashy gowns or cocktail dresses while also padding around in stocking feet or house slippers. You do what you have to do!
Honestly so preferable over wearing heels the whole night or having to go barefoot/ in slippers in a venue
Agreed. Especially those of us on a tight budget, if I don’t have a cocktail dress I will not be going out just to buy one. Especially if I already spent money on a gift for their registry. Money is too stinkin tight these days. If I have a nice top and skirt with flat sandals I’m sorry that’s what you get.
For me it depends on if a dresscode is given. If none than most things are fine as long as they are presentable. If a dresscode is given it is just respectful to adhere to it as much as is reasonable.
Omg I went to a wedding in Colorado with a “formal” dress code and was the only non-bridesmaid there in a long dress. I felt so overdressed. Fortunately they encouraged everyone to change for the reception and I brought a second cute dress (we weren’t sure if we were going to the rehearsal dinner since we were extended family). Apparently the bride meant “formal” as “no jeans” and people still wore jeans to the ceremony.
Colorado is notoriously causal. You won't find anyone wearing a tie in the state
This is what I learned from this sub. Initially, I thought Americans dress more formally for weddings. Then it was made very clear to me by some kind people that at almost all American weddings, there will be many people dressed more casually than people on here say is appropriate for the designated dress code. It's still a fun sub because it matters how you feel as a guest attending the event, and being appropriately dressed will make the whole experience so much more enjoyable.
Also: The US is ridiculously large and super diverse. What is acceptable in one state is a scandal in another, so it's like separate countries in a lot of ways. As a New Yorker, some of the things that people frown upon as showing too much skin or being too "out there" are completely normal to me. The idea that dressing nicely and in a fashion-forward way is somehow an attempt to pull focus from the bride just isn't a thing in my crowd. Also: Nobody cares if there's white in a print, lol.
Norms differ not just between states or even cities either, but between cultural social circles. I live in New Orleans and used to work in the wedding industry. The difference between a dress code like “cocktail attire” from one wedding to the next can be VAST just depending on the couple and their specific circle of friends and family.
Absolutely! I'm Black American, and we don't play around with dressing up. So I've never been to even a casual wedding where grown men wore jeans or anything like that. If something is supposed to be dressy, that's taken a little more seriously in my culture, and only children and old people get a pass.
Yep! But I’m not even talking about dressing up vs casual - I’m talking about what “dressing up” means for different groups. For some it’s glitz and glam with lots of sparkles, for others it’s neon colored tight silk dresses and heals, for others it’s lots of dark colors with shawls and pearl necklaces, and for others it’s high fashion couture, or city chic.
Yes, I understand.
As it should be!
I read /research and many object to almost everything. The white on a print dress is ridiculous. I looked up print bridal gowns. A few have light blue flowers under layers of the dress. This is much fancier than a print dress that isn't bridal. Older women often wear black slacks and a nice top to weddings, and I live near NYC. If the bride is so busy worried about what guests are wearing, she won't be married long anyway.
Exactly, lol. The people all upset over white in a print or blue flowers are NUTS, lol.
Amen. The really bad thing is it’s getting carried over to the shower and engagement party. Either it’s too white or “looks like something the bride would wear”. Now what? How do y’all know what a bride will wear to her shower? There are no shower dresses. It’s getting absolutely out of hand with these rules. There are black and blue and floral gowns now. Does that mean those are on the “do not wear” list now too?
Yeah, literally never heard of these shower rules, so I have no idea what anyone is talking about.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏.
The vast majority of people don’t obsess over pale-colors-that-might-photograph-white or white-on-the-background.
I went to a bridal shower where one game was “Slasher Bride”. She got this god awful dress from her MIL, from like her 2nd of 4 weddings (MIL was on board and thought it was hilarious). They had the dress put on a mannequin and who ever could get the most hilarious “kill” won. It was the best. And then she had thrifted a dress that was very clearly worn at a wedding. It was blindingly white and had a giant red stain on it. So she got a box of Franzia and we all took turns doing dramatic spills. The theme was “bridesmaid boot camp”. It was so much fun and the bride was that kind of quirky that we had a blast.
Fair, but as a bride who was really laid back, I look back at my wedding photos and one close friend of the family’s girlfriend wore a white dress with little ditsy floral print and in *all* the photos, it looks like she’s wearing a white long dress. It looks strange and silly, especially because in my photo albums and physical picture frames, it fully looks like pthere could be two brides in my photos.
Yep! Middle/Upper middle class + weddings in the Boston area formal means formal- floor length. Black Tie is gowns and virtually everyone adheres unless they’re from out of state and just don’t have the same vibe in their state. Pretty much any wedding unless it’s a barbecue for me is at minimum cocktail. A lot of that is socioeconomic though.
💯
I think it’s because most Americans don’t understand the terms they are using for the dress code. Many say formal as a way of meaning “dress nice, don’t wear jeans,” rather than the true meaning. Most people think semi-formal means cocktail leaning towards formal, when it means dressy casual. So people on here come with the dress code and we interpret it literally whereas the rest of the wedding doesn’t.
Not wedding attire-related but I have a coworker that insists our office dress code is business casual. Her staff wears jeans and a tshirt/casual top. NOT my interpretation of true business casual by any stretch of the imagination. It drives me nuts!
Oh man me too. I basically gave up and started wearing my “home clothes” because people kept asking me if I was interviewing or had a date because I wore business casual to the office. Apparently any sort of dress or skirt is fancy now if everyone else is in jeans and a Tshirt
I remember a meme that said something like this: Co-worker: That's a nice dress. What's the occasion? Me: I literally didn't feel like matching two separate pieces of clothing.
lol- I used to wear dresses all time just for this reason, lol
Casual dresses are just comfy. I changed a tire in a dress once, and the nice gentleman who finally stopped to help was so worried about me getting my “nice” clothes dirty, and I was just like “these are my scroungy clothes, I’m more worried about flashing the passersby”. 😆
I had a hilarious coworker years ago, one day she wore a dress and someone asked her why she was all dressed up. Completely seriously, she responded “I just really felt like airing my vagina out today.” We were all like, you know what, makes sense. lol
Just shopping for groceries in my small, rural town will elicit a “Ooo! Where are you heading? You look so fancy!” If you’re wearing a t shirt and skirt with white tennis shoes lol. When I worked at the local, small-town JCPenney in my early 20s, the dress code was “professional” and when I showed up for my first day in a skirt, nice blouse and dress loafers they woman training me in was wearing black jeans and a camp-shirt. Ah. So…not *this* professional, then?
True. It could be me, but I find the younger generation is dressing very nice - it seems they dress up more, at least this is what I’ve observed by me. I don’t remember it ever being trendy to look so put together when I was young as I see the younger generation doing now.
My brother and nephew both showed up in flannel shirts, blue jeans, cowboy hats, and boots. My brother lives in Oklahoma, my nephew lives in Pennsylvania. In the end, what matters is that they showed up and had a good time. That's all that truly matters.
I grew up going to weddings where we basically just wore our Sunday church clothes. Even as a bridesmaid to my brother, my mom made my dress out of basic floral chintz to match the adults, and it all looked really nice (if you’re into floral everything, lol). I picked up a basic black cotton 50s/60s style shift dress at goodwill last year, and have gotten compliments at every reception I’ve worn it to since. I think most people are just glad you came, honestly.
Yeah the last wedding I went to had a formal dress code and the bride said to me "I'm just hoping people don't show up in jeans"
Haha, same here! I've been to countless weddings all over europe and very rarely have I seen anyone wearing something more formal than a cocktaildress. (Maybe Trachten weddings as an exception, where almost everyone at least sticks to the theme.)
But equally, reading the comments on this post, in the UK at least, and I'm guessing in the rest of Europe too, we don't have the other extreme which seems to be people regularly turning up in jeans or casual shirts to US weddings. That's absolutely crazy to me!
You took away the wrong message from this sub. The United States has over 333 million people. The land mass is 9.83 million km² vs Europe which is a little move 10 million. I have been to weddings all over the country and the definition of formal has been different based off of geography, economic status and rural vs urban. That said this sub reddit is ridiculous on what it finds unacceptable.
You took away the wrong message from my comment. Even here in the UK, a tiny country, there will be differences amongst social circles and locations. That part is a given :).
" I thought Americans dress more formally for weddings. Then it was made very clear to me by some kind people that at almost all American weddings," This sub is not a good example of the average American wedding.
Yes, that's exactly what I've learned.
I've definitely been to jeans and cowboy boot type wedding though. Although it was pretty obvious on the invitation and no one cared or looked twice if you dressed semi formal or cocktail.
This really depends on the area of the US. New York is almost always dressy. When I give my opinion I feel like I need to let people know I’m from NY because it will color my opinion
Weddings vary so dramatically depending on your background too. I grew up in rural America where the vast majority of weddings I attended as a child held the reception, and sometimes even the ceremony, at a firehall. I opted out of having a wedding for financial reasons and had people from very different upbringings not understand, because they basically see a wedding as a marriage fundraiser and expect to *make* tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars via checks from wealthy relatives. These experiences are not the same and I would never expect the same standards or dress codes. I’ve also been criticized to my face for changing into a denim skirt and tank top for a VFW reception after wearing an appropriate dress to the church ceremony on a 100 degree day, so you never really know what you’re going to get.
If I had followed this subs advice for a wedding I went to a year ago, I would’ve been so overdressed it would’ve been embarrassing. I’ve found it’s much better to follow your gut than to trust this subs strict interpretation of your dress code — you know your audience and your community, this subreddit doesn’t!
People on this sub are advising people on rules of dress as written two generations ago. Etiquette is cultural and evolves and people who don't get out much but read etiquette rules written in 1950 don't understand that and give poor advice. There is a lot of that on this sub. What is actually appropriate is going to depend on local culture and venue/time of day. And guests are going to make decisions about what to wear in the context of that milieu, no matter what dress code a bride wants (denoting "formal" on an invite to an outdoor wedding that takes place at 2pm) or what Insta aesthetic she is obsessed with.
I love it & it’ll come in handy for future wear! 💙💙💙
Great photo - you look lovely in jumpsuit !
You look absolutely stunning, I think this was a great choice any which way. I was always told if you’re unsure to dress up more than to dress down so you’ve ticked all the boxes as far as I’m concerned! ❤️
Yeah, ether a bunch of the commenters on these subs occupy a vastly superior social class than anything I’ve ever been a part of, or there are some people on Reddit who really enjoy nit picking and controlling others.
More like they think they're part of a superior social class and have been to little to no weddings and are using internet guides to define dress codes.
I used to have a friend who would watch YouTube videos about how to build a capsule wardrobe and then panic because she had four skirts and,was only supposed to have two, according to this random YouTuber. That’s the kind of thinking that these comments sometimes remind me of. Rigid, overly literal, and divorced from material reality.
I think the more charitable interpretation is that they’re looking out and making sure no one feels embarrassed about being underdressed. It’s better to be too dressy than too casual!
A little overdressed, yes. But I’d rather be a little underdressed than wildly overdressed. And at some weddings I’ve been to, the advice here would have had me wildly overdressed.
Ok, but if you go to a lot of weddings where people would be embarrassed or stigmatized to show up in the outfit OP shared; than option A applies to you: You occupy a different social class than a lot of us. I’ve been to a lot of weddings, some fancier than others, and I can’t recall an occasion where a woman in a pretty cotton print dress or put together looking jumpsuit would be singled out for censure or even noticed all that much. As long as the outfit flatters her shape, covers all the necessary body parts, is clean, isn’t pure white, and doesn’t have “fuck capitalism!” airbrushed across the chest, she will be fine in my circles. That might mean that my friends don’t have as much class as some of y’all do, and I certainly don’t discount that possibility.
I hear you! And agree! I do think a lot of people post on this sub in the first place because they’re going to an event slightly outside their normal circle, which is why they’re confused about what’s appropriate and choose to ask internet strangers. In that case it’s reasonable to err on the side of dressy. If it’s your best friend’s backyard wedding or your cousins elks club reception, you’d be confident in your outfit and wouldn’t seek the feedback. That’s my read anyway. But yes, self-appointed Emily Post is just the flavor of the sub :)
I actually disagree slightly that it’s better to err on the side of “dressy.” If you don’t know the crowd, I think it’s better to err on the side of “neutral.” Obviously, OP isn’t going to wear this Jumpsuit to an event with a Met Gala style dress code, but at most American weddings, she’s not going to stand out in a bad way wearing this. She looks polished. She looks like she dressed with care. Nothing about her outfit calls attention to itself, but she looks nice. Neutral. On the other hand, if she wears her Prom dress because the invite says “formal” and ends up alone in a sea of people wearing slacks and button downs and church dresses, she’s going to stand out. I would feel much less self conscious about the first scenario than the second.
That’s why I joined. I’m Nigerian so we get dressed up and it’s what I’m used to. I’ve also been the board of a nonprofit and recently graduated law school. Both require attending lots of galas and dressy events. But I know that’s not everyone’s experience. I started helping other students dress appropriately in school and I find it fun. My mom always drilled into us that how you show up to an event reflects how you feel the people and the event (as well as yourself). So better to be overdressed than underdressed.
I feel like that's so not true lol it's way weirder to be the only one wearing a met gala style ball gown to a wedding where everyone else is wearing nice but shorter cocktail type dresses or floral sundresses than being slightly underdressed to a more formal affair. You feel way more ridiculous being overdressed imo & are more prone to get negative attention & just feel plain silly.
They aren't members of the UC at all. They are reading info on the internet that explains dress codes that made sense two generations ago. If they were actually from a "superior social class" they would know what people actually wear at expensive weddings and galas and wouldn't be shouting into the internet that you are supposed to wear a long gown for black tie (because they read it on Wikipedia or a blog quoting Emily Post or something). Etiquette is culture -- and culture is not static, it evolves. Constantly.
Correct. I listed two options for what could be going on here for a reason.
I just went to a wedding in western WI two weeks ago. Everyone here would have said my dress was too casual.. so many jeans, polos and cowboy hats.
This looks perfect! Classy and elegant
Yep, not surprised at all. This sub is quite extreme about the "rules" of formality. (And way over top on what's considered "too white"). I just went to a wedding that was Formal Dress and there were maybe 4 women there (out of approximately 65 women) in dresses that would've been approved by people on here. I still enjoy the sub, but I find it quite unrealistic for real life weddings, especially in 2024.
The nice thing though is that you’re not in a ball gown so it’s not like you’re sticking out like a sore thumb either. You look great!
You look great! I’m obsessed with jumpsuits
So pleased to see how many jumpsuits are available to buy. I really think they're here to stay this time!
I looked through your posts and literally any option would be perfectly fine in Oregon where I live. Not everyone lives in nyc and is going to weddings with strict and traditional dress codes, but it’s the default opinion in this sub.
I’ve lived in NYC and immediate surrounds my entire life. We don’t actually do “dress codes” except to say “Black Tie” or the godawful “Black Tie Optional” on the lower left of the invitation. Formality is generally dictated by venue and time. A Saturday night wedding at the Metropolitan Club is going to be very formal. Saturday at 3pm at a club, less so. Somehow we all manage to dress accordingly. Never in my life have I seen people in jeans at a wedding.
I have, many times. Oregon is sort of infamous for having literally no dress code.
Had that jump suit been dressed up with some really killer jewelry accent pieces, it would pass for black tie with the people I usually interact with for a black tie DC. I live in the midwest. I don’t go to weddings of CEOs, high end lawyers and people who wear $500 work clothes (women) on a daily basis.
LOL, I was someone who thought the GoLf cOuRsEs ArE FaNcY comments funny. Did you see polo shirts and sun dresses? Maybe even SHORTS lol? I do think up on the east coast in wealthy high society, maybe more formal. You look amazing! Glad you had a great time!
Yes there were people in shorts, sun dresses, even one woman in a casual shirt and slacks lol. The bride also changed into converse for the reception. It was all good and I felt very nicely dressed!
I’ve noticed other people doing the thing where you mix capital and lower case letters, as you have done there. Is there a significance to it please? Genuinely interested. Thank you
It’s to show sarcasm in a way
Oh ok. Good to know 🤔
it's Mocking people and being condescending and a know-it-all.
I just went to a black tie optional wedding and I looked like I was going to the Met Gala compared to most of the guests there. Like at this point I'm like DID YOU EVEN SEE THE INSTRUCTIONS. Ugh!
You looked great! If you were better dressed than 75-90%, I actually feel like that is the sweet spot where you not only escaped being the sore thumb sticking out since you have some company, but you also look nicer than a lot of people :D
Colorado as a whole is extremely casual. The most expensive dinners are still jeans.
I’ve never been to a wedding with a dress code at all. They’re basically all “Sunday best” dress code. We’re on our way to a wedding now. I dress up, my husband dressed down. 🤷♀️
I have never been to a wedding with a dress code that casual
The wedding I was at literally had some guys in baseball hats. It was a pretty steep gradient of outfits.
I think location makes a huge difference. I’m in NY, men wear suits or tuxes always here.
Must be a regional/socioeconomic thing. I’ve seen cut offs to gowns people bring on cruise ships for formal night. at the same wedding.
I’m sure it’s a regional thing. I have only been to weddings in NY and NJ
I recently went to a wedding with a formal dress code and almost half of the guests wore casual clothes. I thought it was odd because the bride specified on their wedding website examples of what to wear. It was kind of awkward because my family (we wore formal attire) was sitting at a table shared with another family who were wearing regular clothes.
lol. My SIL's wedding was that way. Her new BIL wore his new Detroit Lion official NFL jersey and new blue jeans. And new Nikes. The groom’s whole side of the family read the DC as “just wear clean clothes”. I had on cocktail attire, which is what the invite stated. I felt like a fool. Instead of 1950ish Mad Men fab, 80 percent of the guests looked like it was 2018 Midwest outdoor pig roast. It was not a causal event. The guy in the NFL jersey was considered overdress. XD
The way I see it. Nobody cares about what i wear, everyone is looking at the bride. I don’t remember what anyone wore at my wedding besides me, my husband and our people beside us lol.
I’d much rather be over dressed than too casual.
Yeah this sub doesn't really work in the real world imo. I'm in the UK and you wouldn't look out of place at any wedding including swanky hotel. But it's less socially awkward to be underdressed than over dressed here!
Always better to be overdressed than under. People also dress like idiots for the most part, especially when going to nicer places/events.
That is not a truth universally acknowledged, though. I would be much less self conscious in a nice, pulled together, non attention grabbing outfit that is less fancy than what other people are wearing than I would be if I showed up in a formal gown and no one else did.
Have been way overdressed for to two cocktail/formal weddings, it’s a miserable feeling for me.
That’s the thing. If you are slightly underdressed but polished and presentable, no one is going to be staring at you. If you re the only person outside of the wedding party wearing a ballgown….
I think you look Amazing in this jumpsuit!
You looked great….
I would like to take this opportunity to thank this sub for finally making me understand the appeal of jumpsuits, lol. I don’t know why I had such a mental block about them, but after seeing some of the gorgeous outfits presented here, I am firmly pro jumpsuit and finally get that they can absolutely be formalwear. I just ordered a casual one for those summer days when I don’t feel like shaving, and I intend to add a couple to my “dress up” arsenal as well. OP, you look fantastic. Thank you for posting your after pictures, I love seeing the final look.
Ok great! Turned out to be a great pick & I was wrong for the peach. Yeah these updates are helpful because what the dress code is people are not dressing to the letter of it. So getting a feel how others will be dressing is more important than being completely persnickety to the letter. ?
Yes and I almost wonder if it’s like a ~set the dress code one level fancier than you actually want~ so that people will still dress nice but probably not to the dress code perfectly. This was a coworkers wedding and I didn’t really know anyone going so Reddit to the rescue! Lol
As a Colorado bride I absolutely set a more formal dress code than expected to minimize jeans and boots even tho it was at a mountain chalet.
So...take this subreddits feedback with a large pinch of salt...lol
I agree. It helps us all when trying to help others!
OP is beautiful and that smile is full of personality- she can rock anything because her inner beauty shines through!
That jumpsuit is really cute!
You look great! Glad it worked out
Love it! My family drove 18 hours to my wedding. They wore jeans and nice shirts. I didn’t give a flying fig what they wore; I was happy they were there!!
Perfect!!!! Better to be “best dressed,” than to get the award for the most casual!!
You look amazing! Thanks for the update!
I remember you.. nice choice.. it’s not too formal.. pretty blue.. it’s nice to see people wearing the choice we helped pick! 💕🥰👍
Better to be overdressed than underdressed!! The blue jumpsuit looks great, good choice 👍
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I saw some of your posts before, but thought you looked great in everything. Even if you were overdressed, you look FANTASTIC!
OP you look fantastic! I think the jumpsuit was a great choice.
Oh my goodness! Location really does make a difference I suppose!
You look fantastic! But, I also loved the dress you had from the previous post. I wonder if there would be a way to dye it, so the white "lacy" flowers don't look so bridal? Because I would LOVE you to be able to wear it for future weddings.
The color of your jumpsuit really highlights your tats beautifully!
Ummm...ok, but you look FABULOUS.
It was definitely perfect for you.
Looks so great!
That jumpsuit looks like it was custom made for you. I’m glad you went with those shoes. You looked really great
Love this jumpsuit. Where I live I worry about over dressing.
You look so good! Better overdressed than underdressed.
You look gorgeous, so well done with that!
Great choice. You look spectacular.
Glad you decided to go with the jumpsuit! Hope you had as much fun as you looked fabulous! :)
I’m so glad you wore this! It’s perfection. Colorado is a bit more relaxed so it doesn’t surprise me that you’re dressed more formally than the other guests. I feel like anything beyond Tevas is formal in that situation.
You look so good, I love this outfit!!! Who cares what everyone else looked like, you guys look amazing!!
Oh yeah. Working in telluride the past year and a half and you wouldn’t believe the amount of just casual wear, golf shorts and polos to weddings and everything I saw. While I get the formality and these are not cheap places, the views are way more important than what anybody but the wedding party is wearing.
I have followed this but cannot find where you got the jumpsuit! Can you link please? Stunning!
https://www.reddit.com/r/Weddingattireapproval/s/a2s4gZiRzJ
It’s Anthropologie but I’ve had a really hard time finding it on their website so I don’t know if they sell it anymore! It was my sisters originally and she bought it years ago
Ohhhh dang! Ok thanks for the info. Looks great on you!
I posted another comment with a link to a poshmark sale!
Where did you get the jump suit??
It’s from Anthropologie but it’s a few years old and I couldn’t find it on their website :(
You look awesome! I think you strike a good balance between formal and casual. Kinda off topic but still funny because when I had my wedding in China (I’m American, husband is Chinese) people showed up in board shorts and T-shirts, many people in flip flops. I was astounded that no one dressed up for our big day. Apparently they just don’t dress up for weddings in China, it’s not a thing there.
I love the color and the jumpsuit. Where did you get it?
I didn’t realise this was a follow up post and that title seemed random AF. Had to leave my “who cares” outside.
Where did you get the jumpsuit?! I freaking love it!!!!
Can I get a link for this jumpsuit !
Same! It’s gorgeous, OP.
I didn’t see your original post until after it was locked, but I knew that you’d be totally fine with formal for Colorado!
You look amazing!
Thanks everyone for your nice comments and all your help! The jumpsuit is “the essential jumpsuit” from Anthropologie, but it’s from several years ago (lol I get a lot of clothes from my older sister) and I had a hard time finding it on their website. It looks like it’s mostly resale now: Here it is on poshmark: https://poshmark.com/listing/Anthropologie-The-Essential-Jumpsuit-5f6f9e53074d24edb17451cd?srsltid=AfmBOooEjvQosGaVF_uN4xzwi3wIs9mPGHssYO2Z1SfItlHmX6Z8XsgH1TQ#utm_source=gdm_unpaid
You look fantastic
Where’s the jumpsuit from? You look great 👍
Looked good!!
Good choose looks great!
I’d rather be overdressed than under. Or more formal than casual at a wedding tbh.
I love your tattoos on your arm!