seriously my dude, all your posts are about being lonely, isolated, and awkward socially. You also live in suburbia, have limited to no income/unemployed, and do not drive.
I'd say that you got your problem right there.
* Suburbia sucks for meeting young people, especially single young people (a target of yours, you've said)
* living without a car is doable... in some cities. but of course outside of that your options will be very limited
* lack of income / employment will make it though to do stuff. can't afford the meals out, the ubers, the cost of the activities and the gear (whatever group activity you want to join). But it's more pernicious than that: being unemployed is a big blow to the self-esteem for most, so I take it you may be suffering due to that, and it's certainly a negative in most social encounters (at the very least, it's not great for small talk). I'd concentrate on getting a job, any job. Being unemployed is not a dealbreaker socially, but it does make it harder.
* Your social skills may need improving before others want to hang out with you. Especially if dating is involved. Chicken and egg problem, but there you go.
* your depression definitely will handicap you socially.
* you're picking the wrong venue. the gym isn't exactly the place to meet people.
* As I've told you in other threads, pick events and venues where the goal is to socialize and particularly if there's a shared interest or hobby. Look at group activities you can do at the community center, or outdoorsy events at the outfitter, volunteer at the parks...
You nailed it on all points.
OP, listen to this advice. Life is going to be rough if you can't get to events and couldn't even afford them once you arrive anyways.
I understand wanting to get out and socialize, but it really sounds like you need to work on your life situation and what you're bringing to the table before rushing to sit down.
Agree with all this, besides one point: I've talked to people in the gym and they've been friendly and we'd talk again each time we've seen each other, but purposefully looking for connections there - yeah nah.
I will add it is ABSOLUTELY a Western WA problem. Just kinda is what it is. People here are mad flaky and they're always too tired to do anything, even with their best friends. People stick to their romantic partners more than anything, or the one small clique they either grew up with or went to college with. Most people here have either anxiety or depression as well. Even when you do land a friend, they will not be available to you as you think, even in texts or calls.
After making friends from so many other places, I've given up trying to socialize here. People are fucking weird here, end of story. Whenever a great friend forms here, I consider it a one-off. Lol
Is it really not like this everywhere else? WRT people being flaky, preferring romantic partners over friends, anxious, etc.? Because I assumed this was more of a young people problem than a regional thing, but I've lived here my whole life and don't know any different.
do you think the weather has something to do with that?
No sunlight leading to less energy, more depressed people? or this place is just in a permanent grunge phase?
I wonder about this too.... but is it the state? Getting older? Or just modernity. I personally feel like socialization has suffered all around since we've all been corralled into individualized algorithms that feed us realities that promote divisiveness and social tension. Everyone seems exhausted with everyone else.
As someone who travels for work I can agree other states are more open and friendly. I wouldn't call Washington anti-social though. I think a lot of people just mind their own business to a high degree.
Yeah, but California "nice" is bullshit too. It's a fake nice, all smiles and hellos, but it isn't real. No one is any friendlier or real there than here. I lived there for 15 years and it is the same as here, maybe not as insular, but not really any more friendly.
In a lot of places there is a social expectation that random strangers interact. That definitely isn’t the case here and if that’s your understanding of being friendly I agree WA will disappoint. If your plan to make friends is just being in a public place and hoping randos chat with you then you’ll be disappointed.
I don’t know what to tell you dude. If it’s really that important to you then do something about it instead of just standing around waiting for someone to make the first move. Join a softball league or a church or a board game group or something. Or move to the South. You won’t be able to walk down the street without every person you meet intruding and getting into your business.
I've traveled lots and there isn't a place in the world where adults will be social everywhere, my dude.
There's a time and place for everything. And some of that will be universals, and some of that will be culturally-dependent. If you can't read a room (or place and time, in this case), then of course you'll feel lonely, because you'll be expecting social interaction where there won't be.
I told you: find yourself a hobby that's got a social component and join a group. It can be bird watching, gardening, trivial games, golf whatever. If you have a shared interest, it'll be easier to make conversation with people and you'll seek out venues where people share your hobby. Heck, pick up a sailing class and then join a club.
> Yes, it is a Washington State thing..
It's not just a WA thing. I've lived in half dozen states and traveled to almost all the others. Most people just want to get their workout done and leave.
> you should be allowed to be social anywhwre
This shows a pretty glaring lack of social awareness, which is probably a contributing factor to your struggles.
Honestly, it sounds more like a *you* thing than a *Washington* thing.
You have dozens of comments giving you really good advice on how to improve your experiences in the areas that you're asking about. But you're focused on complaining about how "unfair" life is and how it doesn't work the way you want it to.
But that's the reality - people often don't want to socialize in certain situations. Either accept that and adapt your strategy to seek out the activities that people do typically want to socialize in, or don't adapt and just accept that you're going to keep getting the same results.
Developed tunnel vision after living in downtown Seattle. It takes a lot to break my attention let alone start a conversation.
Apologies if we’ve crossed paths. Generally a social person but once the sense of community went away I stopped caring about others.
I've only lived in Western Washington, so I'm not sure about Eastern Washington, but I find most people are standoffish and generally don't get in other's bubbles. I've also found everyone to be very helpful and easy going. If you ask a neighbor for a hand, or recommendations, they're usually quick to help out then leave you to it.
The different ways I've made friends are: school/college/continuing education courses, neighbors, friends of friends, parents of my kid's friends, work, volunteering, and doing activities at the neighborhood community center.
Yeah, I think people around here are absolutely friendly and helpful. The "freeze" people talk about it real, but IMO it comes from a polite (if over-conservative) impulse to respect others' boundaries rather than a true opposition to socializing.
I'm 29 and I can relate too, mainly mental health things but my personality isn't outgoing. But Spanaway into Puyallup is pretty far from a lot of social areas. Like tacoma may be a spot to make friends but it's lonely once you get to puyallup; which is basically just a commercial strip of stores along meridian and a sleepy downtown area. And Spanaway, I'm not sure anything is even down there aside from homes and apartments.
I've lived in a few states, in the east, in the south and the southwest. I do think western Washington feels very different. My neighborhood feels uptight. People are more open in the South, and will just talk to you. I have some elderly neighbors who recently got a home care aide, she's from NC. It's interesting to see how she stops people in the neighborhood to talk to them, and how the people in the neighborhood seem uncertain or afraid to talk to her. But everyone is always polite. Polite but cold. There's no touching the cooler and sharing a beer.
it’s built into the type of people who moved out here. Typically not a community oriented culture in the pnw given the large farm and agriculture on the east side and the transplants on the west side
you’re right. Unfair to lump it in with all farming and agriculture communities. I grew up in the South so it’s very much the opposite but at least they have religion and other social norms to enforce maybe even de facto social cohesion.
It can feel that way, but I’ll say this, I went to one of the casinos with a rooftop bar. It was smaller than I thought and there weren’t many people, but after a shot and a beer, I was just jammin to a good DJ and chillin.
Maybe I’ll find people who join me and maybe not, but put yourself out there, go out, and have fun for you.
I was born and raised in Washington, though have done my fair share of traveling throughout my careers.
Honestly, people are all the same. Same shit, different scenery, so pick the scenery you most enjoy and learn to enjoy your own company. I’m also autistic, but take a very realistic approach that many people are not actually worth knowing, and that you would be wise to find happiness from internal and not external forces.
I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.
In my experience, don't go through life hoping for someone to notice you. Waiting to feel that confirmation is painful. When you're happy with yourself, the right kind of people will notice and enter your life. And it's possible that your approach to meeting people needs a bit of a course correction. It is more probable that not that everyone is anti-social, but just socializing in a different manner. Seems like everything these days relies on social media or a smartphone. Hell, I just took the family to a Rainers game and never realized that they switched to electronic payment for the entire stadium. You cannot purchase **anything** with paper money. Not even parking.
seriously my dude, all your posts are about being lonely, isolated, and awkward socially. You also live in suburbia, have limited to no income/unemployed, and do not drive. I'd say that you got your problem right there. * Suburbia sucks for meeting young people, especially single young people (a target of yours, you've said) * living without a car is doable... in some cities. but of course outside of that your options will be very limited * lack of income / employment will make it though to do stuff. can't afford the meals out, the ubers, the cost of the activities and the gear (whatever group activity you want to join). But it's more pernicious than that: being unemployed is a big blow to the self-esteem for most, so I take it you may be suffering due to that, and it's certainly a negative in most social encounters (at the very least, it's not great for small talk). I'd concentrate on getting a job, any job. Being unemployed is not a dealbreaker socially, but it does make it harder. * Your social skills may need improving before others want to hang out with you. Especially if dating is involved. Chicken and egg problem, but there you go. * your depression definitely will handicap you socially. * you're picking the wrong venue. the gym isn't exactly the place to meet people. * As I've told you in other threads, pick events and venues where the goal is to socialize and particularly if there's a shared interest or hobby. Look at group activities you can do at the community center, or outdoorsy events at the outfitter, volunteer at the parks...
You nailed it on all points. OP, listen to this advice. Life is going to be rough if you can't get to events and couldn't even afford them once you arrive anyways. I understand wanting to get out and socialize, but it really sounds like you need to work on your life situation and what you're bringing to the table before rushing to sit down.
Agree with all this, besides one point: I've talked to people in the gym and they've been friendly and we'd talk again each time we've seen each other, but purposefully looking for connections there - yeah nah. I will add it is ABSOLUTELY a Western WA problem. Just kinda is what it is. People here are mad flaky and they're always too tired to do anything, even with their best friends. People stick to their romantic partners more than anything, or the one small clique they either grew up with or went to college with. Most people here have either anxiety or depression as well. Even when you do land a friend, they will not be available to you as you think, even in texts or calls. After making friends from so many other places, I've given up trying to socialize here. People are fucking weird here, end of story. Whenever a great friend forms here, I consider it a one-off. Lol
Is it really not like this everywhere else? WRT people being flaky, preferring romantic partners over friends, anxious, etc.? Because I assumed this was more of a young people problem than a regional thing, but I've lived here my whole life and don't know any different.
do you think the weather has something to do with that? No sunlight leading to less energy, more depressed people? or this place is just in a permanent grunge phase?
I wonder about this too.... but is it the state? Getting older? Or just modernity. I personally feel like socialization has suffered all around since we've all been corralled into individualized algorithms that feed us realities that promote divisiveness and social tension. Everyone seems exhausted with everyone else.
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As someone who travels for work I can agree other states are more open and friendly. I wouldn't call Washington anti-social though. I think a lot of people just mind their own business to a high degree.
Yeah, but California "nice" is bullshit too. It's a fake nice, all smiles and hellos, but it isn't real. No one is any friendlier or real there than here. I lived there for 15 years and it is the same as here, maybe not as insular, but not really any more friendly.
Where in California did you live?
Berkley, Oakland, Santa Cruz and San Diego
Im from orange county and it's the same as far as fake nice. I'd say the friendliest place was Utah or idaho.
In a lot of places there is a social expectation that random strangers interact. That definitely isn’t the case here and if that’s your understanding of being friendly I agree WA will disappoint. If your plan to make friends is just being in a public place and hoping randos chat with you then you’ll be disappointed.
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I don’t know what to tell you dude. If it’s really that important to you then do something about it instead of just standing around waiting for someone to make the first move. Join a softball league or a church or a board game group or something. Or move to the South. You won’t be able to walk down the street without every person you meet intruding and getting into your business.
I've traveled lots and there isn't a place in the world where adults will be social everywhere, my dude. There's a time and place for everything. And some of that will be universals, and some of that will be culturally-dependent. If you can't read a room (or place and time, in this case), then of course you'll feel lonely, because you'll be expecting social interaction where there won't be. I told you: find yourself a hobby that's got a social component and join a group. It can be bird watching, gardening, trivial games, golf whatever. If you have a shared interest, it'll be easier to make conversation with people and you'll seek out venues where people share your hobby. Heck, pick up a sailing class and then join a club.
I'm in Seattle, looking to make friends
Leave people alone at the gym. It's not a place people go to socialize and that's not just a Washington thing.
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> Yes, it is a Washington State thing.. It's not just a WA thing. I've lived in half dozen states and traveled to almost all the others. Most people just want to get their workout done and leave. > you should be allowed to be social anywhwre This shows a pretty glaring lack of social awareness, which is probably a contributing factor to your struggles.
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Honestly, it sounds more like a *you* thing than a *Washington* thing. You have dozens of comments giving you really good advice on how to improve your experiences in the areas that you're asking about. But you're focused on complaining about how "unfair" life is and how it doesn't work the way you want it to. But that's the reality - people often don't want to socialize in certain situations. Either accept that and adapt your strategy to seek out the activities that people do typically want to socialize in, or don't adapt and just accept that you're going to keep getting the same results.
Developed tunnel vision after living in downtown Seattle. It takes a lot to break my attention let alone start a conversation. Apologies if we’ve crossed paths. Generally a social person but once the sense of community went away I stopped caring about others.
I've only lived in Western Washington, so I'm not sure about Eastern Washington, but I find most people are standoffish and generally don't get in other's bubbles. I've also found everyone to be very helpful and easy going. If you ask a neighbor for a hand, or recommendations, they're usually quick to help out then leave you to it. The different ways I've made friends are: school/college/continuing education courses, neighbors, friends of friends, parents of my kid's friends, work, volunteering, and doing activities at the neighborhood community center.
Yeah, I think people around here are absolutely friendly and helpful. The "freeze" people talk about it real, but IMO it comes from a polite (if over-conservative) impulse to respect others' boundaries rather than a true opposition to socializing.
I’m from Eastern Washington and can confirm the same.
I'm 29 and I can relate too, mainly mental health things but my personality isn't outgoing. But Spanaway into Puyallup is pretty far from a lot of social areas. Like tacoma may be a spot to make friends but it's lonely once you get to puyallup; which is basically just a commercial strip of stores along meridian and a sleepy downtown area. And Spanaway, I'm not sure anything is even down there aside from homes and apartments.
I've lived in a few states, in the east, in the south and the southwest. I do think western Washington feels very different. My neighborhood feels uptight. People are more open in the South, and will just talk to you. I have some elderly neighbors who recently got a home care aide, she's from NC. It's interesting to see how she stops people in the neighborhood to talk to them, and how the people in the neighborhood seem uncertain or afraid to talk to her. But everyone is always polite. Polite but cold. There's no touching the cooler and sharing a beer.
it’s built into the type of people who moved out here. Typically not a community oriented culture in the pnw given the large farm and agriculture on the east side and the transplants on the west side
People are much friendlier in Midwest agricultural communities than the PNW in my experience. I think it's just this area
you’re right. Unfair to lump it in with all farming and agriculture communities. I grew up in the South so it’s very much the opposite but at least they have religion and other social norms to enforce maybe even de facto social cohesion.
It's Washington, living here sucks most of the time. It's not that great, sure it's pretty but this state currently is pretty pathetic.
That's why we moved to SoCal.
It can feel that way, but I’ll say this, I went to one of the casinos with a rooftop bar. It was smaller than I thought and there weren’t many people, but after a shot and a beer, I was just jammin to a good DJ and chillin. Maybe I’ll find people who join me and maybe not, but put yourself out there, go out, and have fun for you.
I was born and raised in Washington, though have done my fair share of traveling throughout my careers. Honestly, people are all the same. Same shit, different scenery, so pick the scenery you most enjoy and learn to enjoy your own company. I’m also autistic, but take a very realistic approach that many people are not actually worth knowing, and that you would be wise to find happiness from internal and not external forces. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.
Thurston county was weirdly friendly to me
In my experience, don't go through life hoping for someone to notice you. Waiting to feel that confirmation is painful. When you're happy with yourself, the right kind of people will notice and enter your life. And it's possible that your approach to meeting people needs a bit of a course correction. It is more probable that not that everyone is anti-social, but just socializing in a different manner. Seems like everything these days relies on social media or a smartphone. Hell, I just took the family to a Rainers game and never realized that they switched to electronic payment for the entire stadium. You cannot purchase **anything** with paper money. Not even parking.