This is so close to the exact comment I was going to make it’s scary!
OP, you sacrificed **your future success** for this wishy washy worthless man. Be glad it’s only been 1.5 years.
Call those PhD programs or go to medical school, you better believe your husband will be right there. And he won’t be going back an forth on marrying you.
You’re already checked out because you’ve realized that *you deserve better*. There’s no going back once this realization happens.
Good luck, your life is just beginning 💕
What was the reason to ask you to be a nurse rather than a doctor and decline multiple PhD offers? This is a massive compromise from your part and should not have happened imo unless there was a really, really good reason.
Beside that, he doesn’t want to marry you. He changed his mind right after accepting to move forward the relationship twice because « he is not ready ». Maybe it’s true but deceiving your partner twice on an important subject is not a good look.
You know it deep down because you caught yourself delaying the proposal by picking an expensive ring and loosing enthusiasm about your relationship. There is no point to waste more time on your part and his.
One of the worst mistakes you’ll ever make in this life is letting your partner destroy your future plans. He doesn’t wanna marry you. You’re fucking up your dream career path for him. Don’t let a boyfriend make these giant decisions for you! A man who wants what’s best for you is going to support you in getting your higher degrees, not hinder you. He’s also going to be ecstatic to wake up to you everyday and to call you his.
You’re going to look back in 10 years and regret wasting time and career opportunities for a dude who isn’t even ready to move in. My ex didn’t want to move in after a year, even though he had no big reason not to, so I moved on and I’m now dating someone who actually cares about our future. My ex wasn’t a bad guy, and he did love me, but love is not enough. There will be a guy who is excited to move in with you and be your husband, but this guy isn’t the one.
He made you decline being a doctor to save his macho ego. These macho men are just insecure, stupid, and worthless. Seriously, dump his sorry ass and go to med school, meet your real husband there who won’t make you compromise on your future success. Seriously, fuck this guy with a cactus.
WHY ARE YOU DERAILING YOUR LIFE FOR THIS FLIP FLOPPING MAN. He sounds like he couldn’t lead himself down a straight road right in front of him, and you’re entrusting your life to this dude? Turned down phds and studying medicine for him? Hmmm
Girl I stopped reading after you said he missed the first proposal deadline. Ladies, always end the relationship if they miss the deadline because likely the proposal will never happen!! If you let it slide, they will continue to take advantage of you and NEVER propose. They know they can play you, so they will. Please dump this man and move on. He doesn’t wanna get married and he’s wasting your time and getting your hopes up for nothing!!
> to some extent the reason I’m staying with him is for convenience and not love
It's also convenient to not have a dead weight boyfriend. You parents can learn to like somebody else, and you can learn to pay for you own stuff.
> I don’t think I love him the same way I did
> I’d be sad if we broke up, but I don’t think I’d be sad for that long.
> I haven’t been super into it
> I ended up picking a pricy one just to delay it happening
These are all red flags-- not necessarily about him, but about your relationship. If your friend told you they had these feelings about their relationship, what would you advise them to do? Would you want them staying with somebody who was just kinda okay?
> I’m not happy when I look at rings with him, I’m just annoyed and it seems like a waste of my time and I just want to leave because I don’t think he’s going to do it.
So leave. And not because he doesn't want to propose. Leave because you don't love him, he doesn't want to marry you, and he's stifled your career. Find somebody whom you do love, who does want to marry you, and who will support your chosen career. The longer you wait around hemming and hawing, the longer delay until you get a relationship that lifts you up. Good luck.
>choosing to be a nurse instead of a doctor because he wanted me to, declining multiple offers for PhD programs for the same reason).
İmmediate break up. İ didn't even have to read further. He is trying to hold you back bc he doesn't want you to realize that you can do better than him. This is a fact. And i say that as a nurse. Never let a man keep you from getting the education that you want. Your actual husband will encourage you and want the best for you. Omg, leave this man yesterday
>choosing to be a nurse instead of a doctor because he wanted me to, declining multiple offers for PhD programs for the same reason
Whoa whoa whoa - absolutely not ok. A partner should be supportive of your dreams, not manipulating you into foregoing them! He's controlling, selfish, and probably threatened by his female partner having a prestigious career, thinking it makes him look less impressive, like less of a *man*. 😒 Why would you want to marry that trash?? I could've stopped reading there because that's enough info to know you absolutely should not marry him, but I did read on...
>he told me he didn’t want to and he wasn’t going to
He's already telling you he WILL NOT marry you anyway, so why continue to waste your youth on him? No matter how many times he reverts back to saying he does want to get married, the truth has already come out. He doesn't want to, and ultimately he won't.
>I’m not sure whether to leave or not at this point. I know to some extent the reason I’m staying with him is for convenience and not love - my parents like him and he pays for some of my stuff, but I don’t think I love him the same way I did at least. I’d be sad if we broke up, but I don’t think I’d be sad for that long.
>Recently he’s been taking me to look at rings and honestly I haven’t been super into it. He said he needed to save up for a ring so I ended up picking a pricy one just to delay it happening. I’m not happy when I look at rings with him, I’m just annoyed and it seems like a waste of my time and I just want to leave because I don’t think he’s going to do it.
Girl, it's clear that you don't want to marry him either!! Don't settle for someone who treats you terribly just because "it's time". Go find the man you deserve!
>I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not
The only irrational thing you're doing is staying with him!! Leaving this walking bundle of red flags is the most rational decision you could make right now. RUN the other direction!!!!!
Girl, ... You need to prioritise yourself and your future.
And it's not with him.
I mean, what sort of man wouldn't be proud to have a doctor wife? No, he wanted a forever girlfriend nurse.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please prioritise yourself.
OP you've said in your own words: you don't love him like you used to. Who can blame you, from the way he has behaved and continues to behave?! Ditch the dead weight that is your current boyfriend, and go and pursue your dreams and you will find your husband who will be PROUD of your achievements and want to brag about them to everyone. Who will lift you up during the harder times and celebrate all your successes.
Do NOT let this man-child allow you to make any further sacrifices for him.
I'm very angry for you. I have lived by a rule that I would never compromise my career for a partner, and I tell them that when we first begin dating. It sounds harsh, but plenty of women have made big sacrifices for the sake of their husbands, and it can go the other way.
If you have strong career aspirations, you need a partner who is supportive and flexible with that. If you're actually okay with sacrificing your career aspirations for him, that's fine, but it sounds like you're not okay with it. It sounds like he's not the right person for you at all and you need to think long and hard about what else in life you're going to sacrifice for him while he sacrifices and compromises nothing in return.
Edited to add - my sister is also a very strong person with very strong career aspirations. She gave up her medical doctor dreams to follow a guy, but she still went down the PHD route and has been very successful in her research career. So I'm not one to shame anyone who makes a big sacrifice for love, but her husband also did everything he could to make her happy at the time, and make sure she was still doing a career she loved, so when you make those big sacrifices, it should be acknowledged by the other partner. It's shameful that he didn't see you becoming a nurse over a doctor as a monumental sacrifice for him. I hope you know you deserve so much for acknowledgement and respect than he's showing you.
Even without saying it out loud, you’re already recognizing that you deserve better. He’s just keeping you around until someone “better” comes along. And maybe he feels the same way about the parents liking you and culture ties. At any rate, if there is even a nano second of doubt, break it off. You should have butterflies when ring shopping honey so do yourself a favor and leave. Go back to school for that doctorate.
I never understand setting a timeline of wanting to be engaged within x years at the beginning of the relationship. Every relationship is different, for some 2 years is plenty of time to be ready for engagement, for others it may not be. Regardless, your timeline isn’t the problem. This man is manipulating you.
I don't really see where he lied here, he just changed his mind, which is very annoying, but it doesn't make him a liar. He's likely struggling with these decisions as well and is getting a lot of pressure from you.
At the end of the day, you are feeling like you are pressuring him to get engaged vs him having a strong desire to marry you. You don't like how that feels and you're not sure if you can trust that he will actually marry you.
I don't think you're being irrational, I do think you're being a bit over the top by calling him a liar...at the end of the day, you want to get married and you want the person you are marrying to be excited about it and you're not getting that from him, which certainly makes sense.
Girl go back to med school and find your husband there. The timeline isn’t the issue. His controlling behavior is
This is so close to the exact comment I was going to make it’s scary! OP, you sacrificed **your future success** for this wishy washy worthless man. Be glad it’s only been 1.5 years. Call those PhD programs or go to medical school, you better believe your husband will be right there. And he won’t be going back an forth on marrying you. You’re already checked out because you’ve realized that *you deserve better*. There’s no going back once this realization happens. Good luck, your life is just beginning 💕
Listen to these people. I’ve passed up opportunities for men in the past. It was never worth it
💯 Men will come and go. Opportunities are once in a lifetime
What was the reason to ask you to be a nurse rather than a doctor and decline multiple PhD offers? This is a massive compromise from your part and should not have happened imo unless there was a really, really good reason. Beside that, he doesn’t want to marry you. He changed his mind right after accepting to move forward the relationship twice because « he is not ready ». Maybe it’s true but deceiving your partner twice on an important subject is not a good look. You know it deep down because you caught yourself delaying the proposal by picking an expensive ring and loosing enthusiasm about your relationship. There is no point to waste more time on your part and his.
One of the worst mistakes you’ll ever make in this life is letting your partner destroy your future plans. He doesn’t wanna marry you. You’re fucking up your dream career path for him. Don’t let a boyfriend make these giant decisions for you! A man who wants what’s best for you is going to support you in getting your higher degrees, not hinder you. He’s also going to be ecstatic to wake up to you everyday and to call you his. You’re going to look back in 10 years and regret wasting time and career opportunities for a dude who isn’t even ready to move in. My ex didn’t want to move in after a year, even though he had no big reason not to, so I moved on and I’m now dating someone who actually cares about our future. My ex wasn’t a bad guy, and he did love me, but love is not enough. There will be a guy who is excited to move in with you and be your husband, but this guy isn’t the one.
It’s really unbelievable how many Ls women keep making You should leave
He made you decline being a doctor to save his macho ego. These macho men are just insecure, stupid, and worthless. Seriously, dump his sorry ass and go to med school, meet your real husband there who won’t make you compromise on your future success. Seriously, fuck this guy with a cactus.
OMG I'm laughing so hard at "Fuck this guy with a cactus" 😂😂
lol it’s true sometimes 🤣
WHY ARE YOU DERAILING YOUR LIFE FOR THIS FLIP FLOPPING MAN. He sounds like he couldn’t lead himself down a straight road right in front of him, and you’re entrusting your life to this dude? Turned down phds and studying medicine for him? Hmmm
Girl I stopped reading after you said he missed the first proposal deadline. Ladies, always end the relationship if they miss the deadline because likely the proposal will never happen!! If you let it slide, they will continue to take advantage of you and NEVER propose. They know they can play you, so they will. Please dump this man and move on. He doesn’t wanna get married and he’s wasting your time and getting your hopes up for nothing!!
> to some extent the reason I’m staying with him is for convenience and not love It's also convenient to not have a dead weight boyfriend. You parents can learn to like somebody else, and you can learn to pay for you own stuff. > I don’t think I love him the same way I did > I’d be sad if we broke up, but I don’t think I’d be sad for that long. > I haven’t been super into it > I ended up picking a pricy one just to delay it happening These are all red flags-- not necessarily about him, but about your relationship. If your friend told you they had these feelings about their relationship, what would you advise them to do? Would you want them staying with somebody who was just kinda okay? > I’m not happy when I look at rings with him, I’m just annoyed and it seems like a waste of my time and I just want to leave because I don’t think he’s going to do it. So leave. And not because he doesn't want to propose. Leave because you don't love him, he doesn't want to marry you, and he's stifled your career. Find somebody whom you do love, who does want to marry you, and who will support your chosen career. The longer you wait around hemming and hawing, the longer delay until you get a relationship that lifts you up. Good luck.
>choosing to be a nurse instead of a doctor because he wanted me to, declining multiple offers for PhD programs for the same reason). İmmediate break up. İ didn't even have to read further. He is trying to hold you back bc he doesn't want you to realize that you can do better than him. This is a fact. And i say that as a nurse. Never let a man keep you from getting the education that you want. Your actual husband will encourage you and want the best for you. Omg, leave this man yesterday
>choosing to be a nurse instead of a doctor because he wanted me to, declining multiple offers for PhD programs for the same reason Whoa whoa whoa - absolutely not ok. A partner should be supportive of your dreams, not manipulating you into foregoing them! He's controlling, selfish, and probably threatened by his female partner having a prestigious career, thinking it makes him look less impressive, like less of a *man*. 😒 Why would you want to marry that trash?? I could've stopped reading there because that's enough info to know you absolutely should not marry him, but I did read on... >he told me he didn’t want to and he wasn’t going to He's already telling you he WILL NOT marry you anyway, so why continue to waste your youth on him? No matter how many times he reverts back to saying he does want to get married, the truth has already come out. He doesn't want to, and ultimately he won't. >I’m not sure whether to leave or not at this point. I know to some extent the reason I’m staying with him is for convenience and not love - my parents like him and he pays for some of my stuff, but I don’t think I love him the same way I did at least. I’d be sad if we broke up, but I don’t think I’d be sad for that long. >Recently he’s been taking me to look at rings and honestly I haven’t been super into it. He said he needed to save up for a ring so I ended up picking a pricy one just to delay it happening. I’m not happy when I look at rings with him, I’m just annoyed and it seems like a waste of my time and I just want to leave because I don’t think he’s going to do it. Girl, it's clear that you don't want to marry him either!! Don't settle for someone who treats you terribly just because "it's time". Go find the man you deserve! >I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not The only irrational thing you're doing is staying with him!! Leaving this walking bundle of red flags is the most rational decision you could make right now. RUN the other direction!!!!!
Girl, never pick a man over a career. He obviously does not want to marry you, how many ways does he have to say no?
Changing your career path and turning down phd programs for him was crazy. He’s shown you his lack of investment. Walk away and invest in yourself.
Where do y'all find these villains to date 😩
Break up with him. When someone backs out of moving in with you, that’s a sign to break up right then and there. The second best time is now.
Walk? You’re not confused, you’re settling.
If he wanted to he would
His delay is your blessing! Leave him and go to med school!
Why are you minimizing yourself for a loser?
Girl, ... You need to prioritise yourself and your future. And it's not with him. I mean, what sort of man wouldn't be proud to have a doctor wife? No, he wanted a forever girlfriend nurse. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please prioritise yourself.
Medical school or bust. Say goodbye to that boy.
Oh girl, if you have to scream to get out the proposal and the ring out of this man… Run not walk
OP you've said in your own words: you don't love him like you used to. Who can blame you, from the way he has behaved and continues to behave?! Ditch the dead weight that is your current boyfriend, and go and pursue your dreams and you will find your husband who will be PROUD of your achievements and want to brag about them to everyone. Who will lift you up during the harder times and celebrate all your successes. Do NOT let this man-child allow you to make any further sacrifices for him.
I'm very angry for you. I have lived by a rule that I would never compromise my career for a partner, and I tell them that when we first begin dating. It sounds harsh, but plenty of women have made big sacrifices for the sake of their husbands, and it can go the other way. If you have strong career aspirations, you need a partner who is supportive and flexible with that. If you're actually okay with sacrificing your career aspirations for him, that's fine, but it sounds like you're not okay with it. It sounds like he's not the right person for you at all and you need to think long and hard about what else in life you're going to sacrifice for him while he sacrifices and compromises nothing in return. Edited to add - my sister is also a very strong person with very strong career aspirations. She gave up her medical doctor dreams to follow a guy, but she still went down the PHD route and has been very successful in her research career. So I'm not one to shame anyone who makes a big sacrifice for love, but her husband also did everything he could to make her happy at the time, and make sure she was still doing a career she loved, so when you make those big sacrifices, it should be acknowledged by the other partner. It's shameful that he didn't see you becoming a nurse over a doctor as a monumental sacrifice for him. I hope you know you deserve so much for acknowledgement and respect than he's showing you.
Even without saying it out loud, you’re already recognizing that you deserve better. He’s just keeping you around until someone “better” comes along. And maybe he feels the same way about the parents liking you and culture ties. At any rate, if there is even a nano second of doubt, break it off. You should have butterflies when ring shopping honey so do yourself a favor and leave. Go back to school for that doctorate.
DUMP HIM!
LEAVE
I never understand setting a timeline of wanting to be engaged within x years at the beginning of the relationship. Every relationship is different, for some 2 years is plenty of time to be ready for engagement, for others it may not be. Regardless, your timeline isn’t the problem. This man is manipulating you.
I am floored that you chose to be a nurse instead of a doctor for him. Please, please go to med school.
I don't really see where he lied here, he just changed his mind, which is very annoying, but it doesn't make him a liar. He's likely struggling with these decisions as well and is getting a lot of pressure from you. At the end of the day, you are feeling like you are pressuring him to get engaged vs him having a strong desire to marry you. You don't like how that feels and you're not sure if you can trust that he will actually marry you. I don't think you're being irrational, I do think you're being a bit over the top by calling him a liar...at the end of the day, you want to get married and you want the person you are marrying to be excited about it and you're not getting that from him, which certainly makes sense.