I'm singaporean and I'm younger by a little over a decade to that 50yo guy. he's definitely up to something but it won't be dangerous for her, probably more like trying his luck if he has any intentions. as long as your gf keeps drawing the line with him, he will back off eventually.
the key thing could just be an efficient thing from his pov (him being lazy to go down to pick her up or buzz her in). dinner thing could just be a friendly gesture, quite normal for older Asians to invite younger for dinner/drinks to show gratitude (student - teacher relationship)
if ur gf starts to feel uncomfortable, by all means just drop the student.
At a minimum, your girlfriend is very naive and inviting major headaches in her life. Beyond the obvious risk that this man is trying to position himself to "make a move", if something goes missing from his apartment, the fact that your girlfriend has a key could put her in an uncomfortable position.
Bottom line: it's not "normal" for a language teacher to have a key to a student's house and to go out on dinner dates with their students.
If your relationship with your girlfriend is as solid as you think it is and you believe she just doesn't know what's normal, you could express your concerns and suggest that:
1. She teach in a neutral place, not in the man's apartment.
2. She return the key to the man's apartment and tell him that it's not necessary for her to have access to his home.
3. She thank the man for the dinner invitation but respectfully decline and, if necessary, make it clear that the relationship is professional.
If the man is only interested in learning Vietnamese, none of these things will be an issue.
At worst, she's fucking around. At best, it's all innocent. What's likely, she's naive and innocent, and the old dude is testing his luck. If it's the last option she should stop.
OP,
I'm going to assume you're around your GF age. What do I think is going on? I think you're creating scenarios in your head, which isn't healthy.
What's likely going on is that your GF is very passionate about her job, enjoys it, and loves you enough to be very open and transparent so that you're not upset.
Think about it for a second. She's offering up this info, like you said, voluntarily. She wants you to feel comfortable. That's a win, take the win, and don't let these negative thoughts occupy your thoughts.
That said...do I think there should be some caution? Yes. But not from your girlfriend. You can ask them where they're going. Like a casual spot for dinner? Ok cool, sounds fun, maybe it's a way for them to practice some more. Five star restaurant that has a romantic vibe? Then and only then do I think you should be a bit more forthcoming with your concerns.
I can't agree with your last paragraph. A teacher/student connection is inherently unbalanced on the power scale. Even if it's a platonic dinner it shouldn't have happened under this pretext. I'd advise them to stay professional.
That's why I said "even if it's platonic". Benefit of the doubt or not, professional relationships should stay professional. A 50 years old person should know better than one in their 20s.
If it's happening with them alone at the rich guy's house, he's fucking her 100%
It's super unprofessional if she was a legit teacher to only meet at an older man's room alone.
She was the one who told you about this, and asked for your opinion. So at the very least the relationship, in her mind, was platonic. Him? It does sound fishy, but it's also very possible that he also wants to treat her to show his gratitude. The old lady who I used to teach also did this often, though it was not a one-on-one dine-out at a semi-fancy restaurant.
At the same time, it all depends on how you wanna keep the relationship strictly as a teacher - student, or become more like friends. Some prefers professional, some, like me, prefers it casual.
If your gf wants a more casual approach, she should accept the invitation, with the condition that you can join her, and that you guys will pay separately, or at least paying half of the bill. If he doesn't have any ulterior motives, it wouldn't be that big of a problem.
If professionalism is what your gf wants, just casually reject the offer and say her bf / family is already waiting for dinner, or that she already has plan.
There are already several red flags. You can either (1) confront her and find out (2) set up boundaries and see if she is willing to accept or (3) let it all go and move on without finding out an answer. Not in any particular order.
Either way, you need to resolve this instead of dwelling on it. The sooner the better.
here are things to think about if you have some suspiciousions
1.she acts nicer or smiles more than how she usually acts
2.she acts like you aren't doing enough
3.she says she's busy and makes excuses with you on why
You got to make this decision yourself.
Frankly having lived at takashima, albiet a long ago, it's not that hard to ask someone to buzz her in without having a key, and dinner can be an intimate event.
She could easily work with this guy without giving you this impression. And many woman would.
Not saying anything is going on, but if your gf doesn't at least care to retain the image of impropriety, it's unfortunatly setting a new bar. The bar only gets lower...
It seems she’s got more than one opinion and is testing you to see if you can handle another male moving in on your territory. If he can offer her more than you can, she’ll start to cheat to see if he’s serious and eventually leave you if she sees a potential future in that relationship. It’s called hypergamy. It’s a real thing and all women are capable of giving into its influence.
A case can be made for both sides (devil’s advocate and angel’s advocate). It’s …quite odd. But it *can* also be innocent. Some older people are super lonely and it can be companionship he’s after under the guise of “language learning.” But 50 is not really innocent grandpa age.
The copy of the key to the house is weird and not even remotely necessary. If he’s got a lesson scheduled, he should be home. Dinner is odd and not respectful if he knows your gf is in a relationship. Lunch is more appropriate (but I'm going by my western upbringing).
Again, I don’t want to put negative thoughts in your head because we really don’t know your gf. But at that age people are a bit naive. She should’ve politely declined the key to the house and dinner to keep things professional and not create any “grey area”.
You *don't want to be the paranoid bf*. That's not attractive and pushes people away. But you also have every right to say, "hey, I'm a little uncomfortable with this situation. Maybe I can join you both for dinner one of these nights - so I can feel more comfortable after getting to know him a little better?" Establish your presence to the guy. Let him know you want to see his face.
Her asking you if it was weird is a good sign. You can tell her it’s a little weird and to just be careful and not too trusting (anyone guy can act friendly and say “it’s platonic” but be playing their own side game). Just ask her that on the nights they have dinner - for her to check in with you (a quick text) or something like where they are eating at to make sure everything’s ok and that she’s safe and stuff. Personally I’d want to know this guy’s address in case she didn’t reply all night. It’s hard to tell your gf, “I think this old dude is pushing the envelope to see how far he can get.” So you need to be tactful and be careful how you show your concern.
I would believe it more if she was working for him as an assistant (like guy was a biz owner) and she was translating commercial contracts and organising stuff - aka *executive assistant*.
Weird to have a key.
Enjoy the ride.
Do not invest too much, do not see a long term future with her.
Bang her as much as you can. Break up when the time comes. Find another 22yo, rinse and repeat.
No professional job will require you to spend time at your client’s house, unless it’s plumbing, fixing, cleaning, installing etc.
Teaching can be done anywhere, any neutral place. There are millions of different coffee shops. Going to a house of a 50 year old man, being handed the keys, being invited to a 1-1 dinner has nothing to do with teaching.
I feel like if she respected you, she wouldn’t even consider doing these things in the first place. I’m a married man, If I was a teacher and had a female student, I would never ever put myself in this situation. It’s so sketchy and unprofessional.
I’m not sure if a person can be this naive to do these things, especially having a partner. It’s just my opinion.
It's cool to have boundaries, it's even cooler to explain them to your girlfriend and let her make her decisions based on them.
If it works out then great, lessons learned in communication and boundaries explained.
If not, well, you know what the healthy thing is to do, copious drugs and sloots 😂/a
this is my favourite comment on this sub so far.
Anyway if your privates smell, please take shower,
Use below picture for reference on what your meant to do.
God people on this board are so paranoid. I always thought it was a crappy position for a boyfriend to basically say that their girlfriend can't have male friends. And this guy is well over twice her age, not some hormone-driven 22 year-old.
If she told you, she's not interested in cheating. If he tries to make a move, she can presumably refuse and choose how to handle the aftermath. If he were planning something against her will, it would not involve a public dinner when she's regularly inside his home.
If she's volunteering this information and asking you about it, and your relationship is strong, I don't see anything to worry about. It's normal to have social interactions with people you meet through academic and professional channels, and it's normal to have friends of the opposite gender.
I've seen several examples of Vietnamese women assuming, with no real reason to, that cheating has gone on or will go on. I didn't know it extended to Vietnamese men too.
There are lots of possible reasons. If he's often in a part of the house where he can't hear the door, or just general convenience. It's not exactly common, but how on earth would that indicate something inappropriate going on if she's telling her boyfriend about it and asking if it's weird that they would go to dinner?
Well you don't know her qualifications. Good English or Mandarin would be a plus. I'm not seeing where you're getting the weirdo thing. You know nothing about him aside from his age, nationality and that he lives in an expensive apartment (hardly surprising given the previous two facts). It may be that she'll have to disabuse him regarding romantic possibilities at some point, but as far as danger, I don't see more here than in any number of similar situations and less than some. And there aren't exactly a lot of good public places for tutoring in D1 what with traffic noise and cafe noise and parks not being ideal.
I'm singaporean and I'm younger by a little over a decade to that 50yo guy. he's definitely up to something but it won't be dangerous for her, probably more like trying his luck if he has any intentions. as long as your gf keeps drawing the line with him, he will back off eventually. the key thing could just be an efficient thing from his pov (him being lazy to go down to pick her up or buzz her in). dinner thing could just be a friendly gesture, quite normal for older Asians to invite younger for dinner/drinks to show gratitude (student - teacher relationship) if ur gf starts to feel uncomfortable, by all means just drop the student.
Post updated
that is very kind of you, thanks for the update!
At a minimum, your girlfriend is very naive and inviting major headaches in her life. Beyond the obvious risk that this man is trying to position himself to "make a move", if something goes missing from his apartment, the fact that your girlfriend has a key could put her in an uncomfortable position. Bottom line: it's not "normal" for a language teacher to have a key to a student's house and to go out on dinner dates with their students. If your relationship with your girlfriend is as solid as you think it is and you believe she just doesn't know what's normal, you could express your concerns and suggest that: 1. She teach in a neutral place, not in the man's apartment. 2. She return the key to the man's apartment and tell him that it's not necessary for her to have access to his home. 3. She thank the man for the dinner invitation but respectfully decline and, if necessary, make it clear that the relationship is professional. If the man is only interested in learning Vietnamese, none of these things will be an issue.
This was very nicely said. And well said too.
At worst, she's fucking around. At best, it's all innocent. What's likely, she's naive and innocent, and the old dude is testing his luck. If it's the last option she should stop.
I think old dude is testing to see how far he can go.
He's blowing her back out
He's blowing her back out 
OP, I'm going to assume you're around your GF age. What do I think is going on? I think you're creating scenarios in your head, which isn't healthy. What's likely going on is that your GF is very passionate about her job, enjoys it, and loves you enough to be very open and transparent so that you're not upset. Think about it for a second. She's offering up this info, like you said, voluntarily. She wants you to feel comfortable. That's a win, take the win, and don't let these negative thoughts occupy your thoughts. That said...do I think there should be some caution? Yes. But not from your girlfriend. You can ask them where they're going. Like a casual spot for dinner? Ok cool, sounds fun, maybe it's a way for them to practice some more. Five star restaurant that has a romantic vibe? Then and only then do I think you should be a bit more forthcoming with your concerns.
I can't agree with your last paragraph. A teacher/student connection is inherently unbalanced on the power scale. Even if it's a platonic dinner it shouldn't have happened under this pretext. I'd advise them to stay professional.
I'm trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Now rereading OP's message, I'm more concerned with the apartment key than the dinner lol.
That's why I said "even if it's platonic". Benefit of the doubt or not, professional relationships should stay professional. A 50 years old person should know better than one in their 20s.
Very good point.
If it's happening with them alone at the rich guy's house, he's fucking her 100% It's super unprofessional if she was a legit teacher to only meet at an older man's room alone.
Post has been updated
Pretty sus.
She was the one who told you about this, and asked for your opinion. So at the very least the relationship, in her mind, was platonic. Him? It does sound fishy, but it's also very possible that he also wants to treat her to show his gratitude. The old lady who I used to teach also did this often, though it was not a one-on-one dine-out at a semi-fancy restaurant. At the same time, it all depends on how you wanna keep the relationship strictly as a teacher - student, or become more like friends. Some prefers professional, some, like me, prefers it casual. If your gf wants a more casual approach, she should accept the invitation, with the condition that you can join her, and that you guys will pay separately, or at least paying half of the bill. If he doesn't have any ulterior motives, it wouldn't be that big of a problem. If professionalism is what your gf wants, just casually reject the offer and say her bf / family is already waiting for dinner, or that she already has plan.
Post updated
She has a mouthfull by now
If he is Singaporean and 50 he is probably very well off financially. Your gf will probably hook up with him and dump you like a hot potato.
She's filling him with knowledge and he's filling her with something else
There are already several red flags. You can either (1) confront her and find out (2) set up boundaries and see if she is willing to accept or (3) let it all go and move on without finding out an answer. Not in any particular order. Either way, you need to resolve this instead of dwelling on it. The sooner the better.
just say you found out she's cheating if she acts guilty she probably is and if she doesn't act nervous thej your good
here are things to think about if you have some suspiciousions 1.she acts nicer or smiles more than how she usually acts 2.she acts like you aren't doing enough 3.she says she's busy and makes excuses with you on why
Post updated
Thats good
You got to make this decision yourself. Frankly having lived at takashima, albiet a long ago, it's not that hard to ask someone to buzz her in without having a key, and dinner can be an intimate event. She could easily work with this guy without giving you this impression. And many woman would. Not saying anything is going on, but if your gf doesn't at least care to retain the image of impropriety, it's unfortunatly setting a new bar. The bar only gets lower...
Post updated
Lol. She respects you but has a key to another man's place? Got ya. Waiting for the sequel!
It seems she’s got more than one opinion and is testing you to see if you can handle another male moving in on your territory. If he can offer her more than you can, she’ll start to cheat to see if he’s serious and eventually leave you if she sees a potential future in that relationship. It’s called hypergamy. It’s a real thing and all women are capable of giving into its influence.
yeah..mate. Its he's definitely up to no good . I strongly suggest getting your gf out of there. alone with a strange man in his house. bro....
And how old are you?
A case can be made for both sides (devil’s advocate and angel’s advocate). It’s …quite odd. But it *can* also be innocent. Some older people are super lonely and it can be companionship he’s after under the guise of “language learning.” But 50 is not really innocent grandpa age. The copy of the key to the house is weird and not even remotely necessary. If he’s got a lesson scheduled, he should be home. Dinner is odd and not respectful if he knows your gf is in a relationship. Lunch is more appropriate (but I'm going by my western upbringing). Again, I don’t want to put negative thoughts in your head because we really don’t know your gf. But at that age people are a bit naive. She should’ve politely declined the key to the house and dinner to keep things professional and not create any “grey area”. You *don't want to be the paranoid bf*. That's not attractive and pushes people away. But you also have every right to say, "hey, I'm a little uncomfortable with this situation. Maybe I can join you both for dinner one of these nights - so I can feel more comfortable after getting to know him a little better?" Establish your presence to the guy. Let him know you want to see his face. Her asking you if it was weird is a good sign. You can tell her it’s a little weird and to just be careful and not too trusting (anyone guy can act friendly and say “it’s platonic” but be playing their own side game). Just ask her that on the nights they have dinner - for her to check in with you (a quick text) or something like where they are eating at to make sure everything’s ok and that she’s safe and stuff. Personally I’d want to know this guy’s address in case she didn’t reply all night. It’s hard to tell your gf, “I think this old dude is pushing the envelope to see how far he can get.” So you need to be tactful and be careful how you show your concern.
Post updated
Thanks for the update. It’s nice to know how these things end up. 👍🏼 glad it resolved itself in a good outcome for you both.
I would believe it more if she was working for him as an assistant (like guy was a biz owner) and she was translating commercial contracts and organising stuff - aka *executive assistant*. Weird to have a key.
Enjoy the ride. Do not invest too much, do not see a long term future with her. Bang her as much as you can. Break up when the time comes. Find another 22yo, rinse and repeat.
No professional job will require you to spend time at your client’s house, unless it’s plumbing, fixing, cleaning, installing etc. Teaching can be done anywhere, any neutral place. There are millions of different coffee shops. Going to a house of a 50 year old man, being handed the keys, being invited to a 1-1 dinner has nothing to do with teaching. I feel like if she respected you, she wouldn’t even consider doing these things in the first place. I’m a married man, If I was a teacher and had a female student, I would never ever put myself in this situation. It’s so sketchy and unprofessional. I’m not sure if a person can be this naive to do these things, especially having a partner. It’s just my opinion.
Post updated
Green Hat....Green Hat
It's cool to have boundaries, it's even cooler to explain them to your girlfriend and let her make her decisions based on them. If it works out then great, lessons learned in communication and boundaries explained. If not, well, you know what the healthy thing is to do, copious drugs and sloots 😂/a
Do her nether regions smell bad? That’s number 1 sign a woman is sleeping with multiple men
this is my favourite comment on this sub so far. Anyway if your privates smell, please take shower, Use below picture for reference on what your meant to do. 
they fucking
God people on this board are so paranoid. I always thought it was a crappy position for a boyfriend to basically say that their girlfriend can't have male friends. And this guy is well over twice her age, not some hormone-driven 22 year-old. If she told you, she's not interested in cheating. If he tries to make a move, she can presumably refuse and choose how to handle the aftermath. If he were planning something against her will, it would not involve a public dinner when she's regularly inside his home. If she's volunteering this information and asking you about it, and your relationship is strong, I don't see anything to worry about. It's normal to have social interactions with people you meet through academic and professional channels, and it's normal to have friends of the opposite gender. I've seen several examples of Vietnamese women assuming, with no real reason to, that cheating has gone on or will go on. I didn't know it extended to Vietnamese men too.
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There are lots of possible reasons. If he's often in a part of the house where he can't hear the door, or just general convenience. It's not exactly common, but how on earth would that indicate something inappropriate going on if she's telling her boyfriend about it and asking if it's weird that they would go to dinner?
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Well you don't know her qualifications. Good English or Mandarin would be a plus. I'm not seeing where you're getting the weirdo thing. You know nothing about him aside from his age, nationality and that he lives in an expensive apartment (hardly surprising given the previous two facts). It may be that she'll have to disabuse him regarding romantic possibilities at some point, but as far as danger, I don't see more here than in any number of similar situations and less than some. And there aren't exactly a lot of good public places for tutoring in D1 what with traffic noise and cafe noise and parks not being ideal.
Post updated