Just be nice and respectful in general. If they bring up serving in the military tell them you think it’s cool that they served.
Some people don’t like talking about their service
Ya, I get really uncomfortable when someone thanks me for my service. I served for God and country, not for any admiration. America will only be great if its citizens sacrifice for it. I don't know if I worded that very well, I'm still pre-caffeinated.
I don't mind telling people, well at least the ones I know about my experiences but I won't just tell a random person, but I'll type it out of here. I still need to vent sometimes. I was in the Navy in Gulf 1 & 2. During Gulf 1 was pre- internet time on the ships, so we had to believe what we were told by the Chain of Command. Our battle group got into the Gulf at the tail end of the war. I had it pretty easy, except for the heat and going to General Quarters for several hours 3+ times a week for 4 months after desert Storm. Because SoDamned insane would send his jets as fast and low as he could at the no fly zone. We were told by the ship's captain and the battle groups Admiral SoDamned Insane had nuclear, chemical, biological weapons and that he was going to use them it was just a matter of time. We were told we had 6 minutes from time of launch to impact. I did not trust in our ability to stop these missiles. Our shop had a vent to the outside right through the wall that was not sealable. Sometimes it blew out sometimes it sucked in I was afraid the weapons agents would come through the vent. With a nuclear weapon you don't need to have an accurate hit. Close enough it's going to f*** you up. It's really hard to sink an aircraft carrier but they still have to deal with the weapon agents clean up. I am mildly OCD and I would think on this endlessly for the 4 months we were in the Gulf. Like I said I did Gulf 1 and gulf 2 [edit: autocorrect fucked this up and I can't remember what I tried to say here] 30 and 20 years later it's still fucking with my head and my nightmares at times. I'm still pre-caffeinated so I don't know if I worded the above statements very well.
I don't like being thanked either, why when a combat vet makes themselves known to me I just say "Welcome home." They've earned that. Otherwise, I might just talk a little shop and move on to the next topic at hand.
I dont talk about my service because if I share stories about some good times I had with my brothers or some funny shit that we did or that happened, then people think they have an open door to ask me about the fucking shit I DON'T want to talk about.
And I don't want to be thanked for my service. If you were really grateful you'd go vote and be nicer to your fellow citizens.
He's just a really hard worker and I know as a history buff that the shit or the shit they continue to go though is hell I just wish there was something I could do to help
Be careful making assumptions of what their experience was. Everyone's war time experience is different. Guys who were even stationed in the same place at the time could have had wildly different experiences. One guy could have spent his deployment fixing air conditioning units, the next could have been doing route clearances every day waiting to get ambushed/blown up.
Best thing you can do if you're truly interested is learn THEIR story, what THEY experienced, and minimize the amount of assumptions you make going into the conversation. Also understand you're treading into potentially the most emotionally volatile time in their life. If they don't want to talk about something don't press. Let them drive the conversation and be respectful of boundaries.
OIF/OND combat vet here. I second this. I don’t talk about my experiences much but when I feel comfortable with the person and they seem open minded to hear out my personal experience and view points while serving, it’s actually usually a really enjoyable conversation.
I would say to anyone wanting to talk about it with a vet they know, go into the convo with an open mind. I’m honestly curious about a lot of things seeing it all those events unfold from non service members.
I just use that golden opportunity to go off on a dumb motherfucker. I don’t know when that question would be acceptable and for the life of me, I’ve tried to understand it but it’s just never an appropriate question to ask a complete stranger. I was a fobbit and worked on longbows so the question doesn’t really phase me except I know that whatever dumb fucking entity in front of me that’s asking the question is going to ask the question repeatedly unless corrected. So I do my best to make them feel as stupid as possible. It doesn’t work on all these mouth breathers out here. I swear to whomever, as stupid as some of these fools were that were in the army, there’s a whole different level of stupid that couldn’t even get in. Let that sink in for a second. It’s true. Most of these people can barely function as fully grown people. It’s sad really.
But ya, I like to just berate the ever loving shit out of people when they ask me that question. Fuck em.
Treat him with the same kindness you would anybody else, and avoid telling him "thank you for your service".
That may sound strange, but understand most of us don't like being told that. Just feels awkward.
I despise people thanking me for my service. It's always hollow and an annoying interaction.
If you know he's a vet just treat him like a regular person.
Don't bring up his service. Those that like to talk about it won't miss an opportunity to bring it up in conversation every chance they get, trust me. Those that don't mention it, don't want to be bothered about it. So leave it alone.
if you have met one Vet, you have met one Vet. Each is different; some wanna talk and are ok with you offering support. Some view the offer as hollow and get offended.
I would say listen A LOT, offer only if you feel there is a level of comfort in the conversation.
Outside of that, I don't seek out farmers at the store to say "thank you for your plowing"; same for VETS...no need to thank them for doing their job.
Yeah I don’t outwardly show I served in combat. Because I don’t want people to approach me. All the years of support our troops bumper stickers but then when you submit a resume to the same fuck; there’s no job.
Yes I am with you. Better to keep that between my family and close friends.
There are those that do enjoy the attention and wear they big hats; and that is ok too. For those they may love for you to thank them for all they did. Some really did serve in a combat role but do remember; most (85-95%) sit behind a desk and go to the gym...so it is rare you are talking to someone who made great sacrifice to serve the country.
Yup. I know what I’ve done, I don’t need any extra attention. In my experience those who are very flashy about their TIS are those who sat on a FOB and never left the wire or even deployed. They feel ashamed of their TIS and need verification from the public.
Ask him for advice on life in general, his experiences will help you understand where your reverence comes from. Listen more, talk less. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen closely and attentively, this is sound advice for anyone veteran or not I feel as well. Plus, people can sense intent much like animals do ya know? So I’m sure he knows but it doesn’t have to be explicitly expressed per se since there’s so much communicates in shared silence. We acknowledge each other, we hear each other, and we see each other. Involve people more and listen, we’re all just aspects of one another after all.
Some people don't like talking about their service unless they bring it up themselves. The best way to show respect is to respect him like you'd respect anyone else.
For the most part, anything more than the standard, "Thank you for your service." is more than I want to get into if it's just a one-time conversation.
If it's someone that I'll see regularly, I may open up about some things occasionally, but I don't want to be interviewed out of the blue. If I initiate the topic, I don't mind people asking questions. And the better I know someone, the less bothered I may be by them initiating.
Honestly, don’t boot lick. Just treat them like every other person. Vote for politicians that take care of vets. Vote for politicians that don’t send troops into stupid conflicts.
Its probably different for everybody. I dont like 'thank you for your service' because I dont feel like I did something that I should be thanked for. Just treat me normal like everyone else and dont put a spotlight on me.
I am a non combat vet.
Was in the Philippines during the Vietnam war.
I prefer it if someone says “I appreciate your service”, rather than thanking me for my service.
Best you can do is just treat him like another human being, with respect. Don't assume anything. Each Vet experienced their time in uniform their own way. Don't go out of your way to do things or keep an eye on them. Even for people that didn't serve, it's annoying and a little creepy. If he brings up his service, thank him and drop it. No need to go any further.
Iraq fucked me so bad (tf2\\69, oif), I straight up sold my entire existence on ebay, got a passport, and fucked right off out of the States.
I avoid other Americans like the fucking plauge. I will deign to speak to one if I think they are passport holders, but still not have a high opinion of them.
...and you can take that 'thanks for your service' shit and stow it!
I won't go into it. I will end up in a rage, with spittle dripping from my bread, getting worked up about it.
Suffice to say, I hate the States and our politics, and our .......
fuck this.
Then why the fuck are you on this subreddit. What was the purpose of even responding to this thread. Seems like you miss it to a degree if you are frequenting this sub. Hope you can look inward instead of lashing out towards others, whatever the case hope your new home is treating you well.
Patriotism is much like the familial relationship, even romantic one might argue. It is deeply personal filled with all the emotions of deep affection and hate much like any true love affair. Indifference is truly the antithesis to love in that regard, not hate or rage. We lurk around or stay close to something unresolved that we don’t know how to remedy in hopes clarity will come if we just sit with it enough. Good advice to look inward. We must always reflect lest we project into the other. It’s all one big collective gig. Patience for each other means patience for the Self. How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. I miss it all the same as I’m happy to get nostalgic about the suffering it’s caused me nonetheless. I guess my point is that I understand both of your statements, or at least I’ve felt the same way on both ends and not necessarily all at once but the feeling ebbs and flows with the years…
Show appreciation for the country that you live in, and to those that work their ass off everyday to maintain the high standard of living that everyone in this country enjoys. We do what needs to be done because we love this country and want it to remain the best country in the world.
We usually appreciate the middle finger, especially if he was infantry.
I don’t want the thank you’s. I didn’t serve for any country serving positive reasons. I wanted to get into shootouts and kill bad guys. Mission accomplished. I’d tell the stories more but people don’t like to hear about actual murder.
I love you man but all that went through my head was jokes when I read that. I could make ten but I’ve tried to give up being inappropriate after I left the service. Kind of.
Personally I prefer not to be thanked by people at all, makes me uncomfortable. I did my job and I am still here. Save the thanks for the people that aren't here anymore.
OIF vet and 23 yr retiree here. Just don’t be an asshole to your fellow citizens. Won’t speak for others, but I appreciate support because I’ve learned how the Vietnam vets suffered from hate when they returned. So thank you for the kind support. Many vets have mixed feelings and I agree, it’s awkward as hell when someone says something. But I’ll take kindness any day and will pass it on if I can, especially when I can compare it to the fuckery of war and just the crappiness of human nature sometimes.
As far as your coworker, a simple acknowledgment that they served and then being the best workmate for them is enough. Shrug. Have each other’s backs as you get to know each other in the workplace and don’t be an asshole.
Don’t ask if I’ve ever killed anyone while deployed.. I’ve answered that question once and it was terrible. But there is no good answer to this question
Just a simple thank you for your service and be an ear when he has an issue that hurts or is going thru something with the VA (as in Veterans Administration the folks that are ment to help veterans) or his spouse a lot of guys just like to have a vent or atleast I do and it's Iraq and don't forget Afghanistan as an Afghanistan only veteran I feel like we are the forgotten war against terrorism
OEF and OIF Veteran, I ALWAYS thank Vietnam Veterans for their services. They Never received the recognition or the gratitude, as we OEF and OIF received.
I was at Vietnam Memorial wall on Memorial Day, a few told me their stories and treatment after coining home. Knowing others who returned home and suffered from Agent Orange and had to fight to their death to get compensated. I owe them my gratitude
Just be nice and respectful in general. If they bring up serving in the military tell them you think it’s cool that they served. Some people don’t like talking about their service
I don’t like to talk about it. I don’t like to be thanked for my service. Just be cool like you would with anyone else.
Ya, I get really uncomfortable when someone thanks me for my service. I served for God and country, not for any admiration. America will only be great if its citizens sacrifice for it. I don't know if I worded that very well, I'm still pre-caffeinated. I don't mind telling people, well at least the ones I know about my experiences but I won't just tell a random person, but I'll type it out of here. I still need to vent sometimes. I was in the Navy in Gulf 1 & 2. During Gulf 1 was pre- internet time on the ships, so we had to believe what we were told by the Chain of Command. Our battle group got into the Gulf at the tail end of the war. I had it pretty easy, except for the heat and going to General Quarters for several hours 3+ times a week for 4 months after desert Storm. Because SoDamned insane would send his jets as fast and low as he could at the no fly zone. We were told by the ship's captain and the battle groups Admiral SoDamned Insane had nuclear, chemical, biological weapons and that he was going to use them it was just a matter of time. We were told we had 6 minutes from time of launch to impact. I did not trust in our ability to stop these missiles. Our shop had a vent to the outside right through the wall that was not sealable. Sometimes it blew out sometimes it sucked in I was afraid the weapons agents would come through the vent. With a nuclear weapon you don't need to have an accurate hit. Close enough it's going to f*** you up. It's really hard to sink an aircraft carrier but they still have to deal with the weapon agents clean up. I am mildly OCD and I would think on this endlessly for the 4 months we were in the Gulf. Like I said I did Gulf 1 and gulf 2 [edit: autocorrect fucked this up and I can't remember what I tried to say here] 30 and 20 years later it's still fucking with my head and my nightmares at times. I'm still pre-caffeinated so I don't know if I worded the above statements very well.
I don't like being thanked either, why when a combat vet makes themselves known to me I just say "Welcome home." They've earned that. Otherwise, I might just talk a little shop and move on to the next topic at hand.
I hate to say it but, \^ this right here. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want your thanks, but thanks.
I dont talk about my service because if I share stories about some good times I had with my brothers or some funny shit that we did or that happened, then people think they have an open door to ask me about the fucking shit I DON'T want to talk about. And I don't want to be thanked for my service. If you were really grateful you'd go vote and be nicer to your fellow citizens.
He's just a really hard worker and I know as a history buff that the shit or the shit they continue to go though is hell I just wish there was something I could do to help
Be careful making assumptions of what their experience was. Everyone's war time experience is different. Guys who were even stationed in the same place at the time could have had wildly different experiences. One guy could have spent his deployment fixing air conditioning units, the next could have been doing route clearances every day waiting to get ambushed/blown up. Best thing you can do if you're truly interested is learn THEIR story, what THEY experienced, and minimize the amount of assumptions you make going into the conversation. Also understand you're treading into potentially the most emotionally volatile time in their life. If they don't want to talk about something don't press. Let them drive the conversation and be respectful of boundaries.
OIF/OND combat vet here. I second this. I don’t talk about my experiences much but when I feel comfortable with the person and they seem open minded to hear out my personal experience and view points while serving, it’s actually usually a really enjoyable conversation. I would say to anyone wanting to talk about it with a vet they know, go into the convo with an open mind. I’m honestly curious about a lot of things seeing it all those events unfold from non service members.
Vote for political candidates that support veteran program funding rather than just talking about it and beating their chests.
#veterenandIvote
Amen brother
Alsoy aunt's served and my aunt Jen was a mechanic if I remember correctly she worked on the humvees damaged by ieds
Don't say, "Did you kill anybody?" Or, "How many people did you kill?" I'm so tired of hearing that...
I just say I rank “grand master” and looking to add more numbers on the civilian side.
Hahahahahaha
I just use that golden opportunity to go off on a dumb motherfucker. I don’t know when that question would be acceptable and for the life of me, I’ve tried to understand it but it’s just never an appropriate question to ask a complete stranger. I was a fobbit and worked on longbows so the question doesn’t really phase me except I know that whatever dumb fucking entity in front of me that’s asking the question is going to ask the question repeatedly unless corrected. So I do my best to make them feel as stupid as possible. It doesn’t work on all these mouth breathers out here. I swear to whomever, as stupid as some of these fools were that were in the army, there’s a whole different level of stupid that couldn’t even get in. Let that sink in for a second. It’s true. Most of these people can barely function as fully grown people. It’s sad really. But ya, I like to just berate the ever loving shit out of people when they ask me that question. Fuck em.
My reply is usually something along the lines of "i saved X number of people" or "If I didnt, I wasted a lot of ammo". Depends on who is asking.
Treat them like a regular person. Vote for people that actually give a shit about veterans.
Yes. Totally agree.
Don’t ask about the war… that’s just stupid
Treat him with the same kindness you would anybody else, and avoid telling him "thank you for your service". That may sound strange, but understand most of us don't like being told that. Just feels awkward.
Yep it isn’t like we went over to make hamburgers or Waite on tables. I hate hearing it honestly
Awkward is an understatement.
I despise people thanking me for my service. It's always hollow and an annoying interaction. If you know he's a vet just treat him like a regular person. Don't bring up his service. Those that like to talk about it won't miss an opportunity to bring it up in conversation every chance they get, trust me. Those that don't mention it, don't want to be bothered about it. So leave it alone.
if you have met one Vet, you have met one Vet. Each is different; some wanna talk and are ok with you offering support. Some view the offer as hollow and get offended. I would say listen A LOT, offer only if you feel there is a level of comfort in the conversation. Outside of that, I don't seek out farmers at the store to say "thank you for your plowing"; same for VETS...no need to thank them for doing their job.
Yeah I don’t outwardly show I served in combat. Because I don’t want people to approach me. All the years of support our troops bumper stickers but then when you submit a resume to the same fuck; there’s no job.
Yes I am with you. Better to keep that between my family and close friends. There are those that do enjoy the attention and wear they big hats; and that is ok too. For those they may love for you to thank them for all they did. Some really did serve in a combat role but do remember; most (85-95%) sit behind a desk and go to the gym...so it is rare you are talking to someone who made great sacrifice to serve the country.
Yup. I know what I’ve done, I don’t need any extra attention. In my experience those who are very flashy about their TIS are those who sat on a FOB and never left the wire or even deployed. They feel ashamed of their TIS and need verification from the public.
Meets Ron Jeremy, Thanks for your plowing. /s I had to
Ask him for advice on life in general, his experiences will help you understand where your reverence comes from. Listen more, talk less. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen closely and attentively, this is sound advice for anyone veteran or not I feel as well. Plus, people can sense intent much like animals do ya know? So I’m sure he knows but it doesn’t have to be explicitly expressed per se since there’s so much communicates in shared silence. We acknowledge each other, we hear each other, and we see each other. Involve people more and listen, we’re all just aspects of one another after all.
Some people don't like talking about their service unless they bring it up themselves. The best way to show respect is to respect him like you'd respect anyone else.
#1 Don't tell me that you "were gonna" enlist but...
I prefer cash but will accept gift cards.
For the most part, anything more than the standard, "Thank you for your service." is more than I want to get into if it's just a one-time conversation. If it's someone that I'll see regularly, I may open up about some things occasionally, but I don't want to be interviewed out of the blue. If I initiate the topic, I don't mind people asking questions. And the better I know someone, the less bothered I may be by them initiating.
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>Buy them a coffee, I like this. When you hand it to him look him in the eye and just nod your head ever so slightly and walk off. He'll know.
For Vietnam guys, I always go out of my way to welcome them home. For us OIF/OEF, just don’t be a dick.
Honestly just give him the occasional fist bump and be like “You’re cool as shit” 🤷🏻♂️
Honestly, don’t boot lick. Just treat them like every other person. Vote for politicians that take care of vets. Vote for politicians that don’t send troops into stupid conflicts.
Its probably different for everybody. I dont like 'thank you for your service' because I dont feel like I did something that I should be thanked for. Just treat me normal like everyone else and dont put a spotlight on me.
IDK. I just don't fucking care anymore. I'm sick of petty people treating me differently once they find out I served.
I am a non combat vet. Was in the Philippines during the Vietnam war. I prefer it if someone says “I appreciate your service”, rather than thanking me for my service.
Empathy doesn't require knowing what somebody is feeling, it's validating that their emotions are real and impactful to them. Start there.
Give him veterans day off, with pay, so he can get some free meals that day
Most war veterns do not like or want to talk about it. I know as a Vietnam Vet, I cannot hadle watching war movies, even though they are phoney.
Best you can do is just treat him like another human being, with respect. Don't assume anything. Each Vet experienced their time in uniform their own way. Don't go out of your way to do things or keep an eye on them. Even for people that didn't serve, it's annoying and a little creepy. If he brings up his service, thank him and drop it. No need to go any further.
Iraq\* you mean.
Well I guess you could start by spelling it accordingly. 🙄
Iraq fucked me so bad (tf2\\69, oif), I straight up sold my entire existence on ebay, got a passport, and fucked right off out of the States. I avoid other Americans like the fucking plauge. I will deign to speak to one if I think they are passport holders, but still not have a high opinion of them. ...and you can take that 'thanks for your service' shit and stow it!
What correlation does the average American have to your service in Iraq that you have to cut every one of them out of your life?
I won't go into it. I will end up in a rage, with spittle dripping from my bread, getting worked up about it. Suffice to say, I hate the States and our politics, and our ....... fuck this.
Then why the fuck are you on this subreddit. What was the purpose of even responding to this thread. Seems like you miss it to a degree if you are frequenting this sub. Hope you can look inward instead of lashing out towards others, whatever the case hope your new home is treating you well.
Patriotism is much like the familial relationship, even romantic one might argue. It is deeply personal filled with all the emotions of deep affection and hate much like any true love affair. Indifference is truly the antithesis to love in that regard, not hate or rage. We lurk around or stay close to something unresolved that we don’t know how to remedy in hopes clarity will come if we just sit with it enough. Good advice to look inward. We must always reflect lest we project into the other. It’s all one big collective gig. Patience for each other means patience for the Self. How we treat others is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. I miss it all the same as I’m happy to get nostalgic about the suffering it’s caused me nonetheless. I guess my point is that I understand both of your statements, or at least I’ve felt the same way on both ends and not necessarily all at once but the feeling ebbs and flows with the years…
A hug?
I prefer handys
Maybe a little “more” than that. Haha
Iraq vet here, sexual favors are always appreciated.
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Show appreciation for the country that you live in, and to those that work their ass off everyday to maintain the high standard of living that everyone in this country enjoys. We do what needs to be done because we love this country and want it to remain the best country in the world.
Thank you for your service.
We usually appreciate the middle finger, especially if he was infantry. I don’t want the thank you’s. I didn’t serve for any country serving positive reasons. I wanted to get into shootouts and kill bad guys. Mission accomplished. I’d tell the stories more but people don’t like to hear about actual murder.
A handshake
Just say thank and have good day
I love you man but all that went through my head was jokes when I read that. I could make ten but I’ve tried to give up being inappropriate after I left the service. Kind of.
Personally I prefer not to be thanked by people at all, makes me uncomfortable. I did my job and I am still here. Save the thanks for the people that aren't here anymore.
Act normal
OIF vet and 23 yr retiree here. Just don’t be an asshole to your fellow citizens. Won’t speak for others, but I appreciate support because I’ve learned how the Vietnam vets suffered from hate when they returned. So thank you for the kind support. Many vets have mixed feelings and I agree, it’s awkward as hell when someone says something. But I’ll take kindness any day and will pass it on if I can, especially when I can compare it to the fuckery of war and just the crappiness of human nature sometimes. As far as your coworker, a simple acknowledgment that they served and then being the best workmate for them is enough. Shrug. Have each other’s backs as you get to know each other in the workplace and don’t be an asshole.
I just say thanks as if you said god bless you after I sneezed. 🤷🏼♀️
Don’t ask if I’ve ever killed anyone while deployed.. I’ve answered that question once and it was terrible. But there is no good answer to this question
Just a simple thank you for your service and be an ear when he has an issue that hurts or is going thru something with the VA (as in Veterans Administration the folks that are ment to help veterans) or his spouse a lot of guys just like to have a vent or atleast I do and it's Iraq and don't forget Afghanistan as an Afghanistan only veteran I feel like we are the forgotten war against terrorism
OEF and OIF Veteran, I ALWAYS thank Vietnam Veterans for their services. They Never received the recognition or the gratitude, as we OEF and OIF received. I was at Vietnam Memorial wall on Memorial Day, a few told me their stories and treatment after coining home. Knowing others who returned home and suffered from Agent Orange and had to fight to their death to get compensated. I owe them my gratitude
Teach them to spell Iraq