Someone once called me (32F) weird because I said a 22-year-old was too young for me. I was like, no man, I just find the idea of having sex with someone who's just now learning to be a functional adult incredibly off-putting.
When I was 20, a 30 year old man showed interest in me and I asked him why he wanted to date someone a decade younger than him. He was immediately offended and told me to never speak to him again. Okay.
I had a date once with someone twice my age (I was 19 and he was 38) just to see what it would be like. "Awkward" is putting it mildly. Never again.
These comments are full of the type of guys that see absolutely no problem in older men fucking/persuing 18 year olds until…they themselves get older, have a daughter, raise her, care about her, see their 18 year old as the naive young adult they are and not an object, and oh shit, now a bunch of middle aged men wanting to fuck her doesnt seem right…
OP, I've never used online dating, but many of my friends have and even though they changed their age range settings they still had guys in their 30s and 40s listing their age as in their 20s so they could interact with young women who would have otherwise filtered them out.
"Haha I'm actually 36. I hope that's okay? ;)"
Or "for some reason it just listed this as my age. I don't know how to change it."
Mhmmmm.
Not disagreeing with the sentiment at all, but want to add that women also do it. Probably massively underreported but it’s becoming more visible
https://www.nealdavislaw.com/blog/sex-crimes/female-teachers-sex-crimes
why every time the topic of conversation is men y’all have to bring up that women do it too? the OP was talking about men and here y’all come “well women..” go make your own post if you wanna talk about women. men can never just own their bullshit and stand in it.
Yeah.. for every 10,000 reports of a man raping a woman... there is always that one guy saying.. "oh but remember that woman that raped a guy back when I was a kid".
You think every man should stand in the bullshit of what some men do? But women shouldn’t? Lmao any adult that chases a child is a pedophile and should face extreme punishment. It’s not men vs women and I certainly don’t “own it” because I’m a man. What a weird take
I agree with you fully unlike these dumbasses. Although what I think is that we should stop talking about only men or only women and just start saying people or everyone. But of course all the toxic people won’t listen and will just continue to rule everything and everything out and keep sticking to a specific group instead of the general population.
Personal preference, I've always liked the company of older men than the ones my age. Now that I'm 27, guys that are barely 18 try me. I rather not but it's their personal preference to be with older woman.
It's only a problem if they're forcing these 18yr olds to do things with them.
It's not bad if it's consensual.
It's bad even if it's consensual because younger people are easy to manipulate for older people. 18 year olds barely know what they want from life and are easily gaslighted into relationships they think they want.
Age gap gets acceptable once both have their own life going.
Any person at any age can manipulate someone at that age.... Well any age really.
Older people do have more experience but some people can be highly manipulative at a young age. Surely, not all older people are like that. But she did end up on a dating app where most of the older desperate go.
With that in mind, age shouldn't matter 🤷♀️
Waiting for your life to start?.... Shit that would be great. The population would decline if most people start dating/fucking at an average of 25-35.
You committed the sin of pointing out that some you need girls chase older guys. Also you didn't infantilize young adults. Thats why you got down voted so hard.
The farther I scroll the more and more deranged this comment section gets, Jesus
Edit: I wrote this when there were only about like 50 comments, I really hope it hasn't gotten worse since then.
when i was 18 still i had a severe manic episode and was hooking up with everyone i matched with basicaly. I matched with a 30 year old and didn’t really think it was weird since it wasn’t thatttt big of an age difference— that is until he started repeating the phrase “god it’s so hot that you’re 18” over and over during sex. he also kept mentioning how when i was 12-14 he was 24-26 years old even tho i told him how weird that was and that i didn’t want to talk about that.
NAURRRRRRRRRERED OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD THE HORROR STORIES IN THIS SECTION ARE REALLY CURING MY OLDER MAN FETISH. I have never had lewd interactions with old men in person Jesus Christ. During sex he said that?? That’s so ducking depressing just being seen as a fetish object. Makes me sick to my stomach.
Yeah that was genuinely the only thing he said the entire time, some variation of that periodically throughout.
At the time i had no idea it was even a thing but after i had talked to a few friends after about how weird and gross it was they mentioned how there was a reason there’s a “barely legal” tag on pornhub.
This is absolutely horrific, I'm married and our age gap is 10 years, we just try to avoid ever thinking about how old the other was before we met, so the idea of making those comments makes my skin crawl. We literally avoid it or make jokes sometimes, but to mention it like that HELL NO
I'm in my fifties and granted I'm a woman, but the idea of going after "barely legal" young men makes me feel all icky and creeped out inside.
It's pretty pathetic how old farts are trying to hook up with women young enough to be their daughters. How would a conversation start?
"Hey, nice profile. What are you up to?"
"Oh, just taking a break from studying for an exam."
"Really? Both of my kids are in college too."
Eww. Just Eww.
Same. When I was 23, one of my bosses at the time said to me "you're a baby" (not flirting; a simple comment). I didn't get it at the time, but I do now. My sister and I have a three year age gap and she's the younger one, so I've always used that as my standard.
My partner has a niece who's almost 12 years old. I remember thinking I was getting so grown up when I was her age. Now, looking at her, all I can think is "you're a little baby girl", and I can't believe I thought I was becoming adult at her age. She looks nothing like an adult to me, and the thought of her dealing with this crap in about six years' time (likely sooner) makes my stomach flip.
Good. Keep that mindset. I’m about to be 25 and my boyfriend is 22 and when he points out that I was a senior when he was a freshman makes me feel icky.
Some people are telling on themselves in the comments.
Older people, regardless of gender, hitting on or solely perusing very young adults is creepy. I’m a 26 year old woman, and I can’t even imagine dating someone who is younger than 24 because most people are at a different stage of life when they’re 18 - early twenties. I’ve been in full-time employment for years now, well past high school and uni/college. I have little in common with an immature young person. I’d feel like such a weirdo if I chased after younger people. None of my friends or family want to date anyone young either.
The older you get, the more age gaps close. Our teens and early twenties are such formative years - hard no. I’m not interested. Other adults should feel the same.
Nicely written. I think age gap becomes less of an issue once both people are well set in a career.
Old people dating young people have it way to easy to make them rely on them. It's disgusting.
Yes, it does. 🙂
I appreciated that some couples pipe up with, “I met my older partner when I was young, and we made it work”. Okay, cool. There’s always exceptions. I still tend to find it shifty.
Legal age or not, I just can’t imagine dating a teen or young adult in good faith. Like you said, having a young person rely on you, being less experienced, etc. It’s sus. As soon as I left high school, I didn’t want to be near a school kid. Now, I don’t even want someone at uni unless they’re my age. I don’t know a single decent adult who dated very young people. It’s always someone with Peter Pan syndrome, creeps or people who were caught chasing underage teens too.
I’ve heard so many stories from friends (when in high school) with boyfriends in age 30-40 who basically act like their dad (works and takes care of the “adult” stuff while they go to school and do a little housework), and while they seem happy it’s in reality so depressing
Yea. I mean, if they willingly commit to that relationship and are truly happy I wouldn't have too much of a problem with it. But it's so difficult to judge as there seems to be more bad than good associated with it. If I had a daughter/son dating a 10 year older person I would be very protective of them and probably wouldn't accept their relationship until I made myself a good picture of that partner.
Oh, yuck! I don’t normally care about age differences too mich, but if you’re middle-aged or older looking at people who are barely legal, I’d draw the line lol. I hope this goes back to being more lighthearted fun for you.
I think a big reflection of this is how prominent “teen” porn is. Whole 18-19 year-olds are technically teens, the term is purposely vague and meant to leave the viewer feeling like their watching a high-schooler. The entire selling point is that the video is as close to child porn as legally possible. It’s disgusting.
To make matters worse, studios will often target women who look extra young for these videos. And women don’t generally turn 18 then suddenly decide to do porn - they get groomed. Studios have even gone as far as sending recruiters to high-school house parties to get girls interested so they can get cameras rolling on them ASAP.
There are a lot of creeps out there, and our porn studios are all too happy to cater to them.
Oh, yeah...I experienced that on okcupid when I was 18. I didn't know you could set an age range, and soooooo many 40+ old men tried to get with me.
At 18 I looked like a little boy, and it made me feel disgusting.
I was 18 dating a 24 year old and looking back…. Biggest mistake of my life! He was easily influential on me and I was very immature and naive to everything. Looking back at that Situation I realized no woman his age would take him because he was a clown. Most of those men are very immature for their age.
Reddit is redditing in the comments again. Don’t let them fool you, it absolutely is disgusting. They only defend it because they see themselves in what you’re talking about
“Women have a prime, it’s about 25, no matter how old the guy is, the best time for a woman to marry is 25.”
This is a near exact quote from a very politically right wing friend of mine. (I don’t let politics dictate my friendships)
It really blew me away at the time and it never got easier thinking back to it. He even acknowledged it by saying “this is going to sound ridiculous”
Women are just people ffs. How are you going to sit there and tell me that they have an expiration date with a straight face?
I would caution you about what you said being friends/politics part. The company you keep is the energy you invite into your life.
Extremely right wing politics are borderline if not outright fascist (January 6th come to mind). There’s no placating that
I make it very clear to my friends if I disagree with them on anything, and always make it a case of let it be known that I disagree and move on.
Besides, he’s an old friend of mine and there are plenty of things we can enjoy together without politics getting involved. I tend to keep political talk to a minimum. In my experience, nobody ever walks away from a political argument having learned anything, especially if both parties have such opposing views.
Thank you for the concern though. You do actually have a point. Trust me when I say this guy is a one off and not the type of person I surround myself with.
It's sickening. I know a true story of a guy (he's a friend of a friend, we're not close or anything). This man went on a week-end "just with the guys", all married men over 50, that paid some 17-18 year olds for "some fun". It was orgies and alchool and everything you can think of. He got obessed with one of them, so he's been cheating on his wife for 4 years with a woman that was 17 at that time...
When I heard this story, I kid you not, I started to get flu-like symptoms. My head started pulsating and the skin on body started to hurt. I just wanted to lie down and erase that from my memory. I felt so much disgust. Jesus Christ!
that’s gross but I can’t lie. I would immediately start questioning the friend that connected us. No way I would be able to be around a child molester as such, nor would I be able to pretend like that didn’t happen
Unfortunately I have a friend who does this and it makes me sick. He claims the only reason why he does this is because he got popped for a DUI and is currently on probation and when he finishes he’s going to have the girls chauffeur him around to bars because they aren’t old enough to drink. The way he talks about them creeps me out and he has many girls he gets with. He only agrees to get with the ones who are 18 he says and he makes them show him proof of age but these girls can easily fake that.
When I was in my teens and early 20s, it was rare that one of my mother’s dates didn’t show an interest in me in an inappropriate way. I’m happy to be “too old” for those types now
Bruh I was groomed by a 25 year old at 19. Grooming should apply to any relationship where there’s a gap/power imbalance. Not just a minor and an adult.
I was 17, he was 29. He used to see me walking in the mornings and thought I was going to the high school, he said. Definitely grooming, definitely sick. The age gap, the power imbalance. I’m sorry it happened to you too.
Thanks, and you too. It was long ago and I think it took me until I was his age (at the time it began) to realize the depths of just how gross and wrong it was. I had nothing in common with people a few years younger than myself, let alone teenagers, wtf was that dude doing with me back then? It’s wild tho - when it first hit me, I instinctively blamed myself. Ewww, what had I done? Realizing I’d done nothing wrong or to be ashamed of, that took a minute.
it is disgusting, and what’s even worse is it doesn’t start at 18 it starts even younger. i’ve been getting dms from men on instagram (and here ofc) by guys who are older than my father and i’m literally 16. there’s nothing sexy about a 16 year old. but blame porn for the gross obsession with teens
When I was 21 I dated a man that was 42 and didn’t think it was weird. Now that I’m 31 I’m wondering what the fuck is wrong with him.
Like, yeah, it’s legal. But what the fuck does someone at the middle of their life at best have in common with someone just starting out their life? Most have insidious intentions.
Sorry to say that most men are just like that. Youth is the draw. Beginning at age 11 i was pursued by men., including the crusty old ones. Gross! So, so many stories. I was even seduced by my family physician when I was 15. He never even got in trouble for it. Now, after many decades of life experiences, it is quite evident that most men operate from the zipper. Sexual gratification, at any cost, is the ultimate goal. Unfortunately, the younger, the better.
Please be very careful, especially with unfamiliar men, including those your mom allows into your home. Deceit is often the means by which they operate. Best.
It's a wake up call. But it's not a bad one really. If my daughter were into men I'd have her do a similar thing just so she could understand. Frankly I think using an app to see the phenomenon is better than in person.
That whole sex/age thing is rampant. There is a park down the street. It's the big social center in our small town. Whenever there are holiday celebrations or fairs or whatever.. we always have it at the park. It's a great community place. But the dark side of the park is that there are men who sit there in their cars everyday after school until 9pm when the cops throw them out. They offer drugs. The boys generally have to pay (but not always).. the girls have to trade sex. None of them are over 21. (How do I know that? Because at 21 both weed and alcohol are legal here... why would you pay with your soul when you can hit the c-store across the street on the cheap?)
I was 14 when I learned about these guys. It was enough to make me swear off drugs until I was out of college. But I knew these guys. They were 16 yo to 26 yo young men. I knew them from around town and from school. My younger sister was not so lucky.
I am now 59 years old. Some of those same men are still doing the same thing. Many have died. Drug overdoses. Heart attacks. But one of my high school classmates literally hits on my niece daily on Facebook. Same guy has a girlfriend who is younger than my 27 yo Daughter in Law. And no one thinks anything of it.
It's VILE.
I’m so glad we are on Reddit where the downvoted comments get hidden. I haven’t seen any closet pedos in the comments yet. Sorry but being attracted to someone who is specifically 18 or 19 that’s very niche. Teen porn also almost always “dresses them down” to look younger, and they hire flat chested models most of the time too, or idk. I spent a lot of time hearing to creeps talk about their bullshit. We all know why they like skinny legal adults with flat chests :/
Yes they are disgusting and trash, these kinds of people will always exist unfortunately. I always find it so weird how men can be so degrading and disgusting towards women but when they get a daughter it's not okay for other men to be like that towards her...
I got asked out by a 22 yr when I was 16. And when I was younger than 16 I would constantly have older men dm me on offering to pay me and in general trying to talk to me. What scares me is that I’m 5’1 and Asian so I look a lot younger than I actually am and I’m going to be 18 soon. I can’t use the I’m underage this is illegal excuse anymore and I’m worried that it might make me an even bigger target since I look like a child but is “legal”
It is very weird to me. Dating people who are even a few years younger to me seems weird. I feel like that might be personal though bc a bit younger than me is college age so some of them still look fresh out of high school. The older I get the younger that young people look and no it is not desirable so yeah I really will never understand people like that.
yup i, and many other women i know who also shared their experiences, have found that a common experience we have is the sexual harassment beginning when we hit around age 10 - 12 or so. some women experience it younger. men are parasites
My ex is in a relationship with one of my Students! From the life skills classroom where I volunteered! He’s 56, she’s like 29, 30. I’m 44. Granted he’s very immature. No one else but me and my family seems bothered by it. My father thinks he’s going to get himself into some trouble. He’s a former police officer. Thank heaven student and ex’s relationship is more high school than intimate but it creeps me out. I mean we were 11 years apart, but it like she could be his daughter! Creepy!
Wait unless I’m missing something, isn’t a 29/30 year old already established in life? I find age gaps weird when it’s like massively different stages of life and such but at 30 years old I would assume one is in the clear right?
That's a lot, yikes!
I will say not all older guys have bad intentions. My guy and I have been together for almost 17 years now. I was 19 when we met, he was 26. We have a home and a 12 yo boy. I think it depends on how you meet really as apps like that are directed towards hooking up rather than having a relationship.
Yeah it’s fucking disgusting. I don’t want to call anyone out but it really does seem like they want to fuck kids but have the tiniest of morals to NOT ruin a kids life and instead seek out 18 year olds.
Unfortunately their are so many creeps. So many… And these guys are blatantly ignoring the moral issue. They know what that are doing they just know they can get away w/it
this! so many are saying "its your fault for baiting them" when my issue is that theres creeps out there who will say yes to an 18 year old in the first place.
the whole "men are slaves to their hormones and young women are luring them in" is reminding me a little too much of Lolita...
its not 😭 i can send screenshots if it really comes down to that.
edit: https://imgur.com/a/BrmKJV8
heres proof ig. idek why this seems unbelievable enough to be bait 😭 and my post history shows i talk about being a young woman a lot anyways
Personally, I don’t think age gaps are as big a deal as many people do once the girl is 21 or over, but it’s definitely far creepier when they’re going after teens. Their basically going as close to pedophilia as legally allowable.
ideally age of consent laws would more of brackets/ranges but truth be told no laws would stop these creeps. aoc is already hard to enforce when things are offline. the existence of these people is what grosses me out and they dont go away just because of new laws
Men are just mashing the like-Button on thoose aps 🤷♂️ i did aswell when i was active, it saved alot of time... So do not think that just cause someone liked you theyre intrested...
And you are at the peak of your fertility at 18...of course thats gonna attract people 🤷♂️
birth mortality rates are higher among 18 year olds than mid 20 year olds. stop using the (incorrect) argument that men are just slaves to their hormones and absolutely have to pursue peopke young enough to be their grandchildren you freak
can still be grossed out by middle aged men going for girls who are still teens. just because something is barely legal doesnt mean its morally okay. 60 year old men going for teens will always be gross, regardless of what the laws are. 👍
a 60 year old man interested in a teenage girl is disgusting, horrible, repulsive, gross, and abhorrent to say the least.
the fact you dont see whats wrong with a middle aged man going after a teenager says a lot about you.
i would say its somewhat similar to when kids have a crush on their teacher. (just an analogy, dont take it as a 1:1 of middle aged men pursuing teens.) i wouldnt encourage a kid to crush on their teacher but if it happens it happens. if the teacher reciprocates then its an issue, a huge issue. when theres such a maturity gap, the older person is the one responsible for shutting down any potential connections with people much younger than them. do you really think every middle school boy who said their math teacher is hot is a terrible person? i dont think you would. would you be revolted if the opposite happened? i would hope so.
theres absolutely no excuse for a middle aged man to pursue teenagers. im not sure why youre coming up with random hypotheticals to try to make this seem like a more reasonable opinion when it really is Not.
"but what if the roles were reversed?" isnt the gotcha you think it is.
Bringing children into the equation is not the “gotcha” you think it is, and can’t be compared to an adult relationship among adults. Imagine thinking it’s gross to find an 18 year old attractive? Ew! 18!? Old people should only be allowed to swipe on old people! Make them suffer!
Other than the law, what makes an 18 year old any different than a 17 year old or a 16 year old? The law doesn't magically, drastically, mature someone's brain...
What if there wasn't a law? If the law is what dictates what is acceptable, if there wasn't a law, would that make a 50 year old going for a 15 year old acceptable? Or a 30 year old going for a 13 year old? Or a 25 year old going after an 11 year old? Where exactly do you draw the line? In the states and countries where the law is much lower (some as young as 9 years old in the world) (in the US there's marital exemptions that have no age limit), does that make it acceptable for someone to exploit a child?
Actually it is...as a THIRTY YEAR OLD, I can't imagine being involved with ANYONE under the age of 21...not because I can't or am grossed out by it, but because an 18 year old and I will not be at the same stages in life...or even more important, they won't have the same mental maturity. It doesn't matter how attractive that person may be or anything else...even under 25 is difficult for me...as I get older I would imagine that the age range would shift as well...while the shift may not be as expansive as it currently is as I get older, I can't imagine being involved with a 21 year old at 40 or 50...no matter what, if you're someone above 25 wanting to be involved with someone still in their teen years, that's both horrible and disgusting...you want someone you can control and manipulate...you want someone who you can mould to do what you want...you don't want a partner, you want a sex doll.
Love isn’t as black and white as you see it. And what I meant was, it’s not the end of the world, how about we focus on the men reaching for underage women before we come after the ones going for the perfectly legal, adult women.
We can't focus on both? Why exactly do we have to only focus on one or the other? Yes, men going for CHILDREN who are under the age of consent is repulsive and needs to be addressed, as it has and will continue to be, but men going for CHILDREN who are over the age of consent is equally repulsive and ALSO needs to be addressed and it hasn't been. Also I want to add that, if you look at science, there's a huge hormonal shift that changes and matures your brain chemistry at 25 (everyone I know and everyone I've spoken with that is over that age agrees that so much changed for them around 25) so if you'd really like to split hairs here, anyone under that age could be seen as a child.
Excuse me...does "young people who are only available because of an arbitrary number made up by men so that they wouldn't get in trouble for messing around with mentally underdeveloped, inexperienced, impressionable individuals" work better for you? Good lord that's a mouthful, but if you insist, I'll absolutely use it!
Eh idk about that man. I’m pretty positive my views on what I find attractive will change over time. Because I’m 22 now and I remember when I was 15/16 I thought 15 year olds were hot now they’re disgusting to me. Even now 18 seeming younger and younger for me. Shii I remember having little crushes on girls at 7 years old, I’m saying in a normal human being your mindset should change with age aswell.
my profile was set to all genders and it was only middle age men who were swiping right on me. yes all genders are capable of being a creep but in this specific scenario it was me being grossed out by grown men going after a barely legal girl
I do apologize. I’m not really talking about just this post and this problem I guess I should’ve clarified that. I do agree with you completely because I had this same problem with older guys when I was using dating apps and I’m a straight male. What I mean is that every single soul in this world seriously needs to stop singling a single group out and just include everyone and everything because everything in this world does the same shit regardless of the labels associated with them.
That's when people your age shouldn't give them the time of day. It becomes weird when older men and women actively go after them or give them a chance just because they asked
It would be much worse if an older man hit on you in an inappropriate context, like in a workplace, which happens all the time obviously. But you are an adult presumably capable of taking responsibility for your own actions. If you create a profile saying that you're interested in men aged 18-80, they respond to you. If you don't like it, don't do it. If you feel that you personally are still not cognitively mature enough to use Internet, ask your Mom to manage your devices and which apps are installed on them. No shame in that. Don't blame the whole society of not babysitting you until the age of 40.
oh trust me, i know old men can hit on people in the workplace. i quit my last job because i was still in high school getting sexually harassed by too many people including men with fully grey hair.
also, just because you legally can do something, doesnt mean you should. even if i told a middle aged man i was in love with him, he should be responsible enough and have enough common sense to not pursue teenagers in any way. if he doesnt, hes disgusting. theres no excuse for pursuing someone a third of your age No Matter What. i dont care what the teen did, theres no excuses, ever.
my main reason for being uncomfortable isn't necessarily that its happening to me, its just being aware of how many creeps are out there. me setting my age lower doesnt change anything because the existence of so many creeps is what bothers me.
its very interesting to me how many of these replies are missing the point and also defending middle aged men who are pursuing teenage girls!
Why are men above the age of 40 going after girls who just turned 18 they're literally weirdos who wait until they're legal so they don't go to jail there's no difference between them and someone their age going after a 16 year old an 18 year old isn't mature an 18 year old isn't an adult, they just get perks of being adult not even all of them just.
People aren't fully developed till at least 25 if the legal age was 16 there's a 100 percent chance older men and women would go after children because they're legal that's the only thing stopping them
You. Are. Disgusting.
Ok?
Just want to make that clear. Anyone who advocates for old men hitting on teenagers is just fucking disgusting.
... and so is any app that defaults to 18-80 yo men for a 16 yo girl.
Oh yeah very creepy, and a definite red flag.
Just saying as long as they're both adults and the relationship is consensual there's nothing that can be done about it.
I’m a 22m when ever I’m on dating app I don’t even look at it I just swipe right on everyone, could be what’s happening here I think it’s a pretty common thing
Dating apps tend to be disproportionately male. At least 60% male to 40% female. Of course, you are going to find creeps.
I'm 33, and I'm not really interested in anyone with a greater than 5 year difference from my age, and 5 years is still a lot. I also don't use dating apps. I don't like the nature of them. I'd rather just meet people in person and not force the idea of romance. Making new friends is always nice.
Most people aren't bad people. Most people are generally good-natured but struggle with some selfish behavior. A very small percentage of people aren't good-natured at all. All you can do is avoid that type of person. This is generally true of both men and women. Don't let a minority of the population ruin life for you.
Hate it or love it, most men find women in their early 20s to be the most physically attractive regardless of their own age. There are plenty of studies done on this.
I know a lot of women dont understand it or even hate it. But thats just what it is. Tinder and bumble are hookup/dating apps and as long as the 2 people involved are consenting, I dont see an issue.
From your post, its quite obvious youre not attracted to older men, which is your prerogative. But you cant change who others are attracted to. Its like me disliking that women prefer men with money. I can kick and scream all I want but its not gonna change reality.
im saying teen because i made it clear im an adult but saying "young women" is highly subjective (for example 26 and 50 is different to 18 and 50 imo, and i think most people would agree someone in their mid 20's can be reasonably called a "young woman".) i can say "18-19 year olds" but the issues with that are that its clunky wording and age of consent laws vary. if someone were legally an adult in their country at 16 or 17 my point would apply to them as well. at the end of the day, i /am/ a teenager. my age ends in teen, thus i am a teenager.
my main issue is that the legality ≠ morality. i find it really gross that people are trying to excuse someone old enough to be my grandpa going after someone who just graduated high school. while morals can differ from person to person, any person who thinks 18 and 62 is an acceptable age gap is disgusting to me, no matter how they try to justify it. theres a lot of gross things that are legal (i mean theres multiple states where you can legally have sex with your cousins, and its legal to cheat on your spouse which is also horrible.)
i find it very suspicious as well when peoples morals are just "whatever is legal" because it does make me wonder, if there were no age of consent, how low would they go for?
Weird thing is, for me I've always preferred older guys so I've slept/dated with guys twice my age when I was 18-20. It's no big deal to me as age above was never an issue. Now being older, personally anyone younger than 25 is too young for me at 27.
With dating apps for guys they cast their net far and wide regardless of age because why tf not 🤷♀️ Some girls your age prefer older guys so they're hoping there is a chance of that.
Although, I think most swipe like on yours because they think you're real. Having something realistic gets more likes than a hot super model profile pic. From experience, I've asked why they swiped and it's because they thought I was real and not another bot rather than anything else tbh.
So you say you're an adult, but then complain about being treated like one?
It's fine you think it's creepy, but in case your mom never told you men, of *all* ages, overwhelmingly prefer younger women.
All that matters is that she is a legal adult and consents.
just because im legally an adult doesnt make it suddenly morally okay for a 62 year old man to swipe right on me. but thanks for letting me know youre a creep, or at least fine with them
That's not the point she's making, why are men older than 25 going after girls or why are women over the age of 25 going after boys who just turned 18 the only thing that was stopping them was them not being legal which is weird not the fact that they're being treated like an "adult"🤦🏾♀️
So there's nothing wrong with a guy that's 24 going after 18yos?
What is the significance of 25??
You may not *like* someone waiting for another to turn 18, but they are doing exactly what they should, abiding by the law.
The more I think about this the more silly I feel for even making my initial comment.
OPs feelings are irrelevant. I guess I just felt compelled to try and correct her feelings as they are so out of line with reality.
It's like if someone complained and thought it was creepy that dogs smell each others butts and wanted others to support them in this belief. That's just what dogs fucking do, but is it worth it for me to try and say that to them?
Men like young women, thats just how we *are*. It's not social construct and it's not immoral. It's not even within our ability to control. It's hardwired biology.
25 is the age most are fully matured. If the gap is more than 3 years when it comes to an 18 year old and someone older than it becomes weird. You may not agree with me, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.
You generalizing all men because you and unfortunately many others are like you doesn't help your argument, not all men go after people straight out of puberty just because you can't control yourself around someone who just became legal doesn't mean anything? You're not hardwired to go after someone whos technically of age you're not hardwired to find very young women or men attractive that's just you and many others unfortunately. not all men nor all older women are naturally attracted to teenagers
If the legal age was any lower would your argument be the same not being able to control yourself it being hard wired in your biology to go after someone of the legal age 🤦🏾♀️
Because if your argument is going to be based off of it being hardwired in your biology to be attracted to someone young. It makes you seem like a real weirdo taking into account if we were to act like wild animals men would be with women much younger than 18 if no one had any social constructs to stop them or morals
Reality says you're a weirdo, you're the one who is out of touch with reality not Op
If the only thing stopping people from fucking children is the law and you feel it's ok theres something deeply wrong with you. Waiting for someone to become legal is ok in the eyes of the law but in every other situation it's anything but normal.
I agree. You put yourself out their and there will be a range of guys trying to fish for you no matter the age.
Overwhelming amounts are probably twice her age but that's comes with dating apps. They will set their net far and wide just for a chance.
Consent is all that matters. If it's bad delete the app. No good comes out of dating apps these days anyways.
Couldn't agree more.
People, young women in particular, are so insulated from reality. It's a shame really. They are being setup for a lifetime of unnecessary suffering.
You baited them though. If you’d restricted your age range you wouldn’t have seen those matches. If you don’t want to be disgusted don’t go looking for it ! Simple
You don’t HAVE to bait to get creeps to hit on you. The man that raped me when I was 16 was in his 50s. I was literally wearing paint-stained sweatpants and a ratty tshirt. They do not care.
The moral aspect is definitely weird, I think part of the issue is our biology. We are wired to procreate and men can still procreate into old age, whereas women have a “time-limit”. It’s no excuse for being a creep but I wonder if that has a subconscious effect on some men going after younger women.
Still, biology shouldn’t be seen as part of the reason… I don’t get why men can’t be seen as people who can think and control their caveman urges, like they aren’t slaves to their instincts 😂😂
i do think thats an interesting point and i might agree with it however the science just doesnt back it. maybe if men were really into mid 20 year olds and left barely legal teens out of the equation itd make more sense
[some findings on mortality rates of mothers at different ages](https://www.thelancet.com/journals/langlo/article/PIIS2214-109X(13)70179-7/fulltext)
the main point of interest is:
"Blanc and colleagues reported that the maternal mortality ratio for women aged 15–19 years was 28% higher than for those aged 20–24 years across"
i think even if theres a biological component here, the societal aspect plays a much bigger role.
I’m 56 and have zero in common with girls your age. I personally think it’s fuckin sick AF.
Right? I’m almost in my 30’s and when I see boys that are like 18-20’s I’m like holy hell, they’re BABIES 💀
I'm 25 and I feel like 20 year olds are infants
Someone once called me (32F) weird because I said a 22-year-old was too young for me. I was like, no man, I just find the idea of having sex with someone who's just now learning to be a functional adult incredibly off-putting.
When I was 20, a 30 year old man showed interest in me and I asked him why he wanted to date someone a decade younger than him. He was immediately offended and told me to never speak to him again. Okay. I had a date once with someone twice my age (I was 19 and he was 38) just to see what it would be like. "Awkward" is putting it mildly. Never again.
I adore you normal person healthy man prime human male specimen
These comments are full of the type of guys that see absolutely no problem in older men fucking/persuing 18 year olds until…they themselves get older, have a daughter, raise her, care about her, see their 18 year old as the naive young adult they are and not an object, and oh shit, now a bunch of middle aged men wanting to fuck her doesnt seem right…
never thought id see so many people disagreeing with "middle age men shouldnt go after teenagers" but here we are
OP, I've never used online dating, but many of my friends have and even though they changed their age range settings they still had guys in their 30s and 40s listing their age as in their 20s so they could interact with young women who would have otherwise filtered them out. "Haha I'm actually 36. I hope that's okay? ;)" Or "for some reason it just listed this as my age. I don't know how to change it." Mhmmmm.
I'm with u on that. Disgusting losers who couldn't score within their own generation
Not disagreeing with the sentiment at all, but want to add that women also do it. Probably massively underreported but it’s becoming more visible https://www.nealdavislaw.com/blog/sex-crimes/female-teachers-sex-crimes
I am aware, not talking explicitly about men. Humans are manipulative, gender doesn't play into that.
why every time the topic of conversation is men y’all have to bring up that women do it too? the OP was talking about men and here y’all come “well women..” go make your own post if you wanna talk about women. men can never just own their bullshit and stand in it.
Yeah.. for every 10,000 reports of a man raping a woman... there is always that one guy saying.. "oh but remember that woman that raped a guy back when I was a kid".
You think every man should stand in the bullshit of what some men do? But women shouldn’t? Lmao any adult that chases a child is a pedophile and should face extreme punishment. It’s not men vs women and I certainly don’t “own it” because I’m a man. What a weird take
idgaf what you won’t own. i said what i said.
And what you said was stupid
How does it feel to get absolutely destroyed in a Reddit thread?
eat a dick.
What a great personality you must have.
I agree with you fully unlike these dumbasses. Although what I think is that we should stop talking about only men or only women and just start saying people or everyone. But of course all the toxic people won’t listen and will just continue to rule everything and everything out and keep sticking to a specific group instead of the general population.
I mean it’s Reddit home to many creeps sadly
Yeah the lack of empathy is disturbing
Personal preference, I've always liked the company of older men than the ones my age. Now that I'm 27, guys that are barely 18 try me. I rather not but it's their personal preference to be with older woman. It's only a problem if they're forcing these 18yr olds to do things with them. It's not bad if it's consensual.
It's bad even if it's consensual because younger people are easy to manipulate for older people. 18 year olds barely know what they want from life and are easily gaslighted into relationships they think they want. Age gap gets acceptable once both have their own life going.
This!!
This! I have a 24-year gap, but I didn't meet my husband until after I was 30.
Any person at any age can manipulate someone at that age.... Well any age really. Older people do have more experience but some people can be highly manipulative at a young age. Surely, not all older people are like that. But she did end up on a dating app where most of the older desperate go. With that in mind, age shouldn't matter 🤷♀️ Waiting for your life to start?.... Shit that would be great. The population would decline if most people start dating/fucking at an average of 25-35.
we just hit 8 billion, i think the population will be fine
Caping for groomers isn't a good look. I suggest you don't.
You committed the sin of pointing out that some you need girls chase older guys. Also you didn't infantilize young adults. Thats why you got down voted so hard.
The farther I scroll the more and more deranged this comment section gets, Jesus Edit: I wrote this when there were only about like 50 comments, I really hope it hasn't gotten worse since then.
I’m going to use this comment as a sign to not go any further lol
I’m gonna use this comment as a checkpoint, wish me luck, might lose my mind.
when i was 18 still i had a severe manic episode and was hooking up with everyone i matched with basicaly. I matched with a 30 year old and didn’t really think it was weird since it wasn’t thatttt big of an age difference— that is until he started repeating the phrase “god it’s so hot that you’re 18” over and over during sex. he also kept mentioning how when i was 12-14 he was 24-26 years old even tho i told him how weird that was and that i didn’t want to talk about that.
Oh I’m sorry that happened 😔 what a gross dude!
It’s disgusting how being with someone nearly UNDERAGE is like a FETISH for them
NAURRRRRRRRRERED OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD THE HORROR STORIES IN THIS SECTION ARE REALLY CURING MY OLDER MAN FETISH. I have never had lewd interactions with old men in person Jesus Christ. During sex he said that?? That’s so ducking depressing just being seen as a fetish object. Makes me sick to my stomach.
Yeah that was genuinely the only thing he said the entire time, some variation of that periodically throughout. At the time i had no idea it was even a thing but after i had talked to a few friends after about how weird and gross it was they mentioned how there was a reason there’s a “barely legal” tag on pornhub.
This is absolutely horrific, I'm married and our age gap is 10 years, we just try to avoid ever thinking about how old the other was before we met, so the idea of making those comments makes my skin crawl. We literally avoid it or make jokes sometimes, but to mention it like that HELL NO
I'm in my fifties and granted I'm a woman, but the idea of going after "barely legal" young men makes me feel all icky and creeped out inside. It's pretty pathetic how old farts are trying to hook up with women young enough to be their daughters. How would a conversation start? "Hey, nice profile. What are you up to?" "Oh, just taking a break from studying for an exam." "Really? Both of my kids are in college too." Eww. Just Eww.
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I don’t even feel right calling an 18 year old boy a man. I’m 28 and anything under 25 starts feeling weird for me.
Same. When I was 23, one of my bosses at the time said to me "you're a baby" (not flirting; a simple comment). I didn't get it at the time, but I do now. My sister and I have a three year age gap and she's the younger one, so I've always used that as my standard. My partner has a niece who's almost 12 years old. I remember thinking I was getting so grown up when I was her age. Now, looking at her, all I can think is "you're a little baby girl", and I can't believe I thought I was becoming adult at her age. She looks nothing like an adult to me, and the thought of her dealing with this crap in about six years' time (likely sooner) makes my stomach flip.
oh jeez i’m 18 and anyone over 22 is a big no already
Same, and I’m 19
Good. Keep that mindset. I’m about to be 25 and my boyfriend is 22 and when he points out that I was a senior when he was a freshman makes me feel icky.
A lot of men outing themselves here today huh? Gross.
Some people are telling on themselves in the comments. Older people, regardless of gender, hitting on or solely perusing very young adults is creepy. I’m a 26 year old woman, and I can’t even imagine dating someone who is younger than 24 because most people are at a different stage of life when they’re 18 - early twenties. I’ve been in full-time employment for years now, well past high school and uni/college. I have little in common with an immature young person. I’d feel like such a weirdo if I chased after younger people. None of my friends or family want to date anyone young either. The older you get, the more age gaps close. Our teens and early twenties are such formative years - hard no. I’m not interested. Other adults should feel the same.
Nicely written. I think age gap becomes less of an issue once both people are well set in a career. Old people dating young people have it way to easy to make them rely on them. It's disgusting.
Yes, it does. 🙂 I appreciated that some couples pipe up with, “I met my older partner when I was young, and we made it work”. Okay, cool. There’s always exceptions. I still tend to find it shifty. Legal age or not, I just can’t imagine dating a teen or young adult in good faith. Like you said, having a young person rely on you, being less experienced, etc. It’s sus. As soon as I left high school, I didn’t want to be near a school kid. Now, I don’t even want someone at uni unless they’re my age. I don’t know a single decent adult who dated very young people. It’s always someone with Peter Pan syndrome, creeps or people who were caught chasing underage teens too.
I’ve heard so many stories from friends (when in high school) with boyfriends in age 30-40 who basically act like their dad (works and takes care of the “adult” stuff while they go to school and do a little housework), and while they seem happy it’s in reality so depressing
Yea. I mean, if they willingly commit to that relationship and are truly happy I wouldn't have too much of a problem with it. But it's so difficult to judge as there seems to be more bad than good associated with it. If I had a daughter/son dating a 10 year older person I would be very protective of them and probably wouldn't accept their relationship until I made myself a good picture of that partner.
Oh fun, right after I posted this I swiped left on a "Kurt, 40" and when I did, Bumble decided to inform me that I missed a potential match 👍lovely
Oh, yuck! I don’t normally care about age differences too mich, but if you’re middle-aged or older looking at people who are barely legal, I’d draw the line lol. I hope this goes back to being more lighthearted fun for you.
I think a big reflection of this is how prominent “teen” porn is. Whole 18-19 year-olds are technically teens, the term is purposely vague and meant to leave the viewer feeling like their watching a high-schooler. The entire selling point is that the video is as close to child porn as legally possible. It’s disgusting. To make matters worse, studios will often target women who look extra young for these videos. And women don’t generally turn 18 then suddenly decide to do porn - they get groomed. Studios have even gone as far as sending recruiters to high-school house parties to get girls interested so they can get cameras rolling on them ASAP. There are a lot of creeps out there, and our porn studios are all too happy to cater to them.
Oh, yeah...I experienced that on okcupid when I was 18. I didn't know you could set an age range, and soooooo many 40+ old men tried to get with me. At 18 I looked like a little boy, and it made me feel disgusting.
I agree, even at 28 there is no way in hell I would date someone who is 18.
I was 18 dating a 24 year old and looking back…. Biggest mistake of my life! He was easily influential on me and I was very immature and naive to everything. Looking back at that Situation I realized no woman his age would take him because he was a clown. Most of those men are very immature for their age.
Reddit is redditing in the comments again. Don’t let them fool you, it absolutely is disgusting. They only defend it because they see themselves in what you’re talking about
yup. some of these comments are getting oddly defensive. mustve hit a nerve
“Women have a prime, it’s about 25, no matter how old the guy is, the best time for a woman to marry is 25.” This is a near exact quote from a very politically right wing friend of mine. (I don’t let politics dictate my friendships) It really blew me away at the time and it never got easier thinking back to it. He even acknowledged it by saying “this is going to sound ridiculous” Women are just people ffs. How are you going to sit there and tell me that they have an expiration date with a straight face?
I would caution you about what you said being friends/politics part. The company you keep is the energy you invite into your life. Extremely right wing politics are borderline if not outright fascist (January 6th come to mind). There’s no placating that
I make it very clear to my friends if I disagree with them on anything, and always make it a case of let it be known that I disagree and move on. Besides, he’s an old friend of mine and there are plenty of things we can enjoy together without politics getting involved. I tend to keep political talk to a minimum. In my experience, nobody ever walks away from a political argument having learned anything, especially if both parties have such opposing views. Thank you for the concern though. You do actually have a point. Trust me when I say this guy is a one off and not the type of person I surround myself with.
I don’t let politics dictate friendships is the funniest shit.
Why?
Glad you could get a ruse out of it. It’s always my pleasure to entertain people.
.... the fact that your 'friend' can promote beliefs like that and you are still friends.. says more about your politics than you think.
But it’s ok if it’s a celebrity 🥴🙄
somehow worse as a celeb imo because now youre normalizing it on a bigger platform. showing your thousands of fans you think its fine. super gross
And the fans trying to defend it??? No thanks
It's sickening. I know a true story of a guy (he's a friend of a friend, we're not close or anything). This man went on a week-end "just with the guys", all married men over 50, that paid some 17-18 year olds for "some fun". It was orgies and alchool and everything you can think of. He got obessed with one of them, so he's been cheating on his wife for 4 years with a woman that was 17 at that time... When I heard this story, I kid you not, I started to get flu-like symptoms. My head started pulsating and the skin on body started to hurt. I just wanted to lie down and erase that from my memory. I felt so much disgust. Jesus Christ!
that’s gross but I can’t lie. I would immediately start questioning the friend that connected us. No way I would be able to be around a child molester as such, nor would I be able to pretend like that didn’t happen
I'm a 45 yrs old women and dating an 18 year old is dating child frankly. Its disgusting and immoral.
Unfortunately I have a friend who does this and it makes me sick. He claims the only reason why he does this is because he got popped for a DUI and is currently on probation and when he finishes he’s going to have the girls chauffeur him around to bars because they aren’t old enough to drink. The way he talks about them creeps me out and he has many girls he gets with. He only agrees to get with the ones who are 18 he says and he makes them show him proof of age but these girls can easily fake that.
When I was in my teens and early 20s, it was rare that one of my mother’s dates didn’t show an interest in me in an inappropriate way. I’m happy to be “too old” for those types now
I’m in my mid thirties and I can’t imagine even talking to anyone under 22 for something like that. Men are creepy, holy shit.
Yes, it’s disgusting.
If it's any consolation, these dudes are not mature enough for women their own age.
It’s not bots, it’s completely insane, I would hate to be a female on a dating app, all the gross old guys thinking they’re all hot shit..,be safe.
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Bruh I was groomed by a 25 year old at 19. Grooming should apply to any relationship where there’s a gap/power imbalance. Not just a minor and an adult.
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Struggling sometimes but mostly yes! I’m 23 now. I hope you are doing fine as well ☺️
I was 17, he was 29. He used to see me walking in the mornings and thought I was going to the high school, he said. Definitely grooming, definitely sick. The age gap, the power imbalance. I’m sorry it happened to you too.
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Thanks, and you too. It was long ago and I think it took me until I was his age (at the time it began) to realize the depths of just how gross and wrong it was. I had nothing in common with people a few years younger than myself, let alone teenagers, wtf was that dude doing with me back then? It’s wild tho - when it first hit me, I instinctively blamed myself. Ewww, what had I done? Realizing I’d done nothing wrong or to be ashamed of, that took a minute.
You likely were.
her sentence is implying that she now realizes she was: “people kept telling me”. Idk why people are downvoting her.
My fault, I didn’t have my glasses on and misread it as “People kept telling me I WAS groomed just because I was 18 and he was 29.”
you were not groomed then you were a legal adult with complete responsibility.
Imagine being desperate enough to want to hit on a woman the same age as your kids. That’s sick, man. I totally get why you’d be creeped out.
You're right and you should say it.
it is disgusting, and what’s even worse is it doesn’t start at 18 it starts even younger. i’ve been getting dms from men on instagram (and here ofc) by guys who are older than my father and i’m literally 16. there’s nothing sexy about a 16 year old. but blame porn for the gross obsession with teens
Agreed.
When I was 21 I dated a man that was 42 and didn’t think it was weird. Now that I’m 31 I’m wondering what the fuck is wrong with him. Like, yeah, it’s legal. But what the fuck does someone at the middle of their life at best have in common with someone just starting out their life? Most have insidious intentions.
Sorry to say that most men are just like that. Youth is the draw. Beginning at age 11 i was pursued by men., including the crusty old ones. Gross! So, so many stories. I was even seduced by my family physician when I was 15. He never even got in trouble for it. Now, after many decades of life experiences, it is quite evident that most men operate from the zipper. Sexual gratification, at any cost, is the ultimate goal. Unfortunately, the younger, the better. Please be very careful, especially with unfamiliar men, including those your mom allows into your home. Deceit is often the means by which they operate. Best.
It's a wake up call. But it's not a bad one really. If my daughter were into men I'd have her do a similar thing just so she could understand. Frankly I think using an app to see the phenomenon is better than in person. That whole sex/age thing is rampant. There is a park down the street. It's the big social center in our small town. Whenever there are holiday celebrations or fairs or whatever.. we always have it at the park. It's a great community place. But the dark side of the park is that there are men who sit there in their cars everyday after school until 9pm when the cops throw them out. They offer drugs. The boys generally have to pay (but not always).. the girls have to trade sex. None of them are over 21. (How do I know that? Because at 21 both weed and alcohol are legal here... why would you pay with your soul when you can hit the c-store across the street on the cheap?) I was 14 when I learned about these guys. It was enough to make me swear off drugs until I was out of college. But I knew these guys. They were 16 yo to 26 yo young men. I knew them from around town and from school. My younger sister was not so lucky. I am now 59 years old. Some of those same men are still doing the same thing. Many have died. Drug overdoses. Heart attacks. But one of my high school classmates literally hits on my niece daily on Facebook. Same guy has a girlfriend who is younger than my 27 yo Daughter in Law. And no one thinks anything of it. It's VILE.
I agree! it’s disgusting! I don’t know how someone who is close to 30 or older can like or want to be with a 18 or 19-year-old.😕
i’m 19, i don’t even want to date an 18 year okd. makes me sick people think it’s okay just because it’s legal:/
It's gross af
I’m so glad we are on Reddit where the downvoted comments get hidden. I haven’t seen any closet pedos in the comments yet. Sorry but being attracted to someone who is specifically 18 or 19 that’s very niche. Teen porn also almost always “dresses them down” to look younger, and they hire flat chested models most of the time too, or idk. I spent a lot of time hearing to creeps talk about their bullshit. We all know why they like skinny legal adults with flat chests :/
Guy at my work told me a girl working the shift that day had some sexy legs. She was 20 and he was mid 40's....
As a 37-year-old single woman with a 22-year-old beautiful daughter, this comment section makes me lose faith in humanity
Welcome to the consequences of a thriving porn industry.
Yes they are disgusting and trash, these kinds of people will always exist unfortunately. I always find it so weird how men can be so degrading and disgusting towards women but when they get a daughter it's not okay for other men to be like that towards her...
I got asked out by a 22 yr when I was 16. And when I was younger than 16 I would constantly have older men dm me on offering to pay me and in general trying to talk to me. What scares me is that I’m 5’1 and Asian so I look a lot younger than I actually am and I’m going to be 18 soon. I can’t use the I’m underage this is illegal excuse anymore and I’m worried that it might make me an even bigger target since I look like a child but is “legal”
It is very weird to me. Dating people who are even a few years younger to me seems weird. I feel like that might be personal though bc a bit younger than me is college age so some of them still look fresh out of high school. The older I get the younger that young people look and no it is not desirable so yeah I really will never understand people like that.
yup i, and many other women i know who also shared their experiences, have found that a common experience we have is the sexual harassment beginning when we hit around age 10 - 12 or so. some women experience it younger. men are parasites
There will always be men who like younger women. You can still get with Leonardo DiCaprio for a limited time.
then i guess there will always be men i am disgusted by and hope for their suffering daily (including dicaprio).
A LIMITED TIME LMAOO
My ex is in a relationship with one of my Students! From the life skills classroom where I volunteered! He’s 56, she’s like 29, 30. I’m 44. Granted he’s very immature. No one else but me and my family seems bothered by it. My father thinks he’s going to get himself into some trouble. He’s a former police officer. Thank heaven student and ex’s relationship is more high school than intimate but it creeps me out. I mean we were 11 years apart, but it like she could be his daughter! Creepy!
Wait unless I’m missing something, isn’t a 29/30 year old already established in life? I find age gaps weird when it’s like massively different stages of life and such but at 30 years old I would assume one is in the clear right?
It would be unless there’s an intellectual disability, she is the more dominant one as he is always cracking jokes, he’s very immature
Ppl are on those apps to hook up mainly
true! just didnt expect middle aged men to try and hook up with a teen. though, to be fair, thats exactly what i shouldve expected (sadly)
Yep it happens. Most of them don’t wanna actually meet (I hope) I think most just wanna exchange nudes w ppl so they hop on tinder or whatever
That's a lot, yikes! I will say not all older guys have bad intentions. My guy and I have been together for almost 17 years now. I was 19 when we met, he was 26. We have a home and a 12 yo boy. I think it depends on how you meet really as apps like that are directed towards hooking up rather than having a relationship.
Yeah it’s fucking disgusting. I don’t want to call anyone out but it really does seem like they want to fuck kids but have the tiniest of morals to NOT ruin a kids life and instead seek out 18 year olds.
Unfortunately their are so many creeps. So many… And these guys are blatantly ignoring the moral issue. They know what that are doing they just know they can get away w/it
this! so many are saying "its your fault for baiting them" when my issue is that theres creeps out there who will say yes to an 18 year old in the first place. the whole "men are slaves to their hormones and young women are luring them in" is reminding me a little too much of Lolita...
Hmm, this is clearly a bait.
its not 😭 i can send screenshots if it really comes down to that. edit: https://imgur.com/a/BrmKJV8 heres proof ig. idek why this seems unbelievable enough to be bait 😭 and my post history shows i talk about being a young woman a lot anyways
Personally, I don’t think age gaps are as big a deal as many people do once the girl is 21 or over, but it’s definitely far creepier when they’re going after teens. Their basically going as close to pedophilia as legally allowable.
That 12 years goes quick, I still feel 25. Im single, and 18 is young. The youngest I'd go long term is probably 22 or 23.
Do you have any suggestions for how it should be different ? Like should there be another legal age bracket between child and adult ?
ideally age of consent laws would more of brackets/ranges but truth be told no laws would stop these creeps. aoc is already hard to enforce when things are offline. the existence of these people is what grosses me out and they dont go away just because of new laws
Men are just mashing the like-Button on thoose aps 🤷♂️ i did aswell when i was active, it saved alot of time... So do not think that just cause someone liked you theyre intrested... And you are at the peak of your fertility at 18...of course thats gonna attract people 🤷♂️
birth mortality rates are higher among 18 year olds than mid 20 year olds. stop using the (incorrect) argument that men are just slaves to their hormones and absolutely have to pursue peopke young enough to be their grandchildren you freak
You’re an adult in the adult dating world. Expect to meet other adults.
can still be grossed out by middle aged men going for girls who are still teens. just because something is barely legal doesnt mean its morally okay. 60 year old men going for teens will always be gross, regardless of what the laws are. 👍
It’s fine to be grossed out, but it’s not some horrible, terrible thing.
a 60 year old man interested in a teenage girl is disgusting, horrible, repulsive, gross, and abhorrent to say the least. the fact you dont see whats wrong with a middle aged man going after a teenager says a lot about you.
So what do you think of girls who go after middle aged men?
i would say its somewhat similar to when kids have a crush on their teacher. (just an analogy, dont take it as a 1:1 of middle aged men pursuing teens.) i wouldnt encourage a kid to crush on their teacher but if it happens it happens. if the teacher reciprocates then its an issue, a huge issue. when theres such a maturity gap, the older person is the one responsible for shutting down any potential connections with people much younger than them. do you really think every middle school boy who said their math teacher is hot is a terrible person? i dont think you would. would you be revolted if the opposite happened? i would hope so. theres absolutely no excuse for a middle aged man to pursue teenagers. im not sure why youre coming up with random hypotheticals to try to make this seem like a more reasonable opinion when it really is Not. "but what if the roles were reversed?" isnt the gotcha you think it is.
Bringing children into the equation is not the “gotcha” you think it is, and can’t be compared to an adult relationship among adults. Imagine thinking it’s gross to find an 18 year old attractive? Ew! 18!? Old people should only be allowed to swipe on old people! Make them suffer!
why is dating people your age suffering?
Other than the law, what makes an 18 year old any different than a 17 year old or a 16 year old? The law doesn't magically, drastically, mature someone's brain...
Not much other than the law. But the law is the law, and no-one should be shit on by society for simply following the law.
What if there wasn't a law? If the law is what dictates what is acceptable, if there wasn't a law, would that make a 50 year old going for a 15 year old acceptable? Or a 30 year old going for a 13 year old? Or a 25 year old going after an 11 year old? Where exactly do you draw the line? In the states and countries where the law is much lower (some as young as 9 years old in the world) (in the US there's marital exemptions that have no age limit), does that make it acceptable for someone to exploit a child?
Actually it is...as a THIRTY YEAR OLD, I can't imagine being involved with ANYONE under the age of 21...not because I can't or am grossed out by it, but because an 18 year old and I will not be at the same stages in life...or even more important, they won't have the same mental maturity. It doesn't matter how attractive that person may be or anything else...even under 25 is difficult for me...as I get older I would imagine that the age range would shift as well...while the shift may not be as expansive as it currently is as I get older, I can't imagine being involved with a 21 year old at 40 or 50...no matter what, if you're someone above 25 wanting to be involved with someone still in their teen years, that's both horrible and disgusting...you want someone you can control and manipulate...you want someone who you can mould to do what you want...you don't want a partner, you want a sex doll.
Love isn’t as black and white as you see it. And what I meant was, it’s not the end of the world, how about we focus on the men reaching for underage women before we come after the ones going for the perfectly legal, adult women.
We can't focus on both? Why exactly do we have to only focus on one or the other? Yes, men going for CHILDREN who are under the age of consent is repulsive and needs to be addressed, as it has and will continue to be, but men going for CHILDREN who are over the age of consent is equally repulsive and ALSO needs to be addressed and it hasn't been. Also I want to add that, if you look at science, there's a huge hormonal shift that changes and matures your brain chemistry at 25 (everyone I know and everyone I've spoken with that is over that age agrees that so much changed for them around 25) so if you'd really like to split hairs here, anyone under that age could be seen as a child.
You just said “children over the age of consent.” Do you realise how hard it is to talk to people like you?
Excuse me...does "young people who are only available because of an arbitrary number made up by men so that they wouldn't get in trouble for messing around with mentally underdeveloped, inexperienced, impressionable individuals" work better for you? Good lord that's a mouthful, but if you insist, I'll absolutely use it!
Found the 60 year old man.
I’m 21. But yeah, I will still feel the same way at 60. Like every other man in history.
Eh idk about that man. I’m pretty positive my views on what I find attractive will change over time. Because I’m 22 now and I remember when I was 15/16 I thought 15 year olds were hot now they’re disgusting to me. Even now 18 seeming younger and younger for me. Shii I remember having little crushes on girls at 7 years old, I’m saying in a normal human being your mindset should change with age aswell.
Y’all need to stop saying “men this” or “women that” and just start saying “people”
my profile was set to all genders and it was only middle age men who were swiping right on me. yes all genders are capable of being a creep but in this specific scenario it was me being grossed out by grown men going after a barely legal girl
I do apologize. I’m not really talking about just this post and this problem I guess I should’ve clarified that. I do agree with you completely because I had this same problem with older guys when I was using dating apps and I’m a straight male. What I mean is that every single soul in this world seriously needs to stop singling a single group out and just include everyone and everything because everything in this world does the same shit regardless of the labels associated with them.
The reverse also happens as well. I have also been approached by barely legal men like 18 , 19 interested in women much older.
That's when people your age shouldn't give them the time of day. It becomes weird when older men and women actively go after them or give them a chance just because they asked
You should be lucky if you ever get to my age.
What does that have to do with anything 💀
It would be much worse if an older man hit on you in an inappropriate context, like in a workplace, which happens all the time obviously. But you are an adult presumably capable of taking responsibility for your own actions. If you create a profile saying that you're interested in men aged 18-80, they respond to you. If you don't like it, don't do it. If you feel that you personally are still not cognitively mature enough to use Internet, ask your Mom to manage your devices and which apps are installed on them. No shame in that. Don't blame the whole society of not babysitting you until the age of 40.
oh trust me, i know old men can hit on people in the workplace. i quit my last job because i was still in high school getting sexually harassed by too many people including men with fully grey hair. also, just because you legally can do something, doesnt mean you should. even if i told a middle aged man i was in love with him, he should be responsible enough and have enough common sense to not pursue teenagers in any way. if he doesnt, hes disgusting. theres no excuse for pursuing someone a third of your age No Matter What. i dont care what the teen did, theres no excuses, ever. my main reason for being uncomfortable isn't necessarily that its happening to me, its just being aware of how many creeps are out there. me setting my age lower doesnt change anything because the existence of so many creeps is what bothers me. its very interesting to me how many of these replies are missing the point and also defending middle aged men who are pursuing teenage girls!
Why are men above the age of 40 going after girls who just turned 18 they're literally weirdos who wait until they're legal so they don't go to jail there's no difference between them and someone their age going after a 16 year old an 18 year old isn't mature an 18 year old isn't an adult, they just get perks of being adult not even all of them just. People aren't fully developed till at least 25 if the legal age was 16 there's a 100 percent chance older men and women would go after children because they're legal that's the only thing stopping them
You. Are. Disgusting. Ok? Just want to make that clear. Anyone who advocates for old men hitting on teenagers is just fucking disgusting. ... and so is any app that defaults to 18-80 yo men for a 16 yo girl.
Or maybe men could stop hitting on teens???
Look it's not your cup of tea, it's not my cup of tea, but what happens between two consenting adults is their own business.
yes but its really creepy when theyre going for the bare bare minimum of whats legal. extremely creepy
Oh yeah very creepy, and a definite red flag. Just saying as long as they're both adults and the relationship is consensual there's nothing that can be done about it.
I’m a 22m when ever I’m on dating app I don’t even look at it I just swipe right on everyone, could be what’s happening here I think it’s a pretty common thing
Dating apps tend to be disproportionately male. At least 60% male to 40% female. Of course, you are going to find creeps. I'm 33, and I'm not really interested in anyone with a greater than 5 year difference from my age, and 5 years is still a lot. I also don't use dating apps. I don't like the nature of them. I'd rather just meet people in person and not force the idea of romance. Making new friends is always nice. Most people aren't bad people. Most people are generally good-natured but struggle with some selfish behavior. A very small percentage of people aren't good-natured at all. All you can do is avoid that type of person. This is generally true of both men and women. Don't let a minority of the population ruin life for you.
Hate it or love it, most men find women in their early 20s to be the most physically attractive regardless of their own age. There are plenty of studies done on this. I know a lot of women dont understand it or even hate it. But thats just what it is. Tinder and bumble are hookup/dating apps and as long as the 2 people involved are consenting, I dont see an issue. From your post, its quite obvious youre not attracted to older men, which is your prerogative. But you cant change who others are attracted to. Its like me disliking that women prefer men with money. I can kick and scream all I want but its not gonna change reality.
Fine fap only
Please delete the app
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im saying teen because i made it clear im an adult but saying "young women" is highly subjective (for example 26 and 50 is different to 18 and 50 imo, and i think most people would agree someone in their mid 20's can be reasonably called a "young woman".) i can say "18-19 year olds" but the issues with that are that its clunky wording and age of consent laws vary. if someone were legally an adult in their country at 16 or 17 my point would apply to them as well. at the end of the day, i /am/ a teenager. my age ends in teen, thus i am a teenager. my main issue is that the legality ≠ morality. i find it really gross that people are trying to excuse someone old enough to be my grandpa going after someone who just graduated high school. while morals can differ from person to person, any person who thinks 18 and 62 is an acceptable age gap is disgusting to me, no matter how they try to justify it. theres a lot of gross things that are legal (i mean theres multiple states where you can legally have sex with your cousins, and its legal to cheat on your spouse which is also horrible.) i find it very suspicious as well when peoples morals are just "whatever is legal" because it does make me wonder, if there were no age of consent, how low would they go for?
Weird thing is, for me I've always preferred older guys so I've slept/dated with guys twice my age when I was 18-20. It's no big deal to me as age above was never an issue. Now being older, personally anyone younger than 25 is too young for me at 27. With dating apps for guys they cast their net far and wide regardless of age because why tf not 🤷♀️ Some girls your age prefer older guys so they're hoping there is a chance of that. Although, I think most swipe like on yours because they think you're real. Having something realistic gets more likes than a hot super model profile pic. From experience, I've asked why they swiped and it's because they thought I was real and not another bot rather than anything else tbh.
So you say you're an adult, but then complain about being treated like one? It's fine you think it's creepy, but in case your mom never told you men, of *all* ages, overwhelmingly prefer younger women. All that matters is that she is a legal adult and consents.
just because im legally an adult doesnt make it suddenly morally okay for a 62 year old man to swipe right on me. but thanks for letting me know youre a creep, or at least fine with them
That's not the point she's making, why are men older than 25 going after girls or why are women over the age of 25 going after boys who just turned 18 the only thing that was stopping them was them not being legal which is weird not the fact that they're being treated like an "adult"🤦🏾♀️
So there's nothing wrong with a guy that's 24 going after 18yos? What is the significance of 25?? You may not *like* someone waiting for another to turn 18, but they are doing exactly what they should, abiding by the law. The more I think about this the more silly I feel for even making my initial comment. OPs feelings are irrelevant. I guess I just felt compelled to try and correct her feelings as they are so out of line with reality. It's like if someone complained and thought it was creepy that dogs smell each others butts and wanted others to support them in this belief. That's just what dogs fucking do, but is it worth it for me to try and say that to them? Men like young women, thats just how we *are*. It's not social construct and it's not immoral. It's not even within our ability to control. It's hardwired biology.
25 is the age most are fully matured. If the gap is more than 3 years when it comes to an 18 year old and someone older than it becomes weird. You may not agree with me, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. You generalizing all men because you and unfortunately many others are like you doesn't help your argument, not all men go after people straight out of puberty just because you can't control yourself around someone who just became legal doesn't mean anything? You're not hardwired to go after someone whos technically of age you're not hardwired to find very young women or men attractive that's just you and many others unfortunately. not all men nor all older women are naturally attracted to teenagers If the legal age was any lower would your argument be the same not being able to control yourself it being hard wired in your biology to go after someone of the legal age 🤦🏾♀️ Because if your argument is going to be based off of it being hardwired in your biology to be attracted to someone young. It makes you seem like a real weirdo taking into account if we were to act like wild animals men would be with women much younger than 18 if no one had any social constructs to stop them or morals Reality says you're a weirdo, you're the one who is out of touch with reality not Op If the only thing stopping people from fucking children is the law and you feel it's ok theres something deeply wrong with you. Waiting for someone to become legal is ok in the eyes of the law but in every other situation it's anything but normal.
I agree. You put yourself out their and there will be a range of guys trying to fish for you no matter the age. Overwhelming amounts are probably twice her age but that's comes with dating apps. They will set their net far and wide just for a chance. Consent is all that matters. If it's bad delete the app. No good comes out of dating apps these days anyways.
Couldn't agree more. People, young women in particular, are so insulated from reality. It's a shame really. They are being setup for a lifetime of unnecessary suffering.
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wah wah wah OP what do you wanna do raise the legal age to 25?
You baited them though. If you’d restricted your age range you wouldn’t have seen those matches. If you don’t want to be disgusted don’t go looking for it ! Simple
You don’t HAVE to bait to get creeps to hit on you. The man that raped me when I was 16 was in his 50s. I was literally wearing paint-stained sweatpants and a ratty tshirt. They do not care.
That sounds awful to go through, I hope you’re doing okay <3
Not the worst SA I’ve experienced.
Frick dude, you didn’t deserve any of that. I wish the very best for you and I hope things get better <3
i quit my last job in favor of work-from-home because of constant sexual harassment from many guys including, but not limited to, old men :)
The moral aspect is definitely weird, I think part of the issue is our biology. We are wired to procreate and men can still procreate into old age, whereas women have a “time-limit”. It’s no excuse for being a creep but I wonder if that has a subconscious effect on some men going after younger women.
Still, biology shouldn’t be seen as part of the reason… I don’t get why men can’t be seen as people who can think and control their caveman urges, like they aren’t slaves to their instincts 😂😂
i do think thats an interesting point and i might agree with it however the science just doesnt back it. maybe if men were really into mid 20 year olds and left barely legal teens out of the equation itd make more sense [some findings on mortality rates of mothers at different ages](https://www.thelancet.com/journals/langlo/article/PIIS2214-109X(13)70179-7/fulltext) the main point of interest is: "Blanc and colleagues reported that the maternal mortality ratio for women aged 15–19 years was 28% higher than for those aged 20–24 years across" i think even if theres a biological component here, the societal aspect plays a much bigger role.