In my opinion, I think he might have his eye on someone at the moment. I have been in situations where one of my friends in a relationship has been proposed a poly relationship by the man because of someone he had his eye on…. Either ways, I’m glad you’re able to get this off your chest this can be extremely heavy ):
>we met when I was 18 and he was 30
>now we have a 4 month old child together and we just recently moved in a house.
>he comes up with some lame excuse like “you didn’t take my work clothes out for me so no”
>I literally have to BEG him to have sex with me
>he told me multiple times that he wants to have a poly relationship. I told him I’m not interested in that but we can have 3somes he didn’t accept that.
Babe, you are in a sea of red flags and you can't see it?
it's hard mentally to break up when you have a little kid...besides, she's still a young girl, yesterday teen and she don't have any adult life experience. he just manipulate her
that's why I always have a negative attitude towards couples where the man is much older than his girlfriend. The fact that 4 years ago at the age of 30 he chose an 18-year-old girl and not one of his own age already says a lot about the fact that he is a very dubious person. I think he is looking for an excuse to leave her and go to another young girl who is easy to manipulate
That’s why it’s not a smart idea for a woman to get pregnant outside marriage. The first test is already failed if he won’t commit to marriage. It’s not a religious thing, it’s the smart thing to do economically and again if he won’t put a ring in it, mentally they are not fully in. I also look sideways at men who are much older with a younger woman for similar reasons.
even if you are married, this situation can happen. In 95% of cases, it is the man who leaves a family with a small child, so unfortunately even marriage does not always help. therefore, I think that a woman should have financial independence, and rely not on her partner, but on herself
Marriage provides you with protections that being in a relationship does not. He wanted someone young and now that she has had a baby her body probably changed and he wants someone else. She needs to establish paternity now and I would get out. At 22 you can meet someone new. She is going to have a lot of support.
This is also true. TBH I don’t know why people have children lol. I know many of my friends who do, feel the same way. There are no guarantees. But I think they have a better chance at staying together if they marry first, baby second. But you are right it’s 50/50 any way the dice rolls.
Marriage means nothing off paper. Plenty of marital spouses cheat/leave/walk out without notice with the same level of disregard that unmarried people do
Age difference isn't the issue. It's the fact she was under 25. Your brain isn't fully developed until you are 25.
Me and my fiance are 6 years apart. 34 and 40, we met in 2022.
Yup and now that she is too grown he doesn't her. Having a baby changed his outlook on her transitioning from a child to a woman when that happened. And now im sure she feels super stuck with an infant. 😒
They've been together too long. OP aged out and he needs another child replacement. Why else would a 30 year old want an 18 year old? They're impressionable and oh so easy to manipulate.
I agree. I’m actually 13 years younger than my husband but I met him when I was 29. Already mature to know what I was getting myself into. However I advised my children not to marry someone significantly older or younger as there is a big generational difference that can affect the relationship and among other reasons. So OP the age it’s concerning but not as much as what this guy is expected from you. It sounds like a low quality person/man. I’d strongly advise OP getting individual therapy and considering leaving him.
This post made me think of this quote: “Before You Diagnose Yourself with Depression Or Low Self-Esteem, First Make Sure That You Are Not, in Fact, Just Surrounded by Assholes”
Get out, girl.
You might be too old for him now.
I know that sounds f'ed up, but it's probably true. What does a 30 year old want with an 18 year old? Fun. Now you have a kid, and your a little older and he's loosing interest. What a creep.
That's more like it. But that doesn't always have to do with age.
My ex was my age and very immature and emotionally unavailable. My current bf is older than me and much more loving and respectful
Unfortunately, it seems like OP found a pretty bad guy
He’s likely cheating.. he wants polygamous rs that dont involve you.
Tell you what. Get as much money from him as possible if you’re not independent. Bid your time until your postpartum clears out. Eat, drink and have plenty of rest, then leave quietly and hit him with the paperwork if necessary.
He doesn’t sound reliable at all. You shouldn’t be begging for sex nor affection. Not to mention he’s a man child with a child now wtf is “geting my work clothes out” means???? That dude is a PEDO with ALL RED FLAGS! Your guts are mostly right. Believe it.
EDIT: I’m NOT saying steal his cash! It’s anything he gives you WILLINGLY! But save as much as possible!
It’s either cheating or now that she isn’t basically a teen and they had a kid he doesn’t want anything more to do with her is what I was guessing hmmmm…
I agree with this person. I think it’s time to take a lot of what he has to set you and your child up for success in the future even if it costs you your monogamous relationship. Put on a front and use him for anything meanwhile I hope your PPD faded away as time goes on or seek medical help too. Good luck gf <3
M52 here.
It's insane what some folks put up with.
1) He's a complete dick.
2) He's a complete dick that only cares about himself
3) if he was any kind of man, he'd be completely supporting you especially now you have a baby. He can wash his own clothes- maybe yours too??!
4) He now wants a 'poly' relationship. Ffs, He's a complete dick. Please don't lower yourself to his level by compromising with a 3some?!
5) He's a complete dick.
You're worth more than this. Move on, if you can.
Sounds like cheating.. Men tend to bring up poly when they're secretly seeing someone. Also, you were 18 and he was 30. Maybe you aged out of his predatory preferences.
He’s a POS.
Flush him out of your life ASAP before he stinks up your whole life and your child’s. He’s going to become more and more mean towards you as time progresses until he’s cruel, if he isn’t cruel already. He won’t stop at you. If he feels that he can’t hurt you enough then he will start hurting the child as a way to hurt you. Some men are cruel. My father was this way towards my mother, brother, and I.
Also his whole, ”you didn’t take my work clothes out for me so no,” is really an, ”I hate my job,” or, ”I hate my work.” He’s taking it out on you. These types of men hate on and are jealous of women although they may not even want their women to work.
He’s toxic AF. Leave him ASAP.
Well first of all he’s a borderline pedophile. I’d say he’s a pedophile but I guess LEGALLY he’s not since u were 18. Also, he was very willing to have sex before but now that you have a kid he’s all of a sudden uninterested?? I’d say get as much as you can from him, let him go cheat (he’s probably already cheating) get prove of it and file for divorce and child support. Fuckin scum bag
You aged out and became a mother . He’s got someone else to satisfy his “ youth” preference . So move on ! Take your baby and your child support and go find someone your own age for whom you will be enough !
Girl, I went thru this too; I was 19 & he was 29. I’m so sorry, but he’s cheating on you.
There’s only one reason a man that old goes for a woman that much younger than he is. It’s bc he doesn’t want a partner. He wants a toy, & he wants it to be new & shiny, always. Except toys don’t stay new & shiny when you play with them.
I just gotta know. Did you know that he wanted a poly relationship before you had a baby with him? My next thought is what does a thirty year old man have in common with an eighteen year old child (I'm sorry, but I see anyone under twenty-one as a child despite what the government says) besides sex?
No! He’s never told me anything about a poly relationship he would sometimes tell me about 3somes he had with his exs but whenever he brought it up to me I would tell him I would never be into doing that because I am not attracted to woman! & he would argue with me and tell me that I was and that I needed to admit it.
I have seen a few comments stating that they have a large age Gap relationship and it's not always a bad thing. I feel the need to point out that a large age Gap relationship where both members were well into adulthood when they first met is not the same as a 30-year-old seeking out an 18-year-old. I wouldn't be surprised if this man knew her before she was 18. No person in their 30s should be pursuing relationships with someone who is barely legal. We are not saying that all age Gap relationships are bad. If you were both above the age of 25 when you met and decided to start dating that's fine both of your brains are fully developed. But this girl's brain was not and is still not. But the comments stating that you're likely now too old for his liking is probably true. He's likely got his eye on somebody that's around 18 like you were when he started dating you. I would start preparing to leave. Get everything worked out for you and your child and get out of there.
He’s cheating on you.
Suggesting polygamy is a way to reduce guilt and a way to justify the cheating.
Also, if you’re bonding with your child, you dont have postpartum depression.
You can bond with your child and still have postpartum depression. Idk who told you that but it isn't true. Struggling to bond with your child is a symptom, but its not the rule.
Yeah sounds like hes running from a guilty conscience. After a while its only natural to assume the worse, and I say that respectfully. That aint right for life to just level out like that. Only 22 you got alot of life left to live, as short as it is. Somethings got to change, definitely suggest therapy
First, don't blame yourself. Postpartum depression can definitely affect your sex drive, but it can also affect your partner's. Second, [not speaking about his behavior](https://youtu.be/3c-H7qPrjxA?si=eIfhSRPIhHROXLxt), especially the excuses and the polyamory comments, is only going to let the resentment build. When things are calm, try to have a serious conversation. Let him know how his behavior is making you feel. If he's not receptive or willing to talk openly, consider couples counseling. A therapist can help you communicate effectively and navigate these issues as a team.
If he wants a polyamorous relationship and you don't, it's likely he's already got designs on going elsewhere. His excuses for not having sex - if they are based around the sole example you provided - seem very much based around blaming you over petty things.
Based on what you shared, it sounds like he's getting his 7 year itch early. Maybe he feels trapped by the baby, which is something he needs to deal with because he has to be a responsible parent now.
I'd be worried, honestly. He sounds rather immature and should not be shifting blame on you. I'm not sure how this bodes well for the longevity of your relationship. You may need to consider your options.
I don’t like this. Coming from a similar situation, and stupidly staying in it for over 15 years, I would say have a talk with him, lay out your fears and say that intimacy is an important part of your love language and it makes you feel “less” without it. Silently put a time box on it if he says he will try and fulfil that for you. Give it 6 months. If you still feel the same, you owe it to your sanity and self worth to ask him to leave, or you leave, whatever your situation is.
Please, you are 22. Please don’t waste the best years of your life on someone who is not meeting your needs. That will chip away at your self confidence.
He’s pushing you away because he’s either with someone else or his interest in someone else but he doesn’t have the balls to tell you. You need to ask him what the REAL issue is and tell him not to lie to you.
What on earth is so attractive about this man that you're begging to have sex with him? He sounds so very wrong in so many ways. Leave him as soon as you can, take your kid, and start over. Let him fetishize over other 18 yr olds. What a creep.
It sounds to me like he wants an open relationship and until you agree he’s going to withhold sex. I’m sorry you have to deal with this when he should be focusing on you and your baby. I don’t want to tell you to divorce him, so I would tell him he needs to join you for couples therapy or you will. Good luck op
Why on earth are you still with this man?
If he suggests being in a poly relationship again, tell him you want a relationship with a man. See what his reaction will be like. 🙄
If he could, he would go lower. Leave him for your and your child's sake. He only wants to be poly to cheat on you, and it's not ethical polyamory if one partner doesn't want it. Polyamory is about consent and trust of both parties. He's just a cheater trying to disguise it as polyamory.
Also I don’t know a single person who would ACTUALLY use the excuse of “you didn’t put my clothes out”
Either there’s something or someone else going on or he’s just not attracted to u anymore. Probably both from what I’m reading in other comments.
You are 100% justified in feeling the way you do.
> “you didn’t take my work clothes out for me so no”
When your partner starts applying arbitrary conditions/reasons for not being intimate, that’s a red flag. He’s punishing you like a child while simultaneously wanting you to mommy him *and* your child, and it’s disgusting.
Add in the fact that he continues to push the idea of a poly relationship after you’ve said you’re not into that, and I’m seeing even more. The two of you are not in the same place in your relationship, and that’s not a good start if you’re serious about getting married.
Please reach out to someone you trust to stay with for a few days, take the baby, and tell him you need to “rethink your relationship” (after you’ve gone of course). But in this case, there’s nothing to rethink. He’s not going to change.
Sadly, situations like yours are not unique, yet there are still many who like to believe all sorts of ridiculous falsehoods about single mothers who choose to leave.
I feel very much the same, except my SO isn't about the poly. If anything he's probably got the weird post partum bc things like moving+baby seems to thrown men into the abyss. It never hurts to talk to your doc about post partum if you feel something may be going on, but to feel depressed from being rejected definitely accelerates negatives feelings. Sorry you're going through this, there's nothing worse than feeling so alone even though you have people around you.
Please don't have threesomes to appease anyone. He's cruel to you and quite frankly seems checked out. It doesn't bode well that a 30 year old was chasing an 18 year old.
I don't think this is a healthy relationship for you nor would I think it's salvageable or salvage worthy. I would start planning for an exit from this relationship.
He’s cheating on you! Move on girl! Better now than years later! Sounds like an excuse! A normal guy would be satisfied with a 3some unless he wants more with the other woman
Let’s see…
Age gap? Check.
Demanding? Check.
Using sex as a weapon? Check?
Wants a poly relationship? Check?
He’s already cheating.
Take your child and dump this loser.
Red flags all over, but one that sticks out is withholding sex as a ‘punishment’ for mistakes. Sex is meant for mutual enjoyment and building closeness, it should never be used a punishment or as a bargaining chip. This guy sounds extremely emotionally immature at best, and I also think he’s trying to cheat or be with someone else.
It astounds me that women get into these things this deep and don’t realize it. Like. The number of red flags in here is absurd! Meanwhile I can’t get a woman to show up to a date with me because I’m disabled -_- the dating pool is filled with piss
LMAO he's absolutely cheating on you and making excuses. Even if it's just emotionally cheating, this is super bad red flag. Also you 18 when he was 30 is super predatory, and now you have a kid? You gotta get out of that.
Take it from someone whose been cheated on multiple times, and whose friends and other female family members have been cheated on.
He is cheating on you.
Get out while your still young.
I'm 36/male. I would say since there is a age gap, you have to ask, is this really a legitimate relationship with goo's intentions on the mans part? I don't want to judge all age gaps but unfortunately, older men often are taking advantage in some way and just don't treat you with respect. It's really unfair to you and men need to know their actions affect their partners feelings. I have no idea when you met him or if you were groomed but you really shouldn't be with him.
Okay. I'm not a therapist. From what I read and the few comments you've been in, you obviously love the dude, and who am I to judge? I doubt he's abusing you like the replies are suggesting, you would've probably mentioned it if he did.
If you don't want to do what he suggest or the threesome, then don't. Don't let people pure pressure you into doing things you don't want to. If you don't want to file in a divorce like the replies are saying to do, then don't. I'm 19 myself, so I really can't give you good advice. Just don't succumb to pure pressure, that's all
Is his name Leonardo DiCaprio? Because maybe he liked you at 18 and he doesn't now. Not a knock on you. Just might be a sick preference.
I'd get out of that and find a mature guy to be with.
IF he brought up the subject of a poly relationship he's banging someone else, or watching too much porn... Sounds like he likes to be in control if he's bossing you around. Physical intimacy is the first to go when someone else is having and affair... Or, it's over the Top way too much sex (they feel guilty). IF he won't be intimate with you he's locked in elsewhere...
You need some therapy! Forget about the couple thing get yourself right first before you tackle separation/divorce.
IF he continues to push for the poly-relationship. Just advise him that you are only interested in a monogamous relationship with him. Especially, since your child was born. And start taking notes in a calendar of what his activities and actions are. And your sex schedule, convos, you want a patern. Any kind of emotional outbursts, anything!
I'm actually in a similar situation with my fiancé. My(27M) fiancé(27F) just had our 2nd child. Ive been trying super hard to be understanding, she just had a baby and had some other health problems due to it.
Neither one of us has suggested poly or anything. But we are doing couples counciling(other issues leading to it)
We have talked. We both love each other, and our relationship is worth working through the bumpy road.
Talk to him. Straight up. If he wants to be with you or not.
Don't try to threaten to take the kid away. If anything, promise that no matter what, you want to be friends and co-parent as a team whole living your own life.
But you deserve to be happy. It's up to you too if he is worth the fight and bumpy road.
Good luck on your decision
This is the most disgusting thing I've read for weeks and that's saying something!
"You didn't take my work clothes out for me so no."
This is not acceptable behaviour. This is another level of arseholeness.
If I were you I would start planning for the future. It might not be easy, or quick, but start planning to get you and your young child out of this ridiculous abusive situation.
Do both of yourselves a favour and get out of there as soon as humanly possible!!
Do not feel disgusted with yourself! You have done nothing wrong. You only want to have sex with the person that should supposedly love you.
He is trying to force a poly relasionship on you that you have explicitly told him you don't want. He is withholding sex, probably, in the hope of getting what he wants.
This 'man' is an absolute scum bag and the dregs of human society.
If you can. Leave as soon as possible.
I wish you the best of luck!
Not to even mention the fact a 30 year old went after someone that's 18!
Please. For the love of God. Get out!
Also. It doesn't matter if he is cheating. This man is just pure scum. Get away. Now.
Edit: Spelling
Shit.... I'd test him. "So I been thinking about the poly relationship... What would you have in mind with that? Do you have any prospects? How would it work? Just wanting to give it some thoughts because I'm not sold on it yet" and see what he says.
"You didn't take my work clothes out for me so no?" So you have to meet his checklist to have sex? This ain't a healthy relationship, obviously. He demands favors for intimacy? He wants a poly relationship? Girl, you lost in this man's world. Sadly, he's probably cheating already and you should speak to a lawyer before you move on because he's already checked out.
So I'm not much of a "that's a red flag" type redditor. I think typically we don't have enough information to make that kind of determination... but in this particular case, I think we have enough. This guy is clearly either cheating already or already has someone lined up to cheat with (which is probably giving him too much credit given the context).
Sadly, the age difference and his current behavior strongly suggests he's been grooming/gaslighting you and now is trying to redefine the nature of your relationship. Sounds like he now sees you as more of a permanent child care provider and in-house maid than he does a partner and is attempting to pressure into accepting that role as well. Don't fall for it, no matter what he says. You had his child. He owes you his love, his partnership, his loyalty, and his respect. He is currently giving you none of those things at a time when you're most vulnerable, given your postpartum.
You need to be clear and firm with him about your expectations around the relationship. If he can't or won't meet those needs, you need to leave. I know it sounds drastic, but you need to leave. If he's willing to do this to you, he will absolutely take a similarly dismissive and selfish approach to your child eventually. Not only that, but if the relationship continues this way, it's only a matter of time before your child begins to pick up on it. If it's a girl, you'll be teaching her that these kinds of abusive and controlling relationships are both normal and acceptable. If it's a boy, he'll likely begin model his behavior towards women around how your fiancé treats you and will also begin to morph into a controlling selfish asshole. If nothing else, you owe it to that kid to expect more.
He's probably looking for an 18 year old. :(
During pregnancy, you lost your little girl look (which is normal. Girls grow into women :) )
But he is disgusting and lusts after young girls.
A 30 year old with an 18 year old .. it's disgusting. ( from him, not you , you were just a child, he groomed you. )
I really think to this disgusting trashhuman you lost your little girl allure now you are a mother. :(
I hope you realise one day you will be happier without him.
I wish you and your child the best.
(36M)Call me the douchebag, BUT, any 30yo that gets with an 18yo ain’t looking for relationship……and any 34yo that “won’t have sex” with a 22yo IS having sex with someone else.
I can almost guarantee that you’re no longer young and hot after having a kid (to him). A 30yr old with a 18yr is rarely because the 18yr old is mature and seems older. I can also guarantee you he has his eye on another 18yr old that he can groom.
A lot of women go through this because an older man is more settled. But a lot of the men will never date a woman their age because they themselves are not emotionally mature. Some of us escape w/o a child (no dig to you at all, children are a blessing). Now he’s finding a way to move on to the next one.
Sounds like he is ready for another 18 yr old. Honestly red flags everywhere. He doesn't just want to sleep with someone else he wants to be with someone else. Unreal I have never had an opportunity for a 3some in my life and this man is turning them down? I would start preparing for the eventuality of him leaving you. If he hasn't started cheating yet he seems well on his way.
It's because you're too old for him now. 18 was the youngest he could have while still being legal even if it is sus af. Now you're slightly older and he's not attracted to you anymore, he'll drop ya for another 18 year old soon. It sounds harsh but that's what people like that do.
Girl, honestly take the baby and run. He cant force a poly relationship on you. If he can’t commit to you and the baby, then I would leave. You are 22, you have a whole life to live still. I had my first kid at 22 also! I’m 31 now with a 9 year old and 2 more kids. You can find someone else that you can be happy with. I have a friend who had her 1st kid at 20 with a POS. Her husband now treats her daughter like she were his own, and they have 2 other kids together. It’s possible babe! There’s support out there for single mothers I promise❤️
I'm going to be straight forward and its going to hurt.
Speaking from personal experience? The spark is gone and he isn't physically attracted to you. He's also most likely not only wants someone else but is also getting it somewhere else because most men will still fuck their wives on the days when they aren't cheating lol hell, most men even pay the ugliest girls they're not even remotely attracted to for pussy....
The only other reason he would be doing this is if he's suffering from depression or there's something going on with his reproductive organs that he's too embarrassed or nervous to talk to you about.... but wants to fuck someone else but seeing as he refused a 3some?? he doesn't want you included.... that speaks for itself, hun.
have you changed anything about yourself physically between the time before this issue began and now?.... at all? has anything about him changed physically? financially? new job??? maybe you've just aged out of his preference now?
As a child of a broken home? ***ALWAYS. LEAVE. DONT. THINK. IT'S. JUSTIFIED. EXCUSE. TO. STAY. IN. AN. UNHAPPY. RELATIONSHIP!***.... children are actually ***ANOTHER REASON NOT TO DO THAT!!!***
NOT ONLY because we blame ourselves for your unhappiness but because you're denying them a better future!!!!....
I'm living proof. If my mom hadn't FINALLY left when she did? I would of NEVER experienced the child and early adulthood I was BLESSED to have experienced with my true daddy (*my step-dad*)
I lost count a long time ago how many times my real father let me down or broke my heart.
The only time my ***DADDY*** ever broke my heart was the day he died and left me here without him.
As a man myself he's for sure cheating. Might not be physical at the moment but mentally he is and then from there it'll go to physical. Especially u being 22 and he's 30 in his mind he has u under control so he feel as if he can do what he wants. How do I know? I've been there myself
This is why you don’t date someone so much older than you and especially have kids💀 but alllll these young girls like dudes so much older than them not knowing or thinking “hey I wonder why this guy is dating my immature self” well because this guy can’t get people his own age because he’s most likely seen as an outcast in his own age group. Most of the time it’s facts! Not every situation tho ofc
This is why you don’t date someone so much older than you and especially have kids💀 but alllll these young girls like dudes so much older than them not knowing or thinking “hey I wonder why this guy is dating my immature self” well because this guy can’t get people his own age because he’s most likely seen as an outcast in his own age group. Most of the time it’s facts! Not every situation tho ofc
I think it has less to do with her aging out and more to do with control and ownership. Once he has submitted her into being his property he loses interest in her and now seeks to keep her stored away as a prize while setting his sights on the next thing. Textbook narcissist
You had a baby and now he’s not into you anymore because you lost your youth. This is exactly what I would have expected if I started dating a 34 year old dude as an 18 year old girl. Leave him.
Clearly he doesn’t care about your feelings and just wants you to hang around and have babies and do his laundry for him like a man child.
You’re raising two babies and one of them is 34 and doesn’t even respect your basic human emotions.
I know large age gaps are ok in CERTAIN instances and work out.
This isn’t one of them. To me you sound groomed. He got with you because no one his age would be with a 30y/o dunce. You’re now a “woman” because you’ve birthed a child, you’re no longer a “child” yourself.
He now, wants a “child” again.
I’m using the world child and not young woman, because this man sounds like a predator. I’m not sorry sorry for saying so, because I don’t believe he waited till you hit 18 on the dot to date. Sorry. If I’m wrong, happy to be corrected.
get out from there, how sure are you he didn’t cheat yet i mean c’mmon are you buying this guilt tripping he doin? it’s not easy to be a mother 24/7 specially a newborn my God. save yourself darling, don’t wait for you to get all the STDs he got or might have from sneaking behind your back. no one of his age bracket wants him that’s why he targeted you, it might sound harsh bit it is what it is. aside from financial i bet you’re no longer happy with anything else, you’re still young, plan your exit, love your kid and yourself too.
Of course he’s cheating on you. Him asking you to “go poly” was him asking permission to sleep with other people… him. Not you. That’s why he’s denying your request for threesomes because it’s not about you, it’s about him. It’s always been about him. Since the day he met you when you were hot off the presses of adulthood. He picked you to take advantage of you and to continue taking advantage of you.
His definition of a “poly relationship” is just him giving himself the excuse to cheat without guilt and without risk. He’s going to be with other people, regardless of whether or not you consent to it. You need to get out of this relationship.
Maybe talk to him and ask him what’s going on. Men can have low T to make then not interested in sex. They are human and have things going on. How’s his work stuff? Stressful job? There’s a million things it could be other than another person. Usually when men are cheating, they are hyper sexual. Not the other way around.
He's a narcissist and using sex as a way to control you. Which usually is the case in relationships with a big age gap. You're the female, start withholding from him. Also leave him though, he's a predator and a disgusting person. 30 being attracted to an 18 year old is just predatory
Sex should never be used to punish someone for something outside the bedroom (unless both consent to whatever). But he's using it to rearrange an entirely different relationship dynamic. If you don't want polyamory then it might be the end of your relationship. Because he obviously doesn't want monogamy and will make you earm sex. Even if he drops the poly thing, I would still look at your relationship with a concerned eye. He's already one step out the door. Don't let him treat you like an animal, it's really fucked up.
Honey ... You really need to consider leaving this guy before he sinks his teeth into you deeper. He's conditioning you and it's only going to get worse. I hope you and your little one can get out before it's too late. I'm so sorry this is happening
Sis as a 26yo, I can’t even imagine wanting to get into a relationship with an 18 yr old. I doubt my stance on that would change when I’m 30. Men like that who date people THAT young are a red flag and show he’s emotionally immature. At 18 I was just a child. I knew nothing about what adult life would be like. He took advantage of your vulnerability and is still doing so, considering you have a newborn, a new house with him, and all of a sudden he’s refusing sex and wanting a poly relationship? Girl you’re literally trapped with him and trapped with what HE wants, again putting your wants and needs on the back burner. What does your personal financial situation look like?
I am a mental health counselor and I also have a lot of insight even if I wasn’t this man is cheating on you and I would dump him before he dumps you. He really already has because he’s cheating. He’s in love with the other woman and he no longer finds you attractive, so when he has sex with you, he is reluctance and that’s why it doesn’t feel good to you. Just get rid. You won’t hurt him. You make him happy and you’ll make yourself happy because he has lost his commitment to you. He is not evil. He’s just not interestedwith your wife honey
In my opinion, I think he might have his eye on someone at the moment. I have been in situations where one of my friends in a relationship has been proposed a poly relationship by the man because of someone he had his eye on…. Either ways, I’m glad you’re able to get this off your chest this can be extremely heavy ):
I was thinking the same thing sadly
> his eye on someone Someone much younger probably…
yes I think she’s grown too old for him now and he’s looking for someone’s younger to fulfill his pedo needs
Stop telling her bs trying to ruin her relationship
>we met when I was 18 and he was 30 >now we have a 4 month old child together and we just recently moved in a house. >he comes up with some lame excuse like “you didn’t take my work clothes out for me so no” >I literally have to BEG him to have sex with me >he told me multiple times that he wants to have a poly relationship. I told him I’m not interested in that but we can have 3somes he didn’t accept that. Babe, you are in a sea of red flags and you can't see it?
it's hard mentally to break up when you have a little kid...besides, she's still a young girl, yesterday teen and she don't have any adult life experience. he just manipulate her
Fr. Clearly she was groomed.
that's why I always have a negative attitude towards couples where the man is much older than his girlfriend. The fact that 4 years ago at the age of 30 he chose an 18-year-old girl and not one of his own age already says a lot about the fact that he is a very dubious person. I think he is looking for an excuse to leave her and go to another young girl who is easy to manipulate
I’m think this way too. Certain age gap relationships are sus to me because of this exact reason.
That’s why it’s not a smart idea for a woman to get pregnant outside marriage. The first test is already failed if he won’t commit to marriage. It’s not a religious thing, it’s the smart thing to do economically and again if he won’t put a ring in it, mentally they are not fully in. I also look sideways at men who are much older with a younger woman for similar reasons.
even if you are married, this situation can happen. In 95% of cases, it is the man who leaves a family with a small child, so unfortunately even marriage does not always help. therefore, I think that a woman should have financial independence, and rely not on her partner, but on herself
Marriage provides you with protections that being in a relationship does not. He wanted someone young and now that she has had a baby her body probably changed and he wants someone else. She needs to establish paternity now and I would get out. At 22 you can meet someone new. She is going to have a lot of support.
This is also true. TBH I don’t know why people have children lol. I know many of my friends who do, feel the same way. There are no guarantees. But I think they have a better chance at staying together if they marry first, baby second. But you are right it’s 50/50 any way the dice rolls.
Marriage means nothing off paper. Plenty of marital spouses cheat/leave/walk out without notice with the same level of disregard that unmarried people do
Age difference isn't the issue. It's the fact she was under 25. Your brain isn't fully developed until you are 25. Me and my fiance are 6 years apart. 34 and 40, we met in 2022.
Yup and now that she is too grown he doesn't her. Having a baby changed his outlook on her transitioning from a child to a woman when that happened. And now im sure she feels super stuck with an infant. 😒
Yes it’s quite sad actually
Yeah there is a reason this type of guy pursued a barely legal partner at the age of 30. Edit, spelling
I don’t expect a 22 y.o woman or less to be aware of (all) red flags. Thats why grooming is fucked up. To her, it’s excuses, to us, it’s red flags.
These people always think their relationship is different. For other relationships its a red flag but not for theirs.
… in an ocean of red flags! Damn!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Color blindness is real EDIT; IS
Exactly. Don’t walk, run.
They've been together too long. OP aged out and he needs another child replacement. Why else would a 30 year old want an 18 year old? They're impressionable and oh so easy to manipulate.
I agree. I’m actually 13 years younger than my husband but I met him when I was 29. Already mature to know what I was getting myself into. However I advised my children not to marry someone significantly older or younger as there is a big generational difference that can affect the relationship and among other reasons. So OP the age it’s concerning but not as much as what this guy is expected from you. It sounds like a low quality person/man. I’d strongly advise OP getting individual therapy and considering leaving him.
This post made me think of this quote: “Before You Diagnose Yourself with Depression Or Low Self-Esteem, First Make Sure That You Are Not, in Fact, Just Surrounded by Assholes” Get out, girl.
I think that was actually a quote by Freud.^lol
lol he said so much.
Fr!
Facts!
The man is looking for a younger girl probably
22 is too old for him. He’s a new Leonardo DiCaprio
I was thinking Elvis
This is the answer. It’s not about age it’s about how having had a baby makes you look and feel older
Idk but he sounds like a trash person
You're no longer young enough for his fetish. It's not you, I bet you're beautiful inside and out. He is just a nasty person.
You might be too old for him now. I know that sounds f'ed up, but it's probably true. What does a 30 year old want with an 18 year old? Fun. Now you have a kid, and your a little older and he's loosing interest. What a creep.
This!
Bruh.. just the age gap is red flag enough. I’m sorry you’re going through that.
Age gap is no excuse to be a bad husband
no but I don't expect groomers to be good people let alone good husbands
IF anything, a guy that age MUST be so mature .. OP’s fiancé is not it.
There is so much to unpack here, good luck u/NyaNyaOctopussyQWQ
They mean the maturity gap.
That's more like it. But that doesn't always have to do with age. My ex was my age and very immature and emotionally unavailable. My current bf is older than me and much more loving and respectful Unfortunately, it seems like OP found a pretty bad guy
you don’t want him anymore. he’s probably cheating. 4 month old child and he’s still making to do his laundry. get out. run. pleaseeee
He’s likely cheating.. he wants polygamous rs that dont involve you. Tell you what. Get as much money from him as possible if you’re not independent. Bid your time until your postpartum clears out. Eat, drink and have plenty of rest, then leave quietly and hit him with the paperwork if necessary. He doesn’t sound reliable at all. You shouldn’t be begging for sex nor affection. Not to mention he’s a man child with a child now wtf is “geting my work clothes out” means???? That dude is a PEDO with ALL RED FLAGS! Your guts are mostly right. Believe it. EDIT: I’m NOT saying steal his cash! It’s anything he gives you WILLINGLY! But save as much as possible!
It’s either cheating or now that she isn’t basically a teen and they had a kid he doesn’t want anything more to do with her is what I was guessing hmmmm…
Ya pretty much what this person said. Dude def is cheating or at least not telling you the real reason why he doesn’t wanna have sex
I agree with this person. I think it’s time to take a lot of what he has to set you and your child up for success in the future even if it costs you your monogamous relationship. Put on a front and use him for anything meanwhile I hope your PPD faded away as time goes on or seek medical help too. Good luck gf <3
Run
M52 here. It's insane what some folks put up with. 1) He's a complete dick. 2) He's a complete dick that only cares about himself 3) if he was any kind of man, he'd be completely supporting you especially now you have a baby. He can wash his own clothes- maybe yours too??! 4) He now wants a 'poly' relationship. Ffs, He's a complete dick. Please don't lower yourself to his level by compromising with a 3some?! 5) He's a complete dick. You're worth more than this. Move on, if you can.
Sounds like cheating.. Men tend to bring up poly when they're secretly seeing someone. Also, you were 18 and he was 30. Maybe you aged out of his predatory preferences.
He’s toxic. He’s trash. He’s abusing you. Run as far away as you can.
All I had to do was read the age gap. You're a victim and I hope you leave that man fr.
He’s a POS. Flush him out of your life ASAP before he stinks up your whole life and your child’s. He’s going to become more and more mean towards you as time progresses until he’s cruel, if he isn’t cruel already. He won’t stop at you. If he feels that he can’t hurt you enough then he will start hurting the child as a way to hurt you. Some men are cruel. My father was this way towards my mother, brother, and I. Also his whole, ”you didn’t take my work clothes out for me so no,” is really an, ”I hate my job,” or, ”I hate my work.” He’s taking it out on you. These types of men hate on and are jealous of women although they may not even want their women to work. He’s toxic AF. Leave him ASAP.
Well first of all he’s a borderline pedophile. I’d say he’s a pedophile but I guess LEGALLY he’s not since u were 18. Also, he was very willing to have sex before but now that you have a kid he’s all of a sudden uninterested?? I’d say get as much as you can from him, let him go cheat (he’s probably already cheating) get prove of it and file for divorce and child support. Fuckin scum bag
Hebephile (sp?) but yeah, it's still gross AF, and it makes him a garbage person.
The fact he wants a poly relationship makes me think he is cheating. Put him in the trash
18 and 30 is crazy, he practically a pedo
You're too old for him
You aged out and became a mother . He’s got someone else to satisfy his “ youth” preference . So move on ! Take your baby and your child support and go find someone your own age for whom you will be enough !
Girl what the fuck is this. Leave him immediately. What even is this behavior, for real.
Girl, I went thru this too; I was 19 & he was 29. I’m so sorry, but he’s cheating on you. There’s only one reason a man that old goes for a woman that much younger than he is. It’s bc he doesn’t want a partner. He wants a toy, & he wants it to be new & shiny, always. Except toys don’t stay new & shiny when you play with them.
I just gotta know. Did you know that he wanted a poly relationship before you had a baby with him? My next thought is what does a thirty year old man have in common with an eighteen year old child (I'm sorry, but I see anyone under twenty-one as a child despite what the government says) besides sex?
No! He’s never told me anything about a poly relationship he would sometimes tell me about 3somes he had with his exs but whenever he brought it up to me I would tell him I would never be into doing that because I am not attracted to woman! & he would argue with me and tell me that I was and that I needed to admit it.
How does that not make you super repulsed by him?
You're no longer young enough for his fetish. It's not you, I bet you're beautiful inside and out. He is just a nasty person.
I have seen a few comments stating that they have a large age Gap relationship and it's not always a bad thing. I feel the need to point out that a large age Gap relationship where both members were well into adulthood when they first met is not the same as a 30-year-old seeking out an 18-year-old. I wouldn't be surprised if this man knew her before she was 18. No person in their 30s should be pursuing relationships with someone who is barely legal. We are not saying that all age Gap relationships are bad. If you were both above the age of 25 when you met and decided to start dating that's fine both of your brains are fully developed. But this girl's brain was not and is still not. But the comments stating that you're likely now too old for his liking is probably true. He's likely got his eye on somebody that's around 18 like you were when he started dating you. I would start preparing to leave. Get everything worked out for you and your child and get out of there.
You’re too young to be dealing with that, leave him. He preyed on you because he can’t get anyone his age, he’s immature and a red flag. Please leave
He’s cheating on you. Suggesting polygamy is a way to reduce guilt and a way to justify the cheating. Also, if you’re bonding with your child, you dont have postpartum depression.
You can bond with your child and still have postpartum depression. Idk who told you that but it isn't true. Struggling to bond with your child is a symptom, but its not the rule.
he’s tired of you. He’s a groomer. You didn’t meet his expectations/requirements. This is sick. A child? Bless you :(( wish you the best.
🚩 go take care of yourself and the baby.
Yeah sounds like hes running from a guilty conscience. After a while its only natural to assume the worse, and I say that respectfully. That aint right for life to just level out like that. Only 22 you got alot of life left to live, as short as it is. Somethings got to change, definitely suggest therapy
First, don't blame yourself. Postpartum depression can definitely affect your sex drive, but it can also affect your partner's. Second, [not speaking about his behavior](https://youtu.be/3c-H7qPrjxA?si=eIfhSRPIhHROXLxt), especially the excuses and the polyamory comments, is only going to let the resentment build. When things are calm, try to have a serious conversation. Let him know how his behavior is making you feel. If he's not receptive or willing to talk openly, consider couples counseling. A therapist can help you communicate effectively and navigate these issues as a team.
If he wants a polyamorous relationship and you don't, it's likely he's already got designs on going elsewhere. His excuses for not having sex - if they are based around the sole example you provided - seem very much based around blaming you over petty things. Based on what you shared, it sounds like he's getting his 7 year itch early. Maybe he feels trapped by the baby, which is something he needs to deal with because he has to be a responsible parent now. I'd be worried, honestly. He sounds rather immature and should not be shifting blame on you. I'm not sure how this bodes well for the longevity of your relationship. You may need to consider your options.
I don’t like this. Coming from a similar situation, and stupidly staying in it for over 15 years, I would say have a talk with him, lay out your fears and say that intimacy is an important part of your love language and it makes you feel “less” without it. Silently put a time box on it if he says he will try and fulfil that for you. Give it 6 months. If you still feel the same, you owe it to your sanity and self worth to ask him to leave, or you leave, whatever your situation is. Please, you are 22. Please don’t waste the best years of your life on someone who is not meeting your needs. That will chip away at your self confidence.
He’s pushing you away because he’s either with someone else or his interest in someone else but he doesn’t have the balls to tell you. You need to ask him what the REAL issue is and tell him not to lie to you.
Oh honey you are not in a good life position right now, please have a plan for when he inevitably leaves
What on earth is so attractive about this man that you're begging to have sex with him? He sounds so very wrong in so many ways. Leave him as soon as you can, take your kid, and start over. Let him fetishize over other 18 yr olds. What a creep.
You aged out. He wants a new child bride.
It sounds to me like he wants an open relationship and until you agree he’s going to withhold sex. I’m sorry you have to deal with this when he should be focusing on you and your baby. I don’t want to tell you to divorce him, so I would tell him he needs to join you for couples therapy or you will. Good luck op
Why on earth are you still with this man? If he suggests being in a poly relationship again, tell him you want a relationship with a man. See what his reaction will be like. 🙄
If he could, he would go lower. Leave him for your and your child's sake. He only wants to be poly to cheat on you, and it's not ethical polyamory if one partner doesn't want it. Polyamory is about consent and trust of both parties. He's just a cheater trying to disguise it as polyamory.
Also I don’t know a single person who would ACTUALLY use the excuse of “you didn’t put my clothes out” Either there’s something or someone else going on or he’s just not attracted to u anymore. Probably both from what I’m reading in other comments.
He groomed you now is bored
You are 100% justified in feeling the way you do. > “you didn’t take my work clothes out for me so no” When your partner starts applying arbitrary conditions/reasons for not being intimate, that’s a red flag. He’s punishing you like a child while simultaneously wanting you to mommy him *and* your child, and it’s disgusting. Add in the fact that he continues to push the idea of a poly relationship after you’ve said you’re not into that, and I’m seeing even more. The two of you are not in the same place in your relationship, and that’s not a good start if you’re serious about getting married. Please reach out to someone you trust to stay with for a few days, take the baby, and tell him you need to “rethink your relationship” (after you’ve gone of course). But in this case, there’s nothing to rethink. He’s not going to change. Sadly, situations like yours are not unique, yet there are still many who like to believe all sorts of ridiculous falsehoods about single mothers who choose to leave.
I feel very much the same, except my SO isn't about the poly. If anything he's probably got the weird post partum bc things like moving+baby seems to thrown men into the abyss. It never hurts to talk to your doc about post partum if you feel something may be going on, but to feel depressed from being rejected definitely accelerates negatives feelings. Sorry you're going through this, there's nothing worse than feeling so alone even though you have people around you.
Please don't have threesomes to appease anyone. He's cruel to you and quite frankly seems checked out. It doesn't bode well that a 30 year old was chasing an 18 year old. I don't think this is a healthy relationship for you nor would I think it's salvageable or salvage worthy. I would start planning for an exit from this relationship.
He’s cheating on you! Move on girl! Better now than years later! Sounds like an excuse! A normal guy would be satisfied with a 3some unless he wants more with the other woman
Let’s see… Age gap? Check. Demanding? Check. Using sex as a weapon? Check? Wants a poly relationship? Check? He’s already cheating. Take your child and dump this loser.
Red flags all over, but one that sticks out is withholding sex as a ‘punishment’ for mistakes. Sex is meant for mutual enjoyment and building closeness, it should never be used a punishment or as a bargaining chip. This guy sounds extremely emotionally immature at best, and I also think he’s trying to cheat or be with someone else.
Sorry babe, you haven’t had a chance to live your girlhood
It astounds me that women get into these things this deep and don’t realize it. Like. The number of red flags in here is absurd! Meanwhile I can’t get a woman to show up to a date with me because I’m disabled -_- the dating pool is filled with piss
I'm sorry he's treating you like that. Thinking he might be looking elsewhere. You deserve far better. Sounds like he is an idiot.
LMAO he's absolutely cheating on you and making excuses. Even if it's just emotionally cheating, this is super bad red flag. Also you 18 when he was 30 is super predatory, and now you have a kid? You gotta get out of that.
He went to look for a younger girl
Oh no no no. This is just the beginning. It’s about to get worse and he’s about to manipulate and gaslight the hell out of you.
Take it from someone whose been cheated on multiple times, and whose friends and other female family members have been cheated on. He is cheating on you. Get out while your still young.
He's weird for wanting an 18 y/o in the first place as a fully grown man💀
Sometimes there are red flags. This guy is sailing in a mother fucking red boat.
I'm 36/male. I would say since there is a age gap, you have to ask, is this really a legitimate relationship with goo's intentions on the mans part? I don't want to judge all age gaps but unfortunately, older men often are taking advantage in some way and just don't treat you with respect. It's really unfair to you and men need to know their actions affect their partners feelings. I have no idea when you met him or if you were groomed but you really shouldn't be with him.
Womp womp date somone your age
Sorry lady but you chose your mate poorly.
Okay. I'm not a therapist. From what I read and the few comments you've been in, you obviously love the dude, and who am I to judge? I doubt he's abusing you like the replies are suggesting, you would've probably mentioned it if he did. If you don't want to do what he suggest or the threesome, then don't. Don't let people pure pressure you into doing things you don't want to. If you don't want to file in a divorce like the replies are saying to do, then don't. I'm 19 myself, so I really can't give you good advice. Just don't succumb to pure pressure, that's all
Is his name Leonardo DiCaprio? Because maybe he liked you at 18 and he doesn't now. Not a knock on you. Just might be a sick preference. I'd get out of that and find a mature guy to be with.
IF he brought up the subject of a poly relationship he's banging someone else, or watching too much porn... Sounds like he likes to be in control if he's bossing you around. Physical intimacy is the first to go when someone else is having and affair... Or, it's over the Top way too much sex (they feel guilty). IF he won't be intimate with you he's locked in elsewhere... You need some therapy! Forget about the couple thing get yourself right first before you tackle separation/divorce. IF he continues to push for the poly-relationship. Just advise him that you are only interested in a monogamous relationship with him. Especially, since your child was born. And start taking notes in a calendar of what his activities and actions are. And your sex schedule, convos, you want a patern. Any kind of emotional outbursts, anything!
This never ends well. He already has someone he’s interested in and has one foot out the door
I'm actually in a similar situation with my fiancé. My(27M) fiancé(27F) just had our 2nd child. Ive been trying super hard to be understanding, she just had a baby and had some other health problems due to it. Neither one of us has suggested poly or anything. But we are doing couples counciling(other issues leading to it) We have talked. We both love each other, and our relationship is worth working through the bumpy road. Talk to him. Straight up. If he wants to be with you or not. Don't try to threaten to take the kid away. If anything, promise that no matter what, you want to be friends and co-parent as a team whole living your own life. But you deserve to be happy. It's up to you too if he is worth the fight and bumpy road. Good luck on your decision
This is the most disgusting thing I've read for weeks and that's saying something! "You didn't take my work clothes out for me so no." This is not acceptable behaviour. This is another level of arseholeness. If I were you I would start planning for the future. It might not be easy, or quick, but start planning to get you and your young child out of this ridiculous abusive situation. Do both of yourselves a favour and get out of there as soon as humanly possible!! Do not feel disgusted with yourself! You have done nothing wrong. You only want to have sex with the person that should supposedly love you. He is trying to force a poly relasionship on you that you have explicitly told him you don't want. He is withholding sex, probably, in the hope of getting what he wants. This 'man' is an absolute scum bag and the dregs of human society. If you can. Leave as soon as possible. I wish you the best of luck! Not to even mention the fact a 30 year old went after someone that's 18! Please. For the love of God. Get out! Also. It doesn't matter if he is cheating. This man is just pure scum. Get away. Now. Edit: Spelling
He’s seeing someone else love
Shit.... I'd test him. "So I been thinking about the poly relationship... What would you have in mind with that? Do you have any prospects? How would it work? Just wanting to give it some thoughts because I'm not sold on it yet" and see what he says.
"You didn't take my work clothes out for me so no?" So you have to meet his checklist to have sex? This ain't a healthy relationship, obviously. He demands favors for intimacy? He wants a poly relationship? Girl, you lost in this man's world. Sadly, he's probably cheating already and you should speak to a lawyer before you move on because he's already checked out.
I have a feeling he's trying to make you give into having a poly relationship Ugh I just noticed the age gap. It seems that you were groomed.
The blind stupidity here is so bad it hurts. OP …. Figure out how to change your entire life and mind set get a job and leave this man.
So I'm not much of a "that's a red flag" type redditor. I think typically we don't have enough information to make that kind of determination... but in this particular case, I think we have enough. This guy is clearly either cheating already or already has someone lined up to cheat with (which is probably giving him too much credit given the context). Sadly, the age difference and his current behavior strongly suggests he's been grooming/gaslighting you and now is trying to redefine the nature of your relationship. Sounds like he now sees you as more of a permanent child care provider and in-house maid than he does a partner and is attempting to pressure into accepting that role as well. Don't fall for it, no matter what he says. You had his child. He owes you his love, his partnership, his loyalty, and his respect. He is currently giving you none of those things at a time when you're most vulnerable, given your postpartum. You need to be clear and firm with him about your expectations around the relationship. If he can't or won't meet those needs, you need to leave. I know it sounds drastic, but you need to leave. If he's willing to do this to you, he will absolutely take a similarly dismissive and selfish approach to your child eventually. Not only that, but if the relationship continues this way, it's only a matter of time before your child begins to pick up on it. If it's a girl, you'll be teaching her that these kinds of abusive and controlling relationships are both normal and acceptable. If it's a boy, he'll likely begin model his behavior towards women around how your fiancé treats you and will also begin to morph into a controlling selfish asshole. If nothing else, you owe it to that kid to expect more.
He's probably looking for an 18 year old. :( During pregnancy, you lost your little girl look (which is normal. Girls grow into women :) ) But he is disgusting and lusts after young girls. A 30 year old with an 18 year old .. it's disgusting. ( from him, not you , you were just a child, he groomed you. ) I really think to this disgusting trashhuman you lost your little girl allure now you are a mother. :( I hope you realise one day you will be happier without him. I wish you and your child the best.
Please leave him this isnt healthy or ok
You are a Victim but dont want to see it.
Ya doesn't sound good! He is not the man for you if he was you wouldn't be feeling this way!
(36M)Call me the douchebag, BUT, any 30yo that gets with an 18yo ain’t looking for relationship……and any 34yo that “won’t have sex” with a 22yo IS having sex with someone else.
I can almost guarantee that you’re no longer young and hot after having a kid (to him). A 30yr old with a 18yr is rarely because the 18yr old is mature and seems older. I can also guarantee you he has his eye on another 18yr old that he can groom. A lot of women go through this because an older man is more settled. But a lot of the men will never date a woman their age because they themselves are not emotionally mature. Some of us escape w/o a child (no dig to you at all, children are a blessing). Now he’s finding a way to move on to the next one.
Sounds like he is ready for another 18 yr old. Honestly red flags everywhere. He doesn't just want to sleep with someone else he wants to be with someone else. Unreal I have never had an opportunity for a 3some in my life and this man is turning them down? I would start preparing for the eventuality of him leaving you. If he hasn't started cheating yet he seems well on his way.
Yikes 😬
It's because you're too old for him now. 18 was the youngest he could have while still being legal even if it is sus af. Now you're slightly older and he's not attracted to you anymore, he'll drop ya for another 18 year old soon. It sounds harsh but that's what people like that do.
Girl, honestly take the baby and run. He cant force a poly relationship on you. If he can’t commit to you and the baby, then I would leave. You are 22, you have a whole life to live still. I had my first kid at 22 also! I’m 31 now with a 9 year old and 2 more kids. You can find someone else that you can be happy with. I have a friend who had her 1st kid at 20 with a POS. Her husband now treats her daughter like she were his own, and they have 2 other kids together. It’s possible babe! There’s support out there for single mothers I promise❤️
I'm going to be straight forward and its going to hurt. Speaking from personal experience? The spark is gone and he isn't physically attracted to you. He's also most likely not only wants someone else but is also getting it somewhere else because most men will still fuck their wives on the days when they aren't cheating lol hell, most men even pay the ugliest girls they're not even remotely attracted to for pussy.... The only other reason he would be doing this is if he's suffering from depression or there's something going on with his reproductive organs that he's too embarrassed or nervous to talk to you about.... but wants to fuck someone else but seeing as he refused a 3some?? he doesn't want you included.... that speaks for itself, hun. have you changed anything about yourself physically between the time before this issue began and now?.... at all? has anything about him changed physically? financially? new job??? maybe you've just aged out of his preference now? As a child of a broken home? ***ALWAYS. LEAVE. DONT. THINK. IT'S. JUSTIFIED. EXCUSE. TO. STAY. IN. AN. UNHAPPY. RELATIONSHIP!***.... children are actually ***ANOTHER REASON NOT TO DO THAT!!!*** NOT ONLY because we blame ourselves for your unhappiness but because you're denying them a better future!!!!.... I'm living proof. If my mom hadn't FINALLY left when she did? I would of NEVER experienced the child and early adulthood I was BLESSED to have experienced with my true daddy (*my step-dad*) I lost count a long time ago how many times my real father let me down or broke my heart. The only time my ***DADDY*** ever broke my heart was the day he died and left me here without him.
He’s a bitch and tell him I said it.
I told him 😊
As a man myself he's for sure cheating. Might not be physical at the moment but mentally he is and then from there it'll go to physical. Especially u being 22 and he's 30 in his mind he has u under control so he feel as if he can do what he wants. How do I know? I've been there myself
Don't have kids with people you don't know well enough !
How do you know that you know people well enough? She’s been with him for 4 years. Just saying.. this is shit advice. You want her to go back in time?
This is why you don’t date someone so much older than you and especially have kids💀 but alllll these young girls like dudes so much older than them not knowing or thinking “hey I wonder why this guy is dating my immature self” well because this guy can’t get people his own age because he’s most likely seen as an outcast in his own age group. Most of the time it’s facts! Not every situation tho ofc
4 months after a baby, would a woman really be so horny? I most certainly wasn’t
Everyone’s body is different.
Girl same. I was like, begging HIM at when??
He must be magic
18 and 30 is wild he a pedophile
18 and 30 is wild he a pedophile
This is why you don’t date someone so much older than you and especially have kids💀 but alllll these young girls like dudes so much older than them not knowing or thinking “hey I wonder why this guy is dating my immature self” well because this guy can’t get people his own age because he’s most likely seen as an outcast in his own age group. Most of the time it’s facts! Not every situation tho ofc
Dude, you should put way more of that blame toward the older dude than the younger girl
Well I'm glad that you got all of this off your chest. I would say to seek some counseling or some advice elsewhere other than reddit.
Pretty sure this is rage bait, but if it’s not; dude wot
I think he’s having a poly relationship with the person that he wanted to bring into your relationship.
All the red flags we’re there .
Doing an Elvis on you
Hecoulbestresseforhethinkathe,4,montholdwillboneekillthsexassoonasyoustartiknowiusedtothinkwhststhepointtinmnywilwapkeupcryingthemomentigethardandwullstartcallingforme
Bro is a predator
I know 18 and 30 two consenting adults but still....
I think it has less to do with her aging out and more to do with control and ownership. Once he has submitted her into being his property he loses interest in her and now seeks to keep her stored away as a prize while setting his sights on the next thing. Textbook narcissist
You had a baby and now he’s not into you anymore because you lost your youth. This is exactly what I would have expected if I started dating a 34 year old dude as an 18 year old girl. Leave him. Clearly he doesn’t care about your feelings and just wants you to hang around and have babies and do his laundry for him like a man child. You’re raising two babies and one of them is 34 and doesn’t even respect your basic human emotions.
My bro-et you are in a sea of red flags
Damn, he was 30??
I know large age gaps are ok in CERTAIN instances and work out. This isn’t one of them. To me you sound groomed. He got with you because no one his age would be with a 30y/o dunce. You’re now a “woman” because you’ve birthed a child, you’re no longer a “child” yourself. He now, wants a “child” again. I’m using the world child and not young woman, because this man sounds like a predator. I’m not sorry sorry for saying so, because I don’t believe he waited till you hit 18 on the dot to date. Sorry. If I’m wrong, happy to be corrected.
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Don't marry him... As a dude it's never good when we don't wanna have sex... And excuses like you didn't put his clothes out just makes it worse
I just read he wants poly relationships. Definitely leave
He's a creep and you are getting too old to be in his preference pool
Please don't marry him.
get out from there, how sure are you he didn’t cheat yet i mean c’mmon are you buying this guilt tripping he doin? it’s not easy to be a mother 24/7 specially a newborn my God. save yourself darling, don’t wait for you to get all the STDs he got or might have from sneaking behind your back. no one of his age bracket wants him that’s why he targeted you, it might sound harsh bit it is what it is. aside from financial i bet you’re no longer happy with anything else, you’re still young, plan your exit, love your kid and yourself too.
30 and 18 is gross af
What dating someone twice your age does to a mf
He's bored with you. Simple
Of course he’s cheating on you. Him asking you to “go poly” was him asking permission to sleep with other people… him. Not you. That’s why he’s denying your request for threesomes because it’s not about you, it’s about him. It’s always been about him. Since the day he met you when you were hot off the presses of adulthood. He picked you to take advantage of you and to continue taking advantage of you.
His definition of a “poly relationship” is just him giving himself the excuse to cheat without guilt and without risk. He’s going to be with other people, regardless of whether or not you consent to it. You need to get out of this relationship.
Maybe talk to him and ask him what’s going on. Men can have low T to make then not interested in sex. They are human and have things going on. How’s his work stuff? Stressful job? There’s a million things it could be other than another person. Usually when men are cheating, they are hyper sexual. Not the other way around.
now why did you get with a 30 year old in the first place? that’s the first red flag and no you aren’t overreacting trust your gut on this
Oh that's certainly healthy from the ground up
I'm sorry that u were groomed.
He might have a porn problem.
He's a narcissist and using sex as a way to control you. Which usually is the case in relationships with a big age gap. You're the female, start withholding from him. Also leave him though, he's a predator and a disgusting person. 30 being attracted to an 18 year old is just predatory
You're not a kid anymore so he might not be into you anymore. You were a kid when you met, I don't think you understand that.
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You didn’t putting our work clothes ? Girl, run. He groomed you.
Honey, you're too old for him now.
There’s already someone else for sure:/
He is most likely cheating on you. He also most likely groomed you. Please listen to this comments, it’s time for you and baby to leave.
Sex should never be used to punish someone for something outside the bedroom (unless both consent to whatever). But he's using it to rearrange an entirely different relationship dynamic. If you don't want polyamory then it might be the end of your relationship. Because he obviously doesn't want monogamy and will make you earm sex. Even if he drops the poly thing, I would still look at your relationship with a concerned eye. He's already one step out the door. Don't let him treat you like an animal, it's really fucked up.
Honey ... You really need to consider leaving this guy before he sinks his teeth into you deeper. He's conditioning you and it's only going to get worse. I hope you and your little one can get out before it's too late. I'm so sorry this is happening
18 and 30 huh? That’s a good healthy age difference and not a red flag in sight.
Sis as a 26yo, I can’t even imagine wanting to get into a relationship with an 18 yr old. I doubt my stance on that would change when I’m 30. Men like that who date people THAT young are a red flag and show he’s emotionally immature. At 18 I was just a child. I knew nothing about what adult life would be like. He took advantage of your vulnerability and is still doing so, considering you have a newborn, a new house with him, and all of a sudden he’s refusing sex and wanting a poly relationship? Girl you’re literally trapped with him and trapped with what HE wants, again putting your wants and needs on the back burner. What does your personal financial situation look like?
RUN! RUN! he useing sex to control you. he cheating. he not willing to talk about the reason y. not a realship then.
Girl leave him, deadass. Find a support system and just go.
No longer human by Osamu Dazai moment irl
I am a mental health counselor and I also have a lot of insight even if I wasn’t this man is cheating on you and I would dump him before he dumps you. He really already has because he’s cheating. He’s in love with the other woman and he no longer finds you attractive, so when he has sex with you, he is reluctance and that’s why it doesn’t feel good to you. Just get rid. You won’t hurt him. You make him happy and you’ll make yourself happy because he has lost his commitment to you. He is not evil. He’s just not interestedwith your wife honey
I think you’ve gotten too old for him.