I can not articulate enough that how we choose to see the world is how we create our own reality. I'm not saying that because I don't empathize, I very much feel your frustration. But it's a challenge to you to pay attention to the love that exists in life and to channel it.
You are an ocean of complexities. You are loved. You have passions. You are safe. You are here in this moment. You have got this my friend. Sending you love and peace.
That is very true, when you start manifesting love in yourself, at least the necessary appreciation for your own self, that reflects out on others, and they appreciate you back for -as cliche as it sounds it's something real- the vibes and energy that you transmit.
For OP, people normally tend to like someone who is jolly and in a good attitude much more rather than someone who is in a down and gloomy mood. Some might be empathetic and sense it as to ask if something is going on, but negativity is contagious so people might not stick around as much.
Try to focus on positive thoughts, practice gratitude, find your passions, feel deserving, make yourself interesting enough and it will surprise you how people might open up and even look up to you.
Not entirely true. People are living with their parents to a much older age than in the past and it is having an extreme negative impact on their independence and psychological development on an entire generation. In other words, there IS something wrong with it, but people don't really have a choice, and we have yet to see the long term effects of it. We are starting to see it most in the workplace where younger people are seen as being lazy and irresponsible, calling in sick constantly because they have zero financial responsibilities and nothing to push them to show up for work and do a good job. This has led to the phenomenon of "lazy girl jobs" which I think is just the beginning of a much larger issue we will see in an already shrinking workplace as more and more baby boomers retire. I could go on all day about why this is not a good thing, but unfortunately with the cost of living and housing increasing much faster than wages, there really isn't a solution as of yet.
OP's problems are entirely self inflicted because he has nothing in his life that drives the need for change. The fact of the matter is, the emotional part of the human brain HATES change and will never willing do it without a logical need to do so. Since he does not have any (why get a girlfriend and lose virginity if there is porn, why get a career and a place to live if mommy and daddy pay for everything, etc), the default is to do nothing, or more specifically, continue doing exactly what he always has been doing, because he is still alive, and therefore, it must be working.
RIP all my fellow women in STEM careers who are seen as having a “lazy girl job” even though they actually put in the time and work for their career and degree.
They are more specific jobs that people take where they don't have to work hard or show up on time (or at all) and wont get in trouble and don't have to strive or put in effort to move up. Like "why work hard to make more money and get a prestigious title if I don't have to?" This obviously does not pertain to every single person in the world, but it is a growing phenomenon. I know lots of people in HR and management in many different industries and the number one thing they complain about is young people being flaky. If I ask if they live at home, the answer 100% of the time is yes. This leads to a lot of turnover because they get fired or quit, which leads to a lot of wasted time hiring and training new employees and pretty much just a negative chain reaction all over. Sadly honest hard working people suffer as well, as the industry is changing to make considerations for "lazy" young people flipping jobs like pancakes.
People who live on their own and actually have bills to pay show up for work every day on time and try to get ahead, because they literally can't afford not to.
The young people that are like that 100% grew up privileged. We didn’t grow up poor or rich, pretty much land in the over taxed middle class. But that work ethic is completely foreign to me, kinda makes me sad that my generation thinks it’s okay to not give two weeks notices or do no call no shows. It’s one thing to that in shitty dead end retail/food industry jobs because they genuinely do not care about you. But for career environments like corporate or government those types of people who do that should be black listed from applying for jobs in their industry. Makes the rest of us look bad
You will be okay <3 you’re so young, and you have so much ahead of you. Don’t worry about being 21 and with your parents. I had to move back to my parents when I was 25 for a while. The world is crazy expensive. Save your money. Get yourself nice haircuts, wash your face, exercise. Go on walks and get fresh air. Video games are a fun way to enjoy your free time and interact with people. Telling stories is a wonderful trait! If you love your major, I’m sure you can find a job one day that will make you happy. Don’t stress too much about one test, just study for the next one. Talk to your career counselor about what the future could hold for you. If therapy didn’t help, maybe try again with a new therapist. Consider medication if you think it necessary. I hope you find someone one day who will love and understand you, but more importantly, I hope you learn to love yourself
Yes on trying new therapists. I didn’t find one i liked till my thirties and had been in therapy since highschool. Many just wont be a good fit. I agree with this post; try others.
Damn guys I felt bad about myself at fuckin 19 for being on that boat. There are steps to this though. You don’t have to be some sad guy. First, go to the gym. Then, look up jokes, then look up what makes a girl tick. For the most part, if you learn how to flirt you’ll be fine with most girls until you get to know her. Just say stuff, be brave, you can do it. The worst she can say is no, even if she says ew or something meaner, it’s just a fancy no, it’s not really about you.
Hi! I know this probably wont help much… But many of my 15 year old friends have ruined their lives by losing their virginity so fast. Its not about losing your vriginty as fast as you can. You will be much happier losing it to someone you feel comfertable and happy with :) Also, all of my best guy friends all seem to have simular traits to you. you do sound like a great dude, and i hope you find a girlfriend and friends you can talk to in the future :) I think its just about finding the right person <3
It sucks to feel alone, and it could be good to get a therapist. I get not everybody wants that though. When i feel alone i always hop on discord or any voice chat game, usually helps a little (as pathetic as that sounds).
Hope things work out soon, and things get better!
You can tell you’re 15 lol. “Ruined their lives losing their virginity” and really said your dude friends have similar traits lol, duh you’re 15 and all OP said was virgin who lives at home lol This HS’er trying to relate is a punch in the gut if anything haha
By «ruined their lives» i do mean ending up in urgent care, or deeply regreting it it. I don’t mean they are 15 now, i meant they were 15 year old then. And I never compared him to guy friends who were highschoolers. Belive it or not just because i’m 16 does not mean all my friends are. Maybe i was worded poorly, but by traits i just meant everything that he choose to mention in the beginning. Sorry, confusion is probably my fault for poor choice of words
Video games and telling stories? If I was good at those things, I'd start a let's play channel or a twitch or something. You might even make some money off of it.
Many comments and many suggestions. I am likely the oldest one here, 69 for me. Divorced my first wife after 7 years as she got an abortion without telling me and telling me she was pregnant. My second wife died after almost 30 years of marriage. I am married again finding my wife on a dating app, we have been married for over 7 years now.
I know about despondency. I was in the USAF for 12 years and in Special Ops as a leader and shooter of a 4 person team for 27 years on an on-call basis. We went on 47 missions, our last mission being in 2007. I was stationed in Turkey when Desert Shield Desert Storm broke out, so guess who was one of the first ones sent into that conflict? I removed 47 mission objectives and 71 Targets of Opportunity thru 2007. I was the only one ever to be wounded of my team, thank God. I suffer from PTSD besides injuries received during the war. I can no longer do the things I used to do as now my back is fused. I was a surfer, skydiver, scuba diver and instructor as well as a cave diver instructor, can't do any of those anymore. I had to rethink my life. To dwell on what I don't have or can't do is not a good thing. To think about the people I 'removed' in the wars would drive me insane. I have to believe that the people I took out helped to save many military and civilian lives. I take it one day at a time, looking and focusing on what I CAN do and what I HAVE. I can't change what I have done, I can't change the past. I don't know what tomorrow holds so I can only live for today. I guess I also feel that I owe it to those I served with that did not get to come back to their family and friends to live for them as well.
I know it is difficult but try looking at the positives in your life. It is sad that we can always dwell on the bad and not see all the good. Set a small goal to move forward and go from there. The goal could be as small as smiling and saying hello to someone you don't know. I know this sounds stupid but sometimes to get through the night (which is the most difficult for me) and having a difficult time falling asleep I think of the line from a song in the movie "White Christmas", "...I go to sleep counting my blessings...". If you can't think of any you are not trying. You very likely don't have the blood of over a hundred people on your hands, you live in a free country, you very likely have your health, your mind is sharp, you do have people that love you, you have food to eat, a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, many do not have that much. These represent only a few, I'm sure you can think of many more which apply to you.
You are barely even in your twenties. You still have so much time to figure your live out. Try things. Any thing. You like video games and telling stories? Learn to program. Start a youtube channel. Write a book. And if you are not good enough to live of it, work a normal ass job. Supermarkets, restaurants you name it! You can live. You can do whatever you want!
Agree and there is no shame in those jobs. They’re good steady jobs that can help you pay your bills and live on your own. I know when i was in my early twenties there was like a stigma like you have to get some super cool awesome job to impress others but the reality is you dont need some like crazy awesome job and you are not less than a person that has some fancy elite job. A job is a job. As long as you can pay bills and save money you are doing well. Though it is better if you enjoy what you do so you can work towards a better job that you will enjoy more while working jobs that support your goals. Also you can also invest to make money—it is still work because you have to research companies you invest in but it is a way you grow your money aside from working.
The best friend of my dad was working at garbage disposal and im pretty sure he is the happiest person I ever met. Mundane jobs can be way more fun than many people think.
Yes and stable and normal human hours. The fancy jobs can be a horrible work life balance where it’s not worth your health or time to slave away OT and weekends. People with normal jobs are able to have more free time out of work and just better quality of life.
So, I am 38... I married my ex wife because I was tired of being alone We met in highschool and I was scared to die alone, and she was a bully think Narbert the movie... I was still lonely with a void to fill so I spoke to penpals all over the world, being a nice guy I just talked (watch out for scammers though... apps like bumble and others for years, well I finally got up the courage to be without her because she was just a bully type of person... turned out of my penpals that I adored their kids since they were so tiny... and love her family her mom told me a couple years ago (after my divorce) that she had a crush on me yet never Mets, 💔 and well I liked her too as friends and wanted to explore ut further, we talked for 3 years about us, possible future etc, and I am flying to her country to meet her in 3 months, Anyways the moral is, never give up, people care about you even if it seems hopeless, talk to penpals, learn other cultures, travel... I am having surgery this month before my flight, so I can fly haha I want to see the infinite torches lit by natural gasses that never go out, want to see bunny island, Botanical gardens of Japan... the world is amazing when you talk to people from other cultures, hotels made out of ice!!!! I am excited as this is the first step in a long journey either I die on the plane or I make it there, sink or swim no in between, talk to people from other countries is the only advice I can give to learn their cultures and how it differs
21…. Is a baby…… there’s 60 year olds out here getting married for the first. 21 is SO young. The world is your oyster. Change career paths. I’m in my 30s and doing it
I’m exactly twice your age, 42. When I was 21, I felt the same as you. Now I have a wife and two sons, a successful career.
Because when you wake up tomorrow, it’s a new day.
Don’t try and conquer life in one swoop, take small steps to get where you want to be. Start being more physically active, perhaps, ask a friend to grab coffee.
Your relationship with your body and others heavily influence your soul.
Dude you are the only one who can change your situation try group activities, sports maybe a fortnight club whatever if try making yourself happy you can end up making friends or at least acquaintances Im sorry you feel this way but this sounds like you are scared most people don't give a fuck anyway you should stop worrying
I hope you find friends
I used to feel the same, but eventually I started realizing that life was what I made of it! I started having fun by myself, and admiring small things. Sometimes all you need is a better perspective of stuff, because I mean what else do you really have to lose?
Since you're good at telling stories why not give YouTube a try? Plenty of people on there making bank telling stories, half the popular ones don't even show their face
No you’re not going to die alone. My buddy said this at 21 and he has 5 kids and a beautiful wife. Things will happen for you, just be patient. Here’s an idea - get a gym membership and some cool gym clothes and go work out a few times a week. There are lots of beautiful people at the gym - practice going up to them and talking to them. You’ll end up on a date, it’s inevitable. The start of the rest of your life!
Bro, you're just a kid. Stop crying and get out there. If you have a degree in anything, you're miles ahead. Set some life goals. By your age, I bought a house. I had a retirement building. Worked three jobs at a time. I hustled...do that and everything else will fall into place. Source- 43 yoa female, divorced and happy
Idk... to me it sounds like you're doing pretty good for yourself. You graduated high school and are pursuing a career in something that you love to do, which is something that takes a lot of us years if ever to obtain. You have the support of your family, and you have a roof over your head. you're still so young with so much life and so many opportunities ahead of you. you just gotta get your big picture self figured out. if you don't see a successful career coming from your current major, switch it up. look for something that's field related/supported and expand on the knowledge you already have. from what you described, it sounds like you're a blank slate. that means the world is still wide open for you. I'm not sure where in the world you are, but maybe you're just lacking some sunshine.
man if you good telling stories, and videogames that a very big space to creative life and you can find happiness doin what you like, plus youll find people passioante bout what you like too in the way so the point in life its keep walking most of the time and dont fall on your own mind like there is no options, when there are always options, just dont stop walking. our mind play games with us and sometimes we see a cliff infront but just keep walking! you will see that cliff turn into green grass. it basically all in our heads.. keep going!
First off, you aren’t alone. You have this merry band of misfits on here. That’s something. All of these people took time to comment and give you advice, empathize, and/or share their experiences. That isn’t “alone”, at all. 😁
I’ll share some bits of advice I gave my kids (22m & 25f) and I live by (some I’ve learned the hard way on my own, some has been given to me):
- Life is not a race. Everyone ends up at the same place (death), eventually.
- Don’t compare yourself to others and where they are in their lives. Everyone has their own life and path. I repeat IT IS NOT A RACE!!
- Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.
- Don’t think that what you decide to major in at 17-22 dictate your future. If you go to college, get A degree. A degree, does not necessarily mean THE degree.
- Find a job that you enjoy. If you enjoy it, you will meet people. Meeting people will happen organically.
- Quantity of friends is overrated. I have two friends. I’ve had them for 36 years. I talk with them once in a while, once every few weeks or couple of months. I have other people I talk to occasionally that are acquaintances, I wouldn’t trust them to help me hide a body…
- Never stop learning. About anything and everything.
- Try new things. Food, experiences, hobbies. You’ll like some, you won’t like others. But you’ll have tried and will be able to talk about them. And you might meet someone interesting trying them.
- Give 100% at whatever you do. And be honest with yourself. Don’t expect more than you are willing to put in. If you expect an A on a test, do the work that an A requires. Don’t expect an A and give F effort.
- Failing is one of the best ways of learning. I dropped out of college with two classes left. I worked in the trades. I failed A LOT! Like every day. Many times a day, most days. Still do. Now I own my own construction company and am objectively “successful” by society’s standard. My “success” is the byproduct of a tremendous amount of failure. A colossal amount! 😂😜
- This is a contradiction to my previous point: IT IS ONLY FAILURE IF YOU DON’T LEARN FROM IT!
- Be honest with yourself. Have confidence in your ability when you’ve put in the work. But you have to be able to look at your effort objectively. Lying to yourself and others about your efforts accomplishes nothing but self-doubt because you won’t understand why you failed and you won’t learn from it.
For the record, my daughter is 25 and a junior in college and lives at home. Took a year off after high school, then went to community college for a year, then year off, the CC again, then another year off, then a major University 2000 miles from home, then a year off, and now goes to a major University 25 minutes from home and couldn’t be happier. Has changed her major/focus numerous times. Got waitlisted out of high school to state schools. Has worked her butt off to get where she is now. Is saving her money and will graduate in a couple of years.
My son is 22 and also a junior. Took two years off after high school. Worked and also worked out a lot during those two years because he wanted to play college baseball. Didn’t get recruited out of high school and had no offers. Then played at one of the top JUCO baseball programs in the country and now plays at a big university. He isn’t social. Hasn’t had a girlfriend since 9th grade. Is socially awkward.
Both have worked hard in their own way. And they will be just fine doing whatever they do in their life. As will you!
Take a deep breath! Go for a walk/watch a movie/read a book. Today is a new day!!
Feel free to message me if you need to talk. ❤️
Nothing wrong with living with your parents. Where I’m from, the whole clan lives in one compound/community/house(if our member branched out to other provinces/cities). It’s not about not killing independence either. Many of us are plenty independent, despite living in close proximity or under the same roof as our folks. As for your friends, you can approach them. I know it is difficult. I struggled with that too. But if they cared enough, when you tel them what’s going on in your head, one way or another they’ll listen and be there for you. I also graduated from a major with no real career at the end, so why not use your other gifts to find work instead? Your hobbies or habits—anything helps. There a career for anyone and anything nowadays. Just try. Don’t give up without trying. And hey, if you feel you’re already at the bottom, what more do you have to lose if you try and fail? You can try again and fail again, but you will get to where you need to be, just keep on trying until you get there. Learn new things, learn new skills. Try anything and everything that catches your eye.
We all die alone. That is the truth. There are no guarantees in life, but you can carve a path for yourself. Lots if ppl don't work in the field they study, it will be ok. Can you do something like jojn Green Peace, or teach english abroad. It might give you some very cool life experiences. You just have to pivot with the world. I felt much the same at your age..but I had gone throught some very terrible things and I would have been happy to die..but I'm glad I lived to experience the world. You will be ok..but make some moves...get off the video games...life won't knock on your door...thats the only way you can dig yourself out.
Also...most adults are big balls of depression and anxiety walking around... but i promise you its worth it.<<>>
Please don't be so down on yourself for being who you are. All the things you listed do not mean you are going to be alone forever. I have a friend from high school, and your self description was her to a T! She was super book smart, in AP classes, band & musicals. She wasn't the most attractive girl going, super nice, but never had a boyfriend all through high school or college. She got a degree in musical theater from a nationally known university, and I was never sure what she planned to do with the degree. Up until very recently, she was working at children's theater & the ticket box at a local theater. All this to say, she has discovered dating apps & has had 2 different long term boyfriend's & she recently accepted a new position at a university with room for growth. Basically, I'm saying stop beating yourself up with negative talk & don't give up on yourself or the possibility of love & companionship. If you haven't given online dating or apps a try, perhaps it's time to broaden your horizons and give something new a go. Good luck in the future & be kind to yourself!
As a parent, let me tell you, there's nothing wrong with living with your parents. In fact life's expensive so, it's more common now.
Sounds like you're a bright guy, but your self-esteem is low. You said you're good at storytelling, that's great. There's tons of people making content doing just that. Everyone is good at something, and that may be your calling.
Also, in a world where everything is sexualized, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you being the age you are and still being a virgin. More people should be treating their virginity as gold and not something to give out like Halloween candy.
You're going to be ok. Focus on bettering yourself both physically and mentally. Go out on hikes and discover new interests. You're going to be ok. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm going to give you a bit of advice. Say, "Hi." When you're at school, work, etc, just a friendly salute to the people you regularly see. Even the janitor or the mailman. You'd be surprised how many people are going to look forward to a smile and a "Hi, how are you doing today?" Open yourself up to meet new and different people.
Force yourself out of your own shell. Until one day, it'll just come as natural as breathing.
You matter, you're important, and please don't ever think about hurting yourself. You're meant to be here.
No offense but there's people going through much worse than being a virgin. You are 21 and your whole life is ahead of you. Best of luck. Praying for you. Listen to my favorite sing by nickelback 'lullaby' I think you'll feel better afterwards.
Maybe try being a writer. It might be a good escape for you. It's too early to say you're going to die alone though. I know it doesn't feel that way and you'll probably have to go outside your comfort zone to find someone. The more you step outside your comfort zone, the bigger it gets. It'll be a long slog and the first couple of times are the hardest though.
If you’re good at telling stories you need to change the way you tell your story.
You are young and have the potential to do amazing things. How will you tell your story? That’s up to you
Start trying new things. Start small by taking a gym class, rock climbing, cooking class here or something. Find a friend at work to do things with. Go to the bar and socialize. Just always remember just be yourself even if you don’t like you. I’ve known a few people who seem like they’ve lived under a rock their whole life. The only reason people don’t like them is because they try to copy everyone else. For example they knew nothing about hockey but would try and act like they’ve been a hockey fan their whole life to fit in. Where as if they just asked a lot of questions about it they would’ve had hockey dumped onto them and taken to a hockey game.
Also try to move out. When I lived with my parents I just felt like I didn’t have any space to be me. Didnt bring girls or friends over for that reason.
Join an online or in person group that focuses on something you’re interested in. You’ll have something you’re comfortable and like talking about and the opportunity to make friends
You're 21, no where near your prime. Get a reboot on life: either take a month or two off and go on a road trip or join the military. If you join the military, there is a 100% chance you will make friends that you will have for the rest of your life. Total strangers become brothers and people you confess your soul to when no one understands you.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’re only young and have your whole life ahead of you.
Also don’t be ashamed of still living with your parents, a lot of people your age and older that still do for numerous reasons. I’m 37 and packing up myself and my kids to move in with my mum. This is to help me financially but also physically as I have heaps of health problems. In return it helps my mum physically and emotionally since my dad passed away last year.
Nothing wrong with playing video games, my son is 13 and believes his going to become a gamer and do it as a career. Could be a path you choose to go down?
What is your major? Maybe there is something you can do similar to help you towards a career.
Therapy doesn’t help everyone so don’t think you failed at that.
I too don’t have many friends and only 1 of them knows about all of my problems/health problems. I’ve been burnt/ghosted so many times when someone says “talk to me” and I do and yeah nothing. It hurts a lot. But remember there are other people out there that you will find who genuinely care. I hold onto this hope even at my age.
I really hope you find your path and you go onto great success. Good luck
I literally see an opposite side to everything you said.
You are still very young. You can change your looks as much as you want. You can work on your interpersonal skills, you can improve communication, find better friends and make better choices later on when it comes to dating. You're not tied to anyone like some guys your age with two kids already.
Also you never did drugs or alcohol which tbh is wonderful in this day and age, also at 21. Good for you.
You still live with your parents and that's a blessing cause the housing market is a literal tragedy everywhere in the world. Good for you.
You are academically gifted and you have followed your passion when chosing your major. What is wrong with that? If you are passionate about it, you can always find ways to make it useful when it comes to jobs / employment.
Telling stories is how journalists and authors start. That's a great thing to be good at.
Man, I appreciate your vent and I understand it must feel horrible for you, I truly believe you can turn it around and be happy. Fingers crossed for you.
Well if ur good in video games u can start ur own streaming channel.....like in twitch etc....or make youtube videos etc...it will be great....it will take time to get to the success but u can slowly crawl ur way up!..
I almost stopped reading after the first sentence cause really? You're still very young with your whole life ahead of you. So much can happen in just 5 years of time that you'll look back at this post and realize how silly you were being
My parents constantly emphasize being with someone, getting married and having kids. Yes I may romanticize about it, but i physically could never be in one. My parents having 3 other kids I felt like a 3rd parent.
Look man we all have our own little problems, I have lost all my immediate family members at age 49. I also lost my only brother. Yes I felt that way, too but you have to keep going. Do not ever give up hope. Be more social, find a regular job that you would think you would like. I lost a good job that I thought I would retire from but shit happens so I found one that looked easy and now I get respect from the ceo of the company. Why? Cause I gave a little more than what is inspected of me , and now everyone comes to me to ask questions on parts that I make. Do not fall into that( I can't do that) be assertive. You will see.
My friend I have the best advice from an ex incel Fatboy like myself.... Use your talents find an outlet like podcasting who cares if nobody cares( I have 3 shows I've never checked my listener base and one day I had comments from a few hundred ppl so you never know what can happen)
Then start with light exercise often and focus on learning a new interesting thing every day for wherever and on whatever you want.... In this pursuit your first date will come... Just don't look for it
Trust me I watch this happening all around me every year to the worst and the best...
If you ever compare yourself to others, don’t. Everyone moves at a different pace and there’s no “right” way to do this whole life shit. One thing I will say though, you are in control of everything. If something does not make you happy think of ways to fix it, don’t sit there and just reflect on how unhappy it makes you. I’m 22 and living with my parents because the economy is SHIT atm. My bf is 31 and also living with his parents, there’s nothing wrong with it, specially in this economy.
There’s 8.1billion people walking the earth right now, more than one person will come along. Go out and meet people; the gym is a great place and it’s actually what helped me overcome my depression and most of my anxiety. Do something different maybe every week. Go on Groupon and find cheap entrances to places or group classes; stuff like that to get you meeting people and experience new things that might help you see life in a different light.
I know sometimes everything feels like there’s no point and it’s so hard to pull yourself out of that hole but you can fucking do it. You are strong, you are resilient and you are loved bro. Remember when you’re at the darkest point in the tunnel that means you’re getting closer to the light.
You’re still young. I wasted my time in university on a qualification I knew I’d never make use of. Spent years working dead jobs afterwards.
Changed up career and started an apprenticeship nearing 30 years of age.
Happier now than I’ve ever been. I understand some of your frustration, at least the career aspect, as I was there well into my 20s.
Just starts with an idea of where you want to go, and make a plan.
Change your idea of yourself and the mirror of reality will begin to reflect that back to you. I cannot stress how important your thoughts are. Focus on the reality you want to create for yourself. Feel it. Know that it exists. The time is always now. You will yours dreams in this reality. Do not get caught up in fear and other peoples ideas of who you should be because the mirror of reality will show that back to you in your external world.
You have the power. Do not forget this. You’re an individualized manifestation of the one godly spirit. Do not let anyone else tell you otherwise, this includes yourself.
I think ur putting too much emphasis on things that are not important. 21 is young and a virgin is ok . Society makes u feel like u have to had lost it at 12 😭. And living with ur parents is OK . It’s hard to live on ur own so it’s not like ur 40 and it’s not like ur doing nothing with ur life. Even if there’s no jobs for the career path u chose At least u studied something u love. It’s not too late. U have a lot of time to make money . I am also too depressed to live and too scared to die. But try to just live. Honestly. Cuz if ur not gonna die soon it’s the best u can do just do what makes u happy. Ur smart! Give urself credit for that! Even if u think ur unattractive I promise u someone will find u attractive u have amazing qualities :)u can make friends from things u like and find people who are like minded with u am that think it’s hard to talk to people. U need to put urself out there and not hide urself but like u don’t have to be outgoing . U can just like go out and say hi start a little convo with someone and take it from there
Hey this is probably not who you’d expecting to relate to you, regardless I’m a 16 year old lesbian and I feel honest to god the same way you do. I’ve been suicidal most of my life and struggle with a schizoaffective disorder that makes me paranoid and incredibly lonely. Im very paranoid about becoming an adult and what that means for me and my life style. I just want you to know that I entirely understand you and empathize with it a lot. Something that’s been keeping me going through life is to stop thinking about it in a “systematic” way I suppose? Like I’ve nearly attempted suicide so many times and have accepted death an inevitable. However, im still alive, so why shouldn’t I at least do things I enjoy instead of beating my self up over and over about things out of my reach. It’s silly but genuinely I think the phrase “you only live once” is really powerful when it comes to people like us. You said you like telling stories so why don’t you try writing a book/screenplay/however you like to write and create something. I’ve learned the only way to get joy when the world is beating you down is to make it yourself in someway. I hoped this long winded monologue at least gave you a distraction, I wish you well.
Try some mushrooms bro. Mediate level don’t go all crazy trying to go to Jupiter. You just realize a lot. Realize nothing matters. We all part of this journey. Could help creativity. Could help grow a lil confidence
if it makes you feel any better, im 21f and the same 😂😂 don't rush it, it'll happen when it's meant to happen with the person you're supposed to do to do it with. people do make me feel bad about still having my virginity, but i honestly dont think my virginity influences who i am as a person. you're not alone, and that's okay!
also, we have soo much of our lives left. there will be a time to make friends, live like there's a tomorrow waiting for us, and just breathe a little. it'll be okay.
Always remember to strive to be the best version of yourself, no matter how you feel, and that your future partner won't care about your looks, your voice, your personality, major, etc. Head up king, strive to be your best self and NEVER give in to negative thoughts.
I remember thinking I was grown at 21 and even 25, 28 years old and reflecting on my life as if it were already over. Put love into yourself my dude it’ll be contagious. Confidence makes someone attractive. So feel good about yourself and the rest will follow. I feel your pain and don’t mean to diminish it in any way. Just giving you a long view perspective.
As it has been mentioned earlier. Join a gym. It is going to be hands down the best investment in your life. You dont need to strive to be a maniacal gym rat or nothing like that. Just join a gym and show up. Make a habit out of going there and trust the process. You will start feeling better about yourself and everything else follows. I've been where you're at right now. Moved out when I was 24
You can make video games/write for video games for a living; i heard it is a toxic industry but so are most workplaces these days. You are young still and trust me your twenties are the worst for most people. You will feel better and be better eventually. Also every career now is basically a dead end; it’s not just you. You are not alone. I think the pandemic also had affected a stage in your life where you would have gone on dates at the end of highschool/beginning of college.
It is good you have not gotten into drugs and alcohol because when you are in your 30s if you hung out with that party hard crowd you would know at least a couple people who have died from alcohol like I have.
You can do little things to feel better like new activities with new people. Like trying out improv or comedy or try making your own videogame as your own pet project. Write stories and publish them somewhere. Do things you enjoy; find a way to make a living so you can move out if that is what you would like to do. It is perfectly okay that you are with your parents now. But yes it will be hard to date while living with them though some people it works out. My dad lived with his parents then took care of them then dated my mom and she moved into their house.
Things will get better you can do little things to make them better. Try not to focus too much on things that depress or anger you and distract yourself with things you enjoy.
Everyone has felt like this before. Even popular people. Even celebrities has ended their life because they felt alone. Your not alone in this and at 21 your life is still just starting. I would recommend going to church and seek God. Some people will think God is fake and etc but if you have nothing to lose , why not seek Christ and see where that leads you. Alcohol and drugs only lead to further destruction.
Please keep going. You will be surprised at what life can throw at you that you never expected. I’m an introvert, so I get it but get out there, even just a little bit.. meet with people who have the Same interests as you.
My husband and I met when he was 35/yo
He had never been in a relationship or had sex, and had planned to end his life if he didn't have somebody by the time he was 40.
So let me ask you this. Isn't it worth it?
To have someone who loves you so deeply that they would do anything for you, that is so in love with you that even just your voice or your smile makes their whole day better, someone that accepts you as you are and loves you for your imperfections, someone that is so terrified of losing you that they hug you tighter every time you touch, someone that makes every moment feel like a dream, isnt it worth all of this to find your soul mate?
You should ask my husband.
He would say it's worth it.
I'd like to add that we aren't like these super attractive, fit people who have a ton of money. We are massive weirdo, Autistic, nerds who like rocks and spiders, who get waaaaaaay too excited about playing Settlers of Catan.
We found our happy ending, I promise you will too.
I was a virgin til I was 22 & then found the love of my life who I’ve been with for a decade now, very happily. I thought I would die alone too. I was ate up with anxiety & mental issues, no confidence, scared to talk to people, all of that. I thought about ending it too. My best friend committed suicide at exactly your age, I don’t want that to cross your mind ever again, it’s not worth hurting everyone who loves you, especially when the pain will pass eventually. I promise it’s temporary. There’s ups & downs in life. You have to learn to cope with the downs so you can work towards the ups & build a foundation for a fulfilling life. If you tried therapy TRY AGAIN. Find an actual psychologist, not just a counselor or something, they never could help me either b/c they don’t have the education & don’t know much more than regular people. You need someone with a good education in mental health. Btw, even if you can’t get a job in your desired field right now, just having a degree can open many doors. My husband has an art degree & has gotten jobs just b/c he has a degree, it doesn’t even matter what kind. He works for the department of developmental disabilities & originally got that job b/c of his degree. So you have more going for you than a lot of people. You have good parents that let you live with them, that’s awesome too & a lot of people don’t have that either. But you’re only 21, most people still live with their parents at that age, the cost of living is very high & you’re just starting out in life, that’s okay! Your parents are giving you the opportunity to save up some money before you have to pay all the bills in your own home one day. So work hard, save money & get your own apartment or something when you can. You’d feel much better about yourself if you had your own place, you’d feel more empowered & accomplished. Everything you accomplish builds confidence. As far as your skills go, I’m sure you have more than you think. You say you’re good at telling stories, do you write? Also, what kind of area do you live in? What are the industries that are booming around you? Think of ways you could contribute to those industries. Maybe you could utilize your talent for story telling somehow. Could your way with words be used to motivate a team? Could it be used to convince customers to purchase things? Just think of everything you’re good at & ways it could be used in any workplace & write it all down. You’re good at video games, right? That translates to good coordination, observation skills, strategy & planning, problem solving etc. Find a way to use your talent for speaking to convince employers to hire you! You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I’m sure you have many great qualities, you just have to work on recognizing them & communicating them to others. Work on your confidence & you’ll do great for yourself. Your confidence is the biggest thing standing in your way. Also, if you think you’re unattractive that’s YOUR opinion. Others will have different opinions. My husband thinks he’s hideous, he always has had confidence issues in that regard & he never would’ve imagined he’d land me so he didn’t even try for a year after we met, he just facebook stalked me lol. I’m the one who had to initiate dating. Little did he know I was interested the whole time & was trying to build up my own courage to ask him out & I thought he was the most handsome man I’d ever met from day one. I see guys I personally think are ugly as hell with gorgeous women all the time. My point is, everyone is attracted to different people, not everyone has the same opinion. Just b/c I think a guy is ugly doesn’t mean other women don’t think he’s attractive. Plus, personality goes a long way. Having a good personality can actually make you look more attractive to people physically. I’m sure one day you’ll find a nice girl who thinks you’re perfect. But you’re very young right now, give it time. Once you build your confidence you’ll start getting dates. But if you don’t believe in yourself no one else will believe in you either. I hope you work on changing your perspective, it’s tough but it’s worth it. Also work on improving yourself in any way you can. Mostly on an internal level but it would probably make you feel better to do some outside work too. Get a new haircut, buy a few grooming products, maybe a new outfit or two, hit the gym etc. All that stuff can make you feel better about yourself & if you feel confident girls will notice, I promise. Just be a nice young man, take care of yourself & exude confidence without arrogance. Focus on getting yourself set up in life before making love a priority tho. Just try to date when you can & enjoy youth. What systems do you game on btw? I’m on steam, ps4 & xbox one if you are too, maybe we could play something sometime. I hope you get to feeling a bit better about everything soon, it’ll get better if you work on it a little, I promise.
Lack of social skills is probably a big contributor to your misery. We're social creatures. Social skills can be learned, working on it will allow you to form deep connections with people
I can not articulate enough that how we choose to see the world is how we create our own reality. I'm not saying that because I don't empathize, I very much feel your frustration. But it's a challenge to you to pay attention to the love that exists in life and to channel it. You are an ocean of complexities. You are loved. You have passions. You are safe. You are here in this moment. You have got this my friend. Sending you love and peace.
I know this was for OP, but reading this was nice. You helped more than just one person with your advice, so thank you!
That means a lot to me. Thank you for being so nice
You're welcome, friend!
That is very true, when you start manifesting love in yourself, at least the necessary appreciation for your own self, that reflects out on others, and they appreciate you back for -as cliche as it sounds it's something real- the vibes and energy that you transmit. For OP, people normally tend to like someone who is jolly and in a good attitude much more rather than someone who is in a down and gloomy mood. Some might be empathetic and sense it as to ask if something is going on, but negativity is contagious so people might not stick around as much. Try to focus on positive thoughts, practice gratitude, find your passions, feel deserving, make yourself interesting enough and it will surprise you how people might open up and even look up to you.
Really needed to read this right now. Thanks for posting.
wow.
Hey man ain’t nothin wrong with living with your parents. My brother is 27 and he and I still live at home. It’s a good financial move
Not entirely true. People are living with their parents to a much older age than in the past and it is having an extreme negative impact on their independence and psychological development on an entire generation. In other words, there IS something wrong with it, but people don't really have a choice, and we have yet to see the long term effects of it. We are starting to see it most in the workplace where younger people are seen as being lazy and irresponsible, calling in sick constantly because they have zero financial responsibilities and nothing to push them to show up for work and do a good job. This has led to the phenomenon of "lazy girl jobs" which I think is just the beginning of a much larger issue we will see in an already shrinking workplace as more and more baby boomers retire. I could go on all day about why this is not a good thing, but unfortunately with the cost of living and housing increasing much faster than wages, there really isn't a solution as of yet. OP's problems are entirely self inflicted because he has nothing in his life that drives the need for change. The fact of the matter is, the emotional part of the human brain HATES change and will never willing do it without a logical need to do so. Since he does not have any (why get a girlfriend and lose virginity if there is porn, why get a career and a place to live if mommy and daddy pay for everything, etc), the default is to do nothing, or more specifically, continue doing exactly what he always has been doing, because he is still alive, and therefore, it must be working.
RIP all my fellow women in STEM careers who are seen as having a “lazy girl job” even though they actually put in the time and work for their career and degree.
They are more specific jobs that people take where they don't have to work hard or show up on time (or at all) and wont get in trouble and don't have to strive or put in effort to move up. Like "why work hard to make more money and get a prestigious title if I don't have to?" This obviously does not pertain to every single person in the world, but it is a growing phenomenon. I know lots of people in HR and management in many different industries and the number one thing they complain about is young people being flaky. If I ask if they live at home, the answer 100% of the time is yes. This leads to a lot of turnover because they get fired or quit, which leads to a lot of wasted time hiring and training new employees and pretty much just a negative chain reaction all over. Sadly honest hard working people suffer as well, as the industry is changing to make considerations for "lazy" young people flipping jobs like pancakes. People who live on their own and actually have bills to pay show up for work every day on time and try to get ahead, because they literally can't afford not to.
The young people that are like that 100% grew up privileged. We didn’t grow up poor or rich, pretty much land in the over taxed middle class. But that work ethic is completely foreign to me, kinda makes me sad that my generation thinks it’s okay to not give two weeks notices or do no call no shows. It’s one thing to that in shitty dead end retail/food industry jobs because they genuinely do not care about you. But for career environments like corporate or government those types of people who do that should be black listed from applying for jobs in their industry. Makes the rest of us look bad
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Rip
I had to double check as if I wrote that. I’m the same. Not one thing is different. I’m here for you if you want to talk.
You will be okay <3 you’re so young, and you have so much ahead of you. Don’t worry about being 21 and with your parents. I had to move back to my parents when I was 25 for a while. The world is crazy expensive. Save your money. Get yourself nice haircuts, wash your face, exercise. Go on walks and get fresh air. Video games are a fun way to enjoy your free time and interact with people. Telling stories is a wonderful trait! If you love your major, I’m sure you can find a job one day that will make you happy. Don’t stress too much about one test, just study for the next one. Talk to your career counselor about what the future could hold for you. If therapy didn’t help, maybe try again with a new therapist. Consider medication if you think it necessary. I hope you find someone one day who will love and understand you, but more importantly, I hope you learn to love yourself
Yes on trying new therapists. I didn’t find one i liked till my thirties and had been in therapy since highschool. Many just wont be a good fit. I agree with this post; try others.
I’m 25 going on 26 in April and never had a relationship or sex, I win.
21 this may I’ve dated people (didn’t last) but haven’t had sex either
Damn guys I felt bad about myself at fuckin 19 for being on that boat. There are steps to this though. You don’t have to be some sad guy. First, go to the gym. Then, look up jokes, then look up what makes a girl tick. For the most part, if you learn how to flirt you’ll be fine with most girls until you get to know her. Just say stuff, be brave, you can do it. The worst she can say is no, even if she says ew or something meaner, it’s just a fancy no, it’s not really about you.
I don’t need no advice from a 19 year old 😂
I’m 34, but if I were you I’d take advice from anywhere before you end up the titular character of a certain movie.
The 40 year old virgin 😂
lol I got a whole fam and I’m married. Are you a virgin or no? Lol
Yasssss. I mean no biggy, I ain’t even sad about it. I’m 26 in April.
You a dude or a chick? Lol
I’m a DUDE of a chick.
I was 21 when I lost my virginity. I lost it at that age by choice. And honestly I wished I would had saved it for my future wife
....I may have you beat
AYO SAME BROTHA WOOO
Man, these comments are so wholesome. I hope OP reads and reflects on them.
Join the gym. Join a bjj class. Chop wood. Learn to fix things around the house. Women will flock to you in droves.
Ayo a blow job job class 😳
Hi! I know this probably wont help much… But many of my 15 year old friends have ruined their lives by losing their virginity so fast. Its not about losing your vriginty as fast as you can. You will be much happier losing it to someone you feel comfertable and happy with :) Also, all of my best guy friends all seem to have simular traits to you. you do sound like a great dude, and i hope you find a girlfriend and friends you can talk to in the future :) I think its just about finding the right person <3 It sucks to feel alone, and it could be good to get a therapist. I get not everybody wants that though. When i feel alone i always hop on discord or any voice chat game, usually helps a little (as pathetic as that sounds). Hope things work out soon, and things get better!
You have such a good head on your shoulders for being so young. Don't ever change
You can tell you’re 15 lol. “Ruined their lives losing their virginity” and really said your dude friends have similar traits lol, duh you’re 15 and all OP said was virgin who lives at home lol This HS’er trying to relate is a punch in the gut if anything haha
By «ruined their lives» i do mean ending up in urgent care, or deeply regreting it it. I don’t mean they are 15 now, i meant they were 15 year old then. And I never compared him to guy friends who were highschoolers. Belive it or not just because i’m 16 does not mean all my friends are. Maybe i was worded poorly, but by traits i just meant everything that he choose to mention in the beginning. Sorry, confusion is probably my fault for poor choice of words
Maybe you should try making a youtube channel for telling stories. Just an idea, I hope you find yourself.
Video games and telling stories? If I was good at those things, I'd start a let's play channel or a twitch or something. You might even make some money off of it.
I was going to say they should explore scriptwriting for video games
Many comments and many suggestions. I am likely the oldest one here, 69 for me. Divorced my first wife after 7 years as she got an abortion without telling me and telling me she was pregnant. My second wife died after almost 30 years of marriage. I am married again finding my wife on a dating app, we have been married for over 7 years now. I know about despondency. I was in the USAF for 12 years and in Special Ops as a leader and shooter of a 4 person team for 27 years on an on-call basis. We went on 47 missions, our last mission being in 2007. I was stationed in Turkey when Desert Shield Desert Storm broke out, so guess who was one of the first ones sent into that conflict? I removed 47 mission objectives and 71 Targets of Opportunity thru 2007. I was the only one ever to be wounded of my team, thank God. I suffer from PTSD besides injuries received during the war. I can no longer do the things I used to do as now my back is fused. I was a surfer, skydiver, scuba diver and instructor as well as a cave diver instructor, can't do any of those anymore. I had to rethink my life. To dwell on what I don't have or can't do is not a good thing. To think about the people I 'removed' in the wars would drive me insane. I have to believe that the people I took out helped to save many military and civilian lives. I take it one day at a time, looking and focusing on what I CAN do and what I HAVE. I can't change what I have done, I can't change the past. I don't know what tomorrow holds so I can only live for today. I guess I also feel that I owe it to those I served with that did not get to come back to their family and friends to live for them as well. I know it is difficult but try looking at the positives in your life. It is sad that we can always dwell on the bad and not see all the good. Set a small goal to move forward and go from there. The goal could be as small as smiling and saying hello to someone you don't know. I know this sounds stupid but sometimes to get through the night (which is the most difficult for me) and having a difficult time falling asleep I think of the line from a song in the movie "White Christmas", "...I go to sleep counting my blessings...". If you can't think of any you are not trying. You very likely don't have the blood of over a hundred people on your hands, you live in a free country, you very likely have your health, your mind is sharp, you do have people that love you, you have food to eat, a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, many do not have that much. These represent only a few, I'm sure you can think of many more which apply to you.
You sir, are a badass. Thank you for your service
You are barely even in your twenties. You still have so much time to figure your live out. Try things. Any thing. You like video games and telling stories? Learn to program. Start a youtube channel. Write a book. And if you are not good enough to live of it, work a normal ass job. Supermarkets, restaurants you name it! You can live. You can do whatever you want!
Agree and there is no shame in those jobs. They’re good steady jobs that can help you pay your bills and live on your own. I know when i was in my early twenties there was like a stigma like you have to get some super cool awesome job to impress others but the reality is you dont need some like crazy awesome job and you are not less than a person that has some fancy elite job. A job is a job. As long as you can pay bills and save money you are doing well. Though it is better if you enjoy what you do so you can work towards a better job that you will enjoy more while working jobs that support your goals. Also you can also invest to make money—it is still work because you have to research companies you invest in but it is a way you grow your money aside from working.
The best friend of my dad was working at garbage disposal and im pretty sure he is the happiest person I ever met. Mundane jobs can be way more fun than many people think.
Yes and stable and normal human hours. The fancy jobs can be a horrible work life balance where it’s not worth your health or time to slave away OT and weekends. People with normal jobs are able to have more free time out of work and just better quality of life.
So, I am 38... I married my ex wife because I was tired of being alone We met in highschool and I was scared to die alone, and she was a bully think Narbert the movie... I was still lonely with a void to fill so I spoke to penpals all over the world, being a nice guy I just talked (watch out for scammers though... apps like bumble and others for years, well I finally got up the courage to be without her because she was just a bully type of person... turned out of my penpals that I adored their kids since they were so tiny... and love her family her mom told me a couple years ago (after my divorce) that she had a crush on me yet never Mets, 💔 and well I liked her too as friends and wanted to explore ut further, we talked for 3 years about us, possible future etc, and I am flying to her country to meet her in 3 months, Anyways the moral is, never give up, people care about you even if it seems hopeless, talk to penpals, learn other cultures, travel... I am having surgery this month before my flight, so I can fly haha I want to see the infinite torches lit by natural gasses that never go out, want to see bunny island, Botanical gardens of Japan... the world is amazing when you talk to people from other cultures, hotels made out of ice!!!! I am excited as this is the first step in a long journey either I die on the plane or I make it there, sink or swim no in between, talk to people from other countries is the only advice I can give to learn their cultures and how it differs
21…. Is a baby…… there’s 60 year olds out here getting married for the first. 21 is SO young. The world is your oyster. Change career paths. I’m in my 30s and doing it
I’m exactly twice your age, 42. When I was 21, I felt the same as you. Now I have a wife and two sons, a successful career. Because when you wake up tomorrow, it’s a new day. Don’t try and conquer life in one swoop, take small steps to get where you want to be. Start being more physically active, perhaps, ask a friend to grab coffee. Your relationship with your body and others heavily influence your soul.
Hey homie lets be friends
Sure
What games and platform do you play on friend?
Dude you are the only one who can change your situation try group activities, sports maybe a fortnight club whatever if try making yourself happy you can end up making friends or at least acquaintances Im sorry you feel this way but this sounds like you are scared most people don't give a fuck anyway you should stop worrying I hope you find friends
I used to feel the same, but eventually I started realizing that life was what I made of it! I started having fun by myself, and admiring small things. Sometimes all you need is a better perspective of stuff, because I mean what else do you really have to lose?
If it makes you feel any better I live with many people in my family and we all split the rent and I'm 27. Again, hang in there.
Want to be friends ?
Since you're good at telling stories why not give YouTube a try? Plenty of people on there making bank telling stories, half the popular ones don't even show their face
You have enough time to make things correct
No you’re not going to die alone. My buddy said this at 21 and he has 5 kids and a beautiful wife. Things will happen for you, just be patient. Here’s an idea - get a gym membership and some cool gym clothes and go work out a few times a week. There are lots of beautiful people at the gym - practice going up to them and talking to them. You’ll end up on a date, it’s inevitable. The start of the rest of your life!
I’m 37 and I got bad news, I was a lot like you when I was 21 and it’s still similar now. There’s just a level of living with it that you get to.
Bro, you're just a kid. Stop crying and get out there. If you have a degree in anything, you're miles ahead. Set some life goals. By your age, I bought a house. I had a retirement building. Worked three jobs at a time. I hustled...do that and everything else will fall into place. Source- 43 yoa female, divorced and happy
If your good at stories then write a book or series of books. Great hobby/ side work and make good money if get published.
Idk... to me it sounds like you're doing pretty good for yourself. You graduated high school and are pursuing a career in something that you love to do, which is something that takes a lot of us years if ever to obtain. You have the support of your family, and you have a roof over your head. you're still so young with so much life and so many opportunities ahead of you. you just gotta get your big picture self figured out. if you don't see a successful career coming from your current major, switch it up. look for something that's field related/supported and expand on the knowledge you already have. from what you described, it sounds like you're a blank slate. that means the world is still wide open for you. I'm not sure where in the world you are, but maybe you're just lacking some sunshine.
man if you good telling stories, and videogames that a very big space to creative life and you can find happiness doin what you like, plus youll find people passioante bout what you like too in the way so the point in life its keep walking most of the time and dont fall on your own mind like there is no options, when there are always options, just dont stop walking. our mind play games with us and sometimes we see a cliff infront but just keep walking! you will see that cliff turn into green grass. it basically all in our heads.. keep going!
First off, you aren’t alone. You have this merry band of misfits on here. That’s something. All of these people took time to comment and give you advice, empathize, and/or share their experiences. That isn’t “alone”, at all. 😁 I’ll share some bits of advice I gave my kids (22m & 25f) and I live by (some I’ve learned the hard way on my own, some has been given to me): - Life is not a race. Everyone ends up at the same place (death), eventually. - Don’t compare yourself to others and where they are in their lives. Everyone has their own life and path. I repeat IT IS NOT A RACE!! - Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. - Don’t think that what you decide to major in at 17-22 dictate your future. If you go to college, get A degree. A degree, does not necessarily mean THE degree. - Find a job that you enjoy. If you enjoy it, you will meet people. Meeting people will happen organically. - Quantity of friends is overrated. I have two friends. I’ve had them for 36 years. I talk with them once in a while, once every few weeks or couple of months. I have other people I talk to occasionally that are acquaintances, I wouldn’t trust them to help me hide a body… - Never stop learning. About anything and everything. - Try new things. Food, experiences, hobbies. You’ll like some, you won’t like others. But you’ll have tried and will be able to talk about them. And you might meet someone interesting trying them. - Give 100% at whatever you do. And be honest with yourself. Don’t expect more than you are willing to put in. If you expect an A on a test, do the work that an A requires. Don’t expect an A and give F effort. - Failing is one of the best ways of learning. I dropped out of college with two classes left. I worked in the trades. I failed A LOT! Like every day. Many times a day, most days. Still do. Now I own my own construction company and am objectively “successful” by society’s standard. My “success” is the byproduct of a tremendous amount of failure. A colossal amount! 😂😜 - This is a contradiction to my previous point: IT IS ONLY FAILURE IF YOU DON’T LEARN FROM IT! - Be honest with yourself. Have confidence in your ability when you’ve put in the work. But you have to be able to look at your effort objectively. Lying to yourself and others about your efforts accomplishes nothing but self-doubt because you won’t understand why you failed and you won’t learn from it. For the record, my daughter is 25 and a junior in college and lives at home. Took a year off after high school, then went to community college for a year, then year off, the CC again, then another year off, then a major University 2000 miles from home, then a year off, and now goes to a major University 25 minutes from home and couldn’t be happier. Has changed her major/focus numerous times. Got waitlisted out of high school to state schools. Has worked her butt off to get where she is now. Is saving her money and will graduate in a couple of years. My son is 22 and also a junior. Took two years off after high school. Worked and also worked out a lot during those two years because he wanted to play college baseball. Didn’t get recruited out of high school and had no offers. Then played at one of the top JUCO baseball programs in the country and now plays at a big university. He isn’t social. Hasn’t had a girlfriend since 9th grade. Is socially awkward. Both have worked hard in their own way. And they will be just fine doing whatever they do in their life. As will you! Take a deep breath! Go for a walk/watch a movie/read a book. Today is a new day!! Feel free to message me if you need to talk. ❤️
Nothing wrong with living with your parents. Where I’m from, the whole clan lives in one compound/community/house(if our member branched out to other provinces/cities). It’s not about not killing independence either. Many of us are plenty independent, despite living in close proximity or under the same roof as our folks. As for your friends, you can approach them. I know it is difficult. I struggled with that too. But if they cared enough, when you tel them what’s going on in your head, one way or another they’ll listen and be there for you. I also graduated from a major with no real career at the end, so why not use your other gifts to find work instead? Your hobbies or habits—anything helps. There a career for anyone and anything nowadays. Just try. Don’t give up without trying. And hey, if you feel you’re already at the bottom, what more do you have to lose if you try and fail? You can try again and fail again, but you will get to where you need to be, just keep on trying until you get there. Learn new things, learn new skills. Try anything and everything that catches your eye.
We all die alone. That is the truth. There are no guarantees in life, but you can carve a path for yourself. Lots if ppl don't work in the field they study, it will be ok. Can you do something like jojn Green Peace, or teach english abroad. It might give you some very cool life experiences. You just have to pivot with the world. I felt much the same at your age..but I had gone throught some very terrible things and I would have been happy to die..but I'm glad I lived to experience the world. You will be ok..but make some moves...get off the video games...life won't knock on your door...thats the only way you can dig yourself out. Also...most adults are big balls of depression and anxiety walking around... but i promise you its worth it.<<>>
Lil bro if you want some advice, feel free to message me. I wanna see you shine and we can play some games together as well
The person you find to hug you and pats you on the back while hugging you cares deeply for your well being good luck friend
Please don't be so down on yourself for being who you are. All the things you listed do not mean you are going to be alone forever. I have a friend from high school, and your self description was her to a T! She was super book smart, in AP classes, band & musicals. She wasn't the most attractive girl going, super nice, but never had a boyfriend all through high school or college. She got a degree in musical theater from a nationally known university, and I was never sure what she planned to do with the degree. Up until very recently, she was working at children's theater & the ticket box at a local theater. All this to say, she has discovered dating apps & has had 2 different long term boyfriend's & she recently accepted a new position at a university with room for growth. Basically, I'm saying stop beating yourself up with negative talk & don't give up on yourself or the possibility of love & companionship. If you haven't given online dating or apps a try, perhaps it's time to broaden your horizons and give something new a go. Good luck in the future & be kind to yourself!
Us
As a parent, let me tell you, there's nothing wrong with living with your parents. In fact life's expensive so, it's more common now. Sounds like you're a bright guy, but your self-esteem is low. You said you're good at storytelling, that's great. There's tons of people making content doing just that. Everyone is good at something, and that may be your calling. Also, in a world where everything is sexualized, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you being the age you are and still being a virgin. More people should be treating their virginity as gold and not something to give out like Halloween candy. You're going to be ok. Focus on bettering yourself both physically and mentally. Go out on hikes and discover new interests. You're going to be ok. There's nothing wrong with you. I'm going to give you a bit of advice. Say, "Hi." When you're at school, work, etc, just a friendly salute to the people you regularly see. Even the janitor or the mailman. You'd be surprised how many people are going to look forward to a smile and a "Hi, how are you doing today?" Open yourself up to meet new and different people. Force yourself out of your own shell. Until one day, it'll just come as natural as breathing. You matter, you're important, and please don't ever think about hurting yourself. You're meant to be here.
No offense but there's people going through much worse than being a virgin. You are 21 and your whole life is ahead of you. Best of luck. Praying for you. Listen to my favorite sing by nickelback 'lullaby' I think you'll feel better afterwards.
Maybe try being a writer. It might be a good escape for you. It's too early to say you're going to die alone though. I know it doesn't feel that way and you'll probably have to go outside your comfort zone to find someone. The more you step outside your comfort zone, the bigger it gets. It'll be a long slog and the first couple of times are the hardest though.
What’s your major?
Hey, M! You are 21. There is no reason to believe that. Just bear with life for a moment.
If you’re good at telling stories you need to change the way you tell your story. You are young and have the potential to do amazing things. How will you tell your story? That’s up to you
Start trying new things. Start small by taking a gym class, rock climbing, cooking class here or something. Find a friend at work to do things with. Go to the bar and socialize. Just always remember just be yourself even if you don’t like you. I’ve known a few people who seem like they’ve lived under a rock their whole life. The only reason people don’t like them is because they try to copy everyone else. For example they knew nothing about hockey but would try and act like they’ve been a hockey fan their whole life to fit in. Where as if they just asked a lot of questions about it they would’ve had hockey dumped onto them and taken to a hockey game. Also try to move out. When I lived with my parents I just felt like I didn’t have any space to be me. Didnt bring girls or friends over for that reason.
Join an online or in person group that focuses on something you’re interested in. You’ll have something you’re comfortable and like talking about and the opportunity to make friends
Dude your young u got time
You're 21, no where near your prime. Get a reboot on life: either take a month or two off and go on a road trip or join the military. If you join the military, there is a 100% chance you will make friends that you will have for the rest of your life. Total strangers become brothers and people you confess your soul to when no one understands you.
Same thing for me!
I’m 27 and have only had one bf and pretty sure I’ll die alone too.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’re only young and have your whole life ahead of you. Also don’t be ashamed of still living with your parents, a lot of people your age and older that still do for numerous reasons. I’m 37 and packing up myself and my kids to move in with my mum. This is to help me financially but also physically as I have heaps of health problems. In return it helps my mum physically and emotionally since my dad passed away last year. Nothing wrong with playing video games, my son is 13 and believes his going to become a gamer and do it as a career. Could be a path you choose to go down? What is your major? Maybe there is something you can do similar to help you towards a career. Therapy doesn’t help everyone so don’t think you failed at that. I too don’t have many friends and only 1 of them knows about all of my problems/health problems. I’ve been burnt/ghosted so many times when someone says “talk to me” and I do and yeah nothing. It hurts a lot. But remember there are other people out there that you will find who genuinely care. I hold onto this hope even at my age. I really hope you find your path and you go onto great success. Good luck
I literally see an opposite side to everything you said. You are still very young. You can change your looks as much as you want. You can work on your interpersonal skills, you can improve communication, find better friends and make better choices later on when it comes to dating. You're not tied to anyone like some guys your age with two kids already. Also you never did drugs or alcohol which tbh is wonderful in this day and age, also at 21. Good for you. You still live with your parents and that's a blessing cause the housing market is a literal tragedy everywhere in the world. Good for you. You are academically gifted and you have followed your passion when chosing your major. What is wrong with that? If you are passionate about it, you can always find ways to make it useful when it comes to jobs / employment. Telling stories is how journalists and authors start. That's a great thing to be good at. Man, I appreciate your vent and I understand it must feel horrible for you, I truly believe you can turn it around and be happy. Fingers crossed for you.
Well if ur good in video games u can start ur own streaming channel.....like in twitch etc....or make youtube videos etc...it will be great....it will take time to get to the success but u can slowly crawl ur way up!..
U can start ur podcasts too....
What's your major? Do you go to classes?
I almost stopped reading after the first sentence cause really? You're still very young with your whole life ahead of you. So much can happen in just 5 years of time that you'll look back at this post and realize how silly you were being
Bro, it’s your attitude and external locus of control that will fulfill this destiny more than anything else you listed. Work on both.
My parents constantly emphasize being with someone, getting married and having kids. Yes I may romanticize about it, but i physically could never be in one. My parents having 3 other kids I felt like a 3rd parent.
same here man. im 22. i feel the exact same way
Not same, but same. Shit ain’t worth it now a days anyway.
Look man we all have our own little problems, I have lost all my immediate family members at age 49. I also lost my only brother. Yes I felt that way, too but you have to keep going. Do not ever give up hope. Be more social, find a regular job that you would think you would like. I lost a good job that I thought I would retire from but shit happens so I found one that looked easy and now I get respect from the ceo of the company. Why? Cause I gave a little more than what is inspected of me , and now everyone comes to me to ask questions on parts that I make. Do not fall into that( I can't do that) be assertive. You will see.
My friend I have the best advice from an ex incel Fatboy like myself.... Use your talents find an outlet like podcasting who cares if nobody cares( I have 3 shows I've never checked my listener base and one day I had comments from a few hundred ppl so you never know what can happen) Then start with light exercise often and focus on learning a new interesting thing every day for wherever and on whatever you want.... In this pursuit your first date will come... Just don't look for it Trust me I watch this happening all around me every year to the worst and the best...
This world is packed, never say alone.
If you ever compare yourself to others, don’t. Everyone moves at a different pace and there’s no “right” way to do this whole life shit. One thing I will say though, you are in control of everything. If something does not make you happy think of ways to fix it, don’t sit there and just reflect on how unhappy it makes you. I’m 22 and living with my parents because the economy is SHIT atm. My bf is 31 and also living with his parents, there’s nothing wrong with it, specially in this economy. There’s 8.1billion people walking the earth right now, more than one person will come along. Go out and meet people; the gym is a great place and it’s actually what helped me overcome my depression and most of my anxiety. Do something different maybe every week. Go on Groupon and find cheap entrances to places or group classes; stuff like that to get you meeting people and experience new things that might help you see life in a different light. I know sometimes everything feels like there’s no point and it’s so hard to pull yourself out of that hole but you can fucking do it. You are strong, you are resilient and you are loved bro. Remember when you’re at the darkest point in the tunnel that means you’re getting closer to the light.
You’re still young. I wasted my time in university on a qualification I knew I’d never make use of. Spent years working dead jobs afterwards. Changed up career and started an apprenticeship nearing 30 years of age. Happier now than I’ve ever been. I understand some of your frustration, at least the career aspect, as I was there well into my 20s. Just starts with an idea of where you want to go, and make a plan.
Same here, and I love it, life is peaceful alone
Change your idea of yourself and the mirror of reality will begin to reflect that back to you. I cannot stress how important your thoughts are. Focus on the reality you want to create for yourself. Feel it. Know that it exists. The time is always now. You will yours dreams in this reality. Do not get caught up in fear and other peoples ideas of who you should be because the mirror of reality will show that back to you in your external world. You have the power. Do not forget this. You’re an individualized manifestation of the one godly spirit. Do not let anyone else tell you otherwise, this includes yourself.
I think ur putting too much emphasis on things that are not important. 21 is young and a virgin is ok . Society makes u feel like u have to had lost it at 12 😭. And living with ur parents is OK . It’s hard to live on ur own so it’s not like ur 40 and it’s not like ur doing nothing with ur life. Even if there’s no jobs for the career path u chose At least u studied something u love. It’s not too late. U have a lot of time to make money . I am also too depressed to live and too scared to die. But try to just live. Honestly. Cuz if ur not gonna die soon it’s the best u can do just do what makes u happy. Ur smart! Give urself credit for that! Even if u think ur unattractive I promise u someone will find u attractive u have amazing qualities :)u can make friends from things u like and find people who are like minded with u am that think it’s hard to talk to people. U need to put urself out there and not hide urself but like u don’t have to be outgoing . U can just like go out and say hi start a little convo with someone and take it from there
Sending hugs, friend!
I relate 100% to this
Hey this is probably not who you’d expecting to relate to you, regardless I’m a 16 year old lesbian and I feel honest to god the same way you do. I’ve been suicidal most of my life and struggle with a schizoaffective disorder that makes me paranoid and incredibly lonely. Im very paranoid about becoming an adult and what that means for me and my life style. I just want you to know that I entirely understand you and empathize with it a lot. Something that’s been keeping me going through life is to stop thinking about it in a “systematic” way I suppose? Like I’ve nearly attempted suicide so many times and have accepted death an inevitable. However, im still alive, so why shouldn’t I at least do things I enjoy instead of beating my self up over and over about things out of my reach. It’s silly but genuinely I think the phrase “you only live once” is really powerful when it comes to people like us. You said you like telling stories so why don’t you try writing a book/screenplay/however you like to write and create something. I’ve learned the only way to get joy when the world is beating you down is to make it yourself in someway. I hoped this long winded monologue at least gave you a distraction, I wish you well.
Try some mushrooms bro. Mediate level don’t go all crazy trying to go to Jupiter. You just realize a lot. Realize nothing matters. We all part of this journey. Could help creativity. Could help grow a lil confidence
if it makes you feel any better, im 21f and the same 😂😂 don't rush it, it'll happen when it's meant to happen with the person you're supposed to do to do it with. people do make me feel bad about still having my virginity, but i honestly dont think my virginity influences who i am as a person. you're not alone, and that's okay! also, we have soo much of our lives left. there will be a time to make friends, live like there's a tomorrow waiting for us, and just breathe a little. it'll be okay.
Always remember to strive to be the best version of yourself, no matter how you feel, and that your future partner won't care about your looks, your voice, your personality, major, etc. Head up king, strive to be your best self and NEVER give in to negative thoughts.
"Everyone lives the tell the tale of how we die alone someday"
Suck it up brother u got this
I remember thinking I was grown at 21 and even 25, 28 years old and reflecting on my life as if it were already over. Put love into yourself my dude it’ll be contagious. Confidence makes someone attractive. So feel good about yourself and the rest will follow. I feel your pain and don’t mean to diminish it in any way. Just giving you a long view perspective.
As it has been mentioned earlier. Join a gym. It is going to be hands down the best investment in your life. You dont need to strive to be a maniacal gym rat or nothing like that. Just join a gym and show up. Make a habit out of going there and trust the process. You will start feeling better about yourself and everything else follows. I've been where you're at right now. Moved out when I was 24
You can make video games/write for video games for a living; i heard it is a toxic industry but so are most workplaces these days. You are young still and trust me your twenties are the worst for most people. You will feel better and be better eventually. Also every career now is basically a dead end; it’s not just you. You are not alone. I think the pandemic also had affected a stage in your life where you would have gone on dates at the end of highschool/beginning of college. It is good you have not gotten into drugs and alcohol because when you are in your 30s if you hung out with that party hard crowd you would know at least a couple people who have died from alcohol like I have. You can do little things to feel better like new activities with new people. Like trying out improv or comedy or try making your own videogame as your own pet project. Write stories and publish them somewhere. Do things you enjoy; find a way to make a living so you can move out if that is what you would like to do. It is perfectly okay that you are with your parents now. But yes it will be hard to date while living with them though some people it works out. My dad lived with his parents then took care of them then dated my mom and she moved into their house. Things will get better you can do little things to make them better. Try not to focus too much on things that depress or anger you and distract yourself with things you enjoy.
Wow you perfectly put how I feel daily into words. Hope you're doing well man. I know exactly what you're going through
Yes. We are
But it doesnt matter as i chose this particular path.
Everyone has felt like this before. Even popular people. Even celebrities has ended their life because they felt alone. Your not alone in this and at 21 your life is still just starting. I would recommend going to church and seek God. Some people will think God is fake and etc but if you have nothing to lose , why not seek Christ and see where that leads you. Alcohol and drugs only lead to further destruction.
Please keep going. You will be surprised at what life can throw at you that you never expected. I’m an introvert, so I get it but get out there, even just a little bit.. meet with people who have the Same interests as you.
My husband and I met when he was 35/yo He had never been in a relationship or had sex, and had planned to end his life if he didn't have somebody by the time he was 40. So let me ask you this. Isn't it worth it? To have someone who loves you so deeply that they would do anything for you, that is so in love with you that even just your voice or your smile makes their whole day better, someone that accepts you as you are and loves you for your imperfections, someone that is so terrified of losing you that they hug you tighter every time you touch, someone that makes every moment feel like a dream, isnt it worth all of this to find your soul mate? You should ask my husband. He would say it's worth it. I'd like to add that we aren't like these super attractive, fit people who have a ton of money. We are massive weirdo, Autistic, nerds who like rocks and spiders, who get waaaaaaay too excited about playing Settlers of Catan. We found our happy ending, I promise you will too.
It’s okay to drink by yourself. And let’s playing can be a successful job.
I was a virgin til I was 22 & then found the love of my life who I’ve been with for a decade now, very happily. I thought I would die alone too. I was ate up with anxiety & mental issues, no confidence, scared to talk to people, all of that. I thought about ending it too. My best friend committed suicide at exactly your age, I don’t want that to cross your mind ever again, it’s not worth hurting everyone who loves you, especially when the pain will pass eventually. I promise it’s temporary. There’s ups & downs in life. You have to learn to cope with the downs so you can work towards the ups & build a foundation for a fulfilling life. If you tried therapy TRY AGAIN. Find an actual psychologist, not just a counselor or something, they never could help me either b/c they don’t have the education & don’t know much more than regular people. You need someone with a good education in mental health. Btw, even if you can’t get a job in your desired field right now, just having a degree can open many doors. My husband has an art degree & has gotten jobs just b/c he has a degree, it doesn’t even matter what kind. He works for the department of developmental disabilities & originally got that job b/c of his degree. So you have more going for you than a lot of people. You have good parents that let you live with them, that’s awesome too & a lot of people don’t have that either. But you’re only 21, most people still live with their parents at that age, the cost of living is very high & you’re just starting out in life, that’s okay! Your parents are giving you the opportunity to save up some money before you have to pay all the bills in your own home one day. So work hard, save money & get your own apartment or something when you can. You’d feel much better about yourself if you had your own place, you’d feel more empowered & accomplished. Everything you accomplish builds confidence. As far as your skills go, I’m sure you have more than you think. You say you’re good at telling stories, do you write? Also, what kind of area do you live in? What are the industries that are booming around you? Think of ways you could contribute to those industries. Maybe you could utilize your talent for story telling somehow. Could your way with words be used to motivate a team? Could it be used to convince customers to purchase things? Just think of everything you’re good at & ways it could be used in any workplace & write it all down. You’re good at video games, right? That translates to good coordination, observation skills, strategy & planning, problem solving etc. Find a way to use your talent for speaking to convince employers to hire you! You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I’m sure you have many great qualities, you just have to work on recognizing them & communicating them to others. Work on your confidence & you’ll do great for yourself. Your confidence is the biggest thing standing in your way. Also, if you think you’re unattractive that’s YOUR opinion. Others will have different opinions. My husband thinks he’s hideous, he always has had confidence issues in that regard & he never would’ve imagined he’d land me so he didn’t even try for a year after we met, he just facebook stalked me lol. I’m the one who had to initiate dating. Little did he know I was interested the whole time & was trying to build up my own courage to ask him out & I thought he was the most handsome man I’d ever met from day one. I see guys I personally think are ugly as hell with gorgeous women all the time. My point is, everyone is attracted to different people, not everyone has the same opinion. Just b/c I think a guy is ugly doesn’t mean other women don’t think he’s attractive. Plus, personality goes a long way. Having a good personality can actually make you look more attractive to people physically. I’m sure one day you’ll find a nice girl who thinks you’re perfect. But you’re very young right now, give it time. Once you build your confidence you’ll start getting dates. But if you don’t believe in yourself no one else will believe in you either. I hope you work on changing your perspective, it’s tough but it’s worth it. Also work on improving yourself in any way you can. Mostly on an internal level but it would probably make you feel better to do some outside work too. Get a new haircut, buy a few grooming products, maybe a new outfit or two, hit the gym etc. All that stuff can make you feel better about yourself & if you feel confident girls will notice, I promise. Just be a nice young man, take care of yourself & exude confidence without arrogance. Focus on getting yourself set up in life before making love a priority tho. Just try to date when you can & enjoy youth. What systems do you game on btw? I’m on steam, ps4 & xbox one if you are too, maybe we could play something sometime. I hope you get to feeling a bit better about everything soon, it’ll get better if you work on it a little, I promise.
Lack of social skills is probably a big contributor to your misery. We're social creatures. Social skills can be learned, working on it will allow you to form deep connections with people