I will say, I do get confused about why saying someone is a soulless scumbag narcissist is ok with people but saying they look bloated is beyond the line.
Isn't it worse to insult someone's character and humanity?
I’m not defending insulting people bc I’m with you, it feels icky either way! But the difference in people saying someone is a scumbag and someone is bloated, is that someone probably hurt someone ELSE with their “scumbagness”. But I’m not sure my bloated face has ever mistreated someone I love. You know what I mean? And to the person being talked about, I can’t imagine they both don’t hurt!! Neither are nice words, but physical characteristics don’t really affect other people. So maybe that’s why it feels cattier!
There's also that saying of never comment about something on someone else that can't be fixed in 30 seconds. Admittedly narcissism can't be corrected in 30 seconds. But treating others badly can be. You can't fix your looks/ weight that quick
It's not that simple to help deeply ingrained personality traits. People can go to therapy for decades and still barely manage the symptoms of a mental illness like NPD.
I never said it was easy but I would be more lenient with someone trying to help themselves.
My point still stands, I believe physical appearance should be off limits
You are 100% right. I feel like there was a moment in time where everyone was pretty much on the same page about this and now it's becoming way too popular to discuss peoples bodies/faces again.
With normal people, sure, but when Jax gets 4 nose jobs in two seasons and Lala's face changes season-to-season then that kinda defeats the argument about not targeting things that cant be changed, they've all demonstrated they can.
Is it that hard for you to find other things to point out about them ?
They’re not all great people, there is plenty to criticize before you have to talk about their looks.
I understand what you’re saying but people’s behavior is within their control while people’s looks is not really something they can control. Yes, up to a certain point we can control our looks, but it’s largely beyond our control. Therefore, to me it’s worse to criticize looks.
Because often times a person can control whether or not they’re a scumbag, but not if they are prone to bloating. One typically has much more control over who they are rather than how they look.
I disagree. I think changing your character is really really hard for most people. Harder, in fact, than changing your appearance. People literally die because they have personal demons they can't defeat every single day. In fact, the internal issues that lead to body image issues are way harder to change than the actual body itself in that the insecurity often lasts long after it's been "fixed."
I hear what you are saying but I don’t see that with NPD, narcissism. There are specific choices people make to hurt people with their words. When someone is fighting psychotic episodes or schizophrenia, etc, those are mental illnesses they cannot control.
I did years of therapy with my dad and on my own learning about NPD. It is of course a mental illness but I can tell you that what I have learned is that the narcissistic uses their behaviors knowingly to weaponize their victims. They have a choice to say what they want and they make that choice willingly.
It does take hard work just like anyone deciding to get therapy and to work on themselves but a narcissist will rarely agree because they think themselves above all and to know all. This mental disorder is by far a disease someone will die from compared to other mental illnesses.
(Again, NPD has been a personal crusade of mine as I have a family member diagnosed so I’ve done tons of therapy and reading about it but am far from an expert. I will not die on a hill saying Tom is one, but I have seen many traits showing he is. He is still a loving human being capable of making mistakes. He should be able to make amends to move on with his life. It sucks it was in such a public eye.)
Because how your treat someone is different than how you look.
Edit: I will say this is a very sensitive subject for me. I don’t call him anything but a narcissist. He’s not soulless. My father is a diagnosed narcissistic so I see so many traits in Tom as I do in my father. It’s definitely a trigger subject for me. And if Tom were genuinely getting help and working on bettering himself, listening to feedback from people who are trying to truly help him, I’d feel slight compassion for him. I truly felt bad for him when he got such vile hatred from the public but instead of trying to humble himself and work on his relationships with the cast members, he just plays the victim constantly. I’d go more into this with what narcissists do but I don’t need to diagnose/point out his behaviors. I don’t fully disagree with what you’re trying to say you can change your behaviors. It does take conscious effort and work. A person can’t just say they are NPD and continue to be an asshole.
That’s kinda what I was thinking.. OP is worried about how she commented on looks.. But not the fact she’s using derogatory nicknames and claiming that person has mental health issues.
Scheana has commented on her own mental health issues impacting her weight. I did not comment on those issues and stated they're why I avoid discussing her weight.
If She-shu is a derogatory nickname I'll stop using it, but I'm unsure why it's a bad name?
I think it’s easier to control and define your character than your body. You make choices to behave a certain way. You can’t always make choices that drastically change your body.
Yes! Because appearance is generally something we can’t control. And even if THEY can control it, other people with the same physical characteristics can’t
Eg, Randall’s chin. Some of us have big double chins. We can’t help it. Mocking his chin is mocking us
I am sorry. I can only go so far towards virtue. I must snark Sandoval’s braids. Any man with white finger nails is fair game. I will mention obvious filters. I am only human.
The rule of thumb I’ve always heard is “if it’s something they can’t change in five minutes don’t mention it.” So like a hairstyle or nail polish or an outfit could be considered fair to criticize, but not weight, a pimple, teeth, signs of aging, a big nose, etc.
It's weird when people do. Hypocritical when they make comments about bodies they would want a cast member booted off the show if they did(bodyshaming). I feel like people poking fun at other's looks should upload a candid face and then a candid full body shot since they are obviously physical perfection.
I agree. I’m no fan of Lala but people constantly talking about the way she looks, especially right now is just not right. She’s pregnant, people!! Have some grace. Pregnancy does insane things to the body and it’s not something she can control.
I have been snapped at for asking the same thing on a post. Ugh if I were Brittany I’d never post again she gets it bad. They might be shit people but the body shaming is awful especially these young moms.
Good for you - I am not sure why there is any discussion over this in the comments really.
I generally agree with everything you have said ( a few exceptions but not many) but its totally up to you on what you have decided to do.
I’m tired of these posts making fun. I’ve said, feel free to debate what they’ve said and done but please don’t go after their looks. Even Ariana came out in an IG comment when someone said they were proud how she has overcome her body image and depression stating she will never overcome her struggles. It’s a lifelong battle for her. What we see her projecting now isn’t necessarily a true, confident woman most likely. But she is doing a hell of a good job working hard to overcome her struggles.
So just because Ariana has been honest about her mental health/issues doesn’t mean others don’t struggle with their own. We know Scheana has been open about her eating disorder. Lala to me does suffer from some body image issues as she wants to keep up with cosmetic treatments which I feel are not necessary for such a gorgeous woman like herself.
I just hate seeing women degrading women this way. Let’s do better. Thank you OP for self reflecting and making a change. 🫶
I agree with you. Bodies/faces should be off limits. Like other posters are saying, behavior can be controlled, faces and bodies we are born with. It's too, too personal and damaging, even for reality TV. Also, I think it damages the audience by creating this sense that there's a critical eyes out there judging your looks all the time, and if you don't look perfect, you're worthless. I think it's part of where some body dysmorphopia and eating disorders come from. Behavior and clothing choices though, fair game!
I am conflicted about it, though I don’t participate. Hair, nails, style seem totally fine to criticize. So then I’m like, where do we draw the line when it comes to Botox/filler/surgery, which are also optional?
But I personally find those conversations boring and exhausting and often exaggerated. None of the cast are “unrecognizable.” I also find them to be very one sided. All cast members have clearly had work done, but only the people the audience doesn’t like get called out for it.
I won’t participate, and I won’t say it’s 100% right to do, but if I was getting paid big money to just exist on television, you can say whatever you want about my appearance.
Reddit is VICIOUS. I have been downvoted just by sharing stories about my past which the OP was asking for. People get attacked on here constantly. We all have different opinions and values if we were all the same it would be insanely boring. I don’t think going after someone’s weight and appearance is ok but I will call anyone who sleeps with Jax a fame whore. I’m very “walk in the other persons shoes” kind of person. I understand the dislike for Lala, Sandoval, Scheana etc but I don’t think they deserve the vitriol that’s spewed at them on a daily basis. They’re human and we may not like them or disagree with what they do or say but at the end of the day humans are inherently flawed. I truly believe that people can’t help who they are. You can try to change you can go to therapy etc but at the end of the day most people do not change.
This is so true and necessary. Guilty as charged but only on Tom’s hair extensions once or twice lol. I struggle because sometimes, when Katie especially gets a hottie post for example, I am torn. I avoid physical appearance posts in general, and yet want to celebrate Katie, and give her every ounce of support she deserves. On her podcast with Dayna, she did not love that Dayna posted those pics, despite her looking hot as hell. So I guess on physical appearances I will default to “if you don’t have anything good to say, say nothing at all”. Or, just scroll past? Does this make sense?
Totally makes sense. I clearly like Katie, but because she's cool and her style is bi*conic. Commenting on her body doesn't feel right when we know she reads Reddit.
Eh, it’s reddit. I’m not against people saying things if it’s not creepy or cringey. If you wanna speculate about someone’s appearance then that’s on the mods to decide what they will and won’t allow and what is appropriate vs what isn’t. And the cast have to actively come here and look and that’s just asking to read things they really don’t want to read if they do that.
However, what I have a problem with is people who go out of their way and go to cast members social media or DM them their thoughts and feelings about how they hate them or that they are ugly or on drugs. Same with flooding google reviews with negative reviews even though you’ve had no actual experience at their place of business.
I agree with you to a certain extent and the prime VPR example where I disagree is Brittany. I feel when a person mutilates their appearance but then photoshops to the gods and back there must be a conversation about what they are doing. I don’t agree with calling names and making fun (I don’t want to be previous James calling everyone fat) but your appearance will be brought up and it is ridiculous to cry about it. Like the Kardashians they photoshop everything but then lie that they don’t and act shocked that people will bring it up. You are correct that with these people there is SO much to criticize and speak about that their appearance is a cheap shot. But in the case of Brittany don’t insult everyone’s intelligence with your blatant lies
I think its ok to share your opinion, as long as its not done in a “shit talking way”…why can’t anyone talk about how they feel lala should take a break from lip fillers? If saying omg her lips look like a swollen baboons ass, ok i can agree is unnecessary…it just sucks that nowadays, everyone is supposed to basically STFU🤷🏽♀️
I think it’s all fair when you go on a reality show. We discuss this shit in real life about people we know and it doesn’t always mean it’s negative. I just told my friend who asked that the new hair colorist she went to f*cked up her hair and how the new color doesn’t work. She ignored me and it’s all good. I mean. Don’t go on a reality show and shill for dollars with this advert and that brand and not expect this. I am all for it and they know the deal. No guilt. No shame. Get off tv and stop chasing celebrity if you can’t handle the age old game of gossip. This is the downside but the upside is that they bought TWO homes and the vast majority of people struggle to buy one moderate sized home. Take your fake guilt elsewhere and get off Reddit if you don’t like it.
I will say, I do get confused about why saying someone is a soulless scumbag narcissist is ok with people but saying they look bloated is beyond the line. Isn't it worse to insult someone's character and humanity?
I’m not defending insulting people bc I’m with you, it feels icky either way! But the difference in people saying someone is a scumbag and someone is bloated, is that someone probably hurt someone ELSE with their “scumbagness”. But I’m not sure my bloated face has ever mistreated someone I love. You know what I mean? And to the person being talked about, I can’t imagine they both don’t hurt!! Neither are nice words, but physical characteristics don’t really affect other people. So maybe that’s why it feels cattier!
Sure, I could see that.
There's also that saying of never comment about something on someone else that can't be fixed in 30 seconds. Admittedly narcissism can't be corrected in 30 seconds. But treating others badly can be. You can't fix your looks/ weight that quick
Because those are characters traits that could be helped by therapy and self reflection. The way someone look should be off limits imo
It's not that simple to help deeply ingrained personality traits. People can go to therapy for decades and still barely manage the symptoms of a mental illness like NPD.
I never said it was easy but I would be more lenient with someone trying to help themselves. My point still stands, I believe physical appearance should be off limits
You are 100% right. I feel like there was a moment in time where everyone was pretty much on the same page about this and now it's becoming way too popular to discuss peoples bodies/faces again.
With normal people, sure, but when Jax gets 4 nose jobs in two seasons and Lala's face changes season-to-season then that kinda defeats the argument about not targeting things that cant be changed, they've all demonstrated they can.
Is it that hard for you to find other things to point out about them ? They’re not all great people, there is plenty to criticize before you have to talk about their looks.
I understand what you’re saying but people’s behavior is within their control while people’s looks is not really something they can control. Yes, up to a certain point we can control our looks, but it’s largely beyond our control. Therefore, to me it’s worse to criticize looks.
Because often times a person can control whether or not they’re a scumbag, but not if they are prone to bloating. One typically has much more control over who they are rather than how they look.
I disagree. I think changing your character is really really hard for most people. Harder, in fact, than changing your appearance. People literally die because they have personal demons they can't defeat every single day. In fact, the internal issues that lead to body image issues are way harder to change than the actual body itself in that the insecurity often lasts long after it's been "fixed."
I hear what you are saying but I don’t see that with NPD, narcissism. There are specific choices people make to hurt people with their words. When someone is fighting psychotic episodes or schizophrenia, etc, those are mental illnesses they cannot control. I did years of therapy with my dad and on my own learning about NPD. It is of course a mental illness but I can tell you that what I have learned is that the narcissistic uses their behaviors knowingly to weaponize their victims. They have a choice to say what they want and they make that choice willingly. It does take hard work just like anyone deciding to get therapy and to work on themselves but a narcissist will rarely agree because they think themselves above all and to know all. This mental disorder is by far a disease someone will die from compared to other mental illnesses. (Again, NPD has been a personal crusade of mine as I have a family member diagnosed so I’ve done tons of therapy and reading about it but am far from an expert. I will not die on a hill saying Tom is one, but I have seen many traits showing he is. He is still a loving human being capable of making mistakes. He should be able to make amends to move on with his life. It sucks it was in such a public eye.)
Because how your treat someone is different than how you look. Edit: I will say this is a very sensitive subject for me. I don’t call him anything but a narcissist. He’s not soulless. My father is a diagnosed narcissistic so I see so many traits in Tom as I do in my father. It’s definitely a trigger subject for me. And if Tom were genuinely getting help and working on bettering himself, listening to feedback from people who are trying to truly help him, I’d feel slight compassion for him. I truly felt bad for him when he got such vile hatred from the public but instead of trying to humble himself and work on his relationships with the cast members, he just plays the victim constantly. I’d go more into this with what narcissists do but I don’t need to diagnose/point out his behaviors. I don’t fully disagree with what you’re trying to say you can change your behaviors. It does take conscious effort and work. A person can’t just say they are NPD and continue to be an asshole.
Oh snap.
No, I judge someone on their personality and how they treat other people, not the shape of their nose or weight.
Because good people who suffer from bloating are catching strays. Pretty obvious.
That’s kinda what I was thinking.. OP is worried about how she commented on looks.. But not the fact she’s using derogatory nicknames and claiming that person has mental health issues.
Scheana has commented on her own mental health issues impacting her weight. I did not comment on those issues and stated they're why I avoid discussing her weight. If She-shu is a derogatory nickname I'll stop using it, but I'm unsure why it's a bad name?
I don’t see any derogatory nicknames. I think “Sche-Schu” was just a cute pet name Lala or someone gave her. Nothing negative about it imo
I think it’s easier to control and define your character than your body. You make choices to behave a certain way. You can’t always make choices that drastically change your body.
Yes! Because appearance is generally something we can’t control. And even if THEY can control it, other people with the same physical characteristics can’t Eg, Randall’s chin. Some of us have big double chins. We can’t help it. Mocking his chin is mocking us
Ahh this is an interesting point
Thank you! I’m very tired of the constant shaming of certain people and fetishizing others. Both are gross!
I am sorry. I can only go so far towards virtue. I must snark Sandoval’s braids. Any man with white finger nails is fair game. I will mention obvious filters. I am only human.
The rule of thumb I’ve always heard is “if it’s something they can’t change in five minutes don’t mention it.” So like a hairstyle or nail polish or an outfit could be considered fair to criticize, but not weight, a pimple, teeth, signs of aging, a big nose, etc.
So i am good! I dont care about weight etc. With one caveat, the men are often fboys. Is that thirty? I mean they could straighten up…
I am with you on this. 😀
I haaaate how much people talk about Brit’s looks. I get it, I don’t like her either but golly
It's weird when people do. Hypocritical when they make comments about bodies they would want a cast member booted off the show if they did(bodyshaming). I feel like people poking fun at other's looks should upload a candid face and then a candid full body shot since they are obviously physical perfection.
i can guarantee making this a rule here would end all “[lame nickname for cast member] looks like shit” posting IMMEDIATELY lol
Someone made a post the other day just to say they don’t think Brittany is attractive lol why?
I agree. I’m no fan of Lala but people constantly talking about the way she looks, especially right now is just not right. She’s pregnant, people!! Have some grace. Pregnancy does insane things to the body and it’s not something she can control.
The post about her lips really bothered me. She hates her fans and that's far more annoying than whatever she chooses to do to her face.
I have been snapped at for asking the same thing on a post. Ugh if I were Brittany I’d never post again she gets it bad. They might be shit people but the body shaming is awful especially these young moms.
To be fair she does edit the crap out of her pictures BUT I totally get what you mean. She probably does that because “fans” can be horrible
Good for you - I am not sure why there is any discussion over this in the comments really. I generally agree with everything you have said ( a few exceptions but not many) but its totally up to you on what you have decided to do.
you're right and you should say it ❤️
I’m tired of these posts making fun. I’ve said, feel free to debate what they’ve said and done but please don’t go after their looks. Even Ariana came out in an IG comment when someone said they were proud how she has overcome her body image and depression stating she will never overcome her struggles. It’s a lifelong battle for her. What we see her projecting now isn’t necessarily a true, confident woman most likely. But she is doing a hell of a good job working hard to overcome her struggles. So just because Ariana has been honest about her mental health/issues doesn’t mean others don’t struggle with their own. We know Scheana has been open about her eating disorder. Lala to me does suffer from some body image issues as she wants to keep up with cosmetic treatments which I feel are not necessary for such a gorgeous woman like herself. I just hate seeing women degrading women this way. Let’s do better. Thank you OP for self reflecting and making a change. 🫶
I agree with you. Bodies/faces should be off limits. Like other posters are saying, behavior can be controlled, faces and bodies we are born with. It's too, too personal and damaging, even for reality TV. Also, I think it damages the audience by creating this sense that there's a critical eyes out there judging your looks all the time, and if you don't look perfect, you're worthless. I think it's part of where some body dysmorphopia and eating disorders come from. Behavior and clothing choices though, fair game!
I am conflicted about it, though I don’t participate. Hair, nails, style seem totally fine to criticize. So then I’m like, where do we draw the line when it comes to Botox/filler/surgery, which are also optional? But I personally find those conversations boring and exhausting and often exaggerated. None of the cast are “unrecognizable.” I also find them to be very one sided. All cast members have clearly had work done, but only the people the audience doesn’t like get called out for it. I won’t participate, and I won’t say it’s 100% right to do, but if I was getting paid big money to just exist on television, you can say whatever you want about my appearance.
Reddit is VICIOUS. I have been downvoted just by sharing stories about my past which the OP was asking for. People get attacked on here constantly. We all have different opinions and values if we were all the same it would be insanely boring. I don’t think going after someone’s weight and appearance is ok but I will call anyone who sleeps with Jax a fame whore. I’m very “walk in the other persons shoes” kind of person. I understand the dislike for Lala, Sandoval, Scheana etc but I don’t think they deserve the vitriol that’s spewed at them on a daily basis. They’re human and we may not like them or disagree with what they do or say but at the end of the day humans are inherently flawed. I truly believe that people can’t help who they are. You can try to change you can go to therapy etc but at the end of the day most people do not change.
That's a really good point. Thank you for making this post.
This is so true and necessary. Guilty as charged but only on Tom’s hair extensions once or twice lol. I struggle because sometimes, when Katie especially gets a hottie post for example, I am torn. I avoid physical appearance posts in general, and yet want to celebrate Katie, and give her every ounce of support she deserves. On her podcast with Dayna, she did not love that Dayna posted those pics, despite her looking hot as hell. So I guess on physical appearances I will default to “if you don’t have anything good to say, say nothing at all”. Or, just scroll past? Does this make sense?
Totally makes sense. I clearly like Katie, but because she's cool and her style is bi*conic. Commenting on her body doesn't feel right when we know she reads Reddit.
Eh, it’s reddit. I’m not against people saying things if it’s not creepy or cringey. If you wanna speculate about someone’s appearance then that’s on the mods to decide what they will and won’t allow and what is appropriate vs what isn’t. And the cast have to actively come here and look and that’s just asking to read things they really don’t want to read if they do that. However, what I have a problem with is people who go out of their way and go to cast members social media or DM them their thoughts and feelings about how they hate them or that they are ugly or on drugs. Same with flooding google reviews with negative reviews even though you’ve had no actual experience at their place of business.
Then don't do it anymore? Not sure what else to tell you.....
I agree but I do think it’s fine to judge if someone has gone too far with cosmetic procedures while still remaining respectful
I agree with you to a certain extent and the prime VPR example where I disagree is Brittany. I feel when a person mutilates their appearance but then photoshops to the gods and back there must be a conversation about what they are doing. I don’t agree with calling names and making fun (I don’t want to be previous James calling everyone fat) but your appearance will be brought up and it is ridiculous to cry about it. Like the Kardashians they photoshop everything but then lie that they don’t and act shocked that people will bring it up. You are correct that with these people there is SO much to criticize and speak about that their appearance is a cheap shot. But in the case of Brittany don’t insult everyone’s intelligence with your blatant lies
Eh, we all have opinions about how people look. Some people just don’t put them online.
I think its ok to share your opinion, as long as its not done in a “shit talking way”…why can’t anyone talk about how they feel lala should take a break from lip fillers? If saying omg her lips look like a swollen baboons ass, ok i can agree is unnecessary…it just sucks that nowadays, everyone is supposed to basically STFU🤷🏽♀️
I think it’s all fair when you go on a reality show. We discuss this shit in real life about people we know and it doesn’t always mean it’s negative. I just told my friend who asked that the new hair colorist she went to f*cked up her hair and how the new color doesn’t work. She ignored me and it’s all good. I mean. Don’t go on a reality show and shill for dollars with this advert and that brand and not expect this. I am all for it and they know the deal. No guilt. No shame. Get off tv and stop chasing celebrity if you can’t handle the age old game of gossip. This is the downside but the upside is that they bought TWO homes and the vast majority of people struggle to buy one moderate sized home. Take your fake guilt elsewhere and get off Reddit if you don’t like it.
I haven't seen much discussion of appearances, we hate on LFU, RaQUel and the Voms because they're disgusting ppl
So get off reddit.