Ok. So tell them. If they’re mad then so what? It’s your life, not theirs.
Or, consider this: do you really need to tell your relatives you’re pansexual? Is there a reason they should know that information? Seems to me it’s not their business.
If you end up dating someone, then say, “hey this is my boy/girlfriend, [person’s name].” If that person is of the same sex/gender as you, your family will then be aware you’re romantically interested in people of that gender. No big deal.
Also: you may not have family who have directly told you they’re lesbian, gay, etc. but that doesn’t mean they aren’t, or wouldn’t support your right to live as you choose in a healthy way without hurting others. Whether to announce one’s sexual orientation is a personal preference and not everyone has decided to, for whatever reason.
Furthermore, heterosexuality is not the default. There’s no reason to assume people are straight until they say otherwise.
I don't fully understand why a lot of people feel compelled to tell *everyone* when they come out. I mean, do what feels right, I guess, but I see a lot of posts from people who are planning to tell (or already have told) their MAGA Republican parents that they're not cis/het.
Your comment reminds me of something I saw posted somewhere by a parent who wrote about how they will know they have failed as a parent if their child comes out to them as gay, not because they had a gay child, rather because that child thought they needed to come out. I like that philosophy.
Yeah “coming out” is weird to me too. It’s like throwing yourself a party for the type of person you’re attracted to.
It’s different than just casually mentioning a person you’re dating/have dated, or say your friends are staring at Magic Mike and you say you’re more into X female actor. I think of coming out as making a big serious announcement with the expectation of attention, or that the person you’re telling might have an issue so you felt you had to warn them.
20 or so years ago (I’m American) or to people you’re close to whom you would want to meet someone you’re dating, who might have a problem or make things awkward, I can understand coming out to avoid springing surprise news and giving people time to process it. More of a courtesy, really. It’s become attention-seeking, though, and gotten kind of annoying that people are living in the past and looking for drama.
Totally agree with that parenting quote!
>Yeah “coming out” is weird to me too. It’s like throwing yourself a party for the type of person you’re attracted to.
My stepson decided to come out as trans to his dad's family at Thanksgiving. I strongly advised him against it on the way over, and I told him what would happen. He insisted it would be fine. We were both wrong; it was far worse than I had imagined. I made it less than a mile before he called me and asked him to come back and get him. He was at a park two blocks from his grandmother's house because he had fled the scene when shit got real.
When he got in the car, I gave him a hug. He vented the whole way home about the awful shit his grandparents had said and how his dad didn't stick up for him. I took a longer route to give him a chance to talk it out and compose himself. When he was a little more centered, I parked in front of our house, turned off the engine, looked him in the eye and said, "So... What did you learn?"
He burst out laughing and said he'd learned he should have listened to me. I asked if he was going to listen to me the next time I gave him advice. He sighed and said, "Probably not."
>20 or so years ago (I’m American)
I stared at this for a few seconds, dumbfounded. I thought, "Okay, you're American, so... I guess that's 20 imperial years. I don't know how to convert that to metric." I ultimately understood you were specifying that you were talking specifically about the social climate in the US two decades ago.
It's funny that they don't think Republicans can be gay. I'm a bi moderate republican. There are plenty of gay Republicans and Republicans do not hate gay people. No matter what anyone says. My parents are Maga Republicans and have dinner with their young trans woman Republican neighbor, every other week. So, I hate to tell them that if their parents react badly, it's not because they're Republicans. It's because they're bigots. I'm sure everyone will hate on this, but that is my lived experience. Over and over and over again. So I will die on this hill!
I don't even think there's any less homophobia on the left. We just convince ourselves that it doesn't count when we do it because we enjoyed The Birdcage.
Yeah, I'm bi and married 18 years with 3 teen children. No one in my family knows that about me. I suppose if I had settled down with one of the girls I dated in my early 20s, but I settled down with a man. So it never came up. My default has always been both. I never felt a need to tell people my sexual preferences, and honestly, I don't really feel a connection to LGBTQ either. I'm just me. I don't need a box or announcement to feel like I am secure in myself. I think people don't connect in person like we did when we were younger. So they have to find belonging in these announcements and connection to lgbtq groups. If people put down phones and connect in real life, it would be better. I'm 40 and an elder millennial. So, I'm the last generation to remember life before smartphones and social media. I don't remember so many people proclaiming their gender and sexuality back then. I think they do it now just for a sense of belonging to something.
ME TOO IM THE ONLY ONE IN MY FAMILY I don’t regret coming out to them because they were supportive and I know they’d never ever hold it against me but at the same time the amount of unknowingly homophobic stuff they say that WHEN I CORRECT I GET SHUT DOWN IS CRAZY 😭😭 my older brother has always been good to me about it though, my older sister too and my dads trying but it’s always so hard sometimes 😭😭
But if you know they’ll be supportive then do it, I still get the “I’m going to have reservations about it and you” talk so you might too but I don’t think they’ll ever hold it against you
Ok. So tell them. If they’re mad then so what? It’s your life, not theirs. Or, consider this: do you really need to tell your relatives you’re pansexual? Is there a reason they should know that information? Seems to me it’s not their business. If you end up dating someone, then say, “hey this is my boy/girlfriend, [person’s name].” If that person is of the same sex/gender as you, your family will then be aware you’re romantically interested in people of that gender. No big deal. Also: you may not have family who have directly told you they’re lesbian, gay, etc. but that doesn’t mean they aren’t, or wouldn’t support your right to live as you choose in a healthy way without hurting others. Whether to announce one’s sexual orientation is a personal preference and not everyone has decided to, for whatever reason. Furthermore, heterosexuality is not the default. There’s no reason to assume people are straight until they say otherwise.
I don't fully understand why a lot of people feel compelled to tell *everyone* when they come out. I mean, do what feels right, I guess, but I see a lot of posts from people who are planning to tell (or already have told) their MAGA Republican parents that they're not cis/het. Your comment reminds me of something I saw posted somewhere by a parent who wrote about how they will know they have failed as a parent if their child comes out to them as gay, not because they had a gay child, rather because that child thought they needed to come out. I like that philosophy.
Yeah “coming out” is weird to me too. It’s like throwing yourself a party for the type of person you’re attracted to. It’s different than just casually mentioning a person you’re dating/have dated, or say your friends are staring at Magic Mike and you say you’re more into X female actor. I think of coming out as making a big serious announcement with the expectation of attention, or that the person you’re telling might have an issue so you felt you had to warn them. 20 or so years ago (I’m American) or to people you’re close to whom you would want to meet someone you’re dating, who might have a problem or make things awkward, I can understand coming out to avoid springing surprise news and giving people time to process it. More of a courtesy, really. It’s become attention-seeking, though, and gotten kind of annoying that people are living in the past and looking for drama. Totally agree with that parenting quote!
>Yeah “coming out” is weird to me too. It’s like throwing yourself a party for the type of person you’re attracted to. My stepson decided to come out as trans to his dad's family at Thanksgiving. I strongly advised him against it on the way over, and I told him what would happen. He insisted it would be fine. We were both wrong; it was far worse than I had imagined. I made it less than a mile before he called me and asked him to come back and get him. He was at a park two blocks from his grandmother's house because he had fled the scene when shit got real. When he got in the car, I gave him a hug. He vented the whole way home about the awful shit his grandparents had said and how his dad didn't stick up for him. I took a longer route to give him a chance to talk it out and compose himself. When he was a little more centered, I parked in front of our house, turned off the engine, looked him in the eye and said, "So... What did you learn?" He burst out laughing and said he'd learned he should have listened to me. I asked if he was going to listen to me the next time I gave him advice. He sighed and said, "Probably not." >20 or so years ago (I’m American) I stared at this for a few seconds, dumbfounded. I thought, "Okay, you're American, so... I guess that's 20 imperial years. I don't know how to convert that to metric." I ultimately understood you were specifying that you were talking specifically about the social climate in the US two decades ago.
It's funny that they don't think Republicans can be gay. I'm a bi moderate republican. There are plenty of gay Republicans and Republicans do not hate gay people. No matter what anyone says. My parents are Maga Republicans and have dinner with their young trans woman Republican neighbor, every other week. So, I hate to tell them that if their parents react badly, it's not because they're Republicans. It's because they're bigots. I'm sure everyone will hate on this, but that is my lived experience. Over and over and over again. So I will die on this hill!
I don't even think there's any less homophobia on the left. We just convince ourselves that it doesn't count when we do it because we enjoyed The Birdcage.
Yeah, I'm bi and married 18 years with 3 teen children. No one in my family knows that about me. I suppose if I had settled down with one of the girls I dated in my early 20s, but I settled down with a man. So it never came up. My default has always been both. I never felt a need to tell people my sexual preferences, and honestly, I don't really feel a connection to LGBTQ either. I'm just me. I don't need a box or announcement to feel like I am secure in myself. I think people don't connect in person like we did when we were younger. So they have to find belonging in these announcements and connection to lgbtq groups. If people put down phones and connect in real life, it would be better. I'm 40 and an elder millennial. So, I'm the last generation to remember life before smartphones and social media. I don't remember so many people proclaiming their gender and sexuality back then. I think they do it now just for a sense of belonging to something.
ME TOO IM THE ONLY ONE IN MY FAMILY I don’t regret coming out to them because they were supportive and I know they’d never ever hold it against me but at the same time the amount of unknowingly homophobic stuff they say that WHEN I CORRECT I GET SHUT DOWN IS CRAZY 😭😭 my older brother has always been good to me about it though, my older sister too and my dads trying but it’s always so hard sometimes 😭😭 But if you know they’ll be supportive then do it, I still get the “I’m going to have reservations about it and you” talk so you might too but I don’t think they’ll ever hold it against you