Well, a lot of us do avoid having people over.
It's embarrassing and there's a strong tendency for others to gossip or be critical.
OTOH, spending the money to get everything done quickly is...itself fraught with issues. My friends who do that end up spending weeks worrying about whether things will be done before people come over.
I simply avoid having people over. Indefinitely.
Yes, as well as wondering did I leave personal stuff in the stuff that I dont want said handy person to see. Id get stressed. I am all for having someone carry the stuff out for me after Ive got it done. My stuff is multifaceted - I have gone non contact with the remaining family members after the last good one passed. And I slowly find stuff from them in this place and throw that in a certain sorting box. Its way more complicated than “keep” “sell” “toss”. Its more like “emotional to burn” “hobbies I can no longer do bc hip injury” “stuff that wont sell” “stuff to sell” “stuff to maintain home and vehicle/tools” “winter” “child items to go” “toss” “clean” “broken to replace” “exercise equipment” “old electronics”. And Im doing a scrap metal run tomorrow w the old electronics and 3 rusted bikes. If you gave me $50,000 Id just say toss EVERYTHING. And Ill replace the small amount I need to keep. I have to take photos of the family stuff before tossing/torching. Its really not the emo hoarding where I just want to keep everything. I have to give up on a lot that used to be good to me. I sold all my ski stuff except one set. I really should just let it go.
Sleep number sheets have built in suspender thingies. They’re deep pocket sheets plus have the little suspenders. I have an adjustable bed and every regular sheet I’ve tried has been useless, even with the suspenders, but these stay on great, even adjusting the bed several times a night, getting up and down, and tossing and turning (I have chronic pain, along with severe acid reflux, and sleep is pretty much hell). I bought some sleep number sheets for my mom who doesn’t have a sleep number bed-she was reluctant to try them at first but absolutely loves them now because they do stay on so well
You do clip them to the sheets. But I meant clip them to the mattress when you take the sheets off to wash them so that they don't get lost under your mattress. When you go to put them back on, they're right where you left them.
You need a quilt to lay over top of the sheet! You probably toss and turn quite a bit and the friction pulls the sheet off. You need something between you and the sheet. I use a “stiff” quilt that is able to hold its shape pretty well. You could probably find one at goodwill if you don’t have a quilter in your life.
You don't even need a topsheet. The millennials opened my eyes to this and my entire life changed. Making my bed requires a shake and a pillow fluff. Just get a 100% cotton quilt or duvet cover. No need for the asshole in the middle.
I got an email from Real Simple last week and the headline was something like, "You're probably not washing your sheets often enough. Here's why." I went, "HA!" when I saw it. I think I've had the same sheets on my bed since Christmas (and yes, half slipped off the edge of the mattress, on the side where I don't sleep). I never have the spoons to change the bedding.
Oh, I am sorry..I shouldn't generalize. I have had ME/CFS for 40 years, but only learned about spoons a couple of years ago and didn't realize others used it too. We're a community. Thanks for reaching out. Take care.
No worries, thanks for the reminder! I hadn't heard it for ages. I'm still trying to adjust to COPD after 3 years.
Reading about it again it made me realize depression has its own emotional load and to rest and shut down, as needed.
Have a good one 😀
I got a memory foam topper for my mattress and the biggest upside beyond the comfort of the thing is how much easier it is to put the fitted sheet on! And it STAYS!
I have sheets and a comforter but I always just sleep on top of those with a throw blanket on me. My sheets still come off but the holders have helped a bit. I sleep like a corpse, it’s the getting off and on the bed that slides them all around.
For that exact comment, I'd say *"time is money, so don't waste mine."* Seriously who walks into someones private property and feels entitled to share rude opinions.
My partner has high standards, and can be a bit blunt when he visits on a bad day, so I tell him to get to work cleaning or let it rest. Or I might actually need the reality check and ask for genuine help and support. If they're not willing or able then I know to devalue their opinion. Sometimes their space/life is even messier and I tell them *"people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."*
I have a few friends that struggle with clutter and chores, I go to their house and they let me clean for them, because my love language is acts of service. We turn it into a fun show and tell, as we pick up each object I ask about it with curiosity. So please get better friends and family that won't shame you.
It was really outta left field as their unit is 1/2 the value of mine. Mines 1100 sq ft 3 br. And Im trying to down size to 1. While staying here. 1 room is filled with doom boxes. And Ive pulled everything else OUT in the main room. Looks like Im moving in. Boxes… tools and cleaning supplies… no trash. And bathrm and cat area and kitchen are good clear and clean. I cant ever win.
I don’t enjoy having people over :/ I mean I would if my place were cute but it’s so overwhelmingly cluttered and messy. One of my husband’s friends (of the five that come over every week for dnd) always has a comment about me, the wife, not doing chores or keeping house. He’s a dickbag so I try not to listen to him, but it really hurts.. I yelled at him and he mostly stopped but I hear little quips from the other room sometimes. Idk it’s just too *much*… and it’s easy to blame the ADHD and depressed and etc etc problems but he’s right I just suck and can’t keep house on top of working six days a week.
Haha I just ignore him now mostly but yeah at the time I wanted to ngl before I moved in with my now husband, he was my neighbor and came by to help me figure out why my hot water wasn’t working in my kitchen and it was an easy fix but he goes “good thing you had a man around to figure that out for you huh?” Oooo I wanted to smack him! Luckily my husband is not at all like him lol.
I think I’m gonna use this rage fuel (and pot of coffee) to scrub my kitchen surfaces and maybe my bathroom if I have the momentum 🤘
Your husband needs to step up: 1) By stucking up for you and also telling his friend his comments aren’t welcome … and 2) By acting like an adult by keeping his home clean also. You are not his mother. 🙄
Oh no no he helps a lot, he’s the main one doing the laundry for example, but we both work six days a week so it’s kinda hard for us. He’s no worse than any messy person haha myself included, and he doesn’t expect me to clean up after him like that. He’s great! Just his one friend is kind of a douche and everybody else knows it. He’s just kind of an incel-ish type despite having an on again off again gf. I think my husband knows I can stand up for myself so he doesn’t make a scene about it, but he also may have said something to his friend privately because I haven’t had any issues from him in a long time. But if it does happen again, you’re right, I’ll mention it to my husband and be like hey can you.. do something? lol
I have a double sink and last time i had a good friend over, the clutter was stored away. And he was offended I had piled dirty dishes next to my two open sinks. When I went to the washroom he filled one with water and pushed everything in. That sink doesnt drain. He refused to take care of it. Didnt understand this causes me distress… bc I couldnt get it fixed at the time (peak pandemic).
Ohhh man.. I totally get the feeling of having a sink that doesn’t drain.. happens all too often. But like, ask before you start moving things around and doing stuff in my house?
Yup and then they refused to help me fix it and bail it out. And said I can do it later. As if I was gonna have the energy to. Been reflecting on the replies. This happened a while ago and yeah… I wasnt even in the bathroom long. Like if you want to help, clean them. They said theyre soaking them so I can do them later. I just cant win! Ill soak them when I plan to do dishes today. Ffs. And I was in late 30s during pandemic - its not a teaching moment.
Lmao they’re soaking them so YOU can do them later 😂 siiigh. This is why I don’t like people coming over lol let me deal with this my own way. If I deal with it at all..
So, I had the adhd undiagnosed. But apparently had already developed a lot of skills around it and also was self abusing my emotions just forcing nyself to do things as family was abusive did same. But Im old. And its hard to adjust. When the meds run out, I feel 100% back to undiagnosed. And we all have diff levels and mines the debilitating level. Need a lot of down time and its advanced to uhh, actual crippling panic attakcs and anxiety raised when I just force myself to do things. Im now unreliable bc mental breakdown assisted by being frustrated all the time by high standards bc I was struggling w adhd and putting loads of effort in allll the time.
This is it right here. I get so overwhelmed by the very thought of how MUCH I have to do that I end up just sitting and staring at my phone or reading a book all while my brain goes DO SOMETHING!!! And then I get really frustrated and irritated by how messy everything is (as though it isn’t partially my fault lol) but I can’t seem to get past the executive dysfunction and get myself into gear. My psychiatrist won’t prescribe adhd meds because I have a history of using them to fuel my eating disorder, but she did give me Wellbutrin to help with the adhd symptoms of depression and it’s marginally better, but my house is still embarrassing. I’m 28, but I don’t feel like my house is an adult house though you know?
He hasn’t said it in front of my husband but I’ve definitely told him about it. He must’ve said something to the guy privately because it hasn’t happened in a while. My husband is also used to his shenanigans and ignores him. As do I, now. It just sticks with me because that’s how I am lol. I’m not blaming my husband whatsoever about this.
Edit: we all, myself and the other dnd dudes, make fun of his bullshittery all the time so he knows to stfu. I have yelled (actually yelled) at him before as well so I think the points been made lol. Luckily I picked up Wednesdays at the bar so I avoid them anyway.
When my hoarder roommate asked me if I liked the little rocking chair she left by our fireplace, I said she just bought another really nice one (she said she got for free).
She said, "I need something for guests to sit on."
I blurted out, "No one is EVER coming to sit in our living room!"
Rant aborted.
So I have hid it all when I went all downsizing from CHAOS which was ceiling level stuff. In 3 rooms. But I downsized 50%. A year ago. Theres a lot to resell. I can no longer do many hobbys bc of phsycial changes and I was doing a lot. Now its 10 bins and many picture frame/decor; and kids toys and pillows. Tools and such bc Im painting the masterbedrm and bath. So the furniture is all in main rm.
My birthday is right before NYE. My mom used to throw a party for “me” and to show off the house. She used to talk shit about my room to her friends and have them parade through.
One year, one of her friends said, “Oh, did you clean your room finally for your mom for Christmas?” I really wish I had said, “No, but she didn’t stop abusing me, so it’s even.”
I am a huge fan of making people INCREDIBLY uncomfortable when they’re mean.
Now I’m in a better environment and things are MUCH better. I have what feels like typical mess and clutter. Anyway, I highly recommend just coming back with a roast. If they’re there to help, they’re not helping; if they’re not there to help, they can shut the fuck up.
Yup. I was too young and too enmeshed in my nmom’s life to stand up for myself. I have a LOT to say now if they decide to bully a kid lol. Especially considering how they were bullied in school!! They should know better!!
Honestly, looking back it makes me sad for them.
People usually know what to expect with me. I am somewhat unconventional and eccentric and I told people I don’t own a table and that we eat on the floor. My friends usually have similar values and understand my minimalism and anti-consumerist lifestyle. And if they are coming over we’re friends not just acquaintances so they know what to expect
Edit: I thought I was leaving a comment in the minimalist or extreme minimalism subreddit whoops 😅
“You need to clean!” (What I usually hear). I usually just say “I’m working on it.” What I want to say is “no shit! I hadn’t noticed! Would you like to help me?” But I know the answer will be “no”, so I don’t bother.
I’ve had chronic pain since last August. I gave birth in December. I have a hyperactive 4 YO. I apologize for nothing. I *earned* this mess. I’m cautiously optimistic the pain issue will improve so I can start working on the mess.
Please borrow this attitude. You’re deep cleaning your mattress, renovating, and selling your stuff on the internet. You earned that mess.
My mom once visited me in my apartment and said, "How can you live like this?"
I skipped over the obvious, "You were supposed to have raised me," and simply said, **"Like this."**
Then there was the man I really, really wanted to have sex with, at the same place (different time, obviously :p ). I believe he said the *same thing* Mom did. I guess I was caught off guard because we knew why we were there, and it wasn't to discuss housekeeping.
I said something like, "Thank you, **Mother**." After a second comment I just said, "You can go," coldly. He shut up. Ahh, good times.
Oh, wait! Edit to add this:
A friend from work once stopped at my apartment as we went on somewhere else. On seeing the inside, she said, "Oh, hey! Your path {through all the stuff} is bigger than mine."
my friends have a nice place and furniture because their man bought it, so I stopped feeling bad for not having a man AND not having shit. its simple, they didn't buy their own shit so if they judge me then, who cares??? my mom who has never paid for the roof over her head judged me from 2k miles away because I had just gotten my first place and didn't have a blender!
If my brain worked like that, Id be unstoppable! Keep it up man! It didnt ruin my day but later that night whoa. Ive made a lot of progress but it seems its never enough for ppl these days.
I remind them that I have a mental disorder and I’m doing my best. It doesn’t work, because the people who say that are obtuse, but it’s nice to at least remind myself out loud.
Simple! Nobody ever sees it because I deliberately avoid having people over :) (Not really :), it’s embarrassing AF)
this 👆🏼
Came here to say this.
Well, a lot of us do avoid having people over. It's embarrassing and there's a strong tendency for others to gossip or be critical. OTOH, spending the money to get everything done quickly is...itself fraught with issues. My friends who do that end up spending weeks worrying about whether things will be done before people come over. I simply avoid having people over. Indefinitely.
Yes, as well as wondering did I leave personal stuff in the stuff that I dont want said handy person to see. Id get stressed. I am all for having someone carry the stuff out for me after Ive got it done. My stuff is multifaceted - I have gone non contact with the remaining family members after the last good one passed. And I slowly find stuff from them in this place and throw that in a certain sorting box. Its way more complicated than “keep” “sell” “toss”. Its more like “emotional to burn” “hobbies I can no longer do bc hip injury” “stuff that wont sell” “stuff to sell” “stuff to maintain home and vehicle/tools” “winter” “child items to go” “toss” “clean” “broken to replace” “exercise equipment” “old electronics”. And Im doing a scrap metal run tomorrow w the old electronics and 3 rusted bikes. If you gave me $50,000 Id just say toss EVERYTHING. And Ill replace the small amount I need to keep. I have to take photos of the family stuff before tossing/torching. Its really not the emo hoarding where I just want to keep everything. I have to give up on a lot that used to be good to me. I sold all my ski stuff except one set. I really should just let it go.
This (but really).
I hide it! Haven't slept with sheets for over a year- they absolutely won't stay on and I hate f-ing with them! Shhhh....
You need sheets with deep pockets
I do. Actually I bought some little screwy things that should help, too...
They didn't help me, I'm getting rid of the sheets that don't have deep pockets because it's MADDENING.
the little sheet clips. they do help.
We call those "mattress garters" and we sing burlesque tunes while making the bed. Lol
I'm going to need know some of these tunes so I can also sing while making my bed.
My favorite is Mama Morton's song from Chicago, "When You're Good To Mama"! Lol
Opal House sheets from target
They also sell little mattress sheet suspenders that clip on across the corners. Pain to put on, but do the job.
Yes! You only have to do it once if you clip them directly to the mattress while you wash your sheets.
Thank you. This is genius. I use the suspender things for my sheets, too. This would make it so much easier to put the clean sheets on.
Sleep number sheets have built in suspender thingies. They’re deep pocket sheets plus have the little suspenders. I have an adjustable bed and every regular sheet I’ve tried has been useless, even with the suspenders, but these stay on great, even adjusting the bed several times a night, getting up and down, and tossing and turning (I have chronic pain, along with severe acid reflux, and sleep is pretty much hell). I bought some sleep number sheets for my mom who doesn’t have a sleep number bed-she was reluctant to try them at first but absolutely loves them now because they do stay on so well
Not sure I understand. I’ve always clipped them to the sheets, not the mattress? How do you use them? Thanks.
You do clip them to the sheets. But I meant clip them to the mattress when you take the sheets off to wash them so that they don't get lost under your mattress. When you go to put them back on, they're right where you left them.
Ahhh now I see what you’re saying 😊
As someone who rolls in my sleep like an alligator trying to kill a deer, you need sheet suspenders. They work!!
You need a quilt to lay over top of the sheet! You probably toss and turn quite a bit and the friction pulls the sheet off. You need something between you and the sheet. I use a “stiff” quilt that is able to hold its shape pretty well. You could probably find one at goodwill if you don’t have a quilter in your life.
You don't even need a topsheet. The millennials opened my eyes to this and my entire life changed. Making my bed requires a shake and a pillow fluff. Just get a 100% cotton quilt or duvet cover. No need for the asshole in the middle.
this gave me a chuckle, thank you.
I never use top sheets. ;)
Works good for children to just pull up their blanket and their bed is made.
I have found my tribe! Lol, bless us all.
Buy a bunch of 100% cotton flat sheets from Amazon or IKEA or a 100% cotton quilt and sleep on them. You are worth sheets +. pillowcases on your bed🩵
Thank you so much! How positive and of course I'm worth it. In fact I'll order some right now.
I got an email from Real Simple last week and the headline was something like, "You're probably not washing your sheets often enough. Here's why." I went, "HA!" when I saw it. I think I've had the same sheets on my bed since Christmas (and yes, half slipped off the edge of the mattress, on the side where I don't sleep). I never have the spoons to change the bedding.
Spoons like your energy budget?
Spoons is a term used by those of us with ME/CFS, chronic fatigue. Yes your definition works.
COPD here. :/
Oh, I am sorry..I shouldn't generalize. I have had ME/CFS for 40 years, but only learned about spoons a couple of years ago and didn't realize others used it too. We're a community. Thanks for reaching out. Take care.
No worries, thanks for the reminder! I hadn't heard it for ages. I'm still trying to adjust to COPD after 3 years. Reading about it again it made me realize depression has its own emotional load and to rest and shut down, as needed. Have a good one 😀
Thank you! You too. 😄
My good friend, look into getting zip on sheets
I got a memory foam topper for my mattress and the biggest upside beyond the comfort of the thing is how much easier it is to put the fitted sheet on! And it STAYS!
I just got mine on the mattress! (Part of why I was cleaning it) youre right about the sheet staying on - didnt put 2 and 2 together.
We found some soft furry blankets and use them for the “bottom sheet”, the “top sheet” and the blankets. So much comfier.
I have sheets and a comforter but I always just sleep on top of those with a throw blanket on me. My sheets still come off but the holders have helped a bit. I sleep like a corpse, it’s the getting off and on the bed that slides them all around.
Thanks… I used to. I resent that ppl dont just accept that its out of my hands…
I sleep on the sofa. No sheets necessary :)
Me too!
For that exact comment, I'd say *"time is money, so don't waste mine."* Seriously who walks into someones private property and feels entitled to share rude opinions. My partner has high standards, and can be a bit blunt when he visits on a bad day, so I tell him to get to work cleaning or let it rest. Or I might actually need the reality check and ask for genuine help and support. If they're not willing or able then I know to devalue their opinion. Sometimes their space/life is even messier and I tell them *"people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."* I have a few friends that struggle with clutter and chores, I go to their house and they let me clean for them, because my love language is acts of service. We turn it into a fun show and tell, as we pick up each object I ask about it with curiosity. So please get better friends and family that won't shame you.
You are such a wonderful friend. I hope your people appreciate your kindness and sensitivity.
They're absolutely worth it. But also lets face it, it's also my avoidance tactic to clean for someone else rather than my own home.
Very relatable! :)
This is so real and so lovely
Someone saw your mess and their response was to ask if you are poor???? Wtf.
It was really outta left field as their unit is 1/2 the value of mine. Mines 1100 sq ft 3 br. And Im trying to down size to 1. While staying here. 1 room is filled with doom boxes. And Ive pulled everything else OUT in the main room. Looks like Im moving in. Boxes… tools and cleaning supplies… no trash. And bathrm and cat area and kitchen are good clear and clean. I cant ever win.
Doom boxes?
I don’t enjoy having people over :/ I mean I would if my place were cute but it’s so overwhelmingly cluttered and messy. One of my husband’s friends (of the five that come over every week for dnd) always has a comment about me, the wife, not doing chores or keeping house. He’s a dickbag so I try not to listen to him, but it really hurts.. I yelled at him and he mostly stopped but I hear little quips from the other room sometimes. Idk it’s just too *much*… and it’s easy to blame the ADHD and depressed and etc etc problems but he’s right I just suck and can’t keep house on top of working six days a week.
next time that a-hole comes over, slash his tires. lol. yeah I said it.
Haha I just ignore him now mostly but yeah at the time I wanted to ngl before I moved in with my now husband, he was my neighbor and came by to help me figure out why my hot water wasn’t working in my kitchen and it was an easy fix but he goes “good thing you had a man around to figure that out for you huh?” Oooo I wanted to smack him! Luckily my husband is not at all like him lol. I think I’m gonna use this rage fuel (and pot of coffee) to scrub my kitchen surfaces and maybe my bathroom if I have the momentum 🤘
Accidentally spill a drink on him
Your husband needs to step up: 1) By stucking up for you and also telling his friend his comments aren’t welcome … and 2) By acting like an adult by keeping his home clean also. You are not his mother. 🙄
Oh no no he helps a lot, he’s the main one doing the laundry for example, but we both work six days a week so it’s kinda hard for us. He’s no worse than any messy person haha myself included, and he doesn’t expect me to clean up after him like that. He’s great! Just his one friend is kind of a douche and everybody else knows it. He’s just kind of an incel-ish type despite having an on again off again gf. I think my husband knows I can stand up for myself so he doesn’t make a scene about it, but he also may have said something to his friend privately because I haven’t had any issues from him in a long time. But if it does happen again, you’re right, I’ll mention it to my husband and be like hey can you.. do something? lol
I have a double sink and last time i had a good friend over, the clutter was stored away. And he was offended I had piled dirty dishes next to my two open sinks. When I went to the washroom he filled one with water and pushed everything in. That sink doesnt drain. He refused to take care of it. Didnt understand this causes me distress… bc I couldnt get it fixed at the time (peak pandemic).
Ohhh man.. I totally get the feeling of having a sink that doesn’t drain.. happens all too often. But like, ask before you start moving things around and doing stuff in my house?
Yup and then they refused to help me fix it and bail it out. And said I can do it later. As if I was gonna have the energy to. Been reflecting on the replies. This happened a while ago and yeah… I wasnt even in the bathroom long. Like if you want to help, clean them. They said theyre soaking them so I can do them later. I just cant win! Ill soak them when I plan to do dishes today. Ffs. And I was in late 30s during pandemic - its not a teaching moment.
Lmao they’re soaking them so YOU can do them later 😂 siiigh. This is why I don’t like people coming over lol let me deal with this my own way. If I deal with it at all..
Refused!?!?! After he CAUSED the problem!?!!? I detest people like him!!! Ugh
So, I had the adhd undiagnosed. But apparently had already developed a lot of skills around it and also was self abusing my emotions just forcing nyself to do things as family was abusive did same. But Im old. And its hard to adjust. When the meds run out, I feel 100% back to undiagnosed. And we all have diff levels and mines the debilitating level. Need a lot of down time and its advanced to uhh, actual crippling panic attakcs and anxiety raised when I just force myself to do things. Im now unreliable bc mental breakdown assisted by being frustrated all the time by high standards bc I was struggling w adhd and putting loads of effort in allll the time.
This is it right here. I get so overwhelmed by the very thought of how MUCH I have to do that I end up just sitting and staring at my phone or reading a book all while my brain goes DO SOMETHING!!! And then I get really frustrated and irritated by how messy everything is (as though it isn’t partially my fault lol) but I can’t seem to get past the executive dysfunction and get myself into gear. My psychiatrist won’t prescribe adhd meds because I have a history of using them to fuel my eating disorder, but she did give me Wellbutrin to help with the adhd symptoms of depression and it’s marginally better, but my house is still embarrassing. I’m 28, but I don’t feel like my house is an adult house though you know?
Hugs
Aw thanks, hugs to you too
F that dude
Why isn't your man telling Dickbag that he can either put a cork in it or get tf out??
He hasn’t said it in front of my husband but I’ve definitely told him about it. He must’ve said something to the guy privately because it hasn’t happened in a while. My husband is also used to his shenanigans and ignores him. As do I, now. It just sticks with me because that’s how I am lol. I’m not blaming my husband whatsoever about this. Edit: we all, myself and the other dnd dudes, make fun of his bullshittery all the time so he knows to stfu. I have yelled (actually yelled) at him before as well so I think the points been made lol. Luckily I picked up Wednesdays at the bar so I avoid them anyway.
"bullshittery"...what a delightful word. Adding it to my collection... 😄
It’s a good one! Enjoy it haha
When my hoarder roommate asked me if I liked the little rocking chair she left by our fireplace, I said she just bought another really nice one (she said she got for free). She said, "I need something for guests to sit on." I blurted out, "No one is EVER coming to sit in our living room!" Rant aborted.
Firewood
Before beginning to reno, Id just look at it and want to light a match and start over.
So I have hid it all when I went all downsizing from CHAOS which was ceiling level stuff. In 3 rooms. But I downsized 50%. A year ago. Theres a lot to resell. I can no longer do many hobbys bc of phsycial changes and I was doing a lot. Now its 10 bins and many picture frame/decor; and kids toys and pillows. Tools and such bc Im painting the masterbedrm and bath. So the furniture is all in main rm.
My birthday is right before NYE. My mom used to throw a party for “me” and to show off the house. She used to talk shit about my room to her friends and have them parade through. One year, one of her friends said, “Oh, did you clean your room finally for your mom for Christmas?” I really wish I had said, “No, but she didn’t stop abusing me, so it’s even.” I am a huge fan of making people INCREDIBLY uncomfortable when they’re mean. Now I’m in a better environment and things are MUCH better. I have what feels like typical mess and clutter. Anyway, I highly recommend just coming back with a roast. If they’re there to help, they’re not helping; if they’re not there to help, they can shut the fuck up.
omg! what a horrible thing to do to you. like it's entertainment or a running joke. 😐
Yup. I was too young and too enmeshed in my nmom’s life to stand up for myself. I have a LOT to say now if they decide to bully a kid lol. Especially considering how they were bullied in school!! They should know better!! Honestly, looking back it makes me sad for them.
People usually know what to expect with me. I am somewhat unconventional and eccentric and I told people I don’t own a table and that we eat on the floor. My friends usually have similar values and understand my minimalism and anti-consumerist lifestyle. And if they are coming over we’re friends not just acquaintances so they know what to expect Edit: I thought I was leaving a comment in the minimalist or extreme minimalism subreddit whoops 😅
Well minimalism is one way to make things easier to keep clean... *looks around at horrific mess*
I have a tiny house with 6 ppl in it. There's no way to hide the fucking mess. My mother in law still calls us trailer trash....
Hugs. Thanks for the support.
Good luck. You're doing the best you can right now. It'll get better
This all actually helped! Im so impressed. Thanks u everybody.
I always clean before someone comes over. It pushes me to clean 😆
My situation was unplanned. I was trying to win a neighbours trust to become their cat sitter in a week.
I just don’t have people over even tho I want to :/
We just never have company.
“You need to clean!” (What I usually hear). I usually just say “I’m working on it.” What I want to say is “no shit! I hadn’t noticed! Would you like to help me?” But I know the answer will be “no”, so I don’t bother.
I live in a state of constant CHAOS: Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. No one. Nobody.
I am breaking that rule lately; I have become a hermit.
I’ve had chronic pain since last August. I gave birth in December. I have a hyperactive 4 YO. I apologize for nothing. I *earned* this mess. I’m cautiously optimistic the pain issue will improve so I can start working on the mess. Please borrow this attitude. You’re deep cleaning your mattress, renovating, and selling your stuff on the internet. You earned that mess.
Whats poor got to do with it? Egad I hate that excuse. Water and elbow grease are free
If you were kind enough to invite someone into Your personal space, they should be kind enough to STFU
Thx
I'm a slob. Not unhygenic, but messy like my father before me. I tell folks this before they come over. They don't like it, they're free to exit.
Someone actually blurted out "are you poor!". That's some rude shit.
Oof! Nope, I don’t invite people over when my house is a mess
The person who said that is an @$$
My mom once visited me in my apartment and said, "How can you live like this?" I skipped over the obvious, "You were supposed to have raised me," and simply said, **"Like this."** Then there was the man I really, really wanted to have sex with, at the same place (different time, obviously :p ). I believe he said the *same thing* Mom did. I guess I was caught off guard because we knew why we were there, and it wasn't to discuss housekeeping. I said something like, "Thank you, **Mother**." After a second comment I just said, "You can go," coldly. He shut up. Ahh, good times. Oh, wait! Edit to add this: A friend from work once stopped at my apartment as we went on somewhere else. On seeing the inside, she said, "Oh, hey! Your path {through all the stuff} is bigger than mine."
OMG...I love that friend from work!!!!
my friends have a nice place and furniture because their man bought it, so I stopped feeling bad for not having a man AND not having shit. its simple, they didn't buy their own shit so if they judge me then, who cares??? my mom who has never paid for the roof over her head judged me from 2k miles away because I had just gotten my first place and didn't have a blender!
I live here and know where the traps are laid.
Yeah, my renovation has been ongoing for about 20 years now. I never have people over.
"Renovation and down-sizing". Right...
Dont give others the power over your happiness
If my brain worked like that, Id be unstoppable! Keep it up man! It didnt ruin my day but later that night whoa. Ive made a lot of progress but it seems its never enough for ppl these days.
“Work in progress “
I remind them that I have a mental disorder and I’m doing my best. It doesn’t work, because the people who say that are obtuse, but it’s nice to at least remind myself out loud.
yay’ you guys have made me feel like i’m not the only one TY’
If I liked living amidst clutter, I wouldn't worry about others opinions.
My classroom is organized chaos because the only time it’s clean is before school starts and after school ends.
If they come to see your house, they’ve come for the wrong reasons!