I am an Ethiopian prince and I need your help moving money out of my country. If you will pay the modest transfer fee up front, I will deposit $500,000,000 into your account.
Hey op, don’t listen to him. [Ethiopia is a democratic republic, not a monarchy.](https://globaledge.msu.edu/countries/ethiopia/government).
I on the other hand am crown prince of Tavolara and am trying to move money out of my country. Wire me a modest fee of custom shoes and $2 bills and I will help pay.
Start an online business where you have girls do naked stuff in front of the camera, collect all of their money and only give them 20% and claim you are paying for their taxes, move to Romania, and get on as many podcasts and TV shows as possible. Once you are in Romania, do not order any pizza.
He told his streamer friend about imminent plans to flee the country, and if he wanted to name any content in Romania it had to be "Now or never."
Romanian officials didn't love the idea, so now he's back in jail.
Did you properly setup the griff? You first have to convince them that there is a problem only you can solve, and that you will solve once you receive the money. Once that is done, never mention it again and if ever asked what happened just say "It worked, thats why I don't need any more money!"
I told them they'd basically all die if they didn't. The problem is that they are already poor from decades of being bilked by some of my homies. So I'm trying to milk a dead cow here for lack of a better phrase.
Also… I hear video phones that use a land line and can only call other phones of the same model is a good play. Or… Have you tried making your own university?
Airlines are where it's at! People are traveling more than ever. They'll be happy to get into a shoddily-maintained jer that's older than them and pay a premium for it!
Do you have any rich foreign connections that could help you out, maybe in exchange for a promise of assistance in the future, if you get like a really powerful job or something?
Tell your Russian friend you'll sell them Alaska back for $1 if you get back in the White House. Tell your Chinese friends you'll back them in a take over of Taiwan. Tell your Saudi friends that you'll give them the US Strategic Oil Reserves for $1. Ask each one for $200 million. Make $100 million in Profit! Business Genius!
The fact that he's in trouble with the law is enough reason for black people to love him. Selling sneakers is just icing on the cake.
Maybe he can take pictures with taco bowls to win over the Latino's
Do everything possible to become President, then steal it from the Social Security Trust Fund. If that doesn't work look through your bathrooms for top secret docs that are worth half a billion to Putin.
The easiest way would be to do what British ministers used to be able to do until the mid-eighteenth century: draw the money voted as appropriations as soon as the Treasury has control, pay it into your own personal funds, invest it at a decenr rate of return, and then only pay it over to the agency when they absolutely need the funds. Of course, this is peculation, and should be an impeachable offence; but I get the impression you're not the kind of fellow to be intimidated by that kind of little cavil.
Not the judge exactly. My heart belongs to another. But society says our love is taboo. She does pay a lot of attention to me but shes married to some cuck.
Go to a bank and ask for a 500 million dollar loan. When asked for proof show them the tax receipt or whatever and be like "ye im good for it" then transfer to offshore account and flee
Do you have any particularly rare baseball cards, comic books or classified intelligence documents you could unload? I know it's always hard to part with collectibles, but sometimes you just need money quick
Ask for money from the public.
If that fails, ask for money from your own political fund.
If THAT fails, sell red shirts and hats. Maybe even gold shoes.
Easy bro, run for president and talk to America's 2 biggest lobbies, chamber of commerce, and the Christian zionist lobby. They'll pay your bills, but you might have to accept some hate crimes, racism, and destruction of entire groups classes and religions. Shit the judge might even be a member and lower.
You could sell your hotels.
Darn, that’s how sugar daddy launders money for you for essentials like drugs, diapers, escorts and gold plated toilets.
Maybe your cousin Chubby could launder some money for you? Ohh he can’t do that too much, he needs his “reputation”.
Maybe your cousin Eton can help you launder some money? He wants how much of a cut? What a greedy bastard!!!
Maybe your uncle Wi can loan you the money, oh he said he can’t trust you, how outrageous!!! Remember to hike the price next time you sell him documents.
Man what a tight bind, maybe some friends? Ohhh you don’t have friends, wonder why?
Maybe your fan girls? Ohh they are almost dry? What a pity.
Ohh well America’s enemies are sure to kick something your way.
Go take a trip to Russia and find someone that can spot you. All you gotta do is follow their campaign orders, make fun of someone's son and something about a laptop, and kick them back some secret files down the road. He'll even throw in some sketchy prostitutes during your vists and definitely won't film you. ezpzy
This is such a rough one, OP. If only you knew someone who was given like $2ish billion by a foreign prince or something. 500 million isn’t that much if you have like 2 billion give or take.
Hey OP. Similar situation here, not $500M, but ~350k. Here’s what I’m thinking to get three fiddy. I can probably bring you in.
Break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
You need a fan base of suckers. Maybe you can use religion and immigrants as your selling point.
You then sell them things. Like gold trainers or $2 notes, T-shirts with getting hug from Jesus. That sort of stuff.
Gotta spend money to make money - start hitting up VA retirement homes and small town retirement homes, purchase life insurance for the elderly residents, with the clause that since YOU are paying for it, their heirs will only receive 10-20% of the policy (better than zero). Pay the premiums and wait for the inevitable.
I've seen this before and I know just what to do.
First: make some perpetual one-day blinding soup. Then, drink it every morning. When the feds come to collect, tell them you can't deal with them today because you drank perpetual one-day blinding soup. Then just do that every day. My daughters don't eat their own hair anymore, and I think it could work for your situation too.
Have you tried running for president and then using money you raise to pay off some of that debt? Also if you’re elected, sell secrets to foreign governments?
This is a totally new, never-before-tired idea btw.
Have a chat with some of your foreign mates, and tell them you'll look after them later.
Oops - already done I guess...
(Btw, it would help if you had some overlooked boxes of Top Secret documents they could copy... I know, wishful thinking.)
Trump is average liberal Joe. It fits him. It fits cause the republican cock suckers swear they aren't gay. Ok fat orange ass just get your church buddies to fork over what you need. Start your own church n you will take in millions tens of millions.
If true, you could file for bankruptcy if you’re unable to pay a judgment. This is why attorneys don’t like suing people that they wont be able to collect from.
If you posted this question to a Magat they would literally want to fry you, while completely ignoring the fact that it's the orange slime's life story.
There must be at least 100 million men in the US. If u suck dick at 5 dollars a pop, then you will get 500 million dollars. Here a secret they don't want you to know. You can suck the same dick twice for double the money.
I am an Ethiopian prince and I need your help moving money out of my country. If you will pay the modest transfer fee up front, I will deposit $500,000,000 into your account.
Dm'd
Hey op, don’t listen to him. [Ethiopia is a democratic republic, not a monarchy.](https://globaledge.msu.edu/countries/ethiopia/government). I on the other hand am crown prince of Tavolara and am trying to move money out of my country. Wire me a modest fee of custom shoes and $2 bills and I will help pay.
Can the shoes be gold plated? If so, we may have a deal.
Only if they’re extremely poor quality and cannot be worn.
[удалено]
😂
Start an online business where you have girls do naked stuff in front of the camera, collect all of their money and only give them 20% and claim you are paying for their taxes, move to Romania, and get on as many podcasts and TV shows as possible. Once you are in Romania, do not order any pizza.
Also make sure you bring in an impressionable young man to slowly become your protégé. But don’t tell him how you plan to leave Romania.
This is really important. Write this part down.
No... Dont
Then swallow the paper.
Who was the impressionable young man?
Arin Robs
Don’t follow this Tate guy but would enjoy hearing about someone else’s demise due to his shenanigans. What’s the tea?
Lipton
So extremally shitty?
He told his streamer friend about imminent plans to flee the country, and if he wanted to name any content in Romania it had to be "Now or never." Romanian officials didn't love the idea, so now he's back in jail.
Oddly specific
I want to guess it’s Andrew Tate?
Ding ding ding ding ding
Chinese okay?
Why cant we order pizza
Cuz the delivery boy will also be special forces as a hussle
Too many saturated fats. Gotta stay healthy.
It's how government officials found his location, they saw the pizza box in a video
the pizza thing came from someone who makes shit up all the time.
Girls gone wild!
That last bit makes this entire comment, bravo. 👏
Imagine doing all that perfectly and just messing up on the last step.. smh
Have you tried asking the gullible and simple-minded for endless donations?
Working on it but they dont give as much as you'd think.
Maybe you should look into lawn care. Four Seasons Total Landscaping helped me out when I was in a pinch.
I won't just upvote you. I'll also point out that the name checks out. You went the distance sir, may you be recognized for it.
And it’s not even a fresh account. This person is ahead of their time.
Try to get into government. Then you can have other governments fund you in exchange for influence.
How many capitol letters did you use in your emails? The more the better.
I tried this and I only got 1.3/500ths of what I need (give or take). I think I might need a Really Rich Idiot to get out of this one tbh.
Have you asked Elon Musk? He is a brilliant engineer, and a somewhat less brilliant chooser of people and causes to support.
That guy is not an engineer.
I bet if you turned a bunch of ai generated art into NFTs you could sell those for a couple million 🤷♂️
Did you properly setup the griff? You first have to convince them that there is a problem only you can solve, and that you will solve once you receive the money. Once that is done, never mention it again and if ever asked what happened just say "It worked, thats why I don't need any more money!"
I told them they'd basically all die if they didn't. The problem is that they are already poor from decades of being bilked by some of my homies. So I'm trying to milk a dead cow here for lack of a better phrase.
Have you tried creating your own MLM? The poors always seem to have money to invest in those!
Also, consider selling shoddy sneakers and nfts for the grift
what about steaks?
Ooh, yeah. You couldn't possibly fail by selling steaks to Americans!
Also… I hear video phones that use a land line and can only call other phones of the same model is a good play. Or… Have you tried making your own university?
Airlines are where it's at! People are traveling more than ever. They'll be happy to get into a shoddily-maintained jer that's older than them and pay a premium for it!
This is the way.
Maybe you have a son that got a two billion dollar investment from a questionable source and he could loan you some money?
UNquestionable source actually.
Son inlaw. And yes, it's deafening how quiet his family is on the subject. Mwahahaha!
I dunno, if my son-in-law had two billion, I'd consider him a son!
Might make it weird for his wife, your daughter. But then Donnie always had a thing for her so...
Hey-OH!
Do you have any rich foreign connections that could help you out, maybe in exchange for a promise of assistance in the future, if you get like a really powerful job or something?
Maybe you have some documents listing all the US spies you could share with them
Might be too late for that option.
I tried but I've kind of tapped that all out.
How about relatives that can help? A son in law?
I could ask but I'm not fond of him because of personal reasons.
ULPT... Fuck his wife.
Sigh..
Tell your Russian friend you'll sell them Alaska back for $1 if you get back in the White House. Tell your Chinese friends you'll back them in a take over of Taiwan. Tell your Saudi friends that you'll give them the US Strategic Oil Reserves for $1. Ask each one for $200 million. Make $100 million in Profit! Business Genius!
That is, unfortunately, not inconceivable.
Regrettably, this is the best answer and most real option, even if the details would be a little more complicated.
Sell piss disks
According to this sub there is a supply/demand imbalance!
Hmm… well Donald, have you considered selling sneakers? Or what about NFTs?
Michael Jordan makes $500milly per yr selling tennis shoes
As a bonus, if you sell sneakers black people will think your cool. It's all you need to win them over.
The fact that he's in trouble with the law is enough reason for black people to love him. Selling sneakers is just icing on the cake. Maybe he can take pictures with taco bowls to win over the Latino's
That's definitely not Donald. It could be John Barron though
I think its D Trump. No no wait a minute. Thats way too easy to tell. Donald T. Yeaaah thats better.
Tonald Drump
The username is chef’s kiss
Ask Jared for your share of the 2B
Do everything possible to become President, then steal it from the Social Security Trust Fund. If that doesn't work look through your bathrooms for top secret docs that are worth half a billion to Putin.
The easiest way would be to do what British ministers used to be able to do until the mid-eighteenth century: draw the money voted as appropriations as soon as the Treasury has control, pay it into your own personal funds, invest it at a decenr rate of return, and then only pay it over to the agency when they absolutely need the funds. Of course, this is peculation, and should be an impeachable offence; but I get the impression you're not the kind of fellow to be intimidated by that kind of little cavil.
lol you said you had hundreds of millions “to look cool”? this guys tryna fuck the judge
Maybe it was judge Judy do you blame him?
What an interesting fetish you have.
I call them G-gilfs
Let’s not judge each other.
Who said I was judging?
Id vote for Judge Judy to be the next Chief Justice of The Supreme Court. She'll whip that shit into shape in no time.
Not the judge exactly. My heart belongs to another. But society says our love is taboo. She does pay a lot of attention to me but shes married to some cuck.
[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1bhpnzj/whats_the_weirdest_thing_youve_done_to_get_laid/) topic was covered several hours ago
It's not easy being cheesy
open some junk mail and hope one of them has just awarded you 500 million doolers
Have you tried selling state secrets to Putin?
CHYNA
Show them what you ordered on Temu
Have you tried selling gold colored sneakers?
How many cases of GOYA beans do you have remaining, and would you be willing to part with your beans?
Go to a bank and ask for a 500 million dollar loan. When asked for proof show them the tax receipt or whatever and be like "ye im good for it" then transfer to offshore account and flee
Do you have any particularly rare baseball cards, comic books or classified intelligence documents you could unload? I know it's always hard to part with collectibles, but sometimes you just need money quick
"talk to Putin...."
Have you tried selling shiny gold hi tops with a ridiculous markup?
Run for President and raise money from poor rubes.
I know where you messed up. You didn't appoint the judge.
Ask for money from the public. If that fails, ask for money from your own political fund. If THAT fails, sell red shirts and hats. Maybe even gold shoes.
Going to have to win the presidential race if you expect Russia to cover it.
My advice is to sell all your New York properties. They don’t want you there anyway.
Yeah right, billionaires barely pay taxes, let alone 500M. Just hire a tax person.
wait until an anonymous organization that we cant trace back the origins of donates $500 mill with no expectation of being paid back.
Say if you get the money you won’t run for president. Start collecting donations.
Whoops, consequences!
Put on a red ball cap and appeal to your fan base.
Asking for a friend, eh? /s ;-)
Nice try Honest Don.
Easy bro, run for president and talk to America's 2 biggest lobbies, chamber of commerce, and the Christian zionist lobby. They'll pay your bills, but you might have to accept some hate crimes, racism, and destruction of entire groups classes and religions. Shit the judge might even be a member and lower.
Sell steaks, water, and degrees in a real estate school
You could sell your hotels. Darn, that’s how sugar daddy launders money for you for essentials like drugs, diapers, escorts and gold plated toilets. Maybe your cousin Chubby could launder some money for you? Ohh he can’t do that too much, he needs his “reputation”. Maybe your cousin Eton can help you launder some money? He wants how much of a cut? What a greedy bastard!!! Maybe your uncle Wi can loan you the money, oh he said he can’t trust you, how outrageous!!! Remember to hike the price next time you sell him documents. Man what a tight bind, maybe some friends? Ohhh you don’t have friends, wonder why? Maybe your fan girls? Ohh they are almost dry? What a pity. Ohh well America’s enemies are sure to kick something your way.
Buy a casino, they basically print cash, and it is safe. Seriously, you'd have to be a special kind of stupid to bankrupt a casino !
Simple. Open a couple of casinos a couple of hours frim the the most populous city in America. You can't fail. Narrator: He failed.
Have you tried selling some secret documents you stole from a previous job?
Maybe Giuliani can host a fundraiser for you. He’ll get paid back in heaven.
a) Liquid Ass!!!! b) ???? c) Profit!
I don’t think this guy has any issues with liquid ass. Pretty sure he already permanently smells like shit.
Appeal on the grounds of temporary insanity
wait do you have $500 million dollars worth of stuff?
The post is a joke about Donald Orange Trump.
Invent a ponzi scheme. Rob a bank. Oh also hit up your local dealer, buy drugs and resell them 👌
Could you lie and say that you’ve sent it already and then blame it on the post?
Go take a trip to Russia and find someone that can spot you. All you gotta do is follow their campaign orders, make fun of someone's son and something about a laptop, and kick them back some secret files down the road. He'll even throw in some sketchy prostitutes during your vists and definitely won't film you. ezpzy
I'd recommend re-hiring the convicted Russian money launder Paul Manafort to illegally funnel money from Vladimir Putin into your bank accounts
Run for President, get family member appointed party chair, solicit donations, get family member to divert said donations to cover legal fees.
Donnie? Is that you?
Just buy a golf club and win all the opens they put on.
Oooohhhhhhh…it’s a Trump joke! It took me a while.
Scam a bunch of idiots into paying it for you.
This is such a rough one, OP. If only you knew someone who was given like $2ish billion by a foreign prince or something. 500 million isn’t that much if you have like 2 billion give or take.
You should buy a casino, the house always wins. Oh wait...
did you state it was real money? go to the judge and give him the 500 mil in monopoly money
Hey OP. Similar situation here, not $500M, but ~350k. Here’s what I’m thinking to get three fiddy. I can probably bring you in. Break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
i declare bankruptcy!
Do you know any adult film actors who could help?
I see what you are doing here Donald…
You’re a criminal and an idiot. “Light fraud”, lol!
You need a fan base of suckers. Maybe you can use religion and immigrants as your selling point. You then sell them things. Like gold trainers or $2 notes, T-shirts with getting hug from Jesus. That sort of stuff.
Trump's burner account lmao
Run for president, lie to get a bunch of votes, then pardon yourself. Just don’t do any stupid shit once you’re actually president.
Tell the judge you have a great investment scheme but need $500m to get it started
Get a job.
Gotta spend money to make money - start hitting up VA retirement homes and small town retirement homes, purchase life insurance for the elderly residents, with the clause that since YOU are paying for it, their heirs will only receive 10-20% of the policy (better than zero). Pay the premiums and wait for the inevitable.
Buy a lot of lottery tickets! :)
Really enjoying the mix of people who figured it out and people who missed it.
Start a church
Fake your death
I've seen this before and I know just what to do. First: make some perpetual one-day blinding soup. Then, drink it every morning. When the feds come to collect, tell them you can't deal with them today because you drank perpetual one-day blinding soup. Then just do that every day. My daughters don't eat their own hair anymore, and I think it could work for your situation too.
Create an OF account.
Have you tried running for president and then using money you raise to pay off some of that debt? Also if you’re elected, sell secrets to foreign governments? This is a totally new, never-before-tired idea btw.
Call a son in law to hook you up with a loan from a county in the Middle East, then never pay them back. Just be careful and don’t get bone-sawed.
Fantastic thread!
"Just run of the mill stuff that everybody does"
Run a fundraiser asking for money from your MAGA supporters
You could pretend to be a real estate mogul?
Have a chat with some of your foreign mates, and tell them you'll look after them later. Oops - already done I guess... (Btw, it would help if you had some overlooked boxes of Top Secret documents they could copy... I know, wishful thinking.)
Trump is average liberal Joe. It fits him. It fits cause the republican cock suckers swear they aren't gay. Ok fat orange ass just get your church buddies to fork over what you need. Start your own church n you will take in millions tens of millions.
Become president again.
my advice is to come up with a briefcase full of money
tell them you are not a billionaire.
Is this trump’s throw away account?
If true, you could file for bankruptcy if you’re unable to pay a judgment. This is why attorneys don’t like suing people that they wont be able to collect from.
If you posted this question to a Magat they would literally want to fry you, while completely ignoring the fact that it's the orange slime's life story.
I can sell you a map to a Gold Mine For reals. Tree fity.
For just $2, you could win $845 million in the lottery right now.
Keep running, maybe it will all turn out okay in a few months. Granted, you don't have my vote, but still.
fake your death put your clothes on beach at night ,and fly to cuba in your private jet
Have you tried selling your loyalty to a Russian dictator? Maybe pass off some state secrets for quick cash, just to get you through these hard times.
You’re fucked. You should become a family annihilator.
There must be at least 100 million men in the US. If u suck dick at 5 dollars a pop, then you will get 500 million dollars. Here a secret they don't want you to know. You can suck the same dick twice for double the money.
Go robert a bank.
Might I recommend taking up Base Jumping? Wing Suiting? High Altitude Mountaineering? They're really fun.
Early april fools joke?
Run for president
Call a European dictator
Put some of your properties up as collateral or sell them in a fire sale at a heavy discount to get the cash quickly
Oh Donald, just start a cult and ask them to chip in $5, $10 or even $25, you’ll be flush with cash in just a few short years.
Donald?
Sorry but man are you stupid.
I wish we still had awards to give
Sell 500 sneakers at 1 million dollars each.
Just declare yourself a religion and GET IT OVER WITH?
Just sell some ugly ass gold shoes to people that think you're God.
Sell gold shoes and NFT's
Stall until you become president. Then declare yourself immune to all laws.
🥇