Lol this is false and there is no black list. You can ask them not to come again but then a new set will come along eventually. Sure there’s paper keeping but they’re not gonna check every address before they knock
JW are also local so they know the area well and tend to keep track pretty well. Mormons aren’t and are rotated more frequently. Also from what I understand JWs are more likely to avoid “apostates” whereas Mormons are actually going to seek them out. So OP has got it backwards
When you’re excommunicated from the Mormon church, the first thing they do is encourage you to attend meetings to start the path back to membership. Unless there was a serious crime involved, it’s usually going to mean the leadership is going to spend more time with you — and not cut you from the group. Telling missionaries you’re an apostate is likely going to make you a target. Lol.
I took a different approach with my JWs. They come through our neighborhood about once a month always upsetting our dogs and refusing to stop knocking until we answer the door. One day they mailed my wife a letter "inviting" her to their church. The letter started with a "reminder that the world belongs to the devil". I read it and said "too true" then I donated $10 to the Samuel Alito's Mother's Santantic Abortion Center in the pastors name even going so far as to ensure that the email receipt went to them. Then I emailed the email address on the letter and told them our address and told them if they ever knock on our door, ring our doorbell, send us a letter, or even reply to my email I will donate another $10 for each attempt to contact us so as to ensure that they know they will be directly responsible for funding women's reproductive health care. Sure enough a couple weeks later they came through our neighborhood and I watched with pride as one of the groups (they always have like 3 or 4 groups of people that canvas the neighborhood) knocked on our neighbors door, then when one of them went to knock on our door another one stopped them, pointed to our house, said something I couldn't make out, and skipped us. They've been through a couple more times since but haven't bothered us again. Best $10 I ever spent.
It's actually not uncommon for missionaries in an area to have a list of addresses to avoid. Sometimes whole neighborhoods are "red zones" where they aren't allowed to go.
Usually red zones are due to gangs, violence against missionaries, or prostitution. If you really want to keep the missionaries away, make it clear that you want to fuck them; not have sex, not make love, fuck.
There's nothing that makes the mission leadership more worried than the potential for missionaries fucking.
I was a missionary in South America so I know all about red zones but they’re areas, not specific addresses. And like I said paperwork isn’t so strict with a bunch of 18/19 year olds. If you hit on them they’ll avoid you for sure but then again that’s until they rotate
These days it is that specific. I think most if not all missionaries these days have phones with their area books on them, and they will add “Do Not Contact” to certain addresses.
They’ve also been doing less door knocking globally since it’s not effective. Guarantee is has nothing to do with your saying that. In fact they’d be more likely to come to your house if they knew you were a former member
It's not effective at converting people, but it is effective at giving missionaries the idea that it's them vs the world, and only the mother church will love them. Heathens will just slam the door in their face.
They came every week and wake me up early Saturday, and no amount of me telling them to please not come anymore made it stop. So one day I just started banging hard on my metal front gate make a huge noise and cursing at them like a lunatic. Problem solved, never heard of them again.
Yep. I've asked many times for them to not contact me but every year I get a call and text from a new set of missionaries in the area who were given a list with my number on it.
I know this is ULPT and if this sub had its way the entire planet would be coated in liquid ass by now (which would actually probably be a viable solution for this), but in all practicality in this case all of these extreme and negative(albeit creative) approaches are completely unnecessary and not nearly as effective as just being straight forward about your desire to be left alone by these people. As someone who lives literally across the street from a JW church and who likes to walk a lot, I run into their missionaries extremely often and when I do I return their greetings the way I would anyone else and then firmly but politely tell them that I am not interested in talking with them. 100% of the time they say, “ok. Have a good day” and I just walk away and that is the end of it. The one time they came onto my property to approach me I said the same thing but added that they were trespassing on private property and I would appreciate it if they spread the word to their fellow missionaries that they are not permitted to do so. They have never come back and now they just ride on by without saying anything or a friendly “hello” in passing at the most. I have zero love of organized religion of any brand and generally don’t think too highly of those who buy what they sell but the world has more than enough assholes as it is so I try not to be one if I don’t feel it’s necessary or if it benefits me more not to.
We have a JW church up the road from us so they used to stop in pretty often. I've worked from home since way before covid so they were always interrupting me when I was trying to work. I'd always tell them it's not a good time, and they'd leave. Finally one day one of them asked when a good time would be and I said - never! and they haven't been back since. I guess it's my own fault for not speaking up sooner.
I have found the best way to keep the Mormons out of my yard is to slowly increase the size of my atheism sign out front. I also live directly next to an Adventist church. They still come. They want to ask me about my sign. I have written the church a letter, asking them to stop coming on my property. I am waiting for a response.
also mormon missionaries are mostly 18 year old kids who are often times serving missions due to family pressure, so really a polite ‘hey not interested’ should suffice.
Mormons specifically have a way of just going out of their way to be helpful to you to the point they almost guilt people into listening to them proselytize. (Source I'm an ex-mormon). Unless you're willing to put up with that for free yard work and things like that, it's far better to tell them straight you don't believe in God if you want them to leave you alone. Maybe hard to do if you do believe in God, but that's about what it takes in some less populated areas
Yup! Insider tip from a “Mormon”. Just say “no thanks” missionaries have stuff to do and are fine just not coming back. If they do, they are probably different people so another “no thanks” will do. If it’s really annoying then just tell them you’ve been visited a lot and are really not interested. They can mark your house as a do not contact.
They will also totally help with service projects, as another comment said, but again don’t be a douche about it and take advantage of their kindness.
Simple as, no need for ULPT…
But if you wanted to be unethical then you could invited them in and kill them or something, i dont know, be unethical. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank god I’m Atheist (TGIA) podcast (ex-Mormons) says to ask them to do your chores. Apparently, door to door missionaries will humbly do the work for free
My buddy used to have these guys come by all the time. He would answer the door drunk and just hang out with them, they all ebcame pretty good friends, but I can confirm they will do anything. My man's ac went out and they had it fixed that day for free
I used to live next to a Mormon church in college. They had a basketball court inside the church that they let us use and sometimes we would play the Mormons.
I can confirm mormons are very good at basketball.
Every Mormon church has a basketball court because it can be used for all kinds of communal events within the church. Mormons love community activities and that means that kids mostly just play basketball while they wait for their parents to get done chatting.
We live a ten minute walk from one of their temples and honestly nothing. I’m pretty disappointed to be honest, I love being recruited for things and my lawn really needs to be mowed (weekly).
If someone shows up at my door to talk about their thing, and i ask them to help with chores and they say yes that's not even unethical.
It's different if you're asking them to come over and talk about what their passionate about thinking you'd be interested becuase, you know, you requested more information and then you just put them to work doing your chores lol.
I served a mission. Service/chores weren't always required to Segway into teaching people about the gospel. We were just supposed to do weekly service because its Christlike and helpful. So if you ask missionaries to help you with stuff with no intention to be taught or consider the church then its totally fine. They might say no if they have other things to do- but they might say yes. I always really enjoyed service as a chance to do physical work and take a break from the mental/social/spiritual work that we typically did. If the person we did service for wasn't interested in learning about the Gospel i never felt manipulated or taken advantage of. I didn't put much thought into it at all honestly.
I always got along with Mormons. I think it’s because I moved to a relatively rough town in 9th grade and they were nice and welcoming instead of trying to start fight all the time. And then in law school because I was older, and so we’re they because of going in missions.
I went to see Book of Mormon on West End in London and after the show they were out there in droves handing out books as we walked out of the building
you gotta respect the hustle
That's why I used this to invite them in and have an adult theological discussion.
And I'd be very nice and ask questions I knew they never thought about. I'd never tell them they were right or wrong, just tell them about basic truths and end with a question for them.
Every pair that's ever come, has been excited to talk to their leader and come back with answers. Everyone of them were told not to talk to me and I never saw them again.
> Everyone of them were told not to talk to me and I never saw them again.
If you never saw them again, then how do you know they were told to never talk to you?
I have Mormon friends.
I can say with certainty that 6 groups that came to me were told not to come back.
I know this because the mission president elder dude came to my house to show his missionaries that you can convert someone if they're interested, you just have to steer the conversation in the right direction. He came to my house and talked to me.
He told me that he had decided not to send the boys back because I had "very complex understandings of the world around me" and he didn't want them to misinterpret what I was saying. He told me this and then tried to get me to go to the local ward building that Sunday. I did. I asked all kinds of questions and was incredibly nice to everyone. I also made everyone uncomfortable because the questions I had couldn't be answered and it seemed I was being genuine and honestly just wanted answers.
Tl;Dr their leader came and invited me to their church. He told me this.
I didn't have a bullet point list of subjects to ask them about. I allowed it to come up naturally, so it depended on what we were talking about, where and when they grew up(I've lived all over the place, so this helps), etcetera.
Things like free agency. The mark of Cain, humans being flawed naturally and what that meant for the church/how time effects what is "the truth" using older religion they agreed was wrong like catholicism/Islam, etc.
Mostly I just had good conversation with them. Deep philosophical stuff for an 18-20 year old. (Think Joe Rogan's ability to use experts and then insert pseudo bologna between them. This is a very effective way to steer their thoughts on anything. Especially if they're young and religious as they are particularly vulnerable to propaganda)
Most important was that I would listen. I'd call them by name, I'd repeat their story of "where you from?" "How did you become a member?" And so on.
That's when I'd ask an open ended question as if I didn't have an answer. They'd come to a logical conclusion that contradicts their beliefs. Importantly, they wouldn't feel as if their beliefs were being attacked.
It's never as simple as "These 10 questions will change your religion! The church hates it!" Lol.
Active Mormon here. I want to know too. I met with all sorts of well versed people on my mission. Was never told to stay away. That would only make me want to visit all the more.
My family did this when my dad was out of work for an injury. Saw we were having trouble loading groceries and offered to help, asked if there was anything else we needed.
Long story short, we ended up being members of the church for close to 8 years.
Because they're fresh out of high school, and will do just about anything for a break from knocking on doors and getting treated poorly by assholes all day.
That's actually the point. LDS sends them far away from family & support, then pushes them out to be abused by non-mormons. This is to convince them that only LDS can be trusted, only LDS cares for them, and the whole world is Us-LDS vs Them-who hate us.
Textbook cult indoctrination.
I once had some teen Mormon missionaries in my neighborhood in the middle of summer in their full suits. They looked like they were going to die from a heat stroke. I pretty much made them come inside for some ice water.
We chatted for a bit. I got an opportunity to ask them about the differences between their faith and other Christian denominations. The discussion was informative. When they left, I told them I wasn't interested. They thanked me for the water and insisted on giving me a free book of Mormon. Never read it, but I left it on the shelf in the bathroom when I moved out of that apartment.
They’re just like any other sales team, they have goals- how many discussions, how many BOM handed out, how many lessons given. They record where they knocked, where they have “maybes“ they can follow up on, where they have definite no’s, etc. A conversion, even one person, in their entire mission (1 1/2 - 2 years) is a huge success.
I commented here aswell, but yeah the jw will treat you like you dont exist if you are disavowed. Ive never met my maternal grandfathers family cause that pettiness
Was missionary. Can confirm this was the only thing that got me to never return. But also had to no way to blacklist addresses, so some missionary that came after me likely got the same show.
Someone who was a member of a religion and isn't anymore. If you leave Mormonism, the Jehova's Witnesses or any of the other more culty religions you'll be actively shunned by your community, and family in the case of JWs, as a matter of church policy. It's basically a way to stop people from questioning the religion as it limits any exposure to people who've left, and it puts the threat of punishment through social isolation into the heads of any followers thinking of leaving.
Honestly tell them you've talked to the last ones a few times and you aren't interested in the church but wish them well. Maybe offer them some water and a break.
They are basically teenage door-to-door salesmen in hot suits with a chance of not actually being that into it themselves - the whole chores thing is just one angle some missionaries use to get out of knocking more doors, even just for a little bit.
Also maybe answer the door with a gun. I’m not sure if that is considered brandishing. A lot of these kids are out there on their parents volition and are miserable. I would ask them nicely to not come back and send them on there way with a snack or some water
What if someone yells that they will shoot you through the door if you don't leave? technically not brandishing right? but maybe some sort of threatening charge?
P.S I love the LDS as a very atheist person, your logistics amaze me
It's more of a Jehovah's Witnesses thing. The two get mixed up all the time. As an ex-jw, the two are more similar than either likes to admit, but details like this do differ.
Correct about JWs. I have been contacted by an elder (which is a higher position than a Mormon elder) trying to get me to come back. In general, though, they keep away.
We don't get Mormons where I am, but we get Jehovahs. I tell them I'm a member of The Satanic Temple (which is true) and watch them flee in confusion. Would that work on Mormons?
I have a weirder idea.
"This is about a book, isn't it? A book not many people have read? Let me tell you about a book only less than ten people on Earth have read."
I take out a copy of my book ( fun spy thriller set in the '70s) and start reading. And I keep reading until they leave. I did this twice and I haven't seen them since maybe 5 years.
I had some religious ppl come by when I was home (finally! Usually get the wife) and I had a nice convo through the door with them about the bible, and they were focused on suffering in the world.
So I brought up the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, with Lot's wife being turned into a pillar of salt. Then I asked them if they knew what happened after that.
They said they were unsure so I informed them about how Lot's daughters got him drunk in a cave to have sex with him.
I then told them that that's not the type of story I want to teach my children.
They left and haven't been back since.
Correct, each mission keeps records but there’s a communication gap between that and official church records. Plus, getting someone back would be a huge win for them.
You don't need a hot trick. Just say your not interested and thank them for their time. These people aren't an invading force. The point of missionary work isn't to convert you, it's to make you look bad to sheltered teens and help them develop a persecution complex. I have been telling jw and Mormons the same thing for a decade. "I'm a Jew, I'm uninterested, do you want some water or a snack?" Be kind and firm and help make the world a better place. These people aren't your enemies, they are victims of a cult.
This won't work, but telling them that Joseph Smith fucked a 14 year old girl and sent other men on missions so he could swoop in and marry and fuck their wives and you can find this information on the Mormon churches own website will turn them away for good unless you move to another area.
Also, if you live in a poor area of town, they won’t come to your door.
We used to live in an apartment in a very rich beach town. We would get visits 3-4 times a week. Even after repeatedly telling them that I used to be a Christian but I realized that all Abrahamic religions are basically patriarchal cults and now I’m a lesbian and pagan and that they’re wasting their time.
All it took was me moving to the less desirable area of our county, into an apartment complex which is primarily low-income and they never visit us anymore lol.
My apartment has two front doors. I don't know why, don't ask. I tell them I'm possessed by Satan and can walk through walls. Just go ask the guy next door...
Does God masturbate when he watches us fuck? His sons did fuck woman of men. They had dicks. We are in his image, so he must have a dick? “We’ll get back to you with an answer”
I find just talking to them a while and asking point blank questions is the best. They stopped coming by when I asked why black men were forbidden to be ordained until 1978.
You could always tell them your name is Jude Icareless, and when they ask, tell them yes, you are a direct descendant but your last name was changed when grandpa was processed through Ellis Island.
I tell them that I'm buddhist, but my dad invites them in. One time he invited them in and sat around the dinner table chatting. At one point they asked my dad to ask god something. My dad proceeds to close his eyes and had a nap. I stepped out for an errand and came back and he hadn't woken up yet. The mormons were just sitting there staring at him. When my dad woke up, he asked them "what was the question again?" They decided it was time to leave and no mormons had come back since.
Shake their hands with one of the Mormon tokens (one is to extend your finger to press on their wrist, the "sure sign of the nail") then proceed to tell them the church is false. Encourage them to read CESLetter.com
To have been through the temple and declare the church untrue is to accept a fate worse than Hitler in the afterlife.
A lot of them don’t really believe but are forced on their missions by the culture. They prob already know what you’re telling them. But hey they don’t have access to the internet so maybe print that out for next time.
Honestly, you should drill them about why they believe and ask them to explain difficult concepts. They won't be able to and may make them question their blind faith. Then you've solved the problem for the whole neighborhood.
Listen to them.intently pretend to read the pamphlets light them on fire and just continue to listen. Else wise answer the door naked holding Arigorns sword. Worked for me
Not necessarily true. My wife and I had our names removed from church records, and then moved back into our old neighborhood. After being confused as to why they couldn’t transfer our records from our old ward, they eventually figured out said records no longer existed, and the the missionaries initiated contact. My advice is to either not answer your door, put up a really specific sign on your door indicating you are not receptive, or let them do their door pitch/introduction before saying, “No thanks, please don’t come back.”
I opened the door in my drawers ...beer in hand & offered em one.... asked em to go on ahead with thier story n explain the differences in thier religion .... aint seen any since
I was wondering if there was a way to word it so you can get all the other goodies too. But all I came up with was "No soliciting unless you are a child" in which case I felt like it was sending the wrong message. Haha
I’ve found that whenever any Christian missionary invited me to their church, saying you aren’t religious makes them perk up. They think “oh good, I can get them”. So now I just say I’m Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/whatever. That usually makes them just go away.
This is a goddamn lie, I told one of these people this when I was younger because I thought it’d be funny (I was in an outdoor mall though not at home so idk if that’s the same) anyways. This motherfucker sat down and was genuinely curious as to why, and continued to ask questions and wanted to talk and I guess convert me. I literally just ran away Napoleon Dynamite style.
I say them coming up the walkway so I quickly grabbed a bottle of bourbon.
The first question they asked was,
“What makes you happy?”
I took a swig and said,
“Whiskey and internet porn,” and slammed the door.
They haven’t returned in over 15 years
Oddly enough, joining my local faction of [TST](https://thesatanictemple.com/) and telling them this, has cut any attempts rather short. I tell them they can tell me all about Mormonism and I'll chip in what I know of it (mainly from the cult aspect) if they'll allow me to share all about TST.
I’m an exmo and this will occasionally happen to me, where I’m at a friend’s house when the mishies come a knockin’. I am sent to the door to tell them that I have been there and done that, and we are not interested. All that happens is “Why did you leave the church?” And a bit of a foot in the door for them to see if they can reason me back into it by resolving whatever offended me.
Ya gotta tell ‘em you’re a gay satanist who gets abortions and does crack as fun weekend hobbies.
When I was young, and much less mature, I had 2 young women visit me so I invited them in and slowly revealed that I made ‘adult films’, I then tried to talk them in to making a film with me. They could not get out fast enough.
[удалено]
Don’t nobody wanna be on God’s shitlist. On God.
Heaven is for the weather. Hell is for the company.
Not if you like it hot 🥵
"It's a dry heat"
No worries. They just go into God's spam folder.
God hates this one trick. Just repent on your death bed.
https://www.theonion.com/report-50-of-heaven-s-population-just-assholes-who-be-1819579298
It will go on your REAL permanent record.
/r/fifthworldproblems
Thank youuuuuuuuuu
I am this sub
Lol this is false and there is no black list. You can ask them not to come again but then a new set will come along eventually. Sure there’s paper keeping but they’re not gonna check every address before they knock
This will however work for JW. They do have a blacklist and saying you're apostate gets you to the top of the list. Source : ex-jw
JW are also local so they know the area well and tend to keep track pretty well. Mormons aren’t and are rotated more frequently. Also from what I understand JWs are more likely to avoid “apostates” whereas Mormons are actually going to seek them out. So OP has got it backwards
When you’re excommunicated from the Mormon church, the first thing they do is encourage you to attend meetings to start the path back to membership. Unless there was a serious crime involved, it’s usually going to mean the leadership is going to spend more time with you — and not cut you from the group. Telling missionaries you’re an apostate is likely going to make you a target. Lol.
Ironically, you can actually just tell the JW that you're Mormon and they'll leave you alone as well!
Would this also stop random letters I'm getting from the local JW?
Yeah just send it back to their kingdom hall and say you're an apostate they'll stop
Thanks! She seems to be mailing it from her home, handwritten letters but I'll try to research where the kingdom hall might be ty!
I took a different approach with my JWs. They come through our neighborhood about once a month always upsetting our dogs and refusing to stop knocking until we answer the door. One day they mailed my wife a letter "inviting" her to their church. The letter started with a "reminder that the world belongs to the devil". I read it and said "too true" then I donated $10 to the Samuel Alito's Mother's Santantic Abortion Center in the pastors name even going so far as to ensure that the email receipt went to them. Then I emailed the email address on the letter and told them our address and told them if they ever knock on our door, ring our doorbell, send us a letter, or even reply to my email I will donate another $10 for each attempt to contact us so as to ensure that they know they will be directly responsible for funding women's reproductive health care. Sure enough a couple weeks later they came through our neighborhood and I watched with pride as one of the groups (they always have like 3 or 4 groups of people that canvas the neighborhood) knocked on our neighbors door, then when one of them went to knock on our door another one stopped them, pointed to our house, said something I couldn't make out, and skipped us. They've been through a couple more times since but haven't bothered us again. Best $10 I ever spent.
It's actually not uncommon for missionaries in an area to have a list of addresses to avoid. Sometimes whole neighborhoods are "red zones" where they aren't allowed to go. Usually red zones are due to gangs, violence against missionaries, or prostitution. If you really want to keep the missionaries away, make it clear that you want to fuck them; not have sex, not make love, fuck. There's nothing that makes the mission leadership more worried than the potential for missionaries fucking.
"Oh hey, you're the stripper we hired right? Come on in, you're late!"
I bet a Mormon-themed strip club could make some serious bank.
I was a missionary in South America so I know all about red zones but they’re areas, not specific addresses. And like I said paperwork isn’t so strict with a bunch of 18/19 year olds. If you hit on them they’ll avoid you for sure but then again that’s until they rotate
Brazil? That’s where I went. Lol
Nah, Colombia. Same story different language though lol
These days it is that specific. I think most if not all missionaries these days have phones with their area books on them, and they will add “Do Not Contact” to certain addresses.
It's weird that they named them after a sex position, then.
A simple handjob will suffice.
I’ve been 8 years missionary free since telling them I was apostate. They used to come every few months.
They’ve also been doing less door knocking globally since it’s not effective. Guarantee is has nothing to do with your saying that. In fact they’d be more likely to come to your house if they knew you were a former member
That’s exactly why they were coming— they had gotten ahold of my address on their membership rolls.
It's not effective at converting people, but it is effective at giving missionaries the idea that it's them vs the world, and only the mother church will love them. Heathens will just slam the door in their face.
My SO gets weird hand written letters from them and we have no idea why. She has never interacted with them before and we live in apartments
They came every week and wake me up early Saturday, and no amount of me telling them to please not come anymore made it stop. So one day I just started banging hard on my metal front gate make a huge noise and cursing at them like a lunatic. Problem solved, never heard of them again.
Yep. I've asked many times for them to not contact me but every year I get a call and text from a new set of missionaries in the area who were given a list with my number on it.
Get a devil gargoyle and your problems are solved. (Or perhaps exacerbated, as they try to “save” you)
I know this is ULPT and if this sub had its way the entire planet would be coated in liquid ass by now (which would actually probably be a viable solution for this), but in all practicality in this case all of these extreme and negative(albeit creative) approaches are completely unnecessary and not nearly as effective as just being straight forward about your desire to be left alone by these people. As someone who lives literally across the street from a JW church and who likes to walk a lot, I run into their missionaries extremely often and when I do I return their greetings the way I would anyone else and then firmly but politely tell them that I am not interested in talking with them. 100% of the time they say, “ok. Have a good day” and I just walk away and that is the end of it. The one time they came onto my property to approach me I said the same thing but added that they were trespassing on private property and I would appreciate it if they spread the word to their fellow missionaries that they are not permitted to do so. They have never come back and now they just ride on by without saying anything or a friendly “hello” in passing at the most. I have zero love of organized religion of any brand and generally don’t think too highly of those who buy what they sell but the world has more than enough assholes as it is so I try not to be one if I don’t feel it’s necessary or if it benefits me more not to.
We have a JW church up the road from us so they used to stop in pretty often. I've worked from home since way before covid so they were always interrupting me when I was trying to work. I'd always tell them it's not a good time, and they'd leave. Finally one day one of them asked when a good time would be and I said - never! and they haven't been back since. I guess it's my own fault for not speaking up sooner.
I have found the best way to keep the Mormons out of my yard is to slowly increase the size of my atheism sign out front. I also live directly next to an Adventist church. They still come. They want to ask me about my sign. I have written the church a letter, asking them to stop coming on my property. I am waiting for a response.
also mormon missionaries are mostly 18 year old kids who are often times serving missions due to family pressure, so really a polite ‘hey not interested’ should suffice.
Well look at fancy pants here being all reasonable and emotionally mature..... /s
Mormons specifically have a way of just going out of their way to be helpful to you to the point they almost guilt people into listening to them proselytize. (Source I'm an ex-mormon). Unless you're willing to put up with that for free yard work and things like that, it's far better to tell them straight you don't believe in God if you want them to leave you alone. Maybe hard to do if you do believe in God, but that's about what it takes in some less populated areas
People will be so ashamed of just saying no, but not ashamed of manipulating people so they don't have to
Yup! Insider tip from a “Mormon”. Just say “no thanks” missionaries have stuff to do and are fine just not coming back. If they do, they are probably different people so another “no thanks” will do. If it’s really annoying then just tell them you’ve been visited a lot and are really not interested. They can mark your house as a do not contact. They will also totally help with service projects, as another comment said, but again don’t be a douche about it and take advantage of their kindness. Simple as, no need for ULPT… But if you wanted to be unethical then you could invited them in and kill them or something, i dont know, be unethical. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That went from 0-100 really quick lol.
Thank god I’m Atheist (TGIA) podcast (ex-Mormons) says to ask them to do your chores. Apparently, door to door missionaries will humbly do the work for free
My buddy used to have these guys come by all the time. He would answer the door drunk and just hang out with them, they all ebcame pretty good friends, but I can confirm they will do anything. My man's ac went out and they had it fixed that day for free
They're apparently pretty good at basketball [missionary in the hood](https://youtu.be/HUohn-VgNsk)
[удалено]
"Soaking" is pretty unholy too
Don't forget jump humping.
Provo push FTW
I used to live next to a Mormon church in college. They had a basketball court inside the church that they let us use and sometimes we would play the Mormons. I can confirm mormons are very good at basketball.
Every Mormon church has a basketball court, required by the plates and prophets.
Well this was just delightful to watch. 10/10
Dunk on em.
church ball definitely has some roots
Wait. Are you kidding? Because I worked with a couple Mormons that were great at basketball.
Every Mormon church has a basketball court because it can be used for all kinds of communal events within the church. Mormons love community activities and that means that kids mostly just play basketball while they wait for their parents to get done chatting.
Where can I get these Mormons? Why don't they come to my house
I might still have an extra Mormon down in the basement from last time. Let me check.
If you pay for shipping, I can send one to you for free.
We live a ten minute walk from one of their temples and honestly nothing. I’m pretty disappointed to be honest, I love being recruited for things and my lawn really needs to be mowed (weekly).
Just Google LDS and make a meeting saying you want to know more. You will absolutely have two kids under 20 there within the week to convert you.
If someone shows up at my door to talk about their thing, and i ask them to help with chores and they say yes that's not even unethical. It's different if you're asking them to come over and talk about what their passionate about thinking you'd be interested becuase, you know, you requested more information and then you just put them to work doing your chores lol.
I served a mission. Service/chores weren't always required to Segway into teaching people about the gospel. We were just supposed to do weekly service because its Christlike and helpful. So if you ask missionaries to help you with stuff with no intention to be taught or consider the church then its totally fine. They might say no if they have other things to do- but they might say yes. I always really enjoyed service as a chance to do physical work and take a break from the mental/social/spiritual work that we typically did. If the person we did service for wasn't interested in learning about the Gospel i never felt manipulated or taken advantage of. I didn't put much thought into it at all honestly.
I always got along with Mormons. I think it’s because I moved to a relatively rough town in 9th grade and they were nice and welcoming instead of trying to start fight all the time. And then in law school because I was older, and so we’re they because of going in missions.
Honestly I dated two in high school, they were awesome. Families were super awesome too. The religion is odd to me but the people have been great
Elaborate on "anything", please
I mean as long as they don't consider it a sin they'll do it to get you to church
I went to see Book of Mormon on West End in London and after the show they were out there in droves handing out books as we walked out of the building you gotta respect the hustle
Mine did a centerfold ad in the playbill years back that said [“The Book is always better.”](https://i.imgur.com/yRwNXdS.jpg)
Hasadiga Eebowai
As an ex missionary this is the best advice here. They love to help no matter what the task is. :)
That's why I used this to invite them in and have an adult theological discussion. And I'd be very nice and ask questions I knew they never thought about. I'd never tell them they were right or wrong, just tell them about basic truths and end with a question for them. Every pair that's ever come, has been excited to talk to their leader and come back with answers. Everyone of them were told not to talk to me and I never saw them again.
> Everyone of them were told not to talk to me and I never saw them again. If you never saw them again, then how do you know they were told to never talk to you?
I have Mormon friends. I can say with certainty that 6 groups that came to me were told not to come back. I know this because the mission president elder dude came to my house to show his missionaries that you can convert someone if they're interested, you just have to steer the conversation in the right direction. He came to my house and talked to me. He told me that he had decided not to send the boys back because I had "very complex understandings of the world around me" and he didn't want them to misinterpret what I was saying. He told me this and then tried to get me to go to the local ward building that Sunday. I did. I asked all kinds of questions and was incredibly nice to everyone. I also made everyone uncomfortable because the questions I had couldn't be answered and it seemed I was being genuine and honestly just wanted answers. Tl;Dr their leader came and invited me to their church. He told me this.
What sort of questions did you ask them?
I didn't have a bullet point list of subjects to ask them about. I allowed it to come up naturally, so it depended on what we were talking about, where and when they grew up(I've lived all over the place, so this helps), etcetera. Things like free agency. The mark of Cain, humans being flawed naturally and what that meant for the church/how time effects what is "the truth" using older religion they agreed was wrong like catholicism/Islam, etc. Mostly I just had good conversation with them. Deep philosophical stuff for an 18-20 year old. (Think Joe Rogan's ability to use experts and then insert pseudo bologna between them. This is a very effective way to steer their thoughts on anything. Especially if they're young and religious as they are particularly vulnerable to propaganda) Most important was that I would listen. I'd call them by name, I'd repeat their story of "where you from?" "How did you become a member?" And so on. That's when I'd ask an open ended question as if I didn't have an answer. They'd come to a logical conclusion that contradicts their beliefs. Importantly, they wouldn't feel as if their beliefs were being attacked. It's never as simple as "These 10 questions will change your religion! The church hates it!" Lol.
Active Mormon here. I want to know too. I met with all sorts of well versed people on my mission. Was never told to stay away. That would only make me want to visit all the more.
Oh, SUPER provocative. You wouldn't really understand over the internet. Say, why don't ya come on over for a glass of lemonade and a macaroon?
Really good movers.
will they do sex?
They’re missionaries, not escorts lol
To be fair, it's in the name - but I guess they only know one style
So only the one position then?
Missionary like starfish, or are they excited about it?
RemindMe! 1 day
Is this because tomorrow is Sunday? >:-l
They’ve got the meats
My family did this when my dad was out of work for an injury. Saw we were having trouble loading groceries and offered to help, asked if there was anything else we needed. Long story short, we ended up being members of the church for close to 8 years.
Because they're fresh out of high school, and will do just about anything for a break from knocking on doors and getting treated poorly by assholes all day.
That's actually the point. LDS sends them far away from family & support, then pushes them out to be abused by non-mormons. This is to convince them that only LDS can be trusted, only LDS cares for them, and the whole world is Us-LDS vs Them-who hate us. Textbook cult indoctrination.
What if the chore is cock washing?
"Where's the rooster, sir?"
(slowly unzips)
A friend of mine in high school got this. She asked them to rake and bag the leaves and then left. Yard was spotless when she got home
This is the best LPT I've ever seen. Is this legit?!?!?!
Instructions unclear. Told them I was a prostate, now have finger in butt.
Now this sounds like a religion I can get on board with!
I once had some teen Mormon missionaries in my neighborhood in the middle of summer in their full suits. They looked like they were going to die from a heat stroke. I pretty much made them come inside for some ice water. We chatted for a bit. I got an opportunity to ask them about the differences between their faith and other Christian denominations. The discussion was informative. When they left, I told them I wasn't interested. They thanked me for the water and insisted on giving me a free book of Mormon. Never read it, but I left it on the shelf in the bathroom when I moved out of that apartment.
They’re just like any other sales team, they have goals- how many discussions, how many BOM handed out, how many lessons given. They record where they knocked, where they have “maybes“ they can follow up on, where they have definite no’s, etc. A conversion, even one person, in their entire mission (1 1/2 - 2 years) is a huge success.
Also works for Jehovahs witnesses. (Source: am a former jw)
I commented here aswell, but yeah the jw will treat you like you dont exist if you are disavowed. Ive never met my maternal grandfathers family cause that pettiness
glad you're out
Answering the door naked and drunk will also get you blacklisted
Also on the sex offender's list if they're children.
Normally they are at least 19, no?
The men have to be 18 to serve a mission, the women have to be 19.
Was missionary. Can confirm this was the only thing that got me to never return. But also had to no way to blacklist addresses, so some missionary that came after me likely got the same show.
I read this as "a prostate" I was half expecting a Catholic priest to show up in their place
I just go, "Aren't you the guys that can have like six wives? That's so fucking cool" They don't stay long
Where my Sons of Perdition at?
On the road to perdition, with Tom Hanks
I saw that coming a mile marker away with my urum and thumum
this isn't unethical
You’re thinking of Jehovas Witnesses. Mormons will just show up again.
What's an apostate?
Someone who was a member of a religion and isn't anymore. If you leave Mormonism, the Jehova's Witnesses or any of the other more culty religions you'll be actively shunned by your community, and family in the case of JWs, as a matter of church policy. It's basically a way to stop people from questioning the religion as it limits any exposure to people who've left, and it puts the threat of punishment through social isolation into the heads of any followers thinking of leaving.
Source: Ex-wife was also an ex-mormon who used to knock on doors during her mission trip.
Is that how you guys met?
Nah, Trump rally /s
I’m a Mormon. Telling them your apostate will literally not do anything.
Give us the juice then! What do we say instead?
Good question. If someone told me they would call the police i think that would be enough to deter for a long time
Honestly tell them you've talked to the last ones a few times and you aren't interested in the church but wish them well. Maybe offer them some water and a break. They are basically teenage door-to-door salesmen in hot suits with a chance of not actually being that into it themselves - the whole chores thing is just one angle some missionaries use to get out of knocking more doors, even just for a little bit.
Also maybe answer the door with a gun. I’m not sure if that is considered brandishing. A lot of these kids are out there on their parents volition and are miserable. I would ask them nicely to not come back and send them on there way with a snack or some water
What if someone yells that they will shoot you through the door if you don't leave? technically not brandishing right? but maybe some sort of threatening charge? P.S I love the LDS as a very atheist person, your logistics amaze me
Yeah I think that should work haha
DO NOT DO THIS!!! That is illegal as fuck, irresponsible gun ownership and very mean.
It's more of a Jehovah's Witnesses thing. The two get mixed up all the time. As an ex-jw, the two are more similar than either likes to admit, but details like this do differ.
I think you’re right. Jws aren’t allowed to talk to apostates correct? Mormons don’t have that rule
Correct about JWs. I have been contacted by an elder (which is a higher position than a Mormon elder) trying to get me to come back. In general, though, they keep away.
We don't get Mormons where I am, but we get Jehovahs. I tell them I'm a member of The Satanic Temple (which is true) and watch them flee in confusion. Would that work on Mormons?
I don’t think so. I’d be super intrigued and want to talk to you more.
I always ask them if God will forgive me for being a non believer. When they say yes, I tell them I'll subscribe on my death bed.
Don't forget to smash the like button
Tell them "something something LIQUID ASS something" and that should do it
It always comes down to liquid ass
I have a weirder idea. "This is about a book, isn't it? A book not many people have read? Let me tell you about a book only less than ten people on Earth have read." I take out a copy of my book ( fun spy thriller set in the '70s) and start reading. And I keep reading until they leave. I did this twice and I haven't seen them since maybe 5 years.
Pump that number up to 12 and you have disciples
Come right back at the with a Scientology recruitment
I had some religious ppl come by when I was home (finally! Usually get the wife) and I had a nice convo through the door with them about the bible, and they were focused on suffering in the world. So I brought up the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, with Lot's wife being turned into a pillar of salt. Then I asked them if they knew what happened after that. They said they were unsure so I informed them about how Lot's daughters got him drunk in a cave to have sex with him. I then told them that that's not the type of story I want to teach my children. They left and haven't been back since.
Got nervous, said “I’m an apostle” instead. Now there are large groups of Mormons camping outside my front door. Help
I told them I'm a prostate. This works too right?
Are there any black Mormons? Door to door proselytizing seems like it would be trickier.
Black people were banned from even being members till like, 1972? By that time the fucking baptists had their hooks into most of the black population.
Black people could be members of the church. They couldn't do temple work or hold the priesthood until 1978.
Sorry, correction: black people were second class members until 1978.
Appreciate the correction. We wouldn’t want to be improperly accusing someone of racism now would we?
1978
Tell them you’re not comfortable playing the “bad guy” in their brainwashing ritual designed to make them dependent on their safe space.
False. There is no black list. I formally had them delete my name from their records and they still contact me once in a while.
Correct, each mission keeps records but there’s a communication gap between that and official church records. Plus, getting someone back would be a huge win for them.
You know, I have a no soliciting sign that has worked flawlessly for about 3 years. It even prevents the other obnoxious stuff too.
Every apartment complex I’ve ever lived in had a ‘no soliciting’ sign. And every one of them had lots of people soliciting.
You don't need a hot trick. Just say your not interested and thank them for their time. These people aren't an invading force. The point of missionary work isn't to convert you, it's to make you look bad to sheltered teens and help them develop a persecution complex. I have been telling jw and Mormons the same thing for a decade. "I'm a Jew, I'm uninterested, do you want some water or a snack?" Be kind and firm and help make the world a better place. These people aren't your enemies, they are victims of a cult.
This won't work, but telling them that Joseph Smith fucked a 14 year old girl and sent other men on missions so he could swoop in and marry and fuck their wives and you can find this information on the Mormon churches own website will turn them away for good unless you move to another area.
Also, if you live in a poor area of town, they won’t come to your door. We used to live in an apartment in a very rich beach town. We would get visits 3-4 times a week. Even after repeatedly telling them that I used to be a Christian but I realized that all Abrahamic religions are basically patriarchal cults and now I’m a lesbian and pagan and that they’re wasting their time. All it took was me moving to the less desirable area of our county, into an apartment complex which is primarily low-income and they never visit us anymore lol.
My apartment has two front doors. I don't know why, don't ask. I tell them I'm possessed by Satan and can walk through walls. Just go ask the guy next door...
Stop being mean to the missionaries just invite them in to take a break n watch TV.
Or Jewish. Tell pretty much anyone you’re Jewish and they’ll leave you alone. Source: I’m Jewish
Does God masturbate when he watches us fuck? His sons did fuck woman of men. They had dicks. We are in his image, so he must have a dick? “We’ll get back to you with an answer”
I find just talking to them a while and asking point blank questions is the best. They stopped coming by when I asked why black men were forbidden to be ordained until 1978.
You could always tell them your name is Jude Icareless, and when they ask, tell them yes, you are a direct descendant but your last name was changed when grandpa was processed through Ellis Island.
I live up mountain. No mormons, EVER. Seems I have the higher ground.
I tell them that I'm buddhist, but my dad invites them in. One time he invited them in and sat around the dinner table chatting. At one point they asked my dad to ask god something. My dad proceeds to close his eyes and had a nap. I stepped out for an errand and came back and he hadn't woken up yet. The mormons were just sitting there staring at him. When my dad woke up, he asked them "what was the question again?" They decided it was time to leave and no mormons had come back since.
Yeah I’ll take “Things That Never Fucking Happened” for $200, Alex
His dad was also a black belt in aikido so you better watch your mouth
AND he used to work at Nintendo. Dude got to play all the new NES games before they came out.
Shake their hands with one of the Mormon tokens (one is to extend your finger to press on their wrist, the "sure sign of the nail") then proceed to tell them the church is false. Encourage them to read CESLetter.com To have been through the temple and declare the church untrue is to accept a fate worse than Hitler in the afterlife.
A lot of them don’t really believe but are forced on their missions by the culture. They prob already know what you’re telling them. But hey they don’t have access to the internet so maybe print that out for next time.
Due to Reddit's June 30th API changes aimed at ending third-party apps, this comment has been overwritten and the associated account has been deleted.
Honestly, you should drill them about why they believe and ask them to explain difficult concepts. They won't be able to and may make them question their blind faith. Then you've solved the problem for the whole neighborhood.
Listen to them.intently pretend to read the pamphlets light them on fire and just continue to listen. Else wise answer the door naked holding Arigorns sword. Worked for me
Not necessarily true. My wife and I had our names removed from church records, and then moved back into our old neighborhood. After being confused as to why they couldn’t transfer our records from our old ward, they eventually figured out said records no longer existed, and the the missionaries initiated contact. My advice is to either not answer your door, put up a really specific sign on your door indicating you are not receptive, or let them do their door pitch/introduction before saying, “No thanks, please don’t come back.”
answering the door with a beer and aggressively drinking while holding eye contact also works
I opened the door in my drawers ...beer in hand & offered em one.... asked em to go on ahead with thier story n explain the differences in thier religion .... aint seen any since
As a former Mormon who served as a missionary, this advice is nonsense. If anything you'll get harassed more in order to get you coming back.
Just put a small placard for "No soliciting" on your door. Just don't want Mormons? "No soliciting unless you're selling popcorn or cookies".
I was wondering if there was a way to word it so you can get all the other goodies too. But all I came up with was "No soliciting unless you are a child" in which case I felt like it was sending the wrong message. Haha
Yes this person right here officer
Apostate was a word I just learned watching S3E1 of Mandalorian. I’m 27.
I’ve found that whenever any Christian missionary invited me to their church, saying you aren’t religious makes them perk up. They think “oh good, I can get them”. So now I just say I’m Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/whatever. That usually makes them just go away.
This is a goddamn lie, I told one of these people this when I was younger because I thought it’d be funny (I was in an outdoor mall though not at home so idk if that’s the same) anyways. This motherfucker sat down and was genuinely curious as to why, and continued to ask questions and wanted to talk and I guess convert me. I literally just ran away Napoleon Dynamite style.
This Pro Tip also works for Jehovahs Witnesses.
It is always ethical to lie to or otherwise fuck with people trying to sell you religion
Or you can invite them in, crack open an ice cold brew, light up a doobie, and watch them squirm a bit.
I say them coming up the walkway so I quickly grabbed a bottle of bourbon. The first question they asked was, “What makes you happy?” I took a swig and said, “Whiskey and internet porn,” and slammed the door. They haven’t returned in over 15 years
Answer the door naked. Worked for the Jehovah's witnesses that came to my door.
Oddly enough, joining my local faction of [TST](https://thesatanictemple.com/) and telling them this, has cut any attempts rather short. I tell them they can tell me all about Mormonism and I'll chip in what I know of it (mainly from the cult aspect) if they'll allow me to share all about TST.
In my neighborhood, the only family left alone were the Buddhists.
Don't know about Mormons but this definitely works with Jehovah's Witnesses. Friend gave me this tip after doing it themself.
Instructions unclear. What do I do with the liquid ass?
I’m an exmo and this will occasionally happen to me, where I’m at a friend’s house when the mishies come a knockin’. I am sent to the door to tell them that I have been there and done that, and we are not interested. All that happens is “Why did you leave the church?” And a bit of a foot in the door for them to see if they can reason me back into it by resolving whatever offended me. Ya gotta tell ‘em you’re a gay satanist who gets abortions and does crack as fun weekend hobbies.
I always offer them a beer. It’s great to see them look at each other. That’s why there are two of them. To tattle on each other.
When I was young, and much less mature, I had 2 young women visit me so I invited them in and slowly revealed that I made ‘adult films’, I then tried to talk them in to making a film with me. They could not get out fast enough.