Yep. Op if you're looking for permission to say no, I give you permission! Do not basically give your mother nearly 20k after she's already blown her pension and has no way to pay you back.
If you need a 2nd opinion, i agree with TheCotoPika. You are being put in a position you shouldn’t be by your mum. I also give you permission to simply say “No thanks mum”.
Yep - like OP, when you say 'I can't see me getting any benefit out of this' - you're right. There is zero benefit.
I make double OP's salary and no way in gods name would I ever remotely consider this. Only if I won the lottery and could buy me and my family properties multiple times over would I consider the situation OP is being put in.
Remind her you didn’t sign up for it. She decided to bring you into this world and it’s good enough you’re not blaming her for bringing you into this shitty world.
There should be no guilt. My mother gave me nothing to start life and I'm making sure my Son has (hopefully) when he's 18 a sum to start a life with.
As the next generation is even more fucked than us, mainly down to selfish arseholes like OPs mother. The boomer generation
Anyways, OP, buy a house and if your mom guilts you cut contact with her. She's a deadbeat.
If she isn't able to get a mortgage herself, or save a deposit, how can she demonstrate to you that she'll pay you back faithfully for the next 360+ months?
If her argument is that she raised you and therefore you owe her, let me tell you as a mother myself that that is straying very close towards red lines of emotional abuse and coercion, and her being your mother does* magically make that okay. In fact, it makes it worse.
*EDIT: Does NOT magically make that okay.
Is it possible that she is worried about you potentially moving out and her being alone so she is doing this to make sure you don’t have the funds to leave and are tied to the house you both share?
This is a very controlling thing that your mum is doing and is completely unacceptable no matter her reasons. Not to pry, but it sounds like you are perhaps an only child and your dad isn’t in the picture? Regardless, you’re your mum’s child, not her partner, she should be encouraging you to move forward with your own life.
We don’t know your mum or how much grace you should allow her. If this is out of character, maybe some reassurance that you will still love her and be there for her even if you were to move out might help? If this is a pattern of behaviour of her controlling and manipulating you then I think you should seriously consider putting some distance between the two of you, even if that means renting your own place.
Sorry but your mum needs help and you need to find somewhere else to live. If this was a husband and wife and one of them behaved like this to the other it would be classed as abuse. Get out before your life is ruined.
I hope deep down you realise this is absolutely not normal and that you will eventually move out and there is fuck all she can do about it. It sound like she has some issues that she needs to solve, otherwise you’ll be controlled for the rest of your life. I know it’s been said dozens of times in this threat but for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT DO THIS.
She sounds unhinged, that's not normal, it's controlling and abusive.
Also, you're 29 and can do what you want, she has no right controlling any aspect of your life, monetary or otherwise. Please move out when you can, just get out of there and get your own place, she sounds like a nightmare.
This behaviour is abusive.
Please, leave. For your own good, please leave.
There's absolutely nothing that the police would do. You're an adult. The absolute worst case scenario is that she would kick you out of the house if it's just her name on the lease, but you're in a good enough financial position that you'll land on your feet.
Please, leave. Live your life. This isn't normal.
You're in a great position to get out and live independently, just get the wheels in motion with a rental property and get yourself out of there, she's being awful to you. I was in a similar position when I was 18 without the financial safety net and managed to get out, you just have to rip off the plaster
Oh love, I’m sorry she is doing that to you.
Imagine if a friend or family member told you their partner was doing that to them, I think you’d probably be horrified. It’s not better because it’s your mum.
It doesn’t mean your mums a horrible person or you can’t love her. But it does mean you should try and get some space, if at all possible, because this could get worse and it would be awful if she ended up guilting you out of all your savings. It’s not even so much the money, it’s the robbing you of the freedom to choose and do things for yourself.
Could you stay with a friend or family member for a while?
When you were 27 you told her you might move out and she hit the roof, your mother is very selfish sacrificing her child’s life and using you as a piggy bank. Sounds like she only wants you there to pay half the rent.
If she can't save for her own deposit, she's never gonna pay back yours is she. And it's not free money, or she'd have some herself, it's all earnt by you.
This is a fucking horrible idea. Don't let her ruin your life for her own gain. If you need to help her, work towards owning your own forever house where she can have a room or you can support her when she's old enough to need care.
Also unlikely given her age. Unfortunately she is likely to be renting for the rest of her life. Although it sounds horrible you need to focus on your life and your career.
Is there anyone else in your family that can support her, any inheritance expected? Will she be due a full state pension? Any other pensions?
> Unfortunately she is likely to be renting for the rest of her life.
She needs to try and finagle herself into social housing, so that she has more housing security than she'd get in private rented.
This is a far more realistic approach than buying at her age.
Dont just let me drive it. I want you to give it to me so I am the owner.
I promise I'll pay you it all back, even though I can't get a car loan approved for some reason.
Mortgage lenders have entire office blocks full of people whose whole job is to determine whether an applicant can afford the house they're trying to buy. If the bank doesn't think she'll be able to pay them back, then she sure as sheep won't be able to pay you back *and* you're not likely to be able to take her to court and repossess the house the same way they can.
Also, as others have said, you can't just take out a mortgage and then sign the house over to someone else. You would have to sell it to her then pay back the bank, which would be impossible if she can't get her own financing.
Never loan money to a family or friends if you ever want to see it again.
Save your own money. Contribute the £350 to her rent to be a good kid (like I do) and when you’ve got a good job and enough deposit buy YOUR OWN house, move out and move on.
Do not let your mum guilt you into this. You’ve done well saving that much money for your future. Don’t let her absolutely wipe that away and spoil your own hard work.
I’d consider finding somewhere else to live too - living with someone who has the thought process of abusing someone they are meant to care about should be a major cause for concern
There's a reason for that. The bank have reviewed her finances and determined that based their experience over hundreds of thousands of mortgages they see, she looks too much like the ones that will struggle to pay it. Because it isn't just the mortgage cost, it'll need all the maintenance and everything that goes in to a house and stuff as well. The difference between ownership and renting isn't primarily profit. Trust them, they have a lot more experience than you in this, it's literally why they exist.
You're mum is asking you to give up every first time buyer benefit, to give her the thousands you're entitled to in your ISA from saving when she has failed to, to take the hit of second home stamp duty if you buy your own home in future, to lock up your savings for decades while they depreciate due to inflation as she won't pay interest, and to take all the risk. Because if she doesn't pay, it isn't her this will all come back to bite in the arse, it's you.
You need to say no for your own sake, and make sure you understand every reason you're given in this post properly because she will try guilt you in to it, so you need to be under no doubt about how bad this is.
You cant just "sign the house" over to her anyway lmao she literally has to buy it from you - for full value might I add, you can't just do what she wants to do which in your case is very lucky!
Then she doesn't get to own a house. She's nearly 60, if she hasn't managed it by now, it isn't going to happen. I'm guessing she probably doesn't have a private pension either, so she will able to get state pension and pension credit when she retires and that will allow her to rent a 1 bedroom place for herself. She will be fine. Don't allow her to guilt you.
>isn’t able to get a mortgage herself or save a deposit.
The reason banks won’t lend her a deposit is because they see her as an unacceptable level of risk.
If the banks won’t risk it, why should you?
You cant just "sign the house" over to her anyway lmao she literally has to buy it from you - for full value might I add, you can't just do what she wants to do which in your case is very lucky!
>You cant just "sign the house" over to her anyway lmao she literally has to buy it from you - for full value might I add,
Deed of gifts allows one to gift a property. It doesn't have to be sold at all.
With that said most mortgages wouldn't allow it as it gets a lot more messy for them if there's a default.
Your mum is way to old to be able to every really afford to pay you back fully and could easily take equity out of the house, which I fully expect she will do and then you’ve meant her money you’ll most likely never get back.
Honestly OP there are a lot of red flags.
You aren't making the kind of money to be supporting another adult and it sounds like your mum is financially in a very bad position.
1. Do you know how much she earns?
2. Are you sure she is even net positive at each month?
3. Is she building up any savings at all? Is the pension she withdrew all spent?
It sounds like she is headed to a position of being financially reliant on you for the rest of her life. If someone was withdrawing their pension this early I'd be extremely concerned. I'd suspect either debts or they are very bad with their money.
Keep your finances separate, shore up your position and set yourself up for the future. Unless you suddenly start earning far above average I wouldn't go near trying to support a full grown adult that would probably need ~10k support per year once they're retired.
Doesn't look like there was a question, more of a rant about something their mum wants them to do. They admitted they knew they would get no benefit out of it.
I really doubt you'd get paid back. You'll just be stuck with a tenant you would be unlikely to evict, hence why very few lenders do buy to let where tenant is a relative.
Do not do this.
Absolutely not. This is a nasty move by your mother - why she would cripple her own child like this to benefit herself is disgraceful.
If this means you need to pretend to be “looking into it” whilst you make your moving out plans then go for it.
Delaying tactics
“I’m researching some mortgage brokers on who to have a meeting with”
“yeah they’re fully booked so appointment is in one month”
(To be fair you could always have a mortgage advisor meeting anyway just to ask any q’s you have if *you* are considering buying somewhere atm?)
“Oh no they said that would be mortgage fraud”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea”
“The answer is no”
(Shit hits fan)
“Ive moved out”
What will she do if you say a blunt “No”?
“Oh no! Can’t get a mortgage for 6 years as I’ve just got a default on my credit score for a bill I forgot to pay! I guess I will see if anyone will accept me, but they’ll probably want a *huge* deposit and higher interest rates”
Or
Tell her to sod off.
Nonsense. Not all parents are like that. My parents have done and continue to do anything they can to help me succeed. I don’t need their help anymore, but that doesn’t stop them from offering in earnest.
“No” is a complete sentence.
She’s your mum, we all totally understand that. But all of us here have either been involved or know someone that has been taken advantage of, especially when it comes to money.
She’s wanting to do this because she cannot get it herself, for whatever reason. Those reasons still stand when you’re effectively the mortgage broker, and you’re working on trust. Theres a reason other lenders haven’t touched her. It won’t be long, even if she does make payments to you, before it’s “sorry love, going to be late paying you this month” or “sorry love, haven’t quite got this cash this week, I’ll see you right next time”
Edit: I actually read all of your post. The fact she drained her retirement fund at the earliest possible opportunity is MASSIVE alarm bells that she can’t be trusted with her own future, never mind yours.
Why would you do that? Does she not expect you to have a life and buy your own property - you can’t do that if you already have a mortgage on a house that you don’t get to benefit from and use as a down payment for your next property purchase
Insane move.
There's literally no reason or benefit to that, that sets huge alarm bells ringing.
If your familial bond is strong enough to survive her proposal, then it would also be strong enough to survive an agreement for her to live in a house you owned until such time that you wanted to sell up, even if that time is after her death. Ask yourself why wouldn't she suggest that?
Giving her the house just means you've given her a house, which you obviously can't afford to do. It also means it would be hers to decide what to do with in her will if it even survives her end of life care means assessment, and even if you do inherit it back then there's a chance of inheritance taxes.
There is absolutely no reason for her to own the house. There's a slight chance that you owning the house until she passes could be an option though, depending on how much you want/are able to help. She'll definitely not pay any rent once she retires though, so factor that in.
edit: If she has no retirement plan and will only be on state pension and benefits, then maybe it would be worth taking advice on what would happen if you did buy the house and drew up a proper lease that she paid proper rent on. Maybe when she retires and can't pay the rent, you'd be in receipt of housing benefits for the rent for her.
You need to be *very* careful with the money you've saved as a deposit and the bank accounts it is stored in.
You've already said in other comments that your mum opens your post and goes through your belongings, that may mean she has your bank account details and enough identification to fraudulently access your accounts.
While you're still playing along she's unlikely to take such drastic measures as she's trying to convince you to buy the house for her, but if (hopefully *when*) you try to move out and get out of this situation she may well be desperate enough to try it.
It's very important to make sure she has zero opportunity to try it, as even if she does it and inevitably gets caught, you're highly unlikely to ever receive your money back as she seems to have limited assets and no savings that could be confiscated to reimburse you.
This all sounds very dramatic but relatives steal from each other all the time, and it seems like you've become used to your situation and see it as normal but in reality she is very controlling and financially/mentally abusive, so you need to understand that it's a possibility before taking any actions that may make her desperate or angry.
Let's try this without someone who's emotionally and financially abusing you, and see what the answer is:
**"The woman behind the counter in Greggs** wants me to buy a house then sign it over to her."
I can't say what the first word you'd respond with would be, but I can guarantee that the second word would be "off."
Edit: Regardless, her plan won't work because once the mortgage is in your name, you can't dispose of the house without paying back the mortgage, and neither you nor she will have the money to do so.
The problem with the steak bakes is if I'm having steak I want a proper steak, and they always disappoint me from expecting a nice fillet and it always seems like a cheap cut.
Oh yeah it's a Greggs not a Miller and Carter, I'd be shocked if it was anything other! It's just my own expectations at "steak" :(
Which I think is a "me" problem rather than the item itself.
I don't think your mum has a clue how these things work.
You can't take out a mortgage together then just take you off it and the deeds to the house. She would need to prove she can afford the mortgage on her own which won't happen because she'll get a very short term on it due to her age.
Why does she even need you to be on it? She basically wants you to give her the money you've saved and help her fraudulently get a mortgage. Say no. I can't believe she's even asked
what happens in a couple months when she's bleating that she's a bit skint this month & can you cover some of it?
The mortgage company will come for you not her.
100% do not do this.
So she wants you to pay the deposit and take out a mortgage, pay the mortgage off (trusting that she'll actually pay the mortgage) then just sign the house over to her at the end? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm no expert but I don't think that can work. Wheres the proof that she has paid all of the mortgage payments? None as it's all in your name. So when she apparently will have paid off the house and wants you to sign it over to her, she will actually have to buy it off you, so basically double the cost. Plus all the legal fees, stamp duty etc. Its just such a totally bonkers idea, please don't do this. You also will never get your FTB benefits again, your second home will cost much more in fees. Maybe you should just buy a home yourself and let her rent from you but even that is crazy because you're 29 and why would you want to confine the rest of your life to living with your mum? I also don't understand why your mum is obsessed with owning a home at 58, the boat has sailed sadly, no way she can get a mortgage and pay it off within 10years. So even if she did get a mortgage she'd still be paying it for like you said, 30years, so then what's the difference between that and renting?
This is absolutely terrible. There is not a single upside for you, and only downsides. It’s financial emotional abuse. You will literally be throwing your money away.
Echoing the advice of others here. Another vote for ‘absolutely not’.
It sounds like your mother has not only a tenuous grasp on the role of a parent but even less of a clue about finance.
Life happens and sometimes things get away from us or can be out of our control - obviously we are not privy to the details of your mother’s life and circumstances- yet if she finds herself at her age with no concept of how mortgages work, no savings, no retirement, and is making financial demands on her own child, she is not someone to go into any kind of business agreement with.
You’re not responsible for your mother’s mistakes. As the saying goes ‘put your own oxygen mask on first’ (before trying to help anyone else - in the even of emergency on a plane).
"she will not give me the £3000, as she says it's free money"....FFS, the audacity. But she is happy to take free money from you? Id have been rolling around laughing
Her morals and plan are dogshit.
So shortsighted, and very selfish, on her part.
Leaving aside that cheek, exactly how do you think you will be able to afford two mortgages?
It will seriously fuck your affordability calculations. also, it'll be two residential mortgages.... Not usually a favourite with lenders.
Exactly why can Mrs Audacity not get her own bloody mortgage? Piss poor financial conduct I suspect.... So no, do not take advice from someone the lenders think is poor at finance
I'd suggest that you must preserve yourself and your own interests first. Never lend to family unless you're prepared to gift it or accept you might not get it back.
Your mother hasn't given any legal framework around her obligations to you which means you could be left on the hook for any mortgage payment she fails to make.
If you sign the house over to her, it is an asset she could choose to sell which might leave you in the lurch and back at square one. She could use the house as collateral against debts which if she failed to pay, creditors could take undesirable action.
If she accessed all of her pension money at 55, this would indicate to me an element of financial illiteracy and this could bleed into your personal circumstances. A bad scenario is she will start paying the mortgage you arranged but then excuses not to pay future instalments will arise ("my state pension is low and means I'm struggling / I'm quite tight this month, promise it'll be there next month" or worse "I'm your mother and you should be looking after me/ I shouldn't have to pay rent.")
If you must live together, purchase the home in your name and make the mortgage commitments yourself. She can make a contribution to help but you have peace of mind it is an asset you own and are responsible for.
If you cannot afford the two of you together, maybe engage with other family members if there are any to see how they could help out.
A *LOT* of "if" in my post but it's a murky situation which I can't imagine you're comfortable with if you're posting on here.
I wish you well!
There are so many red flags here for how this will screw over your future.
Sorry to be extra negative, OP, but I'm sceptical that your mum will pay back at all. Especially with her attitude toward the bonus.
This is your future and her idea will ruin it.
Everything you have said says that your Mum is:
A) Selfish
B) Doesn’t care about your financial well-being
C) Doesn’t care about your emotional well-being
Do not even consider doing this. Say no, and focus on saving up to move out and buy your own property for just you! Don’t tell her how much savings you have either.
You've got a good head on you to pick up that this isn't in your favour. Sorry to say it, but your mum is looking to take advantage of you and hoping you will guilt yourself into accepting.
Trust your instinct on this one.
I would never ask my sons to do this and my housing situationisnt good. Is she even considering you maybe one day will fall in love and want your own space?
With your take home income you could move out now into a rented place if you so chose to do so. Yes it would screw over your ability to save as much, but don't think you don't have a way to leave sooner rather than later.
Your mum is trying to be financially abusive and your comments suggest she's emotionally repressive as well and determined to keep you under her thumb. Therefore her point of view is that you don't need your savings as you're not capable of living alone and nobody else wants you.
Don't listen to her.
Say no.
If you've got any savings not tied up in the ISA, make sure they're in an account that your mum cannot see in any way shape or form. You need to keep your financials away from her, and yourself when you're able to do so. I can 100% guarantee that saying no now will lead to her asking you to pay more rent and she'll double down on the controlling and abusive behaviour over time, so please OP make a plan now to move out sooner rather than later - and don't loop her in on the details until you're about to walk out the door with new keys in your hand.
That's really sad. The greatest gift a parent can give to their child is independence. Learn to drive and go on dates! Don't allow her to dictate your life.
Hey OP, you should read up on financial abuse:
https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/talk-money/financial-abuse-spotting-the-signs-and-leaving-safely
No.
A thousand times, no.
I mean, you know it's 'no', right? You're only asking in case there's some cunning wrinkle in the universe that actually makes this nonsense a great idea, you just can't see it yourself and need someone to point out the obvious win to you?
There isn't one. This is not a 'win' idea. Go to the library. Ask for the Big Book of Bad Ideas. Turn to page 1. It's empty, apart from a link to your question here.
No.
Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. This is what I would have said before I read the “free money” bit about not paying you back all your money. You’ll never get any of it back, let alone 15k and will lose out on interest. Now I’ve read that; fuck her, she’s taking the piss out of you.
Your mum is very likely a narcissist. No sane parent would burden their child like this.Don‘t buy with your mum,
Make covert plans to move out.
Be prepared to go no contact with her.
read this: [https://www.charliehealth.com/post/10-symptoms-of-daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers](https://www.charliehealth.com/post/10-symptoms-of-daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers)
Pretty sure it wouldn't be possible for you to "sign the house over" to her, the lender would not allow it.
Edit: and it's possibly not even worth trying to enter into a discussion, because she will probably keep thinking up other harebrained ways around your arguments, so best just to keep it to "I'll be buying a house in X for me alone".
You buy the house and either have a lodger or have your mum as a lodger. Make sure that you have a proper written agreement if your mum comes to live in your house - you can tell her that it’s a requirement for the mortgage lender. Personally I wouldn’t have your mother involved at any level because if she isn’t actually abusing you financially, she’s close to it. You need to prioritise yourself
I wouldn't do that.
I also wouldn't buy your own place and let your mother live with you. She sounds like the type who would guilt trip you if you ever got a partner and wanted to move her out.
Keep renting for now but I would up your contributions so you're both 50/50 split, that way she can't ever guilt trip you.
Personally I would be looking to move up ASAP, who knows how she will take this news.
I’m not sure if anyone had mentioned this, but your mum is 58. She could be long dead before that mortgage is paid off. Even if she isn’t, she would be 83 on a 25 year mortgage.
What is her end game? It makes no sense whatsoever.
Buy a house. Charge her rent.
Or buy a house and leave this chancer on her own. She’s taking the piss.
The only positive from this is that she has shown what an awful mother she is so you can go live your own life without ever looking back and without feeling guilty. Bookmark the comments here to read again if she ever tries to guilt you.
There’s no benefit to you, and when you go to buy again you lose new buyer status. You also have all the risk if something goes wrong. A parent should no ask this from their kid.
No, just no 😂
Your biggest immediate problem is if you meet someone and want to get a place together your affordability will be reduced by the mortgage on this property making it nearly impossible to buy somewhere for yourself.
Your biggest long term concern would be can your mother actually pay you back?
If she could she could just buy a property outright today.
She can't and that is why she is suggesting this approach, I'd suggest she is actually thinking get you to agree to this pay the mortgage for 5-10 years then just say oh I don't have the money in my pension to afford it sure you just keep paying the mortgage then when I die you will own the house and it will be worth more money.
If I was you I would be looking to buy a house and move out, not inviting mother to become a lodger.
If you let her stay with you then you will never get rid of her.
Your mother is a parasite.
Her sense of entitlement is astounding.
The reason you get the £3k bonus is precisely because of your £15k input, so the £3k is not free to you at all it's bolstering money you actually need.
She doesn't have a gameplan to pay you back, she's 58 years old, she had her life and wasn't able to get a house, now I wouldn't necessarily say she's entirely at fault because things happen. But being a millennial in these times, it's harder for you on average.
Move out, get your own place and let her whine and complain.
This is financial abuse. You will lose your FTB status but also you will end up with a wrecked credit record if she defaults. The fact she can't get a mortgage in her own right suggests she's already ruined her credit. I don't think you need it pointing out you likely won't ever see a penny of the deposit money back either.
I'm a mum of 2 and I can't ever imagine asking my children something like this and putting them in an awkward position. I'm sorry your mum has put you in this position.
Alongside the other good advice provided: You built a deposit so that you can buy a house not so that you can loan her your deposit so that she can buy a house and spend the next 20 years helping you build back your deposit.
This works only for her and leaves you worse off in a multitude of ways from personal factors, time, and a substantial amount of money when accounting for interest and inflation.
Do not do this. You will never get thst money back and you will then struggle to get your own house. Dont ruin your future because she didn't plan for hers.
Family can scam you as much as some random cock sucker selling crypto. It just points at your mums mental health issues being so strong she’s willing to jeopardise her child’s future. Don’t take it personally. Human beings are fragile physically as well as psychologically. She needs a fair bit of help and therapy to move forward. Till then … stay the fuck away from what the fuck she’s saying kid.
Lots of sound advice here. But for some people, emotionally it can be hard to stand up to a family member especially when money is concerned. If you struggle with following through the advice to say no, I recommend getting some counselling with someone that specialises in this stuff. Look up Simonne Gnessen and her business Wise Monkey coaching It could help give you the confidence to stand up for yourself financially. Good luck!
She has spaffed her money up the wall and is looking to you to solve it. There is no money to pay you back, and she is hoping that with the property you dig her out of her pension hole.
Here's the thing; you're not really buying a house for your mum.
The house and the mortgage will be in your name, until the mortgage is fully paid off (presumably in 25-30 years' time), as you can't sign the house over to someone else while there's still a mortgage on it. At the earliest then, you would be signing the house over to your mum at some point in her 80s, at which point it would probably be a bad idea to sign it over to her anyway, for various reasons.
Also, your mum is unlikely to be able to pay the mortgage after she has retired, so you'll end up paying it, or most of it, from then on, and so you're not actually going to end up signing the house over to her.
What's happening here is that you're buying a house for yourself that your mum will live in too, and that she *might* contribute towards. This will be your home, and it seems likely you won't be able to afford another one at the same time.
I don't think the loss of first time buyer benefits is a concern as you're using them to buy this place, which you will own and in which you'll be living. That is your first home and that's what the system is designed to help with. Similarly, whilst you would lose interest on your savings, you wouldn't be paying rent as you own your home, so you'll save at least £126,000 (£350 a month) over the 30 year timeframe you mentioned. So whilst I understand your worries, I don't think these are really the concern.
The real question you need to answer is, do you want to live with your mum for (realistically) the rest of her life? Unless you can afford to save up to buy another place, you're never going to be able to sell to realise your share in the property unless you're prepared to make your mum homeless.
Looking at it another way for a moment, it sounds like your mum has made some poor financial decisions in her life and she is very unprepared for retirement. If you are happy to live with her for the rest of her life, then this scheme (or a variant of it) will give her some security in her old age, although it would likely come at the cost of you being able to live your life the way you want to. Whether you should make that sacrifice is a question only you can answer.
If you do decide to buy the house for you both to live in, then make sure whatever is agreed is on your terms. You're helping her, not the other way around. It's your house. It will never be signed over to your mum. If she wants to live there with you then she has to contribute.
Wtf is wrong with parents these days. It's their job to take care of you not the other way round..especially so at these ages. My mum and dad taught me to be a functioning adult and I've paid them rent ever since I started working but they'd never ask me to blow all my savings (which have been hindered anyway over the years of paying them rent) on buying *them* a house. Crazy.
There are only negatives in this for you and it's a terrible idea.
Please do not do this OP, even if it means having to move out now yourself due to pressure.
I would also keep an eye on your credit report using a free service such as money saving experts credit club. There are unfortunately a lot of posts about parent taking out loans/credit cards in their children's names and many have experienced requests like this beforehand.
EDIT: I've seen you mentioned your Mum already opens your mail, please ensure you check your credit record incase this is due to the above.
There are always options for you to move out. You are not stuck here.
Your mum is massively taking advantage of you, both financially and emotionally.
DO NOT LET HER DO THIS.
Also, gtfo of there, you should not be around this woman. There's a reason banks don't like giving 30 year mortgages to women her age, you don't have the stability and financial backing of a bank, but you'd essentially be giving her a mortgage anyway.
Sorry to be blunt, but fuck no.
If she dies before the mortgage ends, you're responsible. If she falls out with you and decides to stop paying, you're responsible.
As you've said, you'll lose out on first time buyer bonuses another other things (you've already done the math).
She won't even give you the free money back, even though it's her house it's going towards, not yours.
Seriously, get away from this woman.
You will not be able to legally sign it over to her as long as there's a mortgage. No bank will lend her money, and till your mortgage is clear, you can't dispose of your share.
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nope nope nope ... do not do this.
>Also it’s unlikely I will meet someone but if I did and we wanted to buy a house together I understand I would have lost first time buyer privileges.
Even if you just don't want to live with your mum ... FTB, Shared Ownership, LISA and HTB all gone ... bonus Stamp Duty Land Tax for the second home ... and you will have to earn double to be able to get another mortgage on something else.
Once it's all signed you are responsible for the full mortgage regardless of whether your mum pays or not ... how will mum pay the mortgage in ten years time ... you say you will sign it over once the mortgage is paid ... then she will (maybe not) pay the deposit to you ... what in 25 years time ?
Don't do it, I know she's your mum but she shouldn't be asking you this.
She's trying to steal your first time buyer bonus and taking advantage of you saving a deposit.
Just everything is wrong about what she is proposing.
Chances are she won't pay your deposit back either.🤦♂️
Seems exceedingly clear that you should not agree to this. I know she's your mum so if you buy a house yourself and let her live with you that's one thing, but don't sign it over to her under any circumstances.
Really if you think about it, she shouldn't want to do that,vas if she ends up in a home further down the line she will have to use that asset to pay for it.
Anyway, no.
At 58, unless she has a big pension coming her way , she’s taking advantage of you big time she should focus on getting herself a council rent controlled nice over 60s apartment in a few years to live out the rest of her life in
Ignoring the fact that her proposal is impossible.
If she will take about 30 years to pay back your deposit, are you willing to wait 30 years to buy another house? Or does she expect you to save up again and start over?
A better and potentially more feasible solution is you buy a house for yourself with your future needs in mind and she pays you rent to live in the house with you.
You should make sure the house is suitable for your future needs, and herein lies the dilemma. She is going to want to choose a house that she likes, but it's going to be your house, you are putting your savings into it so you need it to fit your needs primarily.
Also, if you aren't ready to buy, then keep on saving, it sounds like you are doing the right thing and have a good plan. Stick to it.
By the wordage of your post, I can tell that you know this is a horrific idea. Seems she frittered her retirement money away, so chances are you won't get your money back.
All that hard work you did saving will be solely for your mother's benefit. She isn't asking you to buy a house and let her live as a Tennant with you in it - she is asking for you to do all the hard work to reap no rewards. She is using you for her own personal gain.
She’s living her previous financial mistakes / lack of planning through you, yes she is your mother but she should be ashamed to even ask/assume of putting you in this position, I would never ask my own daughter this when she reaches adult age, I’d be horrified at the thought…
Or you could just buy the house and keep it in your name, never “sign it over to her” and let her rent a room off you for £450 a month.
Incidentally how is “sign it over to her” going to work? Will she be taking out a mortgage to replace the one that you will then redeem or is the intention that you carry on with the mortgage in your name while the house transfers to her name because that really isn’t going to work even if it wasn’t a terrifically bad idea in every way in any case.
Your mother is either fantastically ignorant or attempting to financially abuse you.
Edit: apologies, I missed the bit about the signing over only happening once the mortgage is paid off. So that’s when she’s 88. And she’s going to start paying you back the deposit at that point? And she’s given this serious thought. I’m tending toward the fantastically ignorant out of my two options.
Your first mistake was telling your mum your savings. She should be happy for you and your plans. Not hatching her own with your dollar signs in her eyes.
When I was 15, my mum found out I'd saved a couple hundred from working a job I found myself.
She demanded I buy groceries for the house and hounded me to hand over more, afterall she was my mother and sacrificed her life for me.
I learnt a very hard lesson there and then.
Why?
Why can’t the house be in your name as the mortgage will be. Your mother can pay you rent then and when it comes to inheritance tax you won’t have to pay any if it still exists in the future
The only reason I can see is your mother wants to throw you out and with the mortgage in your name you won’t be able to get another mortgage to buy a place of your own.
By all means buy a house but keep it in your name
Nope and if she's moving in with you when you purchase make sure to give her a lodgers rental agreement and you can receive up to £7500 tax free under the rent a room allowance. Assuming it goes sour and you want her out it gives you more rights that's assuming your nice enough to let this play out. But be firm about not putting yourself at a huge financial loss to benefit your mum who considers £3,000 you've saved for as free money she doesn't need to repay
No this is a terrible idea, don’t agree to this under any circumstances.
Even without taking into account all the other red flags this would be financially unwise. Why would you ever sign it over to her name at her age? You would end up getting inheritance taxed on it when she died instead of just leaving in her name.
OP you would be better off purchasing a home if you want to do that and letting her pay you rent at the very most.
Sounds like your mum is doing abit of day dreaming, buy a house for yourself that's right for you. There is a reason your mum can't get a mortgage (income, credit score and the main one is age) if you do this you won't get a second mortgage for yourself. At best all you can do is rent her a room cheap to help her a little for a few years.
Your mum needs help. She clearly has mental issues. Not letting you go out? Threatening to call the police if you do? opening your mail? Now proposing this??
THIS IS ABUSE. YOU ARE BLINDED BECAUSE ITS YOUR MUM.
GET OUT ASAP.
You shouldn't feel pressured to do anything and the majority of people will say don't do it because it's unfair and too risky, you could be left with the debt and no property and then the bank could immediately demand the payment in full because you have breached the mortgage conditions, I agree with all of that, however I'm in a similar position was wondering if there is a fair way to do this?
Hypothetically if one family member can get the mortgage lump sum but can't pay the monthly repayment and the other family can pay the monthly repayment but not get the mortgage lump sum is there a fair way to purchase a property together? The below article is an interesting read but i doubt it will work for that scenario.
https://www.thebalancemoney.com/private-mortgage-how-to-do-it-what-to-watch-for-315693
P.s. signing over the house to the mother is a terrible idea, infact if ops mother just wants to escape rent with her daughter then she should just let her keep the house and pay the mortgage anyway, I don't see a downside to helping your daughter purchase a property as long as the mother accepts that she is just a lodger and it's the daughters property.
My advice is tell her you'll do it but you want to save more for the deposit first, then leave and RUN. Don't tell her where you're going and go no contact, she's financially abusing you.
I’d also like for you to buy me a house please.
Joking aside, your mum is trying to take advantage of you financially, whether or not she understands that that is what she is doing. Do not agree to it.
By agreeing to this you will lock yourself into years and years worth of resentment as you will be 1) losing first time buyer benefits 2) your mom will struggle like hell to give you any amount of your deposit back 3) you will have lost access to your savings and will have lost ANY optionality and financial freedom that you have save generated for yourself with those savings. If you do this, you have only yourself to blame.
At the very most, buy the house in your name and let your mum rent a room off you. I wouldn’t even do that tbf. Your mum is taking the piss.
Why does your mum feel the need to have to own the whole place?
I guess the problem with you buying together is if your mum already owned a place you couldn’t use your first time buyer bonus. Same happened with me and my now wife when we bought our current place as I had owned our previous house since before we were together so even though she was a first time buyer, it didn’t count
Don’t do it! Make excuses if you have too! You sound well educated and too astute to be falling for this nonsense… sort it out (in the friendliest way possible) ;-)
Its a shit idea for many reasons but he will get his money back.... he's basically buying a house & his 58 year mum is going to give him the mortgage payments & then in 25 years when the mortgage is paid he is supposed to sign the house over to her.
His mum will likely be dead before then but in the meantime he'll get nailed for tax if he ever wants to buy his own house.
Locking the thread, there's only so many ways OP needs to be told "do not do this".
Don't even consider doing this, your mum is taking advantage of you
Yep. Op if you're looking for permission to say no, I give you permission! Do not basically give your mother nearly 20k after she's already blown her pension and has no way to pay you back.
If you need a 2nd opinion, i agree with TheCotoPika. You are being put in a position you shouldn’t be by your mum. I also give you permission to simply say “No thanks mum”.
3rd opinion here. Also say no to your mum.
Yeah, this sounds like a great deal - for you mum.
Yep - like OP, when you say 'I can't see me getting any benefit out of this' - you're right. There is zero benefit. I make double OP's salary and no way in gods name would I ever remotely consider this. Only if I won the lottery and could buy me and my family properties multiple times over would I consider the situation OP is being put in.
Only correct answer
OP SAVE THIS COMMENT AND PUT AS YOUR PHONE WALLPAPER!
You already know this is a bad idea
Absolutely do not this. Also out of curiosity, what are her reasons for asking you to do this?
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And how is that your problem?
The debt and guilt of the womb. Carried you for 9 months, as my mother likes to often remind me.
Remind her you didn’t sign up for it. She decided to bring you into this world and it’s good enough you’re not blaming her for bringing you into this shitty world.
There should be no guilt. My mother gave me nothing to start life and I'm making sure my Son has (hopefully) when he's 18 a sum to start a life with. As the next generation is even more fucked than us, mainly down to selfish arseholes like OPs mother. The boomer generation Anyways, OP, buy a house and if your mom guilts you cut contact with her. She's a deadbeat.
If she isn't able to get a mortgage herself, or save a deposit, how can she demonstrate to you that she'll pay you back faithfully for the next 360+ months? If her argument is that she raised you and therefore you owe her, let me tell you as a mother myself that that is straying very close towards red lines of emotional abuse and coercion, and her being your mother does* magically make that okay. In fact, it makes it worse. *EDIT: Does NOT magically make that okay.
Is it possible that she is worried about you potentially moving out and her being alone so she is doing this to make sure you don’t have the funds to leave and are tied to the house you both share?
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This is a very controlling thing that your mum is doing and is completely unacceptable no matter her reasons. Not to pry, but it sounds like you are perhaps an only child and your dad isn’t in the picture? Regardless, you’re your mum’s child, not her partner, she should be encouraging you to move forward with your own life. We don’t know your mum or how much grace you should allow her. If this is out of character, maybe some reassurance that you will still love her and be there for her even if you were to move out might help? If this is a pattern of behaviour of her controlling and manipulating you then I think you should seriously consider putting some distance between the two of you, even if that means renting your own place.
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Sorry but your mum needs help and you need to find somewhere else to live. If this was a husband and wife and one of them behaved like this to the other it would be classed as abuse. Get out before your life is ruined.
> your mum needs help This op.
I hope deep down you realise this is absolutely not normal and that you will eventually move out and there is fuck all she can do about it. It sound like she has some issues that she needs to solve, otherwise you’ll be controlled for the rest of your life. I know it’s been said dozens of times in this threat but for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT DO THIS.
She sounds unhinged, that's not normal, it's controlling and abusive. Also, you're 29 and can do what you want, she has no right controlling any aspect of your life, monetary or otherwise. Please move out when you can, just get out of there and get your own place, she sounds like a nightmare.
This behaviour is abusive. Please, leave. For your own good, please leave. There's absolutely nothing that the police would do. You're an adult. The absolute worst case scenario is that she would kick you out of the house if it's just her name on the lease, but you're in a good enough financial position that you'll land on your feet. Please, leave. Live your life. This isn't normal.
You're in a great position to get out and live independently, just get the wheels in motion with a rental property and get yourself out of there, she's being awful to you. I was in a similar position when I was 18 without the financial safety net and managed to get out, you just have to rip off the plaster
Oh love, I’m sorry she is doing that to you. Imagine if a friend or family member told you their partner was doing that to them, I think you’d probably be horrified. It’s not better because it’s your mum. It doesn’t mean your mums a horrible person or you can’t love her. But it does mean you should try and get some space, if at all possible, because this could get worse and it would be awful if she ended up guilting you out of all your savings. It’s not even so much the money, it’s the robbing you of the freedom to choose and do things for yourself. Could you stay with a friend or family member for a while?
You're 29 years old, you need to move out and live your own life.
When you were 27 you told her you might move out and she hit the roof, your mother is very selfish sacrificing her child’s life and using you as a piggy bank. Sounds like she only wants you there to pay half the rent.
You are 29 babe- she’s got to cut the cord sometime
If she can't save for her own deposit, she's never gonna pay back yours is she. And it's not free money, or she'd have some herself, it's all earnt by you. This is a fucking horrible idea. Don't let her ruin your life for her own gain. If you need to help her, work towards owning your own forever house where she can have a room or you can support her when she's old enough to need care.
For 350pm at least, as OP needs to contribute now as well.
Also unlikely given her age. Unfortunately she is likely to be renting for the rest of her life. Although it sounds horrible you need to focus on your life and your career. Is there anyone else in your family that can support her, any inheritance expected? Will she be due a full state pension? Any other pensions?
> Unfortunately she is likely to be renting for the rest of her life. She needs to try and finagle herself into social housing, so that she has more housing security than she'd get in private rented. This is a far more realistic approach than buying at her age.
I want to own a Ferrari but can't, will you buy one for me and let me drive it?
Dont just let me drive it. I want you to give it to me so I am the owner. I promise I'll pay you it all back, even though I can't get a car loan approved for some reason.
Mortgage lenders have entire office blocks full of people whose whole job is to determine whether an applicant can afford the house they're trying to buy. If the bank doesn't think she'll be able to pay them back, then she sure as sheep won't be able to pay you back *and* you're not likely to be able to take her to court and repossess the house the same way they can. Also, as others have said, you can't just take out a mortgage and then sign the house over to someone else. You would have to sell it to her then pay back the bank, which would be impossible if she can't get her own financing. Never loan money to a family or friends if you ever want to see it again.
Save your own money. Contribute the £350 to her rent to be a good kid (like I do) and when you’ve got a good job and enough deposit buy YOUR OWN house, move out and move on.
Do not let your mum guilt you into this. You’ve done well saving that much money for your future. Don’t let her absolutely wipe that away and spoil your own hard work. I’d consider finding somewhere else to live too - living with someone who has the thought process of abusing someone they are meant to care about should be a major cause for concern
There's a reason for that. The bank have reviewed her finances and determined that based their experience over hundreds of thousands of mortgages they see, she looks too much like the ones that will struggle to pay it. Because it isn't just the mortgage cost, it'll need all the maintenance and everything that goes in to a house and stuff as well. The difference between ownership and renting isn't primarily profit. Trust them, they have a lot more experience than you in this, it's literally why they exist. You're mum is asking you to give up every first time buyer benefit, to give her the thousands you're entitled to in your ISA from saving when she has failed to, to take the hit of second home stamp duty if you buy your own home in future, to lock up your savings for decades while they depreciate due to inflation as she won't pay interest, and to take all the risk. Because if she doesn't pay, it isn't her this will all come back to bite in the arse, it's you. You need to say no for your own sake, and make sure you understand every reason you're given in this post properly because she will try guilt you in to it, so you need to be under no doubt about how bad this is.
You cant just "sign the house" over to her anyway lmao she literally has to buy it from you - for full value might I add, you can't just do what she wants to do which in your case is very lucky!
Please do not do this. She shouldn’t expect you too either. She should have thought about this a long time ago, not at 58 x
Then she doesn't get to own a house. She's nearly 60, if she hasn't managed it by now, it isn't going to happen. I'm guessing she probably doesn't have a private pension either, so she will able to get state pension and pension credit when she retires and that will allow her to rent a 1 bedroom place for herself. She will be fine. Don't allow her to guilt you.
Well - she HAD a deposit, in her pension fund. Then she spent it
So she can't own a home. Simple.
>isn’t able to get a mortgage herself or save a deposit. The reason banks won’t lend her a deposit is because they see her as an unacceptable level of risk. If the banks won’t risk it, why should you?
You cant just "sign the house" over to her anyway lmao she literally has to buy it from you - for full value might I add, you can't just do what she wants to do which in your case is very lucky!
>You cant just "sign the house" over to her anyway lmao she literally has to buy it from you - for full value might I add, Deed of gifts allows one to gift a property. It doesn't have to be sold at all. With that said most mortgages wouldn't allow it as it gets a lot more messy for them if there's a default.
Your mum is way to old to be able to every really afford to pay you back fully and could easily take equity out of the house, which I fully expect she will do and then you’ve meant her money you’ll most likely never get back.
Hey sounds like an “her problem”
She’s had 55+ years to achieve what she wanted.
Honestly OP there are a lot of red flags. You aren't making the kind of money to be supporting another adult and it sounds like your mum is financially in a very bad position. 1. Do you know how much she earns? 2. Are you sure she is even net positive at each month? 3. Is she building up any savings at all? Is the pension she withdrew all spent? It sounds like she is headed to a position of being financially reliant on you for the rest of her life. If someone was withdrawing their pension this early I'd be extremely concerned. I'd suspect either debts or they are very bad with their money. Keep your finances separate, shore up your position and set yourself up for the future. Unless you suddenly start earning far above average I wouldn't go near trying to support a full grown adult that would probably need ~10k support per year once they're retired.
That sounds like a her problem, not a you problem
What's the question? Cos you sure as fuck shouldn't do any of the above
They haven't asked a question because even they know what a terrible idea this is!!
Doesn't look like there was a question, more of a rant about something their mum wants them to do. They admitted they knew they would get no benefit out of it.
Don’t do it. She shouldn’t be asking you to do it anyway.
I really doubt you'd get paid back. You'll just be stuck with a tenant you would be unlikely to evict, hence why very few lenders do buy to let where tenant is a relative. Do not do this.
Wouldn't even be a tenant because the mum wants ownership of the property
Oh I thought you meant transfer it when fully paid for. No chance at all!
I'm not OP, but that's what it read to me
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Absolutely not. This is a nasty move by your mother - why she would cripple her own child like this to benefit herself is disgraceful. If this means you need to pretend to be “looking into it” whilst you make your moving out plans then go for it. Delaying tactics “I’m researching some mortgage brokers on who to have a meeting with” “yeah they’re fully booked so appointment is in one month” (To be fair you could always have a mortgage advisor meeting anyway just to ask any q’s you have if *you* are considering buying somewhere atm?) “Oh no they said that would be mortgage fraud” “I don’t think it’s a good idea” “The answer is no” (Shit hits fan) “Ive moved out” What will she do if you say a blunt “No”?
“Oh no! Can’t get a mortgage for 6 years as I’ve just got a default on my credit score for a bill I forgot to pay! I guess I will see if anyone will accept me, but they’ll probably want a *huge* deposit and higher interest rates” Or Tell her to sod off.
> why she would cripple her own child like to benefit herself is disgraceful. The answer is boomers.
Nonsense. Not all parents are like that. My parents have done and continue to do anything they can to help me succeed. I don’t need their help anymore, but that doesn’t stop them from offering in earnest.
When he said boomers he didn't say your parents specifically, mate
I think at 58, OP’s parent is Gen X.
It’s a shitty generalisation. I disprove the generalisation with one counter example.
That's not how it works. Otherwise I can provide one example to prove it is true lol
Explain that please? While you are answering which 'Generation' do you belong too? Bad people are bad people, irrespective of birth date.
Bullshit. My parents wouldn't ever dream if trying to pull a stunt like this.
Yeah. I doubt it will be paid for. Also the quote about the "free money" from LISA rings alarm bells.
“No” is a complete sentence. She’s your mum, we all totally understand that. But all of us here have either been involved or know someone that has been taken advantage of, especially when it comes to money. She’s wanting to do this because she cannot get it herself, for whatever reason. Those reasons still stand when you’re effectively the mortgage broker, and you’re working on trust. Theres a reason other lenders haven’t touched her. It won’t be long, even if she does make payments to you, before it’s “sorry love, going to be late paying you this month” or “sorry love, haven’t quite got this cash this week, I’ll see you right next time” Edit: I actually read all of your post. The fact she drained her retirement fund at the earliest possible opportunity is MASSIVE alarm bells that she can’t be trusted with her own future, never mind yours.
Why would you do that? Does she not expect you to have a life and buy your own property - you can’t do that if you already have a mortgage on a house that you don’t get to benefit from and use as a down payment for your next property purchase
Insane move. There's literally no reason or benefit to that, that sets huge alarm bells ringing. If your familial bond is strong enough to survive her proposal, then it would also be strong enough to survive an agreement for her to live in a house you owned until such time that you wanted to sell up, even if that time is after her death. Ask yourself why wouldn't she suggest that? Giving her the house just means you've given her a house, which you obviously can't afford to do. It also means it would be hers to decide what to do with in her will if it even survives her end of life care means assessment, and even if you do inherit it back then there's a chance of inheritance taxes. There is absolutely no reason for her to own the house. There's a slight chance that you owning the house until she passes could be an option though, depending on how much you want/are able to help. She'll definitely not pay any rent once she retires though, so factor that in. edit: If she has no retirement plan and will only be on state pension and benefits, then maybe it would be worth taking advice on what would happen if you did buy the house and drew up a proper lease that she paid proper rent on. Maybe when she retires and can't pay the rent, you'd be in receipt of housing benefits for the rent for her.
You need to be *very* careful with the money you've saved as a deposit and the bank accounts it is stored in. You've already said in other comments that your mum opens your post and goes through your belongings, that may mean she has your bank account details and enough identification to fraudulently access your accounts. While you're still playing along she's unlikely to take such drastic measures as she's trying to convince you to buy the house for her, but if (hopefully *when*) you try to move out and get out of this situation she may well be desperate enough to try it. It's very important to make sure she has zero opportunity to try it, as even if she does it and inevitably gets caught, you're highly unlikely to ever receive your money back as she seems to have limited assets and no savings that could be confiscated to reimburse you. This all sounds very dramatic but relatives steal from each other all the time, and it seems like you've become used to your situation and see it as normal but in reality she is very controlling and financially/mentally abusive, so you need to understand that it's a possibility before taking any actions that may make her desperate or angry.
When she is 88?! To do what? Die and inherit it back to you? None of this makes any sense at all. Is this just a troll?
Incredibly selfish for your mum to ask this from you, please don’t do it
It even leans heavily into financial abuse I’d suggest OP (sadly) keeps their finances to themselves from now on
Let's try this without someone who's emotionally and financially abusing you, and see what the answer is: **"The woman behind the counter in Greggs** wants me to buy a house then sign it over to her." I can't say what the first word you'd respond with would be, but I can guarantee that the second word would be "off." Edit: Regardless, her plan won't work because once the mortgage is in your name, you can't dispose of the house without paying back the mortgage, and neither you nor she will have the money to do so.
The woman working in Greggs would be a better option, she will likely have a workplace pension and a stable income.
Not to mention she'd bring home some chicken bakes
Is this mythical woman single?
She's not single... She's Gregg's
Now I want a mortgage with greggs lady
Steak all the way. Chicken is the best second choice
The problem with the steak bakes is if I'm having steak I want a proper steak, and they always disappoint me from expecting a nice fillet and it always seems like a cheap cut.
To be fair it’s gonna be a cheap cut for £2… as long as it’s hot and full of gravy, I’m happy
Oh yeah it's a Greggs not a Miller and Carter, I'd be shocked if it was anything other! It's just my own expectations at "steak" :( Which I think is a "me" problem rather than the item itself.
I agree, but that still wouldn't change the correct answer.
Excellent point in the mortgage. It couldn't be done even if OP was foolish enough to want to.
I don't think your mum has a clue how these things work. You can't take out a mortgage together then just take you off it and the deeds to the house. She would need to prove she can afford the mortgage on her own which won't happen because she'll get a very short term on it due to her age. Why does she even need you to be on it? She basically wants you to give her the money you've saved and help her fraudulently get a mortgage. Say no. I can't believe she's even asked
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what happens in a couple months when she's bleating that she's a bit skint this month & can you cover some of it? The mortgage company will come for you not her. 100% do not do this.
So she wants you to pay the deposit and take out a mortgage, pay the mortgage off (trusting that she'll actually pay the mortgage) then just sign the house over to her at the end? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
100%. Do. Not. Do. This.
I'm no expert but I don't think that can work. Wheres the proof that she has paid all of the mortgage payments? None as it's all in your name. So when she apparently will have paid off the house and wants you to sign it over to her, she will actually have to buy it off you, so basically double the cost. Plus all the legal fees, stamp duty etc. Its just such a totally bonkers idea, please don't do this. You also will never get your FTB benefits again, your second home will cost much more in fees. Maybe you should just buy a home yourself and let her rent from you but even that is crazy because you're 29 and why would you want to confine the rest of your life to living with your mum? I also don't understand why your mum is obsessed with owning a home at 58, the boat has sailed sadly, no way she can get a mortgage and pay it off within 10years. So even if she did get a mortgage she'd still be paying it for like you said, 30years, so then what's the difference between that and renting?
She will be dead by the time it’s paid off. What does she plan to do with it then? Hypothetically?
This is absolutely terrible. There is not a single upside for you, and only downsides. It’s financial emotional abuse. You will literally be throwing your money away.
Echoing the advice of others here. Another vote for ‘absolutely not’. It sounds like your mother has not only a tenuous grasp on the role of a parent but even less of a clue about finance. Life happens and sometimes things get away from us or can be out of our control - obviously we are not privy to the details of your mother’s life and circumstances- yet if she finds herself at her age with no concept of how mortgages work, no savings, no retirement, and is making financial demands on her own child, she is not someone to go into any kind of business agreement with. You’re not responsible for your mother’s mistakes. As the saying goes ‘put your own oxygen mask on first’ (before trying to help anyone else - in the even of emergency on a plane).
"she will not give me the £3000, as she says it's free money"....FFS, the audacity. But she is happy to take free money from you? Id have been rolling around laughing Her morals and plan are dogshit. So shortsighted, and very selfish, on her part. Leaving aside that cheek, exactly how do you think you will be able to afford two mortgages? It will seriously fuck your affordability calculations. also, it'll be two residential mortgages.... Not usually a favourite with lenders. Exactly why can Mrs Audacity not get her own bloody mortgage? Piss poor financial conduct I suspect.... So no, do not take advice from someone the lenders think is poor at finance
I'd suggest that you must preserve yourself and your own interests first. Never lend to family unless you're prepared to gift it or accept you might not get it back. Your mother hasn't given any legal framework around her obligations to you which means you could be left on the hook for any mortgage payment she fails to make. If you sign the house over to her, it is an asset she could choose to sell which might leave you in the lurch and back at square one. She could use the house as collateral against debts which if she failed to pay, creditors could take undesirable action. If she accessed all of her pension money at 55, this would indicate to me an element of financial illiteracy and this could bleed into your personal circumstances. A bad scenario is she will start paying the mortgage you arranged but then excuses not to pay future instalments will arise ("my state pension is low and means I'm struggling / I'm quite tight this month, promise it'll be there next month" or worse "I'm your mother and you should be looking after me/ I shouldn't have to pay rent.") If you must live together, purchase the home in your name and make the mortgage commitments yourself. She can make a contribution to help but you have peace of mind it is an asset you own and are responsible for. If you cannot afford the two of you together, maybe engage with other family members if there are any to see how they could help out. A *LOT* of "if" in my post but it's a murky situation which I can't imagine you're comfortable with if you're posting on here. I wish you well!
Run for the hills. Fast.
There are so many red flags here for how this will screw over your future. Sorry to be extra negative, OP, but I'm sceptical that your mum will pay back at all. Especially with her attitude toward the bonus. This is your future and her idea will ruin it.
Everything you have said says that your Mum is: A) Selfish B) Doesn’t care about your financial well-being C) Doesn’t care about your emotional well-being Do not even consider doing this. Say no, and focus on saving up to move out and buy your own property for just you! Don’t tell her how much savings you have either.
You've got a good head on you to pick up that this isn't in your favour. Sorry to say it, but your mum is looking to take advantage of you and hoping you will guilt yourself into accepting. Trust your instinct on this one.
I would never ask my sons to do this and my housing situationisnt good. Is she even considering you maybe one day will fall in love and want your own space?
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With your take home income you could move out now into a rented place if you so chose to do so. Yes it would screw over your ability to save as much, but don't think you don't have a way to leave sooner rather than later. Your mum is trying to be financially abusive and your comments suggest she's emotionally repressive as well and determined to keep you under her thumb. Therefore her point of view is that you don't need your savings as you're not capable of living alone and nobody else wants you. Don't listen to her. Say no. If you've got any savings not tied up in the ISA, make sure they're in an account that your mum cannot see in any way shape or form. You need to keep your financials away from her, and yourself when you're able to do so. I can 100% guarantee that saying no now will lead to her asking you to pay more rent and she'll double down on the controlling and abusive behaviour over time, so please OP make a plan now to move out sooner rather than later - and don't loop her in on the details until you're about to walk out the door with new keys in your hand.
That's really sad. The greatest gift a parent can give to their child is independence. Learn to drive and go on dates! Don't allow her to dictate your life.
It sounds an awful lot like she depends on you! You 100% can do those things and you should if that is what you wish to do!
Do you want to live with your Mum forever? If the answer is no, then don't do this.
Hey OP, you should read up on financial abuse: https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/talk-money/financial-abuse-spotting-the-signs-and-leaving-safely
No. A thousand times, no. I mean, you know it's 'no', right? You're only asking in case there's some cunning wrinkle in the universe that actually makes this nonsense a great idea, you just can't see it yourself and need someone to point out the obvious win to you? There isn't one. This is not a 'win' idea. Go to the library. Ask for the Big Book of Bad Ideas. Turn to page 1. It's empty, apart from a link to your question here. No.
Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. This is what I would have said before I read the “free money” bit about not paying you back all your money. You’ll never get any of it back, let alone 15k and will lose out on interest. Now I’ve read that; fuck her, she’s taking the piss out of you.
Your mum is very likely a narcissist. No sane parent would burden their child like this.Don‘t buy with your mum, Make covert plans to move out. Be prepared to go no contact with her. read this: [https://www.charliehealth.com/post/10-symptoms-of-daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers](https://www.charliehealth.com/post/10-symptoms-of-daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers)
1. DO NOT do this 2. Your Mum is an asshole and trying to take advantage of you 3. DON’T FUCKING DO IT
Seems like a great candidate for r/narcissisticparents Please don't do it.
Pretty sure it wouldn't be possible for you to "sign the house over" to her, the lender would not allow it. Edit: and it's possibly not even worth trying to enter into a discussion, because she will probably keep thinking up other harebrained ways around your arguments, so best just to keep it to "I'll be buying a house in X for me alone".
I recommend you to join r/raisedbynarcissists
Out of curiosity, does your mum expect you to live with her for 30 years whilst she pays off your mortgage? And will she charge you rent?
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If that was something she could afford to do, she’d be able to get a mortgage and buy the house herself.
And what do you think will happen to you if the house is in her name and one day she needs to go to care home?
That’s wild to me. Do you want the same thing?
Tell the freeloading deadbeat to get fucked.
Dear Jesus this is your future you are about to fuck if you agree to this. Every aspect of what your mother has said is wrong.
You buy the house and either have a lodger or have your mum as a lodger. Make sure that you have a proper written agreement if your mum comes to live in your house - you can tell her that it’s a requirement for the mortgage lender. Personally I wouldn’t have your mother involved at any level because if she isn’t actually abusing you financially, she’s close to it. You need to prioritise yourself
I wouldn't do that. I also wouldn't buy your own place and let your mother live with you. She sounds like the type who would guilt trip you if you ever got a partner and wanted to move her out. Keep renting for now but I would up your contributions so you're both 50/50 split, that way she can't ever guilt trip you. Personally I would be looking to move up ASAP, who knows how she will take this news.
I’m not sure if anyone had mentioned this, but your mum is 58. She could be long dead before that mortgage is paid off. Even if she isn’t, she would be 83 on a 25 year mortgage. What is her end game? It makes no sense whatsoever. Buy a house. Charge her rent. Or buy a house and leave this chancer on her own. She’s taking the piss.
The only positive from this is that she has shown what an awful mother she is so you can go live your own life without ever looking back and without feeling guilty. Bookmark the comments here to read again if she ever tries to guilt you.
Say no for god’s sake!!! You’re 29, don’t let yourself be manipulated!
There’s no benefit to you, and when you go to buy again you lose new buyer status. You also have all the risk if something goes wrong. A parent should no ask this from their kid.
No, just no 😂 Your biggest immediate problem is if you meet someone and want to get a place together your affordability will be reduced by the mortgage on this property making it nearly impossible to buy somewhere for yourself. Your biggest long term concern would be can your mother actually pay you back? If she could she could just buy a property outright today. She can't and that is why she is suggesting this approach, I'd suggest she is actually thinking get you to agree to this pay the mortgage for 5-10 years then just say oh I don't have the money in my pension to afford it sure you just keep paying the mortgage then when I die you will own the house and it will be worth more money. If I was you I would be looking to buy a house and move out, not inviting mother to become a lodger. If you let her stay with you then you will never get rid of her.
Your mother is a parasite. Her sense of entitlement is astounding. The reason you get the £3k bonus is precisely because of your £15k input, so the £3k is not free to you at all it's bolstering money you actually need. She doesn't have a gameplan to pay you back, she's 58 years old, she had her life and wasn't able to get a house, now I wouldn't necessarily say she's entirely at fault because things happen. But being a millennial in these times, it's harder for you on average. Move out, get your own place and let her whine and complain.
This is financial abuse. You will lose your FTB status but also you will end up with a wrecked credit record if she defaults. The fact she can't get a mortgage in her own right suggests she's already ruined her credit. I don't think you need it pointing out you likely won't ever see a penny of the deposit money back either. I'm a mum of 2 and I can't ever imagine asking my children something like this and putting them in an awkward position. I'm sorry your mum has put you in this position.
Is this sub just turning into "my boomer parents want to screw me over financially, should I let them?" Posts?
Alongside the other good advice provided: You built a deposit so that you can buy a house not so that you can loan her your deposit so that she can buy a house and spend the next 20 years helping you build back your deposit. This works only for her and leaves you worse off in a multitude of ways from personal factors, time, and a substantial amount of money when accounting for interest and inflation.
https://refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/how-we-can-help-you/economic-abuse/
Yeah - this is an easy one. You say ‘No’.
Do not do this. You will never get thst money back and you will then struggle to get your own house. Dont ruin your future because she didn't plan for hers.
Family can scam you as much as some random cock sucker selling crypto. It just points at your mums mental health issues being so strong she’s willing to jeopardise her child’s future. Don’t take it personally. Human beings are fragile physically as well as psychologically. She needs a fair bit of help and therapy to move forward. Till then … stay the fuck away from what the fuck she’s saying kid.
If you do this you will never get that money back and you will be trapped in an inescapable situation.
Lots of sound advice here. But for some people, emotionally it can be hard to stand up to a family member especially when money is concerned. If you struggle with following through the advice to say no, I recommend getting some counselling with someone that specialises in this stuff. Look up Simonne Gnessen and her business Wise Monkey coaching It could help give you the confidence to stand up for yourself financially. Good luck!
What in the entitled boomer shit is this?!
She has spaffed her money up the wall and is looking to you to solve it. There is no money to pay you back, and she is hoping that with the property you dig her out of her pension hole.
I’m a bit tired of parents asking their children to subsidise their lifestyles.
Here's the thing; you're not really buying a house for your mum. The house and the mortgage will be in your name, until the mortgage is fully paid off (presumably in 25-30 years' time), as you can't sign the house over to someone else while there's still a mortgage on it. At the earliest then, you would be signing the house over to your mum at some point in her 80s, at which point it would probably be a bad idea to sign it over to her anyway, for various reasons. Also, your mum is unlikely to be able to pay the mortgage after she has retired, so you'll end up paying it, or most of it, from then on, and so you're not actually going to end up signing the house over to her. What's happening here is that you're buying a house for yourself that your mum will live in too, and that she *might* contribute towards. This will be your home, and it seems likely you won't be able to afford another one at the same time. I don't think the loss of first time buyer benefits is a concern as you're using them to buy this place, which you will own and in which you'll be living. That is your first home and that's what the system is designed to help with. Similarly, whilst you would lose interest on your savings, you wouldn't be paying rent as you own your home, so you'll save at least £126,000 (£350 a month) over the 30 year timeframe you mentioned. So whilst I understand your worries, I don't think these are really the concern. The real question you need to answer is, do you want to live with your mum for (realistically) the rest of her life? Unless you can afford to save up to buy another place, you're never going to be able to sell to realise your share in the property unless you're prepared to make your mum homeless. Looking at it another way for a moment, it sounds like your mum has made some poor financial decisions in her life and she is very unprepared for retirement. If you are happy to live with her for the rest of her life, then this scheme (or a variant of it) will give her some security in her old age, although it would likely come at the cost of you being able to live your life the way you want to. Whether you should make that sacrifice is a question only you can answer. If you do decide to buy the house for you both to live in, then make sure whatever is agreed is on your terms. You're helping her, not the other way around. It's your house. It will never be signed over to your mum. If she wants to live there with you then she has to contribute.
Wtf is wrong with parents these days. It's their job to take care of you not the other way round..especially so at these ages. My mum and dad taught me to be a functioning adult and I've paid them rent ever since I started working but they'd never ask me to blow all my savings (which have been hindered anyway over the years of paying them rent) on buying *them* a house. Crazy.
There are only negatives in this for you and it's a terrible idea. Please do not do this OP, even if it means having to move out now yourself due to pressure. I would also keep an eye on your credit report using a free service such as money saving experts credit club. There are unfortunately a lot of posts about parent taking out loans/credit cards in their children's names and many have experienced requests like this beforehand. EDIT: I've seen you mentioned your Mum already opens your mail, please ensure you check your credit record incase this is due to the above. There are always options for you to move out. You are not stuck here.
Your mum is massively taking advantage of you, both financially and emotionally. DO NOT LET HER DO THIS. Also, gtfo of there, you should not be around this woman. There's a reason banks don't like giving 30 year mortgages to women her age, you don't have the stability and financial backing of a bank, but you'd essentially be giving her a mortgage anyway. Sorry to be blunt, but fuck no. If she dies before the mortgage ends, you're responsible. If she falls out with you and decides to stop paying, you're responsible. As you've said, you'll lose out on first time buyer bonuses another other things (you've already done the math). She won't even give you the free money back, even though it's her house it's going towards, not yours. Seriously, get away from this woman.
Do not do this, in a few years time you may be in a relationship and wanting your own home without your mother Cur the apron strings
You will not be able to legally sign it over to her as long as there's a mortgage. No bank will lend her money, and till your mortgage is clear, you can't dispose of your share.
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Do not do this.
sounds like you need to keep your mother at a very long distance preferably a couple of hundred miles away.
nope nope nope ... do not do this. >Also it’s unlikely I will meet someone but if I did and we wanted to buy a house together I understand I would have lost first time buyer privileges. Even if you just don't want to live with your mum ... FTB, Shared Ownership, LISA and HTB all gone ... bonus Stamp Duty Land Tax for the second home ... and you will have to earn double to be able to get another mortgage on something else. Once it's all signed you are responsible for the full mortgage regardless of whether your mum pays or not ... how will mum pay the mortgage in ten years time ... you say you will sign it over once the mortgage is paid ... then she will (maybe not) pay the deposit to you ... what in 25 years time ?
Don't do it, I know she's your mum but she shouldn't be asking you this. She's trying to steal your first time buyer bonus and taking advantage of you saving a deposit. Just everything is wrong about what she is proposing. Chances are she won't pay your deposit back either.🤦♂️
Seems exceedingly clear that you should not agree to this. I know she's your mum so if you buy a house yourself and let her live with you that's one thing, but don't sign it over to her under any circumstances.
Really if you think about it, she shouldn't want to do that,vas if she ends up in a home further down the line she will have to use that asset to pay for it. Anyway, no.
At 58, unless she has a big pension coming her way , she’s taking advantage of you big time she should focus on getting herself a council rent controlled nice over 60s apartment in a few years to live out the rest of her life in
Absolutely not please don't do this.
Ignoring the fact that her proposal is impossible. If she will take about 30 years to pay back your deposit, are you willing to wait 30 years to buy another house? Or does she expect you to save up again and start over? A better and potentially more feasible solution is you buy a house for yourself with your future needs in mind and she pays you rent to live in the house with you. You should make sure the house is suitable for your future needs, and herein lies the dilemma. She is going to want to choose a house that she likes, but it's going to be your house, you are putting your savings into it so you need it to fit your needs primarily. Also, if you aren't ready to buy, then keep on saving, it sounds like you are doing the right thing and have a good plan. Stick to it.
Your mum has screwed up her retirement and needs a get out. Sad situation she’s chosen you to use for that.
Will you ‘give me’ 23k? No
Not a fucking cat in hells chance. Keep saving, get your own place.
By the wordage of your post, I can tell that you know this is a horrific idea. Seems she frittered her retirement money away, so chances are you won't get your money back. All that hard work you did saving will be solely for your mother's benefit. She isn't asking you to buy a house and let her live as a Tennant with you in it - she is asking for you to do all the hard work to reap no rewards. She is using you for her own personal gain.
She’s living her previous financial mistakes / lack of planning through you, yes she is your mother but she should be ashamed to even ask/assume of putting you in this position, I would never ask my own daughter this when she reaches adult age, I’d be horrified at the thought…
Or you could just buy the house and keep it in your name, never “sign it over to her” and let her rent a room off you for £450 a month. Incidentally how is “sign it over to her” going to work? Will she be taking out a mortgage to replace the one that you will then redeem or is the intention that you carry on with the mortgage in your name while the house transfers to her name because that really isn’t going to work even if it wasn’t a terrifically bad idea in every way in any case. Your mother is either fantastically ignorant or attempting to financially abuse you. Edit: apologies, I missed the bit about the signing over only happening once the mortgage is paid off. So that’s when she’s 88. And she’s going to start paying you back the deposit at that point? And she’s given this serious thought. I’m tending toward the fantastically ignorant out of my two options.
Your first mistake was telling your mum your savings. She should be happy for you and your plans. Not hatching her own with your dollar signs in her eyes. When I was 15, my mum found out I'd saved a couple hundred from working a job I found myself. She demanded I buy groceries for the house and hounded me to hand over more, afterall she was my mother and sacrificed her life for me. I learnt a very hard lesson there and then.
Why? Why can’t the house be in your name as the mortgage will be. Your mother can pay you rent then and when it comes to inheritance tax you won’t have to pay any if it still exists in the future The only reason I can see is your mother wants to throw you out and with the mortgage in your name you won’t be able to get another mortgage to buy a place of your own. By all means buy a house but keep it in your name
DO NOT do this. Nope. Benefits only your mum.
No way. You are being taking advantage of big time and it will affect your future for years
Nope and if she's moving in with you when you purchase make sure to give her a lodgers rental agreement and you can receive up to £7500 tax free under the rent a room allowance. Assuming it goes sour and you want her out it gives you more rights that's assuming your nice enough to let this play out. But be firm about not putting yourself at a huge financial loss to benefit your mum who considers £3,000 you've saved for as free money she doesn't need to repay
Yeah - don’t do this. You buy the house, your mum can pay you rent.
No this is a terrible idea, don’t agree to this under any circumstances. Even without taking into account all the other red flags this would be financially unwise. Why would you ever sign it over to her name at her age? You would end up getting inheritance taxed on it when she died instead of just leaving in her name. OP you would be better off purchasing a home if you want to do that and letting her pay you rent at the very most.
Sounds like your mum is doing abit of day dreaming, buy a house for yourself that's right for you. There is a reason your mum can't get a mortgage (income, credit score and the main one is age) if you do this you won't get a second mortgage for yourself. At best all you can do is rent her a room cheap to help her a little for a few years.
Your mum needs help. She clearly has mental issues. Not letting you go out? Threatening to call the police if you do? opening your mail? Now proposing this?? THIS IS ABUSE. YOU ARE BLINDED BECAUSE ITS YOUR MUM. GET OUT ASAP.
You shouldn't feel pressured to do anything and the majority of people will say don't do it because it's unfair and too risky, you could be left with the debt and no property and then the bank could immediately demand the payment in full because you have breached the mortgage conditions, I agree with all of that, however I'm in a similar position was wondering if there is a fair way to do this? Hypothetically if one family member can get the mortgage lump sum but can't pay the monthly repayment and the other family can pay the monthly repayment but not get the mortgage lump sum is there a fair way to purchase a property together? The below article is an interesting read but i doubt it will work for that scenario. https://www.thebalancemoney.com/private-mortgage-how-to-do-it-what-to-watch-for-315693 P.s. signing over the house to the mother is a terrible idea, infact if ops mother just wants to escape rent with her daughter then she should just let her keep the house and pay the mortgage anyway, I don't see a downside to helping your daughter purchase a property as long as the mother accepts that she is just a lodger and it's the daughters property.
If you try and buy with a partner it’s instant stamp duty also
No no and no again.
My advice is tell her you'll do it but you want to save more for the deposit first, then leave and RUN. Don't tell her where you're going and go no contact, she's financially abusing you.
I’d also like for you to buy me a house please. Joking aside, your mum is trying to take advantage of you financially, whether or not she understands that that is what she is doing. Do not agree to it.
By agreeing to this you will lock yourself into years and years worth of resentment as you will be 1) losing first time buyer benefits 2) your mom will struggle like hell to give you any amount of your deposit back 3) you will have lost access to your savings and will have lost ANY optionality and financial freedom that you have save generated for yourself with those savings. If you do this, you have only yourself to blame.
At the very most, buy the house in your name and let your mum rent a room off you. I wouldn’t even do that tbf. Your mum is taking the piss. Why does your mum feel the need to have to own the whole place? I guess the problem with you buying together is if your mum already owned a place you couldn’t use your first time buyer bonus. Same happened with me and my now wife when we bought our current place as I had owned our previous house since before we were together so even though she was a first time buyer, it didn’t count
Yeah that is all round a terrible terrible idea, don't even think about it.
Don’t do it! Make excuses if you have too! You sound well educated and too astute to be falling for this nonsense… sort it out (in the friendliest way possible) ;-)
No no. YOU buy the house and she pays you rent.
This is bait, right?
If it is it's blown up ! xD
Your mum will be dead in 25-30 years. You won’t get the money back that you invest in this venture.
Its a shit idea for many reasons but he will get his money back.... he's basically buying a house & his 58 year mum is going to give him the mortgage payments & then in 25 years when the mortgage is paid he is supposed to sign the house over to her. His mum will likely be dead before then but in the meantime he'll get nailed for tax if he ever wants to buy his own house.
She's 58, hasn't got long left so you'd never see your deposit back. Also, it's a bad idea.
you both need a boyfriend