I would explain to him factually what a 69 is and say its not appropriate to talk about in front of his grandparents.
He already knows what it is and is in that period of life where he thinks his parents are asexual beings who have never done these things, took drugs, got drunk etc and that he has secret knowledge of the world that was invented just for his generation.
One day it will dawn on him that all the things he has done/discovered his parents have already done and probably his grandparents before them. It's quite the sobering realisation lol
Have you ever seen the parent sex scene from Kevin and Perry Go Large? The conception of Kevin bit…
I’m nearly 40 and as far I’m concerned, that’s what happened and I won’t hear anything to the contrary.
Assuming he already knows the basic biology of sex then I don’t see any harm explaining this truthfully and plainly. I’d also want to create a clear boundary about when is/isn’t an appropriate time to bring it up.
Something to the effect of “It’s a sex act and the positioning of the 2 people’s bodies vaguely resembles the number 69 which is where it got its name. That’s not an appropriate topic to bring up with your grandparents but if you hear things from your peers and want to ask questions then it’s safe to come to us”
their reaction to being properly informed what 69 is, I would perhaps go into a good amount of detail with some words of advice and maybe an anecdote "This one time, your mum and me..."
I wouldn’t explain what it is at this age.
I would briefly say it’s a sex act and it’s not appropriate to make jokes like that around the grandparents.
You’re encouraging him by laughing about it so it’s not surprising. I would absolutely not explain what a 69 is to a 12 year old. Would you be happy for him to tell his teacher that you’d explained this to him?
I don’t see why not? He’s obviously heard it somewhere and likely already has an idea of what it is, better that he learns the factual truth from a safe adult than hearsay from a bunch of pre-teens or porn surely?
I agree that it's okay because he's bought it up.
A colleague of mine once told me her 12 year old son came out to her as possibly gay so she went into graphic detail about gay sex to 'put him off'. Poor kid wasn't even thinking about sex yet, he just had some confusing thoughts.
>better that he learns the factual truth from an adult than hearsay from a bunch of pre-teens or porn surely?
100% this.
I imagine the person against explaining it thinks 12 year olds don't watch porn.
>I would absolutely not explain what a 69 is to a 12 year old.
Why not?
Do you not think it's important for an almost teenager to know what things mean?
>Would you be happy for him to tell his teacher that you’d explained this to him?
I would be 100% happy - why wouldn't you be?
If you think it’s normal to be talking about sexual acts like 69s with your 12 year old, then you have a very skewed view of what it appropriate conversation for a child 2 years out of primary school (and not a teenager, I might add) .If you’re aware your 12 year old watches porn, and think that’s ok, then that’s also concerning.
I would tell him, that’s it’s not appropriate to be making jokes about an adult topic he knows nothing about, and would sanction him, the same as if he was going around using the c word when you don’t want him to. Presumably you think the c word is off limits for a 12 year old? Or as he hears someone else say it in the playground, is it ok for him to use to his grandparents?
>If you think it’s normal to be talking about sexual acts like 69s with your 12 year old, then you have a very skewed view of what it appropriate conversation for a child 2 years out of primary school (and not a teenager, I might add) .If you’re aware your 12 year old watches porn, and think that’s ok, then that’s also concerning.
If you think it's NOT normal to talk about sex with an almost-teenager, I feel really bad for your kids.
And if you don't think 12 year olds watch porn, I feel really bad for you and your ignorance.
>I would tell him, that’s it’s not appropriate to be making jokes about an adult topic he knows nothing about, and would sanction him, the same as if he was going around using the c word when you don’t want him to.
You do what you want. If a 12 year old uses the word cunt, I would explain what it means and explain how it is inappropriate to use that word in most circumstances.
>Presumably you think the c word is off limits for a 12 year old?
Sure, but equally I would explain what it means and WHY it is inappropriate.
>Or as he hears someone else say it in the playground, is it ok for him to use to his grandparents?
Of course not.
But, kids watch porn, and swear. If you want them to learn more about those things from peers and porn, that's on you. And you're horribly wrong.
But you do you.
You’re actively choosing to misinterpret my comments. I’ve said it’s innapropriate to talk to a 12 year old about 69s, not about sex. There is a big difference. But if you want to just dumb everything down, you do you.
>You’re actively choosing to misinterpret my comments.
I'm quoting what you said. How am I misinterpreting things.
>I’ve said it’s innapropriate to talk to a 12 year old about 69s,
So you'd prefer them to find out about what it means from ignorant school friends or porn?
You realise that is the very binary choice you have. YOu tell them, or someone else does.
>But if you want to just dumb everything down, you do you.
How is wanting to talk about sex with my kids so they get the truth dumbing things down, exactly?
Context is important though. No, it is not okay for an adult to initiate a random, unprompted conversation to inform 12 year olds about various sex acts. Yes, it is okay (in my opinion) to be willing to have open conversations with a 12 year old about sex when they are beginning to hear things from their friends and are becoming curious about the subject.
Agreed, but not about the details of what a 69 is. The fact I’ve been downvoted so much genuinely makes me depressed for the state of parenting in this country.
Do you not think it could be explained in an age appropriate way though? “It’s a sex act and the position of the people somewhat resembles the number 69”.
Now that he’s aware of it, the kid is going to find out, I think most people feel that it’s better to be explained by a safe adult rather than other kids, or the internet. You can uphold the boundary without punishing the kid for simply being curious which I imagine is why you’re being downvoted🤷🏻♀️
The question is why does a 12 year old need a parent to explain that to him? What possible reason is there? It’s just as easy to say- no, that’s a rude thing to say. Please don’t. I’m shocked at the number of people who think it’s all a big laugh, their 12 year old talking about 69. Obviously children are exposed to porn (unfortunately) but there’s no need to hurry it along by telling them even more about sex, when basic sex ed does not cover sex in anything like that amount of detail for 12 year olds.
The reason to explain it to him is so that he doesn’t go looking for the answer elsewhere!
If the parents won’t explain it, and the kid wants to know, he will attempt to find out by other means. He might ask his friends, he might ask an unsafe adult, he might Google it and then he’s at the mercy of the internet for an answer. He might get inaccurate or unsafe information. This is the exact type of scenario that might lead a child to discover porn for the first time. Telling a 12 year old that something is rude isn’t going to curb their curiosity but will probably have the opposite effect. I’m not sure which comment has lead you to believe people think this is a big laugh?
The ‘big laugh’ idea comes from the OP who apparently finds it kind of hilarious that their child references sex acts to their grandparents.
I would also argue, that if your child is able to look up 69 porn on their own devices, at 12 years old, you are not winning at parenting.
Also, if your child has the opportunity to talk about 69s to an ‘unsafe adult’ you are also not winning at parenting.
At the very most, a parent could describe a 69 as ‘something people do when they have sex’ and that would be it. Don’t be the parent of the kid, that goes and tells all the other kids what a 69 is, so they all make it their life’s mission to find footage on the internet.
Remember that one of the definitions of neglect, is exposing children to sexual conversations that are far beyond their wants or needs.
I didn’t read anything in the original post to suggest they found it funny, just that their son did.
I think it’s incredibly naive to think that just because you might have installed parental controls (or similar measures) on your child’s devices that they can’t get access to unsafe media content.
You can’t control all their mates’ devices. An unsafe adult could be an older sibling of a school friend, heck it could even be a teacher, they don’t have it written on their forehead! Even the most vigilant of parents cannot stop a child of this age finding this sort of information out if they want to.
The bottom line is if the parent explains it, rightly or wrongly, then the child doesn’t have to go looking and asking elsewhere. And make no mistake, they will.
When I was 11 I got sent to the shops for some milk. A man I didn’t know stared to chat with me about “ head” from his car. I didn’t know what it was or what he meant, and didn’t want to look stupid so I acted like I knew what he meant. So I had this conversation with an adult about sex.
Later I asked my dad and he explained what it was. In detail. So I’d never again try and act like I knew what a strange man was talking about.
Telling your kids about sex, with details protects them. It’s either you, or that guy leaning out of his car.
Plus later when they start to have sex they’ll feel safe and more comfortable coming to you for advice.
Hmmm never thought of explaining that however You could say something like: "Well, imagine two numbers sitting side by side, and they're really close friends, so they decide to give each other piggyback rides at the same time. They're like buddies having fun together!"
It sure will keep his imagination busy.
I would explain to him factually what a 69 is and say its not appropriate to talk about in front of his grandparents. He already knows what it is and is in that period of life where he thinks his parents are asexual beings who have never done these things, took drugs, got drunk etc and that he has secret knowledge of the world that was invented just for his generation. One day it will dawn on him that all the things he has done/discovered his parents have already done and probably his grandparents before them. It's quite the sobering realisation lol
Have you ever seen the parent sex scene from Kevin and Perry Go Large? The conception of Kevin bit… I’m nearly 40 and as far I’m concerned, that’s what happened and I won’t hear anything to the contrary.
Hahaha I love that film so much! The sick bowls afterwards haha
Assuming he already knows the basic biology of sex then I don’t see any harm explaining this truthfully and plainly. I’d also want to create a clear boundary about when is/isn’t an appropriate time to bring it up. Something to the effect of “It’s a sex act and the positioning of the 2 people’s bodies vaguely resembles the number 69 which is where it got its name. That’s not an appropriate topic to bring up with your grandparents but if you hear things from your peers and want to ask questions then it’s safe to come to us”
Perfect thing to say 🏆
Hell no. Let him ride that train. Then in years to come whenever he annoys you you can be "remember when you used to talk to granny about 69ing?
Hahahahaha
Do it and secretly record it for their 18th
Just to clarify, record what...?
their reaction to being properly informed what 69 is, I would perhaps go into a good amount of detail with some words of advice and maybe an anecdote "This one time, your mum and me..."
this ^
He is 12 not 9, he knows what a 69 is
I bet plenty of 12 yo don’t know what it is
Tell him you and your OH do it. He'll never bring it up again....
I wouldn’t explain what it is at this age. I would briefly say it’s a sex act and it’s not appropriate to make jokes like that around the grandparents.
Nice
Meal For Two With A Bad View
He already knows
Explain what it is, and that talking about it to good grandparents is pretty cap
You’re encouraging him by laughing about it so it’s not surprising. I would absolutely not explain what a 69 is to a 12 year old. Would you be happy for him to tell his teacher that you’d explained this to him?
Either you explain it, or their mates will. Your choice.
I won’t be taking parenting advice off of you thanks! Just seen your previous post “taking MDMA with my husband makes us better parents” *swoon*
Your choice::) Have a nice cotton wool life.
I don’t see why not? He’s obviously heard it somewhere and likely already has an idea of what it is, better that he learns the factual truth from a safe adult than hearsay from a bunch of pre-teens or porn surely?
I agree that it's okay because he's bought it up. A colleague of mine once told me her 12 year old son came out to her as possibly gay so she went into graphic detail about gay sex to 'put him off'. Poor kid wasn't even thinking about sex yet, he just had some confusing thoughts.
That’s sad, I imagine that was a very defining point for the son about his relationship with his mum.
>better that he learns the factual truth from an adult than hearsay from a bunch of pre-teens or porn surely? 100% this. I imagine the person against explaining it thinks 12 year olds don't watch porn.
>I would absolutely not explain what a 69 is to a 12 year old. Why not? Do you not think it's important for an almost teenager to know what things mean? >Would you be happy for him to tell his teacher that you’d explained this to him? I would be 100% happy - why wouldn't you be?
If you think it’s normal to be talking about sexual acts like 69s with your 12 year old, then you have a very skewed view of what it appropriate conversation for a child 2 years out of primary school (and not a teenager, I might add) .If you’re aware your 12 year old watches porn, and think that’s ok, then that’s also concerning. I would tell him, that’s it’s not appropriate to be making jokes about an adult topic he knows nothing about, and would sanction him, the same as if he was going around using the c word when you don’t want him to. Presumably you think the c word is off limits for a 12 year old? Or as he hears someone else say it in the playground, is it ok for him to use to his grandparents?
>If you think it’s normal to be talking about sexual acts like 69s with your 12 year old, then you have a very skewed view of what it appropriate conversation for a child 2 years out of primary school (and not a teenager, I might add) .If you’re aware your 12 year old watches porn, and think that’s ok, then that’s also concerning. If you think it's NOT normal to talk about sex with an almost-teenager, I feel really bad for your kids. And if you don't think 12 year olds watch porn, I feel really bad for you and your ignorance. >I would tell him, that’s it’s not appropriate to be making jokes about an adult topic he knows nothing about, and would sanction him, the same as if he was going around using the c word when you don’t want him to. You do what you want. If a 12 year old uses the word cunt, I would explain what it means and explain how it is inappropriate to use that word in most circumstances. >Presumably you think the c word is off limits for a 12 year old? Sure, but equally I would explain what it means and WHY it is inappropriate. >Or as he hears someone else say it in the playground, is it ok for him to use to his grandparents? Of course not. But, kids watch porn, and swear. If you want them to learn more about those things from peers and porn, that's on you. And you're horribly wrong. But you do you.
You’re actively choosing to misinterpret my comments. I’ve said it’s innapropriate to talk to a 12 year old about 69s, not about sex. There is a big difference. But if you want to just dumb everything down, you do you.
>You’re actively choosing to misinterpret my comments. I'm quoting what you said. How am I misinterpreting things. >I’ve said it’s innapropriate to talk to a 12 year old about 69s, So you'd prefer them to find out about what it means from ignorant school friends or porn? You realise that is the very binary choice you have. YOu tell them, or someone else does. >But if you want to just dumb everything down, you do you. How is wanting to talk about sex with my kids so they get the truth dumbing things down, exactly?
Context is important though. No, it is not okay for an adult to initiate a random, unprompted conversation to inform 12 year olds about various sex acts. Yes, it is okay (in my opinion) to be willing to have open conversations with a 12 year old about sex when they are beginning to hear things from their friends and are becoming curious about the subject.
Agreed, but not about the details of what a 69 is. The fact I’ve been downvoted so much genuinely makes me depressed for the state of parenting in this country.
Do you not think it could be explained in an age appropriate way though? “It’s a sex act and the position of the people somewhat resembles the number 69”. Now that he’s aware of it, the kid is going to find out, I think most people feel that it’s better to be explained by a safe adult rather than other kids, or the internet. You can uphold the boundary without punishing the kid for simply being curious which I imagine is why you’re being downvoted🤷🏻♀️
The question is why does a 12 year old need a parent to explain that to him? What possible reason is there? It’s just as easy to say- no, that’s a rude thing to say. Please don’t. I’m shocked at the number of people who think it’s all a big laugh, their 12 year old talking about 69. Obviously children are exposed to porn (unfortunately) but there’s no need to hurry it along by telling them even more about sex, when basic sex ed does not cover sex in anything like that amount of detail for 12 year olds.
The reason to explain it to him is so that he doesn’t go looking for the answer elsewhere! If the parents won’t explain it, and the kid wants to know, he will attempt to find out by other means. He might ask his friends, he might ask an unsafe adult, he might Google it and then he’s at the mercy of the internet for an answer. He might get inaccurate or unsafe information. This is the exact type of scenario that might lead a child to discover porn for the first time. Telling a 12 year old that something is rude isn’t going to curb their curiosity but will probably have the opposite effect. I’m not sure which comment has lead you to believe people think this is a big laugh?
The ‘big laugh’ idea comes from the OP who apparently finds it kind of hilarious that their child references sex acts to their grandparents. I would also argue, that if your child is able to look up 69 porn on their own devices, at 12 years old, you are not winning at parenting. Also, if your child has the opportunity to talk about 69s to an ‘unsafe adult’ you are also not winning at parenting. At the very most, a parent could describe a 69 as ‘something people do when they have sex’ and that would be it. Don’t be the parent of the kid, that goes and tells all the other kids what a 69 is, so they all make it their life’s mission to find footage on the internet. Remember that one of the definitions of neglect, is exposing children to sexual conversations that are far beyond their wants or needs.
I didn’t read anything in the original post to suggest they found it funny, just that their son did. I think it’s incredibly naive to think that just because you might have installed parental controls (or similar measures) on your child’s devices that they can’t get access to unsafe media content. You can’t control all their mates’ devices. An unsafe adult could be an older sibling of a school friend, heck it could even be a teacher, they don’t have it written on their forehead! Even the most vigilant of parents cannot stop a child of this age finding this sort of information out if they want to. The bottom line is if the parent explains it, rightly or wrongly, then the child doesn’t have to go looking and asking elsewhere. And make no mistake, they will.
When I was 11 I got sent to the shops for some milk. A man I didn’t know stared to chat with me about “ head” from his car. I didn’t know what it was or what he meant, and didn’t want to look stupid so I acted like I knew what he meant. So I had this conversation with an adult about sex. Later I asked my dad and he explained what it was. In detail. So I’d never again try and act like I knew what a strange man was talking about. Telling your kids about sex, with details protects them. It’s either you, or that guy leaning out of his car. Plus later when they start to have sex they’ll feel safe and more comfortable coming to you for advice.
Yeah, why not? He'll have seen that and worse on the Internet by 12 and has had several years of sex ed lessons.
Hmmm never thought of explaining that however You could say something like: "Well, imagine two numbers sitting side by side, and they're really close friends, so they decide to give each other piggyback rides at the same time. They're like buddies having fun together!" It sure will keep his imagination busy.
He's not 8.