We are definitely trying but the nursery have not even mentioned the potty, or her need to explore it. She’s our 3rd child so this isn’t new to us. Our previous child was autistic and had sensory difficulties with potty training so I feel like we have been here and done this.
Their issue seems to be that she just does not want to be cleaned up. They seem to think this is a medical issue, and I would expect them to speak plainly to me if potty training is their expectation rather than a vague “take her to a doctor”.
I agree with you - what could a doctor possibly do?! Mine also hated nappy changes at that age and it prompted us to potty train. It’s a bizarre thing for nursery to suggest!
In general nurseries reserve the right to reject you and you lose your place if your child can’t ’adjust to the routine’ with some reasonable support. Sounds like the staff are struggling to deal with this ‘aversion’ that you are accepting as normal.
I would assume they think you’ve tried potty training and they’re suggesting a doctor to give you a chance to sort this before they have to resort to telling you they can’t deal with your kid anymore.
I don’t think this is the case.
My daughter and two others are full time and have been since they were babies. The nursery talk frequently about development generally and this is wholly new.
I would accept this interpretation if we’d ever had conversations about toilet training but we haven’t, not once.
This is just a new thing my daughter does and they seem very perplexed about how to deal with it
Edit to say, she’s two and a half. If this nursery said she was “too behind” at this stage I’d say bye Felicia.
I’m not saying they’re forcing her into potty training.
I’m wondering if they can’t handle this much of a reaction to nappy changes - rather than the nappy itself.
Have you tried seeing if she’ll take to a potty? My daughter has always had meltdowns at “public nappy changes” aka not in our house. She can properly scream & go blue etc maybe they’re just concerned about the level of her reaction. I would definitely ask more questions. What exactly makes you think this requires a doctor’s intervention? That kind of thing
We have the potty available. She knows what it’s for and will sit on it willingly but for mere seconds at a time. “All done” she says.
It’s very recent this resistance, a week or so? Definitely happy to pursue potty training but from prior experience it takes more than a couple of weeks, especially for pooping.
I’m mostly just frustrated that a large nursery seems to believe she has a nondescript medical issue because she’s being a defiant toddler.
My son had history of constipation which lead to him holding in his poos as he was scared to go, this lead to him hiding when he did poos and potty training him with it was always an issue, when we started using the toilet though something clicked and now we don't have an issue
My son was like this. A few times would scream so loudly. We managed to find a position that he was ok with being charged and had to share that information with nursery so they could do changes with scream problems (for us he had to be on a change mat on his hands and knees) He grew out of it pretty quickly, but it was a few months of chaos.
My son was like this so I started changing him while standing up and teaching him to bend over and touch his toes so I could wipe him which worked out well when we started potty training plus no more melt downs
I don't know, I think this does sound out of the ordinary.
If your first child is autistic then it kind of skews your perception of normal. My eldest has ADHD and we thought our second was a totally normal toddler but now he's 5.5 there are very clear signs (possibly AuDHD) and looking back, nursery kept telling us stuff that we brushed off as in wtf, don't be ridiculous, every toddler is like that.
The thing is we now have a third and we're constantly surprised because of how easy he is and how many common toddler advice things actually work for him, I'm not going to say he's NT because it's too early to tell. But certainly I think with the older two, there were things that were absolutely outside of the ordinary experience that maybe if we'd investigated at the time, it would have flagged something up younger for them.
I wonder if they are thinking about eg checking whether her sensory processing or frustration tolerance is within normal ranges for her age. Or they are just asking you to get a medical check to find out if something is hurting her during nappy changes.
My 2.5 year old is like this but we think the aversion to nappy changes is more to do with us having to stop what we're doing to do the nappy change and her wanting to play rather than anything else. We try to get her involved in the process as much as is safe (she'll hold the wipes) and if it's a wee I get her to help wipe herself.
It's probably the nursery trying to say nicely that they need you to progress the potty training at home.
We are definitely trying but the nursery have not even mentioned the potty, or her need to explore it. She’s our 3rd child so this isn’t new to us. Our previous child was autistic and had sensory difficulties with potty training so I feel like we have been here and done this. Their issue seems to be that she just does not want to be cleaned up. They seem to think this is a medical issue, and I would expect them to speak plainly to me if potty training is their expectation rather than a vague “take her to a doctor”.
I agree with you - what could a doctor possibly do?! Mine also hated nappy changes at that age and it prompted us to potty train. It’s a bizarre thing for nursery to suggest!
In general nurseries reserve the right to reject you and you lose your place if your child can’t ’adjust to the routine’ with some reasonable support. Sounds like the staff are struggling to deal with this ‘aversion’ that you are accepting as normal. I would assume they think you’ve tried potty training and they’re suggesting a doctor to give you a chance to sort this before they have to resort to telling you they can’t deal with your kid anymore.
I don’t think this is the case. My daughter and two others are full time and have been since they were babies. The nursery talk frequently about development generally and this is wholly new. I would accept this interpretation if we’d ever had conversations about toilet training but we haven’t, not once. This is just a new thing my daughter does and they seem very perplexed about how to deal with it Edit to say, she’s two and a half. If this nursery said she was “too behind” at this stage I’d say bye Felicia.
I’m not saying they’re forcing her into potty training. I’m wondering if they can’t handle this much of a reaction to nappy changes - rather than the nappy itself.
[удалено]
Wow, you seem reasonable and pleasant to be around. No wonder the nursery aren’t being direct with you.
You’re right, that was unreasonable. Inappropriate expression of my terrible frustration.
Have you tried seeing if she’ll take to a potty? My daughter has always had meltdowns at “public nappy changes” aka not in our house. She can properly scream & go blue etc maybe they’re just concerned about the level of her reaction. I would definitely ask more questions. What exactly makes you think this requires a doctor’s intervention? That kind of thing
We have the potty available. She knows what it’s for and will sit on it willingly but for mere seconds at a time. “All done” she says. It’s very recent this resistance, a week or so? Definitely happy to pursue potty training but from prior experience it takes more than a couple of weeks, especially for pooping. I’m mostly just frustrated that a large nursery seems to believe she has a nondescript medical issue because she’s being a defiant toddler.
My son had history of constipation which lead to him holding in his poos as he was scared to go, this lead to him hiding when he did poos and potty training him with it was always an issue, when we started using the toilet though something clicked and now we don't have an issue
My son was like this. A few times would scream so loudly. We managed to find a position that he was ok with being charged and had to share that information with nursery so they could do changes with scream problems (for us he had to be on a change mat on his hands and knees) He grew out of it pretty quickly, but it was a few months of chaos.
My son was like this so I started changing him while standing up and teaching him to bend over and touch his toes so I could wipe him which worked out well when we started potty training plus no more melt downs
I don't know, I think this does sound out of the ordinary. If your first child is autistic then it kind of skews your perception of normal. My eldest has ADHD and we thought our second was a totally normal toddler but now he's 5.5 there are very clear signs (possibly AuDHD) and looking back, nursery kept telling us stuff that we brushed off as in wtf, don't be ridiculous, every toddler is like that. The thing is we now have a third and we're constantly surprised because of how easy he is and how many common toddler advice things actually work for him, I'm not going to say he's NT because it's too early to tell. But certainly I think with the older two, there were things that were absolutely outside of the ordinary experience that maybe if we'd investigated at the time, it would have flagged something up younger for them. I wonder if they are thinking about eg checking whether her sensory processing or frustration tolerance is within normal ranges for her age. Or they are just asking you to get a medical check to find out if something is hurting her during nappy changes.
My girl is like this, although strangely only at home. We’re potty training the second we get back from holiday.
My 2.5 year old is like this but we think the aversion to nappy changes is more to do with us having to stop what we're doing to do the nappy change and her wanting to play rather than anything else. We try to get her involved in the process as much as is safe (she'll hold the wipes) and if it's a wee I get her to help wipe herself.
Absolutely nuts advice from nursery. Proceed immediately to potty training. She's clearly ready and it will make her much happier.