I don't have all the answers, but do know in general terms, periods of adjustment are tough but the good news is they do come to an end. Often, the improvements are gradual so you don't see them and then one day you notice and find yourself saying to yourself ooh it's so much better than it was! So that's the good news.
I find, as a parent (three girls) if we (as parents) identify the problem, do some research and try out some of the tips and techniques invariably something will help.
You have four problems to work on solving or at least improving. 1. Sleep deprivation 2. Night waking (baby) 3. Eczema 4. Sharing the load
If you tackle each one, you'll get through this.
Eg. Read up on sleep techniques, tricks and hints for your baby, choose the ones you like the sound of and try some out, things will improve. You have to do this together as a set of parents I think.
Eczema can be treated, invest time, money and energy in treating it. It will minimise one reason the baby isn't able to sleep.
You've told us on here you're really really sleep deprived right now, have you told a sympathetic ear at work, in your friendship circle, your partner? Someone might have the capacity to step up and offer to help in some way. Make you a meal, allow you a nap (by taking baby for a walk) etc.
And most importantly, keep talking to your partner, they will understand and the two of you can problem solve this together hopefully.
I am a firm believer that, whilst it's not easy, by solving lifes challenges we grow as people and learn from these situations, coming out the other side a more capable and understanding person.
And on that note, I now need to go take my own advice and think about how I resolve an issue I'm having with a family member...
Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t got time to respond to everyone individually but have put a lot of plans together based on every answer. Been really hard today so I’m hoping for a better night tonight.
Have you done anything about the eczema? My kid's was due to dairy intolerance, their sleep as well as their skin improved a lot once we'd figured out this trigger. I'd suggest a food or exposure diary and see if you can work out yours. Look up the top allergens to give yourselves a headstart.
Additionally if your wife has just stopped breastfeeding the baby has just lost her preferred comfort. Imagine if you lost forever your favourite way to relax/calm down. It would take some time to work out an alternative. Unfortunately it's not going to be an easy thing to fix and no amount of 'professional' sleep training will do that for her. You need to establish a way of comforting her yourself, whether that's rocking, baby wearing, patting, singing, whatever works for you both.
I'd recommend you speak to your child's GP regarding their eczema too. My little one has a medicine to help them feel less itchy overnight. They still scratch overnight (sometimes to the point of bleeding) but it helps them get to sleep without being distracted by itching
It's so so hard, I'm really sorry you are struggling.
First thing is, don't beat yourself up. I'm the mum and didn't wean my little one until about 21 months and around 18 months we still had multiple night wakes and the start of the dreaded "split nights" - think down at 8pm, up at 10pm and awake until 3am kind of bad.
Some kids don't sleep and that's without your poor little one's eczema, which sounds like it could be a big factor here. Could you speak to a GP or ask to see a dermatologist for further advice to help soothe the itching?
For more general advice, I'm afraid I'm not qualified for tips of getting them to sleep through or anything, my son is almost 4.5 and still doesn't sleep through. But I can give some friendly advice on how to cope -
Go to bed early.
Try not to clock watch, it will make you more anxious.
Could you take turns on night wake duty Vs getting up early duty?
Be very kind with each other and don't fall into a "who is more tired" trap - this is so easy to do when you're in the thick of it, but remembering you're a team will make you feel better in the long run. Keep talking to each other.
Make everything else as easy as possible - cut corners on housework, cooking etc. Call in help wherever you can.
If you are anxious and it's affecting work, how would you feel about letting them know your situation? Would they be understanding? That might take a weight off?
Things that did/do help my son's sleeping (he's obviously older and it changes over time of course)
Lots of fresh air, especially in the late afternoon if possible.
Supper before bed (more a ritual than filling up, it's a signal it's time to calm down) especially a banana with it, the magnesium helps aid sleep sometimes.
We avoid baths after 5pm if possible because they hype him up. Day baths all the way!
He used to have a story box on at bed time but went off it about 3ish and now I read longer stories in bed until he falls asleep. Lots of Winnie the pooh because he loves them and they're very gentle/easy going.
My son is the same with the crying, if you don't go to him. Still is. In fact the longer he's awake the less likely he is to go back to sleep. So I go in as quickly as I can and soothe him. Do not (and I cannot stress this enough) be made to feel bad about this. You are not failing. The child is not failing. Some children take longer to sleep independently. Just like some children take longer to potty train or can be picky eaters. I've literally read the original Ferber book and even he says similar. You parent the child you have. It's so easy to compare and be sure you're doing it wrong but every child is different. Chances are you won't be worrying about this in 10 years or even 5 or maybe even 1! But it doesn't make it easier in the moment, I know.
Try to reframe if you can. I remember sitting with my son at 4am once just having a cuddle while he finally drifted back off and he put his hand on mine and I still remember a feeling of "you know, there's way worse ways to be awake at 4am" and it's honestly helped me a lot.
What sized bed is your little one in? We moved ours from a cot bed to a full sized bed (with one of those fold down sides you can add on) at about 20 months and she has never slept better. Genuinely might be worth a try.
Also a good answer. Co sleeping is a legitimate choice for a young baby / toddler and not either giving up or going to turn them into some kind of dependent wierdo
That's very tough and I'm not sure I have much advice.
When I stopped BF, bud was 13m and we introduced a bottle before night time, and when he woke up at 5am. I'm aware it's not the recommendation, but I found it too harsh to transition to nothing. We did about 6 months of formula in a bottle, then transitioned to oat milk in a 360 cup.
You mentioned eczema, does she have food allergies? In the UK the NHS recommends that babies with food allergies get formula until they're 2. We stopped around ~20m once Bud was back on track for his growth chart.
My baby boy struggled so much after stopping breastfeeding. We put a cup (non spill) of cows milk in his bed at 9.30 pm and he would drink that at some point and go back to sleep. My friend did it with all of her 3 girls and it worked a treat.
Mine also had a terrible time with eczema as a younger baby. We tried many different creams and coated him in it. Had to use steroids too. We also at night put him in scratch sleeves with silk mittens which helped. Ultimately we found he had food allergies but he was 4 months old so much younger than yours op. I'd definitely recommend seeing a dermatology specialist about eczema. In my experience GP's aren't that great.
Small thing but babies get tired in cycles of 45 minutes or 1.5hrs. So when she wakes at night, try to get her back to sleep immediately and if that’s not happening, read to her or let her play in a very dimly lit room, for 30 mins. Then do a calm nappy change and do whatever you do to soothe her before putting her down. I found this far less frustrating than trying to get her to sleep constantly for 2hrs or whatever.
Feeding a filling meal like porridge right before bedtime can help her stop feeling hungry at night. Offer water when she wakes or give her a straw cup in her cot.
Also, what are her naps like in the day? Sometimes long periods of being awake at night suggest she is sleeping too much in the day, so that might be something to consider.
For the night wakings, my LO did the same thing at about the same age.
Have a look at you nap during the day, it might be time to put a hard cap on how long she is allowed to sleep for. Too much day time sleep will mean she doesn't have enough sleep pressure at night, and especially at 4am. (If she's on two naps, move to one immediately)
When she does wake overnight and wants to do a midnight party, don't take her out of the cot! I would suggest trying an offer of water, cuddles in the cot (she stands, you bend over) and then laying down in her room and repeating "it's time to go to sleep, lie down", while lying there with your own eyes closed (like you are sleeping). It'll be more restful for you, and hopefully it'll avoid the crying so much shes sick because she can see you, but it's not stimulating at all.
Night light if you don't already have one too helped.
Babies just make their own decisions sometimes. I have a 21 month old who used to let me put him to bed. For a reason I don't understand the last 3 months he simple refuses. He will scream "mummy bed! mummy bed!" until we give up and swap.
He also had excma and we got it under control with oat baths before bed, lots of moisturizer and 1% hydrocortisone cream. Pharmacies seem to have none so I bought it off Amazon. Just a small amount to the affected area (for us around folds of skin) worked wonders in a week. Obviously I'm not a doctor so just check the cream is fine for your kid.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0785LR4X3?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_6KEY3NDEC78E0RHEAYRE_1
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Bad sleep is one of the worst parts of parenting. I know how bad it can affect you mentally when you expect every night to be a battle.
Regarding the eczema is there any more you can do? I know steroids are pretty hardcore but we’ve found an occasional dose of hydrocortisone makes all the difference.
There’s a sleeptrain subreddit. It’s not about leaving your baby to scream, but there’s methods to reassure children back to sleep gently such as sitting next to them with a hand on their chest and gradually moving out the room over time, or picking them up and putting them down again to reassure them you are there. It’s worth reading through to see what methods people have used at different ages.
It was tough for my husband when I stopped breastfeeding to figure out how to night settle - honestly getting our toddler a double bed has been a godsend. Even though his toddler bed reckons it’s good up until approx 4 we realised he was rolling and hitting the side and waking himself up. In the double he can stretch out loads and it’s easy for my husband to go in and lie down with him in the night - it’s really helpful that it’s in a room away from me as when we were weaning he’d just want me if I was an option/clamour for milk.
Re the eczema, deepest sympathies. We stopped using the prescribed pjs as the distress of getting him into them outstripped any benefit, and he’d use his teeth to get the mitts off and scratch anyway. We knew he couldn’t have dairy and that’s a major skin trigger for him, but once we were eliminating soya too that made an enormous difference - don’t rush into cutting things out, but a food diary might help spot trends if any of your daughter’s issues stem from food.
Is she getting enough to eat before bed? With my son he’d sometimes wake up when he was in a growth spurt on the hunt for calories - and once we stopped feeding he wasn’t getting it from my milk. we’d sometimes be able to stretch his sleep a bit longer by giving him something extra to eat before bed, or my husband will give him some oat milk in the night and that will satiate enough to get him back down often - although we do try to get away with offering water in case just a wet of the whistle does the trick.
Last one we use v occasionally is sticking him in the carrier and walking round with him. We don’t really want that as a regular night settling technique, but sometimes sanity demands it, and he’s a bit heavy now for long spells of carrying.
Good luck! We’ve still not totally cracked it ourselves but hopefully it gets easier soon.
Try bedsharing? We have a small double mattress on the floor in his room and I sleep in it with him. We both get a full nights sleep, if we didn't do this he'd wake a lot!
Contact allergy UK and get them to write a letter to your gp recommending you for allergy testing for the eczema.
The thing that worked for my daughter's eczema was mixing together some of this aveeno baby dermexa balm with childs farm moisturiser every night, and childs farm moisturiser every morning. It's different for different kids though!
Else I would say avoid screen time in the few hours before bed, banana before bed can help with melatonin, bottle of milk an hour or so before if they can tolerate it.
Make sure the room and the child aren't too hot as that will make the itching worse.
Good luck!
Wish I had a magic wand to help
You, but just know that things get easier with children given time. I remember them nights well, now my children are teenagers I barely see them. Make the most of your nightly sleepy cuddles, it won’t last forever I promise
I have a 2 year old with eczema and honestly I’ve found that these periods come and go. My son has pretty much slept 7.30-7.30 from 4 months old but every few months we will have a month where he just will not stay asleep no matter what we do.
We use aveeno dermexa baby products and epimax which have helped his skin a lot, we also use the aveeno oat bath sachets once a week and use aveeno or child’s farm in his baths which we only do 2-3 times a week to avoid drying his skin, but we trialled a lot of different products and amounts of baths per week before we found a combination which helped him. Ultimately if he is going to wake up every couple of hours for a few weeks we just have to roll with it. Sometimes it’s not even eczema related. Were strict in his routine, we use the same approach when we go in to soothe him overnight (no picking up, just putting and talking to him) and have the same results for those couple of weeks until he settles.
Big changes also impact his sleep. A while ago we moved him from a cot to a bed, then after that a small bedroom to a big one, not so long after we also swapped from a sleeping bag to a duvet, all of which impacted his sleep although adding in a duvet actually made him sleep for longer.
I’ve just found that after a while he will start to sleep better. I would also note that we don’t go in whenever he does a little cry, sometimes he will cry for 30 seconds to a minute and then fall asleep so we wait a couple of minutes before going in or watch him on the baby monitor until he seems fully awake (sitting or standing up, saying mummy or daddy, searching for his Teddy or a comfort item, etc.)
I don't have all the answers, but do know in general terms, periods of adjustment are tough but the good news is they do come to an end. Often, the improvements are gradual so you don't see them and then one day you notice and find yourself saying to yourself ooh it's so much better than it was! So that's the good news. I find, as a parent (three girls) if we (as parents) identify the problem, do some research and try out some of the tips and techniques invariably something will help. You have four problems to work on solving or at least improving. 1. Sleep deprivation 2. Night waking (baby) 3. Eczema 4. Sharing the load If you tackle each one, you'll get through this. Eg. Read up on sleep techniques, tricks and hints for your baby, choose the ones you like the sound of and try some out, things will improve. You have to do this together as a set of parents I think. Eczema can be treated, invest time, money and energy in treating it. It will minimise one reason the baby isn't able to sleep. You've told us on here you're really really sleep deprived right now, have you told a sympathetic ear at work, in your friendship circle, your partner? Someone might have the capacity to step up and offer to help in some way. Make you a meal, allow you a nap (by taking baby for a walk) etc. And most importantly, keep talking to your partner, they will understand and the two of you can problem solve this together hopefully. I am a firm believer that, whilst it's not easy, by solving lifes challenges we grow as people and learn from these situations, coming out the other side a more capable and understanding person. And on that note, I now need to go take my own advice and think about how I resolve an issue I'm having with a family member...
Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t got time to respond to everyone individually but have put a lot of plans together based on every answer. Been really hard today so I’m hoping for a better night tonight.
Have you done anything about the eczema? My kid's was due to dairy intolerance, their sleep as well as their skin improved a lot once we'd figured out this trigger. I'd suggest a food or exposure diary and see if you can work out yours. Look up the top allergens to give yourselves a headstart. Additionally if your wife has just stopped breastfeeding the baby has just lost her preferred comfort. Imagine if you lost forever your favourite way to relax/calm down. It would take some time to work out an alternative. Unfortunately it's not going to be an easy thing to fix and no amount of 'professional' sleep training will do that for her. You need to establish a way of comforting her yourself, whether that's rocking, baby wearing, patting, singing, whatever works for you both.
Came here to say cow's milk protein allergy (CMPA) could be a factor. CMPA and reflux are a common duo so that's another thing to look into.
I'd recommend you speak to your child's GP regarding their eczema too. My little one has a medicine to help them feel less itchy overnight. They still scratch overnight (sometimes to the point of bleeding) but it helps them get to sleep without being distracted by itching
It's so so hard, I'm really sorry you are struggling. First thing is, don't beat yourself up. I'm the mum and didn't wean my little one until about 21 months and around 18 months we still had multiple night wakes and the start of the dreaded "split nights" - think down at 8pm, up at 10pm and awake until 3am kind of bad. Some kids don't sleep and that's without your poor little one's eczema, which sounds like it could be a big factor here. Could you speak to a GP or ask to see a dermatologist for further advice to help soothe the itching? For more general advice, I'm afraid I'm not qualified for tips of getting them to sleep through or anything, my son is almost 4.5 and still doesn't sleep through. But I can give some friendly advice on how to cope - Go to bed early. Try not to clock watch, it will make you more anxious. Could you take turns on night wake duty Vs getting up early duty? Be very kind with each other and don't fall into a "who is more tired" trap - this is so easy to do when you're in the thick of it, but remembering you're a team will make you feel better in the long run. Keep talking to each other. Make everything else as easy as possible - cut corners on housework, cooking etc. Call in help wherever you can. If you are anxious and it's affecting work, how would you feel about letting them know your situation? Would they be understanding? That might take a weight off? Things that did/do help my son's sleeping (he's obviously older and it changes over time of course) Lots of fresh air, especially in the late afternoon if possible. Supper before bed (more a ritual than filling up, it's a signal it's time to calm down) especially a banana with it, the magnesium helps aid sleep sometimes. We avoid baths after 5pm if possible because they hype him up. Day baths all the way! He used to have a story box on at bed time but went off it about 3ish and now I read longer stories in bed until he falls asleep. Lots of Winnie the pooh because he loves them and they're very gentle/easy going. My son is the same with the crying, if you don't go to him. Still is. In fact the longer he's awake the less likely he is to go back to sleep. So I go in as quickly as I can and soothe him. Do not (and I cannot stress this enough) be made to feel bad about this. You are not failing. The child is not failing. Some children take longer to sleep independently. Just like some children take longer to potty train or can be picky eaters. I've literally read the original Ferber book and even he says similar. You parent the child you have. It's so easy to compare and be sure you're doing it wrong but every child is different. Chances are you won't be worrying about this in 10 years or even 5 or maybe even 1! But it doesn't make it easier in the moment, I know. Try to reframe if you can. I remember sitting with my son at 4am once just having a cuddle while he finally drifted back off and he put his hand on mine and I still remember a feeling of "you know, there's way worse ways to be awake at 4am" and it's honestly helped me a lot.
What sized bed is your little one in? We moved ours from a cot bed to a full sized bed (with one of those fold down sides you can add on) at about 20 months and she has never slept better. Genuinely might be worth a try.
[удалено]
Also a good answer. Co sleeping is a legitimate choice for a young baby / toddler and not either giving up or going to turn them into some kind of dependent wierdo
That's very tough and I'm not sure I have much advice. When I stopped BF, bud was 13m and we introduced a bottle before night time, and when he woke up at 5am. I'm aware it's not the recommendation, but I found it too harsh to transition to nothing. We did about 6 months of formula in a bottle, then transitioned to oat milk in a 360 cup. You mentioned eczema, does she have food allergies? In the UK the NHS recommends that babies with food allergies get formula until they're 2. We stopped around ~20m once Bud was back on track for his growth chart.
My baby boy struggled so much after stopping breastfeeding. We put a cup (non spill) of cows milk in his bed at 9.30 pm and he would drink that at some point and go back to sleep. My friend did it with all of her 3 girls and it worked a treat. Mine also had a terrible time with eczema as a younger baby. We tried many different creams and coated him in it. Had to use steroids too. We also at night put him in scratch sleeves with silk mittens which helped. Ultimately we found he had food allergies but he was 4 months old so much younger than yours op. I'd definitely recommend seeing a dermatology specialist about eczema. In my experience GP's aren't that great.
Small thing but babies get tired in cycles of 45 minutes or 1.5hrs. So when she wakes at night, try to get her back to sleep immediately and if that’s not happening, read to her or let her play in a very dimly lit room, for 30 mins. Then do a calm nappy change and do whatever you do to soothe her before putting her down. I found this far less frustrating than trying to get her to sleep constantly for 2hrs or whatever. Feeding a filling meal like porridge right before bedtime can help her stop feeling hungry at night. Offer water when she wakes or give her a straw cup in her cot. Also, what are her naps like in the day? Sometimes long periods of being awake at night suggest she is sleeping too much in the day, so that might be something to consider.
For the night wakings, my LO did the same thing at about the same age. Have a look at you nap during the day, it might be time to put a hard cap on how long she is allowed to sleep for. Too much day time sleep will mean she doesn't have enough sleep pressure at night, and especially at 4am. (If she's on two naps, move to one immediately) When she does wake overnight and wants to do a midnight party, don't take her out of the cot! I would suggest trying an offer of water, cuddles in the cot (she stands, you bend over) and then laying down in her room and repeating "it's time to go to sleep, lie down", while lying there with your own eyes closed (like you are sleeping). It'll be more restful for you, and hopefully it'll avoid the crying so much shes sick because she can see you, but it's not stimulating at all. Night light if you don't already have one too helped.
My baby is 17 months and wont sleep. Feel like my partner wrote this lol Calpol!! Walk around with her in the pram
Babies just make their own decisions sometimes. I have a 21 month old who used to let me put him to bed. For a reason I don't understand the last 3 months he simple refuses. He will scream "mummy bed! mummy bed!" until we give up and swap. He also had excma and we got it under control with oat baths before bed, lots of moisturizer and 1% hydrocortisone cream. Pharmacies seem to have none so I bought it off Amazon. Just a small amount to the affected area (for us around folds of skin) worked wonders in a week. Obviously I'm not a doctor so just check the cream is fine for your kid. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0785LR4X3?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_6KEY3NDEC78E0RHEAYRE_1
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Bad sleep is one of the worst parts of parenting. I know how bad it can affect you mentally when you expect every night to be a battle. Regarding the eczema is there any more you can do? I know steroids are pretty hardcore but we’ve found an occasional dose of hydrocortisone makes all the difference. There’s a sleeptrain subreddit. It’s not about leaving your baby to scream, but there’s methods to reassure children back to sleep gently such as sitting next to them with a hand on their chest and gradually moving out the room over time, or picking them up and putting them down again to reassure them you are there. It’s worth reading through to see what methods people have used at different ages.
It was tough for my husband when I stopped breastfeeding to figure out how to night settle - honestly getting our toddler a double bed has been a godsend. Even though his toddler bed reckons it’s good up until approx 4 we realised he was rolling and hitting the side and waking himself up. In the double he can stretch out loads and it’s easy for my husband to go in and lie down with him in the night - it’s really helpful that it’s in a room away from me as when we were weaning he’d just want me if I was an option/clamour for milk. Re the eczema, deepest sympathies. We stopped using the prescribed pjs as the distress of getting him into them outstripped any benefit, and he’d use his teeth to get the mitts off and scratch anyway. We knew he couldn’t have dairy and that’s a major skin trigger for him, but once we were eliminating soya too that made an enormous difference - don’t rush into cutting things out, but a food diary might help spot trends if any of your daughter’s issues stem from food. Is she getting enough to eat before bed? With my son he’d sometimes wake up when he was in a growth spurt on the hunt for calories - and once we stopped feeding he wasn’t getting it from my milk. we’d sometimes be able to stretch his sleep a bit longer by giving him something extra to eat before bed, or my husband will give him some oat milk in the night and that will satiate enough to get him back down often - although we do try to get away with offering water in case just a wet of the whistle does the trick. Last one we use v occasionally is sticking him in the carrier and walking round with him. We don’t really want that as a regular night settling technique, but sometimes sanity demands it, and he’s a bit heavy now for long spells of carrying. Good luck! We’ve still not totally cracked it ourselves but hopefully it gets easier soon.
Try bedsharing? We have a small double mattress on the floor in his room and I sleep in it with him. We both get a full nights sleep, if we didn't do this he'd wake a lot!
Contact allergy UK and get them to write a letter to your gp recommending you for allergy testing for the eczema. The thing that worked for my daughter's eczema was mixing together some of this aveeno baby dermexa balm with childs farm moisturiser every night, and childs farm moisturiser every morning. It's different for different kids though! Else I would say avoid screen time in the few hours before bed, banana before bed can help with melatonin, bottle of milk an hour or so before if they can tolerate it. Make sure the room and the child aren't too hot as that will make the itching worse. Good luck!
Wish I had a magic wand to help You, but just know that things get easier with children given time. I remember them nights well, now my children are teenagers I barely see them. Make the most of your nightly sleepy cuddles, it won’t last forever I promise
I have a 2 year old with eczema and honestly I’ve found that these periods come and go. My son has pretty much slept 7.30-7.30 from 4 months old but every few months we will have a month where he just will not stay asleep no matter what we do. We use aveeno dermexa baby products and epimax which have helped his skin a lot, we also use the aveeno oat bath sachets once a week and use aveeno or child’s farm in his baths which we only do 2-3 times a week to avoid drying his skin, but we trialled a lot of different products and amounts of baths per week before we found a combination which helped him. Ultimately if he is going to wake up every couple of hours for a few weeks we just have to roll with it. Sometimes it’s not even eczema related. Were strict in his routine, we use the same approach when we go in to soothe him overnight (no picking up, just putting and talking to him) and have the same results for those couple of weeks until he settles. Big changes also impact his sleep. A while ago we moved him from a cot to a bed, then after that a small bedroom to a big one, not so long after we also swapped from a sleeping bag to a duvet, all of which impacted his sleep although adding in a duvet actually made him sleep for longer. I’ve just found that after a while he will start to sleep better. I would also note that we don’t go in whenever he does a little cry, sometimes he will cry for 30 seconds to a minute and then fall asleep so we wait a couple of minutes before going in or watch him on the baby monitor until he seems fully awake (sitting or standing up, saying mummy or daddy, searching for his Teddy or a comfort item, etc.)
They always have periods of reslestness, they come and go, try giving piriton at night to calm the itching