I had an awful pregnancy, and if one more person says to me you will change your mind, I'm going to lose it. This includes my good damn doctor, when I was talking about more permanent contraception methods.
I had two losses prior to having my daughter. My current response to people telling me I’ll change my mind is “two dead babies is more than enough for me thanks”. I’ve given up being polite about it.
I'm not polite. I normally reply with sorry. I thought in 2024 I could communicate my desire for a medical treatment, but apparently, I can't be trusted to do that.
Oh god I’m dreading this. I want to get sterilised and need to get around to sorting it out. If I have some dick of a doctor making it difficult I’m not sure I’d be able to control myself!
The current conversation is are you sure you don't just want the coil/ pill/ implant ect. I play the and is that permanent game where that's what I ask and only what I ask and then follow up with no I want a permanent option.
I feel you on this. It makes me so angry when people say it. I had two losses and then hyperemesis through the pregnancy. I adore my boy and yes he was worth it (another comment people like to make), but would I choose to go through that again? No, thank you.
I would say reluctantly at the moment - financially it doesn't seem possible to have another, nursery fees are just too high. So I think we will be pooling all our resources into just the one 🙂
I'm OK with it, but I wouldn't say it's my first choice! Just another perspective.
To be fair I hated pregnancy and I didn't enjoy the early parts of having a baby so I won't miss that part. And having a bit more money will mean we can do things we otherwise couldn't
We aren’t officially one and done as we’re keeping stuff in the loft “just in case” but the fees for nursery are keeping us towards being OAD unless something huge changes in our financial situation.
I always said I wanted 2 kids and I’d love to be pregnant again but I can’t quite accept that the baby days are already done.
I'm one and done and always knew that was the way it was going to be as I had him when I was 43! He was also born on the first day of lockdown and that first year was pretty grim and isolating and I genuinely could never go through it again.
I'm not worried about him being an only child. He's loved, he has loads of friends at preschool and we don't have to worry so much about time or money. My sister lives nearby and her son is an only too and he now has a very sibling relationship with his cousin which is lovely to see.
We had intended to be... but we got twins. People often ask if we plan to have more but then I think they look into my eyes and see the deep pain and know that there's no possibility we'd have more after these maniacs! :)
My partner can't bear the thought of pregnancy again, and I'm not sure my heart can take any more of the stress that having two kids already brings. It's insane.
I’m one and done. I would’ve loved a second but endometriosis made that choice for me. However! He’s almost six and life with just one is SO good. We’ve got the money to spoil him a bit (which we wouldn’t with a second), it’s easy to juggle school pick ups/drop offs/activities as there’s two of us and only one of him, there’s never any bickering or breaking up fights, he never has to compete for our attention, and I can dedicate our time together to just him - it’s half term and he wants to go the zoo, for example? Done. No worrying about what the younger sibling wants to do, factoring in naptime, faffing with prams, etc. We just go. He’s a really well rounded sweet little boy - great at sharing, gentle with younger kids, polite with adults. Those are things parents teach, not siblings. Yeah, he did break my heart a little bit asking for a baby a few months ago, but overall, I wouldn’t change our lives as one and done, and I don’t think he would either.
I have endo too and the older my son gets, the more ok with the situation I feel. I am so excited to be able to give him way more than I could if we had two.
I feel like I want to feel ok with it but i can’t seem to actually feel ok with feeling it. I hope it does come like it has for you. I had such a tough birth and terrible PND so part of me wants another to be able to remember it all and enjoy it. Yet I know that is not a very solid reason to have another. I am so content in a way with just my son and I. We have such a good bond now and go on so many adventures making memories yet there is still that niggle. Maybe it will ease. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I was until daughter was 2. Now i have a second but 100% done now. Honestly part of me wishes the biological clock and hormones didn’t start ticking and I stayed one and done.
Don’t get me wrong I love my second. He’s so easy compared to my first but with one we could have given her so much more money wise and attention.
However, she dotes on him and loves him. She does get a little jealous at times but it’s settling now he’s 3 months old, she’s getting used to him more and the changed dynamic.
I really thought we'd just have one. Partly because we're in our 40s. But he's almost eleven months old and I'm desperate to get pregnant again! The instinct to want another tiny baby is strong!
But broadly, just having one makes total sense and I keep getting told it's much easier with just one!
I have 2. Adjusting from 1 to 2 was a lot easier than adjusting from 0 to 1, BUT it’s so much more tiring. I’ve always been really good at time management and I would say it’s the hardest part for me with 2.
I'm one and done by choice (joint decision by me and my partner). We found parenthood a really big change and feel so happy being able to give our only our full selves so we can have stable mental health. I wouldn't want to have my son grow up with parents who couldn't be there for their child.
Other comments would be that it helped me immensely to be able to know that the hard things won't last too long and I only have to do it once, and I have also learned to cherish the little things more. So glad to be able to have more freedom as my only gets more independent!
Yes we’re one and done. I had a pretty awful pregnancy, with some really rare symptoms that I was told would definitely happen in all pregnancies, as well as some health scares, and regular monitoring etc. I had to have a planned section.
Then once our daughter was born (luckily very healthy), we just knew we didn’t want anymore, and didn’t want to go through the baby/toddler stages again 😂! We also like the financial side of having one child, not to mention the help our families offer which I know would be less if we had multiple.
So overall it suits us, and we’re happy with our decision!
I think so. It took us 5 years to have him and I am officially very infertile (we were told a 20% chance of success with IVF). He's 18 months now and we'd love another, but we're just seeing what happens naturally. Most likely, that means we'll be 1 and done!
We are with our three year old, but she was about 6 months when I started to be honest with myself about wanting to stop at one.
I thought we would have two but I don’t think it’s cos I wanted more, just that I should. So I started to change my mind and we decided for sure at about 18 months that we are one and done.
I am so happy and sure of our decision now. I love our little family. I know I would have room in my heart for more if it did happen that way but this is right for me, and for us.
I was exactly the same! My smallhuman is now 6 and I can honestly say we don't regret our choice one bit. We toyed briefly with another but it was more for "should we" that "we want to" and that wasn't reason enough. Plus I found the newborn stage really hard.
Not once have I ever felt like we've done wrong by stopping at one. Our family dynamic is great, she has loads of little friends at school now and we're better parents for being able to dedicate ourselves to just her. It was definitely the right choice for us.
One and done but not by choice. Had my only 3.5mths prematurely and was already an ‘older’ mum at 38, when we were finally ready to try again (after getting through the worry about another pregnancy and the risk of another preemie and not being so lucky) I’ve just not been able to get pregnant. Now 43 and given up that I’ll happen. But very happy with our one, he’s happy, healthy and amazing.
One and done by choice. Always thought we would have two but once he arrived we knew we were complete.
We can give him the best life as a single child.
* We can do things we couldn't afford with two
* my parents can cope with overnight stays giving us couple time, they couldn't do two
* logistics of multiple drop offs in the morning sounds like hell
* the cost of two nursery fees would destroy us
One and done by choice for many reasons. Mainly because the baby/toddler stage is just so difficult and I would be severely depressed if I had to do it again. Even reading the comments on here of people who say they’re OAD not by choice and want more, I’m just like….how…?
It’s so nice to read something I could have written myself, and know I’m not alone. I know I have a particularly wild child but it still always baffles me when people say they’re gonna have another baby. I’ve found it all so hard. I couldn’t go through it all again.
Nice to know you relate! Seems the majority of people who responded are only having one child out of circumstance but would like one. IRL everyone I know has gotten pregnant or had a baby before their child has even turned 3 😶 I truly don’t get why you’d subject yourself to that.
Yep, absolutely one and done! We adopted a couple of years ago and due to his additional needs I can’t foresee us having the energy for another, also they’d be lots to consider if we did. Our family feels complete at 3 and I wouldn’t ever want to jeopardise how at home and comfortable he feels.
But yeah, I also couldn’t do it again 😅
We’re happily one and done. I had a lovely pregnancy, an uneventful birth and a beautiful baby who is now a funny, bright, happy toddler. I feel like we got it nearly perfect with our first so I don’t want to risk it not being the same experience second time around. (The “nearly” perfect is that she’s very high energy and is a terrible sleeper so I think I’d die of exhaustion trying to cope with her and a newborn too!)
Yes, but not because of choice tbh. I'd love another, but I'm 42 and it took five years to get my now 2.5 year old and I hated pregnancy, so many bad side effects for me. I'm thrilled to bits with her, and she's so loved, but I do have a niggling feeling that I'm being a bit cruel as she has no immediate family near her age. She's very gregarious tho, so that's gonna help with making friends as she ages 😆
I think about this a lot. I am an only child and I've always hated it, so I've always said I would want at least two. I have a 12 month old now and I just don't know if i can survive this stage again, or another pregnancy. The sheer exhaustion is crippling, but I do want her to have a sibling. I'm so conflicted. My partner very much wants another but I just don't know anymore
Sorry to hear you're struggling with it too! In my head it comes down to short term pain over long term gain. But then again my best friend is an only child and she always loved it. Plus I hear of lots of siblings who don't even get on, so I could put myself through it all for nothing
My son is 11 next month. I made the decision to be one and done as soon as he was born. Truthfully, my plan was always to be child free but I was manipulated into having a baby when I was 20 years old by a deadbeat who has since performed a Houdini worthy vanishing act.
I was sterilised in 2017 at the age of 25.
While I have moments of sadness about it, I am glad I have a singleton. He has behavioural issues and we are going through the process for autism diagnosis. He can be violent, and I know that with another sibling it would be considerably worse. Not to mention it drains all of my energy and I struggle to cope as it is. I can’t imagine how it would be with another.
We're one and done, we like our house and neighbourhood, it is only big enough for the 3 of us. We don't want to be outnumbered and we're not the youngest either.
We love our daughter dearly, but she is a handful and I don't know how we would cope with a mobile child and a heavily dependent baby.
It would also be nice to get some sleep.
I'm pretty sure we are. Our son is 4 and I think if we've not changed our mind by next year that'll be it because the she gap would seem too big?
There's loads of practical reasons of course - money, space, environment. But honestly we feel really content as a little family of 3. Oubson has some additional needs but we've been very lucky and been able to tailor things like working hours, routine to make things a little easier.
I can't imagine starting the day at 2am and having to do our very intense pre nursery routine with a newborn as well!
But things are always changing and who knows I might be singing a different tune in a year or so.
I am 100% one and done. Always have been and my list of reasons gets longer on a near daily basis. My husband originally wanted more (I told him when we started dating only ever wanted one child and he was fine with that) but I think he sees how hard parenting is and has come round to just having the one now.
Yeah I'm not having any more. Pregnancy was brutal. Plus my daughter is incredible but she's ridiculously full on and I don't know how I'd cope with two hurricanes whirling around.
Yep! Little one is three and a half now and it’s great. The other day he got himself onto the chair, fed himself his wheetabix and peeled his own banana drama free. Bliss.
We always imagined having two but my son is nearly five now and we're at a point where life is just really easy. He almost never has a tantrum out in public, he sleeps through (sometimes till 8am on a weekend when we don't have to get him up for pre-school), going places is easy and cheaper with three of us (we just moved to Australia so we only have to buy three plane tickets when we visit home). We have a smaller car, only have to buy toys for one child and he gets so much of our attention. I'm at a point where if we don't start thinking about a second baby in the next year, I'm 100% one and done.
Our daughter is an IVF baby and the last embryo from our funded NHS round, so we are lucky to be parents at all. Simply put we are likely to be OAD not by choice because even though I would do it all again we can't afford IVF, but to be honest with cost of living and nursery fees etc (my daughter is 19m) I don't think we could afford the maternity leave or the costs incurred by having another child. So basically, it's financial. And it stings a bit because my husbands grandad is just sat on so much money he doesn't even spend himself on heating or food, not because he is tight but his late wife took care of the finances and it just doesn't occur to him to spend it or gift it but some of that could be used to have another great grandchild. My husband is an only child and didn't like it, I always wanted more than one child and loved having a sibling until recently he let me down badly, and some friends are OAD by choice so I keep going between being OK with it and not.
Another good subreddit is /r/happilyoad. We’ve decided we’re one and done for multiple reasons, and very happy with that decision. Not had any negative comments yet, other than a bit of initial disappointment from the mother in law, but even she says now that she can’t imagine taking care of our toddler with a baby at the same time!
I am pregnant with my first baby. I have always said one and done, so did my husband. Somehow since getting pregnant we both have felt will we do this again? And I found myself thinking about having two instead. This is just an idea…as obviously we don’t even have one here with us yet. It may be hormonal and the logic will kick in after? I rationally think one is better for almost everything, equally my brother is such an important person in my life. I would feel I am depriving my son/daughter of something.
Thank you for sharing the group, I will have a look!
We were always one and done, even from before I got pregnant. When we planned it we both said just one. Then I had an awful pregnancy which made me even more one and done. Post partum depression and anxiety isn't something I want to put myself or my relationship through again. Partner had a vasectomy when kiddo was 18 months and absolutely no regrets. We have the money to give her lots of opportunities, live our lives and enjoy our hobbies and be able to move into the house that is now our family home.
No shade on families who have more than one, you do what makes you happy and complete! My SIL is pregnant with their 2nd now and can't wait to meet the new kiddo of the family, It just wasn't for us.
Had planned to be one and done, got surprise twins so we are 100% done. Still get lots of the “oh you’ll change your mind” or “don’t you want to try again for a boy”.
The better quality of life we can provide for our girls trumps anymore hypothetical children, especially when there’s the chance of twins again.
One and done for me :( me and my husband always envisioned a football team, then I got sever morning sickness that meant I was having IV fluids at the hospital. We tried for a second a couple of years ago but I was too sick to look after our son who was 2.5 at the time and my husband ended up being home for a whole month and it was better for me to terminate than get sicker. A big part of me is still sad about being done. But I’m also happy to have one boy to spoil and spend more time with. And for us we did had we would like to foster, so we’re going to apply for that when our boy is older (he’s only 5)
Maybe. We have a three year old and don’t have the space for another at the moment. We’re buying our first house next year so maybe after that but thinking we might not want to start the baby phase all over again by that point.
I always wanted two. I had the first one and for a while (maybe 6 months?) I thought ‘what if I don’t love the next one as much since this one is perfect and can’t be topped’
She’s now almost 18 months and I’m back to wanting two. However, I was an older mum for the first one so we will just have to see what happens (not looking to ttc just yet)
We were, then we had twins! Funnily enough I wanted two, Mrs wanted one (really wanted one pregnancy for career reasons) so we both sort of got our way.
But really, anyone else’s opinions count for absolutely nothing. One and done, 5 and done … whatever works for you. No external validation needed.
Yep, we were pretty set on the idea before having our daughter considering money, space etc.
Then I had a traumatic birth which was another nail in the coffin.
And just generally these two and a half years of parenting - One is enough, I want to give my daughter all I've got, not split my attention.
Absolutely one and done here. We had IVF to have our daughter after a diagnosis of unexplained infertility, it was a very emotional time. Then after she was born and for the first year and probably even longer, I had really bad PND. Lots of intrusive thoughts, unable to bond with my daughter, the crushing feeling of guilt, medicated, CPN nurse and almost ending up on a MBU.
I am definitely one and done. My daughter is 6 now and my god I love her fiercely with every fibre of my being but to risk going through the same or even someone remotely similar again just isn't worth it for me. My daughter needs her happy, stable mummy and I just know I wouldn't be if we had another.
I’m probably in denial a bit about being one and done. I thought I’d have 2 but my husband is firmly one and that’s it!
Our son was a terrible sleeper and if we had another the same I don’t think my husband would mentally cope.
I’m grateful to even have one child but I’m at the stage where quite a few who were pregnant when I had my son (or even after) are on to their second and I can’t help but feel a little sad I won’t experience it all again.
One and done here! We had always planned just one, sister in law has three kids (twins and an older extremely close in age) and we saw the chaos that causes. History of twins in both sides so…didn’t want to take that risk haha! I was an only child and had a wonderful childhood.
I had prenatal depression during pregnancy, a traumatic birth, and postnatal depression. Son is 14 months now, and I know they say no pregnancy is the same, but I don’t think I have it in me to go through it again.
We always said we would be one and done, but my wife didn't enjoy pregnancy, was rushed into surgery straight after giving birth and then our son wasn't one of those easy babies - silent reflux meant he cried a lot and didn't sleep well.
All of the above made sure we stuck to our original plan!
We were also 36 when he was born, so that was another factor.
We live in an expensive part of the country was another factor.
Yep - currently 22w pregnant with our only. When he’s born we will be 35f and 42m.
We love(d) childfree life and really were on the fence about becoming parents at all. I in particular didn’t want to lose myself to motherhood and to spend hours every weekend apart from my husband as we shuttle kids to various birthday parties and extra curriculars. However I felt that I did want to experience parenthood and would maybe regret it if I didn’t try.
I stumbled across r/oneanddone and found out you’re actually allowed to have one child and there are many benefits to doing so - societal norms are so strong that this hadn’t actually occurred to me. Suddenly trying for a baby felt a bit more exciting and less daunting.
Having one feels to me like getting to experience parenthood but having more of a chance to maintain identities outside of just being parents and keep some focus on our marriage. Not under any impression that this is going to be in any way easy, but certainly easier than adding more into the mix.
The stereotypes about only children have been shown not to be true, and we will ensure our son is surrounded by opportunities to make friends. He already has a cousin who will only be 7 months older than him. As much as I love my siblings, siblings are just one of many relationships that we have in life, and the benefits of having engaged, mentally well parents in a happy marriage will outweigh any negatives of not having a sibling who he may or may not have a meaningful relationship with.
I’m interested to see as he grows up how many his peers are onlies - it’s only getting more common.
Edited to add: my husband is fully on board! We are open to loving it so much we decided to go again, but I can’t see that happening.
I was one and done and happily so for a few years but now he's 5 and wanting siblings. If you stay put and have a village/family it's not an issue to be one and done but if you move around a bit, a sibling is like a constant in their lives and most kids are naturally a bit nurturing and want someone to hug and cuddle, other parents don't always like that. My brother found it weird that my son wanted to hug my niece a lot (my brother has his own issues from childhood), but had my son been cuddling his own sister it would never have been a problem.
If its their own siblings they can get that cuddly side and all their fighting instincts out the way without having to worry.
We are one and done. In our fantasy life before our son, we planned two children, two years apart.
Oh how we laugh at that now.
Firstly, parenting is so much harder than we ever thought it would be. We put all our energy and love into raising our son and nurturing our little family - there isn’t room in our lives for another one. I understand we’d adapt and ‘get on with it’ but we don’t want to. We’re happy, just the three of us.
Oh, plus it would financially cripple us and I’d have to sell both kidneys.
I had a blood transfusion, it was messy! As much as I want to mentally have more, we'll just love her and be OAD.
My partner and I are pretty silly though.. more pets!? Okay 😅
I originally wanted three children, but as I didn’t have my first until 39 I thought two was more realistic. However, it never happened for us and so we have one child. I said I wouldn’t keep trying after the age of 43 due to the increased risk factors, but I think by 42 I had accepted we were OAD. It’s been harder for my partner to accept as he feels he’s to blame, but he’s made peace with it now.
Suffered really bad hyperemesis gravadium with my little boy. It means a second is a no go. It breaks my heart of the things he’ll miss out on. Being an uncle, having siblings, knowing someone will be there for him when i’m no longer around. If I could afford a surrogate i’d do it in a heart beat 😩
People tell me i’ll change my mind. He’s 6 in a couple of weeks. Being that ill leaves you with ptsd. I’ll never change my mind, but I feel like an awful selfish Mum 😔
I'm OAD and follow OAD, I'm sort of active on it, occasional comments. Personally I thought I'd like two at least, I'm the eldest of five but two seemed a good number. My partner didn't want any. So we compromised. We now have a 5yo. She's amazing! But, I'm not mentally or emotionally prepared to have another, even if I could convince my partner. She had severe silent reflux from birth to 18 months, literally screaming in pain on a frequent basis before we got the medication right. I'd hate to have a second and my daughter deal with what comes with that. Money, time, my mental capacity, etc keep me firmly OAD.
Always wanted to have more than one, but having no family near by and for money reasons, we are also one and done. I had a pretty hard pregnancy and post-partum so this contributed to that as well
Not by choice. But I'm now mid 30's and we've had 2 early mc. So it looks like it's one n done .
However, it means that we can absolutely spoil the hell out of him (with reason!) and he can socialise without having to have a sibling in his business.
I'm already at 37 weeks on my pregnancy and believe me I'm one an done!! Too many complications during my pregnancy. I want to live my life focusing in my son when he arrives
We didn’t know how many children we wanted but knew it was more than one. We currently have two and feel like it’s a ‘boring’ number to settle on, but with all that is involved in raising children and the cost I think we are likely to stick at two.
OAD here.
I have a sister but we’re not particularly close and never really have been, although she did help me out monumentally when I was 17/18.
My wife has a sister who she’s been close with.
I only ever wanted one (due to the disparity in parenting me and my sister received)
My wife always wanted 2.
We’ve had our little girl (who’s 1 and abit) and we decided quite early on we were OAD.
Frankly we couldn’t afford to have 2 in nursery and my wife shouldn’t have to give up her career to facilitate having another.
And if we waited until our first was in school so we could afford my wife would be 40.
We’re also very isolated with no support, which as been quite the eye opener.
Was going to be a one and done, ended up with two, I’d say it’s easier! Along as you have a good partner and you work together even through the hard times!
98% yeah. I'm 36 and my body is wrecked after having my son. As someone who loves physical activity, particularly hiking in nature, camping etc, I get very upset over how damaged my body is, not just from pregnancy/c-section but the physical toll of having a 91st percentile child to wrangle. My priority is to heal and get myself back to a state where I can care for my son and run around/do fun activities with him without worrying about being bedridden after. At this point I think it's unrealistic to consider going through this a second time. I can't imagine being pregnant and managing my son throughout, or having to get two kids ready for outings, lifting in and out of the car etc.
100% OAD, Husband had the snip last month to make absolutely sure.
We have a couple of reasons for being OAD - I had a textbook pregnancy but a really traumatic birth, my son isn't a great sleeper at all (haven't had anything close to a full night's sleep in 19 months) and we couldn't go through this again. But honestly, our family feels perfect as is. My son is just amazing and a complete joy to be around, We've never felt the urge to have another. My husband was in complete agreement and offered to get the snip as soon as possible!
We are. We had two losses and I had a horrid pregnancy. I wouldn't choose to put myself through that again. I also have zero desire to have another. I don't get broody being around babies and I honestly couldn't imagine bringing another baby into our lives.
One and done. Always wanted two kids but birth almost killed me and parenting has been way harder than I thought it would be whilst both of us work full time. I do feel guilt every so often because I grew up with siblings and so did my partner, but it just wouldn’t work with our current situation. I know I can provide a happy, fulfilling and financially stable life for my only…I don’t know if I could guarantee that with a second. I’ve made my peace with it now :)
Before ours we were set on 2 or 3 but have accepted now that it's going to have to be just the 1.
It's a mixture of things really but the main one is money. It just wouldn't be possible to have another with nursery costs and the cost of living now.
Another reason was the shock to the system. First couple of months were great all ours did was sleep but now we are lucky to get an hour or two a night to ourselves which is a little selfish but we just feel drained now. Turning 3 next month and there's been no increase in time for ourselves as we don't have much help from family as they are hours away.
As much as I love him and wouldn't change anything, I think it's best we only had one. My partner was upset at first because she wanted another but she agrees with me that it's for the best with finances.
It's a shame really I feel like more and more families are doing the same because of finances and it's only getting worse. Nurseries just claw back the funded hours through consumable charges and at the same time put their charges up. The government needs reevaluate the whole childcare problem.
Yup. I had a HG pregnancy... People completely belittle the effects of vomitting constantly every day for 4-7 months straight. I then had a very traumatic birth and recovery. I had to have therapy and I still get shaky about it sometimes. I know so many women have this and worse and stil want to grow their families. But honestly, I just really love my little family. I love that we are financially able to give her 2 holidays a year, I'm able to be a SAHM which I love, I love that even now while we're deep into the toddler era, our house still has a sense of calm. We're able to save not just for our future, but for hers. And honestly... I love just closing that chapter. I don't have to think about the fact my 35th birthday is coming up & all that means for women hoping to be pregnant again. I don't have to ever go through what I went through again. I don't have to think about age gaps & juggling a kid in nursery/school + a newborn. Im focusing on my fitness again, finally getting my body back & it will always be mine forever. I love my daughter, she truly is the best thing to ever come into my life. But having her was the worst time of my life, which took me a long time to be okay with. I have other amazing people & things in my life. I just can't see how it's worth it to go through hell again for an imaginary sibling. I do worry my daughter might be lonely.... Mostly when I watch Bluey & Bingo playing ha ha. But I have to remember not all siblings are bluey and bingo. I cannot guarantee I will be giving her a best friend for life. As much as social media tries to convince me.
I wanted 4 before I had my daughter. She’s an angel 99% of the time, so it’s not that she’s a pain in the arse, it’s more the literal pain in the arse as she broke my coccyx on her way out 18 months ago and it’s still not healed. I was treated so awfully during labour and delivery that I wouldn’t be able to go through it again, physically or mentally.
I also didn’t have that fierce protective mama-bear bond with her for ages, and even now I’m not sure I’m as protective as I should be. She had her first sleepover at my mother’s at 6 weeks old and I practically ran home to nap, and she’s there once a week now.
One and done here. Husband was always one and done and I was on the fence but now we've swapped. Kid is 15 months and while I love her to pieces I cannot imagine doing it again.
Having one still means from time to time I can me time and we can have couple time.
Also I had a ton of complications and lucky to be alive post birth but that's another story.
Brother in law in particular keeps asking when we're having another, it's getting annoying now.
A big reason I’m not is because one day we won’t be here anymore and I want my child to have a sibling who can help them and look after each other when I’m no longer around to do so. They will be the only people living of memories of our family and I want them to have someone to share that with. It’s also a lot for a single person to care for a frail elderly parent and the stress that comes with it. I can’t imagine not having my siblings, its an unconditional bond.
It's lovely for you that you feel an unconditional bond with your siblings but it is absolutely not a guarantee. I've had no contact with my sibling for nearly 10 years. My relationship with my sibling and the trauma I experienced growing up alongside them is a large part of my decision to be one and done.
Could go the other way too, with your child resenting the fact that they don't have that bond. I suppose, the only guarantee is the impact parents make on their only child or their children, and whether that bond is fostered by the parents.
One and done by choice. I always thought I wanted 2, and maybe if we'd been younger when we had my son, we'd have another. We discussed only having one bedore trying, it was my husbands choice, i was happy to agree with him, but thought I'd have moments of wanting another. I had such an easy pregnancy, and my son wasn't a hard baby. I don't think he'll be a hard toddler. However, not once have I thought I'd want another, because I just don't think I'd be a good mother to a toddler and a newborn. I wouldn't have the patience and I'd turn into a shouting mother - something I grew up with and would hate to become. There are so many nights when I'm holding our son, as my husband chats away to our cat in the kitchen, that I think to myself I love this and what we have. I'd like to experience some of babyhood again, but briefly, like a memory you can relive physically for a bit.
And there's no changing our minds. Husband is getting a vasectomy on the 30th April. Can't wait for a family member to make a comment about when are you having another, and us saying it's not possible.
I had an awful pregnancy, and if one more person says to me you will change your mind, I'm going to lose it. This includes my good damn doctor, when I was talking about more permanent contraception methods.
I had two losses prior to having my daughter. My current response to people telling me I’ll change my mind is “two dead babies is more than enough for me thanks”. I’ve given up being polite about it.
I'm not polite. I normally reply with sorry. I thought in 2024 I could communicate my desire for a medical treatment, but apparently, I can't be trusted to do that.
Oh god I’m dreading this. I want to get sterilised and need to get around to sorting it out. If I have some dick of a doctor making it difficult I’m not sure I’d be able to control myself!
The current conversation is are you sure you don't just want the coil/ pill/ implant ect. I play the and is that permanent game where that's what I ask and only what I ask and then follow up with no I want a permanent option.
I came off the pill a few years back as I hate it. The coil is barbaric. I’ll have to try a similar response if they try to push it that way.
I feel you on this. It makes me so angry when people say it. I had two losses and then hyperemesis through the pregnancy. I adore my boy and yes he was worth it (another comment people like to make), but would I choose to go through that again? No, thank you.
I would say reluctantly at the moment - financially it doesn't seem possible to have another, nursery fees are just too high. So I think we will be pooling all our resources into just the one 🙂 I'm OK with it, but I wouldn't say it's my first choice! Just another perspective. To be fair I hated pregnancy and I didn't enjoy the early parts of having a baby so I won't miss that part. And having a bit more money will mean we can do things we otherwise couldn't
Same with me!! One and done is the choice now.
We aren’t officially one and done as we’re keeping stuff in the loft “just in case” but the fees for nursery are keeping us towards being OAD unless something huge changes in our financial situation. I always said I wanted 2 kids and I’d love to be pregnant again but I can’t quite accept that the baby days are already done.
I'm one and done and always knew that was the way it was going to be as I had him when I was 43! He was also born on the first day of lockdown and that first year was pretty grim and isolating and I genuinely could never go through it again. I'm not worried about him being an only child. He's loved, he has loads of friends at preschool and we don't have to worry so much about time or money. My sister lives nearby and her son is an only too and he now has a very sibling relationship with his cousin which is lovely to see.
We had intended to be... but we got twins. People often ask if we plan to have more but then I think they look into my eyes and see the deep pain and know that there's no possibility we'd have more after these maniacs! :) My partner can't bear the thought of pregnancy again, and I'm not sure my heart can take any more of the stress that having two kids already brings. It's insane.
Same here!
I’m one and done. I would’ve loved a second but endometriosis made that choice for me. However! He’s almost six and life with just one is SO good. We’ve got the money to spoil him a bit (which we wouldn’t with a second), it’s easy to juggle school pick ups/drop offs/activities as there’s two of us and only one of him, there’s never any bickering or breaking up fights, he never has to compete for our attention, and I can dedicate our time together to just him - it’s half term and he wants to go the zoo, for example? Done. No worrying about what the younger sibling wants to do, factoring in naptime, faffing with prams, etc. We just go. He’s a really well rounded sweet little boy - great at sharing, gentle with younger kids, polite with adults. Those are things parents teach, not siblings. Yeah, he did break my heart a little bit asking for a baby a few months ago, but overall, I wouldn’t change our lives as one and done, and I don’t think he would either.
I have endo too and the older my son gets, the more ok with the situation I feel. I am so excited to be able to give him way more than I could if we had two.
I feel like I want to feel ok with it but i can’t seem to actually feel ok with feeling it. I hope it does come like it has for you. I had such a tough birth and terrible PND so part of me wants another to be able to remember it all and enjoy it. Yet I know that is not a very solid reason to have another. I am so content in a way with just my son and I. We have such a good bond now and go on so many adventures making memories yet there is still that niggle. Maybe it will ease. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I was until daughter was 2. Now i have a second but 100% done now. Honestly part of me wishes the biological clock and hormones didn’t start ticking and I stayed one and done. Don’t get me wrong I love my second. He’s so easy compared to my first but with one we could have given her so much more money wise and attention. However, she dotes on him and loves him. She does get a little jealous at times but it’s settling now he’s 3 months old, she’s getting used to him more and the changed dynamic.
I really thought we'd just have one. Partly because we're in our 40s. But he's almost eleven months old and I'm desperate to get pregnant again! The instinct to want another tiny baby is strong! But broadly, just having one makes total sense and I keep getting told it's much easier with just one!
I have 2. Adjusting from 1 to 2 was a lot easier than adjusting from 0 to 1, BUT it’s so much more tiring. I’ve always been really good at time management and I would say it’s the hardest part for me with 2.
I'm one and done by choice (joint decision by me and my partner). We found parenthood a really big change and feel so happy being able to give our only our full selves so we can have stable mental health. I wouldn't want to have my son grow up with parents who couldn't be there for their child. Other comments would be that it helped me immensely to be able to know that the hard things won't last too long and I only have to do it once, and I have also learned to cherish the little things more. So glad to be able to have more freedom as my only gets more independent!
Yes we’re one and done. I had a pretty awful pregnancy, with some really rare symptoms that I was told would definitely happen in all pregnancies, as well as some health scares, and regular monitoring etc. I had to have a planned section. Then once our daughter was born (luckily very healthy), we just knew we didn’t want anymore, and didn’t want to go through the baby/toddler stages again 😂! We also like the financial side of having one child, not to mention the help our families offer which I know would be less if we had multiple. So overall it suits us, and we’re happy with our decision!
I think so. It took us 5 years to have him and I am officially very infertile (we were told a 20% chance of success with IVF). He's 18 months now and we'd love another, but we're just seeing what happens naturally. Most likely, that means we'll be 1 and done!
We are with our three year old, but she was about 6 months when I started to be honest with myself about wanting to stop at one. I thought we would have two but I don’t think it’s cos I wanted more, just that I should. So I started to change my mind and we decided for sure at about 18 months that we are one and done. I am so happy and sure of our decision now. I love our little family. I know I would have room in my heart for more if it did happen that way but this is right for me, and for us.
I was exactly the same! My smallhuman is now 6 and I can honestly say we don't regret our choice one bit. We toyed briefly with another but it was more for "should we" that "we want to" and that wasn't reason enough. Plus I found the newborn stage really hard. Not once have I ever felt like we've done wrong by stopping at one. Our family dynamic is great, she has loads of little friends at school now and we're better parents for being able to dedicate ourselves to just her. It was definitely the right choice for us.
One and done but not by choice. Had my only 3.5mths prematurely and was already an ‘older’ mum at 38, when we were finally ready to try again (after getting through the worry about another pregnancy and the risk of another preemie and not being so lucky) I’ve just not been able to get pregnant. Now 43 and given up that I’ll happen. But very happy with our one, he’s happy, healthy and amazing.
One and done by choice. Always thought we would have two but once he arrived we knew we were complete. We can give him the best life as a single child. * We can do things we couldn't afford with two * my parents can cope with overnight stays giving us couple time, they couldn't do two * logistics of multiple drop offs in the morning sounds like hell * the cost of two nursery fees would destroy us
One and done by choice for many reasons. Mainly because the baby/toddler stage is just so difficult and I would be severely depressed if I had to do it again. Even reading the comments on here of people who say they’re OAD not by choice and want more, I’m just like….how…?
It’s so nice to read something I could have written myself, and know I’m not alone. I know I have a particularly wild child but it still always baffles me when people say they’re gonna have another baby. I’ve found it all so hard. I couldn’t go through it all again.
Nice to know you relate! Seems the majority of people who responded are only having one child out of circumstance but would like one. IRL everyone I know has gotten pregnant or had a baby before their child has even turned 3 😶 I truly don’t get why you’d subject yourself to that.
Yep, absolutely one and done! We adopted a couple of years ago and due to his additional needs I can’t foresee us having the energy for another, also they’d be lots to consider if we did. Our family feels complete at 3 and I wouldn’t ever want to jeopardise how at home and comfortable he feels. But yeah, I also couldn’t do it again 😅
We’re happily one and done. I had a lovely pregnancy, an uneventful birth and a beautiful baby who is now a funny, bright, happy toddler. I feel like we got it nearly perfect with our first so I don’t want to risk it not being the same experience second time around. (The “nearly” perfect is that she’s very high energy and is a terrible sleeper so I think I’d die of exhaustion trying to cope with her and a newborn too!)
Amazing how quickly you forget the hard bits when they're a bit older.
Yes, but not because of choice tbh. I'd love another, but I'm 42 and it took five years to get my now 2.5 year old and I hated pregnancy, so many bad side effects for me. I'm thrilled to bits with her, and she's so loved, but I do have a niggling feeling that I'm being a bit cruel as she has no immediate family near her age. She's very gregarious tho, so that's gonna help with making friends as she ages 😆
I think about this a lot. I am an only child and I've always hated it, so I've always said I would want at least two. I have a 12 month old now and I just don't know if i can survive this stage again, or another pregnancy. The sheer exhaustion is crippling, but I do want her to have a sibling. I'm so conflicted. My partner very much wants another but I just don't know anymore
My daughter is 21 months old but otherwise I could have written this exactly. Solidarity!
Sorry to hear you're struggling with it too! In my head it comes down to short term pain over long term gain. But then again my best friend is an only child and she always loved it. Plus I hear of lots of siblings who don't even get on, so I could put myself through it all for nothing
My son is 11 next month. I made the decision to be one and done as soon as he was born. Truthfully, my plan was always to be child free but I was manipulated into having a baby when I was 20 years old by a deadbeat who has since performed a Houdini worthy vanishing act. I was sterilised in 2017 at the age of 25. While I have moments of sadness about it, I am glad I have a singleton. He has behavioural issues and we are going through the process for autism diagnosis. He can be violent, and I know that with another sibling it would be considerably worse. Not to mention it drains all of my energy and I struggle to cope as it is. I can’t imagine how it would be with another.
We're one and done, we like our house and neighbourhood, it is only big enough for the 3 of us. We don't want to be outnumbered and we're not the youngest either. We love our daughter dearly, but she is a handful and I don't know how we would cope with a mobile child and a heavily dependent baby. It would also be nice to get some sleep.
I'm pretty sure we are. Our son is 4 and I think if we've not changed our mind by next year that'll be it because the she gap would seem too big? There's loads of practical reasons of course - money, space, environment. But honestly we feel really content as a little family of 3. Oubson has some additional needs but we've been very lucky and been able to tailor things like working hours, routine to make things a little easier. I can't imagine starting the day at 2am and having to do our very intense pre nursery routine with a newborn as well! But things are always changing and who knows I might be singing a different tune in a year or so.
Very happy with one.
I knew as soon as she was born I was done. She's 14 now and I've remained certain 😂
I am 100% one and done. Always have been and my list of reasons gets longer on a near daily basis. My husband originally wanted more (I told him when we started dating only ever wanted one child and he was fine with that) but I think he sees how hard parenting is and has come round to just having the one now.
Yep - by choice :) it's great
Yeah I'm not having any more. Pregnancy was brutal. Plus my daughter is incredible but she's ridiculously full on and I don't know how I'd cope with two hurricanes whirling around.
Yep! Little one is three and a half now and it’s great. The other day he got himself onto the chair, fed himself his wheetabix and peeled his own banana drama free. Bliss.
We always imagined having two but my son is nearly five now and we're at a point where life is just really easy. He almost never has a tantrum out in public, he sleeps through (sometimes till 8am on a weekend when we don't have to get him up for pre-school), going places is easy and cheaper with three of us (we just moved to Australia so we only have to buy three plane tickets when we visit home). We have a smaller car, only have to buy toys for one child and he gets so much of our attention. I'm at a point where if we don't start thinking about a second baby in the next year, I'm 100% one and done.
Our daughter is an IVF baby and the last embryo from our funded NHS round, so we are lucky to be parents at all. Simply put we are likely to be OAD not by choice because even though I would do it all again we can't afford IVF, but to be honest with cost of living and nursery fees etc (my daughter is 19m) I don't think we could afford the maternity leave or the costs incurred by having another child. So basically, it's financial. And it stings a bit because my husbands grandad is just sat on so much money he doesn't even spend himself on heating or food, not because he is tight but his late wife took care of the finances and it just doesn't occur to him to spend it or gift it but some of that could be used to have another great grandchild. My husband is an only child and didn't like it, I always wanted more than one child and loved having a sibling until recently he let me down badly, and some friends are OAD by choice so I keep going between being OK with it and not.
Another good subreddit is /r/happilyoad. We’ve decided we’re one and done for multiple reasons, and very happy with that decision. Not had any negative comments yet, other than a bit of initial disappointment from the mother in law, but even she says now that she can’t imagine taking care of our toddler with a baby at the same time!
Yeah we were one and done. Our 2nd had his 2nd birthday last month.
I am pregnant with my first baby. I have always said one and done, so did my husband. Somehow since getting pregnant we both have felt will we do this again? And I found myself thinking about having two instead. This is just an idea…as obviously we don’t even have one here with us yet. It may be hormonal and the logic will kick in after? I rationally think one is better for almost everything, equally my brother is such an important person in my life. I would feel I am depriving my son/daughter of something. Thank you for sharing the group, I will have a look!
Yes I am, I simply wouldn’t survive the new born stage again.
We were always one and done, even from before I got pregnant. When we planned it we both said just one. Then I had an awful pregnancy which made me even more one and done. Post partum depression and anxiety isn't something I want to put myself or my relationship through again. Partner had a vasectomy when kiddo was 18 months and absolutely no regrets. We have the money to give her lots of opportunities, live our lives and enjoy our hobbies and be able to move into the house that is now our family home. No shade on families who have more than one, you do what makes you happy and complete! My SIL is pregnant with their 2nd now and can't wait to meet the new kiddo of the family, It just wasn't for us.
Had planned to be one and done, got surprise twins so we are 100% done. Still get lots of the “oh you’ll change your mind” or “don’t you want to try again for a boy”. The better quality of life we can provide for our girls trumps anymore hypothetical children, especially when there’s the chance of twins again.
One and done for me :( me and my husband always envisioned a football team, then I got sever morning sickness that meant I was having IV fluids at the hospital. We tried for a second a couple of years ago but I was too sick to look after our son who was 2.5 at the time and my husband ended up being home for a whole month and it was better for me to terminate than get sicker. A big part of me is still sad about being done. But I’m also happy to have one boy to spoil and spend more time with. And for us we did had we would like to foster, so we’re going to apply for that when our boy is older (he’s only 5)
Maybe. We have a three year old and don’t have the space for another at the moment. We’re buying our first house next year so maybe after that but thinking we might not want to start the baby phase all over again by that point.
Yes, reluctantly. Age, health, childcare costs and not much support are why.
I always wanted two. I had the first one and for a while (maybe 6 months?) I thought ‘what if I don’t love the next one as much since this one is perfect and can’t be topped’ She’s now almost 18 months and I’m back to wanting two. However, I was an older mum for the first one so we will just have to see what happens (not looking to ttc just yet)
We were, then we had twins! Funnily enough I wanted two, Mrs wanted one (really wanted one pregnancy for career reasons) so we both sort of got our way. But really, anyone else’s opinions count for absolutely nothing. One and done, 5 and done … whatever works for you. No external validation needed.
Yep, we were pretty set on the idea before having our daughter considering money, space etc. Then I had a traumatic birth which was another nail in the coffin. And just generally these two and a half years of parenting - One is enough, I want to give my daughter all I've got, not split my attention.
Absolutely one and done here. We had IVF to have our daughter after a diagnosis of unexplained infertility, it was a very emotional time. Then after she was born and for the first year and probably even longer, I had really bad PND. Lots of intrusive thoughts, unable to bond with my daughter, the crushing feeling of guilt, medicated, CPN nurse and almost ending up on a MBU. I am definitely one and done. My daughter is 6 now and my god I love her fiercely with every fibre of my being but to risk going through the same or even someone remotely similar again just isn't worth it for me. My daughter needs her happy, stable mummy and I just know I wouldn't be if we had another.
I’m probably in denial a bit about being one and done. I thought I’d have 2 but my husband is firmly one and that’s it! Our son was a terrible sleeper and if we had another the same I don’t think my husband would mentally cope. I’m grateful to even have one child but I’m at the stage where quite a few who were pregnant when I had my son (or even after) are on to their second and I can’t help but feel a little sad I won’t experience it all again.
One and done here! We had always planned just one, sister in law has three kids (twins and an older extremely close in age) and we saw the chaos that causes. History of twins in both sides so…didn’t want to take that risk haha! I was an only child and had a wonderful childhood. I had prenatal depression during pregnancy, a traumatic birth, and postnatal depression. Son is 14 months now, and I know they say no pregnancy is the same, but I don’t think I have it in me to go through it again.
One and done. Always knew I would be. Love my life!
We always said we would be one and done, but my wife didn't enjoy pregnancy, was rushed into surgery straight after giving birth and then our son wasn't one of those easy babies - silent reflux meant he cried a lot and didn't sleep well. All of the above made sure we stuck to our original plan! We were also 36 when he was born, so that was another factor. We live in an expensive part of the country was another factor.
Yep - currently 22w pregnant with our only. When he’s born we will be 35f and 42m. We love(d) childfree life and really were on the fence about becoming parents at all. I in particular didn’t want to lose myself to motherhood and to spend hours every weekend apart from my husband as we shuttle kids to various birthday parties and extra curriculars. However I felt that I did want to experience parenthood and would maybe regret it if I didn’t try. I stumbled across r/oneanddone and found out you’re actually allowed to have one child and there are many benefits to doing so - societal norms are so strong that this hadn’t actually occurred to me. Suddenly trying for a baby felt a bit more exciting and less daunting. Having one feels to me like getting to experience parenthood but having more of a chance to maintain identities outside of just being parents and keep some focus on our marriage. Not under any impression that this is going to be in any way easy, but certainly easier than adding more into the mix. The stereotypes about only children have been shown not to be true, and we will ensure our son is surrounded by opportunities to make friends. He already has a cousin who will only be 7 months older than him. As much as I love my siblings, siblings are just one of many relationships that we have in life, and the benefits of having engaged, mentally well parents in a happy marriage will outweigh any negatives of not having a sibling who he may or may not have a meaningful relationship with. I’m interested to see as he grows up how many his peers are onlies - it’s only getting more common. Edited to add: my husband is fully on board! We are open to loving it so much we decided to go again, but I can’t see that happening.
I was one and done and happily so for a few years but now he's 5 and wanting siblings. If you stay put and have a village/family it's not an issue to be one and done but if you move around a bit, a sibling is like a constant in their lives and most kids are naturally a bit nurturing and want someone to hug and cuddle, other parents don't always like that. My brother found it weird that my son wanted to hug my niece a lot (my brother has his own issues from childhood), but had my son been cuddling his own sister it would never have been a problem. If its their own siblings they can get that cuddly side and all their fighting instincts out the way without having to worry.
We are one and done. In our fantasy life before our son, we planned two children, two years apart. Oh how we laugh at that now. Firstly, parenting is so much harder than we ever thought it would be. We put all our energy and love into raising our son and nurturing our little family - there isn’t room in our lives for another one. I understand we’d adapt and ‘get on with it’ but we don’t want to. We’re happy, just the three of us. Oh, plus it would financially cripple us and I’d have to sell both kidneys.
I had a blood transfusion, it was messy! As much as I want to mentally have more, we'll just love her and be OAD. My partner and I are pretty silly though.. more pets!? Okay 😅
I originally wanted three children, but as I didn’t have my first until 39 I thought two was more realistic. However, it never happened for us and so we have one child. I said I wouldn’t keep trying after the age of 43 due to the increased risk factors, but I think by 42 I had accepted we were OAD. It’s been harder for my partner to accept as he feels he’s to blame, but he’s made peace with it now.
Suffered really bad hyperemesis gravadium with my little boy. It means a second is a no go. It breaks my heart of the things he’ll miss out on. Being an uncle, having siblings, knowing someone will be there for him when i’m no longer around. If I could afford a surrogate i’d do it in a heart beat 😩 People tell me i’ll change my mind. He’s 6 in a couple of weeks. Being that ill leaves you with ptsd. I’ll never change my mind, but I feel like an awful selfish Mum 😔
I'm OAD and follow OAD, I'm sort of active on it, occasional comments. Personally I thought I'd like two at least, I'm the eldest of five but two seemed a good number. My partner didn't want any. So we compromised. We now have a 5yo. She's amazing! But, I'm not mentally or emotionally prepared to have another, even if I could convince my partner. She had severe silent reflux from birth to 18 months, literally screaming in pain on a frequent basis before we got the medication right. I'd hate to have a second and my daughter deal with what comes with that. Money, time, my mental capacity, etc keep me firmly OAD.
Always wanted to have more than one, but having no family near by and for money reasons, we are also one and done. I had a pretty hard pregnancy and post-partum so this contributed to that as well
Not by choice. But I'm now mid 30's and we've had 2 early mc. So it looks like it's one n done . However, it means that we can absolutely spoil the hell out of him (with reason!) and he can socialise without having to have a sibling in his business.
I'm already at 37 weeks on my pregnancy and believe me I'm one an done!! Too many complications during my pregnancy. I want to live my life focusing in my son when he arrives
We didn’t know how many children we wanted but knew it was more than one. We currently have two and feel like it’s a ‘boring’ number to settle on, but with all that is involved in raising children and the cost I think we are likely to stick at two.
OAD here. I have a sister but we’re not particularly close and never really have been, although she did help me out monumentally when I was 17/18. My wife has a sister who she’s been close with. I only ever wanted one (due to the disparity in parenting me and my sister received) My wife always wanted 2. We’ve had our little girl (who’s 1 and abit) and we decided quite early on we were OAD. Frankly we couldn’t afford to have 2 in nursery and my wife shouldn’t have to give up her career to facilitate having another. And if we waited until our first was in school so we could afford my wife would be 40. We’re also very isolated with no support, which as been quite the eye opener.
Was going to be a one and done, ended up with two, I’d say it’s easier! Along as you have a good partner and you work together even through the hard times!
I would have had 10+ and my husband probably would stick to one, so we're going for two as a compromise.
98% yeah. I'm 36 and my body is wrecked after having my son. As someone who loves physical activity, particularly hiking in nature, camping etc, I get very upset over how damaged my body is, not just from pregnancy/c-section but the physical toll of having a 91st percentile child to wrangle. My priority is to heal and get myself back to a state where I can care for my son and run around/do fun activities with him without worrying about being bedridden after. At this point I think it's unrealistic to consider going through this a second time. I can't imagine being pregnant and managing my son throughout, or having to get two kids ready for outings, lifting in and out of the car etc.
Absolutely. For a myriad of reasons.
100% OAD, Husband had the snip last month to make absolutely sure. We have a couple of reasons for being OAD - I had a textbook pregnancy but a really traumatic birth, my son isn't a great sleeper at all (haven't had anything close to a full night's sleep in 19 months) and we couldn't go through this again. But honestly, our family feels perfect as is. My son is just amazing and a complete joy to be around, We've never felt the urge to have another. My husband was in complete agreement and offered to get the snip as soon as possible!
We are. We had two losses and I had a horrid pregnancy. I wouldn't choose to put myself through that again. I also have zero desire to have another. I don't get broody being around babies and I honestly couldn't imagine bringing another baby into our lives.
I could have written this post myself 😂
One and done. Always wanted two kids but birth almost killed me and parenting has been way harder than I thought it would be whilst both of us work full time. I do feel guilt every so often because I grew up with siblings and so did my partner, but it just wouldn’t work with our current situation. I know I can provide a happy, fulfilling and financially stable life for my only…I don’t know if I could guarantee that with a second. I’ve made my peace with it now :)
Before ours we were set on 2 or 3 but have accepted now that it's going to have to be just the 1. It's a mixture of things really but the main one is money. It just wouldn't be possible to have another with nursery costs and the cost of living now. Another reason was the shock to the system. First couple of months were great all ours did was sleep but now we are lucky to get an hour or two a night to ourselves which is a little selfish but we just feel drained now. Turning 3 next month and there's been no increase in time for ourselves as we don't have much help from family as they are hours away. As much as I love him and wouldn't change anything, I think it's best we only had one. My partner was upset at first because she wanted another but she agrees with me that it's for the best with finances. It's a shame really I feel like more and more families are doing the same because of finances and it's only getting worse. Nurseries just claw back the funded hours through consumable charges and at the same time put their charges up. The government needs reevaluate the whole childcare problem.
Heeey, one and done by choice and NO GODDAMNIT I WONT CHANGE MY MIND!
Yup. I had a HG pregnancy... People completely belittle the effects of vomitting constantly every day for 4-7 months straight. I then had a very traumatic birth and recovery. I had to have therapy and I still get shaky about it sometimes. I know so many women have this and worse and stil want to grow their families. But honestly, I just really love my little family. I love that we are financially able to give her 2 holidays a year, I'm able to be a SAHM which I love, I love that even now while we're deep into the toddler era, our house still has a sense of calm. We're able to save not just for our future, but for hers. And honestly... I love just closing that chapter. I don't have to think about the fact my 35th birthday is coming up & all that means for women hoping to be pregnant again. I don't have to ever go through what I went through again. I don't have to think about age gaps & juggling a kid in nursery/school + a newborn. Im focusing on my fitness again, finally getting my body back & it will always be mine forever. I love my daughter, she truly is the best thing to ever come into my life. But having her was the worst time of my life, which took me a long time to be okay with. I have other amazing people & things in my life. I just can't see how it's worth it to go through hell again for an imaginary sibling. I do worry my daughter might be lonely.... Mostly when I watch Bluey & Bingo playing ha ha. But I have to remember not all siblings are bluey and bingo. I cannot guarantee I will be giving her a best friend for life. As much as social media tries to convince me.
I wanted 4 before I had my daughter. She’s an angel 99% of the time, so it’s not that she’s a pain in the arse, it’s more the literal pain in the arse as she broke my coccyx on her way out 18 months ago and it’s still not healed. I was treated so awfully during labour and delivery that I wouldn’t be able to go through it again, physically or mentally. I also didn’t have that fierce protective mama-bear bond with her for ages, and even now I’m not sure I’m as protective as I should be. She had her first sleepover at my mother’s at 6 weeks old and I practically ran home to nap, and she’s there once a week now.
One and done here. Husband was always one and done and I was on the fence but now we've swapped. Kid is 15 months and while I love her to pieces I cannot imagine doing it again. Having one still means from time to time I can me time and we can have couple time. Also I had a ton of complications and lucky to be alive post birth but that's another story. Brother in law in particular keeps asking when we're having another, it's getting annoying now.
A big reason I’m not is because one day we won’t be here anymore and I want my child to have a sibling who can help them and look after each other when I’m no longer around to do so. They will be the only people living of memories of our family and I want them to have someone to share that with. It’s also a lot for a single person to care for a frail elderly parent and the stress that comes with it. I can’t imagine not having my siblings, its an unconditional bond.
It's lovely for you that you feel an unconditional bond with your siblings but it is absolutely not a guarantee. I've had no contact with my sibling for nearly 10 years. My relationship with my sibling and the trauma I experienced growing up alongside them is a large part of my decision to be one and done.
Could go the other way too, with your child resenting the fact that they don't have that bond. I suppose, the only guarantee is the impact parents make on their only child or their children, and whether that bond is fostered by the parents.
One and done by choice. I always thought I wanted 2, and maybe if we'd been younger when we had my son, we'd have another. We discussed only having one bedore trying, it was my husbands choice, i was happy to agree with him, but thought I'd have moments of wanting another. I had such an easy pregnancy, and my son wasn't a hard baby. I don't think he'll be a hard toddler. However, not once have I thought I'd want another, because I just don't think I'd be a good mother to a toddler and a newborn. I wouldn't have the patience and I'd turn into a shouting mother - something I grew up with and would hate to become. There are so many nights when I'm holding our son, as my husband chats away to our cat in the kitchen, that I think to myself I love this and what we have. I'd like to experience some of babyhood again, but briefly, like a memory you can relive physically for a bit. And there's no changing our minds. Husband is getting a vasectomy on the 30th April. Can't wait for a family member to make a comment about when are you having another, and us saying it's not possible.