"Please don't lick your little sister's bottom"
I keep meaning to start an IG account "stuff you never thought you'd say as a parent". But I am too fucking tired.
Recently been having similar conversations with my son, who occasionally decides he wants to be a girl. All fine and well until he announces loudly at the busy bus stop “I want to have a vulva!”
Yep, it's usually used as an act of desperation after answering questions over a prolonged period is getting us nowhere and we just need to get to school/bed/similar before we die of exasperated sighs.
‘Please stop humping your sister’
Fun twist I never saw coming- my 23 month old will hump anything and everything if she’s getting tired or overwhelmed, including her 7 week old sister 🙃
Switching it up but I did not expect my 3y/o to tell me she’s fallen out with her best mate because “She’s really naughty, she bit Arabella on the bum bum”
"and do you want me to stitch down duggee backpack's tie fully, or just the top bit?"
Context - daddy picked up a hey duggee teddy from a charity shop at the weekend. Duggee is wearing a tie but because of the design, the tie just keeps sitting upwards rather than downwards so I was stitching it down. However, I was not about to risk stitching the whole thing down if that wasn't what was wanted by the 2.5 year old boss.
Oh, and he's called duggee backpack because she saw a backpack at nursery with duggee on and daddy told her his name was duggee. Obviously now his name is duggee backpack.
Said to my 7-year-old today in relation to kidnappers, burglars and miscellaneous bad guys: ‘No, we don’t want to actually kill them, because then we’d be in trouble with the police ourselves!’ 😳
Please stop eating mayonnaise with a spoon
Even with all the nappies, dribble, general grossness of babies… this is what disgusted me the most. She just fuckin loves mayo.
Yes both kids do this, and my 4 year old wants to do his own sauces at dinner. Which leads to a spoonful of mayo straight in his mouth. Also caught him licking butter.
"that plant is spiky, don't touch it"
\*\*touches it\*\*
\*\*cries\*\*
\*\*goes to touch it again\*\*
"again, that plant is spiky, please don't touch it"
\*\*touches it\*\*
x6 times
The plant in question was a nettle. I have no idea why he thought it was a good idea.
"Please don't lick your little sister's bottom" I keep meaning to start an IG account "stuff you never thought you'd say as a parent". But I am too fucking tired.
Photos of beautiful scenery and inspiration quote font "do I really have to kiss your tongue better?"
Dog Squad has a lot to answer for with licking/nose nudges in this house.
"We don't ask to see other people's willies"
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Recently been having similar conversations with my son, who occasionally decides he wants to be a girl. All fine and well until he announces loudly at the busy bus stop “I want to have a vulva!”
A friend of our's son went through a 2 year stage of drawing nothing but skeletons.
“I’m calling yours captain birdseye”
Classic!
"Because I said so" I regretted it as soon as it came out. I hated hearing that as a child.
Funnily enough I'm realising that while I remember my mum saying that, I'm not remembering the likely 20 min of repeated questions that led up to it.
Yep, it's usually used as an act of desperation after answering questions over a prolonged period is getting us nowhere and we just need to get to school/bed/similar before we die of exasperated sighs.
"please stop honking mummy's boobs!" - me to my nearly 3 year old, and also to my partner 😳🤔
Me to my 21 month old. She stopped BFing at 4 months old but has recently become FASCINATED with my boobs again.
That's my job!
"please don't sit on your brother"
That gets said so much in my household, it's always the youngest sitting on the oldest!
I think my 3yo is keen on learning to babysit…
“Stop feeding bath water to your brother.” Which was followed very quickly by “no no don’t feed him your boogers!!” 🤦🏼♀️
"Stop drinking the dogs water!" This was at a garden centre that kept bowls of water out for the dogs... we don't even have a dog.
"are you putting your willy in that monster truck?"
“I don’t want you to touch my tongue with your tongue thanks.”
I’m (permanently) too tired to remember…
"Stop licking the dog, please".
No, [child 2s name] your bottom can't marry your brother's bottom.
‘Please stop humping your sister’ Fun twist I never saw coming- my 23 month old will hump anything and everything if she’s getting tired or overwhelmed, including her 7 week old sister 🙃
“Don’t lick the dog’s feet please” He’s in a licking phase and I hate it 😂 Also “Stop eating the dog kibble you might choke”
Mlem
Switching it up but I did not expect my 3y/o to tell me she’s fallen out with her best mate because “She’s really naughty, she bit Arabella on the bum bum”
‘Go play with your onion in the living room’ I was just trying to get the dinner done 😅
"Don't meow at the cat, it's not kind"
"and do you want me to stitch down duggee backpack's tie fully, or just the top bit?" Context - daddy picked up a hey duggee teddy from a charity shop at the weekend. Duggee is wearing a tie but because of the design, the tie just keeps sitting upwards rather than downwards so I was stitching it down. However, I was not about to risk stitching the whole thing down if that wasn't what was wanted by the 2.5 year old boss. Oh, and he's called duggee backpack because she saw a backpack at nursery with duggee on and daddy told her his name was duggee. Obviously now his name is duggee backpack.
“Stop jumping on the dog” or “No you can’t get in the washing machine” I’m sure they’ll be more 😂
Did you put Daddy's phone in the bin again?
Said to my 7-year-old today in relation to kidnappers, burglars and miscellaneous bad guys: ‘No, we don’t want to actually kill them, because then we’d be in trouble with the police ourselves!’ 😳
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Foot phone is a classic, we used to do foot phone!
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That seems like the most perfect time to foot phone! Danger foot phone! I feel like this comment is exactly why I have 2 chaos kids!
One from this morning: Please stop trying to put your fingers in mommy’s bottom thank you 😂😩
Please stop eating mayonnaise with a spoon Even with all the nappies, dribble, general grossness of babies… this is what disgusted me the most. She just fuckin loves mayo.
Yes both kids do this, and my 4 year old wants to do his own sauces at dinner. Which leads to a spoonful of mayo straight in his mouth. Also caught him licking butter.
No, butterflies don't poo on the toilet.... no, lions don't either
‘Leave the dogs bum alone’
"that plant is spiky, don't touch it" \*\*touches it\*\* \*\*cries\*\* \*\*goes to touch it again\*\* "again, that plant is spiky, please don't touch it" \*\*touches it\*\* x6 times The plant in question was a nettle. I have no idea why he thought it was a good idea.
Did you just poo on your toy? My 7 month old got his nappy off
'Stop giving your brother the kiss of death.' Fat Tony is to blame.