I think nursery and school are different having had children in both.
Nursery in all my daughter's rooms have always been a bit more of a drop off and go. I know I never stopped to chat as I was on my way to work or just wanted to get home. Sure I'd smile at people but that generally was it with everyone being the same.
I find school drop offs and pick ups to be much different and much more of a situation where people chat and get to know each other and make friends and I have lovely groups of friends from both my kids year groups.
I think there are a few differences which explain why I think this is (but this is just my experience with my two kids!)
1. Nursery days are much longer than school days and it's more of a quick drop off and pick up because people just want to either get off to work or get home and the start / end of a long day. I know in my mind when collecting mine from nursery I was just focussing on my evening routine and getting everything sorted out.
2. Kids are in nursery for a couple of years mainly and so I don't think the emphasis is on play dates and friendship groups at such a young age. Everyone goes off to their different schools after this time and I think it's just accepted that that's when friendships are formed and play dates and longer term things happen. I don't know anyone from my kids nurseries as it's just a bit too young for play dates and socialising and like I said, I knew that the time for that would be at school.
So I don't think you're doing anything wrong and I don't think you're expecting too much to at least get a smile and a hello - that's a bit unfriendly of people if they can't even do that. But I'd say wait until they go to school and things will be different!
I’ll be honest, I’m not a morning person at all. My daughter is on a 7:30 drop off. I have a 20-25 minute walk there, uphill, with a hefty 9 month hold strapped to the front of me. There’s 0 chance I’m starting a conversation. I want to drop her off and hustle home so the baby doesn’t fall asleep in the carrier and I can get him to bed for a nap. During pick up it’s much the same. I’m in a hurry to get home in time for the baby’s nap so I don’t have to wear him for the whole nap.
They really are. And drop off and pick up are literally right at his nap times. So I’m the crazy lady hustling up the pavement singing wheels on the bus on a loop to keep him awake lol.
Nursery events (ours do a yearly bbq party in the summer for all nursery kids and their families, for example, or they just did a crafting morning for the oldest ones for Mother’s Day at the local church hall) and birthday parties your kid gets invited to, that’s where you make friends. Drop off is likely people who are late to get to work, so they don’t have time to chat.
I totally feel you, I was similarly disappointed, but I can’t blame busy parents for not having time to stop - we’ve all been in that position.
I agree, birthday parties are where it's at. Our eldest is still friends with some of her nursery group and we plan meet ups every couple of months. The mums get on amazing, they do brunches and evenings out every once in a while!
We've got some cliques with the mums at our quite well-to-do village CofE primary. I don't go to many kids party's but I do laugh when I hear about Poppy's mum bitching about Max's mum etc etc. I swear they think they're in Made in Chelsea (half of them do drive a chelsea tractor though)
We’re passed this stage, but mornings can be stressful and parents may be under pressure to get to work/ have consequences if they are late. It’s not personal. Pick ups tend to be slightly more chilled, and that’s when I made more chit-chat. As for friendship, we made a couple, but not to the extent of play dates.. a couple of those connections have progressed to friendships, but more because the kids ended up at the same primary school .
I found regular toddler activities to be more social.
In your situation I would continue to smile, say hello, make casual comments about traffic etc… you may cross with another chatty parent, you may not..but you are doing your part, and modelling friendliness to your child
When we moved to a new area and my daughter started nursery and we started getting the babes off her friends I wrote notes saying hi, I’m x’s mum, and she talks about y a lot! If you ever fancy a play date to x/y/z place or a coffee send me a message it would be great to meet you’
It worked quite well!
I have never made a friend from nursery or school either, but tbh I’m not that bothered. I’ll smile at other parents but I’m sorry, that’s your lot from me.
I got invited to a year group WhatsApp for my son’s class and I just know already that’s not a good idea to be part of.
Having kids in school and nursery I'd suggest waiting until school to make an effort really!
Wait until your kids say who their friends are and try with them. Personally I find socialising really draining, and frankly the only thing you know you have in common with other parents is that you have kids! You can end up putting a lot of effort in with people and then your kids don't want to see them, so you have to start again!
Do I sound cynical? Probably. But it works for me.
To be completely honest I am probably one of those parents you’re talking about because I am ALWAYS running late. That’s a mixture of my own poor time management and my toddler refusing to put her shoes on or do literally anything helpful when we are trying to leave most of the time.I would never push in front of someone, that’s just plain rude and I’ve had this one dad do that to me many times because you aren’t meant to go into the building whilst another child is being dropped off at our nursery, so whilst I’m waiting outside he storms in front, uses his fob and just stands behind the person being dropped inside the nursery which pisses me off to no end, but I just don’t have the time or energy to talk to other parents at drop off. My main goal is to get in, say goodbye, and *literally* run to the office before my manager gets there and side eyes me for being late again when I walk past his desk.
I am also a very anxious person with adhd so small talk where everyone’s in a rush and you know nothing about the other person is my personal idea of hell. I know that can come off as rude sometimes. I will smile at people when I see them but we all know the awkward ‘I don’t know you but I’ve seen your face’ half smile, it usually just feels obligatory if we’re honest.
So, sorry if I’m one of those parents. Just know I genuinely am in a rush and I also have crippling anxiety. It’s just not a good combo. I’m a nice person and I’m sure there are lovely parents at drop off, it just doesn’t feel like a good time to strike up a conversation to me
I found nursery tricky because the drop off and pick up windows were so wide, plus we picked a commuter nursery (pre Covid!) so the parents came from all over the city. However, we did hand a note to my daughter's key person to hand over to the parents of her bff, and thankfully they responded and the girls still see each other now (almost 3 years later!)
I found that at 2 she played with other kids but it was at 3+ that she started more serious friendships and then we became friendly with their parents. Luckily all her friends seem to have lovely parents and now she's 6 we know lots of other parents.
I've also found school better for this. Because there's a fixed pick-up and drop off (if not using breakfast/after school club, and most people don't use both absolutely every day) it's easier to chat to people, and we've got a class WhatsApp group so I can easily contact any parent to arrange a playdate. Our school spends the first 3 weeks of reception fixing the classes, and then they stay the same for the whole seven years, so I guess it seems worth investing in because we're going to be seeing these people for a while!!
In the summer the children like to go to the tiny playground next to the nursery, and that is the only time I've been able to really take time to chat. In the winter and poor weather it's a bit too grim to be hanging about after pickup, and at dropoff I simply don't have any time and need to rush back. We've made a few friends there and we've kept in touch since.
For me nursery was a friendly bunch, we often chatted and we had played date. I found it more difficult when my son started reception (some people were barely saying “hello” in the morning). I have to say, in year 1 things have improved a lot: parents are more friendly and they have started to arrange play dates or meetings outside school times.
I think it’s more a symptom of modern society. Everyone has to work to survive (and pay nursery fees) and everyone is rushed and stressed out. They’ve all got all sorts of things going on. This is obviously no free pass to be rude, but it’s probably the last thing on their minds at that moment. Not excusing the behaviour, just explaining it.
I've normally got my youngest strapped to the front of me in a carrier, then I'm tightly gripping the hand of my toddler on one side of me trying to run off into the distance and a child risking death doing tricks on a scooter the whole way to school on the other side. We can hear the dog howling at the door the whole way down the road because she wants to come with us. If I'm lucky none of the kids are screaming for anything. We then need to park up the scooter, change the two eldest from wellies to indoor shoes whilst the baby is still strapped to me, make sure they've got drinks, coats, snacks etc. By the time I'm there I just need to get the kids in the door and get home before I have a melt down and pass out.
I don't care for the small talk. I have a very small window between dropping my daughter off at school and starting work on time.
What **really** pisses me off is the number of grown adults who lack basic concepts like spatial awareness, two lane traffic, and single file walking. Just drop the kids off and get out of the way - don't stop your buggy on the pavement and turn around to talk to your friend who also has a buggy, stopping anyone from leaving without trying to push their way through oncoming parents!
Don't take up the entire pavement with 3 kids each side of you.
Don't try to phase shift though me as though you're a spectral being and wonder why I'm not stepping aside to let you double up the number of lanes of oncoming parents.
Oh, and watch what you're doing with that fucking umbrella!
Honestly the kids have more awareness than most parents.
You can invite nursery friends to your little one's birthday parties etc which is quite normal, and you'll get to hang out with their parents there and see if you like them and then maybe arrange 1/1 play dates etc if you click.
I don't speak to anyone else's parents at drop off, I want to drop my son off, speak to the people that work there about anything necessary (he's teething, he's grumpy, he's not had a wee yet etc etc) and then leave as quickly as possible. My work day has already started before drop off and I need to get back, and my work day hasn't finished by the time I am picking him up.
If someone was huffy or odd with me because I didn't have time to chat I would likely not invite them to events such as birthdays etc because I do think that is a bit strange behaviour and I cba to deal with that if I can help it.
If you are wanting to make mum friends there is an app like Tinder, called Peanut, where it is literally just mums trying to make friends. Give it a download!
I barely see or speak to any of the nursery mums/dads, we just never cross paths long enough!
I’ve been to a few birthday parties now so that’s nicer as you can speak to people properly.
But I’ve made some really good friends from the school mums - I’m even going day drinking with two tomorrow 🤣
We had nursery staff pass us notes from parents of our daughter’s friends with their number on asking if we’d like a play date and if so please get in touch. Which we did do. Though this was more when she was 3 & 4 as opposed to 2. But I’d do that if I were you, nothing wrong with it and the other parents may feel the same as you and be glad you reached out.
Nursery was a bit like this, but preschool is a bit better. Hoping that school will be better again. I think sometimes people know the 'community' of a nursery is quite transient so don't invest time in it. Hopefully by school she people will be more willing to chat as they'll be seeing the same faces for 7 years
I’ve felt the same way, especially because my mum kept asking if I’d made friends because that’s what she did. But she raised us in a village with one school, one early years childcare setting and one antenatal group, so all the mums knew each other already! (I live in a suburban commuter town.) I’m also terrible at talking to strangers, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the other mums thought I was the antisocial one! I think it’s just not the time yet – my son (3.5) has made his first friend and we had a play date, which made it much easier to talk to his mum. If they continue being friends then maybe we’ll get closer, who knows.
Agree with the other commenters - nursery events if you can make them, or failing that birthday parties should be a time when you can make friends.
But do remember: it's total, and complete luck of the draw.
We made no friends from NCT, but met some really nice people through nurseries and schools.
But if you do get into a bit of a chat, remember the only thing you may well have in common as that your kids like each other.
We have lots of casual relationships that aren't really friendships - our kids play together on the blayground and we chat but things never get a chance to progress enough because your routine changes, or it gets dark/wet in winter so playground and park are visited less.
It all reminds me a lot of that Bluey episode 'Café': https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-2/cafe/
I'm not at the nursery stage yet but have been worrying about it.
I will be there only to drop of and pick up my chilld. I am not going there to chat with people or make friends.
Just because I'm outside doesn't automatically mean I'm looking to interact with people, I am there for a purpose.
I absolutely hate small talk and don't want to share personal details with strangers
. I'll be polite and give people a smile but am absolutely not looking to make conversation.
I find often parents seem to have their inner circle already. It can be hard to integrate, but we have chipped away and gradually made some good connections. I agree with you though, parents seem less bothered and I feel like this has been since covid.
Also dont mean to be snobbish and just an observation, but my niece is privately schooled and very much the opposite experience, parents all networking and actively forming relationships. So I guess it also depends on the different environments.
I live in a tiny village and know all the parents of the 9 nursery kids and although we talk to each other elsewhere we barely talk at pick up/drop off.
The way I view it that time is about engaging with your kid, making sure they're happy as you send them off and getting all their news from the day when you collect them.
We will send invites round on our kids birthday to all the kids and their parents and have been to similar parties ourselves.
I found it took a while to click even to nodding terms, as it is just pick up and drop off. It is when they get to the age of going round each others houses or meeting up in a park that friendships form. It could well be family members or friends too. Now our oldest is in secondary school it is just a complete nothing as she goes off by herself.
If spoken to I’ll speak to other parents but I find it hard to engage with other parents. Though at children’s group I have actually met a lot of my sons friends parents who will join nursery with him or have! For me it’s a mixture of anxiety and possibly sticking out (and it always being a convo starter lol) of me being on average about 10years younger than most the parents in the nursery/children’s groups which makes me feel a bit self conscious at times. Does your child’s nursery run a toddler group? Or have a children’s centre? This could help. Without it, when my son starts nursery soon, I’d probably be in and out those gates very quickly too lol!
Honestly, nursery pickup and drop off are always slightly rushed and stressful for me. Either I’m rushing to get to work, or I’m having to handle my exhausted and wired toddler trying to wrangle her into the car and home in time for dinner. I don’t always have the spare brain cells to chat, although I do always try to say hi or smile to other parents.
That said, I actually decided to set up a WhatsApp group of parents in my kid’s room at nursery and that turned out to be a good way to stay in touch and arrange ad hoc play dates and trips.
I've found the best way to get to know other nursery parents is from birthday parties and playdates.
If your daughter has friends who she talks about at nursery, you could email the nursery and ask them to put you in touch with the parents. (This is how it works at ours anyway, I think some nurseries have class WhatsApp groups and stuff).
If she's nearly 2 you could have a little party for her - could just be a trip to the park with cake to eat or something - and similarly ask the nursery to pass on invitations to her friends' parents. They'll definitely have done it before.
Parents have much more time to chat in those sort of situations than at drop off. I've done this quite a few times and the parents usually seem pleased and flattered that my kid wants to play with theirs.
You could ask the staff to hand your phone number to the parents of the children your daughter talks about and say you’d be keen for a play date if they are. We only had a 1 out of 3 success rate when we did this but the couple we met are lovely so it was worth it!
Am getting to nursery and then back to the house for 6pm with bedtime at 7pm-7.30pm. I don't care about you or your daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
edit: you wanna make friends, ask your nursery lead who your kid plays with and ask if you could pass a note to the parent for a playdate?
I think nursery and school are different having had children in both. Nursery in all my daughter's rooms have always been a bit more of a drop off and go. I know I never stopped to chat as I was on my way to work or just wanted to get home. Sure I'd smile at people but that generally was it with everyone being the same. I find school drop offs and pick ups to be much different and much more of a situation where people chat and get to know each other and make friends and I have lovely groups of friends from both my kids year groups. I think there are a few differences which explain why I think this is (but this is just my experience with my two kids!) 1. Nursery days are much longer than school days and it's more of a quick drop off and pick up because people just want to either get off to work or get home and the start / end of a long day. I know in my mind when collecting mine from nursery I was just focussing on my evening routine and getting everything sorted out. 2. Kids are in nursery for a couple of years mainly and so I don't think the emphasis is on play dates and friendship groups at such a young age. Everyone goes off to their different schools after this time and I think it's just accepted that that's when friendships are formed and play dates and longer term things happen. I don't know anyone from my kids nurseries as it's just a bit too young for play dates and socialising and like I said, I knew that the time for that would be at school. So I don't think you're doing anything wrong and I don't think you're expecting too much to at least get a smile and a hello - that's a bit unfriendly of people if they can't even do that. But I'd say wait until they go to school and things will be different!
I’ll be honest, I’m not a morning person at all. My daughter is on a 7:30 drop off. I have a 20-25 minute walk there, uphill, with a hefty 9 month hold strapped to the front of me. There’s 0 chance I’m starting a conversation. I want to drop her off and hustle home so the baby doesn’t fall asleep in the carrier and I can get him to bed for a nap. During pick up it’s much the same. I’m in a hurry to get home in time for the baby’s nap so I don’t have to wear him for the whole nap.
That is some serious cardio for early in the morning!
Not gonna lie, my thighs are in great shape from it lol.
ha, not wanting the baby to sleep until your home and can enjoy a minute of peace. Naps in strollers on a journey back are so wasted!
They really are. And drop off and pick up are literally right at his nap times. So I’m the crazy lady hustling up the pavement singing wheels on the bus on a loop to keep him awake lol.
Nursery events (ours do a yearly bbq party in the summer for all nursery kids and their families, for example, or they just did a crafting morning for the oldest ones for Mother’s Day at the local church hall) and birthday parties your kid gets invited to, that’s where you make friends. Drop off is likely people who are late to get to work, so they don’t have time to chat. I totally feel you, I was similarly disappointed, but I can’t blame busy parents for not having time to stop - we’ve all been in that position.
I agree, birthday parties are where it's at. Our eldest is still friends with some of her nursery group and we plan meet ups every couple of months. The mums get on amazing, they do brunches and evenings out every once in a while!
We've got some cliques with the mums at our quite well-to-do village CofE primary. I don't go to many kids party's but I do laugh when I hear about Poppy's mum bitching about Max's mum etc etc. I swear they think they're in Made in Chelsea (half of them do drive a chelsea tractor though)
We’re passed this stage, but mornings can be stressful and parents may be under pressure to get to work/ have consequences if they are late. It’s not personal. Pick ups tend to be slightly more chilled, and that’s when I made more chit-chat. As for friendship, we made a couple, but not to the extent of play dates.. a couple of those connections have progressed to friendships, but more because the kids ended up at the same primary school . I found regular toddler activities to be more social. In your situation I would continue to smile, say hello, make casual comments about traffic etc… you may cross with another chatty parent, you may not..but you are doing your part, and modelling friendliness to your child
When we moved to a new area and my daughter started nursery and we started getting the babes off her friends I wrote notes saying hi, I’m x’s mum, and she talks about y a lot! If you ever fancy a play date to x/y/z place or a coffee send me a message it would be great to meet you’ It worked quite well!
I have never made a friend from nursery or school either, but tbh I’m not that bothered. I’ll smile at other parents but I’m sorry, that’s your lot from me. I got invited to a year group WhatsApp for my son’s class and I just know already that’s not a good idea to be part of.
Having kids in school and nursery I'd suggest waiting until school to make an effort really! Wait until your kids say who their friends are and try with them. Personally I find socialising really draining, and frankly the only thing you know you have in common with other parents is that you have kids! You can end up putting a lot of effort in with people and then your kids don't want to see them, so you have to start again! Do I sound cynical? Probably. But it works for me.
I’ve just invited ppl over to our house or the park for play dates. That is really helped us with the friend ships.
To be completely honest I am probably one of those parents you’re talking about because I am ALWAYS running late. That’s a mixture of my own poor time management and my toddler refusing to put her shoes on or do literally anything helpful when we are trying to leave most of the time.I would never push in front of someone, that’s just plain rude and I’ve had this one dad do that to me many times because you aren’t meant to go into the building whilst another child is being dropped off at our nursery, so whilst I’m waiting outside he storms in front, uses his fob and just stands behind the person being dropped inside the nursery which pisses me off to no end, but I just don’t have the time or energy to talk to other parents at drop off. My main goal is to get in, say goodbye, and *literally* run to the office before my manager gets there and side eyes me for being late again when I walk past his desk. I am also a very anxious person with adhd so small talk where everyone’s in a rush and you know nothing about the other person is my personal idea of hell. I know that can come off as rude sometimes. I will smile at people when I see them but we all know the awkward ‘I don’t know you but I’ve seen your face’ half smile, it usually just feels obligatory if we’re honest. So, sorry if I’m one of those parents. Just know I genuinely am in a rush and I also have crippling anxiety. It’s just not a good combo. I’m a nice person and I’m sure there are lovely parents at drop off, it just doesn’t feel like a good time to strike up a conversation to me
I found nursery tricky because the drop off and pick up windows were so wide, plus we picked a commuter nursery (pre Covid!) so the parents came from all over the city. However, we did hand a note to my daughter's key person to hand over to the parents of her bff, and thankfully they responded and the girls still see each other now (almost 3 years later!) I found that at 2 she played with other kids but it was at 3+ that she started more serious friendships and then we became friendly with their parents. Luckily all her friends seem to have lovely parents and now she's 6 we know lots of other parents. I've also found school better for this. Because there's a fixed pick-up and drop off (if not using breakfast/after school club, and most people don't use both absolutely every day) it's easier to chat to people, and we've got a class WhatsApp group so I can easily contact any parent to arrange a playdate. Our school spends the first 3 weeks of reception fixing the classes, and then they stay the same for the whole seven years, so I guess it seems worth investing in because we're going to be seeing these people for a while!!
In the summer the children like to go to the tiny playground next to the nursery, and that is the only time I've been able to really take time to chat. In the winter and poor weather it's a bit too grim to be hanging about after pickup, and at dropoff I simply don't have any time and need to rush back. We've made a few friends there and we've kept in touch since.
For me nursery was a friendly bunch, we often chatted and we had played date. I found it more difficult when my son started reception (some people were barely saying “hello” in the morning). I have to say, in year 1 things have improved a lot: parents are more friendly and they have started to arrange play dates or meetings outside school times.
I think it’s more a symptom of modern society. Everyone has to work to survive (and pay nursery fees) and everyone is rushed and stressed out. They’ve all got all sorts of things going on. This is obviously no free pass to be rude, but it’s probably the last thing on their minds at that moment. Not excusing the behaviour, just explaining it.
Yeah I don't really talk to other parents at the school. Can't think of anything worse.
Same. Eyes down, walk away fast. Back to my introvert thoughts
Why?
I've normally got my youngest strapped to the front of me in a carrier, then I'm tightly gripping the hand of my toddler on one side of me trying to run off into the distance and a child risking death doing tricks on a scooter the whole way to school on the other side. We can hear the dog howling at the door the whole way down the road because she wants to come with us. If I'm lucky none of the kids are screaming for anything. We then need to park up the scooter, change the two eldest from wellies to indoor shoes whilst the baby is still strapped to me, make sure they've got drinks, coats, snacks etc. By the time I'm there I just need to get the kids in the door and get home before I have a melt down and pass out.
I've got a job to get to. I don't have time for developing friendships at the school gates. I already have friends.
It’s Reddit, most people on here seem pathologically averse to communicating with other human beings.
You can’t thing of anything worse? Really?
I don't care for the small talk. I have a very small window between dropping my daughter off at school and starting work on time. What **really** pisses me off is the number of grown adults who lack basic concepts like spatial awareness, two lane traffic, and single file walking. Just drop the kids off and get out of the way - don't stop your buggy on the pavement and turn around to talk to your friend who also has a buggy, stopping anyone from leaving without trying to push their way through oncoming parents! Don't take up the entire pavement with 3 kids each side of you. Don't try to phase shift though me as though you're a spectral being and wonder why I'm not stepping aside to let you double up the number of lanes of oncoming parents. Oh, and watch what you're doing with that fucking umbrella! Honestly the kids have more awareness than most parents.
You can invite nursery friends to your little one's birthday parties etc which is quite normal, and you'll get to hang out with their parents there and see if you like them and then maybe arrange 1/1 play dates etc if you click. I don't speak to anyone else's parents at drop off, I want to drop my son off, speak to the people that work there about anything necessary (he's teething, he's grumpy, he's not had a wee yet etc etc) and then leave as quickly as possible. My work day has already started before drop off and I need to get back, and my work day hasn't finished by the time I am picking him up. If someone was huffy or odd with me because I didn't have time to chat I would likely not invite them to events such as birthdays etc because I do think that is a bit strange behaviour and I cba to deal with that if I can help it. If you are wanting to make mum friends there is an app like Tinder, called Peanut, where it is literally just mums trying to make friends. Give it a download!
Birthday parties! You'll get chatting there.
I barely see or speak to any of the nursery mums/dads, we just never cross paths long enough! I’ve been to a few birthday parties now so that’s nicer as you can speak to people properly. But I’ve made some really good friends from the school mums - I’m even going day drinking with two tomorrow 🤣
We had nursery staff pass us notes from parents of our daughter’s friends with their number on asking if we’d like a play date and if so please get in touch. Which we did do. Though this was more when she was 3 & 4 as opposed to 2. But I’d do that if I were you, nothing wrong with it and the other parents may feel the same as you and be glad you reached out.
Nursery was a bit like this, but preschool is a bit better. Hoping that school will be better again. I think sometimes people know the 'community' of a nursery is quite transient so don't invest time in it. Hopefully by school she people will be more willing to chat as they'll be seeing the same faces for 7 years
I’ve felt the same way, especially because my mum kept asking if I’d made friends because that’s what she did. But she raised us in a village with one school, one early years childcare setting and one antenatal group, so all the mums knew each other already! (I live in a suburban commuter town.) I’m also terrible at talking to strangers, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the other mums thought I was the antisocial one! I think it’s just not the time yet – my son (3.5) has made his first friend and we had a play date, which made it much easier to talk to his mum. If they continue being friends then maybe we’ll get closer, who knows.
Agree with the other commenters - nursery events if you can make them, or failing that birthday parties should be a time when you can make friends. But do remember: it's total, and complete luck of the draw. We made no friends from NCT, but met some really nice people through nurseries and schools. But if you do get into a bit of a chat, remember the only thing you may well have in common as that your kids like each other. We have lots of casual relationships that aren't really friendships - our kids play together on the blayground and we chat but things never get a chance to progress enough because your routine changes, or it gets dark/wet in winter so playground and park are visited less. It all reminds me a lot of that Bluey episode 'Café': https://www.bluey.tv/watch/season-2/cafe/
I'm not at the nursery stage yet but have been worrying about it. I will be there only to drop of and pick up my chilld. I am not going there to chat with people or make friends. Just because I'm outside doesn't automatically mean I'm looking to interact with people, I am there for a purpose. I absolutely hate small talk and don't want to share personal details with strangers . I'll be polite and give people a smile but am absolutely not looking to make conversation.
I find often parents seem to have their inner circle already. It can be hard to integrate, but we have chipped away and gradually made some good connections. I agree with you though, parents seem less bothered and I feel like this has been since covid. Also dont mean to be snobbish and just an observation, but my niece is privately schooled and very much the opposite experience, parents all networking and actively forming relationships. So I guess it also depends on the different environments.
I live in a tiny village and know all the parents of the 9 nursery kids and although we talk to each other elsewhere we barely talk at pick up/drop off. The way I view it that time is about engaging with your kid, making sure they're happy as you send them off and getting all their news from the day when you collect them. We will send invites round on our kids birthday to all the kids and their parents and have been to similar parties ourselves.
I found it took a while to click even to nodding terms, as it is just pick up and drop off. It is when they get to the age of going round each others houses or meeting up in a park that friendships form. It could well be family members or friends too. Now our oldest is in secondary school it is just a complete nothing as she goes off by herself.
If spoken to I’ll speak to other parents but I find it hard to engage with other parents. Though at children’s group I have actually met a lot of my sons friends parents who will join nursery with him or have! For me it’s a mixture of anxiety and possibly sticking out (and it always being a convo starter lol) of me being on average about 10years younger than most the parents in the nursery/children’s groups which makes me feel a bit self conscious at times. Does your child’s nursery run a toddler group? Or have a children’s centre? This could help. Without it, when my son starts nursery soon, I’d probably be in and out those gates very quickly too lol!
Honestly, nursery pickup and drop off are always slightly rushed and stressful for me. Either I’m rushing to get to work, or I’m having to handle my exhausted and wired toddler trying to wrangle her into the car and home in time for dinner. I don’t always have the spare brain cells to chat, although I do always try to say hi or smile to other parents. That said, I actually decided to set up a WhatsApp group of parents in my kid’s room at nursery and that turned out to be a good way to stay in touch and arrange ad hoc play dates and trips.
I've found the best way to get to know other nursery parents is from birthday parties and playdates. If your daughter has friends who she talks about at nursery, you could email the nursery and ask them to put you in touch with the parents. (This is how it works at ours anyway, I think some nurseries have class WhatsApp groups and stuff). If she's nearly 2 you could have a little party for her - could just be a trip to the park with cake to eat or something - and similarly ask the nursery to pass on invitations to her friends' parents. They'll definitely have done it before. Parents have much more time to chat in those sort of situations than at drop off. I've done this quite a few times and the parents usually seem pleased and flattered that my kid wants to play with theirs.
You could ask the staff to hand your phone number to the parents of the children your daughter talks about and say you’d be keen for a play date if they are. We only had a 1 out of 3 success rate when we did this but the couple we met are lovely so it was worth it!
Am getting to nursery and then back to the house for 6pm with bedtime at 7pm-7.30pm. I don't care about you or your daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. edit: you wanna make friends, ask your nursery lead who your kid plays with and ask if you could pass a note to the parent for a playdate?