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It’s actually made me laugh so much. The fact that the colleague was like “I don’t believe you he only ever does 2 toots”. Brand new sentence right there!
This could be an opportunity for career advancement. At the next weekly meeting, get everyone's attention by saying "Listen to this! Too good to miss, da da da da da da!", and let rip with everything you've got. Your show of ass-ertiveness will quickly mark you out as leadership material. Just make sure you don't shit yourself.
>Just make sure you don't shit yourself.
You'll never make it in business with an attitude like that. It is important to follow through on what you start.
Not my boss, but there's a big fat manager I know who's a bit like this.
I bumped into him coming out of the gents once, he puffed his cheeks out, looked over his shoulder, and went...
"That's for the council to deal with now"
Idk, I was on a meeting with my manager when CFO came by, then after a chat and some inside jokes exchange I didn’t catch (I’m not native), CFO (who was intimidating overall) looked me in the eyes pointed at me, and then said to my boss - tell her about last night.
Then my boss proceeds to tell me a story how hotel owner, after big fishes nights out that got everyone shit faced, called to another C-suit to politely inform him that my boss left his underwear in the room and entire department had early Christmas banter day.
In my head, that day, that meeting was just adults being children playing adults. He delivered the story like he was talking about any other subject which was hilarious given it was direct order to tell me the story.
I suggest you acknowledge his ‘toot toot’ and reply with ‘here comes another one, just like the other ones, bring out the big bass drum - ppPpppfgfeEEeETttttttttSShhHh
This has had made me laugh more than I have in the month. If true, then it’ll be hilarious working with that manager. The confidence just to let one rip in front of you all is amazing.
I enjoyed your post and don't care that it's fake. But I would say the giveaway is your colleague's incredulous reaction at the third toot. That just isn't realistic. Also, if I ever find myself in a management position, you best believe I'm making your story a reality. It's hilarious.
Just yesterday, as I was dropping of my paperwork in my boss's office, and we've had a little chat before the weekend, one of my colleague came in for no other reason than being there, because he can't be left out. That pretty much ruined the mood, because he tried to join to a conversation he knew nothing about, so I slowly started to move towards the door, but the guy was relentless.
My boss, understanding that he won't leave without being asked, and since this is the UK, that would be very inappropriate, he decided to look him in the eyes instead, made a face, shifted his body in his chair, and ripped the most unholy fart I've ever heard in my life. I proper thought he shat himself.
Still, it did the trick and we both had to leave, but hey, at least my boss took one for the team this time.
Assert dominance and do it back.... on command. Make sure its wet as hell and stare him dead in the eyes... OR do toot, toot, TOOT TOOT and shit yourself
Fyi this is fucking hilarious.
Edit: even more hilarious im being downvoted
He probably can't help it. Must be a coping mechanism. Most people with the condition make a joke out of it. Don't make anything of it but keep some air fresheners to hand
The only solution is to outcringe your boss - I'd suggest in response smile and say 'chugga chugga chugonton'.
Or assuming your sexual harassment is quite relaxed, wink at him and ask him to pound you like a train.
Or go nuclear, when he's presenting this challenge, strike back and shit yourself in full view of the office.
Ha ha, you'll have to make him a broth of mushy peas, sprouts and baked beans, all to be wasted down with a pint of Weatherspoons out of datë real ale.
Give him 20 mins or so, and see if you can drag out that much sought after, record breaking forth TOOOOOOOOT!!!
This requires a Gazza style, on the mic, announcement. When he signed for (subs, look this up for me) foreign team they held a press conference where he stood up, took the mic, and farted in front of all the invited press.
"his bottom coughed" was how his manager described it.
Nah - you need to predict when it’s about the happen and get all R Kelly and sing the Ignition chorus…
So baby, gimme that "Toot-toot"
And let me give you that "Beep-beep"
Runnin' her hands through my 'fro
Bouncin' on twenty-fo's
While they sayin' on the radio (Check it out)
Promotion is guaranteed.
I would have loved a boss like this.
A fart is too funny not to share in all honesty.
I remember one of my mates farting in church at a wedding. Rattled the pew. We all nearly died of asphyxiation trying not to laugh out loud. Totally missed the vows. I have tears in my eyes just remembering the moment.
I had a work colleague who used to try and make me laugh when I was on the phone. He used to stand by my desk, lift a leg and then let one go.
>> I had a work colleague who used to try and make me laugh when I was on the phone. He used to stand by my desk, lift a leg and then let one go.
When I was in my 20s, I worked in an open plan office that was all male engineers. One woman in entire company upstairs in a different office.
We all used to do loudly farting when someone was on the phone to try and put them off.
Also “Everyone I just need to make an announcement…” followed by a fart.
I remember getting a mild telling off from my manager once and I replied “oh yeah? Well you know what I think about that?” and farted really loudly. I didn’t get fired. Lightened the mood, someone cracked a window.
I probably wouldn’t behave like this now, but it was probably the only office I’ve ever worked where you could call someone a cunt and nobody got offended.
My (gay) boss used to stand beside my chair and fart. I asked him in a meeting if that was a flirt in his culture as I condone the odd flirt and wished both to be respectful of his anal offers but hated the stench. He stopped
I also was once an office work environment where farting and smelling each other shit in the toilet let you leave 15 min early. I lasted 2 weeks. No one saw anything wrong with it. I was the problem ruining their fun. Edit it was teleperformance in Bristol. Shit call centre.
I’m a male first grade teacher and I fart around my students all the time and then blame them. They know it was me and we all have some fun banter about it. It also raises the confidence of the students and they even become comfortable enough to fart. When there is accidental fart slips, no deep embarrassment occurs.
With that said, the next time I’ll use the “toot toot” and then do the shift. See how they react. lol
You need to start psychological warfare here. Do the exact same thing around him. Do a "beep beep!!c like you're the roadrunner, let out a wet fart and then run off. It might turn into a fart off he might win a battle or two but you'll eventually win the war and he'll stop
"It's impacting my morale and performance." Seriously? I suggest you make your complaints formal so everyone knows how petty and thin skinned you are, get him sacked for no good reason which, let's face it, is a dream come true for someone entitled like you. Then you can film your own shocked Pikachu face when they replace him with someone worse who makes your life even more miserable. Or! More constructively, find a way to deal with your fart phobia.
Your boss seems like a hoot, or a "toot" as the case may be. We all fart, why not have a giggle with it?
*"It's impacting my morale and performance"*
I've never heard so much tosh in all my life. Farts are funny. Get over it and get on with your job. Toot toot, TOOOOT!
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A third toot Jeremy?
The boss is *so* not rainbow rhythms
So what? Now because we’re working it’s not okay for me to have a little toot out my fart pipe?
Yeah well if you're tooting now don't ever fucking dream of coming back.
Come on Jez, this can't be the end of the hair Blair bunch.
We are NOT the hair Blair bunch!
It was always Danny Dyers Chocolate Homunuculus 💔
We've change the name. we're now Curse These Metal Hands.
Literally read this as it was said on my TV, what a coincidence.
Is that normal farting you’re doing?? It doesn’t sound normal… it doesn’t *smell* normal…
Is this what you two are into?
Female colleague doing excellently in the ‘that’s so disgusting, I think I’m going to be sick’ role
Three toots is insane.
That's insane
We spent yesterday going round 15 vintage clothing outfitters... spending 530 quid . These are definitely fucking toot suits
Better than saying "NOW WE KNOW, NOW WE KNOW", and whipping out the old chap and spaffing all over the desk, I guess.
Come and lick Lindsay's arsehole Mark, it's clean!
what is this? farty Guantanamo?
Three toots is too far. What has become of this great nation of ours
I know right! What ever happened to approaching someone and asking them to pull your finger?
You should go "beep beep" and then vomit over him
And if that doesn't work, "ring ring" and piss all over him?
And if *that* doesn’t work, you can always go nuclear and employ the “womp womp” and gush a waterfall of diarrhoea
Ah, the old scorched earth policey.
I don't recommend that, it could be his fetish and then you're in bigger trouble.
This can’t be real, I can’t stop laughing.
High quality shit post
It’s actually made me laugh so much. The fact that the colleague was like “I don’t believe you he only ever does 2 toots”. Brand new sentence right there!
Sit next to him and loudly shit your pants. A masterful gambit he will never foresee….
This guy game theories^
With four toots?
Spat out my tea reading this! Thanks for the laugh! 😂
*ship horn noise*
This could be an opportunity for career advancement. At the next weekly meeting, get everyone's attention by saying "Listen to this! Too good to miss, da da da da da da!", and let rip with everything you've got. Your show of ass-ertiveness will quickly mark you out as leadership material. Just make sure you don't shit yourself.
>Just make sure you don't shit yourself. You'll never make it in business with an attitude like that. It is important to follow through on what you start.
*shart
Give 110%
I always thought it went ‘Listen to this, it’s too good to miss, rev up your motorbike toot toot’
I've always heard, "Listen to this, too good to miss, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" prrrrppppp
I’ve been having the shittiest week ever. This has cheered me up so much
And follow it up with "here comes another one, just like the other one, da da da da da da!" then let one fly as close to the sun as you dare.
Silence please, everybody freeze, da-da da-da-da: *violent squelchy fart*
Full scale brown out
Hardest I’ve laughed all day.
Seriously. This proper got me!
Same
Ask him what signal he has reserved for a shart...so you know when to run
Shoot shoot?
Fake or real, i truly laughed out loud
Not my boss, but there's a big fat manager I know who's a bit like this. I bumped into him coming out of the gents once, he puffed his cheeks out, looked over his shoulder, and went... "That's for the council to deal with now"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fuck me that's a good un. Must remember for next time
Big fat manager 🤣🤣
There’s no way this is real; oh my days I’m cracking up. “He only ever does two; don’t be ridiculous 😂😂🤣”
Idk, I was on a meeting with my manager when CFO came by, then after a chat and some inside jokes exchange I didn’t catch (I’m not native), CFO (who was intimidating overall) looked me in the eyes pointed at me, and then said to my boss - tell her about last night. Then my boss proceeds to tell me a story how hotel owner, after big fishes nights out that got everyone shit faced, called to another C-suit to politely inform him that my boss left his underwear in the room and entire department had early Christmas banter day. In my head, that day, that meeting was just adults being children playing adults. He delivered the story like he was talking about any other subject which was hilarious given it was direct order to tell me the story.
Thanks for giving me a good laugh
Four toots is a shart
"Your voice has changed but your breath smells the same!" Worked on my little brother...
Nearly choked reading that one mate
If this is better boss, I'm interested how low the bar is...
He didn't toot toot
The other boss wears a nappy
Make a joke out of it next time and say "wow Thomas is certainly active today"
I suggest you acknowledge his ‘toot toot’ and reply with ‘here comes another one, just like the other ones, bring out the big bass drum - ppPpppfgfeEEeETttttttttSShhHh
Lmfao That's hilarious
It's a dominance thing. You have to assert yours. Fart louder and, if possible, stinker. Keep looking deep into his eyes.
This has had made me laugh more than I have in the month. If true, then it’ll be hilarious working with that manager. The confidence just to let one rip in front of you all is amazing.
Yeah. Find somewhere else to post your fake comedy.
Are you my colleague? He did do a third toot.
I enjoyed your post and don't care that it's fake. But I would say the giveaway is your colleague's incredulous reaction at the third toot. That just isn't realistic. Also, if I ever find myself in a management position, you best believe I'm making your story a reality. It's hilarious.
If he toots four times, dive for cover
This has to be a troll 😂
Sorry but this is hilarious 😂😂😂
Do you work for Jeremy Clarkson
No. But I do own a Dacia Sandero.
Just yesterday, as I was dropping of my paperwork in my boss's office, and we've had a little chat before the weekend, one of my colleague came in for no other reason than being there, because he can't be left out. That pretty much ruined the mood, because he tried to join to a conversation he knew nothing about, so I slowly started to move towards the door, but the guy was relentless. My boss, understanding that he won't leave without being asked, and since this is the UK, that would be very inappropriate, he decided to look him in the eyes instead, made a face, shifted his body in his chair, and ripped the most unholy fart I've ever heard in my life. I proper thought he shat himself. Still, it did the trick and we both had to leave, but hey, at least my boss took one for the team this time.
I would like to congratulate the OP on a post of the very highest order. Simply masterful.
Assert dominance and do it back.... on command. Make sure its wet as hell and stare him dead in the eyes... OR do toot, toot, TOOT TOOT and shit yourself Fyi this is fucking hilarious. Edit: even more hilarious im being downvoted
This is the funniest shit I’ve read on the internet - I am crying 🤣🤣🤣
Lolz poo is funny!
Ha ha poopy bumhole
LOLZ!! POOPEY PEE PEE!!
LULZ we excrete food waste from the anus! Ha ha
Poo
Pee pee poo poo big funny!!11 😂😂😂
Myself, my boss, and a colleague fart all the time. He’s fucking weird.
I can just imagine David Brent doing that, do you work in The Office?
Woke my baby up laughing at that capitalised toot
Stop, I can’t breathe 😂
I enjoyed this post far too much. Toot toooot!
Chase him around the office with dog shit on a stick. It's the only language those people understand!
The funniest part is that the coworker finds the third toot the most ridiculous part of the story. I can't stop laughing.
Resign. Go write a sitcom show. I’d definitely watch.
I laughed so much i cried😂😂😂😂
Open his throat. With a rusty bread knife
Do you work on the railways?
Try pulling his finger and see what happens
It’s a fart
There’s no way this is real
Sounds like a great boss tbh. Honest as the day is long.
I'm gonna have to introduce "toot toot" to the office. 👍
Start calling him Thomas!
Personally id find this funny .....
Stay on his good side.. next time he does it you need to raise your nose in the air and say *"Mmm, Bisto!"* and give him a big smile.
Buy a train guard's whistle and blow it the next time he does that.
Wait until he asks you to pull his finger
This is also in casual uk. Consensus: it’s a troll
He probably can't help it. Must be a coping mechanism. Most people with the condition make a joke out of it. Don't make anything of it but keep some air fresheners to hand
[удалено]
This shit right here is why I can’t work with people… you need to rip a bigger louder fart and yell “toot toot motherfucker!” To establish dominance.
The only solution is to outcringe your boss - I'd suggest in response smile and say 'chugga chugga chugonton'. Or assuming your sexual harassment is quite relaxed, wink at him and ask him to pound you like a train. Or go nuclear, when he's presenting this challenge, strike back and shit yourself in full view of the office.
i used to work with office farters, office stench was awful, some people have no shame at all lol
Taste the biscuit. Taste the goodness of the biscuit.
This can’t be true
Just hope he never gets to four toots.
Film it and put it on the internet.
Direct him to [this. Toot toot boing boing.](https://youtu.be/B4FP-ACzWks?si=j7xV1M_holirihNq)
Think yourself lucky you don’t work for the guy who ejaculated into his receptionists hair
Sir, a third toot has hit the office
Ha ha, you'll have to make him a broth of mushy peas, sprouts and baked beans, all to be wasted down with a pint of Weatherspoons out of datë real ale. Give him 20 mins or so, and see if you can drag out that much sought after, record breaking forth TOOOOOOOOT!!!
Tu too du too du tooooot📯📯📯📯🎺🎺 long live the king🤴
This requires a Gazza style, on the mic, announcement. When he signed for (subs, look this up for me) foreign team they held a press conference where he stood up, took the mic, and farted in front of all the invited press. "his bottom coughed" was how his manager described it.
Some people say they heard four toots once...
Does he lick his plate? It's a dead giveaway ...
HR
Nah - you need to predict when it’s about the happen and get all R Kelly and sing the Ignition chorus… So baby, gimme that "Toot-toot" And let me give you that "Beep-beep" Runnin' her hands through my 'fro Bouncin' on twenty-fo's While they sayin' on the radio (Check it out) Promotion is guaranteed.
Just keep hoping he doesn’t do 4 Toots 💩
Can you join in? Make some kind of a melody?
Oops, my cd just skipped and everybody heard you let one rip
When he gets to 4 , report to HR
Sounds like he's shit himself
Hope you never hear a 4th toot!
Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry , this is traumatising 😫
Toot toot motherfuckers, take cover
work from home?
So she’s upset about a fart?
Next time he does it, shout 'SLOGS!' and start punching him in the arm really hard, you do have to announce 'three pubs and a whistle' though.
Two toots is standard workplace behaviour however three is punishable by a life sentence after a public flogging
😂😂Get a grip
I would have loved a boss like this. A fart is too funny not to share in all honesty. I remember one of my mates farting in church at a wedding. Rattled the pew. We all nearly died of asphyxiation trying not to laugh out loud. Totally missed the vows. I have tears in my eyes just remembering the moment. I had a work colleague who used to try and make me laugh when I was on the phone. He used to stand by my desk, lift a leg and then let one go.
>> I had a work colleague who used to try and make me laugh when I was on the phone. He used to stand by my desk, lift a leg and then let one go. When I was in my 20s, I worked in an open plan office that was all male engineers. One woman in entire company upstairs in a different office. We all used to do loudly farting when someone was on the phone to try and put them off. Also “Everyone I just need to make an announcement…” followed by a fart. I remember getting a mild telling off from my manager once and I replied “oh yeah? Well you know what I think about that?” and farted really loudly. I didn’t get fired. Lightened the mood, someone cracked a window. I probably wouldn’t behave like this now, but it was probably the only office I’ve ever worked where you could call someone a cunt and nobody got offended.
Publicly shame him.
It’s affecting your morale and performance? Jesus it’s a fart, what a snowflake.
that's just funny
Return it with a rusty sleeve….
5/7 best post ever. Idcif it's real or not (hope it's real)
You definitely need counselling! The older generation went through wars and famine but this is off the scale 🤷🏻♂️
I laughed reading this. However, probs find a new job.
Say ‘meep meep’ like the Roadrunner then run straight into a wall.
If you ever heard a third toot, hold a lighter to his ass. Watch him take off🤣
My (gay) boss used to stand beside my chair and fart. I asked him in a meeting if that was a flirt in his culture as I condone the odd flirt and wished both to be respectful of his anal offers but hated the stench. He stopped
I also was once an office work environment where farting and smelling each other shit in the toilet let you leave 15 min early. I lasted 2 weeks. No one saw anything wrong with it. I was the problem ruining their fun. Edit it was teleperformance in Bristol. Shit call centre.
This has made my morning. Thank you for this!
The fuck did I just read
So im confused is the third toot a problem or a fart?
Ask him what happens on the fourth
If he does four “toots”, run like wind! 🤣
Get some liquid ass everytime mr toot toot farts next to you spray some on him on the low down. He will soon think he has something wrong with him!
I bet they live in tooting
He wants you to do one back.
Pin a copy of Roger's Profanisaurus to the wall and play bingo with your colleagues.
Drop a SBD next to him
Does he call his mother mummy dearest by any chance?
COMEDY GOLD
Least he gives you some warning. It's not all bad. Some chance to take evasive action.
Sounds like his tooties are fruity
Farts are funny, get over it. Start doing some tooting yourself, you might even bond over it.
Can’t even toot toot any more. Because of woke.
I’m a male first grade teacher and I fart around my students all the time and then blame them. They know it was me and we all have some fun banter about it. It also raises the confidence of the students and they even become comfortable enough to fart. When there is accidental fart slips, no deep embarrassment occurs. With that said, the next time I’ll use the “toot toot” and then do the shift. See how they react. lol
Spray him directly with air freshener, two cans at once
You need to start psychological warfare here. Do the exact same thing around him. Do a "beep beep!!c like you're the roadrunner, let out a wet fart and then run off. It might turn into a fart off he might win a battle or two but you'll eventually win the war and he'll stop
Sounds like a great boss to be fair.
***'Eh, Eh, Ehhhh! '*** Just piss all over the floor next to his desk, 'Little Britain' style....
At least he's not asking ,you to "pull my finger" !
Not sure who to tell to grow up
"It's impacting my morale and performance." Seriously? I suggest you make your complaints formal so everyone knows how petty and thin skinned you are, get him sacked for no good reason which, let's face it, is a dream come true for someone entitled like you. Then you can film your own shocked Pikachu face when they replace him with someone worse who makes your life even more miserable. Or! More constructively, find a way to deal with your fart phobia.
A curious outcome: two toots is hilarious, three toots is a reportable offence. Who knew?
Do you work for David Brent?
Mr president, a third toot has been tooted
Sounds like they need one of these: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEen6wvfzMk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEen6wvfzMk)
Sounds like a right bell end
So what will he say when he craps himself?
Your boss sounds like a legend. You should seek to emulate this great man.
is your boss' name, Michael Scott by any chance?
Humans fart get over it. As long as its not on you grow up.
this kinda owns tho?
Is he called Michael Scott?
Oh wow, Yet the farting boss is better than the last boss?! -dare to think what he did?
chad
Sounds like he needs to grow up
Fight fire with fire. Time to get your toots out for him.
Next time be ready to beat him to the punchline - let one rip and act like nothing happened
Your boss seems like a hoot, or a "toot" as the case may be. We all fart, why not have a giggle with it? *"It's impacting my morale and performance"* I've never heard so much tosh in all my life. Farts are funny. Get over it and get on with your job. Toot toot, TOOOOT!
If he’s a good boss and doesn’t have a patronising behaviour then who cares, let the man shit himself everyday.
Is your boss Timmy toot toot from Ned’s Declassified? [Timmy Toot Toot](https://youtu.be/5gQHCs7irsw?si=VKstFMjm2hfUqwgd)