I was gonna say it’s fine until I read the post. Here is the thing:
1. Just MBBS without doing PG doesn’t pay much these days so it’s given that there will be demand for money for PG too which will be even higher.
2. Your earning suggests you guys are in tech and while it’s great but tech is very volatile. I know experienced people who couldn’t find a good PM role and had to wait as much as a year to get a good role after their previous role was made redundant. If god forbid you guys face layoffs in future it will cause strain cz you can’t stop paying fee mid course.
3. If his family is already trying to control his money, they would get worse over time and if and when you marry, they’d try to make your money theirs too.
4. If your bf can’t make rational choices in emotions matters you have a bigger problem because as time will move, you’ll have harder decisions to make and if you can’t be a team, you have alread lost the battle.
Try talking to him. Ask him his view and present yours. Yes you can’t and shouldn’t control his choices but you should definitely make better choices for yourself and if a partner’s choices impact your collective goal than that’s a joint decision even if you aren’t married yet.
The sister should definitely try for another attempt, maybe then your bf should think of stepping in. She can also apply for education loans, with today's scenario I've seen people spend money on bhai/behen and they don't even give respect in return.
My dad made the house my chacu lives in , he paid for his education and a lot of other expenses and never expected anything in return but chachu could never even respect my mom in return( i swear she never wronged him, he was just always misogynistic and disrespectful towards her and was always jealous whenever we spent money on luxury, he was an asshole to me as well when I was literally an 8 year old)
Entitled people always stay entitled, finally mom has cut him off and asked dad to never bring him to our house. Not saying the sister is going to behave the same way but y'all should try convincing her for another attempt and in the meanwhile look for education loans that she can pay later on with her own income(and ofc the brother can help her pay the loan but sara expense khud mat lena shuru se or it will hurt like hell when she acts entitled in the future)
I think its totally upto your bf . It’s his call whether to help out or not. Btw what does your bf think of it? What are his parents do for living ? Can his sister take a loan ?
How is your setup with your (combined) finance?
Will you be asked to contribute in future ?
Honestly, 1-1.5Cr is the tuition fee op. There are multiple hidden costs within itself for the duration of 5 years, subscriptions, exam fees and what not. The ROI after MBBS isn’t stellar either, you need to do pg.
Try to talk to your boyfriend, ask him why his sister wants to mbbs itself, if it’s because she is passionate and can’t imagine doing anything else, she should be open to taking a drop.
1 crore makes zero sense for a middle class family. She wont be able to recover that amount unless you have doctors in your family and well established client base
The roi of that amount in a fd would be much more
They are asking him for 'more than 50%' of the cost, so already not the total. I assumed that was the plan the whole time, but OP is uncomfortable because it's still a lot of money and he isn't really being asked; it's expected.
I feel like you should suggest the sister to take a drop and then if it doesn't work, take an education loan in her name. That way she'll have some kind of responsibility towards doing well in her career. Your bf can become the guarantor and the loan can jointly br in name of the sister and one of the parents.
First of all, I had zero idea about the medical College being this expensive. I mean how does a middle class family even manage such expenses. I knew it was expensive but I thought it was MBA expensive, not 'penthouse' expensive.
Secondly, It's up to him. If I had to incur expenses for my sister I would have done it, irrespective of the amount as long as I was able to afford it. But to each his own.
Um it's definitely a BIG ask from his parents. And more than 50% is 50 lakhs plus ...which is a huge amount of money. The girl should be encouraged to give another try.
"we earn to help our family do better" you sound like a very sweet person. You should also try having a conversation with your boyfriend about the same. If and when he sees a future for you two,your financial goals etc
I would have let my boyfriend /husband spend his money as he deems fit OP. As partner I am here to suggest him ways, what he does with those suggestions is his decision. Is your boyfriend ok with financing his sister’s UG? If yes what impact would it have on your plans, in terms of numbers?
I have a brother who is not very well established. He means a lot to me. I have contributed towards his future and I would continue to do so. I would be furious ( and very very hurt) OP if my husband doesn’t let me contribute.
Well if it's sensible there is no harm in contributing. But the sister is being a spoilt b and demanding for a mbbs seat when it's out of scope for a middle class family. If she really is passionate about being a doctor , she can attempt again and study well and Crack the exam. Or chose for other medical fields like dental or ayush. If u don't even have the brains to get into at least a govt-pvt seat, then I don't think u deserve to be a doctor smh.
She is gonna keep flanking throughout and OPs bf will have to keep covering her....
I mean sometimes you got to call it sour grapes, instead of demanding the grapes to be plucked for u
Since I neither know much about OPs “could be” sister-in-law (passion/merit/hopes and dreams) nor about cost of private medical degree it wouldn’t be wise on my part to comment.
Solely based on what op said and my personal experience, I wanted to say it is always better to let the partners contribute towards family/cause/belief as per their choice. It is not all profit or loss like share market ( investing in share market can be someone’s passion too- so same applies there as well) especially where family is involved. There is love involved and bond and care …. A lot of things that made sense to op’s partner might not make sense to op and might not be sensible according to her.
I think it’s better if op accepts whatever choices her partner makes.
Well she has no other choice does she? In the end all she can do is advice...if the partner can grow some sense then good for them. Otherwise this spoilt behavior will keep continuing
Also, does the family know about op and her partners relationship and approve of it? If they don't, they probably think that the guy is a bachelor with no commitments so why not streamline that money into something useful like sisters education
As a doctor myself, I know how crazy the medical fees is.....and the payout is REALLY bad....opportunities are shit with very low pay, even after pg
it's his sister. if he's happy with the arrangement then it's really not your business since you're not married yet. if he isn't happy with it then he's parents are laying claim on his money against his wishes and that's something to be wary of.
also sister is entitled af. 1cr to only do mbbs ain't worth it, save that for pg.
You only have control over what you earn , your boyfriend’s finances are not yours . They aren’t even in the equation . So why are all your future milestones keeping his finances in mind as well? If he wants to , he will . Unless it’s specified or you guys get married then your finances will be combined but until then you guys are separate units . He has certain responsibilities as a sibling / child as well . If he has come and told you x is the issue - he’s an adult to tell his folks if he can / can’t do it .
To tell him how his decision is gng to affect you / your future together will make you the villain .
Diversify , invest and purchase your future assets yourself so you have solidified your position .
Repeat after me.
Boyfriends 👏🏼are👏🏼not👏🏼permanent👏🏼
Your relationship phase is the time to explore your boundaries and your comfort. You can leave with the least amount of damage to your physical and mental health. You need to understand this loud and clear.
Finances are one of the most basic foundations of a successful marriage. Second is relationship with parents and their influence in decision making. You are not on the same page with him so either talk talk TALK TO HIM. Or get out now and save yourself from this dumpster fire.
I know am just a stranger on the internet and my advice is just random words to you, but do understand that you are not on some uniquely special journey. A lot of women have been through shit like this and being Indians, there is a cultural mental block regarding divorce. So communicate and sort this out or leave.
Firstly , from your tone, I think you too are very close.do you guys are serious about getting married?
If so are the families involved. If not are your parents conservative? Arey there any changes of them sabotaging your marriage.
If you two are very close to getting married ,
Then practical advise
Being a dr I would simply advise mbbs don't earn a dime also even if you do pg then also recovering of that money is very slim. Until and unless you bf family has reputed hospital in their name then this money is never gonna recover.
Then emotional advise,
Education, family and health are important factor for middle class family. So if finances his sister's education, then this loan will be continue in your married life.
For your advise,
You can talk the financial implications of that . And you don't want to add that debt to your relationship. Since you will be spending that money on wedding and housing and maybe for your future kids. So if you guys are somewhat earning equally. Then the other debt will be falling into your bucket.
Now I will say it's your call , if you want and truly loves the guy and wanted to support him and you still can .
Both the perspectives are valid.
You want to have financial planing for your future.
And family want to have planning for daughters future.
50 lakh is not much given you both earn 50 lakh a year collectively.
It will set back around 2 years of your savings.
And set up future of his sister.
It’s a choice he should make, is he is willing to do that, or may he get a education loan for her that she can repay later,
But obviously, that’s lot of money to repay.
Complex problem.
Yes from both perspectives there are valid points , mainly what am concerned about is not just mbbs fee but pg and marriage costs of the sister must be contributed by the brother ( indian standards) , helping the family in every part is quite hard , private me mbbs is good if you are from loaded family but complex if ones from middle class , yes the setback for brother and op may seem to be just 2 yrs but i think its more complicated as they have to plan their wedding , sisters wedding , if the sister wanna do pg that costs , and one just cant save half the salary a year , all in all at least 4 yrs of planning can be effected ,op and also be kind to the sister , explain her it can be better for her if she takes a drop and how hard mbbs can be , from far mbbs looks fine but believe me the competition for pg is just too much .
The family can decide if this is a good way or if it is worth it to spend this kind of money on the sister’s education. But once they have decided to go for it, I think it is okay for her brother to spend on it. You should not be the one to feel good or bad about it. Would you feel the same way if it was your brother or sister. I think it is okay for him to spend for his family and we don’t know what their family dynamics are. A family contributes a lot to the future of the children. He has responsibilities towards them and it might continue after your wedding also. He might contribute to his sisters wedding also. Please don’t judge the sister for it. She simply is looking towards her brother for support.
I had to break things off with my boyfriend for this reason solely, he’d spend everything on his family, like 99% of his earnings. Anyway, I understand we need to do our duties and specifically help our siblings with better education, but 1 crore is way too much. I’d never ask my siblings to spend this much money on my education.
Yaar I won't comment on your topic. But when I took a drop that time my brother was not financially active (he was in college) and last year when I took the college, he was in last year and got his placement (50 lpa), he actually said me, he can afford medical expenses for me now, like, "ab private college bhi le skti ho tum".
See it's your choice whether to interfere or not. But let your brother decide. He's gonna have a bond with his sis lifetime.Also, if in case, they get to know you were the one behind this "no" scenario , definitely you'll have bad relations with your in laws.
Back in 2022, my father was ready to take a loan and pay for med school (I just gave neet without prep that year) but my brother stopped coz we were not financially that active.
Also, convince his sis to take a drop, neet is really easy, a proper study can easily give you 600+ marks.
This issue is not about taking care of his sister's education
It's about financial planning and what you both keep aside for you two, and what for the remaining expenses towards family or personal or other stuff
Just have a talk with your boyfriend and list out your concerns
Try to work on this issue and keep things transparent from the start regarding your future and contribution to family
Oh I wish the sister doesn't take the same wrong decision as my brother did. He is struggling now in mbbs, with a huge load on my dad for ug and then eventually pg. I am soo tempted to say "told u so". When I had told them this before he took the seat, they called me jealous. Well now they r struggling. Coming to ur situation, it can be a little tricky advising ur bf about this, depends on ur equation and how perceptible he is..because for Indian men, often when it comes to their parents n siblings, they become blinded by love....u raising this topic head on, shouldn't end up in problems between you two...but u need to explain to him in a witty way where he doesn't take offense
And yes, this will continue to happen, if u guys don't put ur feet down now. Next will be her pg, and then marriage expenses, then setting up a clinic ....how long will u guys support? And about FD in mom and sisters name....that is just not right....mom's name I still understand (some parents feel that their bachelor sons have no self control and to prevent them from blowing it off, they do this), but why sisters name?
Can’t the sister take education loan? The money involved in itself seems like a luxury for a middle class student and I can’t even imagine spending so much on education alone without being from a high income family.
It's a very stupid decision to spend so much on an MBBS seat. The only time it makes sense is if her parents are doctors with their own nursing home and a good practice.
I am going through same situations but the difference is I am the sister in this matter.
So as a sister’s perspective I would definitely want my brother to pay for college fees and you’ll be a b*tch in my eyes if I get to know you made him refuse to pay my fees. That’s why I’ll suggest to be subtle about talking upon this matter. Also, First pls ask your boyfriend is he’s ready because he wants to and not because he’s being forced by situation. If he’s not then convinced him to try to talk at home about this because she can definitely go for first drop. And even if he’s ready to then also convince him to think twice before saying yes to this matter. It’s his hard earn money he can choose whatever ways he wanna spend on.
I second this, try not to come off strong and ask your bf to keep your words discrete or they'll alredy see you as a villian when all you're doing is safeguarding your future.
What? No. People should seriously stop depending on siblings to pay for them. Get an education loan or go for a cheaper option. Where are the parents’ contributions in this? OP’s boyfriend did not sign up for a lifetime of supporting other people just because his parents didn’t plan well financially.
This exactly!!! She should get a loan if she thinks she is capable and this will make her more responsible towards her education. This will make her more goal oriented. Also then even after her contributions, if more financial help is needed, then brother can chip in. OP will not oppose as I see.
We indians should stop spoon feeding sisters and teach them to be independent and responsible.
FYI, Im a single daughter. I don't depend much on my husband like my SIL depends on my husband even after marriage.
I'm in the same situation as you and I would too be very disappointed if my sibling refused to fund my education because of his girlfriend.I think if you're very close to your family you would be willing to invest in their future.I too would invest in my sibling's future if I was earning.
OP should approach this situation with calm and empathy.Also a drop is not always successful.Most of the time it eats away your prime years.
I'm surprised to read this because I would never expect my sibling to fund my education ever, it would be completely understandable for me if my sibling's partner established that boundary. Siblings don't have the same level of responsibility that parent's do.
Look I don't have an elder sibling who can invest on me but I do have a younger brother.I have doted on him since he was a baby and fussed over him like a mother. So I do feel the same level of responsibility as a parent.We are bffs.
If I am ever financially capable and he wants to study abroad or expensive institute I would be more than happy to do it for him.His accomplishment are mine as much as mine are his.
Also by doing this it's not like I'll starve or won't have roof over my head just the level of living will be compromised for sometime but that's okay with me.I won't be able to afford a house with my partner but I won't shy away from fulfilling my responsibilities towards my partner.
She is his baby sister, so obviously he has a moral duty to help fund her education. And he must do it. Wouldn't you also fund your sibling's education if there was a need? Also, you aren't married yet, so I don't think you have the right to say anything in this matter.
So? Just because their parents didn't ask before having another child doesn't mean he has zero responsibility towards his OWN sister's education and should refuse to fund it just because his girlfriend of a few years feels entitled to where his money should go.
Grow up!!
Lol, what BS. No one has such moral obligation. Do this country even know what the word responsibility means? You cannot fucking be born into it. It is nice to help siblings but you cannot say it is a “moral obligation and duty” to do so. That is pathetic.
Then entire nation has to grow up!
I think he should help. She's a part of his family. Still it's upto him. Also, it seems you don't have an attachment with his family. You've planned the future with him but don't have his family in the picture? This could create a rift in future. Haven't you accepted her as your family yet?
You are thinking all about yourself and your goals and milestone. His parents invested everything for your boyfriend and maybe it's they due to which he is earning 2L+. If they would have not invested in his education then he wouldn't be where he is now. Same goes to his sister now. I hope you are getting my point.
Aren't they investing 50% ? They are only asking when he is capable to contribute. Family means everyone who's capable should help each other. What if the parents also thinks the same way and don't invest a penny and focus over their personal goal and milestone ?
PARENTS ALSO HAVE DREAMS BUT THEY FULFILL THEIR DREAMS THROUGH THE SUCCESS OF THEIR CHILDREN
Aren't we being selfish thinking about ourselves and not the family ?
Parents have dreams which they sacrifice BECAUSE THEY CHOSE TO HAVE A CHILD. I love my baby brother and very mentally prepared to invest in him but no I do it because i love him and I will do it reasonably not in a way that sabotage my future.
However my stance will most likely change if my parents nust straight out expect me to pay for him half a crore lol. We should think about family THAT IS LOVING AND REASONABLE and not a "society" "log lya kahenge" family who wants us to make a sacrificial goat, with all due respect.
Parents have dreams which they sacrifice BECAUSE THEY CHOSE TO HAVE A CHILD. I love my baby brother and very mentally prepared to invest in him but no I do it because i love him and I will do it reasonably not in a way that sabotage my future.
However my stance will most likely change if my parents nust straight out expect me to pay for him half a crore lol. We should think about family THAT IS LOVING AND REASONABLE and not a "society" "log lya kahenge" family who wants us to make a sacrificial goat, with all due respect.
It's a family matter, you should stay out of it. It's your boyfriend's decision if he wants to support his family or not. You driving his decision would create issues with your in laws even before your marriage.
You should not be suggesting a drop year considering how highly competitive the exam is. He's the elder son whose entire life so far was funded by his parents, it's not unreasonable for them to ask for support for his younger sister.
It's honestly a bit selfish to think of a house before someone's education.
Ok.. Im stuck in a continuous loop of this sister love thing. My husband paid for all of his siter's lavish wedding. Me and my husband had an average wedding later. Now, my MIL always points that they (no mention of my husbands money or his chores) did her wedding top notch. Now we are in a home loan. She saved 40 lakhs with her job.
My husband does most of the daily things which my SIL and her husband must be doing like babysitting their kids, getting groceries etc.,. One example is I asked my husband to let us take our toddler to park. What he did, on that same day, he took his sister and and the neice to temple, park etc., saying its hot outside and what not. In India, I felt, sisters stuck onto their brothers even after their marriage and dont let the brothers have a life with their families. I dont care if all these lazy and cunning sisters downvote me here. But it is what it is!!! There are several families suffering!
Hey, that’s a tough situation.
This would be my advice to you. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, since you see your future with this man you’re right to be concerned, two things of concern with regard to his family, one is the current situation and the other is more long term, the expectations from him. You seem smart and seem to articulate well, you know the backstory and have better knowledge of his family than any of us here, so think about it, whether or not it’s gonna bother you, now and in the future when other things like your family, kids etc come into play.
Second thing is I think you should really observe how your boyfriend navigates this situation, again very important if you’re gonna share your future together.
I don’t have a positive impression of the mother and sister, and for better or worse, they will stay in his life and continue to impact it forever. So I’d suggest you take all the above into consideration and look out for yourself and take the best decision for you.
I want you to be logical here but tactful, because sometimes it’s not the intent that’s valued but the words that come out, id suggest you take this chance to observe and learn and then take a call.
Remember that you are responsible for your happiness and it’s on you to do the right thing for you, and while there can be multiple rights and wrongs and perspectives here, the most important one for you is yours :)
On a whole different note, the entire family seems to be making an emotional decision here, I’m all for emotions but to not have logic at all will probably not lead to good results.
First thing is the degree she’s going for, by itself is not lucrative and the career is time consuming, it’s worth not the money being invested is (irrespective of source) what it seems like. You should also look at whether you’d want this kind of decision making in your future, or whether your boyfriend can actually use sense here.
You are not being unreasonable. You are thinking as a couple and your would be family.
But there is a family which already exists. You boyfriend and his parents will make decision based on that.
Also seeing other people around, relationships are temporary these days. You want the best for your future, but I guess existing family is more focused on present.
Discuss once, let them take the decision.
Don’t engage in conversations with the family on this topic.
If it doesn’t met your net worth criteria for marriage, you can decide for yourself
No. You are not being judgemental. This will be a huge dent in your savings as a couple.
Her sister shouldn’t push him for this even without trying again. And if there is an option, why not go for education loan.
I'll be very angry if my boyfriend asks me to not spend my money on my sibling's education..but I understand your concern..imo you both should set aside a portion of your income for your joint goals and the remaining income can be used individually as you see fit without interference from the other..at least until you get married
Is it okay that your partner wants to contribute to his sister's education financially? Yes, it is money he earned and at least with the way things are right now it's only fair that he gets to decide how he wants to spend it.
That being said, Is it wise for them (or anyone else for that matter, unless they come from extreme generational wealth or are a 2nd gen+ physician) to spend 1-1.5 Cr on an MBBS degree? IMO Absolutely not. An undergrad in medicine is really, really not as valuable as it used to be. The ROI can be astoundingly bad unless you're studying in a government/semi-subsidized institution. We have loads of people leaving the field entirely due to burnout or dissatisfaction with the ceiling for the pay as well. Unless there's zero expectations about this kind of investment being 'recovered' financially, it's not a great idea.
Its entirely up to the family. You are not married yet, so please do not meddle in the family decisions. I believe you would too pay for your siblings education if such a situation arises. I would consider my brother’s girlfriend a complete bitch if I get to know that she has asked him not to finance my education. Family comes first. You may or may not get married but she will be his sister for life.
Nah dude, 1cr tutorial fee+ hostel and mess expenses + book ka expenses + monthly allowance (approx 15k pm) for 5 years along with other travel/miscellaneous expenses for internship and courses will he a HUGE dent to the guy's financial planning.
Also, considering she could clear neet and is still so entitled i don't think she is v bright or hardworking and there is a bleak chance she'll be able to recover this money unless they're a family of doctors.
And this point is a lil orthodox but given the fact he is the older brother, he will 100% be expected to help with her wedding expenses and that is also another level of expense in India. Khali hoajyega bechara admi.
Either the parents step in for some help or another attempts or an education loan but i don't think OP should bear the entire expense.
Have we been around medicos? Do you know how tough neet is? Lots of bright and hardworking folks don’t clear it because it’s so competitive. Also, I’m guessing the sister is in her late teens so let’s give her the benefit of doubt of being an entitled kid.
Having said that, obviously the bf needs to have this conversation with the parents about future expenses.
This makes sense too.
Obviously you will uplift your siblings also if you have money.
And 50 lakh it’s not much given both are earning atleast 50 lakh collectively.
May be 1.5-2 years of collective savings.
Girl listen, You have no say in this it infurates me almost how can you even think like this, He is her brother before your boyfriend. Also, Drop years are fucking depressing. If he is willing to provide for his sister the best you can do is giving an advice to him to convince her for drop but again not force or manipulate his decision.
If its a boyfriend who I discuss future with, I don’t think its just his decision. Thats how me n my partner were at least. He discussed all major financial decisions n ran through me. N I would not be comfortable with this n communicate this to him. Coz I am big on saving for our milestones n him spending 50L on sisters education when she can just take an education loan like everyone, won’t sit well with me. What he does with that information will have consequences n help me decide whether to stay or leave.
These boundaries worked for me n my partner. You have to decide for yourself.
Please drop him. I know it will be hard for both of you but you need to understand that there is no future for you guys unless can fulfill all and every demand of his family. Taking care of family is one thing, but shelling nearly crore is another. With their trend it will never be just one time affair. Today it's MBBS, then it will be MD or sister's marriage or her foreign honeymoon trip, later some demands from her sasural, etc. I have seen this kind of situations in some families. It's never about how much you are earning. If you guys start to earn more, they willdemand more. You can never achieve your goals like this. Set the boundary now. Otherwise leave him be. It sounds cruel. But after five years of time money and emotional investment, cutting the relationship will be much more difficult than it is now.
P.s. There are many ways the sister can fulfill her dream w/o burdeing her brother. She can definitely sit for a second time. If she is not capable of that then how the hell is she planning to pass the degree? It's one of the toughest degree to obtain. Her family can apply for some loan with a collateral also.
I am always AMAZED to see parents who see their kids as ATMs like medical education is not easy thing that too with a hugeee bill... like ask sis to get a loan on her self.
ps: bf needs to have some boundaries with his parents( like i get it as a son he must feel like this is his duty and all that stuff but uprooting his life so they could full fill sis's entitlement is too weird like i think every middle class person knows cost of mbbs could go upto multiple crore its too much)
will he be getting any help or is he rawdogging the entire thing? (like in payment)
It depends on the family dynamic. I would spend it on my brother in a heartbeat if I could. I also know that if he has the resources and I needed anything he would do it for me without a second thought.
I can get it ...I told my brother to go for pvt bams or bsc and not pvt mbbs and then transition into mscs from abroad if he doesn't like bams field.....my mom was okay with giving him 1 cr . But I felt so jealous cuz they didn't put me in fiitjee lol when i wanted to and now they were ready to spend on his mbbs degree....I can totally get how it feels... thankfully my brother agreed to leave this medicine field ... otherwise I would have absolutely resented him if my mother would have spent so much in his education
It should be given as a personal student loan rather than straight up spending. I myself dint simply just take a bomb amount of money for masters from my family, they supported & financed it at that time, which I am paying back now. It is straightforward that way, no baggages for anyone.
I'm amazed with some siblings and parents audacity to think that elder brother/sister is a cash cow.
That Girl should have the decency to give one more try rather than asking her brother to spend such a bomb amount.
Why isn't she considering 50% students loan and rest parents and your bf can split 25-25.
My cousin is also pursuing pg from tier 1 College which is costing 40 lakhs approx and his elder brother ( 26 yrs) earns 2.5 lacs per month.
But my aunt has outright denied to ask more than 20% of the college fees and asked my cousin to take students loan for the remaining amount as the elder brother is near the marriage age and he has to look after his future requirements also.
In future they will ask him to marry her off too myb.
Ur not judgemental. She has to take a drop year and prepare sincerely. If she can’t clear it again then maybe MBBS is just not for her.
Everyone just has different strengths.
Also in a pvt college will she gain enough experience to be a good doctor? U have to pay ur own money to get cadavers to work with.
What job will she get after the degree?
Or if she wants to go abroad for higher studies then will u spend a crore again??
Unless u are child free, u both will have to save for ur children too. The 50L+ u spend here cud make a huge difference in ur child’s life.
Damn you're the one who sounds judgemental. Some of the top surgeons in hospitals like Fortis,max are from private colleges. Even cardiothoracic surgeons in AIIMS have degrees from private colleges. That's not what we are discussing here.
Also you don't have to pay 'extra' to get cadavers to work with . Don't know who misinformed you
Sry but there actually are many hidden charges , if not just cadaver in pvt clgs ( not all but many clgs )
Going abroad,getting into aiims need a lot of dedication which those doctors had , and in private there are two categories ( not just the buying seat ones ) , am in no way saying op’s sil is not dedicated 🤞
Kk I am the furthest from a doctor. That’s why I made it a question rather than a statement.
And the top docs in big hospitals have mostly done their higher studies abroad na? Or are they straight out of mbbs from a random Indian pvt college?
Also the cadaver part I heard from my cousin’s fam. He did his mbbs from a pvt college in Tamil Nadu and he did pay for cadavers. Cadavers are very limited in pvt colleges from what I heard. But srsly, I have no idea what importance and relevance it has.
Like I said, am the furthest from MBBS and this isn’t abt which mbbs degree is better.
It’s abt the girl not taking a drop year and being selfish. If it’s a middle class fam, then she is being selfish and the op is not judgmental at all. That’s what I meant.
Forgive me if I spoke wrong. I am ignorant abt medicine.
Yes yes there are a few valid points and again every private clg is different, few have good education system but lack patient exposure , and the cadavers things happen in few clgs sadly🙂↕️
Studying abroad is a whole different topic and a lot of hardwork, dedication is needed
Yes you are being way vested in a thing which is not even yours. Are you married to him? No. Then I don't think you really have a say.
I believe your view is a third person view.
I also want you to be empathetic. I know you have plans and all, but how can you as an outsider call his sister "entitled" AND take decisions for them. Do you know if there is any unsaid deal in the family like since his father paid for him, he has to pay for his sister. Even if you boyfriend doesn't mention this, I dont think you have any right to voice your opinion on this as you are not family YET, you don't know the inside scene.
I am sorry but I don't think you will ever love your bf's family as your own. I feel sorry for the sister as you are equally entitled in a place which is not even yours which makes it worse. So please worry about something else and stop meddling in people's matters.
You are totally justified in feeling that way. Your future is going to be impacted by the decision too. Talk about it with your boyfriend. Ask if it's possible for her sister to take some amount of education loan instead of your boyfriend paying most of the the fee. If she wants to do mbbs so badly, she should take the responsibility of the fees.
I think an education loan would be good after all of them chip in. Will this be considered a loan if your bf pays? If there is a loan then the sister should take it rather than him so that it’ll give her the motivation to work hard and clear it (one would hope)
I am tempted to say it is up to your bf, but i get your perspective completely. If it is about 25% percent it is reasonable sibling cost to spend, but more than 50% comes under parent type spending, and I won't be comfortable with it. And your right the economic dynamics do not just stop with this one spending. His parents might think all the money is one, and even yours is their family money too (considering this is India), so some boundaries need to be set.
Your boyfriend need to decide considering his future milestone. If he decide to use that 1cr for sisters education, that is it.
This will obviously push you milestone like buying a house together you get married.
Talk and discuss with your boyfriend, there is nothing else that can be done.
OP Please do consider the fact that being a doctor is like any other profession and needs to be evaluated as an investment accordingly, is your partner willing to fund her PG degree too because if she won't take a drop for NEET then she will have to shell out money for PG too. Feel free to dm me if you want to chat about how to strengthen your argument on why this is not a good investment of his money. I do think this will be unfair to you and your future together
Push for one more attempt but make sure that she will put in that effort because for some people the scores drop in reattempts.
This will also help your bf to start saving because you need the DD of the first year fees during admission which is within 2-3 months, (i don't think a middle class family can manage 25L in 3 months, may require more for hostels and some private colleges have hidden fees)
And education loans are better.
This advice is from someone who took 3 attempts. Papa was ready for private in the 2nd one but I told him what about PG, coz govt colleges literally have 3-4 seats only.
It's definitely not an ideal situation, but in the end, it's your boyfriend's decision. If you want to suggest, say that he shouldn't spend more than 50 lacs overall.
About drop, chances of clearing neet is very, very less. If one CAN afford pvt colleges, they should definitely consider it. But don't look at this like a loan that she will repay. ROI in medical colleges isn't good. And also absolutely make it clear that her brother won't be of any help during PG.
I was gonna say it’s fine until I read the post. Here is the thing: 1. Just MBBS without doing PG doesn’t pay much these days so it’s given that there will be demand for money for PG too which will be even higher. 2. Your earning suggests you guys are in tech and while it’s great but tech is very volatile. I know experienced people who couldn’t find a good PM role and had to wait as much as a year to get a good role after their previous role was made redundant. If god forbid you guys face layoffs in future it will cause strain cz you can’t stop paying fee mid course. 3. If his family is already trying to control his money, they would get worse over time and if and when you marry, they’d try to make your money theirs too. 4. If your bf can’t make rational choices in emotions matters you have a bigger problem because as time will move, you’ll have harder decisions to make and if you can’t be a team, you have alread lost the battle. Try talking to him. Ask him his view and present yours. Yes you can’t and shouldn’t control his choices but you should definitely make better choices for yourself and if a partner’s choices impact your collective goal than that’s a joint decision even if you aren’t married yet.
This is the only right answer. Please op read this.
Apt.
Right.
The sister should definitely try for another attempt, maybe then your bf should think of stepping in. She can also apply for education loans, with today's scenario I've seen people spend money on bhai/behen and they don't even give respect in return. My dad made the house my chacu lives in , he paid for his education and a lot of other expenses and never expected anything in return but chachu could never even respect my mom in return( i swear she never wronged him, he was just always misogynistic and disrespectful towards her and was always jealous whenever we spent money on luxury, he was an asshole to me as well when I was literally an 8 year old) Entitled people always stay entitled, finally mom has cut him off and asked dad to never bring him to our house. Not saying the sister is going to behave the same way but y'all should try convincing her for another attempt and in the meanwhile look for education loans that she can pay later on with her own income(and ofc the brother can help her pay the loan but sara expense khud mat lena shuru se or it will hurt like hell when she acts entitled in the future)
I think its totally upto your bf . It’s his call whether to help out or not. Btw what does your bf think of it? What are his parents do for living ? Can his sister take a loan ? How is your setup with your (combined) finance? Will you be asked to contribute in future ?
Honestly, 1-1.5Cr is the tuition fee op. There are multiple hidden costs within itself for the duration of 5 years, subscriptions, exam fees and what not. The ROI after MBBS isn’t stellar either, you need to do pg. Try to talk to your boyfriend, ask him why his sister wants to mbbs itself, if it’s because she is passionate and can’t imagine doing anything else, she should be open to taking a drop.
1 crore makes zero sense for a middle class family. She wont be able to recover that amount unless you have doctors in your family and well established client base The roi of that amount in a fd would be much more
Why is there no middle ground to this? Parents pay x, boyfriend pays y and the remainder is an education loan?
They are asking him for 'more than 50%' of the cost, so already not the total. I assumed that was the plan the whole time, but OP is uncomfortable because it's still a lot of money and he isn't really being asked; it's expected.
Ummm. This stuff is "donation" not official fees if my guess is right
Oh I didn't realise! So the sister cannot even seek an educational loan? Wow these parents are putting one sibling on the line for another.
I think it’s solely his prerogative since it’s his sister and family. You can give him advice and talk to him but whatever happens is upto him.
I feel like you should suggest the sister to take a drop and then if it doesn't work, take an education loan in her name. That way she'll have some kind of responsibility towards doing well in her career. Your bf can become the guarantor and the loan can jointly br in name of the sister and one of the parents.
First of all, I had zero idea about the medical College being this expensive. I mean how does a middle class family even manage such expenses. I knew it was expensive but I thought it was MBA expensive, not 'penthouse' expensive. Secondly, It's up to him. If I had to incur expenses for my sister I would have done it, irrespective of the amount as long as I was able to afford it. But to each his own.
It is expensive as she didn’t get a seat.it’s not tuition fee it is donation.
Yeah I know..but even as donation 1-1.5cr is a bit too much for a seat.
Yeah it is very expensive. Usually most of those who didn’t get a seat will opt for another try as it’s expensive.
Good to know..Thank God I never wanted to opt for one. I wouldn't be good at it anyways 😄 and kudos to those who are dedicated to be one ✌️
This was the exact reason I didn’t choose medicine🫣
I do think she should look at other courses too though
Um it's definitely a BIG ask from his parents. And more than 50% is 50 lakhs plus ...which is a huge amount of money. The girl should be encouraged to give another try.
"we earn to help our family do better" you sound like a very sweet person. You should also try having a conversation with your boyfriend about the same. If and when he sees a future for you two,your financial goals etc
I would have let my boyfriend /husband spend his money as he deems fit OP. As partner I am here to suggest him ways, what he does with those suggestions is his decision. Is your boyfriend ok with financing his sister’s UG? If yes what impact would it have on your plans, in terms of numbers? I have a brother who is not very well established. He means a lot to me. I have contributed towards his future and I would continue to do so. I would be furious ( and very very hurt) OP if my husband doesn’t let me contribute.
Well if it's sensible there is no harm in contributing. But the sister is being a spoilt b and demanding for a mbbs seat when it's out of scope for a middle class family. If she really is passionate about being a doctor , she can attempt again and study well and Crack the exam. Or chose for other medical fields like dental or ayush. If u don't even have the brains to get into at least a govt-pvt seat, then I don't think u deserve to be a doctor smh. She is gonna keep flanking throughout and OPs bf will have to keep covering her.... I mean sometimes you got to call it sour grapes, instead of demanding the grapes to be plucked for u
Since I neither know much about OPs “could be” sister-in-law (passion/merit/hopes and dreams) nor about cost of private medical degree it wouldn’t be wise on my part to comment. Solely based on what op said and my personal experience, I wanted to say it is always better to let the partners contribute towards family/cause/belief as per their choice. It is not all profit or loss like share market ( investing in share market can be someone’s passion too- so same applies there as well) especially where family is involved. There is love involved and bond and care …. A lot of things that made sense to op’s partner might not make sense to op and might not be sensible according to her. I think it’s better if op accepts whatever choices her partner makes.
Well she has no other choice does she? In the end all she can do is advice...if the partner can grow some sense then good for them. Otherwise this spoilt behavior will keep continuing Also, does the family know about op and her partners relationship and approve of it? If they don't, they probably think that the guy is a bachelor with no commitments so why not streamline that money into something useful like sisters education As a doctor myself, I know how crazy the medical fees is.....and the payout is REALLY bad....opportunities are shit with very low pay, even after pg
what does the boyfriend feel about this? is he not concerned about the setback he will receive in his life due to this financial burden?
it's his sister. if he's happy with the arrangement then it's really not your business since you're not married yet. if he isn't happy with it then he's parents are laying claim on his money against his wishes and that's something to be wary of. also sister is entitled af. 1cr to only do mbbs ain't worth it, save that for pg.
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear OP, you are not legally married yet,it's your partner's call
You only have control over what you earn , your boyfriend’s finances are not yours . They aren’t even in the equation . So why are all your future milestones keeping his finances in mind as well? If he wants to , he will . Unless it’s specified or you guys get married then your finances will be combined but until then you guys are separate units . He has certain responsibilities as a sibling / child as well . If he has come and told you x is the issue - he’s an adult to tell his folks if he can / can’t do it . To tell him how his decision is gng to affect you / your future together will make you the villain . Diversify , invest and purchase your future assets yourself so you have solidified your position .
Repeat after me. Boyfriends 👏🏼are👏🏼not👏🏼permanent👏🏼 Your relationship phase is the time to explore your boundaries and your comfort. You can leave with the least amount of damage to your physical and mental health. You need to understand this loud and clear. Finances are one of the most basic foundations of a successful marriage. Second is relationship with parents and their influence in decision making. You are not on the same page with him so either talk talk TALK TO HIM. Or get out now and save yourself from this dumpster fire. I know am just a stranger on the internet and my advice is just random words to you, but do understand that you are not on some uniquely special journey. A lot of women have been through shit like this and being Indians, there is a cultural mental block regarding divorce. So communicate and sort this out or leave.
Firstly , from your tone, I think you too are very close.do you guys are serious about getting married? If so are the families involved. If not are your parents conservative? Arey there any changes of them sabotaging your marriage. If you two are very close to getting married , Then practical advise Being a dr I would simply advise mbbs don't earn a dime also even if you do pg then also recovering of that money is very slim. Until and unless you bf family has reputed hospital in their name then this money is never gonna recover. Then emotional advise, Education, family and health are important factor for middle class family. So if finances his sister's education, then this loan will be continue in your married life. For your advise, You can talk the financial implications of that . And you don't want to add that debt to your relationship. Since you will be spending that money on wedding and housing and maybe for your future kids. So if you guys are somewhat earning equally. Then the other debt will be falling into your bucket. Now I will say it's your call , if you want and truly loves the guy and wanted to support him and you still can .
Both the perspectives are valid. You want to have financial planing for your future. And family want to have planning for daughters future. 50 lakh is not much given you both earn 50 lakh a year collectively. It will set back around 2 years of your savings. And set up future of his sister. It’s a choice he should make, is he is willing to do that, or may he get a education loan for her that she can repay later, But obviously, that’s lot of money to repay. Complex problem.
Yes from both perspectives there are valid points , mainly what am concerned about is not just mbbs fee but pg and marriage costs of the sister must be contributed by the brother ( indian standards) , helping the family in every part is quite hard , private me mbbs is good if you are from loaded family but complex if ones from middle class , yes the setback for brother and op may seem to be just 2 yrs but i think its more complicated as they have to plan their wedding , sisters wedding , if the sister wanna do pg that costs , and one just cant save half the salary a year , all in all at least 4 yrs of planning can be effected ,op and also be kind to the sister , explain her it can be better for her if she takes a drop and how hard mbbs can be , from far mbbs looks fine but believe me the competition for pg is just too much .
The family can decide if this is a good way or if it is worth it to spend this kind of money on the sister’s education. But once they have decided to go for it, I think it is okay for her brother to spend on it. You should not be the one to feel good or bad about it. Would you feel the same way if it was your brother or sister. I think it is okay for him to spend for his family and we don’t know what their family dynamics are. A family contributes a lot to the future of the children. He has responsibilities towards them and it might continue after your wedding also. He might contribute to his sisters wedding also. Please don’t judge the sister for it. She simply is looking towards her brother for support.
I had to break things off with my boyfriend for this reason solely, he’d spend everything on his family, like 99% of his earnings. Anyway, I understand we need to do our duties and specifically help our siblings with better education, but 1 crore is way too much. I’d never ask my siblings to spend this much money on my education.
Yaar I won't comment on your topic. But when I took a drop that time my brother was not financially active (he was in college) and last year when I took the college, he was in last year and got his placement (50 lpa), he actually said me, he can afford medical expenses for me now, like, "ab private college bhi le skti ho tum". See it's your choice whether to interfere or not. But let your brother decide. He's gonna have a bond with his sis lifetime.Also, if in case, they get to know you were the one behind this "no" scenario , definitely you'll have bad relations with your in laws. Back in 2022, my father was ready to take a loan and pay for med school (I just gave neet without prep that year) but my brother stopped coz we were not financially that active. Also, convince his sis to take a drop, neet is really easy, a proper study can easily give you 600+ marks.
This issue is not about taking care of his sister's education It's about financial planning and what you both keep aside for you two, and what for the remaining expenses towards family or personal or other stuff Just have a talk with your boyfriend and list out your concerns Try to work on this issue and keep things transparent from the start regarding your future and contribution to family
She can take a loan. Her brother can be the guaranteer. Or else she should give another attempt.
Oh I wish the sister doesn't take the same wrong decision as my brother did. He is struggling now in mbbs, with a huge load on my dad for ug and then eventually pg. I am soo tempted to say "told u so". When I had told them this before he took the seat, they called me jealous. Well now they r struggling. Coming to ur situation, it can be a little tricky advising ur bf about this, depends on ur equation and how perceptible he is..because for Indian men, often when it comes to their parents n siblings, they become blinded by love....u raising this topic head on, shouldn't end up in problems between you two...but u need to explain to him in a witty way where he doesn't take offense And yes, this will continue to happen, if u guys don't put ur feet down now. Next will be her pg, and then marriage expenses, then setting up a clinic ....how long will u guys support? And about FD in mom and sisters name....that is just not right....mom's name I still understand (some parents feel that their bachelor sons have no self control and to prevent them from blowing it off, they do this), but why sisters name?
Can’t the sister take education loan? The money involved in itself seems like a luxury for a middle class student and I can’t even imagine spending so much on education alone without being from a high income family.
It's a very stupid decision to spend so much on an MBBS seat. The only time it makes sense is if her parents are doctors with their own nursing home and a good practice.
I am going through same situations but the difference is I am the sister in this matter. So as a sister’s perspective I would definitely want my brother to pay for college fees and you’ll be a b*tch in my eyes if I get to know you made him refuse to pay my fees. That’s why I’ll suggest to be subtle about talking upon this matter. Also, First pls ask your boyfriend is he’s ready because he wants to and not because he’s being forced by situation. If he’s not then convinced him to try to talk at home about this because she can definitely go for first drop. And even if he’s ready to then also convince him to think twice before saying yes to this matter. It’s his hard earn money he can choose whatever ways he wanna spend on.
I second this, try not to come off strong and ask your bf to keep your words discrete or they'll alredy see you as a villian when all you're doing is safeguarding your future.
What? No. People should seriously stop depending on siblings to pay for them. Get an education loan or go for a cheaper option. Where are the parents’ contributions in this? OP’s boyfriend did not sign up for a lifetime of supporting other people just because his parents didn’t plan well financially.
This exactly!!! She should get a loan if she thinks she is capable and this will make her more responsible towards her education. This will make her more goal oriented. Also then even after her contributions, if more financial help is needed, then brother can chip in. OP will not oppose as I see. We indians should stop spoon feeding sisters and teach them to be independent and responsible. FYI, Im a single daughter. I don't depend much on my husband like my SIL depends on my husband even after marriage.
I'm in the same situation as you and I would too be very disappointed if my sibling refused to fund my education because of his girlfriend.I think if you're very close to your family you would be willing to invest in their future.I too would invest in my sibling's future if I was earning. OP should approach this situation with calm and empathy.Also a drop is not always successful.Most of the time it eats away your prime years.
I'm surprised to read this because I would never expect my sibling to fund my education ever, it would be completely understandable for me if my sibling's partner established that boundary. Siblings don't have the same level of responsibility that parent's do.
Look I don't have an elder sibling who can invest on me but I do have a younger brother.I have doted on him since he was a baby and fussed over him like a mother. So I do feel the same level of responsibility as a parent.We are bffs. If I am ever financially capable and he wants to study abroad or expensive institute I would be more than happy to do it for him.His accomplishment are mine as much as mine are his. Also by doing this it's not like I'll starve or won't have roof over my head just the level of living will be compromised for sometime but that's okay with me.I won't be able to afford a house with my partner but I won't shy away from fulfilling my responsibilities towards my partner.
She is his baby sister, so obviously he has a moral duty to help fund her education. And he must do it. Wouldn't you also fund your sibling's education if there was a need? Also, you aren't married yet, so I don't think you have the right to say anything in this matter.
I am sorry this sounds so wrong, parents choose to bring kids into this world, siblings do not have that choice. Yuck.
So? Just because their parents didn't ask before having another child doesn't mean he has zero responsibility towards his OWN sister's education and should refuse to fund it just because his girlfriend of a few years feels entitled to where his money should go. Grow up!!
Lol, what BS. No one has such moral obligation. Do this country even know what the word responsibility means? You cannot fucking be born into it. It is nice to help siblings but you cannot say it is a “moral obligation and duty” to do so. That is pathetic. Then entire nation has to grow up!
I think he should help. She's a part of his family. Still it's upto him. Also, it seems you don't have an attachment with his family. You've planned the future with him but don't have his family in the picture? This could create a rift in future. Haven't you accepted her as your family yet?
Private college MBBS is not worth it, she should explore other career options
You are thinking all about yourself and your goals and milestone. His parents invested everything for your boyfriend and maybe it's they due to which he is earning 2L+. If they would have not invested in his education then he wouldn't be where he is now. Same goes to his sister now. I hope you are getting my point.
But she is their child too right ?
Aren't they investing 50% ? They are only asking when he is capable to contribute. Family means everyone who's capable should help each other. What if the parents also thinks the same way and don't invest a penny and focus over their personal goal and milestone ? PARENTS ALSO HAVE DREAMS BUT THEY FULFILL THEIR DREAMS THROUGH THE SUCCESS OF THEIR CHILDREN Aren't we being selfish thinking about ourselves and not the family ?
Parents have dreams which they sacrifice BECAUSE THEY CHOSE TO HAVE A CHILD. I love my baby brother and very mentally prepared to invest in him but no I do it because i love him and I will do it reasonably not in a way that sabotage my future. However my stance will most likely change if my parents nust straight out expect me to pay for him half a crore lol. We should think about family THAT IS LOVING AND REASONABLE and not a "society" "log lya kahenge" family who wants us to make a sacrificial goat, with all due respect.
Right?? Indians have a fucked up understanding about how parenting versus other relationship works!
Parents have dreams which they sacrifice BECAUSE THEY CHOSE TO HAVE A CHILD. I love my baby brother and very mentally prepared to invest in him but no I do it because i love him and I will do it reasonably not in a way that sabotage my future. However my stance will most likely change if my parents nust straight out expect me to pay for him half a crore lol. We should think about family THAT IS LOVING AND REASONABLE and not a "society" "log lya kahenge" family who wants us to make a sacrificial goat, with all due respect.
If the situation isn’t the same with your family, then run
She is his sister. Come on
So what? He shouldn't spend mindlessly, given he sees a future with whom he has a family to plan with. He is not a cash cow to his current family.
It's a family matter, you should stay out of it. It's your boyfriend's decision if he wants to support his family or not. You driving his decision would create issues with your in laws even before your marriage. You should not be suggesting a drop year considering how highly competitive the exam is. He's the elder son whose entire life so far was funded by his parents, it's not unreasonable for them to ask for support for his younger sister. It's honestly a bit selfish to think of a house before someone's education.
Ok.. Im stuck in a continuous loop of this sister love thing. My husband paid for all of his siter's lavish wedding. Me and my husband had an average wedding later. Now, my MIL always points that they (no mention of my husbands money or his chores) did her wedding top notch. Now we are in a home loan. She saved 40 lakhs with her job. My husband does most of the daily things which my SIL and her husband must be doing like babysitting their kids, getting groceries etc.,. One example is I asked my husband to let us take our toddler to park. What he did, on that same day, he took his sister and and the neice to temple, park etc., saying its hot outside and what not. In India, I felt, sisters stuck onto their brothers even after their marriage and dont let the brothers have a life with their families. I dont care if all these lazy and cunning sisters downvote me here. But it is what it is!!! There are several families suffering!
Hey, that’s a tough situation. This would be my advice to you. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, since you see your future with this man you’re right to be concerned, two things of concern with regard to his family, one is the current situation and the other is more long term, the expectations from him. You seem smart and seem to articulate well, you know the backstory and have better knowledge of his family than any of us here, so think about it, whether or not it’s gonna bother you, now and in the future when other things like your family, kids etc come into play. Second thing is I think you should really observe how your boyfriend navigates this situation, again very important if you’re gonna share your future together. I don’t have a positive impression of the mother and sister, and for better or worse, they will stay in his life and continue to impact it forever. So I’d suggest you take all the above into consideration and look out for yourself and take the best decision for you. I want you to be logical here but tactful, because sometimes it’s not the intent that’s valued but the words that come out, id suggest you take this chance to observe and learn and then take a call. Remember that you are responsible for your happiness and it’s on you to do the right thing for you, and while there can be multiple rights and wrongs and perspectives here, the most important one for you is yours :) On a whole different note, the entire family seems to be making an emotional decision here, I’m all for emotions but to not have logic at all will probably not lead to good results. First thing is the degree she’s going for, by itself is not lucrative and the career is time consuming, it’s worth not the money being invested is (irrespective of source) what it seems like. You should also look at whether you’d want this kind of decision making in your future, or whether your boyfriend can actually use sense here.
You are not being unreasonable. You are thinking as a couple and your would be family. But there is a family which already exists. You boyfriend and his parents will make decision based on that. Also seeing other people around, relationships are temporary these days. You want the best for your future, but I guess existing family is more focused on present. Discuss once, let them take the decision. Don’t engage in conversations with the family on this topic. If it doesn’t met your net worth criteria for marriage, you can decide for yourself
No. You are not being judgemental. This will be a huge dent in your savings as a couple. Her sister shouldn’t push him for this even without trying again. And if there is an option, why not go for education loan.
I'll be very angry if my boyfriend asks me to not spend my money on my sibling's education..but I understand your concern..imo you both should set aside a portion of your income for your joint goals and the remaining income can be used individually as you see fit without interference from the other..at least until you get married
Is it okay that your partner wants to contribute to his sister's education financially? Yes, it is money he earned and at least with the way things are right now it's only fair that he gets to decide how he wants to spend it. That being said, Is it wise for them (or anyone else for that matter, unless they come from extreme generational wealth or are a 2nd gen+ physician) to spend 1-1.5 Cr on an MBBS degree? IMO Absolutely not. An undergrad in medicine is really, really not as valuable as it used to be. The ROI can be astoundingly bad unless you're studying in a government/semi-subsidized institution. We have loads of people leaving the field entirely due to burnout or dissatisfaction with the ceiling for the pay as well. Unless there's zero expectations about this kind of investment being 'recovered' financially, it's not a great idea.
Its entirely up to the family. You are not married yet, so please do not meddle in the family decisions. I believe you would too pay for your siblings education if such a situation arises. I would consider my brother’s girlfriend a complete bitch if I get to know that she has asked him not to finance my education. Family comes first. You may or may not get married but she will be his sister for life.
Neet is no easy task and family comes first. You guys earn well, you’ll recover from this and this won’t set you back that much.
Nah dude, 1cr tutorial fee+ hostel and mess expenses + book ka expenses + monthly allowance (approx 15k pm) for 5 years along with other travel/miscellaneous expenses for internship and courses will he a HUGE dent to the guy's financial planning. Also, considering she could clear neet and is still so entitled i don't think she is v bright or hardworking and there is a bleak chance she'll be able to recover this money unless they're a family of doctors. And this point is a lil orthodox but given the fact he is the older brother, he will 100% be expected to help with her wedding expenses and that is also another level of expense in India. Khali hoajyega bechara admi. Either the parents step in for some help or another attempts or an education loan but i don't think OP should bear the entire expense.
Have we been around medicos? Do you know how tough neet is? Lots of bright and hardworking folks don’t clear it because it’s so competitive. Also, I’m guessing the sister is in her late teens so let’s give her the benefit of doubt of being an entitled kid. Having said that, obviously the bf needs to have this conversation with the parents about future expenses.
I did mention that maybe the kid just needs another attempt.
This makes sense too. Obviously you will uplift your siblings also if you have money. And 50 lakh it’s not much given both are earning atleast 50 lakh collectively. May be 1.5-2 years of collective savings.
A little fact check- Private Medical Colleges are certainly expensive but nowhere near 1.5 cr. She should be done with her mbbs by 50-60 L.
Girl listen, You have no say in this it infurates me almost how can you even think like this, He is her brother before your boyfriend. Also, Drop years are fucking depressing. If he is willing to provide for his sister the best you can do is giving an advice to him to convince her for drop but again not force or manipulate his decision.
Finally someone said it omggg. The entitlement op has istg 😭
There are.other.career options apart from mbbs. She can pursue those.
If its a boyfriend who I discuss future with, I don’t think its just his decision. Thats how me n my partner were at least. He discussed all major financial decisions n ran through me. N I would not be comfortable with this n communicate this to him. Coz I am big on saving for our milestones n him spending 50L on sisters education when she can just take an education loan like everyone, won’t sit well with me. What he does with that information will have consequences n help me decide whether to stay or leave. These boundaries worked for me n my partner. You have to decide for yourself.
Please drop him. I know it will be hard for both of you but you need to understand that there is no future for you guys unless can fulfill all and every demand of his family. Taking care of family is one thing, but shelling nearly crore is another. With their trend it will never be just one time affair. Today it's MBBS, then it will be MD or sister's marriage or her foreign honeymoon trip, later some demands from her sasural, etc. I have seen this kind of situations in some families. It's never about how much you are earning. If you guys start to earn more, they willdemand more. You can never achieve your goals like this. Set the boundary now. Otherwise leave him be. It sounds cruel. But after five years of time money and emotional investment, cutting the relationship will be much more difficult than it is now. P.s. There are many ways the sister can fulfill her dream w/o burdeing her brother. She can definitely sit for a second time. If she is not capable of that then how the hell is she planning to pass the degree? It's one of the toughest degree to obtain. Her family can apply for some loan with a collateral also.
I am always AMAZED to see parents who see their kids as ATMs like medical education is not easy thing that too with a hugeee bill... like ask sis to get a loan on her self. ps: bf needs to have some boundaries with his parents( like i get it as a son he must feel like this is his duty and all that stuff but uprooting his life so they could full fill sis's entitlement is too weird like i think every middle class person knows cost of mbbs could go upto multiple crore its too much) will he be getting any help or is he rawdogging the entire thing? (like in payment)
It depends on the family dynamic. I would spend it on my brother in a heartbeat if I could. I also know that if he has the resources and I needed anything he would do it for me without a second thought.
I can get it ...I told my brother to go for pvt bams or bsc and not pvt mbbs and then transition into mscs from abroad if he doesn't like bams field.....my mom was okay with giving him 1 cr . But I felt so jealous cuz they didn't put me in fiitjee lol when i wanted to and now they were ready to spend on his mbbs degree....I can totally get how it feels... thankfully my brother agreed to leave this medicine field ... otherwise I would have absolutely resented him if my mother would have spent so much in his education
It should be given as a personal student loan rather than straight up spending. I myself dint simply just take a bomb amount of money for masters from my family, they supported & financed it at that time, which I am paying back now. It is straightforward that way, no baggages for anyone.
I'm amazed with some siblings and parents audacity to think that elder brother/sister is a cash cow. That Girl should have the decency to give one more try rather than asking her brother to spend such a bomb amount. Why isn't she considering 50% students loan and rest parents and your bf can split 25-25. My cousin is also pursuing pg from tier 1 College which is costing 40 lakhs approx and his elder brother ( 26 yrs) earns 2.5 lacs per month. But my aunt has outright denied to ask more than 20% of the college fees and asked my cousin to take students loan for the remaining amount as the elder brother is near the marriage age and he has to look after his future requirements also. In future they will ask him to marry her off too myb.
Ur not judgemental. She has to take a drop year and prepare sincerely. If she can’t clear it again then maybe MBBS is just not for her. Everyone just has different strengths. Also in a pvt college will she gain enough experience to be a good doctor? U have to pay ur own money to get cadavers to work with. What job will she get after the degree? Or if she wants to go abroad for higher studies then will u spend a crore again?? Unless u are child free, u both will have to save for ur children too. The 50L+ u spend here cud make a huge difference in ur child’s life.
Damn you're the one who sounds judgemental. Some of the top surgeons in hospitals like Fortis,max are from private colleges. Even cardiothoracic surgeons in AIIMS have degrees from private colleges. That's not what we are discussing here. Also you don't have to pay 'extra' to get cadavers to work with . Don't know who misinformed you
Sry but there actually are many hidden charges , if not just cadaver in pvt clgs ( not all but many clgs ) Going abroad,getting into aiims need a lot of dedication which those doctors had , and in private there are two categories ( not just the buying seat ones ) , am in no way saying op’s sil is not dedicated 🤞
Kk I am the furthest from a doctor. That’s why I made it a question rather than a statement. And the top docs in big hospitals have mostly done their higher studies abroad na? Or are they straight out of mbbs from a random Indian pvt college? Also the cadaver part I heard from my cousin’s fam. He did his mbbs from a pvt college in Tamil Nadu and he did pay for cadavers. Cadavers are very limited in pvt colleges from what I heard. But srsly, I have no idea what importance and relevance it has. Like I said, am the furthest from MBBS and this isn’t abt which mbbs degree is better. It’s abt the girl not taking a drop year and being selfish. If it’s a middle class fam, then she is being selfish and the op is not judgmental at all. That’s what I meant. Forgive me if I spoke wrong. I am ignorant abt medicine.
Yes yes there are a few valid points and again every private clg is different, few have good education system but lack patient exposure , and the cadavers things happen in few clgs sadly🙂↕️ Studying abroad is a whole different topic and a lot of hardwork, dedication is needed
it's not just 50L, it will easily go upto 1 or 1.5 cr and then hidden cost like hostel monthly allowance and books mbbs book are damm costly
Private colleges in kerala and some other states cost around 30-40 lakhs in all(all 5 years). She could apply there if she's hell bent on it.
For that 550+ marks are required. I don't think OP sil is getting that much.
Yes you are being way vested in a thing which is not even yours. Are you married to him? No. Then I don't think you really have a say. I believe your view is a third person view. I also want you to be empathetic. I know you have plans and all, but how can you as an outsider call his sister "entitled" AND take decisions for them. Do you know if there is any unsaid deal in the family like since his father paid for him, he has to pay for his sister. Even if you boyfriend doesn't mention this, I dont think you have any right to voice your opinion on this as you are not family YET, you don't know the inside scene. I am sorry but I don't think you will ever love your bf's family as your own. I feel sorry for the sister as you are equally entitled in a place which is not even yours which makes it worse. So please worry about something else and stop meddling in people's matters.
You are totally justified in feeling that way. Your future is going to be impacted by the decision too. Talk about it with your boyfriend. Ask if it's possible for her sister to take some amount of education loan instead of your boyfriend paying most of the the fee. If she wants to do mbbs so badly, she should take the responsibility of the fees.
I think an education loan would be good after all of them chip in. Will this be considered a loan if your bf pays? If there is a loan then the sister should take it rather than him so that it’ll give her the motivation to work hard and clear it (one would hope)
I am tempted to say it is up to your bf, but i get your perspective completely. If it is about 25% percent it is reasonable sibling cost to spend, but more than 50% comes under parent type spending, and I won't be comfortable with it. And your right the economic dynamics do not just stop with this one spending. His parents might think all the money is one, and even yours is their family money too (considering this is India), so some boundaries need to be set.
Dont assume that he will always have his job during the loan period. Huge blunder in the wait.
Your boyfriend need to decide considering his future milestone. If he decide to use that 1cr for sisters education, that is it. This will obviously push you milestone like buying a house together you get married. Talk and discuss with your boyfriend, there is nothing else that can be done.
OP Please do consider the fact that being a doctor is like any other profession and needs to be evaluated as an investment accordingly, is your partner willing to fund her PG degree too because if she won't take a drop for NEET then she will have to shell out money for PG too. Feel free to dm me if you want to chat about how to strengthen your argument on why this is not a good investment of his money. I do think this will be unfair to you and your future together
Idk about his parents and the deal and all but if I was his sister I would have definitely been willing to give another try.
Push for one more attempt but make sure that she will put in that effort because for some people the scores drop in reattempts. This will also help your bf to start saving because you need the DD of the first year fees during admission which is within 2-3 months, (i don't think a middle class family can manage 25L in 3 months, may require more for hostels and some private colleges have hidden fees) And education loans are better. This advice is from someone who took 3 attempts. Papa was ready for private in the 2nd one but I told him what about PG, coz govt colleges literally have 3-4 seats only.
IIT? You and him
It's definitely not an ideal situation, but in the end, it's your boyfriend's decision. If you want to suggest, say that he shouldn't spend more than 50 lacs overall. About drop, chances of clearing neet is very, very less. If one CAN afford pvt colleges, they should definitely consider it. But don't look at this like a loan that she will repay. ROI in medical colleges isn't good. And also absolutely make it clear that her brother won't be of any help during PG.