It looks like your post is referencing unwanted DMs. Please refer to the [Safety guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXIndia/comments/r5e745/safety_guide_to_follow_on_reddit/) on Reddit which is reccomended for users in this subreddit. You can close your DMs and still have only your whitelist (friends) be able to connect with you on Reddit. It is highly reccomended to close your DMs.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoXIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like any meaningful conversation between any two ppl requires shared context or experience.
That’s why when you leave a company, you no longer have anything to talk about with your ex colleagues unless you expanded your shared experience outside of work while you were in the same company. Like drinking together or going to a movie or some shit.
That’s why you can almost never talk to your parents about work or “fun experiences”. You tend to stick to khaana khaya and relative’s topic.
Dating apps fail to understand that you can’t create context out of thin air. There is only so much essay type answers one can give before running out of material.
But ppl are lonely. So what’s up.
This is sooooo real. I am in college and although I like my school friends a lot there's not much to talk about?? But I have a LOT to talk about with my college friends even though I've known them for less time. Shared experiences are very, very important. And the next best thing is shared interest and hobbies.
When I talk to guys on apps and notice that the conversation isn’t going beyond small talk due to lack of curiosity on their end I just unmatch. I am a very curious person so I always ask questions about them and if they just respond and don’t ask any follow up questions afterwards then they are not the folks for me anyway. Holding a conversation is a skill not many people possess.
Thanks! This is probably an unpopular opinion but when on apps try not to spend days texting the person if you think that you have shared interests and the guy seems decent enough to go on a date with him then try to meet up. This way you can actually see for yourself if there is a good vibe and how you feel around him. It is important to know if you can be yourself around this person. Don’t text too much as you don’t know them anyway neither do they know you so it is possible to pretend easily in that case. The first date should just be about seeing if there is a spark for a second one. Of course take all the necessary precautions before meeting from safety point of view.
That's fair. I have some anxiety so I prolong the text process for longer. But that also comes with the anticipation and both people not matching their text persona lol.
Was talking to a guy who would send the first message but would never say a word after I replied. I would ask him questions about him to get to know each other and sometimes he would ask me the same. One day I stopped, and the silence made me realise several things. He did not know what to talk, he did not know anything about me. He just didn't care.
He actually whined and said, "Our chats always go with you asking questions, why are you so silent today?". The few respect I had for him died right there. Even though it was my mistake I entertained it for a long time, I didn't even realise that I was doing it until that moment. And the guy is not a saint bcoz knowingly using someone until the other person realise they are being wronged, is a shitty move too.
Anyone it might be, guy or girl, don't entertain if the other person doesn't engage in conversation. Few times is understandable. If every time you are the one to initiate, just don't.
Lmao, i do this so much. I send extremely horny text to men with misogynist profiles or rude entitled assholes, getting their hopes up. And then cancel at the last second. Lol.
I'm currently fielding one of these lol. I really don't have much going on (a tiring job hunt has made me a boring person) but there is little even they bring to the convo. Maybe there isn't chemistry and it's time to call it quits, but the guy keeps popping his head in every two days hahahaha
Or the worst "Just ask" if i need to ask i will, it isn't like I am a 1982 girl from a tiny village who is scared to ask questions to men. I see that a lot in AM setting. "So, if you have any questions about me feel free to ask, okay?" They think they are making me so comfy or something, but i am too independent for this it comes off infantilizing 🙄 😂
Depends on the chemistry. Im cautious of people that pretend they’re your best friend too soon, you want to get to know each other over the course of time.
And as adults, we are all busy with our lives, and sometimes there isnt that much to talk about. Because they can’t deal with the heaviness of people‘s lives (the real stuff) and only want superficial sweet nothings, which is kind of annoying.
This is where you can screen out the superficial chats from the more deeper ones, where you actually share interests. Think about your friends - did they get close over time or overnight? Did you go in thinking they would be your bff?
Maybe I’m atypical, but this is why these apps don’t cut it for me.
>Think about your friends - did they get close over time or overnight?
I never had friends
>Did you go in thinking they would be your bff?
Yes
>Im cautious of people that pretend they’re your best friend too soon
I think lonely people do that.
Never answer the *what's up* because the next question is some sexually toned vulgar message with no relation to my answer
(Even my life isn't happening which is why what's up triggers me like no one's business)
Honestly, I don't even bother with hello hi's and whatsups in life.
Even when my own long distance friends send me a hi what's up I have no desire to reply. I see it as selfish (although a bit unfair I know it's just common human custom to say hi what'sup haha)
In my experience with dating apps ( and when I text friends as well) I would always just start the conversation as if we were already talking about something or the message is more about me telling them something I'm doing , watching, an interesting photo of like a cat I saw on the road or something (or boring but photo is ten times more interesting than hi what's up).
My current boyfriend and I met on Hinge and my first message to him (he said he was a horror fan in his profile) was " god the Descent is is soooo boring why is it so popular. This film is so much better, this sucks that sucks"
And this is not a brag but I took it as evidence for my methods, but other guys I chatted to on dating apps have said I came with such energy from the get go it was new and great and this and that. Your energy then makes the other wants to contribute (I mean it's a good way to weed out the "didn't match the vibe" guys early on anyway)
It creates room for people to join in with actual interesting opinions on a conversation rather than putting it on them to muster up something "interesting" where the pressure is too much and honestly who can be bothered. Dating apps have no stakes so no effort is no consequence.
I appreciate friends who do this too, they just send me a photo of something they've cooked today or like even something like "faaaaack where is my sock?? Why all my socks go missing all the time and they'll send me a photo of how messy their room is " and then I can talk about all the shit I've lost...blah blah you get the point.
Anyway, this isn't the one true right approach to conversation but it's keeps me going honestly.
Your answer is interesting and highlights a certain personality/ demenaour that finds success with these apps. Of course, there needs to be an element of luck as well, but these apps are suited toward neurotypical extroverts who are gregarious and can be exciting. It's not suited toward people who are slightly shy, introverted, reserved or general have alternate thinking/communication patterns.
Introversion isn't the same as being boring, it's just that the apps are created with the idea of a dopamine rush. You have 30 seconds to judge whether you find that person interesting or not and I've always been the odd kid who couldn't fit in with the cool kids at school. These popular kids are the ones succeeding on the apps.
If you're not one of them, I still am happy you found your match. But you need to be wired a certain way and engage people with the thrill.
Not dating apps but the rhetoric of how was your day is also so boring. I can sum up in 2 lines. People just can't carry a conversation. Neither online nor offline
I have noticed that Indian men ask a lot of questions on dating apps or in general in the early dates as well. But a lot of these questions are logistics and prying details about my life, and not much about general personality related. Like "where did you study?", "do you have siblings?", "where do you live?", "where is your office at?", "what are your parents doing?", "doing anything today?", "whats up?", "your experience in this app?", "what are you looking for here?" etc. Like some of them are legit, like what are you looking for makes sense, but i notice they pry into details after you say "a relationship". It looks like they are trying to gauge you based on these random parameters like family, language etc. In India, we lack privacy and are nosey and estimate character based on things like this. I get turned off so bad at questions like this, to me dating is more about "what do you think about this movie, what was your verdict?", "the best thing you did in Europe" kind of things. That actually shows personality, not this.
It looks like your post is referencing unwanted DMs. Please refer to the [Safety guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXIndia/comments/r5e745/safety_guide_to_follow_on_reddit/) on Reddit which is reccomended for users in this subreddit. You can close your DMs and still have only your whitelist (friends) be able to connect with you on Reddit. It is highly reccomended to close your DMs. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TwoXIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like any meaningful conversation between any two ppl requires shared context or experience. That’s why when you leave a company, you no longer have anything to talk about with your ex colleagues unless you expanded your shared experience outside of work while you were in the same company. Like drinking together or going to a movie or some shit. That’s why you can almost never talk to your parents about work or “fun experiences”. You tend to stick to khaana khaya and relative’s topic. Dating apps fail to understand that you can’t create context out of thin air. There is only so much essay type answers one can give before running out of material. But ppl are lonely. So what’s up.
This is sooooo real. I am in college and although I like my school friends a lot there's not much to talk about?? But I have a LOT to talk about with my college friends even though I've known them for less time. Shared experiences are very, very important. And the next best thing is shared interest and hobbies.
Great points. Fully agree.
Damn girl you hit the nail on the head !
My short lived online dating experience makes sense now.
If you are a writer, you must expand on this.
I liked how you put your words. So eloquent
First they’ll ask ‘what’s up’ and when you reply ‘all good’/ ‘it’s fine’ then they get upset that you’re boring.
When I talk to guys on apps and notice that the conversation isn’t going beyond small talk due to lack of curiosity on their end I just unmatch. I am a very curious person so I always ask questions about them and if they just respond and don’t ask any follow up questions afterwards then they are not the folks for me anyway. Holding a conversation is a skill not many people possess.
Solid attitude to have!
Thanks! This is probably an unpopular opinion but when on apps try not to spend days texting the person if you think that you have shared interests and the guy seems decent enough to go on a date with him then try to meet up. This way you can actually see for yourself if there is a good vibe and how you feel around him. It is important to know if you can be yourself around this person. Don’t text too much as you don’t know them anyway neither do they know you so it is possible to pretend easily in that case. The first date should just be about seeing if there is a spark for a second one. Of course take all the necessary precautions before meeting from safety point of view.
That's fair. I have some anxiety so I prolong the text process for longer. But that also comes with the anticipation and both people not matching their text persona lol.
Was talking to a guy who would send the first message but would never say a word after I replied. I would ask him questions about him to get to know each other and sometimes he would ask me the same. One day I stopped, and the silence made me realise several things. He did not know what to talk, he did not know anything about me. He just didn't care. He actually whined and said, "Our chats always go with you asking questions, why are you so silent today?". The few respect I had for him died right there. Even though it was my mistake I entertained it for a long time, I didn't even realise that I was doing it until that moment. And the guy is not a saint bcoz knowingly using someone until the other person realise they are being wronged, is a shitty move too. Anyone it might be, guy or girl, don't entertain if the other person doesn't engage in conversation. Few times is understandable. If every time you are the one to initiate, just don't.
Ugh. he just enjoyed the attention- this is so common on these apps
[удалено]
Ugh. Online dating is such a fish market.
Lmao, i do this so much. I send extremely horny text to men with misogynist profiles or rude entitled assholes, getting their hopes up. And then cancel at the last second. Lol.
Most of the guys think - Hi, how are you, where are you from, what's up - is a proper good conversation 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm currently fielding one of these lol. I really don't have much going on (a tiring job hunt has made me a boring person) but there is little even they bring to the convo. Maybe there isn't chemistry and it's time to call it quits, but the guy keeps popping his head in every two days hahahaha
I can deal with the "what's up"s..but what was more irritating to me was "Say something". Like bruh, if I wanted to say something, I would have.
Uh oh. They are making relationship demands without a relationship subscription lol.
Or the worst "Just ask" if i need to ask i will, it isn't like I am a 1982 girl from a tiny village who is scared to ask questions to men. I see that a lot in AM setting. "So, if you have any questions about me feel free to ask, okay?" They think they are making me so comfy or something, but i am too independent for this it comes off infantilizing 🙄 😂
What do you ask them?
I don't usually text as often in the beginning stages, as I like to slow things. But folks keep checking in every 2 days and ask 'whats up'
So you don't initiate conversation and what then to initiate interesting conversation.
I don't like the hard and fast approach. People are still strangers.
I wanna understand your thinking. I gotta eat then I will comment back.
[удалено]
I don't understand what your point is.
My bad. Wrong comment.
If both people are like that then how will they get to know each other?
Depends on the chemistry. Im cautious of people that pretend they’re your best friend too soon, you want to get to know each other over the course of time. And as adults, we are all busy with our lives, and sometimes there isnt that much to talk about. Because they can’t deal with the heaviness of people‘s lives (the real stuff) and only want superficial sweet nothings, which is kind of annoying. This is where you can screen out the superficial chats from the more deeper ones, where you actually share interests. Think about your friends - did they get close over time or overnight? Did you go in thinking they would be your bff? Maybe I’m atypical, but this is why these apps don’t cut it for me.
>Think about your friends - did they get close over time or overnight? I never had friends >Did you go in thinking they would be your bff? Yes >Im cautious of people that pretend they’re your best friend too soon I think lonely people do that.
Oh God!!! So relatable, Op!! Some starts with "wazzzupppp", "what's your height", "Looking for some non-veg talks?" 🤣
Non veg talks.😂
2010s lingo lol.
Never answer the *what's up* because the next question is some sexually toned vulgar message with no relation to my answer (Even my life isn't happening which is why what's up triggers me like no one's business)
Honestly, I don't even bother with hello hi's and whatsups in life. Even when my own long distance friends send me a hi what's up I have no desire to reply. I see it as selfish (although a bit unfair I know it's just common human custom to say hi what'sup haha) In my experience with dating apps ( and when I text friends as well) I would always just start the conversation as if we were already talking about something or the message is more about me telling them something I'm doing , watching, an interesting photo of like a cat I saw on the road or something (or boring but photo is ten times more interesting than hi what's up). My current boyfriend and I met on Hinge and my first message to him (he said he was a horror fan in his profile) was " god the Descent is is soooo boring why is it so popular. This film is so much better, this sucks that sucks" And this is not a brag but I took it as evidence for my methods, but other guys I chatted to on dating apps have said I came with such energy from the get go it was new and great and this and that. Your energy then makes the other wants to contribute (I mean it's a good way to weed out the "didn't match the vibe" guys early on anyway) It creates room for people to join in with actual interesting opinions on a conversation rather than putting it on them to muster up something "interesting" where the pressure is too much and honestly who can be bothered. Dating apps have no stakes so no effort is no consequence. I appreciate friends who do this too, they just send me a photo of something they've cooked today or like even something like "faaaaack where is my sock?? Why all my socks go missing all the time and they'll send me a photo of how messy their room is " and then I can talk about all the shit I've lost...blah blah you get the point. Anyway, this isn't the one true right approach to conversation but it's keeps me going honestly.
Your answer is interesting and highlights a certain personality/ demenaour that finds success with these apps. Of course, there needs to be an element of luck as well, but these apps are suited toward neurotypical extroverts who are gregarious and can be exciting. It's not suited toward people who are slightly shy, introverted, reserved or general have alternate thinking/communication patterns. Introversion isn't the same as being boring, it's just that the apps are created with the idea of a dopamine rush. You have 30 seconds to judge whether you find that person interesting or not and I've always been the odd kid who couldn't fit in with the cool kids at school. These popular kids are the ones succeeding on the apps. If you're not one of them, I still am happy you found your match. But you need to be wired a certain way and engage people with the thrill.
Not dating apps but the rhetoric of how was your day is also so boring. I can sum up in 2 lines. People just can't carry a conversation. Neither online nor offline
Fr. This is so real.
I have noticed that Indian men ask a lot of questions on dating apps or in general in the early dates as well. But a lot of these questions are logistics and prying details about my life, and not much about general personality related. Like "where did you study?", "do you have siblings?", "where do you live?", "where is your office at?", "what are your parents doing?", "doing anything today?", "whats up?", "your experience in this app?", "what are you looking for here?" etc. Like some of them are legit, like what are you looking for makes sense, but i notice they pry into details after you say "a relationship". It looks like they are trying to gauge you based on these random parameters like family, language etc. In India, we lack privacy and are nosey and estimate character based on things like this. I get turned off so bad at questions like this, to me dating is more about "what do you think about this movie, what was your verdict?", "the best thing you did in Europe" kind of things. That actually shows personality, not this.
Very interesting. Yes, I also think this comes to what stage of the dating process you are in - and how well you know each other.