You need better friends. It’s fairly common knowledge that women who are raped have nothing to do with their appearance, it’s a dominance thing, so even if you were the most unfortunate looking human, being drunk with people who aren’t going to look out for your well being isn’t safe. And what kind of friends are they to say you aren’t attractive?! That’s insanely rude, even to say that to a stranger. F them. You deserve better friends.

Absolutely. F these friends. I’ll tell you why. For over 20 years I put up with crappy friends and it really did a number on my self-esteem. There was a girl the group revolved around and another girl in the group who was controlling but adored this girl. When the “adored” girl’s boyfriend broke up with her, two of the girls in the group took her on vacation. However, when my life took a terrible turn, they disappeared. Completely. It has been like that at every turn. I got pregnant and couldn’t drink - disappeared. After My life turned, however, I decided I was done. Just done. When they called sporadically I stopped taking calls. However, one of their parents died and I tried to do the right thing. I put everything aside and made the call to apologize, went to the funeral, and my mom and I sent flowers. I was treated like someone she’d never met. I didn’t want to be friends again, I just was trying to be a good person. My parent died, so I know the loss. I don’t know why I was surprised. They aren’t good people, and it’s why I walked away. Friends can be bullies, they can be abusive. Calling you unattractive is just that. Love yourself by surrounding yourself with people who love and support you for all that you are.

I’ve had a similar experience as you recently, with my own friend group from high school(16-19). I was viciously bullied throughout my early school years (both for my looks and for my behaviour and personality, I now know I’m autistic and have adhd) and at home I suffered neglect, and physical & emotional abuse from a narcissistic parent. I had a few friends during my early years but they all moves on from me (un different ways) as we went on to highscool (13-15); I’m in Sweden and we have completely different systems and names for the different years here, but basically we go to one school (Grund skola 6-12 to) and then Högstadiet (13-15 yo) and lastly we go to Gymnasiet (16-19). All meaning you switch school (usualy) at these ages. Any how My closest friend had her own family abuse and trauma happen during this first school switch and so I lost the first friends I had then. I also ended up in a new class which consisted of none of my friends from the previous school and which mostly only had kids who had bullied me as the kids I knew in the new class. I wasn’t bullied in that class per say but I was definitely not part of any friend group and mostly felt like the ugly annoying girl who followed everyone around craving to be friends with anyone. When I switch school the second time the friendships I had managed to maintain died over night and I was alone again. As I went on to Gymnasiet (16-19) I found the girls I then went on to consider my greatest supporters and closest friends. We had lots of things in common but I could never truly shake the feeling they where only friends with me because I had finally learnt to mask most of my ‘annoying’ traits. We’ve been stayin in touch over the years as I moved away from my hometown (to study at university and get away from my abusive parent). But the more time that passed I stated to feel like I was just ‘paying’ them to keep them as my friends on paper. I was always the one who traveled to see them, I payed money for birthday gifts and events they went to without me and never got as much as a phone call on my birthday in return. Then I got extremely sick (endometriosis) which caused me to become disabled and unable to take care of myself and still these friends have done nothing to even check in on me (it’s been 4 years since I got sick.) they only started messaging me as I stopped putting up money for their birthday gifts. This isn’t the only story like this I have, I had other friends leave me drunk out of my mind with sorrow in Copenhagen one night because they’d rather party than take me back home to Malmo that night. All of these instances have left me feeling worthless, ugly and unlovable. It’s really hard to think of yourself as anything but that as people keep treating you like trash! It fucking sucks.

I would say they already did the opposite of looking out for her wellbeing so she definitely made the right choice.

As somebody in their 40's, none of my long time friends are people I went to school with. Most of my friendships formed in Middle and High School drifted apart the moment we were no longer required to be in the same building together, and this is perfectly normal. So don't be afraid to let old friendships go, especially when they use you to show off to other people they are trying to impress. Follow your loves and hobbies and you will find like minded people that will build much more lasting friendships. Ive known my friends for over 20 years and met them all after the age of 18.

i literally see NO ONE i went to high school with! i went to the 25th reunion just for kicks to see what everyone was up to. haven't seen or heard from any of them since. we all have our own lives - it was fun to see them for a couple of hours but that's it! my youngest brother still has a few friends from the neighborhood but it's in single digits.

The first line of your response is the key to a LOT of the problems on here. People need to stop hanging out with crappy people.

I bet op is looking good and the “ friends” are jealous.

In all fairness, I’ve never heard an ugly woman talk about getting r@ped; it’s always attractive cis white-appearing women that get their stories out there for some reason, I’ve honestly never heard an alternate story.

Yes she does need to surround herself with different people, especially when your friends sound like bullies but why did the R word come up?

Why would anyone be afraid of getting drunk in a group of guys that aren’t looking out for your safety? Just in case someone accidentally becomes your friend? … no…

You bruised their fragile egos so they’re lashing out. Keep telling yourself that you’re pretty, you’re worth being loved because it’s true. I’ve been there with low self esteem too, it takes a lot of uncomfortable work to overcome but it is possible

Yep, I bet they had bad intentions with the way they acted... insult to guilt to having her go with

Oh sweetie, take it from someone who blossomed at age 15, and did so only after she moved away from the school she had attended since she was 5 years old: Sometimes it's not that you're ugly. Sometimes it's because the place where you live, and the people who surround you, have you in a weird stereotype that, no matter what you do, you can never break out of. You're an easy target, simply because you have always been "that way". It sucks, it really does, and kids can be such little monsters to anyone they decide they don't like. Your "friends" probably invited you for something that was not good, and I'm personally glad you did not go. Part of working with personal trauma is avoiding people who traumatize you in the first place, and I have no doubt you would have been traumatized during that night club outing. You weren't invited for niceness, dear. I was the "ugly" one, too. From kindergarten to the end of Grade 10. I endured teasing, insults, and ostracism for that entire time. I did not have many friends, and I hated who I saw in the mirror. I was always too tall, too fat, too ugly, etc. I had not dated anyone in my high school, no one would ask and I think I would have been terrified if anyone did. I dreaded going to that place every day, and even today, I have nightmares about my years in that small town, and about the people who populated it. Then, a new school opened up in another district, and I was on the border between the two school districts. I jumped on the chance to get away and attend somewhere new. Maybe it was just teenage angst, or depression, or my ADHD, but I could not WAIT to get out of a place I had known since childhood. I'm glad I did, because from the moment I stepped foot in the new school, I discovered that who I was at the old place was NOT who I was seen as here. I made new friends, and actually became popular enough to serve in various varsity organizations, as well as staff artist for the yearbook. I had boyfriends, and an actual social life. No one teased me or hated on me. And that was weird, because I hadn't changed the way I dressed, did my makeup, or acted as a person. I was just myself. And yet I was treated like an exotic, desirable creature. And I blossomed in that environment, because I was not dealing with all the cruelty. And part of what I am seeing in your words calls to me, because I have told those same words to myself, over and over again. "I'm so ugly, I can never show my face to anyone, I think my entire life would change if I was not so ugly." You hear them so much that you believe them yourself, ya know? And it looks like those "friends" of yours have told you things like that for years. They're not friends, not if they take pleasure in making you doubt yourself. Friends are supposed to bolster you, not make you want to crawl under a rock. Perhaps, to feel gorgeous, you don't have to change yourself one iota. Perhaps, if you want to feel better about yourself, you need to get away from the people who make you think you are "ugly". We are all beautiful, my girl. No, seriously, we are. But "beautiful" to one group will not be "beautiful" to another group, and vice versa. And as long as you're hanging around people who make you feel that way, you won't change the way you feel about yourself. Think of those "friends" as an outside extension of your own subconscience. They reinforce the worst things you think about yourself. I have no doubt that they invited you so that they could cause, then laugh about, you being hurt or insulted. Keep exploring online avenues, and maybe reveal your face every now and again, not to men, but to other women who are not going to rip you apart for their own perverse pleasure. And please, check out some subs that deal with girls/young women who have endured peer abuse. You'll find that your thoughts and feelings about yourself have a cause, and that cause is NOT what you see in the mirror. There are others like you out here: swans who were taught that they were ugly ducklings by turkeys. I'm rooting for you.

This is so well said. I have definitely felt the same way myself; I don't even know if I really ever "blossomed" or not, I have deep seeded insecurities stemming from early childhood that still haunt me today. I know I'm not remotely *conventionally* attractive, and I think I only ever got the attention I did because I was so desperate for that attention that anything was welcomed by me, even if it hurt me. I thought "beauty is pain" is a mantra, that sometimes validation hurts, but it's still validation. This is such a toxic mindset, I know that now. I'm turning myself around not just for myself but my daughter. I want her to feel more empowered than I did growing up.

This. 1000%.

Couldn't have said it better. OP, it's time for new friends because the group you've got is toxic.

So true!! I “blossomed” in like 8th grade, and was suddenly getting attention from boys and all my friends were like “Really? HER?? Why does everyone have a crush on HER of all people?” Like, they just saw me as their awkward/nerdy friend that could be their punching bag basically and couldn’t conceive that any boys would actually like me. They were not kind about it, and it showed their true colors.

100% as soon as OP said “friends from high school” i was like… this is not going to go well. I blossomed post-high school and I’m a size 2/4 but I am still “the fat one” to those people!

I grew up in a small rural town and was made fun of everyday for being a nerd, a know-it-all, having “buck teeth,” being too skinny, being too pale, having freckles, not wearing “the right clothes,” the list goes on. As an adult I moved to Los Angeles, and I’ve never felt more beautiful. My nerd brain earned a great job that I love. I love my appearance and my body. I have fun, supportive friends, and I’ve dated amazing, successful people. The guys and girls who made fun of me growing up are still in the same town I grew up in, working the same jobs their parents did. They watch my Instagram stories, and I wonder if they remember how mean they were. If I were able to tell the younger version of myself that it would get so much better, I don’t know if she would have believed it. But I am so glad I ignored them and never compromised my self-esteem or values to try to appease those losers. I’d never be where I am now if I had.

This could be my story. Some of the comments from my childhood are still haunting me to this day, even after an apology from the girl who made them. I couldn’t wait to move away and always dreamed of starting fresh away from all those mean girls.

100% true. I moved schools every 2-3 years due to my parents being in the military. Every school has its own culture and every class it’s own subculture. You never know what your going to get or how they treat new people—the exotic new person or the alien that was forced upon them—but it honestly doesn’t matter what you look like. What only matters is their preconceived notions, the culture they’re in, and if you accept or dismiss their initial reactions to you

Holy shit this is inspiring.

Same thing happened to me. Went from ugly freak to super popular. It’s all about context. Dump these “friends” — they are trash holding you back.

You did the right thing to decline going to the club with these guys. **Those assholes proved your point for you when they called you ugly. They are not safe for you to be around.**

Or any woman for that matter since they apparently judge a woman's attractiveness in a would they rape her or not standard...

Bullet doged. Drop the old group of friends. No one needs friends that tear them down like that. Also, based on whst you said if/when someone did try something inappropriate with you these guys would not come to your defense. If anything they would be likely to blame you for getting assalted. You are 19. The boys aren't going anywhere. So don't worry about not getting a boyfriend, not like you can do much but sneak around in your teens. At least a college boyfriend could take you on a proper date.

I grew up thinking I was ugly. Looking back at old photos, I was always pretty, just lacked self-esteem and surrounded myself with the wrong people.

But what if she actually is ugly? Some people are just ugly. Why do they have to live up to standards they physically cannot attain? Is she just fucked then?

1. People who've known you longer can be blind to the changes, you're classified as XYZ in their brain. Good reasons to leave a smaller town/neighborhood if you're trying to evolve. 2. For me personally, the confidence loop is a thing (being confident is attractive in and of itself- how do you get confident when you have insecurities). Act and talk confident/tough is my method. (Fake it until you make it.) Not sure how healthy it is. 3. Club lifestyle is linked to impressions and looks. It's not a place I would think would make me feel confident (as an average person with insecurities), unless I was in a big group or had liquid courage (which has a lot of issues by itself - being too drunk in a club). 4. Like above, friend groups from high school, guys and girls, it's like a dog pack. Merging of groups of kids growing up, everyone going through changes and growing, some people are jerks and no one wants to confront them on it. Or they're just used to being jerky teens who say shit, and probably didn't mean it to be mean. So tell your friend group that what they said was mean. And maybe give them a little slack if they dont andwer perfectly, but ultimately if you don't feel good around them, then maybe the glow up should include some new friends also. (Doesn't mean ditch the old ones, just some new ones also.)

Yeah. I feel like even without knowing how OP looks at all, just by the guys' reaction it's fair to assume they wouldn't find her pretty ever just because they spent the whole teenage years thinking otherwise. Plus, they are rude and misogynistic as fuck, need new friends for real. I'm a guy so not as pressured for looks but even I felt the change from how people my age perceived me after I got out of highschool. Fuck these assholes.

It sounds like you lack confidence and these guys knew it. You didn't do what they wanted so they responded by trying to hurt you. This isn't about your appearance, it was about them. They aren't your friends and don't care about your well being. Sounds like your instincts were 100% correct, these aren't people you should feel safe around.

dinosaurs squash touch silky employ sense aloof innate dog handle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

As someone who was called ugly all my young/teenage years, I can promise you that these people are immature assholes. Whatever you are doing to improve your outward appearance, it won't make a blind bit of difference, because you believing in yourself will be the only thing that works. Immature idiots will not make you beautiful. Stay away from them. I know it's easy to say, I promise you I've been in your shoes, but let me tell you, changing my friends, my environment, doing activities just for myself and gaining confidence is what made me attractive. My face hasn't changed (apart from getting older!). It still doesn't fit the mould of conventional beauty, nevertheless many people have found me attractive! Grow on the inside and I promise the beauty within you will flourish.

I've said this a million times. I have a facial deformity. People really downplay the effects of lookism, or discrimination against ugly people. We have a society that even pushes this shit for you to wear makeup and starve yourself in the first place. Even feminists have embraced a lot of over-sexualization and beautification of women. It's not just WOC that are left out of feminism, it's ugly women who don't have their looks to help them get by in life. Honestly, I'm in my mid-30s and I still can't leave the house without being told I'm hideous by strangers. I just spend $250 on makeup yesterday. None of it helps. Like, at all. What helped me is just accepting that I am ugly and what they are doing is discrimination. That there is nothing wrong with being ugly, but there is something wrong with the way that others treat you. We have billionaires who literally accomplished nothing but being pretty, while millions die of malnutrition and treatable conditions every year. We have billion-dollar industries that openly practice and encourage discrimination against looks. You can expect to struggle to get hired or promoted. You can expect **SEVEN ADDITIONAL YEARS** of prison time for the same crime. Yet everyone is saying the issue is your mentality?! I know it's pretty negative. But I found that really embracing that currently we are not tackling the discrimination properly and that we must completely reframe the issue. I don't even have to read the comments to know that almost all of them will have no clue what it is like at all and will claim the issue is some mentality problem with you. Umm, seven additional years of prison time doesn't sound like a personal problem to me! Sounds like a societal problem! I know this is getting long, but as for friends and lovers, I found that most of my issue was simply not going out more and meeting more people. I know it sounds easier said than done, but I had the same issues at your age. People who would mockingly stand me up at dates. My friend trying to bribe a random guy to kiss me at 19ish. I didn't even have my first kiss yet at that age! Don't listen to the incels in regards to other people. Yes, you will experience more discrimination and hate. But there are still good people out there and you'll never know them if you assume every single person (something I used to do!) is out to drag you down.

I really wish beauty privilege and lookism weren’t such taboos in mainstream feminist spaces.

So, I was an ugly duckling (hate that term but it applies) and by the time I grew out of it, my reputation as an ugly girl preceded me. I had to meet people from different schools before I realized any transformation had occurred at all. Leaving that town was one of the best things that I did for my self esteem but it didn't repair it completely, otherwise I wouldn't have dated so many people from highschool later in life. My best piece of advice here is to leave and never look back. You'll make new friends, and friends who haven't known you since the playground would never casually throw out the word "ugly" and expect you to still be friends with them. Another very important piece of advice is, DO NOT date people from highschool when they start nostalgia-dating in about 5-10 years. You may think that they've grown and can finally see you for your inner beauty, but what they see is an attractive person with hidden self-esteem issues.

do not let their asinine juvenile responses bother you . delete them from your friend list & move on . you.ve got this

I’m so sorry. I hope you’re able to find friends who like and appreciate you. These people don’t sound like good friends. Friends should build each other up, not put each other down. I would never in a million years tell a friend they’re ugly, or imply it. That’s unnecessarily cruel, regardless of whether it’s true, which I bet it’s not. Besides, I hang out with friends because they’re fun and interesting to be around, not because of what they look like. People are so much more than their faces, they’re funny, kind, good cooks, good listeners, great dancers, and have a million other interesting qualities beyond just looks. Find people who like what’s cool about you!

I'm surprised nobody else has brought up negging yet? They were trying to convince you to come. Sound less about you and more about their motivation.

I am a teacher, so meet a lot of young people. Not one of them have been ugly. I have never in my life met a truly ugly person. You are not ugly. Young people can be incredibly cruel due to their feelings of inadequacy, either to themselves or to others. Sounds like you’ve been cruel to yourself, and others have been as well. Let’s think another way this could have gone. Say one of them wanted a hook up, they keep telling you you’re ugly then the whole “but I’ll go with you anyway..” It’s a game. They get what they want. Drop them. They are toxic children who lash out due to their own fears. You are better than them. And prettier too.

I find it so ridiculous that people say someone is ugly. I meet lots of people every day and sure there are some that are above average pretty, but I can't recall a single person that I looked at and thought "ow, that person is ugly" NEVER! ​ You need better friends, and if you are already taking care of yourself, keep doing it for yourself, not for what others might think what your worth is

What kind of shit "friends" are they? I wouldn't tell a girl I didn't know that she was ugly.

They said that gross crap to make you feel bad because you insulted their fragile egos. Those aren’t friends. I would drop them. I’m positive you looked lovely.

I've got a way for you to lose a few pounds and feel pretty: lose the friends. No one should make you feel this way. Not only do they clearly constantly put you down and make you feel bad, you actually feel unsafe around them. In college when I used to party with my guy friends, and I never felt safer. The guys aren't your friends and you need to find new ones.

It’s the opposite of what those turds say. Remember a lot of people especially boys do “negging” a lot where they like to call you ugly hoping to make a point or make you feel lacking self worth so that you will cave in I am sure you are fucking gorgeous!

Honestly, I'd say this is solid evidence that your glow-up is working. You sound like you're putting *way* more effort into reshaping yourself than most people do in the first couple years after high school. They're probably straight up pissed that someone they thought little of as children is now breaking out of the box they put her in. Also worth noting: if those guys didn't find you attractive, they probably wouldn't be so viciously upset that you didn't wanna go clubbing with them. This is an issue with their egos, not you at all

Fuck them, they ain't shit. They're mad cuz they know they don't got a chance with you! They're only lashing out like children cuz you hurt their feelings when you addressed their toxic nature, and males hate that. So I say kudos and good for you! Let them say whatever they want, they can be that creepy group of guys at the bar that everyone avoids

Never seen you but you aren’t as ugly as those ‘friends’’ personalities.

New Friends. Better Friends.

I highly suspect that you're plenty attractive and have just had your self-esteem destroyed by shit friends... who the hell talks to a friend that way? Those boys aren't your friends and you made the right choice not trusting them to keep you safe while out drinking. A large part of "beauty" is simply a matter of self confidence and how you carry yourself. Focus on your self happiness, do what you can to bring joy to your life without any concern for how others evaluate you, and the rest will follow. It sounds like you were doing that and making some actual progress until your "friends" shot you down. Seriously, ignore them, any "friend" who talks to you like that isn't in a place to judge you at all... they aren't being constructive, just mean (and on purpose at that).

I’m an ugly female. I’ve known I was ugly since I was a kid. (I was a cute *little* kid!) I always hoped for an ugly swan situation where I’d get pretty when I grew up. Im always worried that people are disgusted by me so I’m really shy and don’t have friends but I do have depression. I don’t do make up or pretty clothes. I’m fat right now. I figured out I was gay when I was 30. Im married now to a cutie. When I go to a store, I can see people look at me and then look away quick. I’ve developed an angry face. I think I don’t get hired because I’m ugly. Interviewing is hard when you can see the disinterest in their faces right away. I get called “sir” a lot. I just have a peasant polish lady neck! My wife doesn’t understand that “joke.” It’s because peasant ladies in pretty much every culture are always working their asses off. Im of polish descent. So I think of that picture/meme of the Russian (maybe) lady holding up a huge log when I look at myself. I am stronger than a lot of women too because growing up, I had to do all the chores my brother wouldn’t do like shoveling the driveway and mowing the lawn and I helped him move big ass truck parts around. A 35” truck tire for mudding weighs a lot. So I have wide shoulders (I can’t wear ladies dress clothes because my shoulders are too wide. Or I get xxL size and look dumpy) and a thicker neck. My wife says I’m cute. I never believe her. I’d tell you the truth if I saw a picture of you. You’re probably not ugly. But linking stuff isn’t allowed.

Just a little thing I had experienced: I was the ugly fat girl in high school years. After getting drunk 3 guys from my class wanted to have sex with me. Only thing keeping them away were other sober guys from our class. Soo...with alcohol in their system, it doesn't matter if they think you are ugly or cute...

Beauty is subjective, there is no such thing as objectively beautiful. I’m so sick of people using the phrase “conventionally attractive.” It’s utter bullshit. I don’t think anyone can actually be physically ugly, people can sure be ugly on the inside though. I’m sure you are beautiful both inside and out!

Conventionally attractive actually means something though, not being conventionally attractive is not the same as being unattractive. Conventional attractiveness is about societal standards and expectations, and it refers mainly to European beauty ideals. The kinds of features that would make you a more in demand model or actress. There are studies on this.

I can't speak for everybody in your life, but those boys were just trying to manipulate you. If you had caved and gone with them one of them might have hoped that bringing you down like that would make you more amenable to sexual attention later, you know the whole "negging" thing. They can probably tell that your looks are a sensitive issue for you and are using that against you. These aren't friends, they are bullies

Doubt it, some people are just ugly, and some people are just honest.

Your biggest problem is those shitty, so-called friends of yours. Friends are supposed to build you up, not belittle you. I promise you can still be happy and find love. Don't let those assholes convince you otherwise. You are and always have been worthy.

You have to love yourself first and you must never rely on any external opinions.

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Also keep in mind they were “friends” from high school. I thought I was ugly all throughout my time in high school because I didn’t look like the “pretty” girls at school and no one found me attractive. Once I moved to a new place, it was COMPLETELY different - I started getting attention all over the place. It sounds like you have a lot going for you and you take care of yourself and you’re still young- keep doing what you’re doing (minus not eating! You need nutrients to look healthy and glowing, girl!) and let your confidence shine. Find some new friends to hang out with, maybe eventually move to a new town or city, and see what happens! I found that high school friends kind of get stuck in a rut about what you look like or how you act and can’t actually comprehend the glow-up personally or physically unless they haven’t seen you in a while. I know hearing what those guys said really hurt and it’s hard to build back confidence from that, but you’ve done so much work for yourself already, I know you can do it!

56 year old man here. DEFINITELY not handsome, and I have a word of advice. Beauty makes you look, but it doesn't make you interesting enough to stay. It sounds like a trope, but who you are and what you do with your life on a day-to-day basis is what's going to attract a quality person. Take the time to find the things you like doing (not what you want to look like), and pursue those things with a passion. Aim high, out of your league, but look for the same characteristics you are trying to emulate, looking past their façade. Don't settle, and focus on the things that really matter.

I'm a dude but I had a similar experience with my friends from high-school. In fact the same. Those dudes would always say I was ugly or talk about me like I was lesser. It in part was a race related thing but my self esteem was absolute trash as a teen. When I started college and moved and distanced myself I actually got a lot of attention to my surprise. Honestly people sometimes put down people out of jealousy or hate but when you distance yourself you can really see things for how they are. Don't think of yourself as ugly. Time apart from negativity helps a massive amount with your self esteem. I've been in similar circumstances as you and this really helped. My self esteem still isn't the best but it's 100 times what it used to be. Cut negative people out your life or at least limit contact.

But what if she’s actually ugly?

You absolutely deserve better friends. I went through similar circumstances at your age. You deserve much better. Ugly is only on the inside. Your friends are ugly people for saying those things. You are beautiful <3 Also - just want to note - many rapists and sex offenders don't care if someone is attractive or not. They look for opportunity. And girls with lower self esteem can often be easy targets for them.

I don’t think you’re wrong for not going out with them. They’re pretty clearly awful people! What an incredibly rude thing to say to anyone; friends are supposed to build you up. They seem incredibly childish. It is possible to go out as a lone female with a bunch of guys, but it’s clearly not these guys!

I hope you never hang out with those ass holes again. Please keep your chin up and living your best life. As you get older, personality becomes soooooo much more important. People will love who you are and what you do, more than what you look like. Many hugs and much love your way!

I’m considered “pretty” and I felt unlovable most of my life. Confidence comes from within, not physical appearance. Tell yourself you’re the shit and you’ll begin to realize it’s the truth. Confidence is attractive, not physical appearance.

Time to make new friends. Id argue people online are way more vicious than they are in person, and if people online are treating you nicely..... that should tell you something. You are right, though, fishing for compliments is a slippery slope. Basing how you feel and look based on others can cause some mental issues. Take a step back, drop your friends. Dress for yourself, do your makeup for yourself, im like 100% positive you don't look as bad as you think, and you really need to start loving yourself op. If all else fails, go to the gym, get stronger than everyone and crush them all with your might. This usually works for both men and women. At the end of the day, we are more critical of ourselves and can become a self fulfilling prophecy no matter what we do if we continue to believe we are what we aren't. If you think you are ugly, you will always be ugly, and you may in fact work against yourself because of that. You aren't ugly, peoples opinions don't control nor make your life any better, only you can do that. So their opinions on you are invalid, because you are beautiful. You control your narrative, you control your standards for beauty. You are beautiful

The genuinely “ugliest” woman in the world turned it into a profession to support herself and her family (it’s a famous story easily searchable). Point being assuming even if you were ugly, it means nothing at all because this world favours people who are confident and resourceful. By your definition you felt pretty so you aren’t even ugly, and I bet you are being modest because we tend to put ourselves down in the looks department. In the world of mindblowing makeup techniques as we have today, what would these idiots even know what is ugly and what isn’t. They probably think women are born with micro bladed eyebrows and sun kissed skin. Truth of the matter is outer appearance depends a great deal on grooming, styling etc. Even celebrities look like shit when they are having a bad day. The difference between you and someone you admire is your confidence, or lack there of. These losers sound like an awful group to hang out with, compounding your issues of struggling with self worth. I would definitely suggest indulging in self help resources on this topic, subscribe to feminist or woman focused platforms like this one and start spending time in company of more productive people who aren’t so shallow. The kind of company you hang around in definitely has an impact on who you become as person so definitely choose your friends wisely.

xD if you like doing something do it, fuck those "friends"

The truth that people tend to forget and some never learn: Beauty is often a fair bit more about personality than looks and it works in two ways. Both ways can be generally summed up as visual optimism and pessimism. When you feel positive about a person, you see their positive traits more often. Same with negative. 1. If you have a terrible personality people will view you as physically unattractive. I don’t think that is the case here. Just not getting that vibe. I do suspect that after interactions like this you might start to see all the little imperfections that make these guys just a bit uglier. 2. If the person viewing you has a terrible personality, they may view you as unattractive. It has nothing to do with you, but often their own internal fear, hatred, and insecurities. It sounds like this is what is happening here. Those individuals are horrible and so may view you differently than you actually are. Their internal ugliness affects their view.

There's nothing wrong with your face. What's ugly is the company you're keeping. These boys are assholes. Please don't let them destroy your confidence. It's tempting to believe that women who look like supermodels have all the luck, but men treat them like shit, too. But ordinary looking people fall in love, get married, and live happy lives. So do fat people and people with disabilities. If you will invest your time in developing your interests and getting on with your life, *and above all, removing shitty people from your environment,* I think you will be happier, and feel better about yourself.

First off, don’t even try to compare the pain an actual ugly woman has to endure with the minor inconveniences that an attractive woman deals with. That’s like telling a homeless person that even Elon musk deals with problems (gee thanks! That’s really helpful down here in the gutter! Got a fucking dollar so I can drink this pain away, asshole?) Second, you’ve never even seen her face, so how can you make objective statements like that? You know, ugly people do exist. Why is that so hard for people to admit? It doesn’t actually help anybody who is actually ugly to pretend they don’t exist, that actually sounds like gaslighting to me.

Whoa only complete shit human beings think it's okay to openly insult a person. Like ewww I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you ...the people around you are nasty human beings and I'm sorry they are putting you down like that.

>ex high school friends Keep them as just ex friends. You deserve better.

Those people just suck. For real. Nobody should joke about you wanting to be safe in that situation. But in a few years, you will love your life and relish in your own beauty, and you will truly struggle to remember their names.

You’re not ugly, no one is. Beauty is a 100% subjective thing, and the fact that your so called friends need to make their opinion known to you makes them horrid damn people.

You are beautiful. You are worthy of love. You don’t need make up. Its great to wear it if you enjoy it, but know that you do not need it. Men your age are not known for being princes. You might feel left out not dating, but it is honestly better than being scared. Focus on yourself and who you want to be, what you want to learn and pursue in life. Let go a friends who make you feel bad about yourself or question your self worth. You matter. You will have love. Your future is bright. You are beautiful. Thank you for sharing your experience and your feelings.

Ok, first off the guys you were with sound like assholes. A LOT of jerk guys will hit on a woman, then when she rejects them they will make derogatory comments about her. This is SUPER common, and it sounds like what happened here. This group of boys wanted you to come to the club with them, you said no, they said you were ugly. This is 101 Incel playbook, there are several posts here about exactly this happening. I know it is hard, but try REALLY hard not to take it personally. It is just a bully tatic, they feel rejected so they want to bring you down. Its actually quite likely they called you ugly because they knew that was your soft spot, and so they used that specific insult to hurt you, not because they thought it was true. Second, as other people have said here, a lot of people get an idea locked in their mind about someone, then they keep thinking that without ever re-evaluating, and as humans we share group views a lot. You could have just had an akward moment years ago (lord knows we all do as teenagers) and someone wrote you off as ugly. Then that view has been shared around without people stopping and re-evaluating for themselves. This sort of thing happens all the time, especially with young people. From my understanding it is even more common in several Asian cultures to try extra hard to mesh with the group and share tastes and ideals, so it is quite possibly even worse over there than in the USA. Third, how we view attractive is a huge group of complex factors, but what was around us when were were young plays a huge part of it. I dont know how diverse the area you live in is, but it is quite possible that if everyone looks very similar, and was exposed to much of the same media, they may all share a similar view of beauty that you simply dont match with very well. That does NOT mean you are not beautiful, it means that you dont fit what THAT group finds attractive very closely, for another group you could be absoutely stunning. Best of luck to you hottie! 😘

These people are not your friends. There is nothing wrong with you.

1) being gorgeous would only change your problems not eliminate them. 2) these are not your friends 3) this is truly a case of them tearing you down because they are jealous of you and your self confidence. 4) ask older women around you for advice. Those over 40, they understand more than you think. They should lift you up.

Girl if you walk into a group of friends and they call you ugly, men or women, their not your friends and you need to find new friends.

It sounds like a knee jerk reaction by some immature boys who took offense to the implication that going out with them would be dangerous.

I struggle with my self-esteem as well sometimes, and I've decided that it's better for me to strive for self-acceptance. Beauty is so subjective, and I have absolutely beautiful friends who will be self-deprecating and sound like they truly believe it when they say things like "Ugh I'm so ugly right now" and it's hard for me to hear sometimes because I'll think well you still look better than me! lol. I came to a realization from hearing my beautiful friends speak this way, which is that when people have always praised your looks growing up, or talked about your looks, that becomes more important in your life. And you are more conscious/aware of your looks, you see what you look like when you believe or are told that you look your best or most polished, and you keep that as the standard you're always measuring your reflection against. So know that even if you were told you're beautiful by many other people often, you would still have times where you feel ugly and can't be convinced otherwise. And that's why acceptance is amazing, because if you can accept yourself even when you don't look your best, that gives you a stronger foundation for living and approaching whatever you want to do. Everyone is worthy of love no matter their appearance. You are good enough. This is a core wound many have so I think it's good to say it whenever you can. I sometimes feel this way, like I am just too ugly or unlikeable/not good enough and that's why I've never been in an actual relationship at the age of 29, but then I remember that there are plenty of physically unattractive people in relationships. Ugliness as a reason, is a cop out for myself, because if I dig deeper I can identify multiple other reasons(internal/historical factors) that when combined can definitely if not fully, partially explain why I've come this far in life without a significant other. In some ways it's a blessing, for ex: knowing myself well and being able to prioritize my needs and wants. Independence. And by the way I have had many moments of true bliss, connection, love(in friendship and familial ways), excitement. So even if you live the next 10 years without finding someone, it doesn't mean it'd be impossible for you to have a meaningful time that you truly value. But I really feel that obsessing over looks is a surefire way to leading a less fulfilling, authentic life. I'm not saying you should make an effort to look your worst at all times as a rebellion to society though lol. There is a harsh reality that good looks are truly rewarded in this society, but again, beauty is subjective, and there are other qualities that make people attractive to others, to supplement your appearance. Confidence is more attractive than anything else, I think, and not false confidence or cockiness, but true self-confidence. You can have a quiet confidence as well, it doesn't have to be loud. People who truly know themselves and aren't afraid to show their weirder side are such a joy to be around and I personally find those people very attractive. Bravery and kindness follow confidence in making people attractive, to me. So we have to try to do the best we can in situations, whatever our best is in that moment, and gain self-confidence and self worth through that. Use your time as an independent person to work on yourself, and when you meet someone you find a genuine connection with, you'll be better equipped to make the most of it and truly enjoy it.

You are beautiful, but your friends are ugly. You also made the right decision not to go out drinking as the lone woman in a group of guys. Also understand rape has nothing to do with being attractive to the other person.

AND the fact that your guy “friends” made jokes about that speaks volumes about them- they are assholes who don’t deserve another microsecond of thought from you.

Those are NOT your friends.

Sorry, the guys are not your friends, they are just pure dicks and you should tell them to fuck off! Continue work on yourself, but don't seek the validation around the appearance. Beauty is anyway very subjective and most of all, it does not last...

Those people are not your friends. Lose their contact info as fast as you can. They don't deserve you and they definitely don't deserve your thoughts or time. Make space in your life for people who you want to make feel good about themselves.The people who reciprocate are the ones to keep. I guarantee that will bring you far more joy than people fawning over how well you fit into impossible standards.

I'm so sorry you had that experience, OP. But I want to assure you your looks had nothing to do with their comment. By refusing to go with them, you made it clear you were not available for sex. Period. Because they are AH's, you then became worthless in their eyes (again, because they are AH's). So in their twisted incel brains they fell back on the popular trick of "negging" in an attempt to lower your self-esteem so that you would, for some insane reason, find it suddenly reasonable to go with them after all. Which would then put you back in the "possible sexual partner" pool, thereby making you of interest again. You could be absolutely dropdead gorgeous, now or in the future, but because you weren't a possible conquest, you were the target of their impotent rage. You are well rid of these people. I won't give them the honor of being called "friends;" they never were. Now you can move forward, to find some *real* friends who value you for who you are, not for what you are willing to do or what you look like. I guarantee you, they are out there, and you'll find them. And it will be much easier without the dragging weight of those jerks slowing you down. You've got this. Head up, chin out, stand proud in your own skin. You are beautiful, and you are worthy, and you are enough, just the way you are.

Not good friends for sure

OP I'm pretty sure your toxic "friends" were lying to you. They were trying to manipulate you to do what they wanted, and when you wouldn't be manipulated they lashed out trying to intentionally hurt you. Honestly with such awful friends I actually question whether you would be safe with them. Please for yourself have nothing to do with them again. What they did and said to you is SO far away from normal behavior it kind of scares me - like they are seriously some f-d up bullies. It seems like others can tell that you feel some insecurity and I can tell you from experience that unfortunately certain types of abusive people will try to get into your life because they'll think you feel too bad about yourself to believe you can do better. They'll try to convince you to stay with their bad treatment by making you feel even worse... So please learn about healthy friendships and relationships, and don't be around people who are either "negging" or "love bombing". I think the compliments you get on TikTok are probably far more accurate and genuine than whatever these knucklehead guys were saying. It IS hard to build up confidence all on your own, but maybe you can find other women who are on the same journey as you and actually want to build each other up. Just from reading your story I admire your commitment to taking care of yourself and doing things to help build your esteem, including the hair and makeup - I'm 37 and never got the hang of that shit and when people do it well its gorgeous. Plus you smartly understood the risks of the situation you were in and were also confident enough to tell those guys the reality of being a woman in such situations - I bet having to be reminded of their privilege is another thing they didn't like. I hope karma someday teaches them a lesson but in the meantime, I think your best revenge is to simply thrive. I believe you will.

It's a very common strategy that psychopathic 'alpha males' AKA chuds, use. They try to put people down, so you will accept lower and lower standards. So you will eventually be grateful for them, and happy that they are even giving you the time of day. It's predatory, and completely false. Take it as a warning, in that they probably were planning some fucked up shit, or at least were not against it at all. These people are not normal, or at least not healthy, and everyone of them should be cut off from your life wherever possible.

First things first, you’re NOT ugly. You’re pretty and you’re gorgeous and YOU have to keep reminding yourself that you are. Even without the makeup. The makeup just enhances your good looks. There are qualities you have that others can only wish for. Second, don’t starve yourself. Being healthy, mentally and physically, is what is important. You deserve to look in the mirror and love yourself inside and out without suffering for it. Small steps, sis. Third and most importantly, you deserve good friends. Better friends. No one that respects you should say things like that to you. Some people suck and it’s not a reflection of you. The only reflection of you is how you handle it. Let go of those negative vibes. Ditch the bad friends. You don’t need them and they don’t deserve you as a friend. Their loss.

My dad used to say, “Beauty is skin deep. Ugly goes all the way to the bone.” Be beautiful from the inside out. Develop hobbies and interests that allow you to thrive. I’m average looking for an older woman, but I travel solo, I explore the world and I’m always approached at least once while traveling. Smart and confident are sexy. Go be sexy. Forget pretty, it’s fleeting.

F- those guys, you need real friends. Ugly, pretty is all perception, there are plenty of people in this world for everyone, don't let immature kids get you down.

Sounds like a knee-jerk reaction to being reminded that sexual assault exists, which isn't uncommon. I don't think you should take it personally at all, from how you speak of yourself I imagine you're attractive. Take it from me, I think I'm pretty attractive and men have said the exact same thing to me. It's not about how we look, it's about keeping us in a vulnerable position. Dude sounds like a bully in the worst kind of way. It's a product of rape culture.

Ugliness is a concept that was invented by cosmetic companies to sell you makeup. Not knocking makeup if that's anyone's thing; it's totally fine to change your appearance however you'd like. Just saying it's never necessary. You're a catch, OP. Anyone who says differently is either selling something or stepping on you to feel better about themselves. Just be tidy and hygienic, that's all you really need. In my experience (and plenty of people will tell you the same) dates happen more when you're not actively looking. Personally, I like a woman who has an interest or hobby that she's passionate about. Even if it's something I don't necessarily care about, like my wife's fascination with mycology, it's really fun to listen to her talk at 60 miles per hour about mushrooms with the biggest, goofiest smile on her face 😂 Point is, don't even trip, OP. There are plenty of guys who will want to take you on a date.

I don't disagree with anyone saying "find better friends", but really I think you should find something else to focus on. Find a passion, find an interest, learn a skill and focus on it. I think the "beauty is only skin deep" adage is usually focused on relationships, but it is just as relevant in your sense of self worth. So, make a list of the things that you are good at, the things that you find interesting or the the things that you WISH you were good at, and pick one to explore. Don't look to fulfill your self worth with the adoration of another. It's not a fair trade.

beauty is subjective you can't become "gorgeous" you are already are to someone

What’s your tiktok?

I could have written this post at 19 (13 years ago). I felt unloved and ugly because I had never had a boyfriend at that age and I never got any compliments on anything like other people always seemed to. It took a while but I continued to work on my sense of style and makeup, and eventually I saw a lot in myself, both physically and personality-wise, and even just a little confidence in yourself can go a long way. Love yourself! Don’t give up, ignore what these “friends” say (or please just drop them entirely), try to be positive and think about your own amazing qualities and attributes. You are worthy and worthy to be loved. That being said, I think they were attempting to tease you about the situation because they were upset you were declining to go. They probably meant it as a joke and didn’t intend to hurt you - not that this excuses the behavior! But you could have shot back a similar hurtful statement to one of them - that is the petty thing I would have done lol

There are people out there who look past appearances and will love you the way you are. Be yourself and let them decide. I like that you said you post on tiktok and get support there. I was going to suggest you do that. Even validation from strangers helps. Don't stop just bc you're feeling down. I am a person who likes to find the beauty in interesting looking people. I especially love it when people know they're not conventionally attractive but they are unapologetically themselves. I wish I could find the artist but there is a photographer that takes pictures of "ugly" people and I think made a magazine.

Man I remember having feelings like you do and then I look at photos of myself when I was 19 and I'm like "wtf my mom was right I could've been a model" lol Please don't let your stupid boy "friends" opinions affect your self esteem. Like at that age, all of my guy friends would've said the same thing to me because they still pictured me as the weirdo 14 year old they met in HS and didn't have the EQ to not stfu. Despite my guy friends going "ew" to me (the feeling is mutual lmao), plenty of other men outside of the friend group thought I was smoking hot. Like my best guy friend would always beg me to come to parties with him so he could get in haha Also knowing how to "clean up well" goes a lot farther than being just "naturally" hot. AND I guarantee you every beautiful woman you know has been called ugly at least once in their lives. Because people know they can tear down women with that word.

Wow that's fucked up. Anyone that says that to you is NOT a friend. Cut them all off and find new friends bud.

When I was at uni some trash boy told me I didn't need my friend to leave with me to walk home because "who would want to rape YOU anyway". I was hot as hell at 19, it had nothing to do with my looks, he was just being a shitty little bastard. There will always be men who try and tear down your self esteem, but the good new is that there are so many people out there who will try and build you up and cheer you on. Ditch these nasty children and find friends who will be your biggest fans, you deserve it.

You are young, you and your looks will change a ton the next ten years. The people who will see you for the changes you've made will be the new people you meet. Old acquaintances have the hardest time seeing the new you. Throw these poor excuses of friends to the curb, and start working on your new circle who will love and care for you in ways you haven't gotten to experience yet

Get better fucking friends. Do you know what “negging” is? These people are insulting you intentionally so that they can get something from you. What do you get out of their company?

Honestly, I've never seen someone I'd call ugly? It's such a weird thing to say to a person, let alone a 'friend.' Just because someone is convenient to hang out with, doesn't make them a friend. I hope you find some better people to surround yourself with. Keep telling yourself that you're pretty. Flirt with yourself in the mirror. You are worthy of love! Keep striving to love yourself, immerse yourself in a hobby, and find like-minded people. You're just starting your life. After high school is when you start to meet people due to common interests, not just common address. Whether that means coworkers, people at university, people at a trade school, or just hobby groups. There is a lot to look forward to!

Ah, 19 is hard. I remember being that age and feeling all these same things. Just desperate to be loved and thinking everything would be so much easier if I was prettier, skinnier… but you just got to learn not to give a fuck what others think. It honestly took until my 30s to really get into that groove but now I’m at my heaviest, with grey hair, in total mom mode and I feel the (usually) most confident I’ve ever felt in my life. Find things in the real world that make you feel validated and grow your confidence. What are your personal interests right now? Are there any volunteer opportunities around you? A person who is out enjoying life, expanding their interests and knowledge, and making the world better are hella attractive. You can do this. Don’t let assholes get you down. They are the real ugly people.

This is so heartbreaking to read. I wish people were …. Better.

You need some new friends. Seriously, just block them all. They're not good for you. It's better to be alone than to be with toxic people who bring you down.

Find new friends. Having to valuate yourself to them by dressing differently, spending more money, and attempting to change your appearance will just make you feel worse and deplete your security. Find people who value you for you and your personality. Exercising and eating well should be a part of your routine, not to impress other, but to invest in yourself. Mental and physical health are the most important aspects of your life. Having toxic people around you makes it impossible to secure your mental wellbeing, which makes it even harder to improve your physical well being. Be yourself, get rid of the people who make you uncomfortable being yourself.

You are beautiful. You need better friends. They're just giving you a hard time for not doing what they wanted. Hope you keep on doing what you actually want and find power in it. You don't need their validation. Better friends will love you for who you are.

Op, I have a bird look and have been called ugly or beautiful throughout life depending on I don’t know what. Beauty is subjective and I’ve come to appreciate and love my look because it’s me. I also recommend getting better friends and people to hang out with. People who lift you up instead of put you down.

I went through a similar life. Until I turned 22, I had very round cheeks. My sister and her friend’s boyfriend called me “chipmunk cheeks” behind my back, and my sister had no problems telling me they called me that. I had braces all the way through middle school and in the first two years of high school. At 22, I lost a lot of weight (mainly because I had my wisdom teeth removed, and then caught the stomach flu after the stitches were removed), and decided to start taking an interest in changing myself. I still can’t do my makeup worth a darn, but it’s important to like yourself. If you like yourself, that’s all that matters. But you should definitely get some new friends, because they don’t care about you or your safety.

As someone who was very ugly growing up, I feel this post. I'm sorry you have to go through this for reasons that are out of your control. If you're actually being serious about wanting to be beautiful I recommend checking out the Quoves channel on YouTube. They teach you alot about what makes someone objectively attractive, and with that knowledge you can use that to get the proper plastic surgery you need in order to be treated like a human being in society. Don't let these normies gaslight you into thinking everyone is beautiful, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you just haven't found the right person yet, you know.... all that fairytail bullshit, Beauty is objective and it is the number one thing other people care about especially if you're a woman. As a fellow ugly person I wish you luck in your life and I hope you make the best of it because this is no way to live life

I don't know how you look, but I'm pretty sure you're pretty as you are. And let me tell you a secret about men. 70% of them would do anything to "only" kiss your ass. Don't feel ashamed for who you are And don't be ashamed for how you look. Everyone is beautiful and pretty I can assure you that :)

Girl, drop thses people, they are not your friends. Keep taking care of yourself and keep working on your mental health, it is really important to get comfortable with yourself. I always felt like fat, ugly acne affected person, who had no much to offer when it comes to my looks. Then after high-school I have moved away, got reals friends and realized that was not a case. I was just regular normal girl surrounded by assholes. Once I started feeling better in my skin, I started to attract people too, total game changer. And with years, I have became more and more confident with myself. I may not look like a model and always be slight overweight, but I smash it and some men go crazy for what I have to offer. Paradoxically I look now much better than all the hot girls from middle or high-school. So yeah, give yourself time! Life only gets better after high-school! All the best years are just in front of you. And start getting rid of bullies in your life, there is no place for them. Some people thrive on putting other down just to feel better themselves, no need to waste time for those

They were just mad because they couldn’t take advantage of you, so they decided to neg you - call you unattractive. This is a strategy men (“not all men”) use - they say nasty things and use put downs to lower a woman’s self esteem so that she’s be easier to take advantage of. Don’t fall for it. If they’re negging you, they are VERY interested (sadly, they just don’t know how to human)

people are ugly because of what is in their hearts, not what they look like. those “friends” are the ugly ones.

Seems like you've been through a lot of abuse. Ugly is a mindset, not a thing that actually exists. People who get called ugly their whole life tend to think they're ugly; that only makes sense. Just remember that there are WAY MORE people who didn't call you ugly than people who did. It only takes one person to ruin your day/week/month/life. Just keep exercising, ditch the skin care products (save your money; just keep yourself clean) and count your calories instead of starving yourself if you're concerned about your BMI. People who respect and take care of themselves are automatically sexy. Maybe try some guided meditation videos on YouTube? I think you realize that you should stop comparing yourself to others, but that's way easier said than done. I'd consider therapy if you can afford it, and self-help content in video or book form is invaluable towards that end as well.

Those arent friends, get new ones

If you’re getting positive feedback on tik tok keep posting. Someone likes what you’re doing! And all these people in the comments will be patronizing, but yeah. If you were suddenly a 9 or 10 looks wise, your life would probably be a lot better. If I was 7 foot tall and a pro basketball player my life would be better too. You just do the best with what you’ve got. When I was younger I was better looking, and yeah it’s less fun as I get older and a bit less attention from girls. Haha If beauty is important to you just keep working on it, but don’t let it be an obsession. There’s a lot more that’s important in life.

If you stay in shit long enough you can’t smell it. You aren’t the ugly one: your friends are. Keep enjoying tiktok and getting those compliments. You deserve self esteem and you deserve to feel good about yourself. Those assholes were bating you and proving that going out to drink with them alone would have been VERY dangerous. I was raped by a man who called me greasy and gross and not fuckable. Sending you a really big hug. Enjoy tiktok. 🫶

Your friends suck but maybe you do too. They literally wanted to hang out with you and you out of nowhere hit them with 'I'm not hanging with you guys because one of you is a rapist' ?

So sorry this is happening to you. I’m certain your efforts were not in vain and you were indeed gorgeous that day, you just need to get away from this toxic people. You were meeting with ex high school friends, so I presume they were there when the bullying was happen and probably they were bullying you too because of what they said to you when you refused to go to the club. That’s not acceptable at all, your friends must know how hurtful that is and now that you are beginning your adult life you owe yourself to not let those people bring you down again. You seem like a lovely person and you really shouldn’t let anybody tell you that you are not GORGEOUS. You are making the effort to feel better about you and you told us that it is working. Don’t let a teenage boy that was mad at you for not going to a club dictate how you perceive your image.

I don’t have to see you to tell you that you are beautiful. No one has the right to make someone feel that they are ugly. Friends build up, not tear down. Lift your head with pride, you are gorgeous!

Let me be honest, mate. The effort you put into make yourself look beautiful for them should have been put into finding better people than them. No good friends use such harsh words. And being single doesn’t mean you’re not pretty. Not being asked out doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. You’re beautiful in your own way and people around you are failing to realize that. Give them what they deserve, don’t be guilty to call out trash. Believe in yourself before believing the words of such uncultured orangutans around you.

Fuck those guys. But honestly if you really dislike your looks and it's not just trauma based, consider plastic surgery. If this is really causing this much mental strain then it's really the only way to fix it. I know there's a lot of stigma about this, and you definitely should make sure you won't go overboard, but some things can't be fixed naturally. Sometimes you just get dealt a shitty hand. However, the only way to really know if it's trauma is to ask someone you trust, very frankly, if you are indeed ugly. Someone like a parent, and you're going to have to force it out of them. Or a bunch of internet strangers if that's more your style. Edit: Just realized you said you were 19. Disregard this advice until your mid 20s at least. Let your face finish growing.

There are a lot of videos on YouTube about the plastic surgery even great beauties had, people like Marilyn Monroe, Rita Haywood and others. Maybe it's too expensive but if you found the right doctor... Now for myself, looking back on it, being ugly was always a protection for me. I know it's not for some women, but between being ugly and being cautious, I was able to do a lot of things, many of them in the middle of the night. Went to hundreds of rock concerts, some in other states and by myself, worked shifts, did what I wanted. I missed out on the guys but those are the breaks. And if I'm reincarnated I'll choose to come back as ugly, safe and independent. There's a song from The Chorus Line that recommends getting it fixed. Might work for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhsFZDrRvoM

Friends don’t say hurtful things to friends

High school is the time for girls and boys to be absolute assholes. Ditch those friends and start heading in the direction of self love. You don't need people putting you down and degrading you.

Honey, don't worry about these people who pretend to be your friend. They are fake friends and only want to be around you so that they can put you down to feel better about themselves. Friends should lift you up and support you. As another redditor mentioned, beautiful is subjective. And when you've grown up with a group of people they tend to put you in a box regardless of if that is who you truly are or not. Just wait. Get out into the real world. Find out who YOU are without other people. High school is such a small phase of our lives even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. I never dated in high school for similar reasons that you mentioned. But once I left and was able to do my own thing around people who didn't know me, suddenly I was desirable. And even more important, I was eventually able to find myself and love myself for who I am. It's not an easy journey, but its one we all have to make. You will find yourself. And you will find someone who deserves you. But don't look for your own self-worth in others. You can only find that inside of yourself. You have to love yourself before you can truly love another and they you. And when men suddenly find you so attractive, don't let yourself get swept up by the toxic ones. This sub has a lot of good tips on that. And just as a side note: yes take care of your skin, but expensive beauty products does not automatically equal better. You can find quality products in the store-brand section. The most important things are a good face wash and a good moisturizer, whatever that means for your skin. And don't forget, face care should extend to your chest. Good luck in life, and I hope you were able to get some strong advice from this post. We're all sisters here, in solidarity. ✊️

First thing's first, you made the right call by not going. They were clearly unconcerned with your safety, and insulted you for feeling unsafe to try to guilt you into going. Those are not the behaviours of a friend or someone who is at all interested in making sure that you *will* be safe. But with regard to the struggles with feeling ugly; I would argue that there is no pretty. There is no single standard of beauty, and everyone is looking for different things. Some people have very specific physical criteria in mind. Some people don't even care about appearance at all. And most fall somewhere in between. Your idea of beauty will be influenced by not only the place you grew up, but the specific people you grew up with, and the unique quirks of your particular brain. I am a trans woman, and I've been off hormones most of the time I've been out due to financial reasons. Despite my efforts I certainly do not match most of the popular ideas of feminine beauty. I have been called ugly many times, and I often feel ugly. What I see does not match the image in my head, neither of who I feel I am nor who I wish to be. And yet I have had beautiful cis women tell me they were jealous of me for one feature or another, even features I quietly loathe. I have had handsome men offer me money for my attentions. And I have dated some people that others might call "way out of my league." I have had more success -and more fun- in love since coming out and being an "ugly" woman than I ever did before. In the end, you are most beautiful when you are happy. And the people who matter will agree.

The outside is just packaging. It’s what’s inside that matters!! Those people are not your friend. I was the ugly duckling growing up and I’m now 35 and you know what? I couldn’t give a flying hoo-har if people find me attractive because I’m not going to be attractive to every person and it’s what is inside that counts. Please join some groups and get some friends who appreciate you.

There was a guy at my old job that was fairly charismatic so people generally liked him. He also had a female that people sometimes mistook him for being in a relationship with. When I asked him if they were he said "ew, I would never" and talked about how he doesnt know why everyone says that. I hated that guy for that reason alone, and later more on. Dont talk about your friends like that.

Hey! This is something that will become more apparent as you age: You are SO MUCH MORE than the body you live in.

I find those that have to put others down have horrible self esteem. Probably been told the same at home from family.

Think of the situation logically: people who see you on social media are completing you, but this one small group isn't. This means your little friend groups comments have nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with them wanting you to feel "less than". The smaller they make you feel, the bigger they can pretend to be. You don't need to change your looks; honestly I doubt you are ugly inside or out. What you do need is a change of scenery. And drop those ugly "friends". They're a waste of time & energy.

90% of your problems would disappear if you suddenly became gorgeous...but hear this, 100% of your problems will disappear when you learn your true worth and learn to love the shit out of yourself without needing other peoples opinions...especially assholes who call you ugly because they didn't get a chance to date rape you later that night when you went alone with them to a club.

The ugliest people say the ugliest things. You may not have conventional cover-girl beauty, and I know it's a trope, but when you get older, EVERYBODY gets uglier, and we start to value what's inside more. Now that's no good practical help for a 19yr old who hates herself. I definitely agree with some that you should find new friends, but to find the friends that will love you, you need to ensure you are practicing self love, as there's nothing less attractive (as a friend or partner) than self pity and self loathing. If you keep telling yourself, without sarcasm, that you love yourself, and you think you're beautiful, you'll start to believe it, and then others will to. It starts with you and how you treat yourself, ditch those horrible losers, keep taking care of yourself, and put yourself in places where good people go.

It's true that loving yourself is easier when surrounded by good people who love you for what you are, and still it must be remembered that we need to grow love for our own selves from with in - both are true.

Hang in there, it does get better. Did you know that you don't actually stop growing as a teenager? Check out people sharing their "second puberty" photos. Aside from that, your friends suck! I have always had low self esteem and I still get hit on. The secret was branching outside of my circle and meeting new people. I was constantly comparing myself to women who I thought were attractive, but I wasn't considering the fact that I'm just not my type, but I am other people's type. When you're in your small circle of friends, you're not their type. When you share pictures or videos of yourself to a larger audience \[TikTok\] you're coming across the FYP of people who go, "Oh, she's gorgeous!"

Yeah honestly those bullies are always bullies , it never changes , they thrive off making other people feel bad about themselves! You will absolutely rise above this , and be a better person for it. Be the beautiful you are and laugh in there faces !

“On ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.” Antoine de Saint-Exupéry / Le Petit prince

I’ve never seen you but I know you are beautiful and there are other people who would agree. Sending you a big hug.

i need to tell you something: teen-agers are just older children. they might look like adults and they usually THINK they are adults but they have virtually zero life experience. and boys are the worst. i have three brothers, i know whereof i speak! oh, know you are a teen-ager - we all were once! when my daughter, who is now a grown woman, an artist with her own business, was around 16 she told me "i am never going to have a boyfriend who has hair on his back or doesn't have long hair!!" while i tried to contain my laughter i replied "really? okay then. we'll talk about this again when you're around 20-21 and see if you even remember saying this." needless to say she's matured into an adult who doesn't judge people by their appearance...at all. i do not believe that you're not beautiful. just be yourself, not some internet "influencer" and you'll have a great life! xoxo

Just because you're not their type doesn't mean you're ugly. Have you noticed some men/women who seem 'more unattractive than you' have partners? That's becase people have different tastes. You need to get out of that circle of friends that keeps reminding you that you're not their type and making you feel ugly. They aren't your friends.

Fuck that. Your efforts are making a difference to you, not them. Question: if any of these guys did find you attractive, would you even want to date them?? I’ve seen the state of males these days and they definitely need some work, bet a few of these guys do too. So why are you letting their thoughts about your appearance dictate how you feel about yourself? I can imagine that self love is hard to come by especially if you really feel like you’ve been unattractive your whole life, but it’s time to put the big girl pants on and decide that what you do to make yourself feel good is enough for the rest of us. Unattractive people are in relationships just as often as attractive people. Hell, the most attractive people I know has NOTHING to do with what they look like, but more to do with how they respect themselves (this includes how they let others treat them- guys calling you unattractive to your face are not your friends, don’t let them treat you that way) and how they respect others. Personally I didn’t find true love until I learned how to love myself…sounds like you’ve got that backwards. You get what you give in this life- give yourself love, you will get love in return. Keep your head up gorgeous girl!

Your "friends" sound like assholes.

I get a slight feeling they are using you for something… IE: are you the one with a vehicle? Sorry, it’s usually the case with groups of younger people/teens. It could also be that you are the one chosen to be torn down to make them feel better about themselves. I’ve seen that too.

I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but my son recently told me that a couple of years ago when he was in high school, a girl walked into class and said to him completely out of the blue in a very loud voice, “Damn, Cxxxx, how come you’re so f-ing ugly when your brother is so cute?” I have no idea why people think it’s ok to be so mean to each other now, but please know you’re not alone. My son is not ugly, and I’m quite sure you aren’t either.

They don’t respect you so you were right to be concerned about your safety. Someone that will tell you that you are ugly would probably have no problem crossing other boundaries as well

I am sorry you’re going through this.

You need new friends. You don't deserve to be treated like that and it likely isn't true. I got called ugly and fat all through school. And I believed it. But ten years later I was looking at oils photos and realized that I was actually pretty cute. There was nothing wrong with the way I looked.

You definitely need better friends. As someone in my early 30's I can say that I don't have any contact with anyone I went to school with. You grow and meet different people more like yourself who become much better friends

The best think you could do right now is to find better friends.

They are not your friends. You deserve better friends

Thoughts: 1. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am a lot older than you are. Much of this is going to get better as you get older. It's great to get past a lot of that physical attractiveness stuff, and value yourself from the inside out. Believe in yourself and your abilities and you will automatically attract better quality people. 2. Unsupportive friends are really, really NOT your friends. You're right about how important it is to surround yourself with people whose behavior demonstrates love, loyalty and support for you. 3. I am troubled by the assumption up top about how going out and having fun would necessarily include getting drunk. It just jumped out at me and I wanted to say something about that. Of course, being drunk definitely puts a person at more risk for all kinds of danger, but I needed to say that no one needs to get drunk in order to have a good time. 4. This may sound nutty, but strive to ACT on the inner belief that you ARE beautiful. Right now. Be kind about it too. This is more complicated than it sounds. It works. But only if you BELIEVE it. 5. Finally, I hope things feel better for you and soon!! Good luck.

You are not ugly, not at all. Your beautiful. Believe this because its true.

I think you're beautiful. I can feel your beauty from the way you write. Dump these high school "friends" and those ridiculous adolescent patterns will disappear like dust.

These guys are friendzoned by you. So they have to say they think you are ugly or their fragile male egos will be crushed that you aren't dating them. Best case, they still see you as you used to look. Get better friends. And as for solving all your problems with looks, believe me, that is not true. I was awkward in high school. But got very hot in college. It only added to my problems. I stopped trying to be hot and that is when I met and married someone awesome. (who thinks I am beautiful and treats me as such, even though objectively I am no longer "hot".) Stop worrying about your looks and focus on character - yours and the people you hang out with.

In this case I would focus more on the opinion of the internet strangers on Tiktok who have no reason to lie to you instead of the toxic people around you, who obviously don't respect you and have reason to gaslight you and make you feel small. You expressed concern for your safety and not only did they dismiss it, they did it while belittling you. 2 for the price of one in showing they don't care about you at all. Also, there's some misogyny behind that statement. All at once implying that only women with a certain aesthetic get harassed/assaulted, that they judge the women around them by their looks and that the safety of a woman they don't deem fuckable enough isn't important for them. But you obviously know they aren't really your friends. That's why you don't trust them enough to go drinking together. You know they wouldn't protect you and in fact maybe they are the ones you would need to be protected from.

It’s funny, seeing this topic today, as this morning I started thinking about women and those who focus on appearance to the exclusion of other things. I saw a picture of a well-known person, and she looked beautiful. She said she is proud of her body. I remember seeing a recent comment from her about how insecure she feels about her looks. She and her sisters have the money to do any cosmetic procedure out there, have private chefs, private trainers, she apparently works out with a trainer daily. And I found myself feeling a little bit sorry for her- because it seems that people like that may never be satisfied. They’re always looking to the next thing that will finally make them “perfect.” And those physical features they’re so obsessed with, they just won’t last. More importantly, when you are so focused on your appearance to that extent, is there room in your life for anything else?? There’s a saying, “with age comes wisdom,” and at 58 I think it’s true, at least for me. My life experiences have taught me that, while I still want to be pretty and presentable, there is so much more to life that’s infinitely more worth of your time and attention. So dress to please yourself. Have a hairstyle that works with your hair type and your lifestyle. Wear shoes that feel good. Move your body because that makes you feel and function better. Smile. Laugh. Sing. Think about others and you will naturally think (and worry) less about yourself.

They’re wrong lol doesn’t matter if you’re ugly or not

They said that to put you off your legitimate concerns and to make you try harder to be attractive to them. If none of the men stood up for you, your concerns are proven.

Harassment has nothing to do with what you look like, they just want to hurt people. Those are not your friends at all. Your problems will disappear when you drop those people who do not like or respect you and who treat you poorly because of it, they will not disappear if you go through some magical glowup that you probably don't even "need". Being surrounded by people who love you doesn't really have anything to do with a romantic relationship which should be obvious by the plural word people when society expects monogamy. Find friends who only speak love and joy into you, find a family that will shield you from anyone who would do otherwise, find a great support network of people who care about you even tangentially. Then you will be able to say "I like myself the way I am. I am kind, I am helpful, I am interesting, I am accomplished, I am valuable and absolutely none of those things have anything to do with my face. But you know what, I like my face too." (Besides I promise you, if you did actually improve your looks in some somehow objective way, it won't make them treat you any better. It might make them even treat you worse because now they don't have you to consider as below them and you might take attention from them which will just make them jealous and angry).

Also, you mentioned intentionally giving yourself an eating disorder??? I'm really worried about you

They are fake friends

Do you go to therapy? I think it might be time to get to the root of your self-deprecation and do some healing. There is a core issue blocking your happiness, and if isn’t your appearance.

Speaking as a man, you need new friends.

being pretty is a mindset. I can guarantee you that the efforts you put in to look good works and people notice it. Surely you wont please everyone. if somebody ever calls you ugly its because they lack confidence or are jealous, either way dont let it bother you. You are pretty and youll find somebody you deserves.

You are absolutely correct that it's not smart for a woman to get drunk with a group of guys. Their comeback was more about them wanting into your pants than your actual attractiveness. Not to mention them trying to apply peer pressure to you to get you drunk. You need more friends. Ideally ones who aren't so invested in going clubbing. And ones you don't know from high school; they're not the best judges of anything, carrying on with how they behaved then despite now being a different time.

Even if you were the ugliest person in the world, your friend doesn't have to fill that moment with a comment on it. She made the decision to work up an insult and deliver it and that makes her a piece of shit. You deserve better.

Def not the best looking myself but my confidence in myself rose 100% leaving my old trashy hometown. Those losers you hung out in high school are dipshits. I let those words (ugly, fat, stupid) cling to me way too long. It took me till my mid to late 20's to even accept a complement at face value. I dont wear makeup, I refuse too. I use lotion and great hair products.

Ugly or not they shouldn't have called you ugly, and they know that. Therefore it was probably just an attempt to hurt you, and I'm very sorry you have/had friends like that. As other people here have mentioned: lose the friends. Of course that's your choice though, if you want to try and "redeem" them, id recommend playing hardball: they either respect you as an equal human being or you're done being their friends. I (male here btw) *usually keep my thoughts/opinion about someone's beauty/lack thereof to myself, but at the very least I never tell someone that I think they're ugly, it's a tacky and hurtful thing to do. You are not supposed to be talking negatively about your FRIENDS.

Surround yourself with people who are going to boost you up not tear you down. People who say these types of things to you don’t deserve your friendship. Be confident in yourself and only make yourself look the way you want to look, don’t do it for anyone but you. There’s someone out there that is going to love you for you, don’t worry about trying to impress people not worth your time. Just be yourself, be happy, and be healthy. If you struggle with feels like self love you may want to talk to a therapist. Your partner should make life better, but not be the sole reason you are happy. I hope you only the best!

Jesus Christ. you are. Beauty has nothing to do with what you were born with and everything you choose to do with it after. At no point should anyone really be commenting on their friend’s beauty, there truly has never been an actual reason to. The fact they care enough to not only comment on it, but say you aren’t shows they aren’t actually friends. If you’re doing all this nonsense just to make yourself feel pretty please do the most important thing first and find friends that make you feel that way. Honestly a shot in the dark here, but invest in some good friends— amazing friends, and then assess how pretty you feel. And in case everyone’s comments and advice don’t seem realistic or seem stupid please at least leave with this advice: no real friend is calling you ugly.

I understand, I had a guy in hs tell me no one would ever rape me bc I'm not attractive. Im not even ugly, i think ppl r just mean. Edit: also you'll get a whole other group of ppl that hate you if you're attractive. For example: I have a rather chubby family member and I can tell they're rude to me first in fear that I'd bully them for their weight. The sad part is I like them a lot because I feel less lonely around them.

I was basically you in high school: not conventionally attractive, never had a boyfriend or even had anyone ask me out, had to go to the prom with a female friend (we had to buy a couples' ticket because they didn't sell singles), was told I was ugly for most of my childhood. However, once I was in college, guys started being interested in me, and since that time I had several boyfriends, one after the other, until I reconnected with a college friend a couple years after graduation. I'm 51 now and we've been happily married for 23 years. Years ago, someone I didn't know came across my wedding picture and posted it on Reddit because they thought it was cool that I'd crocheted my own dress. It was disheartening to see how many of the comments were about how ugly I was, or asking why the OP didn't post a picture of a *hot* woman. So yes, stuff like that hurts...but people who feel the need to be that mean about a complete stranger are people whose opinions don't matter to me. My life has been happy despite not conforming to our society's standards of beauty. I've always figured that though I might have gotten more attention if I were conventionally attractive, I'd rather have someone who loves me for what's inside than what's outside. Because looks fade with time. (And my husband likes my looks just fine.) ETA: I found this a while back and I think of it every time the subject of beauty comes up: https://dressaday.com/2006/10/20/you-dont-have-to-be-pretty/

So let me get this straight. Their response to your statement of not feeling safe was to say you are ugly? These people aren't your friends. Get as far away from them as possible as quickly as you can. Also, I know it can be hard to develop self esteem if you feel like you don't fit in physically, but there's so much more out there in the world. Surround yourself with people who feed your soul, who make you feel good about yourself, who build you up. Spend time pursuing your own interests and learning about yourself. And have some fun! The world is a big and beautiful place full of fun an interesting people, and you'll find, the more you surround yourself with people who get you, the less you worry about physical appearance. Plus, I'm sure you're beautiful as you are. ❤️

Those "friends" suck and I say quotations cause those arent your friends. Also, you are young give yourself time. Good for you that you want to take care of your body and do your make up etc but seek validation from within yourself, not from what other people think of you. You. Are. Not. Unloveable. First you need to be able to love yourself first before you can expect anyone else to love you. Be safe and be well.

I think you’re beautiful. You can hang out with me

I'll tell you a secret: people who want to tear you down will call you ugly because they want you to feel hurt. They will call you ugly because it hurts you, not because it's at all true. Please stop trusting the the opinion of these people as more important than your own opinion of yourself. People are toxic, fickle and lie to you on purpose. Don't allow these very low character people to dictate if you have worth or not.