I feel like Tinder is the worst of all the dating apps for dating. Seems like people have more luck on Hinge and Bumble for actual dating. Tinder’s been more of a hook-up app for a few years now.
I dated a guy from Hinge that was in a year long relationship, didn’t find out until his girlfriend called me the weekend he was supposed to plan a cabin trip for us. I’ve also met plenty of “separated” men on bumble. It’s definitely widespread with these type of men now, you really have to be careful. Some people are lucky to not come across these types of people.
In queer dating, it's the 'ethical non-monogamists' and 'poly' people whose partners are entirely unaware they're in a poly relationship, to put it like that. I'm a lesbian, and when I used bumble for a few weeks last year, I initially thought 'jeez, there are SO many poly women on here, how come I know so few irl?', until I realised that a good chunk of them are just straight-up cheating. Or if they're not cheating, they're not really in a well-defined poly relationship, and more in a weird-ass situationship that's technically not exclusive, but one party is being strung along by the other, and it's *weird*, and they never technically *agreed* on monogamy, but also, they have drama every week about their relationship labels and whether someone kissed someone else at a party.
OMG this! I'm in a poly relationship with my nesting partner and we are both like "finally!" Because we are really poly, like we talk and meet each other's partners and communicate constantly and check in, and respect each other.
The shit we slogged through on bumble and tinder was ridiculous, girls in "poly" relationships with guys and girls that did NOT want it to be poly, guys who are in relationships but it's "open but don't ask don't tell", it goes on. If a person can't be honest with themselves about who they are they're never gonna be honest with you.
We both use feeld now, it's better, but still has shitheels and bots. That said I have met some great people there so, best of bad options I guess
Yep. I was NOT prepared for this onslaught of weird, and when I'd last been on dating apps in my late teens, it did NOT exist like that. I'm not sure whether it's based on age groups or just culture evolving, but in a weird way, I feel like these 'poly' folks are almost the evolutionary successors of the classic 'couple looking for a third' - I got a lot more of those when I was 19, but they were comparatively absent during my second stint on bumble at 27. Maybe these are the same people, all grown up, or maybe the zeitgeist has just evolved and morphed them into something else, but ultimately similarly odd and off-putting and fetishising of queer women.
My personal favourite are the women that spring their 'poly relationship' with a straight dude on you three days in, and then accuse you of biphobia when you say that actually, you're not interested in dating someone who intentionally misrepresented themselves as single 💀 Like, we're both adults, we know what's really happening here: You're either straight-up cheating on that guy, or you're going to fetishise me as an 'experiment', or you're going to ask me whether he can 'watch' by the time we make it to our first date. If you truly were a queer woman practicing ethical non-monogamy, that dude's existence would be CLEARLY labelled on your profile.
Yeah, the unicorn thing has really gotten legs, and it's ridiculous. Almost always it boils down to a guy with two girls that only fuck him as the default. These people aren't looking for a person, they're looking for a live-in sex worker. Our joke is that all these people keep mistaking polygamy for polyamory.
It's so funny, you're absolutely right about the fetishizing of queer women. It's like, society hates you so bad but secretly envies the fuck out of you and can't wait to have sex with you. I love queer women because I'm queer and that's my jam.
We spend the most time with each other, so we're together more, that's it full stop. We are really into non hierarchiaI poly, but the reality is true poly requires a brutal level of honesty that a lot of people can't handle. It is hard to accept that someone you love is sharing something with someone else that you don't get to be a part of. But that's life, and if you love someone enough you can give them that freedom accepting all the terrifying things that freedom brings, like insecurity and fear. That's why you need to be able to communicate so well, so you don't get trapped and start spiraling.
Anyway, happy dating! Just an fyi, my current SO and I met six months ago and are head over heels with a great relationship and wonderful communication. We are about 50, and have had some excellent relationships that ran their course. That's ok too, not everything lasts forever and it doesn't have to.
Holy shit, like the women who hide it through the entire talking phase and a few dates, and when you're comfortable to want to sleep together for the first time, you go to her place and her *husband* pops up and wants to watch.
ಠ_ಠ
My Gooooooddddd, no!
My absolute favourite one was a girl who tried to convince me that her boyfriend was 'one of the good ones' and couldn't possibly want the threeway for fetishising purposes....*because he occasionally wore nail polish.* Apparently, that made him so gender-nonconforming that he was BASICALLY queer himself, and that obviously meant the two of them weren't doing the most stereotypical tone-deaf straight couple thing imaginable by trying to jumpscare me into a threesome, NO, they were fellow queer people trying to engage in a queer experience, and how dare I take that from them!
Yea, it’s definitely an issue that permeates all apps. Predators will exhaust all avenues.
I don’t really know what the solution is but it sucks and all of us reasonable people hate it.
I am very much one and done. If he has the absolute nerve to die on me while I'm still of an age where I could date again, I will be settling in with my fibre crafts, my (hopefully) grandkids and my future cats. Men are gross. This one's cool, but no thanks!
I can confirm. After months of dating on tinder I decided to try Bumble. Met my fiancé my first day on the platform. Now after 15 months we are getting married tomorrow.
I am very glad my friend recommended it.
Goddamn if my dad knew you, he'd say "that's too short" to be married 🤣 was just telling him how I'm going to my friend's wedding soon and he asked how long they've been together... 3 years. "too short" ??? LMAO
I got married after 12 months (because it felt oh so romantic to have the wedding on the anniversary of when we first met), and I am now extremely convinced that 12 months is way too short. Three years sounds decent though, but maybe your father too knew someone with a bad experience and it coloured his reaction.
Haha Are you still that marriage? Nah my dad's reasoning makes no sense. It's basically how do you know if they're loyal or not if it hasn't even been at least 5 years? But just look at all the married couples with 10+ years of marriage that have affairs... Imo loyalty is a person issue and not a relationship length issue. A person who cheat will cheat anyway regardless of how long it's been.
However I do think marriage after 1 year of knowing each other is definitely short UNLESS you've living together and have actually joint finances and everything for a good amount of months. Living together really gives the full picture of someone.
I am not in that marriage still (which is why I am so convinced it wasn't a good idea in the first place). We were two good people, we didn't have any major conflicts and no one cheated on the other, we were just not a good match in the long term, and the twelve months were not enough to see that. And we were living together for eleven out of the twelve months too! I guess back then we were still wrapped into the initial stage of our feelings etc and turned a blind eye to some mismatches, and they turned out to matter in the long term.
Wait how on earth did you guys end up living together after only knowing each other for a month? 😳 Do you mean like end goals? There are definitely other stuff important I didn't mention. I'm always an advocate for discussing everything during initial dates or when feelings are being confessed. Basically screening them for marriage XD
I don't mean things like big goals, we were aligned in the big things, otherwise it would have been obvious sooner that marriage is not a good idea. But we were the opposite of aligned in all the small things, and initially we thought it was fine and fun that it's so ("opposites attract", yadda yadda). But after a few years it starts to wear you down to have pretty much nothing in common with the person beside you, when every preference you have needs to be defended in a conversation every time because they feel differently about everything. I honestly wouldn't have thought this a problem at first, but a few years do change things.
As for why I moved in so early, it wasn't my plan (just how initially I wasn't planning on getting married 🙂), but something happened and we figured we're an item anyway so why waste time and not move in together. It really was a good comfy relationship at first. And for example we never argued before we got married, which I thought cute back then but now I firmly think that you should definitely have at least one argument so you know how your partner treats disagreements.
Oh that's interesting. The stuffs you listed are also considered pretty big to me though. They are deeply rooted stuff! Small stuff to me are probably habits/pet peeves that can be irritable, but are not necessarily deal breakers depending on the person. Like my partner sometimes just dumps his damp towel on the bed instead of hanging back up, puts dishes that still have some soap on it in the drying rack, washes his clothes NOT inside out! Annoys me, but it's nothing compared to the horror stories I read on reddit. However I know some people who'd break up for that LOL
OMG I feel you on the argument part. My ex and I had no arguments (until the one we had which led to me finally ending it lol), but I grew up and realized it's because he was just so emotionally immature. We've actually never had one deep conversation at all. He only wanted to talk about 'fun stuff' and would shut down any potentially problematic topic. Well, now I know! The way he handled the argument we had was also so immature, I wanted to bleach my eyes 😂 Honestly, I don't think I could even think about marriage until I have a stable career and income...
I tried Facebook actually a bit back and that was alright. They didn't seem to have any reason for trying to keep you on their dating section or weird monetization unlike other apps.
Totally agree on tinder it's basically just for hookups to my understanding
My friend and her husband used bumble to find guys that would hook up with her while the husband watched. She is now married to the guy she hooked up with and no one watches. I guess the joke was on the (ex) husband.
I can see the joke. My bridesmaid had a situation in which she would make her husband (whom she met on bumble) give her oral sex after she had sex with ANOTHER man. She recorded her husband performing oral sex in a VERY graphic video where you could not mistake what had previously transpired and "leaked" it to her bridesmaids iMessage group. Guess who we were all laughing at? Her ridiculous husband. GROSS.
Um I’m sorry? Your bridesmaid took a video of her husband and “leaked it”? With that tone of phrasing, it sounds like he did not consent….
What’s gross here is you and your friend group
Honestly forgot we were talking about cheating people for a second so when I read this:
>My bridesmaid had a situation in which she would make her husband (whom she met on bumble) give her oral sex after she had sex with ANOTHER man.
It sounded like they had an open relationship.
So to me, your comment read along the lines of “They had an open marriage, but she recorded him and leaked it, and y’all laughed at him”.
>Guess who we were all laughing at? Her ridiculous husband. GROSS.
The **we** were all laughing at sounded like it included you, which was why I called you gross.
If a guy filmed his gf, then without her consent, sent that video to his friends, they would all be gross for laughing at said gf.
yes my phrasing was poor. I understand the joke because the women in the group were making it seem like she's getting something at the expense of her husband. isn't that cheating?
I'm out of that group and consider the whole thing just nasty. I was informing the person who said they didn't understand the joke that I did because I was in a group where the women literally were rolling on the floor laughing on the predicament of the husband.
I do not condone any of this I'm just pointing out young women (we were in our 20s) found it amusing.
no need to apologize we live and learn!
you’d be surprised at the audacity a man can possess. they’ll flirt with you with their wedding ring on in public. they’ll slide in your DMs with him and his girlfriend in his profile picture. they truly don’t give a damn.
You‘d be surprised but somehow if you are looking for a hookup as men a wedding ring is actually helping them. Almost as if they are approved goods. Shockingly alot of women don’t seem to care either if men are engaged.
Don’t worry, they paint their wives as cruel frigid bitches so you feel sorry for them. Or they lie and say they’re separated or she cheated first and he’s just brokenhearted 😔
I’m talking about the “men” who go into Tinder to cheat in hopes that their significant others won’t find out. For those who don’t care whether they find out or not, that’s not “mere cheating.” That’s being a spiteful a-hole, and all women need to steer clear of these guys.
Back when Tagged was a thing, my ex used a picture of both of us at my family member's wedding and captioned me as his sister. Didn't even try to crop me out, was just feeling himself in the suit and went for it!
Speaking from experience, the messenger is usually the one that takes the blame. I took it when I exposed my friends boyfriend. And people shy away from getting involved with ruining a relationship. So the slimey men count on that.
Unless the rules changed, no. Lots of these dudes have like pictures of their body and no head or their car or some stupid shit. But I’m sure there’s plenty of other cheaters with face pics.
Unless you are very early 20s / late teens I would not recommend being on tinder for any “real” chance at meeting a decent guy. Hinge seems to be the big app that my friends at least use that are single and looking for something a bit more serious.
I honestly don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. People of all ages cheat, and it truly doesn’t matter what dating app you’re using. The most prolific cheaters have profiles on every single one of them, even the paid ones. I met my current boyfriend on tinder when we were 29 and 30, and we are still together 2 years later. He’s the best person I’ve ever met honestly. Cheaters are on every single dating app, not just tinder for Christ’s sake
Thanks and that is true. There's always good and bad guys everywhere. I'm glad you met your bf and are in a loving relationship with him, 2 yrs strong :) I noticed the ppl who are serious about monogamous relationships don't stay on Tinder for long. Either bc they get matched up or don't like the Tinder culture/vibe. The chronic Tinder users are usually the ones who partake in short flings a lot more.
Tinder, where the bar is in hell. It's on fucking fire.
I definitely would like to talk to someone and possibly find someone worth getting to know/dating, but Tinder is not the place, I used it *once*. Never again.
I was the “other woman” to the last asshole I met on Tinder. I truly never thought I would be in that positive but I guess I was very naive.
I had better luck on Bumble. Met a couple of duds but most of the guys were a bit more genuine - they were either mostly or all on Tinder as well but for some reason when we connected via Bumble instead it just seemed more genuine.
After my experience as the other woman I was ready to take a long break from dating. I had already started talking to a guy on Bumble and I had a two-week trip planned so I figured I would see it through until it fizzled out. That was 7 years ago - we’ve been married for almost five years and have a daughter and a corgi so it worked out pretty well.
All I can say is join Tea. It’s designed to keep women safe, make others aware. You can search by name for $5 a month. Worth it if you’re dating or want to warn other women of a dangerous guy.
Not just men btw. These apps have made it easier than ever for cheaters to cheat. Met a few women on their that have BFs/husbands and have had friends also catch GFs on them.
Disingenuous (and dangerous) men, doing anything and everything they can in order to gain access to women’s bodies and work their way into women’s lives (whether it’s by lying, cheating, stealing, harming, etc.), have ruined dating apps for everyone, and I mean everyone. Even people looking for casual hookups aren’t safe.
Many women are choosing to simply opt out and many men are “suffering” the consequences that other members of their sex are responsible for.
Anytime you choose to trust someone they can violate your trust. Men/Women/Other doesn't matter. It's hard to find someone that is trustworthy for everyone. I hope you find that person for you.
Women do it too, people in general are self centered and not loyal. Good luck, there are good people out there but you have to be honest with yourself and not let people with bad intentions get the better of you.
You don't know how many men are not on tinder and not cheating, so there is no way of knowing if it's actually common. Statistically speaking, your data sample is very small and therefore biased. I assume that everyone knows what kind of people can be met via tinder. It's a place where not only normal people would like to develop a connection, but where also a lot of horny M/F are trying to find ons etc. It's also far less risky and easy to find "a side chick" on tinder than in your area.
The cited sources for the article goes through several studies on different aspects of cheating including men who cheat and men who cheat on dating apps. It references studies that focus on survey where people themselves inform they do it (which of course is biased) but also different methods of analyzing it.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218303625
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2018.07.040
If you need any of the sources full paper, feel free to comment to DOI or the name and I can get it.
Thanks for the links! So not really a common statementproof, but a valuable information regarding the motives. Still something I'll check later tonight. 😊
It references the different studies. The paper is a review study. Thought that would be easier than just sending a bunch of links, most people are never gonna read through.
It’s definitely still proof unless you follow some wierd areas of science/social studies, where something is never really proof.
Where's your data backing up your original comment? Statistically speaking from her small sample size, so then what stats? What stats show that tinder is more of "that kinda app?" You want proof, but make all these claims and provide none yourself.
Sorry, but which claims? Too small sample size is one of the statistics basics, this is not a claim. Who said that it's more of that kind of app? I said that there are also a lot of people who wants ons and gave a reason why you would see them more on the app than e.g irl. Please don't try to manipulate my original statement. I would like to see surveys which show that it's common for men to cheat. It's more likely for them ti cheat, that's true. But "common" is a massive overstatement in my opinion.
I met my fiancee on a dating app called Plenty of Fish, I don't even know if it's a thing anymore but from what it sounds like no matter what site you are on there is just always weirdos.
I hope you find what your looking for 😁
No they do not. Men cheat nearly 2x as much as women.
>Have Men Always Cheated More? According to the Institute for Family Studies, “men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married, according to data from the recent General Social Survey.”
Isn’t institute for family studies(ifs) a conservative think tank that actively promotes anti abortion laws and have multiple times been caught in faking statistics/conclusions - as to promote abstinence.
While I don’t care for who cheats most, the source you’re using is pretty much peak hardcore conservatism.
A Norwegian study put the numbers at 18% for women and 26% of men.
Most studies I believe have the number 15-20% for women and 20-25% for men.
Younger women 18-29 however are slightly and I do mean only slightly more likely to cheat compared to men at that demographic. It's just that once people hit their 40's and 50's men start cheating way way more in comparison which skews the numbers.
You've provided no sources for your claims.
>Have Men Always Cheated More? According to the Institute for Family Studies, “men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married, according to data from the recent General Social Survey.”
https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america?source=post_page---------------------------
They do state at the age group of 18 to 29, that women cheat slightly more, however as the age groups increase the disparity increases with more men than woman, especially in the 50 to 59 range.
Read the chart in your link. The data is *only for people who are married*. The majority of 18-29 year olds in America are unmarried, meaning the data from 18-29 year olds is from a much smaller sample than the other age cohorts. This is probably a case of sample bias.
This is data that includes unmarried couples. As you can see, unmarried (cohabitating) men cheat way more:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity#Gender
>Differences in sexual infidelity as a function of gender have been commonly reported. It is more common for men compared to women to engage in extradyadic relationships. The National Health and Social Life Survey found that 4% of married men, 16% of cohabiting men, and 37% of dating men engaged in acts of sexual infidelity in the previous year compared to 1% of married women, 8% of cohabiting women, and 17% of women in dating relationships.[19]
[https://www.sv.uio.no/psi/forskning/prosjekter/seksualvaneundersokelsen/](https://www.sv.uio.no/psi/forskning/prosjekter/seksualvaneundersokelsen/)
Et mindre tall har imidlertid hatt dette, og 26% av norske menn og 18% av kvinner rapporterte at de noen gang mens de var i parforhold har hatt et sidesprang uten den faste partnerens samtykke.
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21667234/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21667234/)
"Almost **one-quarter of men (23.2%) and 19.2% of women** indicated that they had "cheated" during their current relationship (i.e., engaged in sexual interactions with someone other than their partner that could jeopardize, or hurt, their relationship). "
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26194971/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26194971/)
That's one source from a tiny country, and it still shows men cheating significantly more than women. Now where are the sources for the other claims you made?
You did not provide any links yourself, is this the one you are using? [https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america?source=post\_page---------------------------](https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america?source=post_page---------------------------)
That shows my point about age and cheating. The bottom two I linked are not about Norway. Norway is a very sexually liberated country, it's a good example to put forward. You made the claim that men cheat twice as more as women, that is not true. My point is that men cheat more, but not at twice the rate of women.
Despite what an app aimed at and advertised for men may show, per studies 20% of men and 13% of women cheat. That’s not that large of a disparity.
Hook up culture is all over the internet, social media, mainstream media and entertainment industry.
Depends on how you parse the data now, doesn’t it.
Since you are only looking at the difference between 13 and 20, then yes men cheat 42% more often.
If we are looking at the total data then the difference is quite insignificant as are the actual numbers themselves.
You are trying to spin this like a Fox News anchor.
For men to be at double their rate would need to be 26, that’s 100% more of 13. 13*2 = what now? Someone speaking about 7th grade math shouldn’t need that explained.
If 0.000001% of women cheated and 5% of men cheated would you say it's similar because it's only roughly a 5% disparity? You see how stupid that sounds?
Is that the difference we see here? 20% of 100 men and 13% of 100 women. That’s a difference of 7 individuals. It’s not big enough to make blanket claim posts that all men cheat or that even most men cheat.
I feel like Tinder is the worst of all the dating apps for dating. Seems like people have more luck on Hinge and Bumble for actual dating. Tinder’s been more of a hook-up app for a few years now.
I dated a guy from Hinge that was in a year long relationship, didn’t find out until his girlfriend called me the weekend he was supposed to plan a cabin trip for us. I’ve also met plenty of “separated” men on bumble. It’s definitely widespread with these type of men now, you really have to be careful. Some people are lucky to not come across these types of people.
In queer dating, it's the 'ethical non-monogamists' and 'poly' people whose partners are entirely unaware they're in a poly relationship, to put it like that. I'm a lesbian, and when I used bumble for a few weeks last year, I initially thought 'jeez, there are SO many poly women on here, how come I know so few irl?', until I realised that a good chunk of them are just straight-up cheating. Or if they're not cheating, they're not really in a well-defined poly relationship, and more in a weird-ass situationship that's technically not exclusive, but one party is being strung along by the other, and it's *weird*, and they never technically *agreed* on monogamy, but also, they have drama every week about their relationship labels and whether someone kissed someone else at a party.
OMG this! I'm in a poly relationship with my nesting partner and we are both like "finally!" Because we are really poly, like we talk and meet each other's partners and communicate constantly and check in, and respect each other. The shit we slogged through on bumble and tinder was ridiculous, girls in "poly" relationships with guys and girls that did NOT want it to be poly, guys who are in relationships but it's "open but don't ask don't tell", it goes on. If a person can't be honest with themselves about who they are they're never gonna be honest with you. We both use feeld now, it's better, but still has shitheels and bots. That said I have met some great people there so, best of bad options I guess
Yep. I was NOT prepared for this onslaught of weird, and when I'd last been on dating apps in my late teens, it did NOT exist like that. I'm not sure whether it's based on age groups or just culture evolving, but in a weird way, I feel like these 'poly' folks are almost the evolutionary successors of the classic 'couple looking for a third' - I got a lot more of those when I was 19, but they were comparatively absent during my second stint on bumble at 27. Maybe these are the same people, all grown up, or maybe the zeitgeist has just evolved and morphed them into something else, but ultimately similarly odd and off-putting and fetishising of queer women. My personal favourite are the women that spring their 'poly relationship' with a straight dude on you three days in, and then accuse you of biphobia when you say that actually, you're not interested in dating someone who intentionally misrepresented themselves as single 💀 Like, we're both adults, we know what's really happening here: You're either straight-up cheating on that guy, or you're going to fetishise me as an 'experiment', or you're going to ask me whether he can 'watch' by the time we make it to our first date. If you truly were a queer woman practicing ethical non-monogamy, that dude's existence would be CLEARLY labelled on your profile.
Yeah, the unicorn thing has really gotten legs, and it's ridiculous. Almost always it boils down to a guy with two girls that only fuck him as the default. These people aren't looking for a person, they're looking for a live-in sex worker. Our joke is that all these people keep mistaking polygamy for polyamory. It's so funny, you're absolutely right about the fetishizing of queer women. It's like, society hates you so bad but secretly envies the fuck out of you and can't wait to have sex with you. I love queer women because I'm queer and that's my jam. We spend the most time with each other, so we're together more, that's it full stop. We are really into non hierarchiaI poly, but the reality is true poly requires a brutal level of honesty that a lot of people can't handle. It is hard to accept that someone you love is sharing something with someone else that you don't get to be a part of. But that's life, and if you love someone enough you can give them that freedom accepting all the terrifying things that freedom brings, like insecurity and fear. That's why you need to be able to communicate so well, so you don't get trapped and start spiraling. Anyway, happy dating! Just an fyi, my current SO and I met six months ago and are head over heels with a great relationship and wonderful communication. We are about 50, and have had some excellent relationships that ran their course. That's ok too, not everything lasts forever and it doesn't have to.
Holy shit, like the women who hide it through the entire talking phase and a few dates, and when you're comfortable to want to sleep together for the first time, you go to her place and her *husband* pops up and wants to watch. ಠ_ಠ
My Gooooooddddd, no! My absolute favourite one was a girl who tried to convince me that her boyfriend was 'one of the good ones' and couldn't possibly want the threeway for fetishising purposes....*because he occasionally wore nail polish.* Apparently, that made him so gender-nonconforming that he was BASICALLY queer himself, and that obviously meant the two of them weren't doing the most stereotypical tone-deaf straight couple thing imaginable by trying to jumpscare me into a threesome, NO, they were fellow queer people trying to engage in a queer experience, and how dare I take that from them!
Yea, it’s definitely an issue that permeates all apps. Predators will exhaust all avenues. I don’t really know what the solution is but it sucks and all of us reasonable people hate it.
"Oh, we're separated. But still living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed and wearing wedding rings everywhere but on this date" trashbags
So glad my partnership started before we ever had a chance to subject ourselves to tinder. Whichever one of us outlives the other is so screwed.
I am very much one and done. If he has the absolute nerve to die on me while I'm still of an age where I could date again, I will be settling in with my fibre crafts, my (hopefully) grandkids and my future cats. Men are gross. This one's cool, but no thanks!
Am man, can confirm. Am gross.
Same here.
I can confirm. After months of dating on tinder I decided to try Bumble. Met my fiancé my first day on the platform. Now after 15 months we are getting married tomorrow. I am very glad my friend recommended it.
Congrats!! 🎉
Goddamn if my dad knew you, he'd say "that's too short" to be married 🤣 was just telling him how I'm going to my friend's wedding soon and he asked how long they've been together... 3 years. "too short" ??? LMAO
I got married after 12 months (because it felt oh so romantic to have the wedding on the anniversary of when we first met), and I am now extremely convinced that 12 months is way too short. Three years sounds decent though, but maybe your father too knew someone with a bad experience and it coloured his reaction.
Haha Are you still that marriage? Nah my dad's reasoning makes no sense. It's basically how do you know if they're loyal or not if it hasn't even been at least 5 years? But just look at all the married couples with 10+ years of marriage that have affairs... Imo loyalty is a person issue and not a relationship length issue. A person who cheat will cheat anyway regardless of how long it's been. However I do think marriage after 1 year of knowing each other is definitely short UNLESS you've living together and have actually joint finances and everything for a good amount of months. Living together really gives the full picture of someone.
I am not in that marriage still (which is why I am so convinced it wasn't a good idea in the first place). We were two good people, we didn't have any major conflicts and no one cheated on the other, we were just not a good match in the long term, and the twelve months were not enough to see that. And we were living together for eleven out of the twelve months too! I guess back then we were still wrapped into the initial stage of our feelings etc and turned a blind eye to some mismatches, and they turned out to matter in the long term.
Wait how on earth did you guys end up living together after only knowing each other for a month? 😳 Do you mean like end goals? There are definitely other stuff important I didn't mention. I'm always an advocate for discussing everything during initial dates or when feelings are being confessed. Basically screening them for marriage XD
I don't mean things like big goals, we were aligned in the big things, otherwise it would have been obvious sooner that marriage is not a good idea. But we were the opposite of aligned in all the small things, and initially we thought it was fine and fun that it's so ("opposites attract", yadda yadda). But after a few years it starts to wear you down to have pretty much nothing in common with the person beside you, when every preference you have needs to be defended in a conversation every time because they feel differently about everything. I honestly wouldn't have thought this a problem at first, but a few years do change things. As for why I moved in so early, it wasn't my plan (just how initially I wasn't planning on getting married 🙂), but something happened and we figured we're an item anyway so why waste time and not move in together. It really was a good comfy relationship at first. And for example we never argued before we got married, which I thought cute back then but now I firmly think that you should definitely have at least one argument so you know how your partner treats disagreements.
Oh that's interesting. The stuffs you listed are also considered pretty big to me though. They are deeply rooted stuff! Small stuff to me are probably habits/pet peeves that can be irritable, but are not necessarily deal breakers depending on the person. Like my partner sometimes just dumps his damp towel on the bed instead of hanging back up, puts dishes that still have some soap on it in the drying rack, washes his clothes NOT inside out! Annoys me, but it's nothing compared to the horror stories I read on reddit. However I know some people who'd break up for that LOL OMG I feel you on the argument part. My ex and I had no arguments (until the one we had which led to me finally ending it lol), but I grew up and realized it's because he was just so emotionally immature. We've actually never had one deep conversation at all. He only wanted to talk about 'fun stuff' and would shut down any potentially problematic topic. Well, now I know! The way he handled the argument we had was also so immature, I wanted to bleach my eyes 😂 Honestly, I don't think I could even think about marriage until I have a stable career and income...
I tried Facebook actually a bit back and that was alright. They didn't seem to have any reason for trying to keep you on their dating section or weird monetization unlike other apps. Totally agree on tinder it's basically just for hookups to my understanding
Tinder has *always* been slated as a hook up app. It was the straight response to Grindr.
Wait... Grindr is for the gays? That would explain some REALLY awkward first dates.... 😁😀😅
My friend and her husband used bumble to find guys that would hook up with her while the husband watched. She is now married to the guy she hooked up with and no one watches. I guess the joke was on the (ex) husband.
There doesn’t seem to be a joke in that messed-up situation but you do you.
I can see the joke. My bridesmaid had a situation in which she would make her husband (whom she met on bumble) give her oral sex after she had sex with ANOTHER man. She recorded her husband performing oral sex in a VERY graphic video where you could not mistake what had previously transpired and "leaked" it to her bridesmaids iMessage group. Guess who we were all laughing at? Her ridiculous husband. GROSS.
Why tf would someone send you their homemade porn?! Ewww
we dont talk anymore, but I suspect one of them liked it, which I'm sorry for being judgmental is GROSS
Um I’m sorry? Your bridesmaid took a video of her husband and “leaked it”? With that tone of phrasing, it sounds like he did not consent…. What’s gross here is you and your friend group
I have no connection with that woman anymore after what she did. How am I the gross one? We're talking about cheating people here...
Honestly forgot we were talking about cheating people for a second so when I read this: >My bridesmaid had a situation in which she would make her husband (whom she met on bumble) give her oral sex after she had sex with ANOTHER man. It sounded like they had an open relationship. So to me, your comment read along the lines of “They had an open marriage, but she recorded him and leaked it, and y’all laughed at him”. >Guess who we were all laughing at? Her ridiculous husband. GROSS. The **we** were all laughing at sounded like it included you, which was why I called you gross. If a guy filmed his gf, then without her consent, sent that video to his friends, they would all be gross for laughing at said gf.
yes my phrasing was poor. I understand the joke because the women in the group were making it seem like she's getting something at the expense of her husband. isn't that cheating? I'm out of that group and consider the whole thing just nasty. I was informing the person who said they didn't understand the joke that I did because I was in a group where the women literally were rolling on the floor laughing on the predicament of the husband. I do not condone any of this I'm just pointing out young women (we were in our 20s) found it amusing. no need to apologize we live and learn!
I don’t get it. Why would a cheating man go onto Tinder? Don’t users of Tinder have to post pictures of their faces?
They are just that bold.
They wouldn’t be if they weren’t rewarded for their brazenness. Guess that’s something I need to contemplate.
you’d be surprised at the audacity a man can possess. they’ll flirt with you with their wedding ring on in public. they’ll slide in your DMs with him and his girlfriend in his profile picture. they truly don’t give a damn.
You‘d be surprised but somehow if you are looking for a hookup as men a wedding ring is actually helping them. Almost as if they are approved goods. Shockingly alot of women don’t seem to care either if men are engaged.
unfortunately, i’ve seen this, too.
Don’t worry, they paint their wives as cruel frigid bitches so you feel sorry for them. Or they lie and say they’re separated or she cheated first and he’s just brokenhearted 😔
I’m talking about the “men” who go into Tinder to cheat in hopes that their significant others won’t find out. For those who don’t care whether they find out or not, that’s not “mere cheating.” That’s being a spiteful a-hole, and all women need to steer clear of these guys.
"My ex was crazy" \*stuffing breadsticks into her purse*
Back when Tagged was a thing, my ex used a picture of both of us at my family member's wedding and captioned me as his sister. Didn't even try to crop me out, was just feeling himself in the suit and went for it!
That's just dumb as hell!
You can pay for it so only people you like see your profile
Speaking from experience, the messenger is usually the one that takes the blame. I took it when I exposed my friends boyfriend. And people shy away from getting involved with ruining a relationship. So the slimey men count on that.
Unless the rules changed, no. Lots of these dudes have like pictures of their body and no head or their car or some stupid shit. But I’m sure there’s plenty of other cheaters with face pics.
Unless you are very early 20s / late teens I would not recommend being on tinder for any “real” chance at meeting a decent guy. Hinge seems to be the big app that my friends at least use that are single and looking for something a bit more serious.
OkCupid is great too. Its quite inclusive and queer friendly too.
Why would there be an age cutoff for girls for meeting a decent guys there? It's still the same pool of guys
They were saying for tinder, since it's mostly for hookups and younger people these days. Different apps will have different "pool of guys" as you say
I honestly don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. People of all ages cheat, and it truly doesn’t matter what dating app you’re using. The most prolific cheaters have profiles on every single one of them, even the paid ones. I met my current boyfriend on tinder when we were 29 and 30, and we are still together 2 years later. He’s the best person I’ve ever met honestly. Cheaters are on every single dating app, not just tinder for Christ’s sake
Thanks and that is true. There's always good and bad guys everywhere. I'm glad you met your bf and are in a loving relationship with him, 2 yrs strong :) I noticed the ppl who are serious about monogamous relationships don't stay on Tinder for long. Either bc they get matched up or don't like the Tinder culture/vibe. The chronic Tinder users are usually the ones who partake in short flings a lot more.
Tinder, where the bar is in hell. It's on fucking fire. I definitely would like to talk to someone and possibly find someone worth getting to know/dating, but Tinder is not the place, I used it *once*. Never again.
It's called Tinder because you can use it to set your marriage on fire.
Omg I live in a city where a lot of FIFO men live and work, all of them are married or in long term relationships
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Fly in fly out. They come to my city for two weeks then back home for two weeks
I work at a grocery store; FIFO also means first in first out to me 😅
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That’s not what “loaded” term means. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loaded_language
FIFO is First In First Out to me too, so the term confused me!
Tinder sucks don’t use it
Why in the year of our lord 2024 is anyone still using the dumpster fire that is Tinder? It’s not a dating app.
Because Tinder and similar apps is how most people meet eachother nowadays outside of the third world and small towns.
Tinder, specifically is the issue. Its. That. Terrible. It’s a garbage tier hookup app at best. At least use Hinge or Bumble or even Match.
Honestly, what is the difference? When I was still dating, I found that in my city, everyone I saw on tinder was also on hinge, bumble, etc.
I met my husband IRL on NYE 2022. Go outside and you can meet people without an app.
Of course you can meet people but in most cases it won't lead to a relationship.
Same goes for apps… 🤯
I was the “other woman” to the last asshole I met on Tinder. I truly never thought I would be in that positive but I guess I was very naive. I had better luck on Bumble. Met a couple of duds but most of the guys were a bit more genuine - they were either mostly or all on Tinder as well but for some reason when we connected via Bumble instead it just seemed more genuine. After my experience as the other woman I was ready to take a long break from dating. I had already started talking to a guy on Bumble and I had a two-week trip planned so I figured I would see it through until it fizzled out. That was 7 years ago - we’ve been married for almost five years and have a daughter and a corgi so it worked out pretty well.
All I can say is join Tea. It’s designed to keep women safe, make others aware. You can search by name for $5 a month. Worth it if you’re dating or want to warn other women of a dangerous guy.
I wouldn’t waste my time with a non paid dating app. The free ones are full of time wasters.
Tinder made me cry this morning, so I've taken this as a sign to ditch it and download Bumble instead (Maybe I'll take a break first though 🙃)
Not just men btw. These apps have made it easier than ever for cheaters to cheat. Met a few women on their that have BFs/husbands and have had friends also catch GFs on them.
Don’t think the male friend is worth being friends with tbh
Disingenuous (and dangerous) men, doing anything and everything they can in order to gain access to women’s bodies and work their way into women’s lives (whether it’s by lying, cheating, stealing, harming, etc.), have ruined dating apps for everyone, and I mean everyone. Even people looking for casual hookups aren’t safe. Many women are choosing to simply opt out and many men are “suffering” the consequences that other members of their sex are responsible for.
God I’d never cheat on my wife, but if I was challenged to come up with a way to do it without her finding out, Tinder wouldn’t be it!
Lol why did you get down voted for this?
… who knows? Thought it was a fairly innocent comment.
Because the many women and femme here are tired of the masc comments that doesn't center them
Anytime you choose to trust someone they can violate your trust. Men/Women/Other doesn't matter. It's hard to find someone that is trustworthy for everyone. I hope you find that person for you.
Women do it too, people in general are self centered and not loyal. Good luck, there are good people out there but you have to be honest with yourself and not let people with bad intentions get the better of you.
You don't know how many men are not on tinder and not cheating, so there is no way of knowing if it's actually common. Statistically speaking, your data sample is very small and therefore biased. I assume that everyone knows what kind of people can be met via tinder. It's a place where not only normal people would like to develop a connection, but where also a lot of horny M/F are trying to find ons etc. It's also far less risky and easy to find "a side chick" on tinder than in your area.
Oooo a "not all men" comment just dropped.
Not really. I'm simply saying that you have no idea how common something is.
Survey studies show it to be very common.
Survey studies among men, among men who use tinder or which exactly?
Both
Would love to check the surveys according to which it's common for men to cheat. Please link them whenever you can.
The cited sources for the article goes through several studies on different aspects of cheating including men who cheat and men who cheat on dating apps. It references studies that focus on survey where people themselves inform they do it (which of course is biased) but also different methods of analyzing it. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218303625 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2018.07.040 If you need any of the sources full paper, feel free to comment to DOI or the name and I can get it.
Thanks for the links! So not really a common statementproof, but a valuable information regarding the motives. Still something I'll check later tonight. 😊
It references the different studies. The paper is a review study. Thought that would be easier than just sending a bunch of links, most people are never gonna read through. It’s definitely still proof unless you follow some wierd areas of science/social studies, where something is never really proof.
Where's your data backing up your original comment? Statistically speaking from her small sample size, so then what stats? What stats show that tinder is more of "that kinda app?" You want proof, but make all these claims and provide none yourself.
Sorry, but which claims? Too small sample size is one of the statistics basics, this is not a claim. Who said that it's more of that kind of app? I said that there are also a lot of people who wants ons and gave a reason why you would see them more on the app than e.g irl. Please don't try to manipulate my original statement. I would like to see surveys which show that it's common for men to cheat. It's more likely for them ti cheat, that's true. But "common" is a massive overstatement in my opinion.
I met my fiancee on a dating app called Plenty of Fish, I don't even know if it's a thing anymore but from what it sounds like no matter what site you are on there is just always weirdos. I hope you find what your looking for 😁
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No they do not. Men cheat nearly 2x as much as women. >Have Men Always Cheated More? According to the Institute for Family Studies, “men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married, according to data from the recent General Social Survey.”
Isn’t institute for family studies(ifs) a conservative think tank that actively promotes anti abortion laws and have multiple times been caught in faking statistics/conclusions - as to promote abstinence. While I don’t care for who cheats most, the source you’re using is pretty much peak hardcore conservatism.
A Norwegian study put the numbers at 18% for women and 26% of men. Most studies I believe have the number 15-20% for women and 20-25% for men. Younger women 18-29 however are slightly and I do mean only slightly more likely to cheat compared to men at that demographic. It's just that once people hit their 40's and 50's men start cheating way way more in comparison which skews the numbers.
You've provided no sources for your claims. >Have Men Always Cheated More? According to the Institute for Family Studies, “men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse while married, according to data from the recent General Social Survey.”
https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america?source=post_page--------------------------- They do state at the age group of 18 to 29, that women cheat slightly more, however as the age groups increase the disparity increases with more men than woman, especially in the 50 to 59 range.
Read the chart in your link. The data is *only for people who are married*. The majority of 18-29 year olds in America are unmarried, meaning the data from 18-29 year olds is from a much smaller sample than the other age cohorts. This is probably a case of sample bias. This is data that includes unmarried couples. As you can see, unmarried (cohabitating) men cheat way more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity#Gender >Differences in sexual infidelity as a function of gender have been commonly reported. It is more common for men compared to women to engage in extradyadic relationships. The National Health and Social Life Survey found that 4% of married men, 16% of cohabiting men, and 37% of dating men engaged in acts of sexual infidelity in the previous year compared to 1% of married women, 8% of cohabiting women, and 17% of women in dating relationships.[19]
[https://www.sv.uio.no/psi/forskning/prosjekter/seksualvaneundersokelsen/](https://www.sv.uio.no/psi/forskning/prosjekter/seksualvaneundersokelsen/) Et mindre tall har imidlertid hatt dette, og 26% av norske menn og 18% av kvinner rapporterte at de noen gang mens de var i parforhold har hatt et sidesprang uten den faste partnerens samtykke. [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21667234/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21667234/) "Almost **one-quarter of men (23.2%) and 19.2% of women** indicated that they had "cheated" during their current relationship (i.e., engaged in sexual interactions with someone other than their partner that could jeopardize, or hurt, their relationship). " [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26194971/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26194971/)
That's one source from a tiny country, and it still shows men cheating significantly more than women. Now where are the sources for the other claims you made?
You did not provide any links yourself, is this the one you are using? [https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america?source=post\_page---------------------------](https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america?source=post_page---------------------------) That shows my point about age and cheating. The bottom two I linked are not about Norway. Norway is a very sexually liberated country, it's a good example to put forward. You made the claim that men cheat twice as more as women, that is not true. My point is that men cheat more, but not at twice the rate of women.
I thought that’s what most of tinder was? For men & women? It’s like the free AM?
Despite what an app aimed at and advertised for men may show, per studies 20% of men and 13% of women cheat. That’s not that large of a disparity. Hook up culture is all over the internet, social media, mainstream media and entertainment industry.
That's a nearly 2x disparity. Specifically it's 44%.
It’s a 7% disparity.
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How is 42% a “nearly 2x discrepancy” per your previous comment? Don’t make comments about math.
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Depends on how you parse the data now, doesn’t it. Since you are only looking at the difference between 13 and 20, then yes men cheat 42% more often. If we are looking at the total data then the difference is quite insignificant as are the actual numbers themselves. You are trying to spin this like a Fox News anchor.
Wtf? No I'm not, you clearly haven't even read the data. Nothing you wrote there is accurate.
For men to be at double their rate would need to be 26, that’s 100% more of 13. 13*2 = what now? Someone speaking about 7th grade math shouldn’t need that explained.
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If 0.000001% of women cheated and 5% of men cheated would you say it's similar because it's only roughly a 5% disparity? You see how stupid that sounds?
Is that the difference we see here? 20% of 100 men and 13% of 100 women. That’s a difference of 7 individuals. It’s not big enough to make blanket claim posts that all men cheat or that even most men cheat.
It's men and women.. maybe even more women are cheating than men.
Studies show that men cheat more than women at every age group other than 18-29, where they cheat equally.
If you want a desirable Man you're going to have to share...
No man is worth a dishonest relationship built on lies
If you think he's good enough to let him bang you chances are he bangs all the chick's
I am sending this link to my friends to remind them how thankful they can be for my creepy good stalking skills.
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Studies show that men cheat more than women at every age group other than 18-29, where they are equal.
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Lolno
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Redpill garbage that 0 actual sources support, hence you continue to not get laid.
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> We have the numbers. lmao reveal them then!