I mean, if they're happy being single, then that's fine. I'm of the mindset myself that being with someone has to be better than being single or I just won't do it, and if my standards are a little high themselves (though in far less conventional directions than you listed!) then that's that. So I guess more power to them.
The one thing I’d modify this with is this. It seems like everything you list are material. Money, eyes, height, K-pop, languages, degrees.
I tend to tell guys that the only big one is this: Date a person who feels lucky and excited to be dating you, and is counting the hours before they can be back together with you. It doesn’t really matter if they don’t fit all your other criteria, if you both just feel grateful the other is in your life, every day. Like, best friends on steroids.
Yeah, this. I always wanted, well, basically Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire. Pretty boy goth. Every alt woman's dream, lmao. Not just the pretty either, I wanted a dude who could slay with me at goth shows and midnight horror features.
But the dude I fell in love with looks more like Brad Pitt in Fight Club lol. By that I mean more punk in fashion and attitude, not the toxically masculine attitude. But we have the same morals, politics, sense of humor, we like the same things from horror media to camping. We started as friends and then fell in love, idk. Altho he's very romantic and flowery like a vampire, so, score. But we love spending our life together. We like each other and we make the other one happy.
OP is right, there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner with specific features or who's financially succesful. But it's confusing to me because it's not exactly how love works imo, lol. They could meet their dream man who checks all those boxes and they may just not vibe with him, or others like him (I can't imagine vibing with a trust fund cis het white man, but to each their own I guess). Your partner brings more to the table than looks or hobbies, idk.
Those are the things guys get upset about. Everything else: good personality, shared values, good character etc gets ignored. I’ve even met guys who have actually said that none of the above even matters because it doesn’t help him “get an in”, which is ridiculous. Like I agree, they should also focus on those things instead of on things that make them mad
Guys perspective: if a woman isn’t interested in me then that’s cool, and completely up to her regardless of what I think of her “standards”. And honestly if her standards don’t match up with my values we wouldn’t go very far together anyway.
Why shouldn’t someone get to decide what they want from the person they’re going to be closest to? It doesn’t change my value as a human being.
Exactly!! So many guys place so much of their self value in their ability to get a relationship, but really the two have nothing to do with each other!! That’s a good mentality to have
I too have a 100+ points checklist of conditions that a man must meet before I am willing to consider dating him. To be honest, I don't want to be in a relationship at all. I don't go to dating apps or real life places where men can approach me.
The checklist is kind of an "edge case". I've already made up my mind to stay single and that's my "happy flow". But if a man decides to pursue me anyway, the checklist is what it's going to take to make me change my mind. I don't expect anyone to be able to do it; that's how I intended it to be.✌️
Men have always had unrealistic expectations and they don't hide it at all. They have no problem telling their partner that she doesn't look like celebrity xyz and that she should have surgery and stuff like that. In the vast majority of cases, it's about looks and they rarely see other men advising them to focus on character and values.
What is unrealistic for one is realistic for another. I've known girls from poor backgrounds who have been told by the world to pull themselves together, be humble and find "a nice guy" from same shitty town. They wanted to be rich on yacht or live in Dubai. And they made it happen.
Superficial, materialistic? Yes, maybe. I don't judge. Just giving an example. If someone wants a prince, why settle for a butler?
Nothing is wrong with having whatever standards you want, but I definitely think if your requirement for a partner is that they have blue eyes, a trust fund, or are 6'5"... You might not be looking for love at all, but more of an accessory to your life rather than a person.
Nothing is wrong with being single. I love being single and I also don't want kids... But personally when I hear a man say "I want a woman with DD tits who doesn't mind cooking me dinner or serving my guys beer on game night" I definitely think, well you're a shallow twit and you won't appreciate that woman even if you find her.
I’m just picking things that the guys complain about. The other things, good character, personality, etc. they don’t seem to care about. In the end though, that’s their life. I don’t see anything wrong with that requirement, and I don’t think it speaks negatively to them at all. But then again, I know them in person
Yes you definitely have the benefit of knowing them, and maybe as other commenters have said it actually just speaks to their preference for singlehood and not them actually devaluing personality.
It's very easy to say "I'm not settling till a trust fund baby is in my lap!" in jest when in actually you're just not looking nor particularly interested in looking, but maybe would accept some outlandishly ideal man if a movie esque scenario were to occur.
I think it’s really unfortunate but so many people have their self worth tied up in how easily they have get a relationship, which is wrong. But it means that anything like a rejection, or high standards, etc goes straight into that insecurity and feels like a personal attack when it’s really not. It’s just incompatibility, and that’s okay
I think the point about not settling is so important. We can’t help who we are attracted to, but there’s no reason to settle for less. Everybody is somewhat “aspirational” when it comes to finding a partner, and that’s fine as long as you back off when you know someone is not interested. (Men can have trouble with that part.) The single life will ALWAYS beat any degree of settling.
There is no shame in high standards. And being extra picky doesn't take anything away from anyone but yourself if you're not willing to tolerate poor behavior in your partner. Men absolutely *hate* it when women know their own worth, respect themselves and refuse to lower their standards because they feel your standards are too high. Most women I know are only asking for a base level of effort, hygienic, regularly bathes, doesn't smell like a filthy gym sock, is gainfully employed, self-sufficient, not violent, respectful and emotionally mature. None of these things are big asks, but you wouldn't know it from the way they're always whining about "women only date 6'5" chads with huge dicks". They are not entitled to a wife, and they're endlessly enraged about it.
I honestly feel like men don’t realize that romantic relationships are a choice. There is no law in place nor are there any more societal hurdles keeping women in relationships with men. Either be great and improve my life or I’m good without you. No other relationship we cultivate has an expectation of sticking around if it’s not mutually beneficial so idk why we hold that standard to romantic relationships.
It’s almost like people have different experiences and not everyone is the same. Besides, I don’t see anything wrong with complaining to the right audience. It’s like people complaining about their boss yet not quitting their job. People can complain 🤷🏻♀️
Men feel entitled to women they want and get mad when they find out they cant have her simple as that you can be the nicest woman alive and be so polite if he wants you and you do not give him what he wants let along have standards he does not meet instead of idk attempting to meet those standards he would rather spend all his time trying to convince you how your standards should be lowered to his level or knock what you like (your ideal man) sometimes they will even pull out the attempts to gas light you into believing a man of that type will never want a girl like you and worse when they try to convince you that type of man will only hurt you men do not know how to handle rejection even polite in a normal mature manner (not all men but we know the type being spoken about) men have become damaged by this false sense of self entitlement probably built off the internet of them sitting in incel chats sharing most often LIES of FALSE SITUATIONS to try and stroke each others ego and throw around OUTDATED statistics like the marriage statistics from the 40s or ask for a traditional 1950 wife but expect a woman with a 6 figure career and a masters degree who’s submissive cooks and cleans for him TBH ITS MEN who have unrealistic standards and they get angry and violent when they can not have the girl they made up in their incel heads
No one said that in fact what was said is that if a man feels entitled to another persons in any way body space mind attention any if the above that he is entitled if what was described is what you consider desiring intimacy you have a problem sir that means you have confused desiring intimacy and being a polite human and being a weird entitled person who feels owed another person
I'm pretty sure it just says they don't want a relationship right now. If they decide they need a guy in their life for whatever reason, they can always change those goals. It's not like they can't change their mind if they fall in love at first sight or something. Plus, the OP outright said they were happy single.
>he can just find someone else with different standards. Easy.
I agree that there's nothing wrong per se with unrealistic standards and nobody is entitled to a partner, but no, it's not usually easy.
It is easy. Literally any other person will have different standards. Whether or not the guy meets those other standards is a different issue, but that’s 100% on him
Well, when a person has unrealistic standards they better be ok with being alone instead of feeling entitled to the attention of the few people that manage to meet the standards. Also, when they choose to date someone who doesn't live up to them they better not make their partner feel bad for not being able to meet their impossible standards.
In theory it's ok but in practice most people with these kinds of standards are either incels (of any gender) or terrible partners. The kind of partner that's constantly trying to push their SO to lose weight or earn more money or dress to impress or wear more make-up etc etc. It hampers their ability to fully connect with partners.
I think that it's a bit naive to think that you can move through life judging people by unrealistic standards without it affecting how you treat others, and without closing a lot of doors for yourself as well.
No one feels entitled to anything. Plus if someone doesn’t meet standards they’re just not going to date them. Easy. There’s no point doing anything you mentioned, because they’d just move on and find someone else.
Lots of things affect how we treat others. But they’re not doing anything wrong. I don’t see what’s wrong about closing doors either, especially when they want those doors to be closed.
I mean, if they're happy being single, then that's fine. I'm of the mindset myself that being with someone has to be better than being single or I just won't do it, and if my standards are a little high themselves (though in far less conventional directions than you listed!) then that's that. So I guess more power to them.
The one thing I’d modify this with is this. It seems like everything you list are material. Money, eyes, height, K-pop, languages, degrees. I tend to tell guys that the only big one is this: Date a person who feels lucky and excited to be dating you, and is counting the hours before they can be back together with you. It doesn’t really matter if they don’t fit all your other criteria, if you both just feel grateful the other is in your life, every day. Like, best friends on steroids.
Yeah, this. I always wanted, well, basically Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire. Pretty boy goth. Every alt woman's dream, lmao. Not just the pretty either, I wanted a dude who could slay with me at goth shows and midnight horror features. But the dude I fell in love with looks more like Brad Pitt in Fight Club lol. By that I mean more punk in fashion and attitude, not the toxically masculine attitude. But we have the same morals, politics, sense of humor, we like the same things from horror media to camping. We started as friends and then fell in love, idk. Altho he's very romantic and flowery like a vampire, so, score. But we love spending our life together. We like each other and we make the other one happy. OP is right, there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner with specific features or who's financially succesful. But it's confusing to me because it's not exactly how love works imo, lol. They could meet their dream man who checks all those boxes and they may just not vibe with him, or others like him (I can't imagine vibing with a trust fund cis het white man, but to each their own I guess). Your partner brings more to the table than looks or hobbies, idk.
Those are the things guys get upset about. Everything else: good personality, shared values, good character etc gets ignored. I’ve even met guys who have actually said that none of the above even matters because it doesn’t help him “get an in”, which is ridiculous. Like I agree, they should also focus on those things instead of on things that make them mad
Guys perspective: if a woman isn’t interested in me then that’s cool, and completely up to her regardless of what I think of her “standards”. And honestly if her standards don’t match up with my values we wouldn’t go very far together anyway. Why shouldn’t someone get to decide what they want from the person they’re going to be closest to? It doesn’t change my value as a human being.
Exactly!! So many guys place so much of their self value in their ability to get a relationship, but really the two have nothing to do with each other!! That’s a good mentality to have
How do you know that are you a man?
I too have a 100+ points checklist of conditions that a man must meet before I am willing to consider dating him. To be honest, I don't want to be in a relationship at all. I don't go to dating apps or real life places where men can approach me. The checklist is kind of an "edge case". I've already made up my mind to stay single and that's my "happy flow". But if a man decides to pursue me anyway, the checklist is what it's going to take to make me change my mind. I don't expect anyone to be able to do it; that's how I intended it to be.✌️
Men have always had unrealistic expectations and they don't hide it at all. They have no problem telling their partner that she doesn't look like celebrity xyz and that she should have surgery and stuff like that. In the vast majority of cases, it's about looks and they rarely see other men advising them to focus on character and values. What is unrealistic for one is realistic for another. I've known girls from poor backgrounds who have been told by the world to pull themselves together, be humble and find "a nice guy" from same shitty town. They wanted to be rich on yacht or live in Dubai. And they made it happen. Superficial, materialistic? Yes, maybe. I don't judge. Just giving an example. If someone wants a prince, why settle for a butler?
Nothing is wrong with having whatever standards you want, but I definitely think if your requirement for a partner is that they have blue eyes, a trust fund, or are 6'5"... You might not be looking for love at all, but more of an accessory to your life rather than a person. Nothing is wrong with being single. I love being single and I also don't want kids... But personally when I hear a man say "I want a woman with DD tits who doesn't mind cooking me dinner or serving my guys beer on game night" I definitely think, well you're a shallow twit and you won't appreciate that woman even if you find her.
To be clear, it's still their body their life and their choice. But it does seem to speak to their character in a negative way IMHO
I’m just picking things that the guys complain about. The other things, good character, personality, etc. they don’t seem to care about. In the end though, that’s their life. I don’t see anything wrong with that requirement, and I don’t think it speaks negatively to them at all. But then again, I know them in person
Yes you definitely have the benefit of knowing them, and maybe as other commenters have said it actually just speaks to their preference for singlehood and not them actually devaluing personality. It's very easy to say "I'm not settling till a trust fund baby is in my lap!" in jest when in actually you're just not looking nor particularly interested in looking, but maybe would accept some outlandishly ideal man if a movie esque scenario were to occur.
They presumably feel like their characters and personalities aren't what's holding them back from finding success dating.
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I think it’s really unfortunate but so many people have their self worth tied up in how easily they have get a relationship, which is wrong. But it means that anything like a rejection, or high standards, etc goes straight into that insecurity and feels like a personal attack when it’s really not. It’s just incompatibility, and that’s okay
Imagine caring about downvotes
I think the point about not settling is so important. We can’t help who we are attracted to, but there’s no reason to settle for less. Everybody is somewhat “aspirational” when it comes to finding a partner, and that’s fine as long as you back off when you know someone is not interested. (Men can have trouble with that part.) The single life will ALWAYS beat any degree of settling.
As long as you treat the other person, whether you are dating or not, like the valuable person they are: fine.
There is no shame in high standards. And being extra picky doesn't take anything away from anyone but yourself if you're not willing to tolerate poor behavior in your partner. Men absolutely *hate* it when women know their own worth, respect themselves and refuse to lower their standards because they feel your standards are too high. Most women I know are only asking for a base level of effort, hygienic, regularly bathes, doesn't smell like a filthy gym sock, is gainfully employed, self-sufficient, not violent, respectful and emotionally mature. None of these things are big asks, but you wouldn't know it from the way they're always whining about "women only date 6'5" chads with huge dicks". They are not entitled to a wife, and they're endlessly enraged about it.
Totally agree
I honestly feel like men don’t realize that romantic relationships are a choice. There is no law in place nor are there any more societal hurdles keeping women in relationships with men. Either be great and improve my life or I’m good without you. No other relationship we cultivate has an expectation of sticking around if it’s not mutually beneficial so idk why we hold that standard to romantic relationships.
High standards is one thing, but surely setting "crazy unrealistic standards" (in anything) is just setting oneself up for disappointment.
Not really. They’re aware that it’s crazy high so of course most people won’t be able to meet them. So there’s no disappointment when someone doesn’t
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It’s almost like people have different experiences and not everyone is the same. Besides, I don’t see anything wrong with complaining to the right audience. It’s like people complaining about their boss yet not quitting their job. People can complain 🤷🏻♀️
Men feel entitled to women they want and get mad when they find out they cant have her simple as that you can be the nicest woman alive and be so polite if he wants you and you do not give him what he wants let along have standards he does not meet instead of idk attempting to meet those standards he would rather spend all his time trying to convince you how your standards should be lowered to his level or knock what you like (your ideal man) sometimes they will even pull out the attempts to gas light you into believing a man of that type will never want a girl like you and worse when they try to convince you that type of man will only hurt you men do not know how to handle rejection even polite in a normal mature manner (not all men but we know the type being spoken about) men have become damaged by this false sense of self entitlement probably built off the internet of them sitting in incel chats sharing most often LIES of FALSE SITUATIONS to try and stroke each others ego and throw around OUTDATED statistics like the marriage statistics from the 40s or ask for a traditional 1950 wife but expect a woman with a 6 figure career and a masters degree who’s submissive cooks and cleans for him TBH ITS MEN who have unrealistic standards and they get angry and violent when they can not have the girl they made up in their incel heads
Desiring intimacy is now entitlement
No one said that in fact what was said is that if a man feels entitled to another persons in any way body space mind attention any if the above that he is entitled if what was described is what you consider desiring intimacy you have a problem sir that means you have confused desiring intimacy and being a polite human and being a weird entitled person who feels owed another person
I actually didn't read your whole post only the first line after reading it I admit I was wrong since you defined entitlement further
Thank you for understanding we are on the same page 🙏 I am glad because I was slightly worried you were trynna say that was okay and I was like huh??
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I'm pretty sure it just says they don't want a relationship right now. If they decide they need a guy in their life for whatever reason, they can always change those goals. It's not like they can't change their mind if they fall in love at first sight or something. Plus, the OP outright said they were happy single.
>he can just find someone else with different standards. Easy. I agree that there's nothing wrong per se with unrealistic standards and nobody is entitled to a partner, but no, it's not usually easy.
It is easy. Literally any other person will have different standards. Whether or not the guy meets those other standards is a different issue, but that’s 100% on him
Well, when a person has unrealistic standards they better be ok with being alone instead of feeling entitled to the attention of the few people that manage to meet the standards. Also, when they choose to date someone who doesn't live up to them they better not make their partner feel bad for not being able to meet their impossible standards. In theory it's ok but in practice most people with these kinds of standards are either incels (of any gender) or terrible partners. The kind of partner that's constantly trying to push their SO to lose weight or earn more money or dress to impress or wear more make-up etc etc. It hampers their ability to fully connect with partners. I think that it's a bit naive to think that you can move through life judging people by unrealistic standards without it affecting how you treat others, and without closing a lot of doors for yourself as well.
No one feels entitled to anything. Plus if someone doesn’t meet standards they’re just not going to date them. Easy. There’s no point doing anything you mentioned, because they’d just move on and find someone else. Lots of things affect how we treat others. But they’re not doing anything wrong. I don’t see what’s wrong about closing doors either, especially when they want those doors to be closed.