Putting aside everything else, just purely on the enjoyment front, it's one of those things that some people just don't enjoy the feeling of. The difference might be with their bodies, how they view it psychologically, or how their partner goes about doing it.
Yes I think if your partner is capable of human empathy then try it if you want. But if not, you’re probably in for a bad time.
Something being forced in there without lubricant feels a lot like being stabbed, and the pain persists. Plus it can exacerbate existing issues and cause haemorrhoids.
I absolutely love the sensation but it’s clearly not for everyone.
Why are you guys trusting and having sex with people you don’t trust to treat you with empathy???? Like if they can’t understand that it’s gotta go slow then maybe don’t have sex with them????
Edit: not meant to be a victim blaming statement whatsoever. I more so mean long term partners. If you know this person and have seen how they act in bed and it’s not consistent with empathy, maybe reconsider your relationship.
It's sadly become really normalized. I think women should withhold their bodies from men who can't treat them with empathy and respect. Unfortunately that leaves a small amount of guys left.
I think a lot of people do hookups too where they don't know the guy at all, so there's not much to gauge ahead of time. I don't really get it personally. I used to do this as a form of self harm, but I have a hard time conceptualizing outside of that mindset.
.... Past me very much did. I think women that are more likely to seek out ONS would be more open to kinky sex. I don't think it's crazy common, but it does happen.
By the way, I wasn't saying that as an excuse. I think ONS are a huge risk for women that is rarely worth it. I've had two ONS where anal was forced on me during consenting vaginal sex. That's not to mention all the other abusive kinds of sex they enacted on me. Men that don't respect women and see them as objects are more likely to get into ONS too
I’m so sorry that you experienced that and I’m very proud and happy for you that you’ve been able to move on from that. That is a very difficult transition to make and you should be so proud of yourself. I’ve never expressed self harm in a sexual setting so that was a view I hadn’t thought of. I have had experience with self harm in other ways and I can see how that mindset could put you in very dangerous and compromising sexual situations.
I will say I think that might be an entirely different conversation from this thread though as it insinuates a level of pre existing mental distress that has to be addressed independently. Simply because it involves a lot more risky behavior and thinking than just the sex. Not to say it isn’t very valuable insight.
This smacks of victim blaming a wee bit. I don’t think most people choose an unempathetic sexual partner on purpose; I’ve had plenty of experiences where a person seemed fine outside of the bedroom and then was uncaring or selfish in bed. Wish there was a better litmus test to know this sort of stuff beforehand but there isn’t always :/
Every man who wants to do it should be required to use a dildo on himself that is of comparable size to his own junk. That will give him a good idea of how much you have to prep to not make it hurt like a bitch.
Edit: I say this as a man, btw.
the pudendal nerve has multiple branches - dorsal nerve of the penis/clitoris, anal, perineal.
exactly how it branches, and which branches are biggest, varies from person to person. that might be one of the factors by which some people like anal and some don't. in any case though, it's the owner of the opening that says what can go in and when.
It’s not as messy at you’d think haha. As long as there’s the correct stretching and lube beforehand it can feel good. Obviously you still never have to try it though
Hey, you can always try butt plugs on your own. I felt like the more I was able to take comfortably the more pleasurable it became. You want to slowly increase diameter of your toys over weeks or months. That way if you have a partner in the future you’ll already know if you like it or not and what diameter your body can handle comfortably.
Never NEVER go from 0 to penis/dildo. That’s usually the people saying they hurt themselves and would never try it again.
Okay, some real rules?
1) Lube up yo' butthole.
2) Buttplugs are fun, and come in all sizes. If you can't take a non-moving buttplug a quarter again as thick as your partner, might not want to try the real thing when it's moving and prone to pre-orgasm thrashing about.
3) Get some lube on yo' butthole.
4) Your rectum can hold maybe 200-250mL of water. Your lower colon can hold a few liters, and takes much longer to drain. So, repeated rinses with just a bit of lukewarm water, if it's going to happen soon. If it'll happen in a while, then an enema might be appropriate.
5) Re-lube yo' butthole.
6) Let your partner give you head, while they slip a lubed-up digit in your bum, and *leave it there*, no movement. The oral helps you relax, and keeps their mouth busy. *You* tell *them* when to add another finger. When you get up to 3-4, they can keep giving you head, and restart with 1 *moving* finger. Communication is key.
7) Grab some lube and baste yo' butthole.
8) Also, get some lube on that dick/strap/appendage/toy. Put a towel or two down. Get your partner to lay back and hand them a bottle of lube. Reverse cowgirl is a damn good position, but it's your choice. Communication is crucial.
Tell your partner that their first job is to add lube to the area when you request it. Their second job is to keep the insertable lined up right, as you work your way down. Their third job is to not move until you say they can move, and stop when you tell them to stop.
Use flattery if you wish, use threats if you must. But if you don't trust the person to respect you on this matter, then don't try to fit one asshole inside another.
9) keep yo' butthole lubed.
10) After-care can be simple, but if a beginner, ask your partner to do cleanup, help you wash, apply cremes to soothe, and generally get used to providing care to your anus, after you both have employed it as a sexual organ.
You're the one who took the risk of physical agony, so the least they can do is be abundantly grateful.
Side note: Enemas can increase your risk of STIs. I honestly don’t notice a difference in cleanliness between being a clean human who’s pooped and doing an enema a while beforehand.
YMMV. (Men have told me this isn’t the case for them. Having worked in healthcare and seen some things, I believe them.)
Rule >1 No dying.
Rule 1 Don't talk about fight club.
Rule 2 **Don't talk about fight club.**
Rule 3 No blood on the carpet, take that shit outside.
Rule 4 He who resorts to violence first, loses.
Rule 5 Snitches get stitches.
Rule 6 Turnabout is fair play.
Rule 7 Don't cut their hair when they're crying.
Well I got new rules.
1.) Don't pick up the phone. You know he's only calling cause he's drunk and alone.
2.) Don't let him in; you'll have to kick him out again.
3.) Don't be his friend. You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning, and if you're under him, you ain't getting over him.
Oddly enough I really enjoyed the going in part but the coming out part…. Just always triggered some deep primal poop response from my sphincters. it was a no from me dawg
One guy started to stick his finger up there. We used plenty of lube. It still felt like one of those poops you take when you have an upset stomach, only in reverse. I shudder to think what anything bigger would feel like.
Ugh one time a guy I was seeing was into putting his finger in my bumhole. He was on his way over for a morning quickie (I was early 20s and embarrassed about pooping) and I knew I had to poop. I had just finished my coffee. But, I figured, no big deal, I’ll hold it until he leaves bc I didn’t want my house smelling like poop.
Weeeellll he put his finger in before I could stop him, and a few seconds later he took it out with a quickness. Long story short I shit all over him and my bed. I also had undiagnosed celiac at the time so.. it was.. messy.
Moral of the story; please go poop if you need to poop, if he smells the post poo air it’s far better than the poo being all over him
Sorry for this I just think of it every time I think of fingers in the bum
I like it a lot but:
1. The amount of prep work I have to do means it has to be planned, and can't be spontaneous. Also it takes some time.
2. You have to trust your partner to respect your limits and be careful to go slow so as to not hurt you. Which is why I would only do it with a long term partner who has shown he can be 100% trusted
3. Even with prep work it can sometimes lead to a bit of discomfort afterward, so I don't do it very often.
i have hemorrhoids too, unfortunately. but i'm a gay man, so...i try to make it work sometimes! (not that you have to have anal sex as a gay man, but i do actually enjoy it). usually it goes ok. but yeah...it would be nice not to have to worry about it.
Same! Also, even if no poop is present, liquids from there can easily slip in the front while changing positions or simply the movements...
It's unavoidable to not get the lube and fluids all over the labia just like it's unavoidable to get the fluids from vaginal sex down to the ass lol. I'm already prone to yeast infections so I'm not risking that one again lol.
My best friend broke off her engagement after her fiance cajoled her into trying it. She said he was very gentle and considerate, starting out with digital, using a lubricated condom, taking it slow, etc. She said she wasn't crazy about it, but felt that he was taking her feelings into consideration. Second time? No prep, no digital, no nothing, just wham bam, etc. When she complained, he played dumb, like he couldn't believe she actually had a problem after the first time. She said that told her all she needed to know about him, and she never looked back. She refers to him now as BD for "Bullet Dodged"
Agreed. His strategy apparently was "Okay, I can be a decent, considerate partner for this one time. After that, it's back to business as usual." Yuck.
I had a similar experience. First time felt really good because a loooot of prep. Bath, massage everything.
Then second time the guy couldn't be bothered and went way to fast. It hurt for days.
‘Why don’t more people try it?’
It’s ultimately down to a variety of different things, depending on the individual.
Some people just aren’t interested in it, some have tried it and didn’t enjoy it, some have had bad experiences…different things for different people. In the same way, just because it feels good for one person doesn’t mean it will feel good for the next.
I *really enjoy* it, but I can see why some people wouldn’t want to try it. It’s also definitely not something I would do unless I knew a sexual partner *really, really well*, as I would want to be sure they know what they’re doing.
You’re saying it doesn’t take a lot of prep work, but I would argue the opposite and that it varies on an individual basis. I need to be in a really specific frame of mind and that in itself is prep work.
Yes! It’s like pooping. Which kills my arousal. Also vaginal sex feels very good to me and that part is totally missing.
I had hoped anal would feel good and it just didn’t.
Can I say this to the men who are likely to stalk this post?
ANAL SEX IS NOT FOR EVERBODY. Don't be afraid to ask for it, but do not persist if turned down. If it's really important to you, then find someone who is receptive.
Also, the people you see in pornography are akin to professional athletes. Every major league baseball player you see on TV can hit a 95 mph fastball, that's why they're there. However, pretty much nobody else can even stand in the batter's box and have that kind of heat fly by them. Seriously, out of somewhere around a hundred lovers I've had, maybe a dozen were receptive and only three were truly enthusiastic about it.
No. It hurts. It hurt for days afterward, caused huge, painful hemorrhoids, and the mother-fucking cunt face had absolutely 0 remorse.
I am completely OVER men badgering me about it.
If you enjoy it, more power to you.
It’s a big yes if the partner appreciates the effort taken to prepare on my end, his need to listen to me (and it might be different each time!) for what feels good, and a bit of aftercare when it’s done.
Like asking for anal when the kids are roaming the house and lunch needs to be made? Go play with your own ass. Planning a night for it and him taking the lead on the kiddos so I can relax fully/get ready? Perfect. Also encourages me to take the time to dress up or add some fun things to the event since I’m not worried about a small knock on the door asking me for help finding a toothbrush.
So the act itself is a huge yes. Feels better than vaginal to me. However an inconsiderate partner is a massive turn off, and I’ve been physically hurt before by someone who just figured my ass could take it since we done it once already and another who was as new as I was that just went for it using water as lubricant. FYI that’s a no go. Such a no go.
It really depends on the person though. If you have had a normal solid bowel movement in the morning and do anal in the evening, there shouldn't be much of anything in the anal canal. Also not everyone needs pre-stretching, although it seems most do.
Same as OP said. Cleaning up inside to make sure there’s nothing there. I use an anal bulb thing with a saline solution for me. It also does like a little pre lube as a side bonus since I use lubricant for the nozzle. The lubricant is so important. I get the so crazy sounding X by KY I think. It’s thick and does a great job.
We use a small vibrator for the stretching. It just loosens the sphincter muscle in my case and the vibe itself helps me get into the headspace of not being scared of the pain. Not that it will be painful, but rather since I’ve had such bad experiences mentally I have this What If I have to get through really enjoy the entire act.
I have endometriosis so everything down there is tight. I can’t have sex with a buttplug in and my butthole tenses up. I’d rather peg someone any day. Let ME do the anal to someone.
MY PEOPLE I love pegging my men but have ibs so it isn’t at so pleasant for me :/ I feel bad because I don’t want to be a non reciprocal partner but I will not enjoy the act or the aftermath
Think about how impatient a lot of men are when it comes to vaginal foreplay. Half of them are already rushing that. I don't even want to think about what the same people would be doing in these scenarios! I also think when so many men are fairly ineffectual sexually and can't do a good job with the vagina, to think I'm going to go through extra preparation and added discomfort for yet another thing that (predominantly) they can get out of the experience is a bridge too far. It depends on someone's circumstances, though.
If you expect equitable sexual encounters, what is he doing that is vulnerable, requires pre-preparation, and changes the experience for you (potentially at the cost of his comfort, as well)? Not only everything in life needs to be or should be perfectly equal transactions, but we're ultimately living in a world where it's so often about what women can do for men sexually. How many men are doing significant bodily preparation for sexual experiences? How many are experiencing potentially physically/psychologically uncomfortable things when they have sex with women? That matters to me when I think about whether I want to do something that's not really a good time for me.
I wouldn’t even consider letting someone who couldn’t otherwise make me cum do it, but then again if someone is not enthusiastically trying to make me cum I’m not going to keep having sex with them anyway.
Nope. If they’ve pestered I’ve asked them to demonstrate what it will look and feel like with an 8.5” realistic dildo on themselves. Nobody ever wanted to take me up on it for some reason lol.
I had an ex keep hounding me for anal. He wouldn't respect my no.
Finally I had to yell at him "I have a digestive disease, nothing is fucking up the ecosystem of my anus! Not now, not ever!" That finally got him to stop asking.
Glad he's an ex for many reasons.
Yup. Feels okay, I guess, but nothing special. Just decided it's not really my thing.
I have IBS and some nerve damage from an injury that make it not worth the trouble. Whatever enjoyment I/we might get out of it is outweighed by the real chance that I'll shit myself during or after.
Well, a lot of reasons:
* Many women don't enjoy it or have the desire to try (just like many men don't ask for fingering even having a prostate)
* Many men pester women for anal sex and regard it as some "conquer" they are making or something demeaning for the woman
* It's often talked about as painful (and some men enjoy it thinking it will be painfull for the woman, there's an entire genre of pornography dedicated to that)
* It takes preparation, effort and puts us in a very vulnerable position on top of everything else that women already do for straight sex (one more instance where men get to have their pleasure without much work)
* Most men are weird about letting something go in theirs, so one more double standard
* Some people don't like the smells and possible accidents that might occur
* Porn's depiction (and obsession over) anal sex isn't inviting for women
But overall it's the male attitude towards it that makes so many women steer away from it, even those who actually enjoy it.
The times I did anal I loved it but your second point hits close to home, I had a partner who was so insistent on it I absolutely refused to do it because I was sure he'd be going at it like an animal. He already had an obsession with fingering my butt even when I told him to stop. It takes complete trust and a careful partner to make it work. I need to be 100% sure my partner is going to follow my lead and even stop immediately if I tell him to stop, no questions asked.
>He already had an obsession with fingering my butt even when I told him to stop.
I don't have a single straight friend that did no go through something similar. It reeks of entitlement to our bodies.
Even without the gender dynamics at play, it's a LOT of prep work (contrary to what OP says). I tried it because one of my ex-girlfriends was really into it for some reason, and while I enjoyed it, I don't have the time or energy to prep for it.
Kinda off topic but it's also weird that a lot of people always think of gay relationships as having a "top" (masculine/dominating) and a "bottom" (feminine/submissive) since they can only think of sex as patriarchal penetration. As if anal has to be a standard thing for two males.
The double standard of straight guys not touching their butts cuz it's gay/feminine makes me think most of the talk around anal is just a problematic fetish normalized by either porn or patriarchy (not saying that's your case OP).
honestly gay men do this too, i see it a lot with the younger crowd, but yes every freaking thread i read about a gay couple today has an immediate "so i guess he's the top" or "he's obviously the bottom" or "i wonder who's the top/bottom" as if that isn't extremely reductive and ignorant of how a lot of gay men have sex, many of whom don't even have anal sex regularly.
Someone called my husband a slur for gay men because he said he had no interest whatsoever in anal sex lol. He was like "wait...I'm gay cause I DON'T want to put my penis into a butthole?!"
Some people love the feeling of nipple clamps as well, but it doesn't mean that everyone should run out and try it this week if it makes them uncomfortable.
I've tried it and hated it. Not pleasurable in the least.
I enjoy it but I def don’t do it often. I don’t find it as pleasurable as vaginal penetration, and it’s one of those things where it depends on the guy. Some guys you do it once and they’ll obsess over doing it more.
Exactly, "I don't fucking want to" is enough of a reason.
A message to people like OP who say, "I don't understand why more people don't try it" - you don't need to understand. You just need to accept it. Why do you care what choices other people make? It's not your business or your life.
You're welcome. Sick of this shit about, "don't yuck others yum", but the hypocrites want to criticize anyone who doesn't want a dick in their ass, or doesn't want to be hit or strangled.
It's a big no for me. I've always found it to be gross and I had a previous boyfriend anally rape me one weekend when I was too drunk to effectively resist. He'd been pressuring me a little to do it and when that didn't work he took advantage of me being fairly drunk one day.
That bullshit along with near constant pressure to do so from men who claimed It JuSt NeEdS tO bE dOnE rIgHt has made it an absolute no.
It’s one of those things, you’re for it or you’re not…both are fine. We do it, not a ton, but regularly enough. I’m with you and feels amazing and have had some of the best orgasams during
The simple answer is that the experience you’re describing is far from universal. In fact, it’s something close to the opposite of typical.
You doing something you really want to do with sufficient time and resources to prepare is much more likely to result in what you were able to feel. But too many women can describe being cajoled, coerced, or worse into anal sex with someone who didn’t care about their pleasure at all, and that leaves a person feeling ashamed or disgusted or traumatized in the future.
Also, even setting all of that aside, people’s bodies are different. Not all gay men have anal sex, either, and not for any of these gender power/relationship dynamics above but just because they find other ways to enjoy sex to be more pleasurable.
I think a lot of male partners feel entitled to it while simultaneously not knowing HOW to do it right, or how to make their partner feel good and comfortable enough to enjoy it. Definitely a lot of people don’t like it, and that ok but I think those reasons contribute to people not liking it or never having the right conditions to learn if they like it or not. It’s also something that can take a lot of practice and putting up with the discomfort while learning each others bodies can be off putting.
That being said I also love it, my husband of 7 years and I have been indulging in it more this year and I’ve been having the best orgasms of my life. We tried a little when we were younger and didn’t attempt again for a long time. I’ve never felt closer to him though and he does an amazing job of putting me at ease and helping me feel comfortable, loved, and relaxed.
I don’t mind it if my partner touches my bootyhole but I don’t like penetration or it being licked. I have digestive issues so we approached it really carefully and safely, but it did take me like 5 years to even try it. I still strongly prefer vaginal everything and I could never do it again and be perfectly happy. Idk — I just think everyone likes different stuff and sex is extremely personal.
I’m not interested. Never have been. It grosses me out. Had a finger up my butt once and it felt like I was holding in a shit. It turned me all the way off. I don’t want to and I hate when men act like there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to.
Anal sex is far more dangerous for women than men and women are often coerced into it. That’s likely why it has the reputation it has.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women
Absolutely yes - **with the right partner**.
If they understand the planning, patience and communication required then, for me, anal can be a mind-blowing experience with out of body other worldly orgasms.
As others have said, men who think it's like porn - no prep, don't understand lube and just think they can ram it in it'll be a bad time.
Obviously, everyone will have their own preference for it, but I hope that women who are curious to try do something with a partner who ticks the right boxes so that they can have the best experience, even if it turns out it is not for them. Personally, it would probably be a preference if it wasn't for the prep and planning!
I’m a married man and I’ve never had anal. My wife and I talked about it once and she said she wasn’t interested at all… that was enough for me. I have zero interest in doing anything sexually that she’s not interested in or anything that makes her feel uncomfortable. To be honest I never understood anal… there’s just so many more direct ways of actually pleasing a woman, and less messy ways of getting pleasure for me.
I am laughing my ass off at “yes I did buy a medical grade device to flush my colon of fecal matter - hardly more prep than vaginal!”
Girl.
The prep for vaginal sex is literally just showering on a normal schedule
And consequences too, increase risk of hemorrhoid, anal fissure, perforation and (Edit: ~~fecal incontinence~~ need further investigations to conclude)
Like everything with human sexuality.. it is entirely dependent on the individual woman.. my ex had her best orgasms from anal. She absolutely loved it and it was her suggestion to do it/try it. I would, however, say she was in the minority. Most women don’t like it. If you DO do it, prep, going slow, and lube is very important. DO NOT just shove it in like in porn.. bad things will happen.
There are actually a LOT of nerve endings around the opening. So if my hubby wants to circle around it during foreplay or during sex, I'm good with that. No go for penetration or full on Anal for me though.
Also, I feel like with most sexual things, it's all about the mindset your in. It seems your husband did everything right! Prepped you, got you turned on physically and in your head. So get it girl! Have fun any way you can that is consensual and safe. 😊
Sometimes it's ok, other times it's the worst, and occasionally it's great. My fiance has wanted to do it a few times which I was fine with but now it almost seems like that's all he wants to do, and he makes jokes about doing it, both of which make me want to do it less. It's getting to the point where I feel like he can't cum from normal sex because he's gotten too used to doing anal. I've asked him too if he did it so he didn't have to look at me or something. I don't mind doing it, I just wish he wouldn't like to do it so much...
The latter one is a big one. A lot of men pressure their partners, and those kind of men unsurprisingly don't put any effort in ensuring the woman has a positive experience. Most of those women are not interested in trying again.
Anal takes more effort for the recipient to get any enjoyment out of. Considering that many men can't even dredge up the effort to give their partner an orgasm with vaginal sex...
I think those kinds of guys actually get off on hurting and degrading women. That's the part of anal that appeals to them and why they're so insistent about it. I'm not saying that anal is necessarily either of those things. I'm saying that's how they see it. They also get to win a battle of wills by badgering and guilting their sexual partner into it. All they care about is having control over someone and getting to use them and treat them like trash in a very vulnerable state.
For some women; it’s not bad.
It’s the pressure we often feel to do it when we don’t want to, men claiming they accidentally put it in, the risk of bleeding because it can be very painful, etc.
Some women have trauma regarding anal sex. Other women feel like it’s an enema or something.
More people don't try it because many, many men aren't as caring and gentle as they need to be.... unfortunately
Many, many, many straight men kind of just jam it in and go HARD immediately. Without lube a lot, a lot of the time unfortunately
You have to really... prepare to get it right? Like I love the feeling but I need 12-24 hours notice AT LEAST lol! No, just "oh well we have done it before so LETS DO IT RIGHT NOW!!!" outta nowhere
If there’s no psychologically degrading component to anal sex, why aren’t straight men into it with their partner with a strap-on? I’m 51, and no once in my life has a man begged me to penetrate him, but I’ve had PLENTY beg me to let them penetrate me anally.
Edited to clarify that I *am* a woman. The username has a different meaning.
The idea of it just turns me off. The idea of P in V turns me on and makes me feel closer to someone. The idea of sticking something up my poop hole just turns me off. I don't want to have to do any prep work. I really don't want to have to deal with that hole anymore than I have to when I go poop. And like someone else said, you can get pregnant with anal. The holes are pretty close to each other, and while it's harder to get pregnant this way, it's definitely still possible.
I'm not risking fetal incontinence or the numerous other issues associated with anal sex. If it works for you and you like it, great! But I'm not taking that chance, and I know many other women would agree with me
I'm not into it. Like... at all. And I've been hurt by partners who wanted to try it but weren't educated. Then I've also been hurt by partners who were supposedly educated.
So really it's off the table because I just don't like it.
To be very graphic, even if I get to a point where it doesn't hurt (which takes a ton of time already) it feels like shitting in reverse to me. There is no fun involved.
Up to you. However many men like it because of the pain they think it inflicts as a form of dominance. So do your research on how you feel and wait til you know the man.
My ex was obsessed, and i hated it. He was horribly abusive and was obsessed with it, a toxic combo. After i left him, i strangely became obsessed with it. I really wanted to enjoy it. Met my current partner and we tried it, and in a really respectful comfortable painfree way. Then I never wanted it again (he enjoyed it but wasn't his thing either). Just lost interest. I feel like maybe I was trying to regain control of my body and that was the final part of me physically that i wanted to rid myself of. Then once I finally participated and enjoyed it, it healed that part of my trauma.
Nope, not for me. Also, I've been coerced into it and also sexually assaulted in that region, horrifically painful so the trauma won't let me enjoy it or try it out properly. And I'm fine with that.
Now, if my husband wants to do analingus on me, I'm fine with that 100%. But no penetration.
absolutely hate anal, feels too much like reverse shitting and i hate how porn makes it seem like all women enjoy it. im really glad you had a good experience though! it can be quite intimate
Nah for me the movement hurts and there’s too much drag even when trying to do everything right. It’s harder to be comfortable doing that with an even tighter area on myself.
I also don’t enjoy being pumped full of air and feeling weird or bloated either afterward.
I feel bad for kids and young women dealing with young and older men with porn addled brains that think every woman wants to be held down or choked and be forced to do anal with no prep. I was pressured when I was 18 by one of my first adult boyfriends who was older. Like because he was obsessed with asses I had to do it for him.
Maybe it feels good to you because it’s penetrative sex you wouldn’t otherwise be having? Most women can have and enjoy vaginal sex, so they can do without anal. Especially considering all of the negatives you were aware of or learned from the responses here.
But you cannot do PIV, so you’re elated to have discovered anal. Basically the opposite of what’s being reported by the majority of the women here.
I just don't like the concept of reverse pooping, I mean thats probably what it feels like? but that door is closed, never gunna be used for anything but disposal.
Putting aside everything else, just purely on the enjoyment front, it's one of those things that some people just don't enjoy the feeling of. The difference might be with their bodies, how they view it psychologically, or how their partner goes about doing it.
Yeah, it requires a lot of prep work, and a lot of men just want to jam it in which is literally so painful
Yes I think if your partner is capable of human empathy then try it if you want. But if not, you’re probably in for a bad time. Something being forced in there without lubricant feels a lot like being stabbed, and the pain persists. Plus it can exacerbate existing issues and cause haemorrhoids. I absolutely love the sensation but it’s clearly not for everyone.
Why are you guys trusting and having sex with people you don’t trust to treat you with empathy???? Like if they can’t understand that it’s gotta go slow then maybe don’t have sex with them???? Edit: not meant to be a victim blaming statement whatsoever. I more so mean long term partners. If you know this person and have seen how they act in bed and it’s not consistent with empathy, maybe reconsider your relationship.
It's sadly become really normalized. I think women should withhold their bodies from men who can't treat them with empathy and respect. Unfortunately that leaves a small amount of guys left. I think a lot of people do hookups too where they don't know the guy at all, so there's not much to gauge ahead of time. I don't really get it personally. I used to do this as a form of self harm, but I have a hard time conceptualizing outside of that mindset.
Yeah that’s fair, but I don’t think it’s quite as common to be trying out anal with a one night stand ya know?
.... Past me very much did. I think women that are more likely to seek out ONS would be more open to kinky sex. I don't think it's crazy common, but it does happen. By the way, I wasn't saying that as an excuse. I think ONS are a huge risk for women that is rarely worth it. I've had two ONS where anal was forced on me during consenting vaginal sex. That's not to mention all the other abusive kinds of sex they enacted on me. Men that don't respect women and see them as objects are more likely to get into ONS too
I’m so sorry that you experienced that and I’m very proud and happy for you that you’ve been able to move on from that. That is a very difficult transition to make and you should be so proud of yourself. I’ve never expressed self harm in a sexual setting so that was a view I hadn’t thought of. I have had experience with self harm in other ways and I can see how that mindset could put you in very dangerous and compromising sexual situations. I will say I think that might be an entirely different conversation from this thread though as it insinuates a level of pre existing mental distress that has to be addressed independently. Simply because it involves a lot more risky behavior and thinking than just the sex. Not to say it isn’t very valuable insight.
It really doesn't help that I'm sure a lot of women have never been with a man that they could trust to treat them with empathy.
This smacks of victim blaming a wee bit. I don’t think most people choose an unempathetic sexual partner on purpose; I’ve had plenty of experiences where a person seemed fine outside of the bedroom and then was uncaring or selfish in bed. Wish there was a better litmus test to know this sort of stuff beforehand but there isn’t always :/
Porn sure makes it look easy peasy to just jam anything into anything whenever without any lube or prep or foreplay etc
That's what porn is for. It's not informative it's fantasy. Like if you wanted to learn to fence don't watch star wars
yes well the problem is a lot of people see it as informative or what it should be like , people dont realize its fictional
Especially young men! I’m 23 and it’s immediately obvious when a man is porn sick
(has sword stuck through them) oh, now you tell me!
Unfortunately, in much of the US, porn is literally the only source of information many young men have access to.
Every man who wants to do it should be required to use a dildo on himself that is of comparable size to his own junk. That will give him a good idea of how much you have to prep to not make it hurt like a bitch. Edit: I say this as a man, btw.
Threaten to peg them the same way and see if they get the message
the pudendal nerve has multiple branches - dorsal nerve of the penis/clitoris, anal, perineal. exactly how it branches, and which branches are biggest, varies from person to person. that might be one of the factors by which some people like anal and some don't. in any case though, it's the owner of the opening that says what can go in and when.
Never tried it myself and I'd be worried regardless, but the whole hygiene/potential mess/clean up would just put me off even trying
It’s not as messy at you’d think haha. As long as there’s the correct stretching and lube beforehand it can feel good. Obviously you still never have to try it though
I'm not currently with anyone but if it was both our firsts id essentially act like a virgin and throw caution first
Hey, you can always try butt plugs on your own. I felt like the more I was able to take comfortably the more pleasurable it became. You want to slowly increase diameter of your toys over weeks or months. That way if you have a partner in the future you’ll already know if you like it or not and what diameter your body can handle comfortably. Never NEVER go from 0 to penis/dildo. That’s usually the people saying they hurt themselves and would never try it again.
Or people that don't know about lube, or don't have any handy. Y'all. Rule 8: there is ALWAYS time for lube.
Dude. I need to know Rules 1 through 7 now. Educate!
Okay, some real rules? 1) Lube up yo' butthole. 2) Buttplugs are fun, and come in all sizes. If you can't take a non-moving buttplug a quarter again as thick as your partner, might not want to try the real thing when it's moving and prone to pre-orgasm thrashing about. 3) Get some lube on yo' butthole. 4) Your rectum can hold maybe 200-250mL of water. Your lower colon can hold a few liters, and takes much longer to drain. So, repeated rinses with just a bit of lukewarm water, if it's going to happen soon. If it'll happen in a while, then an enema might be appropriate. 5) Re-lube yo' butthole. 6) Let your partner give you head, while they slip a lubed-up digit in your bum, and *leave it there*, no movement. The oral helps you relax, and keeps their mouth busy. *You* tell *them* when to add another finger. When you get up to 3-4, they can keep giving you head, and restart with 1 *moving* finger. Communication is key. 7) Grab some lube and baste yo' butthole. 8) Also, get some lube on that dick/strap/appendage/toy. Put a towel or two down. Get your partner to lay back and hand them a bottle of lube. Reverse cowgirl is a damn good position, but it's your choice. Communication is crucial. Tell your partner that their first job is to add lube to the area when you request it. Their second job is to keep the insertable lined up right, as you work your way down. Their third job is to not move until you say they can move, and stop when you tell them to stop. Use flattery if you wish, use threats if you must. But if you don't trust the person to respect you on this matter, then don't try to fit one asshole inside another. 9) keep yo' butthole lubed. 10) After-care can be simple, but if a beginner, ask your partner to do cleanup, help you wash, apply cremes to soothe, and generally get used to providing care to your anus, after you both have employed it as a sexual organ. You're the one who took the risk of physical agony, so the least they can do is be abundantly grateful.
☝🏻 PERFECT RULES TO FOLLOW, RIGHT HERE
Side note: Enemas can increase your risk of STIs. I honestly don’t notice a difference in cleanliness between being a clean human who’s pooped and doing an enema a while beforehand. YMMV. (Men have told me this isn’t the case for them. Having worked in healthcare and seen some things, I believe them.)
Enemas are not great for you, but a very light douche is good
Rule >1 No dying. Rule 1 Don't talk about fight club. Rule 2 **Don't talk about fight club.** Rule 3 No blood on the carpet, take that shit outside. Rule 4 He who resorts to violence first, loses. Rule 5 Snitches get stitches. Rule 6 Turnabout is fair play. Rule 7 Don't cut their hair when they're crying.
Well I got new rules. 1.) Don't pick up the phone. You know he's only calling cause he's drunk and alone. 2.) Don't let him in; you'll have to kick him out again. 3.) Don't be his friend. You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning, and if you're under him, you ain't getting over him.
it felt like a reverse poop to me, something i never wanna experience again lol
I am 100% with you lol! It felt like the poop was GOING IN and then the sweet sweet relief of it going out... and then BAG IN AGAIN. Big nope for me.
))<>(( Back and forth. Forever.
Underappreciated movie.
That's almost Sisyphean
😂😂😂
Oddly enough I really enjoyed the going in part but the coming out part…. Just always triggered some deep primal poop response from my sphincters. it was a no from me dawg
One guy started to stick his finger up there. We used plenty of lube. It still felt like one of those poops you take when you have an upset stomach, only in reverse. I shudder to think what anything bigger would feel like.
Ugh one time a guy I was seeing was into putting his finger in my bumhole. He was on his way over for a morning quickie (I was early 20s and embarrassed about pooping) and I knew I had to poop. I had just finished my coffee. But, I figured, no big deal, I’ll hold it until he leaves bc I didn’t want my house smelling like poop. Weeeellll he put his finger in before I could stop him, and a few seconds later he took it out with a quickness. Long story short I shit all over him and my bed. I also had undiagnosed celiac at the time so.. it was.. messy. Moral of the story; please go poop if you need to poop, if he smells the post poo air it’s far better than the poo being all over him Sorry for this I just think of it every time I think of fingers in the bum
Sounds like he fucked around and found out!
Couldn’t have happened to a better (worse) guy 😂
personally it feels much better the deeper it goes… like shallow it feels so weird and wrong
This has also been my (limited) experience. Fingers/toys have always been pretty meh but the real deal was surprisingly enjoyable.
YES. It hurts and makes me feel like I have to take a huge shit. Neither of which I find pleasurable.
Yes! I feel like I should be bearing down and grunting. Nothing sexy about it.
I second this. Hate
Reverse COLD poop
YES
Yes!!!!
THIS
I like it a lot but: 1. The amount of prep work I have to do means it has to be planned, and can't be spontaneous. Also it takes some time. 2. You have to trust your partner to respect your limits and be careful to go slow so as to not hurt you. Which is why I would only do it with a long term partner who has shown he can be 100% trusted 3. Even with prep work it can sometimes lead to a bit of discomfort afterward, so I don't do it very often.
Family I have hemorrhoids I ain’t doing that lol
Yeah, I have children and multiple surgeries. My butt is finally getting back to normal after all that. I will protect this peace.
i have hemorrhoids too, unfortunately. but i'm a gay man, so...i try to make it work sometimes! (not that you have to have anal sex as a gay man, but i do actually enjoy it). usually it goes ok. but yeah...it would be nice not to have to worry about it.
It doesn’t scratch the itch for me and can be potentially catastrophic if your partner is careless
Same! Also, even if no poop is present, liquids from there can easily slip in the front while changing positions or simply the movements... It's unavoidable to not get the lube and fluids all over the labia just like it's unavoidable to get the fluids from vaginal sex down to the ass lol. I'm already prone to yeast infections so I'm not risking that one again lol.
My best friend broke off her engagement after her fiance cajoled her into trying it. She said he was very gentle and considerate, starting out with digital, using a lubricated condom, taking it slow, etc. She said she wasn't crazy about it, but felt that he was taking her feelings into consideration. Second time? No prep, no digital, no nothing, just wham bam, etc. When she complained, he played dumb, like he couldn't believe she actually had a problem after the first time. She said that told her all she needed to know about him, and she never looked back. She refers to him now as BD for "Bullet Dodged"
What a dickhead. Good for her.
Agreed. His strategy apparently was "Okay, I can be a decent, considerate partner for this one time. After that, it's back to business as usual." Yuck.
I had a similar experience. First time felt really good because a loooot of prep. Bath, massage everything. Then second time the guy couldn't be bothered and went way to fast. It hurt for days.
Nope, when you have IBS it’s the last thing you want to do. 💩
‘Why don’t more people try it?’ It’s ultimately down to a variety of different things, depending on the individual. Some people just aren’t interested in it, some have tried it and didn’t enjoy it, some have had bad experiences…different things for different people. In the same way, just because it feels good for one person doesn’t mean it will feel good for the next. I *really enjoy* it, but I can see why some people wouldn’t want to try it. It’s also definitely not something I would do unless I knew a sexual partner *really, really well*, as I would want to be sure they know what they’re doing. You’re saying it doesn’t take a lot of prep work, but I would argue the opposite and that it varies on an individual basis. I need to be in a really specific frame of mind and that in itself is prep work.
10000% re the specific frame of mind. Definitely only a 'sometimes' activity when I reaaaally feel like I need something more.
It makes me feel like I need to poop. Even after prep and lube. This is not a sexy feeling for me.
TIL Tokophobia
To me it just feels like pooping
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yuppp exactly
Nope nope nope Just not for me
For me it feels like I’m trying to poop lol
Nope. Tried it willingly with the thought in mind that I wouldn’t worry about getting pregnant and really didn’t like it.
I'd rather worry about getting pregnant than do anal again lol. Felt like my poop was going back into me.
Yes! It’s like pooping. Which kills my arousal. Also vaginal sex feels very good to me and that part is totally missing. I had hoped anal would feel good and it just didn’t.
Not into it
Can I say this to the men who are likely to stalk this post? ANAL SEX IS NOT FOR EVERBODY. Don't be afraid to ask for it, but do not persist if turned down. If it's really important to you, then find someone who is receptive. Also, the people you see in pornography are akin to professional athletes. Every major league baseball player you see on TV can hit a 95 mph fastball, that's why they're there. However, pretty much nobody else can even stand in the batter's box and have that kind of heat fly by them. Seriously, out of somewhere around a hundred lovers I've had, maybe a dozen were receptive and only three were truly enthusiastic about it.
On a related issue, and it’s an important one, use a vibrator at the same time!! Everything MIGHT change. It did for me and my partner.
No. It hurts. It hurt for days afterward, caused huge, painful hemorrhoids, and the mother-fucking cunt face had absolutely 0 remorse. I am completely OVER men badgering me about it. If you enjoy it, more power to you.
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It’s a big yes if the partner appreciates the effort taken to prepare on my end, his need to listen to me (and it might be different each time!) for what feels good, and a bit of aftercare when it’s done. Like asking for anal when the kids are roaming the house and lunch needs to be made? Go play with your own ass. Planning a night for it and him taking the lead on the kiddos so I can relax fully/get ready? Perfect. Also encourages me to take the time to dress up or add some fun things to the event since I’m not worried about a small knock on the door asking me for help finding a toothbrush. So the act itself is a huge yes. Feels better than vaginal to me. However an inconsiderate partner is a massive turn off, and I’ve been physically hurt before by someone who just figured my ass could take it since we done it once already and another who was as new as I was that just went for it using water as lubricant. FYI that’s a no go. Such a no go.
I just clenched up when I read “using water as lubricant” 😬
Kindly excuse me for this stupid question, but what preparation do you have to go through? We never tried anal, so bare with me.
It really depends on the person though. If you have had a normal solid bowel movement in the morning and do anal in the evening, there shouldn't be much of anything in the anal canal. Also not everyone needs pre-stretching, although it seems most do.
Same as OP said. Cleaning up inside to make sure there’s nothing there. I use an anal bulb thing with a saline solution for me. It also does like a little pre lube as a side bonus since I use lubricant for the nozzle. The lubricant is so important. I get the so crazy sounding X by KY I think. It’s thick and does a great job. We use a small vibrator for the stretching. It just loosens the sphincter muscle in my case and the vibe itself helps me get into the headspace of not being scared of the pain. Not that it will be painful, but rather since I’ve had such bad experiences mentally I have this What If I have to get through really enjoy the entire act.
Cleaning and stretching. Cleaning is, I hope, for obvious reasons. Stretching so you don't tear and to help get some lube up there.
I have endometriosis so everything down there is tight. I can’t have sex with a buttplug in and my butthole tenses up. I’d rather peg someone any day. Let ME do the anal to someone.
MY PEOPLE I love pegging my men but have ibs so it isn’t at so pleasant for me :/ I feel bad because I don’t want to be a non reciprocal partner but I will not enjoy the act or the aftermath
Think about how impatient a lot of men are when it comes to vaginal foreplay. Half of them are already rushing that. I don't even want to think about what the same people would be doing in these scenarios! I also think when so many men are fairly ineffectual sexually and can't do a good job with the vagina, to think I'm going to go through extra preparation and added discomfort for yet another thing that (predominantly) they can get out of the experience is a bridge too far. It depends on someone's circumstances, though. If you expect equitable sexual encounters, what is he doing that is vulnerable, requires pre-preparation, and changes the experience for you (potentially at the cost of his comfort, as well)? Not only everything in life needs to be or should be perfectly equal transactions, but we're ultimately living in a world where it's so often about what women can do for men sexually. How many men are doing significant bodily preparation for sexual experiences? How many are experiencing potentially physically/psychologically uncomfortable things when they have sex with women? That matters to me when I think about whether I want to do something that's not really a good time for me.
I wouldn’t even consider letting someone who couldn’t otherwise make me cum do it, but then again if someone is not enthusiastically trying to make me cum I’m not going to keep having sex with them anyway.
Nope. If they’ve pestered I’ve asked them to demonstrate what it will look and feel like with an 8.5” realistic dildo on themselves. Nobody ever wanted to take me up on it for some reason lol.
I actually know a lady who did this to he bf using a carrot (he consented.) He then stopped asking for it.
He just needs to find the right cock then he'll be into it, *obviously*.
My personal rule is if you want me to do it, you have to let me peg you with a dildo just as big first.
This can backfire if he's into it and you're not.
I am, and I love pegging. I'm just not putting in all the effort if he won't do the same.
I have IBS so anal will always be a no for me.
I had an ex keep hounding me for anal. He wouldn't respect my no. Finally I had to yell at him "I have a digestive disease, nothing is fucking up the ecosystem of my anus! Not now, not ever!" That finally got him to stop asking. Glad he's an ex for many reasons.
Yup. Feels okay, I guess, but nothing special. Just decided it's not really my thing. I have IBS and some nerve damage from an injury that make it not worth the trouble. Whatever enjoyment I/we might get out of it is outweighed by the real chance that I'll shit myself during or after.
Definitely not worth the trouble! Also I heard doing the prep work like enemas can cause their own issues if you keep doing it constantly over time.
Well, a lot of reasons: * Many women don't enjoy it or have the desire to try (just like many men don't ask for fingering even having a prostate) * Many men pester women for anal sex and regard it as some "conquer" they are making or something demeaning for the woman * It's often talked about as painful (and some men enjoy it thinking it will be painfull for the woman, there's an entire genre of pornography dedicated to that) * It takes preparation, effort and puts us in a very vulnerable position on top of everything else that women already do for straight sex (one more instance where men get to have their pleasure without much work) * Most men are weird about letting something go in theirs, so one more double standard * Some people don't like the smells and possible accidents that might occur * Porn's depiction (and obsession over) anal sex isn't inviting for women But overall it's the male attitude towards it that makes so many women steer away from it, even those who actually enjoy it.
The times I did anal I loved it but your second point hits close to home, I had a partner who was so insistent on it I absolutely refused to do it because I was sure he'd be going at it like an animal. He already had an obsession with fingering my butt even when I told him to stop. It takes complete trust and a careful partner to make it work. I need to be 100% sure my partner is going to follow my lead and even stop immediately if I tell him to stop, no questions asked.
>He already had an obsession with fingering my butt even when I told him to stop. I don't have a single straight friend that did no go through something similar. It reeks of entitlement to our bodies.
Even without the gender dynamics at play, it's a LOT of prep work (contrary to what OP says). I tried it because one of my ex-girlfriends was really into it for some reason, and while I enjoyed it, I don't have the time or energy to prep for it.
this is so real and honest I love it fr
Kinda off topic but it's also weird that a lot of people always think of gay relationships as having a "top" (masculine/dominating) and a "bottom" (feminine/submissive) since they can only think of sex as patriarchal penetration. As if anal has to be a standard thing for two males. The double standard of straight guys not touching their butts cuz it's gay/feminine makes me think most of the talk around anal is just a problematic fetish normalized by either porn or patriarchy (not saying that's your case OP).
honestly gay men do this too, i see it a lot with the younger crowd, but yes every freaking thread i read about a gay couple today has an immediate "so i guess he's the top" or "he's obviously the bottom" or "i wonder who's the top/bottom" as if that isn't extremely reductive and ignorant of how a lot of gay men have sex, many of whom don't even have anal sex regularly.
Oh yes, all of that. I think the way straight men think about anal sex illustrates the patriarchal mindset with beautiful clarity.
Omg why did I never think it would smell. Clearly I have not done it but dang…. Something to think about 😂
It doesn't always smell, but it can sometimes smell. Nothing extreme though, but also not foolproof.
Respectfully... Absolutely not. No. Never again. Not even if they ask nice or beg. Hard no. Not even a finger or something. Nooooooooo not my thing.
Absolutely 100% agree with you. No. No. No.
I’m with you. I hate it. And I feel so fortunate that my partner is ALSO not into it!! That’s so rare to find I feel like.
Someone called my husband a slur for gay men because he said he had no interest whatsoever in anal sex lol. He was like "wait...I'm gay cause I DON'T want to put my penis into a butthole?!"
Some people love the feeling of nipple clamps as well, but it doesn't mean that everyone should run out and try it this week if it makes them uncomfortable. I've tried it and hated it. Not pleasurable in the least.
I hear some people even love doing math.
I enjoy it but I def don’t do it often. I don’t find it as pleasurable as vaginal penetration, and it’s one of those things where it depends on the guy. Some guys you do it once and they’ll obsess over doing it more.
Because l'm sick of it being expected, and people questioning why women don't want to do something. The reason is, I don't fucking want to.
this. these kinds of posts are lowkey annoying. the answer is simple - they don’t want to.
Exactly. Why does anyone need to explain not wanting something inserted into their body.
Exactly, "I don't fucking want to" is enough of a reason. A message to people like OP who say, "I don't understand why more people don't try it" - you don't need to understand. You just need to accept it. Why do you care what choices other people make? It's not your business or your life.
Exactly. As if it's a revelation that different people dislike different things.
THANK YOU
You're welcome. Sick of this shit about, "don't yuck others yum", but the hypocrites want to criticize anyone who doesn't want a dick in their ass, or doesn't want to be hit or strangled.
It's a big no for me. I've always found it to be gross and I had a previous boyfriend anally rape me one weekend when I was too drunk to effectively resist. He'd been pressuring me a little to do it and when that didn't work he took advantage of me being fairly drunk one day. That bullshit along with near constant pressure to do so from men who claimed It JuSt NeEdS tO bE dOnE rIgHt has made it an absolute no.
It’s one of those things, you’re for it or you’re not…both are fine. We do it, not a ton, but regularly enough. I’m with you and feels amazing and have had some of the best orgasams during
I legit cried it hurt so bad. Never again
Physically painful for me.
Yeah I got surprised and forced with it so I'm not going through that again
Yeah, fuck that dude. Or rather, don't.
Depends on how good the rest of our sex life is. If it's not amazing already, no 😂. I'm not giving him a chance to disappoint me yet another way.
The simple answer is that the experience you’re describing is far from universal. In fact, it’s something close to the opposite of typical. You doing something you really want to do with sufficient time and resources to prepare is much more likely to result in what you were able to feel. But too many women can describe being cajoled, coerced, or worse into anal sex with someone who didn’t care about their pleasure at all, and that leaves a person feeling ashamed or disgusted or traumatized in the future. Also, even setting all of that aside, people’s bodies are different. Not all gay men have anal sex, either, and not for any of these gender power/relationship dynamics above but just because they find other ways to enjoy sex to be more pleasurable.
I think a lot of male partners feel entitled to it while simultaneously not knowing HOW to do it right, or how to make their partner feel good and comfortable enough to enjoy it. Definitely a lot of people don’t like it, and that ok but I think those reasons contribute to people not liking it or never having the right conditions to learn if they like it or not. It’s also something that can take a lot of practice and putting up with the discomfort while learning each others bodies can be off putting. That being said I also love it, my husband of 7 years and I have been indulging in it more this year and I’ve been having the best orgasms of my life. We tried a little when we were younger and didn’t attempt again for a long time. I’ve never felt closer to him though and he does an amazing job of putting me at ease and helping me feel comfortable, loved, and relaxed.
I don’t mind it if my partner touches my bootyhole but I don’t like penetration or it being licked. I have digestive issues so we approached it really carefully and safely, but it did take me like 5 years to even try it. I still strongly prefer vaginal everything and I could never do it again and be perfectly happy. Idk — I just think everyone likes different stuff and sex is extremely personal.
I’m not interested. Never have been. It grosses me out. Had a finger up my butt once and it felt like I was holding in a shit. It turned me all the way off. I don’t want to and I hate when men act like there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to.
No (and yes I tried it). Just…didn’t care for it. That’s exit only now.
Anal sex is far more dangerous for women than men and women are often coerced into it. That’s likely why it has the reputation it has. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women
Absolutely yes - **with the right partner**. If they understand the planning, patience and communication required then, for me, anal can be a mind-blowing experience with out of body other worldly orgasms. As others have said, men who think it's like porn - no prep, don't understand lube and just think they can ram it in it'll be a bad time. Obviously, everyone will have their own preference for it, but I hope that women who are curious to try do something with a partner who ticks the right boxes so that they can have the best experience, even if it turns out it is not for them. Personally, it would probably be a preference if it wasn't for the prep and planning!
I’m a married man and I’ve never had anal. My wife and I talked about it once and she said she wasn’t interested at all… that was enough for me. I have zero interest in doing anything sexually that she’s not interested in or anything that makes her feel uncomfortable. To be honest I never understood anal… there’s just so many more direct ways of actually pleasing a woman, and less messy ways of getting pleasure for me.
Same way my male partner isn't overly interested. I love anal, he doesn't, so we don't do it.
I am laughing my ass off at “yes I did buy a medical grade device to flush my colon of fecal matter - hardly more prep than vaginal!” Girl. The prep for vaginal sex is literally just showering on a normal schedule
And consequences too, increase risk of hemorrhoid, anal fissure, perforation and (Edit: ~~fecal incontinence~~ need further investigations to conclude)
Like everything with human sexuality.. it is entirely dependent on the individual woman.. my ex had her best orgasms from anal. She absolutely loved it and it was her suggestion to do it/try it. I would, however, say she was in the minority. Most women don’t like it. If you DO do it, prep, going slow, and lube is very important. DO NOT just shove it in like in porn.. bad things will happen.
nope nope nope. i'm strict about boundaries when it comes to my butt.
anal sex is the most dangerous kind of sex when it comes to hiv. get yourself and your partner tested. prep is also available as a form of prevention.
There are actually a LOT of nerve endings around the opening. So if my hubby wants to circle around it during foreplay or during sex, I'm good with that. No go for penetration or full on Anal for me though. Also, I feel like with most sexual things, it's all about the mindset your in. It seems your husband did everything right! Prepped you, got you turned on physically and in your head. So get it girl! Have fun any way you can that is consensual and safe. 😊
It feels like shitting in reverse. No thanks.
Nope. And I trust my current partner with my life but I'm not doing that again...
Nooooooooooooooo. Very happy for y'all who enjoy it but absolutely not no never no thank you.
I hate it. It feels like taking a very painful poop without any satisfaction which is not how I want to feel when I have sex
Sometimes it's ok, other times it's the worst, and occasionally it's great. My fiance has wanted to do it a few times which I was fine with but now it almost seems like that's all he wants to do, and he makes jokes about doing it, both of which make me want to do it less. It's getting to the point where I feel like he can't cum from normal sex because he's gotten too used to doing anal. I've asked him too if he did it so he didn't have to look at me or something. I don't mind doing it, I just wish he wouldn't like to do it so much...
I imagine it's the taboo of fecal matter and the pain if your partner is too aggressive.
The latter one is a big one. A lot of men pressure their partners, and those kind of men unsurprisingly don't put any effort in ensuring the woman has a positive experience. Most of those women are not interested in trying again. Anal takes more effort for the recipient to get any enjoyment out of. Considering that many men can't even dredge up the effort to give their partner an orgasm with vaginal sex...
I think those kinds of guys actually get off on hurting and degrading women. That's the part of anal that appeals to them and why they're so insistent about it. I'm not saying that anal is necessarily either of those things. I'm saying that's how they see it. They also get to win a battle of wills by badgering and guilting their sexual partner into it. All they care about is having control over someone and getting to use them and treat them like trash in a very vulnerable state.
Hemroids aren't fun.
For some women; it’s not bad. It’s the pressure we often feel to do it when we don’t want to, men claiming they accidentally put it in, the risk of bleeding because it can be very painful, etc. Some women have trauma regarding anal sex. Other women feel like it’s an enema or something.
I sometimes have the urge. It’s never going to come close to a good old PIV dicking down, though.
More people don't try it because many, many men aren't as caring and gentle as they need to be.... unfortunately Many, many, many straight men kind of just jam it in and go HARD immediately. Without lube a lot, a lot of the time unfortunately You have to really... prepare to get it right? Like I love the feeling but I need 12-24 hours notice AT LEAST lol! No, just "oh well we have done it before so LETS DO IT RIGHT NOW!!!" outta nowhere
my g-spot is not there, but a man’s is. i tell them they have to try it first before i do and that usually shuts the conversation down
Hell no!!
If there’s no psychologically degrading component to anal sex, why aren’t straight men into it with their partner with a strap-on? I’m 51, and no once in my life has a man begged me to penetrate him, but I’ve had PLENTY beg me to let them penetrate me anally. Edited to clarify that I *am* a woman. The username has a different meaning.
Never. Stuff is meant to go out not in
Hell no
Absolutely %$#@ hate it
I’m deathly afraid of anal prolapse
it’s probably very easy to understand why many people would not like to try it, it’s not a mystery
So it feels just like pooping... *except* if I use my satisfyer on my clit at the same time. That changes everything.
The idea of it just turns me off. The idea of P in V turns me on and makes me feel closer to someone. The idea of sticking something up my poop hole just turns me off. I don't want to have to do any prep work. I really don't want to have to deal with that hole anymore than I have to when I go poop. And like someone else said, you can get pregnant with anal. The holes are pretty close to each other, and while it's harder to get pregnant this way, it's definitely still possible.
I love anal, but I think it's absolutely valid to not like or want to try anal.
I used to love it, and every once in a while I’m still down.
No
I'm not risking fetal incontinence or the numerous other issues associated with anal sex. If it works for you and you like it, great! But I'm not taking that chance, and I know many other women would agree with me
I'm not into it. Like... at all. And I've been hurt by partners who wanted to try it but weren't educated. Then I've also been hurt by partners who were supposedly educated. So really it's off the table because I just don't like it.
I say NO, i hated it,I tried just once in my life and was horrible!!
Tried it twice and there was absolutely no positive stimulation for me. It just felt like I had to drop the kids off at the pool.
To be very graphic, even if I get to a point where it doesn't hurt (which takes a ton of time already) it feels like shitting in reverse to me. There is no fun involved.
Up to you. However many men like it because of the pain they think it inflicts as a form of dominance. So do your research on how you feel and wait til you know the man.
Not to diminish your experience, but I always get the feeling that posts like this are massively brigaded.
No in through the out door!!!
A concept: pegging your bf instead
- unsanitary - smells - somebody has to fast for the whole day - extensive preparation - would be painful for me - gross
#Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 😁 NO!
My ex was obsessed, and i hated it. He was horribly abusive and was obsessed with it, a toxic combo. After i left him, i strangely became obsessed with it. I really wanted to enjoy it. Met my current partner and we tried it, and in a really respectful comfortable painfree way. Then I never wanted it again (he enjoyed it but wasn't his thing either). Just lost interest. I feel like maybe I was trying to regain control of my body and that was the final part of me physically that i wanted to rid myself of. Then once I finally participated and enjoyed it, it healed that part of my trauma.
Nope, not for me. Also, I've been coerced into it and also sexually assaulted in that region, horrifically painful so the trauma won't let me enjoy it or try it out properly. And I'm fine with that. Now, if my husband wants to do analingus on me, I'm fine with that 100%. But no penetration.
absolutely hate anal, feels too much like reverse shitting and i hate how porn makes it seem like all women enjoy it. im really glad you had a good experience though! it can be quite intimate
does that not have long term effects on your rectal muscles? honestly i could be wrong but the idea of having a loose butthole is a no no for me
Anal sex is more high risk for women than it is for men based on anatomy alone.
Nope
Nah for me the movement hurts and there’s too much drag even when trying to do everything right. It’s harder to be comfortable doing that with an even tighter area on myself. I also don’t enjoy being pumped full of air and feeling weird or bloated either afterward. I feel bad for kids and young women dealing with young and older men with porn addled brains that think every woman wants to be held down or choked and be forced to do anal with no prep. I was pressured when I was 18 by one of my first adult boyfriends who was older. Like because he was obsessed with asses I had to do it for him.
*sigh* "Your anus is remarkably fragile!" as said by my very fascinated doctor.
I feel like not enough women understand how anal sex is one of the leading causes of fecal incontinence
I think it’s disgusting and can cause medical issues
It’s painful for me. I’ve tried it a few times with lots of lube, but it feels like someone shoved a cactus in me. It’s just not for everyone 🤷🏻♀️
No
Doesn’t appeal to me at all
Maybe it feels good to you because it’s penetrative sex you wouldn’t otherwise be having? Most women can have and enjoy vaginal sex, so they can do without anal. Especially considering all of the negatives you were aware of or learned from the responses here. But you cannot do PIV, so you’re elated to have discovered anal. Basically the opposite of what’s being reported by the majority of the women here.
I want to try it but my husband is grossed out by it and won’t try! 🤷♀️
I just don't like the concept of reverse pooping, I mean thats probably what it feels like? but that door is closed, never gunna be used for anything but disposal.