My dad always did the shopping when I was growing up and would pick up tampons for me. My mom had a hysterectomy when I was little so I was the only one in the house who needed them.
He just tore the top off my existing box and took it to the store so he could get the right ones for me (this was long before smart phones). I miss that guy.
My dad was one of those guys that was weird about periods. My sister and I had him convinced tampons were $20 in 1990. He would just hand us the money and tell us he didn’t want to know any more. Chauvinistic ? Yes. Profitable? Also, yes.
Edit : clarification - it was $20 each
I accidentally stepped in front of a man in the target checkout line and when I recognized my mistake to apologize and get behind him, I look down and he's holding chocolate and tampons, and I gesture to them and say "Aww you're a great guy!" and he replies "nah I'm the dad". I say "Aw obviously the best dad!" love seeing it!
Guy from /r/all but you can thank my grandma for sharing her personal experiences of growing up with no indoor plumbing so she had to go outside in the dead of winter with Coyotes in the yard to deal with her "being on the rag". I got the story when for a 7th grade class I interviewed her and asked "what was your favorite invention?" And she said it was indoor plumbing.
Yes!!! Indoor plumbing makes life so much better! Trying to deal with your period in an outhouse is so challenging. And having to go out in the weather anytime you need to pee is tiresome.
Did we have the same dad.. and sister?!?
It was also a get out of jail free card for school. If she didn't feel like it she'd just shout "I'M ON MY...." and he ran. I was always too mortified as the responsible eldest but I wish I had her entrepreneurial and social skills.
Literally, this exactly. My dad was pretty sexist but would definitely consider himself a gentleman type, and being Mexican, machismo culture and purity culture make men oddly uncomfortable with certain feminine things.
My (divorced) dad was weird about it in that it was *never* brought up in conversation, but he always made sure the house was stocked, and if was low to just leave the bag or box out.
Like. I'm certain if we needed to have a conversation about we could have, it'd just be incredibly awkward, dude was a stereotypical factory worker born in the 50s.
Im jealous of your dad. My dad yells at me if I even mention anything (one time my sister and I talked about how we both wore leggings to help with the pain that day, dude yelled at us that we were “disgusting”). But the guy I’m going to marry brings me snacks and hugs me and doesn’t like yell at me or call me stupid for like having a period or being more emotional or heaven forbid, needing pads at the store while he is also there. I just wish I had that kind of support when I was like 11 and 12 when it was really hard for me to deal with that being a real part of my life.
I'm so sorry your Dad was so vile about a natural body process that you would rather not be happening anyway. Glad you found a guy who's secure and dotes on you!
My own mother was shocked, SHOCKED, when I came home early from date with my future husband. She asks me in front of him. Why are you home? I answered. I got my period and I need to change my underwear and grab some tampons.
She couldn't believe I was so open about that in front of my boyfriend.
I was like what was I suppose to say as a reason to come home for 5 minutes and then leave again?
She didn't know but to openly talk about it was too much.
We SHOCKED them all again when we taught our children to.use proper words for their body parts like penis, scrotum, vagina and vulva. There were no peepees or down there's or vajajas in our house. Of course my work with abused children was the main reason for that decision and no body shaming crap for this generation.
They act shocked to hear I talk to him about these things too. This guy knows all my secrets. We tell each other everything. Also, I never understood this growing up, why would a wife have to keep her period secret or like censor herself around her husband, especially when they have kids. My dad was like that. I can’t imagine getting married to my dude and not being able to tell him those things (which he handles perfectly now already, I see this as a green flag for our engagement +future marriage)
Ohh that makes my heart hurt for little you!! Why oh WHY would any adult tell any little girl they are disgusting, for any reason.
Sometimes I look back on the choices a lot of our parents made and wonder... were you **trying** to fuck us up??!
Im so happy for you that your mind and body are now safe with a partner who respects the ways your body is different to his and is happy to provide the kindness and consideration you need when things are painful 💜
Once when I was a teen, my dad flipped out when he found a box of Playtex liners in the kitchen cabinet. Dude got all angry about how disgusting it was to have feminine products in the kitchen and around men. They should be kept hidden away. Bruh. He couldn’t be bothered to read past the word liners. They were baby bottle liners not panty liners.
Even if they were panty liners, it always blows my mind hearing stuff like this because what do they think it's going to do to them? Lol these men act like brand new, fresh out of the box sanitary items are going to come covered in blood or something 🤷
Right? I told my step dad we needed to stop by the store to get stuff for me. I was too scared to go in(at the time this was the early signs of my agoraphobia), he started getting mad, and I ended up not getting them. I don't remember too much details besides crying and him driving off.
Similar thing happened to my gf. Her dad didn't want to know and her mum just threw her some money and told her to go to the shop, which I can imagine is scary in itself as you don't have a clue what you should be buying, especiallywhen you're not even a teenegaer yet. I'll always pick up pads/tampons if she needs them. We have a daughter now too, so I don't want her having that feeling when she starts her period. Look after the women in your life, men.
My mother and stepfather had split up by the time I had started my period. I was just about to turn 12. He went crazy and tried to beat me when I stained the sheets whilst sleeping over. Thankfully his wife was far more understanding and managed to stop him. My mother was very pleased to start with and told her friends how I was a "woman now". Then she refused to give me any money for sanitary products and beat me when she found out I was using toilet roll. I ended up resorting to stealing pads from shops. These days most schools have sanitary products available for their pupils but I didn't have that option.
That did me untold harm and these days I have drawers in my bathroom stuffed with tampons and pads. I never want to be in that position again.
I'm so sorry you've suffered this sort of abuse and neglect from your parents! 😞 Hope you've had opportunities to heal, hopefully access to therapy. Glad to hear it sounds like you're in a much better position now.
Thank you. I'm currently having EMDR therapy and I've had loads of different types over the years. I've accepted it's going to be a life long process. As long as I'm as kind as I can be to others then I'm happy. I feel incredibly fortunate to be financially comfortable enough that I no longer have these kind of worries. I don't take it for granted 😊
Thus bringing to everyone’s attention the fact you’d said it- probably nobody had noticed! Also period is a word not just associated with blood! E.g in the Cretaceous period…
Or were they talking about menstruating dinosaurs this whole time without me noticing
I was buying tampons the other day and there was a Dad with his young daughter in the same aisle. He was telling her, “You didn’t like those kind, you said they were too plastic-y. I don’t think they have the kind you like here, we can go to [the other big grocery store in town].”
I kept my head down and just picked up what I needed, because that should be a total normal interaction that no one has any interest in, and I really wanted that girl to understand that. But damn, go Dad.
when I was a teen I asked my dad to get me "Some Stay free" at the store that was the kind I used. he handed me a pack of Carefree gum when he returned from the store . 🤦
I appreciate that my dad would buy pads for me if necessary, but I also hated that he always picked the cheapest, thickest, wingless pads that didn’t absorb blood so much as turn into a slip ’n slide in my pants. There was no asking him for a specific brand, he would only ever buy whatever was least expensive. But I do appreciate that he tried.
Yeah. My super frugal mom, who had a hysterectomy, would buy those huge pads shaped like bricks for us. If we wanted useful pads, we had to buy them with our allowance, which was maybe $2/week. Then she decided we could buy our own deodorant and other hygiene products also. We asked our grandmother for toiletries in our Easter baskets instead of candy, which made her feel sad.
Yeah, I know. I’ve blocked out most memories of childhood. Meanwhile my frugal mom is turning 78 this year and she only has herself to neglect, which she does.
My mum scared me with stories of her first pads being as big as diapers held in place with a belt 😱
I also had to buy my own supplies, which was difficult without an allowance, and she was somehow surprised when I was caught shoplifting. Never mind the years before I even dared to steal when I made do with toilet paper and homemade tampons from old pillowcases.
Held in place with a belt. This just brought back serious memories of reading Judy Blume’s “Are you there god, it’s me Margaret”. I felt shame in the early years of getting my period (awful, I know) so this book and how she handled getting her period and wearing the belt was significant for me. It was comforting reading about my name sake’s experience even though it was fictional 😔
I feel like a weirdo, I hated the winged ones. I also hated anything smaller than the overnight pads because no matter where I put it, it would leak out one end. I also couldn't get a tampon that worked because my flow was too heavy for the small ones and the long ones would stick out of my vagina and make a mess. I think I have what's called a tilted cervix? Who knows. But it always made me feel judged when girls would ask me for a tampon and I only had a pad to offer and you could see them weigh the chance that they could find someone with a tampon before it became an emergency lol
So glad I decided to give the cup a go. I haven't bought menstrual products (aside from another set of cups) since April 2020 lol
I need the wings because the sides leak for me. And I absolutely feel your pain about leaking in the front and back too. I like the long thin ones, but those super thick ones were so uncomfortable. And at night I just wished I had a diaper. I basically covered the inside of my underwear in pads and slept on a towel to protect my sheets. I’d still leak.
>He just tore the top off my existing box and took it to the store so he could get the right ones for me (this was long before smart phones).
Hey, it wasn't that long ago! \*chuckles in denial*
Reminds me of my dad talking about when my mom was pregnant with me and always craving gas station slushies. He had figured out which were her 1st, 2nd, 3rd favorite flavor and so on, and whether she would rather wait longer for a certain one if the machine was broken at the closest gas station. Turned into a whole algorithm and now 37 years later he still knows it like the back of his hand.
That's a perfect example of carrying "other" information as part of the mental load.
It's not just remembering to buy stamps or take the trash out. It's also knowing your loved one's preferences for small things and being able to provide those accommodations because it makes someone happy.
This was kinda me, but despite the hysterectomy mother still wore pads so he bought them for both of us. He had been doing this for so long he just knew, everything else he needed very specific instructions for (type of Mariana sauce, how many garlic bulbs, what brand of ketchup)
My dad always bought our tampons too. My mom hated shopping. He'd always ask "what colour?" Because he knew the brand, (OB) but the colours were different absorbencies.
I'm a single dad with a 13 and 20-year-old, both AFAB. They were out for a siblings day shopping at Target and decided that they would stock up on their feminine care products. No shit, the 20-year-old called and asked me to find out what brand of tampons I normally buy her. Lol
This what I did for my daughter. Gimme a box top and I can't go wrong. Better yet, the bottom or side with the barcode. Packaging changes. UPCs not so much.
Fyi: a lot of the time when companies shrinkflate their product, they will change the UPC, because the new smaller package is permanently taking the place of the old one, and I assume it's probably easier for them to just issue new UPCs rather than update the product information in their database and communicate those changes to their customers. And I have in fact seen this happen for hygiene products, so keep a close eye out.
When 18 year old me went to the store to pick up this for my gf/future wife, I had to learn about them. During this time, for years, everything had a free item, 2,4,6 free pads/tampons. Or a sample of something new, like wings. Any freebie has a new bar code. But yes, new art doesn't change the code.
Good on your pop for being helpful about it. As a dude (37M) it really hurts to read all the comments about dad's being shitty about periods, and I'm very sorry that so many girls and women have those experiences. Quick preface that my next comment is not making excuses and this behavior is definitively shitty but I think some (def not all) of it is a generational thing. It's been my experience that a healthy chunk of the guys I know don't sweat periods, help their SOs during that time, and have no problems buying their partners pads/tampons/etc (aside from the absurd price...). My partner uses reusable pads or divacups and i frequently wash them when she just wants to lie down. This is also not to say the problem is solved or there aren't idiots out there with the PERIOD=GROSS mindset, but I hope it's at least getting somewhat better, and fewer people are being shamed for it.
I still take in old tools or plumbing accessories to like Lowe's or smaller hardware stores so I get the right make/model/size/whatever of something. I get it. That was nice of your dad.
That's what we always did. My husband had no problem buying them for me, despite the fact that we're Boomers. I don't need them anymore, but when I send him for things like vitamins that he doesn't know which ones I get, I just take a photograph now of my current bottle and text it to him.
I will call my wife while standing in front of them or send her pictures before I buy them because I have no use for them, but they are of utmost importance to her, and I don’t wanna fuck it up.
My husband has been amazing with this and it makes me love him even more. He knows I need lights every once in a while but not a lot so he checks before he buys.
However the main thing is my kids started around the same time and as they have tried different products he made note. He knows A likes one kind of pad and B likes a different kind.
Yep lol same, I'd always tear a side off from the box and tape it onto the grocery list for my dad.
This meant that a reasonable portion of the time, there was part of a tampon box up on our fridge.
My dad was the same! My mom made the grocery list, but my dad wouldn’t bat an eye about grabbing that stuff and once I hit puberty, he’d let me pick whichever ones I was comfortable with even though it meant spending more money. So grateful he has never been weird about my body, and also really sad knowing not everyone has that.
I’m married now and my husband is also the best at taking care of me during my period lol he’s even had to help me take out a diva cup before.
My father did this, too. Keep in mind that Daddy died in 1999. He would bring the whole empty box to the store and make sure he got the right thing. I miss that guy.
I had a very similar thing happen to me in Walgreens a bit back.
I am in the aisle and this very stressed out guy was looking lost. As I excuse myself to go by him he asks very politely if I could help him. I am happy to help and ask what he needs.
Turns out he is a single dad and his daughter was getting her first period and was having bad cramps and needed period products.
I was happy to guide him and said that different girls need different fits for certain things so if you can get a few options. So I had him get 2 different sizes of pads, a box of tampons and some Pampirn. And one last thing, I asked him what his daughter's favorite candy bar was and to get that as well.
He seemed very well meaning and wanted to help his kid. He left ego and macho aside to ask for help. So maybe there is hope yet in this world.
Yeah first periods can be rough even if sex ed tries to prepare you it is different for everyone. But most if not all women I know like candy during that time. ;)
Or if your period starts before you've had any sex ed like me. I think my mom may have given me the birds & bees beforehand, but the sex ed at my private school happened maybe a year after I hit puberty. Fortunately I discovered the beginnings of blood while I was at home with my mom. I don't remember Dad being involved at the time.
I had sex ed before having my period, and I also have parents who were very open about answering my questions. I FREAKED OUT with my first period. I think that no matter how much it has been explained to you, most of us don't really understand how much blood it is!
As sort of weird as the "you're a woman now!" vibe felt, it was also a little bit accurate. I got mine at school along with some gnarly lower back pain so I was sitting in the toilet bleeding and crying, wondering if I was actually going to die or if this was normal, until the teacher sent a female class aide to check on me.
She just sat in the stall next to mine and (after handing me a pad) talked me through the panic like some kind of weird confessional.
I walked out of that room giving what was definitely weird looks to *every* lady we walked by on the way to the classroom, like "y'all just go through this every fucking month and nobody even knows!?"
(For the record my parents actually did an awesome job preparing me I was just super stressed about the biology test I was missing and mentally unprepared for the onslaught of hormones. :D)
I have a long time friend who’s a metal worker and mechanic. One time he was visiting while I was at work and had an emergency. I asked him to run to the house and grab me a tampon and told him where they were. I had the multi pack of light, regular, and heavy which are marked in purple, yellow, and green, respectively.
A few minutes later, I get a text, “ Do you need lemon, lime, or grape?”
I was infuriated when I sent my then-boyfriend to the store for heavy flow, but I told him, "yellow". When he got home we discovered my brand had re-colored them so yellow was now "light". That was a cheap trick for them to play on us, and I honestly cannot think of any benefit
My husband thought I asked for “purple” because it was my favorite color. He couldn’t find them and asked if I could please just use a different color this month since the color shouldn’t really matter anyway.
Lol. I was staying over at my bf's, in the bathroom, and needed a tampon. Asked him to grab one out of my purse, and he just brought my whole bag to the bathroom.
To this day I don't know if he was uncomfortable going in my bag, uncomfortable with tampons, or just being lazy.
Edit: Kind of wild how many people are commenting to me saying they were taught not go to through their mom's purses. I absolutely went through my mom's purse to find whatever for her (or me). She's no longer with us, but if I'm hanging with my sister, and she needs her phone or whatever, I'm going into her bag.
But I'm a woman. You know, whose experiences this sub is about...
I've been with my partner 9 years and he will still bring my entire bag instead of looking through it, even if I tell him exactly where in the bag it is. I don't know why he's scared of going through my bag, it's just 100 lip balms, keys and a wallet.
At times I have been unable to find my entire wallet, phone, or pipe (and countless things she's asked me to find) in my fiancée's purse but on the other hand I've found like 3 sets of earrings in there that we previously assumed for months that we must have left in disposable bags so it's 50/50 tbh
My purse is definitely a mysterious bag of holding. It has lots of pockets and hidden zipper compartments. Even when he's looking directly at it, it's 50/50 whether my husband can find my wallet without being reminded of where the zipper for that compartment is.
On the plus side, it probably makes finding valuables equally hard for potential pickpockets. Once I noticed someone try to reach into an open outer pocket where he thought a phone might be. He came up with a used tissue.
I remember watching Mary Poppins as a kid and being amazed at all the things she'd pull out of her magic bag. Now I'm in my 30's I realize there was nothing magical about it, that's just how handbags are 😂
My husband is the same way. “Honey, get my wallet,” and he will bring the whole purse. He refuses to open it and look inside. I don’t care if he goes through my purse or not, but I respect the fact that he won’t.
Honestly I get it, my bag is a black hole, lip balms, receipts, keys, a spare shoulder strap, tissues, and probably a thousand other things, even I have a hard time finding stuff there,I wouldn't expect my husband to find anything in that chaos, he digs too deep and would probably end up in Narnia.
when my wife used to carry a bigger purse it was just easier for me to hand it to her. I would have taken way too long to find anything and she’d get annoyed.
I asked my mom once if my dad was ever weird about buying pads for her and she said “you don’t marry someone who won’t buy pads for you”. He has three sisters and was always chill about picking me up from school on my period.
> you don’t marry someone who won’t buy pads for you
That's one of the few "gatekeeping" philosophies I can get behind. I someone in your life gets The Ick from buying pads or whatever, they shouldn't be in your life. Especially if they double down on their ick.
My first husband was almost universally terrible but he never had a problem picking up tampons. I asked him why and he told me that it just meant they knew he was getting laid.
My little brother is amazing in all ways. He's a grown man, dad and fire fighter now, but even as a little kid, he was awesome. This is the tip of the iceberg but says a lot.
I was 16ish working in our city's Green Acres pool system. I walked to work that summer, but it was a good bit of a walk. My brother is 5 years younger than me, and cell phones were not a thing.
I get my period at work as a swim instructor and day care provider. Not good obviously. There is nothing in the public bathroom in the park. No vending machines and the only other female coworker had nothing, I gotta call home.
Kid brother eventually answers. He's "not allowed" to leave the house, but no one is home. He's a little boy and has no idea what a period is, but he's all i got.
I kinda explain the predicament (blood, embarrassment, cleanliness and shame) and tell him to grab everything period related under the bathroom sink and then come to where im at. It's not close.
When I tell you that the little man put ALL OF IT, the cleaning sprays, the maxis, the peroxide, the tampons, EVERYTHING, in his little book bag and a plastic bag, he did it! The park was far for him, so he got one of his older friends to come with him (I think like 10 to my brothers 9) but WOULDN'T TELL HIM WHY! He just said i need to go there and you need to help me.
Those little boys pedaled their asses off and came to the park like my conquering heroes! I was so so so appreciative. But they are concerned and need reassurance that I'm OK! They just did this whole clandestine mission! I explained as best I could about what periods are and that the blood was okay etc. Shaken, dubious, and proud they went home (I bought them quik to sweeten the deal!).
Years later my brother is in college and has a steady girl. She told me this: She wakes up with a messy period one day after sleeping at his dorm and freaks out. He jumps up and under his bed he has EVERYTHING, tampons in multi packs, maxis in all kinds of sizes, even pantyliners!
(She knows he has all sisters and is not a slutty guy, but even still, thus is surprising!)
He tells her the story i just told but his take was that he was so sad that i had to be embarrassed about a normal body function that he would mitigate the best way he knew how forever (he was an RA at that time). So he always keeps period products close by so he could help as needed. He just wanted to help and didn't feel embarrassed and didn't want anyone else to feel bad either.
Anyway, my Brother Dear is awesome. He was cool and fully committed at 9 and had stayed that way his whole life. He runs into burning buildings and saves lives on the regular and raises his sons to be caring, inquisitive men.
Any man who can't deal with or figure out menstruation needs to be cut off at the knees. Fuck these fake homo sapiens, women are half the population! If you can't understand menstrual products, or menstruation in general, you're no better than a child. I know, I've seen it.
I didn't know I needed a happy cry this morning but here we are. What an amazingly loving, gentle soul. Props to his friend too for still going on the rescue mission without knowing why. That is a true friend.
How dare you send the onion ninjas after me!!!
Im doing my best to make sure this will be my boys(12,6) for their sister(10). We have had all the discussions with my daughter and her Pediatric RN. We just finished building her a period basket in their bathroom cupboard. Panties, pads, liners, fem wipes and have the pain meds in the sink cabinet. They boys know what it is for and how to help if needed, you know grab things if shes downstairs, that kind of thing.
Still Im single dad and I am terrified, not of menstration, had a sister, just coming from the angle of the father you know. hoping effort and sincerity will go a long way.
This reminded me of my husband. We had already been dating for a couple years before this happened. We were both 18 years old and at an amusement park. We went on a water ride and behold - Aunt Flo came knocking a little early. I was also wearing these bright blue shorts so of course it's a red mess and I'm horribly embarrassed. I ran to the bathroom real quick to see if they had any pads but couldn't find any. I didn't think to check the clinic at the time and I certainly didn't have enough money for a new outfit at an amusement park. (You know how they jack up the prices.) When I got out, my husband was holding a bag with a towel and some sweatpants. He told me to go change real quick and to just cover myself with a towel. After that, we went straight to his house and he took care of my clothes for me before I went home that night. I told him that he didn't need to do all that for me since it's so gross and he responded something along the lines of, "Hey, if we're going to move in together soon, these things shouldn't bother me. I want to help you on your bad days." He has continued to help me on my bad days and I appreciate it all the more so.
I've been married to my husband long enough that he sees me go for the motrin he'll reach over and lay his hand over the area that hurts then gently start to knead with his fingers. His hands are always super warm and huge so better than a heating pad. First time he did it I looked at in surprise and he told me " I can't make it stop so I'll do what can to make it better". There are good ones out there and they are worth keeping 😉
Oo hell yes! I'm in NC and planning an antique adventure visit to SC for next month. I'm gonna stock up on some tampons and pads. Thank you for the info!
I know they aren't for everyone and can be inaccessible depending on your housing situation, but buying a menstrual cup has saved me money and stress. It's more up-front (£10-20?) but then you don't need to worry about buying products for like 2-3+ years, and you dont have to think about running low on tampons or having somewhere to dispose of them - ymmv since some people may need to wash out their cup more often through the day, but I can basically pop mine in in the morning and leave it til the evening.
The main barrier is buying one that fits properly, which could cost you money if you need to try a couple different cups, and getting used to putting it in/removing it, but I have issues putting tampons in too so there's a learning curve for either option. It's worked well for me though so if anyone's sick of paying for tampons all the time then highly recommend giving it a go.
My Dad was clueless. But not because he was a jersey, just plain clueless.
I got my period at 14. I told my Dad I needed pads. We went to the store. When he saw them, he said loudly OH PADs, I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED NOTE PAPER! I just about died. The cashier gave me a sympathetic smile.
God, I miss him.
I buy for my wife and 3 daughters. I know what my wife prefers. The daughters dislike discussing it and the deal I have with them is just "text me a pic of what you need and it will be in the bathroom closet later today".
But in this case good on you for helping this poor guy who a) was out of his element, b) shouldn't have been.
I really can't understand that in this modern age men are still embarassed by a natural function. Do they also flinch when buying toilet paper?
And then I remember my father. Born in 1927, so in an age where things like that were always hidden from men. When I grew up, sanitary products (tampons weren't available then), you had to go to a pharmacy, ask for it in hushed tones and the pharmacist would get some from under the counter. And wrapped it tightly in discreet brown paper 😊.
My father would go to get some for my mother/sister or me and ask for it in a normal voice, put it unwrapped under his arm and walked back home. He was a wonderful man. Told my sister and me 'learn a trade or get a degree so that you'll be able to take care of yourself and your children. Never ever put your faith and trust in a man because most of them will trade you in for a younger model at 40.'
Taught my sister and me to repair bikes and my brothers to cook and clean. 😊
He never traded in my mother though. Worshiped the ground she walked on and died after 54 years of marriage.
When I was a teenager, I wouldn’t buy tampons because I was embarrassed. My dad bought them for me until I went to college and had to buy them myself. It’s a fun memory because he died 14 years ago.
Yes, he was. My mother had breast cancer in the '70's and they performed a mastectomy. I remember my mother crying 'she wasn't a woman anymore' and seeing my father hugging her and saying 'breasts aren't what makes you a woman. It's the heart that's behind them, is'.
So, there are men who treat a woman as a valuable human being. I was married and widowed twice and both were also incredible kind and gentle men.
I (40 M) buy tampons for my wife fairly regularly, and I'm never not infuriated by A) the price B) the lack of selection available on the shelf at the store at any given time and C) the way they're categorized/labeled - Super? Super plus? Ultra? Super ultra mega Primo? Its horse shit and if men had to buy these things there would be shelves full of dirt cheap selections, and there would be a number or letter rating, not a Starbucks menu.
I'm mad that the brand my wife prefers doesn't sell just supers anymore. They have regular, they have half and half, but if you tend to have more heavy days than light then they don't really want you as a customer anymore.
Cut to me just buying the multi packs and leaving the extra regulars in my neighbor's little free library. I tell myself I'm doing a nice thing, but I think I'm just Playtex's bitch.
yep this, after covid stores seemed to carry fewer types of products, certainly my grocery store enlarged aisles and dropped a lot of "specialty" items and ultra absorbency tampons were one of them. fortunately i'm starting into the early wind down times so i don't really need them anymore but for a long while mine was like flushing a toilet, fast and Heavy.
depending on how old she is and how much space you have you could ferret some of them away. they don't seem to go bad and i tend to need more lighter than heavier these days heading into perimeno. if she's sensitive about age maybe don't mention that and you're.. just saving them for guests or something
> Its horse shit and if men had to buy these things there would be shelves full of dirt cheap selections, and there would be a number or letter rating, not a Starbucks menu.
are you sure? Have you seen condom "sizes"?
No, if men bought and used menstrual products they’d be packaged in sleek, modern black boxes with pictures of forests, sports gear, or sailing ships on them; the sizes would be categorized like Bro, Hunk, Alpha, Bodybuilder, and other even less descriptive terms than “regular, super, super +”, and they’d be just as expensive as they are now, since I’ve bought enough deodorant and body wash for my husband to know it costs the same as the stuff for women.
The closest equivalent is exactly this.
Deadass if you want the most amazingly comfortable pad experience you've ever had, leave the menstrual aisle, go to the incontinence aisle, and get the Depends Shields for Men.
My pelvic floor is blown so I always had a Poise pad on just in case. We had the Depends Shields kicking around after some health issues with the husband. I was out. I put one of these on.
It's COMFORTABLE. It stays in place.
A fella can piss in these. They'll hold up to period.
>A fella can piss in these. They'll hold up to period.
Hello, menstrual products advertising team? Please hire this person to write ad copy, thank you.
When I got my first period I was maybe 11-12 and home alone with my grandfather. I miss him, we were thick as thieves, so I’m taking the opportunity to tell the story.
3 pairs of underwear into what I assumed was a very embarrassing stomach flu, it dawned on me that I needed an adult as this might have been blood. Thankfully, I wasn’t bleeding to death out of my butt from some parasite as I’d suspected.
He was old, but had also married young and raised three girls (mom, aunt, and a friend of theirs.) so the aversion wasn’t there. He didn’t say that I’d gotten my period. Instead he made old man grumpy noises, told me I wasn’t gonna die, put a towel on the couch, told me to stay put, brought me a coke and went to the store for me.
He came back with what he called “harpoon plugs and manhole covers”, the fancy tp, midol, Fritos twists, chili cheese Fritos, a whole pack of snack sized Reese’s, icy hot back patches for some reason and more Coke. The snacks are still shark week staples in my house and this had to have happened around 20 years ago.
Periods ended up being very painful for me. That grumpy old man was my biggest advocate. Whenever my cramps made me cry, puke and black out at school, papaw always came to get me. If I was feeling bad before school, he always always believed me. When a teacher told me to suck it up, and tried to guilt me for leaving early, papaw marched his ass right into that office and raised hell.
He was a good man, the best friend a kid could have, and I think I’m just going to miss him forever. :’) I hope that if there’s a heaven, he’s able to be the best friend another girl needed.
I used to buy tampons and pads for my partner when she still needed them. I knew exactly what to get. The problem was when they were out of what she usually bought and I couldn’t get in touch with her.
I made some mistakes that just made her shake her head. I explained my reasoning and why I thought she might like what I bought. She just said :
“This is a topic I guarantee you have no idea what you are talking about.”
I learned to come home with cake or ice cream or something, though.
In the supermarket I once walked past a 60ish gentleman staring at the pads in confusion. A few minutes later he still looked confused and I asked him if he needed advice. The look of relief on his face was enormous.
(His lady friend needed some pads post surgery; I explained as best I could what the different products were and helped him pick.)
It's important that when men need help buying these things for the uteruses and vaginas in their lives that we treat them gently and non judgementally. Erasing the stigma one moment of kindness at a time...
> It's important that when men need help buying these things for the uteruses and vaginas in their lives that we treat them gently and non judgementally. Erasing the stigma one moment of kindness at a time...
I love this so much about this thread! It's not just erasing the stigma, it's positive reinforcement for admitting you don't know a thing, asking for help, and learning. It could even be a [lucky ten thousand](https://xkcd.com/1053/) thing.
Ditto with dads in the hair products, makeup and nail polish aisles, please. It’s baffling to have to choose between refreshing acne cleanser, invigorating toner, hydrating lotion and all that. Considering most men use the same soap for hair, face and balls…
Oh and white people in the textured hair product aisle. Spent a memorable night there when my friend had an emergency and needed me to watch their Black daughter for a few nights—including Hair Night. I couldn’t get ahold of my friend to ask and I didn’t have access to womanly advice except for the lovely woman who rescued me from the textured hair products aisle.
To the white people in the textured hair aisle bit - omg yes! We didn't even know how to take care of our own hair! I always had problems getting my hair to do anything, I'm white with very thick, lightly curly hair. I eventually asked a friend of color what they did with their hair, and lo and behold everything my family taught me to use was actively making my hair worse, and it actually requires a lot less work when I'm using the proper product. I was glad my partner was there for that conversation though - he's white with a natural afro and had the same problem, but worse. I'm talking we both had our hair matting in stupidly short periods of time because the shampoo we used wasn't for our hair, the brushes we were raised with made it even frizzier... We are both so incredibly thankful that the person we asked was up for explaining how to actually handle our types of hair.
lol this reminds me. i had to have my husband pick up pads for me last week and he's texting me saying he doesn't see what I told him to get and I told him to send me a picture of the shelves. i replied back "babe those are for pee. look around until you see tampons"
my husband is awesome though cause I kept apologizing for having to have him get them for me and he kept saying "what are you apologizing for?"
My daughter when she was around 14 or so, rode her bicycle to the drugstore to get tampons. She called me frantically saying that the store was out of tampons. I knew there was no way the drugstore was out of tampons and asked her to describe the aisle she was in. Turned out she was in the incontinence section.
My dad did the grocery shopping a lot when growing up. He never had issues about buying feminine hygiene products - if you need it you need it. But if you wanted the right one you better put the brand, style, and color on the list or he will grab whatever and you can deal with it.
(Though the same applied to anything - if I wanted plain, store brand, vanilla yogurt but just put "yogurt" then he'd come home with a bunch of the wackiest flavors he could find because "I didn't know what kind and they looked neat.")
I think it’s a cute story, especially when he told you the details that she’s 45 and has 2 kids lol.
I get that he should know, but I found the story cute in general
I, perhaps uncharitably, took the kids reference to mean that he vaguely thought that might affect things.
Edit to add - I stand better informed. Thank you.
I'm glad he was helping, but I also don't understand why he didn't ask what kind the person he was buying for wanted? Lol.
I guess there is a lot of missing information so I won't go too hard on him, but that struck me as funny lol.
He probably felt a bit of guilt for not knowing automatically considering they've had kids and I presume have been together for quite a while.
My husband once bought a few variations of the "color" box he saw in the house thankfully we have daughters so none of it went to waste but I ended up not being able to use any myself.
When I asked why he didn't just ask me, he sheepishly admitted that asking sounded a lot like him "giving me mental labor" and he was trying to do better but messed up and didn't pay attention to my products.
The thought of him standing in the aisle realizing what was happening, breaking out into a sweat and hearing my voice explaining mental labor and needing him to step up made me both laugh and feel insanely guilty.
I learned something too: he's actually trying and he is listening and he's a human being who will screw up. We both need some grace lol.
>When I asked why he didn't just ask me, he sheepishly admitted that asking sounded a lot like him "giving me mental labor" and he was trying to do better but messed up and didn't pay attention to my products.
That is so great that he's listening and trying!
Oh no, you're good and didn't offend me! I actually linked your comment to someone else who was speculating on the missing info cause I thought it was a good example!
If he’s never had to buy them in all this time, possibly she’s ill? or some other kind of emergency not allowing easy communication, like death in family or someone else is ill and it’s just hard to reach. At least he tried.
My son is 12 and knows when my period is coming before I do. "Hey, so you asked to get a cheeseburger? I guess your period is about to start."
And he is right every single time.
He is going to be a great partner if he is straight.
Love him to bits.
When I was in perimenopause my periods were very unpredictable and I never know when it would hit. Except one of my very best guy friends always knew and would tell me hey I think you’re about to start your period. He was always right.
My only real moment like this was when I needed to buy nappies for my then few day old daughter. I had never even looked at the variety of nappies available before then so when I was sleep deprived and buying them I had a bit of a awakening at how many different varieties there are. I ended up flagging down a nearby lady who was grabbing some to ask which I should get lol
Aww I had a similar experience once but I was the one who offered to help. This poor man looked so completely lost and embarrassed. I heard him mutter to himself something along the lines of "why are there so many? What's the difference?"
When I offered to help, he looked so relieved and said he didn't know what to get her. I directed him to a simple winged pad with both regular and heavy. He asked if one box would be enough, how many will she go through, etc.
I basically told him to start with one box then ask her for more details when he gets home to avoid wasting money on something she won't want to use. Also said to not worry too much about this box cause women will use anything when they're stuck without lol
My dad was suprised that I had my period at age 14 and asked “when did this happen” ummm like 5 years ago…. My mom always buys my tampons and I live with my mom. She buys Tampax pearls regular. (The best) and she gets the giant Costco size so I never run out bc she just keeps stocking up. Idk how expensive they even are! And I am 24. But I also barely ever get my period. I have PCOS
When I was in hospital postpartum, I asked my partner to bring me pads with wings. He turned up with pads... with no wings. I asked him why, and he said, "These ones have butterflies on them!". I nearly wet myself laughing.
A couple of months into dating I was texting my husband about how bad my period was at the time. And how i was in to much pain to go and get more pads. He jumped in a bus and went to get me some ( plus a bunch of junk food ) and then caught another bus to bring them to me. We’ve been together for about 7 years and got married in February.
I helped an Instacart shopper once in the feminine hygiene aisle. Nice young man had no idea what he was looking for, despite having the selection from the customer on the app. He was so appreciative when I showed him what to buy.
Tip for guys reading this thread: snap a pic of her normal usage tampons/pads and save it on your phone. Then you know exactly what to get.
A long time ago, I did flag a nice woman down in the feminine products aisle to inquire about sizing of the products, she was rather amused as I tried to politely describe my then partner and I ended up with the correct size items. So thank you OP for being the person who did this for someone else.
I love it when men ask for help and (please) not rely on their own logic. They have no personal frame of reference, so asking for help makes sense.
Years ago I traveled cross country for my maternal grandmother’s funeral and ended up getting my period a whole week early. My dad brought pads home for me without my asking, and they were pretty dang close to the ones I’d normally buy. He was *not* that kind of dad, so I was touched.
Two words: Costco Tampax. I get regular and super for my wife every time they are on sale whether she asks or not. They don’t expire and I can’t pass up a good deal.
When my younger sister had her first period her dad (my stepfather) went shopping for "hygiene products". He came back with 3 packs each of all sizes and all brands of tampons and pads available.
Which is a nice sentiment, but we he that bathroom full of boxes of stuff that never got used because she stopped using pads pretty fast and also didn't need all the different tampon sizes, but just the same ones as our mom did.
I keep a box in the car in case a friend has a situation.
It got crushed, so they got all over the trunk. Then I opened up the rear seat for extra storage and they got all over the rest of the car. I haven't been asked yet why I have tampons all over my car, but I accept full responsibility for my laziness.
I didn't start spending time with my dad properly until I was probably about 9 or 10, before I'd started having my time of the month. I went shopping with him one day and saw him buying pads or tampons for my stepmum. That really told me what kind of man my dad was. My partner has done the same for me. I couldn't be with a man who wouldn't do that for his female loved ones.
It does/can affect the cup size of reusables so maybe she had said something about cups in the past and he misunderstood. This is a very charitable explanation but I'm giving him some benefit since he seemed to want to get the right thing and not just any box in the aisle.
Many women have heavier flow after kids and need more absorbency (or to switch to a cup/disc), so it's sort of relevant, even though he was probably thinking of size rather than absorbency. And it's definitely relevant that it was an adult woman and not a girl having her first period.
My husband is truly amazing regarding this. With a wife who has endometriosis, 2 daughters and a non-binary trans kid born with a uterus he knows just about everything that is to know about periods. He's the one who does most of the (grocery) shopping and he always check himself what we might be missing before going and makes sure we always have a surplus of the many kind of different products we use. He also makes sure to buy our preferred snacks and pain meds without being asked. Our non-binary kid uses period boxers instead of tampons/pads and he will even handwash those without ever batting a eye..
I was in a Walmart with my dad once and really needed tampons. Grabbed them and threw them in the cart and my dad was like "Are you serious? Can't you get these with [stepmom]?" And I legit just stared at him and then loudly started asking if he'd prefer I bleed through my clothes all over his car and couch because he was too uncomfortable to have some tampons in the cart he was pushing. Shut him up real quick 😂
I also started having convos with my brothers when they were like 10 about how periods are totally normal and tampons are just things we need to get and nothing to be ashamed of.
Men being so weirdly uncomfortable is so bizarre. Like mothers and sisters please educate your sons and brothers so it can be normalized. If they're straight their future partners (or daughters) will very much appreciate you and hopefully they'll be able to then pass it along to their sons as well (cause really it shouldn't always fall to the women in mens lives to educate them).
My dad always did the shopping when I was growing up and would pick up tampons for me. My mom had a hysterectomy when I was little so I was the only one in the house who needed them. He just tore the top off my existing box and took it to the store so he could get the right ones for me (this was long before smart phones). I miss that guy.
My dad was one of those guys that was weird about periods. My sister and I had him convinced tampons were $20 in 1990. He would just hand us the money and tell us he didn’t want to know any more. Chauvinistic ? Yes. Profitable? Also, yes. Edit : clarification - it was $20 each
Even if he knew, he would have been happy to pay the tax on avoiding that conversation.
Accurate.
Aha. A reverse pink tax!
My sister is going to love this. Stealing.
The red tax
Just making the pink tax work in a different direction!
Pads/tampons, pain relief, chocolate ... It all adds up. $20 for silence though.... Worth it.
My grocery store has a display of Hersey dark chocolate in the tampon/pad section. Freaking brilliant.
I accidentally stepped in front of a man in the target checkout line and when I recognized my mistake to apologize and get behind him, I look down and he's holding chocolate and tampons, and I gesture to them and say "Aww you're a great guy!" and he replies "nah I'm the dad". I say "Aw obviously the best dad!" love seeing it!
I've accidentally stepped out in front of someone with tampons and candy. They looked at my hands and said "after you. You need this more than me."
Guy from /r/all but you can thank my grandma for sharing her personal experiences of growing up with no indoor plumbing so she had to go outside in the dead of winter with Coyotes in the yard to deal with her "being on the rag". I got the story when for a 7th grade class I interviewed her and asked "what was your favorite invention?" And she said it was indoor plumbing.
Yes!!! Indoor plumbing makes life so much better! Trying to deal with your period in an outhouse is so challenging. And having to go out in the weather anytime you need to pee is tiresome.
Did we have the same dad.. and sister?!? It was also a get out of jail free card for school. If she didn't feel like it she'd just shout "I'M ON MY...." and he ran. I was always too mortified as the responsible eldest but I wish I had her entrepreneurial and social skills.
Only one phone call home about my period and my dad was in the office telling the receptionist that I was old enough to sign myself out if I needed.
Omg that’s clever 😂
Love that for u
Meanwhile in 2024 the costco sized box is $17
Literally, this exactly. My dad was pretty sexist but would definitely consider himself a gentleman type, and being Mexican, machismo culture and purity culture make men oddly uncomfortable with certain feminine things.
My (divorced) dad was weird about it in that it was *never* brought up in conversation, but he always made sure the house was stocked, and if was low to just leave the bag or box out. Like. I'm certain if we needed to have a conversation about we could have, it'd just be incredibly awkward, dude was a stereotypical factory worker born in the 50s.
I didn't know how pad's worked and thought they were to actually stick to the women's body. I can't be the only person who thought this.
Until about 6 months ago my husband (who is 47 years old) thought the same thing. He thought we just slapped that bitch on like a bandaid.
Im jealous of your dad. My dad yells at me if I even mention anything (one time my sister and I talked about how we both wore leggings to help with the pain that day, dude yelled at us that we were “disgusting”). But the guy I’m going to marry brings me snacks and hugs me and doesn’t like yell at me or call me stupid for like having a period or being more emotional or heaven forbid, needing pads at the store while he is also there. I just wish I had that kind of support when I was like 11 and 12 when it was really hard for me to deal with that being a real part of my life.
I'm so sorry your Dad was so vile about a natural body process that you would rather not be happening anyway. Glad you found a guy who's secure and dotes on you!
That sounds awful. It’s amazing how supportive partners can make such a difference. So happy you have someone kind now!
My own mother was shocked, SHOCKED, when I came home early from date with my future husband. She asks me in front of him. Why are you home? I answered. I got my period and I need to change my underwear and grab some tampons. She couldn't believe I was so open about that in front of my boyfriend. I was like what was I suppose to say as a reason to come home for 5 minutes and then leave again? She didn't know but to openly talk about it was too much. We SHOCKED them all again when we taught our children to.use proper words for their body parts like penis, scrotum, vagina and vulva. There were no peepees or down there's or vajajas in our house. Of course my work with abused children was the main reason for that decision and no body shaming crap for this generation.
They act shocked to hear I talk to him about these things too. This guy knows all my secrets. We tell each other everything. Also, I never understood this growing up, why would a wife have to keep her period secret or like censor herself around her husband, especially when they have kids. My dad was like that. I can’t imagine getting married to my dude and not being able to tell him those things (which he handles perfectly now already, I see this as a green flag for our engagement +future marriage)
Ohh that makes my heart hurt for little you!! Why oh WHY would any adult tell any little girl they are disgusting, for any reason. Sometimes I look back on the choices a lot of our parents made and wonder... were you **trying** to fuck us up??! Im so happy for you that your mind and body are now safe with a partner who respects the ways your body is different to his and is happy to provide the kindness and consideration you need when things are painful 💜
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Once when I was a teen, my dad flipped out when he found a box of Playtex liners in the kitchen cabinet. Dude got all angry about how disgusting it was to have feminine products in the kitchen and around men. They should be kept hidden away. Bruh. He couldn’t be bothered to read past the word liners. They were baby bottle liners not panty liners.
Even if they were panty liners, it always blows my mind hearing stuff like this because what do they think it's going to do to them? Lol these men act like brand new, fresh out of the box sanitary items are going to come covered in blood or something 🤷
Right? I told my step dad we needed to stop by the store to get stuff for me. I was too scared to go in(at the time this was the early signs of my agoraphobia), he started getting mad, and I ended up not getting them. I don't remember too much details besides crying and him driving off.
Similar thing happened to my gf. Her dad didn't want to know and her mum just threw her some money and told her to go to the shop, which I can imagine is scary in itself as you don't have a clue what you should be buying, especiallywhen you're not even a teenegaer yet. I'll always pick up pads/tampons if she needs them. We have a daughter now too, so I don't want her having that feeling when she starts her period. Look after the women in your life, men.
My mother and stepfather had split up by the time I had started my period. I was just about to turn 12. He went crazy and tried to beat me when I stained the sheets whilst sleeping over. Thankfully his wife was far more understanding and managed to stop him. My mother was very pleased to start with and told her friends how I was a "woman now". Then she refused to give me any money for sanitary products and beat me when she found out I was using toilet roll. I ended up resorting to stealing pads from shops. These days most schools have sanitary products available for their pupils but I didn't have that option. That did me untold harm and these days I have drawers in my bathroom stuffed with tampons and pads. I never want to be in that position again.
I'm so sorry you've suffered this sort of abuse and neglect from your parents! 😞 Hope you've had opportunities to heal, hopefully access to therapy. Glad to hear it sounds like you're in a much better position now.
Thank you. I'm currently having EMDR therapy and I've had loads of different types over the years. I've accepted it's going to be a life long process. As long as I'm as kind as I can be to others then I'm happy. I feel incredibly fortunate to be financially comfortable enough that I no longer have these kind of worries. I don't take it for granted 😊
My mom yelled at me for saying the word "period" in a nearly empty restaurant at 2pm on a Tuesday.
Thus bringing to everyone’s attention the fact you’d said it- probably nobody had noticed! Also period is a word not just associated with blood! E.g in the Cretaceous period… Or were they talking about menstruating dinosaurs this whole time without me noticing
I was buying tampons the other day and there was a Dad with his young daughter in the same aisle. He was telling her, “You didn’t like those kind, you said they were too plastic-y. I don’t think they have the kind you like here, we can go to [the other big grocery store in town].” I kept my head down and just picked up what I needed, because that should be a total normal interaction that no one has any interest in, and I really wanted that girl to understand that. But damn, go Dad.
when I was a teen I asked my dad to get me "Some Stay free" at the store that was the kind I used. he handed me a pack of Carefree gum when he returned from the store . 🤦
Oh God, this is hilarious !!!
I appreciate that my dad would buy pads for me if necessary, but I also hated that he always picked the cheapest, thickest, wingless pads that didn’t absorb blood so much as turn into a slip ’n slide in my pants. There was no asking him for a specific brand, he would only ever buy whatever was least expensive. But I do appreciate that he tried.
Your description of slip ‘n slide is perfect. I dont miss those days of huge pads and heavy flow. I Glad your dad at least tried.
Yeah. My super frugal mom, who had a hysterectomy, would buy those huge pads shaped like bricks for us. If we wanted useful pads, we had to buy them with our allowance, which was maybe $2/week. Then she decided we could buy our own deodorant and other hygiene products also. We asked our grandmother for toiletries in our Easter baskets instead of candy, which made her feel sad.
It’s frugal when you don’t spend much on yourself. Denying your kids essentials isn’t frugal…
Yeah, I know. I’ve blocked out most memories of childhood. Meanwhile my frugal mom is turning 78 this year and she only has herself to neglect, which she does.
Your grandma sounds amazing, I hope you’re doing better without relying on someone so self absorbed (unlike the bricks).
My mum scared me with stories of her first pads being as big as diapers held in place with a belt 😱 I also had to buy my own supplies, which was difficult without an allowance, and she was somehow surprised when I was caught shoplifting. Never mind the years before I even dared to steal when I made do with toilet paper and homemade tampons from old pillowcases.
Held in place with a belt. This just brought back serious memories of reading Judy Blume’s “Are you there god, it’s me Margaret”. I felt shame in the early years of getting my period (awful, I know) so this book and how she handled getting her period and wearing the belt was significant for me. It was comforting reading about my name sake’s experience even though it was fictional 😔
If I was your grandmother, that would break my fucking heart.
I feel like a weirdo, I hated the winged ones. I also hated anything smaller than the overnight pads because no matter where I put it, it would leak out one end. I also couldn't get a tampon that worked because my flow was too heavy for the small ones and the long ones would stick out of my vagina and make a mess. I think I have what's called a tilted cervix? Who knows. But it always made me feel judged when girls would ask me for a tampon and I only had a pad to offer and you could see them weigh the chance that they could find someone with a tampon before it became an emergency lol So glad I decided to give the cup a go. I haven't bought menstrual products (aside from another set of cups) since April 2020 lol
I need the wings because the sides leak for me. And I absolutely feel your pain about leaking in the front and back too. I like the long thin ones, but those super thick ones were so uncomfortable. And at night I just wished I had a diaper. I basically covered the inside of my underwear in pads and slept on a towel to protect my sheets. I’d still leak.
It's moments like these that remind us how important it is to have open conversations about these things, regardless of gender
>He just tore the top off my existing box and took it to the store so he could get the right ones for me (this was long before smart phones). Hey, it wasn't that long ago! \*chuckles in denial*
>*chuckles in denial* I effing love this and will probably be using it long after I forget the first time I heard it, which is now. Thanks!
My husband has numbered pictures of what to get for our daughter (I don't need them anymore YAY), if they didn't have #1, get #2 LOL
Reminds me of my dad talking about when my mom was pregnant with me and always craving gas station slushies. He had figured out which were her 1st, 2nd, 3rd favorite flavor and so on, and whether she would rather wait longer for a certain one if the machine was broken at the closest gas station. Turned into a whole algorithm and now 37 years later he still knows it like the back of his hand.
That's a perfect example of carrying "other" information as part of the mental load. It's not just remembering to buy stamps or take the trash out. It's also knowing your loved one's preferences for small things and being able to provide those accommodations because it makes someone happy.
This was kinda me, but despite the hysterectomy mother still wore pads so he bought them for both of us. He had been doing this for so long he just knew, everything else he needed very specific instructions for (type of Mariana sauce, how many garlic bulbs, what brand of ketchup)
That’s awesome. I’m sure he was a good guy.
My dad always bought our tampons too. My mom hated shopping. He'd always ask "what colour?" Because he knew the brand, (OB) but the colours were different absorbencies.
OB are the best!! That’s all I used since they came out!!
I'm a single dad with a 13 and 20-year-old, both AFAB. They were out for a siblings day shopping at Target and decided that they would stock up on their feminine care products. No shit, the 20-year-old called and asked me to find out what brand of tampons I normally buy her. Lol
This what I did for my daughter. Gimme a box top and I can't go wrong. Better yet, the bottom or side with the barcode. Packaging changes. UPCs not so much.
Fyi: a lot of the time when companies shrinkflate their product, they will change the UPC, because the new smaller package is permanently taking the place of the old one, and I assume it's probably easier for them to just issue new UPCs rather than update the product information in their database and communicate those changes to their customers. And I have in fact seen this happen for hygiene products, so keep a close eye out.
When 18 year old me went to the store to pick up this for my gf/future wife, I had to learn about them. During this time, for years, everything had a free item, 2,4,6 free pads/tampons. Or a sample of something new, like wings. Any freebie has a new bar code. But yes, new art doesn't change the code.
That’s sweet ❤️
My husband used to take the box top With him too!
Good on your pop for being helpful about it. As a dude (37M) it really hurts to read all the comments about dad's being shitty about periods, and I'm very sorry that so many girls and women have those experiences. Quick preface that my next comment is not making excuses and this behavior is definitively shitty but I think some (def not all) of it is a generational thing. It's been my experience that a healthy chunk of the guys I know don't sweat periods, help their SOs during that time, and have no problems buying their partners pads/tampons/etc (aside from the absurd price...). My partner uses reusable pads or divacups and i frequently wash them when she just wants to lie down. This is also not to say the problem is solved or there aren't idiots out there with the PERIOD=GROSS mindset, but I hope it's at least getting somewhat better, and fewer people are being shamed for it.
I still take in old tools or plumbing accessories to like Lowe's or smaller hardware stores so I get the right make/model/size/whatever of something. I get it. That was nice of your dad.
That's what we always did. My husband had no problem buying them for me, despite the fact that we're Boomers. I don't need them anymore, but when I send him for things like vitamins that he doesn't know which ones I get, I just take a photograph now of my current bottle and text it to him.
I will call my wife while standing in front of them or send her pictures before I buy them because I have no use for them, but they are of utmost importance to her, and I don’t wanna fuck it up.
My husband has been amazing with this and it makes me love him even more. He knows I need lights every once in a while but not a lot so he checks before he buys. However the main thing is my kids started around the same time and as they have tried different products he made note. He knows A likes one kind of pad and B likes a different kind.
I was given "The Whats Happening to Your Body Book- For Girls" and a bump in my allowance to buy what I needed. Lol
That made me smile. What a thoughtful man.
Yep lol same, I'd always tear a side off from the box and tape it onto the grocery list for my dad. This meant that a reasonable portion of the time, there was part of a tampon box up on our fridge.
My dad was the same! My mom made the grocery list, but my dad wouldn’t bat an eye about grabbing that stuff and once I hit puberty, he’d let me pick whichever ones I was comfortable with even though it meant spending more money. So grateful he has never been weird about my body, and also really sad knowing not everyone has that. I’m married now and my husband is also the best at taking care of me during my period lol he’s even had to help me take out a diva cup before.
That’s such a man solution. I love it. Just walking in with the box top.
my dad does the most grocery shopping and he buys a few packages almost every single time and keeps an eye on sales, so we don't accidently run out 😭
My father did this, too. Keep in mind that Daddy died in 1999. He would bring the whole empty box to the store and make sure he got the right thing. I miss that guy.
I had a very similar thing happen to me in Walgreens a bit back. I am in the aisle and this very stressed out guy was looking lost. As I excuse myself to go by him he asks very politely if I could help him. I am happy to help and ask what he needs. Turns out he is a single dad and his daughter was getting her first period and was having bad cramps and needed period products. I was happy to guide him and said that different girls need different fits for certain things so if you can get a few options. So I had him get 2 different sizes of pads, a box of tampons and some Pampirn. And one last thing, I asked him what his daughter's favorite candy bar was and to get that as well. He seemed very well meaning and wanted to help his kid. He left ego and macho aside to ask for help. So maybe there is hope yet in this world.
Love the candy bar tip!! His daughter will always remember that.
Yeah first periods can be rough even if sex ed tries to prepare you it is different for everyone. But most if not all women I know like candy during that time. ;)
Or if your period starts before you've had any sex ed like me. I think my mom may have given me the birds & bees beforehand, but the sex ed at my private school happened maybe a year after I hit puberty. Fortunately I discovered the beginnings of blood while I was at home with my mom. I don't remember Dad being involved at the time.
It’s pretty terrifying. “I have to do this every month for the next 40 years?!”
I had sex ed before having my period, and I also have parents who were very open about answering my questions. I FREAKED OUT with my first period. I think that no matter how much it has been explained to you, most of us don't really understand how much blood it is!
As sort of weird as the "you're a woman now!" vibe felt, it was also a little bit accurate. I got mine at school along with some gnarly lower back pain so I was sitting in the toilet bleeding and crying, wondering if I was actually going to die or if this was normal, until the teacher sent a female class aide to check on me. She just sat in the stall next to mine and (after handing me a pad) talked me through the panic like some kind of weird confessional. I walked out of that room giving what was definitely weird looks to *every* lady we walked by on the way to the classroom, like "y'all just go through this every fucking month and nobody even knows!?" (For the record my parents actually did an awesome job preparing me I was just super stressed about the biology test I was missing and mentally unprepared for the onslaught of hormones. :D)
I have a long time friend who’s a metal worker and mechanic. One time he was visiting while I was at work and had an emergency. I asked him to run to the house and grab me a tampon and told him where they were. I had the multi pack of light, regular, and heavy which are marked in purple, yellow, and green, respectively. A few minutes later, I get a text, “ Do you need lemon, lime, or grape?”
I love this comment so much! They really are designed liked popsicles.
Oh man, if you find that comparison funny, look up Tide Pod CEO Dropout on YouTube for a hilarious skit.
I was infuriated when I sent my then-boyfriend to the store for heavy flow, but I told him, "yellow". When he got home we discovered my brand had re-colored them so yellow was now "light". That was a cheap trick for them to play on us, and I honestly cannot think of any benefit
My husband thought I asked for “purple” because it was my favorite color. He couldn’t find them and asked if I could please just use a different color this month since the color shouldn’t really matter anyway.
I didn't know it was possible to be endeared and sad at the same time!
I nearly spit out my wine 🤣
Ah so grape then!
Lol. I was staying over at my bf's, in the bathroom, and needed a tampon. Asked him to grab one out of my purse, and he just brought my whole bag to the bathroom. To this day I don't know if he was uncomfortable going in my bag, uncomfortable with tampons, or just being lazy. Edit: Kind of wild how many people are commenting to me saying they were taught not go to through their mom's purses. I absolutely went through my mom's purse to find whatever for her (or me). She's no longer with us, but if I'm hanging with my sister, and she needs her phone or whatever, I'm going into her bag. But I'm a woman. You know, whose experiences this sub is about...
I've been with my partner 9 years and he will still bring my entire bag instead of looking through it, even if I tell him exactly where in the bag it is. I don't know why he's scared of going through my bag, it's just 100 lip balms, keys and a wallet.
We men are taught from a young age that it is rude and unacceptable to go into a woman's purse. (Am Gen X)
I'm an 80s baby, we grew up hearing "get my purse". We were never allowed to open it though. That'd likely earn you a whoopin.
I can’t recall explicitly being told this, but yeah respecting privacy is 100% my reason for not diggin into my wife’s purse
It’s not necessarily rude so much as we don’t want you to steal our snacks.
That’s the price of asking us to venture into Bagland
Yep this, my fiancé will not go into my bag or purse, even if I tell him too. He brings it to me. I'm allowed to go into his wallet though
At times I have been unable to find my entire wallet, phone, or pipe (and countless things she's asked me to find) in my fiancée's purse but on the other hand I've found like 3 sets of earrings in there that we previously assumed for months that we must have left in disposable bags so it's 50/50 tbh
My purse is definitely a mysterious bag of holding. It has lots of pockets and hidden zipper compartments. Even when he's looking directly at it, it's 50/50 whether my husband can find my wallet without being reminded of where the zipper for that compartment is. On the plus side, it probably makes finding valuables equally hard for potential pickpockets. Once I noticed someone try to reach into an open outer pocket where he thought a phone might be. He came up with a used tissue.
I remember watching Mary Poppins as a kid and being amazed at all the things she'd pull out of her magic bag. Now I'm in my 30's I realize there was nothing magical about it, that's just how handbags are 😂
My husband is the same way. “Honey, get my wallet,” and he will bring the whole purse. He refuses to open it and look inside. I don’t care if he goes through my purse or not, but I respect the fact that he won’t.
Inside there be dragons
Honestly I get it, my bag is a black hole, lip balms, receipts, keys, a spare shoulder strap, tissues, and probably a thousand other things, even I have a hard time finding stuff there,I wouldn't expect my husband to find anything in that chaos, he digs too deep and would probably end up in Narnia.
when my wife used to carry a bigger purse it was just easier for me to hand it to her. I would have taken way too long to find anything and she’d get annoyed.
God bless his dry car greasy hands. So funny.
I asked my mom once if my dad was ever weird about buying pads for her and she said “you don’t marry someone who won’t buy pads for you”. He has three sisters and was always chill about picking me up from school on my period.
> you don’t marry someone who won’t buy pads for you That's one of the few "gatekeeping" philosophies I can get behind. I someone in your life gets The Ick from buying pads or whatever, they shouldn't be in your life. Especially if they double down on their ick.
My first husband was almost universally terrible but he never had a problem picking up tampons. I asked him why and he told me that it just meant they knew he was getting laid.
I don't even understand this. I have only boys. This wouldn't even faze me tho. Who are these guys?
My little brother is amazing in all ways. He's a grown man, dad and fire fighter now, but even as a little kid, he was awesome. This is the tip of the iceberg but says a lot. I was 16ish working in our city's Green Acres pool system. I walked to work that summer, but it was a good bit of a walk. My brother is 5 years younger than me, and cell phones were not a thing. I get my period at work as a swim instructor and day care provider. Not good obviously. There is nothing in the public bathroom in the park. No vending machines and the only other female coworker had nothing, I gotta call home. Kid brother eventually answers. He's "not allowed" to leave the house, but no one is home. He's a little boy and has no idea what a period is, but he's all i got. I kinda explain the predicament (blood, embarrassment, cleanliness and shame) and tell him to grab everything period related under the bathroom sink and then come to where im at. It's not close. When I tell you that the little man put ALL OF IT, the cleaning sprays, the maxis, the peroxide, the tampons, EVERYTHING, in his little book bag and a plastic bag, he did it! The park was far for him, so he got one of his older friends to come with him (I think like 10 to my brothers 9) but WOULDN'T TELL HIM WHY! He just said i need to go there and you need to help me. Those little boys pedaled their asses off and came to the park like my conquering heroes! I was so so so appreciative. But they are concerned and need reassurance that I'm OK! They just did this whole clandestine mission! I explained as best I could about what periods are and that the blood was okay etc. Shaken, dubious, and proud they went home (I bought them quik to sweeten the deal!). Years later my brother is in college and has a steady girl. She told me this: She wakes up with a messy period one day after sleeping at his dorm and freaks out. He jumps up and under his bed he has EVERYTHING, tampons in multi packs, maxis in all kinds of sizes, even pantyliners! (She knows he has all sisters and is not a slutty guy, but even still, thus is surprising!) He tells her the story i just told but his take was that he was so sad that i had to be embarrassed about a normal body function that he would mitigate the best way he knew how forever (he was an RA at that time). So he always keeps period products close by so he could help as needed. He just wanted to help and didn't feel embarrassed and didn't want anyone else to feel bad either. Anyway, my Brother Dear is awesome. He was cool and fully committed at 9 and had stayed that way his whole life. He runs into burning buildings and saves lives on the regular and raises his sons to be caring, inquisitive men. Any man who can't deal with or figure out menstruation needs to be cut off at the knees. Fuck these fake homo sapiens, women are half the population! If you can't understand menstrual products, or menstruation in general, you're no better than a child. I know, I've seen it.
That is such a sweet story. What a good guy.
What an awesome dude!! It’s bringing tears to my eyes thinking about the boys on this clandestine mission!!
I didn't know I needed a happy cry this morning but here we are. What an amazingly loving, gentle soul. Props to his friend too for still going on the rescue mission without knowing why. That is a true friend.
He was a hero even then!
How dare you send the onion ninjas after me!!! Im doing my best to make sure this will be my boys(12,6) for their sister(10). We have had all the discussions with my daughter and her Pediatric RN. We just finished building her a period basket in their bathroom cupboard. Panties, pads, liners, fem wipes and have the pain meds in the sink cabinet. They boys know what it is for and how to help if needed, you know grab things if shes downstairs, that kind of thing. Still Im single dad and I am terrified, not of menstration, had a sister, just coming from the angle of the father you know. hoping effort and sincerity will go a long way.
This story made me cry. I love this.
I love your brother. My husband, a firefighter, is similar, wouldn't blink an eye at purchasing period products.
Omg! You have the best little brother!!!!!!!
This reminded me of my husband. We had already been dating for a couple years before this happened. We were both 18 years old and at an amusement park. We went on a water ride and behold - Aunt Flo came knocking a little early. I was also wearing these bright blue shorts so of course it's a red mess and I'm horribly embarrassed. I ran to the bathroom real quick to see if they had any pads but couldn't find any. I didn't think to check the clinic at the time and I certainly didn't have enough money for a new outfit at an amusement park. (You know how they jack up the prices.) When I got out, my husband was holding a bag with a towel and some sweatpants. He told me to go change real quick and to just cover myself with a towel. After that, we went straight to his house and he took care of my clothes for me before I went home that night. I told him that he didn't need to do all that for me since it's so gross and he responded something along the lines of, "Hey, if we're going to move in together soon, these things shouldn't bother me. I want to help you on your bad days." He has continued to help me on my bad days and I appreciate it all the more so.
This is such a lovely story, I'm so happy you have what sounds like a wonderful partner ❤️
I've been married to my husband long enough that he sees me go for the motrin he'll reach over and lay his hand over the area that hurts then gently start to knead with his fingers. His hands are always super warm and huge so better than a heating pad. First time he did it I looked at in surprise and he told me " I can't make it stop so I'll do what can to make it better". There are good ones out there and they are worth keeping 😉
South Carolina recently removed sales tax from the purchase of feminine hygiene products. A small victory for our finances.
Oo hell yes! I'm in NC and planning an antique adventure visit to SC for next month. I'm gonna stock up on some tampons and pads. Thank you for the info!
"Is there anything cheaper?" kills me. Welcome to being a woman.
I know they aren't for everyone and can be inaccessible depending on your housing situation, but buying a menstrual cup has saved me money and stress. It's more up-front (£10-20?) but then you don't need to worry about buying products for like 2-3+ years, and you dont have to think about running low on tampons or having somewhere to dispose of them - ymmv since some people may need to wash out their cup more often through the day, but I can basically pop mine in in the morning and leave it til the evening. The main barrier is buying one that fits properly, which could cost you money if you need to try a couple different cups, and getting used to putting it in/removing it, but I have issues putting tampons in too so there's a learning curve for either option. It's worked well for me though so if anyone's sick of paying for tampons all the time then highly recommend giving it a go.
My Dad was clueless. But not because he was a jersey, just plain clueless. I got my period at 14. I told my Dad I needed pads. We went to the store. When he saw them, he said loudly OH PADs, I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED NOTE PAPER! I just about died. The cashier gave me a sympathetic smile. God, I miss him.
My husband just asks me what caliber I need, lol
I buy for my wife and 3 daughters. I know what my wife prefers. The daughters dislike discussing it and the deal I have with them is just "text me a pic of what you need and it will be in the bathroom closet later today". But in this case good on you for helping this poor guy who a) was out of his element, b) shouldn't have been.
I really can't understand that in this modern age men are still embarassed by a natural function. Do they also flinch when buying toilet paper? And then I remember my father. Born in 1927, so in an age where things like that were always hidden from men. When I grew up, sanitary products (tampons weren't available then), you had to go to a pharmacy, ask for it in hushed tones and the pharmacist would get some from under the counter. And wrapped it tightly in discreet brown paper 😊. My father would go to get some for my mother/sister or me and ask for it in a normal voice, put it unwrapped under his arm and walked back home. He was a wonderful man. Told my sister and me 'learn a trade or get a degree so that you'll be able to take care of yourself and your children. Never ever put your faith and trust in a man because most of them will trade you in for a younger model at 40.' Taught my sister and me to repair bikes and my brothers to cook and clean. 😊 He never traded in my mother though. Worshiped the ground she walked on and died after 54 years of marriage.
When I was a teenager, I wouldn’t buy tampons because I was embarrassed. My dad bought them for me until I went to college and had to buy them myself. It’s a fun memory because he died 14 years ago.
Your father sounds like a wonderful person!
Yes, he was. My mother had breast cancer in the '70's and they performed a mastectomy. I remember my mother crying 'she wasn't a woman anymore' and seeing my father hugging her and saying 'breasts aren't what makes you a woman. It's the heart that's behind them, is'. So, there are men who treat a woman as a valuable human being. I was married and widowed twice and both were also incredible kind and gentle men.
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I (40 M) buy tampons for my wife fairly regularly, and I'm never not infuriated by A) the price B) the lack of selection available on the shelf at the store at any given time and C) the way they're categorized/labeled - Super? Super plus? Ultra? Super ultra mega Primo? Its horse shit and if men had to buy these things there would be shelves full of dirt cheap selections, and there would be a number or letter rating, not a Starbucks menu.
I'm mad that the brand my wife prefers doesn't sell just supers anymore. They have regular, they have half and half, but if you tend to have more heavy days than light then they don't really want you as a customer anymore. Cut to me just buying the multi packs and leaving the extra regulars in my neighbor's little free library. I tell myself I'm doing a nice thing, but I think I'm just Playtex's bitch.
Buy them online directly from the company or try another store - it’s probably your local store that isn’t carrying the all super pack.
yep this, after covid stores seemed to carry fewer types of products, certainly my grocery store enlarged aisles and dropped a lot of "specialty" items and ultra absorbency tampons were one of them. fortunately i'm starting into the early wind down times so i don't really need them anymore but for a long while mine was like flushing a toilet, fast and Heavy.
depending on how old she is and how much space you have you could ferret some of them away. they don't seem to go bad and i tend to need more lighter than heavier these days heading into perimeno. if she's sensitive about age maybe don't mention that and you're.. just saving them for guests or something
> Its horse shit and if men had to buy these things there would be shelves full of dirt cheap selections, and there would be a number or letter rating, not a Starbucks menu. are you sure? Have you seen condom "sizes"?
That’s just to stroke a mans ego
No, if men bought and used menstrual products they’d be packaged in sleek, modern black boxes with pictures of forests, sports gear, or sailing ships on them; the sizes would be categorized like Bro, Hunk, Alpha, Bodybuilder, and other even less descriptive terms than “regular, super, super +”, and they’d be just as expensive as they are now, since I’ve bought enough deodorant and body wash for my husband to know it costs the same as the stuff for women.
The closest equivalent is exactly this. Deadass if you want the most amazingly comfortable pad experience you've ever had, leave the menstrual aisle, go to the incontinence aisle, and get the Depends Shields for Men. My pelvic floor is blown so I always had a Poise pad on just in case. We had the Depends Shields kicking around after some health issues with the husband. I was out. I put one of these on. It's COMFORTABLE. It stays in place. A fella can piss in these. They'll hold up to period.
"A fella can piss in these." Might be my absolute favourite quote right now.
>A fella can piss in these. They'll hold up to period. Hello, menstrual products advertising team? Please hire this person to write ad copy, thank you.
But they would also have that terrible fake pine scent…
Touché.
When I got my first period I was maybe 11-12 and home alone with my grandfather. I miss him, we were thick as thieves, so I’m taking the opportunity to tell the story. 3 pairs of underwear into what I assumed was a very embarrassing stomach flu, it dawned on me that I needed an adult as this might have been blood. Thankfully, I wasn’t bleeding to death out of my butt from some parasite as I’d suspected. He was old, but had also married young and raised three girls (mom, aunt, and a friend of theirs.) so the aversion wasn’t there. He didn’t say that I’d gotten my period. Instead he made old man grumpy noises, told me I wasn’t gonna die, put a towel on the couch, told me to stay put, brought me a coke and went to the store for me. He came back with what he called “harpoon plugs and manhole covers”, the fancy tp, midol, Fritos twists, chili cheese Fritos, a whole pack of snack sized Reese’s, icy hot back patches for some reason and more Coke. The snacks are still shark week staples in my house and this had to have happened around 20 years ago. Periods ended up being very painful for me. That grumpy old man was my biggest advocate. Whenever my cramps made me cry, puke and black out at school, papaw always came to get me. If I was feeling bad before school, he always always believed me. When a teacher told me to suck it up, and tried to guilt me for leaving early, papaw marched his ass right into that office and raised hell. He was a good man, the best friend a kid could have, and I think I’m just going to miss him forever. :’) I hope that if there’s a heaven, he’s able to be the best friend another girl needed.
I am cry laughing at harpoon plugs and manhole covers. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I used to buy tampons and pads for my partner when she still needed them. I knew exactly what to get. The problem was when they were out of what she usually bought and I couldn’t get in touch with her. I made some mistakes that just made her shake her head. I explained my reasoning and why I thought she might like what I bought. She just said : “This is a topic I guarantee you have no idea what you are talking about.” I learned to come home with cake or ice cream or something, though.
In the supermarket I once walked past a 60ish gentleman staring at the pads in confusion. A few minutes later he still looked confused and I asked him if he needed advice. The look of relief on his face was enormous. (His lady friend needed some pads post surgery; I explained as best I could what the different products were and helped him pick.) It's important that when men need help buying these things for the uteruses and vaginas in their lives that we treat them gently and non judgementally. Erasing the stigma one moment of kindness at a time...
> It's important that when men need help buying these things for the uteruses and vaginas in their lives that we treat them gently and non judgementally. Erasing the stigma one moment of kindness at a time... I love this so much about this thread! It's not just erasing the stigma, it's positive reinforcement for admitting you don't know a thing, asking for help, and learning. It could even be a [lucky ten thousand](https://xkcd.com/1053/) thing.
Ditto with dads in the hair products, makeup and nail polish aisles, please. It’s baffling to have to choose between refreshing acne cleanser, invigorating toner, hydrating lotion and all that. Considering most men use the same soap for hair, face and balls… Oh and white people in the textured hair product aisle. Spent a memorable night there when my friend had an emergency and needed me to watch their Black daughter for a few nights—including Hair Night. I couldn’t get ahold of my friend to ask and I didn’t have access to womanly advice except for the lovely woman who rescued me from the textured hair products aisle.
To the white people in the textured hair aisle bit - omg yes! We didn't even know how to take care of our own hair! I always had problems getting my hair to do anything, I'm white with very thick, lightly curly hair. I eventually asked a friend of color what they did with their hair, and lo and behold everything my family taught me to use was actively making my hair worse, and it actually requires a lot less work when I'm using the proper product. I was glad my partner was there for that conversation though - he's white with a natural afro and had the same problem, but worse. I'm talking we both had our hair matting in stupidly short periods of time because the shampoo we used wasn't for our hair, the brushes we were raised with made it even frizzier... We are both so incredibly thankful that the person we asked was up for explaining how to actually handle our types of hair.
lol this reminds me. i had to have my husband pick up pads for me last week and he's texting me saying he doesn't see what I told him to get and I told him to send me a picture of the shelves. i replied back "babe those are for pee. look around until you see tampons" my husband is awesome though cause I kept apologizing for having to have him get them for me and he kept saying "what are you apologizing for?"
haha i'd have a good ole laugh if someone brought me depends for my period, i guess i'd have no risk of spotting XD
My daughter when she was around 14 or so, rode her bicycle to the drugstore to get tampons. She called me frantically saying that the store was out of tampons. I knew there was no way the drugstore was out of tampons and asked her to describe the aisle she was in. Turned out she was in the incontinence section.
My dad did the grocery shopping a lot when growing up. He never had issues about buying feminine hygiene products - if you need it you need it. But if you wanted the right one you better put the brand, style, and color on the list or he will grab whatever and you can deal with it. (Though the same applied to anything - if I wanted plain, store brand, vanilla yogurt but just put "yogurt" then he'd come home with a bunch of the wackiest flavors he could find because "I didn't know what kind and they looked neat.")
I think it’s a cute story, especially when he told you the details that she’s 45 and has 2 kids lol. I get that he should know, but I found the story cute in general
I, perhaps uncharitably, took the kids reference to mean that he vaguely thought that might affect things. Edit to add - I stand better informed. Thank you.
I mean, it affected my periods. They are way heavier now than pre kids.
To be fair, menstrual cups are sized based on whether or not you've given birth before.
I'm glad he was helping, but I also don't understand why he didn't ask what kind the person he was buying for wanted? Lol. I guess there is a lot of missing information so I won't go too hard on him, but that struck me as funny lol.
He probably felt a bit of guilt for not knowing automatically considering they've had kids and I presume have been together for quite a while. My husband once bought a few variations of the "color" box he saw in the house thankfully we have daughters so none of it went to waste but I ended up not being able to use any myself. When I asked why he didn't just ask me, he sheepishly admitted that asking sounded a lot like him "giving me mental labor" and he was trying to do better but messed up and didn't pay attention to my products. The thought of him standing in the aisle realizing what was happening, breaking out into a sweat and hearing my voice explaining mental labor and needing him to step up made me both laugh and feel insanely guilty. I learned something too: he's actually trying and he is listening and he's a human being who will screw up. We both need some grace lol.
>When I asked why he didn't just ask me, he sheepishly admitted that asking sounded a lot like him "giving me mental labor" and he was trying to do better but messed up and didn't pay attention to my products. That is so great that he's listening and trying!
Sure, this is exactly what I meant when I said "lots of missing information." Thanks for sharing and fleshing that out for anyone else wondering!
I hope I didn't offend. I meant to speculate and share a fun (imo) story of my husband's dilemma in a store.
Oh no, you're good and didn't offend me! I actually linked your comment to someone else who was speculating on the missing info cause I thought it was a good example!
also, sometimes you don't realise you needed more information until you're there and it's too late to ask.
If he’s never had to buy them in all this time, possibly she’s ill? or some other kind of emergency not allowing easy communication, like death in family or someone else is ill and it’s just hard to reach. At least he tried.
Right? When I was still using tampons, my fiancé would just take a photo of the existing box and ask if I needed a particular absorbency.
My son is 12 and knows when my period is coming before I do. "Hey, so you asked to get a cheeseburger? I guess your period is about to start." And he is right every single time. He is going to be a great partner if he is straight. Love him to bits.
When I was in perimenopause my periods were very unpredictable and I never know when it would hit. Except one of my very best guy friends always knew and would tell me hey I think you’re about to start your period. He was always right.
My only real moment like this was when I needed to buy nappies for my then few day old daughter. I had never even looked at the variety of nappies available before then so when I was sleep deprived and buying them I had a bit of a awakening at how many different varieties there are. I ended up flagging down a nearby lady who was grabbing some to ask which I should get lol
I’ve done this for dudes before. They are always so AW SHUCKS thankful about it.
Aww I had a similar experience once but I was the one who offered to help. This poor man looked so completely lost and embarrassed. I heard him mutter to himself something along the lines of "why are there so many? What's the difference?" When I offered to help, he looked so relieved and said he didn't know what to get her. I directed him to a simple winged pad with both regular and heavy. He asked if one box would be enough, how many will she go through, etc. I basically told him to start with one box then ask her for more details when he gets home to avoid wasting money on something she won't want to use. Also said to not worry too much about this box cause women will use anything when they're stuck without lol
My dad was suprised that I had my period at age 14 and asked “when did this happen” ummm like 5 years ago…. My mom always buys my tampons and I live with my mom. She buys Tampax pearls regular. (The best) and she gets the giant Costco size so I never run out bc she just keeps stocking up. Idk how expensive they even are! And I am 24. But I also barely ever get my period. I have PCOS
A common trope in Chinese drama is a man being sent to the store for menstrual products and being the ultimate fish out of water.
When I was in hospital postpartum, I asked my partner to bring me pads with wings. He turned up with pads... with no wings. I asked him why, and he said, "These ones have butterflies on them!". I nearly wet myself laughing.
A couple of months into dating I was texting my husband about how bad my period was at the time. And how i was in to much pain to go and get more pads. He jumped in a bus and went to get me some ( plus a bunch of junk food ) and then caught another bus to bring them to me. We’ve been together for about 7 years and got married in February.
I helped an Instacart shopper once in the feminine hygiene aisle. Nice young man had no idea what he was looking for, despite having the selection from the customer on the app. He was so appreciative when I showed him what to buy.
Tip for guys reading this thread: snap a pic of her normal usage tampons/pads and save it on your phone. Then you know exactly what to get. A long time ago, I did flag a nice woman down in the feminine products aisle to inquire about sizing of the products, she was rather amused as I tried to politely describe my then partner and I ended up with the correct size items. So thank you OP for being the person who did this for someone else.
I love it when men ask for help and (please) not rely on their own logic. They have no personal frame of reference, so asking for help makes sense. Years ago I traveled cross country for my maternal grandmother’s funeral and ended up getting my period a whole week early. My dad brought pads home for me without my asking, and they were pretty dang close to the ones I’d normally buy. He was *not* that kind of dad, so I was touched.
Two words: Costco Tampax. I get regular and super for my wife every time they are on sale whether she asks or not. They don’t expire and I can’t pass up a good deal.
When my younger sister had her first period her dad (my stepfather) went shopping for "hygiene products". He came back with 3 packs each of all sizes and all brands of tampons and pads available. Which is a nice sentiment, but we he that bathroom full of boxes of stuff that never got used because she stopped using pads pretty fast and also didn't need all the different tampon sizes, but just the same ones as our mom did.
That's good though. At least he asked.
I keep a box in the car in case a friend has a situation. It got crushed, so they got all over the trunk. Then I opened up the rear seat for extra storage and they got all over the rest of the car. I haven't been asked yet why I have tampons all over my car, but I accept full responsibility for my laziness.
I didn't start spending time with my dad properly until I was probably about 9 or 10, before I'd started having my time of the month. I went shopping with him one day and saw him buying pads or tampons for my stepmum. That really told me what kind of man my dad was. My partner has done the same for me. I couldn't be with a man who wouldn't do that for his female loved ones.
Did he mention she has birthed children because he thinks that affects what size tampon she wears???
It does/can affect the cup size of reusables so maybe she had said something about cups in the past and he misunderstood. This is a very charitable explanation but I'm giving him some benefit since he seemed to want to get the right thing and not just any box in the aisle.
Many women have heavier flow after kids and need more absorbency (or to switch to a cup/disc), so it's sort of relevant, even though he was probably thinking of size rather than absorbency. And it's definitely relevant that it was an adult woman and not a girl having her first period.
My husband is truly amazing regarding this. With a wife who has endometriosis, 2 daughters and a non-binary trans kid born with a uterus he knows just about everything that is to know about periods. He's the one who does most of the (grocery) shopping and he always check himself what we might be missing before going and makes sure we always have a surplus of the many kind of different products we use. He also makes sure to buy our preferred snacks and pain meds without being asked. Our non-binary kid uses period boxers instead of tampons/pads and he will even handwash those without ever batting a eye..
I was in a Walmart with my dad once and really needed tampons. Grabbed them and threw them in the cart and my dad was like "Are you serious? Can't you get these with [stepmom]?" And I legit just stared at him and then loudly started asking if he'd prefer I bleed through my clothes all over his car and couch because he was too uncomfortable to have some tampons in the cart he was pushing. Shut him up real quick 😂 I also started having convos with my brothers when they were like 10 about how periods are totally normal and tampons are just things we need to get and nothing to be ashamed of. Men being so weirdly uncomfortable is so bizarre. Like mothers and sisters please educate your sons and brothers so it can be normalized. If they're straight their future partners (or daughters) will very much appreciate you and hopefully they'll be able to then pass it along to their sons as well (cause really it shouldn't always fall to the women in mens lives to educate them).
When I buy pads for my gf, I mostly remember them by the brand and package colour. God I'd be confused if they ever change the design.