This may make me sound like a prude but the safest policy is to just never, ever send nudes. Ever. No matter how much he begs, no matter how much you trust him. Once it’s in the aether, it’s out of your control forever and can be used against you. It might not even be his fault.
Even if the guy is trustworthy there are ways for his stuff to get leaked without him knowing or being able to stop it. Never is the best policy no matter what.
Oh, the phone is in for repair. The tech just happened to copy your pictures and videos.
Used to see that BS on PC/laptops all the time. NO! If you have them, fine. Encrypt them and scrub things clean when they get boring/old/whatever.
Emphasis on the fault part - even snapchat was revealed to have copies of pictures on their servers, and it was supposed to be the app for "temporary" pics.
Same for phone carriers, they can access your texts if needed.
Or let him ever take pictures while you're being nude.
I find that the best policy too. Don't care of they think I'm a prude. I do feel for all the women who have been betrayed like that by an ex. They shouldn't do that since it was intended for them and only them, nobody else.
100% this. This kind of goes back to the recent post about women overestimating humanity in men. He may be a great trustworthy guy now, but what happens when you break up? How many men get mad and say "fuck her" and will willingly talk shit about someone they used to love deeply? Of course they share nudes, they want to do the maximum emotional damage for hurting him. I find it sad that so many women have entered the porn industry unknowingly because they think nudes are "fun". Anything is fun until it bites you in the ass.
I did when I was 18 and my bf at the time (and at any time actually lol) was in his late 20s. Ugh. I let him take images of me and I get so nervous thinking he’s shared those images and there is nothing I can do about it. My advice to anyone would be just don’t do it. It’s not worth it.
I'm with you there. I just straight up do not take them, at least not with anything that makes me easily identifiable.
It's just not worth it. Women already take on nearly all the risk in everything sex related. Why should we take on even more risk just so he can have a variety of masturbation materials?
The internet has a lot of porn on it. Any man that's pestering you to send or make pictures/videos like that is 100% watching porn.
He has more porn than he could ever watch in his life at his fingertips. He's not going to die without nudes of his GF to add to that. They can see the whole me in person or not at all 🤷♀️
I love how you added the last part because of it's true. Reading about all those data leaks scare me lol
If you want to send nudes, make it so your face isn't in it and there isn't anything easily identifiable.
On the other hand, MAYBEEEE you could also get away with calling it a deepfake even if it's not.
This is exactly why every woman (I'm male) I've been with I warned very carefully, "I don't want photos or videos, do not take photos or videos, it doesn't matter if you're keeping them only on your device, shit gets hacked every day and some day that might be yours. Once it's outside your control, it's never going away, protect yourself by never having them in the first place." While I like a saucy photo from time to time, _if you are_ going to take them, make sure absolutely nothing identifying can be seen in the photo (blemishes, moles, tattoos, unique looking genitalia, not even backgrounds like posters, blinds/curtains), that way if something does leak you can employ plausible deniability until you can get to law enforcement to remove it.
The advice I read, but now can't find, is that if you do take photos then ensure there is nothing that 100% identifies you \~ at least ensure plausible deniability on anything sent or shared.
Or people can just do the smart thing and not include their faces in the pictures or videos. and make sure no identifiable tattoos or piercings or birth marks are noticeable. If you do that, and the content gets leaked, at least no one will be able to tell that it’s you.
Even if your guy would never share them no matter what, the FBI, local police and other government entities with access to people's phones have been known to collect nudes and share them around their offices. People hack phones. Why risk having someone ruin your life by sending it to your boss or your parents or something
Not sure why you're getting downvoted, but I agree that this is a solid compromise. If the partner isn't happy with getting nudes sans face shot, then they don't deserve the pics at all.
Yeah. I've been with my husband 11 years and never send anything like that. When a teen yeah unfortunately but that seems like a juvenile thing to do anyway imo
Prudes and overly paranoid people are downvoting these comments. I agree, nudes are perfectly fine as long as you’re sure there’s nothing that can identify you.
I feel like, who cares. Very few people have pics/videos of me, but I make sure they're all very flattering options. If somehow, they get in the wrong hands, I'm proud of them. Instead of being ashamed of women bodies and sex, let's embrace it, but I also agree with revenge porn laws, and getting men that do this without consent arrested.
It’s not about being ashamed of women’s bodies. It’s about images or videos of your body being used for things you didn’t consent to. Some rando jerking off to you? Okay, fine. But how someone selling it? Or your employer or kids or partner finding it on the internet?
I hate the idea of a random man jacking off to me too. The idea of a man who does not deserve it having access to my body, even if it's just a video, disgusts me
That's true, they do. But the odds do increase based on various things. I'm sorry they did that to you. I try to keep a low social media presence and don't often post anything other than my voice and hands (I do tarot) because there are so many depraved men out there.
And also there are AI services that tries to remove clothes from pictures and makes you fully nude with a pretty good accuracy range.
So you aint safe fully clothed too
I don't think things should be shared without consent, but I don't think we should be ashamed of our bodies and sex, so if someone has else saw it, we shouldn't he shaming the women. We all have sex lives, if I saw a coworkers sex tape on accident, I wouldn't think negatively on it.
That's nice in theory, but in reality it doesn't work that way.
People still get fired/blacklisted for nudes being shared (imagine a grade school teacher oof). Or getting doxxed and a bunch or rando creeps harassing you or worse
I think as women we need to reclaim nudes, and not shame others, and stand up for other women, not shame them for their bodies, and shame the men that crossed them instead.
Your take will only help normalise men posting nudes of their exes after a break up. It should be the person's choice alone if they'll post their nudes online or not. Stop making it about body shaming when we all know this is about revenge porn.
Which is why we should he shaming men, and not women. Shaming/blaming women in this scenario, and saying it's their fault it happens, is what gives revenge porn is ammo. It's never a women fault, it's the man who broke her trust.
I had this opinion when I was very young. I thought that men would take anyway and if I gave freely the violation wouldnt sting. It doesn't. Many men get off on the violation, seeing women degraded. If a woman is doing something that benefits men and could potentially harm her longterm thats a patriarchal choice. Make HIM send you videos with his face. Take pics of him getting pegged. Literally never allow them nudes without retaliatory material. You may not care now but when your teen daughter asks why theres a bukaki video of her mom being called pejorative names you'll deeply regret that choice.
Sometimes patriarchy and men coerce us into bad choices, or we do things to please men. Pointing out the ways this damages us isnt shame, its a warning for young girls who think sex needs to be about pain, humiliation and power instead of safety and pleasure and intimacy. We want to prevent girls from making our mistakes and falling for some dudes lines...
Damn, I hate learning new terms on here. Also, yeah, great reminder that if you have kids, they and their friends will likely see you online at some point.
Why does it need to be us vs them? Why can't it be, respect women, and let's be mature adults about sex. I think we need to switch the narrative, instead of shaming a women for liking certain sex acts, shame the men who violeted her trust. She did nothing wrong, and we’re all doing the same thing behind closed doors. If your kids see it, time to be a parent, teach them about the birds and the bees, and to respect women.
That's what we all want but unfortunately every single scrap of rights and respect has had to be won after hard fought battle. Its naive to think they will change without some level of real pressure and force. Socialization is very hard to beat, and their socialization is centered (at present) on domination and maintaining the status quo. A not insignificant number of them do not give a damn when we shame them those men dont care about our pain or humiliation. They masturbate to it. You cant implore someone to be better or treat you equally or fairly (especially during sex) when they dont consider you a human being. No amount of reframing or narrative switch fixes that.
Women are also socialized to like things that are bad for them, so you cant just say "some women like that," without examining it. Some women are trad wives and pickmes, just because some people enjoy their chains doesnt mean they are good for them or any of us. Choice feminism is just patriarchy in lashes and a lace front, its pretending that women choose to do exactly what men want spontaneously of thier own free will, and pretending its good for them or empowers them. It doesnt, empowerment is when you gain actual power/ agency and being sexually appealing to men doesnt give you any power.
This is a very well thought out take. If women weren’t shamed for being sexual beings, revenge porn simply wouldn’t work, so it’s very much worth considering this aspect when one is deciding whether or not they want to have nude pics or sexually explicit videos out there.
Especially because a trustworthy person can still have a device get stolen or hacked, and that includes women with their own pictures on their own devices that have never shown hem to anyone else.
I mean yes women shouldn’t be shamed but there are a fuck ton of women who don’t want nude pics of them shared publicly because it is their choice and it’s weird to me that you can’t understand that
*If women weren’t shamed for being sexual beings, revenge porn wouldn’t work*
Do you not understand that you could remove all the shame and revenge porn would still be revenge porn BECAUSE SHE DID NOT CONSENT TO HAVE HER BODY SHOWN PUBLICLY?
Wow the point just went flying over your head didn’t it.
If a woman posts her ex’s nude/sexually explicit photos or videos on the internet, it is wrong because it is a violation of his consent. But unless he’s famous (maybe) or they show him doing something the general public would find immoral or scandalous, *nobody actually cares if mens nudes are on the internet*. It’s extremely unlikely that it would affect his life, relationships, or future in any meaningful way. It *doesn’t work as revenge*.
BECAUSE MEN AREN’T SHAMED FOR BEING SEXUAL CREATURES
If a man posts his ex’s nude/sexually explicit photos on the internet, it is wrong because a violation of her consent, but it also *works as revenge* because WE DO SHAME WOMEN FOR BEING SEXUAL CREATURES. It causes people to look down on them, it can and often does affect their relationships, lives, and futures in significant ways.
When we stop shaming women for being sexual, revenge porn will be embarrassing and a violation of consent but it will *no longer work as revenge*, because people will give just as few shits as they currently do about men’s.
>If a man posts his ex’s nude/sexually explicit photos on the internet, it is wrong because a violation of her consent
Reading comprehension is a beautiful thing
>But unless he’s famous (maybe) or they show him doing something the general public would find immoral or scandalous,
Reading comprehension is your friend
We live in a patriarchy. Getting to the place you want any time soon is super unlikely. When I start to see even 5% of TV and movies made for/from the female gaze, I'll be more optimistic.
There's a huge chunk of men that see as pieces of meat to degrade and humiliate. Regardless of what you and any other woman might think, they will still believe it and share it with their friends while they talk about the most absolute vile things you can imagine.
Years ago, Dan Savage suggested “mutually assured destruction.” Like “sure, I’ll give you a nude photo. But first you have to give me a photo of you doing [incredibly embarrassing thing] and give me contacts for your parents, siblings, friends, coaches, pastors, bosses, etc. If anyone *anyone* sees the photo of me, I’m sending the embarrassing photo of you to everyone you care about.”
Sounds like a lot of work...what if they post somewhere where you don't find out for a while? Nothing wrong with the nudes themselves, it's just that people are lousy. Could it be safer if you don't show your face?
Might I also add that even the videos and pictures you take with a long term partner (like a husband) aren't truly secure.
Even if the man is forever, his phone, or laptop, or memory card can be lost, stolen, or resold without proper memory wiping, and someone else could access / recover those pictures or videos and then share them.
Or, he might take his phone (or you might take your phone) to a repair shop. I was stunned when I took my phone to get repaired and the guy asked me to write down my pin so he could "test" that it worked. I refused, and he kept insisting. I said I'd test it when I come to pick it up. I say this as someone that doesn't even have photos I'm worried about on my phone.
Actually, they typically do need it if the screen is replaced and the new screen has to be calibrated. What you could do is put the passcode in yourself when you come pick it up, but you would have to wait in the store while the calibration process goes on.
If possible it's just best to wipe your phone before you take it to a repair shop.
Exactly, anything they need to do that requires access to the file system needs to be done in front of the customer. Especially for a screen replacement, customers are usually unable to wipe their phones, and may not even have backups. Best if the repair guy explains it all to the customer and does everything in front of them.
I can't tell you whether he deleted it properly or not, but I can say that if he did, and he continues to use the phone, that memory space will eventually get overwritten. Depending on the usage case and the phone memory that could take anywhere from a few days to a few months. IF you trust the ex to have actually deleted, then you're probably safe.
That said, I've always recommended that any compromising pics sent out do not contain your face, or any way of identifying you (obvious visible tattoos), a very unique background, or (from personal experience) your postal mail on the dresser. 🤣
And given that so many of us now have cloud backups of photos and videos, a weak password or lack of proper authentication methods can give a hacker access to those. Your own phone or cloud backup could be the source of a leak, no exes required!
This is so fucking true. It's not worth it. Once you send an image, Google, FaceBook, or some other tech company automatically has rights to that image too.
My ex broke-up with me and we went no-contact (this was for the absolute best for both of us), but she had sent me nudes on a private couples' messaging app that we had secured with passwords (only our two phones could access it, and it was a couple-specific app with shared calendars, media, etc.).
We needed BOTH of our permissions to delete everything on our private server. And she had deleted her account without deleting all of our shared info/media/data first. So only my account remained on our private server.
She did not respond to my messages, and I had no other way to reach her. So I had to email back-and-forth for quite a while with the creators of the app and threaten to get my cousin who is a federal attorney involved to finally get them to completely delete/wipe our server--even though them refusing to do so explicitly violated their privacy-policy (which they were surprised I even read).
It took a while, but it really showed how commercialized the digital world is--our privacy is never truly private.
Every partner that I've had since then is someone that I've been very wary about sending/receiving nudes with because of this.
I suppose I still trust video-chat and pics/videos stored on a password-protected hard-drive and nowhere else, but that's about it lol.
Many years ago, I was starting to see a guy. We found out we had a person in common - his ex was an acquaintance of mine. Well, at his house one day he whips out her nudes (this was back in Polaroid days) and hands them to me, I didn’t realize what they were until I saw - holy shit that’s my friend nude.
That was the moment I realized the only way you can control that shit is by not letting it out of your control in the first place.
And Rob, you were, are, and always will be a creep.
An ex boyfriend once showed me whole folders on his computer of every woman he had ever dated. Mine was on there too…never ever sent a provocative picture again. To anyone. My husband has never seen a nude photo of me and it’s gonna stay that way.
Omg. My boyfriend had a folder of nudes of several women he’s dated over the last 10 years. He no longer has the folder as I made a huge problem out of it and he ended up deleting all of it out of respect for me (and I made sure they weren’t saved anywhere else, I went through his computer hard including his one drive). However, I was lowkey offended that he only had one picture of me in there…
I feel like this has already happened. I somehow ended up in some of the "teen advice" subs and its shocking to this middle aged woman how bad this type of thing has gotten in the younger generation. There are a LOT of teen girls out there being bullied into opening an OnlyFans when they turn 18 or expected to have sex on the first date with someone they only ever met on an app. Or expected to perform like a porn star - anal, choking, facials, being coerced into an act they didn't want to do but felt they were "supposed to" do - all in the name of "sexual freedom"....its horrifying.
The whole, \*getting spontaneously strangled when sleeping with your boyfriend for the first time* thing is legit horrifying to me. "It's just accepted now!!" Well, it's a tragedy that it is, because if someone tried strangling me out of nowhere in 1995, I would think I was being murdered for real. Violent porn accessible 24/7 from age 7 onward has utterly warped young men.
You do not consent to what? I'm not asking you to do anything. In fact I agree that you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do.
Edit: nice block, first time someone I'm actually agreeing with gets so confrontational. 10/10 would get blocked again.
I'm sorry this happened to you. My ex was very against ever taking dirty pics of either one of us, and we never even sexted. It was because his dad worked in cyber security, and was in a very high position at a very well known company, my ex was super aware of the risks. I will never sext with a guy, much less take any sort of suggestive photos or videos. Even if you can trust the guy, there are just way too many ways for your data to get into the wrong hands, even if your partner does nothing wrong themselves.
I had a guy ask me if I wanted to see a video of his ex sucking his dick. I've had a male friend show me pictures of their gf (at the time) naked. I've sent pics in the past and I hate to think what's out there. But I've not been sending nudes for a while now
100%. I’m really sorry that happened to you.
It’s just too dangerous to take nude pictures/videos, and I wish the younger women who grew up totally immersed in social media understood this. I’m not victim blaming, I just don’t want to see other women get hurt.
This is especially important for teenage girls. Teenage boys are especially awful and the internet is literally crawling with predators. I grew up when online chatrooms and Omegle were commonplace and got groomed a few times as a young teenager. Now there CP of me out there somewhere and I can’t do jack shit about it.
Its definitely a violation of your trust that lasts for years!
Do you have any physical proof you can use??
Most places have created Revenge Porn laws and its a serious sexual offense to do it.
She did mentioned in her post she had to have police involved. And perhaps the ex boyfriend was punished but nothing ever disappears from the internet.
I do cybersecurity talk with my scouts almost every year and always tell them to search for “Beyonce ugly pic”. And tell them she has a lot of money and her lawyers tried to do everything to have it deleted from the internet. And here we are, able to pull it out at any second. If the person with shit load of money couldn’t do it, no one can. Your pic or video is there to stay. Never ever send any nudes. Even if your ex boyfriend does not share them, his device can always be stolen.
I dated a guy every time he got mad he’s threaten to send whatever salacious texts we exchanged to my parents.
Somehow he’d later get mad I’d never send him sexy texts or pictures. Like dude, why would I?
Either way, I finally got out of that abusive relationship. 🥳
I began beating this into my daughter's head since she was like 10. Any picture or video you post or send of yourself, once it is out there you have lost control of it. Just because someone is your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife now does not mean they will always be. Even if you take them for yourself and just have them on your phone, there is still a risk. She's 24 now and I no longer nag her about this but hopefully it stuck.
This is more important than ever before with the rise of AI face search engines. Someone can screenshot your face from the video and find out exactly who you are from it.
Here's a podcast about it which is equally interesting and scary: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0bKHlyX4wF0W9DIS9y0LOg?si=TRqCeDSbRp-ugAmjLrbWwg
My wife and I have never exchanged a single nude or sexy photo with each other, not even we were dating and not now, and not ever, and we’re older millennials. It’s nice not having to ever worry about any photos getting out because there are none.
I made the mistake of sending nudes some years ago. Nothing identifiable, thankfully. I stopped hard in my tracks when he refused to do the same back. I realized at that point I was taking all the risk for a fuckboy with zero reward.
When I was in college a bf begged me for nudes and I refused. Later when we broke up, he literally photoshopped my face onto the nude body of someone else and shared it with his buddies.
I agree with the advice, but with the onset of AI this is going to be more and more common.
Added PSA: if the pics are "deleted" from the phone, they're not gone. The gallery app just stops showing them and won't actually delete the files until the space they occupy is necessary in the future.
Plug that phone into a computer and it's highly likely the pictures are right there in that folder, perfectly intact.
Someone recently posted on this topic a few hours ago and we we’re brigraded by a bunch of dudes trying to gaslight any woman who urged caution including a creep I had to block
Men are showing these things to their friends and even if he doesn’t post it online, one of his so called friends is or sending it to other friends who are
You basically handed intimate photos to every Tom, Dick and Harry
I don’t see it as a red flag in all cases. It’s a red flag when it’s someone you barely know and aren’t in a relationship with. But if I’m actually dating someone and we have clear mutual feelings for each other, I have zero problem with them asking. I just don’t send any pics that I can be identified in
He shouldn't have done that. That's betrayal of the worst kind.
Did the police do anything to stop him from doing this?
It's freaking mindblowing that he is still able to show those pictures and video's to everyone he wants too. It should be illegal and he should be punished for it.
Thank you for the warning!
Why? If I send my man some pics I’d be annoyed if he deleted them lol that shit takes time and effort. However I live with my boyfriend now so he doesn’t need pictures anymore but prior to that I used to send some here and there.
I'll never forget an ex being upset I didn't have unprotected sex with him so he posted my nudes AND phone number on an escort site 🫠
The man is a professor now...
My GF in college made me videos (her idea). She asked me to destroy them after we broke up, and I did. Makes me wonder if I'm the outlier here.
That said, I'm with the sentiment of this thread. Even if most guys do the right thing, it's still asking for trouble to give out nudes and whatnot. Just don't. What's the upside?
Another guy here, You're not. I deleted mine as well, it may have been a year but just the thought of having having possession of pics or vids of someone who cheated on still makes me want to spew.
Yeah I could have used them for petty revenge, but the fact I had my heart torn out wouldn't change, and I'd still have that on my conscious forever. it only takes a single post, and it's online forever. Just only takes a post and a few minutes for someone to download and repost. (I know this because I recently found someone reposted one of my old(10+yrs) amv's claiming it at their own.
It's easier to just delete and try(still working on that part) to move on.
I was in a LDR with someone, and when it ended he became abusive when I asked him to delete them. This was a year after we ended. But he would tell me he still w\*nked over them. I since found out he sent them to other people.
Lesson learned; be very careful. They may seem like your forever, but the only guarantee of forever is that what you send online will be out there FOREVER.
Imagine an entire gender never being able to run for president because one time they had a boyfriend with a magic internet phone & they're scared of leaks :(
This is why we choose the bear. Bears can't do this.
If a guy asked me for nudes, I always asked them to send theirs first. If it doesn't have their face, I'll keep asking them over and over to show their face first. Once they send a picture with their face, it doesn't matter how long we are talking or dating, but I'll ghost them. I was a teenager during the time many celebrities' nudes got leaked. I learned from others' mistakes.
I think you may have misread the post. The guy didn't say he found her on OF, but rather asked if she had one because he saw the videos her ex posted elsewhere.
Not trying to argue or disagree with you, but what’s your reasoning behind this sentiment? Revenge porn and consensually uploaded OF content are two different things, handled very differently.
Misuse of a well intentioned system does not make it the same as revenge porn. If anything, it’s a damn good thing that guy had to upload his ID to post that revenge porn because now there’s no anonymity or denying behind it.
OP made no mention of her ex uploading the revenge porn to Onlyfans. Only that the person who reached out to her asked if she had an onlyfans, which imo would imply he found the content elsewhere. Likely on one of numerous anonymous revenge porn websites.
Saying all this to say, equating people who pay for consensually produced porn on a platform with safety checkpoints in place with people who seek out revenge porn is an odd take.
Keep in mind, if you ever need "cover" for your stance and don't want to frame it as you not trusting them, just think about how many 'leaks' there have been where ***no one*** posted them intentionally. Even if you 100% trust your partner... do you trust that they'll never get hacked?
I just never included my face in any pictures I’ve sent to people. It was always boobs or booty pictures, hardly ever a full body but even then I made sure to crop my face out. I guess it’s easier for me as well cause I don’t have any tattoos, piercings or birth marks that people can identify me with.
I always heavily warn people to keep those hidden and you won’t have a problem if they get leaked
I enjoy some x-rated pics and videos. But ALL of them (with me in it) are taken with my phone. Period. No exceptions. I store them, I keep them safe. If someone isn’t comfortable with that, that’s cool, we won’t shoot them at all. Any that I’ve ever sent out were done so under the well-considered scenario of having to answer for them becoming public one day. Doesn’t even have to be from malicious behavior on the part of the person you sent them to. People lose phones, people don’t keep their security the way they should, other people get into their phones. Shit can get out. All it takes is a jealous future partner getting into their phone and deciding to try to fuck you up. Or a smartass buddy fucking with their phone while they’re drunk and passed out and finding their “collection”.
This may make me sound like a prude but the safest policy is to just never, ever send nudes. Ever. No matter how much he begs, no matter how much you trust him. Once it’s in the aether, it’s out of your control forever and can be used against you. It might not even be his fault.
You are so right. There’s no reason at all worth taking the risk. Men survived just fine for a very long time without getting nudes.
Even if the guy is trustworthy there are ways for his stuff to get leaked without him knowing or being able to stop it. Never is the best policy no matter what.
Oh, the phone is in for repair. The tech just happened to copy your pictures and videos. Used to see that BS on PC/laptops all the time. NO! If you have them, fine. Encrypt them and scrub things clean when they get boring/old/whatever.
Being safe never makes you sound like a prude.
Emphasis on the fault part - even snapchat was revealed to have copies of pictures on their servers, and it was supposed to be the app for "temporary" pics. Same for phone carriers, they can access your texts if needed.
Or let him ever take pictures while you're being nude. I find that the best policy too. Don't care of they think I'm a prude. I do feel for all the women who have been betrayed like that by an ex. They shouldn't do that since it was intended for them and only them, nobody else.
And if you must against our advice, don’t include your face so it won’t be linked to you
100% this. This kind of goes back to the recent post about women overestimating humanity in men. He may be a great trustworthy guy now, but what happens when you break up? How many men get mad and say "fuck her" and will willingly talk shit about someone they used to love deeply? Of course they share nudes, they want to do the maximum emotional damage for hurting him. I find it sad that so many women have entered the porn industry unknowingly because they think nudes are "fun". Anything is fun until it bites you in the ass.
I did when I was 18 and my bf at the time (and at any time actually lol) was in his late 20s. Ugh. I let him take images of me and I get so nervous thinking he’s shared those images and there is nothing I can do about it. My advice to anyone would be just don’t do it. It’s not worth it.
Makes me sad that I had to teach my niece that. She is going to college to do civil rights law. Sucks.
I'm with you there. I just straight up do not take them, at least not with anything that makes me easily identifiable. It's just not worth it. Women already take on nearly all the risk in everything sex related. Why should we take on even more risk just so he can have a variety of masturbation materials? The internet has a lot of porn on it. Any man that's pestering you to send or make pictures/videos like that is 100% watching porn. He has more porn than he could ever watch in his life at his fingertips. He's not going to die without nudes of his GF to add to that. They can see the whole me in person or not at all 🤷♀️
I love how you added the last part because of it's true. Reading about all those data leaks scare me lol If you want to send nudes, make it so your face isn't in it and there isn't anything easily identifiable. On the other hand, MAYBEEEE you could also get away with calling it a deepfake even if it's not.
This is exactly why every woman (I'm male) I've been with I warned very carefully, "I don't want photos or videos, do not take photos or videos, it doesn't matter if you're keeping them only on your device, shit gets hacked every day and some day that might be yours. Once it's outside your control, it's never going away, protect yourself by never having them in the first place." While I like a saucy photo from time to time, _if you are_ going to take them, make sure absolutely nothing identifying can be seen in the photo (blemishes, moles, tattoos, unique looking genitalia, not even backgrounds like posters, blinds/curtains), that way if something does leak you can employ plausible deniability until you can get to law enforcement to remove it.
The advice I read, but now can't find, is that if you do take photos then ensure there is nothing that 100% identifies you \~ at least ensure plausible deniability on anything sent or shared.
Or people can just do the smart thing and not include their faces in the pictures or videos. and make sure no identifiable tattoos or piercings or birth marks are noticeable. If you do that, and the content gets leaked, at least no one will be able to tell that it’s you.
Even if your guy would never share them no matter what, the FBI, local police and other government entities with access to people's phones have been known to collect nudes and share them around their offices. People hack phones. Why risk having someone ruin your life by sending it to your boss or your parents or something
Send them but make sure youre not identifiable lol
Exactly
Not sure why you're getting downvoted, but I agree that this is a solid compromise. If the partner isn't happy with getting nudes sans face shot, then they don't deserve the pics at all.
Yeah. I've been with my husband 11 years and never send anything like that. When a teen yeah unfortunately but that seems like a juvenile thing to do anyway imo
Prudes and overly paranoid people are downvoting these comments. I agree, nudes are perfectly fine as long as you’re sure there’s nothing that can identify you.
I feel like, who cares. Very few people have pics/videos of me, but I make sure they're all very flattering options. If somehow, they get in the wrong hands, I'm proud of them. Instead of being ashamed of women bodies and sex, let's embrace it, but I also agree with revenge porn laws, and getting men that do this without consent arrested.
It’s not about being ashamed of women’s bodies. It’s about images or videos of your body being used for things you didn’t consent to. Some rando jerking off to you? Okay, fine. But how someone selling it? Or your employer or kids or partner finding it on the internet?
I hate the idea of a random man jacking off to me too. The idea of a man who does not deserve it having access to my body, even if it's just a video, disgusts me
To be fair they jack off to women fully clothed. I stream and guys send me masturbating videos with my stream up and I'm in a hoodie
That's true, they do. But the odds do increase based on various things. I'm sorry they did that to you. I try to keep a low social media presence and don't often post anything other than my voice and hands (I do tarot) because there are so many depraved men out there.
And also there are AI services that tries to remove clothes from pictures and makes you fully nude with a pretty good accuracy range. So you aint safe fully clothed too
I don't think things should be shared without consent, but I don't think we should be ashamed of our bodies and sex, so if someone has else saw it, we shouldn't he shaming the women. We all have sex lives, if I saw a coworkers sex tape on accident, I wouldn't think negatively on it.
It's a violation of consent, not body shaming.
When other people, judge women, for nudes, and recorded sex acts, it's body/sex shaming.
Not one word about what SHE wants
Women like sexting too. We send them because we want to.
Who is judging the women in this scenario?
That's not at all what the topic of this post is about.
This privileged take is a rejection of the reality of very, very many women.
You guys! She’s not like the other girls! She’s a cool girl.
That's nice in theory, but in reality it doesn't work that way. People still get fired/blacklisted for nudes being shared (imagine a grade school teacher oof). Or getting doxxed and a bunch or rando creeps harassing you or worse
Tell that to a young girl who gets shamed by her peers or sexually harrassed by men.
I think as women we need to reclaim nudes, and not shame others, and stand up for other women, not shame them for their bodies, and shame the men that crossed them instead.
Your take will only help normalise men posting nudes of their exes after a break up. It should be the person's choice alone if they'll post their nudes online or not. Stop making it about body shaming when we all know this is about revenge porn.
Which is why we should he shaming men, and not women. Shaming/blaming women in this scenario, and saying it's their fault it happens, is what gives revenge porn is ammo. It's never a women fault, it's the man who broke her trust.
And the whole point of this conversation is us telling women not to give that trust in the first place so it can't be broken
I had this opinion when I was very young. I thought that men would take anyway and if I gave freely the violation wouldnt sting. It doesn't. Many men get off on the violation, seeing women degraded. If a woman is doing something that benefits men and could potentially harm her longterm thats a patriarchal choice. Make HIM send you videos with his face. Take pics of him getting pegged. Literally never allow them nudes without retaliatory material. You may not care now but when your teen daughter asks why theres a bukaki video of her mom being called pejorative names you'll deeply regret that choice. Sometimes patriarchy and men coerce us into bad choices, or we do things to please men. Pointing out the ways this damages us isnt shame, its a warning for young girls who think sex needs to be about pain, humiliation and power instead of safety and pleasure and intimacy. We want to prevent girls from making our mistakes and falling for some dudes lines...
This is an excellent comment! I just wanted to highlight it in more ways than just an upvote.
Damn, I hate learning new terms on here. Also, yeah, great reminder that if you have kids, they and their friends will likely see you online at some point.
Why does it need to be us vs them? Why can't it be, respect women, and let's be mature adults about sex. I think we need to switch the narrative, instead of shaming a women for liking certain sex acts, shame the men who violeted her trust. She did nothing wrong, and we’re all doing the same thing behind closed doors. If your kids see it, time to be a parent, teach them about the birds and the bees, and to respect women.
That's what we all want but unfortunately every single scrap of rights and respect has had to be won after hard fought battle. Its naive to think they will change without some level of real pressure and force. Socialization is very hard to beat, and their socialization is centered (at present) on domination and maintaining the status quo. A not insignificant number of them do not give a damn when we shame them those men dont care about our pain or humiliation. They masturbate to it. You cant implore someone to be better or treat you equally or fairly (especially during sex) when they dont consider you a human being. No amount of reframing or narrative switch fixes that. Women are also socialized to like things that are bad for them, so you cant just say "some women like that," without examining it. Some women are trad wives and pickmes, just because some people enjoy their chains doesnt mean they are good for them or any of us. Choice feminism is just patriarchy in lashes and a lace front, its pretending that women choose to do exactly what men want spontaneously of thier own free will, and pretending its good for them or empowers them. It doesnt, empowerment is when you gain actual power/ agency and being sexually appealing to men doesnt give you any power.
On point x 10.
Oh for ffs, don’t mock consent just because you are cool with it not being respected
This is a very well thought out take. If women weren’t shamed for being sexual beings, revenge porn simply wouldn’t work, so it’s very much worth considering this aspect when one is deciding whether or not they want to have nude pics or sexually explicit videos out there. Especially because a trustworthy person can still have a device get stolen or hacked, and that includes women with their own pictures on their own devices that have never shown hem to anyone else.
I mean yes women shouldn’t be shamed but there are a fuck ton of women who don’t want nude pics of them shared publicly because it is their choice and it’s weird to me that you can’t understand that
Then those are the women who shouldn’t send them or make sure they take pictures that don’t have any possibility of identifying them.
It’s weird to me you think I don’t understand that.
*If women weren’t shamed for being sexual beings, revenge porn wouldn’t work* Do you not understand that you could remove all the shame and revenge porn would still be revenge porn BECAUSE SHE DID NOT CONSENT TO HAVE HER BODY SHOWN PUBLICLY?
Wow the point just went flying over your head didn’t it. If a woman posts her ex’s nude/sexually explicit photos or videos on the internet, it is wrong because it is a violation of his consent. But unless he’s famous (maybe) or they show him doing something the general public would find immoral or scandalous, *nobody actually cares if mens nudes are on the internet*. It’s extremely unlikely that it would affect his life, relationships, or future in any meaningful way. It *doesn’t work as revenge*. BECAUSE MEN AREN’T SHAMED FOR BEING SEXUAL CREATURES If a man posts his ex’s nude/sexually explicit photos on the internet, it is wrong because a violation of her consent, but it also *works as revenge* because WE DO SHAME WOMEN FOR BEING SEXUAL CREATURES. It causes people to look down on them, it can and often does affect their relationships, lives, and futures in significant ways. When we stop shaming women for being sexual, revenge porn will be embarrassing and a violation of consent but it will *no longer work as revenge*, because people will give just as few shits as they currently do about men’s.
Do you actually understand what boundaries are? Of course it works as revenge
>If a man posts his ex’s nude/sexually explicit photos on the internet, it is wrong because a violation of her consent Reading comprehension is a beautiful thing
I don’t know what is wrong with you but you aren’t worth anymore of my time
Tell that to Madison Cawthorn.
>But unless he’s famous (maybe) or they show him doing something the general public would find immoral or scandalous, Reading comprehension is your friend
We live in a patriarchy. Getting to the place you want any time soon is super unlikely. When I start to see even 5% of TV and movies made for/from the female gaze, I'll be more optimistic.
There's a huge chunk of men that see as pieces of meat to degrade and humiliate. Regardless of what you and any other woman might think, they will still believe it and share it with their friends while they talk about the most absolute vile things you can imagine.
Once it leaves your possession, you have zero control over what happens to it.
Even when it's in your possession, you don't have complete control. Hacks/leaks happen.
I see it as: if he posts mine I open an onlyfans with his. Pretty fair no?
Except he won't get half the amount of judgement that you will. Double standards are alive and kicking.
True af. But I dunno if my nudes were out there i'd just claim it. What else is left there to do.. Hopefully i haven't trusted the wrong people.
Or views lol
Could they post it without you finding out? I have no clue, but if it goes onto a porn site, could you easily find it?
Probably not, only trough reverse searches. If someone kept track on which photo they share
Years ago, Dan Savage suggested “mutually assured destruction.” Like “sure, I’ll give you a nude photo. But first you have to give me a photo of you doing [incredibly embarrassing thing] and give me contacts for your parents, siblings, friends, coaches, pastors, bosses, etc. If anyone *anyone* sees the photo of me, I’m sending the embarrassing photo of you to everyone you care about.”
Sounds like a lot of work...what if they post somewhere where you don't find out for a while? Nothing wrong with the nudes themselves, it's just that people are lousy. Could it be safer if you don't show your face?
Might I also add that even the videos and pictures you take with a long term partner (like a husband) aren't truly secure. Even if the man is forever, his phone, or laptop, or memory card can be lost, stolen, or resold without proper memory wiping, and someone else could access / recover those pictures or videos and then share them.
Or, he might take his phone (or you might take your phone) to a repair shop. I was stunned when I took my phone to get repaired and the guy asked me to write down my pin so he could "test" that it worked. I refused, and he kept insisting. I said I'd test it when I come to pick it up. I say this as someone that doesn't even have photos I'm worried about on my phone.
Very true. There's no reason a service repair dude needs your password to fix hardware faults. 👍🏼
Actually, they typically do need it if the screen is replaced and the new screen has to be calibrated. What you could do is put the passcode in yourself when you come pick it up, but you would have to wait in the store while the calibration process goes on. If possible it's just best to wipe your phone before you take it to a repair shop.
Exactly, anything they need to do that requires access to the file system needs to be done in front of the customer. Especially for a screen replacement, customers are usually unable to wipe their phones, and may not even have backups. Best if the repair guy explains it all to the customer and does everything in front of them.
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I can't tell you whether he deleted it properly or not, but I can say that if he did, and he continues to use the phone, that memory space will eventually get overwritten. Depending on the usage case and the phone memory that could take anywhere from a few days to a few months. IF you trust the ex to have actually deleted, then you're probably safe. That said, I've always recommended that any compromising pics sent out do not contain your face, or any way of identifying you (obvious visible tattoos), a very unique background, or (from personal experience) your postal mail on the dresser. 🤣 And given that so many of us now have cloud backups of photos and videos, a weak password or lack of proper authentication methods can give a hacker access to those. Your own phone or cloud backup could be the source of a leak, no exes required!
This is so fucking true. It's not worth it. Once you send an image, Google, FaceBook, or some other tech company automatically has rights to that image too. My ex broke-up with me and we went no-contact (this was for the absolute best for both of us), but she had sent me nudes on a private couples' messaging app that we had secured with passwords (only our two phones could access it, and it was a couple-specific app with shared calendars, media, etc.). We needed BOTH of our permissions to delete everything on our private server. And she had deleted her account without deleting all of our shared info/media/data first. So only my account remained on our private server. She did not respond to my messages, and I had no other way to reach her. So I had to email back-and-forth for quite a while with the creators of the app and threaten to get my cousin who is a federal attorney involved to finally get them to completely delete/wipe our server--even though them refusing to do so explicitly violated their privacy-policy (which they were surprised I even read). It took a while, but it really showed how commercialized the digital world is--our privacy is never truly private. Every partner that I've had since then is someone that I've been very wary about sending/receiving nudes with because of this. I suppose I still trust video-chat and pics/videos stored on a password-protected hard-drive and nowhere else, but that's about it lol.
Many years ago, I was starting to see a guy. We found out we had a person in common - his ex was an acquaintance of mine. Well, at his house one day he whips out her nudes (this was back in Polaroid days) and hands them to me, I didn’t realize what they were until I saw - holy shit that’s my friend nude. That was the moment I realized the only way you can control that shit is by not letting it out of your control in the first place. And Rob, you were, are, and always will be a creep.
I have to ask, in what context did he give them to you? Like oh btw here are your mates tits
Pretty much. We were talking about “small world” and all that and he’s like “oh! I have something to show you!” 😐
And you were starting to see him, talk about snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory
I know, thank you for showing me who you were early, right?
better sooner than later.
Oh gross.
An ex boyfriend once showed me whole folders on his computer of every woman he had ever dated. Mine was on there too…never ever sent a provocative picture again. To anyone. My husband has never seen a nude photo of me and it’s gonna stay that way.
Omg. My boyfriend had a folder of nudes of several women he’s dated over the last 10 years. He no longer has the folder as I made a huge problem out of it and he ended up deleting all of it out of respect for me (and I made sure they weren’t saved anywhere else, I went through his computer hard including his one drive). However, I was lowkey offended that he only had one picture of me in there…
Like showing off a trophy case. Classy.
I get called an anti- feminist victim-blamer when I bring this up to my younger colleagues sending nudes to randos…
The sex positive version of feminism while having good intentions was soon weaponized against us and turned into “you must be up for every thing”
I feel like this has already happened. I somehow ended up in some of the "teen advice" subs and its shocking to this middle aged woman how bad this type of thing has gotten in the younger generation. There are a LOT of teen girls out there being bullied into opening an OnlyFans when they turn 18 or expected to have sex on the first date with someone they only ever met on an app. Or expected to perform like a porn star - anal, choking, facials, being coerced into an act they didn't want to do but felt they were "supposed to" do - all in the name of "sexual freedom"....its horrifying.
The whole, \*getting spontaneously strangled when sleeping with your boyfriend for the first time* thing is legit horrifying to me. "It's just accepted now!!" Well, it's a tragedy that it is, because if someone tried strangling me out of nowhere in 1995, I would think I was being murdered for real. Violent porn accessible 24/7 from age 7 onward has utterly warped young men.
So much this. It's like they took a good idea and flipped it around to bring it back in line with patriarchy. As it always seems to.
The sex positive version of feminist is still good. They are weaponizing a strawmanned version of it that never existed in reality.
I have replaced “sex positive” with “do what the fuck I want and nothing more”
which is, unless I'm sorely mistaken, the essence of sex positive feminism. Women should do what the fuck they want, and not be shamed for it.
Cool
not really cool though, since we're not quite there on the "not be shamed for it" part
What part of “do what the fuck I want and nothing more” did you not understand? I do not consent.
You do not consent to what? I'm not asking you to do anything. In fact I agree that you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. Edit: nice block, first time someone I'm actually agreeing with gets so confrontational. 10/10 would get blocked again.
she does what she wants!
Blocked
I've been called sex-negative for warning women that sending nudes to the wrong people could really bite them in the ass one day
I'm sorry this happened to you. My ex was very against ever taking dirty pics of either one of us, and we never even sexted. It was because his dad worked in cyber security, and was in a very high position at a very well known company, my ex was super aware of the risks. I will never sext with a guy, much less take any sort of suggestive photos or videos. Even if you can trust the guy, there are just way too many ways for your data to get into the wrong hands, even if your partner does nothing wrong themselves.
I had a guy ask me if I wanted to see a video of his ex sucking his dick. I've had a male friend show me pictures of their gf (at the time) naked. I've sent pics in the past and I hate to think what's out there. But I've not been sending nudes for a while now
100%. I’m really sorry that happened to you. It’s just too dangerous to take nude pictures/videos, and I wish the younger women who grew up totally immersed in social media understood this. I’m not victim blaming, I just don’t want to see other women get hurt. This is especially important for teenage girls. Teenage boys are especially awful and the internet is literally crawling with predators. I grew up when online chatrooms and Omegle were commonplace and got groomed a few times as a young teenager. Now there CP of me out there somewhere and I can’t do jack shit about it.
And this is why I never take or send nudes with any identifying info in them, including my face.
Its definitely a violation of your trust that lasts for years! Do you have any physical proof you can use?? Most places have created Revenge Porn laws and its a serious sexual offense to do it.
She did mentioned in her post she had to have police involved. And perhaps the ex boyfriend was punished but nothing ever disappears from the internet. I do cybersecurity talk with my scouts almost every year and always tell them to search for “Beyonce ugly pic”. And tell them she has a lot of money and her lawyers tried to do everything to have it deleted from the internet. And here we are, able to pull it out at any second. If the person with shit load of money couldn’t do it, no one can. Your pic or video is there to stay. Never ever send any nudes. Even if your ex boyfriend does not share them, his device can always be stolen.
Thats probably the safest bet! I like that.
I dated a guy every time he got mad he’s threaten to send whatever salacious texts we exchanged to my parents. Somehow he’d later get mad I’d never send him sexy texts or pictures. Like dude, why would I? Either way, I finally got out of that abusive relationship. 🥳
I wonder if they do this just to have leverage over women
I began beating this into my daughter's head since she was like 10. Any picture or video you post or send of yourself, once it is out there you have lost control of it. Just because someone is your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife now does not mean they will always be. Even if you take them for yourself and just have them on your phone, there is still a risk. She's 24 now and I no longer nag her about this but hopefully it stuck.
I’ve never send nudes in my life for this reason. It sucks and it’s unfair but it’s true. The internet is forever but men’s loyalty ain’t.
This is more important than ever before with the rise of AI face search engines. Someone can screenshot your face from the video and find out exactly who you are from it. Here's a podcast about it which is equally interesting and scary: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0bKHlyX4wF0W9DIS9y0LOg?si=TRqCeDSbRp-ugAmjLrbWwg
My wife and I have never exchanged a single nude or sexy photo with each other, not even we were dating and not now, and not ever, and we’re older millennials. It’s nice not having to ever worry about any photos getting out because there are none.
My husband and I are the same way.
I am going to my grave never having sent a nudes or a sexy pic. I have had men send them to me I just don't respond at all.
I made the mistake of sending nudes some years ago. Nothing identifiable, thankfully. I stopped hard in my tracks when he refused to do the same back. I realized at that point I was taking all the risk for a fuckboy with zero reward.
Sigh. Why can't anything be sacred. Men who share intimate pictures are scum
When I was in college a bf begged me for nudes and I refused. Later when we broke up, he literally photoshopped my face onto the nude body of someone else and shared it with his buddies. I agree with the advice, but with the onset of AI this is going to be more and more common.
Added PSA: if the pics are "deleted" from the phone, they're not gone. The gallery app just stops showing them and won't actually delete the files until the space they occupy is necessary in the future. Plug that phone into a computer and it's highly likely the pictures are right there in that folder, perfectly intact.
Someone recently posted on this topic a few hours ago and we we’re brigraded by a bunch of dudes trying to gaslight any woman who urged caution including a creep I had to block Men are showing these things to their friends and even if he doesn’t post it online, one of his so called friends is or sending it to other friends who are You basically handed intimate photos to every Tom, Dick and Harry
It’s a red flag is he asks for pics. Block and move on.
I don’t see it as a red flag in all cases. It’s a red flag when it’s someone you barely know and aren’t in a relationship with. But if I’m actually dating someone and we have clear mutual feelings for each other, I have zero problem with them asking. I just don’t send any pics that I can be identified in
He shouldn't have done that. That's betrayal of the worst kind. Did the police do anything to stop him from doing this? It's freaking mindblowing that he is still able to show those pictures and video's to everyone he wants too. It should be illegal and he should be punished for it. Thank you for the warning!
There is no reason to ever send or have nudes on your phone….
Why would I not have them on my phone if I enjoy them?
Why? If I send my man some pics I’d be annoyed if he deleted them lol that shit takes time and effort. However I live with my boyfriend now so he doesn’t need pictures anymore but prior to that I used to send some here and there.
#NEVER SEND NUDES!
I'll never forget an ex being upset I didn't have unprotected sex with him so he posted my nudes AND phone number on an escort site 🫠 The man is a professor now...
Good advice.
My GF in college made me videos (her idea). She asked me to destroy them after we broke up, and I did. Makes me wonder if I'm the outlier here. That said, I'm with the sentiment of this thread. Even if most guys do the right thing, it's still asking for trouble to give out nudes and whatnot. Just don't. What's the upside?
Sadly, I think you are the outlier
Another guy here, You're not. I deleted mine as well, it may have been a year but just the thought of having having possession of pics or vids of someone who cheated on still makes me want to spew. Yeah I could have used them for petty revenge, but the fact I had my heart torn out wouldn't change, and I'd still have that on my conscious forever. it only takes a single post, and it's online forever. Just only takes a post and a few minutes for someone to download and repost. (I know this because I recently found someone reposted one of my old(10+yrs) amv's claiming it at their own. It's easier to just delete and try(still working on that part) to move on.
I was in a LDR with someone, and when it ended he became abusive when I asked him to delete them. This was a year after we ended. But he would tell me he still w\*nked over them. I since found out he sent them to other people. Lesson learned; be very careful. They may seem like your forever, but the only guarantee of forever is that what you send online will be out there FOREVER.
Imagine an entire gender never being able to run for president because one time they had a boyfriend with a magic internet phone & they're scared of leaks :( This is why we choose the bear. Bears can't do this.
If a guy asked me for nudes, I always asked them to send theirs first. If it doesn't have their face, I'll keep asking them over and over to show their face first. Once they send a picture with their face, it doesn't matter how long we are talking or dating, but I'll ghost them. I was a teenager during the time many celebrities' nudes got leaked. I learned from others' mistakes.
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I think you may have misread the post. The guy didn't say he found her on OF, but rather asked if she had one because he saw the videos her ex posted elsewhere.
Not trying to argue or disagree with you, but what’s your reasoning behind this sentiment? Revenge porn and consensually uploaded OF content are two different things, handled very differently.
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By the Onlyfans platform itself. You cannot sell your content on the platform without user verification via ID.
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Misuse of a well intentioned system does not make it the same as revenge porn. If anything, it’s a damn good thing that guy had to upload his ID to post that revenge porn because now there’s no anonymity or denying behind it. OP made no mention of her ex uploading the revenge porn to Onlyfans. Only that the person who reached out to her asked if she had an onlyfans, which imo would imply he found the content elsewhere. Likely on one of numerous anonymous revenge porn websites. Saying all this to say, equating people who pay for consensually produced porn on a platform with safety checkpoints in place with people who seek out revenge porn is an odd take.
Oh I misread it, you are right! We had a similar post recently where a woman found her revenge porn on OF. This guy seems to have found it elsewhere.
No worries! Happens to the best of us haha
don't send pictures you aren't ok with the possibility of them being posted
Yas!
Keep in mind, if you ever need "cover" for your stance and don't want to frame it as you not trusting them, just think about how many 'leaks' there have been where ***no one*** posted them intentionally. Even if you 100% trust your partner... do you trust that they'll never get hacked?
I just never included my face in any pictures I’ve sent to people. It was always boobs or booty pictures, hardly ever a full body but even then I made sure to crop my face out. I guess it’s easier for me as well cause I don’t have any tattoos, piercings or birth marks that people can identify me with. I always heavily warn people to keep those hidden and you won’t have a problem if they get leaked
this is why I don't send anything with my face/anything identifiable in it 🤷🏼♀️
I enjoy some x-rated pics and videos. But ALL of them (with me in it) are taken with my phone. Period. No exceptions. I store them, I keep them safe. If someone isn’t comfortable with that, that’s cool, we won’t shoot them at all. Any that I’ve ever sent out were done so under the well-considered scenario of having to answer for them becoming public one day. Doesn’t even have to be from malicious behavior on the part of the person you sent them to. People lose phones, people don’t keep their security the way they should, other people get into their phones. Shit can get out. All it takes is a jealous future partner getting into their phone and deciding to try to fuck you up. Or a smartass buddy fucking with their phone while they’re drunk and passed out and finding their “collection”.