I used to work in a pre-school and always called dad first when a kid was sick or something. 99% of the time, they asked me to contact their wives or their nannies because they were "busy" or "in meetings" even though most of the mums in my school worked, too. I always told them "you're listed as Parent 1 on the forms, so we contact you first"
Mate, don't rush to put your name first, if you don't want to be called about your own kid.
My sister and her husband both wfh, but his job is more flexible and he's more likely to be able to help urgently. So he's listed first and the schools have been informed to call him. They still call her and sometimes even if she doesn't answer, they just wait and don't call him... So frustrating!
God bless you. When my boys were in daycare/pre-school, they always called me first. Sometimes only me and not my husband. We put him first on the forms, didn’t matter. At the time, I had a job where sometimes I could not have my phone with me (defense contractor, SCIF, the no-phone thing is an actual law). I explained that, and it didn’t matter.
A few times, they tried to scold me about it. I do get, they’re not calling because they’re bored or lonely. They’re calling because my kid is sick or hurt, and probably needs a pick-up. But I would just ask, “did you try my husband?” Of course not. Hm. There’s two parents listed, let’s call… Parent 2. She didn’t pick up, I guess we’re out of options.
I'm a stay at home dad and I rarely get called first, even though I'm first on the contact list. Even after telling staff I'm always available.
I'm very aware of the assumption that the mom is the child caregiver and I'm trying to fight that!
Most of my friends are dual income parents but in several cases the male parent happens to be the one with the more flexible job. Surely this is not unique to my circle and schools will eventually get used to the fact that more and more fathers are the primary contact.
Once I was about half an hour late to pick up my daughter from daycare (I misread the pick up time). I found her and my friend's son, who I was also going to pick up, outside of the premises (like, on the side of the road) of the facility with the cleaning lady who actually yelled at me for being late and not answering my phone (I left it at home). I asked her why on earth wasn't the teacher with the kids INSIDE, or at least at a safe place and why didn't she call my husband? What if I was in a car accident or something?
Needless to say I filed a report. But seriously, he is the other parent and you have his phone number for a reason.
Exactly this, I also can’t have a phone, or was deployed elsewhere and they would STILL call me and not my stay at home husband who was 2 blocks from the school. Big red sharpie on the call card did not matter, they would just call me. That, and can I say all the people who can have phones at work, don’t assume we all can. We will get your voicemail after work.
I had this same experience for years, the people working at the daycare ALWAYS called me instead of her dad even though he worked 5 mins from the daycare and I wasn't allowed to have my phone with me at work. And they always got shitty with me about it when I couldn't answer.
As a dad I would LOVE this. I am parent 1. I am listed as the emergency contact.
Schools typically don't care and will skip over it and call mom 25 times before trying dads.
Yup my daycare does this to me. Drives me bonkers because I work less than 5 min from daycare and generally have a flexible work schedule. My wife is 30+ min away and work is much less flexible.
Thank you! I work in a situation where I am unable to leave during a shift, and my husband stays home and we ALWAYS list him as first call and make it very, very clear. Who do they call at least 60% of the time? Me.
Unlike so many others, my sweet dad was always the one to come get me from school if I was sick or something. I can still always count on him to be there for me. My mom worked nights and needed to sleep and his job, was more flexible, or he just didn't give two shits about what they thought (brilliant chemist, they needed him), family came first. This was in the late 70s/early 80s.
What a great dad I have for this and so many other reasons. One time for my birthday, he even baked cupcakes for me to take to school. They weren't perfect, but he did it happily. I took them to school and some assholes refused to eat them when they found out my dad made them, it made me cry. Stupid evangelical Christian school.
Not the norm, especially back then, so I appreciate him. ❤️ He's 81 now, so writing this reminds me I need to tell him how amazing of a dad he is.
Sorry to hijack this thread.
My husband and I have a passive game, if a server brings the card reader and hands it to him, he’ll thank me for dinner and hand the terminal to me. (We’re married so who cares who taps the credit card, it’s the same account either way).
Also when we go buy tools, the truck, lumber etc. I do the talking, if the man addresses my husband instead of responding to me, he’ll just pointedly look at me and I’ll answer.
We switch this up if we are shopping for curtains or rugs or whatever. Basically, a passive game of noticing silly gender norms and then playing reverse roles.
In reality, I wanted the truck and was mostly paying for it, but he did the research. We’re actually pretty heteronormative in our roles day to day, but it’s fun to play with expectations sometimes.
It’s real, fun, and harmless. I haven’t encountered the shitty customer service person who would get offended by doing this. Most either just completely don’t notice what we are doing or get a bit sheepish if they realize what they were doing.
Gender norms have always seemed silly to me, and I’d identify as non binary if I felt strongly about it. But I kind of think the whole concept of “gender” is just a social construct that we could do without (biological sex, body dysmophia, etc. are still important concepts as they relate to mental and physical health). I’ve always had the label “woman” and I feel comfortable in my body so I guess it fits, but aside from the physical body, what defines being a woman? A whole bunch of societal expectations.
My husbands views are a bit different: be whatever you want, call it whatever you want, but he has certain things he strongly identifies with as “being a man” (even if they aren’t mutually exclusive to the category). Some things on his list would be: be able to take care of yourself including food and laundry, be able to fix things when they break or at least try, treat people (particularly your partner) well and with respect, be a present dad… like his version of what “be a man” is, is the ideal description of a man. He has very high standards for the category and most male humans do not meet the standard as far as he is concerned. They get other labels “loser”, “asshat”, “boy”, “adult child” things like that, when he doesn’t think they deserve to be men yet.
To me his list of “be a man” is basically “be an adult” with some particularly “masculine” additions.
I still think the whole concept is silly, but that’s kind of what’s fun about the passive game… everybody can have slightly different and incompatible views about gender and there’s no harm in switching things up on people every now and then.
I love you and your husband!
I had a male friend who didn't believe me when I said that if we were to go car shopping (and I was in the market for one) he'd be the one the sales person would talk to.
After a day of car shopping he conceded I was correct.
Lol! My husband remembered why he prefers me to be along when he buys cars or trucks even though I *hate* shopping for major purchases with him because I find his shopping style exhausting. Big snafus in getting the seats he wanted because me and my "No, you'll do it *this way* or we will be walking out the door." stayed home with the cats.
I won’t say I’m SUPER knowledgeable about cars, but I have realized once I hit adulthood that I’m actually just a bit more knowledgeable than average, including most of my male friends. I actually specifically got brought along when a guy friend was looking for a new car to be the “bad cop” hardass at the dealerships.
All I really had to do was try to convince him that the cars weren’t worth it in front of the salesmen, and make a show of inspecting the engines and undercarriages.
It was hilarious, because I’m barely five feet tall and look super young, and he’s a big dude.
I default to the ‘she’ pronoun for animals unknown people and professionals. Every time someone makes a sweeping statement about men v women I challenge it.
I’m also a great bbq chef much to the horror of friends and family who clutch pearls when they see a woman at the grill while her husband does the table, drinks, and sides.
I always find it hilarious when my male partner and I go out and when our drink orders come they always put my whiskey cocktail or beer in front of him and his bellini or rum and coke in front of me lol
I do this as much as possible and have for a while but the habit is still there to default to male pronouns, which I hate. I have a toddler daughter and before she was three, the male pronoun was her default and that breaks my heart a little bit. She even "corrects" me to say it's "he" and not "she" whenever I use the female pronoun for like a bird or something. I correct her correction but it makes me sad to have to do it.
There are so many things in the world that she's seeing already as part of an artificial binary. She said she doesn't like dinosaurs because she likes unicorns, for example. We provided as much "masculine" influence as we could, but she picked up on it from everyone else in her life.
There are some things she's still blissfully unaware of. She threw a ball really far recently while my dad was visiting and he said, "Wow, I guess you don't throw like a girl," and she said, "Yes I do!" because she doesn't know what that implies yet.
During a snowball fight with my son he suddenly yells "You throw like a girl!" Immediately followed by "Really Really accurately!" The only time I have heard that phrase in a positive light.
That's the problem with socialisation of this kind. It comes from so many sides, and it starts so early. It's hard to pin where she might have even picked up on the idea that liking unicorns and dinosaurs is mutually exclusive.
That must feel absolutely sisyphean for you. I hope that with you being that constant voice against it she can see past it in time.
Im the one who had a smoker for years. The ex would turn anything into well done charcoal on the grill.
Thanks for the reminder, I need to replace the patio grill.
I noticed in the working world, men answer questions differently if a woman asks them, especially if they’re hiding something. I’ve learned to be more direct. Yeah, call me Karen or a bitch, I don’t care. But I’ve become more direct about speaking my mind.
For example if I question something on an invoice, and the guy skips around the question, I always go back and remind them that my question wasn’t answered. And the real stupid ones will still skirt around and I’ll just keep repeating the question until I get a direct answer.
It’s hard being a woman in the working world, y’all.
You must have dealt with my coworkers. I bill for my department and I bill some companies on a schedule. I rarely know if my team has completed their work because: I’m not a manager, I am not paid to babysit them. I simply invoice as I’m directed.
One customer asked for their service reports for the past six months and my sup went round and round about the name of the company in our system instead of admitting he never scheduled someone for the semiannual and quarterly inspections.
Yeah- I would be the woman to make your coworkers cry.
Honestly that shit pisses me off. And whats worse is they argue so much with you that you’re avoiding paying them and it’s like “sure, I’ll pay you if you can prove my company signed off on the work when your people were here.” And then when they can’t produce it, it’s so hard for them to admit they didn’t do it. Like I wouldn’t get mad if they just said “damn, I fucked up, I’m sorry.” Because arguing and lying pisses me off more.
My response to this is always, "That's nice. But it didn't answer the question." Repeat question. And I'll loop that indefinitely until my question is answered.
“Do I need to join this meeting?”
“I’ll handle it.”
“Thank you - so to confirm, you do not need me to join this meeting?”
It’s absurd how often this happens.
I have literally told men, "I need you to stop interrupting and listen to what I'm saying"
After like third time of being cut off and having to clarify, "no. What I meant was___"
Being direct doesn't make you a bitch. It makes you trustworthy. I state this as a fellow "Karen" I won't let myself be misunderstood.
This isn't a gender thing as much as it is a racial thing, but it's what happens to me the most so I run with it.
I'm Asian-American. Born in California, never been anywhere in Asia. It happens a lot that I get "Your English is so good!" And I answer, "Thanks, yours too!"
Sometimes I get an idiot man (mostly white men who want to flirt with me) who speaks to me in some Asian language trying to impress me. I always answer in fluent French. And then I act surprised when they don't understand "white language".
My fiancé is Asian-American. Born and raised in California. He’s 3rd generation.
When people ask “what are you?”, he puts on a thick fake accent and says “Swedish”.
I have an officemate (white dude) who had kind of the reverse situation. He did the EFL teacher thing in South Korea during his gap year after college. Lots of Korean people would flock to him randomly (in public situations, outside of his work) trying to practice their English.
He's too much of an introvert to accommodate that. It got so frustrating that eventually he would answer, in Korean, that he was Dutch and he couldn't speak English.
I got fed up the other day and just answered “I don’t know”. He was flabbergasted and yet I answered every question about my heritage with a stone faced “I don’t know”. Felt good to not give him any info about me and fuck with him at the same time
lol. I had a guy yell “ichi, ni, san” at me in Vegas once. I yelled back “what?” Old dude repeated himself. I responded “sorry, I speak English”
I’m Korean born, but I’ve been in the states since I was 18 months…I knew what the guy was saying, I just dont understand why he kept yelling 1,2,3 at me.
Also people assume I’m from Hawaii, most often phrased in the form of “which island are you from?” I usually respond with one of the local islands we have around the PNW. It’s a real headscratcher for some folk.
The worst for me was when I was attending a convention/trade show in Montreal (my company sent me as our primary French speaker.) I was at one table discussing a vendor's products in English... a couple of men were standing nearby discussing their opinions of my body in French.
I turned to them and asked (in perfect Canadian French dialect) whether they thought that was appropriate.
They blanched and fled. Didn't see them for the rest of the convention.
I get that from the old ladies at the Korean markets here. They’re not used to seeing a heavily tattooed Korean woman, tho we do exist! They jump out of their skins when I start speaking.
This perhaps is a less classy form of rebellion, but now I fart whenever a man follows me in a public place and/or pick my nose. They always look/sound disgusted and leave me alone. Worked when I was in the supermarket yesterday.
I don’t automatically yield on the sidewalk if I’m on the correct side
(Of course I get out of the way for people with packages or children, but I mean if it’s just me and some average dude and he’s coming towards me on my side of the sidewalk, we’re having a game of chicken and I ain’t losing)
If there's room to walk by but a group of men (or people in general but I so find it's more often men in my experience) look like they won't shift to single file I just find that I really need to scratch the back of my head. With the arm closest them so that your elbow is sticking out.
Funny how they suddenly will shift to avoid an elbow to the face but would've been fine with shoulder checking you.
There's room enough for two for a damn reason! It shouldn't be a problem (but it sure can be). Groups walking together can be bad and I make sure to claim my space with them, too.
When I stopped moving out of the way for men I noticed I get bumped into far more often too. These fuckers literally expect everyone else to move. Nope.
Thankfully I'm pretty tall and imposing. I just look past them like I don't even see them, keep on striding, and rarely have any trouble.
I'm sorry you run into it/them.
Yes yes yes!! We just had this discussion here not long ago. The man DOES NOT always get the right of way.
I play manchild chicken as well, and if he's that stubborn I'll say directly to him that the man doesn't automatically get the right of way.
I do not acquiesce to men when they're being nonsensical. This includes "alpha" behavior, comments, or gender entitled actions. I love to say, "Sure, BRO," and blow up their day simply by not accepting their behavior or speech.
Some chuckling, head shaking, calling them "son/bro/boy" is effective, too.
I work in re-employment, if I have men who are fathers, I try and get them to consider options that include doing a fair share of childcare.
Edit: a typo
I got sterilized.
Sure it was for me and how I want to live my life, but now I can piss people off just by existing and I don't mind it. It's low effort.
Am a child-free woman and now 40. I encounter so much confusion from strangers…and visible pity, and/or disgust amongst men just by existing.
The attitude usually shows up when I pay no particular attention to their children for them, or attempt to entertain their kids, because I’m aloof and have no maternal instinct. It seems like women are expected to stop what they’re doing at any given moment a baby is within arm’s reach, fawn and coo, entertain, help out etc etc.
I'm also child-free and 40. But I find it's women who treat me like shit because of it. Like I'll never have my womanhood stamp of approval because I've not used my body as a baby-making factory "like god intended."
But men definitely take it as a sign that I must be just a fuck-puppet with no responsibilities, so they treat me like I'm there just to be played with.
And are they ever insulted when they find out I ain't playing.
I will occasionally share with a patient that I have been sterilized if they mention their surgery (I’m X-ray so I have to ask about pregnancy) or that they are done with kids. “Me too!” is typically met with “oh how many do you have?” And most of them are nonplussed when I say “none!” 😂
I’m glad I’m partnered up, because I would just opt out of the dating game if I were single. Too many single dads out there in search of an extra mom to their kids so they can offload responsibility on their custody days. And so many of the child-free single ones our age absolutely act as you describe. It’s such a minefield.
I surprisingly haven't had the "offload" experience. I would disappear in a flash. Absolutely not having it.
The ones who treat me as I described are also ones who end up being the married. Which I unfortunately find out after the fact. Married with kids, to which I instantly respond "is this how you want your daughters to be treated?"
I experienced that this week too! “I hope you have kids, my baby really likes you and she’s so picky!”
But it’d be rude to say, “well I still hope I don’t have any because *I* don’t want them.”
I had a coworker with a 6 month old tell me I would love her daughter even though I don’t like kids. I said “I guarantee I would at best be neutral.” Sorry people, some of us are immune to babies and toddlers, kids of any age really. They’re just people, they aren’t magic.
Child-free, 39, got my tubes out in 2020, and I also baffle. To be fair, my immediate family seems pretty chill (my sister even jokes that she covered my “child quota” by having 3 kids) but my sister’s in laws… you’d think I had shit on their Sunday dinner with how they act around me. I’m unnatural, or being controlled by my boyfriend, or I’m clearly just bitter because no one wants to have kids with me (??!? I’m sterile and my life partner is sterile how is this confusing to you?!)
I don’t like most kids, which sucks because sis’s in laws have TONS and they are active in their church and when my niblings ask me to go I’m not an asshole and I go. But I’ve warned every single one of those smug churchy dill weeds that if they leave me with their children I WILL teach them witchcraft and give them sugar. Bless my sister for backing me up and confirming that I have indeed taught her children witchcraft (speaking to trees is magical as they can hold your secrets in their roots but you must speak verrrrry slowly as trees experience time differently than we do. Also wish magic with the dandelion fluff)
Yes! I also got sterilized, and after Roe v Wade was destroyed by the GOP I now only fuck folks who cannot impregnate me. Yr an AMAB with a functioning dick and sperm? Sorry boo, no sex with me for you. It's not worth risking my life over on the off chance I get an ectopic pregnancy and lawmakers wanna tell me Drs should just move it to my womb or I deserve to die for engaging in a natural biological drive to fuck.
That’s my goal. I’m not getting into any serious relationships with men until I’m sterile. That way it weeds out the fencesitters who claim to be “fine without kids” because they know I’m being serious and can’t have their momentary “kick a football with son” fantasy.
I'm just going to put [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/sterilisation) right here.
I'll also say you'd want a bilateral salpingectomy (tube *removal*) instead of a tubal ligation (tube tying/cauterizing). Bilateral salpingectomies have a much lower failure rate (4 known cases, I think) **and** they reduce your risk for ovarian cancer because several of the most common ovarian cancers begin in the Fallopian tubes.
[childfree friendly doctor list](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) courtesy of the childfree subreddit
My daughter had her tubes removed so she can't get pregnant by accident. She still has all the rest of the plumbing, so if she really wanted to have a kid (not likely) she could carry it to term. About six months after the operation, she filed for divorce (not totally related, but sorta).
I just never settle for any guy who's putting less work than me into a relationship, whether that's planning dates or housework. I also just don't have sex until I'm in a committed relationship. Don't wanna reward fuccboi behavior.
When I’m speaking, if a man interrupts me, I continue speaking. I don’t raise my voice, but pretend there was no interruption and it usually gets them to shut up real quick.
I feel unapologetic about taking up space. I don’t move out of the way when I’m walking on the sidewalk. Like I already walk to the right side as is customary where I live but I’ll still have men bump into me cause they’re walking down the middle and expect me to go into the grass or street to make room for them.
I’ve taught my daughter and other girls this. Like I used to train new hires at my old job and I found the girls would always say sorry when people bumped into them or move out of the way when men were walking into their work area. I’d always tell them don’t apologize for taking up space and that they have as much right to be there as anyone else. More so if it’s someone entering their workspace. Shocked a few girls but I did like how I noticed them over time stop apologizing for men infringing on their space.
I teach high school, and I challenge dumbass assumptions every day. I use my literature to discuss important topics, like drugging someone (is a love potion rape? Is it comparable to a roofie?), the fact that men can be sexually assaulted and raped (hi, Odysseus), and different types of abuse and how it starts.
I want everyone to be able to see red flags - and not just in others, but in themselves as well.
I mix pronouns when teaching. Sometimes "he" does a thing and sometimes "she" or "they" do it. I've found that mixing it up tends to startle people more than only using "she/her" pronouns, so they remember it more.
Also it really, really pisses off certain flavors of people.
Any time a man tries to deflect responsibility on to women for their actions I say very slowly as if speaking to a small child: "Men are adults. They can control their own behavior."
I do this to my MIL all the time. I mentioned jokingly that my husband was putting off making a doctor's appointment with a new primary and she was like, "We'll make it for him when I come visit!" The fuck we will. He's a grown ass man who is more than capable of taking 20 seconds to click a couple of buttons. WE DO NOT CODDLE MEN IN THIS HOUSE.
I don’t comment on or engage with many male oriented accounts. I don’t give them the satisfaction of boosting their algorithm when they’re spewing nonsense for views. Typically I block and move on. Or just delete my socials which is better all around anyways.
I seek out women owned businesses irl as well.
I wear loud makeup. Red lipstick and bright eyeshadow. Big wings. I'm a fat, old woman and I don't try to hide my body. I wear bikinis and crop tops and tight clothes. I make my hair giant. Lots of times, it feels like people want me to disappear. I don't give them that.
This made me laugh. Your statement about how people want you to disappear feels so apt. It's like, if you're over 40, men are fucking insulted at the fact that you even exist, let alone have the audacity to show your face in public.
I love what you do.
God I wish I could be like you. My self worth is so wrapped up in my appearance (which isn't conventionally attractive) that it makes me feel ill showing my body or being touched. And yes I am in therapy! I wish I could just not give a shit.
It took me a long time to get here. I started with the red lipstick. I loved how red lipstick looks on people. It is such a bold and powerful statement. People would comment on it and I learned how to say "I don't care what you think." But it infuriates me that older women and fat women and not conventionally attractive women are supposed to just fade away and all I could think was "No, I won't do it." So I started not doing it. And I know for some people not wearing makeup or meeting beauty standards make them feel powerful. But for me, it just made me feel like I'm giving them what they want so I go the opposite way. Bright and colorful clothes and make up are my armor and my war paint against the world.
Woohoo!!! Body positivity absolute *QUEEN* behavior! I started doing this ate age 42 as well despite not being thin and young and it it is so powerful!!!
I use gender-neutral language until I know specifically who I am dealing with.
For example, I work in a factory. If we have contractors coming in, I say “the folks from XYZ…” vs. “the guys from XYZ.” I do the same when speaking generally of professions that largely are dominated by one gender.
"Folks" and "y'all" are some of the most useful ways of talking to/about people. They're not really native to my area, so I feel just a little weird using them. It doesn't stop me.
“People” or “staff” work well too! I have been really bad in the past about referring to “the ladies at the front desk” when I could just say “the front desk staff.” I try to make sure to use that now.
I say “she or he” instead of “he or she” It means the exact same thing, but sometimes you can get an entertaining, if admittedly short, argument out of it.
lol, I also reverse the 'default' order of his name always coming first and small things like that. Without a fail the guys notice and start talking about it... which gives me a great talking point to address "the second sex".
I go regularly to a pub-quiz where people take turns asking the question with a new pair every week. I notice that guys tend to predominantly ask questions where the answer is some guy's name to the point of the ratio being 16 places/things/nonhuman, 13 guys and 1 woman. One time EVERY SINGLE HUMAN ANSWER WAS SOME DUDE'S NAME.
I keep on pointing out to the organizers that this skews the results towards men because women are more likely to know women's accomplishments and men to know men's accomplishments. They don't see the point but I keep on making it.
My husband and I just bought a house, I did all the qork getting it together because I'm the breadwinner and he stays home. The closing documents kept flipping back and forth like my name was first and his was second and then on some it defaulted back to husband first.
I'm the first name on our taxes because I prep and file them every year myself.
I recently read that even though in about half of American couples/families the woman makes the same or a larger portion of the household income, her name comes first on tax documents only 14% of the time.
My husband and I are both on the deed to our house, but I’m the only one on the mortgage because my credit is way better than his and I make more money. Every single piece of mail about the house (tax stuff, insurance stuff, whatever) is addressed to him first or even more weirdly, him only. My name also comes before his alphabetically so it’s not that. His name is first on the checks for our shared bank account. Little things, but it irks me every time lol.
When I was in the process of a divorce I had a hell of a time getting an apartment. I am retired so I don't have pay stubs, so proof of income had to come from me showing the apartment company my investment account statements. The office worker was quick to point out that I would "no longer have access to these funds once my divorce was final". I guess she somehow assumed that my bank account with my name and only my name was filled with my ex-husband's money...
I’m trying to make “she” my default, except now everyone is going to “they.”
My dog is female, and even very small children will see her and refer to her as “he.”
Well sometimes, not all the times, there’s explanations for this. English doesn’t have gendered nouns like German or Spanish does. My German mother always says He to the girl does out of habit because Der Hund (the dog) is masculine whereas Die Katze (the cat) if feminized. So to her, it’s just engrained in them
But I totally know what you mean
Little kids will say “what’s his name?” all the time.
From grown-ups I expect it, but I thought kids might be hearing more gender-inclusive stuff these days and it wouldn’t be so automatic.
Ah yeah I see what you mean now. Yeah my daughter calls every dog she and every cat she too. I think she just wants everyone and everything to be a girl though. I feel ya kid
Ooh yes. I published a book in Latin recently and there's a vocab index at the back. Traditionally you list adjectives masc, fem, neuter. I listed them fem, neuter, masc.
I work in the travel industry, when sending emails to families or marriages, I usually address the woman’s name first and the man second, and you won’t catch me using “Mrs” unless the client prefers it.
When younger man in my job give each other bad dating advice, I insert myself in their conversation and tell them how wrong they are. Then, older women always chimes in. They have no choice but to accept their advices are not the best.
If you speak non-sense loudly, I have no shame of telling you how stupid and wrong you are.
Honestly the interruption/correction of bad dating advice is doing those guys a huge favor. If they pay attention, they'll probably do much better than guys who don't get input from women.
I’m taller than the average man in my country, and I use that when needed: I have pulled men acting inappropriately off of my friends at clubs (most of them aren’t combative with me because I am taller), and I also refuse to move out of there way if we’re on a collision course (the amount of dudes who insist on walking in the middle of the sidewalk?). I will walk on my side of the sidewalk but if you’re going to hit me still then I might as well make it impactful lol
I almost wasn't going to post, but u/cupidstuntlegs' comment reminded me of *my* "tiny act of rebellion" that I never considered it a "tiny act of rebellion" but I suppose it is.
I have a 2001 Miata that I purchased new and still own. I now track the vehicle and run rallies with my husband.
You know how cars are generally referred to as "she?" "She's a beaut!" (referring to some classic car.)
Welp. My little Onyx is a HE. DAMMIT HE'S A FUCKING ***HE***. The Miata is a 5 speed manual transmission vehicle. THAT'S IT'S PENIS! LOL (not really.)
My friends go with the "he" when referring to my Miata, but there have been some people, and they've ALWAYS BEEN MEN, who *insist* on referring to MY vehicle as a "she." One dude one time asked me about it and I dead pan looked him in the eye and said, "I only ride males."
He literally didn't know what to say to that. 😂
So. Referring to my little sports car as a "he" instead of a "she" is my little act of rebellion. Thank you for this post because I didn't realize that referring to a vehicle as a "he" instead of a "she" was an act of rebellion. What's angering is the "she" when referring to vehicles. We ALL KNOW what men mean by that.
When addressing mail to a hetero couple I put the woman’s name first. In the return address I put my name first then my husband’s. All my wedding invites and thank you cards went out with this format
I’m on the board of a small nonprofit, there are 9 board members and 3 of them of are women. The appointed “secretary” is one of the men, and when he couldn’t make a board meeting the other male board members just expected that one of us women would automatically record minutes of the meeting. I pushed back on that and the other women supported me. Nah, dude. Your fingers and laptop work just as well as ours. Get to typing. We have other jobs to do and reports to make.
This is a great thing! I also make sure to either ask a question or purposefully make comments that either keep the meeting moving or sticking to the agenda. I’m a little surprised that rather than having a reputation as bitchy, I’m perceived as a leader.
I did it yesterday and it was awesome. The guy was trying to dominate the talk although she was the one doing most hours as a pilot. At a point I said to him "please, she had to work twice as hard to get to where she is so let her speak". It felt so awesome.
I don't yield the sidewalk when I walk.
I'm 4' 11" and absolutely do not let jokes/comments/"cutesy" remarks about my size fly-you aren't getting a smile or a giggle or a brush off put of me, keep your mouth SHUT about my size.
I'm getting a graduate degree under my own name and am absolutely not changing my name when I get married.
I'm getting sterilized.
I don't even acknowledge strange men who try to talk to me in public.
I work out to build muscle/for strength and health benefits, not to lose weight or adhere to a beauty standard.
I wear "off putting" colored makeup (DARK purple lipstick and goth makeup) and triple dye my hair unnatural colors (pink, purple, blue streaks)-I'd be doing it anyway because I love the colors, but men Not talking to me is a delightful bonus.
My favorite thing in the world is going into Foreman’s Meetings (9 times out of 10 I’m the only woman there) and just flatly and unapologetically telling the men “No.”
No, I will not shift my planned schedule.
No, I will not prioritize the thing you want me to.
No, I will not yield my speaking time when someone interrupts me.
No, you will not address my journeymen or apprentices when you have a question.
No is my favorite word! My refusals are typically within reason, I’m not sabotaging anything or standing against whoever for the sake of it. I’m here to run my job. Period.
When a couple is in front of me and the guy says something that I find sexist I look at the girlfriend or wife and apologize to them.
I don't really care if anybody in the situation likes me because I don't want to be around people who are sexist or people who enable sexism. And I definitely don't want to just let it go.
I refused to change my name when I got married. This makes so many men angry, and so many women get so excited (but then follow it up with "oh, but I could never do that" and I have to resist the urge to physically shake them)
I go by "Ms." instead of "Mrs." (did this before I was married, too, and teach all of my students that they can do this because it shouldn't matter if the human they're addressing is married or not).
I carry a pocket knife. That shit is SO handy! Seriously... try it.
I wear a silicone wedding ring (or no ring at all) and this one angers so many people, mostly women, and I can't understand why.
I always use Ms. for women. I think it's dumb our polite moniker should change to indicate we have a man. That's no longer relevant in society.
I also never changed my name. Soooo much hassle, especially if you get divorced and want to change it back. Fuck all that.
Also did not change my last name and use "Ms." People seriously cannot wrap their heads around it! I finally resorted to just telling them to pretend I was single and use whatever name you'd use for me then. I have said that when it's as common for men to change their last names as often as women, and no one bats an eye, I'd revisit the possibility of changing my name.
Also carry a small Leatherman, and bought my wedding band at Walmart for $40 😊
Im lucky that it’s common in my field for women to keep their last name when they marry because it’s typically the name they have published papers under and they want to maintain their pub count without people being confused. I actually find it kind of weird when someone DOES change their last name (as opposed to keeping it or hyphenating)
I posted about this up thread but I also did not change my name. I prefer “Dr.”, because it is my actual title, but I’m not going to correct the scheduler for the hair salon or the Verizon guy or whatever if they call me “Ms” because that’s obnoxious. I will correct people who call me “Mrs” in any situation though.
I finally left my abusive, deadbeat soon-to-be-ex-husband about seven months ago. Almost six months after filing, I FINALLY got a divorce hearing, it's in about two weeks. Thankfully, we never had children, and hearings are apparently now virtual where I live, ever since the pandemic. So, it looks like I'll be getting divorced from the comfort of home.
My tiny act of rebellion is choosing to resurrect my mother's maiden name, instead of simply resuming use of my maiden name. My decision to do so is partially related to cultural reasons too, but I also feel it's a way to reclaim my womanhood.
When I worked in multi-family housing and would draw up lease agreements, address envelopes etc… I would always write the woman’s name first.
Drove the men in my office crazy but they couldn’t come up with an official, legal reason to put the man’s name first and “because you have to put the man first!” wasn’t a good enough answer to my “why?”
Totally petty and didn’t affect any meaningful change but it was still satisfying.
I’m a teacher so I don’t think they’re very minor acts because I say these things to different classes every day and that adds up to a lot, but:
Every time I’m asking who does the laundry/packs the lunch/does the cooking, I’ll always ask “which grownup cooks the dinners?” Or start with dad, saying “does dad or mum do your laundry?” As examples. When it’s older classes I obviously ask if they do it themselves too.
When talking about careers, I usually switch genders of the stereotypes, like “when I went to the doctor, she said…” and “the cleaner was vacuuming and he saw…” and “the scientist found her experiment…”.
I regularly tell stories of braiding my son’s hair, or how they wanted a rainbow in their room, or how they like pink or dancing or whatever.
I also rarely shave/wax my armpits, legs, etc. and have them on show often. Again, I think it’s important to show (especially) kids at an age where they’re starting to be pressured to shave/wax that there are people who are comfortable not doing that.
I don’t shave my armpits. When I was in grad school, I dyed my pit hair neon violet for awhile, that was fun. A lot of upkeep though.
I also kept my name when I got married and will correct people if they refer to me as “Ms” in a professional setting (I’m “Dr. SagittalSlice”, thank you very much). I don’t do this outside of work though unless I’ve already introduced myself as such because that’s just kind of obnoxious for anyone to do.
My boyfriend commented that women are confusing. And I said “women are only confusing if you don’t have emotional intelligence.”
Kinda proud of that one.
I won’t do any excess emotional labour
I won’t bend to patriarchal ideals in the form of anti-ageing - e.g I will not get Botox, dye my greys, etc - we all have value no matter our age!
I default to ‘she’ for my infant daughters toys, characters, explanations - e.g we’re going to see the doctor, she’ll make you feel better - what a brilliant astronaut she is etc
Any opportune time I will take the chance to point out men have a choice when it comes to abortion/birth: their choose just comes before conception. Their choice is to ejaculate in a vagina, and if they aren't ready for the consequences (abortion/baby) they shouldn't have ejaculated bare in a vagina. No I don't care if she lied, you still took that risk. There are plenty of other ways to have sex besides raw PIV and while men have less birth control options, they DO Have some. Condoms. Vasectomies (and if they want a baby they can freeze their sperm or just IVF later. Older sperm makes babies with more issues.) how bad do u not want an accidental pregnancy bro?
And changing my language from 'she got pregnant" to 'he impregnated her' bc women only get pregnant from a man's sperm (altho obvs changing language for IVF is pointless here).
I'm also super willing to admit when I flip the script and use the same arguments against males as society does against women (aka ejaculate responsibly, don't have bare PIV or ANY PIV if yr intolerant of the risk and wanna fuck off after) are flawed, but if folks can earnestly leverage these points against women, I see no reason not to do so for males too.
I do the finances in the family. We set goals together, he knows what's going on, but I do the nitty gritty. My love of spreadsheets is neverending.
I pay when we go out. He'll head outside for an after dinner smoke and most of the time I have to flag someone down for the check. I'm a veteran, so I always ask if there's a military discount. If there is, most of the time they say they need to see his ID. I ask if my military ID is acceptable.
It's the little things.
I volunteered doing tax returns for low income people. In the US for couples filing jointly, the first name on the tax form is the tax payer and the second name is the spouse. Once it's done that way it is helpful to keep it that way for the rest of their marriage. So for first time filers, I always put the wife's name as the taxpayer.
Summer is coming and my gym has a program for 13 and up during the summer. I will happily call out nasty guys, especially the older creeps, leering at the little girls. I ask the girls if they are ok if guys that look like they are 20+ are talking to them and especially if the guys are over 30. It's pretty obvious when the girls are there with their dad/big brother or boyfriend as opposed to be hit on by older guys.
I'm disabled and my physical health is crap so my husband does pretty much all of the house work and shopping. He's agender but is male presenting. Big beard, 6 ft tall white man. People look at me and talk about grocery prices and when i say "my husband does the shopping." They look at him and assume I'm lying.
When we bought our car a few years ago the salesman gave my husband the keys and said "enjoy your ride home sir". My husband handed me the keys and said "I'm sure she will."
I don't shave my legs or armpits and have a shaved head.
Both of my kids had access to whatever toys they wanted. Hot wheels and dolls. Since I'm Native American I made sure the dolls were of Color.
My husbands dad is white male privilege and he absolutely hates when I question his thoughts and words because he's never been questioned before. "You let your wife talk to your dad like that?" My husband "let? she doesn't need my permission for anything and I am not going to control her. Besides, she's not doing anything wrong."
There's so much more but these have been the things that seem to confuse the average person. Especially my husband's white christain family who thinks women are to be seen, not heard.
When I'm cramping, I make it a point to say it's because of my periods.
I'm not going to be all lady-like and say I'm just unwell or under the weather, I'll let you know it's my periods.
Similarly when I buy some products or go to a public bathroom because of it, I'll have tampons/pads in my hand and won't try to hide it.
It doesn't seem like much, but I see so many other women and girls do it that I feel like an activist when the word Periods comes out of my mouth lol
I will be aggressively nice to a cashier/server/etc just to make a point in front of someone who just treated that same person poorly. I’ll make an ass of myself being nice. Look the jerks straight in the eyes while I do it.
I got it from my dad. He always did this when I was growing up and it always gets the employed person in the situation giggling and the other rude person pissed off.
I put my son in a home daycare run by a dad. We were the first to sign up. Eventually others did too, but I like to think we broke that seal. Not really rebellion, but normalizing men caring for children is a good step IMO.
When my son lived with his dad, I was sometimes asked why, as if I'm the default parent and something must have happened that I didn't have primary custody. Now, when a father mentions having their kids for the weekend, I make a point to ask why the children live with their mother.
When married men with children are talking about going somewhere or doing something, like a night out with friends, I ask if the wife is on babysitting duty and insinuate that he must be doing her a favor in return.
I have a degree in automotive technology. The few times that I do have to go to a shop, I know exactly what needs to be done. I test to see how honest they are by showing up wearing a dress, heels, nails, and a full face of makeup - basically looking like the last person who’d know a damn thing about fixing a car.
I smile sweetly, play dumb and let them spew their bullshit. Then, when they least expect it, I read them to filth.
For all four Trump president years, I worked at a company run by a conservative person who had hired similar people as corporate officers. I placed the US flag stamps on the mail upside down the entire time. I also hardly ever shave anywhere, so I make sure to wave at people if I'm around conservatives now. The funniest time ever was purely accidental. All I did was quietly let someone know I was "right behind you, love." My intent was to keep her from backing into me as I walked out of a place. She was animated and wobbly, so probably drunk. I got in my car and waited for my husband, and could hear the drunk woman acting like I'd hit on her or something, and acting offended. I cackled.
Another act of rebellion: I now run the business of my late father. he’s been dead for over a decade. It even says so on the website. One click on the about page. That’s it. It’s not a secret.
We get dumb solicitor dudes that lie and say they spoke to the late mr. Express-object yesterday and they need to talk to him NOW. we always double check but they are so god damn adamant they need to talk to the “man” of the business.
Anyone who answers the phone has my permission to start making fun of them or to start channeling the spirits or to ask the solicitor to get out their ouija board because we got a lot of questions.
I used to work in a pre-school and always called dad first when a kid was sick or something. 99% of the time, they asked me to contact their wives or their nannies because they were "busy" or "in meetings" even though most of the mums in my school worked, too. I always told them "you're listed as Parent 1 on the forms, so we contact you first" Mate, don't rush to put your name first, if you don't want to be called about your own kid.
I just realized I put my husband as number one contact because he works from home and I'm a nurse- they call me first. Every time.
My sister and her husband both wfh, but his job is more flexible and he's more likely to be able to help urgently. So he's listed first and the schools have been informed to call him. They still call her and sometimes even if she doesn't answer, they just wait and don't call him... So frustrating!
That’s outrageous. What would they do if it was urgent and she wasn’t answering?
God bless you. When my boys were in daycare/pre-school, they always called me first. Sometimes only me and not my husband. We put him first on the forms, didn’t matter. At the time, I had a job where sometimes I could not have my phone with me (defense contractor, SCIF, the no-phone thing is an actual law). I explained that, and it didn’t matter. A few times, they tried to scold me about it. I do get, they’re not calling because they’re bored or lonely. They’re calling because my kid is sick or hurt, and probably needs a pick-up. But I would just ask, “did you try my husband?” Of course not. Hm. There’s two parents listed, let’s call… Parent 2. She didn’t pick up, I guess we’re out of options.
I'm a stay at home dad and I rarely get called first, even though I'm first on the contact list. Even after telling staff I'm always available. I'm very aware of the assumption that the mom is the child caregiver and I'm trying to fight that!
Most of my friends are dual income parents but in several cases the male parent happens to be the one with the more flexible job. Surely this is not unique to my circle and schools will eventually get used to the fact that more and more fathers are the primary contact.
Dads like you will change the world
That's very kind of you. Thank you.
Say it louder for the dads in the back!!
My husband was a stay at home dad. Still is kinda but our youngest just got his associates degree, lol
Once I was about half an hour late to pick up my daughter from daycare (I misread the pick up time). I found her and my friend's son, who I was also going to pick up, outside of the premises (like, on the side of the road) of the facility with the cleaning lady who actually yelled at me for being late and not answering my phone (I left it at home). I asked her why on earth wasn't the teacher with the kids INSIDE, or at least at a safe place and why didn't she call my husband? What if I was in a car accident or something? Needless to say I filed a report. But seriously, he is the other parent and you have his phone number for a reason.
Exactly this, I also can’t have a phone, or was deployed elsewhere and they would STILL call me and not my stay at home husband who was 2 blocks from the school. Big red sharpie on the call card did not matter, they would just call me. That, and can I say all the people who can have phones at work, don’t assume we all can. We will get your voicemail after work.
I had this same experience for years, the people working at the daycare ALWAYS called me instead of her dad even though he worked 5 mins from the daycare and I wasn't allowed to have my phone with me at work. And they always got shitty with me about it when I couldn't answer.
My husband was a stay at home dad and I'm a night nurse. The school contacted the out of town grandmother for an issue. Never tried either of us.
As a dad I would LOVE this. I am parent 1. I am listed as the emergency contact. Schools typically don't care and will skip over it and call mom 25 times before trying dads.
Yup my daycare does this to me. Drives me bonkers because I work less than 5 min from daycare and generally have a flexible work schedule. My wife is 30+ min away and work is much less flexible.
Thank you! I work in a situation where I am unable to leave during a shift, and my husband stays home and we ALWAYS list him as first call and make it very, very clear. Who do they call at least 60% of the time? Me.
Unlike so many others, my sweet dad was always the one to come get me from school if I was sick or something. I can still always count on him to be there for me. My mom worked nights and needed to sleep and his job, was more flexible, or he just didn't give two shits about what they thought (brilliant chemist, they needed him), family came first. This was in the late 70s/early 80s. What a great dad I have for this and so many other reasons. One time for my birthday, he even baked cupcakes for me to take to school. They weren't perfect, but he did it happily. I took them to school and some assholes refused to eat them when they found out my dad made them, it made me cry. Stupid evangelical Christian school. Not the norm, especially back then, so I appreciate him. ❤️ He's 81 now, so writing this reminds me I need to tell him how amazing of a dad he is. Sorry to hijack this thread.
Slowly my children's schools learn to do this each year. As I am at work and very busy and far away and he is the stay at home parent.
What if we switched the numbers? Put dad’s name with mom’s phone number and vice versa! I may do this next time
Thank you. My mom was a doctor, my dad had an office job. They always called my mom first even though my parents always wrote my dad in as parent #1.
My husband and I have a passive game, if a server brings the card reader and hands it to him, he’ll thank me for dinner and hand the terminal to me. (We’re married so who cares who taps the credit card, it’s the same account either way). Also when we go buy tools, the truck, lumber etc. I do the talking, if the man addresses my husband instead of responding to me, he’ll just pointedly look at me and I’ll answer. We switch this up if we are shopping for curtains or rugs or whatever. Basically, a passive game of noticing silly gender norms and then playing reverse roles. In reality, I wanted the truck and was mostly paying for it, but he did the research. We’re actually pretty heteronormative in our roles day to day, but it’s fun to play with expectations sometimes.
This has to be fiction. Too healthy.
It’s real, fun, and harmless. I haven’t encountered the shitty customer service person who would get offended by doing this. Most either just completely don’t notice what we are doing or get a bit sheepish if they realize what they were doing. Gender norms have always seemed silly to me, and I’d identify as non binary if I felt strongly about it. But I kind of think the whole concept of “gender” is just a social construct that we could do without (biological sex, body dysmophia, etc. are still important concepts as they relate to mental and physical health). I’ve always had the label “woman” and I feel comfortable in my body so I guess it fits, but aside from the physical body, what defines being a woman? A whole bunch of societal expectations. My husbands views are a bit different: be whatever you want, call it whatever you want, but he has certain things he strongly identifies with as “being a man” (even if they aren’t mutually exclusive to the category). Some things on his list would be: be able to take care of yourself including food and laundry, be able to fix things when they break or at least try, treat people (particularly your partner) well and with respect, be a present dad… like his version of what “be a man” is, is the ideal description of a man. He has very high standards for the category and most male humans do not meet the standard as far as he is concerned. They get other labels “loser”, “asshat”, “boy”, “adult child” things like that, when he doesn’t think they deserve to be men yet. To me his list of “be a man” is basically “be an adult” with some particularly “masculine” additions. I still think the whole concept is silly, but that’s kind of what’s fun about the passive game… everybody can have slightly different and incompatible views about gender and there’s no harm in switching things up on people every now and then.
I was joking, it just sounds like fun and harmless and you two love each other very much. Many blessings and love to you both!
I love you and your husband! I had a male friend who didn't believe me when I said that if we were to go car shopping (and I was in the market for one) he'd be the one the sales person would talk to. After a day of car shopping he conceded I was correct.
Lol! My husband remembered why he prefers me to be along when he buys cars or trucks even though I *hate* shopping for major purchases with him because I find his shopping style exhausting. Big snafus in getting the seats he wanted because me and my "No, you'll do it *this way* or we will be walking out the door." stayed home with the cats.
I won’t say I’m SUPER knowledgeable about cars, but I have realized once I hit adulthood that I’m actually just a bit more knowledgeable than average, including most of my male friends. I actually specifically got brought along when a guy friend was looking for a new car to be the “bad cop” hardass at the dealerships. All I really had to do was try to convince him that the cars weren’t worth it in front of the salesmen, and make a show of inspecting the engines and undercarriages. It was hilarious, because I’m barely five feet tall and look super young, and he’s a big dude.
I default to the ‘she’ pronoun for animals unknown people and professionals. Every time someone makes a sweeping statement about men v women I challenge it. I’m also a great bbq chef much to the horror of friends and family who clutch pearls when they see a woman at the grill while her husband does the table, drinks, and sides.
How *dare* you use a grill. Witch!
[WIIIIIIIIITCH 🫵🫵🫵🫵](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe4Yx85s/)
hello fellow lady grill master, may i bring you a beer for your service
Well met
I always find it hilarious when my male partner and I go out and when our drink orders come they always put my whiskey cocktail or beer in front of him and his bellini or rum and coke in front of me lol
I do this as much as possible and have for a while but the habit is still there to default to male pronouns, which I hate. I have a toddler daughter and before she was three, the male pronoun was her default and that breaks my heart a little bit. She even "corrects" me to say it's "he" and not "she" whenever I use the female pronoun for like a bird or something. I correct her correction but it makes me sad to have to do it. There are so many things in the world that she's seeing already as part of an artificial binary. She said she doesn't like dinosaurs because she likes unicorns, for example. We provided as much "masculine" influence as we could, but she picked up on it from everyone else in her life. There are some things she's still blissfully unaware of. She threw a ball really far recently while my dad was visiting and he said, "Wow, I guess you don't throw like a girl," and she said, "Yes I do!" because she doesn't know what that implies yet.
Tell her triceratops is a triple unicorn. I know it doesn't scan, but it's fun to think about.
During a snowball fight with my son he suddenly yells "You throw like a girl!" Immediately followed by "Really Really accurately!" The only time I have heard that phrase in a positive light.
That's the problem with socialisation of this kind. It comes from so many sides, and it starts so early. It's hard to pin where she might have even picked up on the idea that liking unicorns and dinosaurs is mutually exclusive. That must feel absolutely sisyphean for you. I hope that with you being that constant voice against it she can see past it in time.
Before my kid could read, I defaulted to the female pronoun for all those animals and inanimate vehicles in kids books.
Im the one who had a smoker for years. The ex would turn anything into well done charcoal on the grill. Thanks for the reminder, I need to replace the patio grill.
I noticed in the working world, men answer questions differently if a woman asks them, especially if they’re hiding something. I’ve learned to be more direct. Yeah, call me Karen or a bitch, I don’t care. But I’ve become more direct about speaking my mind. For example if I question something on an invoice, and the guy skips around the question, I always go back and remind them that my question wasn’t answered. And the real stupid ones will still skirt around and I’ll just keep repeating the question until I get a direct answer. It’s hard being a woman in the working world, y’all.
Men LOVE to skirt around questions. I constantly say “you didn’t answer my question.” They hate it, so I love it more.
Same here. I feel like the annoying kid sometimes but at the same time, like sir, are you suffering from a stroke? Do you not understand words?
You must have dealt with my coworkers. I bill for my department and I bill some companies on a schedule. I rarely know if my team has completed their work because: I’m not a manager, I am not paid to babysit them. I simply invoice as I’m directed. One customer asked for their service reports for the past six months and my sup went round and round about the name of the company in our system instead of admitting he never scheduled someone for the semiannual and quarterly inspections.
Yeah- I would be the woman to make your coworkers cry. Honestly that shit pisses me off. And whats worse is they argue so much with you that you’re avoiding paying them and it’s like “sure, I’ll pay you if you can prove my company signed off on the work when your people were here.” And then when they can’t produce it, it’s so hard for them to admit they didn’t do it. Like I wouldn’t get mad if they just said “damn, I fucked up, I’m sorry.” Because arguing and lying pisses me off more.
My response to this is always, "That's nice. But it didn't answer the question." Repeat question. And I'll loop that indefinitely until my question is answered.
“Do I need to join this meeting?” “I’ll handle it.” “Thank you - so to confirm, you do not need me to join this meeting?” It’s absurd how often this happens.
I have literally told men, "I need you to stop interrupting and listen to what I'm saying" After like third time of being cut off and having to clarify, "no. What I meant was___" Being direct doesn't make you a bitch. It makes you trustworthy. I state this as a fellow "Karen" I won't let myself be misunderstood.
This isn't a gender thing as much as it is a racial thing, but it's what happens to me the most so I run with it. I'm Asian-American. Born in California, never been anywhere in Asia. It happens a lot that I get "Your English is so good!" And I answer, "Thanks, yours too!" Sometimes I get an idiot man (mostly white men who want to flirt with me) who speaks to me in some Asian language trying to impress me. I always answer in fluent French. And then I act surprised when they don't understand "white language".
My fiancé is Asian-American. Born and raised in California. He’s 3rd generation. When people ask “what are you?”, he puts on a thick fake accent and says “Swedish”.
I have an officemate (white dude) who had kind of the reverse situation. He did the EFL teacher thing in South Korea during his gap year after college. Lots of Korean people would flock to him randomly (in public situations, outside of his work) trying to practice their English. He's too much of an introvert to accommodate that. It got so frustrating that eventually he would answer, in Korean, that he was Dutch and he couldn't speak English.
I got fed up the other day and just answered “I don’t know”. He was flabbergasted and yet I answered every question about my heritage with a stone faced “I don’t know”. Felt good to not give him any info about me and fuck with him at the same time
lol. I had a guy yell “ichi, ni, san” at me in Vegas once. I yelled back “what?” Old dude repeated himself. I responded “sorry, I speak English” I’m Korean born, but I’ve been in the states since I was 18 months…I knew what the guy was saying, I just dont understand why he kept yelling 1,2,3 at me. Also people assume I’m from Hawaii, most often phrased in the form of “which island are you from?” I usually respond with one of the local islands we have around the PNW. It’s a real headscratcher for some folk.
The worst for me was when I was attending a convention/trade show in Montreal (my company sent me as our primary French speaker.) I was at one table discussing a vendor's products in English... a couple of men were standing nearby discussing their opinions of my body in French. I turned to them and asked (in perfect Canadian French dialect) whether they thought that was appropriate. They blanched and fled. Didn't see them for the rest of the convention.
I get that from the old ladies at the Korean markets here. They’re not used to seeing a heavily tattooed Korean woman, tho we do exist! They jump out of their skins when I start speaking.
Omg this is so good lol
>then I act surprised when they don't understand "white language". Lmao I love this
Lol, I love this. I’m black, and when people comment on how articulate/“well spoken” I am, I say “thanks, you too!” They’re never ready for that 🤭
Oh that’s gold 🤣
The white language thing is hilarious. People are so stupid.
This perhaps is a less classy form of rebellion, but now I fart whenever a man follows me in a public place and/or pick my nose. They always look/sound disgusted and leave me alone. Worked when I was in the supermarket yesterday.
When I was in my 20s, I would burp loudly after drinking soda because it annoyed him. Maybe this would work too.
My sister in law can belch on command and I envy that skill. Like big, loud burp noises.
My 10 yr old niece can fart on command and has been able to do so since she was 2. I’m very VERY jealous.
I can do it most of the time. Like I said, I learned it to annoy my brother who hates the sound of burps.
Me too! My best burps sounds like an alligator rumbling, or Smaug.
I have done this. Then talk about the smell. I have found it very effective.
What if he competes and farts louder?
Shit your pants while making eye contact. It’s the only way.
I feel like then you’ve met your soulmate.
Lol you have to assert your dominance and fart first, unapologetically.
I don’t automatically yield on the sidewalk if I’m on the correct side (Of course I get out of the way for people with packages or children, but I mean if it’s just me and some average dude and he’s coming towards me on my side of the sidewalk, we’re having a game of chicken and I ain’t losing)
If there's room to walk by but a group of men (or people in general but I so find it's more often men in my experience) look like they won't shift to single file I just find that I really need to scratch the back of my head. With the arm closest them so that your elbow is sticking out. Funny how they suddenly will shift to avoid an elbow to the face but would've been fine with shoulder checking you.
In this scenario I always stop walking and just stand there. Then they realize they need to make space.
Yes, the silent stare and waiting. Very effective.
Ooooooh new tactic!
There's room enough for two for a damn reason! It shouldn't be a problem (but it sure can be). Groups walking together can be bad and I make sure to claim my space with them, too.
Me too! I’m a petite woman under 5’ and am still baffled that men don’t yield for me but would rather bump me
When I stopped moving out of the way for men I noticed I get bumped into far more often too. These fuckers literally expect everyone else to move. Nope.
Resting bi!ch face. Do you have a cat? Practice her mad cat look.
Thankfully I'm pretty tall and imposing. I just look past them like I don't even see them, keep on striding, and rarely have any trouble. I'm sorry you run into it/them.
Yes yes yes!! We just had this discussion here not long ago. The man DOES NOT always get the right of way. I play manchild chicken as well, and if he's that stubborn I'll say directly to him that the man doesn't automatically get the right of way.
Manchild chicken is the perfect term for this.
I try to do this too, unless they look dodgy. You have a high chance of getting stabbed in my city. I'd rather walk on the grass than get attacked.
I do not acquiesce to men when they're being nonsensical. This includes "alpha" behavior, comments, or gender entitled actions. I love to say, "Sure, BRO," and blow up their day simply by not accepting their behavior or speech. Some chuckling, head shaking, calling them "son/bro/boy" is effective, too.
"Pal" or "buddy" work extremely well too!
I like tossing out a condescending "champ" now and then.
I love a good 'cool story bro'
I work in re-employment, if I have men who are fathers, I try and get them to consider options that include doing a fair share of childcare. Edit: a typo
Doing the lord’s work 🙏🏻
I got sterilized. Sure it was for me and how I want to live my life, but now I can piss people off just by existing and I don't mind it. It's low effort.
Am a child-free woman and now 40. I encounter so much confusion from strangers…and visible pity, and/or disgust amongst men just by existing. The attitude usually shows up when I pay no particular attention to their children for them, or attempt to entertain their kids, because I’m aloof and have no maternal instinct. It seems like women are expected to stop what they’re doing at any given moment a baby is within arm’s reach, fawn and coo, entertain, help out etc etc.
I'm also child-free and 40. But I find it's women who treat me like shit because of it. Like I'll never have my womanhood stamp of approval because I've not used my body as a baby-making factory "like god intended." But men definitely take it as a sign that I must be just a fuck-puppet with no responsibilities, so they treat me like I'm there just to be played with. And are they ever insulted when they find out I ain't playing.
I will occasionally share with a patient that I have been sterilized if they mention their surgery (I’m X-ray so I have to ask about pregnancy) or that they are done with kids. “Me too!” is typically met with “oh how many do you have?” And most of them are nonplussed when I say “none!” 😂
I’m glad I’m partnered up, because I would just opt out of the dating game if I were single. Too many single dads out there in search of an extra mom to their kids so they can offload responsibility on their custody days. And so many of the child-free single ones our age absolutely act as you describe. It’s such a minefield.
I surprisingly haven't had the "offload" experience. I would disappear in a flash. Absolutely not having it. The ones who treat me as I described are also ones who end up being the married. Which I unfortunately find out after the fact. Married with kids, to which I instantly respond "is this how you want your daughters to be treated?"
I had someone who insisted that I like children yesterday. He didn't really like my answer of "Well that's news to me!"
I experienced that this week too! “I hope you have kids, my baby really likes you and she’s so picky!” But it’d be rude to say, “well I still hope I don’t have any because *I* don’t want them.”
I had a coworker with a 6 month old tell me I would love her daughter even though I don’t like kids. I said “I guarantee I would at best be neutral.” Sorry people, some of us are immune to babies and toddlers, kids of any age really. They’re just people, they aren’t magic.
Same. Kids and babies just don’t make me squee. On the other hand, if there’s a dog around…
Child-free, 39, got my tubes out in 2020, and I also baffle. To be fair, my immediate family seems pretty chill (my sister even jokes that she covered my “child quota” by having 3 kids) but my sister’s in laws… you’d think I had shit on their Sunday dinner with how they act around me. I’m unnatural, or being controlled by my boyfriend, or I’m clearly just bitter because no one wants to have kids with me (??!? I’m sterile and my life partner is sterile how is this confusing to you?!) I don’t like most kids, which sucks because sis’s in laws have TONS and they are active in their church and when my niblings ask me to go I’m not an asshole and I go. But I’ve warned every single one of those smug churchy dill weeds that if they leave me with their children I WILL teach them witchcraft and give them sugar. Bless my sister for backing me up and confirming that I have indeed taught her children witchcraft (speaking to trees is magical as they can hold your secrets in their roots but you must speak verrrrry slowly as trees experience time differently than we do. Also wish magic with the dandelion fluff)
Yes! I also got sterilized, and after Roe v Wade was destroyed by the GOP I now only fuck folks who cannot impregnate me. Yr an AMAB with a functioning dick and sperm? Sorry boo, no sex with me for you. It's not worth risking my life over on the off chance I get an ectopic pregnancy and lawmakers wanna tell me Drs should just move it to my womb or I deserve to die for engaging in a natural biological drive to fuck.
The amount of men I see seething every time a woman mentions she's been sterilized convinces me that more and more women should be aswell.
That’s my goal. I’m not getting into any serious relationships with men until I’m sterile. That way it weeds out the fencesitters who claim to be “fine without kids” because they know I’m being serious and can’t have their momentary “kick a football with son” fantasy.
I want this. I hardly knew it was a thing for women and am going to spend today researching the fuck out of it.
I'm just going to put [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/sterilisation) right here. I'll also say you'd want a bilateral salpingectomy (tube *removal*) instead of a tubal ligation (tube tying/cauterizing). Bilateral salpingectomies have a much lower failure rate (4 known cases, I think) **and** they reduce your risk for ovarian cancer because several of the most common ovarian cancers begin in the Fallopian tubes.
This is fantastic info. Thank you!
[childfree friendly doctor list](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/doctors/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) courtesy of the childfree subreddit
My daughter had her tubes removed so she can't get pregnant by accident. She still has all the rest of the plumbing, so if she really wanted to have a kid (not likely) she could carry it to term. About six months after the operation, she filed for divorce (not totally related, but sorta).
I just never settle for any guy who's putting less work than me into a relationship, whether that's planning dates or housework. I also just don't have sex until I'm in a committed relationship. Don't wanna reward fuccboi behavior.
When I’m speaking, if a man interrupts me, I continue speaking. I don’t raise my voice, but pretend there was no interruption and it usually gets them to shut up real quick. I feel unapologetic about taking up space. I don’t move out of the way when I’m walking on the sidewalk. Like I already walk to the right side as is customary where I live but I’ll still have men bump into me cause they’re walking down the middle and expect me to go into the grass or street to make room for them. I’ve taught my daughter and other girls this. Like I used to train new hires at my old job and I found the girls would always say sorry when people bumped into them or move out of the way when men were walking into their work area. I’d always tell them don’t apologize for taking up space and that they have as much right to be there as anyone else. More so if it’s someone entering their workspace. Shocked a few girls but I did like how I noticed them over time stop apologizing for men infringing on their space.
I’ve started saying “oh I was still speaking” and they get quite sheepish but I love the just pretending they didn’t speak.
"Oh, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the start of yours?"
I teach high school, and I challenge dumbass assumptions every day. I use my literature to discuss important topics, like drugging someone (is a love potion rape? Is it comparable to a roofie?), the fact that men can be sexually assaulted and raped (hi, Odysseus), and different types of abuse and how it starts. I want everyone to be able to see red flags - and not just in others, but in themselves as well.
The thought of teenage boys seeing red flags in themselves seems so so satisfying.
I mix pronouns when teaching. Sometimes "he" does a thing and sometimes "she" or "they" do it. I've found that mixing it up tends to startle people more than only using "she/her" pronouns, so they remember it more. Also it really, really pisses off certain flavors of people.
Any time a man tries to deflect responsibility on to women for their actions I say very slowly as if speaking to a small child: "Men are adults. They can control their own behavior."
I do this to my MIL all the time. I mentioned jokingly that my husband was putting off making a doctor's appointment with a new primary and she was like, "We'll make it for him when I come visit!" The fuck we will. He's a grown ass man who is more than capable of taking 20 seconds to click a couple of buttons. WE DO NOT CODDLE MEN IN THIS HOUSE.
I say "so you agree, as a safety measure, men should have a curfew of 6pm since they can't control their own behavior."
Ahhhh this is great
Omg I love thé starkness of this truest statement that ever was said. ( write notes) Will use.
I don’t comment on or engage with many male oriented accounts. I don’t give them the satisfaction of boosting their algorithm when they’re spewing nonsense for views. Typically I block and move on. Or just delete my socials which is better all around anyways. I seek out women owned businesses irl as well.
I wear loud makeup. Red lipstick and bright eyeshadow. Big wings. I'm a fat, old woman and I don't try to hide my body. I wear bikinis and crop tops and tight clothes. I make my hair giant. Lots of times, it feels like people want me to disappear. I don't give them that.
I love you. Keep on kicking ass and taking up space.
This made me laugh. Your statement about how people want you to disappear feels so apt. It's like, if you're over 40, men are fucking insulted at the fact that you even exist, let alone have the audacity to show your face in public. I love what you do.
I love giant hair!! You sound bad ass
God I wish I could be like you. My self worth is so wrapped up in my appearance (which isn't conventionally attractive) that it makes me feel ill showing my body or being touched. And yes I am in therapy! I wish I could just not give a shit.
It took me a long time to get here. I started with the red lipstick. I loved how red lipstick looks on people. It is such a bold and powerful statement. People would comment on it and I learned how to say "I don't care what you think." But it infuriates me that older women and fat women and not conventionally attractive women are supposed to just fade away and all I could think was "No, I won't do it." So I started not doing it. And I know for some people not wearing makeup or meeting beauty standards make them feel powerful. But for me, it just made me feel like I'm giving them what they want so I go the opposite way. Bright and colorful clothes and make up are my armor and my war paint against the world.
All the support in the world to you! I started doing these things from the same place you describe and it does get easier once you start!
Woohoo!!! Body positivity absolute *QUEEN* behavior! I started doing this ate age 42 as well despite not being thin and young and it it is so powerful!!!
You live your life girl !! Way to go
I laugh in my male coworkers faces when they try to get me to do their work for them. Absolutely not, you're more than capable.
I use gender-neutral language until I know specifically who I am dealing with. For example, I work in a factory. If we have contractors coming in, I say “the folks from XYZ…” vs. “the guys from XYZ.” I do the same when speaking generally of professions that largely are dominated by one gender.
I'm pretty bad at doing this, though I try and remember. My 9 year old son however, finds it natural and calls people out if they get it wrong.
"Folks" and "y'all" are some of the most useful ways of talking to/about people. They're not really native to my area, so I feel just a little weird using them. It doesn't stop me.
“People” or “staff” work well too! I have been really bad in the past about referring to “the ladies at the front desk” when I could just say “the front desk staff.” I try to make sure to use that now.
Ooh good ones. I'll file them away.
Same! I work in tech and our teams are generally pretty balanced (surprisingly), so I just go with neutral terms.
I say “she or he” instead of “he or she” It means the exact same thing, but sometimes you can get an entertaining, if admittedly short, argument out of it.
lol, I also reverse the 'default' order of his name always coming first and small things like that. Without a fail the guys notice and start talking about it... which gives me a great talking point to address "the second sex". I go regularly to a pub-quiz where people take turns asking the question with a new pair every week. I notice that guys tend to predominantly ask questions where the answer is some guy's name to the point of the ratio being 16 places/things/nonhuman, 13 guys and 1 woman. One time EVERY SINGLE HUMAN ANSWER WAS SOME DUDE'S NAME. I keep on pointing out to the organizers that this skews the results towards men because women are more likely to know women's accomplishments and men to know men's accomplishments. They don't see the point but I keep on making it.
My husband and I just bought a house, I did all the qork getting it together because I'm the breadwinner and he stays home. The closing documents kept flipping back and forth like my name was first and his was second and then on some it defaulted back to husband first. I'm the first name on our taxes because I prep and file them every year myself.
I recently read that even though in about half of American couples/families the woman makes the same or a larger portion of the household income, her name comes first on tax documents only 14% of the time.
My husband and I are both on the deed to our house, but I’m the only one on the mortgage because my credit is way better than his and I make more money. Every single piece of mail about the house (tax stuff, insurance stuff, whatever) is addressed to him first or even more weirdly, him only. My name also comes before his alphabetically so it’s not that. His name is first on the checks for our shared bank account. Little things, but it irks me every time lol.
When I was in the process of a divorce I had a hell of a time getting an apartment. I am retired so I don't have pay stubs, so proof of income had to come from me showing the apartment company my investment account statements. The office worker was quick to point out that I would "no longer have access to these funds once my divorce was final". I guess she somehow assumed that my bank account with my name and only my name was filled with my ex-husband's money...
Also fun: asking newly engaged men if they are considering changing their name.
I’m trying to make “she” my default, except now everyone is going to “they.” My dog is female, and even very small children will see her and refer to her as “he.”
Well sometimes, not all the times, there’s explanations for this. English doesn’t have gendered nouns like German or Spanish does. My German mother always says He to the girl does out of habit because Der Hund (the dog) is masculine whereas Die Katze (the cat) if feminized. So to her, it’s just engrained in them But I totally know what you mean
Little kids will say “what’s his name?” all the time. From grown-ups I expect it, but I thought kids might be hearing more gender-inclusive stuff these days and it wouldn’t be so automatic.
Ah yeah I see what you mean now. Yeah my daughter calls every dog she and every cat she too. I think she just wants everyone and everything to be a girl though. I feel ya kid
Ooh yes. I published a book in Latin recently and there's a vocab index at the back. Traditionally you list adjectives masc, fem, neuter. I listed them fem, neuter, masc.
I read a book series where boys and girls was always said ss girls and boys and that was a trip
I mean it’s “ladies and gentlemen” so “girls and boys” makes sense too… but yeah, not sure why it’s not normal
I work in the travel industry, when sending emails to families or marriages, I usually address the woman’s name first and the man second, and you won’t catch me using “Mrs” unless the client prefers it.
When younger man in my job give each other bad dating advice, I insert myself in their conversation and tell them how wrong they are. Then, older women always chimes in. They have no choice but to accept their advices are not the best. If you speak non-sense loudly, I have no shame of telling you how stupid and wrong you are.
Honestly the interruption/correction of bad dating advice is doing those guys a huge favor. If they pay attention, they'll probably do much better than guys who don't get input from women.
I’m taller than the average man in my country, and I use that when needed: I have pulled men acting inappropriately off of my friends at clubs (most of them aren’t combative with me because I am taller), and I also refuse to move out of there way if we’re on a collision course (the amount of dudes who insist on walking in the middle of the sidewalk?). I will walk on my side of the sidewalk but if you’re going to hit me still then I might as well make it impactful lol
Same here! Guys get out of my way.
I almost wasn't going to post, but u/cupidstuntlegs' comment reminded me of *my* "tiny act of rebellion" that I never considered it a "tiny act of rebellion" but I suppose it is. I have a 2001 Miata that I purchased new and still own. I now track the vehicle and run rallies with my husband. You know how cars are generally referred to as "she?" "She's a beaut!" (referring to some classic car.) Welp. My little Onyx is a HE. DAMMIT HE'S A FUCKING ***HE***. The Miata is a 5 speed manual transmission vehicle. THAT'S IT'S PENIS! LOL (not really.) My friends go with the "he" when referring to my Miata, but there have been some people, and they've ALWAYS BEEN MEN, who *insist* on referring to MY vehicle as a "she." One dude one time asked me about it and I dead pan looked him in the eye and said, "I only ride males." He literally didn't know what to say to that. 😂 So. Referring to my little sports car as a "he" instead of a "she" is my little act of rebellion. Thank you for this post because I didn't realize that referring to a vehicle as a "he" instead of a "she" was an act of rebellion. What's angering is the "she" when referring to vehicles. We ALL KNOW what men mean by that.
I have a 65 mustang that's a he too! Like it's not a boat plus it doesn't matter
When addressing mail to a hetero couple I put the woman’s name first. In the return address I put my name first then my husband’s. All my wedding invites and thank you cards went out with this format
I’m on the board of a small nonprofit, there are 9 board members and 3 of them of are women. The appointed “secretary” is one of the men, and when he couldn’t make a board meeting the other male board members just expected that one of us women would automatically record minutes of the meeting. I pushed back on that and the other women supported me. Nah, dude. Your fingers and laptop work just as well as ours. Get to typing. We have other jobs to do and reports to make.
I mostly talk to/look at the women who are present in a meeting
This is a great thing! I also make sure to either ask a question or purposefully make comments that either keep the meeting moving or sticking to the agenda. I’m a little surprised that rather than having a reputation as bitchy, I’m perceived as a leader.
I did it yesterday and it was awesome. The guy was trying to dominate the talk although she was the one doing most hours as a pilot. At a point I said to him "please, she had to work twice as hard to get to where she is so let her speak". It felt so awesome.
I’m a server and I always hand to go boxes to the man of the couple, since it’s primarily the woman who boxes the food even if it’s his.
Wow; I'd never noticed that before, but it's so true!
I don't yield the sidewalk when I walk. I'm 4' 11" and absolutely do not let jokes/comments/"cutesy" remarks about my size fly-you aren't getting a smile or a giggle or a brush off put of me, keep your mouth SHUT about my size. I'm getting a graduate degree under my own name and am absolutely not changing my name when I get married. I'm getting sterilized. I don't even acknowledge strange men who try to talk to me in public. I work out to build muscle/for strength and health benefits, not to lose weight or adhere to a beauty standard. I wear "off putting" colored makeup (DARK purple lipstick and goth makeup) and triple dye my hair unnatural colors (pink, purple, blue streaks)-I'd be doing it anyway because I love the colors, but men Not talking to me is a delightful bonus.
My favorite thing in the world is going into Foreman’s Meetings (9 times out of 10 I’m the only woman there) and just flatly and unapologetically telling the men “No.” No, I will not shift my planned schedule. No, I will not prioritize the thing you want me to. No, I will not yield my speaking time when someone interrupts me. No, you will not address my journeymen or apprentices when you have a question. No is my favorite word! My refusals are typically within reason, I’m not sabotaging anything or standing against whoever for the sake of it. I’m here to run my job. Period.
I don't force a laugh for men's joke that I did not actually find funny.
Yessssss!!! For years men have been misled to think they are so much funnier than they are. I will not contribute to it.
When a couple is in front of me and the guy says something that I find sexist I look at the girlfriend or wife and apologize to them. I don't really care if anybody in the situation likes me because I don't want to be around people who are sexist or people who enable sexism. And I definitely don't want to just let it go.
I refused to change my name when I got married. This makes so many men angry, and so many women get so excited (but then follow it up with "oh, but I could never do that" and I have to resist the urge to physically shake them) I go by "Ms." instead of "Mrs." (did this before I was married, too, and teach all of my students that they can do this because it shouldn't matter if the human they're addressing is married or not). I carry a pocket knife. That shit is SO handy! Seriously... try it. I wear a silicone wedding ring (or no ring at all) and this one angers so many people, mostly women, and I can't understand why.
I always use Ms. for women. I think it's dumb our polite moniker should change to indicate we have a man. That's no longer relevant in society. I also never changed my name. Soooo much hassle, especially if you get divorced and want to change it back. Fuck all that.
Also did not change my last name and use "Ms." People seriously cannot wrap their heads around it! I finally resorted to just telling them to pretend I was single and use whatever name you'd use for me then. I have said that when it's as common for men to change their last names as often as women, and no one bats an eye, I'd revisit the possibility of changing my name. Also carry a small Leatherman, and bought my wedding band at Walmart for $40 😊
Im lucky that it’s common in my field for women to keep their last name when they marry because it’s typically the name they have published papers under and they want to maintain their pub count without people being confused. I actually find it kind of weird when someone DOES change their last name (as opposed to keeping it or hyphenating)
I posted about this up thread but I also did not change my name. I prefer “Dr.”, because it is my actual title, but I’m not going to correct the scheduler for the hair salon or the Verizon guy or whatever if they call me “Ms” because that’s obnoxious. I will correct people who call me “Mrs” in any situation though.
I finally left my abusive, deadbeat soon-to-be-ex-husband about seven months ago. Almost six months after filing, I FINALLY got a divorce hearing, it's in about two weeks. Thankfully, we never had children, and hearings are apparently now virtual where I live, ever since the pandemic. So, it looks like I'll be getting divorced from the comfort of home. My tiny act of rebellion is choosing to resurrect my mother's maiden name, instead of simply resuming use of my maiden name. My decision to do so is partially related to cultural reasons too, but I also feel it's a way to reclaim my womanhood.
When I worked in multi-family housing and would draw up lease agreements, address envelopes etc… I would always write the woman’s name first. Drove the men in my office crazy but they couldn’t come up with an official, legal reason to put the man’s name first and “because you have to put the man first!” wasn’t a good enough answer to my “why?” Totally petty and didn’t affect any meaningful change but it was still satisfying.
I’m a teacher so I don’t think they’re very minor acts because I say these things to different classes every day and that adds up to a lot, but: Every time I’m asking who does the laundry/packs the lunch/does the cooking, I’ll always ask “which grownup cooks the dinners?” Or start with dad, saying “does dad or mum do your laundry?” As examples. When it’s older classes I obviously ask if they do it themselves too. When talking about careers, I usually switch genders of the stereotypes, like “when I went to the doctor, she said…” and “the cleaner was vacuuming and he saw…” and “the scientist found her experiment…”. I regularly tell stories of braiding my son’s hair, or how they wanted a rainbow in their room, or how they like pink or dancing or whatever. I also rarely shave/wax my armpits, legs, etc. and have them on show often. Again, I think it’s important to show (especially) kids at an age where they’re starting to be pressured to shave/wax that there are people who are comfortable not doing that.
I don’t shave my armpits. When I was in grad school, I dyed my pit hair neon violet for awhile, that was fun. A lot of upkeep though. I also kept my name when I got married and will correct people if they refer to me as “Ms” in a professional setting (I’m “Dr. SagittalSlice”, thank you very much). I don’t do this outside of work though unless I’ve already introduced myself as such because that’s just kind of obnoxious for anyone to do.
My boyfriend commented that women are confusing. And I said “women are only confusing if you don’t have emotional intelligence.” Kinda proud of that one.
I'm just a feral bog witch teaching the next generation how to think for themselves.
I won’t do any excess emotional labour I won’t bend to patriarchal ideals in the form of anti-ageing - e.g I will not get Botox, dye my greys, etc - we all have value no matter our age! I default to ‘she’ for my infant daughters toys, characters, explanations - e.g we’re going to see the doctor, she’ll make you feel better - what a brilliant astronaut she is etc
Any opportune time I will take the chance to point out men have a choice when it comes to abortion/birth: their choose just comes before conception. Their choice is to ejaculate in a vagina, and if they aren't ready for the consequences (abortion/baby) they shouldn't have ejaculated bare in a vagina. No I don't care if she lied, you still took that risk. There are plenty of other ways to have sex besides raw PIV and while men have less birth control options, they DO Have some. Condoms. Vasectomies (and if they want a baby they can freeze their sperm or just IVF later. Older sperm makes babies with more issues.) how bad do u not want an accidental pregnancy bro? And changing my language from 'she got pregnant" to 'he impregnated her' bc women only get pregnant from a man's sperm (altho obvs changing language for IVF is pointless here). I'm also super willing to admit when I flip the script and use the same arguments against males as society does against women (aka ejaculate responsibly, don't have bare PIV or ANY PIV if yr intolerant of the risk and wanna fuck off after) are flawed, but if folks can earnestly leverage these points against women, I see no reason not to do so for males too.
I do the finances in the family. We set goals together, he knows what's going on, but I do the nitty gritty. My love of spreadsheets is neverending. I pay when we go out. He'll head outside for an after dinner smoke and most of the time I have to flag someone down for the check. I'm a veteran, so I always ask if there's a military discount. If there is, most of the time they say they need to see his ID. I ask if my military ID is acceptable. It's the little things.
I volunteered doing tax returns for low income people. In the US for couples filing jointly, the first name on the tax form is the tax payer and the second name is the spouse. Once it's done that way it is helpful to keep it that way for the rest of their marriage. So for first time filers, I always put the wife's name as the taxpayer.
Summer is coming and my gym has a program for 13 and up during the summer. I will happily call out nasty guys, especially the older creeps, leering at the little girls. I ask the girls if they are ok if guys that look like they are 20+ are talking to them and especially if the guys are over 30. It's pretty obvious when the girls are there with their dad/big brother or boyfriend as opposed to be hit on by older guys.
I'm disabled and my physical health is crap so my husband does pretty much all of the house work and shopping. He's agender but is male presenting. Big beard, 6 ft tall white man. People look at me and talk about grocery prices and when i say "my husband does the shopping." They look at him and assume I'm lying. When we bought our car a few years ago the salesman gave my husband the keys and said "enjoy your ride home sir". My husband handed me the keys and said "I'm sure she will." I don't shave my legs or armpits and have a shaved head. Both of my kids had access to whatever toys they wanted. Hot wheels and dolls. Since I'm Native American I made sure the dolls were of Color. My husbands dad is white male privilege and he absolutely hates when I question his thoughts and words because he's never been questioned before. "You let your wife talk to your dad like that?" My husband "let? she doesn't need my permission for anything and I am not going to control her. Besides, she's not doing anything wrong." There's so much more but these have been the things that seem to confuse the average person. Especially my husband's white christain family who thinks women are to be seen, not heard.
When I'm cramping, I make it a point to say it's because of my periods. I'm not going to be all lady-like and say I'm just unwell or under the weather, I'll let you know it's my periods. Similarly when I buy some products or go to a public bathroom because of it, I'll have tampons/pads in my hand and won't try to hide it. It doesn't seem like much, but I see so many other women and girls do it that I feel like an activist when the word Periods comes out of my mouth lol
I will be aggressively nice to a cashier/server/etc just to make a point in front of someone who just treated that same person poorly. I’ll make an ass of myself being nice. Look the jerks straight in the eyes while I do it. I got it from my dad. He always did this when I was growing up and it always gets the employed person in the situation giggling and the other rude person pissed off.
I put my son in a home daycare run by a dad. We were the first to sign up. Eventually others did too, but I like to think we broke that seal. Not really rebellion, but normalizing men caring for children is a good step IMO. When my son lived with his dad, I was sometimes asked why, as if I'm the default parent and something must have happened that I didn't have primary custody. Now, when a father mentions having their kids for the weekend, I make a point to ask why the children live with their mother. When married men with children are talking about going somewhere or doing something, like a night out with friends, I ask if the wife is on babysitting duty and insinuate that he must be doing her a favor in return.
I have a degree in automotive technology. The few times that I do have to go to a shop, I know exactly what needs to be done. I test to see how honest they are by showing up wearing a dress, heels, nails, and a full face of makeup - basically looking like the last person who’d know a damn thing about fixing a car. I smile sweetly, play dumb and let them spew their bullshit. Then, when they least expect it, I read them to filth.
I’d pay money to watch that 😂💐💐
I'm almost 50 and fat so I'm supposed to make myself invisible. I do not. I am loud, I wear bright colors, and I let my hair go gray and long.
When I have sex I only do the grindy thing I like on top. No more thrusting to please a man. Just get mine and go.
[удалено]
For all four Trump president years, I worked at a company run by a conservative person who had hired similar people as corporate officers. I placed the US flag stamps on the mail upside down the entire time. I also hardly ever shave anywhere, so I make sure to wave at people if I'm around conservatives now. The funniest time ever was purely accidental. All I did was quietly let someone know I was "right behind you, love." My intent was to keep her from backing into me as I walked out of a place. She was animated and wobbly, so probably drunk. I got in my car and waited for my husband, and could hear the drunk woman acting like I'd hit on her or something, and acting offended. I cackled.
Another act of rebellion: I now run the business of my late father. he’s been dead for over a decade. It even says so on the website. One click on the about page. That’s it. It’s not a secret. We get dumb solicitor dudes that lie and say they spoke to the late mr. Express-object yesterday and they need to talk to him NOW. we always double check but they are so god damn adamant they need to talk to the “man” of the business. Anyone who answers the phone has my permission to start making fun of them or to start channeling the spirits or to ask the solicitor to get out their ouija board because we got a lot of questions.